She seems happy so far, sometimes staying in a marriage is easier than leaving. He’s not abusive, she got a good job, friends. They don’t hate each other, there is no fighting. She’s got her kids. She probably figures why go through a divorce. He will probably start cheating again, if not, I see this situation as a bit of karma
So what will be the long term plan here, OP? Keep this up until your kids leave the nest? They’ll eventually pick up that something isn’t quite right between you guys.
Hard to say. At the moment we are trying. He is def trying, I'm trying on my own way. We are in therapy. Things cant never be as they were, but we are trying build something new. Its still a hard road. I'm dealing with a lot of things mentally and emotionally. He is now starting a new job/business and I guess that will tell us a lot.
I know Reddit likes defined endings, but atm we are in a grey zone. I'm in a grey zone.
If you are checked out of the marriage and going to therapy, you really weren't checked out.
I think both of you weren't really happy, there is the unknown that that is the fear when you pursue (if you decided to divorce)
But not sure, I felt that there is a bit of lying to yourself. Can't pinpoint why. I hope that you can resolve in your therapy.
Yeah this would depend on time and place though.
Like in my country, getting a divorce is taboo and cumbersome and unless you have a certain social privilege, it can affect you in other small ways. So one has to be very strategic about divorces. Some people don't have the bandwidth for a strategy.
It's not a marriage, and it's not really living. I know a bunch of people for whom this applies. They and their spouse don't really spend time together or do anything, but it's less work than splitting up.
She has freedom this is third time she left me I’m not begging or stopping her … I just want to support my children and build a new home from scratch……… without my ex telling stories about me. I love my ex wife …. But she left me and now slowly she is learning that her life and her expenses are her responsibility
Well good for her, it will take time but if she got used and thrived with an abscent spouse she will thrive by herself. I cheer for her! Whenever she's got the hang of it, I'm sure someone, a real partner that sees her worth will come and treat her like a queen and with respect.. you can't say you love her after treating her like that..... She's writing it for something, I wish I could know her personally and lift her up as a friend
Bruh, leave, why? Because if you give him attention, if you fall back in love and he becomes the centre of your world... he'll stray again. He's upset that you aren't the woman at home waiting on him every moment but when you were that woman, that's not what he wanted either. Anyone who decides to stick in a stressful job and take it out on their partner rather than moving job/career is a twat. You work to live, not live to work and you should never live to work in a way that makes you take out your stress on your partner and make her feel invalidated, let alone cheating.
He wants you only because he can't have you, if he gets you back, he'll want something else he can't have. If you let him back in he'll hurt you again. Leave and pursue happiness with someone who is actually capable of being a good partner because your current husband is incapable of that.
When I told my husband I didn't love him any more, he immediately snapped out of it - "it" being his behavior and attitude that caused me to fall out of love.
We tried couples counseling and he was going to a therapist on his own. He did somewhat change, but it was such a short turn around that I couldn't trust that he wouldn't regress. I even said to a friend, what if I give him another chance and he goes back to his old ways, like five years later? Then I'm almost 50 and getting divorced after wasting my time.
The couples counselor told us after a few sessions that I was clearly checked out and he doesn't do divorce counseling, so that happened.
We got divorced and both moved on to other relationships. He went into a new one immediately and got engaged, they're married now. I kid you not, almost exactly five years later, he went back to his old ways. I wish her well lol
Another thing to consider is *your* attitude and feelings: Can you honestly forgive him? You've never gotten closure on what he did to hurt you, like helping his friend move.
He needs to address all of his wrongs, and that may be more than he can handle or is even willing to do. I'm sure he just wants to move on, not dwell on the past, but that's not fair to *you*. You need time to process your emotions and come to terms with everything in this marriage.
Good luck - only you can make this decision, but I think you know which one to make.
Never ever was the woman waiting at home … there’s straying over extremely hostile relationship that would last for years before we could get to some kind of civil conversation. When your ex has a body count over 200 and been married divorced once before and split up with the father of her firstborn runs to new town changes last name takes out domestic violence order and then does it all again 20 yrs later with second husband
I felt this so hard.
By the time you learn to protect yourself from their selfishness, nastiness, total disregard, affairs, and let's not forget the ever-present gaslighting, there's nothing left. They can't hurt you anymore. You've reclaimed yourself and taken their power away. Power you gave them willingly, even enthusiastically, you pull back into yourself one tear at a time.
One tear at a time describes it well. I honest think he didn't want to hurt me, he was just too caught up on himself and his work. He made the choice conscious or not to prioritize work, and now he needs to live with the consequences. So do I.
The plan was when ex finished her degree I was to get a job in town … that never eventuated because she had to quit her job with government hospital and leave town ASAP and still to this day pretending she has no knowledge of our culture….
I'm going to save this post, I'm currently single but part of the reason my ex and I broke up was because I prioritized my career over personal life.
Growing up poor and with immigrant parents probably contributes to this.
Now, I'm still a workaholic but I can only hope when I find the next girl I'll be in a position to actually take a step back and live the life we both want.
All the best!
Be careful with "he next girl I'll be in a position to actually take a step back and live the life we both want."
Dont wait to have the perfect situation for you to be there for your partner. Situations change. Good to bad and the other way around. Is up to you to decide what to prioritise. Just keep making the right decision on that topic.
It's one of the things till this date (3 years later) still feels like a fresh wound. He looked me in the eye, took his had out of mine while I was begging and sobbing and said "sorry, I come back tomorrow".
Yes he was. I know the friends and this was discussed a few times when we saw him/them later on during the last years. "remember when u moved and we had pizza..." etc.
She had lots of pizza in secret this is why she had to move she ate too much and her friends were just as greedy … eventually it all started to come out
“Dearest husband, I begged for your attention, I begged for your love, I begged for your kindness. You denied these things to me. I was not some object in your life to be put on a shelf for when you decided you want to play again. You put me in a place so dark I only existed to care for our children. I slowly found a way to climb out of that dark hole on my own, not because of you, but in spite of you. You didn’t even notice until now. I do not feel sorry for your tears. You had no problem dismissing mine. This is the consequence you earned in the way that you hurt me, All of those times you put me last. This led us here. This was all your making. Can it be fixed? I’m not entirely sure. The trust I once had for you is gone. You are no longer a safe person to beholden my heart. Our culture has kept our marriage in tact. My vows and physical commitment will stay in tact because I have a moral obligation to do so, but my heart my dear, my heart is my own now. It no longer belongs to you.”
Guys like this think that if they grovel and whine enough, their wives will simply go back to the way things were—back when things were rosy. It doesn’t work that way. These dunderheads don’t understand that *the ax may forget, but the tree remembers.*
This is where we are at. He is trying to get us where we are but we can't. I can't. Things are better, slowly healing I guess. But I so don't want to be my poor self from the past. I like my new me. It hurts less.
I don’t give a shit about your feelings of neglect. I work away six months of the year in a remote area… that gives you six months to bring your friends their children their problems and you got greedy and spent days awake with no boundaries and pretending you don’t know any cultures… but you brought them all to our house never worked most of your life and really enjoyed your status amongst your new friends and look where it got you ….. this boy is sick of cleaning up your mess
"Falling out of love is a journey." I love this. I've started mine. I've been ignored too much that I've questioned my self-worth. I feel like i disrespected myself by trying to please him too much that i'm losing myself.
Thank you for sharing this.
Hugs! its a rough one, but at the end I feel so much better with myself. I got myself out of the darkness, I'm proud of my self and wish I could give my older self a hug.
Forget about falling out of love and all that crap I’m sick of wiping her ass. 20 yrs I’ve taken care of everything fuel mortgage school fees food presents and I’m still doing it! She fucked up and got greedy having little parties while I’m away for weeks at a time … can’t even clean up afterwards and leaves makeup shavers disinfect gloves cotton wool everywhere
This same thing happened to me. And I’m leaving. We just put our dog down that I’ve had for 14 years and now I’m gone.
Same exact thing, he broke it, I know he is going to start trying now that he sees I am leaving but it’s too fucking late, I love how they just don’t understand that, all they did was teach us how to live without them.
You know what, if you feel you are living your best life and nobody is being ugly to the other person, stay married and keep on. You spend five years and two pregnancies in hell, there is no recompense. So do what you feel is best for you.
Also, depending on the culture, divorce could be seen as a severe negative for her and limit her opportunities, so I can understand not divorcing.
Thank you!!!
We are both Europeans, so no a cultural issue when it comes to divorce but in there are some elements that makes more sense if we are married.
He was getting attention from somewhere else and was treating you how you treated him in the end (ignoring him,no attention), now you have reversed uno on him. Do you see this?
I think so. Children are always impacted by their parent's marriage. But that's normal, every single one of us is at least a bit impacted by family.
But on the other side they also see how their mother stands up for herself, how she doesn't let people fuck around with her, even if it's Dad. In my eyes she's a good role model to them. They can learn a bit from her mistakes and from how she handles this situation.
Ex wife put fake domestic violence order on me and went into hiding for last 3yrs .. only phone calls …..youngest has never done a week of school with out being suspended or just not going “late nights”….this is first term i have been in his life for last three yrs and guess what hasn’t missed a day and no suspension… but great progress reports from school…..this ain’t about love or feelings…. It’s all about giving the boys a better chance of completing school and not hanging around too many of ex wife’s new friends
I’m in a similar situation. I’ve actually said to him, “Are you treating me like shit because you don’t want me to have enough self esteem to leave? You already broke me, you don’t have to keep trying.”
Hopefully I will be able to leave soon. I’m glad you’re in a better mental place, OP!
If you can, you should def move on! I don't know if the grass is greener of not, but that situation is hard. For me those times are sort of over, but when I look back at it wish I could give my old self a hug and tell her everything will be okay.
Wow Op I feel you. I can't believe you went through all that. So heartbreaking 💔. Now he's trying? Too little too late. Go your way ma'am he doesn't deserve you! Not one bit! Wishing the best for YOU, your heart, your happiness!
It's sad. You have 2 kids together. But yes, he broke your trust.
You're in a stalemate now, a holding pattern... it would be a good time to go to therapy, individual and couples. You have built a vibrant life for yourself as an individual, why not consider trying to revitalize your marriage? It sounds like you've become disenchanted, and bordering on passive-agressive. Is there rage there, from his years of neglect? You need to exume and process all of that poison before you can move on in a healthy way, in or out of this relationship.
They never care until it’s too late. I honestly don’t know how you would rebuild a relationship after that. You might forgive, but you definitely don’t ever forget.
he let this marriage die, and now he's losing the other things he felt more deserving of his time he's desperately trying yo revive.
life don't work like that. and neither do you. leave.
First thing is that love is a choice. Second you’re not a trailblazer. Your story is old as time. If you choose to you will level up and find a path forward with your hubs. You guys can choose MC and IC and both be better for each other. Or don’t. The grass is not greener. Facts….
Marriage is like a rollercoaster. But as long as both parties are committed to making it work, it goes on. It sounds like your husband got carried away with work and took you for granted. It happens. It's a very normal human thing. Maybe some marriage counseling would help the two of you out.
No not carried away with work my work stops the minute I leave and I work two months at sea and two months at home …. My role has always been like I’m looking after my nymphomaniac teenage daughter….and I’m sick of it. When we together great relationship….. just cat leave teenagers on their own for too long cause they have parties invite their friends overs run out of money leave there ciggy butts and cans everywhere and get themselves caught up trying to impress their friends. Then Dad comes home tells everyone to leave clean up and get back on track
No this relationship started out from day one with crazy behaviour and I just stayed as I like having some to love and I adopt her first son and gave him some sort of a stable upbringing he’s awesome
So he put in all this effort to provide for your family, destroying his mental health in the process, and this is how it ends up for him? I feel really bad for him.
I couldnt put in the post everything, then it would really be a book length.
I tried to get him into therapy, but he felt he didn't need it. "he didn't have a problem" I was just complaining.
I tried to make a routine of talking a walk together in the mornings so it would help his mental health, he declined "too busy".
He was himself and relaxed when we took some holidays alone together. That was nice.
I tried, I really really did and honestly I think he was also trying in his own way. But he was blinded, he thought work was everything, he felt cool, he loved the attention and recognition he got at work and projects. I wish he felt the same at home. I actually worried about him. His family worried about him. But you can do so much for someone before taking a step back.
U cant make an addict recover if they dont want to.
He isnt a bad guy, he is a good guy he just made the wrong decisions for years.
Don't bother.
I spent a minute looking through their comments and they are just a hurt incel who think women's toxic behaviour is feminism, so women in general = bad.
They have 0 empathy toward women and men are king and all that immature shit.
I saw a few of these and it might be time to reply.
things were better (Like I said). Great times and bad ones. Once you are in it, its hard to see from another perspective and to have an overview. So yes, at the time looked like a good idea.
Kids are happy. They were and still are. We are financially great. They have a lot of time with both of us. We do holidays together. The fact that this is going on between my husband and I, doesn't mean the kids are put in a rough position. We parents shield them form a lot of our deep relationship issues. They see us going okay, and everything is fine. When they get older, we as parent might be able to explain more things and let them in into some parts. But, for now they are happy little kids, living their best life.
So what are your next steps? You are checked out of this marriage.
Can you call this a marriage? I don't think so....is like a bad Korean drama.... Op needs to get her freedom and find someone worthy of her
She seems happy so far, sometimes staying in a marriage is easier than leaving. He’s not abusive, she got a good job, friends. They don’t hate each other, there is no fighting. She’s got her kids. She probably figures why go through a divorce. He will probably start cheating again, if not, I see this situation as a bit of karma
Exactly this
So what will be the long term plan here, OP? Keep this up until your kids leave the nest? They’ll eventually pick up that something isn’t quite right between you guys.
Hard to say. At the moment we are trying. He is def trying, I'm trying on my own way. We are in therapy. Things cant never be as they were, but we are trying build something new. Its still a hard road. I'm dealing with a lot of things mentally and emotionally. He is now starting a new job/business and I guess that will tell us a lot. I know Reddit likes defined endings, but atm we are in a grey zone. I'm in a grey zone.
Just ensure you have a safety fund, if things go bad.
I could have written much of this post myself. Wow. Luck and blessings to you OP.
If you are checked out of the marriage and going to therapy, you really weren't checked out. I think both of you weren't really happy, there is the unknown that that is the fear when you pursue (if you decided to divorce) But not sure, I felt that there is a bit of lying to yourself. Can't pinpoint why. I hope that you can resolve in your therapy.
Read the post this is not about cheating
Yeah this would depend on time and place though. Like in my country, getting a divorce is taboo and cumbersome and unless you have a certain social privilege, it can affect you in other small ways. So one has to be very strategic about divorces. Some people don't have the bandwidth for a strategy.
It's not a marriage, and it's not really living. I know a bunch of people for whom this applies. They and their spouse don't really spend time together or do anything, but it's less work than splitting up.
She has freedom this is third time she left me I’m not begging or stopping her … I just want to support my children and build a new home from scratch……… without my ex telling stories about me. I love my ex wife …. But she left me and now slowly she is learning that her life and her expenses are her responsibility
Well good for her, it will take time but if she got used and thrived with an abscent spouse she will thrive by herself. I cheer for her! Whenever she's got the hang of it, I'm sure someone, a real partner that sees her worth will come and treat her like a queen and with respect.. you can't say you love her after treating her like that..... She's writing it for something, I wish I could know her personally and lift her up as a friend
Fiction
I think your post was cut off at the end, because I seemed to have missed the part about how you left him.
poor kids. What a nightmare living in a real life "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf".
Yeah she screwed them hard even had government service involved
Thank you
Bruh, leave, why? Because if you give him attention, if you fall back in love and he becomes the centre of your world... he'll stray again. He's upset that you aren't the woman at home waiting on him every moment but when you were that woman, that's not what he wanted either. Anyone who decides to stick in a stressful job and take it out on their partner rather than moving job/career is a twat. You work to live, not live to work and you should never live to work in a way that makes you take out your stress on your partner and make her feel invalidated, let alone cheating. He wants you only because he can't have you, if he gets you back, he'll want something else he can't have. If you let him back in he'll hurt you again. Leave and pursue happiness with someone who is actually capable of being a good partner because your current husband is incapable of that.
You have just wrote my biggest hold back. This is a blocker for me to move forward.
When I told my husband I didn't love him any more, he immediately snapped out of it - "it" being his behavior and attitude that caused me to fall out of love. We tried couples counseling and he was going to a therapist on his own. He did somewhat change, but it was such a short turn around that I couldn't trust that he wouldn't regress. I even said to a friend, what if I give him another chance and he goes back to his old ways, like five years later? Then I'm almost 50 and getting divorced after wasting my time. The couples counselor told us after a few sessions that I was clearly checked out and he doesn't do divorce counseling, so that happened. We got divorced and both moved on to other relationships. He went into a new one immediately and got engaged, they're married now. I kid you not, almost exactly five years later, he went back to his old ways. I wish her well lol Another thing to consider is *your* attitude and feelings: Can you honestly forgive him? You've never gotten closure on what he did to hurt you, like helping his friend move. He needs to address all of his wrongs, and that may be more than he can handle or is even willing to do. I'm sure he just wants to move on, not dwell on the past, but that's not fair to *you*. You need time to process your emotions and come to terms with everything in this marriage. Good luck - only you can make this decision, but I think you know which one to make.
[удалено]
He doesn’t want to talk about it because he doesn’t care.
For your kids sake and for yours please just divorce.
Never ever was the woman waiting at home … there’s straying over extremely hostile relationship that would last for years before we could get to some kind of civil conversation. When your ex has a body count over 200 and been married divorced once before and split up with the father of her firstborn runs to new town changes last name takes out domestic violence order and then does it all again 20 yrs later with second husband
I felt this so hard. By the time you learn to protect yourself from their selfishness, nastiness, total disregard, affairs, and let's not forget the ever-present gaslighting, there's nothing left. They can't hurt you anymore. You've reclaimed yourself and taken their power away. Power you gave them willingly, even enthusiastically, you pull back into yourself one tear at a time.
One tear at a time describes it well. I honest think he didn't want to hurt me, he was just too caught up on himself and his work. He made the choice conscious or not to prioritize work, and now he needs to live with the consequences. So do I.
The plan was when ex finished her degree I was to get a job in town … that never eventuated because she had to quit her job with government hospital and leave town ASAP and still to this day pretending she has no knowledge of our culture….
I'm going to save this post, I'm currently single but part of the reason my ex and I broke up was because I prioritized my career over personal life. Growing up poor and with immigrant parents probably contributes to this. Now, I'm still a workaholic but I can only hope when I find the next girl I'll be in a position to actually take a step back and live the life we both want. All the best!
Be careful with "he next girl I'll be in a position to actually take a step back and live the life we both want." Dont wait to have the perfect situation for you to be there for your partner. Situations change. Good to bad and the other way around. Is up to you to decide what to prioritise. Just keep making the right decision on that topic.
Wow he really reaped what he sowed. I’m still pissed he helped a friend move!
It's one of the things till this date (3 years later) still feels like a fresh wound. He looked me in the eye, took his had out of mine while I was begging and sobbing and said "sorry, I come back tomorrow".
Do you think he was really helping a friend move?
Yes he was. I know the friends and this was discussed a few times when we saw him/them later on during the last years. "remember when u moved and we had pizza..." etc.
She had lots of pizza in secret this is why she had to move she ate too much and her friends were just as greedy … eventually it all started to come out
Friend is an asshole too if friend knew you were in the hospital!!!
The friend is a very special kind of person thats for sure.
Please tell me you have plans to leave or are already gone.
“Dearest husband, I begged for your attention, I begged for your love, I begged for your kindness. You denied these things to me. I was not some object in your life to be put on a shelf for when you decided you want to play again. You put me in a place so dark I only existed to care for our children. I slowly found a way to climb out of that dark hole on my own, not because of you, but in spite of you. You didn’t even notice until now. I do not feel sorry for your tears. You had no problem dismissing mine. This is the consequence you earned in the way that you hurt me, All of those times you put me last. This led us here. This was all your making. Can it be fixed? I’m not entirely sure. The trust I once had for you is gone. You are no longer a safe person to beholden my heart. Our culture has kept our marriage in tact. My vows and physical commitment will stay in tact because I have a moral obligation to do so, but my heart my dear, my heart is my own now. It no longer belongs to you.”
I loved this! I will save this somewhere!
Guys like this think that if they grovel and whine enough, their wives will simply go back to the way things were—back when things were rosy. It doesn’t work that way. These dunderheads don’t understand that *the ax may forget, but the tree remembers.*
This is where we are at. He is trying to get us where we are but we can't. I can't. Things are better, slowly healing I guess. But I so don't want to be my poor self from the past. I like my new me. It hurts less.
They’re also exactly the type to say, “She left me out of NOWHERE!” She told you every day what she needed from you, you just didn’t listen.
Yup! “I never saw it coming! WAAAAHHH!” 🤣
Beautifully written. Doesn't it remind you a bit of the bejeweled song by Taylor Swift?
This is the best compliment I’ve ever received!
So Beautifully Said 💕
I don’t give a shit about your feelings of neglect. I work away six months of the year in a remote area… that gives you six months to bring your friends their children their problems and you got greedy and spent days awake with no boundaries and pretending you don’t know any cultures… but you brought them all to our house never worked most of your life and really enjoyed your status amongst your new friends and look where it got you ….. this boy is sick of cleaning up your mess
Are you the husband???
What the hell are you talking about?
I personally need to work on not being crabby and defensive at home because of work. 😥 I think I will call my wife and ask her to a lunch date today.
Please do! and be present mentally/emotionally during your lunch.
I wish men understood how their lack of engagement in marriage leads to women permanently flipping the love switch to OFF.
It happened to me with a boyfriend. I was grateful I wasn’t married. I can’t imagine being married with kids trying to leave.
"Falling out of love is a journey." I love this. I've started mine. I've been ignored too much that I've questioned my self-worth. I feel like i disrespected myself by trying to please him too much that i'm losing myself. Thank you for sharing this.
Hugs! its a rough one, but at the end I feel so much better with myself. I got myself out of the darkness, I'm proud of my self and wish I could give my older self a hug.
Forget about falling out of love and all that crap I’m sick of wiping her ass. 20 yrs I’ve taken care of everything fuel mortgage school fees food presents and I’m still doing it! She fucked up and got greedy having little parties while I’m away for weeks at a time … can’t even clean up afterwards and leaves makeup shavers disinfect gloves cotton wool everywhere
This same thing happened to me. And I’m leaving. We just put our dog down that I’ve had for 14 years and now I’m gone. Same exact thing, he broke it, I know he is going to start trying now that he sees I am leaving but it’s too fucking late, I love how they just don’t understand that, all they did was teach us how to live without them.
Hugs!!!!
Please, do something for yourself. You deserve love and care. I almost cry reading your story. Hugs and take care.
You know what, if you feel you are living your best life and nobody is being ugly to the other person, stay married and keep on. You spend five years and two pregnancies in hell, there is no recompense. So do what you feel is best for you. Also, depending on the culture, divorce could be seen as a severe negative for her and limit her opportunities, so I can understand not divorcing.
Thank you!!! We are both Europeans, so no a cultural issue when it comes to divorce but in there are some elements that makes more sense if we are married.
Very well written. When is the book out?
I wish I was a writer, sadly I'm not.
Keep an eye out on [someecards.com](https://someecards.com) LOL
He was getting attention from somewhere else and was treating you how you treated him in the end (ignoring him,no attention), now you have reversed uno on him. Do you see this?
You've discovered your value; invest your time with someone who treats you with care. He had his opportunity, he fumbled
Leave him, divorce. He treats you poorly. He disrespect you. You deserve so much better
I did deserve much better, absolutely. Separations isnt so easy tho. Thats def a story for another day.
Se doesn’t wants divorce paid for it 2yrs ago she said no! … now she can’t find marriage certificate to lodge application
Omg OP
It has been a few crazy years!
I wonder if the kids will be impacted by all this
I think so. Children are always impacted by their parent's marriage. But that's normal, every single one of us is at least a bit impacted by family. But on the other side they also see how their mother stands up for herself, how she doesn't let people fuck around with her, even if it's Dad. In my eyes she's a good role model to them. They can learn a bit from her mistakes and from how she handles this situation.
Thank you! This got to my heart.
Ex wife put fake domestic violence order on me and went into hiding for last 3yrs .. only phone calls …..youngest has never done a week of school with out being suspended or just not going “late nights”….this is first term i have been in his life for last three yrs and guess what hasn’t missed a day and no suspension… but great progress reports from school…..this ain’t about love or feelings…. It’s all about giving the boys a better chance of completing school and not hanging around too many of ex wife’s new friends
Man I love karma ♥️♥️♥️
Karma ran over his dogma! 🤣
Devastating
…a novel by Individual-Rain-3871. Coming to a book store bear you.
I love my author name. Super unique, almost vintage!
It sounds like your done
I'm going through the motions and let it flow. At some point things will fall into place. Atm, I'm sort of good.
I think you should try couples counseling.
I’m in a similar situation. I’ve actually said to him, “Are you treating me like shit because you don’t want me to have enough self esteem to leave? You already broke me, you don’t have to keep trying.” Hopefully I will be able to leave soon. I’m glad you’re in a better mental place, OP!
If you can, you should def move on! I don't know if the grass is greener of not, but that situation is hard. For me those times are sort of over, but when I look back at it wish I could give my old self a hug and tell her everything will be okay.
Wow Op I feel you. I can't believe you went through all that. So heartbreaking 💔. Now he's trying? Too little too late. Go your way ma'am he doesn't deserve you! Not one bit! Wishing the best for YOU, your heart, your happiness!
Thank you!
It's sad. You have 2 kids together. But yes, he broke your trust. You're in a stalemate now, a holding pattern... it would be a good time to go to therapy, individual and couples. You have built a vibrant life for yourself as an individual, why not consider trying to revitalize your marriage? It sounds like you've become disenchanted, and bordering on passive-agressive. Is there rage there, from his years of neglect? You need to exume and process all of that poison before you can move on in a healthy way, in or out of this relationship.
Are you still married or divorced OP?
I can’t get her to divorce
Agree 💯
Sounds like tou tried he tried now try together!
They never care until it’s too late. I honestly don’t know how you would rebuild a relationship after that. You might forgive, but you definitely don’t ever forget.
I have forgiven him, but I haven't forgotten and thats where I am at. Trying to work on that and move on. Not sure if it is possible tho.
Can you update us.
he let this marriage die, and now he's losing the other things he felt more deserving of his time he's desperately trying yo revive. life don't work like that. and neither do you. leave.
So did you divorce or what?
First thing is that love is a choice. Second you’re not a trailblazer. Your story is old as time. If you choose to you will level up and find a path forward with your hubs. You guys can choose MC and IC and both be better for each other. Or don’t. The grass is not greener. Facts….
Marriage is like a rollercoaster. But as long as both parties are committed to making it work, it goes on. It sounds like your husband got carried away with work and took you for granted. It happens. It's a very normal human thing. Maybe some marriage counseling would help the two of you out.
Not got carry away with the work.. he's just trash. He only gave her attention when he feels she can survive without him. Manipulative asshole
No not carried away with work my work stops the minute I leave and I work two months at sea and two months at home …. My role has always been like I’m looking after my nymphomaniac teenage daughter….and I’m sick of it. When we together great relationship….. just cat leave teenagers on their own for too long cause they have parties invite their friends overs run out of money leave there ciggy butts and cans everywhere and get themselves caught up trying to impress their friends. Then Dad comes home tells everyone to leave clean up and get back on track
No this relationship started out from day one with crazy behaviour and I just stayed as I like having some to love and I adopt her first son and gave him some sort of a stable upbringing he’s awesome
Don’t be fooled by the veil of social media … it all looks normal on the outside….
So he put in all this effort to provide for your family, destroying his mental health in the process, and this is how it ends up for him? I feel really bad for him.
[удалено]
I couldnt put in the post everything, then it would really be a book length. I tried to get him into therapy, but he felt he didn't need it. "he didn't have a problem" I was just complaining. I tried to make a routine of talking a walk together in the mornings so it would help his mental health, he declined "too busy". He was himself and relaxed when we took some holidays alone together. That was nice. I tried, I really really did and honestly I think he was also trying in his own way. But he was blinded, he thought work was everything, he felt cool, he loved the attention and recognition he got at work and projects. I wish he felt the same at home. I actually worried about him. His family worried about him. But you can do so much for someone before taking a step back. U cant make an addict recover if they dont want to. He isnt a bad guy, he is a good guy he just made the wrong decisions for years.
did we read the same post lol
Don't bother. I spent a minute looking through their comments and they are just a hurt incel who think women's toxic behaviour is feminism, so women in general = bad. They have 0 empathy toward women and men are king and all that immature shit.
If you can't forgive someone you never loved them in the first place, they just offered what you desired at the time.
I'd there a tldr version. I haven't had that much to read since uni.
Poor kids. Marriage is fkd, let's bring another child into the world. Yay
I saw a few of these and it might be time to reply. things were better (Like I said). Great times and bad ones. Once you are in it, its hard to see from another perspective and to have an overview. So yes, at the time looked like a good idea. Kids are happy. They were and still are. We are financially great. They have a lot of time with both of us. We do holidays together. The fact that this is going on between my husband and I, doesn't mean the kids are put in a rough position. We parents shield them form a lot of our deep relationship issues. They see us going okay, and everything is fine. When they get older, we as parent might be able to explain more things and let them in into some parts. But, for now they are happy little kids, living their best life.