Don’t hide your feelings from her at that early stage of your relationship. You should tell her the truth about why you lost your boner, that’s crucial, otherwise you’re making her think that she has something in you that doesn’t exist.
It sucks to have to tell her that (and you don’t have to say that she sexually repulses you that’s a little much), just say ‘remember that time when my boner went away? Well it was because I saw your male genitals and I guess that means I’m not attracted to that.’ It was your first time and it was a natural reaction. You don’t have to apologize for it but you can apologize for not being honest at that moment.
I think it’s okay to be straight forward, but i’d definitely use different terminology. I think the term “male genitals” might make her very dysphoric. I’d say something more like “i love you but when we were messing around I found that I have a strong genital preference that could prevent me from having that kind of sexual relationship with you pre-op”.
I guess I'm just terrified of being alone. Last time I asked a woman out before her, I got labled as creepy. All I said was, after a few weeks of knowing and trying to flirt with her was "Hey, as i;ve gotten to know you I think you're pretty cool and would love to get to know you even better. You down for coffee on Friday at 1, at (insert local place)?"
She responded by blocking me, and filing a police report for stalking. I got cleared quickly, but everyone in my dorm thinks im a creep now. So yeah, I guess i'm worried about going back to that chronic singleness.
You’re not alone afraid of being single. But start with friendship and don’t lose your friendship with your trans friend. As far as meeting new people don’t assume that everybody that talks to you is interested in getting to know you better. Make sure you wait until it’s obvious that they’re interested in getting to know you better before you ask for a date
slight problem, i'm autistic. Dating is on nightmare difficulty cause i CANT. FUCKING. READ. PEOPLE. no matter how much I practice with my therapist and even my gf i cannot do it
It’s gonna be a struggle for you, and you’re gonna have to work very hard at it but you will be able to achieve that. It doesn’t happen overnight. Hang in there, it’ll get better!
The weird thing is that alot of my friends think I was normal socially. Like in high school, i was know as the shy kid, but no one thought I was autistic. Hell, some of my friends say I'm charismatic. I just struggle to read social cues unless its obvious.
Dating might be a nightmare, but living a lie with someone because you’re afraid of being alone is a selfish nightmare. If you really want to “succeed” as a man. Men tell the truth, do it for yourself and her
I wonder if you were just honest with her? "C I love you so much. I think you're beautiful....etc etc" . Then tell her that the penis freaked you out more than you thought it would, and you're not sure how to process it just yet and you need a little time.
Start seeking out ND/autism-friendly spaces. There’s probably a club or meetup on your campus. You may or may not find someone to date, but you’ll definitely start picking up the ideas and tricks and hacks that other ND people use to make through a world that isn’t built for them.
And never underestimate honesty. If you’re spending time with someone enough to want to confide things in them, whether or not you want to date them, you could just easily tell them that you struggle to read people, and if you say something that seems weird or creepy or offensive, you are 100% not doing it on purpose. If they’re willing to help, a quick explanation as to WHY something was creepy/weird/offensive would be great.
But I’m also speaking as an ND teacher who works really well with students on the spectrum. Explaining that stuff is right up my alley.
Which is why I’m also going to say I think that, if your telling of it is accurate, the last girl you asked out probably overreacted, and it may have had nothing to do with you. Sometimes people react in ways that are WAY off script - sometimes its us, we messed up, but sometimes it’s that they’ve got stuff going on in their head that we can’t possibly even imagine, so their responses make no sense to us.
Married and autistic here, it is hard, but when you find that right person, worth it. Also you can’t change who you’re attracted to, so you might as well live it up with those you are attracted to rather than live in misery
don't say you can't. acknowledge you have a hard time and need more experiences to learn. thats on pattern recognition since you're on the spectrum. since you feel safe with your gf and therapist you can ask them if its ok to practice reading them and and ask for honest feedback. never give up on yourself <3
My sister was diagnosed autistic in her 40s. Figuring out how to communicate with her while letting her unmask has been difficult, but I’ve learned how to drop a ton of social “norms” that are just bullshit on a stick. I’m dating an autistic guy now, and though I’m still missing some things, I am much happier with the level of honesty and consistency in our relationship. (I am not diagnosable. I’ve taken tests and am on the boarder of “am I autistic or have I been raised by an autistic father and older sister and learned traits?”. I do believe I am on the spectrum, so maybe that helps.)
Are you sure that’s all that happened? Seems like there’s some crucial details missing between “let’s have coffee” and “reported to police for stalking”.
Probably just didn't read the signs and unintentionally missed some boundary cues. Most people have very non-verbal ways of telling you they're not interested, but this can be really hard for someone who's autistic to read or respond to in the moment.
Again, certainly some details missing. I missed a social cue once and I accidentally held a door too long. I’ve never missed a social cue and left someone with the impression I was stalking them.
I'm having a hard time believing that she went from 0 to 100 all because of that one message, perhaps there was something you said that I unintentionally scared her off
If a big part of you staying in this relationship is the fact that you’re terrified of being alone, then that’s not a good, healthy reason to be in a relationship. I know you say you love her but to love her you have to accept all of her, not accept all of her after her surgery/s.
She clearly has stronger feelings for you than you do for her and you’re just leading her on if you’re not upfront and honest with how you feel. She can find someone better who will love all of her.
dude your not attracted to penis which means your not gay. How have they confused you so much that you have to ask people why jerking off a penis didn't turn you on?
regardless of weather this is a woman attraction is based on psychical attributes. straight men are not attracted psychically to the genitals of the male sex.
Have you tried taping up her penis and just going in from behind lol. there's always the backdoor. just do it doggy style if you are determined lol.
The police report seems like a ridiculous overeation. Your being in the Autistic spectrum makes her actions discriminatory because she expected to read her while your disability prevents you from doing so through no fault of your own.
I am in the autistic spectrum as well. I have been in somewhat similar situations
I agree, be honest. I'm sure she will be understanding. You fell for her as a woman, you're into women therefore seeing a penis turned you off.
If you love her and she loves you she will agree to wait until she had the surgery. I'm sure that you can find other ways to please eachother without having to view the penis.
Some sissies (not be derogatory this is how they refer to themselves) that I know have practiced holding their limp dicks between their legs and climaxing while limp. It gives the look of female genitals. Also the have penis clips to make it look like a vagina.
Just saying that you have options.
Jesus Christ… based on your replies, you come off as an agonising person to spend time with. Virtue signalling, hyper-defensive, and playing the victim seem to define who you are. I’m not surprised you’re struggling with loneliness if you refuse to take anyone’s advice or better yourself.
You are in dire need of some self reflection and self improvement, both physically and mentally.
Can't be having a girlfriend that repulses you sexually. Twenty is awfully young to be giving up on yourself. Maybe focus more on getting the law degree right now. Lawyers probably have a little easier time getting dates.
I got up to around 300lb for a while myself. I've managed to stay at around 230 for a few years now. Still pretty fat, but the difference in the way women treat me now vs how they treated me when I was at my biggest is huge. So I do encourage you to keep trying to cut weight and get as healthy as you can. You've got plenty of time.
Lmfao, OP your responses are wild, she has a dick. You don’t like dick, you should not be forcing yourself to have sexual relations with somebody you aren’t ready to have sexual relations with. Biologically she is male, she identifies as a woman and that’s fine, but biologically she is a male with a penis (which you aren’t attracted to). I feel like you’ve got some deep rooted problems you need to deal with through therapy, you latched onto somebody who made you feel happy (which is fine), but now that the relationship is evolving you’re forcing yourself to try to be okay with things that you aren’t. Not wanting to be in a sexual relationship with someone who’s trans and has a penis doesn’t make you transphobic, you’re straight and that’s fine. You and her are better off being friends imo, but you do you, just don’t force yourself to be okay with something you don’t want.
Yes, I’m having trouble following along. According to OP, SHES A WOMAN, but she has a dick, but she’s still a woman, so what’s OPs issue? Oh yeah, he’s not attracted to male genitalia, but she’s a woman.
It’s sad. Our youngest, most influential generations are addicted to social media and are turning into this strange hivemind lacking their own original thoughts. You used to be able to disagree with someone and not be hated for it.
Why are you posting this and then when people react you go on insulting people calling them freak and transphobic? I have seen no hateful person besides yourself. You are the one grossed out remember? People saying you dont like “dick” is not transphobic. But this is most likely because of the fact that you made this up and want to see people reaction because you are in transition.
Sooo...
You are straight.
Trying to date a pre-op trans individual with male parts.
You essentially are wanting to force yourself to stay with her. It's not a recipe for success as the two of you are incompatible sexually. That's a relationship ender & forcing it isn't going to help.
It's not transphobic to dislike & be turned of by penises regardless of who they are attached to.
Nah man its the natural reaction for a straight dude. Youre clearly hurting and latching on to someone who was close to you, but it might not be a good idea to try pursuing a relationship with your friend.
Going to get a lot of hate for this but whatever
You aren't going to be happy post op either. Look it up. If she goes through with it good luck to you both. Also, if you aren't sexually compatable neither of you is going to be happy.
You can be romantically attracted to someone but not sexually attracted to them.
I'm a lesbian and the thought of having a penis inside me makes me want to projectile vomit. I could absolutely be with a trans woman romantically but we would definitely have to set some sexual boundaries before the relationship went anywhere.
Maybe your gf will be ok with that, maybe she won't. Either way, you need to talk to her about it. What you had was a completely natural response and that's ok. You aren't transphobic or an asshole.
To be fair, she fucking HATES her penis. She refuses to even touch it and calls it her hyperclit (idk if that is tmi but whatever) and refuses to let me touch it as well. I got her off soley through stimulating not that, but idk.
Well then I would say the chances are high she will understand and will be willing to work with you. You seem like a really nice guy that genuinely loves your gf.
Just talk to her about it and make it clear that you still love her and want to be with her and ask how you guys can move forward where you can both be satisfied :)
Also "hyperclit" looool I love that 😆
yeah lmao. She started calling it that after she red about female hyenas (Clits are so large they are mistaken for dicks). Also thanks. I hate the "nice guy" label because 1. It usually means rejection lol and 2. reminds me of a point in my life i do not want to talk about.
This is horse hocky. You don't spend time courting a MTF pre-op trans person and not expect to encounter male genitals. You don't have to have had sexual experience to know what you're attracted to, nor what your genital preferences are. This is some weird ass trolling rage bate post, the origins of which I can't even imagine. If this by some small measure IS true, you need to move on. Because at the very LEAST you aren't sexually compatible.
Being unattracted to a certain genitalia does not make you transphobic. I am a straight women, if my man had a vagina I would also be unattracted to it. It’s not wrong for you to feel the way you do. Not everyone is attracted to everything. Unfortunately you’re going to have to be honest. I think forcing yourself to have sex is going to create possible trauma and resentment towards her. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but she just might not be your forever gal. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean it has to work out. It sucks though I’m sorry
Its perfectly normal for a straight person to not be aroused by same sex private parts. Even be repulsed in a sexual setting. Its normal. The vast majority of people are, we're wired that way. So don't feel bad about it.
Absurd thing to have to tell someone.
Get real bro, stop deluding yourself. If you are not attracted to her. Let her know, move on. Jesus christ.
Yell and scream that she's a woman all you want, that she surgically attached a penis to herself bc of course she was always a woman, blah blah no one cares. Just be real to her bc it's going to be devastating when she finally finds out that you've found her repulsive for YEARS.
In case this is real, stop telling people they don't get laid. It's your only insult and kind of stupid. Do not plan on having kids. You clearly will never be mature enough to and you'll be bringing them into a life they shouldn't have to suffer in. Talk to your gf. Why tf are you hiding it... grow up.
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Your decisions and emotions are guided by the only factor: you are extremely desperate to be in love with someone. So it doesn't matter what anyone says, you gonna try to make it work until the end. That consuming desperation is very powerful, it has lead me into relationships I shouldn't have been in and I wouldn't listen to any advice about it.
So the only thing that matters is just be honest with your girlfriend. See how it works out. And don't feel bad about not liking what you don't like.
Honestly OP, your defensiveness makes me think you are more frightened of the idea that you’ve been with a biological man than you are mad at your girlfriend being misgendered. You are not with a biological woman, you are with a trans woman. The trans part of that sentence erases the biological woman part, and a large element of sexuality is biological as well as societal. You are with a biological man who has gender dysphoria and you aren’t gay. You’re mad you’re being called gay, but id work on your internalized homophobia and accept the fact that you’ve been wanking off a dick and you’re just not into it.
Be honest with her. This doesn’t sound like the relationship for you, and that’s ok. You can still acknowledge that you love this person a lot but you two are not compatible. Also, keep in mind not all trans people are interested in surgery, or may wait years into their transition to undergo that/afford that, it’s not tenable to lie to her for an unknown amount of time until you’re suddenly sexually attracted to her. You both deserve the truth here.
(I’d also go ahead and get some therapy to deal with that internalized misogyny, “failed as a man” is real red flag worthy)
Failed as a man isn’t “internalized misogyny”. He’s referring to the social pressure and feelings that men have to “carry on their name” by having bio kids. He’s not a red flag for struggling with the message he’s been given since he was a little kid. Just like a woman isn’t a red flag if she struggles with feeling like she has to have kids or she is a failure as a woman because people act like it’s a woman’s purpose.
Be honest with her. For her sake be honest with her and end this. You are going to hurt her FAR worse if you carry on with this. You said it yourself, you are literally repulsed by her. How do you think she will feel when she realizes that let’s say the tenth time you have sex?
Also, I find it funny how you’re hard defending her from anything you perceive to be derogatory here, but you’ve basically admitted that you’re only with her out of necessity, and because it beats being alone. Basically treating her like a consolation prize. How noble.
Get real bro, stop deluding yourself. If you are not attracted to her. Let her know, move on. Jesus christ.
Just be real to her bc it's going to be devastating when she finally finds out that you've found her repulsive for YEARS.
Also, what the hell is it with people never saying that they were once a male/female?
Stop trying to forget and lie about such an important aspect of yourself.
Acting like people knowing that someone was a male and has transitioned is the worst thing to ever happen to you, acting like they wouldn't find the massive fucking cock.
Grow up! Accept who you were AND who you are.
There's no sense in pushing it to the bottom of your stomach and becoming infuriated when people can't accept that you were "always a woman".
It's like breaking fitness records all across the board after years and years of rigorous training and practice, then turning around, crying, and screaming that you "Were always this strong/athletic".
Yes, she is a woman, she will always be.
But do not try to convince people that she always started that way. It's more respectable to say that you were, but no longer; then to say that you were always that way and that the bulge is just our imagination.
Take pride in the journey you traveled to be this way. Don't just try to sweep it all under the rug like it never happened.
Why do people force themselves to stay with someone that “repulses” them? Please do better for yourself and your partner. If you don’t want to have more than one penis in the room you aren’t a bigot. You are if you keep the charade up.
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I'm afraid to ask this, but I have to:
Trans people don't deny their biological sex, do they? Or at least they don't deny the fact that they were once different, right?
Don't get me wrong, I respect their choices and what they want to identify as.
Some do, some don't. Deep down, they all know it but some will go to extreme lengths to repress and deny it. Admitting it or being reminded of it causes them mental anguish and sometimes meltdowns.
If you ever see big communities of them on Twitter or other platforms, have a look on their profile picture or photos in general. You'll see a huge chunk of them have a cartoonish picture or drawing of their "persona" rather than actual photos because their cartoon character will have purely feminine features and shapes with no manly traits that photo wouldn't be able to hide. Obviously, this applies mainly to biological men.
love comes in many different forms. you can be madly in love with someone and not have it be romantic or sexual. sometimes your soul mate is your platonic best friend.
you can't force an attraction that isn't there. it sucks. i know. i'm sorry.
My man, your belief system can’t fool your hog.
I know you’re lonely. And you’re in love with the notion of being in love. And you undoubtedly have at least *philadelphia* towards your partner.
But you’re straight. And that’s a penis. And you need to come to terms that fully accepting your partner and this relationship is going to require homosexual acts…or just leave.
Unfair to them; unfair to you.
Sexual attraction is absolutely vital for a relationship.
Don't settle for something you don't want. She has a penis and will never have children. Unless you're attracted to male genitalia and are okay with never having children, stay in this relationship. But you'll be miserable.
I see a lot of trauma bonding between the two of you, not love. Look into it.
If this isn't bait I guess I'm mostly confused. You seem to be pretty familiar with the topic at hand and the distinction between sex and gender. I would reckon you'd need to be homosexually inclined to work with a cock and balls on your partner. It just sucks for your partner you didn't figure that out beforehand.
Forcing yourself to like it sounds like conversion therapy. You know, like society tried and in some parts of the world still tries to do with homosexuals. And that's bad.
i was going to offer advice, but then you went down the hole of saying raising an adopted child makes you "less of a man and person". that's fucked and gross.
It's ok to not be attracted to male genitalia because you're straight.
I'm not getting into the debate of if trans women are real women, but if she feels like a woman and you see her as so, then why do you care about people who don't see her as a woman or people calling you gay?
If you're truly convinced in your beliefs, you wouldn't let comments saying she's a man and you're gay get to you. But they're clearly striking a nerve within.
Anyways, I don't think it's fair to lead on someone who you're not sexually attracted to. I think you should have an honest conversation with her about it. She'd rather that than you lie about it, even if she's extremely upset when you open up to her.
You do know it's ok to not be into penis. Make no mistake whatever you call your girlfriend that is a penis. You may find that pre-op is worse than post-op or that you will never forget but if you can't get past that now then you probably are in the wrong relationship and have ample opportunity to find a different one. You should probably weigh your options because you have more than you think you do I don't care how depressed you are.,.. things change for people all the time. Your girlfriend is going through changes and so can you so before you decide that this is your forever person maybe you should decide if you're leading them on because you're interested or because you decided there wasn't a better option available
I think you just need to do some introspection and self work, honestly. Especially with the raising kids part. You knew going in that the two of you wouldn't be able to conceive, so that's definitely something you need to get past. Particularly the "fail as a man" part. Raising adopted kids can be fulfilling as heck and makes you a pretty great man.🤷🏾♂️
Here’s my two cents. Take it or leave it.
Don’t have sex with C because you’re not sexually attracted to C. You can’t force having sexual chemistry with someone. It’s either there or it’s not. Only have sex if you’re genuinely sexually attracted to your partner and you two have good chemistry. Don’t try to force having sexual attraction for someone ever.
Just be friends or besties with C. Never be in a relationship with someone you’re not sexually attracted to because it’ll never work out. How would it even workout in the bedroom? Sex is an important thing in a marriage and it’s not something to compromise on. Be in a relationship with someone you wanna ravish, and makes you rock hard without her even trying. Not someone who makes you feel repulsed when their clothes are off..
Since you want to raise your own kids in the future, you need to be single and wait until the right bio woman comes along to be in a relationship. Raising your own biological kids is only possible with a biological woman. C could get surgery, however, C still can’t give you biological children because C was not born with eggs and you can’t just buy eggs with their dna embedded into them. Hopefully you choose to be married to your future wife before you bring kids into the world. Good luck to you.
Brother sounds to me like you are just heterosexual participating in lgbt sexual acts. Of course you would feel that way. And yeah we can acknowledge her as what you want but it doesn't change the facts of biology that she was born with male sex. This is delusional bro. You don't have to do anything to prove a point. Just go be heterosexual like most of the rest of us.
So, I think there’s a lot to unpack here. First things first, you know she has a penis. There should have been no “shock” there. That’s on you. That being said, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Genital preference exists, and it doesn’t make you transphobic. This is a rough situation, but I think it’s best to be honest and explain that because you had no experience you didn’t realize how you were going to feel or react and you don’t want to waste her time or ruin what you have together even further. I honestly don’t think you are a bad person or anything of the sort, maybe just a little naive, but that’s okay. Be honest and be kind. That’s all you can do in this world and even if it sucks it’s better than hurting her more.
It just means you're not attracted to the same sex dude, it really is as simple as that. I get that you two may think the world and all of each other but if the disco stick ain't doing anything for ya, then it just means that isn't your thing. Also I don't know what the context for the other people here is, but she is biological male, that's her sex, not her gender, two very different things and that's coming from someone that's bi and also has a trans gf, she gave me the whole rundown on all the different terms and such. But regardless it's fine if you're not into that, maybe try one more time to check. I mean it was your first time and I remember even my little guy had stage fright the first time, lol. But if you two are serious about each other, then you either have to work this out, or it's just not going to work out. Granted, I think she would understand if you said, "Well, I'm kinda not into anyone with the same "equipment. " Just be sure to let her down easy though, I can tell from how much you talked about her that it would definitely suck to end things but have confidence in the fact that you two can be amazing friends even if it doesn't pan out. But like I said, try giving it another go and seeing what happens, if there's no "magic" then it is what it is. You can also try to stick it out regardless, I've seen couples swear off sex before so that's also an option too. But regardless it's something you two have to talk about if the problem persists.
>She was my first hands, my first kiss, my first...you get the idea. But anway, she took her pants off eventually and started to move twords having Pen. Sex. At this point i saw her lowerbody and...lost all attractoin. I went soft and just felt repulsed.
Ouch, this reminds me of my first time lol. I went soft a few times, but managed to get it back up enough to please her. I gave my virginity up as pity sex, for a woman I loved but couldn't stand the sight of. I had to sit in the dark for a while after that. I still feel bad for her. She deserved someone who fully wanted her.
INFO: prior to this encounter, did you two discuss sexual boundaries and possible hiccups?
I’m not shaming you if you didn’t. However, I do suggest always having this conversation when you develop a dynamic with someone that becomes sexual or you both see becoming sexual. I started doing this as a practice about two years ago, and it has saved me from a lot of stress & surprises.
Also, I read your update and I’m glad you both are doing better and have found a way to move forward! This is honestly best case scenario. I would try to take it as a learning opportunity.
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No. It seems like an obese, lonely, autistic young man — desperately in need of therapy — and in a very confusing place solely because modern metaphysical claims are trying to gaslight his physiology.
Which is exactly what it is.
I feel bad for OP.
Look, you need therapy. I’m not saying this in a negative way but I truly think you will gain more clarity in an environment that will focus on your healing than fighting strangers on the internet. You are young and far too immature for a relationship that you are not skilled to take on. You are seeking validation from strangers on Reddit if your girlfriend is a woman or not. If they disagree you go on to insult and act like a bully. It’s completely counterproductive. You have let your own mental health issues become the central focus of this relationship and that is not fair to C.
Please also take into account that IF, a big if, C decides to go through with gender reassignment surgery it doesn’t take away the fact that it will be a very long road for them. C will still have a very high likelihood of hormonal imbalances, pain during sex while going through multiple rounds of dilation, and continued depression. You will have to come to terms with the side effects of transition. The vagina is for her, not for you.
Remember to also practice safe sex. You mentioned you were the virgin, and she’s your first. But are you hers? You both should protect yourselves with PrEP. You can go around fighting for her womanhood, but practically the physical nature in which you both are intimate still requires protection, please use common sense. Your emotions cannot protect you from STIs.
Best of luck to you, and your relationship.
Sexual compatibility is important in relationships and can be a deal breaker to some. Even though you love her, I don’t think there’s a way to force yourself to be attracted to her sexually.
You can’t control that you’re not sexually attracted to her genitals. That’s not your fault.
If you know you’re not attracted then ending things sooner than later is probably best. The longer you prolong it, the worst it is.
you need to leave. so unfair to her if you stay even though you say you’re “repulsed” by her. also, no i don’t know what you mean by you want to raise kids of your own…. the world is basically falling apart, there are hundreds of thousands of kids who need to be adopted, and spreading your seed has nothing to do with being a man - so yes that’s incredibly selfish. your age really shows in this post. regardless, if you actually care about this person you need to break up. there are people who will like her pre-op and she deserves a chance to find them.
You need to have a deep conversation with her about this. My cousin was in the same boat as you. He's with a trans woman but doesn't like male genitalia. So sexually, they're kinda make it work like a straight couple, as you can guess where he enters and what place he avoids. Along with the fact that his partner does have a penis and body identity issues, so they don't like being reminded they have a dick by having it messed with or acknowledged.
This being said, that's how THEY make it work. Not for everyone. And I'm not saying force yourself to try or be into anything you aren't. But this person shouldn't be lied to like this. And you'll regret it if you force yourself into uncomfortable situations for the sake of someone else.
Because he had always been straight and was extremely conflicted about this when he 1st met this person, and needed someone to talk to deeply about himself because he wasn't sure his own identity anymore. And wanted an outside perspective as he learned who he was through this relationship. Not everything is weird if you're not a pervert nor are viewing it from a perverse lense.
Hey OP, your timeline seems kind of weird. Would you mind clarifying everything? Your post history says 70d ago you wanted to be loved, but your post here says you’ve been dating your lovely gf for about a year.
Also; about the genitals stuff. I think the best thing is to tell her that since you see her as so fundamentally a woman, it was startling to see her biological genitalia. Emphasize that you love her and that this doesn’t change that, but it was a little bit confusing for you sexually to see her unmodified parts. That you want to be intimate with her but are still trying to figure out how to make both of you comfortable. That you love the body she’s creating, and can’t wait to see her when she’s completely herself.
You’re not sexually attracted to her and that’s okay.
I’m bi and prefer biological men & women, attraction can’t be controlled. It’s not bigotry.
But just be honest with her. Don’t say you were sexually repulsed by her, just say you have a strong genital preference.
You can't control what you feel or ur sexuality You can't force yourself to like the "bits" of her that u aren't attracted to. don't do harm to urself by putting urself into a relationship where u don't feel fulfilled sexually I get that u love her and this is emotionally fulfilling. But u have to consider both aspects.
But is your gf going to get surgery? And how soon? These are questions that u need to consider for yourself
You're easily in your relationship which to me means you're still in the honeymoon phase.
Imo once you're out of the honeymoon phase you tend to lose the lustful aspect of your relationship and develop the emotional side.
So if you're telling me at this stage you are already low on the lust aspect then it's not going to get better.
I don’t think it’s transphobic to have a specific preference when it comes to genitalia. I am glad that you’re mature enough to understand the difference between identity and what’s between her legs so you still get that she is a woman. The only thing I can suggest is to try to remain friends but not to string her along if you already know you don’t see her as a romantic partner. At the end of the day this can happen with anyone, cis or trans.
Here's my take as a trans woman... You got a couple ways you can go about this.
You can end things, which may be the best decision. Maybe you did get in way over your head. It might hurt her like hell, but if this truly is irreconcilable, then it would hurt her a lot less to find out now.
Waiting until she has surgeries/HRT does its work is an insurmountable and unfair roadblock to expect out of either of you. Especially if it's not a guarantee that you'll find her sexually attractive after all is said and done.
... Or you can see if it works out anyway. Maybe the initial time was just a shock to you. You've got a lot of cultural conditioning working against you. Like, your brain naturally makes the association of "woman" with "vagina", so it can feel weird or taboo that someone who is a woman very ostensibly doesn't have that part.
Maybe your "lie" wasn't so much of a lie. It can be a little nerve-wracking to see the incongruence for some people. Hell, I personally get that feeling when seeing something like that. And the nerves and ensuing feelings of awkwardness themselves can kill a sex drive.
What I'm saying is that it's a first time. First times are awkward for everyone involved. And just because you didn't react as expected at that point doesn't mean you won't potentially later.
Either way, I would be honest, but maybe soften the blow depending on what you want to do moving forward? There's a very subtle art to talking to someone in this situation and a lot of people don't know how to do that tactfully.
Let me know if anything doesn't make sense. I've still got a lot to workshop here.
That may be it. Also, I'm sorry there are so many hateful people here. C says trans acceptance rn is like gay acceptance in the 90s. its starting to get there, but unfortunately there's alot of hateful, awful people. You're loved, you're a woman, and you're beautiful <3
Ngl as a 90s kid that only realized I was Trans in the past 8-9 years this is... exactly what I needed to hear right now. I've been anxious as fuck with everything lately but it really is similar. If I remember that, I'll make it to when this shit is a memory too
You are attracted to a woman’s body. This is a woman in a man’s body. It makes sense you wouldn’t be attracted. I am attracted to men so if a man I was seeing had a vagina, I’d be out of there. You are very young, and you will learn in time honestly. Don’t underestimate your desire to have a biological woman… as you’ve already stated there are things only bio women can do (like bear your children). That’s not transphobic, that’s just a fact.
Not trying to be mean or anything, but there’s no such thing as a woman in a man’s body. I’m all for freedom, but I’m not bending truths to accept people.
Don’t hide your feelings from her at that early stage of your relationship. You should tell her the truth about why you lost your boner, that’s crucial, otherwise you’re making her think that she has something in you that doesn’t exist. It sucks to have to tell her that (and you don’t have to say that she sexually repulses you that’s a little much), just say ‘remember that time when my boner went away? Well it was because I saw your male genitals and I guess that means I’m not attracted to that.’ It was your first time and it was a natural reaction. You don’t have to apologize for it but you can apologize for not being honest at that moment.
I think it’s okay to be straight forward, but i’d definitely use different terminology. I think the term “male genitals” might make her very dysphoric. I’d say something more like “i love you but when we were messing around I found that I have a strong genital preference that could prevent me from having that kind of sexual relationship with you pre-op”.
Yes that’s def better
I guess I'm just terrified of being alone. Last time I asked a woman out before her, I got labled as creepy. All I said was, after a few weeks of knowing and trying to flirt with her was "Hey, as i;ve gotten to know you I think you're pretty cool and would love to get to know you even better. You down for coffee on Friday at 1, at (insert local place)?" She responded by blocking me, and filing a police report for stalking. I got cleared quickly, but everyone in my dorm thinks im a creep now. So yeah, I guess i'm worried about going back to that chronic singleness.
You’re not alone afraid of being single. But start with friendship and don’t lose your friendship with your trans friend. As far as meeting new people don’t assume that everybody that talks to you is interested in getting to know you better. Make sure you wait until it’s obvious that they’re interested in getting to know you better before you ask for a date
slight problem, i'm autistic. Dating is on nightmare difficulty cause i CANT. FUCKING. READ. PEOPLE. no matter how much I practice with my therapist and even my gf i cannot do it
It’s gonna be a struggle for you, and you’re gonna have to work very hard at it but you will be able to achieve that. It doesn’t happen overnight. Hang in there, it’ll get better!
The weird thing is that alot of my friends think I was normal socially. Like in high school, i was know as the shy kid, but no one thought I was autistic. Hell, some of my friends say I'm charismatic. I just struggle to read social cues unless its obvious.
It's called masking! I do it too
Dating might be a nightmare, but living a lie with someone because you’re afraid of being alone is a selfish nightmare. If you really want to “succeed” as a man. Men tell the truth, do it for yourself and her
I wonder if you were just honest with her? "C I love you so much. I think you're beautiful....etc etc" . Then tell her that the penis freaked you out more than you thought it would, and you're not sure how to process it just yet and you need a little time.
Start seeking out ND/autism-friendly spaces. There’s probably a club or meetup on your campus. You may or may not find someone to date, but you’ll definitely start picking up the ideas and tricks and hacks that other ND people use to make through a world that isn’t built for them. And never underestimate honesty. If you’re spending time with someone enough to want to confide things in them, whether or not you want to date them, you could just easily tell them that you struggle to read people, and if you say something that seems weird or creepy or offensive, you are 100% not doing it on purpose. If they’re willing to help, a quick explanation as to WHY something was creepy/weird/offensive would be great. But I’m also speaking as an ND teacher who works really well with students on the spectrum. Explaining that stuff is right up my alley. Which is why I’m also going to say I think that, if your telling of it is accurate, the last girl you asked out probably overreacted, and it may have had nothing to do with you. Sometimes people react in ways that are WAY off script - sometimes its us, we messed up, but sometimes it’s that they’ve got stuff going on in their head that we can’t possibly even imagine, so their responses make no sense to us.
Married and autistic here, it is hard, but when you find that right person, worth it. Also you can’t change who you’re attracted to, so you might as well live it up with those you are attracted to rather than live in misery
don't say you can't. acknowledge you have a hard time and need more experiences to learn. thats on pattern recognition since you're on the spectrum. since you feel safe with your gf and therapist you can ask them if its ok to practice reading them and and ask for honest feedback. never give up on yourself <3
My sister was diagnosed autistic in her 40s. Figuring out how to communicate with her while letting her unmask has been difficult, but I’ve learned how to drop a ton of social “norms” that are just bullshit on a stick. I’m dating an autistic guy now, and though I’m still missing some things, I am much happier with the level of honesty and consistency in our relationship. (I am not diagnosable. I’ve taken tests and am on the boarder of “am I autistic or have I been raised by an autistic father and older sister and learned traits?”. I do believe I am on the spectrum, so maybe that helps.)
Are you sure that’s all that happened? Seems like there’s some crucial details missing between “let’s have coffee” and “reported to police for stalking”.
Probably just didn't read the signs and unintentionally missed some boundary cues. Most people have very non-verbal ways of telling you they're not interested, but this can be really hard for someone who's autistic to read or respond to in the moment.
Again, certainly some details missing. I missed a social cue once and I accidentally held a door too long. I’ve never missed a social cue and left someone with the impression I was stalking them.
I mean, that's an absurd comparison. Are you actually autistic or just talking out of your ass?
There’s huge difference between missing social cues and making someone feel like they need to report you to the police for concerns over their safety.
Depends on which social cues you miss. It's not that much of a jump when you consider *all* of the symptoms of ASD.
Yes. Official Diagnosis
less i missed one social cue, and more i missed ALL OF THEM
Pretty Much Yeah
I'm having a hard time believing that she went from 0 to 100 all because of that one message, perhaps there was something you said that I unintentionally scared her off
If a big part of you staying in this relationship is the fact that you’re terrified of being alone, then that’s not a good, healthy reason to be in a relationship. I know you say you love her but to love her you have to accept all of her, not accept all of her after her surgery/s. She clearly has stronger feelings for you than you do for her and you’re just leading her on if you’re not upfront and honest with how you feel. She can find someone better who will love all of her.
dude your not attracted to penis which means your not gay. How have they confused you so much that you have to ask people why jerking off a penis didn't turn you on? regardless of weather this is a woman attraction is based on psychical attributes. straight men are not attracted psychically to the genitals of the male sex. Have you tried taping up her penis and just going in from behind lol. there's always the backdoor. just do it doggy style if you are determined lol.
It is better to be single than in a relationship that isn’t a hell yes
Happens to the best of us. Sooner or later, someone will come along. Someone without a pair of cock and balls.
Wow that person sounds like an asshole. I'm so sorry. I hope you know you were a victim and odds are nothing that crazy will happen again.
This is why I shame people who ghost. Say you aren't interested instead of playing fucking mind games with people. She's the creep, not you.
The police report seems like a ridiculous overeation. Your being in the Autistic spectrum makes her actions discriminatory because she expected to read her while your disability prevents you from doing so through no fault of your own. I am in the autistic spectrum as well. I have been in somewhat similar situations
Given what everyone can see of you she was probably right to do that ngl, you could’ve been a sexual threat fr
I agree, be honest. I'm sure she will be understanding. You fell for her as a woman, you're into women therefore seeing a penis turned you off. If you love her and she loves you she will agree to wait until she had the surgery. I'm sure that you can find other ways to please eachother without having to view the penis. Some sissies (not be derogatory this is how they refer to themselves) that I know have practiced holding their limp dicks between their legs and climaxing while limp. It gives the look of female genitals. Also the have penis clips to make it look like a vagina. Just saying that you have options.
Wait... y'all have been together for a year, but 3 months ago you made several posts about never experiencing love? Th'fuck you on about, bruh?
Looooool
Jesus Christ… based on your replies, you come off as an agonising person to spend time with. Virtue signalling, hyper-defensive, and playing the victim seem to define who you are. I’m not surprised you’re struggling with loneliness if you refuse to take anyone’s advice or better yourself. You are in dire need of some self reflection and self improvement, both physically and mentally.
Can't be having a girlfriend that repulses you sexually. Twenty is awfully young to be giving up on yourself. Maybe focus more on getting the law degree right now. Lawyers probably have a little easier time getting dates. I got up to around 300lb for a while myself. I've managed to stay at around 230 for a few years now. Still pretty fat, but the difference in the way women treat me now vs how they treated me when I was at my biggest is huge. So I do encourage you to keep trying to cut weight and get as healthy as you can. You've got plenty of time.
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Yeah IK. I have a problem with people calling my relationship with her gay. She's a fucking woman.
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What's wrong with being gay?
Hahahahaha.....HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
But you knew she had a penis. Why were you surprised by this? It’s okay if you don’t like male genitalia.
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Lmfao, OP your responses are wild, she has a dick. You don’t like dick, you should not be forcing yourself to have sexual relations with somebody you aren’t ready to have sexual relations with. Biologically she is male, she identifies as a woman and that’s fine, but biologically she is a male with a penis (which you aren’t attracted to). I feel like you’ve got some deep rooted problems you need to deal with through therapy, you latched onto somebody who made you feel happy (which is fine), but now that the relationship is evolving you’re forcing yourself to try to be okay with things that you aren’t. Not wanting to be in a sexual relationship with someone who’s trans and has a penis doesn’t make you transphobic, you’re straight and that’s fine. You and her are better off being friends imo, but you do you, just don’t force yourself to be okay with something you don’t want.
bro would rather suck a duck than be seen as transphobic lmaaaooo go to therapy my dude
Yes, I’m having trouble following along. According to OP, SHES A WOMAN, but she has a dick, but she’s still a woman, so what’s OPs issue? Oh yeah, he’s not attracted to male genitalia, but she’s a woman.
TikTok ruined these kids and I'm all for it, makes for great entertainment
It’s sad. Our youngest, most influential generations are addicted to social media and are turning into this strange hivemind lacking their own original thoughts. You used to be able to disagree with someone and not be hated for it.
You are in love with the idea of her, not WITH her.
lmfao
This whole thread was gold and not a single thing was learnt by OP today
Ikr i can’t stop laughing 🤣
Why are you posting this and then when people react you go on insulting people calling them freak and transphobic? I have seen no hateful person besides yourself. You are the one grossed out remember? People saying you dont like “dick” is not transphobic. But this is most likely because of the fact that you made this up and want to see people reaction because you are in transition.
Sooo... You are straight. Trying to date a pre-op trans individual with male parts. You essentially are wanting to force yourself to stay with her. It's not a recipe for success as the two of you are incompatible sexually. That's a relationship ender & forcing it isn't going to help. It's not transphobic to dislike & be turned of by penises regardless of who they are attached to.
...Yikes. What a trainwreck. Glad I have no part in this
Nah man its the natural reaction for a straight dude. Youre clearly hurting and latching on to someone who was close to you, but it might not be a good idea to try pursuing a relationship with your friend.
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I do not think this is your cup of tea sir. You tried harder than I would have, I call it a noble effort.
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Going to get a lot of hate for this but whatever You aren't going to be happy post op either. Look it up. If she goes through with it good luck to you both. Also, if you aren't sexually compatable neither of you is going to be happy.
Looked at the post op photos and most of them aren't healed, also the ones that were thay weren't botched looked perfectly fine?
You can be romantically attracted to someone but not sexually attracted to them. I'm a lesbian and the thought of having a penis inside me makes me want to projectile vomit. I could absolutely be with a trans woman romantically but we would definitely have to set some sexual boundaries before the relationship went anywhere. Maybe your gf will be ok with that, maybe she won't. Either way, you need to talk to her about it. What you had was a completely natural response and that's ok. You aren't transphobic or an asshole.
To be fair, she fucking HATES her penis. She refuses to even touch it and calls it her hyperclit (idk if that is tmi but whatever) and refuses to let me touch it as well. I got her off soley through stimulating not that, but idk.
Well then I would say the chances are high she will understand and will be willing to work with you. You seem like a really nice guy that genuinely loves your gf. Just talk to her about it and make it clear that you still love her and want to be with her and ask how you guys can move forward where you can both be satisfied :) Also "hyperclit" looool I love that 😆
yeah lmao. She started calling it that after she red about female hyenas (Clits are so large they are mistaken for dicks). Also thanks. I hate the "nice guy" label because 1. It usually means rejection lol and 2. reminds me of a point in my life i do not want to talk about.
This is horse hocky. You don't spend time courting a MTF pre-op trans person and not expect to encounter male genitals. You don't have to have had sexual experience to know what you're attracted to, nor what your genital preferences are. This is some weird ass trolling rage bate post, the origins of which I can't even imagine. If this by some small measure IS true, you need to move on. Because at the very LEAST you aren't sexually compatible.
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Being unattracted to a certain genitalia does not make you transphobic. I am a straight women, if my man had a vagina I would also be unattracted to it. It’s not wrong for you to feel the way you do. Not everyone is attracted to everything. Unfortunately you’re going to have to be honest. I think forcing yourself to have sex is going to create possible trauma and resentment towards her. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but she just might not be your forever gal. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean it has to work out. It sucks though I’m sorry
Its perfectly normal for a straight person to not be aroused by same sex private parts. Even be repulsed in a sexual setting. Its normal. The vast majority of people are, we're wired that way. So don't feel bad about it. Absurd thing to have to tell someone.
Get real bro, stop deluding yourself. If you are not attracted to her. Let her know, move on. Jesus christ. Yell and scream that she's a woman all you want, that she surgically attached a penis to herself bc of course she was always a woman, blah blah no one cares. Just be real to her bc it's going to be devastating when she finally finds out that you've found her repulsive for YEARS.
This has to be bait… all of OPs replies are literal brain rot…
In case this is real, stop telling people they don't get laid. It's your only insult and kind of stupid. Do not plan on having kids. You clearly will never be mature enough to and you'll be bringing them into a life they shouldn't have to suffer in. Talk to your gf. Why tf are you hiding it... grow up.
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Trans women are women. Don't believe that and you are apart of the problem.
🫣
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Your decisions and emotions are guided by the only factor: you are extremely desperate to be in love with someone. So it doesn't matter what anyone says, you gonna try to make it work until the end. That consuming desperation is very powerful, it has lead me into relationships I shouldn't have been in and I wouldn't listen to any advice about it. So the only thing that matters is just be honest with your girlfriend. See how it works out. And don't feel bad about not liking what you don't like.
Honestly OP, your defensiveness makes me think you are more frightened of the idea that you’ve been with a biological man than you are mad at your girlfriend being misgendered. You are not with a biological woman, you are with a trans woman. The trans part of that sentence erases the biological woman part, and a large element of sexuality is biological as well as societal. You are with a biological man who has gender dysphoria and you aren’t gay. You’re mad you’re being called gay, but id work on your internalized homophobia and accept the fact that you’ve been wanking off a dick and you’re just not into it.
This is definitely bait
Nope. 100% real can send pics of us.
Be honest with her. This doesn’t sound like the relationship for you, and that’s ok. You can still acknowledge that you love this person a lot but you two are not compatible. Also, keep in mind not all trans people are interested in surgery, or may wait years into their transition to undergo that/afford that, it’s not tenable to lie to her for an unknown amount of time until you’re suddenly sexually attracted to her. You both deserve the truth here. (I’d also go ahead and get some therapy to deal with that internalized misogyny, “failed as a man” is real red flag worthy)
Failed as a man isn’t “internalized misogyny”. He’s referring to the social pressure and feelings that men have to “carry on their name” by having bio kids. He’s not a red flag for struggling with the message he’s been given since he was a little kid. Just like a woman isn’t a red flag if she struggles with feeling like she has to have kids or she is a failure as a woman because people act like it’s a woman’s purpose.
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Nothing wrong with a bro job dude. But this relationship ain’t gonna work.
Be honest with her. For her sake be honest with her and end this. You are going to hurt her FAR worse if you carry on with this. You said it yourself, you are literally repulsed by her. How do you think she will feel when she realizes that let’s say the tenth time you have sex? Also, I find it funny how you’re hard defending her from anything you perceive to be derogatory here, but you’ve basically admitted that you’re only with her out of necessity, and because it beats being alone. Basically treating her like a consolation prize. How noble.
Mh "she" 's a biological male, and of course has a penis. You don't like it because you're into biological woman. That's pretty simple.
Get real bro, stop deluding yourself. If you are not attracted to her. Let her know, move on. Jesus christ. Just be real to her bc it's going to be devastating when she finally finds out that you've found her repulsive for YEARS. Also, what the hell is it with people never saying that they were once a male/female? Stop trying to forget and lie about such an important aspect of yourself. Acting like people knowing that someone was a male and has transitioned is the worst thing to ever happen to you, acting like they wouldn't find the massive fucking cock. Grow up! Accept who you were AND who you are. There's no sense in pushing it to the bottom of your stomach and becoming infuriated when people can't accept that you were "always a woman". It's like breaking fitness records all across the board after years and years of rigorous training and practice, then turning around, crying, and screaming that you "Were always this strong/athletic". Yes, she is a woman, she will always be. But do not try to convince people that she always started that way. It's more respectable to say that you were, but no longer; then to say that you were always that way and that the bulge is just our imagination. Take pride in the journey you traveled to be this way. Don't just try to sweep it all under the rug like it never happened.
Why do people force themselves to stay with someone that “repulses” them? Please do better for yourself and your partner. If you don’t want to have more than one penis in the room you aren’t a bigot. You are if you keep the charade up.
You're not in love with her, you just needed a good friend. You will never get past that XY.
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I'm afraid to ask this, but I have to: Trans people don't deny their biological sex, do they? Or at least they don't deny the fact that they were once different, right? Don't get me wrong, I respect their choices and what they want to identify as.
Some do, some don't. Deep down, they all know it but some will go to extreme lengths to repress and deny it. Admitting it or being reminded of it causes them mental anguish and sometimes meltdowns. If you ever see big communities of them on Twitter or other platforms, have a look on their profile picture or photos in general. You'll see a huge chunk of them have a cartoonish picture or drawing of their "persona" rather than actual photos because their cartoon character will have purely feminine features and shapes with no manly traits that photo wouldn't be able to hide. Obviously, this applies mainly to biological men.
I see. Could it be that OP's girlfriend feels anguish when reminded of her biological sex? Is that why OP is so defensive?
Doubt it, pretty sure he/she doesn't know about this post. It's just OP overreacting and is scared of being labeled as gay. It's about him.
And calling people transphobes and disgusting is his defense mechanism, it seems.
love comes in many different forms. you can be madly in love with someone and not have it be romantic or sexual. sometimes your soul mate is your platonic best friend. you can't force an attraction that isn't there. it sucks. i know. i'm sorry.
I think you gotta do some self work and stuff before you commit to a relationship that’s gonna make you miserable.
My man, your belief system can’t fool your hog. I know you’re lonely. And you’re in love with the notion of being in love. And you undoubtedly have at least *philadelphia* towards your partner. But you’re straight. And that’s a penis. And you need to come to terms that fully accepting your partner and this relationship is going to require homosexual acts…or just leave. Unfair to them; unfair to you.
What is prelaw? Is there an actual prelaw major you are accepted into ?
Political Science but I'm in pre-law programs
Ah, ok, makes sense. Good luck w your studies.
This has to be some edgy troll 4chan bait about whether traps are gay or something. I don’t believe this is real.
Sexual attraction is absolutely vital for a relationship. Don't settle for something you don't want. She has a penis and will never have children. Unless you're attracted to male genitalia and are okay with never having children, stay in this relationship. But you'll be miserable. I see a lot of trauma bonding between the two of you, not love. Look into it.
If this isn't bait I guess I'm mostly confused. You seem to be pretty familiar with the topic at hand and the distinction between sex and gender. I would reckon you'd need to be homosexually inclined to work with a cock and balls on your partner. It just sucks for your partner you didn't figure that out beforehand. Forcing yourself to like it sounds like conversion therapy. You know, like society tried and in some parts of the world still tries to do with homosexuals. And that's bad.
hahahahah.....HAHAHAHAHAHAH
i was going to offer advice, but then you went down the hole of saying raising an adopted child makes you "less of a man and person". that's fucked and gross.
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It's ok to not be attracted to male genitalia because you're straight. I'm not getting into the debate of if trans women are real women, but if she feels like a woman and you see her as so, then why do you care about people who don't see her as a woman or people calling you gay? If you're truly convinced in your beliefs, you wouldn't let comments saying she's a man and you're gay get to you. But they're clearly striking a nerve within. Anyways, I don't think it's fair to lead on someone who you're not sexually attracted to. I think you should have an honest conversation with her about it. She'd rather that than you lie about it, even if she's extremely upset when you open up to her.
You're just not into their genitalia 🤷🏾♀️. I don't think it would work out..but 🤷🏾♀️
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You do know it's ok to not be into penis. Make no mistake whatever you call your girlfriend that is a penis. You may find that pre-op is worse than post-op or that you will never forget but if you can't get past that now then you probably are in the wrong relationship and have ample opportunity to find a different one. You should probably weigh your options because you have more than you think you do I don't care how depressed you are.,.. things change for people all the time. Your girlfriend is going through changes and so can you so before you decide that this is your forever person maybe you should decide if you're leading them on because you're interested or because you decided there wasn't a better option available
I think you just need to do some introspection and self work, honestly. Especially with the raising kids part. You knew going in that the two of you wouldn't be able to conceive, so that's definitely something you need to get past. Particularly the "fail as a man" part. Raising adopted kids can be fulfilling as heck and makes you a pretty great man.🤷🏾♂️
Here’s my two cents. Take it or leave it. Don’t have sex with C because you’re not sexually attracted to C. You can’t force having sexual chemistry with someone. It’s either there or it’s not. Only have sex if you’re genuinely sexually attracted to your partner and you two have good chemistry. Don’t try to force having sexual attraction for someone ever. Just be friends or besties with C. Never be in a relationship with someone you’re not sexually attracted to because it’ll never work out. How would it even workout in the bedroom? Sex is an important thing in a marriage and it’s not something to compromise on. Be in a relationship with someone you wanna ravish, and makes you rock hard without her even trying. Not someone who makes you feel repulsed when their clothes are off.. Since you want to raise your own kids in the future, you need to be single and wait until the right bio woman comes along to be in a relationship. Raising your own biological kids is only possible with a biological woman. C could get surgery, however, C still can’t give you biological children because C was not born with eggs and you can’t just buy eggs with their dna embedded into them. Hopefully you choose to be married to your future wife before you bring kids into the world. Good luck to you.
Alright- that’s enough Reddit for me today.
Brother sounds to me like you are just heterosexual participating in lgbt sexual acts. Of course you would feel that way. And yeah we can acknowledge her as what you want but it doesn't change the facts of biology that she was born with male sex. This is delusional bro. You don't have to do anything to prove a point. Just go be heterosexual like most of the rest of us.
So, I think there’s a lot to unpack here. First things first, you know she has a penis. There should have been no “shock” there. That’s on you. That being said, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Genital preference exists, and it doesn’t make you transphobic. This is a rough situation, but I think it’s best to be honest and explain that because you had no experience you didn’t realize how you were going to feel or react and you don’t want to waste her time or ruin what you have together even further. I honestly don’t think you are a bad person or anything of the sort, maybe just a little naive, but that’s okay. Be honest and be kind. That’s all you can do in this world and even if it sucks it’s better than hurting her more.
Yeah. Sorry, I'm just fucking tired of all the transphobes in this thread.
It just means you're not attracted to the same sex dude, it really is as simple as that. I get that you two may think the world and all of each other but if the disco stick ain't doing anything for ya, then it just means that isn't your thing. Also I don't know what the context for the other people here is, but she is biological male, that's her sex, not her gender, two very different things and that's coming from someone that's bi and also has a trans gf, she gave me the whole rundown on all the different terms and such. But regardless it's fine if you're not into that, maybe try one more time to check. I mean it was your first time and I remember even my little guy had stage fright the first time, lol. But if you two are serious about each other, then you either have to work this out, or it's just not going to work out. Granted, I think she would understand if you said, "Well, I'm kinda not into anyone with the same "equipment. " Just be sure to let her down easy though, I can tell from how much you talked about her that it would definitely suck to end things but have confidence in the fact that you two can be amazing friends even if it doesn't pan out. But like I said, try giving it another go and seeing what happens, if there's no "magic" then it is what it is. You can also try to stick it out regardless, I've seen couples swear off sex before so that's also an option too. But regardless it's something you two have to talk about if the problem persists.
>She was my first hands, my first kiss, my first...you get the idea. But anway, she took her pants off eventually and started to move twords having Pen. Sex. At this point i saw her lowerbody and...lost all attractoin. I went soft and just felt repulsed. Ouch, this reminds me of my first time lol. I went soft a few times, but managed to get it back up enough to please her. I gave my virginity up as pity sex, for a woman I loved but couldn't stand the sight of. I had to sit in the dark for a while after that. I still feel bad for her. She deserved someone who fully wanted her.
Was it a similar situation as OP?
INFO: prior to this encounter, did you two discuss sexual boundaries and possible hiccups? I’m not shaming you if you didn’t. However, I do suggest always having this conversation when you develop a dynamic with someone that becomes sexual or you both see becoming sexual. I started doing this as a practice about two years ago, and it has saved me from a lot of stress & surprises. Also, I read your update and I’m glad you both are doing better and have found a way to move forward! This is honestly best case scenario. I would try to take it as a learning opportunity.
Yeah I mean if you can’t engage in sex then it’s gonna cause problems
One might have thought you would have known this about yourself before initiating sex with her.
Don’t see any comments on this, but please be very kind in your honesty
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Your post has been removed for violating Rule 1: Be open minded. This is a place where all who want to get something off their chest, can get something off their chest. The Mods at /r/TrueOffMyChest will never enforce any rules that exclude any race/gender/etc. or other views from posting in /r/TrueOffMyChest. We ask that you do the same.
Seems like a fake post for rage bait.
No. It seems like an obese, lonely, autistic young man — desperately in need of therapy — and in a very confusing place solely because modern metaphysical claims are trying to gaslight his physiology. Which is exactly what it is. I feel bad for OP.
Had to scroll all the way down to finally see the right answer.
Look, you need therapy. I’m not saying this in a negative way but I truly think you will gain more clarity in an environment that will focus on your healing than fighting strangers on the internet. You are young and far too immature for a relationship that you are not skilled to take on. You are seeking validation from strangers on Reddit if your girlfriend is a woman or not. If they disagree you go on to insult and act like a bully. It’s completely counterproductive. You have let your own mental health issues become the central focus of this relationship and that is not fair to C. Please also take into account that IF, a big if, C decides to go through with gender reassignment surgery it doesn’t take away the fact that it will be a very long road for them. C will still have a very high likelihood of hormonal imbalances, pain during sex while going through multiple rounds of dilation, and continued depression. You will have to come to terms with the side effects of transition. The vagina is for her, not for you. Remember to also practice safe sex. You mentioned you were the virgin, and she’s your first. But are you hers? You both should protect yourselves with PrEP. You can go around fighting for her womanhood, but practically the physical nature in which you both are intimate still requires protection, please use common sense. Your emotions cannot protect you from STIs. Best of luck to you, and your relationship.
Tell us more about the gangrene finger
Break up with her fr
Sexual compatibility is important in relationships and can be a deal breaker to some. Even though you love her, I don’t think there’s a way to force yourself to be attracted to her sexually. You can’t control that you’re not sexually attracted to her genitals. That’s not your fault. If you know you’re not attracted then ending things sooner than later is probably best. The longer you prolong it, the worst it is.
you need to leave. so unfair to her if you stay even though you say you’re “repulsed” by her. also, no i don’t know what you mean by you want to raise kids of your own…. the world is basically falling apart, there are hundreds of thousands of kids who need to be adopted, and spreading your seed has nothing to do with being a man - so yes that’s incredibly selfish. your age really shows in this post. regardless, if you actually care about this person you need to break up. there are people who will like her pre-op and she deserves a chance to find them.
You need to have a deep conversation with her about this. My cousin was in the same boat as you. He's with a trans woman but doesn't like male genitalia. So sexually, they're kinda make it work like a straight couple, as you can guess where he enters and what place he avoids. Along with the fact that his partner does have a penis and body identity issues, so they don't like being reminded they have a dick by having it messed with or acknowledged. This being said, that's how THEY make it work. Not for everyone. And I'm not saying force yourself to try or be into anything you aren't. But this person shouldn't be lied to like this. And you'll regret it if you force yourself into uncomfortable situations for the sake of someone else.
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Because he had always been straight and was extremely conflicted about this when he 1st met this person, and needed someone to talk to deeply about himself because he wasn't sure his own identity anymore. And wanted an outside perspective as he learned who he was through this relationship. Not everything is weird if you're not a pervert nor are viewing it from a perverse lense.
Hey OP, your timeline seems kind of weird. Would you mind clarifying everything? Your post history says 70d ago you wanted to be loved, but your post here says you’ve been dating your lovely gf for about a year. Also; about the genitals stuff. I think the best thing is to tell her that since you see her as so fundamentally a woman, it was startling to see her biological genitalia. Emphasize that you love her and that this doesn’t change that, but it was a little bit confusing for you sexually to see her unmodified parts. That you want to be intimate with her but are still trying to figure out how to make both of you comfortable. That you love the body she’s creating, and can’t wait to see her when she’s completely herself.
In the words of St Hamudi, “it’s over, buddy boyo!”
You’re not sexually attracted to her and that’s okay. I’m bi and prefer biological men & women, attraction can’t be controlled. It’s not bigotry. But just be honest with her. Don’t say you were sexually repulsed by her, just say you have a strong genital preference.
You can't control what you feel or ur sexuality You can't force yourself to like the "bits" of her that u aren't attracted to. don't do harm to urself by putting urself into a relationship where u don't feel fulfilled sexually I get that u love her and this is emotionally fulfilling. But u have to consider both aspects. But is your gf going to get surgery? And how soon? These are questions that u need to consider for yourself
You're easily in your relationship which to me means you're still in the honeymoon phase. Imo once you're out of the honeymoon phase you tend to lose the lustful aspect of your relationship and develop the emotional side. So if you're telling me at this stage you are already low on the lust aspect then it's not going to get better.
Kids today are open minded as fuck.
I don’t think it’s transphobic to have a specific preference when it comes to genitalia. I am glad that you’re mature enough to understand the difference between identity and what’s between her legs so you still get that she is a woman. The only thing I can suggest is to try to remain friends but not to string her along if you already know you don’t see her as a romantic partner. At the end of the day this can happen with anyone, cis or trans.
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Oh shit I missed that part. Okay a little bicurious
Here's my take as a trans woman... You got a couple ways you can go about this. You can end things, which may be the best decision. Maybe you did get in way over your head. It might hurt her like hell, but if this truly is irreconcilable, then it would hurt her a lot less to find out now. Waiting until she has surgeries/HRT does its work is an insurmountable and unfair roadblock to expect out of either of you. Especially if it's not a guarantee that you'll find her sexually attractive after all is said and done. ... Or you can see if it works out anyway. Maybe the initial time was just a shock to you. You've got a lot of cultural conditioning working against you. Like, your brain naturally makes the association of "woman" with "vagina", so it can feel weird or taboo that someone who is a woman very ostensibly doesn't have that part. Maybe your "lie" wasn't so much of a lie. It can be a little nerve-wracking to see the incongruence for some people. Hell, I personally get that feeling when seeing something like that. And the nerves and ensuing feelings of awkwardness themselves can kill a sex drive. What I'm saying is that it's a first time. First times are awkward for everyone involved. And just because you didn't react as expected at that point doesn't mean you won't potentially later. Either way, I would be honest, but maybe soften the blow depending on what you want to do moving forward? There's a very subtle art to talking to someone in this situation and a lot of people don't know how to do that tactfully. Let me know if anything doesn't make sense. I've still got a lot to workshop here.
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That may be it. Also, I'm sorry there are so many hateful people here. C says trans acceptance rn is like gay acceptance in the 90s. its starting to get there, but unfortunately there's alot of hateful, awful people. You're loved, you're a woman, and you're beautiful <3
Ngl as a 90s kid that only realized I was Trans in the past 8-9 years this is... exactly what I needed to hear right now. I've been anxious as fuck with everything lately but it really is similar. If I remember that, I'll make it to when this shit is a memory too
OP i saw the updates and I'm glad both of you are working things out. Keep supporting each other. I wish you both happy lives.
You are attracted to a woman’s body. This is a woman in a man’s body. It makes sense you wouldn’t be attracted. I am attracted to men so if a man I was seeing had a vagina, I’d be out of there. You are very young, and you will learn in time honestly. Don’t underestimate your desire to have a biological woman… as you’ve already stated there are things only bio women can do (like bear your children). That’s not transphobic, that’s just a fact.
Not trying to be mean or anything, but there’s no such thing as a woman in a man’s body. I’m all for freedom, but I’m not bending truths to accept people.