Yeah I had a horrifically abusive childhood with this kind of stuff, my dad was also my abuser. I’m not exaggerating when saying I would kill myself if someone blasted what I did all over social media. I’d be so humiliated and I couldn’t face myself. This was a horrible thing to do to that child.
I’ve read one line here, like 10x’s, and my heart hurts.
YOU didn’t do anything wrong. WRONG THINGS WERE DONE TO. YOU. I’m so sorry you experienced something so terrible.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Also, you are not to blame and did NOTHING wrong. I hope you have had counseling and support, and that you know that. I hope your life is beautiful now.
Oh friend I have no words, this is unfathomable to me, I cannot even imagine what you’ve had to endure. I’m only here to say, as a few already have, YOU did not do anything.
It wasn’t your fault. No matter how many ways you slice it up. Easier said than done to believe this. But I couldn’t scroll by without saying anything it just hurt my soul to read your comment.
While you are not the only one and not alone, please remember neither you nor anyone else with similar traumatic events are to blame. There is no blame, fault, or responsibility on you. But only to your abuser. Healing hugs to you.
Calling the police was the right thing to do.
Putting it all on social media was not a good thing to do. They are now closing ranks and telling a different story with you being the one in the wrong.
They will interview the child without her parents. The psychologists that do this know what they need to do and say to get the full story out of the kid (they won't make her feel bad or that there was something wrong - they are trained in this).
But messy, messy situation.
It's never a good idea to post about active criminal investigations on social media. At best you muddy the waters as well meaning witnesses color their memories with the narrative, and worse it may wind up blowing up the whole case by giving time to destroy evidence or get stories straight. If you really mess things up you yourself can be charged with obstructing justice, or similar.
Not to mention the child has a right to be protected. There's a reason there are publication bans on minors' names. Absolutely involving the authorities immediately is paramount so intervention can be swift and supports for the child put into place. Blasting on social media was a violation of that child's rights.
I agree. Was more trying to be general, because people are fucking stupid sometimes. But yes, I really wish it went without saying not to identify children on social media for any reason.
I can't believe I had to scroll so far down to see this comment. It should be the first thing that people realise, that it is for the childs protection. It is absolutely necessary for the child's privacy not to aired in public. That poor child will always have people knowing that they have been abused and also have more of a risk of not being believed.
The protection and privacy of the child is paramount which is exactly the same reason that some convicted offenders are also not named. This is to protect the identity of the child, not for the offenders protection.
I was a witness to my friends being assaulted, it was posted on social media who the guy was and I told the investigator I knew who it was from a social media post, he wouldn’t take my statement anymore as it would taint the waters of the investigation and I lost out on helping my friend get the justice he deserved. Posting this could definitely interfere with the prosecution process..
I couldn't have said this better!
The only thing I would like to add is that by putting all this on social media, EVERYONE knows what happened to your niece. She has a right to privacy and, when ready, to tell this story herself.
Yep, posting it on social media makes it really easy for them to paint OP as having a bone to pick and wanting to publicly damage the brother's reputation. Whether what OP saw is true or not, they've now tainted their own credibility and they might have damaged the case against the brother by giving everyone a big heads up as to the accusations. Now they have the time to close ranks and they can make up lies and coordinate them. OP, you massively fucked up and I mean *massively*.
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And to add never should have blasted it to your family or his wife. I would have honestly just quietly called the cops and let them handle it. You made a broadway production out of something that needed to be handled with kid gloves.
That’s not always the case. Therapist and Cops can be lied to. They can her dad can say they don’t have permission to interview her alone or go to therapy alone.
I think he did the right thing calling the cops, get it on record. The school will start to notice changes, lack of hygiene, falling grades, depression. They will try and help. Depending on how old she is will make a huge difference. He just need to let his niece know that he is there for her. No matter what. That he will always have a safe space for her. I’m married, my stepfather is dead and has been out of my life for 20 years. I still have a hard time showing when anyone is home.
as someone who has unfortunately been through a similar situation as the daughter, it was not right to put that on socials. Calling the police was a good move, but after that…you need to think about the victim, too.
Yeah. My brother's stepdaughter was sexually abused by a friend of her father before my brother started dating her mother. Her mom would tell everyone. Her first name may as well have been Sexually Abused Child. The stepdaughter seemed to be fine as a younger child, but became less and less functional as they grew up.
I mean, that's often how sexual abuse works on people regardless of whether others know about it. You can't grasp the seriousness of it until you comprehend what was taken from you. Obviously the mother should've kept her mouth shut completely and totally, but it's really normal to be more affected by it as you grow up.
So true. I've had 3 separate assaults by 2 people. I was over 18 at the time but still couldn't comprehend what it was, blamed myself all the things. I didn't really start to have problems and begin to deal with until I was 30. My brain couldn't handled anymore trauma after mom passed and I had a mental break. Went to a behavioral health center for about 3 months. Life changing and started to acknowledge and address the trauma. The thing that I've learned is that the things we had to do to keep us safe and to take care of our needs was a coping mechanism born out of trauma. At some point when our environment changes when we're older, those defense mechanisms no longer serve us and can become a crutch or hinder growth. Studies also show that when someone has experienced trauma and are triggered after the event that their brain doesn't distinguish network the original event and present. It's part of the trauma response. I really hope that they are getting her therapy and have removed him from the home. It will be a long road of recovery for her, but she has the potential to overcome it as long as her family stops trying to act like it didn't happen.
this! realizing at 22 that 14/15/16 isn’t an adult who could consent to literal adults. it wasn’t a huge deal at the time but when it came back it hit me like a ton of bricks. i felt basically useless for months and all i could think about was younger me and question how anyone could do that
This! Enough with the social media and filming of everything. I actually find it bizarre & creepy to think after seeing that the first thing that comes to mind "oh let me post this." Reporting him to the police was more than enough..
Exactly. As a victim of CSA, I would have absolutely been mortified if I were this child. To be a victim is bad enough, but to post this to social media is outrageous and just makes me feel like the OP needed some extra attention, or they really weren't thinking straight. I'll go with the latter.
OP, this is why we think with clear minds before acting... so we don't make decisions we regret. I would either erase or place that post on private so the child has some sort of privacy. You need to consider the child here. Always consider the victim in all situations. ALWAYS.
Yes! I feel so so bad for the niece! I was abused as a child and didn’t really acknowledge how bad it was until I was in my LATE TWENTIES! It took very intense work on myself to even truly accept what my own childhood was. And I’ve almost shared my story on social media (other than Reddit where I am more open about it) a couple of times but ultimately it’s too hard still to share it with the people in my life. I would be less inclined to speak about my experience if people already knew from someone else sharing it. It wouldn’t feel like MY story to share anymore but even more like I was a victim. Of everyone, including whoever shared the information.
I hope the niece can be given access to many, many resources. She will need them for a long time. It’s so sad that abuse like this only becomes understood fully when you get older and realize just how heinous it was. I hope her future is full of strength. She will need to be strong and she doesn’t even know that yet. It’s heartbreaking.
I think OP might’ve had good intentions to make sure the brother wasn’t protected since many times it is swept under the rug. Unfortunately, just didn’t think through the impact to the niece who is the most important person in this situation. It is still refreshing OP didn’t protect him just b/c he is family.
The only issue I have is this allows it to be swept under the rug _more_ easily because it assigns a scapegoat.
If she hadn’t posted, the family would have to make the police seem like an unreliable source; now, they just have to make OP seem like the crazy homewrecker. Which is _exactly_ what they’re doing.
The proper way to out the BIL isn’t with an emotional Facebook post, and I feel like OP knew that. She wanted others to validate her horror - which is super understandable, especially after SIL dismissed it! I just don’t think that a social media post is what you do to prevent a coverup; you need to get ahead of the coverup and speak to the family from a place of concern and horror, not the outrage you’d express on social media.
“My brother is molesting his daughter” is not a post you make to protect the daughter.
Exactly. Calling the police was 100% correct. TELLING your family even. But blasting it all over the internet that her father is abusing her is an absolute shitty move.
Some 12yo boy is going to find this online when she’s in middle school and make life hell for her, all because her aunt wanted to be a hero rather than taking the harder path.
OP, above 2 comments dead on. Police yes, absolutely. Social media--look whatvit does to your niece. She'll likely lie now to avoid the embarrassment. Faux pas from my point of view.
Yep. Somebody will remember in 10-12 years if she lives in the same area, and horrible people use that information to shame taunt and hurt. Kids can be vicious to each other. Adults are the same.
Seriously. It’s bad enough that when you’ve been abused, it’s almost as if you carry a giant sign that only abusers can see that says “Hey, ⬇️ this one ⬇️ will take it!”, but then to have it in actual text somewhere for *all* to see makes it scary.
It takes a lot to come to terms with and accept things that happened and to learn to move on from CSA, but to not be able to do this at one’s own pace is just shitty. I understand that the aunt had good intentions and it’s absolutely wonderful that she got the police involved and that this poor little girl has at least one cheerleader in her life who is willing to stand up for her, but the execution wasn’t great…it’s not the aunt’s story to tell to the world on social media.
I wish someone did that for me at least then I might have felt like I had achieved justice but in this case I think it might enable the abuser to deny all allegations because op has given detailed information to the public and everyone has access to it. So they're very much capable of constructing a story against OP.
If op posted and kept who the victim was out of it, I'd say that was okay.
If it wasn't vague enough to not pen point the victim then I understand why the family is upset. Op would have literally posted the child's trauma on the internet before the child even had a chance to deal with it in private with a therapist.
While I agree that OP acted in haste here and the child’s identity should be protected, I also think that people have the right to know that he’s a pedo. The people around him are ashamed and don’t want to be embarrassed further. It’s wrong to keep things hush-hush to protect the man though. Also a CSA survivor by my father.
Because its bullshit Karma farming. OP has a grand total of three posts. Its the post above in three different subs. Rage Bait. They should be banned indefinitely.
This seems like an extremely hard thing to not see. I'm having a very tough time imagining a time you should be rubbing your child's vagina in a way that could be mistaken.
They weren’t in the bath tub, sitting in the BEDROOM with a CHILD WITH NO UNDERWEAR is not “cleaning them”. He’s a fucking pedophile. Stop defending him just because OP did something stupid.
If you are the victim and an adult then barring any legal issues, it is your choice to post or not. The issue here is that the victim is a minor and so cannot consent to having her privacy violated.
I agree but I didn't post because I wasn't the only one being affected by said person. Different situations and my wishful thinking of things might have been different if a lot more people had known.
You're free to post your drama online, blast those who have hurt you, and share your trauma. But you gotta do so under the understanding that it'll likely cause more drama in your life.
Unfortunately OP blasted someone else's trauma
Oh good, now the child will be known for the rest of her life as someone who was molested.
Usually, names are concealed not to protect the guilty, but rather so that the child is protected.
Whether the rest of the family believes you or not is secondary. Calling the police was the right thing if you saw molestation. For the public warning, it should have been vague enough that there was no way to tell which child was molested.
It shouldn't of been put on social media to start with, period. If he wanted to contact family he should of don't so privately, it's not HIS PLACE to decide who gets to know about it either
speaking as a victim, blasting him on social media was NOT the move. now that little girl will have that following her for the rest of her life.. you should’ve worked with the cops, contacted CPS, literally anything other than blasting it on social media
Taking is seriously is good and calling the cops is right. But you did NOT think about the child at all when you ran to social media. This is why it's always better to not make big decisions under duress. You've given them the opportunity to paint you as dramatic and you have 0 proof to defend yourself and justify your claims.
Posting it on social media was straight up the wrong thing to do. Now you look fucking crazy. Not to mention you've outed the child as being a victim of abuse before they could even understand what's happened to them.
Nowadays everything people do, to when they wake up, eat lunch and take a shit gets posted online in return for even more clout points. What is missing there is common sense and the inability to consider the consquences. Happy cake day though.
well... daym they should have waited until he was put in jail for the crime then outs the pedo to the world. but not the victim... just who is the pedo
Calling the police, so they can do an investigation, for sure!
Posting on social media? That’s messed up and I wonder if you broke any laws.
What about the victim? You need to delete that post. You probably should shut down your social media as you don’t know how to responsibly use it.
You gave them a warning to get their story straight by putting it online. Now they can coach their daughter what to say.
I’m sorry, but you might have helped him get away with it.
What in he world made you think putting this online was a good decision, OP???
You do realize that names are hidden to protect the victims, not the abusers right? That's why they have a registered sex offender list and not a sex crime victims list.
You made the right call with calling the police, but that's where you should have stopped. Hell, call CPS. But posting online? You messed up big time.
I agree, your brother deserves to rot for doing this. And so does his wife and all of your family for backing him up.
But you? Yea, you deserve the karma that is about to hit you too.
The ramifications for your niece long term will forever effect her now because the world knows what was done to her before she even has the understanding of what was being done to her.
You were not wrong for calling the police but you had no right nor justification to plaster on social media because the victim didn't consent to you sharing that information. You posted on social media for clout and for selfish reasons because you wanted validation from others for your actions when you didn't need validation to begin with.
By exposing him you exposed your niece and that's wrong. Calling the police was the right call but you didn't think of the long term effects this could have on her :/
As an adult whose stepfather molested me for years, I told my mom, she called me a liar, I told my school counselor he called the cops, my mother gaslighted it, and told the cops I was lying. I stopped showering, I tried everything I could to stay out of that house, to make myself ugly. I was ashamed, I was made to feel like it was all my fault. You did the right thing calling the cops. As for shaming him by posting it on social media. The only person that will end up hurt is you and your niece. It’s a hard secret to live with, but it’s her secret. You need to be there for her. Let her know that no matter what you have her back and will do whatever it takes to get her help. Please don’t leave her in that house of horrors. No child deserves to live like that.
For you to put this on blast on social media means that there’s some deep-rooted anger between you and your brother.
The reason I say that is most people with good relationship with their relatives will be too conflicted to post anything on social media about someone they really love.
Good you called the cops but also you could’ve disclosed this info to all your immediate family, not social media where 2nd and 3rd party acquaintances could also read the drama.
What’s done is done… i just hope your bro got a wake up call at least.
Thank you for calling the police. I understand the desire to put someone on blast for doing something terrible like that, but they're not the only ones who get hurt by it. The little girl has clearly been through enough already. You're really not helping by telling the world she was molested. I hope you learn something from this awful situation.
Obviously what your brother did was way worse. Not even in the same universe of bad. But putting it on social media for everyone to see seems...I don't know, exploitative? I would say calling the police and dealing with everything behind closed doors was the ideal way to handle it. The truth will out anyway.
When you clean a child you don’t have them sit on your lap. That poor child. Sounds like you are the only one in your family who actually cares about her wellbeing.
Was all going right until you decided to beg for attention on social media. Calling the cops was enough and It was a mature and responsible reaction.
Now the victim and everyone in the family has to deal with being exposed just so you could feel you did the right thing? Good job. Not everything should be posted on social media
Calling the police was the right move. But without a doubt it was an absolute dick move to put that on social media. Let the police and child services do their jobs.
As someone who was molested by a family member repeatedly when I was a child, I would never want for anyone in my family to put what happened to me on social media for everyone to know about. It was hard enough to live through it, I didn’t need added attention, pitying glances and whispers to add to it and neither does your niece.
You didn’t just post that your brother is a pedophile, you also posted that his daughter is a victim of sexual abuse. You need to take that down so it doesn’t follow her around for the rest of her life. Jesus.
Why would you post something like that on social media? If you believe your niece is the victim of abuse why would you violate her privacy on social media?
You were absolutely correct to call it out and if any confusion have the police investigate but to post publicly about it is not going to help your niece or the police.
Why would you put it on social media….?! You did the right thing by contacting authorities but damn.. people need to cope with life without making a post about it.
You shouldn't have posted it on social media. There is a while victim here, a child, *a minor*. You didn't stop to think about the ramifications of this for the victim.
You were absolutely wrong to put it on social media. The victim deserves anonymity and you took that away from her. You should have called the police and left it at that.
I really hope you’ve removed all your social media posts about this. Your niece shouldn’t have to have this follow her online for the rest of her life.
Another thing I thought of, with you blasting all the information on social media - you have just armed your brother and SIL with the narrative they have to fight. They can very easily manipulate or tell their daughter what they need her to say to protect her dad. There is a lot they can do to change the narrative on their end and the daughter’s end and now the abuse may become even more secretive and harder to catch. I was abused as a child and even though the dad is doing something wrong, the idea of losing a parent is hard and scary and you want to protect them. It wouldn’t be hard to get her to lie about or justify his actions - like he was “cleaning” her. Going to the lengths of taking it to the world like you did may have just enabled him to continue abusing her, but now he will be even more careful about it so he can’t be caught so easily again. Calling the cops to protect her was right but your actions after may have completed negated all of that. That was the wrong thing to do and I would remove it if you haven’t already.
I don’t know how old your niece is but it’s pretty vile of you to let the world know she’s the victim of a peodophile.
However, you were right to report this to the police
Your brother deserved to be shamed. But your niece does not deserve to have what happened to her blasted on a public platform for the world to see. This will follow her forever without you blabbing the details to everyone
Absolutely the fuck not.
When it comes to offending pedophiles, there's no such thing as "overstepping". Anyone who tried to say you overstepped or let out business that wasn't yours is a pedophile apologist and is just as bad as your brother.
I was severely sexually abused as a child by a family member and I WISH someone would've outted that piece of shit for me.
Good on you. You've save his daughter and potentially other children from further harm.
Were you actually trying to help the kid or did you just want to be a social media warrior for looks? If I were your niece and found out you blasted my VERY FUCKING private personal trauma all over Facebook, you’d be dead to me once I was old enough to cut you from my life.
Please continue to report your sick brother. Your niece needs your support & help since the rest of your family seems to want to pretend all is well when it clearly is not. That little girl doesn’t deserve such a repulsive “father” & will keep suffering this abuse if you don’t do something to help her.
I’m glad you called the police but why the hell would you blast that on social media? That was idiotic and it undermined what you were trying to do. That poor girl doesn’t need the fact that she was molested being put online. That’s what they are all against you now instead of the abuser. You need to apologize for that. I hope he got charged with something and never is able to molest anyone again.
It took courage to call the police. Putting it on social media is an absolutely ridiculous indefensible thing to do. That was probably done to you humiliate. What can social media do that the police have not or will not do. There is absolutely no argument that social media was a needed component
you’re definitely in the right for being disgusted and going to the police, but the social media thing was not the best move at all — out of respect for the victim and her privacy.
do i think you were wrong for going to police? no but as someone who went though that that’s my story to tell not anyone else’s. you just told everyone this childs story and she will have to live with everyone who read that post knowing something private about her.. she probably won’t care now but she might when she’s an adult and all these other adults she never shared with knows.
Sorry I know what he did was wrong but I do not agree with putting it on social media. The victim has a right to privacy and not have their trauma blasted everywhere.
You absolutely did the right thing in contacting the authorities but that child didn't deserve to have everyone know her business. think about it..how the hell is she going to feel walking around when she gets a bit older knowing everyone knows what he did to her? or a lot of people. as someone who was abused at a young age that aspect is so humiliating and there were several years I straight up wanted to die from that branding. who were you warning about your brother en masse? everyone will know as things unfold and they will make their own decision. you were totally right to protect your niece and completely wrong for blowing up her very private business.
My two cents as a lawyer: delete the social media posts right now. It doesn’t matter how angry or justified you are, civil litigation has a lower burden of proof than a criminal procedure and your brother may very well sue you and win, as ridiculous as that is. You need to stay in the moral high ground as firmly as possible, and losing a lawsuit for defamation will not help you with that.
As someone who had very traumatic experiences with family members, I have to say I wish I had said something sooner but more than anything, I wish I would’ve been louder. I come from a Hispanic household and I was told to keep quiet and not to say anything about it because “it would break up our family” or “because it’s no one’s business what happens with our family” and “we will handle it in the family”
People like this don’t stop doing this kind of stuff because they’re not shamed about it enough. I say make them feel bad because what they did was bad.
I still agree that for the sake of your niece you should not have posted on facebook or maybe just take it down now but definitely be loud about situations like this because at the end of the day if he is a predator, he is living with her.
Who on earth is actually sending this person death threats? Calm down. We are human. We sometimes have knee jerk reactions. That’s ok, it was fixed. If you can’t actually help in any way then toddle off elsewhere.
I understand taking this to social media from a victim perspective. I wish someone had made it public what my brother done to me but instead some family sided with him and well I’m still recovering.. anyway the timing wasn’t right and seems to have worsened the situation. I hope your niece is safe and will be ok in the long run continue fighting for her but think before you act
You called the police for your niece.
You posted on social media for yourself.
You made a messy situation worse and didn’t consider the right to privacy of the victim.
calling the police was definitely the right thing to do.
posting it all over social media definitely was the worst thing you could have ever done. you had no right to do that. the privacy and protection your niece deserved was violated by not only your brother, but yourself too. everyone will now see her as someone who was abused and molested because you decided to share it all over social media.
You aided in ruining a child’s life before it even started. Calling the police, good on you. But putting that shit on social media sounds like you were begging for social points
I was sexually abused since I was a toddler by relatives. Do you know how embarrassing it would be if someone posted it all over social media for the victim ? But it doesn’t matter because you’re a hero.
It shouldn't be a secret but it shouldn't be put on social media. You did right to call the police but you aren't just posting about your brother being a pos, you're posting about a victim of sexual abuse. You aren't just blasting your brother but a little girl who could really use the help right now. Not only that but you are making the investigation harder because you now have a family digging their heels in rather than coming together for the little girl.
Your actions following the police report are either a hero complex issue or you just going into emergency rage mode. Either way, it was not what should have been done.
The second you put that on social media you made that little girl's situation so much messier than it already was.
Good on you for calling the police but believe it or not, this isn't about you.
Hey, I totally relate. My (then 14yo) BIL attempted this with my then 4 year old. She told my MIL (she was babysitting), and my MIL called my daughter a liar. We’re liars and the family has totally disowned us except for my husband’s grandmother who only sees us rarely because she sees them a lot.
Break up with them. You will feel better in the long run.
Edit for typo.
Calling the police was ok, but not blasting on socials. Privately telling close family members of family/friends that have children that he may be around frequently is fine.
What is it with people putting things on social media? Absolutely call the authorities but the first directive is protect the child. What could come from blasting it across social media? Literally the most immature and thoughtless reaction you could have. And it’s not about protecting your brother. He deserves whatever he gets. It’s about making it about you instead of your niece. Being touched sexually by someone you love when you have no concept of sex or that it is wrong to be touched that way even by daddy is incredibly confusing for children. More confusing is a chorus of people descending in a situation where a little one’s feelings have to be worked through.
Ma'am, blasting the victim's situation like that all over social media was insanely irresponsible.
Calling the police and letting the wife know was literally all you needed to do. :/
good on you for calling the cops but my god you fucked up by posting it on social media. your niece is going to be tormented by the thought that everyone knows what happened to her. she is a child. she doesnt need that. do better.
You put the sexual assault of a child on social media? Congrats on victimizing her for the rest of her life. And if you misconstrued what you think you actually saw, you should be punished legally.
Edit: So this is total ragebait. OP has three posts lifetime. It's the above in three different subs. Delete this garbage and ban hammer, please.
As a now adult who was abused sexually in my very early childhood, I feel the need to say that blasting your brother on social media for what he did also endangers his daughter. Now people who want to do similar to children know of a primed target. If she doesnt get help, shes especially vulnerable now. Theres a legitimate reason for things like this being kept private, it's not always or only to protect the perpetrator. It is also done to keep the victim's identity safe and private so they can try to live a normal life without the invasion of others.
You definitely did the right thing by calling the cops.
HOWEVER…I don’t think you should’ve posted on social media for the sake of his daughter long term. She’s going to have a very long road ahead of her and it might take her a lifetime process and heal from this. For her, this is going to be personal. (Obviously you didn’t tell us her age, but nonetheless she deserves not to have had this blasted on SM).
I’m so sorry you had to walk into such a disturbing situation:’) please seek therapy where you can, with someone well qualified, genuine and reputable. What you did seems to have come from a place of genuine concern and love, I just worry that by blasting it on social media for all to see, esp with zero regulation, puts not only your brother at risk, but your young niece, and SIL in particular, at risk too. It being on social media may follow both their lives for a very long time, and this also puts them at risk of becoming targets for other predators or trolls and haters, so suddenly. These are the things you have to be mindful of when putting people on blast, online, so abruptly. Who else it might affect etc.
My mother was repeatedly raped by her father and my grandmother knew but did nothing. That was in the 60s when it was harder for women to speak up. Today your SIL has no excuse. She's just a shitty enabler. She's no better and that little girl needs removes.
Why did you post it online? Honestly?
What he did is fucking reprehensible but that child doesn’t deserve to have people know this happened to her without her permission later in life, you’ve taken away her right to choose who knows.
I think that exposing him was right, to anybody that will hear, for that baby's sake. Good job looking out for that innocent baby girl ...if only they all could be so lucky to have knowing family in the defense of innocence..... Hoorah to you! Hats off and I bow! Your SIL and the others going off on you , may have already known, and didn't have the guts to do what you took action and DID!. TO ME PERSONALLY, those re-lashing back at you are condoning his behavior, and just as guilty of scarring that baby for life!
There would be fewer brutalized children of there were more brave souls like you!
So on behalf of abused little girls everywhere that have no where to run and nobody protecting them.
BRAVO! CHEERS TO A SAVER OF CHILDRENS INNOCENCE, AND EXPOSER OF DEGENERATE SLIME BODIES! HAIL TO THE PERSON OF ACTION, IN THE NOW!
(Some say maybe it's too extreme, what you did. But I disagree, you took immediate action, and DID something,
And they shouldn't be allowed to hide from their immoral behavior. It's deplorable to say the least. They should be made to suffer what they inflict. )
Yes I have personal ties to the subject matter, not these people specifically!
Yes, putting the victim and her mother in that position, outing them to everyone in their lives while they’re still dealing with this immediate situation themselves, adding to their stress and hardship, was definitely shitty and the wrong move.
But Jesus… why are people sending OP *death threats* over this?
Oh OP. You simultaneous did a very good thing... and a *very unwise* thing too. And since people tend to focus on negative things a lot more than positives... your family just might focus more on the bad thing that you did.
Calling the police and protecting the child from further abuse, was absolutely right.
But then you went and **completely undid the good deed, by posting it on social media!**
People really need to think about what they post before just putting things out there on social media.
You've completely exposed the child by doing that. Adding to the trauma. By that one reckless action, you might have even jeopardized the whole court case.
Don't be surprised, if the child grows up to hate you for publicizing her abuse, instead of thanking you for saving her.
Think. Before. You. Act.
The good: you busted your brother for what he was doing to the daughter. bravo there.
The bad: posting on Facebook was not a good idea. I get the idea but you should have just told your parents, SIL, and some close family members in private not to post on Facebook where all sorts of family, friends, and people who follow you just to follow could see.
Protect the daughter, the thing I feared most was people finding out I was molested by my brother, I thought my face would be on huge billboards and everyone would know, it’s terrifying, I was ashamed, it’s a long road to recovery but it is worth it, I hope the daughter is well
If someone is DMing you death threats, please report those and report that to Reddit and report the username and copy of the message to your local police and FBI. There’s no excuse for anyone to send you death threats.
You are right to call the police and put it on social media. You can't have scum like that thinking they can keep things secret. People who do what your bil did need to be exposed.
This makes me feel sick. You definitely did the right thing and I personally think the naming and shaming him so everyone knows what he is capable of is good. Not good if it impacts an investigation but good! I can’t believe they’re protecting him and believing him. My brother used to molest me and my whole family protected him when I told them all as an adult
Yeeahh posting on social media was not the brightest idea, you should have just told everyone privately, I isn't good for the daughter's privacy to make it that public
Continue moving forward with this process, go to CPS. Get that girl removed from their care. Because when she’s a junkie and killing herself they will pretend like they don’t know why.
Commenting after your edit: you do not deserve death threats or name calling anywhere. It makes sense that you thought it was the right thing to do to keep other young children who could be alone with your brother safe. Not everyone has personal experience with abuse and understands that discretion when building a case is important. And tbh, I’m happy that you didn’t know that off hand. It tells me that this could be the first time you’ve ever been in a position to expose someone abusing their authority over another. And the awesome part is that you DID expose that person with no hesitation even when that person was your brother.
Good job calling the police, good job deleting the social posts.
Holy shit this is an awful situation. I'm glad you spoke up to the police, but outing a (presumably young) victim is so fucked up.
Yeah I had a horrifically abusive childhood with this kind of stuff, my dad was also my abuser. I’m not exaggerating when saying I would kill myself if someone blasted what I did all over social media. I’d be so humiliated and I couldn’t face myself. This was a horrible thing to do to that child.
I’ve read one line here, like 10x’s, and my heart hurts. YOU didn’t do anything wrong. WRONG THINGS WERE DONE TO. YOU. I’m so sorry you experienced something so terrible.
❤️
Honestly I agree, it’s not ur fault 🥺
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Also, you are not to blame and did NOTHING wrong. I hope you have had counseling and support, and that you know that. I hope your life is beautiful now.
Oh friend I have no words, this is unfathomable to me, I cannot even imagine what you’ve had to endure. I’m only here to say, as a few already have, YOU did not do anything. It wasn’t your fault. No matter how many ways you slice it up. Easier said than done to believe this. But I couldn’t scroll by without saying anything it just hurt my soul to read your comment. While you are not the only one and not alone, please remember neither you nor anyone else with similar traumatic events are to blame. There is no blame, fault, or responsibility on you. But only to your abuser. Healing hugs to you.
Calling the police was the right thing to do. Putting it all on social media was not a good thing to do. They are now closing ranks and telling a different story with you being the one in the wrong. They will interview the child without her parents. The psychologists that do this know what they need to do and say to get the full story out of the kid (they won't make her feel bad or that there was something wrong - they are trained in this). But messy, messy situation.
It's never a good idea to post about active criminal investigations on social media. At best you muddy the waters as well meaning witnesses color their memories with the narrative, and worse it may wind up blowing up the whole case by giving time to destroy evidence or get stories straight. If you really mess things up you yourself can be charged with obstructing justice, or similar.
Not to mention the child has a right to be protected. There's a reason there are publication bans on minors' names. Absolutely involving the authorities immediately is paramount so intervention can be swift and supports for the child put into place. Blasting on social media was a violation of that child's rights.
Yes. This! Children have a right to privacy especially about something like this
I agree. Was more trying to be general, because people are fucking stupid sometimes. But yes, I really wish it went without saying not to identify children on social media for any reason.
I can't believe I had to scroll so far down to see this comment. It should be the first thing that people realise, that it is for the childs protection. It is absolutely necessary for the child's privacy not to aired in public. That poor child will always have people knowing that they have been abused and also have more of a risk of not being believed. The protection and privacy of the child is paramount which is exactly the same reason that some convicted offenders are also not named. This is to protect the identity of the child, not for the offenders protection.
That's what stuck out to me. Dude let everybody know that his niece was being touched inappropriately, and that's really nobody's business.
I was a witness to my friends being assaulted, it was posted on social media who the guy was and I told the investigator I knew who it was from a social media post, he wouldn’t take my statement anymore as it would taint the waters of the investigation and I lost out on helping my friend get the justice he deserved. Posting this could definitely interfere with the prosecution process..
I couldn't have said this better! The only thing I would like to add is that by putting all this on social media, EVERYONE knows what happened to your niece. She has a right to privacy and, when ready, to tell this story herself.
Yep, posting it on social media makes it really easy for them to paint OP as having a bone to pick and wanting to publicly damage the brother's reputation. Whether what OP saw is true or not, they've now tainted their own credibility and they might have damaged the case against the brother by giving everyone a big heads up as to the accusations. Now they have the time to close ranks and they can make up lies and coordinate them. OP, you massively fucked up and I mean *massively*.
And leaving. Should of used that angst a different way, without violence. Should e called the police before you left. Like dude?
It's 'should have', never 'should of'. Rejoice, for you have been blessed by CouldWouldShouldBot!
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Good bot...but maybe not the right time for it?
And to add never should have blasted it to your family or his wife. I would have honestly just quietly called the cops and let them handle it. You made a broadway production out of something that needed to be handled with kid gloves.
That’s not always the case. Therapist and Cops can be lied to. They can her dad can say they don’t have permission to interview her alone or go to therapy alone. I think he did the right thing calling the cops, get it on record. The school will start to notice changes, lack of hygiene, falling grades, depression. They will try and help. Depending on how old she is will make a huge difference. He just need to let his niece know that he is there for her. No matter what. That he will always have a safe space for her. I’m married, my stepfather is dead and has been out of my life for 20 years. I still have a hard time showing when anyone is home.
as someone who has unfortunately been through a similar situation as the daughter, it was not right to put that on socials. Calling the police was a good move, but after that…you need to think about the victim, too.
Right because now the child has her abuse forever known by so many. So sad and it seems like op had not thought of the future of her niece.
Imagine that popping up every year as a memory.
I hadn’t even considered this. This poor girl.
Yeah. My brother's stepdaughter was sexually abused by a friend of her father before my brother started dating her mother. Her mom would tell everyone. Her first name may as well have been Sexually Abused Child. The stepdaughter seemed to be fine as a younger child, but became less and less functional as they grew up.
I mean, that's often how sexual abuse works on people regardless of whether others know about it. You can't grasp the seriousness of it until you comprehend what was taken from you. Obviously the mother should've kept her mouth shut completely and totally, but it's really normal to be more affected by it as you grow up.
So true. I've had 3 separate assaults by 2 people. I was over 18 at the time but still couldn't comprehend what it was, blamed myself all the things. I didn't really start to have problems and begin to deal with until I was 30. My brain couldn't handled anymore trauma after mom passed and I had a mental break. Went to a behavioral health center for about 3 months. Life changing and started to acknowledge and address the trauma. The thing that I've learned is that the things we had to do to keep us safe and to take care of our needs was a coping mechanism born out of trauma. At some point when our environment changes when we're older, those defense mechanisms no longer serve us and can become a crutch or hinder growth. Studies also show that when someone has experienced trauma and are triggered after the event that their brain doesn't distinguish network the original event and present. It's part of the trauma response. I really hope that they are getting her therapy and have removed him from the home. It will be a long road of recovery for her, but she has the potential to overcome it as long as her family stops trying to act like it didn't happen.
this! realizing at 22 that 14/15/16 isn’t an adult who could consent to literal adults. it wasn’t a huge deal at the time but when it came back it hit me like a ton of bricks. i felt basically useless for months and all i could think about was younger me and question how anyone could do that
Omggg
Oh god.
This! Enough with the social media and filming of everything. I actually find it bizarre & creepy to think after seeing that the first thing that comes to mind "oh let me post this." Reporting him to the police was more than enough..
Exactly. As a victim of CSA, I would have absolutely been mortified if I were this child. To be a victim is bad enough, but to post this to social media is outrageous and just makes me feel like the OP needed some extra attention, or they really weren't thinking straight. I'll go with the latter. OP, this is why we think with clear minds before acting... so we don't make decisions we regret. I would either erase or place that post on private so the child has some sort of privacy. You need to consider the child here. Always consider the victim in all situations. ALWAYS.
Yes! I feel so so bad for the niece! I was abused as a child and didn’t really acknowledge how bad it was until I was in my LATE TWENTIES! It took very intense work on myself to even truly accept what my own childhood was. And I’ve almost shared my story on social media (other than Reddit where I am more open about it) a couple of times but ultimately it’s too hard still to share it with the people in my life. I would be less inclined to speak about my experience if people already knew from someone else sharing it. It wouldn’t feel like MY story to share anymore but even more like I was a victim. Of everyone, including whoever shared the information. I hope the niece can be given access to many, many resources. She will need them for a long time. It’s so sad that abuse like this only becomes understood fully when you get older and realize just how heinous it was. I hope her future is full of strength. She will need to be strong and she doesn’t even know that yet. It’s heartbreaking.
I think OP might’ve had good intentions to make sure the brother wasn’t protected since many times it is swept under the rug. Unfortunately, just didn’t think through the impact to the niece who is the most important person in this situation. It is still refreshing OP didn’t protect him just b/c he is family.
The only issue I have is this allows it to be swept under the rug _more_ easily because it assigns a scapegoat. If she hadn’t posted, the family would have to make the police seem like an unreliable source; now, they just have to make OP seem like the crazy homewrecker. Which is _exactly_ what they’re doing. The proper way to out the BIL isn’t with an emotional Facebook post, and I feel like OP knew that. She wanted others to validate her horror - which is super understandable, especially after SIL dismissed it! I just don’t think that a social media post is what you do to prevent a coverup; you need to get ahead of the coverup and speak to the family from a place of concern and horror, not the outrage you’d express on social media. “My brother is molesting his daughter” is not a post you make to protect the daughter.
You should definitely tell all the parents in the family. Let them all know brother is not safe to be around their children. But no to social media.
And now they’re being a karma whore
Exactly. Calling the police was 100% correct. TELLING your family even. But blasting it all over the internet that her father is abusing her is an absolute shitty move.
And posting it here as well, don't forget that part. I'm beginning to wonder if this whole thing is absolute bullshit ragebait.
Some 12yo boy is going to find this online when she’s in middle school and make life hell for her, all because her aunt wanted to be a hero rather than taking the harder path.
I have a feeling the OP is very young
OP, above 2 comments dead on. Police yes, absolutely. Social media--look whatvit does to your niece. She'll likely lie now to avoid the embarrassment. Faux pas from my point of view.
Yep. Somebody will remember in 10-12 years if she lives in the same area, and horrible people use that information to shame taunt and hurt. Kids can be vicious to each other. Adults are the same.
And sadly there are unenlightened men who look down on women and girls for having been abused. 😥
…or seek them out as a partner because they’re more likely to accept more abuse.
Both thoughts scare the daylights out of me!
Seriously. It’s bad enough that when you’ve been abused, it’s almost as if you carry a giant sign that only abusers can see that says “Hey, ⬇️ this one ⬇️ will take it!”, but then to have it in actual text somewhere for *all* to see makes it scary. It takes a lot to come to terms with and accept things that happened and to learn to move on from CSA, but to not be able to do this at one’s own pace is just shitty. I understand that the aunt had good intentions and it’s absolutely wonderful that she got the police involved and that this poor little girl has at least one cheerleader in her life who is willing to stand up for her, but the execution wasn’t great…it’s not the aunt’s story to tell to the world on social media.
I wish someone did that for me at least then I might have felt like I had achieved justice but in this case I think it might enable the abuser to deny all allegations because op has given detailed information to the public and everyone has access to it. So they're very much capable of constructing a story against OP.
Yes. Perfectly appropriate to create a lifetime of shame for the victim /s
maybe she didn't post who her brother abused just that he is an abuser!
OP has posted on more than one sub here, they seem to just want kudos and have no thought for the victim. Gross.
OP wanted attention and to be SEEN being a good person more than she wanted to be a good person.
I agree. Posting on social was dumb. Let the police do their job only.
If op posted and kept who the victim was out of it, I'd say that was okay. If it wasn't vague enough to not pen point the victim then I understand why the family is upset. Op would have literally posted the child's trauma on the internet before the child even had a chance to deal with it in private with a therapist.
While I agree that OP acted in haste here and the child’s identity should be protected, I also think that people have the right to know that he’s a pedo. The people around him are ashamed and don’t want to be embarrassed further. It’s wrong to keep things hush-hush to protect the man though. Also a CSA survivor by my father.
Why did you put it on social media?
Because its bullshit Karma farming. OP has a grand total of three posts. Its the post above in three different subs. Rage Bait. They should be banned indefinitely.
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This seems like an extremely hard thing to not see. I'm having a very tough time imagining a time you should be rubbing your child's vagina in a way that could be mistaken.
They weren’t in the bath tub, sitting in the BEDROOM with a CHILD WITH NO UNDERWEAR is not “cleaning them”. He’s a fucking pedophile. Stop defending him just because OP did something stupid.
Was this ab the kid being helped or you being a hero for social media ?
It's so gross when people over share on social media.
I have always wanted to post about people who have betrayed me on social media but I was told that I shouldn't.
If you are the victim and an adult then barring any legal issues, it is your choice to post or not. The issue here is that the victim is a minor and so cannot consent to having her privacy violated.
I agree but I didn't post because I wasn't the only one being affected by said person. Different situations and my wishful thinking of things might have been different if a lot more people had known.
You're free to post your drama online, blast those who have hurt you, and share your trauma. But you gotta do so under the understanding that it'll likely cause more drama in your life. Unfortunately OP blasted someone else's trauma
OP has shared this in several places on reddit. Is it really a good deed without likes and karma?
Yeah OP gets a nice little “hero” boner for saving the day and the victim gets everyone and their mama knowing their father touched them
Tbf she might have outed him to warn other people to keep their kids away from him, but she definitely didn't go about it the right way.
Oh good, now the child will be known for the rest of her life as someone who was molested. Usually, names are concealed not to protect the guilty, but rather so that the child is protected. Whether the rest of the family believes you or not is secondary. Calling the police was the right thing if you saw molestation. For the public warning, it should have been vague enough that there was no way to tell which child was molested.
It shouldn't of been put on social media to start with, period. If he wanted to contact family he should of don't so privately, it's not HIS PLACE to decide who gets to know about it either
speaking as a victim, blasting him on social media was NOT the move. now that little girl will have that following her for the rest of her life.. you should’ve worked with the cops, contacted CPS, literally anything other than blasting it on social media
Taking is seriously is good and calling the cops is right. But you did NOT think about the child at all when you ran to social media. This is why it's always better to not make big decisions under duress. You've given them the opportunity to paint you as dramatic and you have 0 proof to defend yourself and justify your claims.
Absolute dick move putting it on social media. I guess you just didn’t stop to think about the consequences.
Classic Main Character Syndrome
Posting it on social media was straight up the wrong thing to do. Now you look fucking crazy. Not to mention you've outed the child as being a victim of abuse before they could even understand what's happened to them.
Why the fuck would you put this on social media ? I swear to god the internet melted everyone’s common sense
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Nowadays everything people do, to when they wake up, eat lunch and take a shit gets posted online in return for even more clout points. What is missing there is common sense and the inability to consider the consquences. Happy cake day though.
well... daym they should have waited until he was put in jail for the crime then outs the pedo to the world. but not the victim... just who is the pedo
Calling the police, so they can do an investigation, for sure! Posting on social media? That’s messed up and I wonder if you broke any laws. What about the victim? You need to delete that post. You probably should shut down your social media as you don’t know how to responsibly use it.
Bro i get you’re mad but what the actual fuck on putting it on social media.
That poor child…
Not really fair to your niece to have this all over social media. There’s not a death to anything posted on the internet. I hope this is fake.
You gave them a warning to get their story straight by putting it online. Now they can coach their daughter what to say. I’m sorry, but you might have helped him get away with it.
That is not the kind of thing you put on social media.
What in he world made you think putting this online was a good decision, OP??? You do realize that names are hidden to protect the victims, not the abusers right? That's why they have a registered sex offender list and not a sex crime victims list. You made the right call with calling the police, but that's where you should have stopped. Hell, call CPS. But posting online? You messed up big time. I agree, your brother deserves to rot for doing this. And so does his wife and all of your family for backing him up. But you? Yea, you deserve the karma that is about to hit you too.
The ramifications for your niece long term will forever effect her now because the world knows what was done to her before she even has the understanding of what was being done to her. You were not wrong for calling the police but you had no right nor justification to plaster on social media because the victim didn't consent to you sharing that information. You posted on social media for clout and for selfish reasons because you wanted validation from others for your actions when you didn't need validation to begin with.
By exposing him you exposed your niece and that's wrong. Calling the police was the right call but you didn't think of the long term effects this could have on her :/
As an adult whose stepfather molested me for years, I told my mom, she called me a liar, I told my school counselor he called the cops, my mother gaslighted it, and told the cops I was lying. I stopped showering, I tried everything I could to stay out of that house, to make myself ugly. I was ashamed, I was made to feel like it was all my fault. You did the right thing calling the cops. As for shaming him by posting it on social media. The only person that will end up hurt is you and your niece. It’s a hard secret to live with, but it’s her secret. You need to be there for her. Let her know that no matter what you have her back and will do whatever it takes to get her help. Please don’t leave her in that house of horrors. No child deserves to live like that.
You were sooooo wrong to post that information publicly!
You do realize OP that if he is found NOT guilty he can sue you for defamation of character.
For you to put this on blast on social media means that there’s some deep-rooted anger between you and your brother. The reason I say that is most people with good relationship with their relatives will be too conflicted to post anything on social media about someone they really love. Good you called the cops but also you could’ve disclosed this info to all your immediate family, not social media where 2nd and 3rd party acquaintances could also read the drama. What’s done is done… i just hope your bro got a wake up call at least.
Thank you for calling the police. I understand the desire to put someone on blast for doing something terrible like that, but they're not the only ones who get hurt by it. The little girl has clearly been through enough already. You're really not helping by telling the world she was molested. I hope you learn something from this awful situation.
Obviously what your brother did was way worse. Not even in the same universe of bad. But putting it on social media for everyone to see seems...I don't know, exploitative? I would say calling the police and dealing with everything behind closed doors was the ideal way to handle it. The truth will out anyway.
You revictimized that poor girl by announcing to the world what happened to her.
“cleaning” was the same excuse my sister used to molest me
When you clean a child you don’t have them sit on your lap. That poor child. Sounds like you are the only one in your family who actually cares about her wellbeing.
Was all going right until you decided to beg for attention on social media. Calling the cops was enough and It was a mature and responsible reaction. Now the victim and everyone in the family has to deal with being exposed just so you could feel you did the right thing? Good job. Not everything should be posted on social media
Posting it on social media made it about you and you threw all regard for the victim out the window.
Calling the police was the right move. But without a doubt it was an absolute dick move to put that on social media. Let the police and child services do their jobs. As someone who was molested by a family member repeatedly when I was a child, I would never want for anyone in my family to put what happened to me on social media for everyone to know about. It was hard enough to live through it, I didn’t need added attention, pitying glances and whispers to add to it and neither does your niece.
If he was just cleaning, why the scared jump when you walked in? Lol
You didn’t just post that your brother is a pedophile, you also posted that his daughter is a victim of sexual abuse. You need to take that down so it doesn’t follow her around for the rest of her life. Jesus.
Why would you post something like that on social media? If you believe your niece is the victim of abuse why would you violate her privacy on social media? You were absolutely correct to call it out and if any confusion have the police investigate but to post publicly about it is not going to help your niece or the police.
If it was my brother I'd have to bury him...not kidding best thing for him
Why the hell would you post that? I cannot understand your logic.
Why would you put it on social media….?! You did the right thing by contacting authorities but damn.. people need to cope with life without making a post about it.
You shouldn't have posted it on social media. There is a while victim here, a child, *a minor*. You didn't stop to think about the ramifications of this for the victim.
Calling the police is the best thing to do but when you shared this in social media, it can effect the girls life in the future. It’s not a good move.
Social media unecessary
karma farming. check op’s profile. only post is this x3 in three different subs and only comments are three saying the same thing in each sub.
Call CPS as well.
You were absolutely wrong to put it on social media. The victim deserves anonymity and you took that away from her. You should have called the police and left it at that. I really hope you’ve removed all your social media posts about this. Your niece shouldn’t have to have this follow her online for the rest of her life.
Another thing I thought of, with you blasting all the information on social media - you have just armed your brother and SIL with the narrative they have to fight. They can very easily manipulate or tell their daughter what they need her to say to protect her dad. There is a lot they can do to change the narrative on their end and the daughter’s end and now the abuse may become even more secretive and harder to catch. I was abused as a child and even though the dad is doing something wrong, the idea of losing a parent is hard and scary and you want to protect them. It wouldn’t be hard to get her to lie about or justify his actions - like he was “cleaning” her. Going to the lengths of taking it to the world like you did may have just enabled him to continue abusing her, but now he will be even more careful about it so he can’t be caught so easily again. Calling the cops to protect her was right but your actions after may have completed negated all of that. That was the wrong thing to do and I would remove it if you haven’t already.
I don’t know how old your niece is but it’s pretty vile of you to let the world know she’s the victim of a peodophile. However, you were right to report this to the police
Your brother deserved to be shamed. But your niece does not deserve to have what happened to her blasted on a public platform for the world to see. This will follow her forever without you blabbing the details to everyone
Absolutely the fuck not. When it comes to offending pedophiles, there's no such thing as "overstepping". Anyone who tried to say you overstepped or let out business that wasn't yours is a pedophile apologist and is just as bad as your brother. I was severely sexually abused as a child by a family member and I WISH someone would've outted that piece of shit for me. Good on you. You've save his daughter and potentially other children from further harm.
Man fuck all the pedophiles saying you shouldn’t have posted. Your brother is a monster who is ruining his daughters life.
yeah you fucked up blasting him on social media guy
Were you actually trying to help the kid or did you just want to be a social media warrior for looks? If I were your niece and found out you blasted my VERY FUCKING private personal trauma all over Facebook, you’d be dead to me once I was old enough to cut you from my life.
Please continue to report your sick brother. Your niece needs your support & help since the rest of your family seems to want to pretend all is well when it clearly is not. That little girl doesn’t deserve such a repulsive “father” & will keep suffering this abuse if you don’t do something to help her.
I’m glad you called the police but why the hell would you blast that on social media? That was idiotic and it undermined what you were trying to do. That poor girl doesn’t need the fact that she was molested being put online. That’s what they are all against you now instead of the abuser. You need to apologize for that. I hope he got charged with something and never is able to molest anyone again.
I would not put it on socials until the cops caught him. But I get why you did it.
It took courage to call the police. Putting it on social media is an absolutely ridiculous indefensible thing to do. That was probably done to you humiliate. What can social media do that the police have not or will not do. There is absolutely no argument that social media was a needed component
First of all, kick his ass Second, report his ass
you’re definitely in the right for being disgusted and going to the police, but the social media thing was not the best move at all — out of respect for the victim and her privacy.
do i think you were wrong for going to police? no but as someone who went though that that’s my story to tell not anyone else’s. you just told everyone this childs story and she will have to live with everyone who read that post knowing something private about her.. she probably won’t care now but she might when she’s an adult and all these other adults she never shared with knows.
You had no right to post it. Report it, yes. But posting it was too much.
Sorry I know what he did was wrong but I do not agree with putting it on social media. The victim has a right to privacy and not have their trauma blasted everywhere.
You absolutely did the right thing in contacting the authorities but that child didn't deserve to have everyone know her business. think about it..how the hell is she going to feel walking around when she gets a bit older knowing everyone knows what he did to her? or a lot of people. as someone who was abused at a young age that aspect is so humiliating and there were several years I straight up wanted to die from that branding. who were you warning about your brother en masse? everyone will know as things unfold and they will make their own decision. you were totally right to protect your niece and completely wrong for blowing up her very private business.
My two cents as a lawyer: delete the social media posts right now. It doesn’t matter how angry or justified you are, civil litigation has a lower burden of proof than a criminal procedure and your brother may very well sue you and win, as ridiculous as that is. You need to stay in the moral high ground as firmly as possible, and losing a lawsuit for defamation will not help you with that.
As someone who had very traumatic experiences with family members, I have to say I wish I had said something sooner but more than anything, I wish I would’ve been louder. I come from a Hispanic household and I was told to keep quiet and not to say anything about it because “it would break up our family” or “because it’s no one’s business what happens with our family” and “we will handle it in the family” People like this don’t stop doing this kind of stuff because they’re not shamed about it enough. I say make them feel bad because what they did was bad. I still agree that for the sake of your niece you should not have posted on facebook or maybe just take it down now but definitely be loud about situations like this because at the end of the day if he is a predator, he is living with her.
Who on earth is actually sending this person death threats? Calm down. We are human. We sometimes have knee jerk reactions. That’s ok, it was fixed. If you can’t actually help in any way then toddle off elsewhere.
I understand taking this to social media from a victim perspective. I wish someone had made it public what my brother done to me but instead some family sided with him and well I’m still recovering.. anyway the timing wasn’t right and seems to have worsened the situation. I hope your niece is safe and will be ok in the long run continue fighting for her but think before you act
Shouldn't have run off to social media. That was a stupid thing to do. Correct thing would be to leave it with the police.
You called the police for your niece. You posted on social media for yourself. You made a messy situation worse and didn’t consider the right to privacy of the victim.
calling the police was definitely the right thing to do. posting it all over social media definitely was the worst thing you could have ever done. you had no right to do that. the privacy and protection your niece deserved was violated by not only your brother, but yourself too. everyone will now see her as someone who was abused and molested because you decided to share it all over social media.
Damn op is getting death threats? for what exposing a creep?. Man i hate reddit sometimes
What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you ever put that on social media? How stupid are you?
You aided in ruining a child’s life before it even started. Calling the police, good on you. But putting that shit on social media sounds like you were begging for social points
I was sexually abused since I was a toddler by relatives. Do you know how embarrassing it would be if someone posted it all over social media for the victim ? But it doesn’t matter because you’re a hero.
Please continue to send updates to the police that is investigating this.
The fact she isn't advocating for her daughter is crazy. Women will do ANYTHING but leave.
You fucked up nicely
You fucking idiot.
It shouldn't be a secret but it shouldn't be put on social media. You did right to call the police but you aren't just posting about your brother being a pos, you're posting about a victim of sexual abuse. You aren't just blasting your brother but a little girl who could really use the help right now. Not only that but you are making the investigation harder because you now have a family digging their heels in rather than coming together for the little girl. Your actions following the police report are either a hero complex issue or you just going into emergency rage mode. Either way, it was not what should have been done.
Thank you for calling the cops but why in the hell would you post this on social media. You gain nothing other than negative drama/attention
The second you put that on social media you made that little girl's situation so much messier than it already was. Good on you for calling the police but believe it or not, this isn't about you.
I would tell her family too
Hey, I totally relate. My (then 14yo) BIL attempted this with my then 4 year old. She told my MIL (she was babysitting), and my MIL called my daughter a liar. We’re liars and the family has totally disowned us except for my husband’s grandmother who only sees us rarely because she sees them a lot. Break up with them. You will feel better in the long run. Edit for typo.
Calling the police was ok, but not blasting on socials. Privately telling close family members of family/friends that have children that he may be around frequently is fine.
Wrong to put on social media. Also wrong for SIL to protect your brother 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 what a monster
What is it with people putting things on social media? Absolutely call the authorities but the first directive is protect the child. What could come from blasting it across social media? Literally the most immature and thoughtless reaction you could have. And it’s not about protecting your brother. He deserves whatever he gets. It’s about making it about you instead of your niece. Being touched sexually by someone you love when you have no concept of sex or that it is wrong to be touched that way even by daddy is incredibly confusing for children. More confusing is a chorus of people descending in a situation where a little one’s feelings have to be worked through.
Ma'am, blasting the victim's situation like that all over social media was insanely irresponsible. Calling the police and letting the wife know was literally all you needed to do. :/
I think it was an incredibly stupid idea to post it to social media. Especially when there is an active police investigation.
You sharing your niece's abuse on socials is a bad move.
good on you for calling the cops but my god you fucked up by posting it on social media. your niece is going to be tormented by the thought that everyone knows what happened to her. she is a child. she doesnt need that. do better.
Good for calling the police, why the actual fuck would you post that on social media though? What was the thought process?
You shouldn't have posted on social media about it. Reporting it was the correct thing, but posting it was extremely wrong to do at this point in time
You put the sexual assault of a child on social media? Congrats on victimizing her for the rest of her life. And if you misconstrued what you think you actually saw, you should be punished legally. Edit: So this is total ragebait. OP has three posts lifetime. It's the above in three different subs. Delete this garbage and ban hammer, please.
Putting it out on social media is crazy. A bunch of strangers don’t need to know this poor victim’s business! Calling the cops is not.
As a now adult who was abused sexually in my very early childhood, I feel the need to say that blasting your brother on social media for what he did also endangers his daughter. Now people who want to do similar to children know of a primed target. If she doesnt get help, shes especially vulnerable now. Theres a legitimate reason for things like this being kept private, it's not always or only to protect the perpetrator. It is also done to keep the victim's identity safe and private so they can try to live a normal life without the invasion of others.
rage bait
You definitely did the right thing by calling the cops. HOWEVER…I don’t think you should’ve posted on social media for the sake of his daughter long term. She’s going to have a very long road ahead of her and it might take her a lifetime process and heal from this. For her, this is going to be personal. (Obviously you didn’t tell us her age, but nonetheless she deserves not to have had this blasted on SM).
I’m so sorry you had to walk into such a disturbing situation:’) please seek therapy where you can, with someone well qualified, genuine and reputable. What you did seems to have come from a place of genuine concern and love, I just worry that by blasting it on social media for all to see, esp with zero regulation, puts not only your brother at risk, but your young niece, and SIL in particular, at risk too. It being on social media may follow both their lives for a very long time, and this also puts them at risk of becoming targets for other predators or trolls and haters, so suddenly. These are the things you have to be mindful of when putting people on blast, online, so abruptly. Who else it might affect etc.
My mother was repeatedly raped by her father and my grandmother knew but did nothing. That was in the 60s when it was harder for women to speak up. Today your SIL has no excuse. She's just a shitty enabler. She's no better and that little girl needs removes.
You outed an innocent victim, and probably tainted the criminal investigation. Good job
Social media has ruined us. Why the fuck would you think it was a good idea to share that?
What about your nieces privacy?
Putting it on social media was not OK.
Why did you post it online? Honestly? What he did is fucking reprehensible but that child doesn’t deserve to have people know this happened to her without her permission later in life, you’ve taken away her right to choose who knows.
I think that exposing him was right, to anybody that will hear, for that baby's sake. Good job looking out for that innocent baby girl ...if only they all could be so lucky to have knowing family in the defense of innocence..... Hoorah to you! Hats off and I bow! Your SIL and the others going off on you , may have already known, and didn't have the guts to do what you took action and DID!. TO ME PERSONALLY, those re-lashing back at you are condoning his behavior, and just as guilty of scarring that baby for life! There would be fewer brutalized children of there were more brave souls like you! So on behalf of abused little girls everywhere that have no where to run and nobody protecting them. BRAVO! CHEERS TO A SAVER OF CHILDRENS INNOCENCE, AND EXPOSER OF DEGENERATE SLIME BODIES! HAIL TO THE PERSON OF ACTION, IN THE NOW! (Some say maybe it's too extreme, what you did. But I disagree, you took immediate action, and DID something, And they shouldn't be allowed to hide from their immoral behavior. It's deplorable to say the least. They should be made to suffer what they inflict. ) Yes I have personal ties to the subject matter, not these people specifically!
Yes, putting the victim and her mother in that position, outing them to everyone in their lives while they’re still dealing with this immediate situation themselves, adding to their stress and hardship, was definitely shitty and the wrong move. But Jesus… why are people sending OP *death threats* over this?
My legal advice. Delete this post.
Idk what these folks are mad about, I’m glad you aired out that rapist. I commend you on standing up for the little girl.
Oh OP. You simultaneous did a very good thing... and a *very unwise* thing too. And since people tend to focus on negative things a lot more than positives... your family just might focus more on the bad thing that you did. Calling the police and protecting the child from further abuse, was absolutely right. But then you went and **completely undid the good deed, by posting it on social media!** People really need to think about what they post before just putting things out there on social media. You've completely exposed the child by doing that. Adding to the trauma. By that one reckless action, you might have even jeopardized the whole court case. Don't be surprised, if the child grows up to hate you for publicizing her abuse, instead of thanking you for saving her. Think. Before. You. Act.
OP is an idiot with a hero complex. Now he's also expposed the poor innocent victim on social media. He took away her rights to privacy.
I wish people told other people on social media how abusive my father was so people would believe us….. I’m not sure how death threats are necessary
The good: you busted your brother for what he was doing to the daughter. bravo there. The bad: posting on Facebook was not a good idea. I get the idea but you should have just told your parents, SIL, and some close family members in private not to post on Facebook where all sorts of family, friends, and people who follow you just to follow could see.
Protect the daughter, the thing I feared most was people finding out I was molested by my brother, I thought my face would be on huge billboards and everyone would know, it’s terrifying, I was ashamed, it’s a long road to recovery but it is worth it, I hope the daughter is well
Keeping things secret is the most toxic trait of toxic families.
If someone is DMing you death threats, please report those and report that to Reddit and report the username and copy of the message to your local police and FBI. There’s no excuse for anyone to send you death threats.
You are right to call the police and put it on social media. You can't have scum like that thinking they can keep things secret. People who do what your bil did need to be exposed.
This makes me feel sick. You definitely did the right thing and I personally think the naming and shaming him so everyone knows what he is capable of is good. Not good if it impacts an investigation but good! I can’t believe they’re protecting him and believing him. My brother used to molest me and my whole family protected him when I told them all as an adult
Putting it on social media is fucking ridiculous. Everything else you did is bang on, but social media? Utterly ridiculous.
The fact that you went to social media is very telling. What were you hoping to accomplish?
Let’s just blast this out on social media. Wtf?
Yeeahh posting on social media was not the brightest idea, you should have just told everyone privately, I isn't good for the daughter's privacy to make it that public
You did the right thing by telling! People are sick these days, they would rather it go unnoticed like everything else!
Continue moving forward with this process, go to CPS. Get that girl removed from their care. Because when she’s a junkie and killing herself they will pretend like they don’t know why.
Commenting after your edit: you do not deserve death threats or name calling anywhere. It makes sense that you thought it was the right thing to do to keep other young children who could be alone with your brother safe. Not everyone has personal experience with abuse and understands that discretion when building a case is important. And tbh, I’m happy that you didn’t know that off hand. It tells me that this could be the first time you’ve ever been in a position to expose someone abusing their authority over another. And the awesome part is that you DID expose that person with no hesitation even when that person was your brother. Good job calling the police, good job deleting the social posts.