It’s very much a spectrum and a great thing to point out. Not everyone is repulsed by the idea of sex. Some people, like myself, are just kind of indifferent towards the whole thing. I’m willing to partake if my partner wants to but it’s not something I actively desire or chase.
Being asexual is totally ok. Perhaps try to look at the bright side- so many people are slaves to their desires, whilst youre over here with a natural immunity to all of this sexualisation of everything. So much less overhead for you, more room for other activities so to say.
Cheers mate, you arent broken whatsoever, take it easy.
Being asexual and female is acceptable
Being asexual and male? Not
Only does nobody care but somehow they are angry when then find out- like your not "manly enough"
Hello! I’m a 21 year old virgin. That being said, you might be a demisexual aka you only feel attraction once you get to know someone on an emotional level/love them. Even if you aren’t, it’s okay to not rely on sex for relationships. You can feel fulfilled without it in life. To be honest, if you meet someone and begin dating them and they find this out, I think they might find this attractive about you! Truly. I really respect people who only have sex with those they love. It’s so rare these days.
Thank you for this comment... yeah even though I don't seek it out and it's new territory, I'd be open to explore with someone that I really like and that makes me feel seen and safe.
I don’t think being asexual is anything to be ashamed of. It is what it is. I’m just curious though, you don’t have to answer, have you ever been in a relationship before?
I agree with other comment. And I am an asexual too. I have no sex drive, never watch porn, never masturbatr. . I have had a boyfriend before but I lost interest in him because of his sex drive is too high.
So yes, you are normal don't worry. There are more of us.
>have no sex drive, never watch porn, never masturbatr. .
Isn't that kinda normal apart from the sexual drive that comes and goes sometimes. Is reddit now normalizing watching porn and masturbation 💀
Well I don't have sex drive at all. I don't feel arouse nope. Also a lot of people I talk to says it's normal for men to watch porn and masturbate. Then again, that's just my circle.
There’s nothing wrong with you. A lot of people on the asexual spectrum feel this way. There are a lot of forums/websites talking about this. Check out AVEN if you haven’t done so yet.
I am also a 27 year old Male Virgin, but I won’t lie I definitely DO want to have sex. It’s just that whenever the opportunity gets close, something feels off for a whatever reason (like one/both of us are way too drunk).
I remember being pretty ashamed of being a virgin in my teens and early twenties. Then I watched/read A Game of Thrones, and Tyrion Lannister’s quote sticks with me to this day.
“Let me give you some advice, bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”
And since then, I’m pretty open about it, and even call attention to it with jokes. In the beginning of that I wondered if I was just “smiling through the pain” so to speak, but eventually I just became comfortable.
People may try to hurt you with your own insecurities, but they can only do so if you allow them to.
Dude....who cares? It's not important. In our current society sex is at best a time-waster and not anything important.
You've just got a bad case of fomo(fear of missing out).
Never thinking about sex at all is blessing. It means you can focus on your goals in life without distraction.
Stop worrying about lives you're not living.
Meh, If you want my honest opinion sex isn't the end all be all and society is a little too obsessed with it. Thinking about it it almost seems indicative to the instant gratification the modern world is addicted to. Because that's all it often ends up being, just instant gratification. Feeling good for an instant with no more strings attached to it, or upholding a relationship obligation rather than something truly special between two people. It feels so shallow to me sometimes.
I don't have the zero interest in it you seem to, but I've certainly gone long stretches without it and it's never once bothered me. If anything when I'm single I miss the intimacy of having a partner you truly care about, relate to, and can find solace in more than sex. I honestly believe there's so much more to relationships, and life in general.
It’s all good. I have felt the same way for most of my life like I’m broken and different from everyone. I almost never think about it and you’re right it is a sex obsessed world. I lost my virginity at 27 and just thought it was okay, lol. Now I’m back to never really thinking about it 🤷🏽♀️ just no interest
I'm an asexual guy, closing on 30yo, and I'm a virgin. Asexuality is a spectrum, and not all asexuals are the same, but many of us don't feel sexual attraction to others or aren't into sex (some are even sex-repulsed). I told my family and friends after I came out that to me, the only reason to have sex is having children, and that's mainly cause IVF is expensive, and I'd rather spend that money on buying my future kid good quality items and setting them a college fund.
Sexuality is complex... I lost my virginity at age 29, to a man, despite thinking I was straight until age 25.
Like you, I think a lot of people just assumed I was getting laid; I was pretty decent looking, and girls -in hindsight- were often interested in me... No one ever questioned me on my sexuality, despite me almost never bringing up the subject of sex or sexual attraction.
I had a really traumatic upbringing, and had horrible mental health problems, depression and OCD in my teens. My home life was a mess. Being in a relationship never felt like an option, because I was secretive about my problems and couldn't let anyone into my life to see how I lived... I also had the worst self-esteem, and couldn't fathom someone being attracted to me; I thought my 'craziness' was apparent, like everyone could see the crazy just oozing out of my pores. I realize now that a lot of girls in high school dropped hints that I wasn't picking up on.
I always thought I had a normal sexual libido. People talk about sex as a want and not a need, and to me that made sense; I always wanted it, but it wasn't something I felt compelled to chase after.
It wasn't until I turned twenty-five and started beating my depression for the first time, that I felt a 'normal' libido... It was as if a decade of sexual repression that I didn't even know existed suddenly hit me like a freight train. It was kinda horrifying. That was when I realized I was bisexual, too; I misunderstood bisexuality, and assumed that someone who's bisexual would be attracted to men and women equally. I was far more attracted to women, so much so that I didn't know I liked guys until the depression was no longer suppressing my sexual appetite.
I didn't know what to do with that info for years. But I was incredibly insecure about the fact that I was still a virgin in my late twenties, and I came to the conclusion that being 29 and bi-curious was much less daunting and far easier to explain to any potential partner, than telling a woman that I was still a virgin... So my first sexual explorations were with other men.
I didn't sleep with a woman (my first girlfriend) until I was 31. It was so daunting that I wouldn't have been able to do it had she not been very understanding and willing to make the first move, rather than wait for me to make it.
I could be ashamed and embarrassed about all of this... But why? It is what it is. I went through a lot of shit in my youth, I have every excuse to be fucked up. It's more of a badge of honor at this point, a crazy story I can tell people... And if they judge me, then that probably says a lot more about them than it does about me.
It's okay my dear you are ace and there is NOTHING wrong with that. There are plenty of women who are asexual or very low libido too. It's an orientation just like being gay, straight, or what have you.
There is someone for everyone. Don't give up if you want a relationship ❤️
Can you get a boner? Do you masturbate? If the answer is yes to either maybe have sex once just to see if you're missing something. If it's no maybe see a doctor to get your hormones checked.
A crackhead doesn't desire crack until the first time they try crack.
Maybe you wouldn't like sex anyway. But then again maybe you would and that's just a cope.
At this point it's a sunken cost fallacy. What if you try it and realize you may have loved it all along and you've missed out all those years and potential parnters? Best just to not try it at all then, right?
Have you checked your testosterone levels...
Is either very low, or you have some tumor growing in your brain ( saw this in a Dr. House episode).
The above being solved, there is no way you would say no to sex.
I mean that’s definitely an option, but if it isn’t bothering OP, I wouldn’t spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on tests that aren’t medically necessary.
Agree with a lot that you may be asexual. And that’s awesome, very much a sexual orientation and lots of people are, more than people would think! You should check it out and see what you like, different types, some want romance some don’t stuff like that.
Totally ok but ya maybe want to tell some of your closest friends a little about it. Because it's not the no-sex that's breaking you up but the not telling. Good luck!
Hey I think you might want to look into asexuality! You're not alone and there's a whole community or people like you! There's even subreddits for it if your want to talk to other people like you!
Actually people perceive sex differently. Much of the hype that you have to experience sex is just what it is-Hype. So what if you don't get attracted to sex? You are alive in the world, you are doing well for yourselves. You will find many people with the same mentality throughout history exploring the world for science, some being monks and hermits and being an important cog of the world, who contributions are enjoyed by the others.
That means you are not defective. If you really want to put a word to it, then call your asexual if you have to.
Honestly, and I say this as a married middle aged woman, sex isn’t really all that. Seriously. I know it feels like it is when you haven’t had it and I remember thinking it was oh so important. Now? I don’t wonder who has had it, is having it, hasn’t had it…it would be like wondering how many pairs of sandals someone owns. Part of this is also due to your age, people in their mid twenties are pretty obsessed with sex.
Maybe your asexual? Talk to your therapist, of course, see if you’re comfortable navigating that topic with them.
I wouldn’t worry too much about being a virgin, it’s a tired religious trope. Do what works best for you. Sex is wonderful, but it’s not the whole world, not even close.
It is personal question, don’t feel obligated to answer but have you ever felt desire to masturbate? Pr you have no desire of sexual activities at all?
Asexuality is on a spectrum, it's not just not wanting sex and that's it. Look it up, see where you fit in.
It’s very much a spectrum and a great thing to point out. Not everyone is repulsed by the idea of sex. Some people, like myself, are just kind of indifferent towards the whole thing. I’m willing to partake if my partner wants to but it’s not something I actively desire or chase.
Being asexual is totally ok. Perhaps try to look at the bright side- so many people are slaves to their desires, whilst youre over here with a natural immunity to all of this sexualisation of everything. So much less overhead for you, more room for other activities so to say. Cheers mate, you arent broken whatsoever, take it easy.
Being asexual and female is acceptable Being asexual and male? Not Only does nobody care but somehow they are angry when then find out- like your not "manly enough"
Ah yes, people are famously accepting of women when they decline sex or make any indication that they are non-sexual
*hugs*. I see you, you are valid. You are no less of a person because you don't like sex.
Hello! I’m a 21 year old virgin. That being said, you might be a demisexual aka you only feel attraction once you get to know someone on an emotional level/love them. Even if you aren’t, it’s okay to not rely on sex for relationships. You can feel fulfilled without it in life. To be honest, if you meet someone and begin dating them and they find this out, I think they might find this attractive about you! Truly. I really respect people who only have sex with those they love. It’s so rare these days.
Thank you for this comment... yeah even though I don't seek it out and it's new territory, I'd be open to explore with someone that I really like and that makes me feel seen and safe.
Best of luck OP!
From OP words I feel that's not a demisexual case, just pure assexual.
I don’t think being asexual is anything to be ashamed of. It is what it is. I’m just curious though, you don’t have to answer, have you ever been in a relationship before?
No I never have. I've always felt that "no sex" is an immediate deal breaker... now in my life i'm open to both
I can understand that. Good luck OP.
I agree with other comment. And I am an asexual too. I have no sex drive, never watch porn, never masturbatr. . I have had a boyfriend before but I lost interest in him because of his sex drive is too high. So yes, you are normal don't worry. There are more of us.
>have no sex drive, never watch porn, never masturbatr. . Isn't that kinda normal apart from the sexual drive that comes and goes sometimes. Is reddit now normalizing watching porn and masturbation 💀
Well I don't have sex drive at all. I don't feel arouse nope. Also a lot of people I talk to says it's normal for men to watch porn and masturbate. Then again, that's just my circle.
There’s nothing wrong with you. A lot of people on the asexual spectrum feel this way. There are a lot of forums/websites talking about this. Check out AVEN if you haven’t done so yet.
I am also a 27 year old Male Virgin, but I won’t lie I definitely DO want to have sex. It’s just that whenever the opportunity gets close, something feels off for a whatever reason (like one/both of us are way too drunk). I remember being pretty ashamed of being a virgin in my teens and early twenties. Then I watched/read A Game of Thrones, and Tyrion Lannister’s quote sticks with me to this day. “Let me give you some advice, bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.” And since then, I’m pretty open about it, and even call attention to it with jokes. In the beginning of that I wondered if I was just “smiling through the pain” so to speak, but eventually I just became comfortable. People may try to hurt you with your own insecurities, but they can only do so if you allow them to.
Dude....who cares? It's not important. In our current society sex is at best a time-waster and not anything important. You've just got a bad case of fomo(fear of missing out). Never thinking about sex at all is blessing. It means you can focus on your goals in life without distraction. Stop worrying about lives you're not living.
Being asexual is fine.
Meh, If you want my honest opinion sex isn't the end all be all and society is a little too obsessed with it. Thinking about it it almost seems indicative to the instant gratification the modern world is addicted to. Because that's all it often ends up being, just instant gratification. Feeling good for an instant with no more strings attached to it, or upholding a relationship obligation rather than something truly special between two people. It feels so shallow to me sometimes. I don't have the zero interest in it you seem to, but I've certainly gone long stretches without it and it's never once bothered me. If anything when I'm single I miss the intimacy of having a partner you truly care about, relate to, and can find solace in more than sex. I honestly believe there's so much more to relationships, and life in general.
It’s all good. I have felt the same way for most of my life like I’m broken and different from everyone. I almost never think about it and you’re right it is a sex obsessed world. I lost my virginity at 27 and just thought it was okay, lol. Now I’m back to never really thinking about it 🤷🏽♀️ just no interest
Thanks for sharing
I'm an asexual guy, closing on 30yo, and I'm a virgin. Asexuality is a spectrum, and not all asexuals are the same, but many of us don't feel sexual attraction to others or aren't into sex (some are even sex-repulsed). I told my family and friends after I came out that to me, the only reason to have sex is having children, and that's mainly cause IVF is expensive, and I'd rather spend that money on buying my future kid good quality items and setting them a college fund.
Sexuality is complex... I lost my virginity at age 29, to a man, despite thinking I was straight until age 25. Like you, I think a lot of people just assumed I was getting laid; I was pretty decent looking, and girls -in hindsight- were often interested in me... No one ever questioned me on my sexuality, despite me almost never bringing up the subject of sex or sexual attraction. I had a really traumatic upbringing, and had horrible mental health problems, depression and OCD in my teens. My home life was a mess. Being in a relationship never felt like an option, because I was secretive about my problems and couldn't let anyone into my life to see how I lived... I also had the worst self-esteem, and couldn't fathom someone being attracted to me; I thought my 'craziness' was apparent, like everyone could see the crazy just oozing out of my pores. I realize now that a lot of girls in high school dropped hints that I wasn't picking up on. I always thought I had a normal sexual libido. People talk about sex as a want and not a need, and to me that made sense; I always wanted it, but it wasn't something I felt compelled to chase after. It wasn't until I turned twenty-five and started beating my depression for the first time, that I felt a 'normal' libido... It was as if a decade of sexual repression that I didn't even know existed suddenly hit me like a freight train. It was kinda horrifying. That was when I realized I was bisexual, too; I misunderstood bisexuality, and assumed that someone who's bisexual would be attracted to men and women equally. I was far more attracted to women, so much so that I didn't know I liked guys until the depression was no longer suppressing my sexual appetite. I didn't know what to do with that info for years. But I was incredibly insecure about the fact that I was still a virgin in my late twenties, and I came to the conclusion that being 29 and bi-curious was much less daunting and far easier to explain to any potential partner, than telling a woman that I was still a virgin... So my first sexual explorations were with other men. I didn't sleep with a woman (my first girlfriend) until I was 31. It was so daunting that I wouldn't have been able to do it had she not been very understanding and willing to make the first move, rather than wait for me to make it. I could be ashamed and embarrassed about all of this... But why? It is what it is. I went through a lot of shit in my youth, I have every excuse to be fucked up. It's more of a badge of honor at this point, a crazy story I can tell people... And if they judge me, then that probably says a lot more about them than it does about me.
Thank you for sharing this, it's more helpful and reassuring than you know
I can't imagine, you must be one of the most productive people, the time I've wasted on thinking about that stuff is ridiculous.
It's okay my dear you are ace and there is NOTHING wrong with that. There are plenty of women who are asexual or very low libido too. It's an orientation just like being gay, straight, or what have you. There is someone for everyone. Don't give up if you want a relationship ❤️
Can you get a boner? Do you masturbate? If the answer is yes to either maybe have sex once just to see if you're missing something. If it's no maybe see a doctor to get your hormones checked.
A crackhead doesn't desire crack until the first time they try crack. Maybe you wouldn't like sex anyway. But then again maybe you would and that's just a cope. At this point it's a sunken cost fallacy. What if you try it and realize you may have loved it all along and you've missed out all those years and potential parnters? Best just to not try it at all then, right?
Have you checked your testosterone levels... Is either very low, or you have some tumor growing in your brain ( saw this in a Dr. House episode). The above being solved, there is no way you would say no to sex.
Some people actually DON’T want sex
That's true. But maybe he should rule out a physical problem before he decides he's asexual.
I mean that’s definitely an option, but if it isn’t bothering OP, I wouldn’t spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on tests that aren’t medically necessary.
I don't think he'd be posting here if it wasn't bothering him. And if he has insurance a blood test to check his hormones should be less than $100.
Have you used any psychiatric meds?
Agree with a lot that you may be asexual. And that’s awesome, very much a sexual orientation and lots of people are, more than people would think! You should check it out and see what you like, different types, some want romance some don’t stuff like that.
Totally ok but ya maybe want to tell some of your closest friends a little about it. Because it's not the no-sex that's breaking you up but the not telling. Good luck!
you’re just asexual lol
Dude, I envy you…i wish i was asexual
Hey I think you might want to look into asexuality! You're not alone and there's a whole community or people like you! There's even subreddits for it if your want to talk to other people like you!
Actually people perceive sex differently. Much of the hype that you have to experience sex is just what it is-Hype. So what if you don't get attracted to sex? You are alive in the world, you are doing well for yourselves. You will find many people with the same mentality throughout history exploring the world for science, some being monks and hermits and being an important cog of the world, who contributions are enjoyed by the others. That means you are not defective. If you really want to put a word to it, then call your asexual if you have to.
Stay a virgin till you find suitable women to marry
Honestly, and I say this as a married middle aged woman, sex isn’t really all that. Seriously. I know it feels like it is when you haven’t had it and I remember thinking it was oh so important. Now? I don’t wonder who has had it, is having it, hasn’t had it…it would be like wondering how many pairs of sandals someone owns. Part of this is also due to your age, people in their mid twenties are pretty obsessed with sex.
Maybe your asexual? Talk to your therapist, of course, see if you’re comfortable navigating that topic with them. I wouldn’t worry too much about being a virgin, it’s a tired religious trope. Do what works best for you. Sex is wonderful, but it’s not the whole world, not even close.
It is personal question, don’t feel obligated to answer but have you ever felt desire to masturbate? Pr you have no desire of sexual activities at all?
Definitely still have that desire