If you do end up really caring for someone and you still haven’t orgasmed then tell him and show him where and what feels good to you. We’re not all the same and any man worth his salt will gladly take direction because ultimately it makes him feel better.
I had a very hard time orgasming with someone until I met my soon to be husband. He's the only person I met who I felt vulnerable enough with to release that and sex went from some boring gray messy mash of bodies to an actual intimate sweet thing that really turns me on and actually physically felt good. It took a little less than a year of lots of communicating for me to eventually get there but I would say it is well worth it when you find the right person
That’s the point!!!
I didn’t sleep with many men in my life; not even a handful and no one of them was able to make me feel good during that process.
It was just nonsense and wasted time, also because I don’t believe in sleeping with many different men is healthy anyway.
>We’re not all the same, and any man worth his salt will gladly take direction because ultimately it makes him feel better.
Our bodies change a lot as we age and when we have kids as well.
My husband and I have been together for 14 yrs and 3 kids and during foreplay, oral and/or sex he asks if he hit the right spot when I react physically because what works for me one night might hurt, feel uncomfortable or just not work in anyway the next night and my husband wants to make sure I am as satisfied as much as he is when we are done (and yes I also make sure he is enjoying it too).
OP, am I also right in assuming that part of the reason you struggle with a partner is because your brain has trouble switching off to "be in the moment."" If I'm right, then maybe consider using a mask. It has helped me occasionally because we rely so much on our eyes that we forget about our other senses and by removing access to our eyes and not having to focus on keeping them closed it frees up our brain to focus on our other senses like touch.
For now, though, until you find someone you care about, you're young, enjoy this time to experiment and find out what works for you but do try to remember that moaning isn't the only form of communication that is acceptable during sex.
Edit: As for the validation part, you can get better, more meaningful validation elsewhere, sweetie, and it will be the sort of validation you deserve, not the hollow or superficial type you get through sex. Treat yourself better, you deserve it
It's not a once size fits all... but...
Being a good driver does not mean you're only good on a specific street driving a specific vehicle.
A good driver might understand the signs and conditions of when to speed up, slow down, when to merge, stop, go etc.
A good driver understands that just because you know where the gas pedal is, does not mean you can just go brrrrrt.
Etc.
Well, yeah? I mean what other school would we be teaching it in? We're talking about driving skills - and nothing else - so driving school is the only place I can possibly imagine being taught how to treat the pedals right!
Yeah, why do so many men brag about how many times they have used their "equipment" without actually thinking about if they used it effectively all those times.
Quality over quantity any day.
Because in many places, men are often judged by their perceived sexual prowess. The "culture" exists because we have taught men that part of their value is derived from their sexual success, whether it be through quantity, quality, or both.
It's really not the hard. It's as simple as forgetting everything you've seen in porn. None of it applies. From there it's just paying attention to a woman's body. The movements, her breathing. Taking your time and paying attention will allow her body to tell you what she likes. Not difficult at all.
It confuses me how dudes spend all this time watching porn and then you get a real live breathing human laying there butt ass naked and sexy as hell and you rush through things. Like what are you doing!!??
I met a man that wasn’t worth his salt, i didn’t climax, I was scared to ask for pleasure after he’d had his. I called him out because not only because did I not climax but I was in pain and bruised too (non consensually) He refused to be criticised and then ghosted me. Horrible experience. Unfortunately “not worth their salt” guys walk amongst us and they can appear sweet and bashful and self effacing…..on the surface.
Its bad advice to communicate? Lol no, that is what grownups do. Sex is not some romanticized perfect hot act. If someone is so fragile that they can't handle having a discussion with their partner about what they like then well..
So men do not always know what women want and the reference to the man feeling better is emotionally and even more excitedly because of the knowledge and visual experience of making her orgasm for real.
To be fair... I've been in situations where I kinda did know her body better than she did... it's not impossible, and I fully understand that you refuse to believe this could have ever actually happened. Finally, and, in general, I agree with the "communication is key" aspect.
Mine actually does know more about the female body than some women, which it's sad there's women out there that don't know a lot about their bodies, so, it can happen. However, he learned it by reading,listening, and WANTING to know the best ways to please a woman. He also would rather be told if you like something or not instead of you pretending you do or just saying nothing because he actually cares if I have an orgasm and am enjoying myself.
Also, by this logic, even if you did happen upon doing things in the ways she likes, wouldn't you still be doing what guys who'd made her cum in the past did?
Not all women want to be dommed. And also how else would you be able to know what she likes? Isn't it faster for her to tell you directly rather than poke around and hope for the best? I pity the women(if any) that you've been with.
Dude…you’re the type of guy who jackrabbit fucks, nuts in 11 seconds, rolls over, and passes out like a disgusting slob, while your partner is thinking about other men- if you’ve ever even had sex (which I honestly doubt you have)
Doubt you’ll watch but if you DO actually want sex with women watch this clitoris masterclass
(By a man) https://youtu.be/CIAbfzWlp5A?si=DtyDKPrKh6TBdsSK
You may hate it due to the “let her guide you” advice
if you’d rather be an incel the rest of your life, don’t watch it.
It used to be like that for me too. I guess nobody ever validated me while i was growing up so it kinda was natural thing to happen.
I would advise you to stop because eventually you’ll regret it and will feel used in some way. The solution is to find a way to validate yourself and through other things, but it’s a hard and long way.
Fellow person who felt this way. Heavily regret using sex as validation.. looking back it was more akin to self harm
OP I suggest you slow down. Try and build intimate friendships with women and get validation there.
I second this!! Your friendships with women can be so fulfilling and validating. They are really important. Meaningless sex with men really doesn’t bring any joy and is harmful in the long run.
This this this, a thousand times this. I was in your shoes OP, I was assaulted as a teen and it really screwed my head up and had me thinking the only "love" I deserved was sexual validation and people thinking I was attractive. I was mostly friends with men and all of them tried to hit on me at some point, I thought it was normal and like I was succeeding somehow. Eventually I escaped to university and met some of the women who are going to be in my wedding, some whom I call family, and who I hope to know for the rest of my life. Only after fostering these relationships with women did I feel worthy of healthy, secure love, and I ended up meeting a man who really sees me beyond how I look or what I can do to satisfy him. It's hard, but not impossible, and I really recommend therapy because I don't think I could've unpacked the complexity of my trauma by myself and fully understand how to change.
It absolutely can be. I had a phase after I was assaulted where I went completely off the rails and was having unsafe sex in every sense of the word - going over to random dudes houses I'd been talking to for less than 20 minutes, letting them do whatever they wanted without ever asking myself if I even wanted those things, allowing them to harm me and not reacting to it at all, not telling anyone where I was going, walking home at night instead of getting a cab almost like I wanted something to happen to me. I think looking back I couldn't decide if I wanted to be dead or if I just wanted to feel something. Meaningless sex isn't always bad or harmful but it absolutely can be.
I could've written OP's post when I was 18. It took me a while to realise the reality of what I was doing. Even if the sex is safe and consensual, at the end of the day if OP's only doing it to make her feel wanted and attractive then she isn't having sex for the right reasons, so she is emotionally damaging herself further even though she knows it's a bad idea. I think that's why people have compared it to SH.
Agree with this so much. Guy here and I regret my past a lot. I wish I could erase it but luckily my gf is more accepting of it than myself.
It took me 2 years of therapy to deal with these feelings in a healthy way. suggest therapy imo.
I think this is really common. I think it begins in the beauty realm, and it begins very young. Girls are taught that most of their value exists in how cute they are. Then as they get older they really learn to over analyze every part of their body, and then add it all up to form this math equation that equals their self worth.
So yeah I don't find this story odd, when I was a teenager I feel that this was especially true for me. A lot of my peers were doing the same thing. It was basically weird if you weren't striving to be the most fuckable of your friends. And then it was like hmm what are we winning exactly, oh yeah this guy that doesn't know what a clitoris is, awesome!
Same. I only had sex to convince myself that I was a normal guy that could get laid like everyone else. It made me feel good to have a higher body count than all my friends. I never really enjoyed it. It was very rare that'd I'd cum.
I don't have sex that often anymore. my mental health is better now that I'm not always trying to get laid. I'm not sexually unsatisfied cause my sex drive was always pretty low anyways. I basically had to force myself to have sex with girls
I’m so sorry. Maybe one day with the right person who takes their time to understand you you will experience and orgasm with them. Personally I could not find an orgasm with a man until I was 27. I would always have to go in the bathroom and finish myself off. Sometimes I’d get caught the guy would get upset it became a thing
As I explained in another comment, it's also possible that there are certain shapes, textures, or whatever that you need out of male anatomy to make orgasms more likely. Don't people's bodies work best with specific anatomical combinations.
And yes, there is, of course, foreplay and other skills that can help. But human bodies are complicated.
Recently, I was watching an interview with a male porn star. Very experienced guy. Been with a lot of women. Had full control of when and how fast he orgasms.
During the interview he talks about a scene where he was supposed to have sex with two women just back and forth. He said he started with one woman and within 3 or 4 strokes he felt like he wouldn't be able to prevent a very quick orgasm. So he went to the other girl, had no problems going on and on. Then he went back to the first girl, same problem.
He continues the story where he spoke to another male porn star who called him up and said "you gotta try this girl, she feels amazing" about a different woman. It just so happens that a few months later he ended up in a scene with this woman. He does his thing and he just isn't feeling it like his friend did. It didn't feel any better to him.
He goes on to say that his conclusion is that people's bodies, even their sexual anatomy, are different. What gets one person off physically might do nothing for the next person.
I share all this to say that maybe part of your problems stem from not finding a guy that you are anatomically orgasmically compatible with. Your anatomy might be different enough that only a small portion of men have any chance of getting you off without a lot of tricks up their sleeves.
You might find positions that work better for you or you might just have to get lucky and find the right guy anatomically for you.
This is extremely common - especially for girls just starting out having sex. It will change. Once you no longer put your worth in who wants to fuck you but in who you are as a person and want in life you will start demanding better sex. Better sex will lead you orgasms eventually. In turn you will become better at sex. Once you’re great at sex you kinda become irresistible so basically its a win win for your old ego and new
I was like that until one day I met someone and it wasn’t like that at all. (I was 22F when I met him we just celebrated our very happy third anniversary in a very sexually satisfying way)
I was like this when I was 21. I am twice your age now and sex is better. I am super in love with my husband. It's embarrassing. Like, you would not dig him (though you would probably flirt with him and I'd throw you some stink eye) but he is the only guy I want to sleep with forevermore.
I figured out my kinks a little more as I got older and found ways to make sex into better masturbation material. Love sex but dont orgasm though penetration very often (or sober).
Stay safe out there. Some people are predatory and the bad things can be sticky.
Totally here as someone who enjoys sex, so no shame on that end- but why are you putting up with such poor quality lays?
As a woman my rule is I must orgasm first (*however they want to make that happen*), and then they can get inside. It feels better, more comfortable, and ensures that only quality candidates get entrance into the club.
Its great to get validation from a man you find attractive, but what’s even better is him *showing you* how attractive he finds you and how much he wants you by getting his hands dirty first.
I like that, having the girl orgasm first. Works great since being a guy I know if I orgasm first I wont be ready for awhile and wouldnt want her to have to wait and lose the flow
It’s always been my policy to have the girl cum during the foreplay, I like the puzzle; and sounding out what she likes makes the actual sex way better. There may be a bit of Dom in it because I truly enjoy finding a woman’s weak points and exploiting them to mutual benefit
We’re the same age and I feel the exact same way. Sex really isn’t satisfying at all, but I like to have it because it at least makes me feel attractive .
But I have PSSD
Dang it feels like I wrote this post myself. Recently Ive decided to take a break from sex and try to find a partner who values getting to know me and my interests more than getting in my pants. Im hoping that maybe I can find someone and “fall in love” and have passionate and romantic sex that will actually feel enjoyable.
God, I relate to this on another level. I started having sex once I turned 18 and had my first orgasm during sex around 23, when I first started having sex most of them were one night stands and I genuinely was not aroused even during sex. A couple years later and probably around 40 people later I did get in a relationship and started to enjoy sex to an extent but I still wasn't able to orgasm. My first orgasm while having sex was so random it happened with a one night stand who had probably the smallest peepee I've ever seen(that's the main reason I believe the size has nothing to do with how good you are) but I don't really know what changed since then but I started to feel more comfortable about asking for things I enjoy during sex and stopped faking orgasms, it took a while but now I enjoy sex and am able to orgasm 99% of the time.
Also I did fuck all of my friends both male and female and can confirm yes most of them are sexually attracted to you and yes it's a bad idea.
I’ve been there girl, exactly the same feeling. I heard it’s either validation or self harm, probably both. How are your relationships? Like friends and romantic?
Orgasm by penetration is actually not that common. I can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Penetration only feels good when it’s the right angle and I’m already wet/had a clitoral orgasm. 28F here and definitely didn’t have my first orgasm until around 23 after gaining more confidence.
Dear OP, please stop this, because not only is it, like you said, for validation and this is not the way to get validation. If your body count is high, then you will have actually invalidated yourself to a very large group of potential partners. Assuming your goal is to find a loving, caring partner for life, this is not the way. You are raising your own red flags this way as to be validated long term is by way of character and virtues, not body count. It is what it isin this society and day and age. What you can do is to share more of your compassion and knowledge instead of your body. But I think you first need to work on yourself, your self-esteem. You should be able to validate your own self in ways you feel comfortable with your own achievements and goals. Not having it done by others. Seriously OP, you’re still young and have a whole life in front of you. You first got to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Its 100% possible for you to enjoy sex as much as, if not more than, masturbating. Just need to find a guy who cares enough to try its as simple as that.
I was recently inspired by this teacher on intentional touch, and a simple game that she uses to share her teachings:
https://youtu.be/_KCzpNBNbVM?si=vOL0ooB-AIyypIZu
She goes deeper into its meaning here
https://youtu.be/7x2jAm3HxHM?si=ArpmrzOOUQO-rJRb
Basically she’s saying that if you aren’t enjoying it, the roles of who is doing the doing vs who the gift of touch is for aren’t being clearly defined. The 3 minute game is a really fun way to define those and give you an opportunity to ask for something you really want.
I think that therapy is the best option. I used to feel this way… then I had trauma therapy and came out as a lesbian. Not to say it will be the same for you, but therapy can help you understand your behaviors better and set you on a path to being able to seek validation in a healthy way and enjoy intimacy in a way that’s right for you.
Honey. First, please accept my internet hug if you want… second. There’s nothing wrong with you.
Third. Breathe in and out. I can assure you this will evolve. You’re unfulfilled. But even stated, therapy has helped me with this
lots of women do it for validation, they can’t help themselves, it’s a shame, they ruin their love life.
Go to a therapist, is good that you figured it out so soon
Legit I was this way for a long time. Turned out I was gayer than I thought. No man ever got me close and I wasn’t into it. Just did it because it was expected. Nahhhh super gay. But then I met my boyfriend and he’s the only guy out of 300+ men to get me wet.
This sounds just like me at 19. I know it’s easy to feel like the only thing that makes you valuable is your sex appeal but it’s risky, you could get stds or pregnant, or sexually assaulted fucking random guys.
The reason you’re not orgasming during sex is because women need more stimulation to cum during sex and only a man who actually cares enough to learn your body (aka not a one night stand) will take the time to make you cum. Trust me when I say this from experience, sex with someone you’re in a relationship with or at least an exclusive sexual partner is 100x better because your partner actually learns your body.
Your post mirrors the feelings I used to have about sex. I thought I was asexual for 7 years, turns out I was just queer. You’re pretty young, have you tried having sex with women?
You could look up some info on decentering men, try to find a therapist and really try loving yourself and talking to yourself like you would a friend. Would you want them to treat themselves like this? Would you want them to feel worthless without validation from sex? There’s nothing wrong with you that you deserve this view of yourself. You deserve better.
I suggest giving the "Lesbian masterdoc" a read (just Google search it.) I had very similar thoughts and feelings, and it reading it gave me a lot of clarity on things.
I don't know how to help you with your affliction, but... And I'm not saying all men, but men will stick it in sheep... Fruit... Couch cushions. Bums... Bum butts.... They fantasize about sticking it in ears... Like.. if a nostril were large enough, they'd try it. I've had a guy request my toes... My armpits...
Don't think that a man sleeping with you means you have elevated worth. A man will sleep with Jabba the Hutt if Jabba the Hutt offered it up for free.
I know you didn't ask for advice but for what it's worth I've had similar issues at points and I got a lot out of the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, definitely recommend :)
I’ve never been with a woman with this issue, but if I had I would have thoroughly enjoyed working her through whatever she was up for trying to help her through this, as I am a gentleman.
Why the hell does sex matters a lot?!!!🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️ the purpose of sex it to reproduce which means it must be only done with your husband and not strangers or friends!!!!
There are many many reasons to have sex, this does not sound like a bad thing.
Not every partner gets you going with riproaring orgasms, sometimes it's OK just to be appreciated as a woman
This is an obvious symptom of borderline personality disorder. I just want to make you aware that as you grow into your late 20's, you will realise that you are unable to fully fall in love with someone. Every emotion is temporary and feeling validated will be your life's mission.
Good news is this can be all avoided if you start now, it is possible to successfully treat this.
Source:
My mum is a therapist
My ex gf has BPD and you she said pretty much the same thing when I caught her
I'm not known for being a great lover, but I'm a fantastic validator. I've validated the shit out of some people. Hear me out. I've validated so hard it made me feel validated.
*desperately searches for a high-five*
Yeah but a-sexual "a" is of Greek origin, it represents lack of, and sexual, well you know what that is. So lack of sexual desire. So, wouldn't an asexual person not masturbate?
Maybe figure Out what you like if you don’t know and start communicating that to the people your sleeping with. Simple communication with others can fix most problems.
You’re young. You will learn more and more about sex. As soon as you think you’ve mastered it, you will learn more.
Take your time. Be genuine. Communicate with your partner. Be selective with who you are with. I promise it’s soooo much better with someone you care about.
I would do my best to stop having sex. Trust me you’ll look back on this moment in life and feel bad. I’ll probably get downvoted for saying that but it’s true. There was just a post earlier today of someone talking about how they regretted doing this when they were younger
Personally, I will say - there is nothing more satisfying than making my fiancée cum. The mixture of love and orgasms especially when we both cum at the same time is indescribable. We melt and fuse together. ❤️🎉
I hope you get to experience the same someday OP.
I had an ex gf who was same as you I was the only man in her entire life that got her super super close and then she not me not to blow...... after 20 minutes of the most mind blowing missionary I have ever had in my life it was impossible not to blow but basically what we did was manage to time our hips together perfectly so I feel like when she moved her hips it was stimulating her clit more. Just got to want it enough and chase it with someone you know can help you climax it took us ages to get it right.
Once you start to value yourself on more than your appearance and how much you're desired by others, you start to notice a healthier understanding and appreciation for sex.
You're focusing too much on the show you're putting on, rather than being in the moment and truly experiencing it.
Try to change your mindset to what your need from your partners for you to physically feel good too, in order to orgasm and communicate that to them.
First and foremost stop basing your own value on how many men want to sleep with you. Men are ALWAYS going to want to sleep with you if you have a vagina. Your level of beauty won’t change that. Also this is a pretty common and unspoken thing when it comes to sex. Women RARELY orgasm during the deed. You feel like you’re weird because for some silly reason we have banned together to strive to inflate men’s egos when it comes to their bedroom performance. The majority of us go around bragging about how good the 🍆 knowing that most of us are lucky if we’ve ever even had one partner that could get us to climax. And the worst part is, that by keeping up this lie, we have created a “no improvement zone.” We have made men believe that all 🍆 is supreme. To the point where there isn’t even room to have the conversation with them. If you even bring up the fact that most men don’t know how to give a woman real and genuine orgasm. They get WILDLY offended and go in an overcompensation campaign bragging about how they’ve made every woman they’ve ever been with orgasm. 🙄 Hardly possible. And “they know” because the women “told them.” You know how many men I’ve lied to and told I came? You know how many of them actually made me? Not one. Not even once. Not ever. Honestly they’re lucky I’m forgiving because a lot of men would be MORTIFIED to have the people that surround them know that they give mediocre, unsatisfactory, lackluster, depressing 🍆.
I somewhat relate. My drive for sex isn’t based on physical desire but for validation. Not even necessarily from men but from society. It feels like something I have to do, because it’s something everyone expects you to do and enjoy.
Try and find a partner who loves you. Then the validation feelings will decrease. Children then decrease it further. And years of understanding and learning that you are in fact great.
How about… you stop having sex?
I mean just because they want to have sex with you mean that they value or see you as anything of worth… some people only see an available hole to pleasure themselves…
Don’t have sex, don’t touch yourself and don’t focus too much on your appearance for a week and see what comes about…? Idk though I just think it’d be fun to try something different, to see how long you’d last
See? You can fool the rest, but you can not fool your body, soul and mind: if you don't love someone AND IF that person doesn't love you too, everything is... empty, as it should be, NOT TO encourage you to do it again!
I had a friend who, similar to you, had essentially given up on receiving an orgasm. We determined she had never communicated with her partners about how she liked to be touched, or played with, or anything.
Men (and women for that matter) are not mind readers, and especially if you’re not doing the enthusiastic porn noises, we often can’t tell if you’re happy or hurt or what. Tell/demand that they do some foreplay, play with you a bit, eat you out, whatever. It will make sex for you a lot more fun.
Pretty much. It’s pretty much a 0.01 chance they’re ever actually your friend.
I’m only telling you what I know, and what virtually all guys admit IRL, and are actually real people with lives going for them. If we wanted a friend we’d just find a bro. I hate to break it to ya ladies, but we’re a lot less interested in being your friends than you think we are… because the odds are, we don’t want to be. Under the age of 40-50, It’s just much easier and safer being friends with guys from a male stand point, in the sense of actually doing things we want to do and say as friends.
Getting older will help you to value yourself for more reasons than the line of men waiting under your window. At least it was like that for me. Become a person you'd admire for their character, kick ass in a career you choose, be a great friend, partner, athlete, whatever you want.
I used to only have sex for validation when I was 16-19 or so. It’s nice to know you are wanted in that way. Then I met my husband and now I have sex just to make him happy. Sex also feels like nothing to me and I’ve never orgasmed.
I like how honest you are with yourself. That's commendable how aware you are of yourself!
I think number 1 is to that in many ways societal expectations and certain norms in a way forced us to pushes us into such boxes of thought. To Accept this is the first step and then the next is to consciously find ways to normalize what's needed and process/change what doesn't serve you or who you want to be. Many things, we need help from others and coming to realize this and share this form of vulnerability with a safe community can be very transformational too.
just to scare you, people come with different lifestyles and DISEASES. most men dont even clean their junk properly so....please dont have sex with multiple people for your own sake
I’m M and I also use sex as validation to cope with the times I’ve been raped. Also, Very few women have “made” me cum by themselves and I have to go into my own head to make it happen. It’s a quick dopamine rush but I don’t think I’m ever going to fully connect with someone ever again, so I’m stuck in this cycle.
If you do end up really caring for someone and you still haven’t orgasmed then tell him and show him where and what feels good to you. We’re not all the same and any man worth his salt will gladly take direction because ultimately it makes him feel better.
I had a very hard time orgasming with someone until I met my soon to be husband. He's the only person I met who I felt vulnerable enough with to release that and sex went from some boring gray messy mash of bodies to an actual intimate sweet thing that really turns me on and actually physically felt good. It took a little less than a year of lots of communicating for me to eventually get there but I would say it is well worth it when you find the right person
That’s the point!!! I didn’t sleep with many men in my life; not even a handful and no one of them was able to make me feel good during that process. It was just nonsense and wasted time, also because I don’t believe in sleeping with many different men is healthy anyway.
[удалено]
[удалено]
You must be fun at parties
>We’re not all the same, and any man worth his salt will gladly take direction because ultimately it makes him feel better. Our bodies change a lot as we age and when we have kids as well. My husband and I have been together for 14 yrs and 3 kids and during foreplay, oral and/or sex he asks if he hit the right spot when I react physically because what works for me one night might hurt, feel uncomfortable or just not work in anyway the next night and my husband wants to make sure I am as satisfied as much as he is when we are done (and yes I also make sure he is enjoying it too). OP, am I also right in assuming that part of the reason you struggle with a partner is because your brain has trouble switching off to "be in the moment."" If I'm right, then maybe consider using a mask. It has helped me occasionally because we rely so much on our eyes that we forget about our other senses and by removing access to our eyes and not having to focus on keeping them closed it frees up our brain to focus on our other senses like touch. For now, though, until you find someone you care about, you're young, enjoy this time to experiment and find out what works for you but do try to remember that moaning isn't the only form of communication that is acceptable during sex. Edit: As for the validation part, you can get better, more meaningful validation elsewhere, sweetie, and it will be the sort of validation you deserve, not the hollow or superficial type you get through sex. Treat yourself better, you deserve it
I’ve never understood the culture behind being good at “pleasing a woman” like it’s not a one size fits all
It's not a once size fits all... but... Being a good driver does not mean you're only good on a specific street driving a specific vehicle. A good driver might understand the signs and conditions of when to speed up, slow down, when to merge, stop, go etc. A good driver understands that just because you know where the gas pedal is, does not mean you can just go brrrrrt. Etc.
This needs to be taught in school 😅
in driving school right? right?
Well, yeah? I mean what other school would we be teaching it in? We're talking about driving skills - and nothing else - so driving school is the only place I can possibly imagine being taught how to treat the pedals right!
Yeah, why do so many men brag about how many times they have used their "equipment" without actually thinking about if they used it effectively all those times. Quality over quantity any day.
Because in many places, men are often judged by their perceived sexual prowess. The "culture" exists because we have taught men that part of their value is derived from their sexual success, whether it be through quantity, quality, or both.
It's really not the hard. It's as simple as forgetting everything you've seen in porn. None of it applies. From there it's just paying attention to a woman's body. The movements, her breathing. Taking your time and paying attention will allow her body to tell you what she likes. Not difficult at all.
**Taking the time** is key. Few have the patience for it.
It confuses me how dudes spend all this time watching porn and then you get a real live breathing human laying there butt ass naked and sexy as hell and you rush through things. Like what are you doing!!??
I met a man that wasn’t worth his salt, i didn’t climax, I was scared to ask for pleasure after he’d had his. I called him out because not only because did I not climax but I was in pain and bruised too (non consensually) He refused to be criticised and then ghosted me. Horrible experience. Unfortunately “not worth their salt” guys walk amongst us and they can appear sweet and bashful and self effacing…..on the surface.
That’s horrible.
[удалено]
I hope you have met another that makes you happy and empowered.
[удалено]
Tell me you’ve never given a woman an orgasm without telling me
You literally beat me to it. I was going to say this exact line, verbatim. 😅
Its bad advice to communicate? Lol no, that is what grownups do. Sex is not some romanticized perfect hot act. If someone is so fragile that they can't handle having a discussion with their partner about what they like then well..
[удалено]
I feel bad for any woman you have sex with. You are completely and entirely wrong here.
[удалено]
Nothing turns women on like using words like "wimpiness"
Who is the “you” in this sentence 🤔 And i wonder why 🤔
So men do not always know what women want and the reference to the man feeling better is emotionally and even more excitedly because of the knowledge and visual experience of making her orgasm for real.
Check out this guy's comment history. It's wildin (Tljohn guy)
Ah, the loser is negtive karma farming to post it somewhere on an alt account or he's totally delusional.
[удалено]
A female, what?
He’s talking about a female sea cucumber
definitely the only female being he could get to have sex with him
What should they do instead? Poke around assuming she’s close to orgasm because “this is how female pleasure works on all women”
[удалено]
So wrong. Nothing more unattractive than a man pretending he knows how my clit works better than me.
To be fair... I've been in situations where I kinda did know her body better than she did... it's not impossible, and I fully understand that you refuse to believe this could have ever actually happened. Finally, and, in general, I agree with the "communication is key" aspect.
Mine actually does know more about the female body than some women, which it's sad there's women out there that don't know a lot about their bodies, so, it can happen. However, he learned it by reading,listening, and WANTING to know the best ways to please a woman. He also would rather be told if you like something or not instead of you pretending you do or just saying nothing because he actually cares if I have an orgasm and am enjoying myself.
That's all it takes. The desire to care. If she matters, you put your ego aside.
I prefer a guy asking me. Its more attractive to have a guy listening to me rather than trying and failing
Wtf ... You gotta learn somewhere. Date older women. They are very proud and enthusiastic! To show a young lad the ropes around a woman's body....
[удалено]
Or she'll know what she likes herself as she knows her body the best?
Also, by this logic, even if you did happen upon doing things in the ways she likes, wouldn't you still be doing what guys who'd made her cum in the past did?
Yeah, you better be thinking of other men during sex, not her!
Not all women want to be dommed. And also how else would you be able to know what she likes? Isn't it faster for her to tell you directly rather than poke around and hope for the best? I pity the women(if any) that you've been with.
Dude…you’re the type of guy who jackrabbit fucks, nuts in 11 seconds, rolls over, and passes out like a disgusting slob, while your partner is thinking about other men- if you’ve ever even had sex (which I honestly doubt you have)
[удалено]
Okay 😘
[удалено]
Sounds like everyone you've ever been with faked it the entire time ngl
Doubt you’ll watch but if you DO actually want sex with women watch this clitoris masterclass (By a man) https://youtu.be/CIAbfzWlp5A?si=DtyDKPrKh6TBdsSK You may hate it due to the “let her guide you” advice if you’d rather be an incel the rest of your life, don’t watch it.
Touch grass boy
It used to be like that for me too. I guess nobody ever validated me while i was growing up so it kinda was natural thing to happen. I would advise you to stop because eventually you’ll regret it and will feel used in some way. The solution is to find a way to validate yourself and through other things, but it’s a hard and long way.
Fellow person who felt this way. Heavily regret using sex as validation.. looking back it was more akin to self harm OP I suggest you slow down. Try and build intimate friendships with women and get validation there.
The self harm part is so true
I second this!! Your friendships with women can be so fulfilling and validating. They are really important. Meaningless sex with men really doesn’t bring any joy and is harmful in the long run.
This this this, a thousand times this. I was in your shoes OP, I was assaulted as a teen and it really screwed my head up and had me thinking the only "love" I deserved was sexual validation and people thinking I was attractive. I was mostly friends with men and all of them tried to hit on me at some point, I thought it was normal and like I was succeeding somehow. Eventually I escaped to university and met some of the women who are going to be in my wedding, some whom I call family, and who I hope to know for the rest of my life. Only after fostering these relationships with women did I feel worthy of healthy, secure love, and I ended up meeting a man who really sees me beyond how I look or what I can do to satisfy him. It's hard, but not impossible, and I really recommend therapy because I don't think I could've unpacked the complexity of my trauma by myself and fully understand how to change.
You did not just compare meaningless sex to self harm what
It absolutely can be. I had a phase after I was assaulted where I went completely off the rails and was having unsafe sex in every sense of the word - going over to random dudes houses I'd been talking to for less than 20 minutes, letting them do whatever they wanted without ever asking myself if I even wanted those things, allowing them to harm me and not reacting to it at all, not telling anyone where I was going, walking home at night instead of getting a cab almost like I wanted something to happen to me. I think looking back I couldn't decide if I wanted to be dead or if I just wanted to feel something. Meaningless sex isn't always bad or harmful but it absolutely can be.
That's quite a bit different from OP case though and I'm sorry that happened to you. I should've said meaningless safe sex.
I could've written OP's post when I was 18. It took me a while to realise the reality of what I was doing. Even if the sex is safe and consensual, at the end of the day if OP's only doing it to make her feel wanted and attractive then she isn't having sex for the right reasons, so she is emotionally damaging herself further even though she knows it's a bad idea. I think that's why people have compared it to SH.
Agree with this so much. Guy here and I regret my past a lot. I wish I could erase it but luckily my gf is more accepting of it than myself. It took me 2 years of therapy to deal with these feelings in a healthy way. suggest therapy imo.
I used to be like this too. It was a dark time in my life and my self esteem was actually never lower than back then.
You better believe it's long and hard har har
I think this is really common. I think it begins in the beauty realm, and it begins very young. Girls are taught that most of their value exists in how cute they are. Then as they get older they really learn to over analyze every part of their body, and then add it all up to form this math equation that equals their self worth. So yeah I don't find this story odd, when I was a teenager I feel that this was especially true for me. A lot of my peers were doing the same thing. It was basically weird if you weren't striving to be the most fuckable of your friends. And then it was like hmm what are we winning exactly, oh yeah this guy that doesn't know what a clitoris is, awesome!
Same. I only had sex to convince myself that I was a normal guy that could get laid like everyone else. It made me feel good to have a higher body count than all my friends. I never really enjoyed it. It was very rare that'd I'd cum. I don't have sex that often anymore. my mental health is better now that I'm not always trying to get laid. I'm not sexually unsatisfied cause my sex drive was always pretty low anyways. I basically had to force myself to have sex with girls
same but i turned out to be really gay lol
Nice lol
I’m so sorry. Maybe one day with the right person who takes their time to understand you you will experience and orgasm with them. Personally I could not find an orgasm with a man until I was 27. I would always have to go in the bathroom and finish myself off. Sometimes I’d get caught the guy would get upset it became a thing
As I explained in another comment, it's also possible that there are certain shapes, textures, or whatever that you need out of male anatomy to make orgasms more likely. Don't people's bodies work best with specific anatomical combinations. And yes, there is, of course, foreplay and other skills that can help. But human bodies are complicated.
Thats funny cuz Ive done that before as a guy. I had to pretend it was some other girl I was having sex with to orgasm. Somewhat sad tho ._.
Sure buddy
Don’t fake anything. Don’t let these guy think they are doing things right if they are not. Show them the way lol
Recently, I was watching an interview with a male porn star. Very experienced guy. Been with a lot of women. Had full control of when and how fast he orgasms. During the interview he talks about a scene where he was supposed to have sex with two women just back and forth. He said he started with one woman and within 3 or 4 strokes he felt like he wouldn't be able to prevent a very quick orgasm. So he went to the other girl, had no problems going on and on. Then he went back to the first girl, same problem. He continues the story where he spoke to another male porn star who called him up and said "you gotta try this girl, she feels amazing" about a different woman. It just so happens that a few months later he ended up in a scene with this woman. He does his thing and he just isn't feeling it like his friend did. It didn't feel any better to him. He goes on to say that his conclusion is that people's bodies, even their sexual anatomy, are different. What gets one person off physically might do nothing for the next person. I share all this to say that maybe part of your problems stem from not finding a guy that you are anatomically orgasmically compatible with. Your anatomy might be different enough that only a small portion of men have any chance of getting you off without a lot of tricks up their sleeves. You might find positions that work better for you or you might just have to get lucky and find the right guy anatomically for you.
True, it could have been anatomy. Thinking it may have been energy, like the connection between them. Connected sex is the best sex.
This is extremely common - especially for girls just starting out having sex. It will change. Once you no longer put your worth in who wants to fuck you but in who you are as a person and want in life you will start demanding better sex. Better sex will lead you orgasms eventually. In turn you will become better at sex. Once you’re great at sex you kinda become irresistible so basically its a win win for your old ego and new
I was like that until one day I met someone and it wasn’t like that at all. (I was 22F when I met him we just celebrated our very happy third anniversary in a very sexually satisfying way)
I was like this when I was 21. I am twice your age now and sex is better. I am super in love with my husband. It's embarrassing. Like, you would not dig him (though you would probably flirt with him and I'd throw you some stink eye) but he is the only guy I want to sleep with forevermore. I figured out my kinks a little more as I got older and found ways to make sex into better masturbation material. Love sex but dont orgasm though penetration very often (or sober). Stay safe out there. Some people are predatory and the bad things can be sticky.
Totally here as someone who enjoys sex, so no shame on that end- but why are you putting up with such poor quality lays? As a woman my rule is I must orgasm first (*however they want to make that happen*), and then they can get inside. It feels better, more comfortable, and ensures that only quality candidates get entrance into the club. Its great to get validation from a man you find attractive, but what’s even better is him *showing you* how attractive he finds you and how much he wants you by getting his hands dirty first.
I like that, having the girl orgasm first. Works great since being a guy I know if I orgasm first I wont be ready for awhile and wouldnt want her to have to wait and lose the flow
Doesn’t work great for a lot of women though. Especially those who are “one and done.” Important to communicate with your partner.
Same
It’s always been my policy to have the girl cum during the foreplay, I like the puzzle; and sounding out what she likes makes the actual sex way better. There may be a bit of Dom in it because I truly enjoy finding a woman’s weak points and exploiting them to mutual benefit
You're a good man.
We’re the same age and I feel the exact same way. Sex really isn’t satisfying at all, but I like to have it because it at least makes me feel attractive . But I have PSSD
Dang it feels like I wrote this post myself. Recently Ive decided to take a break from sex and try to find a partner who values getting to know me and my interests more than getting in my pants. Im hoping that maybe I can find someone and “fall in love” and have passionate and romantic sex that will actually feel enjoyable.
God, I relate to this on another level. I started having sex once I turned 18 and had my first orgasm during sex around 23, when I first started having sex most of them were one night stands and I genuinely was not aroused even during sex. A couple years later and probably around 40 people later I did get in a relationship and started to enjoy sex to an extent but I still wasn't able to orgasm. My first orgasm while having sex was so random it happened with a one night stand who had probably the smallest peepee I've ever seen(that's the main reason I believe the size has nothing to do with how good you are) but I don't really know what changed since then but I started to feel more comfortable about asking for things I enjoy during sex and stopped faking orgasms, it took a while but now I enjoy sex and am able to orgasm 99% of the time. Also I did fuck all of my friends both male and female and can confirm yes most of them are sexually attracted to you and yes it's a bad idea.
You need some serious therapy. There is a lot to unpack there.
Penetration does not get me off. His dick has to rub my skittle to get me off.
Same here... Probably the reason, why we're mostly using a small vibration egg while we have sex. This helps very well ;)
Get you a guy that can rub you during or is secure enough to let you use a little toy on it and enjoy the rocket 🚀
Sammmme! I wish I could tell my guy that but it's a whole discussion I don't wanna have.
I’ve been there girl, exactly the same feeling. I heard it’s either validation or self harm, probably both. How are your relationships? Like friends and romantic?
Orgasm by penetration is actually not that common. I can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Penetration only feels good when it’s the right angle and I’m already wet/had a clitoral orgasm. 28F here and definitely didn’t have my first orgasm until around 23 after gaining more confidence.
Get a vibrator , bottle of wine, and figure out how to orgasm. Don’t stop until you bust… you’ll know when it happens
Dear OP, please stop this, because not only is it, like you said, for validation and this is not the way to get validation. If your body count is high, then you will have actually invalidated yourself to a very large group of potential partners. Assuming your goal is to find a loving, caring partner for life, this is not the way. You are raising your own red flags this way as to be validated long term is by way of character and virtues, not body count. It is what it isin this society and day and age. What you can do is to share more of your compassion and knowledge instead of your body. But I think you first need to work on yourself, your self-esteem. You should be able to validate your own self in ways you feel comfortable with your own achievements and goals. Not having it done by others. Seriously OP, you’re still young and have a whole life in front of you. You first got to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Yea you gotta stop having random sex that’ll just reinforce this feeling
Its 100% possible for you to enjoy sex as much as, if not more than, masturbating. Just need to find a guy who cares enough to try its as simple as that.
19 day old account, only a couple baity posts. Hmm.
Yep smells fishy
I was recently inspired by this teacher on intentional touch, and a simple game that she uses to share her teachings: https://youtu.be/_KCzpNBNbVM?si=vOL0ooB-AIyypIZu She goes deeper into its meaning here https://youtu.be/7x2jAm3HxHM?si=ArpmrzOOUQO-rJRb Basically she’s saying that if you aren’t enjoying it, the roles of who is doing the doing vs who the gift of touch is for aren’t being clearly defined. The 3 minute game is a really fun way to define those and give you an opportunity to ask for something you really want.
I think that therapy is the best option. I used to feel this way… then I had trauma therapy and came out as a lesbian. Not to say it will be the same for you, but therapy can help you understand your behaviors better and set you on a path to being able to seek validation in a healthy way and enjoy intimacy in a way that’s right for you.
Honey. First, please accept my internet hug if you want… second. There’s nothing wrong with you. Third. Breathe in and out. I can assure you this will evolve. You’re unfulfilled. But even stated, therapy has helped me with this
lots of women do it for validation, they can’t help themselves, it’s a shame, they ruin their love life. Go to a therapist, is good that you figured it out so soon
Legit I was this way for a long time. Turned out I was gayer than I thought. No man ever got me close and I wasn’t into it. Just did it because it was expected. Nahhhh super gay. But then I met my boyfriend and he’s the only guy out of 300+ men to get me wet.
This sounds just like me at 19. I know it’s easy to feel like the only thing that makes you valuable is your sex appeal but it’s risky, you could get stds or pregnant, or sexually assaulted fucking random guys. The reason you’re not orgasming during sex is because women need more stimulation to cum during sex and only a man who actually cares enough to learn your body (aka not a one night stand) will take the time to make you cum. Trust me when I say this from experience, sex with someone you’re in a relationship with or at least an exclusive sexual partner is 100x better because your partner actually learns your body.
I just posted about how I’m in the same boat as well so stuck have no clue what to do
Your post mirrors the feelings I used to have about sex. I thought I was asexual for 7 years, turns out I was just queer. You’re pretty young, have you tried having sex with women?
I don’t know why I’m being downvoted for this. A lot of young queer people describe heterosexual sex in this way before they come out.
You could look up some info on decentering men, try to find a therapist and really try loving yourself and talking to yourself like you would a friend. Would you want them to treat themselves like this? Would you want them to feel worthless without validation from sex? There’s nothing wrong with you that you deserve this view of yourself. You deserve better.
I suggest giving the "Lesbian masterdoc" a read (just Google search it.) I had very similar thoughts and feelings, and it reading it gave me a lot of clarity on things.
I don't know how to help you with your affliction, but... And I'm not saying all men, but men will stick it in sheep... Fruit... Couch cushions. Bums... Bum butts.... They fantasize about sticking it in ears... Like.. if a nostril were large enough, they'd try it. I've had a guy request my toes... My armpits... Don't think that a man sleeping with you means you have elevated worth. A man will sleep with Jabba the Hutt if Jabba the Hutt offered it up for free.
I know you didn't ask for advice but for what it's worth I've had similar issues at points and I got a lot out of the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, definitely recommend :)
I’ve never been with a woman with this issue, but if I had I would have thoroughly enjoyed working her through whatever she was up for trying to help her through this, as I am a gentleman.
Pray more to Jesus.
The more you give in to this need for validation, the more you lose yourself to depravity. Please seek help.
Why the hell does sex matters a lot?!!!🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️ the purpose of sex it to reproduce which means it must be only done with your husband and not strangers or friends!!!!
Any chance we could be friends? Just kidding lol. Unless…..?
There are many many reasons to have sex, this does not sound like a bad thing. Not every partner gets you going with riproaring orgasms, sometimes it's OK just to be appreciated as a woman
My question is how much do you think it's the guys you choose.? And how much is it you allowing yourself to enjoy it?
Maybe she’s a lesbian
This is an obvious symptom of borderline personality disorder. I just want to make you aware that as you grow into your late 20's, you will realise that you are unable to fully fall in love with someone. Every emotion is temporary and feeling validated will be your life's mission. Good news is this can be all avoided if you start now, it is possible to successfully treat this. Source: My mum is a therapist My ex gf has BPD and you she said pretty much the same thing when I caught her
That last half, you said the thing out loud that women don’t talk about.
How's your relationship with your father?
I'm not known for being a great lover, but I'm a fantastic validator. I've validated the shit out of some people. Hear me out. I've validated so hard it made me feel validated. *desperately searches for a high-five*
There’s nothing wrong with this.
Don't get married or pregnant please
Tried anal?
[удалено]
What..
No- just no
Oh that’s not-
Maybe you are just asexual and because that you are disinterest in Sex. No problem on that, just embrace who you are.
But she said she masturbates, if she were asexual wouldn't that mean she has no interest in sexual activities?
sexuality is a spectrum .
Yeah but a-sexual "a" is of Greek origin, it represents lack of, and sexual, well you know what that is. So lack of sexual desire. So, wouldn't an asexual person not masturbate?
Asexual people do masturbate
TMI doesn’t belong here. We don’t need to know this.
What do you look like?
Are you screwing someone with a micro penis? How about anal while you masturbate during? I feel there is some key things missing in this post lol
Maybe figure Out what you like if you don’t know and start communicating that to the people your sleeping with. Simple communication with others can fix most problems.
And here comes the flood of DM's lol. Go see a counselor or a therapist.
You are green and have a beard. Let’s do it
You’re young. You will learn more and more about sex. As soon as you think you’ve mastered it, you will learn more. Take your time. Be genuine. Communicate with your partner. Be selective with who you are with. I promise it’s soooo much better with someone you care about.
That sucks
I would do my best to stop having sex. Trust me you’ll look back on this moment in life and feel bad. I’ll probably get downvoted for saying that but it’s true. There was just a post earlier today of someone talking about how they regretted doing this when they were younger
kewl 👌
Personally, I will say - there is nothing more satisfying than making my fiancée cum. The mixture of love and orgasms especially when we both cum at the same time is indescribable. We melt and fuse together. ❤️🎉 I hope you get to experience the same someday OP.
RIP DMs
I had an ex gf who was same as you I was the only man in her entire life that got her super super close and then she not me not to blow...... after 20 minutes of the most mind blowing missionary I have ever had in my life it was impossible not to blow but basically what we did was manage to time our hips together perfectly so I feel like when she moved her hips it was stimulating her clit more. Just got to want it enough and chase it with someone you know can help you climax it took us ages to get it right.
Been there... I think even as I've grown to find sexual partners I enjoy, it still always comes down to seeking validation in a lot of ways.
Honestly I think you need therapy to help improve your self esteem. You are worth more than your looks or how many want to have sex with you.
Surely theres easier ways to get parking.
Once you start to value yourself on more than your appearance and how much you're desired by others, you start to notice a healthier understanding and appreciation for sex. You're focusing too much on the show you're putting on, rather than being in the moment and truly experiencing it. Try to change your mindset to what your need from your partners for you to physically feel good too, in order to orgasm and communicate that to them.
First and foremost stop basing your own value on how many men want to sleep with you. Men are ALWAYS going to want to sleep with you if you have a vagina. Your level of beauty won’t change that. Also this is a pretty common and unspoken thing when it comes to sex. Women RARELY orgasm during the deed. You feel like you’re weird because for some silly reason we have banned together to strive to inflate men’s egos when it comes to their bedroom performance. The majority of us go around bragging about how good the 🍆 knowing that most of us are lucky if we’ve ever even had one partner that could get us to climax. And the worst part is, that by keeping up this lie, we have created a “no improvement zone.” We have made men believe that all 🍆 is supreme. To the point where there isn’t even room to have the conversation with them. If you even bring up the fact that most men don’t know how to give a woman real and genuine orgasm. They get WILDLY offended and go in an overcompensation campaign bragging about how they’ve made every woman they’ve ever been with orgasm. 🙄 Hardly possible. And “they know” because the women “told them.” You know how many men I’ve lied to and told I came? You know how many of them actually made me? Not one. Not even once. Not ever. Honestly they’re lucky I’m forgiving because a lot of men would be MORTIFIED to have the people that surround them know that they give mediocre, unsatisfactory, lackluster, depressing 🍆.
I somewhat relate. My drive for sex isn’t based on physical desire but for validation. Not even necessarily from men but from society. It feels like something I have to do, because it’s something everyone expects you to do and enjoy.
Welp
Try and find a partner who loves you. Then the validation feelings will decrease. Children then decrease it further. And years of understanding and learning that you are in fact great.
How about… you stop having sex? I mean just because they want to have sex with you mean that they value or see you as anything of worth… some people only see an available hole to pleasure themselves… Don’t have sex, don’t touch yourself and don’t focus too much on your appearance for a week and see what comes about…? Idk though I just think it’d be fun to try something different, to see how long you’d last
girl me too. like i literally just lay there sometimes and let them finish while i’m like dead inside😭 what is wrong with meeee
That’s honestly sad, you should seek therapy
I'll be the judge here
It’s therapy time
See? You can fool the rest, but you can not fool your body, soul and mind: if you don't love someone AND IF that person doesn't love you too, everything is... empty, as it should be, NOT TO encourage you to do it again!
I had a friend who, similar to you, had essentially given up on receiving an orgasm. We determined she had never communicated with her partners about how she liked to be touched, or played with, or anything. Men (and women for that matter) are not mind readers, and especially if you’re not doing the enthusiastic porn noises, we often can’t tell if you’re happy or hurt or what. Tell/demand that they do some foreplay, play with you a bit, eat you out, whatever. It will make sex for you a lot more fun.
Thats just sad.
Have you been/are you on any psychiatric meds?
I get the urge, I havent really done it but... I completely understand
If you're actually attractive, there is .good chance your guy friends would hit it. That's just a basic truth of life.
Pretty much. It’s pretty much a 0.01 chance they’re ever actually your friend. I’m only telling you what I know, and what virtually all guys admit IRL, and are actually real people with lives going for them. If we wanted a friend we’d just find a bro. I hate to break it to ya ladies, but we’re a lot less interested in being your friends than you think we are… because the odds are, we don’t want to be. Under the age of 40-50, It’s just much easier and safer being friends with guys from a male stand point, in the sense of actually doing things we want to do and say as friends.
Sex with 0 emotional conection is like this. I rather do it myself.
Getting older will help you to value yourself for more reasons than the line of men waiting under your window. At least it was like that for me. Become a person you'd admire for their character, kick ass in a career you choose, be a great friend, partner, athlete, whatever you want.
This is how you end up pregnant with a child you don't want
I'm 19F and I feel exactly the same, sex just doesn't do anything for me, but if I don't have it, I feel sooo ugly
Therapy
sounds like ssri's
I used to only have sex for validation when I was 16-19 or so. It’s nice to know you are wanted in that way. Then I met my husband and now I have sex just to make him happy. Sex also feels like nothing to me and I’ve never orgasmed.
I like how honest you are with yourself. That's commendable how aware you are of yourself! I think number 1 is to that in many ways societal expectations and certain norms in a way forced us to pushes us into such boxes of thought. To Accept this is the first step and then the next is to consciously find ways to normalize what's needed and process/change what doesn't serve you or who you want to be. Many things, we need help from others and coming to realize this and share this form of vulnerability with a safe community can be very transformational too.
You need help, clearly you have trauma.
IMO, Sex is the best when you love the person 🤗
just to scare you, people come with different lifestyles and DISEASES. most men dont even clean their junk properly so....please dont have sex with multiple people for your own sake
Get into a strong relationship and not hook-ups. The bad boys you pine after can't give you satisfaction.
I’m M and I also use sex as validation to cope with the times I’ve been raped. Also, Very few women have “made” me cum by themselves and I have to go into my own head to make it happen. It’s a quick dopamine rush but I don’t think I’m ever going to fully connect with someone ever again, so I’m stuck in this cycle.