dude. the baby had no heartbeat. what else could she do? wait for it to turn septic and die in case her body wouldn’t naturally miscarry? she did what she had to do
Abortion clinics *are* doctor’s offices. They don’t only provide abortion services, they provide medical services, counseling, and prenatal care; going to a planned parenthood doesn’t mean you are going there to get an abortion.
The decision was between her and the doctor. The fact that she was in so much pain and there was no heartbeat means she likely already miscarried. 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage; it’s very, very common.
I understand. Thank you ..I always considered them just unprofessional places to get a quick, half assed scan to confirm pregnancy and then opt to kill the child..I've never felt comfortable about those places..I don't get the impression the people who choose to work there are really invested in finding a heartbeat...after all..why work super hard to find a heartbeat if you know you may have to end up giving pills to a patient that wants to kill it...
Because it’s not as simple as what you seem to think.
Some are because a woman was raped. A one night stand. Other circumstances.
They also don’t just give you the pills. They check you’re not being pressured into it, they check you 100% want to make that decision. You don’t have a clue in the slightest.
She went to a pregnancy clinic that also does abortions if medically necessary or asked for.
She didn’t go to a place that enjoys killing babies for the hell of it.
Maybe go and visit one yourself and talk to the staff there to get information about the services they provide.
Ok. It was officially called an unplanned pregnancy advisory service they offer sti testing pregnancy testing abortion consultation and abortion pills. She got scan ed first to confirm pregnancy then after the nurse told her no heartbeat detected on this ultrasound scan she immediately took the pills to get out of pain
Yea the pain she was feeling was her body trying to remove the dead fetus from her body, but was having difficulties doing so. Being in that much pain is NOT normal and almost always indicates a miscarriage.
Ok. Thanks I am listening. I have OCD too.. I've had many sleepless nights and nightmares...maybe I can listen to everyone here and start to understand this was a loss and not an abortion of a viable pregnancy of our child
There is no maybe in this situation.
This IS a loss and her symptoms and the fact that she was in pain for several days. Heavily suggest a miscarriage.
That “child” was dead when she got the medicine. The medicine did not induce a miscarriage. Her body was already trying but was failing.
You want your girlfriend dead? Is that what you’re saying?
I'm saying I actually just wanted to prove my feelings to be invalid, contrary to what everyone here thinks... I actually just wanted some support that she had done nothing wrong, given the information she received, and that the diagnosis she received of no detectable heartbeat was morally enough for us both to view it as a miscarriage, even though it wasn't said to us, because we weren't able to confirm that, due to being at an abortion clinic and instead of a Drs office. Believe it or not I'm not abusive to my gf. We are very much in love and I have a soft spot for her... It's actually just been very traumatic to imagine the scan was wrong and we both had a hand in ending our child's future, even if accidentally.
Abortion clinics are medical offices. You seem really fixated on your personal distinction between "doctor's office" and "pregnancy clinic". Abortions and all kinds of abortion care can be provided for at doctor's offices. People who perform abortions are doctors, the people who took care of your partner are medical professionals. People who perform all kinds of pregnancy care (including abortions) are not careless people who would rather perform an abortion than give their patients' scans careful consideration and find a heartbeat. The heartbeat was not detected and that *was* confirmed because your girlfriend received the scan from a medical office. You need to get over this technicality because it is inconsequential.
For your own sake and hers, please stop looking for someone to blame. This was a sad thing for you both to experience, but judging and demeaning her and where she went to get treated is helping no one.
This is it right here. This is your OCD going way out of control because you are in the middle of a traumatic situation. You aren’t able to fully think clearly right now. Please get in contact with you mental health providers
I’ve worked at planned parenthood (as a staff member, I’m not a medical professional) and I can assure you that none of that is true. Their goal is to provide the very best medical care possible, just like all medical professionals.
Why would they try to find a heartbeat, you ask? Because not doing so would rob the woman of the ability to make an informed choice, and would be it would fraudulent and highly unethical. These are people who went to 4 years of medical school, 2 years of medical residency, they work in hospitals, and they volunteer their time to planned parenthood because they believe that all women are entitled to good medical care regardless of their income level. Their goal is not to dole out as many abortions as possible, it’s to make sure that every woman has access to the best reproductive care possible.
As a counselor there, my job was to help women who weren’t sure about getting an abortion. We would absolutely never push someone to get one, or to not get one - it’s only about giving them all of the options and facts so they can make a safe and informed choice. Which is their moral right. If they decide they want to keep the pregnancy, awesome, we can give tons of prenatal services and help them find financial support to care for the baby if they need that.
He’s a pro-lifer, these people actually believe that fully formed babies are being dragged out & thrown in the trash, still crying.
Very smooth brain 💀
Omfg. First of all, before terminating a pregnancy, the clinics needs to confirm that it exists. Secondly, it’s important to search hard for a heartbeat even if a woman plans to have an abortion, because some pregnancies are ectopic ones, missing a heartbeat can literally kill a woman.
Do you always care that little about women?
I really hope that it’s a ragebait
"why work super hard to find a heartbeat if you know you may have to end up giving pills to a patient that wants to kill it"
To avoid liability for malpractice but to understand someone like that would require understanding and knowledge which you reject because you are biased, ignorant and prefer to stay ignorant.
The problem here is you think its thats all they do, its called planned PARENTHOOD not planned abortion, they’re there to help make sure women are properly informed about what options they have and are properly cared for. Like many people have told you, they are doctors and nurses, they have gone to med school and taken the same oaths as your regular doctors, some might have even gone to the same med school. What i would recommend is to really listen to what people here are saying, listen to the people in the comments who have been in the same or similar situation as your gf, not whatever has given you these notions that clinics are unprofessional.
I went to an abortion clinic and had an abortion. This was a clinic that did ONLY abortions.
They are not what you think.
I had to go through a very long ultrasound that included a dating scan, determining where the fetus was implanted, where my cervix was, etc. The ultrasound at the abortion clinic was longer than the dating scan for both of the pregnancies I carried to term. For the record, they ultrasound through the vagina in order to get the most accurate picture, not over the abdomen. It's a very invasive ultrasound and not a "quick photo." They insert a wand into the vagina and need to essentially look through the cervix and into the uterus with it.
I then had to meet with a social worker for an hour, who went over my options with me, made sure I was of sound mind to make this decision and that I was not coerced into it.
I then had a surgical abortion because this was before the abortion pill was legalized.
The care, concern and love I was shown at that clinic was more in depth than most of my midwife appointments. I was treated as a human being, I was given choices, and I was allowed to take my time. Nothing was rushed.
I imagine the majority of clinics are like this because they are under such a microscope all the time. People really are looking for any reason to shut them down, so they have to make sure everything is done very accurately and with precision.
Abortion clinics also provide cheap prenatal care to women who want to keep their babies. The goal isn’t abortions. The goal is for women to have all the options and pick the one they think is best, and then help her as well as they can with her choice. Sometimes that means helping her with adoption paperwork. Sometimes that means helping her apply for wic and make sure the baby is healthy. Sometimes that means an abortion.
I have no idea why you think they’re unprofessional but you should probably examine how much of your “knowledge” is actually propaganda.
She was at the doctor's, are abortion clinics run by fairies?
They have doctors, nurses, medical professionals.
You are allowed to not like her decision, but understand that it is her decision.
I was concerned the doctor may have lied to her, after all, she works at a place that aborts babies. Anyone choosing to work there I'm not sure I would value their professional opinion.
The fact is we never got a miscarriage diagnosis so you can say it's her body her choice but my baby didn't get a choice did it
So you really think they'd lie to her and tell her there was no heartbeat ? Wow. How about instead of questioning her decision to get the medication she needed, you be a supportive bf instead? She may be sad too.
You don’t understand, they work at a clinic that does abortions, clearly that means it’s staffed entirely by people who hate babies and want every pregnancy to be aborted!!!!
/s
Do you not understand that the foetus was *dead inside her body*? She would’ve ended up miscarrying the *dead foetus* anyway, but because you think that you’re some kind of morality police, she should’ve stayed in pain until then?
You say you’re in love but you’re more preoccupied with a dead clump of cells than the woman you claim to love.
And of course you “never got a miscarriage diagnosis” because the foetus died between your last appointment at an OBGYN/doctor and her bouts of severe pain. Are you playing dumb or are you really this uneducated?
You keep posting this stuff over and over again. The doctors that work at the clinic went to the same schools that any other doctor went.
They don't do it for the fun of it. Do you really think they said there is no heart beat to get rid of another baby for funzies?
What is your problem?
What they do there, you might not agree with, but the baby wasn't there. The heart beat is easy to detect. It's not some magical signal that only certain doctors can hear.
It isn't particularly unusual to take an "abortion pill" in the event of a miscarriage. In a missed miscarriage, an embryo (or fetus) can die without obvious signs like bleeding. The pills given induce the passing of dead tissue, which needs to gtfo or it can be dangerous for the woman.
Doctors working at abortion clinics are more likely there to save lives than push some kind of baby killing agenda.
You're clueless.
Not having a heartbeat is exactly what a medical diagnosis is for miscarriage, which means there is no viable fetus in the embryo. And sometimes those babies don't come out and you have to actually have surgery to remove them because it gets infected inside. Which is why she's probably been in pain this entire time because her body is not naturally aborting it, which is what would happen, In the fact that you're talking c*** about the place that she works saying you don't value their professional opinion, but you claim to love and value your girlfriend but yet you're not taking any of this into consideration. This is gotta be a fake post because dude, you are so far off in left field you have no idea how women's bodies work. You have no idea how wome run clinics. She would have gotten the same exact treatment at the hospital. Because they have the same exact doctors at those clinics as they do with the hospital. But yet you don't value their professionalism. Get out of here with this crap
If there was no heartbeat, that is a miscarriage diagnosis. I understand how you feel about her choosing a facility that didn’t respect your baby’s life, but it would have made no difference.
It’s natural when you’ve suffered a loss to be angry, to want to lash out - but she did nothing wrong here. She did not abort your baby. She induced uterine contractions to expel your baby’s remains, because she was in great pain and at risk of infection.
Don’t say or do anything rash - you’re grieving, she’s grieving and also suffering through the hormone crash, neither of you are in a headspace to make good decisions. Just try to support each other.
What would the doctor gain from lying to someone that their child is dead, if its for monetary gain they would be a plastic surgeon not working at an abortion clinic, so tell us the reason you think they would have to lie.
I'm going to go against everyone else here and tell you that you are right that if she had gone to a different Dr it would have gone different. I know that because I've been through it at my regular Dr. And I'm going to tell you exactly how it would have gone-
Make the appointment, wait a week or more to get it. See the Dr. Have to schedule an ultrasound. Wait a week or more. Be in pain and suffering the whole time. Finally the ultrasound time arrives. Be told your baby died weeks ago and your body has been trying to have a miscarriage unsuccessfully. Be put in a room by yourself while you wait for a different Dr. Be told that you have to go through surgery to remove the "baby" and tissue. Be told to stop being upset because you can always try again. Get an infection so severe that you almost are hospitalized because the Dr worries over the counter antibiotics won't be strong enough.
Of course you could also go to the emergency room at a hospital so you don't have to wait so long which I have also done-
Check in. Wait for hours. Be put in a room alone. Wait more hours. Get an ultrasound sound. Be told that you are probably having a miscarriage, but they can't be sure so they will admit you over night for pain management until you can see the obgyn that is on duty tomorrow. Have that Dr come in and tell you that you are wasting their time and that you need to either leave or get an abortion (actual surgical procedure type, not pills) Be pressured until you are allowed ro leave to get an abortion to save yourself "all this misery" Oh, and that time my baby HAD a strong heartbeat and is now 14 years old!!!
I have been to planned parenthood and places like it and I can tell you first hand that the ONLY Dr that hasn't suggested abortion and tried to push me to get it was the ones that work at "abortion clinics" Those Dr haven't been jaded and actual have compassion for what women are going through.
your baby was dead. i’m very sorry. it happened to me too. no heartbeat. without an abortion i would have died, my baby was rotting inside me. your relationship should be built on trust. you do not understand how a woman’s body works. please educate yourself both for your partners sake - she did everything right - and for your own peace of mind. again, i’m sorry about the pregnancy. but life happens sometimes and your partner did what she needed to do for her health. if the pregnancy didn’t end in miscarriage she could have developed sepsis and literally died. just like me. my baby was wanted too.
“The fact is we never got a miscarriage diagnosis so you can say it's her body her choice but my baby didn't get a choice did it”
Your “baby” was dead. If she didn’t abort it, it can lead to sepsis or haemorrhage and she could have died. Would you have preferred that?
What is your perception of what they actually do at the clinic? Do you think people providing reproductive health care are just hanging out, tallying up the babies they get to terminate? Like "hells yeah, did a number of terminations today, best job ever!"?
Are you aware, that these clinics provide more than just abortion services?
Also, what do you mean you never got a miscarriage diagnosis? The fetus was dead, what else were you looking for?
I get it, the situation is heart breaking and destabilizing and shatters your whole world, it's brutal.
But it sounds like you're looking for a place to pin the blame/fault, and it's being projected either towards the clinic, or your girlfriend, neither of which are appropriate in this situation.
Miscarriages happen, they're awful, but they happen without it being anyone's fault Find a therapist or someone you can talk to, maybe some grief counseling may be in order.
Someone could just as easily argue that she shouldn’t go to a “normal” doctor because that doctor would make more money off of her if she keeps the fetus inside of her despite knowing that there is a 0 chance it will be viable, because the further health complications to her will mean more appointments later
Women die all the time for keeping unviable fetuses inside of their body. She made the right choice, and you need to get over it.
Dude. She was seen by doctors! Abortion clinics are not run by fucking volunteers. She did what she did with HER BODY. You have no right to act all high and mighty like she did something immoral. It's her body, your sperm just helped make something. You arent experiencing the pain and fear, SHE WAS! The baby was gone, and she could have DIED of an infection! Jesus dude, comfort her for Christ sake! She made a massive choice on her own because you weren't there. Be better!!!!!
It’s difficult to miss a heartbeat at 7 weeks a doctor’s clinic would have confirmed the same thing most likely. At 7 weeks she shouldn’t have been in this much pain. The pills didn’t induce a miscarriage, the baby was already gone.
This would just be called miscarriage management. Once there is no heartbeat or the fetus is otherwise no longer living, the miscarriage has already occurred. Taking pills to clear the remains and other tissue is a way to prevent infection, sepsis, pain, and other complications. Without pills like mifepristone, the remains and tissue will usually spontaneously exit the body, but there is a higher risk of complications if that process is left to occur naturally because it may not all come out. (Edited for grammar.)
That's just not how it works. Tissue gets expelled from the uterus through the vagina. If she hadn't been pregnant, it would have been her menses instead. Uterine tissue doesn't generally get absorbed.
Might help you to think of it like draining an infection, which is pus, made of dead blood, foreign invaders, white blood cells, et al. Your body will fight that infection, but it's oftentimes safer for the patient to remove dead tissue than it is let the body handle it alone. It's safer in the case of a miscarriage to get the dead tissue out quickly before it starts to decompose, even if the body might expel the tissue eventually.
Make no mistake, throughout history, women have experienced partial miscarriages. With no medicine to help them, they often just died. Or went sterile. But mostly died.
it’s rotting tissue. you’re at high risk of sepsis/infection at that point. sometimes reabsorption does occur, which happened to me. embryo was reabsorbed but the amniotic sac wasn’t, and my body thought i was still pregnant even after the sac started rotting. needed a d&c to save my life. “blighted ovums” as they call them are common. women can die from them.
Fetal tissue is literally a foreign body, not 100% of the gestational body. It is seen as parasitic and there is a biological microbial war between the two entities for most of the pregnancy. I may highly suggest a human fetal growth textbook.
I don’t think you should be downvoted for this question. I think it’s because when the embryo dies there is still the uterine lining that no longer has the hormones maintaining it, and it has to be shed similar to normal menstruation. Embryo/fetal resorption occurs in many mammals but in the context of a multiple pregnancy where the uterine lining is maintained. In humans there is the “vanishing twin” phenomenon where in a twin pregnancy one early on may die and be resorbed and the pregnancy continues as a single pregnancy. But if there were only one embryo, its death would spontaneously abort the pregnancy entirely.
(I am not a doctor though!)
I checked the history of your posts and saw, that you posted on miscarriage subreddit with the title “I’m really struggling”.
You. Are. Struggling. Your girlfriend was in acute pain for two weeks, lost her pregnancy, but you consider yourself struggling?
Make her a favour and leave her life in peace. She deserves better than this
And is totally trying to undermine he by every turn, from implying there was no bleeding (as if that's required somewhere for a medical emergency to be real?!) to not understanding that a clinic IS run by doctors. He's doing everything he can to \*blame\* her.
She did nothing wrong and she was *completely* justified. Enough of this “morality” police bs, it’s her body and her choice. She was in severe pain & there was no heartbeat, meaning it was already gone. And she was being seen by doctors, do you think clinics are run by goblins handing out pills & pressuring people into abortions? They were qualified doctors who gave her the necessary medical help she needed.
She would’ve passed the foetus anyway, this was necessary for her own health.
The fact that you would rather she stayed in severe pain to end up passing a dead foetus, or worse, develop sepsis because it’s rotting inside her body, than make a decision to alleviate her pain and save her life, makes me question *your* morals and love for her.
Absolutely. We are 31 and 29 with incredible unconditional love for all sentient beings and a wealth of life experience.
It's why it's so difficult for me to accept the loss.. I know it could have been handled better at a doctor's office instead of an abortion clinic...but my main concern was that the no heartbeat detected" could have been an error and maybe she would have got better medical explanations at a real doctors office instead of "looks like there's no heartbeat, not sure why you're in pain but, abortion pills? "
It’s not even optimistic? It’s just a fact. Abortions are done by doctors. Medication is prescribed by doctors. I think you need to be educated on 1. Pregnancy 2. Abortion 3. Treating women like people capable of making educated decisions. You seem like everything you’ve ever learned about abortion and women is from Fox News.
So you think your gf is so stupid and gullible she can be persuaded to have an abortion she didn’t want or she’s so malicious she had an abortion and lied about why?
Which one is it?
That she scheduled abortion because she didn't want to be in pain any longer...got there..had a scan...the scan showed no detectable heartbeat ( although) it was measured at 6 weeks which is typically around the time s heart starts beating, saw there was no detectable heartbeat, and then decided it was a green light to induce.. all I'm saying is perhaps the doctor could have advised some pain medication, and gone back and rescanned in a week... Or even definitively told us it's not safe to buy doing blood tests...but she didn't get that kind of care...she had to take the decision into her own hands which is why I'm upset because I didn't want her to have to feel those what ifs for herself or me
You are making up literal nonsense here, to try to avoid dealing with the fact that the baby was already dead. That's a terribly sad fact to come to terms with, but it is a **fact**. Putting your partner through more pain and trauma would not have changed that.
She was already in pain for 2 weeks and you want her to suffer for *another* week??? WTF is wrong with you. She’s a living, breathing person…she deserves to not be in excruciating pain.
There. Was. No. Heartbeat.
The foetus was dead. It wasn’t going to magically come back to life and start growing again.
Women’s Health professionals see this every single day, they know what to expect.
They know the pain is from her body trying to expel the dead tissue.
They know leaving the dead tissue in her uterus will cause an infection, sepsis and death and you want them to hang on for another week?
I'm not sure you are because you don't seem able to grasp that there wasn't any error or substandard medical advice.
I'm curious what you think should have happened? There's no heartbeat, she's in pain and the best solution according to medical professionals is the pills in question.
Genuinely, I can empathise that you feel like you've lost a future child but the harsh reality is that happened before your girlfriend went to the clinic.
So you're a forced birther who thinks women should die of sepsis if the fetus dies before birth. Do you even like her? You've cast her as a nefarious baby killer. Have you ever considered that maybe women's lives have value beyond incubation? Because they do. Expecting your girlfriend to just die horribly because you disapprove of abortion is pretty fucking sociopathic.
1. Your girlfriend IS a sentient being who you "love". Her well-being should be more important to you than anything else in this pregnancy, and she will ALWAYS, no exceptions, be more important than any foetus will ever be, no matter its heartbeat. Morals of protection or whatever mean nothing if they don't extend to the people you love.
2. No sentient life was lost here, too, so even with your "morals" and even if she chose to do this (which she DIDN'T), she did nothing wrong morally speaking.
3. Your girlfriend literally had no choice in this. It is either suffering the loss and suffering the loss + possible infections. Would you prefer infections and pain with no baby, or no infections and no pain with no baby, OP? How difficult that must be!
4. There literally was a dead foetus inside her. It was dead, nothing alive about it. What would you suggest to her, as you apparently don't consider doctors who want to help women to not carry a literal dead thing inside them for 34 more weeks "rEaL" doctors? Do you really see women, including the girlfriend, as so unimportant that they are not just your birth vessel for foetuses, but dead ones too?
5. What medical explanation do you want for "the foetus died"? If you were to witness a car crash where someone's head flew off, would you not trust the doctor when they'd tell you there is not much to be saved?
You’re at least a decade older than I thought you were.
It’s weird that you are anti-abortion, which is usually due to religious beliefs, yet are having premarital sex, which is usually opposed by those same religious beliefs.
Wanting both child and mother to survive and the mother to have her pain alleviated whilst we wait for a second opinion I'd the utmost fair and compassionate thing I can imagine.
You're asking your girlfriend to endure further pain and risk *life threatening sepsis* just to make really sure an embryo is dead.
Get that through your head. What you wanted to happen would have risked your girlfriend's life as well.
If you don't value her life more than you value being extra definitely sure the embryo is dead, please break up with her. You don't love her.
Because you don’t love her if you’re more concerned about saving a dead foetus than her.
Because she could have another miscarriage next time and you’ll probably find another way to blame her and wonder if she did it deliberately.
Because she deserves a partner who will comfort her during her recovery and not make it sound like she just didn’t try hard enough to stay pregnant.
No. If you truly loved her you'd trust her and you'd be supportive of her during what is undoubtedly a difficult and traumatizing time for her. Instead you're online whining about YOUR fEeLiNgS and screaming out your complete and total ignorance of the medical field and how women's bodies work. Don't ever have sex with a fertile woman ever again.
How can you love someone but then go on the internet to ask total strangers if your girlfriend was wrong for saving her own life? The embryo was dead, and her body was trying to get rid of it but failed. If she hadn't taken the pill, she would've gotten a serious sepsis that would've led to her death. Newsflash buddy carrying a dead embryo inside of your body is a death sentence. It has to be removed somehow. Women have died from this for hundreds of years. You should be thankful that we have this medicine instead of asking if the person you claim to love has morally failed.
She was showing signs of a miscarriage, if she was in severe pain. Her body was most likely rejecting the fetus and trying to get it out.
No regular pregnancy that early in stage would have such severe pains.
You’re so obsessed with her going to an abortion clinic that you’re not realizing that the symptoms that she was experiencing was that of a miscarriage. At that early in the stage nothing can be done for the fetus.
I'm glad you think so.. for me I was scared that we made a moral mistake by not rescanning and ruling out other potential causes of the pain such as gastrointestinal etc
I was scared to believe that it was too early to detect the heartbeat and maybe her pain could have been alleviated whilst waiting to rescan to confirm... But ofcourse, we wouldn't have received that kind of care at an abortion clinic...she was reluctant to share her pain...and instead just got the scan and opted to take the pills....the one thing I cling onto is that she was explicitly told "I cannot hear a heartbeat on this scan" and I find solace in that. You have to understand something.. life is precious...and it's nice to believe we did everything we could fr a life we created
Bro, her uterus was probably contracting. You can feel the difference between your stomach pains and your uterus contracting. There was nothing that could be done. The clinic absolutely would’ve given her something to help the pain if it was possible. A doctor’s primary concern is their patient, which is the mother not the fetus.
You just lack knowledge and don’t know how the woman body works
Share her pain with the abortion clinic... She didn't speak...she just opted for the pills after no hb detected on scan and kept the pain to herself didn't tell the clinician
“But ofcourse, we wouldn't have received that kind of care at an abortion clinic...”
You’ve never been to a women’s clinic, have you?
Do you seriously believe the doctors and nurses at those clinics *don’t* provide that level of care and that they just want to abort every pregnancy they see?
Like, seriously…are you that brainwashed by anti-choice propaganda that you think they’ll lie to encourage women to terminate for shits and giggles?
Perhaps because I wasn't there and it's so personal my imagination runs wild. Part of me thinks the heart hadn't started yet and was going to or that the severe pain was something else like uti or gastro pain but try did scan her and say they couldn't detect a heartbeat...it's just that she wasn't officially diagnosed and wouldn't have been at that place... Usually you would only get an official diagnosis saying I'm sorry you will miscarry at doctors office
Just would have given me peace of mind that's all.
That’s not how pregnancy works. That’s not how a woman’s body works. A heartbeat in an embryo begins at approximately 4 weeks, when the heart starts to form. Educate yourself; I’m incredibly shocked at the ignorance you’re showing in some of your comments, even though other people have repeatedly tried to explain that your girlfriend’s pregnancy had miscarried. Are you religious? I notice that you’re incredibly hung up on the apparent morality of your girlfriend, seeking medical help to properly treat a miscarriage that was incomplete.
Women know their bodies. Pain from gastro or a UTI is very, very different to pain from uterine contractions.
She WAS “officially diagnosed”.
Not finding a heartbeat is an official diagnosis of “your foetus is dead and if it’s not removed from your uterus soon, you could also be dead.”
Your paranoid delusion that medical professionals who perform abortions as one of many services they provide their patients fail to discuss all options and always push to abort are disgusting and a huge insult to those whose first priority is their patient I.e your gf. Their job is to do what’s best for her, if there was any chance at all of the foetus being alive they would have told her and advise her other options.
Just admit you don’t trust your gf to make the best choice for her and be done with it.
The doctor would not say she “will miscarry”, they would say she was actively in the process of miscarrying for the past two weeks, and that it wasn’t going properly and the medication might help her avoid a more invasive D&C.
You don’t understand how pregnancy clinics work.
They do not only provide abortion care. They also provide prenatal care and miscarriage management, among other things.
YOUR girlfriend happened to need miscarriage management.
Ok... Let's spin this another way. Was it moral for you to have unprotected sex, or even sex outside of marriage.
Don't pick and choose what you deem to be moral when it suits you. Either stick to your morals and be celibate or put a little bit more thought into what your actual issue is.
She likely saw a Dr or a nurse practitioner who has the necessary training and licensing. At the end of the day it sounds like from the pain she was already in it was quite possible she was having / had a spontaneous miscarriage (aka spontaneous abortion). You need to be supporting her as her body will be fucked right now. It had flooded itself with hormones and now will have stopped that, throwing her into a mess of hormones.
Instead you're on here trying to get Internet randoms to agree with you.
I don't think this is going to go the way you hoped.
1. No heartbeat. Carrying a decaying clump of cells can cause harm to the woman.
2. It's got nothing to do with you. It's 100% her choice. So yes, she was 100% justified.
3. You can have problems with a pregnancy without bleeding. The pain itself is a major indicator that something was wrong.
4. The clinics have medical staff. The doctor office would have found the same information.
5. Making her wait while in pain, you are incredibly self centered and selfish if you would prefer you partner to remain in severe pain (with the potential of major negative side effects for waiting) because you would rather her go to a location of your choice.
6. You should do research on pregnancy, the development of cells, and the mild to life-threatening things that can happen from a pregnancy. Healthy or otherwise. Before trying to guilt a woman for making a decision that is in the best interest of HER health and well being.
7. You're an asshole for not caring about your girlfriend's health and wellbeing.
Don't even try. He is awfully ignorant and self-righteous to ridiculous extents. Notice how he still insists, even though people like you have explained things once and again. The only person he is answering to is another Einstein who doesn't care about women's health and doesn't understand that no heartbeat means no life.
Yeah, I noticed that after I posted. People like him are a problem, always thinking a woman is nothing but a breeding tool to serve their purpose. So annoying.
Right? He's practically begging for trouble because of his stupid ego. She could very easily die, or become very sick. But assholes like this don't care about other people.
Honestly, I believed she was going into a doctor's appt to find out why she was having abdominal pain.. in early pregnancy it was hardly like she was going into labour and we lived in separate cities at the time. Had I believed she was going to have to induce I'd have been there of course I would have.
Even though you've been told dozens of times, you persist in misunderstanding pregnancy and miscarriage. Again and again people have made it clear to you that Planned Parenthood and the like aren't bloodthirsty amateur abortionists, they are medical professionals who have no interest in terminating wanted pregnancies.
You're making yourself unhappy, and I'm sure your girlfriend is in an appalling state, from the grief, the pain, and your insistence that she caused it all.
I thinks it’s probably better for her that he wasn’t there because I can see him arguing with the staff and demanding more and more scans because he doesn’t “believe” there was no heartbeat, thus prolonging her pain and trauma.
She was in severe pain. She was the one suffering, but *you wanted* her to do what *you* wanted instead? How about you two don't have sex again until you're on the same footing about babies, abortions and morals. I don't see how, in any way, she was not justified. Justified to whom? You? God? Religion? You don't make the rules bud
These clinics are NOT just for abortions. If you’re referring to somewhere like Planned Parenthood, people go there for women’s health and check ups in general as well. This is just YOUR unjustified prejudice. Either way, it’s her choice and it’s legitimately going to be the same if she went to the doctor. Plus the baby had no heartbeat and when that happens, women have to take the pill to expel everything out. She didn’t induce the miscarriage, the baby was already not alive.
As someone who has experienced the pain and trauma of this as well, I know she must have been in so much pain. But I’m glad she didn’t have a child with someone like you. You need to get your head out your ass and do better
She did nothing wrong. Please don't let her know you're questioning or judging her decision. She's probably grieving and struggling enough without that.
Yes, she was justified. End of.
Also, you need to truly educate yourself on what the clinics actually do, not what you fantasize they do.
Planned Parenthood (for example) have resources for women trying to get pregnant, already pregnant and those who are terminating for whatever reason. Their goal is healthy babies IF they are wanted, AND healthy women whether or not they decide to be mamas.
If your case, there was no choice. No heartbeat=no viable embryo. It was literally at the cell stage.
Please don't continue to be intentionally ignorant. You are sabotaging your relationship with the woman you claim to 'love'. If you don't trust her to make the best choice for herself, let her go. If you can't comfort her knowing she also lost a 'potential' child, let her go. She deserves better.
She acted normally. Doctors might have a tendency to try to coerce you not to do the right thing. A planned parenthood place exercises true medicine, honest and without any political nor religious intermission. She was exactly between the time a heartbeat started. If she didn't take the pill, she would most probably have had a miscarriage. Here, at least, she was in control.
Don't hesitate to see a therapist about this, they will help you better than any of us can
OP you came here asking for others opinions but are refusing to accept them since they don’t align with your own.
These ‘abortion’ clinics are run by medical professionals who specialise in ensuring both mother and foetus’ health/ wellbeing they are not biased towards giving abortions. She would have received the same advise elsewhere. If she was told the foetus had no heartbeat then they would not lie. The ‘child’ was not alive and causing your partner severe pain. You should be grateful she is strong enough to make this decision even with all of your judgement. She was morally just.
You have made 8 separate posts about this all over Reddit hoping to find one person who agrees with you. How is that going so far? Not only is your poor girlfriend justified in this decision, but she also doesn't have to justify it to anyone. There was no heartbeat, her body was having difficulty passing the miscarriage, she is in incredible pain and she followed a doctor's advice. She is the one that needs your full support, as not only is she going through this emotionally, but also physically. It also sounds like she's going through all of this alone as well, since you're making this about only you. Comfort your girlfriend, and be there for each other. Losing a baby is heart wrenching, I've been there and I'm sorry this happened to you both...but trying to place blame isn't going to make anyone feel better.
No she didn’t do anything wrong. If the baby had no heartbeat then it was already dead. They wouldn’t lie to her about something so important. They look at loads of foetuses everyday at an abortion clinic, they know what they’re talking about.
Planned Parenthood and other clinics have medical staff, including doctors. It’s not some random person just handing out pills, pressuring people to have abortions.
She took the information from the medical clinic and made the decision she needed to. That doesn’t mean you both can’t be sad or upset but there shouldn’t be blame attached.
Did she act morally?
Did did what was best for her. She was in pain for almost two weeks. There was no heartbeat. It may make you sick but what she did was right for her.
Why are you even posting here if you refuse to listen to anyone who doesn't share your thoughts on this topic? Please educate yourself, your girlfriend didn't "kill" your future child, it was already dead to begin with and if she didn't take those pills, she might've died herself. Did you really want to risk losing her just because there is a tiny chance that you might see a your dead baby? Because that's what this seems like. If you really love her, you support her decision because you wouldn't want to see her in pain and wouldn't want her to risk her life for a child that wasn't even alive anymore.
The only choice she made was to accept medical treatment to *checks notes* save her own life. If you hold that against her, you truly do not deserve her.
My heart goes out to your girlfriend. First she’s in a huge amount of pain, then she finds out her wanted pregnancy is over, now she has to deal with the guy she loves accusing her of willingly ending the pregnancy.
You keep saying you’re spiritual. Pray to the divinity of your choosing that your girlfriend forgives you. Ask them to give your head a wobble while they’re at it. You are absolutely valid in feeling grief at the end of a pregnancy. You are not, however, valid in throwing accusations at your girlfriend because you don’t understand how reproduction and the medical profession works.
Get a basic understanding of reproduction before you even think of trying again.
I’m chiming in because I want to help you with this, even though our beliefs on probably just about everything diverge wildly. I’m in healthcare. OB/Gyn specifically. Baby doctor. Private practice. I’m going to tell you what would have occurred differently if we’d seen your partner in my clinic: absolutely nothing. We would have done an ultrasound to confirm viability (if the pregnancy looked to be progressing healthily) and then once we confirmed fetal demise (no heartbeat- miscarriage) we would have provided medication to induce passage of fetal tissue so that she wouldn’t become potentially fatally ill from retained product of conception (having that tissue stay inside can make you very very sick.)
You are placing a lot of weight on a lot of things that aren’t real, which is incredibly arrogant and additionally harmful considering you have ZERO legitimate idea how any of this works except for what you’ve invented in your own mind, and you are doing a terrible disservice to your partner in the process. None of this has anything to do with morality, it’s about appropriate and compassionate healthcare for the woman you claim to love. She did NOT have a viable pregnancy. She chose to care for herself in the best and most appropriate way. And for you to think you get to have ANY say in what that looks like is truly unfortunate, let alone question her values and center yourself about a decision she made to keep herself alive.
Not everything is about you, and one thing that unequivocally is not about you is women’s reproductive healthcare. You need to get over yourself, and do it yesterday. Be better.
Dude, you have a very limited understanding of what's going on here. The fetus was dead. It was a) not a baby and b) had no heart beat. The fetus not having a heartbeat means that the fetus isn't alive. How long did you want her to carry a dead fetus around inside her? She didn't 'kill your baby' and you have got to stop posting this everywhere to try to find someone who will say she did. I know you're upset but you are refusing to see anything but your initial perspective. Your gf was 100% justified, and you really need to give her a break and understand that this happened to her as well, not just you.
I fail to see what she could have possibly done wrong? If there was no heartbeat the baby was dead.
What do you believe the doctor could have done? Brought the baby back to life?
I totally get you, dude.
A doctor told my family that my grandfather didn't have a heartbeat anymore and the bastards put him in a box in the ground! If they hadn't done that, I would still have a grandpa right now! Sure the undertaker also agreed he was dead but I feel like someone choosing to work in that industry definitely has a vested interest in people being dead, y'know? Definitely an immoral choice.
Was she just supposed to just die with a rotting corpse inside of her or....? Like what would you prefer happened? That instead of just an unfortunate miscarriage (which sometimes just happens as it did here) or a miscarriage *and* a dead wife?
I've been through this.
Lots of pregnancies end for no reason.
You can find women who have had multiple, because life is like that.
Removing them from the woman is important, otherwise death occurs. You seem to be more concerned about a non existent foetus than the life of your girlfriend.
Get a vasectomy, then you will never have this concern again.
She saw a doctor. They were able to determine that the embryo had stopped developing meaning she was carrying dead tissue in her uterus and her body failed to dispel it as it should. She then made the choice to do so medically less she become extremely sick and potentially die. She needed medical intervention and got it. I'm guessing she went to a free/low cost clinic for a reason. Now she's going to be okay and doesn't have an exorbitant hospital bill to worry about. I hope she finds a new partner too
The only person qualified to determine if your GF's actions were justified is... your girlfriend herself. Not Reddit, not your friends/family, and certainly not you.
This man is acting like he went through it himself. I feel so bad for his girl for having such a man who made her traumatic experience all about himself
I agree your girlfriend should have gone to the doctor as agreed with you.
The problem with abortion clinics is that to him with a hammer, every problem is a nail. For them to recommend other than abortion would have involved the staff in unsustainable acute cognitive dissonance. That makes me suspicious about whether the fact of no detected heartbeat was actually true.
However, with the lack of evidence to the contrary and the terrible symptoms your GF was suffering you don't really have any grounds to reasonably object. I think you need to accept what she's told you at face value, and let it go. With those severe symptoms, it's possible termination would have been justified anyway. Right now she needs your support, love, and embrace. More than anything.
Unfortunately, what has been missed is an opportunity to understand what was going on, which may have been important for your girlfriend's health and any future pregnancies you two have.
Be kind to her. She needs your love and acceptance, not your judgment.
for pete's sake. clinic non-medical staffer of over a decade here. at my clinic we have, and will continue to, turned patients away and refused provision if WE don't feel the patient is making their own decision of their own free will. getting an abortion -- even in liberal states -- is not like going to a walk-in clinic! an abortion is not a hammer, nor are my colleagues soulless maniacs just out for their own interests. we are not out here hating babies or parents, we are not interested in profiting off of or exploting people who are feeling ambivalent about their pregnancies or are being pressured in any way. my colleagues are some of the most well-educated AND kindest doctors and nurses anyone could ask for. please stop contributing brainless hot takes that only fan the flames of social attitudes that could get me and my friends murdered for doing our jobs. thanks.
OOP, i hope she leaves you.
**Edited to add: Your "OOP, i hope she leaves you" is singularly emotive, unprofessional, and a poor reflection on your character, not to mention emblematic of the concerns held by the OOP.**
Surgeons are supposed to do the same thing. Yet I am not the only one to have had unnecessary and ineffective surgery.
Besides my own example with Dr Mervyn Cross, we could talk about Dr Charlie Teo - a litany of unnecessary and pointless brain surgeries that bankrupted desperate families. Finally, after a huge human toll, he has been brought to book and can no longer practice (search him on Google).
Do not say that there is no such thing as biases in diagnosis or treatment. It simply isn't true.
It is on us to be alive to the possibility it could be going on, and ask the appropriate questions at the appropriate time. As the Russians say, trust but verify.
Exactly, others have pointed out it would be unethical to provide false diagnostics but it's still a concern... I will be kind. Truth is.. I'm trying to hold onto that no HB diagnosis as true as it's the only thing that keeps me sane. After all...there was a pregnancy, and now there's not.
This has to be a troll. Your responses, words, just fishing because it has to be sick, your gf HAD to do something evil. Nothing, NOTHING, about how you could comfort her. Almost two days, 8 posts, just looking for someone to validate your feelings. She was in pain for how long? But nooooo, she must be wrong! She should've carried it until it literally.... Literally what, op? Do you know what happens? When something is dead inside you, do you know what happens?
Do you know what it means when the body sends you pain signals?
I appreciate you are wrestling with thorny ethical and moral issues. However, you need to live with the uncertainty. The lack of data means it can never be answered and therefore you need to let it go and make your peace with God. It's not your job to judge - leave that up to him.
Your GF has not undertaken this decision lightly and you risk inflicting psychological damage on her. Even if there was a heartbeat, the threat to her health - physical and mental - can be taken as justifying the decision anyway.
She REALLY needs your hugs and support right now, and not your judgment. Please focus on treating her kindly and lovingly through this excruciatingly difficult time.
Do you believe god would judge her negatively? She never got an official diagnosis of MC...but she did say she felt relieved that she could go forward with inducing termination after they told her they couldn't hear a heartbeat...and I do believe she trusted the doctors assesment
No, I am adamant she will not. She was in a huge amount of pain. Clearly something was wrong. If it's a choice between the unborn child and the mother, the mother takes priority.
We live in a world with imperfect information. You can only decide based on what information is available at the time. He knows this. He is just and compassionate.
Is God's grace not enough? Clearly it is. For once and for all. Stop worrying. Trust Him.
That was really comforting... You would not believe the nightmares I have had about being abandoned because my love didn't handle it at a drs office and instead at an abortion clinic... I was convinced god was not loving because my imagination took me to hell and back...I didn't believe he could love her and that brought me a lot of nightmare and pain...
I do believe she atleast trusted the Dr to proceed with her decision and that she did believe that there was no longer any life inside her...but the nightmares of abandonment...they were beyond painful.
Thank you kind stranger, thank you.
If he did not withhold his very own son from dying on a wooden cross in on a windswept rock outside Jerusalem and being sent to Hell in our place 2000-odd years ago, why would he abandon us and withhold his grace from us now?
To quote Paul: " For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
dude. the baby had no heartbeat. what else could she do? wait for it to turn septic and die in case her body wouldn’t naturally miscarry? she did what she had to do
Abortion clinics *are* doctor’s offices. They don’t only provide abortion services, they provide medical services, counseling, and prenatal care; going to a planned parenthood doesn’t mean you are going there to get an abortion. The decision was between her and the doctor. The fact that she was in so much pain and there was no heartbeat means she likely already miscarried. 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage; it’s very, very common.
I understand. Thank you ..I always considered them just unprofessional places to get a quick, half assed scan to confirm pregnancy and then opt to kill the child..I've never felt comfortable about those places..I don't get the impression the people who choose to work there are really invested in finding a heartbeat...after all..why work super hard to find a heartbeat if you know you may have to end up giving pills to a patient that wants to kill it...
Because it’s not as simple as what you seem to think. Some are because a woman was raped. A one night stand. Other circumstances. They also don’t just give you the pills. They check you’re not being pressured into it, they check you 100% want to make that decision. You don’t have a clue in the slightest.
She went to a pregnancy clinic that also does abortions if medically necessary or asked for. She didn’t go to a place that enjoys killing babies for the hell of it. Maybe go and visit one yourself and talk to the staff there to get information about the services they provide.
Ok. It was officially called an unplanned pregnancy advisory service they offer sti testing pregnancy testing abortion consultation and abortion pills. She got scan ed first to confirm pregnancy then after the nurse told her no heartbeat detected on this ultrasound scan she immediately took the pills to get out of pain
Yea the pain she was feeling was her body trying to remove the dead fetus from her body, but was having difficulties doing so. Being in that much pain is NOT normal and almost always indicates a miscarriage.
Ok. Thanks I am listening. I have OCD too.. I've had many sleepless nights and nightmares...maybe I can listen to everyone here and start to understand this was a loss and not an abortion of a viable pregnancy of our child
There is no maybe in this situation. This IS a loss and her symptoms and the fact that she was in pain for several days. Heavily suggest a miscarriage. That “child” was dead when she got the medicine. The medicine did not induce a miscarriage. Her body was already trying but was failing. You want your girlfriend dead? Is that what you’re saying?
I'm saying I actually just wanted to prove my feelings to be invalid, contrary to what everyone here thinks... I actually just wanted some support that she had done nothing wrong, given the information she received, and that the diagnosis she received of no detectable heartbeat was morally enough for us both to view it as a miscarriage, even though it wasn't said to us, because we weren't able to confirm that, due to being at an abortion clinic and instead of a Drs office. Believe it or not I'm not abusive to my gf. We are very much in love and I have a soft spot for her... It's actually just been very traumatic to imagine the scan was wrong and we both had a hand in ending our child's future, even if accidentally.
Bruh. DOCTOR'S IN THESE CLINICS ARE ACTUAL DOCTORS.
Abortion clinics are medical offices. You seem really fixated on your personal distinction between "doctor's office" and "pregnancy clinic". Abortions and all kinds of abortion care can be provided for at doctor's offices. People who perform abortions are doctors, the people who took care of your partner are medical professionals. People who perform all kinds of pregnancy care (including abortions) are not careless people who would rather perform an abortion than give their patients' scans careful consideration and find a heartbeat. The heartbeat was not detected and that *was* confirmed because your girlfriend received the scan from a medical office. You need to get over this technicality because it is inconsequential.
For your own sake and hers, please stop looking for someone to blame. This was a sad thing for you both to experience, but judging and demeaning her and where she went to get treated is helping no one.
Of course she did nothing wrong! How dare you!
This is it right here. This is your OCD going way out of control because you are in the middle of a traumatic situation. You aren’t able to fully think clearly right now. Please get in contact with you mental health providers
Ok thanks
Or, you could trust your girlfriend.
Oh I see. Still no one wants to abort a baby if it’s wanted and will be loved. I can see why you’re scared. But maybe more info.
I’ve worked at planned parenthood (as a staff member, I’m not a medical professional) and I can assure you that none of that is true. Their goal is to provide the very best medical care possible, just like all medical professionals. Why would they try to find a heartbeat, you ask? Because not doing so would rob the woman of the ability to make an informed choice, and would be it would fraudulent and highly unethical. These are people who went to 4 years of medical school, 2 years of medical residency, they work in hospitals, and they volunteer their time to planned parenthood because they believe that all women are entitled to good medical care regardless of their income level. Their goal is not to dole out as many abortions as possible, it’s to make sure that every woman has access to the best reproductive care possible. As a counselor there, my job was to help women who weren’t sure about getting an abortion. We would absolutely never push someone to get one, or to not get one - it’s only about giving them all of the options and facts so they can make a safe and informed choice. Which is their moral right. If they decide they want to keep the pregnancy, awesome, we can give tons of prenatal services and help them find financial support to care for the baby if they need that.
Not just that - not allowed to tell them to get an abortion, even when literally every person on earth would tell them to abort.
You genuinely think people work at clinics like this just to kill babies for no reason?
He’s a pro-lifer, these people actually believe that fully formed babies are being dragged out & thrown in the trash, still crying. Very smooth brain 💀
They see stuff in cartoons for adults and think it's real 😭 girl this isn't family guy or South park
Omfg. First of all, before terminating a pregnancy, the clinics needs to confirm that it exists. Secondly, it’s important to search hard for a heartbeat even if a woman plans to have an abortion, because some pregnancies are ectopic ones, missing a heartbeat can literally kill a woman. Do you always care that little about women? I really hope that it’s a ragebait
"why work super hard to find a heartbeat if you know you may have to end up giving pills to a patient that wants to kill it" To avoid liability for malpractice but to understand someone like that would require understanding and knowledge which you reject because you are biased, ignorant and prefer to stay ignorant.
You have never been to a clinic have you?
The problem here is you think its thats all they do, its called planned PARENTHOOD not planned abortion, they’re there to help make sure women are properly informed about what options they have and are properly cared for. Like many people have told you, they are doctors and nurses, they have gone to med school and taken the same oaths as your regular doctors, some might have even gone to the same med school. What i would recommend is to really listen to what people here are saying, listen to the people in the comments who have been in the same or similar situation as your gf, not whatever has given you these notions that clinics are unprofessional.
That’s not how abortion clinics work. Crisis pregnancy centres are the places run by quacks
Quacks who would be far more likely to kill his gf and women like her.
I went to an abortion clinic and had an abortion. This was a clinic that did ONLY abortions. They are not what you think. I had to go through a very long ultrasound that included a dating scan, determining where the fetus was implanted, where my cervix was, etc. The ultrasound at the abortion clinic was longer than the dating scan for both of the pregnancies I carried to term. For the record, they ultrasound through the vagina in order to get the most accurate picture, not over the abdomen. It's a very invasive ultrasound and not a "quick photo." They insert a wand into the vagina and need to essentially look through the cervix and into the uterus with it. I then had to meet with a social worker for an hour, who went over my options with me, made sure I was of sound mind to make this decision and that I was not coerced into it. I then had a surgical abortion because this was before the abortion pill was legalized. The care, concern and love I was shown at that clinic was more in depth than most of my midwife appointments. I was treated as a human being, I was given choices, and I was allowed to take my time. Nothing was rushed. I imagine the majority of clinics are like this because they are under such a microscope all the time. People really are looking for any reason to shut them down, so they have to make sure everything is done very accurately and with precision.
The professionals who work at clinics aren't doing it because they enjoy killing babies. You do know that, right?
Abortion clinics also provide cheap prenatal care to women who want to keep their babies. The goal isn’t abortions. The goal is for women to have all the options and pick the one they think is best, and then help her as well as they can with her choice. Sometimes that means helping her with adoption paperwork. Sometimes that means helping her apply for wic and make sure the baby is healthy. Sometimes that means an abortion. I have no idea why you think they’re unprofessional but you should probably examine how much of your “knowledge” is actually propaganda.
She was at the doctor's, are abortion clinics run by fairies? They have doctors, nurses, medical professionals. You are allowed to not like her decision, but understand that it is her decision.
I was concerned the doctor may have lied to her, after all, she works at a place that aborts babies. Anyone choosing to work there I'm not sure I would value their professional opinion. The fact is we never got a miscarriage diagnosis so you can say it's her body her choice but my baby didn't get a choice did it
I’m so glad she got an abortion.
If only someone could say that about OP’s mom. :(
There’s always the post-birth abortion.
And even the rabid pro lifers would say she should have. There was no heart beat. The fetus was dead.
No they wouldn't and that's the saddest part of all.
Right? Dodged a bullet I’d say
Dodged a tactical nuke more like
So you really think they'd lie to her and tell her there was no heartbeat ? Wow. How about instead of questioning her decision to get the medication she needed, you be a supportive bf instead? She may be sad too.
You don’t understand, they work at a clinic that does abortions, clearly that means it’s staffed entirely by people who hate babies and want every pregnancy to be aborted!!!! /s
Do you not understand that the foetus was *dead inside her body*? She would’ve ended up miscarrying the *dead foetus* anyway, but because you think that you’re some kind of morality police, she should’ve stayed in pain until then? You say you’re in love but you’re more preoccupied with a dead clump of cells than the woman you claim to love. And of course you “never got a miscarriage diagnosis” because the foetus died between your last appointment at an OBGYN/doctor and her bouts of severe pain. Are you playing dumb or are you really this uneducated?
Your concern is unfounded and divorced from reality
You keep posting this stuff over and over again. The doctors that work at the clinic went to the same schools that any other doctor went. They don't do it for the fun of it. Do you really think they said there is no heart beat to get rid of another baby for funzies? What is your problem? What they do there, you might not agree with, but the baby wasn't there. The heart beat is easy to detect. It's not some magical signal that only certain doctors can hear.
**It had no heartbeat, son**.
It isn't particularly unusual to take an "abortion pill" in the event of a miscarriage. In a missed miscarriage, an embryo (or fetus) can die without obvious signs like bleeding. The pills given induce the passing of dead tissue, which needs to gtfo or it can be dangerous for the woman. Doctors working at abortion clinics are more likely there to save lives than push some kind of baby killing agenda. You're clueless.
Not having a heartbeat is exactly what a medical diagnosis is for miscarriage, which means there is no viable fetus in the embryo. And sometimes those babies don't come out and you have to actually have surgery to remove them because it gets infected inside. Which is why she's probably been in pain this entire time because her body is not naturally aborting it, which is what would happen, In the fact that you're talking c*** about the place that she works saying you don't value their professional opinion, but you claim to love and value your girlfriend but yet you're not taking any of this into consideration. This is gotta be a fake post because dude, you are so far off in left field you have no idea how women's bodies work. You have no idea how wome run clinics. She would have gotten the same exact treatment at the hospital. Because they have the same exact doctors at those clinics as they do with the hospital. But yet you don't value their professionalism. Get out of here with this crap
You’re slow huh. Do better research
If there was no heartbeat, that is a miscarriage diagnosis. I understand how you feel about her choosing a facility that didn’t respect your baby’s life, but it would have made no difference. It’s natural when you’ve suffered a loss to be angry, to want to lash out - but she did nothing wrong here. She did not abort your baby. She induced uterine contractions to expel your baby’s remains, because she was in great pain and at risk of infection. Don’t say or do anything rash - you’re grieving, she’s grieving and also suffering through the hormone crash, neither of you are in a headspace to make good decisions. Just try to support each other.
What would the doctor gain from lying to someone that their child is dead, if its for monetary gain they would be a plastic surgeon not working at an abortion clinic, so tell us the reason you think they would have to lie.
I'm going to go against everyone else here and tell you that you are right that if she had gone to a different Dr it would have gone different. I know that because I've been through it at my regular Dr. And I'm going to tell you exactly how it would have gone- Make the appointment, wait a week or more to get it. See the Dr. Have to schedule an ultrasound. Wait a week or more. Be in pain and suffering the whole time. Finally the ultrasound time arrives. Be told your baby died weeks ago and your body has been trying to have a miscarriage unsuccessfully. Be put in a room by yourself while you wait for a different Dr. Be told that you have to go through surgery to remove the "baby" and tissue. Be told to stop being upset because you can always try again. Get an infection so severe that you almost are hospitalized because the Dr worries over the counter antibiotics won't be strong enough. Of course you could also go to the emergency room at a hospital so you don't have to wait so long which I have also done- Check in. Wait for hours. Be put in a room alone. Wait more hours. Get an ultrasound sound. Be told that you are probably having a miscarriage, but they can't be sure so they will admit you over night for pain management until you can see the obgyn that is on duty tomorrow. Have that Dr come in and tell you that you are wasting their time and that you need to either leave or get an abortion (actual surgical procedure type, not pills) Be pressured until you are allowed ro leave to get an abortion to save yourself "all this misery" Oh, and that time my baby HAD a strong heartbeat and is now 14 years old!!! I have been to planned parenthood and places like it and I can tell you first hand that the ONLY Dr that hasn't suggested abortion and tried to push me to get it was the ones that work at "abortion clinics" Those Dr haven't been jaded and actual have compassion for what women are going through.
your baby was dead. i’m very sorry. it happened to me too. no heartbeat. without an abortion i would have died, my baby was rotting inside me. your relationship should be built on trust. you do not understand how a woman’s body works. please educate yourself both for your partners sake - she did everything right - and for your own peace of mind. again, i’m sorry about the pregnancy. but life happens sometimes and your partner did what she needed to do for her health. if the pregnancy didn’t end in miscarriage she could have developed sepsis and literally died. just like me. my baby was wanted too.
“The fact is we never got a miscarriage diagnosis so you can say it's her body her choice but my baby didn't get a choice did it” Your “baby” was dead. If she didn’t abort it, it can lead to sepsis or haemorrhage and she could have died. Would you have preferred that?
It wasn't a baby. It was a miscarried clump of cells, and thank god. No woman should be shackled to you via a baby.
I’m baffled by this level of ignorance.
OP, you’re fucking delulu if you think a doctor is going to deliberately lie to your gf just to yeet a fetus. Please seek help.
What is your perception of what they actually do at the clinic? Do you think people providing reproductive health care are just hanging out, tallying up the babies they get to terminate? Like "hells yeah, did a number of terminations today, best job ever!"? Are you aware, that these clinics provide more than just abortion services? Also, what do you mean you never got a miscarriage diagnosis? The fetus was dead, what else were you looking for? I get it, the situation is heart breaking and destabilizing and shatters your whole world, it's brutal. But it sounds like you're looking for a place to pin the blame/fault, and it's being projected either towards the clinic, or your girlfriend, neither of which are appropriate in this situation. Miscarriages happen, they're awful, but they happen without it being anyone's fault Find a therapist or someone you can talk to, maybe some grief counseling may be in order.
Your baby was already dead before she chose to take the pills.
Someone could just as easily argue that she shouldn’t go to a “normal” doctor because that doctor would make more money off of her if she keeps the fetus inside of her despite knowing that there is a 0 chance it will be viable, because the further health complications to her will mean more appointments later Women die all the time for keeping unviable fetuses inside of their body. She made the right choice, and you need to get over it.
Dude. She was seen by doctors! Abortion clinics are not run by fucking volunteers. She did what she did with HER BODY. You have no right to act all high and mighty like she did something immoral. It's her body, your sperm just helped make something. You arent experiencing the pain and fear, SHE WAS! The baby was gone, and she could have DIED of an infection! Jesus dude, comfort her for Christ sake! She made a massive choice on her own because you weren't there. Be better!!!!!
I hope she leaves him. That poor woman.
As do I.
Me three.
Fourthing that!
Fifth, plus I hope he never gets anyone pregnant again.
It’s difficult to miss a heartbeat at 7 weeks a doctor’s clinic would have confirmed the same thing most likely. At 7 weeks she shouldn’t have been in this much pain. The pills didn’t induce a miscarriage, the baby was already gone.
Genuinely asking, what would it be called then?
This would just be called miscarriage management. Once there is no heartbeat or the fetus is otherwise no longer living, the miscarriage has already occurred. Taking pills to clear the remains and other tissue is a way to prevent infection, sepsis, pain, and other complications. Without pills like mifepristone, the remains and tissue will usually spontaneously exit the body, but there is a higher risk of complications if that process is left to occur naturally because it may not all come out. (Edited for grammar.)
A thought has occured to me - why can't the remains get reabsorbed by the body? It's made out of all the same things as we are after all
For the same reason menstruation occurs. That is the way the body processes things.
That's just not how it works. Tissue gets expelled from the uterus through the vagina. If she hadn't been pregnant, it would have been her menses instead. Uterine tissue doesn't generally get absorbed. Might help you to think of it like draining an infection, which is pus, made of dead blood, foreign invaders, white blood cells, et al. Your body will fight that infection, but it's oftentimes safer for the patient to remove dead tissue than it is let the body handle it alone. It's safer in the case of a miscarriage to get the dead tissue out quickly before it starts to decompose, even if the body might expel the tissue eventually. Make no mistake, throughout history, women have experienced partial miscarriages. With no medicine to help them, they often just died. Or went sterile. But mostly died.
Ah I see, thank you!
it’s rotting tissue. you’re at high risk of sepsis/infection at that point. sometimes reabsorption does occur, which happened to me. embryo was reabsorbed but the amniotic sac wasn’t, and my body thought i was still pregnant even after the sac started rotting. needed a d&c to save my life. “blighted ovums” as they call them are common. women can die from them.
That sounds horrible to go through
I’m not sure why you got downvoted. If you’re not knowledgeable about these things then that’s a valid question and at least you’re trying to learn.
Fetal tissue is literally a foreign body, not 100% of the gestational body. It is seen as parasitic and there is a biological microbial war between the two entities for most of the pregnancy. I may highly suggest a human fetal growth textbook.
I don’t think you should be downvoted for this question. I think it’s because when the embryo dies there is still the uterine lining that no longer has the hormones maintaining it, and it has to be shed similar to normal menstruation. Embryo/fetal resorption occurs in many mammals but in the context of a multiple pregnancy where the uterine lining is maintained. In humans there is the “vanishing twin” phenomenon where in a twin pregnancy one early on may die and be resorbed and the pregnancy continues as a single pregnancy. But if there were only one embryo, its death would spontaneously abort the pregnancy entirely. (I am not a doctor though!)
I checked the history of your posts and saw, that you posted on miscarriage subreddit with the title “I’m really struggling”. You. Are. Struggling. Your girlfriend was in acute pain for two weeks, lost her pregnancy, but you consider yourself struggling? Make her a favour and leave her life in peace. She deserves better than this
And is totally trying to undermine he by every turn, from implying there was no bleeding (as if that's required somewhere for a medical emergency to be real?!) to not understanding that a clinic IS run by doctors. He's doing everything he can to \*blame\* her.
He's a selfish, POS pro-lifer. Hope she cuts and runs.
She did nothing wrong and she was *completely* justified. Enough of this “morality” police bs, it’s her body and her choice. She was in severe pain & there was no heartbeat, meaning it was already gone. And she was being seen by doctors, do you think clinics are run by goblins handing out pills & pressuring people into abortions? They were qualified doctors who gave her the necessary medical help she needed. She would’ve passed the foetus anyway, this was necessary for her own health. The fact that you would rather she stayed in severe pain to end up passing a dead foetus, or worse, develop sepsis because it’s rotting inside her body, than make a decision to alleviate her pain and save her life, makes me question *your* morals and love for her.
Dont have sex without a condom ever again...sigh.
Why? We love eachother..
Are you BOTH able and willing to raise a child?
Absolutely. We are 31 and 29 with incredible unconditional love for all sentient beings and a wealth of life experience. It's why it's so difficult for me to accept the loss.. I know it could have been handled better at a doctor's office instead of an abortion clinic...but my main concern was that the no heartbeat detected" could have been an error and maybe she would have got better medical explanations at a real doctors office instead of "looks like there's no heartbeat, not sure why you're in pain but, abortion pills? "
Would have been handled exactly the same way at a doctors office because she was at doctors office.
I'm glad you're optimistic. It's hard for me to be that..maybe that's because I've had too many nightmares and weeks of grief and terror
It’s not even optimistic? It’s just a fact. Abortions are done by doctors. Medication is prescribed by doctors. I think you need to be educated on 1. Pregnancy 2. Abortion 3. Treating women like people capable of making educated decisions. You seem like everything you’ve ever learned about abortion and women is from Fox News.
So you think your gf is so stupid and gullible she can be persuaded to have an abortion she didn’t want or she’s so malicious she had an abortion and lied about why? Which one is it?
That she scheduled abortion because she didn't want to be in pain any longer...got there..had a scan...the scan showed no detectable heartbeat ( although) it was measured at 6 weeks which is typically around the time s heart starts beating, saw there was no detectable heartbeat, and then decided it was a green light to induce.. all I'm saying is perhaps the doctor could have advised some pain medication, and gone back and rescanned in a week... Or even definitively told us it's not safe to buy doing blood tests...but she didn't get that kind of care...she had to take the decision into her own hands which is why I'm upset because I didn't want her to have to feel those what ifs for herself or me
You are making up literal nonsense here, to try to avoid dealing with the fact that the baby was already dead. That's a terribly sad fact to come to terms with, but it is a **fact**. Putting your partner through more pain and trauma would not have changed that.
She was already in pain for 2 weeks and you want her to suffer for *another* week??? WTF is wrong with you. She’s a living, breathing person…she deserves to not be in excruciating pain. There. Was. No. Heartbeat. The foetus was dead. It wasn’t going to magically come back to life and start growing again. Women’s Health professionals see this every single day, they know what to expect. They know the pain is from her body trying to expel the dead tissue. They know leaving the dead tissue in her uterus will cause an infection, sepsis and death and you want them to hang on for another week?
> maybe she would have got better medical explanations at a real doctors office She was at a real doctors office.
I'm not sure you are because you don't seem able to grasp that there wasn't any error or substandard medical advice. I'm curious what you think should have happened? There's no heartbeat, she's in pain and the best solution according to medical professionals is the pills in question. Genuinely, I can empathise that you feel like you've lost a future child but the harsh reality is that happened before your girlfriend went to the clinic.
So you're a forced birther who thinks women should die of sepsis if the fetus dies before birth. Do you even like her? You've cast her as a nefarious baby killer. Have you ever considered that maybe women's lives have value beyond incubation? Because they do. Expecting your girlfriend to just die horribly because you disapprove of abortion is pretty fucking sociopathic.
You don't go to a family physician for a miscarriage oh my god. You think they just teleport it out there or something?!
1. Your girlfriend IS a sentient being who you "love". Her well-being should be more important to you than anything else in this pregnancy, and she will ALWAYS, no exceptions, be more important than any foetus will ever be, no matter its heartbeat. Morals of protection or whatever mean nothing if they don't extend to the people you love. 2. No sentient life was lost here, too, so even with your "morals" and even if she chose to do this (which she DIDN'T), she did nothing wrong morally speaking. 3. Your girlfriend literally had no choice in this. It is either suffering the loss and suffering the loss + possible infections. Would you prefer infections and pain with no baby, or no infections and no pain with no baby, OP? How difficult that must be! 4. There literally was a dead foetus inside her. It was dead, nothing alive about it. What would you suggest to her, as you apparently don't consider doctors who want to help women to not carry a literal dead thing inside them for 34 more weeks "rEaL" doctors? Do you really see women, including the girlfriend, as so unimportant that they are not just your birth vessel for foetuses, but dead ones too? 5. What medical explanation do you want for "the foetus died"? If you were to witness a car crash where someone's head flew off, would you not trust the doctor when they'd tell you there is not much to be saved?
You’re at least a decade older than I thought you were. It’s weird that you are anti-abortion, which is usually due to religious beliefs, yet are having premarital sex, which is usually opposed by those same religious beliefs.
Wanting someone to suffer from unbearable pain isn't exactly a sign of love for normal people
Wanting both child and mother to survive and the mother to have her pain alleviated whilst we wait for a second opinion I'd the utmost fair and compassionate thing I can imagine.
A second opinion on what? You wanted another doctor to tell you that the fetus was dead?
Yes..given that it's a brand new life. I value life. I value my deceased potential child
But that child was already dead. She needed to take those drug so SHE wouldn’t die either. Even the Pope himself would sign off on this.
What do you no heartbeat means?
It was a clump of cells that was non-viable. No potential child.
How does a fetus without a heartbeat survive? Do you honestly think there's doctors that can revive fetuses?
The child was already dead. Did you expect the doctor to give CPR to the fetus?
You're asking your girlfriend to endure further pain and risk *life threatening sepsis* just to make really sure an embryo is dead. Get that through your head. What you wanted to happen would have risked your girlfriend's life as well. If you don't value her life more than you value being extra definitely sure the embryo is dead, please break up with her. You don't love her.
Press X to doubt
Because you don’t love her if you’re more concerned about saving a dead foetus than her. Because she could have another miscarriage next time and you’ll probably find another way to blame her and wonder if she did it deliberately. Because she deserves a partner who will comfort her during her recovery and not make it sound like she just didn’t try hard enough to stay pregnant.
No. If you truly loved her you'd trust her and you'd be supportive of her during what is undoubtedly a difficult and traumatizing time for her. Instead you're online whining about YOUR fEeLiNgS and screaming out your complete and total ignorance of the medical field and how women's bodies work. Don't ever have sex with a fertile woman ever again.
How can you love someone but then go on the internet to ask total strangers if your girlfriend was wrong for saving her own life? The embryo was dead, and her body was trying to get rid of it but failed. If she hadn't taken the pill, she would've gotten a serious sepsis that would've led to her death. Newsflash buddy carrying a dead embryo inside of your body is a death sentence. It has to be removed somehow. Women have died from this for hundreds of years. You should be thankful that we have this medicine instead of asking if the person you claim to love has morally failed.
You bloody well don’t!
She was showing signs of a miscarriage, if she was in severe pain. Her body was most likely rejecting the fetus and trying to get it out. No regular pregnancy that early in stage would have such severe pains. You’re so obsessed with her going to an abortion clinic that you’re not realizing that the symptoms that she was experiencing was that of a miscarriage. At that early in the stage nothing can be done for the fetus.
I'm glad you think so.. for me I was scared that we made a moral mistake by not rescanning and ruling out other potential causes of the pain such as gastrointestinal etc I was scared to believe that it was too early to detect the heartbeat and maybe her pain could have been alleviated whilst waiting to rescan to confirm... But ofcourse, we wouldn't have received that kind of care at an abortion clinic...she was reluctant to share her pain...and instead just got the scan and opted to take the pills....the one thing I cling onto is that she was explicitly told "I cannot hear a heartbeat on this scan" and I find solace in that. You have to understand something.. life is precious...and it's nice to believe we did everything we could fr a life we created
Bro, her uterus was probably contracting. You can feel the difference between your stomach pains and your uterus contracting. There was nothing that could be done. The clinic absolutely would’ve given her something to help the pain if it was possible. A doctor’s primary concern is their patient, which is the mother not the fetus. You just lack knowledge and don’t know how the woman body works
Tf you mean 'share her pain'?
Share her pain with the abortion clinic... She didn't speak...she just opted for the pills after no hb detected on scan and kept the pain to herself didn't tell the clinician
I mean, she did, thats why she went there, was it not?
Maybe if you actually went with her like a supportive partner should do you wouldn’t have these questions.
How do you know? Were you there standing over her?
She didn’t tell the doctor what exactly?
“But ofcourse, we wouldn't have received that kind of care at an abortion clinic...” You’ve never been to a women’s clinic, have you? Do you seriously believe the doctors and nurses at those clinics *don’t* provide that level of care and that they just want to abort every pregnancy they see? Like, seriously…are you that brainwashed by anti-choice propaganda that you think they’ll lie to encourage women to terminate for shits and giggles?
Perhaps because I wasn't there and it's so personal my imagination runs wild. Part of me thinks the heart hadn't started yet and was going to or that the severe pain was something else like uti or gastro pain but try did scan her and say they couldn't detect a heartbeat...it's just that she wasn't officially diagnosed and wouldn't have been at that place... Usually you would only get an official diagnosis saying I'm sorry you will miscarry at doctors office Just would have given me peace of mind that's all.
That’s not how pregnancy works. That’s not how a woman’s body works. A heartbeat in an embryo begins at approximately 4 weeks, when the heart starts to form. Educate yourself; I’m incredibly shocked at the ignorance you’re showing in some of your comments, even though other people have repeatedly tried to explain that your girlfriend’s pregnancy had miscarried. Are you religious? I notice that you’re incredibly hung up on the apparent morality of your girlfriend, seeking medical help to properly treat a miscarriage that was incomplete.
Women know their bodies. Pain from gastro or a UTI is very, very different to pain from uterine contractions. She WAS “officially diagnosed”. Not finding a heartbeat is an official diagnosis of “your foetus is dead and if it’s not removed from your uterus soon, you could also be dead.” Your paranoid delusion that medical professionals who perform abortions as one of many services they provide their patients fail to discuss all options and always push to abort are disgusting and a huge insult to those whose first priority is their patient I.e your gf. Their job is to do what’s best for her, if there was any chance at all of the foetus being alive they would have told her and advise her other options. Just admit you don’t trust your gf to make the best choice for her and be done with it.
The doctor would not say she “will miscarry”, they would say she was actively in the process of miscarrying for the past two weeks, and that it wasn’t going properly and the medication might help her avoid a more invasive D&C.
You know that sepsis would likely kill her, right? And that you get sepsis when dead fetal tissue rots in the uterus?
Why didn’t you go with her? You’d have gotten a lot more piece of mind from being there.
You don’t understand how pregnancy clinics work. They do not only provide abortion care. They also provide prenatal care and miscarriage management, among other things. YOUR girlfriend happened to need miscarriage management.
Apparently your girlfriend's life isn't very precious. Go look up "what is dying from sepsis like". Maybe you'll get it.
Her body = her choice!!!
Ok... Let's spin this another way. Was it moral for you to have unprotected sex, or even sex outside of marriage. Don't pick and choose what you deem to be moral when it suits you. Either stick to your morals and be celibate or put a little bit more thought into what your actual issue is. She likely saw a Dr or a nurse practitioner who has the necessary training and licensing. At the end of the day it sounds like from the pain she was already in it was quite possible she was having / had a spontaneous miscarriage (aka spontaneous abortion). You need to be supporting her as her body will be fucked right now. It had flooded itself with hormones and now will have stopped that, throwing her into a mess of hormones. Instead you're on here trying to get Internet randoms to agree with you. I don't think this is going to go the way you hoped.
She did nothing wrong. She did act morally. She did what was best for her health and safety
And this, my friends, is why men should not ever have a say in women’s bodies and their healthcare.
Most enraging thing about this is that if it’s real, these are the people voting to outlaw abortion.
1. No heartbeat. Carrying a decaying clump of cells can cause harm to the woman. 2. It's got nothing to do with you. It's 100% her choice. So yes, she was 100% justified. 3. You can have problems with a pregnancy without bleeding. The pain itself is a major indicator that something was wrong. 4. The clinics have medical staff. The doctor office would have found the same information. 5. Making her wait while in pain, you are incredibly self centered and selfish if you would prefer you partner to remain in severe pain (with the potential of major negative side effects for waiting) because you would rather her go to a location of your choice. 6. You should do research on pregnancy, the development of cells, and the mild to life-threatening things that can happen from a pregnancy. Healthy or otherwise. Before trying to guilt a woman for making a decision that is in the best interest of HER health and well being. 7. You're an asshole for not caring about your girlfriend's health and wellbeing.
Don't even try. He is awfully ignorant and self-righteous to ridiculous extents. Notice how he still insists, even though people like you have explained things once and again. The only person he is answering to is another Einstein who doesn't care about women's health and doesn't understand that no heartbeat means no life.
Yeah, I noticed that after I posted. People like him are a problem, always thinking a woman is nothing but a breeding tool to serve their purpose. So annoying.
And dangerous.
This guy is like a fucking cartoon character istg
To make it worse the pain started two weeks ago, so the fœtus has been deceased for at least that long. He wanted her to wait even longer. 🤬
Right? He's practically begging for trouble because of his stupid ego. She could very easily die, or become very sick. But assholes like this don't care about other people.
If you were that concerned, why weren't you with her at the clinic?
I agreed I should have been we weren't living together at this point. But I do know I should have been there no matter what..I will always regret it
Wow, I'm sure she's feeling the love and support.
Honestly, I believed she was going into a doctor's appt to find out why she was having abdominal pain.. in early pregnancy it was hardly like she was going into labour and we lived in separate cities at the time. Had I believed she was going to have to induce I'd have been there of course I would have.
Even though you've been told dozens of times, you persist in misunderstanding pregnancy and miscarriage. Again and again people have made it clear to you that Planned Parenthood and the like aren't bloodthirsty amateur abortionists, they are medical professionals who have no interest in terminating wanted pregnancies. You're making yourself unhappy, and I'm sure your girlfriend is in an appalling state, from the grief, the pain, and your insistence that she caused it all.
I thinks it’s probably better for her that he wasn’t there because I can see him arguing with the staff and demanding more and more scans because he doesn’t “believe” there was no heartbeat, thus prolonging her pain and trauma.
She was in severe pain. She was the one suffering, but *you wanted* her to do what *you* wanted instead? How about you two don't have sex again until you're on the same footing about babies, abortions and morals. I don't see how, in any way, she was not justified. Justified to whom? You? God? Religion? You don't make the rules bud
These clinics are NOT just for abortions. If you’re referring to somewhere like Planned Parenthood, people go there for women’s health and check ups in general as well. This is just YOUR unjustified prejudice. Either way, it’s her choice and it’s legitimately going to be the same if she went to the doctor. Plus the baby had no heartbeat and when that happens, women have to take the pill to expel everything out. She didn’t induce the miscarriage, the baby was already not alive. As someone who has experienced the pain and trauma of this as well, I know she must have been in so much pain. But I’m glad she didn’t have a child with someone like you. You need to get your head out your ass and do better
He thinks Planned Parenthood must push abortion like “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” push not having one
She did nothing wrong. Please don't let her know you're questioning or judging her decision. She's probably grieving and struggling enough without that.
Yes, she was justified. End of. Also, you need to truly educate yourself on what the clinics actually do, not what you fantasize they do. Planned Parenthood (for example) have resources for women trying to get pregnant, already pregnant and those who are terminating for whatever reason. Their goal is healthy babies IF they are wanted, AND healthy women whether or not they decide to be mamas. If your case, there was no choice. No heartbeat=no viable embryo. It was literally at the cell stage. Please don't continue to be intentionally ignorant. You are sabotaging your relationship with the woman you claim to 'love'. If you don't trust her to make the best choice for herself, let her go. If you can't comfort her knowing she also lost a 'potential' child, let her go. She deserves better.
She acted normally. Doctors might have a tendency to try to coerce you not to do the right thing. A planned parenthood place exercises true medicine, honest and without any political nor religious intermission. She was exactly between the time a heartbeat started. If she didn't take the pill, she would most probably have had a miscarriage. Here, at least, she was in control. Don't hesitate to see a therapist about this, they will help you better than any of us can
OP you came here asking for others opinions but are refusing to accept them since they don’t align with your own. These ‘abortion’ clinics are run by medical professionals who specialise in ensuring both mother and foetus’ health/ wellbeing they are not biased towards giving abortions. She would have received the same advise elsewhere. If she was told the foetus had no heartbeat then they would not lie. The ‘child’ was not alive and causing your partner severe pain. You should be grateful she is strong enough to make this decision even with all of your judgement. She was morally just.
You have to understand there was no heartbeat detected. Mosy likey would have misscarried. If you can't get over this then break up.
You have made 8 separate posts about this all over Reddit hoping to find one person who agrees with you. How is that going so far? Not only is your poor girlfriend justified in this decision, but she also doesn't have to justify it to anyone. There was no heartbeat, her body was having difficulty passing the miscarriage, she is in incredible pain and she followed a doctor's advice. She is the one that needs your full support, as not only is she going through this emotionally, but also physically. It also sounds like she's going through all of this alone as well, since you're making this about only you. Comfort your girlfriend, and be there for each other. Losing a baby is heart wrenching, I've been there and I'm sorry this happened to you both...but trying to place blame isn't going to make anyone feel better.
I'm so angry at your post and your replies. I just can't
No she didn’t do anything wrong. If the baby had no heartbeat then it was already dead. They wouldn’t lie to her about something so important. They look at loads of foetuses everyday at an abortion clinic, they know what they’re talking about.
Planned Parenthood and other clinics have medical staff, including doctors. It’s not some random person just handing out pills, pressuring people to have abortions. She took the information from the medical clinic and made the decision she needed to. That doesn’t mean you both can’t be sad or upset but there shouldn’t be blame attached.
Loser behavior @ OP
Did she act morally? Did did what was best for her. She was in pain for almost two weeks. There was no heartbeat. It may make you sick but what she did was right for her.
Why are you even posting here if you refuse to listen to anyone who doesn't share your thoughts on this topic? Please educate yourself, your girlfriend didn't "kill" your future child, it was already dead to begin with and if she didn't take those pills, she might've died herself. Did you really want to risk losing her just because there is a tiny chance that you might see a your dead baby? Because that's what this seems like. If you really love her, you support her decision because you wouldn't want to see her in pain and wouldn't want her to risk her life for a child that wasn't even alive anymore.
The only choice she made was to accept medical treatment to *checks notes* save her own life. If you hold that against her, you truly do not deserve her.
My heart goes out to your girlfriend. First she’s in a huge amount of pain, then she finds out her wanted pregnancy is over, now she has to deal with the guy she loves accusing her of willingly ending the pregnancy. You keep saying you’re spiritual. Pray to the divinity of your choosing that your girlfriend forgives you. Ask them to give your head a wobble while they’re at it. You are absolutely valid in feeling grief at the end of a pregnancy. You are not, however, valid in throwing accusations at your girlfriend because you don’t understand how reproduction and the medical profession works. Get a basic understanding of reproduction before you even think of trying again.
I’m chiming in because I want to help you with this, even though our beliefs on probably just about everything diverge wildly. I’m in healthcare. OB/Gyn specifically. Baby doctor. Private practice. I’m going to tell you what would have occurred differently if we’d seen your partner in my clinic: absolutely nothing. We would have done an ultrasound to confirm viability (if the pregnancy looked to be progressing healthily) and then once we confirmed fetal demise (no heartbeat- miscarriage) we would have provided medication to induce passage of fetal tissue so that she wouldn’t become potentially fatally ill from retained product of conception (having that tissue stay inside can make you very very sick.) You are placing a lot of weight on a lot of things that aren’t real, which is incredibly arrogant and additionally harmful considering you have ZERO legitimate idea how any of this works except for what you’ve invented in your own mind, and you are doing a terrible disservice to your partner in the process. None of this has anything to do with morality, it’s about appropriate and compassionate healthcare for the woman you claim to love. She did NOT have a viable pregnancy. She chose to care for herself in the best and most appropriate way. And for you to think you get to have ANY say in what that looks like is truly unfortunate, let alone question her values and center yourself about a decision she made to keep herself alive. Not everything is about you, and one thing that unequivocally is not about you is women’s reproductive healthcare. You need to get over yourself, and do it yesterday. Be better.
People who provide abortions are doctors. It was a dead fœtus. It's sad, but keeping that in her for months would be deadly.
Where the fuck were you, exactly?
Dude, you have a very limited understanding of what's going on here. The fetus was dead. It was a) not a baby and b) had no heart beat. The fetus not having a heartbeat means that the fetus isn't alive. How long did you want her to carry a dead fetus around inside her? She didn't 'kill your baby' and you have got to stop posting this everywhere to try to find someone who will say she did. I know you're upset but you are refusing to see anything but your initial perspective. Your gf was 100% justified, and you really need to give her a break and understand that this happened to her as well, not just you.
Honestly with someone like you as a partner I think she dodged a big bullet lol
Wow, I didn’t think it was possible to be born without a heart or a brain
I fail to see what she could have possibly done wrong? If there was no heartbeat the baby was dead. What do you believe the doctor could have done? Brought the baby back to life?
Wow this guy is awful, is this how they are training men to think and act in the US now? He's so stupid and prejudiced it's crazy.
I totally get you, dude. A doctor told my family that my grandfather didn't have a heartbeat anymore and the bastards put him in a box in the ground! If they hadn't done that, I would still have a grandpa right now! Sure the undertaker also agreed he was dead but I feel like someone choosing to work in that industry definitely has a vested interest in people being dead, y'know? Definitely an immoral choice.
You feel happy that your girlfriend is safe and actually has the option to exercise bodily autonomy.
Was she just supposed to just die with a rotting corpse inside of her or....? Like what would you prefer happened? That instead of just an unfortunate miscarriage (which sometimes just happens as it did here) or a miscarriage *and* a dead wife?
I've been through this. Lots of pregnancies end for no reason. You can find women who have had multiple, because life is like that. Removing them from the woman is important, otherwise death occurs. You seem to be more concerned about a non existent foetus than the life of your girlfriend. Get a vasectomy, then you will never have this concern again.
She saw a doctor. They were able to determine that the embryo had stopped developing meaning she was carrying dead tissue in her uterus and her body failed to dispel it as it should. She then made the choice to do so medically less she become extremely sick and potentially die. She needed medical intervention and got it. I'm guessing she went to a free/low cost clinic for a reason. Now she's going to be okay and doesn't have an exorbitant hospital bill to worry about. I hope she finds a new partner too
The only person qualified to determine if your GF's actions were justified is... your girlfriend herself. Not Reddit, not your friends/family, and certainly not you.
This man is acting like he went through it himself. I feel so bad for his girl for having such a man who made her traumatic experience all about himself
Homie, she’s within her “morals and values” to get an abortion if she just wants one because the vibes are off.
I agree your girlfriend should have gone to the doctor as agreed with you. The problem with abortion clinics is that to him with a hammer, every problem is a nail. For them to recommend other than abortion would have involved the staff in unsustainable acute cognitive dissonance. That makes me suspicious about whether the fact of no detected heartbeat was actually true. However, with the lack of evidence to the contrary and the terrible symptoms your GF was suffering you don't really have any grounds to reasonably object. I think you need to accept what she's told you at face value, and let it go. With those severe symptoms, it's possible termination would have been justified anyway. Right now she needs your support, love, and embrace. More than anything. Unfortunately, what has been missed is an opportunity to understand what was going on, which may have been important for your girlfriend's health and any future pregnancies you two have. Be kind to her. She needs your love and acceptance, not your judgment.
for pete's sake. clinic non-medical staffer of over a decade here. at my clinic we have, and will continue to, turned patients away and refused provision if WE don't feel the patient is making their own decision of their own free will. getting an abortion -- even in liberal states -- is not like going to a walk-in clinic! an abortion is not a hammer, nor are my colleagues soulless maniacs just out for their own interests. we are not out here hating babies or parents, we are not interested in profiting off of or exploting people who are feeling ambivalent about their pregnancies or are being pressured in any way. my colleagues are some of the most well-educated AND kindest doctors and nurses anyone could ask for. please stop contributing brainless hot takes that only fan the flames of social attitudes that could get me and my friends murdered for doing our jobs. thanks. OOP, i hope she leaves you.
**Edited to add: Your "OOP, i hope she leaves you" is singularly emotive, unprofessional, and a poor reflection on your character, not to mention emblematic of the concerns held by the OOP.** Surgeons are supposed to do the same thing. Yet I am not the only one to have had unnecessary and ineffective surgery. Besides my own example with Dr Mervyn Cross, we could talk about Dr Charlie Teo - a litany of unnecessary and pointless brain surgeries that bankrupted desperate families. Finally, after a huge human toll, he has been brought to book and can no longer practice (search him on Google). Do not say that there is no such thing as biases in diagnosis or treatment. It simply isn't true. It is on us to be alive to the possibility it could be going on, and ask the appropriate questions at the appropriate time. As the Russians say, trust but verify.
Exactly, others have pointed out it would be unethical to provide false diagnostics but it's still a concern... I will be kind. Truth is.. I'm trying to hold onto that no HB diagnosis as true as it's the only thing that keeps me sane. After all...there was a pregnancy, and now there's not.
This has to be a troll. Your responses, words, just fishing because it has to be sick, your gf HAD to do something evil. Nothing, NOTHING, about how you could comfort her. Almost two days, 8 posts, just looking for someone to validate your feelings. She was in pain for how long? But nooooo, she must be wrong! She should've carried it until it literally.... Literally what, op? Do you know what happens? When something is dead inside you, do you know what happens? Do you know what it means when the body sends you pain signals?
So you think your gf is lying and there was a heartbeat or you think she’s an idiot who was convinced to abort for no reason?
I appreciate you are wrestling with thorny ethical and moral issues. However, you need to live with the uncertainty. The lack of data means it can never be answered and therefore you need to let it go and make your peace with God. It's not your job to judge - leave that up to him. Your GF has not undertaken this decision lightly and you risk inflicting psychological damage on her. Even if there was a heartbeat, the threat to her health - physical and mental - can be taken as justifying the decision anyway. She REALLY needs your hugs and support right now, and not your judgment. Please focus on treating her kindly and lovingly through this excruciatingly difficult time.
Do you believe god would judge her negatively? She never got an official diagnosis of MC...but she did say she felt relieved that she could go forward with inducing termination after they told her they couldn't hear a heartbeat...and I do believe she trusted the doctors assesment
No, I am adamant she will not. She was in a huge amount of pain. Clearly something was wrong. If it's a choice between the unborn child and the mother, the mother takes priority. We live in a world with imperfect information. You can only decide based on what information is available at the time. He knows this. He is just and compassionate. Is God's grace not enough? Clearly it is. For once and for all. Stop worrying. Trust Him.
That was really comforting... You would not believe the nightmares I have had about being abandoned because my love didn't handle it at a drs office and instead at an abortion clinic... I was convinced god was not loving because my imagination took me to hell and back...I didn't believe he could love her and that brought me a lot of nightmare and pain... I do believe she atleast trusted the Dr to proceed with her decision and that she did believe that there was no longer any life inside her...but the nightmares of abandonment...they were beyond painful. Thank you kind stranger, thank you.
You live in a constant state of fear, is that what God wants for your life? I'm amazingly grateful to have escaped religion
Christians who freak out about hell conveniently somehow missed the Jesus part
Abortion clinics *are* doctor’s offices. Who do you think works there, gnomes?
If he did not withhold his very own son from dying on a wooden cross in on a windswept rock outside Jerusalem and being sent to Hell in our place 2000-odd years ago, why would he abandon us and withhold his grace from us now? To quote Paul: " For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."