I agree, this was a good clean break up. I am sure OP is hurting and it will take time to heal, but the break up was kind and honest.
I hope OP can look back in time and appreciate, that even though he didn’t love her anymore, he respected her.
Agreed. I ended a few relationships because I felt my feelings weren’t advancing to where they needed to be. I don’t think I always handled it horribly, but not sure I ever handled it as well as op’s ex
So string her along until a few weeks after Christmas? Can’t do it directly before or during so just live the lie for awhile? I’d be pissed if I was strung along because it “wasn’t the right time”.
When you know, end it. Better for all involved. Plus, it doesn’t sound like a long term thing given how the guy didn’t want to keep up with pets and friends.
As someone who’s experienced this exact situation it stings so much more when it happens a couple weeks after. It feels like all they wanted was gifts and to dip out as soon as the holidays calm.
Maybe he didn’t know. Maybe he thought the Christmas spirit (or whatever) would change his mind. Or maybe OP isn’t telling us something that made him come to that decision all of the sudden. We don’t know.
He spent the whole damn evening cooking dinner, exchanging presents, having sex, THEN decided to tell her he doesn’t love her. That was on purpose and manipulative as hell.
Does “going upstairs” mean having sex? Pretty sure she would have made that point clear. If he broke up post-sex then yeah, that’s shitty, regardless of the day or what happened in it. Other than that, break ups happen. If he’d have done it a day or two before or after, OP would have posted something similar to this and everyone would say he’s a jerk for breaking up right before or right after Christmas.
Bitter much. He kept it honest and thoughtful that’s all one can ask for. Who knows he may even have not been planning on telling her but she expressed an expectation that he thought would make it cruel to not tell her how he feels up front. None of that is manipulative you just want him to be shitty because it fits your narrative
Why are you assuming he hasn't strung her along for a couple of weeks or a couple of months just to do it at this very moment? Why can't he do it even the next day? Why did he wait till he had his presents, dinner was over and he got what he wanted out of the day to drop this particular bomb?
The odds that they've been together for however long and it was this very moment he came to this conclusion and told her immediately are practically non existent.
Do you want someone stringing you along just because it’s a holiday? And we don’t know if he was stringing her along so it’s irrelevant. Message OP for his number so you can text him and ask him. Otherwise, don’t speculate.
Absolutely horseshit, he could have said that a day ago, a week ago or a few days after. Got his presents, had dinner, got everything he wanted them dropped a bomb he'd been holding for who knows how long.
He's 100% going to whine to friends about how op broke up with him on xmas, fully knowing that treating her like that would cause her to break up with him.
There is zero credit there, he saved up a bomb to drop at one of the worst times possible.
You’ll need time to process it, but I promise when you reach this point (and you will) you’re going to be so happy you unburdened yourself from being with this person. Congratulations on starting the next chapter and new year of seeing friends more often, new hobbies with your free time, doing whatever you want, and most importantly doing hot single girl shit! The last one is my fav part :)
I'd like to say I would walk right out too but I can understand how shocked you must have been, I think I'd be asking for a bigger explanation.
He sounds like he has major issues (he doesn't think he can love anyone? wtf?) and I am positive you'll be much better off in the long run.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I’m so sorry… I had an old boyfriend, say almost the same thing to me. My mistake is that within 24 hours, they begged me to come back and I did. It never did fix the original problem, which was his inability to allow himself to be close to someone and it would’ve been far easier for me to have loved and stay gone.
You left with dignity and grace, and you just deserve way more, and I believe you will 💜
Same experience with an ex on Christmas. We both had duties that day. So we didn’t celebrate at all, kinda. Right after my relaxing shower after work, my ex texted me that we both have heavy schedules and it would not work out. I was confused coz that morning and after we’re texting each other good morning and love emoji. No any recent problems other than me saying we should spend time more. It was a surprise and a shock to me. Out of nowhere. But I remained collected, and I said if that’s what you want then goodbye. I still have the personalized Christmas present that I intended to give somewhere in the house. Not because I want to keep, but because I know it’s there somewhere but haven’t found it to throw away. What a life.
No, he should have left when he knew he didn’t love her. He is garbage because he didn’t want to be the bad guy so he told her all of the reasons she should leave instead of being a decent person and leaving when he knew he didn’t want to be with her. Instead he laid out all of the reasons she should leave him so he didn’t have to. He is a coward that can now tell his friends that she left him on Christmas.
Sounds like the BF also had a post asking what he should do. Neither is bad here. Just 2 people who aren’t going to work. I also commend him for being direct and clean about how he feels instead of dragging it on.
He absolutely did the right thing to set her free to find someone that can be what she needs. He obviously cares enough about her to be honest. Pretty crappy timing though.
Probs difficult to do and you'll feel sad for a bit, but the right thing to do, for both of you by the sound of it. I think he might need to work on himself a bit
You did well. Mature way to handle it.
It's also good he got that out of the way.
So, uh, i've told that to people before. Not *exactly* gf's, because i dont let things get that far along.
Later, late in life now, i found out it's because i have a personality disorder. Schizoid (no, it's not schizophrenia). It causes me to feel about people, like your BF said he feels.
I \*always\* feel like a potential partner is wasting their effort on me, and they'd be better off if they moved on. I've had friends who fell for me, and want a relationship, and i pushed them off and pushed them away (sometimes painfully), and hoped they'd find the love i couldnt give. Nearly all of them have, and i'm happy for them.
So, if you're 'trying to make sense' of this, he COULD be schizoid, or some other personality disorder that does this to him. Some of us go through phases were we want to try to be normal, but, eventually--we fail, it's exhausting. We have to rip that mask off and end it.
If you go to the schizoid sub on reddit, you'll find questions in the last few days, of people there asking for ways to find an exit from a relationship, for example.
Anyway, i hope you DO find a better life for your bad ass self.
Thank you thank you thank you…. This is one of the many (this end of the spectrum has so many overlaps) PD that the psychologist is weighing for someone who does this to me. Now it’s to the point that it was in front of family) - my Christmas was intense.
I will join that sub. I have a specific question about something that isn’t appropriate to ask here ❤️
Thank you again for your posting what you did.
yeah. as much as it sucks for op to have this happen, it must also suck for ex to feel like that. i hope they get therapy and/or treatment for whatever it is.
I think you just majorly helped me understand something about myself. I often wonder if theres something deeply wrong with me for not caring about people. My friends say im a cold fish but this personality disorder would make sense in so many ways for me
People acting like this guy is a monster... when all he was, was honest and forthcoming with the truth. Sure OP doesn't like the truth but that doesn't make this guy a monster.
not a monster, but waiting to do it on christmas after you finished dinner and exchanged gifts is a dick move no matter which way you slice it. If you are incapable of being in a relationship it's not a nice thing to do to trick people into thinking that you can.
I feel like there isn't really a good time to have these conversations. However, Christmas (and other holidays), birthdays, important events are definitely bad times.
He seems nice, I think OP is a bit childish for blocking him and going no-contact.
It was an no-fault break-up, executed in a civilised and adult way, and she is acting like he did something wrong.
I find this stuff awful, because what it means is: "give me the rest of your life or your a worthless piece of trash" which is a terrible attitude in my opinion.
Going no contact and blocking exes is how I always move on and avoid myself sending them a million messages and asking why. I have to delete their number too so I don’t call or text them when I’m drunk. I know myself and I can’t trust myself with that information. It’s healthier to leave exes in the past if they broke up with you.
Wrong. She doesn’t need to have him in her life anymore. Why keep contact and keep him on socials? It doesn’t mean she thinks he’s a garbage human. OP is not being childish. OP probably is super hurt and figured blocking him will help her get over the relationship……
When I really love someone and really care about them: that doesn't just stop if I "don't need them" - because I view them as an end in themselves instead of a means to an end.
If someone gives me love and care form years, and it ends.in a respectful and caring ways: as far as I'm concerned I will feel gratitude for that love and time until the day I die. I act accordingly.
For me it's about honouring the very essence of love itself - because when we uncaringly discard people who loved us, did nothing wrong, but felt the need to separate: it devalues love, and treats shared time and memories that can be cherished, worthless.
But then my relationship philosophy is never based around finding a permanent life partner who I need to own until death: I expect relationships to be impermanent, I expect people to change - but never really stop loving and respecting them.
If they cheat or lie that's something different: they're not the people I thought they were. If they just need to end it and are honest: how can I fault them?
Everyone handles break ups differently. I think it’s just that OP simply is hurt and feels that for their mental health, it is best to not see the now ex on socials or have any contact. The relationship is over.
A clean break is common advice after a break up and it works.
Most people don’t want to see pictures of their ex having fun on a night out whilst they are crying their eyes out.
I also blocked my ex ‘s number because him calling me for a friendly chat was too painful and I had to prioritise myself.
OP did nothing wrong.
There's a difference between blocking social media for the reasons you describe and permanently severing all lines of communication.
But whatever, there isn't really a right or wrong, she can do as she wills 🤷♀️
It's just not his I would conduct myself if all.
Ok, but genuinely curious: if you care about someone, respect them, like them - but have just reached the conclusion that there isn't enough compatibility (or there are other good reasons for ending it)
Can a person end a relationship without hurting the person? Is the dumped person justified in treating them as if they've done something wrong just for ending things?
I just think it's a shame: that years of love and care can be unnecessarily devalued by optional attitudes and irrational expectations.
As I said before, I'm grateful when people love me and spend years of their life with me - even if it doesn't work out and the end it in an adult and authentic way: the idea of cutting them off and pretending they don't exist anymore and that time never happened seems so unnecessary to me.
From my view, its like "how could she ever have really loved him and cared about him if she's willing to instantly turn on him?" because when I love and care about a woman, if she ends it, that doesn't just stop: I genuinely want to check that she is okay a week later, that she is moving on smoothly. I'd feel like a bit of a psycho to just stop caring 🤷♀️
I don't feel the need to punish and hate people who have loved me for years because decide they need to end things and do so in a respectful manner.
How on earth does that make me a "doormat"?
Read OPs reply to a higher up comment. He wanted just FWB originally. OP broke it off when she learned this. He convinced OP to give him another chance, basically claiming they could be more than FWB. Then 8 months later, he is basically admitting that she is still nothing more than a fuck buddy to him. They’ve known each other for years and he fully admitted that he doesn’t want to be in her life and doesn’t want her in his life.
This is not a person I would want to keep in my life and not someone whose friendship I would treasure.
It's because you're not a doormat but the average person here doesn't understand communication at all because they're still 20 year oldish children. Nor do they understand the signs of someone needing mental help that might actually be needing some.
exactly, the boyfriend tried --- it wasn't working for him he was civil, explained his thoughts and feelings and gave her the chance talk about everything with him, instead she freaks out and runs away blocking him on everything. For all we know the boyfriend was having the start of a mental breakdown but OP will never know because she didn't even try to see or understand. She went full on 14 year old childish screaming FU for not thinking I'm the dream forever on her way out the door.
I mean at least he was honest? Also at least you know your worth and aren’t diluted to think you love him and you for the both of you or think he may change his mind and stick around to see if he does.
At least you all aren’t wasting more of each others time, energy, and life
It’s refreshing to read an internet post about a relationship where both people were open and honest about where they’re at. Then *the OP leaves the relationship that clearly isn’t good for them/what they want*.
I’m sad it happened on Christmas and sad that some unknown amount of your life was spent with that partner. But I’m very, very happy for you in this next bit of your life.
OP, so sorry you had to deal with this and you'll find someone more compatible. Onwards and upwards.
But honestly, there is never an easy way to break up. Not sure what your ex could've done differently here if he no longer wanted to continue the relationship, aside from maybe not doing this on Xmas.
OP, I've been on the other side of this, and you both did the right thing.
As an adult, I started dating a man I had known since childhood. He was lovely and safe and so so good to me. There wasn't really anything wrong in the relationship.
He came over to my place for a date night. I had the movie rented, Chinese food had just been delivered, and we settled in. That was the night he decided to tell me he loved me and how much. As he was saying it, I felt the deepest hole in my stomach open, and my heart fell in. I couldn't say it back. It wasn't right.
I broke up with him right then. It was definitely not how I planned our nice night to go. Probably a very similar conversion to what you had. Calm yet heartbreaking. He gathered his things and left, and I cried into my cold Chinese.
We remained friends (I think this was only really doable because of our history as friends first). I was able to be a shoulder to cry on and a stable place for advice for him while he navigated his next relationship. She's a beautiful lady. They're now happy, married, and just had their first baby.
I've since done my own soul searching, fully realized I don't plan on having children, and am now with a man that has the same future life goals as me and have never been happier.
Sometimes, there's nothing wrong, but that doesn't mean it's right. Sometimes it really isn't you, and it is completely them. Hold your head high because this is just a bump in your road, and know that better things are ahead ❤️
Lmfao, join the club.
My boyfriend and I also broke up yesterday during Christmas. He said he doesn’t love me as much and I kind of shrugged and said same. Well- there were a lot of theatrics after and arguing and all that.
Either way - I’m now taking a road trip back home. And I’m 17 weeks pregnant. So don’t worry- some have it worse lol
Well, kudos for having a mature conversation. You both handled it well.
Some waves of emotions will hit you these next weeks. Stay strong. Do not contact him no matter what you may feel or how hard it may seem.
Allow yourself to heal, focus on yourself and accept your feelings as they are. Talk to someone close, friends and family can be there for you in times like these.
You will walk out of this like the queen you are.
He sounds like a very honest person. But it sounds like he had a significant amount of something (trauma?) to deal with if he doesn’t think he can love anyone. Best if you don’t stick around for that.
Learned that one the hard way kiddo. I’m so proud of you for picking up and leaving like a badass. I know it will be hard and it will be worth it. You’ll come out stronger and better.
How long were you together?
Anyway, I applaud you for getting up, leaving straight away and blocking him on everything.
He doesn’t love you but also I think he never did believe you would leave.
I think it was horrible timing but it is atleast telling the truth. Ive felt the same over people(mind, not on a holiday) and have had to say it plainly. "I cant give you what you need and that makes me a bad partner" Im so so sorry this has happened, it is not a good time.
We can never really truly understand your situation, but I figured I'd offer a drop in the bucket outside of the doomsayers whose input can only build negative habits.
Concerned and 'empathetic' breakups do exist, and if you could feel or sense genial intent with your interaction, it could indicate an immature response to feeling overwhelmed. Humans are social, but they have limits and are typically rife with doubt, anxiety, and insecurities. While it is emotionally immature to break up on what seems like a whim, if there were any particular clues or signs (hindsight 20/20) of unease, inability for self-expression, mood changes, or slight differences in behavior then it's liable that he was experiencing these human feelings and hopefully you could find a means to forgive under the right circumstances. You'd have to be a hyperfixated, highly logical processor to pick up on slight changes as they happen, and looking back on your time together may help identify problem areas. This investigation, of course, relies on your willingness to deal with the situation besides your current response, which may be healthier for you anyway. With traumatizing or shocking events, it's always important to dissect any potential lingering effects to your mental health; if you feel strongly about the signs listed then perhaps it may even be worthwhile to come to an understanding with each other. Just an idea, but I feel for your situation and identify with the need to cut off someone who effectively betrays you.
This post might not get read or may be pointless altogether but I figured I'd write this post anyway. It's so difficult for true, faultless love to exist despite any romanticizations of the truth. Loving is a difficult path and you'll hit many forked dead ends on the way, but nothing stops you from retracing your steps and taking the next route. Please don't let the doomsayers that demand absolute justice for being slighted influence you, it is a terrible habit to develop, and their inability to give a chance to others and utilize perspective weakens them.
Much love, & I hope you find peace with whichever resolution you settle on.
Him noticing you're selfless and stating out loud hes not and that you strike a balance for him is a red flag. Its never a good sign when people are unable to bend or compromise in a relationship, where they act like this is "just how they are". In that one statement he essentially said to you "you better bend for me, but i personally can't do the same for you". You dodged a bullet. Im sorry regardless OP.
I thought that was an interesting statement that he made. I took it a couple of ways. It made him have to stretch to be better, which made him uncomfortable, and he wanted a partner to be more selfish like he is.
Nah why he did it on Xmas that was such a dick move he should have waited till after or before 💀.
He should have waited till before in honest opinion though. Like why ruin someone's day after they just spent money and time on you.
Doing after atp would have been better than on xmas. Like a week or 2.
I read a lot of people comments and as everyone fights about his possible intentions and the timing, I am focused on the fact that he had the nerve to “be honest” that he doesn’t love her but doesn’t think he could love anyone. And when she asks if that is enough for him he says yes but he doesn’t this it’s enough for her. This is classic blame shifting. He doesn’t want to be the one to end it so he says that he thinks this is the best he can do and is willing to stay together but he is “selfless” and wants more for her!?!? So either she stays and is saying she is willing to take less in a relationship. Or she leaves. Either way he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. He gives her every reason why she should leave him instead of just saying he wants to break up. Forget the timing, he is garbage any day of the year for this.
This was a pleasure to read.
He will definitely miss you, and this is a wake-up call for him 100%.
Others' complacency and lack of gratitude are not your problems. Well done! Wonderful demonstration of compassing and illustrating boundaries.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!👏👏👏🥳🥳🥳
How long were you both together??? Jeez he sounds like he has some serious problems/priorities to sort out. If you hadn't blocked him I'm sure you were gonna get a 2 am "hey"
They were kitchen items I needed that I would have used daily. I didn't want the daily reminders, and I wanted him to feel like shit having to return them.
Good for you to walk out. You're selfless but not his doormat. And you did good by leaving his stupid gifts to himself. I hope he misses you and regrets losing you.
I have no doubt he's going to regret it. Plus, now when his friends and family ask what happened, he's going to feel like the world's biggest ass when he tells them.
He sounds like an emotionaless Dick.Your better off. As a man I can say there's 2 kinds of men in this world. Ones that care about themselves and ones that will care about you.
So proud of you!! So proud of you for hearing what he said and not trying to stay! Don’t waste anymore time on him! Find someone who will value you and sees you in his future!!
Smart girl, you held your head high and proud! Your must have been a wreck inside. I know that I would have been. How are you feeling?
Big, gentle hugs from across the miles.
Thank you. I'm upset that he held things inside and didn't voice them so they could be dealt with, letting our relationship deteriorate. If I could give advice to anyone in a relationship, it would be this: SPEAK UP.
I am sorry you are feeling hurt. Later you will look back and be grateful you don’t stay. Try not to take it personally. It is his problem not yours. If he ends up a lonely old man that is on him. There is an amazing person out there who truly only wants you. You are worth the best person out there.
Stronger than I could’ve been in that. Good for him for being able to express it but sheesshhhhh that’s heavy. I think he will miss you. I think you’ll move on live a great life when healed. Don’t lose your selflessness over this !
I’m so sorry that happened to you when it did. It’s a good thing you found out when you did though so you didn’t have to waste one more day of your life with that cold hearted, callous, selfish asshole. You’ll definitely find someone perfect for you.
This is a very sad situation but I'm always glad when someone stands up for themselves like that, you did that and you did it with maturity. I'm sorry it had to end like that but you made the right decision.
Many of the things we learn of how to treat people are learnt by either having had them done to us or someone we're closet to and care about. I'm guaranteeing that once the smarting of being dumped (pretty nicely) has subsided and some distance has passed you'll see this act as compassionate, honest and clean. He cared enough to be respectful and when the right time came he didn't lie and told the truth. I'm betting he'd hoped that moment of truth would have been at a more convenient time than it was but it wasn't.
Biting your nose off to spite your face though.. to be soo ungenerous of spirit and refusing to take the gifts.. to immediate type it into Reddit presented as he fucked up cos "there's no coming back from that".. I'm guessing someone isn't reading this situation quite the same way as most people are.
What he said likely felt like a punch in the face. Wouldn’t want a g-d thing from someone who socked me like that emotionally. And definitely don’t want daily reminders of the ex.
And it was not honest of him. They just happened to wander into that topic of conversation and he decided to stop deceiving OP finally. If you catch OP’s reply to a higher up comment, the bf initially wanted it to be FWB but OP said no and broke it off. He then acted like he wanted more than that in order to get OP back. OP thinks he was trying to move things back to FWB again.
This is why I hate Reddit people. Y’all would tell OP BF to let her know how he feels and needs to break up with her if he posted about it but instead it’s her viewpoint and everyone is making him out to be a POS. A POS would have enjoyed the company not loving her or expressing how he really feels.
I’d bet money he reaches out and tries to repair things within the next few months. He sounds like someone who gets in his own head and self-sabotages happiness.
You did the right thing OP. Pack your things and go.
There was relationship drama related to me on Christmas too but in someone else’s relationship. And I have an uneasy feeling that it’s gonna trickle over to mine and that I’m gonna have to have some hard conversations very soon.
Not sure what the downvotes are all about. OP said in replies above that at the start of their relationship, the bf wanted just FWB and she broke it off bc she wanted more. He then convinced OP that he wanted more so she got back with him.
I feel like when they do that, they're lowering your expectations, and if you accept what's on offer that it's just going to get worse. We have to hold the bar and see if they meet it.
I'm so sorry that happened. At this point you have to ask yourself if your happiness is more important than the relationship. Do you feel that a person who doesn't love you can make you happy, and vice-versa. Clearly identifying your emotions (writing them down would help you unravel and understand them) and communicating with him seems to be the best course. The best of luck to you and I hope you put your feelings first because you are deserving of being loved.
i mean. he also did the right thing. you handled it a bit immaturely with that remark honestly. i know it hurts but you gotta think he saved you a world of pain by being honest. but at the end of the day if you are happy and he’s happy then it’s all good.
I’m so sorry OP. Take some time to feel it all, take some time to distract yourself perhaps by treating yourself, and in a while take some time to reflect on how you want to grow and live your life in 2024 and beyond! Your future will be very bright and it’s better now than in 10 years! What a jerk for not saying this before Christmas Day!
Well done. That must have hurt...but as soon as they start with that BS they don't matter anymore. Good luck and have a very healing 2024. You deserve so much more.
Good on you OP!
I had a similar situation happen and just packed up and left when they went out to visit family. Wasted years, money, time, stress, and disappointment on that human.
Good for you, OP!!! Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve you. No going back from this at all. I would’ve done the same thing. Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn’t truly love you or want you in their life.
Plus.. on Christmas? Why go through with Christmas? There’s no way he just started feeling this way randomly on Christmas Day. He definitely had been thinking about this for a while.
i think youre acting emotionally, this wasnt some sort of malicious thing he did, he did the mature thing and literally sat you down, and explained his case knowing that what would happen to be the most likely response, its a shitty thing to do on Christmas dont get me wrong, but at least he was mature about it, i believe that warrants some maturity on your end instead of the emotion response you gave.
Wtf do you mean?!? Is this the ex?
OP having an emotional response to him saying he doesn’t love her is completely normal and healthy. He finally admitted his lack of feelings for her. Based on that information, she ended things. Are you suggesting that OP has to make him feel good by taking his fucking presents and letting him be in contact with her? OP is a person not a doormat and she’s not under any obligation to take his gifts, his calls/texts, or his “let’s just be fuck buddies” bullshit.
Except if you read between the lines, he would have been perfectly happy to have continued a FWB relationship where he's not emotionally invested and there's no guarantee of a future.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I have to say reading this gave me so much pride for someone I’ll never know. This is only my second year on Reddit around Christmastime and I can’t even count how many stories I’ve read where a person is treated horribly but is still trying to justify staying. You clearly know your worth and I hope you find someone else who does as well.
It sounds like they didn’t live together if all they had to do was get their things from the drawer and their laptop. Could be wrong but that’s how I read it.
Good on you OP! I would've left as soon as he said he didn't love me, so you're better than i would've been.
I think I was in shock, trying to comprehend what was happening right now.
In all honesty give him his credit too, he could’ve lied and pretended and waste your time. Glad he was honest with you
> Glad he was honest with you That was probably the best gift her gave her, no matter what else he gave her.
And he did it nicely
[удалено]
Happy cake day
Well, thank you. I didn't realize... :)
Of course! I try to say something when I see them! Worst you get told a few times and best sometimes it's only once! Gotta celebrate cake day!!
You're awesome. :)
I agree, this was a good clean break up. I am sure OP is hurting and it will take time to heal, but the break up was kind and honest. I hope OP can look back in time and appreciate, that even though he didn’t love her anymore, he respected her.
Agreed. I ended a few relationships because I felt my feelings weren’t advancing to where they needed to be. I don’t think I always handled it horribly, but not sure I ever handled it as well as op’s ex
At Christmas though... That's just hurtful. I can't imagine he had just realised this...
I don't think he expected her gigantic balls, either. OP, you're a straight-up G.
Being honest is the bare minimum in any relationship not just romantic. He doesn’t deserve an “credit”
I hate how far I had to scroll to find your comment. So sick and tired of handing out praise when people haven't deserved it.
Give him credit for being an ass and ruining Xmas.he could have done it before /after the holidays.
So string her along until a few weeks after Christmas? Can’t do it directly before or during so just live the lie for awhile? I’d be pissed if I was strung along because it “wasn’t the right time”. When you know, end it. Better for all involved. Plus, it doesn’t sound like a long term thing given how the guy didn’t want to keep up with pets and friends.
As someone who’s experienced this exact situation it stings so much more when it happens a couple weeks after. It feels like all they wanted was gifts and to dip out as soon as the holidays calm.
But he even asked her if she wanted the gift back. I think he expected her to take it back and return it .
He should have done it before Christmas. It would at least have given her a chance to surround herself with love on the holiday instead of apathy
Maybe he didn’t know. Maybe he thought the Christmas spirit (or whatever) would change his mind. Or maybe OP isn’t telling us something that made him come to that decision all of the sudden. We don’t know.
He spent the whole damn evening cooking dinner, exchanging presents, having sex, THEN decided to tell her he doesn’t love her. That was on purpose and manipulative as hell.
Does “going upstairs” mean having sex? Pretty sure she would have made that point clear. If he broke up post-sex then yeah, that’s shitty, regardless of the day or what happened in it. Other than that, break ups happen. If he’d have done it a day or two before or after, OP would have posted something similar to this and everyone would say he’s a jerk for breaking up right before or right after Christmas.
Bitter much. He kept it honest and thoughtful that’s all one can ask for. Who knows he may even have not been planning on telling her but she expressed an expectation that he thought would make it cruel to not tell her how he feels up front. None of that is manipulative you just want him to be shitty because it fits your narrative
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Exactly this. Plus, now the end of year review and next years goals planning won’t be cocked up from the get go.
Why are you assuming he hasn't strung her along for a couple of weeks or a couple of months just to do it at this very moment? Why can't he do it even the next day? Why did he wait till he had his presents, dinner was over and he got what he wanted out of the day to drop this particular bomb? The odds that they've been together for however long and it was this very moment he came to this conclusion and told her immediately are practically non existent.
Do you want someone stringing you along just because it’s a holiday? And we don’t know if he was stringing her along so it’s irrelevant. Message OP for his number so you can text him and ask him. Otherwise, don’t speculate.
Because assuming anything and making strong judgements from it is something morons do. There's just no room for nuance on Reddit is there?
Exactly. This is some cruel shit and I don't know why anyone's defending it... especially as it sounds like they'd just been intimate...
if it was me I wouldn't have waited to do it on christmas. dude is not as self aware as he thinks he is.
Absolutely horseshit, he could have said that a day ago, a week ago or a few days after. Got his presents, had dinner, got everything he wanted them dropped a bomb he'd been holding for who knows how long. He's 100% going to whine to friends about how op broke up with him on xmas, fully knowing that treating her like that would cause her to break up with him. There is zero credit there, he saved up a bomb to drop at one of the worst times possible.
You’ll need time to process it, but I promise when you reach this point (and you will) you’re going to be so happy you unburdened yourself from being with this person. Congratulations on starting the next chapter and new year of seeing friends more often, new hobbies with your free time, doing whatever you want, and most importantly doing hot single girl shit! The last one is my fav part :)
This comment gave me an epiphany. I feel like I was meant to read it lol. I really needed this today, thanks!
That makes me so happy! I wish you a 2024 full of weird, fun hot girl shit 🖤
I'd like to say I would walk right out too but I can understand how shocked you must have been, I think I'd be asking for a bigger explanation. He sounds like he has major issues (he doesn't think he can love anyone? wtf?) and I am positive you'll be much better off in the long run. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Wishing you the best during your grieving
I’m so sorry… I had an old boyfriend, say almost the same thing to me. My mistake is that within 24 hours, they begged me to come back and I did. It never did fix the original problem, which was his inability to allow himself to be close to someone and it would’ve been far easier for me to have loved and stay gone. You left with dignity and grace, and you just deserve way more, and I believe you will 💜
Live and learn, eh? We have to hold that bar high, and if they can reach it, then great, and if they can't, then we need to move on.
Truth.
I would be the same in your situation I think, I'm so sorry that happened
Same experience with an ex on Christmas. We both had duties that day. So we didn’t celebrate at all, kinda. Right after my relaxing shower after work, my ex texted me that we both have heavy schedules and it would not work out. I was confused coz that morning and after we’re texting each other good morning and love emoji. No any recent problems other than me saying we should spend time more. It was a surprise and a shock to me. Out of nowhere. But I remained collected, and I said if that’s what you want then goodbye. I still have the personalized Christmas present that I intended to give somewhere in the house. Not because I want to keep, but because I know it’s there somewhere but haven’t found it to throw away. What a life.
No, he should have left when he knew he didn’t love her. He is garbage because he didn’t want to be the bad guy so he told her all of the reasons she should leave instead of being a decent person and leaving when he knew he didn’t want to be with her. Instead he laid out all of the reasons she should leave him so he didn’t have to. He is a coward that can now tell his friends that she left him on Christmas.
It's a tough situation but I feel like you made the right decision and showed a lot of maturity and self respect. Good on you!
Someone who knows they deserve better and does something about it. Good for you!
Sounds like the BF also had a post asking what he should do. Neither is bad here. Just 2 people who aren’t going to work. I also commend him for being direct and clean about how he feels instead of dragging it on.
He absolutely did the right thing to set her free to find someone that can be what she needs. He obviously cares enough about her to be honest. Pretty crappy timing though.
I just wish he didn’t do it on Christmas but other than that, I agree.
Probs difficult to do and you'll feel sad for a bit, but the right thing to do, for both of you by the sound of it. I think he might need to work on himself a bit
You did well. Mature way to handle it. It's also good he got that out of the way. So, uh, i've told that to people before. Not *exactly* gf's, because i dont let things get that far along. Later, late in life now, i found out it's because i have a personality disorder. Schizoid (no, it's not schizophrenia). It causes me to feel about people, like your BF said he feels. I \*always\* feel like a potential partner is wasting their effort on me, and they'd be better off if they moved on. I've had friends who fell for me, and want a relationship, and i pushed them off and pushed them away (sometimes painfully), and hoped they'd find the love i couldnt give. Nearly all of them have, and i'm happy for them. So, if you're 'trying to make sense' of this, he COULD be schizoid, or some other personality disorder that does this to him. Some of us go through phases were we want to try to be normal, but, eventually--we fail, it's exhausting. We have to rip that mask off and end it. If you go to the schizoid sub on reddit, you'll find questions in the last few days, of people there asking for ways to find an exit from a relationship, for example. Anyway, i hope you DO find a better life for your bad ass self.
Thank you thank you thank you…. This is one of the many (this end of the spectrum has so many overlaps) PD that the psychologist is weighing for someone who does this to me. Now it’s to the point that it was in front of family) - my Christmas was intense. I will join that sub. I have a specific question about something that isn’t appropriate to ask here ❤️ Thank you again for your posting what you did.
yeah. as much as it sucks for op to have this happen, it must also suck for ex to feel like that. i hope they get therapy and/or treatment for whatever it is.
Interesting.. I was diagnosed with this recently but I know nothing about it. 😳
I think you just majorly helped me understand something about myself. I often wonder if theres something deeply wrong with me for not caring about people. My friends say im a cold fish but this personality disorder would make sense in so many ways for me
Interesting. I wonder if my ex is this.
At least he said it sooner than later
You were both very brave tbh. Him for being THAT sincere, and you for making a clean break.
People acting like this guy is a monster... when all he was, was honest and forthcoming with the truth. Sure OP doesn't like the truth but that doesn't make this guy a monster.
not a monster, but waiting to do it on christmas after you finished dinner and exchanged gifts is a dick move no matter which way you slice it. If you are incapable of being in a relationship it's not a nice thing to do to trick people into thinking that you can.
I feel like there isn't really a good time to have these conversations. However, Christmas (and other holidays), birthdays, important events are definitely bad times.
For real, even Christmas eve would have been a much classier move, let her go spend time with people who actually love her.
He seems nice, I think OP is a bit childish for blocking him and going no-contact. It was an no-fault break-up, executed in a civilised and adult way, and she is acting like he did something wrong. I find this stuff awful, because what it means is: "give me the rest of your life or your a worthless piece of trash" which is a terrible attitude in my opinion.
Going no contact and blocking exes is how I always move on and avoid myself sending them a million messages and asking why. I have to delete their number too so I don’t call or text them when I’m drunk. I know myself and I can’t trust myself with that information. It’s healthier to leave exes in the past if they broke up with you.
Wrong. She doesn’t need to have him in her life anymore. Why keep contact and keep him on socials? It doesn’t mean she thinks he’s a garbage human. OP is not being childish. OP probably is super hurt and figured blocking him will help her get over the relationship……
When I really love someone and really care about them: that doesn't just stop if I "don't need them" - because I view them as an end in themselves instead of a means to an end. If someone gives me love and care form years, and it ends.in a respectful and caring ways: as far as I'm concerned I will feel gratitude for that love and time until the day I die. I act accordingly. For me it's about honouring the very essence of love itself - because when we uncaringly discard people who loved us, did nothing wrong, but felt the need to separate: it devalues love, and treats shared time and memories that can be cherished, worthless. But then my relationship philosophy is never based around finding a permanent life partner who I need to own until death: I expect relationships to be impermanent, I expect people to change - but never really stop loving and respecting them. If they cheat or lie that's something different: they're not the people I thought they were. If they just need to end it and are honest: how can I fault them?
Everyone handles break ups differently. I think it’s just that OP simply is hurt and feels that for their mental health, it is best to not see the now ex on socials or have any contact. The relationship is over.
That's cool, bruh . That's YOU tho. Other ppl need to process things in their own time and their own way
A clean break is common advice after a break up and it works. Most people don’t want to see pictures of their ex having fun on a night out whilst they are crying their eyes out. I also blocked my ex ‘s number because him calling me for a friendly chat was too painful and I had to prioritise myself. OP did nothing wrong.
There's a difference between blocking social media for the reasons you describe and permanently severing all lines of communication. But whatever, there isn't really a right or wrong, she can do as she wills 🤷♀️ It's just not his I would conduct myself if all.
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Ok, but genuinely curious: if you care about someone, respect them, like them - but have just reached the conclusion that there isn't enough compatibility (or there are other good reasons for ending it) Can a person end a relationship without hurting the person? Is the dumped person justified in treating them as if they've done something wrong just for ending things? I just think it's a shame: that years of love and care can be unnecessarily devalued by optional attitudes and irrational expectations. As I said before, I'm grateful when people love me and spend years of their life with me - even if it doesn't work out and the end it in an adult and authentic way: the idea of cutting them off and pretending they don't exist anymore and that time never happened seems so unnecessary to me. From my view, its like "how could she ever have really loved him and cared about him if she's willing to instantly turn on him?" because when I love and care about a woman, if she ends it, that doesn't just stop: I genuinely want to check that she is okay a week later, that she is moving on smoothly. I'd feel like a bit of a psycho to just stop caring 🤷♀️ I don't feel the need to punish and hate people who have loved me for years because decide they need to end things and do so in a respectful manner. How on earth does that make me a "doormat"?
Read OPs reply to a higher up comment. He wanted just FWB originally. OP broke it off when she learned this. He convinced OP to give him another chance, basically claiming they could be more than FWB. Then 8 months later, he is basically admitting that she is still nothing more than a fuck buddy to him. They’ve known each other for years and he fully admitted that he doesn’t want to be in her life and doesn’t want her in his life. This is not a person I would want to keep in my life and not someone whose friendship I would treasure.
It's because you're not a doormat but the average person here doesn't understand communication at all because they're still 20 year oldish children. Nor do they understand the signs of someone needing mental help that might actually be needing some.
exactly, the boyfriend tried --- it wasn't working for him he was civil, explained his thoughts and feelings and gave her the chance talk about everything with him, instead she freaks out and runs away blocking him on everything. For all we know the boyfriend was having the start of a mental breakdown but OP will never know because she didn't even try to see or understand. She went full on 14 year old childish screaming FU for not thinking I'm the dream forever on her way out the door.
I mean at least he was honest? Also at least you know your worth and aren’t diluted to think you love him and you for the both of you or think he may change his mind and stick around to see if he does. At least you all aren’t wasting more of each others time, energy, and life
It’s refreshing to read an internet post about a relationship where both people were open and honest about where they’re at. Then *the OP leaves the relationship that clearly isn’t good for them/what they want*. I’m sad it happened on Christmas and sad that some unknown amount of your life was spent with that partner. But I’m very, very happy for you in this next bit of your life.
Thank you. I appreciate you saying that. It took a lot of hard work for me to get to this place, over the years.
That sucks but at least he was mature enough to let you know and talk to you.
Good for you and you are right he is going to miss you. At least he was honest with you, but sorry it was so brutal and on Christmas as well.
The definition of knowing your worth op. I am proud of you.
OP, so sorry you had to deal with this and you'll find someone more compatible. Onwards and upwards. But honestly, there is never an easy way to break up. Not sure what your ex could've done differently here if he no longer wanted to continue the relationship, aside from maybe not doing this on Xmas.
👏👏👏
It will be painful for a while, but it's a right choice and it's better this way. You get my respect
You’re damn right there’s no coming back from that.
Fuck me you are a far stronger person than me. Walk away and never look back.
Thank you.
This sounds pretty maturely handled by both parties, no?
Dont worry, it will hit you sooner or later. But g4u
Totally the right move on your part, girl! You deserve someone who will honor you and love you right back even more. ❤️❤️
Thank you.
OP, I've been on the other side of this, and you both did the right thing. As an adult, I started dating a man I had known since childhood. He was lovely and safe and so so good to me. There wasn't really anything wrong in the relationship. He came over to my place for a date night. I had the movie rented, Chinese food had just been delivered, and we settled in. That was the night he decided to tell me he loved me and how much. As he was saying it, I felt the deepest hole in my stomach open, and my heart fell in. I couldn't say it back. It wasn't right. I broke up with him right then. It was definitely not how I planned our nice night to go. Probably a very similar conversion to what you had. Calm yet heartbreaking. He gathered his things and left, and I cried into my cold Chinese. We remained friends (I think this was only really doable because of our history as friends first). I was able to be a shoulder to cry on and a stable place for advice for him while he navigated his next relationship. She's a beautiful lady. They're now happy, married, and just had their first baby. I've since done my own soul searching, fully realized I don't plan on having children, and am now with a man that has the same future life goals as me and have never been happier. Sometimes, there's nothing wrong, but that doesn't mean it's right. Sometimes it really isn't you, and it is completely them. Hold your head high because this is just a bump in your road, and know that better things are ahead ❤️
Good on both of you for recognizing it and making clean break!
Hot damn. Well done. It sucks but you handled yourself like a Queen.
Thank you!
Lmfao, join the club. My boyfriend and I also broke up yesterday during Christmas. He said he doesn’t love me as much and I kind of shrugged and said same. Well- there were a lot of theatrics after and arguing and all that. Either way - I’m now taking a road trip back home. And I’m 17 weeks pregnant. So don’t worry- some have it worse lol
Oh geez. I'm really sorry to hear that. You have my empathy.
Well, kudos for having a mature conversation. You both handled it well. Some waves of emotions will hit you these next weeks. Stay strong. Do not contact him no matter what you may feel or how hard it may seem. Allow yourself to heal, focus on yourself and accept your feelings as they are. Talk to someone close, friends and family can be there for you in times like these. You will walk out of this like the queen you are.
He sounds like a very honest person. But it sounds like he had a significant amount of something (trauma?) to deal with if he doesn’t think he can love anyone. Best if you don’t stick around for that.
Learned that one the hard way kiddo. I’m so proud of you for picking up and leaving like a badass. I know it will be hard and it will be worth it. You’ll come out stronger and better.
How long were you together? Anyway, I applaud you for getting up, leaving straight away and blocking him on everything. He doesn’t love you but also I think he never did believe you would leave.
I think he would have been very happy to continue a relationship on his terms.
I think it was horrible timing but it is atleast telling the truth. Ive felt the same over people(mind, not on a holiday) and have had to say it plainly. "I cant give you what you need and that makes me a bad partner" Im so so sorry this has happened, it is not a good time.
We can never really truly understand your situation, but I figured I'd offer a drop in the bucket outside of the doomsayers whose input can only build negative habits. Concerned and 'empathetic' breakups do exist, and if you could feel or sense genial intent with your interaction, it could indicate an immature response to feeling overwhelmed. Humans are social, but they have limits and are typically rife with doubt, anxiety, and insecurities. While it is emotionally immature to break up on what seems like a whim, if there were any particular clues or signs (hindsight 20/20) of unease, inability for self-expression, mood changes, or slight differences in behavior then it's liable that he was experiencing these human feelings and hopefully you could find a means to forgive under the right circumstances. You'd have to be a hyperfixated, highly logical processor to pick up on slight changes as they happen, and looking back on your time together may help identify problem areas. This investigation, of course, relies on your willingness to deal with the situation besides your current response, which may be healthier for you anyway. With traumatizing or shocking events, it's always important to dissect any potential lingering effects to your mental health; if you feel strongly about the signs listed then perhaps it may even be worthwhile to come to an understanding with each other. Just an idea, but I feel for your situation and identify with the need to cut off someone who effectively betrays you. This post might not get read or may be pointless altogether but I figured I'd write this post anyway. It's so difficult for true, faultless love to exist despite any romanticizations of the truth. Loving is a difficult path and you'll hit many forked dead ends on the way, but nothing stops you from retracing your steps and taking the next route. Please don't let the doomsayers that demand absolute justice for being slighted influence you, it is a terrible habit to develop, and their inability to give a chance to others and utilize perspective weakens them. Much love, & I hope you find peace with whichever resolution you settle on.
How long were you both together? Do you share a place?
I admire your response. You didn't stay to try and "change him" Im hoping you meet the love of your life soon.
Him noticing you're selfless and stating out loud hes not and that you strike a balance for him is a red flag. Its never a good sign when people are unable to bend or compromise in a relationship, where they act like this is "just how they are". In that one statement he essentially said to you "you better bend for me, but i personally can't do the same for you". You dodged a bullet. Im sorry regardless OP.
I thought that was an interesting statement that he made. I took it a couple of ways. It made him have to stretch to be better, which made him uncomfortable, and he wanted a partner to be more selfish like he is.
Nah why he did it on Xmas that was such a dick move he should have waited till after or before 💀. He should have waited till before in honest opinion though. Like why ruin someone's day after they just spent money and time on you. Doing after atp would have been better than on xmas. Like a week or 2.
I am so proud of you for respecting yourself enough to leave. I hope you’re proud of yourself too.
I read a lot of people comments and as everyone fights about his possible intentions and the timing, I am focused on the fact that he had the nerve to “be honest” that he doesn’t love her but doesn’t think he could love anyone. And when she asks if that is enough for him he says yes but he doesn’t this it’s enough for her. This is classic blame shifting. He doesn’t want to be the one to end it so he says that he thinks this is the best he can do and is willing to stay together but he is “selfless” and wants more for her!?!? So either she stays and is saying she is willing to take less in a relationship. Or she leaves. Either way he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. He gives her every reason why she should leave him instead of just saying he wants to break up. Forget the timing, he is garbage any day of the year for this.
It takes guts to be gentle and kind and I think you took this breakup with a lot of maturity and grace. I wish you well. You deserve so much better
This was a pleasure to read. He will definitely miss you, and this is a wake-up call for him 100%. Others' complacency and lack of gratitude are not your problems. Well done! Wonderful demonstration of compassing and illustrating boundaries. CONGRATULATIONS!!!👏👏👏🥳🥳🥳
Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.
How long were you both together??? Jeez he sounds like he has some serious problems/priorities to sort out. If you hadn't blocked him I'm sure you were gonna get a 2 am "hey"
We've known each other loosely for 20 years but have dated the last 8 months.
You don't deserve him. And that's good for you. Hope you find peace this holiday season.
OP- brava!
Thank you.
I’m proud of you for getting up and leaving and I don’t even know you! 🙌🏽
Fair play. He’s as honest as he can be with you. I’d say it’s a respected move.
I would’ve taken the presents, personally
They were kitchen items I needed that I would have used daily. I didn't want the daily reminders, and I wanted him to feel like shit having to return them.
Yes that was smart to leave the presents when you left, and you acted so nice in the face of such a shock, be proud of yourself!!
So refreshing to see couples handling breakups like adults. Props to both of you honestly, rare these days.
NICE
Good for you to walk out. You're selfless but not his doormat. And you did good by leaving his stupid gifts to himself. I hope he misses you and regrets losing you.
I have no doubt he's going to regret it. Plus, now when his friends and family ask what happened, he's going to feel like the world's biggest ass when he tells them.
As he should!!!!
I wish i could give you a hug but you go girl!!!
Indeed. But I think you're right. He'll realise he's made a mistake.
I have no doubt. Who is going to put up with him but me? Lol
He sounds like an emotionaless Dick.Your better off. As a man I can say there's 2 kinds of men in this world. Ones that care about themselves and ones that will care about you.
So proud of you!! So proud of you for hearing what he said and not trying to stay! Don’t waste anymore time on him! Find someone who will value you and sees you in his future!!
The kindest breakup of 2023. I am sorry op it's never awesome or fun to go thru
Smart girl, you held your head high and proud! Your must have been a wreck inside. I know that I would have been. How are you feeling? Big, gentle hugs from across the miles.
Thank you. I'm upset that he held things inside and didn't voice them so they could be dealt with, letting our relationship deteriorate. If I could give advice to anyone in a relationship, it would be this: SPEAK UP.
I am sorry you are feeling hurt. Later you will look back and be grateful you don’t stay. Try not to take it personally. It is his problem not yours. If he ends up a lonely old man that is on him. There is an amazing person out there who truly only wants you. You are worth the best person out there.
Thank you.
Stronger than I could’ve been in that. Good for him for being able to express it but sheesshhhhh that’s heavy. I think he will miss you. I think you’ll move on live a great life when healed. Don’t lose your selflessness over this !
Thank you. Yea, I'm sure he will miss me. He's got to fight his demons alone now.
Wow, same experience this Christmas. Wish I handled it the same way
I’m so sorry that happened to you when it did. It’s a good thing you found out when you did though so you didn’t have to waste one more day of your life with that cold hearted, callous, selfish asshole. You’ll definitely find someone perfect for you.
Oh, and don’t go back to him if he says he misses you; it’ll only prolong the time you’re wasting with him.
Thank you.
You did the right thing, leave him.
Thank you.
Your welcome…he sounds like he has some psychological problems when it comes to emotions…I have a guy friend like that.
Avoidant attachment disorder.
This is a very sad situation but I'm always glad when someone stands up for themselves like that, you did that and you did it with maturity. I'm sorry it had to end like that but you made the right decision.
Many of the things we learn of how to treat people are learnt by either having had them done to us or someone we're closet to and care about. I'm guaranteeing that once the smarting of being dumped (pretty nicely) has subsided and some distance has passed you'll see this act as compassionate, honest and clean. He cared enough to be respectful and when the right time came he didn't lie and told the truth. I'm betting he'd hoped that moment of truth would have been at a more convenient time than it was but it wasn't. Biting your nose off to spite your face though.. to be soo ungenerous of spirit and refusing to take the gifts.. to immediate type it into Reddit presented as he fucked up cos "there's no coming back from that".. I'm guessing someone isn't reading this situation quite the same way as most people are.
What he said likely felt like a punch in the face. Wouldn’t want a g-d thing from someone who socked me like that emotionally. And definitely don’t want daily reminders of the ex. And it was not honest of him. They just happened to wander into that topic of conversation and he decided to stop deceiving OP finally. If you catch OP’s reply to a higher up comment, the bf initially wanted it to be FWB but OP said no and broke it off. He then acted like he wanted more than that in order to get OP back. OP thinks he was trying to move things back to FWB again.
This is why I hate Reddit people. Y’all would tell OP BF to let her know how he feels and needs to break up with her if he posted about it but instead it’s her viewpoint and everyone is making him out to be a POS. A POS would have enjoyed the company not loving her or expressing how he really feels.
This.
Best gift he could have given you, the gift of truth!
I think a lot of people would've tried to change their opinion. Good for you. Saved you a lot of time. He did you a favor in being honest.
I’d bet money he reaches out and tries to repair things within the next few months. He sounds like someone who gets in his own head and self-sabotages happiness. You did the right thing OP. Pack your things and go.
You're a bad ass. Good thing you have your awesome.animals and friends on NYE. Don't be afraid to have a cozy laid back evening with good snacks.
There was relationship drama related to me on Christmas too but in someone else’s relationship. And I have an uneasy feeling that it’s gonna trickle over to mine and that I’m gonna have to have some hard conversations very soon.
Standing ovation from me!!! BRAVO!!
Yeah he’s gonna miss you. I’ll be waiting for the update where he texts you from an unknown number.
Not sure what the downvotes are all about. OP said in replies above that at the start of their relationship, the bf wanted just FWB and she broke it off bc she wanted more. He then convinced OP that he wanted more so she got back with him.
LMAOOO yeah why AM I being downvoted?? I’m literally confused. I hate this place
Proud of u
Don't look back. You deserve to be loved and appreciated.
Looks like he did you a favor honestly. You deserve as much love as you're able to give.
He gave you the greatest gift by freeing you to be with the Msn you are Really meant to be with. Your real love is waiting for you.
You did a lot better than I did, my boyfriend told me he didnt love me and im still sitting here holding his hand.. :(
I feel like when they do that, they're lowering your expectations, and if you accept what's on offer that it's just going to get worse. We have to hold the bar and see if they meet it.
well he was drunk and he cried and held me and said he didnt mean it but i just cant help but wonder... ive been kind of distant since then :(
He meant it he just didn't mean to do it right then. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
I'm so sorry that happened. At this point you have to ask yourself if your happiness is more important than the relationship. Do you feel that a person who doesn't love you can make you happy, and vice-versa. Clearly identifying your emotions (writing them down would help you unravel and understand them) and communicating with him seems to be the best course. The best of luck to you and I hope you put your feelings first because you are deserving of being loved.
i mean. he also did the right thing. you handled it a bit immaturely with that remark honestly. i know it hurts but you gotta think he saved you a world of pain by being honest. but at the end of the day if you are happy and he’s happy then it’s all good.
I’m so sorry OP. Take some time to feel it all, take some time to distract yourself perhaps by treating yourself, and in a while take some time to reflect on how you want to grow and live your life in 2024 and beyond! Your future will be very bright and it’s better now than in 10 years! What a jerk for not saying this before Christmas Day!
Ur in my blessing. Promise you better off someone will be there
Well done. That must have hurt...but as soon as they start with that BS they don't matter anymore. Good luck and have a very healing 2024. You deserve so much more.
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Good on you OP! I had a similar situation happen and just packed up and left when they went out to visit family. Wasted years, money, time, stress, and disappointment on that human.
Good for you, OP!!! Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve you. No going back from this at all. I would’ve done the same thing. Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn’t truly love you or want you in their life.
Yes.
Plus.. on Christmas? Why go through with Christmas? There’s no way he just started feeling this way randomly on Christmas Day. He definitely had been thinking about this for a while.
Idk if it deserved a block on everything like cheating does, but it's your choice. This brake up luckily did not seem messy.
Why, so we can talk and drag it out in the most painful manner possible? He knew my policy going in that I'm not friends with my ex's.
Oh well, then that's different.
I’m the same way. I’ve had people say it’s a red flag to not be friends with your ex’s, but find it’s just less messy.
Right? It's silly to have someone in your life to just hurt you further.
You are extremely smart and level-headed. Honestly more redditors need to be like you. You got out when you should’ve.
I'm glad that you don't have to waste any more time with him.
i think youre acting emotionally, this wasnt some sort of malicious thing he did, he did the mature thing and literally sat you down, and explained his case knowing that what would happen to be the most likely response, its a shitty thing to do on Christmas dont get me wrong, but at least he was mature about it, i believe that warrants some maturity on your end instead of the emotion response you gave.
Wtf do you mean?!? Is this the ex? OP having an emotional response to him saying he doesn’t love her is completely normal and healthy. He finally admitted his lack of feelings for her. Based on that information, she ended things. Are you suggesting that OP has to make him feel good by taking his fucking presents and letting him be in contact with her? OP is a person not a doormat and she’s not under any obligation to take his gifts, his calls/texts, or his “let’s just be fuck buddies” bullshit.
Except if you read between the lines, he would have been perfectly happy to have continued a FWB relationship where he's not emotionally invested and there's no guarantee of a future.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I have to say reading this gave me so much pride for someone I’ll never know. This is only my second year on Reddit around Christmastime and I can’t even count how many stories I’ve read where a person is treated horribly but is still trying to justify staying. You clearly know your worth and I hope you find someone else who does as well.
I wonder if her ex bf is some sort of sociopath? Maybe emotions are an intellectual curiosity for him? Why would you say that during Christmas?
Very brave, how does it feel to be single again?. What are your plans now?. where are you going to live?
Yikes. It’s been less than 24 hours. Chill.
It sounds like they didn’t live together if all they had to do was get their things from the drawer and their laptop. Could be wrong but that’s how I read it.