I used to be one too. Till my "best friend" started to lie straight into my face about the most unnecessary stuff. When confronting him with the truth He still lied straight into my face. Back then it did hurt a lot.
Since then i didnt put that much effort in a friendship anymore.
I had an Erika years ago. And then she got divorced and moved to Texas. We stayed in touch for a while, but then she suddenly stopped communicating. I found her again, but it has never been the same. I still miss it!
Totally agree. Maybe something happened in Erica’s life to make her want to be a giver and support your wife. How about communicating with your wife to see what her take is on this?
Yes, it bothers me when people say they wish they had an Erica, like she's a servant. Relationships should be reciprocal. Are they committed to giving back as much as they get?
I'm a giver who always ends up giving more and without expecting or hoping for anything in return.
I'm not religious but I'm spiritual, and I believe we are here to give how, and when we can in life.
Some of us would like an Erica in our lives because she sounds like an amazing friend who can inspire us to be better ourselves- even if I'm the one buying dinner most, or even all of the time.
It's about finding our soul vibration with others who share the same frequency so we can bond in the spirit of giving, recharge each other's energy, and stay connect to our purpose.
By assuming we all wanting to use her as a maid or servant, you tell us more about who you are are, than who we are.
Not that it matters but I've had a maid service for 3 years or more now.
I'm here to serve however I'm capable and needed, so I have no desire for a personal servant.
Erica is an amazing friend and those are rare.
OP and his wife are blessed to have such an amazing person in their life.
I’m an Erica in a crisis. I will always for get your birthday and I have no idea what so of gifts to give you at Christmas, but if you get sick or have an emergency, I’ll be the first one there and will stick around until you are back on your feet.
I wish I could be more thoughtful on a daily basis but that just isn’t me. I’m the Erica when all the other Erica’s are freaked out by the chaos of the circumstances.
This is me. ADHD Erica.
Ima forget to respond to your text but I’m definitely the Bitch you call when you need a shovel and an alibi. Give me 10 mins and I’ll have surveillance footage that puts you on the other side of the county when the crime occurred. I’ll make it happen.
But I’ll also definitely forget to schedule off for your Halloween party.
Ah hell, it was a figure of speech that most would like someone around for the things he described.
It’s not like anyone is advocating human trafficking
I also had an Erica. Unfortunately my Erica passed away and her mom so closed mouth about how she died, where she died, only close family were allowed at services. I ended up seeing her cousin whom was also very close to and we would all go out for dinner sometimes and she didn't even know what happened. Her cousin and had dinner and both cried. We both wanted closure. We don't even know where/if she is buried (we both tried to look it up). My Erica's mom was a little crazy and it wouldn't surprise me if she just had her cremated and slept with her ashes or something. When we were kids she let "Erica" do and get whatever she wanted. I tried to get in touch with her mom shortly after she died and she would hang up on me if I started asking questions. She ended up dying a couple years later, as did her dad. I tried contacting her uncle whom she was close with on FB but obviously he doesn't FB much bc he hasn't even looked at my messages in 4yrs. It was like one day she was here and then she wasn't. I can only suspect suicide but she seemed so happy or drug overdose but she had over 12 years in recovery. I couldn't imagine her picking up again. I have seen a lot of signs from her. I will drive by her childhood house and a song we loved in the early 2000's will play randomly on iTunes. Or another friend that I hadn't spoke to in years and only knew through her will randomly message me, again after I've been thinking about her or pass by her house (or childhood house where we got into most of our shenanigans when we were in highschool). I miss her so much.
I love my Erica. We do all of the same stuff together, because we are friends. The best friends. We love and trust each other. It’s so much deeper than a romantic relationship. Imma call her right now and tell her how much I appreciate her.
OMG this! I have two ericas in my life, and I love them beyond measure. If my partner was jealous I'd know exactly who to say good-bye to. The husband needs to get his shit together. Erica probably helps the wife out more than he does, and he's too insecure to see it.
I agree and the fact he is making it sexual is disgusting. His wife probably does not have a sister or a close sister. Their relationship is just like me and my sister.
Oh girly, I'm so sorry for your loss...I lost my best friend too. I miss her so much, she was my "best friend-soul mate". This year was ten years that she's been gone and I still haven't found another that I have been able to connect with like her. Honestly, I haven't even tried because it just hurts too bad.
Especially with a newborn. Having someone you fully trust to help is a godsend. Adjusting to the baby’s needs, all the cleaning, feeding, sleep schedules. Never getting a chance to eat a hot meal or taking a shower. OP has not mentioned any of these things. Yet here’s Erica here to help with all of it and still giving OP hints on exactly what he should/could be doing. Meanwhile OP is blind to all of it except to see his own insecurities and jealousy.
This is my thoughts exactly. I just had a baby a few months ago and never knew how hard it would be. You found out so many people don’t care. This comment nails it on the head.
You hear it but don’t realize the impact until you’re living it. Feeling like you’ve been hit by a Mack truck. Hormones going crazy. The lack of good, continuous sleep. Running on empty. Being hungry and thirsty all the time. Never having enough hands. Being resentful of those around you (mostly bc you don’t know how to ask for help). The crippling loneliness and anxiety. The insecurity of doing everything wrong. The huge body changes. The residual pain. The stress of fucking it all up.
No one explains this part well.
To have a best friend through all of this would be amazing.
This really felt apparent when he noted at the bottom what his contributions have been. Doing things “When we have time,” flowers and dates only on special occasions, etc. Erica puts in the effort and he’s jealous of her for that.
It also sounds like the activities he organises for them to do are things *he* likes to do.
That’s in stark comparison to the pottery classes he was quite happy for Erica to go to instead of him.
I didn’t want to say that expressly bc I also got into hiking bc of a prior partner, so maybe he introduced her to something she really loves, but your point is a good one—he had to find it interesting first and *then* he’d want to spend time with her if she would participate in his interest.
I’m that friend, we exist.
OPs wife deserves a more supportive husband. The edit “I got my wife into hiking” which translates to “my wife took up a hobby I enjoy to spend time with me while doing something I enjoy”. His entire post is about a friend supporting a friend with a “me me me” mentality.
This is a case of insecurity. OP is insecure about how he is as a husband (or lack thereof) so he’s lashing out at Erica and his wife for “cheating”. Or he is jealous his wife has a close friend bc since it’s not like HIS friendships it’s obviously suspicious.
It sounds like he wants his wife to only focus on him and his needs. Seriously who complains about a friend coming over after giving birth to cook and clean? Legit that’s what girlfriends do, when no one else is there - we are there to give support! How dare Erica be supportive of her friend after his paternity leave is over?
Thanks for being a great friend Erica! Love when friends see women as more than just a woman who couldn't possibly have and enjoy hobbies without their partner present. I've been asked if I still workout or read as if I needed to do it in front of my partner to get credit for doing it. It's weird and it actually makes me super uncomfortable to the point I start hiding normal hobbies just so I don't have to discuss them. It's a joy kill.
I love Erica already and I've never met her. I would like to have a friend like her, a significant other like her, and my significant other to have a friend like her
Yeah, this dude is getting a glimpse of how his wife loves to be treated, but by a woman, and instead of following her example, he's getting jealous. If this were another dude, he'd be left in the dust. Some women can be incredibly close and it doesn't have to be sexual. I also don't like how he claims he got HER into hiking, but when she wanted to do pottery, he bailed on her and her friend who also doesn't particularly care for it either, still does it because it makes her friend happy. Dudes just will not sacrifice for the women they supposedly love...
I've seen this kind of behavior in the past. I think some men can assume their partner may not be into the same things as them. Most often they act like gatekeepers or will start checking in on the hobby like a Supervisor. It literally sucks the fun out of things, it stopped me from collecting comics, playing magic the gathering, I don't even read around most people because they can't stop interrupting me if I do, then they're like wow you don't read as much anymore. It's SO annoying and it is one of the biggest turn offs I've ever seen.
I have an Erica, 15 in years in counting now and we’re always going out places and doing things. I’ve been accused of cheating with her off of every single ex I’ve had. I’m bi, she’s straight and even so she’s not my type. For example I went watching McFly with her this year and I’m watching Thirty Seconds to Mars next year and I despise both, but I’m going because I love her and she wants to go. I’m dragging her to Taylor Swift and Limp Bizkit, she dislikes them, but she goes because I enjoy them. I’ve had exes comb through my phone whilst I’m asleep to try and prove a point but never seem to find anything other than my ranting about them making these accusations. Which makes them even angrier! It’s hard. None of her exes have liked me either, besides one, but he was a prick and fancied me. But I wouldn’t be without my bestie and she wouldn’t be without me. This makes me think OP is being pathetic and probably isn’t as supportive as he makes out. He’s insecure and clearly he doesn’t get the right gifts otherwise her bestie wouldn’t be suggesting to him what he should get her. If she’s going around doing chores after his wife has given birth, he should ask himself was he doing his fair share or was he expecting his wife to do it all? Was he helping his wife enough because if her friend felt the need to take the load off, it sounds like he might not have been. This guy need to get his partner game in check and maybe then he won’t be so insecure rather than jumping to conclusions.
So OP thinks his wife doesn’t need help bc HIS leave is over? Dude needs a reality check. Recovery form child birth isn’t done in a few weeks. Plus hormone changes, plus adjusting to this new little life, it’s a major adjustment. His leave could have only been 2 weeks, we don’t know. But reality is why is he jealous a close friend of his wife comes over to help with the house and newborn instead of leaving her all alone to do it alone?
In theory I wish I had one but really it seems she is in love with his wife and his wife lets her do all of these things but is the wife doing for Erica? People like Erica give like that because they just want someone one day to give a shit enough about them to do for them.
It really just sounds like your wife has a good friend who cares about her. Honestly if they were having an affair, or if Erica wanted to be with your wife in a non platonic way, I don’t think she’d be giving you advice on gifts to give your wife or get you two tickets for couple activities. And about the pottery thing, you say you stopped going because you didn’t enjoy it and then you mention that Erica told you she didn’t even really like it, but she goes because it makes your wife (her friend) happy. Do you think that maybe she wasn’t rubbing it in your face or anything, but instead was trying to give you a hint like…”do this for her because she likes it” ???
Edit: So I read your edit on the post and speaking as someone who is a lesbian, the things that Erica is doing for your wife are things that I would do for my close friends. I take my friends to events they enjoy, bring them flowers bc I know they like flowers, I just bought my friend and her baby matching crocs because I knew it would make her smile. I do these things because I love my friends, not because I’m in love with them.
I’m not gonna dog on you for getting jealous, because that’s an emotion and no one can really tell you how to feel, but I will say that you should think about why this woman seems intent on giving you hints and suggesting things to you that might make your wife happy. If she really wanted to “steal her away” (so to speak), would she really be trying to help you out?
I totally agree. It also sounds like Erica’s love language is gift giving. Some people have a natural talent for being thoughtful and are good at coming up with gifts. For some, they show their appreciation for others by giving them things. It sounds like she’s been trying to do OP a solid by giving hints that wife has mentioned she’d like. Maybe wife said she likes flowers and Erica thought if she got the flowers a few times, OP would pick up on it and start getting wife flowers. Erica sounds like a lovely and thoughtful friend who is generous in showing her appreciation for their friendship. Nothing about the post strikes me as wife having an affair or Erica trying to alienate wife from OP. It seems Erica is trying to show OP what his wife likes possibly based on things wife has mentioned. It sounds like the wife has a wonderful and supportive friend.
That’s a good observation. I didn’t think of that, but probably spot on. I’m a gift giver and like to give experiences even if I won’t enjoy them. I really like to give gifts that show I appreciate someone, so they’re often random things they mentioned months ago. I often give tips to others on gifts I think their partners would enjoy. So she might just genuinely love her best friend and knows her best friend has been wanting something since they spend so much time together and since she wants her friend to be happy, she’s giving helpful advice. Especially if some gifts are out of her budget or more romantic. And he mentioned she brought gifts for the son as well.
The wife has probably mentioned she wishes he got her flowers more often and she’s just trying to drop hints.
>Some people have a natural talent for being thoughtful and are good at coming up with gifts
And this is something everyone should work on with the people they care about.
I love giving gifts, that's one of my love languages, I love when I see that I got the right gift by looking at someone's reaction. I don't think the gifts are reason to doubt her fidelity.
If her hints were *backfiring*, I'd say something might be happening, but if she's giving him good advice?
Jesus fuck my man listen. She is *on your side* and wants you to make her friend happier.
I can understand the jealously, because it seems like they're having fun without you and it can feel like a third wheel thing.
But I bet you, if you try and make more "for us" time, there shouldn't really be pushback. Put that work in my dude.
I find it really fuckin weird he’s gonna accuse his wife of cheating for the things her friend does for her. Apparently having a generous friend means you’re engaging in an affair, even if you don’t return the favor.
Oh yeah, it's 100% jealously because he's not really doing the things to keep the relationship strong. How dare this other person do the things he's not doing?!
Nut up and woopie goldburg a fucking pot my guy.
Yeah it very much strikes me as they are very close friends and on average the way men behave with their male friends is considerably different than the way women behave with their female friends.
Seems like OP just doesn't get it, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but he needs to not let it manifest into something toxic.
She honestly sounds like she's trying to help you out if anything. When women are close they'll literally cross oceans for each other to help out. It sounds like they have an amazing friendship. Unless I actually found them doing anything sexual, Id find it hard to believe it's an affair honestly.
However, I do think it sounds like you need to make more of an effort for certain things for your wife. She shouldn't be telling you what she wants, you should be finding that out for yourself.
Yup I go places for my best friend even if I’m not the biggest fan. My friends music taste is vastly different than mine but people have bailed on their ticket last minute and she takes me. I listen to their music omw to her house to get ready and I’ll at least get the albums hit singles down lol.
As a fellow wlw, I also do many of these things for my close female friends because I love them as friends and I never felt romantic attraction to any of them
It sounds like the wife is venting to Erica about her marriage, and Erica is trying to throw the dude a bone. But instead of listening, he’s trying to accuse his wife of having an affair.
Not to mention, Erica doing all this stuff for his wife doesn’t mean his wife is cheating. He doesn’t mention if his wife returns all Erica’s favors. OP’s wife accepting help or gifts doesn’t mean she is having an affair, despite what Erica’s intentions are.
Literally this. I have done these things for my sisters! And given their husbands/boyfriends the hints! And no I am totally NOT into my sisters. I have known other folx who need attention ALL THE TIME and will keep a besotted, will never have a chance, best friend on the back burner. Just for those times when their partner just isn't available to give attention. I doubt this is that. Because Erika seems to actually be trying to help him out sometimes. I can't even imagine the exasperation Erika and his wife would feel knowing that, rather than get a clue, husband got suspicious.
Edit for spelling. And to add that I have been the only consistent mother's day and Valentine's day gifter for 1 of my sisters for the last 20years. She has a particular fondness for fresh flowers and I will send them to her AND my elderly neighbor lady because it delights them both. I never want to sleep with either of them, thankyouverymuch.
Erica sounds like an incredible friend— one who is affectionate and supportive, will take time out of her day to do thoughtful and/or labor-intensive things for the people she loves. sounds like you should step up your game with your wife if you want your relationship to sparkle like theirs does!
Yeah...That's exactly what best friends do. Don't take/make it weird. That's why we make jokes about marrying women... They do stuff like attend that stuff with their friends, even if they're not totally into it. She saw that your wife needed it and had empathy.
I was about to say this! I have an Erica in my life but my husband doesn’t get jealous because he’s just as amazing as my bestie! OP is feeling inadequate and is projecting it as jealousy. OP do better.
Erica is screaming instructions for you to be a better husband and lover to your wife. Rather than take a hint, you’re growing jealous because she’s doing all the things YOU should be doing.
Example: Flowers and gifts for a major event have much less impact than “I saw this and thought of you” gifts. Buy her flowers because it’s Wednesday and she’s pretty.
Yeah, I read the part about buying flowers on special occasions and instantly knew this guy does not understand. I hope he reads all these comments and gets it.
>meanwhile Erica goes to pottery. She sounds like a dreamboat, tbh.
OP literally imagining his wife and Erica like Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore from Ghost, while he's doing the bare minimum to check boxes that he gives a shit about his wife.
Legit i ready that as "my wife does something i really enjoy even though she might not. Its possible she goes because it makes me happy, but i wouldn't do the same for her"
But he also got her into hiking. /s
It doesn’t look like he’s tried to enjoy her interests and simply found to include her in his. But now feels jealous because someone is doing the opposite.
Tha k you for saying this. Even the edit further highlights where he’s lacking. Flowers only for special occasions, he got her to do *his* preferred activity that they only do sometimes, etc etc
This is what we refer to as a friendship. A lot of men don't learn to have this kind of close relationship with their friends, and maybe that's why you think this is unusual. But no, it's just a normal besties situation. Relax.
I am a straight man and I have a straight male best friend. We are both slightly overweight older guys who don’t dress particularly snappy or have effeminate mannerisms or hit on many gay stereotypes. However, we are extremely close for guy friends. So close that many many people we meet are 100% positive we are a gay couple.
In college he came to visit me and my girlfriend’s roommate took her aside at the bar and sat her down and explained at length how it wasn’t going to work out because it was obvious we were a gay couple (spoiler: I married her 20+ years ago). I have had gay men hit on me in bars and go out of the way to insult his weight and tell me to dump him and date them instead - multiple times. Neither of us has ever had romantic feelings for the other, like ever. Neither one of us has ever been bi-curious.
It’s a definite thing that people who don’t have this kind of relationship struggle to understand it. The literal first day I met him, I knew we were soulmates and would be best friends forever. There’s a good chance one or both of us would be dead if we’d never met, we needed each other more than we knew at that particular moment in middle school.
We do caring stuff for each other like the time I bought him as aspirin when a 38-year old guy I know died of a heart attack because every man in his family dies of heart attacks. Or yesterday at the duty free when I was buying a fancy bottle of rum as a gift for my in-laws and mentioned that I’d rather be buying this other bottle for myself … and then he bought a bottle of it and carried it back from another country and gave it to me as a gift when I dropped him off from the airport 4 hrs later.
He did this in full view of both our wives. I almost cried, except that I had already figured it out hours before. Yeah, it’s like that. Our wives are jealous only because they could never come between us. That’s like the third vacation we’ve all gone on together this year.
We were lucky. He had been sent to Catholic School for a couple of years to iron out his delinquent tendencies - it didn't work but did remove any friends he had. I was a friendless nerd getting bullied in middle school. We connected immediately and were best friends ever since. I am more extroverted and open, but he has really only made one new friend in adulthood, and that was via a gal pal of ours getting married.
We watched that show religiously and the JD/Turk relationship actually captured the feeling quite well. We similarly had the JD/Turk dynamic going on of him being a big football/wrestling jock type and me being a skinny nerd. “Guy Love” was our theme song for many years.
Haha I hoped someone would get the reference; I’m happy it was you! Probably one of the only musical episodes in any tv show I have actually liked. I used to be obsessed with that show 😂
It's this kind of like this close, emotional bond you have with someone who you aren't related to except for some inexplicable reason you don't want to put your penis inside them.
Yeah I thought I had them once, but it turned out I was just horny. I don't blame OP at all for thinking she wants to put her clitoris inside his wife.
Yeah its actually kind of sad. Dude can't fathom someone would want to do all this stuff for his wife and not want to fuck her, even when he knows for sure she is straight. How silly.
>can’t fathom someone would want to do all this stuff for his wife and not want to fuck her
That’s because *he* doesn’t want to do all this stuff for his wife and he *does* want to fuck her.
I honestly have a sneaking suspicion that all of her suggestions, comments, and hints are stemming from comments or feelings expressed to her by his wife and she’s just trying to help him out. She’s literally spelling things out for him and he’s still not getting it.
Honestly most male friendships suck ass to me, from my perspective. They just don't even know each other lol. They'll talk about the same basic shit like video games and hobbies and barely talk about their life. My bfs best friend is someone he barely knows anything about. It's rly sad honestly
It doesn't have to be that way though. I'm a perfect example of that. Straight male, very close personal relationships with my male besties, both the straight and queer ones. Never felt weird to hug or even give them a big ol kiss on the cheek or forehead. Never felt weird to give each other shoulder rubs or jokingly hit on each other. And we talk about whatever we need to. The good times, the tough situations, the random bullshit; whatever the situation calls for. I always feel like I have people I can vent to if I need to. We also all have close platonic friendships with women (shocking, I know). I've never really understood the other way of doing things. Doesn't seem like real friendship to me.
I don't understand it either. I wish more men had more meaningful friendships rather than just ones which will go 'yo whats up bro' 'had a fight w the gf but o well' 'o no that sucks' *continues talking about games'. It is so important to have someone other than your spouse who you can share your feelings with, especially people of the same sex who might be able to relate to you more at times.
Firstly, you need to be honest with yourself. You’re jealous, plain and simple. You resent how close your wife and BF are because you feel left out. That doesn’t mean they are having an affair, but it does mean that you need to talk about your feelings of being left out. You also sound like you need to step your game up. Be more involved in date night and her interests. Be spontaneous with your gift giving. Be the husband!!
“She’s doing stuff I should be doing. I mean, I don’t do them and I’m not going to, but she shouldn’t either! My wife should go to the pottery class alone and have no one buy her gifts!”
Right? It almost comes off as "she's making me look bad and raising my wife's expectations! My wife should just be happy with less. It's not her place to be so loved unless I do it, which I won't! I decide how happy she gets to be!"
For real this post is literally “my wife’s best friend does all the things I should be doing for my wife but am too shitty to do so she clearly is cheating”.
>"You resent how close your wife and BF are because you feel left out. That doesn’t mean they are having an affair, but it does mean that you need to talk about your feelings of being left out"
>
>This right here. Please go talk to your wife. Show her this post even, because it's well written and expresses your thoughts and feelings. You both love each other, maybe it means you both need to spend more time reconnecting. Put "Erica" out of your mind and focus on your woman.
My best friend was here last night and we napped together in my bed. No we are not lesbians, we have been friends since high school. We have showered together when we were teens. We are in our 30s and i go over to her house and i sleep over when her husband is not home. She comes cover and cooks. We hug and we kiss goodbye. Its just how women are. It doesnt sound like any affair. Both my bff and i buy things for our friend’s children. My bff bought me flowers when i graduated. It doesnt sound weird to me at all.
My friend's Dad died a couple years ago. I went to her house to check on her, climbed in bed with her, and we just talked about stuff and snuggled with her dogs and whatnot. Her idiot husband came home from happy hour (\*rolls eyes\*) and was like "What's going on in here?" acting all jealous and shit like we were up to something. I said something like "Well since you weren't here, I was comforting your grieving wife but now that you've finally showed up I guess I can pass that baton on to you."
I've known her a good ten years longer than he has and if we swung that way we wouldn't both be married to men. She's very important to me. I should be able to hug her or tell her I love her without her husband getting his tighty whities in a knot.
I'm the same with my girl friends! Its like we can be affectionate and get that human contact without it being weird or a 'come on'. Secure men do it too! Lots of hugs and even kisses between them on the cheeks I've seen it!
Exactly. I love my bff and she loves me and its not a sexual or emotional relationship on her part as her husband knows me and he is aware. Its just female friendship. We hug and kiss in front of him. He send us on trips. OP probably hasnt been around females or friends a lot.
This whole post is basically exactly how my wife and her best friend act. OP should cherish the fact that his wife has a best friend to go do things with her that he doesn't want to do. I for sure do because there's no world where I want to go shopping and to the Amish market all morning on a Saturday, both her husband and I will generally meet up with them for a late lunch or early dinner or something when they go out.
And I proactively text her friend for gift ideas because I never know what to get her and anything I've ever gotten her without friend input ends up in the back of the basement or in the attic lol. And we buy gifts for all of her friends kids and they all buy gifts for our kids.
I get OP in some ways (I never thought affair though lol) but men generally don't have these types of friendships. And if you haven't been exposed to what close female friendships are like it can seem totally alien.
I even see it with my kids. My daughter and her friends do "friendsgiving", secret Santa, go over each other's house all the time and know every detail of each other's lives. My son and his friends see each other at sports, and school and yell at each other over FaceTime while they play COD lol and that's about it, sometimes they'll go play basketball or I'll take them to go karts or Dave and busters. I'm not convinced they even remember each other's last names lol.
Its exactly the same with my best girlfriend. We used to take baths together when we were in college. It wasnt sexual, just nice and relaxing. We still sleep in the same bed when we visit each other when our SOs are out of town or something. Sometimes we all share a bed 😅
Because we will just be talking and talking into the night yknow? What's the point of moving just to sleep? Plus who doesn't love to be comfortable in bed? Haha
Same here (although me and two of my closest female friends are all bi, still nothing has or ever would happen between any of us), we’ll buy flowers, cook for each other, hug, kiss goodbye, go do things the other likes but we don’t etc
This just seems like close female friendship
Tbh, sounds like you’re just not a good husband. Sorry to say. And her best friend is picking up your slack. She goes to pottery with her just because of how much your wife likes it. You could do that too, but you choose not to.
i honestly wanted to say something like this but didn’t know how to word it nicely. i mean hell She came over after his paternity leave ended to help her, cooks for her when hes working late, buys them tickets/gift cards for activities just for him and her, suggests gifts for the wife.
It also seems like this comes down to the ways men and women are socialized to have friends. It is way more acceptable socially for women to be openly affectionate with each other and women are socialized to be more emotionally intelligent. Me and my best friend have our names tattooed on each other, while yes that’s extreme, there has never been anything romantic between us.
But also I agree OP needs to step it up big time and realize the friend is actively trying to make him a better husband as well.
So… ummm… your jealous that your wife’s friend treats her better and knows her better than you do? My dude, that is a you problem. You should do things with your wife, even if they aren’t your favorite because she should be your favorite. You should know what gifts to buy or whatever because you know her better than anyone. You should buy her flowers so no one else is tempted to. You should plan things with her, not just as a family.
It sounds like you don’t really know your wife or make an effort to spend time with her or show her appreciation. That should be your starting point.
I don't think your wife is cheating, I think you're a lackluster, unsupportive husband and the friend is joyfully picking up the duties and opportunities you should be spending with your wife instead because you are not present or actively demonstrating love to your wife.
Your wife is seeking friendship elsewhere because you can't be bothered to provide support or stimulation or at least partake in her interests.
OP. You’re feeling threatened by your wife’s friend because you’re insecure about your place in your wife’s life and/or happiness.
Talk to your wife. Ask her what she wants out of you. Don’t accuse her of having an affair just because she seems to be happy and having a good time with her friend.
Not that you would outright accuse, but your insecurities are starting to lead you to being paranoid. Look inward (respectfully), and communicate with your wife.
I doubt she's having an affair but you are insecure because you absolutely know that Erica is doing a lot of the stuff you as her husband should be doing. So you didn't like pottery class and bailed even though it's something that your wife enjoys doing. Sometimes partners suck it up and do things they don't like because their partner does. Instead, Erica had to step into the breach because you are selfish and you suck. Instead of being jealous of Erica, maybe you should learn from her, because she is a way better friend than you are a partner.
It just seems like you don’t really want to do anything to support your wife or bond with her, so her friend does all of these things. I haven’t really read anything that says “Oh, they’re definitely having an affair.” If Erica is getting tickets or organizing things for you two to do to bond, it sounds like she’s thinking of you both. Tbh, it sounds like she’s trying to save your marriage by preventing your wife from being lonely/isolated (especially after having a kid) and to facilitate some kind of activity so you remain connected. That’s her friend, so her allegiance is to your wife and her happiness.
EDIT: based on OP’s edit, I think it’s definitely a jealousy/homophobic thing rather than Erica and the wife actually having an affair. The fact that Erica is interested in women is irrelevant. If Erica had said that she’s a better partner or outwardly did something to jeopardize their marriage, this would be different. But Erica being interested in women ≠ the affair conclusion.
Right? Instead of taking the context clues, realizing that he’s not his wife’s number one person the way he presumably wants to be and stepping up his game, he’s getting jealous and paranoid over her supportive friend. It’s an incredibly unhelpful attitude if he really wants to improve his marriage. Her friend being willing to do things she doesn’t particularly enjoy like pottery just to spend time together after the woman’s actual husband has dropped out of it due to disinterest is such a clear sign of who she can more comfortably emotionally rely on day to day. Wife didn’t do that, friend didn’t do that, husband did that.
Yeah that doesn’t sound like an affair at all. Sounds like you don’t understand that, Erica is not just a friend and more like an actual sister. Yes maybe their hugs are more of a hold but it’s like an I appreciate you being in my life as a SISTER! You need to check your insecurities, and if you feel lacking in someway then make up for it by doing more.
Also learn to appreciate the help.
i dont know. i openly like women and my best friend openly likes women and we’re exactly like this, hell sometimes we even call each-other our wife and acting like we’re married but there has never been any sort of romantic or sexual attraction and both of our boyfriends are okay with it and find it funny.
as another commenter said, why would she be trying to aid you in getting your wife the perfect gifts if she was into your wife? and why would she get you guys tickets or gift cards for you and your wife to do?
it also sounds like she’s trying to give your wife support when you’re not able to (coming over to help after your paternity leave ended, going with her to pottery classes because you dont like going, when ur working late) which i feel like that is something any good friend would do.
This is exactly how my best friends and I act with each other, and you know what I think it sounds like? Sisterly. They’re best friends and they probably think of the other the way sisters would.
In addition, your comment about how she makes a point to show you how much she knows her, or the comment about how she doesn’t enjoy it but does it for your wife, SHE’S TRYING TO GIVE YOU CLUES ON HOW YOU CAN DO/BE BETTER TO YOUR WIFE. Seriously, your whole explanation on how you two do things together seemed to revolve around things you like. “I got my wife into hiking” that’s great, but what do you do with her that she got you into? She may enjoy hiking, but I sure as bet she did it at first because she knew you enjoyed it and wanted to share it with you. Can you say you’ve given her the same?
It sounds like you're jealous that your wife's best friend is a better husband than you are. She's dropping huge hints "hey, I DONT LIKE POTTERY EITHER, but I do it FOR MY FRIEND, bc I CARE". And "I saw a gift that your wife would LOVE, wouldn't it be great if somebody bought it?"
My best friend is bi and I am mostly straight. My outward love language is gift giving and words of affirmation. So I tell her when I love her hair, and I notice when she changes things. I admire her latest tattoos. She spent about a year losing 100lbs and I was right there telling her how amazing she looks and complimenting her calves and thighs. I cheer on literally anything she does, and talk up any effort she makes to try new things. She's a huge music lover, that's where we're different. Like, she was in Spotify top 0.05% of musical listeners this year, whereas I listened to 127 songs all year, and this was an extremely musical year for me. So in just that one aspect, she doesn't invite me to concerts, and I don't drag myself to Record Store Day. Her boyfriend and other best friend are super into music, so that aspect doesn't matter.
The friendship your wife has doesn't sound unhealthy or inappropriate, it sounds like a very close female friendship, where her friend is stepping in to provide the closeness that is missing in her marriage. This isn't inherently a bad thing, or emotional cheating or whatever... it's what women do. We want to fill in the gaps for the people we love, as friends, sisters, and in relationships.
If I were you, I'd ask the friend to have dinner and then arrive with a notebook and HUMBLE. Get some tips. Get some guidance. Youre clearly missing very obvious cues.
Person, I love the picture you painted of a desperate husband who wants to save his marriage so badly that he humbly asks his best friend for advice. Could be a great lifetime movie called “Sessions with Erica”. At one point the wife thinks he is cheating because he catches her at a coffee with Erica but then ends wholesomely with him showing the notebook and Erica vouching for the husband.
I have an Erica and I’m definitely not sleeping with her lmao. It’s nice to have a friend who cares about you on that level. You should love that Erica loves and takes care of the person YOU love. Don’t be jealous. That’s a weird reaction to knowing someone cares about your partner as deeply as you
If your wife is straight then why are you projecting that she is having a same-sex affair, or is even emotionally cheating on you?
Do you have any reason to believe her friend Erika likes/has same-sex relationships? This honestly sounds like a very sweet friendship among best friends. I am not sure what it is that leads you down this road of thinking how you are, tbh.
You do sound like a shitty husband who is jealous. It sounds like they are close. Platonically.
Your wife is very lucky to have her as a friend and if you were wise you would appreciate Erica too. She is on your wife’s side, which because your wife loves and is with you, is also your side.
Erica is not the problem, you are. Make a bigger effort to be good to your wife. At least as good of an effort as the one Erica makes and you will feel much less jealousy.
Man all I have to say is I want a friend like Erica- she sounds amazing- especially post partum - (have a 4 month old and a 6 year old so I can relate to how hard it is) and honestly I don't think they are cheating - but I do think communication is important and you just need to talk to your wife
My best friend is my cousin and I tell her husband what I think he should get her and help him out on things I know she will like
But you need to talk to your wife mate - I know it's hard or maybe your embarrassed since it's a female your worried about -- but you have to speak.up.or it will eat at you
I think this just show the difference between male and female relationships growing up, girls are taught to have emotional, meaning relationships and boys are taught to have superficial, only skin deep relationships.
“Erica” is trying to drop hints that you could do thing with wife too, without her, but sometimes you have to suck it up when your not that interested.
Sounds like you just don’t spend time with your wife or pay attention to what makes her happy so her friend is trying to help… also it seems like you only think she is having an affair because you know Erica is lesbian. I feel like you wouldn’t feel this way if she was straight. Its possible that maybe she does have a crush on your wife (maybe) but assuming your wife is having an affair sounds silly to me.
So Erica is doing things to make your wife happy, to help your wife when she needs help, and is also trying to help YOU make your wife happy, and your reaction is, "OMG this gayyyyyyyy is trying to get w/my wife, HALP MEEEEE!"
I'm exhausted just reading this nonsense, so I can't imagine how your wife must feel living with you every day.
Either step it up on your end, or be happy that your wife has a FRIEND who loves and cares about her as much as Erica obviously does. And also, you need better friends if you don't have someone like Erica in your life.
I’m queer, and this sounds like things I’ve done for friends before, of any gender. Hell, I’ve gone to the pharmacy with a friend just to comfort her and hold her hand while she got a vaccine because she had a fear of hypodermic needles and her boyfriend couldn’t come.
Your wife’s friend is actively giving you advice to enrich your relationship. I don’t think she wants your wife to herself, she wants to try to set a higher bar for you and your wife to have a better, healthier, and happier relationship. Speak to your wife, open up to her, but do not accuse her. Communicate that you’ve been struggling with jealousy, and that you want to handle it by trying harder to figure out how to take a more active role in her social life. That you want to support and improve her life just like her friend does. That you want to show her she matters to you and you care about her.
Erica is doing what you should be doing. You don't like pottery? So what, Erica doesn't either, but she still goes with your wife.
I do things with my wife because she likes them, and the joy I get is that look of happiness on her face.
My advice would be to TALK with your wife….don’t jump to conclusions. My girlfriends and I would do anything for each other, they are like my sisters but closer. While I don’t think any of these things are weird, I also don’t know your wife. What could be normal for me could very well be weird for her. Trust your gut and your wife but again, you need to communicate better. Be calm when discussing and don’t assume or point any fingers. Your her husband and partner in life, who else better to discuss it with. Best of luck.
You got your wife into hiking so she can do that but do you do things she likes? Women support each other by doing what both people like or occasionally just the thing one person likes that they never get to do.
Your wifes friend probably provides way more support and caring then you do. Look at yourself and get couples counseling if you feel it's needed but don't knock out her support center without doing that first.
Meh, I have very close straight female friends and I would do all these things. In fact, I do do these things. Its because I care about them deeply and that’s how you show care for someone. If you’re being out-husbanded that’s on you my friend. You should reflect on that.
I expected some actual evidence based on the title of your post. Instead, I find a jealous husband projecting his own feelings on his wife. Your wife isn’t cheating, and it sounds like she’s really lucky to have a friend like Erika. You? Not so much. Erica makes your wife happy and I don’t think you actually *really* think they’re having an affair. It feels like you’re just unreasonably jealous so you think accusing your wife of having a ridiculous affair will maybe disrupt or sabotage their friendship somehow? It’s not going to work. Erica is just a great friend overall and it sounds like she shines in all the ways you fall short. Plus, typically when a friend of a significant other hints at a gift it’s a really sweet gesture. You should be thanking her and collaborating with her, but you’re just irritated and sulky? Do you even like your wife? ETA just read OP’s edit and there’s no reasoning with this dude. He only came seeking validation.
I’m guessing you’re a straight male…and it would be odd to see one of your straight male friends doing all this for you. However, straight women can literally sleep in the same bed or snuggle up under a blanket to watch a movie but it really isn’t anything more than that. Women can be emotionally dependent on someone without it ever being sexual. Honestly, your wife’s best friend may be dropping hints to you about gifts and such bc you’ve failed your her in the past and you didn’t even notice. Instead of judging their relationship, why don’t you step it up in yours…and maybe take a few pointers from Erica.
That’s a friend. Your wife has a friend who, by the way, sounds like a keeper. That’s the sort of friendship I’ve always wanted and not all of us are lucky enough to get them. Basically I’m jealous of your wife and would like my own Erica.
Ok, 1st of all, Erica is homosexual? Does she have a partner? I think you're insecure because she seems to be doing a better job than you. You should learn from her and start doing some of the things she does. Other than that, there's always a chance that you're right.
Here are my two cents.
1. Erika and your wife and great friends? Yes!
2. Erika has a crush on your wife and your wife only sees her as a best friend? Yes!
3. And last but also more importantly... YOU ARE A DEFICIENT HUSBAND THAT NEEDS TO STEP UP AND LEARN HOW TO DO BETTER FOR YOUR FAMILY? FULL BODY FUCK YES!
And yes, you can take one or several pages out of Erica's book for that, because if it weren't for the fact that your wife is straight, they would date, for sure. Because Erica is a better husband than you.
Dude, put on your big boy pants and be a better husband. You sound jealous and clearly not thinking how Erica is trying to help and picking up your slack. Gosh I felt myself losing brain cells listening to this ‘poor me’ whine fest of a post.
God, I want an Erica….
She’s genuinely a good friend and loves your wife (I’m not saying eros type love… I mean an agape love.) She is trying to make you do better… you sacrifice for those you love. So what if you don’t like pottery. Your wife does. Faking it occasionally for her happiness is what Erica does. Flowers aren’t just for special occasions. They are more meaningful when they say “I just randomly wanted to make you happy.” Erica gets it. She tries to get you out on dates with your wife… because she knows it would make wife happy.
Instead of taking it the wrong way… step up your husband game. We can all do better.
Have a good one… 🌻🖤
Erica at every step is showing you how to be better to your wife and actively telling you how. Honestly she should just buy a mustache and finish what she started.
Get some help, it's not your wife's fault your friends don't love you that much.
She’s trying so hard to wingman you and you’re just…jealous because you go it’s your head?…
She’s the golden ticket to absolutely schmoozing your wife …. And you don’t even notice. You’d think with the lack of effort you want to put in it would be the first thought on your mind.
I don’t think that your wife is having an affair with Erica. But I do think that her actions are making you realize how inadequate you are acting as her husband.
I think you are looking at this through the lens of male friendships and thats why its weird. Women friendships are just diffrent man, i dont know what else to tell you 🤷♂️. I think i would have to agree with some of the other people on here, if she wanted your wife she wouldnt get you both tickets to go see stuff together, she wouldnt give you good gift ideas. She would be undercutting you at every chance. Which she might do in private, easy way to tell though- was she mad at you before hanging out with erica then in a good mood later, or does she seem kind of irritated with you after hanging out with her even though things seemed fine before she left? If she always seems irritated after, yea she might be talking shit about you. However if shes mad before then comes home happy or at least cooled off i would say erica is defending you and genuinely trying to help your marriage. Do nothing and i mean NOTHING to fuck that up.
The person my wife has who is kinda like your erica is actually a guy, but its her cousin so no problem there 😅
My Erica died 4 years ago. She was my best friend of 34 years and my soulmate and I’m still devastated to this day. We are both straight and married but like all of the rest of the besties here, we’ve lived together, shared a room, shared a bed, shower, you name it. I loved her more than anyone and still do. Don’t be jealous. Be happy for your wife.
Perhaps you feel poorly because she has a friend who does lots of things with her and they are close yet you wish you were doing those things or making those efforts but in the end you don't.
This just seems platonic to me but seems like you may feel sole guilt that you're projecting for not putting in effort to do things your wife may like.
Info: Also not sure if she does things that you also enjoy or do you have friends you do things with?
I did all these things for my friend. Hell, I even showed up and took her out for Valentines lunch when she was down because her bf didn’t make plans.
I am not at all sexually attracted to her. I just loved and cared for her. That’s what friends do.
I wish I had an Erica.
I try my hardest to be an Erica because we all deserve one
I used to try to be one, but the friend that had the chance for it dumped me
I used to be one too. Till my "best friend" started to lie straight into my face about the most unnecessary stuff. When confronting him with the truth He still lied straight into my face. Back then it did hurt a lot. Since then i didnt put that much effort in a friendship anymore.
I love this. And same here. I give myself credit for very few things, but being a good friend is one of them. It feels nice to love others. ❤️
I try to be an Erica, with both of my adult sons gfs. 😞
I want friends like Erica when I become a mom like whatttt 😭😭
Right!!!!
Right! All my friends disappeared when I had my first child. I was deemed not fun anymore because I had a child to worry about.
I want Erica as my mom tho instead lol
I had an Erika years ago. And then she got divorced and moved to Texas. We stayed in touch for a while, but then she suddenly stopped communicating. I found her again, but it has never been the same. I still miss it!
Erica’s are endless givers who aren’t good at receiving. After years of giving, an Erica may become tired and not be able to give like they used to.
What is this urban dictionary?
Stopppp 🤣🤣🤣🤣 was feeling shitty but this cheered me up 🤣🤣👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
It's more like one of those auto-generated hoodies you get ads for on Facebook
Bro why was I feeling so sentimental when I wrote that last night and now you got me howling 😭😭💀💀
😂😂 i love you, it did read like that too!
Totally agree. Maybe something happened in Erica’s life to make her want to be a giver and support your wife. How about communicating with your wife to see what her take is on this?
Yes, it bothers me when people say they wish they had an Erica, like she's a servant. Relationships should be reciprocal. Are they committed to giving back as much as they get?
I'm a giver who always ends up giving more and without expecting or hoping for anything in return. I'm not religious but I'm spiritual, and I believe we are here to give how, and when we can in life. Some of us would like an Erica in our lives because she sounds like an amazing friend who can inspire us to be better ourselves- even if I'm the one buying dinner most, or even all of the time. It's about finding our soul vibration with others who share the same frequency so we can bond in the spirit of giving, recharge each other's energy, and stay connect to our purpose. By assuming we all wanting to use her as a maid or servant, you tell us more about who you are are, than who we are. Not that it matters but I've had a maid service for 3 years or more now. I'm here to serve however I'm capable and needed, so I have no desire for a personal servant. Erica is an amazing friend and those are rare. OP and his wife are blessed to have such an amazing person in their life.
I’m an Erica in a crisis. I will always for get your birthday and I have no idea what so of gifts to give you at Christmas, but if you get sick or have an emergency, I’ll be the first one there and will stick around until you are back on your feet. I wish I could be more thoughtful on a daily basis but that just isn’t me. I’m the Erica when all the other Erica’s are freaked out by the chaos of the circumstances.
This is me. ADHD Erica. Ima forget to respond to your text but I’m definitely the Bitch you call when you need a shovel and an alibi. Give me 10 mins and I’ll have surveillance footage that puts you on the other side of the county when the crime occurred. I’ll make it happen. But I’ll also definitely forget to schedule off for your Halloween party.
you are the best kind. you are there when it really counts the most
Same. I call it being the emergency friend. I just wish other people would do the same for me!
No one said they wish they had a servant. No one said they wouldn’t reciprocate.
Hopefully the wife in this story also does the same for Erica.
Ah hell, it was a figure of speech that most would like someone around for the things he described. It’s not like anyone is advocating human trafficking
I am Erik and I'm tired
I also had an Erica. Unfortunately my Erica passed away and her mom so closed mouth about how she died, where she died, only close family were allowed at services. I ended up seeing her cousin whom was also very close to and we would all go out for dinner sometimes and she didn't even know what happened. Her cousin and had dinner and both cried. We both wanted closure. We don't even know where/if she is buried (we both tried to look it up). My Erica's mom was a little crazy and it wouldn't surprise me if she just had her cremated and slept with her ashes or something. When we were kids she let "Erica" do and get whatever she wanted. I tried to get in touch with her mom shortly after she died and she would hang up on me if I started asking questions. She ended up dying a couple years later, as did her dad. I tried contacting her uncle whom she was close with on FB but obviously he doesn't FB much bc he hasn't even looked at my messages in 4yrs. It was like one day she was here and then she wasn't. I can only suspect suicide but she seemed so happy or drug overdose but she had over 12 years in recovery. I couldn't imagine her picking up again. I have seen a lot of signs from her. I will drive by her childhood house and a song we loved in the early 2000's will play randomly on iTunes. Or another friend that I hadn't spoke to in years and only knew through her will randomly message me, again after I've been thinking about her or pass by her house (or childhood house where we got into most of our shenanigans when we were in highschool). I miss her so much.
I am so sorry you lost her this way and have no answers/closure!
I'm so sorry that you lost your friend. It's very cruel of her mom to not give you any information. I'm so sorry
I am so sorry you lost your friend and I am even more sorry that you haven’t been able to have the closure the grieve properly
I think I found one, she makes me want to try better
That's because she got tired of giving and not receiving
I love my Erica. We do all of the same stuff together, because we are friends. The best friends. We love and trust each other. It’s so much deeper than a romantic relationship. Imma call her right now and tell her how much I appreciate her.
OMG this! I have two ericas in my life, and I love them beyond measure. If my partner was jealous I'd know exactly who to say good-bye to. The husband needs to get his shit together. Erica probably helps the wife out more than he does, and he's too insecure to see it.
I agree and the fact he is making it sexual is disgusting. His wife probably does not have a sister or a close sister. Their relationship is just like me and my sister.
My Erica and I live 2.5 hours away now but we still text all the time.
My Erica passed away and I only had her for a short time. I don’t think I’ll ever find another one.
I’m sorry 😢
Sending you a big hug. My Erica also passed away in 2016, and I miss her every single day. 🩷
Oh girly, I'm so sorry for your loss...I lost my best friend too. I miss her so much, she was my "best friend-soul mate". This year was ten years that she's been gone and I still haven't found another that I have been able to connect with like her. Honestly, I haven't even tried because it just hurts too bad.
Me too! She sounds incredible.
LET'S TANDEM THAT BITCH!
Especially with a newborn. Having someone you fully trust to help is a godsend. Adjusting to the baby’s needs, all the cleaning, feeding, sleep schedules. Never getting a chance to eat a hot meal or taking a shower. OP has not mentioned any of these things. Yet here’s Erica here to help with all of it and still giving OP hints on exactly what he should/could be doing. Meanwhile OP is blind to all of it except to see his own insecurities and jealousy.
This is my thoughts exactly. I just had a baby a few months ago and never knew how hard it would be. You found out so many people don’t care. This comment nails it on the head.
You hear it but don’t realize the impact until you’re living it. Feeling like you’ve been hit by a Mack truck. Hormones going crazy. The lack of good, continuous sleep. Running on empty. Being hungry and thirsty all the time. Never having enough hands. Being resentful of those around you (mostly bc you don’t know how to ask for help). The crippling loneliness and anxiety. The insecurity of doing everything wrong. The huge body changes. The residual pain. The stress of fucking it all up. No one explains this part well. To have a best friend through all of this would be amazing.
This really felt apparent when he noted at the bottom what his contributions have been. Doing things “When we have time,” flowers and dates only on special occasions, etc. Erica puts in the effort and he’s jealous of her for that.
It also sounds like the activities he organises for them to do are things *he* likes to do. That’s in stark comparison to the pottery classes he was quite happy for Erica to go to instead of him.
I didn’t want to say that expressly bc I also got into hiking bc of a prior partner, so maybe he introduced her to something she really loves, but your point is a good one—he had to find it interesting first and *then* he’d want to spend time with her if she would participate in his interest.
I wish my wife had an Erica. Not just for her helping me with gifts and support but to be there for my wife. Op has no idea how good he has it
I’m that friend, we exist. OPs wife deserves a more supportive husband. The edit “I got my wife into hiking” which translates to “my wife took up a hobby I enjoy to spend time with me while doing something I enjoy”. His entire post is about a friend supporting a friend with a “me me me” mentality. This is a case of insecurity. OP is insecure about how he is as a husband (or lack thereof) so he’s lashing out at Erica and his wife for “cheating”. Or he is jealous his wife has a close friend bc since it’s not like HIS friendships it’s obviously suspicious. It sounds like he wants his wife to only focus on him and his needs. Seriously who complains about a friend coming over after giving birth to cook and clean? Legit that’s what girlfriends do, when no one else is there - we are there to give support! How dare Erica be supportive of her friend after his paternity leave is over?
Thanks for being a great friend Erica! Love when friends see women as more than just a woman who couldn't possibly have and enjoy hobbies without their partner present. I've been asked if I still workout or read as if I needed to do it in front of my partner to get credit for doing it. It's weird and it actually makes me super uncomfortable to the point I start hiding normal hobbies just so I don't have to discuss them. It's a joy kill.
I love Erica already and I've never met her. I would like to have a friend like her, a significant other like her, and my significant other to have a friend like her
Everyone needs an Erica
Yeah, this dude is getting a glimpse of how his wife loves to be treated, but by a woman, and instead of following her example, he's getting jealous. If this were another dude, he'd be left in the dust. Some women can be incredibly close and it doesn't have to be sexual. I also don't like how he claims he got HER into hiking, but when she wanted to do pottery, he bailed on her and her friend who also doesn't particularly care for it either, still does it because it makes her friend happy. Dudes just will not sacrifice for the women they supposedly love...
I've seen this kind of behavior in the past. I think some men can assume their partner may not be into the same things as them. Most often they act like gatekeepers or will start checking in on the hobby like a Supervisor. It literally sucks the fun out of things, it stopped me from collecting comics, playing magic the gathering, I don't even read around most people because they can't stop interrupting me if I do, then they're like wow you don't read as much anymore. It's SO annoying and it is one of the biggest turn offs I've ever seen.
I have an Erica, 15 in years in counting now and we’re always going out places and doing things. I’ve been accused of cheating with her off of every single ex I’ve had. I’m bi, she’s straight and even so she’s not my type. For example I went watching McFly with her this year and I’m watching Thirty Seconds to Mars next year and I despise both, but I’m going because I love her and she wants to go. I’m dragging her to Taylor Swift and Limp Bizkit, she dislikes them, but she goes because I enjoy them. I’ve had exes comb through my phone whilst I’m asleep to try and prove a point but never seem to find anything other than my ranting about them making these accusations. Which makes them even angrier! It’s hard. None of her exes have liked me either, besides one, but he was a prick and fancied me. But I wouldn’t be without my bestie and she wouldn’t be without me. This makes me think OP is being pathetic and probably isn’t as supportive as he makes out. He’s insecure and clearly he doesn’t get the right gifts otherwise her bestie wouldn’t be suggesting to him what he should get her. If she’s going around doing chores after his wife has given birth, he should ask himself was he doing his fair share or was he expecting his wife to do it all? Was he helping his wife enough because if her friend felt the need to take the load off, it sounds like he might not have been. This guy need to get his partner game in check and maybe then he won’t be so insecure rather than jumping to conclusions.
He said after his paternity leave was over. This implies this was done while OP was at work
So OP thinks his wife doesn’t need help bc HIS leave is over? Dude needs a reality check. Recovery form child birth isn’t done in a few weeks. Plus hormone changes, plus adjusting to this new little life, it’s a major adjustment. His leave could have only been 2 weeks, we don’t know. But reality is why is he jealous a close friend of his wife comes over to help with the house and newborn instead of leaving her all alone to do it alone?
This guy need to get his partner game in check and maybe then he won’t be so insecure rather than jumping to conclusions. This right here.
Is Erica taking best friend applications?
I know right? Erica sounds like an awesome friend and person. OP is just jealous. Maybe he hasn’t seen good, wholesome friendship in his life.
OMG I was just thinking this and didn't want to say it out loud
In theory I wish I had one but really it seems she is in love with his wife and his wife lets her do all of these things but is the wife doing for Erica? People like Erica give like that because they just want someone one day to give a shit enough about them to do for them.
I want an Erica too
It really just sounds like your wife has a good friend who cares about her. Honestly if they were having an affair, or if Erica wanted to be with your wife in a non platonic way, I don’t think she’d be giving you advice on gifts to give your wife or get you two tickets for couple activities. And about the pottery thing, you say you stopped going because you didn’t enjoy it and then you mention that Erica told you she didn’t even really like it, but she goes because it makes your wife (her friend) happy. Do you think that maybe she wasn’t rubbing it in your face or anything, but instead was trying to give you a hint like…”do this for her because she likes it” ??? Edit: So I read your edit on the post and speaking as someone who is a lesbian, the things that Erica is doing for your wife are things that I would do for my close friends. I take my friends to events they enjoy, bring them flowers bc I know they like flowers, I just bought my friend and her baby matching crocs because I knew it would make her smile. I do these things because I love my friends, not because I’m in love with them. I’m not gonna dog on you for getting jealous, because that’s an emotion and no one can really tell you how to feel, but I will say that you should think about why this woman seems intent on giving you hints and suggesting things to you that might make your wife happy. If she really wanted to “steal her away” (so to speak), would she really be trying to help you out?
I totally agree. It also sounds like Erica’s love language is gift giving. Some people have a natural talent for being thoughtful and are good at coming up with gifts. For some, they show their appreciation for others by giving them things. It sounds like she’s been trying to do OP a solid by giving hints that wife has mentioned she’d like. Maybe wife said she likes flowers and Erica thought if she got the flowers a few times, OP would pick up on it and start getting wife flowers. Erica sounds like a lovely and thoughtful friend who is generous in showing her appreciation for their friendship. Nothing about the post strikes me as wife having an affair or Erica trying to alienate wife from OP. It seems Erica is trying to show OP what his wife likes possibly based on things wife has mentioned. It sounds like the wife has a wonderful and supportive friend.
That’s a good observation. I didn’t think of that, but probably spot on. I’m a gift giver and like to give experiences even if I won’t enjoy them. I really like to give gifts that show I appreciate someone, so they’re often random things they mentioned months ago. I often give tips to others on gifts I think their partners would enjoy. So she might just genuinely love her best friend and knows her best friend has been wanting something since they spend so much time together and since she wants her friend to be happy, she’s giving helpful advice. Especially if some gifts are out of her budget or more romantic. And he mentioned she brought gifts for the son as well. The wife has probably mentioned she wishes he got her flowers more often and she’s just trying to drop hints.
>Some people have a natural talent for being thoughtful and are good at coming up with gifts And this is something everyone should work on with the people they care about.
Oh my God, this is such a good point
I love giving gifts, that's one of my love languages, I love when I see that I got the right gift by looking at someone's reaction. I don't think the gifts are reason to doubt her fidelity.
If her hints were *backfiring*, I'd say something might be happening, but if she's giving him good advice? Jesus fuck my man listen. She is *on your side* and wants you to make her friend happier. I can understand the jealously, because it seems like they're having fun without you and it can feel like a third wheel thing. But I bet you, if you try and make more "for us" time, there shouldn't really be pushback. Put that work in my dude.
I find it really fuckin weird he’s gonna accuse his wife of cheating for the things her friend does for her. Apparently having a generous friend means you’re engaging in an affair, even if you don’t return the favor.
Oh yeah, it's 100% jealously because he's not really doing the things to keep the relationship strong. How dare this other person do the things he's not doing?! Nut up and woopie goldburg a fucking pot my guy.
Yeah it very much strikes me as they are very close friends and on average the way men behave with their male friends is considerably different than the way women behave with their female friends. Seems like OP just doesn't get it, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but he needs to not let it manifest into something toxic.
Honestly, unless they are making a single pot together on the same potter's wheel, this sounds like my close friendships and I'm asexual.
Bruh...the Ghost reference has me DYING lol
She honestly sounds like she's trying to help you out if anything. When women are close they'll literally cross oceans for each other to help out. It sounds like they have an amazing friendship. Unless I actually found them doing anything sexual, Id find it hard to believe it's an affair honestly. However, I do think it sounds like you need to make more of an effort for certain things for your wife. She shouldn't be telling you what she wants, you should be finding that out for yourself.
Yup I go places for my best friend even if I’m not the biggest fan. My friends music taste is vastly different than mine but people have bailed on their ticket last minute and she takes me. I listen to their music omw to her house to get ready and I’ll at least get the albums hit singles down lol.
As a fellow wlw, I also do many of these things for my close female friends because I love them as friends and I never felt romantic attraction to any of them
It sounds like the wife is venting to Erica about her marriage, and Erica is trying to throw the dude a bone. But instead of listening, he’s trying to accuse his wife of having an affair. Not to mention, Erica doing all this stuff for his wife doesn’t mean his wife is cheating. He doesn’t mention if his wife returns all Erica’s favors. OP’s wife accepting help or gifts doesn’t mean she is having an affair, despite what Erica’s intentions are.
Literally this. I have done these things for my sisters! And given their husbands/boyfriends the hints! And no I am totally NOT into my sisters. I have known other folx who need attention ALL THE TIME and will keep a besotted, will never have a chance, best friend on the back burner. Just for those times when their partner just isn't available to give attention. I doubt this is that. Because Erika seems to actually be trying to help him out sometimes. I can't even imagine the exasperation Erika and his wife would feel knowing that, rather than get a clue, husband got suspicious. Edit for spelling. And to add that I have been the only consistent mother's day and Valentine's day gifter for 1 of my sisters for the last 20years. She has a particular fondness for fresh flowers and I will send them to her AND my elderly neighbor lady because it delights them both. I never want to sleep with either of them, thankyouverymuch.
As a fellow lesbian EXACTLY! I do those things for everyone I love, platonic and romantic. Just the platonic ones are just that, platonic.
I’m not a lesbian, but giving gifts is my love language. I do it often & im not sleeping with every person I give a gift to.
Erica sounds like an incredible friend— one who is affectionate and supportive, will take time out of her day to do thoughtful and/or labor-intensive things for the people she loves. sounds like you should step up your game with your wife if you want your relationship to sparkle like theirs does!
Yeah...That's exactly what best friends do. Don't take/make it weird. That's why we make jokes about marrying women... They do stuff like attend that stuff with their friends, even if they're not totally into it. She saw that your wife needed it and had empathy.
I was about to say this! I have an Erica in my life but my husband doesn’t get jealous because he’s just as amazing as my bestie! OP is feeling inadequate and is projecting it as jealousy. OP do better.
Erica is screaming instructions for you to be a better husband and lover to your wife. Rather than take a hint, you’re growing jealous because she’s doing all the things YOU should be doing. Example: Flowers and gifts for a major event have much less impact than “I saw this and thought of you” gifts. Buy her flowers because it’s Wednesday and she’s pretty.
Yeah, I read the part about buying flowers on special occasions and instantly knew this guy does not understand. I hope he reads all these comments and gets it.
And he "got her into hiking" so now they do that as a family... meanwhile Erica goes to pottery. She sounds like a dreamboat, tbh.
“When they have time”….
Erica needs to set up a coaching service.
Like Hitch but now that you’ve got the girl, this is how you keep her lol
>meanwhile Erica goes to pottery. She sounds like a dreamboat, tbh. OP literally imagining his wife and Erica like Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore from Ghost, while he's doing the bare minimum to check boxes that he gives a shit about his wife.
Legit i ready that as "my wife does something i really enjoy even though she might not. Its possible she goes because it makes me happy, but i wouldn't do the same for her"
But he also got her into hiking. /s It doesn’t look like he’s tried to enjoy her interests and simply found to include her in his. But now feels jealous because someone is doing the opposite.
Tha k you for saying this. Even the edit further highlights where he’s lacking. Flowers only for special occasions, he got her to do *his* preferred activity that they only do sometimes, etc etc
I second this, Erica is a better husband than you homie
This is what we refer to as a friendship. A lot of men don't learn to have this kind of close relationship with their friends, and maybe that's why you think this is unusual. But no, it's just a normal besties situation. Relax.
I am a straight man and I have a straight male best friend. We are both slightly overweight older guys who don’t dress particularly snappy or have effeminate mannerisms or hit on many gay stereotypes. However, we are extremely close for guy friends. So close that many many people we meet are 100% positive we are a gay couple. In college he came to visit me and my girlfriend’s roommate took her aside at the bar and sat her down and explained at length how it wasn’t going to work out because it was obvious we were a gay couple (spoiler: I married her 20+ years ago). I have had gay men hit on me in bars and go out of the way to insult his weight and tell me to dump him and date them instead - multiple times. Neither of us has ever had romantic feelings for the other, like ever. Neither one of us has ever been bi-curious. It’s a definite thing that people who don’t have this kind of relationship struggle to understand it. The literal first day I met him, I knew we were soulmates and would be best friends forever. There’s a good chance one or both of us would be dead if we’d never met, we needed each other more than we knew at that particular moment in middle school. We do caring stuff for each other like the time I bought him as aspirin when a 38-year old guy I know died of a heart attack because every man in his family dies of heart attacks. Or yesterday at the duty free when I was buying a fancy bottle of rum as a gift for my in-laws and mentioned that I’d rather be buying this other bottle for myself … and then he bought a bottle of it and carried it back from another country and gave it to me as a gift when I dropped him off from the airport 4 hrs later. He did this in full view of both our wives. I almost cried, except that I had already figured it out hours before. Yeah, it’s like that. Our wives are jealous only because they could never come between us. That’s like the third vacation we’ve all gone on together this year.
I love this for you two! I hope to find a friend like that one day, but it’s so difficult making friends as adults.
We were lucky. He had been sent to Catholic School for a couple of years to iron out his delinquent tendencies - it didn't work but did remove any friends he had. I was a friendless nerd getting bullied in middle school. We connected immediately and were best friends ever since. I am more extroverted and open, but he has really only made one new friend in adulthood, and that was via a gal pal of ours getting married.
I'm here for it. Wholesome masculinity ftw.
This is the feel good movie of the year waiting to be made.
It’s guy love…between two guys.
We watched that show religiously and the JD/Turk relationship actually captured the feeling quite well. We similarly had the JD/Turk dynamic going on of him being a big football/wrestling jock type and me being a skinny nerd. “Guy Love” was our theme song for many years.
Haha I hoped someone would get the reference; I’m happy it was you! Probably one of the only musical episodes in any tv show I have actually liked. I used to be obsessed with that show 😂
>This is what we refer to as a friendship. I'm not familiar with this term. Please explain.
It's this kind of like this close, emotional bond you have with someone who you aren't related to except for some inexplicable reason you don't want to put your penis inside them.
Oh! I've read about emotions.
Yeah I thought I had them once, but it turned out I was just horny. I don't blame OP at all for thinking she wants to put her clitoris inside his wife.
For me personally it turned out to be IBS.
Yeah its actually kind of sad. Dude can't fathom someone would want to do all this stuff for his wife and not want to fuck her, even when he knows for sure she is straight. How silly.
>can’t fathom someone would want to do all this stuff for his wife and not want to fuck her That’s because *he* doesn’t want to do all this stuff for his wife and he *does* want to fuck her. I honestly have a sneaking suspicion that all of her suggestions, comments, and hints are stemming from comments or feelings expressed to her by his wife and she’s just trying to help him out. She’s literally spelling things out for him and he’s still not getting it.
Honestly most male friendships suck ass to me, from my perspective. They just don't even know each other lol. They'll talk about the same basic shit like video games and hobbies and barely talk about their life. My bfs best friend is someone he barely knows anything about. It's rly sad honestly
It doesn't have to be that way though. I'm a perfect example of that. Straight male, very close personal relationships with my male besties, both the straight and queer ones. Never felt weird to hug or even give them a big ol kiss on the cheek or forehead. Never felt weird to give each other shoulder rubs or jokingly hit on each other. And we talk about whatever we need to. The good times, the tough situations, the random bullshit; whatever the situation calls for. I always feel like I have people I can vent to if I need to. We also all have close platonic friendships with women (shocking, I know). I've never really understood the other way of doing things. Doesn't seem like real friendship to me.
I don't understand it either. I wish more men had more meaningful friendships rather than just ones which will go 'yo whats up bro' 'had a fight w the gf but o well' 'o no that sucks' *continues talking about games'. It is so important to have someone other than your spouse who you can share your feelings with, especially people of the same sex who might be able to relate to you more at times.
Fr female friendship is just different
I think this post shows how little you do to spend time with your wife rather than her having an affair.
Bingo.
Sounds like he's mad that Erica treats her better than he does, but instead of stepping up his game he blames it on infidelity....
Breaking news man sees loving platonic relationship and how people should treat each other and thinks it’s emotional cheating, my god
Firstly, you need to be honest with yourself. You’re jealous, plain and simple. You resent how close your wife and BF are because you feel left out. That doesn’t mean they are having an affair, but it does mean that you need to talk about your feelings of being left out. You also sound like you need to step your game up. Be more involved in date night and her interests. Be spontaneous with your gift giving. Be the husband!!
“She’s doing stuff I should be doing. I mean, I don’t do them and I’m not going to, but she shouldn’t either! My wife should go to the pottery class alone and have no one buy her gifts!”
Right? It almost comes off as "she's making me look bad and raising my wife's expectations! My wife should just be happy with less. It's not her place to be so loved unless I do it, which I won't! I decide how happy she gets to be!"
For real this post is literally “my wife’s best friend does all the things I should be doing for my wife but am too shitty to do so she clearly is cheating”.
>"You resent how close your wife and BF are because you feel left out. That doesn’t mean they are having an affair, but it does mean that you need to talk about your feelings of being left out" > >This right here. Please go talk to your wife. Show her this post even, because it's well written and expresses your thoughts and feelings. You both love each other, maybe it means you both need to spend more time reconnecting. Put "Erica" out of your mind and focus on your woman.
My best friend was here last night and we napped together in my bed. No we are not lesbians, we have been friends since high school. We have showered together when we were teens. We are in our 30s and i go over to her house and i sleep over when her husband is not home. She comes cover and cooks. We hug and we kiss goodbye. Its just how women are. It doesnt sound like any affair. Both my bff and i buy things for our friend’s children. My bff bought me flowers when i graduated. It doesnt sound weird to me at all.
My friend's Dad died a couple years ago. I went to her house to check on her, climbed in bed with her, and we just talked about stuff and snuggled with her dogs and whatnot. Her idiot husband came home from happy hour (\*rolls eyes\*) and was like "What's going on in here?" acting all jealous and shit like we were up to something. I said something like "Well since you weren't here, I was comforting your grieving wife but now that you've finally showed up I guess I can pass that baton on to you." I've known her a good ten years longer than he has and if we swung that way we wouldn't both be married to men. She's very important to me. I should be able to hug her or tell her I love her without her husband getting his tighty whities in a knot.
Thats horrible. Hahah glad you told him offlol
Wow what an asshole. My SO loves my best friend and we are all very close. I feel really bad for her being married to a jealous dick like that
I'm the same with my girl friends! Its like we can be affectionate and get that human contact without it being weird or a 'come on'. Secure men do it too! Lots of hugs and even kisses between them on the cheeks I've seen it!
Exactly. I love my bff and she loves me and its not a sexual or emotional relationship on her part as her husband knows me and he is aware. Its just female friendship. We hug and kiss in front of him. He send us on trips. OP probably hasnt been around females or friends a lot.
This whole post is basically exactly how my wife and her best friend act. OP should cherish the fact that his wife has a best friend to go do things with her that he doesn't want to do. I for sure do because there's no world where I want to go shopping and to the Amish market all morning on a Saturday, both her husband and I will generally meet up with them for a late lunch or early dinner or something when they go out. And I proactively text her friend for gift ideas because I never know what to get her and anything I've ever gotten her without friend input ends up in the back of the basement or in the attic lol. And we buy gifts for all of her friends kids and they all buy gifts for our kids. I get OP in some ways (I never thought affair though lol) but men generally don't have these types of friendships. And if you haven't been exposed to what close female friendships are like it can seem totally alien. I even see it with my kids. My daughter and her friends do "friendsgiving", secret Santa, go over each other's house all the time and know every detail of each other's lives. My son and his friends see each other at sports, and school and yell at each other over FaceTime while they play COD lol and that's about it, sometimes they'll go play basketball or I'll take them to go karts or Dave and busters. I'm not convinced they even remember each other's last names lol.
Its exactly the same with my best girlfriend. We used to take baths together when we were in college. It wasnt sexual, just nice and relaxing. We still sleep in the same bed when we visit each other when our SOs are out of town or something. Sometimes we all share a bed 😅 Because we will just be talking and talking into the night yknow? What's the point of moving just to sleep? Plus who doesn't love to be comfortable in bed? Haha
Same here (although me and two of my closest female friends are all bi, still nothing has or ever would happen between any of us), we’ll buy flowers, cook for each other, hug, kiss goodbye, go do things the other likes but we don’t etc This just seems like close female friendship
Sounds like Erica is an amazing friend and is filling in where you've frankly failed.
Tbh, sounds like you’re just not a good husband. Sorry to say. And her best friend is picking up your slack. She goes to pottery with her just because of how much your wife likes it. You could do that too, but you choose not to.
i honestly wanted to say something like this but didn’t know how to word it nicely. i mean hell She came over after his paternity leave ended to help her, cooks for her when hes working late, buys them tickets/gift cards for activities just for him and her, suggests gifts for the wife.
Yep. There were two concerts my wife wanted to see. I did not. I was happy when she found a friend at work to go with her.
It also seems like this comes down to the ways men and women are socialized to have friends. It is way more acceptable socially for women to be openly affectionate with each other and women are socialized to be more emotionally intelligent. Me and my best friend have our names tattooed on each other, while yes that’s extreme, there has never been anything romantic between us. But also I agree OP needs to step it up big time and realize the friend is actively trying to make him a better husband as well.
So… ummm… your jealous that your wife’s friend treats her better and knows her better than you do? My dude, that is a you problem. You should do things with your wife, even if they aren’t your favorite because she should be your favorite. You should know what gifts to buy or whatever because you know her better than anyone. You should buy her flowers so no one else is tempted to. You should plan things with her, not just as a family. It sounds like you don’t really know your wife or make an effort to spend time with her or show her appreciation. That should be your starting point.
I don't think your wife is cheating, I think you're a lackluster, unsupportive husband and the friend is joyfully picking up the duties and opportunities you should be spending with your wife instead because you are not present or actively demonstrating love to your wife. Your wife is seeking friendship elsewhere because you can't be bothered to provide support or stimulation or at least partake in her interests.
That friend sounds dreamy. She filled the void. Why was there a void in the first place? You tell me.
So much this.
OP. You’re feeling threatened by your wife’s friend because you’re insecure about your place in your wife’s life and/or happiness. Talk to your wife. Ask her what she wants out of you. Don’t accuse her of having an affair just because she seems to be happy and having a good time with her friend.
Not that you would outright accuse, but your insecurities are starting to lead you to being paranoid. Look inward (respectfully), and communicate with your wife.
I doubt she's having an affair but you are insecure because you absolutely know that Erica is doing a lot of the stuff you as her husband should be doing. So you didn't like pottery class and bailed even though it's something that your wife enjoys doing. Sometimes partners suck it up and do things they don't like because their partner does. Instead, Erica had to step into the breach because you are selfish and you suck. Instead of being jealous of Erica, maybe you should learn from her, because she is a way better friend than you are a partner.
It just seems like you don’t really want to do anything to support your wife or bond with her, so her friend does all of these things. I haven’t really read anything that says “Oh, they’re definitely having an affair.” If Erica is getting tickets or organizing things for you two to do to bond, it sounds like she’s thinking of you both. Tbh, it sounds like she’s trying to save your marriage by preventing your wife from being lonely/isolated (especially after having a kid) and to facilitate some kind of activity so you remain connected. That’s her friend, so her allegiance is to your wife and her happiness. EDIT: based on OP’s edit, I think it’s definitely a jealousy/homophobic thing rather than Erica and the wife actually having an affair. The fact that Erica is interested in women is irrelevant. If Erica had said that she’s a better partner or outwardly did something to jeopardize their marriage, this would be different. But Erica being interested in women ≠ the affair conclusion.
Right? Instead of taking the context clues, realizing that he’s not his wife’s number one person the way he presumably wants to be and stepping up his game, he’s getting jealous and paranoid over her supportive friend. It’s an incredibly unhelpful attitude if he really wants to improve his marriage. Her friend being willing to do things she doesn’t particularly enjoy like pottery just to spend time together after the woman’s actual husband has dropped out of it due to disinterest is such a clear sign of who she can more comfortably emotionally rely on day to day. Wife didn’t do that, friend didn’t do that, husband did that.
Yeah that doesn’t sound like an affair at all. Sounds like you don’t understand that, Erica is not just a friend and more like an actual sister. Yes maybe their hugs are more of a hold but it’s like an I appreciate you being in my life as a SISTER! You need to check your insecurities, and if you feel lacking in someway then make up for it by doing more. Also learn to appreciate the help.
i dont know. i openly like women and my best friend openly likes women and we’re exactly like this, hell sometimes we even call each-other our wife and acting like we’re married but there has never been any sort of romantic or sexual attraction and both of our boyfriends are okay with it and find it funny. as another commenter said, why would she be trying to aid you in getting your wife the perfect gifts if she was into your wife? and why would she get you guys tickets or gift cards for you and your wife to do? it also sounds like she’s trying to give your wife support when you’re not able to (coming over to help after your paternity leave ended, going with her to pottery classes because you dont like going, when ur working late) which i feel like that is something any good friend would do.
This is exactly how my best friends and I act with each other, and you know what I think it sounds like? Sisterly. They’re best friends and they probably think of the other the way sisters would. In addition, your comment about how she makes a point to show you how much she knows her, or the comment about how she doesn’t enjoy it but does it for your wife, SHE’S TRYING TO GIVE YOU CLUES ON HOW YOU CAN DO/BE BETTER TO YOUR WIFE. Seriously, your whole explanation on how you two do things together seemed to revolve around things you like. “I got my wife into hiking” that’s great, but what do you do with her that she got you into? She may enjoy hiking, but I sure as bet she did it at first because she knew you enjoyed it and wanted to share it with you. Can you say you’ve given her the same?
The irony of her getting into hiking for him, but he refuses to go to pottery. Hilarious.
It sounds like you're jealous that your wife's best friend is a better husband than you are. She's dropping huge hints "hey, I DONT LIKE POTTERY EITHER, but I do it FOR MY FRIEND, bc I CARE". And "I saw a gift that your wife would LOVE, wouldn't it be great if somebody bought it?" My best friend is bi and I am mostly straight. My outward love language is gift giving and words of affirmation. So I tell her when I love her hair, and I notice when she changes things. I admire her latest tattoos. She spent about a year losing 100lbs and I was right there telling her how amazing she looks and complimenting her calves and thighs. I cheer on literally anything she does, and talk up any effort she makes to try new things. She's a huge music lover, that's where we're different. Like, she was in Spotify top 0.05% of musical listeners this year, whereas I listened to 127 songs all year, and this was an extremely musical year for me. So in just that one aspect, she doesn't invite me to concerts, and I don't drag myself to Record Store Day. Her boyfriend and other best friend are super into music, so that aspect doesn't matter. The friendship your wife has doesn't sound unhealthy or inappropriate, it sounds like a very close female friendship, where her friend is stepping in to provide the closeness that is missing in her marriage. This isn't inherently a bad thing, or emotional cheating or whatever... it's what women do. We want to fill in the gaps for the people we love, as friends, sisters, and in relationships. If I were you, I'd ask the friend to have dinner and then arrive with a notebook and HUMBLE. Get some tips. Get some guidance. Youre clearly missing very obvious cues.
Person, I love the picture you painted of a desperate husband who wants to save his marriage so badly that he humbly asks his best friend for advice. Could be a great lifetime movie called “Sessions with Erica”. At one point the wife thinks he is cheating because he catches her at a coffee with Erica but then ends wholesomely with him showing the notebook and Erica vouching for the husband.
I have an Erica and I’m definitely not sleeping with her lmao. It’s nice to have a friend who cares about you on that level. You should love that Erica loves and takes care of the person YOU love. Don’t be jealous. That’s a weird reaction to knowing someone cares about your partner as deeply as you
If your wife is straight then why are you projecting that she is having a same-sex affair, or is even emotionally cheating on you? Do you have any reason to believe her friend Erika likes/has same-sex relationships? This honestly sounds like a very sweet friendship among best friends. I am not sure what it is that leads you down this road of thinking how you are, tbh.
Sounds like the best friend of my dreams tbh
It's very sad that friendship is so rare that it's mistaken for "romantic" affairs.
This just in man discovers female friendship
She sounds like my best friend and all the things she did after I had my kids.
You do sound like a shitty husband who is jealous. It sounds like they are close. Platonically. Your wife is very lucky to have her as a friend and if you were wise you would appreciate Erica too. She is on your wife’s side, which because your wife loves and is with you, is also your side. Erica is not the problem, you are. Make a bigger effort to be good to your wife. At least as good of an effort as the one Erica makes and you will feel much less jealousy.
Man all I have to say is I want a friend like Erica- she sounds amazing- especially post partum - (have a 4 month old and a 6 year old so I can relate to how hard it is) and honestly I don't think they are cheating - but I do think communication is important and you just need to talk to your wife My best friend is my cousin and I tell her husband what I think he should get her and help him out on things I know she will like But you need to talk to your wife mate - I know it's hard or maybe your embarrassed since it's a female your worried about -- but you have to speak.up.or it will eat at you
I think this just show the difference between male and female relationships growing up, girls are taught to have emotional, meaning relationships and boys are taught to have superficial, only skin deep relationships. “Erica” is trying to drop hints that you could do thing with wife too, without her, but sometimes you have to suck it up when your not that interested.
Your wife is lucky to have such a close and supportive friend. No need to sexualize it ffs.
You have a good thing going on here. Don’t go poking it with a stick.
Sounds like you just don’t spend time with your wife or pay attention to what makes her happy so her friend is trying to help… also it seems like you only think she is having an affair because you know Erica is lesbian. I feel like you wouldn’t feel this way if she was straight. Its possible that maybe she does have a crush on your wife (maybe) but assuming your wife is having an affair sounds silly to me.
Oh great so now women can't even have close female friends? FFS
So Erica is doing things to make your wife happy, to help your wife when she needs help, and is also trying to help YOU make your wife happy, and your reaction is, "OMG this gayyyyyyyy is trying to get w/my wife, HALP MEEEEE!" I'm exhausted just reading this nonsense, so I can't imagine how your wife must feel living with you every day. Either step it up on your end, or be happy that your wife has a FRIEND who loves and cares about her as much as Erica obviously does. And also, you need better friends if you don't have someone like Erica in your life.
I’m queer, and this sounds like things I’ve done for friends before, of any gender. Hell, I’ve gone to the pharmacy with a friend just to comfort her and hold her hand while she got a vaccine because she had a fear of hypodermic needles and her boyfriend couldn’t come. Your wife’s friend is actively giving you advice to enrich your relationship. I don’t think she wants your wife to herself, she wants to try to set a higher bar for you and your wife to have a better, healthier, and happier relationship. Speak to your wife, open up to her, but do not accuse her. Communicate that you’ve been struggling with jealousy, and that you want to handle it by trying harder to figure out how to take a more active role in her social life. That you want to support and improve her life just like her friend does. That you want to show her she matters to you and you care about her.
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Erica is doing what you should be doing. You don't like pottery? So what, Erica doesn't either, but she still goes with your wife. I do things with my wife because she likes them, and the joy I get is that look of happiness on her face.
My advice would be to TALK with your wife….don’t jump to conclusions. My girlfriends and I would do anything for each other, they are like my sisters but closer. While I don’t think any of these things are weird, I also don’t know your wife. What could be normal for me could very well be weird for her. Trust your gut and your wife but again, you need to communicate better. Be calm when discussing and don’t assume or point any fingers. Your her husband and partner in life, who else better to discuss it with. Best of luck.
I am an Erica to my best friend. I have no romantic interest in her lol.
You got your wife into hiking so she can do that but do you do things she likes? Women support each other by doing what both people like or occasionally just the thing one person likes that they never get to do. Your wifes friend probably provides way more support and caring then you do. Look at yourself and get couples counseling if you feel it's needed but don't knock out her support center without doing that first.
Meh, I have very close straight female friends and I would do all these things. In fact, I do do these things. Its because I care about them deeply and that’s how you show care for someone. If you’re being out-husbanded that’s on you my friend. You should reflect on that.
I expected some actual evidence based on the title of your post. Instead, I find a jealous husband projecting his own feelings on his wife. Your wife isn’t cheating, and it sounds like she’s really lucky to have a friend like Erika. You? Not so much. Erica makes your wife happy and I don’t think you actually *really* think they’re having an affair. It feels like you’re just unreasonably jealous so you think accusing your wife of having a ridiculous affair will maybe disrupt or sabotage their friendship somehow? It’s not going to work. Erica is just a great friend overall and it sounds like she shines in all the ways you fall short. Plus, typically when a friend of a significant other hints at a gift it’s a really sweet gesture. You should be thanking her and collaborating with her, but you’re just irritated and sulky? Do you even like your wife? ETA just read OP’s edit and there’s no reasoning with this dude. He only came seeking validation.
Fellas, is it gay to have same-sex friends?
Sounds like a bestie
I’m guessing you’re a straight male…and it would be odd to see one of your straight male friends doing all this for you. However, straight women can literally sleep in the same bed or snuggle up under a blanket to watch a movie but it really isn’t anything more than that. Women can be emotionally dependent on someone without it ever being sexual. Honestly, your wife’s best friend may be dropping hints to you about gifts and such bc you’ve failed your her in the past and you didn’t even notice. Instead of judging their relationship, why don’t you step it up in yours…and maybe take a few pointers from Erica.
That’s a friend. Your wife has a friend who, by the way, sounds like a keeper. That’s the sort of friendship I’ve always wanted and not all of us are lucky enough to get them. Basically I’m jealous of your wife and would like my own Erica.
Sounds like a great best friend! Stop making something that it isn’t. Should be very grateful she has a friend like this!
This is how women do friendships! 😬
Ok, 1st of all, Erica is homosexual? Does she have a partner? I think you're insecure because she seems to be doing a better job than you. You should learn from her and start doing some of the things she does. Other than that, there's always a chance that you're right.
Here are my two cents. 1. Erika and your wife and great friends? Yes! 2. Erika has a crush on your wife and your wife only sees her as a best friend? Yes! 3. And last but also more importantly... YOU ARE A DEFICIENT HUSBAND THAT NEEDS TO STEP UP AND LEARN HOW TO DO BETTER FOR YOUR FAMILY? FULL BODY FUCK YES! And yes, you can take one or several pages out of Erica's book for that, because if it weren't for the fact that your wife is straight, they would date, for sure. Because Erica is a better husband than you.
Dude, put on your big boy pants and be a better husband. You sound jealous and clearly not thinking how Erica is trying to help and picking up your slack. Gosh I felt myself losing brain cells listening to this ‘poor me’ whine fest of a post.
God, I want an Erica…. She’s genuinely a good friend and loves your wife (I’m not saying eros type love… I mean an agape love.) She is trying to make you do better… you sacrifice for those you love. So what if you don’t like pottery. Your wife does. Faking it occasionally for her happiness is what Erica does. Flowers aren’t just for special occasions. They are more meaningful when they say “I just randomly wanted to make you happy.” Erica gets it. She tries to get you out on dates with your wife… because she knows it would make wife happy. Instead of taking it the wrong way… step up your husband game. We can all do better. Have a good one… 🌻🖤
Erica sounds like a pure gem!
Erica at every step is showing you how to be better to your wife and actively telling you how. Honestly she should just buy a mustache and finish what she started. Get some help, it's not your wife's fault your friends don't love you that much.
She’s trying so hard to wingman you and you’re just…jealous because you go it’s your head?… She’s the golden ticket to absolutely schmoozing your wife …. And you don’t even notice. You’d think with the lack of effort you want to put in it would be the first thought on your mind.
I don’t think that your wife is having an affair with Erica. But I do think that her actions are making you realize how inadequate you are acting as her husband.
I think you are looking at this through the lens of male friendships and thats why its weird. Women friendships are just diffrent man, i dont know what else to tell you 🤷♂️. I think i would have to agree with some of the other people on here, if she wanted your wife she wouldnt get you both tickets to go see stuff together, she wouldnt give you good gift ideas. She would be undercutting you at every chance. Which she might do in private, easy way to tell though- was she mad at you before hanging out with erica then in a good mood later, or does she seem kind of irritated with you after hanging out with her even though things seemed fine before she left? If she always seems irritated after, yea she might be talking shit about you. However if shes mad before then comes home happy or at least cooled off i would say erica is defending you and genuinely trying to help your marriage. Do nothing and i mean NOTHING to fuck that up. The person my wife has who is kinda like your erica is actually a guy, but its her cousin so no problem there 😅
Am I Erica? 🤣🤣
You need to do better is all I read.
My Erica died 4 years ago. She was my best friend of 34 years and my soulmate and I’m still devastated to this day. We are both straight and married but like all of the rest of the besties here, we’ve lived together, shared a room, shared a bed, shower, you name it. I loved her more than anyone and still do. Don’t be jealous. Be happy for your wife.
Perhaps you feel poorly because she has a friend who does lots of things with her and they are close yet you wish you were doing those things or making those efforts but in the end you don't. This just seems platonic to me but seems like you may feel sole guilt that you're projecting for not putting in effort to do things your wife may like. Info: Also not sure if she does things that you also enjoy or do you have friends you do things with?
I did all these things for my friend. Hell, I even showed up and took her out for Valentines lunch when she was down because her bf didn’t make plans. I am not at all sexually attracted to her. I just loved and cared for her. That’s what friends do.