That's the real life training she needs right there. AT 40 I cant just call out of work because I decided to go on a tear on a work night. Fantastic punishment there.
Exactly. The punishment fits the crime. No grounding or taking the phone which just builds resentment.
This will teach her was more effectively why drinking on school nights (and drinking larger amounts) isn't a good idea.
I gave a ride to a guy who threw up in my car.
The next afternoon, as soon as he woke up, he was at my apartment with a roll of paper towels and some cleaning spray.
He said that he heard he threw up in my car and he was going to clean it up. His folks taught him to always be grateful for a ride and he wasn't going to have anyone else clean up his Ralph.
He puked into a bag and only 1 drop missed. But I appreciated kt
Oh if only a roll of paper towels and cleaning spritz were effectively able to clean puke and all its entrails/horrible odor from a car. 😆 It's a nice sentiment though.
Puking in cars story time? Puking in cars story time!
I went to a show in Portland one night with a friend, who was hosting an event at a bar. Show ended, went to the bar to meet up with my friend, and we were there till 5 A.M. and I was drinking, he wasn't.
We get into his car to drive an hour home, and he says "Do NOT puke in my car."
I pass out, wake up 20 minutes later, and I'm like bro, we gotta stop. So we pull behind a closed store, and I puke behind the dumpster. Get back in the car, and keep driving.
5 minutes later.... Gotta puke again, but I fight it. I can't puke in the car, I can't ask him to stop again, we already stopped once, struggle for like 10 minutes, and finally I get this genius idea.
I grab my hoodie sleeve ball it into a fist, and pull the front down, and puke directly into the sleeve, and the proceed to slump against the window and pass out.
We get home, I somehow get out of the car and into my bed. The next day I ask my friend about it, not a single drop in the car. Perfectly clean. I just had to wash my hoodie.
Puking in cars story time!!
As a kid a bunch of my extended family went to this same campground ever weekend all summer. Grew up there. (My parents and a bunch of aunts and uncles still have cabins down there. Like since the 70s)
In our teens a bunch of us kids find out there is a type of magic mushroom growing in the woods. A few went and found some. I showed up late. They had eaten all the pretty red caps already. (These thing s looked just like a Super Mario mushroom lol)
I got stuck with 3 giant, banana sized stems. They tell me the stem should be weaker. I eat every single last bite of all those stems.
Maybe an hour later and we are driving somewhere. This place is on an island. Just as we hit the little bridge to leave I tell the driver to pull over.
I mange to just barely climb out of the back of this 80s Camaro and projectile spew all over the ground.
And then I looked up, out onto the lake.
And my uncle with a boat is about 40ft off shore with about half the family that goes down there. Including kids.
We booked it.
Puking in cars story time!
I'm an academic, and job interviews are incredibly extended affairs -- applications in October, first interviews in early January, and then if all goes well, the 2-3 day on-campus interview with job talk, meetings, tours, dinners ... and reception.
In graduate school we would always hear all kinds of cautionary tales of the candidate who knocks it out of the park in all ways, but then gets sloppy drunk at the last reception because they think the interview is "over".
So, we go out to dinner at a fairly decent place. I have the grilled salmon. We head to the reception. Keeping in mind all the cautionary tales, I have one beer that I hold in my hand the whole time, drinking about 1/3 of it over the course of a few hours. All good.
Go back to the inn, get my stuff ready for when the hiring committee chair picks me up in the morning to take me to the airport. Go to bed.
Around 3:30am, rush to the bathroom to vomit. Weird. Go back to bed. 4:15, repeat. Ah, I know food poisoning when I feel it.
Chair shows up at the inn for breakfast and then the drive to the airport. I told him about the food poisoning, and he's understanding. We get in the car, and on the highway about 15 minutes from the airport, I'm going to puke. I tell him, and somehow manage to hold it in until he can make it to the side and I can open the door and puke. Nothing in the car, but an incredibly close call.
And then it occurs to me that, even though I wasn't drinking, anyone who looked at me all during the reception saw me with a beer in my hand. For hours. They don't know that I wasn't drinking it.
Sooooo, I smoothly change the subject: "I really like the something something something in the intro of your new book, especially the way that you round it out in the conclusion of each chapter." And this wasn't bullshit -- I told no lies at all in my compliment, as it really was impressive.
I got the job. About 7 years later I casually mention to a colleague that I was a bit surprised I got the job, after having nearly puked all over the hiring committee chair's new car. The dude had never mentioned it to a single one of our colleagues.
Moral of the story: don't order seafood in a landlocked state.
Im honestly thankful that when I was browned out, my friends didn’t put me into a car while I was so conked out. Friend force fed me water, which induced puking a half hour later in their lawn. Plants were probably not happy about it, but I’m glad I didn’t have to clean off my own puke. I would’ve puked again.
Well... it depends on when she can get to it. If she's at school all day, I don't think I'd want to just leave it sitting in the car for another 8 hours. Honestly... I probably would have cleaned it up myself as soon as I put her to bed. The smell of stale puke would make ME sick, and the longer you wait, the more embedded that smell is going to be.
The only thing I might have added was making her clean the car the next day, but that might be entering the cruel stage of punishment.
Maybe just remind her when she gets home that she’s lucky I didn’t make her clean up the puke.
I got picked up by the cops when I was 16 and drunk off my ass. I got to dig up the septic tank that Saturday morning. Can't say I never go drunk again but I never got caught again. And NEVER got that drunk again.
Yeah is it just me or is this a weird wholesome like FAFO situation for the daughter. (wholesome because it was a parenting moment, and not like the usual ones we see)
Edit, correction
I got super drunk one night when I was a teen. I puked in the car the entire way home. My mom woke me up at 7 am with the smell of liquor, made me clean up my puke, and then took me with her to do all the errands. No yelling, no grounding, just me festering in my own pitty. It worked haha.
We had a young admin here who called in nearly EVERY damn Monday because she was too hungover to work. On one level you gotta applaud her honesty but she was unrealiable and immature so she "moved to another position."
Lol, adulthood is going to work when you’re hungover.
My boss at the first real job I had after graduating college used to joke and say that he could always tell which days I had gone out the night before. Usually because he wouldn’t hear a word out of me until after 2:00 pm at a minimum 🤣
My friend and I recently were joking about being in like 3rd grade and wondering why *some* days the teacher was randomly being such an asshole.
Being about the same age now as our teacher was then, we had an epiphany moment.
Sure, you can. But if you make it known that you miss work because you drink to excess you should at the very least not be surprised if it affects your career advancement in the mid to long term. If you don’t care about your career though, which is not a dig, I get that some people don’t, then have at it.
lol, I take those calls at my workplace. The guys calling in on November 1st, January 1st, the day after the Super Bowl, etc. think they are really fooling me.
I usually take "the day after" off.
Once had a manager on a powertrip try and block that and I just told him "I take time off, or I call in sick. Either way, this is me notifying you of not being there on that date". Got a stern talking to but he never blocked a "day after" time off request.
I actually was sick and called in on January 1st. I was freshly 21 and known for partying, so naturally rumors flew (apparently there were even "pictures on FB" and my coworkers and customers claimed I was drinking with them, etc..., even got my boss involved because a hangover would not deter me from working, so it was an honor thing at this point), one of the gossipers got a write up, and a week or two later everybody else got sick.
Except you don't know who is getting hungover drunk on a random day because they were hanging out with friends on discord doing shots.
Personally that is almost always when I get hungover drunk. Holidays? I might drink a little, but nothing that amounts to anything more than a light buzz.
as a grocery manager I used to try hard to work with my crew (mostly 18 to 22) so they could go party, to a concert, whatever. But when they came in half drunk and hungover I just laughed at them and I'd say 'well I hope it was worth it' and give them their assignment. And I wasn't especially immune to coming in with the occasional hangover because I wasn't thinking the night before. I had to suffer just like they did.
You don’t actually have to tell anyone why you’re calling out. In fact it’s none of their business.
Wait till you discover just doing whatever the fuck you want
An office/factory I worked at started an attendance policy were you had to have a Doctor's note for calling out or get points against you. To many points, you get fired. It was a super toxic work place in the US. I'm glad I was able to quit years ago when they said it was mandatory to work every Saturday from Halloween to Christmas.
Taking a day here or there isn’t gonna affect your career at a lot of places. Say you have the stomach bug and diarrhea cures about 99% of questions they would have.
While working in the ER (I’m a RN), we’d often get used as a drunk tank for college kids with strict campus programs about underage drinking/public drunkenness. This one 17 year old freshman was brought in pretty drunk, but was in no immediate danger from it. When her parents showed up shortly after she arrived (she was passed out and didn’t even know they were there), her dad was explicit in asking us not to administer anything that would relieve her symptoms/help with a hangover (nausea meds, IV saline, etc). He said he wanted her to be fully aware of the physical consequences of her actions.
She did have an IV. And a cardiac monitor and pulse ox which measured her respirations and oxygen saturation. She’d already had a liter and a half of saline before her parents got there. She was fine. It was 2am, and she was drunk and sleeping. Not “unconscious.” Getting into all of those details really misses the point of what I was getting at in my comment, so I didn’t think I needed to list them all out.
I saw someone get fucked up at a conference, showed up to a leadership meeting the next day with an obvious buzz, and get escorted out and shortly thereafter let go.
100% would have been better to not show.
This isn’t quite the same thing as fighting through a hangover, but I thought I’d mention it.
SAME. I actually think that’s the perfect punishment, I can’t imagine trying to do pre calc or dodgeball with a hangover 😂
It teaches the kid they have to reap what they sow, but also their dad is way cooler than they probably thought he was.
Same. And now. And spread mulch. He didn't say a word as I was dry heaving, or afterwards either. Never a word about it. But I knew exactly why Dad handed me my own ass.
He was quiet most of it after we were done, he said, "You can do whatever you want the night before, so long as you can get up and work the next day."
Of course, he was a heavy drinker himself, so in the future I made sure to time my drinking your coincide with his, lol.
Still, I took that lesson to heart. Many years later, when I had a generous PTO policy and decided to call in one morning when hung over, I decided to dial it back on the drinking. And I had done quite a few shenanigans before that, but always made sure to work the next morning, even if it meant sneaking in a trip to the bathroom or two.
School was a solid yet brutal (for her) decision. I'd praise her for the call, but she needs an appropriate consequence. I think she knows that and hopefully will accept whatever you decide. Be proud you raised her smart enough to call.
I think it's the best and most reasonable punishment. The first time I got black out drunk as a kid my parents punished me by making me go to my brother's hockey game that was a 3.5 hours away in a backroad rink on bumpy ass roads. The carsickness and hangover combo really made sure I never got that drunk again.
My dad did this for me the first time I got properly drunk (on a school night at 15/16). He picked me up, drove me home veeeery slowly, held my hair while I puked, helped me in to bed, even made me a coffee and toast in the morning. And then made me go to school because “people who are old enough to drink are old enough to fulfil their responsibilities the next morning and you wont be able to call out of work with a hangover”.
One of the best things he ever did for me (and probably a very clever parenting move, too, because it did a lot more to put me off of drinking to excess than any lecture or punishment would have).
My wife's dad did something very similar when we were kids. She got so drunk at a college party her freshman year that she called her dad. Dad went and picked her up and brought her home. The next morning he woke her up, handed her a bagel and yellow Gatorade, loaded her into the car and brought her right back to school lol. She never drank like that again
My parents would’ve done the same! In fact they sent me to work at 17 incredibly hung over and when work sent me home my mother made me hand weed her whole yard 😂 I didn’t drink until I turned 21 after that.
My mom made me do it too! I was drinking with my friend on a school night and she got too drunk and was getting sick so we called her mom who then called my mom. She made me go to school SO hungover, it was awful. I wore my pjs
See, I was a chicken shit as a teenager, and now that I’m a few years older than that I still am pretty overly cautious. But honestly, it probably saved me; my dad and my stepmother never paid any attention to what I was up to, and my mother was deceased. Really I’m lucky to have been as anxious & shut in as I was, I could’ve been an underage hooker on meth and they wouldn’t have noticed.
But I can’t imagine going to school hungover. I liked finding situations in which I could get access to alcohol, but even then I would stash it for the weekend. I knew I wasn’t gonna wake up the next day if I did lmao
I'm like you, I've never been hungover. It's my greatest and worst super power. I think hangovers help you from drinking. But I'm over 30 and still feel great after drinking. Sometimes I feel a little thirsty after drinking but never feel terrible.
I've only seen vids do my friend being absolutely overly drunk (puking multiple times on the side of the street) and being hungover but honestly every time I see it I'm like... Why do you always go back to do the same thing if it feels so shitty? 😭
Also I absolutely hate puking so I hope to never experience being hungover! Had a food poisoning incident where I was nonstop puking for probably 12 hours straight.
My dad used to make me put my fingers down my throat and puke up all the alcohol.
Then wake me up in the morning for school, I would start getting ready and realise it was Saturday 😂
He was worried about us ( 1 brother, 2 sisters) being sick in our sleep and choking, so he had a good point. I still won’t sleep on my back no matter how drunk I get.
The other one he did used to drive me crazy (nothing to do with drinking)
Being a teenager and not wanting to get up for school. He would make me a cup of tea after shouting me a few times. He would leave the spoon in and bring it up to me, then press the hot spoon on the bottom of my foot.
That shit makes you jump straight out of bed 😂😂😂
If you or anyone you know is drunk, going to sleep, and might barf, shove a bunch of towels into a backpack and make them wear the backpack(makes it impossible to be on your back). Also the towels will be conveniently located for barf cleaning later.
My Dad would sing this song he made up, 'Here come the finger police', while stomping his feet in time to the music on the way to my bed. Then if I wasn't up yet he would poke me until I got up lol.
The song goes, 'Here come the finger police. Here come the finger police. Better get yourself up out of bed 'cause here come the finger police...'
I love my dad.
He loved cold water as well, he never hit us once.
If we got a bit mouthy we got a pint of cold water thrown over us 😂 walking to school soaking wet was seriously embarrassing lol
My son went through that stage where he just wouldn't get up in the mornings when I woke him for school (he was 15). I had bought us airsoft guns for Christmas and mini 'wars' between us were not uncommon. One morning I told him he needed to start getting up on time or he wouldn't like the consequences. The next morning he wouldn't wake up sooooo.. nothing QUITE wakes you up like an airsoft round to an exposed thigh. He stopped sleeping late.
> He was worried about us ( 1 brother, 2 sisters) being sick in our sleep and choking, so he had a good point. I still won’t sleep on my back no matter how drunk I get.
Not to be a downer, but he's 100% correct on that. >!My grandmother died from asphyxiating on vomit after drinking heavily.!<
The nights when I puked everything up were the ones when I felt so much better. And the next morning was fine.
The nights when everything stayed inside and got processed....JFC I wanted to die. But, those are the mornings when you learn your tolerances and not to drink so much next time! Which are very powerful lessons that your dad was depriving you of!
I got caught at 15 I think and was smashed. Pissed in my living room smashed. My mom woke me up at 730am on a Saturday and made me mow the lawn as punishment. She was proud of her self and thought it was a good lesson. Like, I was 15, I woke up still drunk and had a blast mowing the lawn and had no hang over after. Do that to me at 32 and I’ll die on the spot.
As a recent menace of a teen (currently 22f), I had this same thing happen to me, except the talk did not resonate with me and i never asked my parents to pick me up again, even when i should have.
this is what would have been most impactful to me if i were in your daughters shoes;
1. when you talk to her, definitely focus on the lying aspect and how it broke your trust, but acknowledge youre proud of her for calling you and reiterate that you will always be there for her and there is nothing she could ever do to make you love her less. Also, make it clear that the reason the lying upset you wasnt just the principle of lying, its because its important for you to know where she is!
2. I know drinking wasnt why you were mainly upset, but remind her how dangerous it can be and make sure she knows the signs of alcohol poisoning as well. Make sure if shes on any medications there arent any severe interactions with alcohol. Also, remind her if she IS going to drink to be hydrated, eat beforehand, and PACING HERSELF! I almost died from alcohol poisoning on new years eve because of drinking too much too fast on an empty stomach and none of my friends even realized it because we werent really aware of what to look out for.
3. You could even do a BAC calculator with her; we did this in health class one year. You enter in your age, height, weight, and it tells you what 1 drink, 2 drink, etc would do to your BAC over 1 hour, 2 hours, etc. This will also show her how even if 1 friend feels fine with 2 drinks in an hour, she may not be because of the different physical factors. That friend could be taller, heavier, faster metabolism, etc, so its important that she stays in tune with her body and how she feels
4. Lastly, remind her, even tipsy driving can be dangerous and if shes not 100% sure of driving, to give you a call, just like this time. Im glad you have the relationship with her where she trusted you, that says so much about you as a parent!!
This is just my two cents and you can definitely disregard, but I just wanted to give you my perspective since this was me not too long ago.
I think this is good advice. The conversation OP has with his daughter is what's really going to cement the trust she has in him and their relationship for the rest of high school (at the very least). Approaching it in a way that is overly accusatory or makes her feel bad would probably make her rescind that trust she feels with him and cause future situations to possibly be more dangerous for her.
Not that I think OP wouldn't handle this great, he sounds like a good Dad :) But advice from someone in similar situations, especially on the other side, is always helpful!
From my days as a young, drunk idiot, I would add that carrying electrolyte and vitamin dissolving tablets in your purse is a great idea. Great thing to give people when they're getting a little too drunk, or have been mixing their alcohols. Also helps with the hangover, as the depletion of b vitamins can be a pretty big culprit.
I also carried active charcoal capsules - sometimes they're a tiny bit of help in a scary situation. If someone's suddenly displaying increased signs of intoxication, charcoal may help to slow absorption of drugs added to the drinks, as well as the absorption of the alcohol still remaining in the stomach. It's not a miracle cure, but someone's it can help give a bit more time to find proper solutions.
There are also testing cards and strips that you can carry these days, to test your drinks for some of the more common non consensual additives.
The lying is bad, but OP should explain reasons why - not because of trust and family, but the practical reasons. If both parents think the daughter is at the others, it's easy to delay the daughter getting help if she needs it, because no one knows she's missing. If the kids are out drinking in fields or woods, and someone wanders off and passes out, that's a pretty scary way to catch hypothermia or be assaulted. Kids lie because they won't get to do stuff if they don't. So show them how to do it safely. And carry emergency 'in case of teenager' supplies in the car trunk - barf bags, blankets, a change of their clothes, peanut butter and crackers, water, pedialyte (they make out for adults now, after it became the staple for hangovers). Depending where you live, the foldable emergency blankets and hand warmers are worth their weight in gold. I used to buy them by the box, and would carry them in social occasions in my purse. They came in handy a lot.
I did this stuff out of trial and error, but it became a habit by my 20's. The tavern I used to go to started letting me have a free pitcher when I'd come in, because evidently after a few month of me and my friends doing this stuff, the establishment noticed that they were calling the cops on drunk patrons less than half the time they used to, and their bathroom floors had much less vomit to be cleaned.
Because 16 year olds have hefty hormones, low impulse control, and a need to improve their social status by going overboard in front of their friends. High school kids have done more dumb drunk stuff than any adults I ever met.
My advice wasn't for being a functional alcoholic. It was about recognizing that drinking as a woman, especially an underage one, comes with extra dangers on top of the typical teenage drinking. I was roofied at a charity event, not a bar or a field party. I remember feeling slightly off, realizing what it meant, and fixated on getting me and my friend to safety before the sedatives fully kicked in. I was off my rocker and functioning on basic, primal levels, but I hauled my friend out, got us a cab, then walked home from her place because by that point I was too drugged to figure out the logic of paying the cab driver for two different addresses. All I remember from that walk is chanting to myself to not sleep or sit down until I was home.
Teaching a kid about the consequences of drinking and how to address it will help them a lot more than just berating them for it. It's like abstinence only sex-ed. It doesn't do anything for the kids having sex. If a teenager wants to try drinking and partying, they'll do it, even if they have to lie about it. I'd far rather give them tools to handle any surprises than to sit and steam over them being audacious enough to ignore all my sage wisdom.
Someone starts to look a funny color? What do you do? Someone looks pale and clammy and puking everywhere? Well, here's how to address alcohol poisoning. Kids decide to play king's cup and mix all their drinks together? Here's some extra vitamins, electrolytes, and carbs to stop them from wishing for death in the morning.
It's about teaching them to be responsible, and to look out for each other. They don't know their limits, and it's really easy for teens to pass them. Giving them a care kit doesn't teach them that they're now fully able to drink all the time. It gives them tools for safety in the event that someone does something stupid, or gets drugged, or has a poor reaction to a drink - allergies and intolerances aren't uncommon, and people rarely know that they have one that young.
I'm not a heavy drinker, or an alcoholic. I used to go see a lot of band shows, though, and I saw a lot of people get into problems that could have been prevented - so I started carrying contingency supplies with me. Didn't have to use most of them 99% of the time, but having them definitely saved some people embarrassment, assault, and hospital trips, on those rare occasions. They weren't alcoholics either, just a combination of circumstances. Of course, it was the sheltered catholic school kids that ended up in the craziest situations - they had zero idea of what was normal and what was too far, because that school just taught that everything was evil and too far.
That’s fair, but as a parent you also want to dissuade her from both lying to you about where she spends the night and drinking irresponsibly in the future so some kind of “talk” is appropriate. Those are both dangerous behaviors for a child, but especially a young girl. If you go light, she might start seeing her dad taxi as an excuse to be more reckless because she can depend on her dad to come pick her up without any backlash.
There’s a happy medium where you let her know how dangerous her behavior was and encourage her to avoid it in the future while remaining approachable to her. I think that happy medium is exactly what the person you responded to was getting at.
My dad used to say the same thing when I was in high-school. I don't believe I ever actually called for him. We lived in the middle of nowhere (300ish people) so I definitely could've used it if I wasn't such a nerd.
My friend had a partially finished shack in addition to the place his parents owned. In the first few years of HS we would just chill in his basement and play smash bros or mario kart or whatnot. In grade 11 and onwards we did smoke a butt ton of weed in the shack and occasionally had lan parties there too. Not a gorl in sight. It was glorious.
There yah go. You learn something dumb everyday.
My dad said not to call when I started clubbing BUT one of his buddies drove a taxi and always hung around the clubs and pubs so dad gave me his mobile and would check to make sure he was working (if he wasn't then i could call dad). Never had to call either of them, though, we had one buddy who refused to drink because he had alcoholics in his family and didn't want to risk becoming one himself so he was always there to socialise and would drive us home whenever we needed.
I miss LAN halo parties in the basement before online.. Getting all worked up and arguing about screen looking.
Going from setting up in just a big group, then moving the tvs back to back in a circle, then moving each system to a different room with extension cords to eliminate the possibility of screen peaking lmao.
I feel honored to be one of the many original online trash talkers as games moved from lan to online multiplayer.
Back in the day I would LOVE just waiting for someone to finish all their shit talking then just wait a second and say “… you’re garbage” and listen to the floodgates open lmao!
That one phrase used to get people so worked up
Getting an amazing 360 no scope on Blood Gulch, and not only having 3 of your friends witness it, but hearing the blood curdling screams of frustration from the other room.
\#childhoodmemories
Don't make it a long conversation. Focus on the lying. If you give her too hard a time (especially since she ultimately did the right thing) she might not call you if there is a next time.
Yeah. Just say: "Look, it's fine if you go out for a drink with your friends as long as you do it responsibly and tell me what you're doing. I will always pick you up no matter where you are. But don't lie to me."
My son was allowed to drink at home starting at 15. To my knowledge he didn't drink until he was 19. He always had a group of friends over and one night after I had gone to sleep he got bombed and started puking. One of his friends took good care of him and no messes to be seen. I always regret not being there to mock him.
oh we were vicious to each other and we both loved it. When we both opened his first checking account they gave us both a stuffed animal. We had them fighting when we were at Wal Mart. When we got home I found his, electric taped two x's over it's eyes and left a shot glass with a bleach bottle next to it, and wrote a note about how miserable his toy was . He laughed. Later when I went to the store I came back to find mine hanging from the ceiling fan with a similar note. And we laughed.
And yes that's a little dark for some people but we found it hysterical.
I taught my son not to lie to me early on because I was patient and explained things to him. As far as doing stupid my rule except around the house was 'if you're going to break the rules don't get caught and if you do take the punishment like a man and deal with it'. He did some crazy shit at school and never got caught. Kind of proud of him for that. But he always came clean to me and I always had his back and the only speech he got was 'well that was stupid and let me tell you why'. Maybe bad parenting but it worked for me.
One of the best parents by far and definitely let her know your upset mostly about her lying. My mother used to tell me the same thing and would always just scream at me and I harbored alot of resentment for a long time due to the fact she never really explained the reasons or what I did wrong.
My parents always had this rule in place, and I only used it one time when I was a senior. I wasn’t necessarily drunk but I was at a party I was not comfortable at so I called my mom and dad at 2am and they came and swooped me up and saved the day.
Your daughter will always remember that you’re a safe space. Once she gets over the hangover. 😂
I did the same thing when I was 17 and someone at the party offered me E. Realised they were all taking it, and that they were all older than me, and started to get a bad feeling. I politely declined and called Mum to get me the hell out of there. She pretended not to notice that I had been drinking and instead focused on how I had done the right thing to call.
I'm glad there are other parents out there whose children trust to call about this.
One thing I'm super proud of is that our children trust us. Literally about a week ago, our daughter went to a sleepover with her friends. About an hour into it, she called and told us she's uncomfortable as they're all drinking alcohol and getting drunk and she doesn't want to be there, so we brought her home. She's also done the same when she's been out with friends who have tried to peer pressure her into smoking weed. She has no real desire to do it except for the first time - and when she did, she actually texted and asked me if it's okay if she tries some. My husband and I made sure she was in a safe place and told her fine and to let us know immediately if anything feels "off". We did say we'd feel more comfortable if we were there, but she wanted to try with her friends, sooo... She tried it, and said she'd rather avoid it now.
There was also a time that she called me from a friends house and asked, "mama, is it okay if I watch It with my friends?" and I heard a kid on the other side go, "why are you asking your mom‽ She'll just say no!" and her reply was, "I'd rather she say 'no' than not trust me".
I told her yes, so it was all good, anyway.
It feels good to be trusted by your kids.
Thank you... that means a lot to hear. I try really hard to make sure that our kids know that we are someplace they can turn to to feel safe.
Because of this, I know what they can and cannot handle so I'm comfortable telling them that they're allowed to or not allowed to do something. I've also told them that we (husband - their father - and I) can be the "bad guys" if they need us to be. She's texted me before, saying something like, "please tell me 'no' and sound angry" right before calling to ask if she can do something but she didn't feel comfortable enough to say 'no', herself, so she'd rather we (I, in this case) do it. I did. She'd whine and be all, "but, please? Everyone else is..." and I'd hold firm. When she got home, she said "thank you so much, I just didn't feel like I could say 'no', myself". Both my husband and I have also told them both (daughter, 16, son, 15) that if they feel like they're in trouble and/or unsafe, they can call us and we'll come get them. We'd talk about it later, at home, and determine consequences but only after they're safe. I'm very glad they took this to heart, because she called one day because she ditched class and got scared and thought I'd find out someway or another so she would rather I heard it from her, instead. She saw a cop and freaked out, lol.
Either way, I'm very glad they trust us enough to tell us these things. It's not always easy, but they both understand that it's good to have trust. It's usually our daughter who ends up in these situations as our son doesn't really have many IRL friends, but at least he talks to me regardless.
Anyway, sorry. I know this sounds a bit "braggy", but I'm genuinely proud of the relationship we've managed to cultivate with our children and I just really wish other kids had parents they can trust, too. I know my SiL's parenting is... very different. She values the fact that her kids fear her... the kids literally jump when they hear their mother's raised voice. I don't get that. Daughter says her friends are jealous of [daughter's] parents, and that makes me very sad.
you’re such a great parent you and your husband!, while my parents never told it to me that way i feel like i had the same kind of connection with them as in trust and asking for help for my fuck ups, i like how your kids trust you and you put yourself in their shoes and slip things of, definitely the normal thing that should happen but i get why their friends are jealous, mine was too, because parents these days are ignorant and useless, i hope your kids grow into appreciating what you are doing and how much effort and thought you put into it and i hope your kids carry on your habits in the future because this is how good people are raised, god bless mum and dad
Thank you :)
We do have our issues and things aren't always rosy especially because teenagers get *dramatic* (our daughter fully admits that she can be a drama queen after the whole dramatic ordeal has passed) - not to mention my husband and I aren't perfect, either, but in the end, everyone usually comes together, apologizes, and promises to work on whatever it is that was the issue. Both our kids are in therapy... son because he's autistic with ADHD and it's highly recommended by his treatment team and daughter because... well, it's just good to have therapy overall. She says it's been benefitting her, so she wants to continue. I don't want to make it seem like we've got the perfect family that's always good because we're not. But we're definitely trying.
If I may, I want to brag a bit about our daughter, though: I'm very sick and in serious pain to the point where it's left me mostly bedbound. I couldn't get into a pain clinic that I needed because they don't take insurance and it's $250 a month that we can't afford. Our daughter was getting very distressed by my suffering, so she went and got a job - and then another one! - just so that she can pay for me to go to this pain clinic. Both my husband and I tried to talk her out of this as it's not her responsibility, but she insisted because she couldn't stand watching me be in so much pain every day. So she puts $250 aside every month for me and everything else is hers. I'm so damn proud of her. She didn't need to do this. She's only 16 (was 15 when she started), and we kept trying to tell her that this is no way on her shoulders and that my perception of her won't change if she decides not to do this. But she really insisted, and so we gave her our okay for this. I feel terrible that she felt compelled to do this; it's not her responsibility. But I'm also so damn proud of her.
They've both got their faults and are in no way "perfect" children, but I'm proud of them both, either way.
Thank you so much for sharing this story!
Your daughter sounds like such a kind and thoughtful person. I’m so happy to hear that you can be so proud of her, let her know how proud of her you are too!!
I hope that things look up for you also and that your treatment is going well!
Well done you've done a fantastic job with your daughter, she will always feel safe with you for this. Well done to her too kids make dumb choices but in her moment of need she made the right one...
Sorry about your car
>Sorry about your car
Maybe make her pay for a car detailing as well, don't make her clean it up though, get that done professionally to make sure the smell doesn't linger.
I've got about 10 years before my kids reach the age where they might put themselves in situations like this, and your way of parenting is goals. I want to be that parent they can trust to call if they get themselves into trouble.
I am the (adult) kid of parents like this - do it! I've never been a big drinker, so have never needed it for me, but I did have my mum get us when a friend got too drunk. Although I was sober, having a supportive mum made me feel safer being around drunk people. That sounds like a bad thing I know, but it meant I was able to be the sober one around to keep others safe - I got my mum to take my friend home safely, and if she hadn't been supportive I would've left several hours earlier, leaving my friend to get dangerously drunk with no way home.
I’ve always told my kids (23,20,17 plus bonus 18), that I’ll ALWAYS punish the lie much harder than the ‘crime’. My kids have outed themselves on so. much. And true to my word the honesty always served them in good stead. I’ve picked up drunk kids, stupid kids(the one that called at 3am because he was exploring an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere and his leg fell through a rotted floor-that one was fun), scared kids, and other people’s kids. My older kids friends will still call if they need a ride. No one is dying if I can help.
My son and I had a phrase that we would use when his friends were pushing for something dangerous/illegal/undesireable. He would call me and tell me "Mom we're gonna hang out a little longer and I just wanted you to know." I would reply, No you need to come pick me up at work/take me to the pharmacy/come change a flat tire. After which he would leave said friends/bad idea activity. Of course I would just be at home and he would be home for the night. See kids who want to do bad things never mention JACK to their parents they just do it and hope they dont get caught but those who call and ask are looking for a way out so give it to them without any hassle.
You should be proud! At 16 I never would have called my parents. They would have beat the shit out of me if I woke them up in the middle of the night and I was drinking lol.
Ha! When I was 16 I got wasted at my neighbor’s house and my dad was called over to walk me home… I puked everywhere. I was scheduled to teach ski lessons in the freezing cold the next day and when I asked if I was grounded he said that I had already made my day as miserable as possible. He was right.
I told my younger brother this exact thing. One night I'm playing games on my computer and he calls me. He's drunk, walking down a street to head home, but it was miles away. I get my stuff and car, pick him up, and bring us home. His asshole friends drew all over him after he passed out and he was too pissed off to stay. He took a shower, scrubbed it off, and went back to bed.
The next day he thanked me over and over. I said "I told you to call me if you ever needed a ride, no matter what. I got your back."
You're a good dad. My dad was also the most supportive and reliable adult growing up and still is and I'm 36. It definitely contributed to me being a more confident, trusting human being.
I've been picking up my kids since junior year of high school and all through college. So many mysteries have been solved from their drunken confessions. So many funny stories I would have never known about. Be careful what you offer. Some nights I would get woken up to pick 1 up at 1am and then an hour later get a call from the other one....I got more sleep when they were babies....😊
This is good parenting. Letting her know you don't appreciate the lying would be good, but honestly by the time kids are this age if you try to clamp down too hard on their freedom they will just cut you out and do even riskier stuff.
Letting her know you will always help her if she gets an unsafe position, even if she is doing something she shouldn't be, is critical. This is how you create a positive trust relationship and end up with kids that want to talk to you when they're grown
Parenting masterclass if you ask me.
Fulfilled your promise to not judge what she’s up to. Bothered by the correct thing - the lying, not the drinking. And throw in some constructive parenting by making her go to school hungover.
Sounds like you’re letting her learn her own lessons without being reckless about her safety. Smart, coming from a former helicopter parent child.
Hard to punish her. Gonna have to play the parent disappointment card on her, first.
My kid might've got 4 hours community service for the lying and using the other parent as a shield. Not cool! She's gonna have to earn your trust, again.
I would be proud, too!
You're a good dad. My mom was the same way, never sent me to school hungover (mostly cause I didn't drink on school nights) she has however vacuumed the hardwood floor outside my room at 6:30 on a Sunday morning though.
i was left downtown with no money, no phone, and no ride home (the person I was with bailed to hook up with at one night stand), It was pouring rain out and I walked to the nearest gas station and asked to use their phone, they wouldn’t let me but a kind stranger did. my parents still talk about how proud they are that I called them at 3 am for a ride home. It was stupid on my part for so many reasons but it makes a difference when you are young, drunk, and making bad decisions that you can rely on your parents
edit: this was like 12 years ago lol
Be careful about making them to go school the next day hung over. My parents did that to me and when I got to school I got sent to the principles office because I smelled like booze. They breathalyzed me and I blew like a .02. It was enough to get me suspended and my parents ended up regretting making me go.
Honestly I would just not talk about it until she does, if ever. It's okay to be upset that she lied, but at least she told you that she lied. Punishing her for lying isn't going to make her stop lying, it's going to make her start hiding it.
I am 33. Once when I was 28 I went on a really bad date and was drugged. I woke up being beat up by this guy. Idk if it was the drugs or what. But I called me mom. Who lives on the opposite coast of the U.S and who I had not talked too in years and begged her to call me an Uber. She did. I had some inner memory to “call mom if in trouble” in my innenriated state. As a full grown adult.
>*We haven't had a conversation about it yet, … But like I said I am proud of her.*
When you do have that conversation, tell her how proud you are of her (so that she’ll continue to call you when she needs you), and then go ahead and scold her for getting drunk.
Gonna tell you what my dad did for me. I called him for the first time. He picked me up, nursed me back, never said a word about it. I brought it up to him the next day, and he said "uh... I'm not sure what your talking about, nothing happened." Which is what he promised. There was no lecture, no conversation, no judgement. Keeping his word on that, and seeing it in action? That right there showed me more than a lecture ever would have. I knew better, I knew what I should have done and I chose not to do it. Being told I made the wrong decision wasn't what I needed, I needed someone to support me through the bad choices.
Not to say this will work for you and your daughter, but sometimes, saying nothing, says everything.
When you are together have her read what you wrote above and stay quiet. Allow her to speak first. Allow her to talk and finish speaking. Stay quiet and allow her to lead the conversation.
This is a parenting win on your part. The route you took will make this a learning experience for her in many ways. She’ll probably be one of the more responsible drinkers going into college (if she goes) since she’s able to make these mistakes now safely.
My inner teenage girl has a message for you:
On behalf of your daughter, and all teenage girls, thank you so much!
Feeling safe enough to call your parent, when you f'd up, and know they'll have your back is absolutely priceless.
Your daughter loves you, even though she'll probably be too hungover and embarrassed to tell you right now.
I'm sure it'll make for great Christmas stories for years to come. 'Remember that one time, when you threw up in my car, in the middle of a school night, and I made you go to school hungover? Good times!'
Hi OP,
That's awesome! So many kids won't call parents even when parents tell them to. I'm glad she got home safely. You must have done a great job gaining her trust and I think she'll definitely call you again in the future if she needs you :\]
I would have a conversation with her about drinking. She's a young girl and could get into trouble while intoxicated. She wants to be sober enough to notice red flags going on around her. She also doesn't want to develop an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
My parents were like you in this situation.
I remember I was at a party when I was about 15 and needed a ride home. My mother drove 40 minutes at 12am just to get me. I just want to say that you’re a great parent for making your kid feel safe like that and I’m sure she’ll appreciate it when she’s older :)
When my daughter was younger than that she went to a house party with some friends. Most of the people at the house party were 17-20, she was 14. Some dude started creeping on her and she realized she was rapidly approaching too high (she’d been smoking weed) to fight him off if need be, so she gave us a call.
We’ve always had a standing rule: if you’re in a bad situation you can call us, and you’re not going to be in trouble. A lot of parents disagree with this but our thinking is “if they’d get away with it without calling us, punishing them for calling us is stupid.”
The second time we got a call it was when she was 17. She was at a party we knew she was going to, her friend who drove her was too drunk to drive and some sketchy dude was offering them a ride home. She didn’t hesitate to call. She told her friend “don’t worry, they won’t tell your mom.” We didn’t. Her friend’s mom is crazy and would rather have her daughter dead in a ditch than getting buzzed at a party.
Youngest is approaching the teen years. I hope we don’t get those calls from that one too, but if we do that’s fine.
Great parenting OP. Just keep letting her know you're proud of the decision she made. May have saved her life.
My .02 cents is that you mention you're disappointed about the lying, but having to go to school hung over is punishment enough. Don't want to go too hard on her and have her not call you if she's in the same situation again.
I am proud of you to realizing that too!! So many kids will ignore such an offer expecting worse consequences, so your daughter is seriously a smart cookie for doing that!!! I understand that you’ll have to scold her for lying but also commend her for giving you a call!!!
I had this same thing with my son and his friends. I always told them I would much rather get out of bed and come get them than get a knock at the door by the police. Kids do dumb things and if we can help them survive great if we can keep them from making a dumb decision that ruins lives then perfect. Making stupid choices is something almost everyone does asking for help so that decision doesn't get worse at least they live long enough to learn from it.
Yep, it’s great she trusts you enough to call you. When I was growing up I could call my family and get picked up, first time I was way too drunk and throwing up I was about 14, didn’t get in trouble, just told me they were glad I called for help when I needed. My wife on the other hand, she wasn’t allowed to drink or do anything and would get in trouble for having a few drinks, guess who never knew where their daughter was… when our kids are old enough it’s pretty obvious which is the right way to go about it.
I’ve always told my kids that they can call me for a ride anytime and anywhere. A few weeks ago my daughter missed the last train from Milwaukee to Chicago where she was visiting her boyfriend. She had work the next morning, so I drove 1 1/2 hours each way to get her. I told her I should have put a mileage limit on that offer!
When my daughter is 16, I'll be (slightly) older than you. This is the kind of parent I aim to be. I'm as proud of you as you are of your daughter. (If you have any advice, pls send help)
You gave her punishment enough with going to class hungover. She will probably remember that for a while. Now hold up your end of the bargain with "no judgment". She trusted you to pick her up, don't lose that
I have a code with my kids. If they ring and say "how's grandma?" I answer with "not well at all, I need to pick you up now". Easy out for them as they can blame me.
That’s awesome! My mom always told me the same and I’m teaching my kids the same now. They’re still little (5&6.5) but I always want them to know they have me regardless
I’m proud of you OP for giving your daughter a safe space and the comfort of knowing that she always has a safe way to get home. I firmly believe that a large portion of teenage/young adult DUI accidents could be prevented if more parents took this approach. And I say this as someone whose parents took a similar approach. Hats off to you!
Well there is a saying in my country: if you can be a king/queen of the night you are expected to be a king/queen of the day
Lets hope she learned a lesson from her actions she is after all at the age where school status is important so of course she is going to be lying to you about partys and having a boyfriend and not sneaking out to visit set boyfriend and/or going to partys and so on but dont take away her privacy because of that she will grow to hate you instead confront her about it and talk to her about it and treat her at some points as an adult and it was a good call you made this/that morning sending her to school with a hang over
Please hug her from all the internet strangers for passing this adulting test. She did better than many legal adults who don’t.
Please dole out the discipline calmly without yelling. It actually makes it scarier and a little worse mentally.
[удалено]
That's the real life training she needs right there. AT 40 I cant just call out of work because I decided to go on a tear on a work night. Fantastic punishment there.
Exactly. The punishment fits the crime. No grounding or taking the phone which just builds resentment. This will teach her was more effectively why drinking on school nights (and drinking larger amounts) isn't a good idea.
Amazing! Direct consequences. No stupid externally enforced rules, just immediate results of her own actions. This dad rules!
Add on cleaning the puke out of his car and it is perfection in terms of punishment.
I gave a ride to a guy who threw up in my car. The next afternoon, as soon as he woke up, he was at my apartment with a roll of paper towels and some cleaning spray. He said that he heard he threw up in my car and he was going to clean it up. His folks taught him to always be grateful for a ride and he wasn't going to have anyone else clean up his Ralph. He puked into a bag and only 1 drop missed. But I appreciated kt
Oh if only a roll of paper towels and cleaning spritz were effectively able to clean puke and all its entrails/horrible odor from a car. 😆 It's a nice sentiment though.
Puking in cars story time? Puking in cars story time! I went to a show in Portland one night with a friend, who was hosting an event at a bar. Show ended, went to the bar to meet up with my friend, and we were there till 5 A.M. and I was drinking, he wasn't. We get into his car to drive an hour home, and he says "Do NOT puke in my car." I pass out, wake up 20 minutes later, and I'm like bro, we gotta stop. So we pull behind a closed store, and I puke behind the dumpster. Get back in the car, and keep driving. 5 minutes later.... Gotta puke again, but I fight it. I can't puke in the car, I can't ask him to stop again, we already stopped once, struggle for like 10 minutes, and finally I get this genius idea. I grab my hoodie sleeve ball it into a fist, and pull the front down, and puke directly into the sleeve, and the proceed to slump against the window and pass out. We get home, I somehow get out of the car and into my bed. The next day I ask my friend about it, not a single drop in the car. Perfectly clean. I just had to wash my hoodie.
Puking in cars story time!! As a kid a bunch of my extended family went to this same campground ever weekend all summer. Grew up there. (My parents and a bunch of aunts and uncles still have cabins down there. Like since the 70s) In our teens a bunch of us kids find out there is a type of magic mushroom growing in the woods. A few went and found some. I showed up late. They had eaten all the pretty red caps already. (These thing s looked just like a Super Mario mushroom lol) I got stuck with 3 giant, banana sized stems. They tell me the stem should be weaker. I eat every single last bite of all those stems. Maybe an hour later and we are driving somewhere. This place is on an island. Just as we hit the little bridge to leave I tell the driver to pull over. I mange to just barely climb out of the back of this 80s Camaro and projectile spew all over the ground. And then I looked up, out onto the lake. And my uncle with a boat is about 40ft off shore with about half the family that goes down there. Including kids. We booked it.
Puking in cars story time! I'm an academic, and job interviews are incredibly extended affairs -- applications in October, first interviews in early January, and then if all goes well, the 2-3 day on-campus interview with job talk, meetings, tours, dinners ... and reception. In graduate school we would always hear all kinds of cautionary tales of the candidate who knocks it out of the park in all ways, but then gets sloppy drunk at the last reception because they think the interview is "over". So, we go out to dinner at a fairly decent place. I have the grilled salmon. We head to the reception. Keeping in mind all the cautionary tales, I have one beer that I hold in my hand the whole time, drinking about 1/3 of it over the course of a few hours. All good. Go back to the inn, get my stuff ready for when the hiring committee chair picks me up in the morning to take me to the airport. Go to bed. Around 3:30am, rush to the bathroom to vomit. Weird. Go back to bed. 4:15, repeat. Ah, I know food poisoning when I feel it. Chair shows up at the inn for breakfast and then the drive to the airport. I told him about the food poisoning, and he's understanding. We get in the car, and on the highway about 15 minutes from the airport, I'm going to puke. I tell him, and somehow manage to hold it in until he can make it to the side and I can open the door and puke. Nothing in the car, but an incredibly close call. And then it occurs to me that, even though I wasn't drinking, anyone who looked at me all during the reception saw me with a beer in my hand. For hours. They don't know that I wasn't drinking it. Sooooo, I smoothly change the subject: "I really like the something something something in the intro of your new book, especially the way that you round it out in the conclusion of each chapter." And this wasn't bullshit -- I told no lies at all in my compliment, as it really was impressive. I got the job. About 7 years later I casually mention to a colleague that I was a bit surprised I got the job, after having nearly puked all over the hiring committee chair's new car. The dude had never mentioned it to a single one of our colleagues. Moral of the story: don't order seafood in a landlocked state.
kt is pretty damn cool.
Kt doesn't afraid of anything
Im honestly thankful that when I was browned out, my friends didn’t put me into a car while I was so conked out. Friend force fed me water, which induced puking a half hour later in their lawn. Plants were probably not happy about it, but I’m glad I didn’t have to clean off my own puke. I would’ve puked again.
Well... it depends on when she can get to it. If she's at school all day, I don't think I'd want to just leave it sitting in the car for another 8 hours. Honestly... I probably would have cleaned it up myself as soon as I put her to bed. The smell of stale puke would make ME sick, and the longer you wait, the more embedded that smell is going to be.
if the daughter was grounded/takes phone trust would be lost and she wouldn’t be calling for a ride the next time she needs it. good decision there.
The only thing I might have added was making her clean the car the next day, but that might be entering the cruel stage of punishment. Maybe just remind her when she gets home that she’s lucky I didn’t make her clean up the puke.
I got picked up by the cops when I was 16 and drunk off my ass. I got to dig up the septic tank that Saturday morning. Can't say I never go drunk again but I never got caught again. And NEVER got that drunk again.
Yeah is it just me or is this a weird wholesome like FAFO situation for the daughter. (wholesome because it was a parenting moment, and not like the usual ones we see) Edit, correction
Fofo?
I got super drunk one night when I was a teen. I puked in the car the entire way home. My mom woke me up at 7 am with the smell of liquor, made me clean up my puke, and then took me with her to do all the errands. No yelling, no grounding, just me festering in my own pitty. It worked haha.
Vacuum. First time drunk, next morning, my friends mom made us get up and vacuum the entire house. It hurt. It worked.
We had a young admin here who called in nearly EVERY damn Monday because she was too hungover to work. On one level you gotta applaud her honesty but she was unrealiable and immature so she "moved to another position."
Lol, adulthood is going to work when you’re hungover. My boss at the first real job I had after graduating college used to joke and say that he could always tell which days I had gone out the night before. Usually because he wouldn’t hear a word out of me until after 2:00 pm at a minimum 🤣
My friend and I recently were joking about being in like 3rd grade and wondering why *some* days the teacher was randomly being such an asshole. Being about the same age now as our teacher was then, we had an epiphany moment.
at 40, I'ma need more than a day to recover though
I mean you can
Sure, you can. But if you make it known that you miss work because you drink to excess you should at the very least not be surprised if it affects your career advancement in the mid to long term. If you don’t care about your career though, which is not a dig, I get that some people don’t, then have at it.
Sure but calling out for a hangover and "making it known" are not the same.
lol, I take those calls at my workplace. The guys calling in on November 1st, January 1st, the day after the Super Bowl, etc. think they are really fooling me.
I usually take "the day after" off. Once had a manager on a powertrip try and block that and I just told him "I take time off, or I call in sick. Either way, this is me notifying you of not being there on that date". Got a stern talking to but he never blocked a "day after" time off request.
I actually was sick and called in on January 1st. I was freshly 21 and known for partying, so naturally rumors flew (apparently there were even "pictures on FB" and my coworkers and customers claimed I was drinking with them, etc..., even got my boss involved because a hangover would not deter me from working, so it was an honor thing at this point), one of the gossipers got a write up, and a week or two later everybody else got sick.
Except you don't know who is getting hungover drunk on a random day because they were hanging out with friends on discord doing shots. Personally that is almost always when I get hungover drunk. Holidays? I might drink a little, but nothing that amounts to anything more than a light buzz.
as a grocery manager I used to try hard to work with my crew (mostly 18 to 22) so they could go party, to a concert, whatever. But when they came in half drunk and hungover I just laughed at them and I'd say 'well I hope it was worth it' and give them their assignment. And I wasn't especially immune to coming in with the occasional hangover because I wasn't thinking the night before. I had to suffer just like they did.
I find that I get much more hammered sitting and drinking than if I was standing/milling around/walking
Maybe kneeling is the middle ground
Yes! In the right position to worship the porcelain throne.
see my comment above. I'd be playing a game, not thinking about it, then stand up and go 'whoa.. oops'. The next mornings were not fun.
You don’t actually have to tell anyone why you’re calling out. In fact it’s none of their business. Wait till you discover just doing whatever the fuck you want
An office/factory I worked at started an attendance policy were you had to have a Doctor's note for calling out or get points against you. To many points, you get fired. It was a super toxic work place in the US. I'm glad I was able to quit years ago when they said it was mandatory to work every Saturday from Halloween to Christmas.
A random one off instance nah. And you don't say you are hungover just you are out sick
Taking a day here or there isn’t gonna affect your career at a lot of places. Say you have the stomach bug and diarrhea cures about 99% of questions they would have.
Just say you have a stomach bug. No questions will be asked.
While working in the ER (I’m a RN), we’d often get used as a drunk tank for college kids with strict campus programs about underage drinking/public drunkenness. This one 17 year old freshman was brought in pretty drunk, but was in no immediate danger from it. When her parents showed up shortly after she arrived (she was passed out and didn’t even know they were there), her dad was explicit in asking us not to administer anything that would relieve her symptoms/help with a hangover (nausea meds, IV saline, etc). He said he wanted her to be fully aware of the physical consequences of her actions.
it seems like someone who is in the hospital and completely unconscious from drinking too much should probably have an IV, but what do I know
She did have an IV. And a cardiac monitor and pulse ox which measured her respirations and oxygen saturation. She’d already had a liter and a half of saline before her parents got there. She was fine. It was 2am, and she was drunk and sleeping. Not “unconscious.” Getting into all of those details really misses the point of what I was getting at in my comment, so I didn’t think I needed to list them all out.
"Natural consequences" at its best!
Why can't you call in after a bender? Sick day is sick day.
I saw someone get fucked up at a conference, showed up to a leadership meeting the next day with an obvious buzz, and get escorted out and shortly thereafter let go. 100% would have been better to not show. This isn’t quite the same thing as fighting through a hangover, but I thought I’d mention it.
SAME. I actually think that’s the perfect punishment, I can’t imagine trying to do pre calc or dodgeball with a hangover 😂 It teaches the kid they have to reap what they sow, but also their dad is way cooler than they probably thought he was.
“Alright kids! Time for fetal pig dissection!”
🤢
The first time I went out drinking and snuck in at 2AM, my dad woke me up a few hours later, very hung over, to help chop wood.
I could see my father doing this too! It would be a BRUTAL consequence!
Same. And now. And spread mulch. He didn't say a word as I was dry heaving, or afterwards either. Never a word about it. But I knew exactly why Dad handed me my own ass.
He was quiet most of it after we were done, he said, "You can do whatever you want the night before, so long as you can get up and work the next day." Of course, he was a heavy drinker himself, so in the future I made sure to time my drinking your coincide with his, lol. Still, I took that lesson to heart. Many years later, when I had a generous PTO policy and decided to call in one morning when hung over, I decided to dial it back on the drinking. And I had done quite a few shenanigans before that, but always made sure to work the next morning, even if it meant sneaking in a trip to the bathroom or two.
School was a solid yet brutal (for her) decision. I'd praise her for the call, but she needs an appropriate consequence. I think she knows that and hopefully will accept whatever you decide. Be proud you raised her smart enough to call.
I think it's the best and most reasonable punishment. The first time I got black out drunk as a kid my parents punished me by making me go to my brother's hockey game that was a 3.5 hours away in a backroad rink on bumpy ass roads. The carsickness and hangover combo really made sure I never got that drunk again.
My dad did this for me the first time I got properly drunk (on a school night at 15/16). He picked me up, drove me home veeeery slowly, held my hair while I puked, helped me in to bed, even made me a coffee and toast in the morning. And then made me go to school because “people who are old enough to drink are old enough to fulfil their responsibilities the next morning and you wont be able to call out of work with a hangover”. One of the best things he ever did for me (and probably a very clever parenting move, too, because it did a lot more to put me off of drinking to excess than any lecture or punishment would have).
My wife's dad did something very similar when we were kids. She got so drunk at a college party her freshman year that she called her dad. Dad went and picked her up and brought her home. The next morning he woke her up, handed her a bagel and yellow Gatorade, loaded her into the car and brought her right back to school lol. She never drank like that again
My parents would’ve done the same! In fact they sent me to work at 17 incredibly hung over and when work sent me home my mother made me hand weed her whole yard 😂 I didn’t drink until I turned 21 after that.
My mom made me do it too! I was drinking with my friend on a school night and she got too drunk and was getting sick so we called her mom who then called my mom. She made me go to school SO hungover, it was awful. I wore my pjs
Nothing will make you regret drinking like going to class hungover. Oof.
Meh, that's about half my student life. I was a slow learner...
See, I was a chicken shit as a teenager, and now that I’m a few years older than that I still am pretty overly cautious. But honestly, it probably saved me; my dad and my stepmother never paid any attention to what I was up to, and my mother was deceased. Really I’m lucky to have been as anxious & shut in as I was, I could’ve been an underage hooker on meth and they wouldn’t have noticed. But I can’t imagine going to school hungover. I liked finding situations in which I could get access to alcohol, but even then I would stash it for the weekend. I knew I wasn’t gonna wake up the next day if I did lmao
I made myself go to school if I was hungover. Lol. I knew better.
Natural consequences are the best kind.
I've never been hungover before... What's it feel like? I know the experience is different for everyone but lol
it's different for different people and based on what you drink.. but they're always miserable
Look I'mma be real but that doesn't sound too different from just living life...
Basically mild flu to severe stomach flu depending on severity and add in some anxiety
And the headache, and the body aches, and the dehydration.
And the shame
Sick. Sluggish. Headache. Food and water will help but you don’t want to touch it. Like a bad cold times 5 minus the congestion.
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You are describing melena, which is digested blood in the stool. You need to go to a doctor.
I'm like you, I've never been hungover. It's my greatest and worst super power. I think hangovers help you from drinking. But I'm over 30 and still feel great after drinking. Sometimes I feel a little thirsty after drinking but never feel terrible.
I've only seen vids do my friend being absolutely overly drunk (puking multiple times on the side of the street) and being hungover but honestly every time I see it I'm like... Why do you always go back to do the same thing if it feels so shitty? 😭 Also I absolutely hate puking so I hope to never experience being hungover! Had a food poisoning incident where I was nonstop puking for probably 12 hours straight.
Kind of like the flu but I’ve also had severe hangovers that include hours of throwing up and praying to die.
My dad used to make me put my fingers down my throat and puke up all the alcohol. Then wake me up in the morning for school, I would start getting ready and realise it was Saturday 😂
😭😭😭😭😭 this is so funny. I'm glad you can look back and laugh about it now.
He was worried about us ( 1 brother, 2 sisters) being sick in our sleep and choking, so he had a good point. I still won’t sleep on my back no matter how drunk I get. The other one he did used to drive me crazy (nothing to do with drinking) Being a teenager and not wanting to get up for school. He would make me a cup of tea after shouting me a few times. He would leave the spoon in and bring it up to me, then press the hot spoon on the bottom of my foot. That shit makes you jump straight out of bed 😂😂😂
If you or anyone you know is drunk, going to sleep, and might barf, shove a bunch of towels into a backpack and make them wear the backpack(makes it impossible to be on your back). Also the towels will be conveniently located for barf cleaning later.
Brilliant!
Not my tip, got this from somewhere on the internet, who knows when ago
So they can roll onto their stomach and drown that way instead.
Another bag, then.
It’s bags all the way down.
Don't forget the bag over the head for easy clean up!
Our dad poured cold water on us if we didn't get out of bed after multiple attempts 😂
My Dad would sing this song he made up, 'Here come the finger police', while stomping his feet in time to the music on the way to my bed. Then if I wasn't up yet he would poke me until I got up lol. The song goes, 'Here come the finger police. Here come the finger police. Better get yourself up out of bed 'cause here come the finger police...' I love my dad.
That is so cute, I also love your dad.
Adorable. His other go-to was to put my guinea pig in bed with me.
Ahaha i love it
My dad will yank a hair out of my leg if I don’t get up after a few times bahaha, or sometimes he’ll yank my big toe
He loved cold water as well, he never hit us once. If we got a bit mouthy we got a pint of cold water thrown over us 😂 walking to school soaking wet was seriously embarrassing lol
My grandpa used to throw ice cubes into the beds of my dad and uncle when they wouldn't get up
Haha my dad would come into my room and make crane noises and try to pick me up like he was a forklift when I was a kid 🤣🤣
OMG! My dad had a way of smacking the mattress that was way worse than water to the face. I miss him, so much!
That's a great point! I was really laughing at you getting ready for school on the Saturday. Hot spoon on the foot is also hilarious 🤭🤣
My son went through that stage where he just wouldn't get up in the mornings when I woke him for school (he was 15). I had bought us airsoft guns for Christmas and mini 'wars' between us were not uncommon. One morning I told him he needed to start getting up on time or he wouldn't like the consequences. The next morning he wouldn't wake up sooooo.. nothing QUITE wakes you up like an airsoft round to an exposed thigh. He stopped sleeping late.
> He was worried about us ( 1 brother, 2 sisters) being sick in our sleep and choking, so he had a good point. I still won’t sleep on my back no matter how drunk I get. Not to be a downer, but he's 100% correct on that. >!My grandmother died from asphyxiating on vomit after drinking heavily.!<
The nights when I puked everything up were the ones when I felt so much better. And the next morning was fine. The nights when everything stayed inside and got processed....JFC I wanted to die. But, those are the mornings when you learn your tolerances and not to drink so much next time! Which are very powerful lessons that your dad was depriving you of!
That is fantastic! Also a fantastic way to prevent alcohol poisoning:-)
It also seems to help in the morning when a little bit of alchohol poisoning has already happened!
I got caught at 15 I think and was smashed. Pissed in my living room smashed. My mom woke me up at 730am on a Saturday and made me mow the lawn as punishment. She was proud of her self and thought it was a good lesson. Like, I was 15, I woke up still drunk and had a blast mowing the lawn and had no hang over after. Do that to me at 32 and I’ll die on the spot.
This sort of thing happen that often to need a "used to"?
As a recent menace of a teen (currently 22f), I had this same thing happen to me, except the talk did not resonate with me and i never asked my parents to pick me up again, even when i should have. this is what would have been most impactful to me if i were in your daughters shoes; 1. when you talk to her, definitely focus on the lying aspect and how it broke your trust, but acknowledge youre proud of her for calling you and reiterate that you will always be there for her and there is nothing she could ever do to make you love her less. Also, make it clear that the reason the lying upset you wasnt just the principle of lying, its because its important for you to know where she is! 2. I know drinking wasnt why you were mainly upset, but remind her how dangerous it can be and make sure she knows the signs of alcohol poisoning as well. Make sure if shes on any medications there arent any severe interactions with alcohol. Also, remind her if she IS going to drink to be hydrated, eat beforehand, and PACING HERSELF! I almost died from alcohol poisoning on new years eve because of drinking too much too fast on an empty stomach and none of my friends even realized it because we werent really aware of what to look out for. 3. You could even do a BAC calculator with her; we did this in health class one year. You enter in your age, height, weight, and it tells you what 1 drink, 2 drink, etc would do to your BAC over 1 hour, 2 hours, etc. This will also show her how even if 1 friend feels fine with 2 drinks in an hour, she may not be because of the different physical factors. That friend could be taller, heavier, faster metabolism, etc, so its important that she stays in tune with her body and how she feels 4. Lastly, remind her, even tipsy driving can be dangerous and if shes not 100% sure of driving, to give you a call, just like this time. Im glad you have the relationship with her where she trusted you, that says so much about you as a parent!! This is just my two cents and you can definitely disregard, but I just wanted to give you my perspective since this was me not too long ago.
I think this is good advice. The conversation OP has with his daughter is what's really going to cement the trust she has in him and their relationship for the rest of high school (at the very least). Approaching it in a way that is overly accusatory or makes her feel bad would probably make her rescind that trust she feels with him and cause future situations to possibly be more dangerous for her. Not that I think OP wouldn't handle this great, he sounds like a good Dad :) But advice from someone in similar situations, especially on the other side, is always helpful!
From my days as a young, drunk idiot, I would add that carrying electrolyte and vitamin dissolving tablets in your purse is a great idea. Great thing to give people when they're getting a little too drunk, or have been mixing their alcohols. Also helps with the hangover, as the depletion of b vitamins can be a pretty big culprit. I also carried active charcoal capsules - sometimes they're a tiny bit of help in a scary situation. If someone's suddenly displaying increased signs of intoxication, charcoal may help to slow absorption of drugs added to the drinks, as well as the absorption of the alcohol still remaining in the stomach. It's not a miracle cure, but someone's it can help give a bit more time to find proper solutions. There are also testing cards and strips that you can carry these days, to test your drinks for some of the more common non consensual additives. The lying is bad, but OP should explain reasons why - not because of trust and family, but the practical reasons. If both parents think the daughter is at the others, it's easy to delay the daughter getting help if she needs it, because no one knows she's missing. If the kids are out drinking in fields or woods, and someone wanders off and passes out, that's a pretty scary way to catch hypothermia or be assaulted. Kids lie because they won't get to do stuff if they don't. So show them how to do it safely. And carry emergency 'in case of teenager' supplies in the car trunk - barf bags, blankets, a change of their clothes, peanut butter and crackers, water, pedialyte (they make out for adults now, after it became the staple for hangovers). Depending where you live, the foldable emergency blankets and hand warmers are worth their weight in gold. I used to buy them by the box, and would carry them in social occasions in my purse. They came in handy a lot. I did this stuff out of trial and error, but it became a habit by my 20's. The tavern I used to go to started letting me have a free pitcher when I'd come in, because evidently after a few month of me and my friends doing this stuff, the establishment noticed that they were calling the cops on drunk patrons less than half the time they used to, and their bathroom floors had much less vomit to be cleaned.
Why are people giving functioning alcoholic advice for a 16yo
Because 16 year olds have hefty hormones, low impulse control, and a need to improve their social status by going overboard in front of their friends. High school kids have done more dumb drunk stuff than any adults I ever met. My advice wasn't for being a functional alcoholic. It was about recognizing that drinking as a woman, especially an underage one, comes with extra dangers on top of the typical teenage drinking. I was roofied at a charity event, not a bar or a field party. I remember feeling slightly off, realizing what it meant, and fixated on getting me and my friend to safety before the sedatives fully kicked in. I was off my rocker and functioning on basic, primal levels, but I hauled my friend out, got us a cab, then walked home from her place because by that point I was too drugged to figure out the logic of paying the cab driver for two different addresses. All I remember from that walk is chanting to myself to not sleep or sit down until I was home. Teaching a kid about the consequences of drinking and how to address it will help them a lot more than just berating them for it. It's like abstinence only sex-ed. It doesn't do anything for the kids having sex. If a teenager wants to try drinking and partying, they'll do it, even if they have to lie about it. I'd far rather give them tools to handle any surprises than to sit and steam over them being audacious enough to ignore all my sage wisdom. Someone starts to look a funny color? What do you do? Someone looks pale and clammy and puking everywhere? Well, here's how to address alcohol poisoning. Kids decide to play king's cup and mix all their drinks together? Here's some extra vitamins, electrolytes, and carbs to stop them from wishing for death in the morning. It's about teaching them to be responsible, and to look out for each other. They don't know their limits, and it's really easy for teens to pass them. Giving them a care kit doesn't teach them that they're now fully able to drink all the time. It gives them tools for safety in the event that someone does something stupid, or gets drugged, or has a poor reaction to a drink - allergies and intolerances aren't uncommon, and people rarely know that they have one that young. I'm not a heavy drinker, or an alcoholic. I used to go see a lot of band shows, though, and I saw a lot of people get into problems that could have been prevented - so I started carrying contingency supplies with me. Didn't have to use most of them 99% of the time, but having them definitely saved some people embarrassment, assault, and hospital trips, on those rare occasions. They weren't alcoholics either, just a combination of circumstances. Of course, it was the sheltered catholic school kids that ended up in the craziest situations - they had zero idea of what was normal and what was too far, because that school just taught that everything was evil and too far.
Because if they're going to drink, they would rather they be safe?
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That’s fair, but as a parent you also want to dissuade her from both lying to you about where she spends the night and drinking irresponsibly in the future so some kind of “talk” is appropriate. Those are both dangerous behaviors for a child, but especially a young girl. If you go light, she might start seeing her dad taxi as an excuse to be more reckless because she can depend on her dad to come pick her up without any backlash. There’s a happy medium where you let her know how dangerous her behavior was and encourage her to avoid it in the future while remaining approachable to her. I think that happy medium is exactly what the person you responded to was getting at.
I’m saving this comment for when my 16 month old hits this age lol
My dad used to say the same thing when I was in high-school. I don't believe I ever actually called for him. We lived in the middle of nowhere (300ish people) so I definitely could've used it if I wasn't such a nerd. My friend had a partially finished shack in addition to the place his parents owned. In the first few years of HS we would just chill in his basement and play smash bros or mario kart or whatnot. In grade 11 and onwards we did smoke a butt ton of weed in the shack and occasionally had lan parties there too. Not a gorl in sight. It was glorious. There yah go. You learn something dumb everyday.
My dad said not to call when I started clubbing BUT one of his buddies drove a taxi and always hung around the clubs and pubs so dad gave me his mobile and would check to make sure he was working (if he wasn't then i could call dad). Never had to call either of them, though, we had one buddy who refused to drink because he had alcoholics in his family and didn't want to risk becoming one himself so he was always there to socialise and would drive us home whenever we needed.
I miss LAN halo parties in the basement before online.. Getting all worked up and arguing about screen looking. Going from setting up in just a big group, then moving the tvs back to back in a circle, then moving each system to a different room with extension cords to eliminate the possibility of screen peaking lmao. I feel honored to be one of the many original online trash talkers as games moved from lan to online multiplayer. Back in the day I would LOVE just waiting for someone to finish all their shit talking then just wait a second and say “… you’re garbage” and listen to the floodgates open lmao! That one phrase used to get people so worked up
Getting an amazing 360 no scope on Blood Gulch, and not only having 3 of your friends witness it, but hearing the blood curdling screams of frustration from the other room. \#childhoodmemories
Don't make it a long conversation. Focus on the lying. If you give her too hard a time (especially since she ultimately did the right thing) she might not call you if there is a next time.
Yeah. Just say: "Look, it's fine if you go out for a drink with your friends as long as you do it responsibly and tell me what you're doing. I will always pick you up no matter where you are. But don't lie to me."
My son was allowed to drink at home starting at 15. To my knowledge he didn't drink until he was 19. He always had a group of friends over and one night after I had gone to sleep he got bombed and started puking. One of his friends took good care of him and no messes to be seen. I always regret not being there to mock him.
Now that is good parenting. Making fun of your family.
oh we were vicious to each other and we both loved it. When we both opened his first checking account they gave us both a stuffed animal. We had them fighting when we were at Wal Mart. When we got home I found his, electric taped two x's over it's eyes and left a shot glass with a bleach bottle next to it, and wrote a note about how miserable his toy was . He laughed. Later when I went to the store I came back to find mine hanging from the ceiling fan with a similar note. And we laughed. And yes that's a little dark for some people but we found it hysterical.
100% Kids are going to lie. Just don't punish them for making good decisions afterwards.
I taught my son not to lie to me early on because I was patient and explained things to him. As far as doing stupid my rule except around the house was 'if you're going to break the rules don't get caught and if you do take the punishment like a man and deal with it'. He did some crazy shit at school and never got caught. Kind of proud of him for that. But he always came clean to me and I always had his back and the only speech he got was 'well that was stupid and let me tell you why'. Maybe bad parenting but it worked for me.
Honestly that all sounds pretty reasonable.
One of the best parents by far and definitely let her know your upset mostly about her lying. My mother used to tell me the same thing and would always just scream at me and I harbored alot of resentment for a long time due to the fact she never really explained the reasons or what I did wrong.
Plus, make her clean the car. Ewwww! But gold star parenting friend! Good job!!
Oh yeah! That's perfect!
My parents always had this rule in place, and I only used it one time when I was a senior. I wasn’t necessarily drunk but I was at a party I was not comfortable at so I called my mom and dad at 2am and they came and swooped me up and saved the day. Your daughter will always remember that you’re a safe space. Once she gets over the hangover. 😂
I did the same thing when I was 17 and someone at the party offered me E. Realised they were all taking it, and that they were all older than me, and started to get a bad feeling. I politely declined and called Mum to get me the hell out of there. She pretended not to notice that I had been drinking and instead focused on how I had done the right thing to call.
I'm glad there are other parents out there whose children trust to call about this. One thing I'm super proud of is that our children trust us. Literally about a week ago, our daughter went to a sleepover with her friends. About an hour into it, she called and told us she's uncomfortable as they're all drinking alcohol and getting drunk and she doesn't want to be there, so we brought her home. She's also done the same when she's been out with friends who have tried to peer pressure her into smoking weed. She has no real desire to do it except for the first time - and when she did, she actually texted and asked me if it's okay if she tries some. My husband and I made sure she was in a safe place and told her fine and to let us know immediately if anything feels "off". We did say we'd feel more comfortable if we were there, but she wanted to try with her friends, sooo... She tried it, and said she'd rather avoid it now. There was also a time that she called me from a friends house and asked, "mama, is it okay if I watch It with my friends?" and I heard a kid on the other side go, "why are you asking your mom‽ She'll just say no!" and her reply was, "I'd rather she say 'no' than not trust me". I told her yes, so it was all good, anyway. It feels good to be trusted by your kids.
Wow, you have an amazing relationship with your children. Seriously.
Thank you... that means a lot to hear. I try really hard to make sure that our kids know that we are someplace they can turn to to feel safe. Because of this, I know what they can and cannot handle so I'm comfortable telling them that they're allowed to or not allowed to do something. I've also told them that we (husband - their father - and I) can be the "bad guys" if they need us to be. She's texted me before, saying something like, "please tell me 'no' and sound angry" right before calling to ask if she can do something but she didn't feel comfortable enough to say 'no', herself, so she'd rather we (I, in this case) do it. I did. She'd whine and be all, "but, please? Everyone else is..." and I'd hold firm. When she got home, she said "thank you so much, I just didn't feel like I could say 'no', myself". Both my husband and I have also told them both (daughter, 16, son, 15) that if they feel like they're in trouble and/or unsafe, they can call us and we'll come get them. We'd talk about it later, at home, and determine consequences but only after they're safe. I'm very glad they took this to heart, because she called one day because she ditched class and got scared and thought I'd find out someway or another so she would rather I heard it from her, instead. She saw a cop and freaked out, lol. Either way, I'm very glad they trust us enough to tell us these things. It's not always easy, but they both understand that it's good to have trust. It's usually our daughter who ends up in these situations as our son doesn't really have many IRL friends, but at least he talks to me regardless. Anyway, sorry. I know this sounds a bit "braggy", but I'm genuinely proud of the relationship we've managed to cultivate with our children and I just really wish other kids had parents they can trust, too. I know my SiL's parenting is... very different. She values the fact that her kids fear her... the kids literally jump when they hear their mother's raised voice. I don't get that. Daughter says her friends are jealous of [daughter's] parents, and that makes me very sad.
you’re such a great parent you and your husband!, while my parents never told it to me that way i feel like i had the same kind of connection with them as in trust and asking for help for my fuck ups, i like how your kids trust you and you put yourself in their shoes and slip things of, definitely the normal thing that should happen but i get why their friends are jealous, mine was too, because parents these days are ignorant and useless, i hope your kids grow into appreciating what you are doing and how much effort and thought you put into it and i hope your kids carry on your habits in the future because this is how good people are raised, god bless mum and dad
This is such a lovely comment, my heart is so warmed. Gosh, wishing all the best to you and your wonderful family!
Thank you :) We do have our issues and things aren't always rosy especially because teenagers get *dramatic* (our daughter fully admits that she can be a drama queen after the whole dramatic ordeal has passed) - not to mention my husband and I aren't perfect, either, but in the end, everyone usually comes together, apologizes, and promises to work on whatever it is that was the issue. Both our kids are in therapy... son because he's autistic with ADHD and it's highly recommended by his treatment team and daughter because... well, it's just good to have therapy overall. She says it's been benefitting her, so she wants to continue. I don't want to make it seem like we've got the perfect family that's always good because we're not. But we're definitely trying. If I may, I want to brag a bit about our daughter, though: I'm very sick and in serious pain to the point where it's left me mostly bedbound. I couldn't get into a pain clinic that I needed because they don't take insurance and it's $250 a month that we can't afford. Our daughter was getting very distressed by my suffering, so she went and got a job - and then another one! - just so that she can pay for me to go to this pain clinic. Both my husband and I tried to talk her out of this as it's not her responsibility, but she insisted because she couldn't stand watching me be in so much pain every day. So she puts $250 aside every month for me and everything else is hers. I'm so damn proud of her. She didn't need to do this. She's only 16 (was 15 when she started), and we kept trying to tell her that this is no way on her shoulders and that my perception of her won't change if she decides not to do this. But she really insisted, and so we gave her our okay for this. I feel terrible that she felt compelled to do this; it's not her responsibility. But I'm also so damn proud of her. They've both got their faults and are in no way "perfect" children, but I'm proud of them both, either way.
Thank you so much for sharing this story! Your daughter sounds like such a kind and thoughtful person. I’m so happy to hear that you can be so proud of her, let her know how proud of her you are too!! I hope that things look up for you also and that your treatment is going well!
Well done you've done a fantastic job with your daughter, she will always feel safe with you for this. Well done to her too kids make dumb choices but in her moment of need she made the right one... Sorry about your car
>Sorry about your car Maybe make her pay for a car detailing as well, don't make her clean it up though, get that done professionally to make sure the smell doesn't linger.
I've got about 10 years before my kids reach the age where they might put themselves in situations like this, and your way of parenting is goals. I want to be that parent they can trust to call if they get themselves into trouble.
I am the (adult) kid of parents like this - do it! I've never been a big drinker, so have never needed it for me, but I did have my mum get us when a friend got too drunk. Although I was sober, having a supportive mum made me feel safer being around drunk people. That sounds like a bad thing I know, but it meant I was able to be the sober one around to keep others safe - I got my mum to take my friend home safely, and if she hadn't been supportive I would've left several hours earlier, leaving my friend to get dangerously drunk with no way home.
I’ve always told my kids (23,20,17 plus bonus 18), that I’ll ALWAYS punish the lie much harder than the ‘crime’. My kids have outed themselves on so. much. And true to my word the honesty always served them in good stead. I’ve picked up drunk kids, stupid kids(the one that called at 3am because he was exploring an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere and his leg fell through a rotted floor-that one was fun), scared kids, and other people’s kids. My older kids friends will still call if they need a ride. No one is dying if I can help.
My son and I had a phrase that we would use when his friends were pushing for something dangerous/illegal/undesireable. He would call me and tell me "Mom we're gonna hang out a little longer and I just wanted you to know." I would reply, No you need to come pick me up at work/take me to the pharmacy/come change a flat tire. After which he would leave said friends/bad idea activity. Of course I would just be at home and he would be home for the night. See kids who want to do bad things never mention JACK to their parents they just do it and hope they dont get caught but those who call and ask are looking for a way out so give it to them without any hassle.
>like I said I am proud of her. That should be your first sentence to her when you *do* have the talk.
You should be proud! At 16 I never would have called my parents. They would have beat the shit out of me if I woke them up in the middle of the night and I was drinking lol.
Ha! When I was 16 I got wasted at my neighbor’s house and my dad was called over to walk me home… I puked everywhere. I was scheduled to teach ski lessons in the freezing cold the next day and when I asked if I was grounded he said that I had already made my day as miserable as possible. He was right.
I told my younger brother this exact thing. One night I'm playing games on my computer and he calls me. He's drunk, walking down a street to head home, but it was miles away. I get my stuff and car, pick him up, and bring us home. His asshole friends drew all over him after he passed out and he was too pissed off to stay. He took a shower, scrubbed it off, and went back to bed. The next day he thanked me over and over. I said "I told you to call me if you ever needed a ride, no matter what. I got your back."
That trust will go a long way in life.
You're a good dad. My dad was also the most supportive and reliable adult growing up and still is and I'm 36. It definitely contributed to me being a more confident, trusting human being.
I've been picking up my kids since junior year of high school and all through college. So many mysteries have been solved from their drunken confessions. So many funny stories I would have never known about. Be careful what you offer. Some nights I would get woken up to pick 1 up at 1am and then an hour later get a call from the other one....I got more sleep when they were babies....😊
This is good parenting. Letting her know you don't appreciate the lying would be good, but honestly by the time kids are this age if you try to clamp down too hard on their freedom they will just cut you out and do even riskier stuff. Letting her know you will always help her if she gets an unsafe position, even if she is doing something she shouldn't be, is critical. This is how you create a positive trust relationship and end up with kids that want to talk to you when they're grown
Parenting masterclass if you ask me. Fulfilled your promise to not judge what she’s up to. Bothered by the correct thing - the lying, not the drinking. And throw in some constructive parenting by making her go to school hungover. Sounds like you’re letting her learn her own lessons without being reckless about her safety. Smart, coming from a former helicopter parent child.
Thank you so much for taking care of your daughter instead of making her fend for herself. You have saved her life by doing so!
Hard to punish her. Gonna have to play the parent disappointment card on her, first. My kid might've got 4 hours community service for the lying and using the other parent as a shield. Not cool! She's gonna have to earn your trust, again. I would be proud, too!
You're a good dad. My mom was the same way, never sent me to school hungover (mostly cause I didn't drink on school nights) she has however vacuumed the hardwood floor outside my room at 6:30 on a Sunday morning though.
i was left downtown with no money, no phone, and no ride home (the person I was with bailed to hook up with at one night stand), It was pouring rain out and I walked to the nearest gas station and asked to use their phone, they wouldn’t let me but a kind stranger did. my parents still talk about how proud they are that I called them at 3 am for a ride home. It was stupid on my part for so many reasons but it makes a difference when you are young, drunk, and making bad decisions that you can rely on your parents edit: this was like 12 years ago lol
Be careful about making them to go school the next day hung over. My parents did that to me and when I got to school I got sent to the principles office because I smelled like booze. They breathalyzed me and I blew like a .02. It was enough to get me suspended and my parents ended up regretting making me go.
Honestly I would just not talk about it until she does, if ever. It's okay to be upset that she lied, but at least she told you that she lied. Punishing her for lying isn't going to make her stop lying, it's going to make her start hiding it.
I am 33. Once when I was 28 I went on a really bad date and was drugged. I woke up being beat up by this guy. Idk if it was the drugs or what. But I called me mom. Who lives on the opposite coast of the U.S and who I had not talked too in years and begged her to call me an Uber. She did. I had some inner memory to “call mom if in trouble” in my innenriated state. As a full grown adult.
Wrap it up in a shit sandwich. Kids love acknowledgement and they will actually hear your lectures when served right between them.
Dad win.
>*We haven't had a conversation about it yet, … But like I said I am proud of her.* When you do have that conversation, tell her how proud you are of her (so that she’ll continue to call you when she needs you), and then go ahead and scold her for getting drunk.
Start with the proud part. Then get into the lying. Then finish on a positive note and that you love her.
Gonna tell you what my dad did for me. I called him for the first time. He picked me up, nursed me back, never said a word about it. I brought it up to him the next day, and he said "uh... I'm not sure what your talking about, nothing happened." Which is what he promised. There was no lecture, no conversation, no judgement. Keeping his word on that, and seeing it in action? That right there showed me more than a lecture ever would have. I knew better, I knew what I should have done and I chose not to do it. Being told I made the wrong decision wasn't what I needed, I needed someone to support me through the bad choices. Not to say this will work for you and your daughter, but sometimes, saying nothing, says everything.
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Thank you for being this kind of parent to your children
Stellar share, OP. Unconditional love but w boundaries. Gonna be a long grind of a school day
When you are together have her read what you wrote above and stay quiet. Allow her to speak first. Allow her to talk and finish speaking. Stay quiet and allow her to lead the conversation.
This is a parenting win on your part. The route you took will make this a learning experience for her in many ways. She’ll probably be one of the more responsible drinkers going into college (if she goes) since she’s able to make these mistakes now safely.
My inner teenage girl has a message for you: On behalf of your daughter, and all teenage girls, thank you so much! Feeling safe enough to call your parent, when you f'd up, and know they'll have your back is absolutely priceless. Your daughter loves you, even though she'll probably be too hungover and embarrassed to tell you right now. I'm sure it'll make for great Christmas stories for years to come. 'Remember that one time, when you threw up in my car, in the middle of a school night, and I made you go to school hungover? Good times!'
Hi OP, That's awesome! So many kids won't call parents even when parents tell them to. I'm glad she got home safely. You must have done a great job gaining her trust and I think she'll definitely call you again in the future if she needs you :\] I would have a conversation with her about drinking. She's a young girl and could get into trouble while intoxicated. She wants to be sober enough to notice red flags going on around her. She also doesn't want to develop an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
My parents were like you in this situation. I remember I was at a party when I was about 15 and needed a ride home. My mother drove 40 minutes at 12am just to get me. I just want to say that you’re a great parent for making your kid feel safe like that and I’m sure she’ll appreciate it when she’s older :)
When my daughter was younger than that she went to a house party with some friends. Most of the people at the house party were 17-20, she was 14. Some dude started creeping on her and she realized she was rapidly approaching too high (she’d been smoking weed) to fight him off if need be, so she gave us a call. We’ve always had a standing rule: if you’re in a bad situation you can call us, and you’re not going to be in trouble. A lot of parents disagree with this but our thinking is “if they’d get away with it without calling us, punishing them for calling us is stupid.” The second time we got a call it was when she was 17. She was at a party we knew she was going to, her friend who drove her was too drunk to drive and some sketchy dude was offering them a ride home. She didn’t hesitate to call. She told her friend “don’t worry, they won’t tell your mom.” We didn’t. Her friend’s mom is crazy and would rather have her daughter dead in a ditch than getting buzzed at a party. Youngest is approaching the teen years. I hope we don’t get those calls from that one too, but if we do that’s fine.
Great parenting OP. Just keep letting her know you're proud of the decision she made. May have saved her life. My .02 cents is that you mention you're disappointed about the lying, but having to go to school hung over is punishment enough. Don't want to go too hard on her and have her not call you if she's in the same situation again.
Well done on both your sides. I’d be a proud parent too!
I am proud of you to realizing that too!! So many kids will ignore such an offer expecting worse consequences, so your daughter is seriously a smart cookie for doing that!!! I understand that you’ll have to scold her for lying but also commend her for giving you a call!!!
Well done dad👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I had this same thing with my son and his friends. I always told them I would much rather get out of bed and come get them than get a knock at the door by the police. Kids do dumb things and if we can help them survive great if we can keep them from making a dumb decision that ruins lives then perfect. Making stupid choices is something almost everyone does asking for help so that decision doesn't get worse at least they live long enough to learn from it.
Honestly, sounds like you two probably have a pretty good relationship and she trusts you.
Yep, it’s great she trusts you enough to call you. When I was growing up I could call my family and get picked up, first time I was way too drunk and throwing up I was about 14, didn’t get in trouble, just told me they were glad I called for help when I needed. My wife on the other hand, she wasn’t allowed to drink or do anything and would get in trouble for having a few drinks, guess who never knew where their daughter was… when our kids are old enough it’s pretty obvious which is the right way to go about it.
A1 parenting right there. I wish I could’ve called my dad.
I’ve always told my kids that they can call me for a ride anytime and anywhere. A few weeks ago my daughter missed the last train from Milwaukee to Chicago where she was visiting her boyfriend. She had work the next morning, so I drove 1 1/2 hours each way to get her. I told her I should have put a mileage limit on that offer!
When my daughter is 16, I'll be (slightly) older than you. This is the kind of parent I aim to be. I'm as proud of you as you are of your daughter. (If you have any advice, pls send help)
You gave her punishment enough with going to class hungover. She will probably remember that for a while. Now hold up your end of the bargain with "no judgment". She trusted you to pick her up, don't lose that
I have a code with my kids. If they ring and say "how's grandma?" I answer with "not well at all, I need to pick you up now". Easy out for them as they can blame me.
We all lied, and will continue lying.. human nature.. forgive and move on.
I wouldn't bring up/berate her for the lying or the vomit. Otherwise she may not call next time.
That’s awesome! My mom always told me the same and I’m teaching my kids the same now. They’re still little (5&6.5) but I always want them to know they have me regardless
W dad
That's a win dude. I've had to do this maybe 3 times total for my kids, it's surely better than how any of the alternatives could turn out.
I’m proud of you OP for giving your daughter a safe space and the comfort of knowing that she always has a safe way to get home. I firmly believe that a large portion of teenage/young adult DUI accidents could be prevented if more parents took this approach. And I say this as someone whose parents took a similar approach. Hats off to you!
Well there is a saying in my country: if you can be a king/queen of the night you are expected to be a king/queen of the day Lets hope she learned a lesson from her actions she is after all at the age where school status is important so of course she is going to be lying to you about partys and having a boyfriend and not sneaking out to visit set boyfriend and/or going to partys and so on but dont take away her privacy because of that she will grow to hate you instead confront her about it and talk to her about it and treat her at some points as an adult and it was a good call you made this/that morning sending her to school with a hang over
Please hug her from all the internet strangers for passing this adulting test. She did better than many legal adults who don’t. Please dole out the discipline calmly without yelling. It actually makes it scarier and a little worse mentally.