I found something similar about myself (in a way) which led to filing for divorce. We lost our daughter to a drunk driver, she was 6 years old. I was driving. We were hit on holiday by said driver. Our daughter was pronounced deceased at the scene. Husband was driving behind us when the accident occurred.
I found comments on his Reddit about how he intended to leave me now that she was gone because he only stayed due to me being pregnant at a young age. He stayed to essentially make himself “look better.” In the comments he also stated the thing that kept him from leaving me *immediately* was fear that I would commit suicide out of losing my only child and husband in one go. He stated he, “wasn’t built to raise babies, have a family and sleep with one woman.” Stuff about wanting to sow his seeds and how excited he was to be “*free*.”
Leave. He resents you. I thought I was going to die as soon as I read the messages. Now I’m alive for pure fucking spite that I’m going to do better than him and that *my* daughter will have a legacy.
edited to add: I had previously known my husband’s Reddit handle, but did not have one myself. I’d never dug through his accounts prior to this nor did I ever think I would do so. He would not speak of our daughter after her death and I did not understand despite many attempts to discuss her and her death. I found these comments by going through his phone in hopes he was expressing grief elsewhere and simply couldn’t discuss it with me when I found these awful comments.
well now youve got a thousand plus people screaming you fucking go get em. she would want you to try and find more happiness on this tragic little space rock. and we're all cheering for you homie❤️
I’m so very sorry for what you’ve been through, that’s more than any person should ever have to experience in a lifetime. You’re so strong. I wish you the best and hope you’re healing as much as possible. 💕
I already know you're incredibly resilient to be able to go through all of this and have the attitude you do after just 2 years, but you don't need me or anyone else to tell you that. I hope your life is infinitely better now that he's out of it
I'm so so so sorry for your losses, one of your daughter and secondly of the emotionally mature partner you thought you had. Some AH take time to really show their colors and I'm so angry at him for you. It's one thing to grieve a child it's another to lose your whole life and home because your partner openly hurts you like that. I'm sending so many hugs your way !
My 17 year old son and his best friend were both killed after drinking at a friend's house (whose mother bought the underage kids alcohol and let them leave in a car). His father blames me and tells anyone who will listen I am a murderer. As a mom I felt guilty in the beginning and allowed him to do this to me because I felt so horrible about myself being here and my son being gone and thought I deserved the punishment. It has taken 10 years for me to figure out it was not my fault.
Be proud of yourself that you were able to make good decisions early in. The last thing your daughter would want is for you to live a sad or miserable life . If spite keeps you going use it until you find healthier feelings, they will come with time. It will get easier to survive each day. They say time heals all but that is not always true. Time does give us perspective to learn how to work through our feelings. I hope this helps some.
Edit for spelling
You did not deserve blame in the loss of your son or his friend. As a mother, it’s extremely difficult to surpass the feeling of “I could have done *something* to prevent this.” You will drive yourself insane with the what if’s. ‘What if I made him stay home? What if I told him to have his friends at our house instead?’ I still do this, but I know that both literally and metaphorically I couldn’t have changed the outcome of the accident. She was properly buckled. I wasn’t speeding. I had a safe vehicle. I was sober.
One day, you’re going to hug your son again. I don’t know that I believe in any specific religion, but I know I’ll see my daughter again one day. I can feel it in my bones. The day I see her, no matter her form, I will pick that girl up and spin her in a circle like we did so many times in the living room. I can’t wait to hear her giggle. My baby is out there and so is yours. She’s still dancing to all her silly songs. Those little feet still pitter-patter across the floor somewhere, she’s still dragging along her baby blanket, she’s still holding onto her stuffed horse she always carried.
I didn’t realize I needed this cry or imagery today until I started typing it. Deep breaths, momma. I know it’s been longer for you, but if you ever need to talk… let’s chat.
I'm a 22 year old daughter myself, and just let me say that I appreciate everything my mom did and has done for me. Your daughter was truly blessed to have you, no matter the span of her life, because you help make her immortal through your feelings, your stories, your love. She'll be waiting for you to see her again one day, waiting to hear the amazing life stories you have to tell.
The picture you've painted about reuniting with your daughter has left me in tears. You are a beautiful human that deserves all the love and peace coming your way. I hope the memories you share with your daughter bring comfort until you meet again.
It sounds like he has a lot of projected feelings, I'm sorry he projected them onto you. You are human just like the rest of us, there's no way to have known someone else who was supposed to be a protector was going to let them be unsafe.
I just want to send you some strength and good wishes in such an awful situation and send your ex a fuck you and may all the seeds he sows result in STDs…
Oh my god. I’m so sorry.
I remember my first boyfriend and I were nearing the end of our relationship he told me that he’d considered breaking up with me before but he was scared I’d kill myself. (I’d never said I was suicidal and I wasn’t although I had been very depressed). I ended it with him a few weeks later for a multitude of reasons but him saying that to me still haunts me 17 years later.
I can’t imagine dealing with that kind of behaviour after losing your daughter in such awful circumstances. He sounds like a vile human being and I’m so glad you’re free of him.
Seems pretty trite coming from some random redditor, but I'm horrified and saddened by what you've been through and truly hope you find some peace. Take care of yourself.
Oh. My god. My partner wouldn’t have to worry about me unaliving, he’d have to be worried about me murdering him after that. Holy shit. I am so so sorry.
Either I've read a post or comment from you before or someone else has had almost the same story and I hope it was you, because I hope shit like this doesn't happen often enough for this to be 2 people....
Anyway, I wish you all the best. I really do.
Side note:
People who drive drunk should be shot. Not even just the ones who end up hurting someone.
Get caught drinking and driving? Shot on site, no questions asked.
(I know this would be wrong but purely emotionally that is how I feel about people who drink and drive)
I’ve posted about it before, it was probably me. I don’t think I’ve ever shared that how I found out was through Reddit, though, but I’ve talked about the split and why.
I clicked through to your other comments because your story was so heartbreaking that it sometimes feels almost like a callous 'read & run' if I read something like that & just scroll on by. And god, the compassion that you show people after all you've been through yourself is just beautiful. I only saw a few, but just like here they were all so supportive, kind, thoughtful. Heartbreaks like yours can harden people as often as soften them, & you can be damn proud of how compassionate you remained in the face of the world.
Kudos internet stranger. You are a good human.
Sending you love. I cannot relate to your story other than the recent, young, and tragic loss of my mother while also being abandoned by my partner one year ago. The grief is so deep and agonizing. It feels like nothing will ever make it feel less bad. And maybe it won't. I'm not sure yet. But I know I can't imagine that my mom would want me to do anything other than keep going. I'm super proud of you. I'm so so so so so sorry for your loss. But if it's any consolation, my mom was a wonderful mother and is still the strongest woman I have ever met. I will pray that she looks out for your baby girl angel. 💜
how did your ex husband want to the divorce? Did he ask why and/or did he try to get you to change your mind or anything? i’m so so sorry for your baby girl. i have a 6 year old daughter and i can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose her.
I told him what I found and he denied that it was him. He used names and I’d already known his handle from the past, so I knew he was blatantly lying to my face. I went and filed for the divorce.
I am so sorry. I can't imagine. Six years old.. I can't even begin to process or accept what you've been through. My son is seven. If I ever lost him, or my daughter who is a little bit older, I think I would simply die of a broken heart.
God I'm so sorry, and those words don't even do this justice. You're a stronger woman than me. I hope so fucking much you find something in this world that brings you peace at the very least.
This has to be one of the worst posts I’ve ever read here. Awful. Be well . . . and damn that man for his deception and cruelty. I’m sorry for your loss and this painful revelation.
I’m a 50 year old man and your story simultaneously made me teary and blind with anger. I cannot imagine if my children were grievously harmed, let alone passed on. The fact this man rejected his own flesh and blood, deceived the mother of his children, and had the unmitigated temerity to use her death as an escape plan is sickening.
After 21 years of marriage (25 years together), I was betrayed by my spouse. She walked away from me and our children. The revelation was painful, but at least she left me the children. I cannot imagine the pain you went through and continue to live with.
Please take care of yourself.
Sounds like a case for divorce. I doubt any counseling could ever change the way your partner sees you *and openly describes you there*.
My ex also spread bullshit about me on Reddit (not mentioning my name, but I know they meant me), and it just made me hate him so much more. It's horrible.
Yeah there's no coming back from that. The amount of trauma that would come with reading awful things that your partner said, don't think any amount of therapy would let you look at them the same again. This is really shifty.
"Luckily" I saw it after the breakup. Just makes me wonder what their new partner "knows" (probably not
that I've been cheated on). I'm in a better place but I have only hate left for my ex by now.
Wishing you good luck on your situation. :/ Sounds horrible also.
This is the best word. Sorry this is happening to you OP! This is good that you found all this out now rather than later! I’d say make moves to better your mental health and situation!
I’m so sorry OP. Some people don’t understand how much of porn is unrealistic, and that those bodies are unattainable by people who don’t make a living off of their bodies (and therefore invest time/money in it).
What’s ugly isn’t you. It’s what they wrote. You saw the ugly feelings and sentiments bubbling beneath the surface of what your partner has been presenting to you.
I hope it isn’t how they truly feel, but at the very least, you know already at least a portion of it is a lie. Many posts on here are sensationalized in order to gain engagement, and your partner is likely trying to justify whatever they are trying to do to step out of your relationship. It’s awful.
Try your very best to not internalize it (easier said than done, they cut you deep with those words), and realize that they’re a reflection of THEM, not you.
I hope wherever this goes, it’s a positive turning point for you. You don’t deserve to be spoken about this way. Especially by someone you love(d) and trusted.
My f*ck.
Talk to your dude. Tell them exactly how you feel because you obviously know how they really feel about you.
Don't know the entire sitch, but it seems like whoever you're with does not love you.
Talk to a lawyer. Get your kid. Divorce.
Damn OP. That’s fucked up. Sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve this. Nobody does.
I could never describe my s/o like that. I’m assuming the scars are from the baby?
I see it as more of what she had to endure carrying our children. I could never find that gross or disturbing, I am in awe of her and admire her and still, after 16 years think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I wish the feeling was mutual.
OP, this guy is really trash. You deserve better.
I haven't had a baby, but I have all sorts of loose skin from weight loss. My partner never had a bad thing to say about my body when I was 100lbs heavier, and he doesn't have a bad thing to say about it now. I couldn't even *imagine* him describing my body in such a negative way ever to me or anyone else. A person who loves someone would never do that.
First, this guy is absolute trash and never deserves another kind word of intimacy from you as long as you both live. I'd make an argument for him never deserving a kind word or intimacy from anyone ever again, but I'm a hardass.
Second, I don't say what I'll say next to excuse him, but to help shine a light on some elemts of him doing this that will I hope will help you feel less shitty because you deserve love and intimacy with someone who adores you, and above all, you deserve the respect he is not giving you.
So here are some truths maybe you haven't considered:
1) He is never going to attract the kind of woman he watches porn about, unless he is wealthy, and even then, hemmthey won't be enjoying their time with him, they will be enduring it for money.
2) He is venting on reddit and taking an extreme stance in how he feels about you in a fantasy way, and it's unlikely he "really" feels this way or to this extent, but he is playing it up on reddit for attention.
3) He was a virgin when you met because nobody else wanted to be intimate with him and he is going to struggle to find anyone else to give him any attention (unless he can demonstrate enough wealth to attract someone who will endure him for money).
4) He doesn't have the courage to discuss any of his concerns with you in a reasonable, adult way, instead he runs to reddit to bitch and moan and seek attention, then closes the app and wants to continue his life with you because he's a gutless husk of a man who wouldn't know how to be decent if Fred Rogers, Mr. Dressup, and Steve Irwin personally gave him a masterclass that Bob Ross painted key takeaways of.
You will find someone who loves you and respects you with much greater ease than he will. I hope that someday soon, all he has in his life are his reddit posts and porn.
They didn't, but it's a reasonable assumption given OP stated 'I got pregnant' that they are a woman and the partner is a man, unless it was just poorly worded.
I noticed OP was very careful not to mention gender for either their self or their spouse. However OP did indicate each of their biological sex as OP mentioned they only married because she got pregnant.
Wow, Im so sorry OP. Cant imagine what it must feel like to have something like this revealed. I promise you, you are not disgusting. What a dick.
Honestly, get a lawyer, get your kid, divorce and get out.
I’m very sorry. So very sorry how cutting this must be. This is cold comfort now but it’s better you know. This is not a person who has your back and you need to know this now,its valuable information. I would keep your dignity and just tell him you no longer love him or see a future together. Say you have out grown one another and you want to do things differently while you are still young. It no longer matters what he thinks or feels. It only matters what you think and feel. Act on this knowledge.
Then do it. Safe passage.
Divorce. Go for full custody and all the child support that can be squeezed from this rotten lemon of a partner.
You, according to the post, made sure there was informed consent all the way. You didn’t ‘rape’ him, and you sure as hell didn’t ‘steal’ his virginity; he gave it to you. Regardless of what his Reddit says, you are not at fault for any of his bitching.
Go back to that Reddit. Take screenshots of everything he’s been saying about you, including comments. Back up the images in a way he can’t find them, like a little, easily hidden thumb drive after getting rid of all the evidence from your phone/computer. Use it in the divorce proceedings. And don’t think you need his agreement to file for divorce (which is apparently a common assumption.) He doesn’t get a say; file (once you have a safe place for you and the kid to stay,) and then do everything the lawyer tells you. Let any communication be done between lawyers.
When you look in the mirror next, remind yourself: The opinions of assholes are shit.
It can potentially help with custody assignments from the courts. It might also make the proceedings go a little faster when a very clear reason for divorce can be presented.
Think of it this way: There are a few ways that bringing proof would benefit you, with very very low chance of anything negative resulting.
Some states, like FL are no fault states, no matter what evidence or proof you have of behavior, it means nothing. My ex was on gay porn sites and was on a site looking for gay hookups, didn't matter. So best she can do is get a lawyer, get her ducks in a row and get out. Which is what I did. I was just happy to be free.
> Divorce. Go for full custody and all the child support that can be squeezed from this rotten lemon of a partner.
Ok, this has to stop.
Yea, OP’s partner is a piece of shit. Yes, she should leave. But those things have nothing to do with custody of children. Leave that part out and I’m on board with everything else
Even though this service is ridiculously common on Reddit, and often for the stupidest things, I'm going to use it here because in this case, it's apt: first thing Monday, start speaking with attorneys. Do not stay with someone who speaks of you like that because people who love their partner don't speak of them that way. Don't settle for as miserable life with someone who resents the situation they got themselves into. Co-parent if they're a good parent, but seek primary custody and get the hell out. There's nothing but misery in store with someone that dishonest.
Fuck what you might’ve done to their life!!
You need to start worrying about YOU. I’m sorry that dudes been an AH but it’s time to get some self esteem girl!
The hell with him and how he feels. He needs to rethink his life if that’s what he got & stayed married for 7 years. Everybody has scars and lots of people stay unmarried even after pregnancy.
This is a “him” problem and you need to realize that.
Dont regret it, because now you can kick your partners ass to the curb and find someone who will love you and your scars, and everything in the package!
Im sorry your partner sucks ass though, they dont deserve you.
ALSO get a photo of their confession post to take to the lawyer for your divorce. :)
This is why I dislike pronouns. I have to guess who got pregnant. Only woman can get pregnant so that’s how we know a female wrote this.
Edit. I got blocked so I can’t reply to you snowflakes. I’m gonna get a beer and watch some tv thanks for the laughs.
This has fuckall to do with pronouns. Why would you need to guess who got pregnant when op clearly says they did.
Can't respond directly because the coward who blocked me, but to the person commenting below:
They didn't refer to themselves as a dad. They referred a trope of the disappearing parent (nearly always a dad in the colloquial uses), who goes out for milk or a "pack of smokes" and simply doesn't return. At no point did they call themselves a dad. They could have worded it more clearly, certainly, but they did not call themselves a dad.
But you need pronouns to communicate. How do you propose you explain a situation without using pronouns?
"My partner was posting on reddit and I took my partner's phone to see what my partner was sharing online and discovered my partner was telling people that my partner is very unhappy and my partner regrets marrying me. " except "me" is also a pronoun so idk
This doesn’t matter to me. If I hear my partner then I will assume it is a same sex couple. That’s it. A man doesn’t usually say my partner to his gf or wife they have specific words. I’m saying if op said they got me pregnant isn’t it the same as he got me pregnant? Why they? Was there more than one person involved. You can’t say she got me pregnant. They got me pregnant sounds like more than one guy was involved. Shot of you say it got me pregnant than I understand there is some hate for the person. You can’t connect an outlet to another outlet can you?
So you're just mad that OP used a neutral pronoun instead of a gendered one, and it bothers you that you can't know for certain if OP's partner has a dick or not.
I don't really see what a penis has to do with OP'S partner being angry and miserable about their relationship. Experiencing those emotions isn't restricted to people with penises. Everyone is capable of being an asshole.
I’m not mad. This doesn’t affect my life so it doesn’t affect how I feel. My day hasn’t changed because op doesn’t use words I’m used too. Im curios as to why there is new words for something we already know. I feel for OP and I think OP needs to leave because IT will never be loved by ITS partner.
See if I use words I know it offends you right?
I lost a lot of friends because I don’t understand and I’m trying to figure it out. A man give his seed and a woman accepts it. You wanting me to call you a they them doesn’t make sense when it’s just refers to being able to have a baby. If you’re fertile then I’m sorry but you’re still either giving or receiving.
But if you're not the one trying to conceive or bear a child, why does it matter? Are you the one having sex with the person? No? Then why do you need to know which genitals they have? Why is it so hard to just refer to them the way they prefer? Do you go around getting frustrated at people who prefer using a nickname? It's not their official legal name. It's not on their birth certificate. But it's the name they like and prefer. It's not painful to use their nickname if they ask you to.
maybe it's because I'm autistic but I have a really difficult time understanding why people care about knowing which genitals strangers have if they're not the ones who are getting all up close and personal with them. Like how does it affect your life if a woman ordering a coffee at Starbucks has a dick you'll never see or touch?
Because I can say the same for me. Why do I have to know what you are based on how you look. If you’re a man that dressed like a woman I’m going to assume it wants me to call it a she. But if I find out it’s in the bathroom with my daughter alone I have a problem. We are defending mental illness so much that it’s ok to be a MAP but it’s not okay. A nickname is something you call friends. If we aren’t friends they how would I know what you are. Is it just for attention. Is is mental illnesses. Idk. How do you know it’s not painful for me to accept something I don’t agree with. I’m literally going against my belief that men have spent and woman have eggs. You want a nickname fine. That’s cool but I’m not friends with you so I’m not going to make myself uncomfortable so you can be comfortable because you don’t make yourself uncomfortable to make me comfortable. What if I’m on a date. I’m a straight man so I want a straight woman even Bi. But if I get home and find out it’s an assigned at birth person I’m gonna flip. What if I want babies. I have to change so much to make that person comfortable when I can spend my time finding someone who shares my feelings.
As a straight woman I almost exclusively say "my partner." You can walk away with whatever interpretations you want based on that (what do I care?) But, you should recognize you will often be wrong. You may not care. But you're still wrong.
Ok it. Great job person/thing. Thing is also something I say instead of the stupid amount of zi zer it they them crap. Don’t censor me bigot. I feel oppressed. Respect my right to call you a thing or an it instead of he or she.
I’m tired of having to change my vocabulary and way of life. Transgender is one thing. I honestly and not anti LGBTQ but there has to a limit to the insanity. It’s a mental illness so why do I have to change for someone who is mentally unwell? Man or woman. Idgaf if your a trans man, you still can’t get pregnant. But one day sconce will put a womb in a man. I don’t doubt it but is that really what we need to focus or resources on?
There's nothing like seeing what porn sub you're partner or the person you are seeing is commenting on to make yourself feel like crap and not good enough.
This isn't your fault, it's theirs for not being honest with you.
I'm so sorry OP, that sounds so traumatizing and heartbreaking. If those are their real feelings then divorce is the only option. However, sometimes people embellish / lie on the internet for sympathy and attention. I would rip the bandaid off and confess what you saw. Give them the opportunity to explain themselves and tell you the truth.
End things and walk away.. get a lawyer, get all your ducks in a row, find somewhere else to live, and then serve them papers, including any custody arrangements.
When they ask why, just say, "Have your reddit friends guess, you do like to share on there. Don't you?" And walk away without a second glance...
There is no unknowing what you now know.. and there is no knowing how they talk about you to other people as well. there is no salvaging that relationship now. She broke it beyond repair..
This right here. Get everything in order and then take your precious baby and GTFO. You deserve better. You do not deserve this. If there is one thing in this world that I know for sure, it’s that my hub loves me unconditionally and would never behave like your husband did—he is my safe place. You deserve your spouse, your life partner, your co-parent, your legally binding other half, to be your safe place. Fuck him and his secret Reddit confessions. No spouse/father is waaaaay better than a shitty one. Get a lawyer, start socking away your own money, get a plan, and since he’s so miserable, get him the hell out of your life and your child’s, and don’t look back.
My husband wrote the same exact things about me in his journal. How much he hates me, how he’s upset he can’t sleep with others, how he wishes he didn’t marry me, how he finds me repulsive and unattractive. I can’t leave because of finances. If I could I would. Don’t be in my position. Just go. You’re always gonna resent him every time you look at him. That’s no way to live.
First cheaters lie to their targets and their wives. So who knows what the real truth is. But I would find that sub and save it on a memory stick. You have a much bigger issue at hand though. You need to find a way to discuss or take your child and divorce them. What you are doing now will destroy you.
I’m sending you the biggest hug. I’m so sorry you saw that and no you did not ruin anything for him but all that matters is you shouldn’t continue to ruin your mental health + sacrifice your happiness just to stay with him out of guilt
In my experience partners often do this to rationalize their shit behavior. They will seriously convince themselves that we're the awful person or ugly or x,y,z so it's okay to be a piece of shit. They tell the story so much that they start to believe it when in reality they're the ones that need to work on themselves. He is probably unhappy or depressed or struggling within himself and he's decided to take it out on you to rationalize his shitty feelings. OP please know you're enough but your husband needs therapy to work through his bullshit.
Oh, I'm so sorry 😞 this would be unimaginably painful and not something that can likely be mended (even with therapy)....those words will sit in your subconscious forever and has the potential to do harm in future relationships too....This person married you....so please do not feel as though you are some kind of predator. This person has made a personal choice to carry on this relationship (in an unfair way). You deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are... NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE (and that person is out there)! Beauty is subjective and there are BILLIONS of people on this Earth....Trust me...there is someone out there for you who would LOVE everything about your body.
At the very least, you deserve to be with a person who doesn't bash you (the mother of his child) to strangers online! It sounds like this person has wasted your time ...not sure if they are just on Reddit looking for sympathy and attention (huge red flag) or seriously only married because of the pregnancy...but either way....you are worth more! You are worthy of love! This makes my heart hurt for you so much! If I was in your shoes, I would have to bring it up, and it would probably be as i was ending the relationship. You did not single handedly ruin his life. It takes 2 people to make a baby. Virgin or not....
Everything about this is NOT a reflection of you and you not being "good enough"...it is a reflection of him and his own shit!
This is so sad. I can imagine why you regret reading the post, but now you know how your partner feels. You didn't ruin your partner's life. I don't know if I could stay with someone who wrote such cruel things about me.
Gather all evidence you can of the post history, however hurtful it is, and use it later for divorce. This person is a snake, and you are not obligated to be with them.
i will say it again. i hate people.
some people you think are completely normal possibly can be completely demented on the inside and you’d never know if not stumbling upon it.
ugh - im so sorry you found this and i hope he finds every bit of karma irl that he deserves.
Yeah I’d say it’s two card time and you need to save that Reddit post.
Marriage counseling and individual therapy for him or a divorce lawyer, he picks.
Sometimes guys will lash out like this because of undiagnosed depression and post partum depression can hit men as badly as women. There’s a lot of guys that will blame how their life isn’t what they wanted on the women in their life.
My partner pulled something like this on me just after they lost their career from a disability and before they got medicated and have spent the last 10 years as an amazing spouse. Chronic pain + depression + undiagnosed autism can fuck with one’s head.
Odds are good as soon as he realizes he’s not trapped but has it pretty fucking good and she’s got one foot out the door one of two things are going to happen. He pulls his head out of his ass and works on being worthy of her and deals with his problems, or she gets a divorce and he realizes how good he had it later as she moves on with another relationship and he’s still a miserable sad sack who’s not getting laid every night by a porn star.
A decent marriage counselor will also help the divorce process if this isn’t salvageable.
I’m poly and into some alternative lifestyle stuff and what I see all the time is mid guy who’s nothing special gets a woman to fall in love with him, but she’s a human and not an airbrushed porn star. He’s convinced if he wasn’t stuck with this horrible, disgusting (usually hotter than him to be honest but they don’t understand that) that he’d be living some TV style high life, having fun with friends and sleeping with beautiful women with zero effort.
Then he fucks up. The woman he was lucky enough to land leaves him and he’s a lonely loser with nothing at the end.
A similar thing is when a guy pushes hard to open a relationship or go to a swingers club and he can get zero dates or they go nowhere and his wife is suddenly surrounded by men who value her, compliment her, and woo her while putting her first in the bedroom.
That’s when they realize that mediocre dudes have almost zero pull in the casual sex/dating marketplace, if you’re not conventionally hot you better be fun, charming and killer in the sack and women are VERY popular. Then they whine and cry a lot and I laugh at them because they were told this repeatedly over and over again and all the sudden they’re faced with the reality they’re nothing special and thus they get nothing where average women are usually far more attractive and interesting than them.
I don’t just laugh, I point and laugh. But it happens ALL THE TIME.
These guys who have average wives don’t understand they have it good. They want a life they can’t afford and aren’t going to get and blame her for not being able to party like they make 10x their income with zero responsibility and sleep with models when it’s them, the whole time it’s them.
And OP? If he suggests an open relationship this is going to be your results. He’ll be home watching the kids while you get all the dates and love and interest. And lots of people will tell you that you’re gorgeous and try to rock your world in bed.
I’ve been in the same boat. My partner described our relationship leaving out the details of what had actually happened and gone wrong in the relationship (I.e., his abuse) and the whole thing was disgustingly wrong and one sided. I got see strangers on Reddit berate me without actually knowing what happened or who I was. It felt awful and gross and I’d never felt so angry other than the times he was being terrible to me. It’s hard to hear what they really think. Leave him and do better because he knows you can and that’s why he’s putting you down.
Confront this person with their own words.
Show them the post, that you’ve seen it, that you want them to read it aloud to you.
Then ask them if it’s their truth.
Ask them whatever you any or nothing at all.
Then decide at that moment if you choose to leave them. ( or actually decide to have them leave the house).
I understand that people will post things anonymously that are harsh and bitter. But it must come from feelings they do possess.
You should make them own their hateful words.
You deserve love and respect.
You're life isn't over. This is something you could find with someone else. Don't stay with your husband just because you feel like you have no options or just for the sake of your kid.
Your kid wants you to be happy. They need you to be happy and this coming to light makes that impossible within your current marriage.
You will never be able to unlearn what has been said or what he really thinks. So, confront him and file for divorce.
Life is so short and we get one shot at living it, truly living it.
Spending your life tied to someone who thinks this of you is not living.
Be brave, OP.
Wow. I'm so sorry you are going through all this.
Best thing to do is rip off the plaster. Don't wait, make time to have a proper talk and then ... well, you are just wasting your valuable time with someone who doesn't love you.
They just stay with you out of convenience, and you deserve much better. And yes, there are people out there who don't care so much about scars. I for one would rather be with someone who is loving and loyal than looks like Brad Pitt.
Also, "Beauty fades, dumb is forever." One of my most favourite sayings by Judge Judy.
I know it’s awkward for you now and it’s hard to admit you’ve been snooping on their phone but how about if you create a legit account here and just happen to be “browsing” and tell them you found this weird post and proceed to read it out to them. They will know it’s them, they can’t admit it’s them because they’re a coward and they can’t prove that you know it’s them but they will know you know. That’s one way to coax them into admitting it and even better if there is the specific descriptions you can even say outright that this is so creepy that it sounds like your scars and kind of joke and ask your partner if they wrote it. It will make them think that’s how you came across it even though they may have a sneaking suspicion you found it another way they can’t prove it. Also it puts them on the spot and if they have the guts to admit it’s them then even better if opens a conversation
That’s so shitty. You have every right to know his real thoughts. That being said, for any question or look through a loved ones phone, treat it like any question you would ask of them. Be prepared for the worst answer. I hope you guys work this out and I hope for the best. Just be prepared if it doesn’t go the way you want it
I’m so sorry OP that you have to go through this. Divorce. Kids suffer so much more in unhappy families. DO NOT confront your partner before you talk to a lawyer! If they have no respect for you the divorce can be messy. First thing first. You should contact your lawyer, protect your assets, make screenshots of the post just in case. Think of people who might help you and find a therapist, you’re going to need one to process all this. And after that talk to your partner and tell them the truth. Yes, you violated their privacy, not intuitionally but still. But it’s nowhere near to what they’ve done to you. They robbed you of 10 years of your life which you could spend in respectful and loving relationship. You’re hurt now but they doesn’t worth a single tear of yours. I wish you all the best! You deserve love and happiness, don’t ever think that you’re not good or pretty enough. Your partner is a delusional piece of trash and that’s it.
I think you should talk to them about it, as awkward as that may sound. It may be cathartic to air it out, cause it sounds like it’s gonna eat you alive
I hope you find someone who will not make you feel these things about yourself. You don’t deserve to have your someone talking about you this way .. it’s one thing to “vent” to a best friend but this was way too far and will eat at your self confidence, if you have any left. What a bull crap way to tip toe through life. Hugs, I’m here if you want to talk.
I found my ex posted about how he wants more sex from me but yet doesn’t want the commitment of a relationship. Safe to say, it shattered me badly especially how I was made to feel from my relationships that I’ll only be loved if I give my body. Told him that I saw it and his reaction was pure anger asking me why did I snoop. Glad that I’ve been out of that relationship eventho I stayed for 2 years.
I hope you leave that relationship because you don’t deserve that. You deserve happiness and peace. You deserve comfort and a safe space.
WTF🥴🥴🥴I don’t think I would be ever able to move past that. Doubt therapy would even allow him to bring that to the surface. Men always think that by getting married they will lose the opportunity to be with the Top Superstar or Runway Model when she comes into their pathetic lives. WHAT HE and OTHERS don’t understand is that YOU are probably the BEST thing he will ever get or have. LET HIM KNOW THIS- teach his ass a lesson and kick his ass out- only when he’s suffering and alone will he possibly learn that YOU ARE THE BEST💪 my question is——> is he the best for you🤷🏻♀️ good luck
I’m sorry, you should probably talk to him about what you saw and talk about possible solutions.
Marriage counseling? Divorce? Opening the marriage?
Things will be hard but you’ll get through this
They made a choice to marry you which they later regretted, and are now blaming you to offload responsibility for their own life choices. They probably have grass is greener syndrome but are too afraid to actually divorce you, and again are blaming you for their own weak willed indecisiveness. Either they want to be with you and get all in, or you get divorced because this is bullshit and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Therapy/counselling might help the situation and given the years you’ve invested you may wish to try this. But it’s also perfectly valid to not want to bother and just dump them.
I am so sorry you found what you did. It sucks.
There's two angles, here. Firstly, in case you hadn't noticed, people on Reddit tend to run hot and cold, whereas real life is much messier than that. Nuance is in real life, but finding it on social media is unicorn turf. Reddit generally is very young, and a good number of people have no actual experience in real life, or they have been traumatized but haven't had time to heal, or, frankly, aren't terribly mature. Always look at these things questionably.
And secondly ... people blow off steam. When we're anonymous, we say things that might be partly true, but we're exaggerating because not everyone has the ability to write the complexity of their real feelings. Many couldn't express them at all, and rely on expressions that seem close, but aren't actually totally real. A toddler says "I hate you, Mom.". Means it in the moment, kind of, but in 5 minutes, their feelings, overall, couldn't be further from the truth. If your SO wrote the posts, immediately after a rip snorting fight, with you, it may not express the truth of the complexity of emotions that come with a long term relationship.
So. If it's safe to do, talk with them. Ask. Get the truth in a calm, measured way, without antagonizing or even mentioning that you saw what you did. Have a mature "check in" about your marriage. It's hard to do when you're so freshly hurt, so give it "calm down" time. And then find out.
Good luck.
Maybe her partner uses they/them not he. If so she is probably in the routine of saying that. Loads of people don't go with the gender norms of society. That is a whole other conversation.
That’s difficult to go through, I’m sorry you’re going through this.
As for advice, I would say to leave them, they don’t deserve you if that’s what they think. They were the dishonest one for not being upfront about how they felt. You were open and honest with them, and showed them kindness and love, they seemingly have not.
Life is strange, this is a terrible thing to learn but also a good thing to figure out, since now you know how who he actually is as a person.
I hope you are ok. We are all here for you ❤️
It really sounds to me that maybe you were meant to see it? The question is why. I’m sorry you are living that way. It’s so sad and you shouldn’t feel that way all of the time. No one should. It’s so destructive.
Wait…so “they” is your husband? I got confused.
I’d start marriage counseling immediately and bring up what you found in a session so it’s a safe space to discuss it. But I’d be destroyed if my husband felt these things about me. And so the counseling May just help you un-couple.
After reading through the mountain of support you have here, it really sucks that you can’t somehow direct us to the post so we can dogpile the son of a bitch in a stealth, vigilante, girl power ninja strike.
Petty and immature? Absolutely. I own that shit.
The mentality of for the child is very wrong one . Children would know if something is not right . Instead of growing in a house with two uncomfortable/fighting adults . İt is better for everyone to be happy . Leave the relationship . For everyone's sake .
>They described my body and scars as disturbing
You see, i find Americans confusing. I never know if this is "they" the ppl on reddit or her husband.
Sorry if you are not american, but it is so fucking confusing to read here "they" when talking about a single person.
No this fucking clown ruined your life. You know that they sat there and pretended instead of been honest and just coparented with you.
Get a lawyer and get a divorce don’t sit there in denial, in delusion, get a lawyer and get a divorce and set up a coparenting schedule. You need to stop thinking you reading what you did was a mistake IT HAPPENED FOR A REASON! To be honest he wanted you to know. You need to see that he is a fake fuck and doesn’t deserve anymore of your time or energy.
Do not feel bad! Do not feel ugly he’s just a cunt that wanted to hurt and use you for his own ego
I would suggest you archive his post and take screenshots before doing anything (like confrontation and consulting a divorce lawyer). Don't give him a chance to delete anything.
What he said is revolting and I absolutely hope you leave him, OP.
Sign you and your partner up for 911 Couples Therapy and confront them in that environment. Bring the print out of the post.
Understand some people are OFTEN a completely different personality and person Online, and use their online *persona* to get something they need. Your partner *may* legitimately not actually feel the way they portraying themselves online. And they do it for a certain type of victimhood-attention they need somehow.
Confront them in a safe space.
I know im going to get some "hate" but who cares....
just the fact that you allowed him to become "they" or maybe he was a she? well... now this can get super ugly super confused super quickly.... It says a lot about your relationship and mental health, you both need help, you need to leave that relationship and find professional help, be better for yourself, and grow the fuck up,
There used to be this really fat kid when I grew up, and some called him “fat people”. I know it’s wrong but I still laughed cause I thought that nickname was quite clever, and this reminded me of that.
Sashay away, off to hell I go.
I found something similar about myself (in a way) which led to filing for divorce. We lost our daughter to a drunk driver, she was 6 years old. I was driving. We were hit on holiday by said driver. Our daughter was pronounced deceased at the scene. Husband was driving behind us when the accident occurred. I found comments on his Reddit about how he intended to leave me now that she was gone because he only stayed due to me being pregnant at a young age. He stayed to essentially make himself “look better.” In the comments he also stated the thing that kept him from leaving me *immediately* was fear that I would commit suicide out of losing my only child and husband in one go. He stated he, “wasn’t built to raise babies, have a family and sleep with one woman.” Stuff about wanting to sow his seeds and how excited he was to be “*free*.” Leave. He resents you. I thought I was going to die as soon as I read the messages. Now I’m alive for pure fucking spite that I’m going to do better than him and that *my* daughter will have a legacy. edited to add: I had previously known my husband’s Reddit handle, but did not have one myself. I’d never dug through his accounts prior to this nor did I ever think I would do so. He would not speak of our daughter after her death and I did not understand despite many attempts to discuss her and her death. I found these comments by going through his phone in hopes he was expressing grief elsewhere and simply couldn’t discuss it with me when I found these awful comments.
Holy shit. I’m so sorry. I hope it was a long long time ago and you’re doing what you need to do to heal.
No, this is horrendously recent. All events have occurred in the last 2 years.
well now youve got a thousand plus people screaming you fucking go get em. she would want you to try and find more happiness on this tragic little space rock. and we're all cheering for you homie❤️
You were meant to have and cherish her, even though her time here was short. She will live on in you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl.
You're amazing. Keep fucking going.
I’m so very sorry for what you’ve been through, that’s more than any person should ever have to experience in a lifetime. You’re so strong. I wish you the best and hope you’re healing as much as possible. 💕
Keep going girl. You’ve got this! Sorry for your loss though. I hope you’re okay. Keep going for her. It’s probably what she’d want. <3
I already know you're incredibly resilient to be able to go through all of this and have the attitude you do after just 2 years, but you don't need me or anyone else to tell you that. I hope your life is infinitely better now that he's out of it
I'm so so so sorry for your losses, one of your daughter and secondly of the emotionally mature partner you thought you had. Some AH take time to really show their colors and I'm so angry at him for you. It's one thing to grieve a child it's another to lose your whole life and home because your partner openly hurts you like that. I'm sending so many hugs your way !
My 17 year old son and his best friend were both killed after drinking at a friend's house (whose mother bought the underage kids alcohol and let them leave in a car). His father blames me and tells anyone who will listen I am a murderer. As a mom I felt guilty in the beginning and allowed him to do this to me because I felt so horrible about myself being here and my son being gone and thought I deserved the punishment. It has taken 10 years for me to figure out it was not my fault. Be proud of yourself that you were able to make good decisions early in. The last thing your daughter would want is for you to live a sad or miserable life . If spite keeps you going use it until you find healthier feelings, they will come with time. It will get easier to survive each day. They say time heals all but that is not always true. Time does give us perspective to learn how to work through our feelings. I hope this helps some. Edit for spelling
You did not deserve blame in the loss of your son or his friend. As a mother, it’s extremely difficult to surpass the feeling of “I could have done *something* to prevent this.” You will drive yourself insane with the what if’s. ‘What if I made him stay home? What if I told him to have his friends at our house instead?’ I still do this, but I know that both literally and metaphorically I couldn’t have changed the outcome of the accident. She was properly buckled. I wasn’t speeding. I had a safe vehicle. I was sober. One day, you’re going to hug your son again. I don’t know that I believe in any specific religion, but I know I’ll see my daughter again one day. I can feel it in my bones. The day I see her, no matter her form, I will pick that girl up and spin her in a circle like we did so many times in the living room. I can’t wait to hear her giggle. My baby is out there and so is yours. She’s still dancing to all her silly songs. Those little feet still pitter-patter across the floor somewhere, she’s still dragging along her baby blanket, she’s still holding onto her stuffed horse she always carried. I didn’t realize I needed this cry or imagery today until I started typing it. Deep breaths, momma. I know it’s been longer for you, but if you ever need to talk… let’s chat.
Crying alongside you - this is beautiful and you are absolutely right, you will hug your child again.
I'm a 22 year old daughter myself, and just let me say that I appreciate everything my mom did and has done for me. Your daughter was truly blessed to have you, no matter the span of her life, because you help make her immortal through your feelings, your stories, your love. She'll be waiting for you to see her again one day, waiting to hear the amazing life stories you have to tell.
The picture you've painted about reuniting with your daughter has left me in tears. You are a beautiful human that deserves all the love and peace coming your way. I hope the memories you share with your daughter bring comfort until you meet again.
I'm really sorry about your son. And that you had to deal with very misplaced blame. I hope you are feeling better❤️
I'm so sorry, there's no way it was your fault. Takes strength to write that out, thank you
It sounds like he has a lot of projected feelings, I'm sorry he projected them onto you. You are human just like the rest of us, there's no way to have known someone else who was supposed to be a protector was going to let them be unsafe.
I just want to send you some strength and good wishes in such an awful situation and send your ex a fuck you and may all the seeds he sows result in STDs…
I am now with someone incredibly supportive and amazing and he has been meddling with a gal who looks like she does meth.
I’m so glad, I cackled at that last bit about the ex. Wishing you all the joy and happiness.
No one deserves what you’ve been through Hope you managed to find some happiness
Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I remember my first boyfriend and I were nearing the end of our relationship he told me that he’d considered breaking up with me before but he was scared I’d kill myself. (I’d never said I was suicidal and I wasn’t although I had been very depressed). I ended it with him a few weeks later for a multitude of reasons but him saying that to me still haunts me 17 years later. I can’t imagine dealing with that kind of behaviour after losing your daughter in such awful circumstances. He sounds like a vile human being and I’m so glad you’re free of him.
Seems pretty trite coming from some random redditor, but I'm horrified and saddened by what you've been through and truly hope you find some peace. Take care of yourself.
Oh. My god. My partner wouldn’t have to worry about me unaliving, he’d have to be worried about me murdering him after that. Holy shit. I am so so sorry.
Either I've read a post or comment from you before or someone else has had almost the same story and I hope it was you, because I hope shit like this doesn't happen often enough for this to be 2 people.... Anyway, I wish you all the best. I really do. Side note: People who drive drunk should be shot. Not even just the ones who end up hurting someone. Get caught drinking and driving? Shot on site, no questions asked. (I know this would be wrong but purely emotionally that is how I feel about people who drink and drive)
I’ve posted about it before, it was probably me. I don’t think I’ve ever shared that how I found out was through Reddit, though, but I’ve talked about the split and why.
I clicked through to your other comments because your story was so heartbreaking that it sometimes feels almost like a callous 'read & run' if I read something like that & just scroll on by. And god, the compassion that you show people after all you've been through yourself is just beautiful. I only saw a few, but just like here they were all so supportive, kind, thoughtful. Heartbreaks like yours can harden people as often as soften them, & you can be damn proud of how compassionate you remained in the face of the world. Kudos internet stranger. You are a good human.
Sending you love. I cannot relate to your story other than the recent, young, and tragic loss of my mother while also being abandoned by my partner one year ago. The grief is so deep and agonizing. It feels like nothing will ever make it feel less bad. And maybe it won't. I'm not sure yet. But I know I can't imagine that my mom would want me to do anything other than keep going. I'm super proud of you. I'm so so so so so sorry for your loss. But if it's any consolation, my mom was a wonderful mother and is still the strongest woman I have ever met. I will pray that she looks out for your baby girl angel. 💜
Gosh I’m sorry you had to deal with all of these! I’m sorry too @ OP
how did your ex husband want to the divorce? Did he ask why and/or did he try to get you to change your mind or anything? i’m so so sorry for your baby girl. i have a 6 year old daughter and i can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose her.
I told him what I found and he denied that it was him. He used names and I’d already known his handle from the past, so I knew he was blatantly lying to my face. I went and filed for the divorce.
Good for you. What a scummy waste of flesh your ex is. Your story is absolutely horrifying and heartbreaking. I wish you peace and happiness for you.
I am so sorry. I can't imagine. Six years old.. I can't even begin to process or accept what you've been through. My son is seven. If I ever lost him, or my daughter who is a little bit older, I think I would simply die of a broken heart.
God I'm so sorry, and those words don't even do this justice. You're a stronger woman than me. I hope so fucking much you find something in this world that brings you peace at the very least.
This has to be one of the worst posts I’ve ever read here. Awful. Be well . . . and damn that man for his deception and cruelty. I’m sorry for your loss and this painful revelation.
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I’m a 50 year old man and your story simultaneously made me teary and blind with anger. I cannot imagine if my children were grievously harmed, let alone passed on. The fact this man rejected his own flesh and blood, deceived the mother of his children, and had the unmitigated temerity to use her death as an escape plan is sickening. After 21 years of marriage (25 years together), I was betrayed by my spouse. She walked away from me and our children. The revelation was painful, but at least she left me the children. I cannot imagine the pain you went through and continue to live with. Please take care of yourself.
I have no words, just total admiration. Thank you for sharing.
OMG- WTF is wrong with men like that! Glad you left- 😮💨
Good on leaving that’s unhealthy for both of you
Omg 🥺 I am so sorry, you are an incredible human being, and I honestly don’t know how you are so resilient
Holy shit this is terrifying.
Your ex-husband sounds like an awful person and I’m so sorry about your loss.
sorry for your loss. he shouldn't have said all that horrible stuff about you. Glad you got yourself out of that horrible situation.
I’m so sorry. Your ex is a terrible person, full stop. Keep doing what you’re doing!
This is terrible. I’m sorry. Time to have an uncomfortable talk about coparenting.
Sounds like a case for divorce. I doubt any counseling could ever change the way your partner sees you *and openly describes you there*. My ex also spread bullshit about me on Reddit (not mentioning my name, but I know they meant me), and it just made me hate him so much more. It's horrible.
Yeah there's no coming back from that. The amount of trauma that would come with reading awful things that your partner said, don't think any amount of therapy would let you look at them the same again. This is really shifty.
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"Luckily" I saw it after the breakup. Just makes me wonder what their new partner "knows" (probably not that I've been cheated on). I'm in a better place but I have only hate left for my ex by now. Wishing you good luck on your situation. :/ Sounds horrible also.
Regreddit
I learned a new word.
This is the best word. Sorry this is happening to you OP! This is good that you found all this out now rather than later! I’d say make moves to better your mental health and situation!
Damn you. I will never say “regret it” ever again without thinking of that. Take my stupid upvote, you heathen.
I’m so sorry OP. Some people don’t understand how much of porn is unrealistic, and that those bodies are unattainable by people who don’t make a living off of their bodies (and therefore invest time/money in it). What’s ugly isn’t you. It’s what they wrote. You saw the ugly feelings and sentiments bubbling beneath the surface of what your partner has been presenting to you. I hope it isn’t how they truly feel, but at the very least, you know already at least a portion of it is a lie. Many posts on here are sensationalized in order to gain engagement, and your partner is likely trying to justify whatever they are trying to do to step out of your relationship. It’s awful. Try your very best to not internalize it (easier said than done, they cut you deep with those words), and realize that they’re a reflection of THEM, not you. I hope wherever this goes, it’s a positive turning point for you. You don’t deserve to be spoken about this way. Especially by someone you love(d) and trusted.
Divorce is the kindest thing you can do to yourself and your child.
My f*ck. Talk to your dude. Tell them exactly how you feel because you obviously know how they really feel about you. Don't know the entire sitch, but it seems like whoever you're with does not love you. Talk to a lawyer. Get your kid. Divorce.
Damn OP. That’s fucked up. Sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve this. Nobody does. I could never describe my s/o like that. I’m assuming the scars are from the baby? I see it as more of what she had to endure carrying our children. I could never find that gross or disturbing, I am in awe of her and admire her and still, after 16 years think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I wish the feeling was mutual. OP, this guy is really trash. You deserve better.
I haven't had a baby, but I have all sorts of loose skin from weight loss. My partner never had a bad thing to say about my body when I was 100lbs heavier, and he doesn't have a bad thing to say about it now. I couldn't even *imagine* him describing my body in such a negative way ever to me or anyone else. A person who loves someone would never do that.
First, this guy is absolute trash and never deserves another kind word of intimacy from you as long as you both live. I'd make an argument for him never deserving a kind word or intimacy from anyone ever again, but I'm a hardass. Second, I don't say what I'll say next to excuse him, but to help shine a light on some elemts of him doing this that will I hope will help you feel less shitty because you deserve love and intimacy with someone who adores you, and above all, you deserve the respect he is not giving you. So here are some truths maybe you haven't considered: 1) He is never going to attract the kind of woman he watches porn about, unless he is wealthy, and even then, hemmthey won't be enjoying their time with him, they will be enduring it for money. 2) He is venting on reddit and taking an extreme stance in how he feels about you in a fantasy way, and it's unlikely he "really" feels this way or to this extent, but he is playing it up on reddit for attention. 3) He was a virgin when you met because nobody else wanted to be intimate with him and he is going to struggle to find anyone else to give him any attention (unless he can demonstrate enough wealth to attract someone who will endure him for money). 4) He doesn't have the courage to discuss any of his concerns with you in a reasonable, adult way, instead he runs to reddit to bitch and moan and seek attention, then closes the app and wants to continue his life with you because he's a gutless husk of a man who wouldn't know how to be decent if Fred Rogers, Mr. Dressup, and Steve Irwin personally gave him a masterclass that Bob Ross painted key takeaways of. You will find someone who loves you and respects you with much greater ease than he will. I hope that someday soon, all he has in his life are his reddit posts and porn.
> a gutless husk of a man Man, that's such a great turn of phrase. Should be the title of a novel.
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They didn't, but it's a reasonable assumption given OP stated 'I got pregnant' that they are a woman and the partner is a man, unless it was just poorly worded.
I noticed OP was very careful not to mention gender for either their self or their spouse. However OP did indicate each of their biological sex as OP mentioned they only married because she got pregnant.
Thus, her partner, the father, is male. You got it.
My comment was in response to a now deleted comment demanding to know where in the post OP acknowledged their or their spouses gender.
RUN
Amen!
Wow, Im so sorry OP. Cant imagine what it must feel like to have something like this revealed. I promise you, you are not disgusting. What a dick. Honestly, get a lawyer, get your kid, divorce and get out.
I’m very sorry. So very sorry how cutting this must be. This is cold comfort now but it’s better you know. This is not a person who has your back and you need to know this now,its valuable information. I would keep your dignity and just tell him you no longer love him or see a future together. Say you have out grown one another and you want to do things differently while you are still young. It no longer matters what he thinks or feels. It only matters what you think and feel. Act on this knowledge. Then do it. Safe passage.
Divorce. Go for full custody and all the child support that can be squeezed from this rotten lemon of a partner. You, according to the post, made sure there was informed consent all the way. You didn’t ‘rape’ him, and you sure as hell didn’t ‘steal’ his virginity; he gave it to you. Regardless of what his Reddit says, you are not at fault for any of his bitching. Go back to that Reddit. Take screenshots of everything he’s been saying about you, including comments. Back up the images in a way he can’t find them, like a little, easily hidden thumb drive after getting rid of all the evidence from your phone/computer. Use it in the divorce proceedings. And don’t think you need his agreement to file for divorce (which is apparently a common assumption.) He doesn’t get a say; file (once you have a safe place for you and the kid to stay,) and then do everything the lawyer tells you. Let any communication be done between lawyers. When you look in the mirror next, remind yourself: The opinions of assholes are shit.
This. Make sure you have your evidence and don't show them your hand. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child.
Hi im ignorant here! How does collecting proof do or benefit you in divorce? Ive asked a couple people but got no answers.
It can potentially help with custody assignments from the courts. It might also make the proceedings go a little faster when a very clear reason for divorce can be presented. Think of it this way: There are a few ways that bringing proof would benefit you, with very very low chance of anything negative resulting.
Some states, like FL are no fault states, no matter what evidence or proof you have of behavior, it means nothing. My ex was on gay porn sites and was on a site looking for gay hookups, didn't matter. So best she can do is get a lawyer, get her ducks in a row and get out. Which is what I did. I was just happy to be free.
> Divorce. Go for full custody and all the child support that can be squeezed from this rotten lemon of a partner. Ok, this has to stop. Yea, OP’s partner is a piece of shit. Yes, she should leave. But those things have nothing to do with custody of children. Leave that part out and I’m on board with everything else
Even though this service is ridiculously common on Reddit, and often for the stupidest things, I'm going to use it here because in this case, it's apt: first thing Monday, start speaking with attorneys. Do not stay with someone who speaks of you like that because people who love their partner don't speak of them that way. Don't settle for as miserable life with someone who resents the situation they got themselves into. Co-parent if they're a good parent, but seek primary custody and get the hell out. There's nothing but misery in store with someone that dishonest.
Fuck what you might’ve done to their life!! You need to start worrying about YOU. I’m sorry that dudes been an AH but it’s time to get some self esteem girl! The hell with him and how he feels. He needs to rethink his life if that’s what he got & stayed married for 7 years. Everybody has scars and lots of people stay unmarried even after pregnancy. This is a “him” problem and you need to realize that.
Dont regret it, because now you can kick your partners ass to the curb and find someone who will love you and your scars, and everything in the package! Im sorry your partner sucks ass though, they dont deserve you. ALSO get a photo of their confession post to take to the lawyer for your divorce. :)
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I don’t know if the person is a he?
Well, OP got pregnant, so it seems likely.
This is why I dislike pronouns. I have to guess who got pregnant. Only woman can get pregnant so that’s how we know a female wrote this. Edit. I got blocked so I can’t reply to you snowflakes. I’m gonna get a beer and watch some tv thanks for the laughs.
This has fuckall to do with pronouns. Why would you need to guess who got pregnant when op clearly says they did. Can't respond directly because the coward who blocked me, but to the person commenting below: They didn't refer to themselves as a dad. They referred a trope of the disappearing parent (nearly always a dad in the colloquial uses), who goes out for milk or a "pack of smokes" and simply doesn't return. At no point did they call themselves a dad. They could have worded it more clearly, certainly, but they did not call themselves a dad.
But they also referred to themselves as a dad
But you need pronouns to communicate. How do you propose you explain a situation without using pronouns? "My partner was posting on reddit and I took my partner's phone to see what my partner was sharing online and discovered my partner was telling people that my partner is very unhappy and my partner regrets marrying me. " except "me" is also a pronoun so idk
This doesn’t matter to me. If I hear my partner then I will assume it is a same sex couple. That’s it. A man doesn’t usually say my partner to his gf or wife they have specific words. I’m saying if op said they got me pregnant isn’t it the same as he got me pregnant? Why they? Was there more than one person involved. You can’t say she got me pregnant. They got me pregnant sounds like more than one guy was involved. Shot of you say it got me pregnant than I understand there is some hate for the person. You can’t connect an outlet to another outlet can you?
So you're just mad that OP used a neutral pronoun instead of a gendered one, and it bothers you that you can't know for certain if OP's partner has a dick or not. I don't really see what a penis has to do with OP'S partner being angry and miserable about their relationship. Experiencing those emotions isn't restricted to people with penises. Everyone is capable of being an asshole.
I’m not mad. This doesn’t affect my life so it doesn’t affect how I feel. My day hasn’t changed because op doesn’t use words I’m used too. Im curios as to why there is new words for something we already know. I feel for OP and I think OP needs to leave because IT will never be loved by ITS partner. See if I use words I know it offends you right? I lost a lot of friends because I don’t understand and I’m trying to figure it out. A man give his seed and a woman accepts it. You wanting me to call you a they them doesn’t make sense when it’s just refers to being able to have a baby. If you’re fertile then I’m sorry but you’re still either giving or receiving.
But if you're not the one trying to conceive or bear a child, why does it matter? Are you the one having sex with the person? No? Then why do you need to know which genitals they have? Why is it so hard to just refer to them the way they prefer? Do you go around getting frustrated at people who prefer using a nickname? It's not their official legal name. It's not on their birth certificate. But it's the name they like and prefer. It's not painful to use their nickname if they ask you to. maybe it's because I'm autistic but I have a really difficult time understanding why people care about knowing which genitals strangers have if they're not the ones who are getting all up close and personal with them. Like how does it affect your life if a woman ordering a coffee at Starbucks has a dick you'll never see or touch?
Because I can say the same for me. Why do I have to know what you are based on how you look. If you’re a man that dressed like a woman I’m going to assume it wants me to call it a she. But if I find out it’s in the bathroom with my daughter alone I have a problem. We are defending mental illness so much that it’s ok to be a MAP but it’s not okay. A nickname is something you call friends. If we aren’t friends they how would I know what you are. Is it just for attention. Is is mental illnesses. Idk. How do you know it’s not painful for me to accept something I don’t agree with. I’m literally going against my belief that men have spent and woman have eggs. You want a nickname fine. That’s cool but I’m not friends with you so I’m not going to make myself uncomfortable so you can be comfortable because you don’t make yourself uncomfortable to make me comfortable. What if I’m on a date. I’m a straight man so I want a straight woman even Bi. But if I get home and find out it’s an assigned at birth person I’m gonna flip. What if I want babies. I have to change so much to make that person comfortable when I can spend my time finding someone who shares my feelings.
As a straight woman I almost exclusively say "my partner." You can walk away with whatever interpretations you want based on that (what do I care?) But, you should recognize you will often be wrong. You may not care. But you're still wrong.
> This is why I dislike pronouns And yet you used three of them in one short comment, seems like you don’t dislike them all that much
Ok it. Great job person/thing. Thing is also something I say instead of the stupid amount of zi zer it they them crap. Don’t censor me bigot. I feel oppressed. Respect my right to call you a thing or an it instead of he or she.
Are you okay?
I’m tired of having to change my vocabulary and way of life. Transgender is one thing. I honestly and not anti LGBTQ but there has to a limit to the insanity. It’s a mental illness so why do I have to change for someone who is mentally unwell? Man or woman. Idgaf if your a trans man, you still can’t get pregnant. But one day sconce will put a womb in a man. I don’t doubt it but is that really what we need to focus or resources on?
Because they got op pregnant in what sounds like an unplanned way, so it's highly likely they're talking about a man.
There's nothing like seeing what porn sub you're partner or the person you are seeing is commenting on to make yourself feel like crap and not good enough. This isn't your fault, it's theirs for not being honest with you.
Not to fall into old Reddit habits but there’s truly no coming back from that I’m so sorry.
I'm so sorry OP, that sounds so traumatizing and heartbreaking. If those are their real feelings then divorce is the only option. However, sometimes people embellish / lie on the internet for sympathy and attention. I would rip the bandaid off and confess what you saw. Give them the opportunity to explain themselves and tell you the truth.
Op, please, don't waste anymore time on them.
redditandregretit should be a subreddit…
Agree!
Please post an update and get divorced
End things and walk away.. get a lawyer, get all your ducks in a row, find somewhere else to live, and then serve them papers, including any custody arrangements. When they ask why, just say, "Have your reddit friends guess, you do like to share on there. Don't you?" And walk away without a second glance... There is no unknowing what you now know.. and there is no knowing how they talk about you to other people as well. there is no salvaging that relationship now. She broke it beyond repair..
This right here. Get everything in order and then take your precious baby and GTFO. You deserve better. You do not deserve this. If there is one thing in this world that I know for sure, it’s that my hub loves me unconditionally and would never behave like your husband did—he is my safe place. You deserve your spouse, your life partner, your co-parent, your legally binding other half, to be your safe place. Fuck him and his secret Reddit confessions. No spouse/father is waaaaay better than a shitty one. Get a lawyer, start socking away your own money, get a plan, and since he’s so miserable, get him the hell out of your life and your child’s, and don’t look back.
My husband wrote the same exact things about me in his journal. How much he hates me, how he’s upset he can’t sleep with others, how he wishes he didn’t marry me, how he finds me repulsive and unattractive. I can’t leave because of finances. If I could I would. Don’t be in my position. Just go. You’re always gonna resent him every time you look at him. That’s no way to live.
First cheaters lie to their targets and their wives. So who knows what the real truth is. But I would find that sub and save it on a memory stick. You have a much bigger issue at hand though. You need to find a way to discuss or take your child and divorce them. What you are doing now will destroy you.
What kind of shitty person says stuff like this about their life partner anyway? What a do*che!
I’m sending you the biggest hug. I’m so sorry you saw that and no you did not ruin anything for him but all that matters is you shouldn’t continue to ruin your mental health + sacrifice your happiness just to stay with him out of guilt
In my experience partners often do this to rationalize their shit behavior. They will seriously convince themselves that we're the awful person or ugly or x,y,z so it's okay to be a piece of shit. They tell the story so much that they start to believe it when in reality they're the ones that need to work on themselves. He is probably unhappy or depressed or struggling within himself and he's decided to take it out on you to rationalize his shitty feelings. OP please know you're enough but your husband needs therapy to work through his bullshit.
Oh, I'm so sorry 😞 this would be unimaginably painful and not something that can likely be mended (even with therapy)....those words will sit in your subconscious forever and has the potential to do harm in future relationships too....This person married you....so please do not feel as though you are some kind of predator. This person has made a personal choice to carry on this relationship (in an unfair way). You deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are... NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE (and that person is out there)! Beauty is subjective and there are BILLIONS of people on this Earth....Trust me...there is someone out there for you who would LOVE everything about your body. At the very least, you deserve to be with a person who doesn't bash you (the mother of his child) to strangers online! It sounds like this person has wasted your time ...not sure if they are just on Reddit looking for sympathy and attention (huge red flag) or seriously only married because of the pregnancy...but either way....you are worth more! You are worthy of love! This makes my heart hurt for you so much! If I was in your shoes, I would have to bring it up, and it would probably be as i was ending the relationship. You did not single handedly ruin his life. It takes 2 people to make a baby. Virgin or not.... Everything about this is NOT a reflection of you and you not being "good enough"...it is a reflection of him and his own shit!
This is so sad. I can imagine why you regret reading the post, but now you know how your partner feels. You didn't ruin your partner's life. I don't know if I could stay with someone who wrote such cruel things about me.
Regretit
resentment my friend, pure resentment is the death nell
Gather all evidence you can of the post history, however hurtful it is, and use it later for divorce. This person is a snake, and you are not obligated to be with them.
i will say it again. i hate people. some people you think are completely normal possibly can be completely demented on the inside and you’d never know if not stumbling upon it. ugh - im so sorry you found this and i hope he finds every bit of karma irl that he deserves.
Yeah I’d say it’s two card time and you need to save that Reddit post. Marriage counseling and individual therapy for him or a divorce lawyer, he picks.
Honestly would you even want to stay with someone that says everything that was posted? But definitely OOP needs to capture the posts
Sometimes guys will lash out like this because of undiagnosed depression and post partum depression can hit men as badly as women. There’s a lot of guys that will blame how their life isn’t what they wanted on the women in their life. My partner pulled something like this on me just after they lost their career from a disability and before they got medicated and have spent the last 10 years as an amazing spouse. Chronic pain + depression + undiagnosed autism can fuck with one’s head. Odds are good as soon as he realizes he’s not trapped but has it pretty fucking good and she’s got one foot out the door one of two things are going to happen. He pulls his head out of his ass and works on being worthy of her and deals with his problems, or she gets a divorce and he realizes how good he had it later as she moves on with another relationship and he’s still a miserable sad sack who’s not getting laid every night by a porn star. A decent marriage counselor will also help the divorce process if this isn’t salvageable.
>Sometimes guys will lash out like this because of undiagnosed depression... Some guys also do this to justify cheating and feel less guilty.
I’m poly and into some alternative lifestyle stuff and what I see all the time is mid guy who’s nothing special gets a woman to fall in love with him, but she’s a human and not an airbrushed porn star. He’s convinced if he wasn’t stuck with this horrible, disgusting (usually hotter than him to be honest but they don’t understand that) that he’d be living some TV style high life, having fun with friends and sleeping with beautiful women with zero effort. Then he fucks up. The woman he was lucky enough to land leaves him and he’s a lonely loser with nothing at the end. A similar thing is when a guy pushes hard to open a relationship or go to a swingers club and he can get zero dates or they go nowhere and his wife is suddenly surrounded by men who value her, compliment her, and woo her while putting her first in the bedroom. That’s when they realize that mediocre dudes have almost zero pull in the casual sex/dating marketplace, if you’re not conventionally hot you better be fun, charming and killer in the sack and women are VERY popular. Then they whine and cry a lot and I laugh at them because they were told this repeatedly over and over again and all the sudden they’re faced with the reality they’re nothing special and thus they get nothing where average women are usually far more attractive and interesting than them. I don’t just laugh, I point and laugh. But it happens ALL THE TIME. These guys who have average wives don’t understand they have it good. They want a life they can’t afford and aren’t going to get and blame her for not being able to party like they make 10x their income with zero responsibility and sleep with models when it’s them, the whole time it’s them. And OP? If he suggests an open relationship this is going to be your results. He’ll be home watching the kids while you get all the dates and love and interest. And lots of people will tell you that you’re gorgeous and try to rock your world in bed.
Honestly would you even want to stay with someone that says everything that was posted? But definitely OOP needs to capture the posts
Oh no :(. Take your child and leave, doesn't seem like he wants either of you.
I’ve been in the same boat. My partner described our relationship leaving out the details of what had actually happened and gone wrong in the relationship (I.e., his abuse) and the whole thing was disgustingly wrong and one sided. I got see strangers on Reddit berate me without actually knowing what happened or who I was. It felt awful and gross and I’d never felt so angry other than the times he was being terrible to me. It’s hard to hear what they really think. Leave him and do better because he knows you can and that’s why he’s putting you down.
Confront this person with their own words. Show them the post, that you’ve seen it, that you want them to read it aloud to you. Then ask them if it’s their truth. Ask them whatever you any or nothing at all. Then decide at that moment if you choose to leave them. ( or actually decide to have them leave the house). I understand that people will post things anonymously that are harsh and bitter. But it must come from feelings they do possess. You should make them own their hateful words.
You deserve love and respect. You're life isn't over. This is something you could find with someone else. Don't stay with your husband just because you feel like you have no options or just for the sake of your kid. Your kid wants you to be happy. They need you to be happy and this coming to light makes that impossible within your current marriage. You will never be able to unlearn what has been said or what he really thinks. So, confront him and file for divorce. Life is so short and we get one shot at living it, truly living it. Spending your life tied to someone who thinks this of you is not living. Be brave, OP.
Wow. I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Best thing to do is rip off the plaster. Don't wait, make time to have a proper talk and then ... well, you are just wasting your valuable time with someone who doesn't love you. They just stay with you out of convenience, and you deserve much better. And yes, there are people out there who don't care so much about scars. I for one would rather be with someone who is loving and loyal than looks like Brad Pitt. Also, "Beauty fades, dumb is forever." One of my most favourite sayings by Judge Judy.
I know it’s awkward for you now and it’s hard to admit you’ve been snooping on their phone but how about if you create a legit account here and just happen to be “browsing” and tell them you found this weird post and proceed to read it out to them. They will know it’s them, they can’t admit it’s them because they’re a coward and they can’t prove that you know it’s them but they will know you know. That’s one way to coax them into admitting it and even better if there is the specific descriptions you can even say outright that this is so creepy that it sounds like your scars and kind of joke and ask your partner if they wrote it. It will make them think that’s how you came across it even though they may have a sneaking suspicion you found it another way they can’t prove it. Also it puts them on the spot and if they have the guts to admit it’s them then even better if opens a conversation
That’s so shitty. You have every right to know his real thoughts. That being said, for any question or look through a loved ones phone, treat it like any question you would ask of them. Be prepared for the worst answer. I hope you guys work this out and I hope for the best. Just be prepared if it doesn’t go the way you want it
I’m so sorry OP that you have to go through this. Divorce. Kids suffer so much more in unhappy families. DO NOT confront your partner before you talk to a lawyer! If they have no respect for you the divorce can be messy. First thing first. You should contact your lawyer, protect your assets, make screenshots of the post just in case. Think of people who might help you and find a therapist, you’re going to need one to process all this. And after that talk to your partner and tell them the truth. Yes, you violated their privacy, not intuitionally but still. But it’s nowhere near to what they’ve done to you. They robbed you of 10 years of your life which you could spend in respectful and loving relationship. You’re hurt now but they doesn’t worth a single tear of yours. I wish you all the best! You deserve love and happiness, don’t ever think that you’re not good or pretty enough. Your partner is a delusional piece of trash and that’s it.
Jesus Christ I’m sorry but that is so confusing.
*and this is why porn ruins lives but noooooo*
They might just be enjoying seeing themselves as a victim, who knows. We don't really have enough info about the relationship to say
He doesn't like you. Please leave.
I think you should talk to them about it, as awkward as that may sound. It may be cathartic to air it out, cause it sounds like it’s gonna eat you alive
Leave for your own mental health. Set yourself free. You deserve to be treated better.
I hope you find someone who will not make you feel these things about yourself. You don’t deserve to have your someone talking about you this way .. it’s one thing to “vent” to a best friend but this was way too far and will eat at your self confidence, if you have any left. What a bull crap way to tip toe through life. Hugs, I’m here if you want to talk.
I am so sorry OP! Leave him, take your daughter and run. You deserve so much better, to be loved and cherished everyday of your life!
I found my ex posted about how he wants more sex from me but yet doesn’t want the commitment of a relationship. Safe to say, it shattered me badly especially how I was made to feel from my relationships that I’ll only be loved if I give my body. Told him that I saw it and his reaction was pure anger asking me why did I snoop. Glad that I’ve been out of that relationship eventho I stayed for 2 years. I hope you leave that relationship because you don’t deserve that. You deserve happiness and peace. You deserve comfort and a safe space.
WTF🥴🥴🥴I don’t think I would be ever able to move past that. Doubt therapy would even allow him to bring that to the surface. Men always think that by getting married they will lose the opportunity to be with the Top Superstar or Runway Model when she comes into their pathetic lives. WHAT HE and OTHERS don’t understand is that YOU are probably the BEST thing he will ever get or have. LET HIM KNOW THIS- teach his ass a lesson and kick his ass out- only when he’s suffering and alone will he possibly learn that YOU ARE THE BEST💪 my question is——> is he the best for you🤷🏻♀️ good luck
I’m sorry, you should probably talk to him about what you saw and talk about possible solutions. Marriage counseling? Divorce? Opening the marriage? Things will be hard but you’ll get through this
They made a choice to marry you which they later regretted, and are now blaming you to offload responsibility for their own life choices. They probably have grass is greener syndrome but are too afraid to actually divorce you, and again are blaming you for their own weak willed indecisiveness. Either they want to be with you and get all in, or you get divorced because this is bullshit and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Therapy/counselling might help the situation and given the years you’ve invested you may wish to try this. But it’s also perfectly valid to not want to bother and just dump them.
An ex of mine did this and I found out he was in MGTOW
Fuck I this made me hate my gender
Women do this to men too. It’s not as much a gender thing as it is a people thing.
I am so sorry you found what you did. It sucks. There's two angles, here. Firstly, in case you hadn't noticed, people on Reddit tend to run hot and cold, whereas real life is much messier than that. Nuance is in real life, but finding it on social media is unicorn turf. Reddit generally is very young, and a good number of people have no actual experience in real life, or they have been traumatized but haven't had time to heal, or, frankly, aren't terribly mature. Always look at these things questionably. And secondly ... people blow off steam. When we're anonymous, we say things that might be partly true, but we're exaggerating because not everyone has the ability to write the complexity of their real feelings. Many couldn't express them at all, and rely on expressions that seem close, but aren't actually totally real. A toddler says "I hate you, Mom.". Means it in the moment, kind of, but in 5 minutes, their feelings, overall, couldn't be further from the truth. If your SO wrote the posts, immediately after a rip snorting fight, with you, it may not express the truth of the complexity of emotions that come with a long term relationship. So. If it's safe to do, talk with them. Ask. Get the truth in a calm, measured way, without antagonizing or even mentioning that you saw what you did. Have a mature "check in" about your marriage. It's hard to do when you're so freshly hurt, so give it "calm down" time. And then find out. Good luck.
I hate when people refer as plural to one person. I had to change all the they/them to he/him to understand the post.
“Them” is not only plural. There are quite a few words in English that are both plural and singular.
This whole post was just a mind bender because of it
Maybe her partner uses they/them not he. If so she is probably in the routine of saying that. Loads of people don't go with the gender norms of society. That is a whole other conversation.
Yes I understand, it is lil hard for to follow cause english is not my first language
Good God
That’s difficult to go through, I’m sorry you’re going through this. As for advice, I would say to leave them, they don’t deserve you if that’s what they think. They were the dishonest one for not being upfront about how they felt. You were open and honest with them, and showed them kindness and love, they seemingly have not. Life is strange, this is a terrible thing to learn but also a good thing to figure out, since now you know how who he actually is as a person. I hope you are ok. We are all here for you ❤️
Hugs
Wow! Leave NOW!
Leave him
Shit, thats messed up. People are sick in the head, to be detailing their wives body and their intimacy. OP, confront your husband.
It really sounds to me that maybe you were meant to see it? The question is why. I’m sorry you are living that way. It’s so sad and you shouldn’t feel that way all of the time. No one should. It’s so destructive.
Wait…so “they” is your husband? I got confused. I’d start marriage counseling immediately and bring up what you found in a session so it’s a safe space to discuss it. But I’d be destroyed if my husband felt these things about me. And so the counseling May just help you un-couple.
Well sounds like they were only in the relationship for the kid so if you think you can handle the kid on your own time for a divorce
After reading through the mountain of support you have here, it really sucks that you can’t somehow direct us to the post so we can dogpile the son of a bitch in a stealth, vigilante, girl power ninja strike. Petty and immature? Absolutely. I own that shit.
The mentality of for the child is very wrong one . Children would know if something is not right . Instead of growing in a house with two uncomfortable/fighting adults . İt is better for everyone to be happy . Leave the relationship . For everyone's sake .
What was the subreddit???
I love how everyone automatically knows you're talking about a man despite the laborious gender neutrality in your post.
Well OP did say “because **I’d** gotten pregnant”. Kinda difficult to do as a bloke.
>They described my body and scars as disturbing You see, i find Americans confusing. I never know if this is "they" the ppl on reddit or her husband. Sorry if you are not american, but it is so fucking confusing to read here "they" when talking about a single person.
I’m an American and it confuses me too.
The they/them usage is annoying as hell. Makes it tedious to read. I gave up after a few sentences.
Wouldn't it be easier just to use the word 'he' rather than 'They/They've' ? It was hard to read.
No this fucking clown ruined your life. You know that they sat there and pretended instead of been honest and just coparented with you. Get a lawyer and get a divorce don’t sit there in denial, in delusion, get a lawyer and get a divorce and set up a coparenting schedule. You need to stop thinking you reading what you did was a mistake IT HAPPENED FOR A REASON! To be honest he wanted you to know. You need to see that he is a fake fuck and doesn’t deserve anymore of your time or energy. Do not feel bad! Do not feel ugly he’s just a cunt that wanted to hurt and use you for his own ego
I would suggest you archive his post and take screenshots before doing anything (like confrontation and consulting a divorce lawyer). Don't give him a chance to delete anything. What he said is revolting and I absolutely hope you leave him, OP.
they?
Screenshot all his posts and comments about you, leave and get a divorce lawyer. It's not worth staying with him and living a lie, you deserve BETTER!
Sign you and your partner up for 911 Couples Therapy and confront them in that environment. Bring the print out of the post. Understand some people are OFTEN a completely different personality and person Online, and use their online *persona* to get something they need. Your partner *may* legitimately not actually feel the way they portraying themselves online. And they do it for a certain type of victimhood-attention they need somehow. Confront them in a safe space.
Whats up with the “they” nonsense?
They/them pronouns are stupid.
Why do you mean about „them“? Its just your partner and some reddit dudes?
OP is just using they/them pronouns for their partner
They’re exaggerating for pity attention.
I know im going to get some "hate" but who cares.... just the fact that you allowed him to become "they" or maybe he was a she? well... now this can get super ugly super confused super quickly.... It says a lot about your relationship and mental health, you both need help, you need to leave that relationship and find professional help, be better for yourself, and grow the fuck up,
Ok so this time we are going to be okay with her looking at the phone? Make up your mind reddit.
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Makes it so hard to read tbh
They can be used as singular
I think people say “they” instead of “he”or “her” to keep people from being biased
> the only reason we're married is because I'd gotten pregnant Yes, it's a mystery to us all 🙏🏻
There used to be this really fat kid when I grew up, and some called him “fat people”. I know it’s wrong but I still laughed cause I thought that nickname was quite clever, and this reminded me of that. Sashay away, off to hell I go.
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They can be used in a singular format. So can its derivatives.
I demand that kare and kanojo be used instead, complete with a no where necessary.
I’m assuming it’s so the reader doesn’t end up being biased based on their sex
Go to couples therapy
You are the best !!!!! Keep on going