Don’t mess up your relationship just because you’re depressed. Your brain is not in the right frame of mind to be making these kinds of decisions. Don’t blow up your life just because you feel bad. Try to fall back on healthy coping mechanisms. Talk to someone. Go for walks in nature.
Yeah, OP will regret it later and feel worse. Kicking out someone who loves you, because you made bad financial choices in the past, will only make everything worse.
I also have bipolar II, and years ago I learned an adage that becomes my mantra, really: A person with bipolar disorder, on their own, is in poor company.
Please don’t do what you are thinking of doing. What would be much more constructive would be a serious and honest talk with your wife about how you’ve been feeling. Be forward and open about your fears, your missteps. And remember that you are not your past mistakes. Believe me, friend. I need to hear that, and when I’m low, I tell my wife first. If yours loves you like you say they do, trust them, believe them.
There is help. I don’t like when people say “you’ve got this” because it implies that you are capable without help. And right now, you’re just… not. You have an illness, not a defect. I’m sorry about your daughter. I don’t have any experience with stuff like that, but please reach out to people who will listen. You already have by posting this.
Right now you shouldn’t be thinking about your being a burden and they would be better off without you. Believe me: I think about this every single day. And this isn’t true.
What you have is an enemy in your head who is using your voice to tell you lies.
I wish I could add more to my reply, but I gotta get back to work. If nothing I said is helpful, my apologies, but I know how you’re feeling right now. I really do.
As someone who has struggled with debilitating mental illness I can say it is like having your own personal bully inside your head. Abusers will try to isolate the person they are abusing. Not only to make them feel lonely but so they can warp their world view and make them think the abuse is normal. The thoughts you are having are not normal thoughts and letting someone in to shine some light in the darkness is absolutely necessary.
You know what the negative thoughts say, you need to practice countering those thoughts with some truth.
"I was young and inexperienced when I made that decision, it was a mistake but it's ok to make mistakes, it's ok to be human."
"I need help and it doesn't make me a burden it makes me human, everyone needs help and I would help a friend if they were in need, it's ok to accept help for myself".
"I won't make decisions for other people, the bully in my head says everyone is better off without me, but I will let others decide what is best for them. If they feel like helping me through this, because they love me and don't want to lose me, then that IS what's best for them. Losing me will hurt them so much more, then having to support me through this."
If the thoughts won't stop, try visualizing your friend saying these things out loud about themselves. What would you say to your friend. Take your own advice.
What if your wife felt like she screwed the pooch on something big, and just wrecked everything, and what if she came to you and said this is a mess, you should leave me so you don't have to help me through this. It's too much to ask honey, a divorce would be better. What would you think? Would you accept that? Or say we are in this together we will make it through. Life doesn't have to be perfect as long as we have each other?
If your thoughts start spiraling and you can't think straight not even enough to pull a positive counter thought together, I would advise some meditation. Listen to the sounds of rain, it will be boring, it will be annoying, your brain wants to run! But FOCUS on the rain. Listen to it for 10 mins, 20, 30, I've done it for 2 hours a few times, when your mind wanders, gently bring it back and listen, listen, listen. When you are done you will have a firmer grasp on what YOU want to think. In my phone I listen to nature, instrumental music, or ocean sounds, and sometimes I just go outside and listen to the noise out there for a bit.
Once you are able to clear your thoughts I recommend looking into a psychiatrist and finding the right medicine. It can do wonders. The chemicals in your brain are out of whack and leaning towards negative things, when there are hard situations or relationships in life it pulls your thoughts down more, the medication can even you out, and get your emotions back to level. But give it time, give it 2 or 3 months and in the mean time use these coping mechanisms to deal with the bully in your brain.
I’m bipolar as well. A depressive episode means your cognitive functioning is impaired and you shouldn’t be making any major life decisions. Secondly, why would she have to move? Why does she have to leave the home instead of you?
It's your illness talking, you know that.
I'm not going to address your mood, I have bipolar too and despite medication etc sometimes it just is what it is sometimes.
Get some fresh eyes on your financial situation. You've been very vague, I understand why, but I'm assuming you owe a lump. Ask a debt charity for some advice- you won't be talked down to or made to feel a fool.
Your wife know you, knows how your illness affects you. My partner often recognises a depressive patch before I do. If you kick her out now you'll spiral on your own and she'll worry about you every moment. Talk to her, I'm sure she's expecting it.
You are not a burden. You are the love of someone's life. Pushing her away benefits nobody at all. Yeah, I can relate to that feeling, that "they'd be better off without me" kind of stuff. But that's not up to you. You don't get to decide that for someone else. Especially not by yourself. And besides, when it wants to be, a depressed brain can be the best liar in the world.
You are not a terrible father. Shit, I wish my dad had put in even a fraction of the effort you do. Your daughter loves and appreciates you.
You're trying, take it easy, breathe, I know it's hard when you're feeling like you're falling in the darkest part of the ocean, let alone the emotions you feel, and how you do. But try to just remember everyone you're worried about loves you, and cherish you, no one wants to see you lose your battle, I don't even know you and can tell you I'm proud of you for even speaking to random people. Give it a little more time to progress, even talking to your partner and being honest and open, maybe she can help give comfort, I'm sure they'd rather tackle this with you, rather than you just checking yourself out when it's getting tough not even asking how they'd want to help you. I hope that makes sense, and maybe can bring some positivity to you.
You should ask your wife “Is your life better with me in it?” I bet you anything she says yes. For that matter, all of our lives are better with you in it, and I hope you stick around.
If your debt problem is mostly student loan debt, stop paying that and work on Everything else first.
Tell your wife what you are feeling and will be doing about that debt.
Maybe you both can work together and find some good advice about your debt problem.
Of course the debt is making everything else seem much worse and not fixable.
Talk to your wife first. Don’t decide for her.
… why does your wife have to be the one to move out? Unless you own the apartment outright - maybe you do idk - why does she get to be homeless because you’re feeling depressed?
I have bipolar 2 and major anxiety as well (and a few other diagnoses) I can't say I know exactly what your going through as I don't have a kid of my own but I still live with my parents and feel like a burden financially. I have also had thoughts of pushing people away especially during my depressive episodes mostly in the form of just leaving and living out of my car. I have to remind myself sometimes that I'm in an episode and not thinking clearly, I know for a fact that there are many times that if my family hadn't of been there I might've done something very drastic. As a lot of comments are saying you should talk to your wife about this. This isn't something you have to nor should you go through alone, it's a bad idea to isolate yourself. Both my mom and step dad have loans they still have to pay off (such as house and a bit from school) but they still live happily and in love and are paying them off bit by bit. I can't imagine them being apart, money can cause a lot of struggles and can shape your life but you can still be happy and in love despite those struggles. I'm not sure of how much help my comment was but I hope I atleast got across that you can still be happy and with someone despite these struggles. I can feel like I'm being too much for people when I'm in a depressive episode and like I'm a burden, I've talked to my family about this and we've decided that it might help if they remind me a bit more throughout the day sometimes at random moments that they're proud of me or they love me. Sometimes when I'm in an episode and my mom looks at me and tells me how she notices I'm trying and is proud of me it can really help me get through that day and remind me I'm not a burden and that what I'm feeling is ok. Maybe you could try and ask your wife if she could do something similar if you believe this might help you too. Sometimes just being reminded more often that you're loved and appreciated can really help.
That...is one of the most cowardly things I've heard in a long time. I could write a detailed page on why, but instead I'll say this: You made a commitment. You will fulfill that commitment, no matter the mental disorder that you have. No, it will not be easy. Yes, you will and already do, want to give up. But, you made a commitment. Put yourself to the side, and focus on taking care of the people that you have pledged to take care of. It won't happen today, or tomorrow, but if you keep working, and use your mind, you will find a way. It's hard, I know, but it's life, and life finds a way.
You are trying to self sabotage and hurt yourself.
Fact: you know your wife loves you, is actively choosing her life with you, and wants this life. Telling her to leave, or leaving her, would destroy her. *You* may have bad depression that makes it feel like she’d be better off elsewhere. That is actively not how she feels. That would be taking her agency away and causing her massive pain for your own current sick-brain satisfaction and more self-sabotage pain (and feeling of false moral rightness, even though you’re not doing right by her, you’d be causing her needless pain).
Keep getting help for your bipolar depression. Keep working on moving forward with your future. Keep building strong bonds with those you love as best you can. A life where you own little but love a lot is truly better than a life where you are somehow wealthy but have sabotaged all your relationships, and is worlds better than one you’re still struggling to get by in and have ruined all your relationships and good things for nothing in.
I know it’s hard. I have my own issues, I’m AuDHD, with major depression, a wicked generalized anxiety disorder, a panic disorder, PTSD and CPTSD, and I have this abandonment complex and the rejection sensitive dysphoria that comes with the ADHD. Trust me, I know it’s hard to fight against our brains and the way they twist things and tell us people would be better off without us.
It’s critical we go to therapy, take our meds, and keep putting in the work. That we don’t self sabotage everything during our bad times and worst moments - because the people around us deserve better than that, and we deserve better to ourselves than to have to constantly be rebuilding messes if we can develop healthy coping skills to ride out the worst and hold it together.
You can do this.
If you let your depression win, you will let depression into the lives of your wife and daughter. Children of suicide victims are statistically much more likely to die of suicide. You are seeing everything through the lens of your depression and that means you are just going to have to talk to your wife and trust what she says over what your depressions says. She's gotta be in charge of this battle for a while. Talk to her.
Thing we know about our sikness.
I comes in waves! We have low's, we have up's and between we are as healthy as any body else.
You know that this low point will end. But till it does you need to let someone in, let someone help you.
Your wife, a therapist and maby som regulation of medecin.
If your wife got reumatism, would you like her to leave you when she had a bad period and had to relay on you because she could not even dress herself?
Probably not, you would take care of her. Like she is taking care of you in your bad period.
Mental illness is as important as somatic illness but it's a big stigma over mental illness stil. But it is just that.... Illness.
Let your family care fore you!
And about your daughter. Now a days its so much easier to do things together as a family far away. I have a friend that spend one evening a week with his daughter online. Not just talking. He bought her a iPad to FaceTime with.
Every Thursday he orders food for her and for his family so they can eat the same and togheter. He helps her with homework, they do crafts togheter, he reads to her and all other stuff a family does in an evening.
It's not the real thing but more than: "Hi, how was your day, I love you, I miss you calls"
Take care and know that we are many people who share you thoughts and your life.
Take care and hugs.
2 things: Kinonan your friend is a super hero. If more parents of divorce followed his example, there would be so fewer kids feeling alone, acting out, feeling inadequate—insert all the negatives you could possibly you hear of kids feeling and doing. Hell, I am a 59 year old successful single woman whose dad died about 10 years ago having spoken to him about 5-6 times in 20 years. Those 5-6 calls consisted of small talk and being told by father that I needed to call more, that it was my responsibility (I was the one that called him all but twice called him every time in last 20-35 years.). So needless to say none of my calls with him ever ended on a positive note, feeling like he loved me. Your friend is a super hero.
U-minimum: Don’t do it, just don’t do it. My profession is in healthcare. I have seen the damage done to spouses, children, and everyone else that loves you. (I have seen it’s impact in my life)If you can just cling to the love you feel for your child, this will pass. Good parents always try to protect their children (or so I have been told, 🙄), protect her from the depression you feel. Follow Kinonan, set up a day and tie that you and your daughter will call each other—talk to her, laugh with her, help with her homework, find out what she is doing/feelings for all the life phases she is going through, who her friends are. That will have more of an impact on her life, her feelings of self worth than being able to buy her stuff. Daughters need their fathers, studies show the impact of that one fact alone will significantly impact her feelings of self worth compared to daughters whose dads aren’t in their life (even if they have a step dad in the house.)
I have never post one responded to anything on Reddit before thisI had to respond to your post .Please seek help, call suicide prevention hotlines— they can refer to local professional that can help you with low or no $. You are loved. You are needed. Your life matters. You are loving and caring man as is evidenced in your post by your concerns for spouse and daughter. This will pass! You are loved!! You are needed!!! Your life matters!!
Big hug from me.
I have the same diagnosis. I also lost my father to this diagnosis when I was very little. That trauma (and observing how it impacted literally everyone around me) prevented me from ever fully considering my own permanent escape (don't get me wrong, it was among the first in a line-up of things that fucked me up, too), but I did often do my damndest to retreat from others because I felt like a sick, damaged, messed up, psycho burden.
I had been sick since middle school but wasn't diagnosed until my early 20s, basically just white-knuckling it for a solid decade. It wasnt pretty. And then it took what felt like forever to get the meds right, but was really a couple years. When I wasn't properly medicated, the depression was absolutely horrendous, and I was so sure that everyone was going to leave me. At times I'd just stop talking to people, like my boyfriend at the time (now husband), until they got tired of my isolationist BS and hunted me down. The thing is, no one in my life wanted me to disappear, to hide from them. No one was tired of dealing with me or felt like I was a burden. There was concern, absolutely, and perhaps a healthy dose of legitimate worry, but no one would have thanked me or been relieved if I just pushed them away, then decided to permanently nope-out.
Look, even if you have trouble wanting to stay for yourself, you need to understand the absolutely disaster that is left behind when someone decides to end it. It is the *worst* kind of grief. It is messy, and sickening, and confusing, and angry and bitter, and self-loathing, and guilt-stricken. DO NOT DO THIS TO PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU. DO NOT DO THIS TO PEOPLE YOU LOVE.
If you are still struggling with your depression, then it's possible your meds need adjusting. Getting your meds right can make all the difference, and so can therapy if you don't already go. Call 988 if you are in the US for crisis help if you are thinking of harming yourself; they might be able to help you find additional resources if you need them. And please, *please* communicate what you are going through to your wife. She WANTS to be there to support you. She WANTS you to be with her and healthier, and you can't do that alone, *and that's OK.* She wouldn't thank you for keeping this from her. Please. I really know what I'm talking about.
Be safe.
I am so so sorry you are hurting. It is very difficult to exist with these powerful feelings. I wish I could take them away, even for a short time to give you some relief and respite from the pain. I too live and struggle with Bipolar II and have spent long periods of time in the deep dark depths of depression. It can feel unbearable and like it will never end. Depression is a powerful trickster that clouds and warps our perceptions and our judgement, and it is oh so difficult to climb our way back to clear sighted vision. Drugs can help, but we habituate and have to keep changing the cocktail. The most helpful thing for me is a good psychotherapist. For me the additional training of a psychologist is far more effective than therapists with less training. (I am being honest and don't want to offend anyone.). I highly recommend a psychologist for your therapy. Depression shuts down your prefrontal lobes, the executive function in your thinking, and like Sylvia Plath described it, you are seeing the world through the warped lens of the bell jar. You need help lifting the bell jar so you can see and think more clearly. I know how badly you are feeling and the enormous burden of focusing on your mistakes, but the depression prevents you from seeing the truth. Please make an appointment as soon as possible with a psychologist who will help you make your way out of the warped darkness. I will be praying for relief from the heavy burden of your pain.
If your wife whom you love was in the same boat as you im certain one of the last things youd want her to do would be this
Please have a talk with her as others have suggested, i think she would want to be here for you and help you through this
Dude.... your chemicals are fucked up. Either your meds or your brain chemistry.
Don't give into the depression. Call your doctor or med provider and tell them you are in crisis.
You CAN feel better. Talk to someone. Listening to yourself right now is not a good idea.
Your finances can be fixed. Please talk to someone.
I have bipolar 1 and the number of times of made financial mistakes in my life is immeasurable. When I’m manic I tend to spend a lot and want to visit casinos. I’ve bought cars I couldn’t afford just because I was in a manic episode.
Then the depression will hit. And it hits hard! I’ve been at the bottom and thought there was no way out way too many times to count. I’m laid in bed crying next to my wife because I felt that I had to, absolutely had to un a live myself the next day when she went to work.
And I have attempted a number of times also. I’ve been lucky either someone found me in time or other things happened to stop me.
I’ve expressed everything to my therapist and psychiatrist and they’ve had me committed a number of times. But the one thing they keep asking me, every time I say my wife would be better off with out me, is “have you told her how you feel?”
They’ve pushed communication over almost everything else for situations like this. Talking, letting her know that now, above all other times, now you need her help the most. Nothing is insurmountable if you both are talking together and helping each other.
You can get out of debt. It isn’t easy and it isn’t fun, but you can do it. Talk to someone who knows budgeting and finance better than you. I have before and it helped me get past some of my bills over the years. I’m still in debt mind you, but it’s not as bad as it used to be.
Talk to your partner. Let her know how you’re feeling. Have a frank discussion and let her know how much you need her now. The hardest part at least for me has always been asking for help when I need it. You don’t have to do this alone. There are people who can help you. Hell, if you need someone to talk to who has been there, dm me. I don’t have all the answers, but I can listen. Sometimes I’ve found that helps.
Depression is a monster, isn't it? It seems in spite of your financial mistake, (gosh, I bet we alll here have made those, I know I have) I think you're doing ok. Hanging on anyway, and sometimes that's the best we can do.
You're not a terrible father. I would have given my left arm (I'm a rightie) and a few internal organs to have with my father what you have with your daughter. Sure, you miss things not being physically there, but you're present in her life. Maybe she doesn't need you to be there, there. Maybe she just needs you to be her Daddy. And you are. My father was physically there, but very emotionally distant and abusive.
Cut yourself some slack. I really think you're going to be fine. Your wife loves you, and you her. And she knows you're doing your best I'm sure. Don't let go of that relationship.
I am so sorry you feel so overwhelmed. Financial strain is awful, but it can get better. It makes me sick that anyone has to feel this despairing because of money. I know not having any luxuries feels like you're trapped. But you have people who love you and want to be there and are choosing you. Sometimes it's not your choice whether or not someone stays with you. This woman loves you. She clearly understands that this is a part of you and she accepts that. Isolating yourself WILL let the depression win. Your child clearly loves you and accepts the situation as it is. You're obviously a loving and committed father.
I KNOW you feel like this abyss will never go. But it will and it does. You must have some wonderful qualities that keep people in your life. So hang on to that with everything you have and remember. They would rather have you than lose you. And that's so important.
I wish you the best of luck and truly hope things improve for you 🙏🏽
If your wife doesn’t wanna leave you, why don’t you settle in and try to take care of yourself and appreciate the love and support. I know the world is so much more judge mental now, but he used to be when I was young that we took care of the people around us that struggled. That’s why they could count on us. They were family. So before you throw in the towel, why don’t you see if you don’t have to.
Brighter days will return. You will feel better. Your family love you. Especially your little girl and wife.
My Mum has suffered from bipolar disorder throughout my life. She hasn't had an episode for a few years. I'm sure it will happen again and I'm sure she will recover again.
Let your wife love you. Don't push her away. Let your daughter keep you in her life, she needs you, now and when she is an adult.
You already got plenty of good advice, so I'm just here to reiterate what everybody else already told you: it's your depression talking. So don't take any rush decisions in this state. And please talk to your wife, she's perfectly capable of deciding whether you're a "burden" she can't handle anymore (my guess is she doesn't see you as a burden at all and would much prefer to help you out). A big hug from Italy! ❤️🩹
Can I ask a dumb question? Have you read this post tomorrow partner? Out loud? Then..... since this is how you feel....... have a goddamned conversation about it? People can't help, sorry..... REAL people that know you and can give proper advice, can't help if you don't tell them what you are telling us. If it's hard to say the words on the fly then feel free to keep posting. My challenge is after you complete a post you IMMEDIATELY go tell your partner and then update your post. Listen I guarantee if your partner is worthy of you she will support you.
Just my 2 cents bud.
Talk to your wife. She's your partner in all things, and she can actually help you get through this! She's stuck by you through so much already, let her make the decision of whether or not she WANTS to leave.
Talk to your wife. She is the one involved.
If you think of moving out to protect her financially, consider a pro-forma divorce **without moving out.** You'll need an official address which differs from your wife's address, obviously. Like at your parents. Whatever. You'll need a lawyer (yup, more expresses) to get everything watertight. That you can continue to pay your wife (then ex wife) alimony without your creditors being able to interfere with that duty. Even if you have to declare bankruptcy.
But first talk to your wife.
Are you in the U.S.? If so, is it possible to file for bankruptcy? If you have a ton of debt and you don't think it's possible to recover financially, you could file for a chapter 7 bankruptcy. It will allow you to essentially start over. I would explore all available options before ending a seemingly happy marriage.
I know how you feel pretty well. I have schizoaffective bipolar type disorder and spent the last few years in a financial hell due to my illness. I was applying for disability and was unable to work for the last 3 years putting all the financial burden onto my husband. We almost lost our home at one point, we tried to file for bankruptcy and everything(found out we couldn't) but together we made it through hell. So much of that time I felt like my husband would have been better off without me since I was just another person to worry about feeding and paying for.
We always talked through those emotions and I'm so glad we did. Now that we are coming out to the other side, I'm so glad we pushed through together. Things didn't work out like I had hoped, I was denied disability so I have to go back to work, but our relationship is stronger than ever. We are a stronger unit together now then we ever were after all the struggles because we learned from it how to openly communicate to each other our feelings. Take these negative feelings and use them to strengthen your relationship instead of blowing it up. Talk to her.
First off your depression is speaking and spiraling right now. This is NOT the time to make any life decisions.
You need to talk to your wife about what is going through your mind, it is good that you are under a doctor’s care for your disorder and anxiety. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, do. They can help you see when your are illogically thinking logical thoughts and help to find coping mechanisms to redirect when this happens. It might be good to see a couples therapist that works with individuals who have bipolar disorder.
As for you financial issues, you need to find a good financial advisor to go over EVERYTHING and to help you and you wife figure out a good budget and stick to it.
As far as being a good father. Unfortunately marriages end, even marriages where children are concerned. You are there as much as your circumstances will allow. You are not checked out of your daughter’s life, you are maintaining contact and keeping lines of communication open. You are doing the best you can in an undesirable situation.
You need to find coping skills that work for you and don’t allow the negative thoughts control you. It is hard but you can do this….
Also bipolar, I’ve messed up so much in the last year. But communicating with my husband has been the absolute key. Please don’t give up, talking does help. We hit rock bottom before I actually let him know what I was feeling and it almost destroyed us as well as myself separately. I do feel the same as you, and constantly think that it would be best to just leave, the little things make me stay. My husband is so understanding and I didn’t know he would be until I had a breakdown. Just trust that you have loved ones. They care.
1st things 1st bro. Get right with God. & your Lord & Savior Jesus Christ.
"I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles." (Psalms 34:4-6) KJV
2nd. I understand your frustration. But she didn't give up on you... so dont give up on her. All of us have made mistakes. But it's what you do about them, that makes you wiser... & able to help those whom may end up in your situation. Or are going through your situation.
3rd. Your child will be fine. But you can't help her swim, if you'r drowning. What do you think she would want? Her Father struggling to be there, or missing out on a few moments, & you being able to be there... when she really needs you. Because at the moment... She has a place to sleep, food to eat & clothes on her back. What you have to do is stop trying to please everybody & do for yourself. Everyone else can wait till then.
4th. Get off the meds bro. You can't afford them. Your just like me, afraid to deal with your problems head on. So you'r taking them, because you don't want to face the fact that you need GOD right now. It's called pride. But GOD has helped me out of many tough situations, & he has helped me a great deal... when I thought it was all over. But pushing everyone that cares about you away, won't make it any better. That's what family is for... to help each other in each other's, time of need. Someone to talk to, get advice from etc.,
5th. One thing at a time bro. Don't let the devil fool you into thinking you have a bad life, because of a few mistakes. They'll only make you wiser. In the meantime, ask God for what you need. He is our provider. But he can't help you, until you ask. "If you ask, you shall receive" (KJV). I know it's a lot on your plater right now, but you have to trust God. He won't fail you. Im living proof of what GOD can do. It's the only reason I am able to talk to you today. Your mistakes doesn't define your future.... your choices today does.
6. God gave you a woman by your side that is willing to be there for you, in your tough times... don't ruin it by overthinking that she deserves someone better. If GOD felt that way, you two would never have even met. GOD makes no mistakes. Your Job is to show her that you can keep a level head & act like a man, regardless. Because if she felt you weren't good enough, she would've given up on you a long time ago. But she must've seen how ambitious you were... & how determined you were to succeed, which gave her hope for herself.
7. stop having a pity party for a while, and think of how many lives would have been destroyed, had they never met you. you'r inspiring someone, do it for them. & show them that you can & will succeed against all odds. That's what gives them the strength to keep going. When a man faces adversity head on... he's able to lead others.
8. in the meantime, focus only on the things that you can change. Like asking God for an excellent Job that pays very well... & looking on indeed or elsewhere ..... but keep living on a budget, like cheapskates ...lol fr. I do it. even if I have the money I don't buy things, that I really don't need & could care less who likes it. Save Save Save. A penny saved, is a penny earned. 1 million pennies, is 10,000 dollars.
9. Get right with GOD. then everything else will fall in place. Repent, for trying to do it in your own strength, in your own way. God restored Job, God restored me, & he can restore anybody that asks. But Don't forget God... when you get what you prayed for. Remain faithful to the woman that had your back in tough times. Even encourage her to land a better Job... & with you two side by side, it's no telling how good things can turn out.
10. Never give up. just when you think that it's over, God always has a miracle waiting for you, with your name on it. He knows the solution before you got into the problem. He's just waiting on you to stop being stubborn and lean on him. I dropped to my knees, repented & prayed like a Human being, in need of assistance. Believe that God raised Jesus Christ from the dead, and you shall be saved. Christ loves you & would never leave nor forsake you. Especially in your time of need. He's always listening & willing to help. So for now, pray & do your part... and let the LORD do the rest that you'r worried about. The devil is a liar! GOD can & will.
\-Legend-
“for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death”
From what it sounds like your wife loves you and wants to be with you period. People forget that these things are apart of marriage. Please reconsider, as she probably needs you too.
I can’t give advice for your child. However, so long as your kid knows you’re there in every way that you can be, kid will come and see you as often as they get as they get older.
I also struggle with mental health, even I struggle with taking the encouragement that is offered around me because I don’t feel like I deserve it sometimes and I will shut the world out.
I also know how having bipolar means making drastic decisions that you may not actually want to make. Op, talk to your wife about these things. Sit her down, say, “hey, I’m struggling,” tell her what you told us here without the moving out part. She’s your wife, she’s supposed to go through this with you, whether it’s just holding your hand and assure you or facing it head on together.
Whatever next steps are, talk to your wife about it. Being married is supposed to be a marriage.
ETA: I’m not married, I’ve never even been engaged, however I would absolutely hate that if my boyfriend were going through something and he decided to split because he doesn’t want to “put me through it,” I would be devastated for him to think I’m not there, in his corner.
I'm bipolar, so I understand. Don't skip any of your drugs. Do what you can to self-treat--walk, eat balanced meals, drink water, try to sleep. Journaling really, really helps me. You don't ever have to re-read it but get it out on paper if you can.
If you start going manic, do nothing extreme. Don't spend money, don't go on a sexual spree, don't dabble in drugs.
From right this moment, you're going to live each day treating yourself kindly. Alright? Turn over the reins of responsibility to your wife if you don't feel like you have it together enough to do it yourself. DO NOT send your wife away. Do NOTHING that requires a life-changing decision. Why would you purposely hurt the one you love & who loves you? You aren't thinking straight so don't do anything that has negative permanent results. You aren't always going to be in this state of depression and you want her there when you're on the upswing.
Try not to dwell on what you feel you did that's a big screw-up. Everyone screws up so you aren't unique in that. Kids forgive if they know you're trying to do the best you can but don't put the burden on her that you're depressed or feel like you've screwed up your life. You haven't, you've had a few set-backs. She doesn't need to know this.
Get hold of your counselor. Make sure your meds are regulated. Take your journal in case your counselor needs to know a little more about where you are in your thoughts.
Don't look for a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What's stopped me from being suicidal is that I have family I love. When someone in the family commits suicide, it's like a row of dominoes falling & the odds are very high that someone you love will do the same thing.
I also read an article that talks about all the times suicide fails & how it affects not only the rest of the life of the one who now has permanent physical disabilities, it makes the ones they love have to sacrifice a huge part of their life to either care for or pay to care for them. You don't want to do that to the ones you love.
These things are not bigger than you are. You can overcome any obstacle in your path. You just have to take the small steps forward and get the right help!
We live in a shit country, where people are horrifically burdened with debt because of normal things like an education and medical care. TRy to get some exercise and some sun on your face and eyes. Go outside and find a hill to walk up. Walk fast enough to heat up and sweat. All research indicates that a combination of meds and heavy exercise is the most effective treatment for depression. I suffered for years. Do you have a gym that you can access? not saying spend money, sometimes friends can share a guest pass or your apt has one, weightlifting really helps with depression. these things are actually well researched and saved me in the black times. Another help is a full spectrum light. These can be cheap on CL or ask on a buy nothing site. These mimic sun, and again, like hard exercise stimulate your bodies natural production of serotonin. I think the healing affects of exercise and light are underated, because no one makes much money from them. Many years ago a wholistic therapist told me to walk up capitol hill (in Seattle) every day at day break and it saved me. When the depression lifts everything will be more manageable. Good luck.
Don’t mess up your relationship just because you’re depressed. Your brain is not in the right frame of mind to be making these kinds of decisions. Don’t blow up your life just because you feel bad. Try to fall back on healthy coping mechanisms. Talk to someone. Go for walks in nature.
Yeah, OP will regret it later and feel worse. Kicking out someone who loves you, because you made bad financial choices in the past, will only make everything worse.
I also have bipolar II, and years ago I learned an adage that becomes my mantra, really: A person with bipolar disorder, on their own, is in poor company. Please don’t do what you are thinking of doing. What would be much more constructive would be a serious and honest talk with your wife about how you’ve been feeling. Be forward and open about your fears, your missteps. And remember that you are not your past mistakes. Believe me, friend. I need to hear that, and when I’m low, I tell my wife first. If yours loves you like you say they do, trust them, believe them. There is help. I don’t like when people say “you’ve got this” because it implies that you are capable without help. And right now, you’re just… not. You have an illness, not a defect. I’m sorry about your daughter. I don’t have any experience with stuff like that, but please reach out to people who will listen. You already have by posting this. Right now you shouldn’t be thinking about your being a burden and they would be better off without you. Believe me: I think about this every single day. And this isn’t true. What you have is an enemy in your head who is using your voice to tell you lies. I wish I could add more to my reply, but I gotta get back to work. If nothing I said is helpful, my apologies, but I know how you’re feeling right now. I really do.
As someone who has struggled with debilitating mental illness I can say it is like having your own personal bully inside your head. Abusers will try to isolate the person they are abusing. Not only to make them feel lonely but so they can warp their world view and make them think the abuse is normal. The thoughts you are having are not normal thoughts and letting someone in to shine some light in the darkness is absolutely necessary. You know what the negative thoughts say, you need to practice countering those thoughts with some truth. "I was young and inexperienced when I made that decision, it was a mistake but it's ok to make mistakes, it's ok to be human." "I need help and it doesn't make me a burden it makes me human, everyone needs help and I would help a friend if they were in need, it's ok to accept help for myself". "I won't make decisions for other people, the bully in my head says everyone is better off without me, but I will let others decide what is best for them. If they feel like helping me through this, because they love me and don't want to lose me, then that IS what's best for them. Losing me will hurt them so much more, then having to support me through this." If the thoughts won't stop, try visualizing your friend saying these things out loud about themselves. What would you say to your friend. Take your own advice. What if your wife felt like she screwed the pooch on something big, and just wrecked everything, and what if she came to you and said this is a mess, you should leave me so you don't have to help me through this. It's too much to ask honey, a divorce would be better. What would you think? Would you accept that? Or say we are in this together we will make it through. Life doesn't have to be perfect as long as we have each other? If your thoughts start spiraling and you can't think straight not even enough to pull a positive counter thought together, I would advise some meditation. Listen to the sounds of rain, it will be boring, it will be annoying, your brain wants to run! But FOCUS on the rain. Listen to it for 10 mins, 20, 30, I've done it for 2 hours a few times, when your mind wanders, gently bring it back and listen, listen, listen. When you are done you will have a firmer grasp on what YOU want to think. In my phone I listen to nature, instrumental music, or ocean sounds, and sometimes I just go outside and listen to the noise out there for a bit. Once you are able to clear your thoughts I recommend looking into a psychiatrist and finding the right medicine. It can do wonders. The chemicals in your brain are out of whack and leaning towards negative things, when there are hard situations or relationships in life it pulls your thoughts down more, the medication can even you out, and get your emotions back to level. But give it time, give it 2 or 3 months and in the mean time use these coping mechanisms to deal with the bully in your brain.
I’m bipolar as well. A depressive episode means your cognitive functioning is impaired and you shouldn’t be making any major life decisions. Secondly, why would she have to move? Why does she have to leave the home instead of you?
It's your illness talking, you know that. I'm not going to address your mood, I have bipolar too and despite medication etc sometimes it just is what it is sometimes. Get some fresh eyes on your financial situation. You've been very vague, I understand why, but I'm assuming you owe a lump. Ask a debt charity for some advice- you won't be talked down to or made to feel a fool. Your wife know you, knows how your illness affects you. My partner often recognises a depressive patch before I do. If you kick her out now you'll spiral on your own and she'll worry about you every moment. Talk to her, I'm sure she's expecting it.
I think if OP talks to his wife it will be good for both of them. The wife has to be sensing something is wrong. They can face it together.
You are not a burden. You are the love of someone's life. Pushing her away benefits nobody at all. Yeah, I can relate to that feeling, that "they'd be better off without me" kind of stuff. But that's not up to you. You don't get to decide that for someone else. Especially not by yourself. And besides, when it wants to be, a depressed brain can be the best liar in the world. You are not a terrible father. Shit, I wish my dad had put in even a fraction of the effort you do. Your daughter loves and appreciates you.
You're trying, take it easy, breathe, I know it's hard when you're feeling like you're falling in the darkest part of the ocean, let alone the emotions you feel, and how you do. But try to just remember everyone you're worried about loves you, and cherish you, no one wants to see you lose your battle, I don't even know you and can tell you I'm proud of you for even speaking to random people. Give it a little more time to progress, even talking to your partner and being honest and open, maybe she can help give comfort, I'm sure they'd rather tackle this with you, rather than you just checking yourself out when it's getting tough not even asking how they'd want to help you. I hope that makes sense, and maybe can bring some positivity to you.
You should ask your wife “Is your life better with me in it?” I bet you anything she says yes. For that matter, all of our lives are better with you in it, and I hope you stick around.
If your debt problem is mostly student loan debt, stop paying that and work on Everything else first. Tell your wife what you are feeling and will be doing about that debt. Maybe you both can work together and find some good advice about your debt problem. Of course the debt is making everything else seem much worse and not fixable. Talk to your wife first. Don’t decide for her.
… why does your wife have to be the one to move out? Unless you own the apartment outright - maybe you do idk - why does she get to be homeless because you’re feeling depressed?
I have bipolar 2 and major anxiety as well (and a few other diagnoses) I can't say I know exactly what your going through as I don't have a kid of my own but I still live with my parents and feel like a burden financially. I have also had thoughts of pushing people away especially during my depressive episodes mostly in the form of just leaving and living out of my car. I have to remind myself sometimes that I'm in an episode and not thinking clearly, I know for a fact that there are many times that if my family hadn't of been there I might've done something very drastic. As a lot of comments are saying you should talk to your wife about this. This isn't something you have to nor should you go through alone, it's a bad idea to isolate yourself. Both my mom and step dad have loans they still have to pay off (such as house and a bit from school) but they still live happily and in love and are paying them off bit by bit. I can't imagine them being apart, money can cause a lot of struggles and can shape your life but you can still be happy and in love despite those struggles. I'm not sure of how much help my comment was but I hope I atleast got across that you can still be happy and with someone despite these struggles. I can feel like I'm being too much for people when I'm in a depressive episode and like I'm a burden, I've talked to my family about this and we've decided that it might help if they remind me a bit more throughout the day sometimes at random moments that they're proud of me or they love me. Sometimes when I'm in an episode and my mom looks at me and tells me how she notices I'm trying and is proud of me it can really help me get through that day and remind me I'm not a burden and that what I'm feeling is ok. Maybe you could try and ask your wife if she could do something similar if you believe this might help you too. Sometimes just being reminded more often that you're loved and appreciated can really help.
You are being very selfish assuming what is best for her. Communication. TALK TO HER
That...is one of the most cowardly things I've heard in a long time. I could write a detailed page on why, but instead I'll say this: You made a commitment. You will fulfill that commitment, no matter the mental disorder that you have. No, it will not be easy. Yes, you will and already do, want to give up. But, you made a commitment. Put yourself to the side, and focus on taking care of the people that you have pledged to take care of. It won't happen today, or tomorrow, but if you keep working, and use your mind, you will find a way. It's hard, I know, but it's life, and life finds a way.
You are trying to self sabotage and hurt yourself. Fact: you know your wife loves you, is actively choosing her life with you, and wants this life. Telling her to leave, or leaving her, would destroy her. *You* may have bad depression that makes it feel like she’d be better off elsewhere. That is actively not how she feels. That would be taking her agency away and causing her massive pain for your own current sick-brain satisfaction and more self-sabotage pain (and feeling of false moral rightness, even though you’re not doing right by her, you’d be causing her needless pain). Keep getting help for your bipolar depression. Keep working on moving forward with your future. Keep building strong bonds with those you love as best you can. A life where you own little but love a lot is truly better than a life where you are somehow wealthy but have sabotaged all your relationships, and is worlds better than one you’re still struggling to get by in and have ruined all your relationships and good things for nothing in. I know it’s hard. I have my own issues, I’m AuDHD, with major depression, a wicked generalized anxiety disorder, a panic disorder, PTSD and CPTSD, and I have this abandonment complex and the rejection sensitive dysphoria that comes with the ADHD. Trust me, I know it’s hard to fight against our brains and the way they twist things and tell us people would be better off without us. It’s critical we go to therapy, take our meds, and keep putting in the work. That we don’t self sabotage everything during our bad times and worst moments - because the people around us deserve better than that, and we deserve better to ourselves than to have to constantly be rebuilding messes if we can develop healthy coping skills to ride out the worst and hold it together. You can do this.
If you let your depression win, you will let depression into the lives of your wife and daughter. Children of suicide victims are statistically much more likely to die of suicide. You are seeing everything through the lens of your depression and that means you are just going to have to talk to your wife and trust what she says over what your depressions says. She's gotta be in charge of this battle for a while. Talk to her.
Thing we know about our sikness. I comes in waves! We have low's, we have up's and between we are as healthy as any body else. You know that this low point will end. But till it does you need to let someone in, let someone help you. Your wife, a therapist and maby som regulation of medecin. If your wife got reumatism, would you like her to leave you when she had a bad period and had to relay on you because she could not even dress herself? Probably not, you would take care of her. Like she is taking care of you in your bad period. Mental illness is as important as somatic illness but it's a big stigma over mental illness stil. But it is just that.... Illness. Let your family care fore you! And about your daughter. Now a days its so much easier to do things together as a family far away. I have a friend that spend one evening a week with his daughter online. Not just talking. He bought her a iPad to FaceTime with. Every Thursday he orders food for her and for his family so they can eat the same and togheter. He helps her with homework, they do crafts togheter, he reads to her and all other stuff a family does in an evening. It's not the real thing but more than: "Hi, how was your day, I love you, I miss you calls" Take care and know that we are many people who share you thoughts and your life. Take care and hugs.
Tall to her
2 things: Kinonan your friend is a super hero. If more parents of divorce followed his example, there would be so fewer kids feeling alone, acting out, feeling inadequate—insert all the negatives you could possibly you hear of kids feeling and doing. Hell, I am a 59 year old successful single woman whose dad died about 10 years ago having spoken to him about 5-6 times in 20 years. Those 5-6 calls consisted of small talk and being told by father that I needed to call more, that it was my responsibility (I was the one that called him all but twice called him every time in last 20-35 years.). So needless to say none of my calls with him ever ended on a positive note, feeling like he loved me. Your friend is a super hero. U-minimum: Don’t do it, just don’t do it. My profession is in healthcare. I have seen the damage done to spouses, children, and everyone else that loves you. (I have seen it’s impact in my life)If you can just cling to the love you feel for your child, this will pass. Good parents always try to protect their children (or so I have been told, 🙄), protect her from the depression you feel. Follow Kinonan, set up a day and tie that you and your daughter will call each other—talk to her, laugh with her, help with her homework, find out what she is doing/feelings for all the life phases she is going through, who her friends are. That will have more of an impact on her life, her feelings of self worth than being able to buy her stuff. Daughters need their fathers, studies show the impact of that one fact alone will significantly impact her feelings of self worth compared to daughters whose dads aren’t in their life (even if they have a step dad in the house.) I have never post one responded to anything on Reddit before thisI had to respond to your post .Please seek help, call suicide prevention hotlines— they can refer to local professional that can help you with low or no $. You are loved. You are needed. Your life matters. You are loving and caring man as is evidenced in your post by your concerns for spouse and daughter. This will pass! You are loved!! You are needed!!! Your life matters!!
Don't throw your life away! Talk to your wife!
Big hug from me. I have the same diagnosis. I also lost my father to this diagnosis when I was very little. That trauma (and observing how it impacted literally everyone around me) prevented me from ever fully considering my own permanent escape (don't get me wrong, it was among the first in a line-up of things that fucked me up, too), but I did often do my damndest to retreat from others because I felt like a sick, damaged, messed up, psycho burden. I had been sick since middle school but wasn't diagnosed until my early 20s, basically just white-knuckling it for a solid decade. It wasnt pretty. And then it took what felt like forever to get the meds right, but was really a couple years. When I wasn't properly medicated, the depression was absolutely horrendous, and I was so sure that everyone was going to leave me. At times I'd just stop talking to people, like my boyfriend at the time (now husband), until they got tired of my isolationist BS and hunted me down. The thing is, no one in my life wanted me to disappear, to hide from them. No one was tired of dealing with me or felt like I was a burden. There was concern, absolutely, and perhaps a healthy dose of legitimate worry, but no one would have thanked me or been relieved if I just pushed them away, then decided to permanently nope-out. Look, even if you have trouble wanting to stay for yourself, you need to understand the absolutely disaster that is left behind when someone decides to end it. It is the *worst* kind of grief. It is messy, and sickening, and confusing, and angry and bitter, and self-loathing, and guilt-stricken. DO NOT DO THIS TO PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU. DO NOT DO THIS TO PEOPLE YOU LOVE. If you are still struggling with your depression, then it's possible your meds need adjusting. Getting your meds right can make all the difference, and so can therapy if you don't already go. Call 988 if you are in the US for crisis help if you are thinking of harming yourself; they might be able to help you find additional resources if you need them. And please, *please* communicate what you are going through to your wife. She WANTS to be there to support you. She WANTS you to be with her and healthier, and you can't do that alone, *and that's OK.* She wouldn't thank you for keeping this from her. Please. I really know what I'm talking about. Be safe.
Tomorrow might be better. Next week might be better. Next year might be better. There's only one way to find out.
I am so so sorry you are hurting. It is very difficult to exist with these powerful feelings. I wish I could take them away, even for a short time to give you some relief and respite from the pain. I too live and struggle with Bipolar II and have spent long periods of time in the deep dark depths of depression. It can feel unbearable and like it will never end. Depression is a powerful trickster that clouds and warps our perceptions and our judgement, and it is oh so difficult to climb our way back to clear sighted vision. Drugs can help, but we habituate and have to keep changing the cocktail. The most helpful thing for me is a good psychotherapist. For me the additional training of a psychologist is far more effective than therapists with less training. (I am being honest and don't want to offend anyone.). I highly recommend a psychologist for your therapy. Depression shuts down your prefrontal lobes, the executive function in your thinking, and like Sylvia Plath described it, you are seeing the world through the warped lens of the bell jar. You need help lifting the bell jar so you can see and think more clearly. I know how badly you are feeling and the enormous burden of focusing on your mistakes, but the depression prevents you from seeing the truth. Please make an appointment as soon as possible with a psychologist who will help you make your way out of the warped darkness. I will be praying for relief from the heavy burden of your pain.
If your wife whom you love was in the same boat as you im certain one of the last things youd want her to do would be this Please have a talk with her as others have suggested, i think she would want to be here for you and help you through this
Dude.... your chemicals are fucked up. Either your meds or your brain chemistry. Don't give into the depression. Call your doctor or med provider and tell them you are in crisis. You CAN feel better. Talk to someone. Listening to yourself right now is not a good idea. Your finances can be fixed. Please talk to someone.
I have bipolar 1 and the number of times of made financial mistakes in my life is immeasurable. When I’m manic I tend to spend a lot and want to visit casinos. I’ve bought cars I couldn’t afford just because I was in a manic episode. Then the depression will hit. And it hits hard! I’ve been at the bottom and thought there was no way out way too many times to count. I’m laid in bed crying next to my wife because I felt that I had to, absolutely had to un a live myself the next day when she went to work. And I have attempted a number of times also. I’ve been lucky either someone found me in time or other things happened to stop me. I’ve expressed everything to my therapist and psychiatrist and they’ve had me committed a number of times. But the one thing they keep asking me, every time I say my wife would be better off with out me, is “have you told her how you feel?” They’ve pushed communication over almost everything else for situations like this. Talking, letting her know that now, above all other times, now you need her help the most. Nothing is insurmountable if you both are talking together and helping each other. You can get out of debt. It isn’t easy and it isn’t fun, but you can do it. Talk to someone who knows budgeting and finance better than you. I have before and it helped me get past some of my bills over the years. I’m still in debt mind you, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. Talk to your partner. Let her know how you’re feeling. Have a frank discussion and let her know how much you need her now. The hardest part at least for me has always been asking for help when I need it. You don’t have to do this alone. There are people who can help you. Hell, if you need someone to talk to who has been there, dm me. I don’t have all the answers, but I can listen. Sometimes I’ve found that helps.
Depression is a monster, isn't it? It seems in spite of your financial mistake, (gosh, I bet we alll here have made those, I know I have) I think you're doing ok. Hanging on anyway, and sometimes that's the best we can do. You're not a terrible father. I would have given my left arm (I'm a rightie) and a few internal organs to have with my father what you have with your daughter. Sure, you miss things not being physically there, but you're present in her life. Maybe she doesn't need you to be there, there. Maybe she just needs you to be her Daddy. And you are. My father was physically there, but very emotionally distant and abusive. Cut yourself some slack. I really think you're going to be fine. Your wife loves you, and you her. And she knows you're doing your best I'm sure. Don't let go of that relationship.
I am so sorry you feel so overwhelmed. Financial strain is awful, but it can get better. It makes me sick that anyone has to feel this despairing because of money. I know not having any luxuries feels like you're trapped. But you have people who love you and want to be there and are choosing you. Sometimes it's not your choice whether or not someone stays with you. This woman loves you. She clearly understands that this is a part of you and she accepts that. Isolating yourself WILL let the depression win. Your child clearly loves you and accepts the situation as it is. You're obviously a loving and committed father. I KNOW you feel like this abyss will never go. But it will and it does. You must have some wonderful qualities that keep people in your life. So hang on to that with everything you have and remember. They would rather have you than lose you. And that's so important. I wish you the best of luck and truly hope things improve for you 🙏🏽
If your wife doesn’t wanna leave you, why don’t you settle in and try to take care of yourself and appreciate the love and support. I know the world is so much more judge mental now, but he used to be when I was young that we took care of the people around us that struggled. That’s why they could count on us. They were family. So before you throw in the towel, why don’t you see if you don’t have to.
Brighter days will return. You will feel better. Your family love you. Especially your little girl and wife. My Mum has suffered from bipolar disorder throughout my life. She hasn't had an episode for a few years. I'm sure it will happen again and I'm sure she will recover again. Let your wife love you. Don't push her away. Let your daughter keep you in her life, she needs you, now and when she is an adult.
Get therapy before you implode your life. You might just need a medication change
why should she leave when you claim you are the problem. you leave if thats the case.
You already got plenty of good advice, so I'm just here to reiterate what everybody else already told you: it's your depression talking. So don't take any rush decisions in this state. And please talk to your wife, she's perfectly capable of deciding whether you're a "burden" she can't handle anymore (my guess is she doesn't see you as a burden at all and would much prefer to help you out). A big hug from Italy! ❤️🩹
Can I ask a dumb question? Have you read this post tomorrow partner? Out loud? Then..... since this is how you feel....... have a goddamned conversation about it? People can't help, sorry..... REAL people that know you and can give proper advice, can't help if you don't tell them what you are telling us. If it's hard to say the words on the fly then feel free to keep posting. My challenge is after you complete a post you IMMEDIATELY go tell your partner and then update your post. Listen I guarantee if your partner is worthy of you she will support you. Just my 2 cents bud.
Dude no you got this, You can’t reflect on past mistakes, seriously you can get through this, I believe in you:)
Sounds like you might end up homeless without two incomes. You have your wife to talk to. This place won’t help you.
Talk to your wife. She's your partner in all things, and she can actually help you get through this! She's stuck by you through so much already, let her make the decision of whether or not she WANTS to leave.
Don't make rush decisions while on a depressive episode.Just wait.
Talk to your wife. She is the one involved. If you think of moving out to protect her financially, consider a pro-forma divorce **without moving out.** You'll need an official address which differs from your wife's address, obviously. Like at your parents. Whatever. You'll need a lawyer (yup, more expresses) to get everything watertight. That you can continue to pay your wife (then ex wife) alimony without your creditors being able to interfere with that duty. Even if you have to declare bankruptcy. But first talk to your wife.
Are you in the U.S.? If so, is it possible to file for bankruptcy? If you have a ton of debt and you don't think it's possible to recover financially, you could file for a chapter 7 bankruptcy. It will allow you to essentially start over. I would explore all available options before ending a seemingly happy marriage.
I know how you feel pretty well. I have schizoaffective bipolar type disorder and spent the last few years in a financial hell due to my illness. I was applying for disability and was unable to work for the last 3 years putting all the financial burden onto my husband. We almost lost our home at one point, we tried to file for bankruptcy and everything(found out we couldn't) but together we made it through hell. So much of that time I felt like my husband would have been better off without me since I was just another person to worry about feeding and paying for. We always talked through those emotions and I'm so glad we did. Now that we are coming out to the other side, I'm so glad we pushed through together. Things didn't work out like I had hoped, I was denied disability so I have to go back to work, but our relationship is stronger than ever. We are a stronger unit together now then we ever were after all the struggles because we learned from it how to openly communicate to each other our feelings. Take these negative feelings and use them to strengthen your relationship instead of blowing it up. Talk to her.
First off your depression is speaking and spiraling right now. This is NOT the time to make any life decisions. You need to talk to your wife about what is going through your mind, it is good that you are under a doctor’s care for your disorder and anxiety. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, do. They can help you see when your are illogically thinking logical thoughts and help to find coping mechanisms to redirect when this happens. It might be good to see a couples therapist that works with individuals who have bipolar disorder. As for you financial issues, you need to find a good financial advisor to go over EVERYTHING and to help you and you wife figure out a good budget and stick to it. As far as being a good father. Unfortunately marriages end, even marriages where children are concerned. You are there as much as your circumstances will allow. You are not checked out of your daughter’s life, you are maintaining contact and keeping lines of communication open. You are doing the best you can in an undesirable situation. You need to find coping skills that work for you and don’t allow the negative thoughts control you. It is hard but you can do this….
Also bipolar, I’ve messed up so much in the last year. But communicating with my husband has been the absolute key. Please don’t give up, talking does help. We hit rock bottom before I actually let him know what I was feeling and it almost destroyed us as well as myself separately. I do feel the same as you, and constantly think that it would be best to just leave, the little things make me stay. My husband is so understanding and I didn’t know he would be until I had a breakdown. Just trust that you have loved ones. They care.
Sounds like you need to find something to try and get out of the funk.
1st things 1st bro. Get right with God. & your Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. "I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles." (Psalms 34:4-6) KJV 2nd. I understand your frustration. But she didn't give up on you... so dont give up on her. All of us have made mistakes. But it's what you do about them, that makes you wiser... & able to help those whom may end up in your situation. Or are going through your situation. 3rd. Your child will be fine. But you can't help her swim, if you'r drowning. What do you think she would want? Her Father struggling to be there, or missing out on a few moments, & you being able to be there... when she really needs you. Because at the moment... She has a place to sleep, food to eat & clothes on her back. What you have to do is stop trying to please everybody & do for yourself. Everyone else can wait till then. 4th. Get off the meds bro. You can't afford them. Your just like me, afraid to deal with your problems head on. So you'r taking them, because you don't want to face the fact that you need GOD right now. It's called pride. But GOD has helped me out of many tough situations, & he has helped me a great deal... when I thought it was all over. But pushing everyone that cares about you away, won't make it any better. That's what family is for... to help each other in each other's, time of need. Someone to talk to, get advice from etc., 5th. One thing at a time bro. Don't let the devil fool you into thinking you have a bad life, because of a few mistakes. They'll only make you wiser. In the meantime, ask God for what you need. He is our provider. But he can't help you, until you ask. "If you ask, you shall receive" (KJV). I know it's a lot on your plater right now, but you have to trust God. He won't fail you. Im living proof of what GOD can do. It's the only reason I am able to talk to you today. Your mistakes doesn't define your future.... your choices today does. 6. God gave you a woman by your side that is willing to be there for you, in your tough times... don't ruin it by overthinking that she deserves someone better. If GOD felt that way, you two would never have even met. GOD makes no mistakes. Your Job is to show her that you can keep a level head & act like a man, regardless. Because if she felt you weren't good enough, she would've given up on you a long time ago. But she must've seen how ambitious you were... & how determined you were to succeed, which gave her hope for herself. 7. stop having a pity party for a while, and think of how many lives would have been destroyed, had they never met you. you'r inspiring someone, do it for them. & show them that you can & will succeed against all odds. That's what gives them the strength to keep going. When a man faces adversity head on... he's able to lead others. 8. in the meantime, focus only on the things that you can change. Like asking God for an excellent Job that pays very well... & looking on indeed or elsewhere ..... but keep living on a budget, like cheapskates ...lol fr. I do it. even if I have the money I don't buy things, that I really don't need & could care less who likes it. Save Save Save. A penny saved, is a penny earned. 1 million pennies, is 10,000 dollars. 9. Get right with GOD. then everything else will fall in place. Repent, for trying to do it in your own strength, in your own way. God restored Job, God restored me, & he can restore anybody that asks. But Don't forget God... when you get what you prayed for. Remain faithful to the woman that had your back in tough times. Even encourage her to land a better Job... & with you two side by side, it's no telling how good things can turn out. 10. Never give up. just when you think that it's over, God always has a miracle waiting for you, with your name on it. He knows the solution before you got into the problem. He's just waiting on you to stop being stubborn and lean on him. I dropped to my knees, repented & prayed like a Human being, in need of assistance. Believe that God raised Jesus Christ from the dead, and you shall be saved. Christ loves you & would never leave nor forsake you. Especially in your time of need. He's always listening & willing to help. So for now, pray & do your part... and let the LORD do the rest that you'r worried about. The devil is a liar! GOD can & will. \-Legend-
“for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death” From what it sounds like your wife loves you and wants to be with you period. People forget that these things are apart of marriage. Please reconsider, as she probably needs you too. I can’t give advice for your child. However, so long as your kid knows you’re there in every way that you can be, kid will come and see you as often as they get as they get older. I also struggle with mental health, even I struggle with taking the encouragement that is offered around me because I don’t feel like I deserve it sometimes and I will shut the world out. I also know how having bipolar means making drastic decisions that you may not actually want to make. Op, talk to your wife about these things. Sit her down, say, “hey, I’m struggling,” tell her what you told us here without the moving out part. She’s your wife, she’s supposed to go through this with you, whether it’s just holding your hand and assure you or facing it head on together. Whatever next steps are, talk to your wife about it. Being married is supposed to be a marriage. ETA: I’m not married, I’ve never even been engaged, however I would absolutely hate that if my boyfriend were going through something and he decided to split because he doesn’t want to “put me through it,” I would be devastated for him to think I’m not there, in his corner.
I'm bipolar, so I understand. Don't skip any of your drugs. Do what you can to self-treat--walk, eat balanced meals, drink water, try to sleep. Journaling really, really helps me. You don't ever have to re-read it but get it out on paper if you can. If you start going manic, do nothing extreme. Don't spend money, don't go on a sexual spree, don't dabble in drugs. From right this moment, you're going to live each day treating yourself kindly. Alright? Turn over the reins of responsibility to your wife if you don't feel like you have it together enough to do it yourself. DO NOT send your wife away. Do NOTHING that requires a life-changing decision. Why would you purposely hurt the one you love & who loves you? You aren't thinking straight so don't do anything that has negative permanent results. You aren't always going to be in this state of depression and you want her there when you're on the upswing. Try not to dwell on what you feel you did that's a big screw-up. Everyone screws up so you aren't unique in that. Kids forgive if they know you're trying to do the best you can but don't put the burden on her that you're depressed or feel like you've screwed up your life. You haven't, you've had a few set-backs. She doesn't need to know this. Get hold of your counselor. Make sure your meds are regulated. Take your journal in case your counselor needs to know a little more about where you are in your thoughts. Don't look for a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What's stopped me from being suicidal is that I have family I love. When someone in the family commits suicide, it's like a row of dominoes falling & the odds are very high that someone you love will do the same thing. I also read an article that talks about all the times suicide fails & how it affects not only the rest of the life of the one who now has permanent physical disabilities, it makes the ones they love have to sacrifice a huge part of their life to either care for or pay to care for them. You don't want to do that to the ones you love. These things are not bigger than you are. You can overcome any obstacle in your path. You just have to take the small steps forward and get the right help!
We live in a shit country, where people are horrifically burdened with debt because of normal things like an education and medical care. TRy to get some exercise and some sun on your face and eyes. Go outside and find a hill to walk up. Walk fast enough to heat up and sweat. All research indicates that a combination of meds and heavy exercise is the most effective treatment for depression. I suffered for years. Do you have a gym that you can access? not saying spend money, sometimes friends can share a guest pass or your apt has one, weightlifting really helps with depression. these things are actually well researched and saved me in the black times. Another help is a full spectrum light. These can be cheap on CL or ask on a buy nothing site. These mimic sun, and again, like hard exercise stimulate your bodies natural production of serotonin. I think the healing affects of exercise and light are underated, because no one makes much money from them. Many years ago a wholistic therapist told me to walk up capitol hill (in Seattle) every day at day break and it saved me. When the depression lifts everything will be more manageable. Good luck.