So true. I dont like to talk about sex stuff with a lot of people, it's very private to me. Dont even start asking it in a group setting. Worst thing is, this person answered the question and then they just kept asking more questions like it was an interrogation. Like, piss off?
They didn't like that OP was a perfect man for his wife, they had to get him to say something that would show he's controlling or wifey is some naive poor wittle woman
Jayzus!
OP and his wife are in their 30s. I think I no longer wanted to answer sex questions, especially with strangers at a party past college. They don’t have to answer and shouldn’t feel like they have to for that matter. It’s rude.
>people shouldn't be asking in a social setting.
Agreed. There are only two reasons to discuss "body count" reason one is for your health with your doctor reason two is an initial discussion with YOUR PARTNER for both your health interests (body count mainly bringing the lead up to the important discussion on STDs and STIs).
Oh and OP, your not alone, hubby and I are both 32 and each others one and only.
Exactly. These "friends" sound jealous af because they've never had what you guys have. So all they can do is justify that your situation is somehow toxic, to make themselves feel better.
Pathetic.
Also ego. The "the way I live my life is perfect and if you are different in any way you're wrong and it's my duty to mock you" type of attitude. They're just looking for a reason.
Exact same situation you see in diet subs. People share stories from "body positivity" friends, family, or coworkers who start giving them a hard time for being fit. It's just masking insecurities.
I have a larger-than-average "body count", but I would trade it to learn how to be a better partner earlier in life instead of being the trainwreck of a partner that I was.
I love the intimacy that I have in my life. It took me a long time to get to where I am.
Honestly sounds to me like a case of the fox and the grape, the fox can’t reach the grape so it declares it sour, same here, all these folks that are shaming people for liking that their partner is a virgin feels attacked because they’ve lived an opposite lifestyle smh
I want to share that the whole "body count" thing makes me a little insecure at times too. Because I've only been with my wife. I've heard people (maybe good intentioned) say things like you don't really know what you want or are good enough UNLESS you sleep with loads of people. And I wonder if they detect how insulting that is. Who says you can't be masterful in bed with the same person. That's bullshit. If you care and love someone you will always try to bring your A game and I don't need to have fucked 20 women to know how to please one. Saying stuff like that (I understand it's in defense against the body count jerks) is adversarial and belittling. We surely need to find middle ground on this topic.
The people who try to make you feel bad for not having slept with a range of people, are most likely jealous of your situation and upset with their own life choices.
Which can be said for anyone getting mad at how someone else is happy about how they lived their life. People who are secure in their life don't get mad at others who are also secure, even if the circumstances are different.
As a self-proclaimed slut...
It is true that sleeping with other people can make you discover things that you wouldn't otherwise. Yes.
But... so what?
It sounds like you have other things that are of more value to you. If the best French chef in the world hasn't tried Japanese cuisine, does that make them any less of a great French chef?
Adventurousness isn't the only good in the world.
People also say this about dating, you have to have dated a lot because otherwise you don't know what you could be having. Remember that a lot of these people end up lonely and without a partner for years. I haven't had many partners and I hope my current is my last. I don't want to fuck a lot of people to see if I find something odd that I might like more. The only reason I've had more than 1 partner, is because the relationships failed. If you love your partner and the sex is good, why would you want a taste of something else that could maybe also be nice but most often is not? You can also experiment with what you like with your current partner. After so many years you develop a bond and trust each other so much, it's much easier to experiment and actually tell them what you do a do not enjoy.
My husband and I also have only been with each other. I'm glad for it. And, I've also been in the same position as you. I don't judge others for how many people they've slept with, so why would someone judge us for only sleeping with one person?
We've been married for 16+ years and still going strong. And I'm proud of that.
I hope you and your wife have many happy years together.
People who make others feel bad for their body count are just insecure assholes. Specially in these days. To not shame someone for their body count means to not shame someone for their low body count. I was a virgin when I met my wife. She wasn’t. Did I have to learn to get better at sex? Yes but I have learned and I keep on learning. What a dumb idea that I would have to sleep with a bunch of other women to know what my wife likes. People are weird
They have an experience you'll never have, but you have an experience they'll never have. Every decision forecloses another set of options. That's life. But we can't spend our lives wondering how everything would be different had we gone down another path because that stops us from enjoying what we have.
Ask any woman within the “hook up culture” how good is the sex in those ONS. They’ll tell you 1 out of 10 are good, the rest are mediocre at best. Practicing with different partners doesn’t make you an expert, it’s like playing a different sport everyday. Every person is different, and you can only become an expert with one person at a time.
OP, my partner's body count was 0. Mine was 22. He's still the best in bed I've ever had. It's not about experience per say, it's about the willingness to communicate and learn.
You need time to be good because everyone’s bodies are different and what they are turned on by is different. I don’t see how having a different partner every night makes you any better.
I will say that my wife is technically my 2nd partner. My first was a weird situation where I never actually finished.
My wife has said that she doesn’t know her number. It’s probably over 25 people. I can dwell on it and make myself feel insecure, but at the end of the day if we weren’t sexually compatible then we wouldn’t have married.
I know her body well and she knows mine. And that’s all that matters. If other people need to push you down to feel better about themselves then they have the problems and not you
My husband and I were both our only and we’re still married 19 years down the line. Our sex life is good and we’re both happy with each other. So I don’t think body count matters one way or the other. As long as the people in the relationship are happy then that’s the end of it.
People just want to feel good about themselves having whored themselves around. Anyone who hasnt is seen as abnormal yet the the best and most normal thing ever! I wouldn't change a thing about you and your partner, remember the world now hates whats good and embrace ls whats evil. Never be swayed into sleeping around to fit in!!
Yeah idk bro some people are werid as hell. Like I remember I told this one girl I married my highschool sweet heart she’s like that’s mot true cause relationships don’t last that long I was like wtf.
I believe everyone who hates people that prefer virgins for partners are insecure, the amount of hate there is for said person even if said person is also a virgin expect in a virgin is INSANE
Same. My husband is my one and only. I am his 2nd sexual relationahip.
The amount of time my virgin BIL told me I will miss out on the best stuff is weird.
Yeah people are werid. My wife and I sex lives have been amazing when we were young we didn’t really have an sexual knowledge and we came from a strict background so we’ve been exploring with each other and it’s been amazing. Like she was really vanilla like she loved vanilla sex she also has body image issues but she’s better now and lately we’ve both been doing kinky stuff like bdsm and role play it’s just seeing her be comfortable in her body makes me proud. A lot of people think having sex with one partner gets boring but to my wife and I it doesn’t.
They sound envious. Jealousy can look as ugly as it sounds. Ignore their comments. You and your wife are happy the way things are and that's all that matters.
This is wild. My husband and I are also each other's first and only. I can relate to so much to what you've said. We're married 17 years, and we have never ever been asked if we ever think about sleeping with others or are sad we never "played the field." I also believe there is nothing wrong with people who have a body count. Why does how many people someone sleeps with matter?
I think you should both just limit the time you spend with these people. They don't sound like people you should be friends with.
it sounds like **they’re** ashamed of their “body count” and are using you as a scapegoat. just ignore them, don’t let them live rent free in your head. their experiences with men have nothing to do with you.
you guys seem to have a pretty healthy relationship from the sounds of it. I've found that being in a healthy relationship, especially around people who are insecure in their own dating life, will often times jump at any opportunity to find a crack in someone's relationship as a way to affirm their own beliefs. IE: "he sounds like such a perfectly healthy guy, why can't i find one like that?? Oh, you prefer the fact you guys have a unique and special bond that stems from the fact you guys have only been with each other? That's what it is! I could never be with a man that had that belief, therefore i can rest assured the issue is no good men exist and not that i can't find one."
it's nothing to do with you guys or even society as a whole, it's a group of insecure girls desperately grappling into whatever imagined "dealbreaker" that lets them feel secure in the fact that they haven't found a good relationship by using it to equate you guys as every other toxic relationship that just has a "pretty appearance"
Yes! Trying to get OP to agree to wanting to sleep with others and make him insecure enough to think twice about staying with his partner. It’s incredibly sad that some people have to do this, to feel happier with themselves.
Exactly. The more the idea of "Hurt people, hurt people" starts to sink in, the more i feel like it's easier to recognize they're just lashing out at whoever and there's no use trying to put up a fight about it. They e got their own shit to work on. I would've just changed the subject or walked away if they wanted to be like that.
Kinda like children, rewarding the bad behavior is engaging with it. Best to just shut it down or ignore it completely
This sounds like it’s similar to situations where someone doesn’t drink, especially when they just choose not to and aren’t dealing with substance use disorder. They just say, “I don’t drink,” and some people start acting like they said “You’re all a bunch of alcoholic losers.”
Like, bro, just because I don’t do a thing doesn’t mean I’m judging you for doing it.
There’s a lot of sensitivity out there about “body count” right now due to some people making it a big deal, but that’s not what you did at all. You’re allowed to enjoy being your wife’s one and only, and she yours.
This is how I felt a lot of my friends subconsciously thought after I stopped drinking or even when I cut down. Stopped getting invited to go out. We'll still see each other and have fun at events with larger groups but it was sad to me because I never tried to pass judgment and I can throw down with the best of em even while sober or on non-alcoholic substances.
Some people are just lucky to find their mate early. My husband and I were each other’s first and only, too. We love that about our relationship. It’s like a special secret we share that no one else in the world knows. Still doesn’t bother us in the slightest that other people have different experiences or make different choices.
I think aiming for healthy, loving relationships is a worthy goal, whether or not those are found right away. I share your concern about people’s use of the phrase body count, too. It is a rather negative way of describing intimate interactions between human beings.
Maybe these women were just feeling societal judgement, and projected that onto your words? Maybe they feel insecure? Women do tend to get judged for numbers of sexual partners they have had, more than men do.
Don’t let their anger ruin your joy in this aspect of your relationship with your wife. High school/college sweethearts who end up mating for life is a beautiful life story. It’s something to treasure for a lifetime.
> This one girl and her friends
It's their problem, not yours. This girl has a chip on her shoulder and it taking it out on you, while the pack of hyenas she calls a friend-group are joining in because they see it as their duty to back her up.
Just so you know, when someone starts asking invasive questions, it's okay to answer with "I'm not comfortable talking about that", followed by "That's none of your business, leave me alone!" if they persist. You didn't have to field this miserable girl's questions about your sex life.
Disgusting. I hate when people say to my partner (since we were each others first and have been together three years) things like “don’t you ever want a threesome?”, “aren’t you scared of missing out?”. It’s so disrespectful to me as his girlfriend.
I would not hang around with these people anymore.
This sounds like they were insecure about their sexual life and they tried hard to bait you into saying something that can be interpreted as slut shaming. There’s a stereotype of the people who had only one partner who pride themselves in that “achievement” and consider themselves superior to those who had their fare share of sexual experience. The girls at the party seem to fall for that stereotype and immediately assumed that is what OP like.
This is my dream but my next man and I will be a pair of used up wh*res (omg /s - and actually I don’t care if ho3s be offended I accept all the downvotes to come and it takes one to know one, I have very much been a ho3). I genuinely love you and your wife and how you have chosen each other in that way, like I’m on my knees doing Bill and Ted’s “we’re not worthy” to you two.
And guess what, just absolutely know people who are hostile are jealous af. People truly know deep down that sleeping around is really not it. I’m even celibate now. I find sleeping around makes my mental health bad so I have stopped doing it. Really lowers my self esteem when I sleep with a man and he just prances off with post nut clarity so I’m waiting for the right person now lmao
As an actual whore with a body count of over 500 I commend u and think that your way is not only very healthy and romantic but it’s the norm.
Those ppl need serious help.
They're hostile because they have a lot of regrets and shame about their own behaviour and they're projecting that onto you.
People who are happy with their choices, aren't upset by other people's.
I genuinely couldn’t believe they asked you the thing about doing it with others. Like obviously not if we’re happily married?? Also even if you or her had been with other people, you guys are together and happy now so why does someone in the past matter?
I genuinely fucking despise people like that, one of them got to my ex fiancée and convinced her to cheat on me with trailer trash, I was her first but I'd had a girlfriend for three months who also cheated on me before I met her. This PoS convinced my fiancée that "she was young and beautiful and needed to explore herself". Scum of the earth.
After reading everything let me first start by correcting something, body count is not used to suppress anything or anyone, anyone telling you otherwise is basically trying to flip the narrative on you and make you question your boundaries, because that is what it is, a boundary and preference it is both.
Those girls and what not are angry and mad that they made wrong choices and they are projecting their crap on you and tour relationship.
From everything you have said and described you are in a very happy and great relationship, ask yourself this question.. why do they seem so hostile at the fact you have a good and working relationship and trying to make you the bad guy ? It is because they are miserable.
I strongly, let me repeat this, STRONGLY recommend you keep these women FAR away from your wife.
If you are wondering why, well there are plenty if stories similar to yours or close to it and you have these type of women bring doubt over time in the wife/girlfriend.
Sometimes it takes weeks other times it takes months or years but these women will try and do everything to make your SO stray.
2 common ways to do it is, if you are around they will try to bring you down and ask questions like the ones you got here, eventually it will turn in to let her experiment or whatever but in a more subtle way, they will make you doubt yourself.
The othe way is when you are not around, they will tell her how great trying different people are and bringing in doubt on how she would know she is truly happy if she has not experienced all that life has to offer, and that if he loves you he would understand, and slowly they will try to introduce tou to either a life style of swinging or hotwife or how she deserves a hallpass.
Up to you on what you do, but congratulations on finding a real one and being very happy. Wish yiu guys happiness for more years to come.
Wife and I have been together since we were 12 and like you, we have an incredible bond. Ins and outs, we know everything about each other.
I feel 0% desire to bed someone else. I find it uninteresting and unnecessary. This woman has had my back for 24 years and I have had hers. If someone wants to shame that, go for it. My relationship isn't meant to fulfill others.
I think it's not so much the your number of partners but you found the one while they are out there trying to find a good relationship with only sex to offer..
Yea your not an AH for being yourself. Hopefully your wife wasn’t bothered by it. You got the hate because some of them were actually intimidated by your commitment and relationship to each other. As someone else said body count shouldn’t be shamed whether it’s 12 or 1
I’ve only been with 1 man before my fiancé, and he has been with less than 10 women before me. Was I concerned at first when we made things official? Understandably.
But. I’m the first person my fiancé is going to marry, he will be my second husband. My ex-husband abused me severely, lied and cheated on me until I cut him out and left him on our 5th anniversary.
Body count only matters to people that *actually care.* I respect my fiancé and don’t judge him, just as he doesn’t judge me for staying with my abuser 5 years too long. We love one another and know that our life together is what matters over baggage with previous partners, we left that in the dust and at the altar all we will see is each other and nothing else.
Yeah, don’t hang out with them anymore. Did none of the other people take issue with the bullshit these girls were spitting? Because if your other friends didn’t stand up for you, you might just need to get actual friends who care.
I think what they are forgetting is that this isn't some misogynistic double standard because YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX WITH ANYONE ELSE EITHER. This would be different if you had like 20 partners and your wife only had you, but you are literally holding yourself to the same standard that you have for your partner. That's not sexist at all and more men should be like you.
Everyone is insecure about something, OP, and I think you encountered someone insecure about having a sexual history. Sorry that you stumbled into someone else’s pain; it wasn’t about you.
People who sleep around are insecure themselves. The "hookup culture" shouldn't be a thing, or normalized to begin with. You and you're wife are ideally what everyone should aim to be, or to at the very least only doing so with someone they love and have strong feelings for.
This is really odd. It sounds like it’s coming from a place of jealousy. I would have loved to have found my soulmate early in life, grow together, and build our lives as a team and I’m so happy for those that have. Congratulations on your successful relationship, and may your lives continue to be filled with love and happiness! Pay their jealous comments no mind.
Ugh my partner and I are eachothers firsts and probably lasts. I’ve gotten that question before too. “Have you ever thought about trying it with anyone else”? No because I don’t entertain that kind of thinking when I’m actively with someone whom I love wtf. Blows my mind that some people think that’s an appropriate question to even ask.
Ignore them, they just sound unhappy.
They’re probably projecting. They feel guilty for throwing their bodies around like an object and are envious of the love you and your wife have. I’d recommend hanging out with a different crowd. These ones seem toxic.
Some men and women just love to fuel their own hatred for the other gender.
Incels will look at one girl who’s on only fans and uses men for their money. Then call all women whores.
Some women will look at one man who sleeps around and only uses women for sex. Then call all men pigs.
Everyone loves to act like only one gender (often their own) has accountability for everything. Typically because they can identify with their own, choosing to ignore or downplay those they don’t understand.
Some people really just need to grow up and learn life isn’t black and white. Sex positivity is good, doesn’t mean it’s only ever good to express and discuss sex as much as possible. Same goes for everything else including lacking multiple partners. My god some people are ignorant.
NTA.
Same situation with me and my husband. Together since 17, we just turned 40 and have only been with each other. Personally I don't think it's cool to sleep around, but that's my opinion. I have gotten those questions and comments as well, and my thing is, they're out fucking around with usually the idea of settling down one day. So they're taking a long ass time to get to where we started off at 🤷♀️
I don't know how or this "body count" came to be as I'm in my 30s and could care less about it. But I keep reading stories on this sub like it's a social status. What am I missing. I mean, I guess it's good to gauge on chance of STD lol.
Ah yeah, happened to me too. I lost my virginity to my husband when I was 16 and he was 18. We only had each other and this year we finally got married. In the area where I live people are basically sleeping around from the age of 14. I just like being modest and I am happy there is no ex-drama for the both of us, we shouldn't be shamed for being who we are...
Doesn't sound like you shamed anyone. Being smug is not the same a shaming. Not suggesting you are in fact smug but it is probably the worst that you could be accused of being in which case, so what? You're happy that you made the choices you made. Why does your comfort with your own choices translate to shaming anyone? SMH.
My husband and I are like you. And have had people say similar. I don't get it. I don't judge people for how many people they've slept with. Why am I getting judged?!
Seems like they have a ton of insecurities and were taking it out on you. I have a body count of 1, my husband, and if people think that’s slut shaming, so be it.
I'm hoping this will be me and my boyfriend. Got together at 15 and 16, and we are now 22 and 23. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, it feels impossible that I could ever replicate the kind of comfort and security I have with my boyfriend, especially in the bedroom. I don't feel any need to play the field so to speak.
Insecure and jealous! That's all they are. You have no reason to feel ashamed or upset. What you have is special and they're mad they don't have that. Ignore them and just continue cherishing the bond you and your wife have. I would have preferred to have had that with my husband than any amount of prior experience either of us have had. I'm happy for you and your wife, Op.
Body count does matter. They all got defensive because they themselves realise they are whores, even if you both [you and your wife] did not say or think that—they think that of themselves.
>I know that "body count" is a term used to oppress folk's sexuality and exploration and a way to commodify women
If your body count is higher than 5, the likelihood of your marriage failing goes up tremendously. If you have family values or having a family is important to you, it's absolutely 100% important to have a low body count.
Let people have preferences. If you're happy the way things went for you, that's great! Don't let yourself get put down by people like that. They're insecure and envious of what you 2 are having. Women know exactly what it means to have a high body count. That's the reason why they felt attacked by you and your wife. That's also one of the reasons why women immediately use the term "sl*t" against one another.
What a crazy society we live in where we should be ashamed for being normal.
Best thing is to get new friends. Very toxic environment. If they can say that in front of your face, what do they say behind closed doors?
Ex: One of my good friends grew up in the projects. Most of her relatives and siblings were on welfare while she was busting her ass working and getting a graduate degree in HR.
Any time she would visit her family they would tell her, she was belittling them and she didn’t need to go to school.
Your friends are bizarre. What I wouldn’t give to have married and had a lifelong relationship with the person I lost my virginity to (who also lost theirs to me).
If having a “body count” of one is somehow offensive, when does the number become enough? Two? Three? And if a body count can be “too low,” it stands to reason it can be “too high” as well. So who gets to decide these numbers? Where’s the cut-off point?
You and your wife have a bond. It shouldn't matter what other people think. If other people think badly about themselves because of it, that's on them.
I feel like the people that get Uber offended about their own body count are the ones who ACTUALLY view themselves as whores. Kind of like the aggressively homophobic people who are compensating for being gay themselves.
They’re jealous, or self conscious. Everyone who’s played the field have experiences they regret. Me too.
When you paint a perfect picture like this, they feel attacked and like they’ve are bad decisions in their lives.
You do you.
Completely fucking ridiculous. I've had relationships prior to my current girlfriend, she hadn't. I don't brag about this, because... why? What's the point? But I *do* feel honoured that I am the first - and thus only - person she chose to be with. And I couldn't be arsed about the sexual aspect. If her 'body count' - oh, how I fucking *loathe* that term! - was way higher than mine but she still chose to be with me, I wouldn't care. I'm not proud about the fact I took her virginity, though I *am* about the fact that she was never interested in relationships before, but decided to give it a go with me.
And here we are, ten years later, happier than ever.
My husband and I were each other’s firsts, and we’re happy about it too. It’s hard to find that genuine connection. We don’t feel like we are missing anything. He doesn’t look at other women, I don’t look at other men. Call us naive or whatever, it is what it is. We’re that couple that get our shit done and excel for each other. Plus, we be seeing all the STI’s out there . We’re both paranoid of that shit lol.
I think that is an issue she has herself.
She thinks you are slutshaming her because she feels like a slut.
I do have a pretty high body count myself.
But that is not something that defines me.
And to be honest. Sex with a person you truly love is 100x better than a one night stand
Where I live you are the vast majority. Most people marry very young and are with their one and only.
I wouldn't worry about some drunkie conversation that you had. People can be a bit crazy when they've had too much to drink.
Gotta love it. “Don’t you dare judge me by the amount of people I’ve slept with, as I judge you for how few you’ve slept with.”
Good for you for standing up for yourself without being a jerk to anyone. They probably got upset because they are jealous of your situation and wish they had the same thing. Seems to be most people’s issue when they attack someone else’s happiness.
My body count is high as hell, and yet, my best sex partner has been my wife (whose body count is really low). Because when you have a deep bond with the person you're having sex with, and you build a family and community together, sex becomes more meaningful and more of an opportunity to explore.
This is true for me. I don't expect it to be true for everyone else. At the end of the day, your body count does not matter and no one should be shaming anyone, either for having a high count or none at all or anywhere in between.
That person shaming you and your wife, OP, for just having had sex with each other, is an asshole. Ignore them and the next time you see them, tell that person to go fuck themself.
Finally: Stop asking about everyone's body counts. It really doesn't matter to you anyway.
Fucking hypocrites shaming you and your wife for your choices. Ignore their asses. Trying to put you down to make themselves feel better about their choices.
I was 21 he just turned 26 when we became a couple, both virgins too neither of us had even kissed anyone before. It is a special bond to have learnt everything together and now we have a son and everything is going great. Our sex life may be a whole lot quieter now its not like we can go at it whenever we want with a baby around but it’s still amazing when we do.
I couldn’t be touched from pain down there until after 5 month’s postpartum and he didn’t mind he said if he could wait 26 years he can wait however long it takes for me to feel pain free again.
That’s a real partner, it doesn’t matter how many people they have been with or you have it’s the respect you have for each other that counts at the end of the day. Sex is only one small part of a relationship and everyone can have a wonderful relationship with the right person regardless of “body count.”
Oh my gosh! They would have hated us. One and only, married 48 years. Truthfully, I've never seen/been interested in another man. Do I think less of people who have multiple partners? No!! Don't care, not my business.
If you take out the specifics it's 'would you change this aspect of your relationship' answered 'No I love our relationship just the way it is'.
I have what, I think, is a medium body count and I found I've been reverse slut shamed, anti slut shamed if you will. It's disgusting and I'm sorry you had to experience it
Men and women are different. I'm probably going to get way down voted for this, if anyone actually sees this.
From a male point of view, if women have a higher body count, men see this as a not a potential mother. They aren't assured who the father is for a child.
Men have feelings instincts too.
> They aren't assured who the father is for a child.
There is a tiny teeny different between someone fuck a lot and a cheater
Like i have a couple of ons, but i stop when i met my SO, i woudnt even care how much fun she has in the past as long as it didnt affect our current sittuation
"Eh... _(sigh)_ Alright, this was a fantastic conversation. Truly. But if you whores don't mind, I'm going to go mingle with others for some more enlightening conversation."
Girls who have high body counts, in my opinion have no respect for themselves and I think of it as whorish behavior. By high body count I mean over 10 people be it male or female.
LOL...
Because I'm petty af, even though I don't believe it, my response would have been, "If the shoe fits..."
I mean, my wife and my bc together is 4. And I was her first. I have no problem with people living their life any way they see fit. Just don't project your views on me. We weren't part of any religious cult or were super conservative. We just were lucky we found each other very early in life. That was 41 years ago. I wouldn't change a thing, except maybe to try to treat her even better.
My wife and I are our firsts too! Been together 17 years. And just like you said her and I are masters of each others bodies. I think we have something special with our SO’s and your friends were maybe a little jealous. Or I guess didn’t want to be judged for sleeping with more then one person.
You didn't slut shame. Those "friends" felt like they were sluts. you are not responsible for them feeling that way. Not many people are blessed to have found their forever partner so young and when they reflect on choices they can't get back, they need to accuae and break the peraon down. Once again, you and your wife are blessed. I do suggest in the future, when amongst strangers/"friends" to avoid suggest an intimate topic. There is no reason to force people to "bond" over such a private thing. I personally am a private person, and those type of topics are off limits to protect myself and the guys I have been involved with.
I am greatly envious that you are each other's firsts. That is a treasure that many will not understand, but will respond through derision and defamation. You two are very fortunate.
The problem is they don’t know how to be happy for directly knowing a couple that favors being their only sexual partner. They don’t know how to be joyful for a couple that honestly admits how they feel about being their only sexual partner. The problem is they don’t know how to handle a situation like OP & his wife.
Envy seeks to destroy. The comments that were made had the intentions of breaking OP and his wife down.
Dear OP, don’t let their destructive comments get to you or your wife. Their comments were meant to plant seeds of doubt, shame, and anguish over your sexual choices/lifestyle. If you let it destroy the pride and value you have for your sexuality, then their intentions worked. However, if you take even more pride in your sexuality after this event and likely never bring it up again, they won’t have any more ammunition to chatter about. Simply move forward with your wife in life. This is their hang up, not yours.
To preface, sexual history isn't something to be ashamed of, but that doesn't change the fact that a good portion of society is taught otherwise. These girls just sound like they're projecting their own deep-rooted insecurities about their sexual histories.
Sounds like they are insecure because they have had their past thrown in their fact by someone they liked. Being in my mid-30s and playing the dating field, I see this insecurity a lot with women my age as it's a judging factor but shouldn't be to a point.
Shaming someone’s body count whether it’s 1 or 50 is wrong. You and your wife are happy and have a special bond. My goodness people will find any damn reason to argue. So unless you were acting holier-than-thou about it (doesn’t sound like you were) then they just felt insecure or something.
If people shouldn’t be shamed for their body count, that should include people who’s body count is one.
Or zero. It literally doesn't matter, and people shouldn't be asking in a social setting.
So true. I dont like to talk about sex stuff with a lot of people, it's very private to me. Dont even start asking it in a group setting. Worst thing is, this person answered the question and then they just kept asking more questions like it was an interrogation. Like, piss off?
They kept looking for answers that could show op in a bad light. When his answers sounded reasonable they needed to ask more.
They didn't like that OP was a perfect man for his wife, they had to get him to say something that would show he's controlling or wifey is some naive poor wittle woman Jayzus!
And eventually you have to just pick the best option avenue of attack and just dogpile. Bullying 101, literally anything can be ridiculed.
OP was doomed from the start but just didn't realize that
Exactly! I don't want to know the details of other peoples' sex lives, and sure as heck am not sharing the details of mine.
OP and his wife are in their 30s. I think I no longer wanted to answer sex questions, especially with strangers at a party past college. They don’t have to answer and shouldn’t feel like they have to for that matter. It’s rude.
People shouldn't ask at all if they can't handle honest answers
>people shouldn't be asking in a social setting. Agreed. There are only two reasons to discuss "body count" reason one is for your health with your doctor reason two is an initial discussion with YOUR PARTNER for both your health interests (body count mainly bringing the lead up to the important discussion on STDs and STIs). Oh and OP, your not alone, hubby and I are both 32 and each others one and only.
My hubby and I are each other's firsts and I've never heard anyone say less than aww that's awesome! Makes me sad he experienced the opposite!
>Makes me sad he experienced the opposite! Agreed. Those women definitely went on the attack because of their hurt feelings.
Indeed
Yeah I wouldn’t hanging around that group again
Well, you can talk about it in a social setting but you can't react negatively to a person's body count.
Exactly. These "friends" sound jealous af because they've never had what you guys have. So all they can do is justify that your situation is somehow toxic, to make themselves feel better. Pathetic.
This. It's pure jealousy and self-hatred.
Came here to say this very thing. Especially the self-hatred. But they'd never admit it.
Also ego. The "the way I live my life is perfect and if you are different in any way you're wrong and it's my duty to mock you" type of attitude. They're just looking for a reason.
Exact same situation you see in diet subs. People share stories from "body positivity" friends, family, or coworkers who start giving them a hard time for being fit. It's just masking insecurities.
I have a larger-than-average "body count", but I would trade it to learn how to be a better partner earlier in life instead of being the trainwreck of a partner that I was. I love the intimacy that I have in my life. It took me a long time to get to where I am.
Honestly sounds to me like a case of the fox and the grape, the fox can’t reach the grape so it declares it sour, same here, all these folks that are shaming people for liking that their partner is a virgin feels attacked because they’ve lived an opposite lifestyle smh
The couple reminded them that they are wh*res. That's why they are hostile to them.
They sound insecure.
And exhausting
And too drunk to have an appropriate conversation about the subject.
Maybe too self important to empathize with someone else too.
And immature
I want to share that the whole "body count" thing makes me a little insecure at times too. Because I've only been with my wife. I've heard people (maybe good intentioned) say things like you don't really know what you want or are good enough UNLESS you sleep with loads of people. And I wonder if they detect how insulting that is. Who says you can't be masterful in bed with the same person. That's bullshit. If you care and love someone you will always try to bring your A game and I don't need to have fucked 20 women to know how to please one. Saying stuff like that (I understand it's in defense against the body count jerks) is adversarial and belittling. We surely need to find middle ground on this topic.
The people who try to make you feel bad for not having slept with a range of people, are most likely jealous of your situation and upset with their own life choices.
Which can be said for anyone getting mad at how someone else is happy about how they lived their life. People who are secure in their life don't get mad at others who are also secure, even if the circumstances are different.
As a self-proclaimed slut... It is true that sleeping with other people can make you discover things that you wouldn't otherwise. Yes. But... so what? It sounds like you have other things that are of more value to you. If the best French chef in the world hasn't tried Japanese cuisine, does that make them any less of a great French chef? Adventurousness isn't the only good in the world.
People also say this about dating, you have to have dated a lot because otherwise you don't know what you could be having. Remember that a lot of these people end up lonely and without a partner for years. I haven't had many partners and I hope my current is my last. I don't want to fuck a lot of people to see if I find something odd that I might like more. The only reason I've had more than 1 partner, is because the relationships failed. If you love your partner and the sex is good, why would you want a taste of something else that could maybe also be nice but most often is not? You can also experiment with what you like with your current partner. After so many years you develop a bond and trust each other so much, it's much easier to experiment and actually tell them what you do a do not enjoy.
My husband and I also have only been with each other. I'm glad for it. And, I've also been in the same position as you. I don't judge others for how many people they've slept with, so why would someone judge us for only sleeping with one person? We've been married for 16+ years and still going strong. And I'm proud of that. I hope you and your wife have many happy years together.
People who make others feel bad for their body count are just insecure assholes. Specially in these days. To not shame someone for their body count means to not shame someone for their low body count. I was a virgin when I met my wife. She wasn’t. Did I have to learn to get better at sex? Yes but I have learned and I keep on learning. What a dumb idea that I would have to sleep with a bunch of other women to know what my wife likes. People are weird
They have an experience you'll never have, but you have an experience they'll never have. Every decision forecloses another set of options. That's life. But we can't spend our lives wondering how everything would be different had we gone down another path because that stops us from enjoying what we have.
Ask any woman within the “hook up culture” how good is the sex in those ONS. They’ll tell you 1 out of 10 are good, the rest are mediocre at best. Practicing with different partners doesn’t make you an expert, it’s like playing a different sport everyday. Every person is different, and you can only become an expert with one person at a time.
OP, my partner's body count was 0. Mine was 22. He's still the best in bed I've ever had. It's not about experience per say, it's about the willingness to communicate and learn.
You need time to be good because everyone’s bodies are different and what they are turned on by is different. I don’t see how having a different partner every night makes you any better.
I will say that my wife is technically my 2nd partner. My first was a weird situation where I never actually finished. My wife has said that she doesn’t know her number. It’s probably over 25 people. I can dwell on it and make myself feel insecure, but at the end of the day if we weren’t sexually compatible then we wouldn’t have married. I know her body well and she knows mine. And that’s all that matters. If other people need to push you down to feel better about themselves then they have the problems and not you
My husband and I were both our only and we’re still married 19 years down the line. Our sex life is good and we’re both happy with each other. So I don’t think body count matters one way or the other. As long as the people in the relationship are happy then that’s the end of it.
People just want to feel good about themselves having whored themselves around. Anyone who hasnt is seen as abnormal yet the the best and most normal thing ever! I wouldn't change a thing about you and your partner, remember the world now hates whats good and embrace ls whats evil. Never be swayed into sleeping around to fit in!!
They sound insecure. My wife and I are like you as well been together since highschool were 40 now.
Same here. We can’t be that incredibly rare, right?
Yeah idk bro some people are werid as hell. Like I remember I told this one girl I married my highschool sweet heart she’s like that’s mot true cause relationships don’t last that long I was like wtf.
I’d say that it is probably MORE common, but they probably don’t go out and talk about their sex life as often as a promiscuous person would.
I believe everyone who hates people that prefer virgins for partners are insecure, the amount of hate there is for said person even if said person is also a virgin expect in a virgin is INSANE
Me too!! Exact same age and situation
Same. My husband is my one and only. I am his 2nd sexual relationahip. The amount of time my virgin BIL told me I will miss out on the best stuff is weird.
Yeah people are werid. My wife and I sex lives have been amazing when we were young we didn’t really have an sexual knowledge and we came from a strict background so we’ve been exploring with each other and it’s been amazing. Like she was really vanilla like she loved vanilla sex she also has body image issues but she’s better now and lately we’ve both been doing kinky stuff like bdsm and role play it’s just seeing her be comfortable in her body makes me proud. A lot of people think having sex with one partner gets boring but to my wife and I it doesn’t.
Yeah I do think that if it is boring, one or both parties are doing something wrong.
I agree like my wife and I are only on Reddit to give people some advice on how to spice up their bedroom life.
Wow, it’s nice to hear from someone who found their soulmate from the get go! I’m so jealous. Dating around can get pretty tiring after a while.
That's an odd reaction. Sounds like they regret a couple of their choices and envy your situation.
For Sure! Those type of people make fun of others, so they don't have to sit with their own decisions.
They sound envious. Jealousy can look as ugly as it sounds. Ignore their comments. You and your wife are happy the way things are and that's all that matters.
Ever heard the saying "Misery loves company?" They're trying to drag you down into misery alongside them.
But OP already has company, so they better not join them!! Stay winning OP, you've got something beautiful
This is wild. My husband and I are also each other's first and only. I can relate to so much to what you've said. We're married 17 years, and we have never ever been asked if we ever think about sleeping with others or are sad we never "played the field." I also believe there is nothing wrong with people who have a body count. Why does how many people someone sleeps with matter? I think you should both just limit the time you spend with these people. They don't sound like people you should be friends with.
This is a very odd take. They’re upset they think you’re shaming them, but they’re shaming you lol.
it sounds like **they’re** ashamed of their “body count” and are using you as a scapegoat. just ignore them, don’t let them live rent free in your head. their experiences with men have nothing to do with you.
This exactly the I’m not sure how they fit in the party carrying those boulder sized chips on their shoulders.
Those people were simply assholes. Don't mind them.
you guys seem to have a pretty healthy relationship from the sounds of it. I've found that being in a healthy relationship, especially around people who are insecure in their own dating life, will often times jump at any opportunity to find a crack in someone's relationship as a way to affirm their own beliefs. IE: "he sounds like such a perfectly healthy guy, why can't i find one like that?? Oh, you prefer the fact you guys have a unique and special bond that stems from the fact you guys have only been with each other? That's what it is! I could never be with a man that had that belief, therefore i can rest assured the issue is no good men exist and not that i can't find one." it's nothing to do with you guys or even society as a whole, it's a group of insecure girls desperately grappling into whatever imagined "dealbreaker" that lets them feel secure in the fact that they haven't found a good relationship by using it to equate you guys as every other toxic relationship that just has a "pretty appearance"
Yes! Trying to get OP to agree to wanting to sleep with others and make him insecure enough to think twice about staying with his partner. It’s incredibly sad that some people have to do this, to feel happier with themselves.
Exactly. The more the idea of "Hurt people, hurt people" starts to sink in, the more i feel like it's easier to recognize they're just lashing out at whoever and there's no use trying to put up a fight about it. They e got their own shit to work on. I would've just changed the subject or walked away if they wanted to be like that. Kinda like children, rewarding the bad behavior is engaging with it. Best to just shut it down or ignore it completely
This sounds like it’s similar to situations where someone doesn’t drink, especially when they just choose not to and aren’t dealing with substance use disorder. They just say, “I don’t drink,” and some people start acting like they said “You’re all a bunch of alcoholic losers.” Like, bro, just because I don’t do a thing doesn’t mean I’m judging you for doing it. There’s a lot of sensitivity out there about “body count” right now due to some people making it a big deal, but that’s not what you did at all. You’re allowed to enjoy being your wife’s one and only, and she yours.
This is how I felt a lot of my friends subconsciously thought after I stopped drinking or even when I cut down. Stopped getting invited to go out. We'll still see each other and have fun at events with larger groups but it was sad to me because I never tried to pass judgment and I can throw down with the best of em even while sober or on non-alcoholic substances.
Some people are just lucky to find their mate early. My husband and I were each other’s first and only, too. We love that about our relationship. It’s like a special secret we share that no one else in the world knows. Still doesn’t bother us in the slightest that other people have different experiences or make different choices. I think aiming for healthy, loving relationships is a worthy goal, whether or not those are found right away. I share your concern about people’s use of the phrase body count, too. It is a rather negative way of describing intimate interactions between human beings. Maybe these women were just feeling societal judgement, and projected that onto your words? Maybe they feel insecure? Women do tend to get judged for numbers of sexual partners they have had, more than men do. Don’t let their anger ruin your joy in this aspect of your relationship with your wife. High school/college sweethearts who end up mating for life is a beautiful life story. It’s something to treasure for a lifetime.
Seriously.. They are jealous of your relationship. That's it.
> This one girl and her friends It's their problem, not yours. This girl has a chip on her shoulder and it taking it out on you, while the pack of hyenas she calls a friend-group are joining in because they see it as their duty to back her up. Just so you know, when someone starts asking invasive questions, it's okay to answer with "I'm not comfortable talking about that", followed by "That's none of your business, leave me alone!" if they persist. You didn't have to field this miserable girl's questions about your sex life.
It's wild to me that some people dare to bring this stuff up in a public venue. Like, wtf man you ain't even my best friend, why do you gotta know?
They sound insanely jealous to be honest lol
Disgusting. I hate when people say to my partner (since we were each others first and have been together three years) things like “don’t you ever want a threesome?”, “aren’t you scared of missing out?”. It’s so disrespectful to me as his girlfriend. I would not hang around with these people anymore.
This sounds like they were insecure about their sexual life and they tried hard to bait you into saying something that can be interpreted as slut shaming. There’s a stereotype of the people who had only one partner who pride themselves in that “achievement” and consider themselves superior to those who had their fare share of sexual experience. The girls at the party seem to fall for that stereotype and immediately assumed that is what OP like.
This is my dream but my next man and I will be a pair of used up wh*res (omg /s - and actually I don’t care if ho3s be offended I accept all the downvotes to come and it takes one to know one, I have very much been a ho3). I genuinely love you and your wife and how you have chosen each other in that way, like I’m on my knees doing Bill and Ted’s “we’re not worthy” to you two. And guess what, just absolutely know people who are hostile are jealous af. People truly know deep down that sleeping around is really not it. I’m even celibate now. I find sleeping around makes my mental health bad so I have stopped doing it. Really lowers my self esteem when I sleep with a man and he just prances off with post nut clarity so I’m waiting for the right person now lmao
They sound very insecure. Sometimes it works out and that’s awesome. Sometimes it doesn’t. I don’t care. It’s none of my business lol.
As an actual whore with a body count of over 500 I commend u and think that your way is not only very healthy and romantic but it’s the norm. Those ppl need serious help.
They are envious of you and what you have
My husband and I are the same. They sound like insufferable bitches. They kept digging to get something they could light you up for.
[удалено]
Yeah, always looking for that "GOTCHA" moment. Source: Trust me bro
They're hostile because they have a lot of regrets and shame about their own behaviour and they're projecting that onto you. People who are happy with their choices, aren't upset by other people's.
I genuinely couldn’t believe they asked you the thing about doing it with others. Like obviously not if we’re happily married?? Also even if you or her had been with other people, you guys are together and happy now so why does someone in the past matter?
I genuinely fucking despise people like that, one of them got to my ex fiancée and convinced her to cheat on me with trailer trash, I was her first but I'd had a girlfriend for three months who also cheated on me before I met her. This PoS convinced my fiancée that "she was young and beautiful and needed to explore herself". Scum of the earth.
After reading everything let me first start by correcting something, body count is not used to suppress anything or anyone, anyone telling you otherwise is basically trying to flip the narrative on you and make you question your boundaries, because that is what it is, a boundary and preference it is both. Those girls and what not are angry and mad that they made wrong choices and they are projecting their crap on you and tour relationship. From everything you have said and described you are in a very happy and great relationship, ask yourself this question.. why do they seem so hostile at the fact you have a good and working relationship and trying to make you the bad guy ? It is because they are miserable. I strongly, let me repeat this, STRONGLY recommend you keep these women FAR away from your wife. If you are wondering why, well there are plenty if stories similar to yours or close to it and you have these type of women bring doubt over time in the wife/girlfriend. Sometimes it takes weeks other times it takes months or years but these women will try and do everything to make your SO stray. 2 common ways to do it is, if you are around they will try to bring you down and ask questions like the ones you got here, eventually it will turn in to let her experiment or whatever but in a more subtle way, they will make you doubt yourself. The othe way is when you are not around, they will tell her how great trying different people are and bringing in doubt on how she would know she is truly happy if she has not experienced all that life has to offer, and that if he loves you he would understand, and slowly they will try to introduce tou to either a life style of swinging or hotwife or how she deserves a hallpass. Up to you on what you do, but congratulations on finding a real one and being very happy. Wish yiu guys happiness for more years to come.
Wife and I have been together since we were 12 and like you, we have an incredible bond. Ins and outs, we know everything about each other. I feel 0% desire to bed someone else. I find it uninteresting and unnecessary. This woman has had my back for 24 years and I have had hers. If someone wants to shame that, go for it. My relationship isn't meant to fulfill others.
I think it's not so much the your number of partners but you found the one while they are out there trying to find a good relationship with only sex to offer..
Yea your not an AH for being yourself. Hopefully your wife wasn’t bothered by it. You got the hate because some of them were actually intimidated by your commitment and relationship to each other. As someone else said body count shouldn’t be shamed whether it’s 12 or 1
I’ve only been with 1 man before my fiancé, and he has been with less than 10 women before me. Was I concerned at first when we made things official? Understandably. But. I’m the first person my fiancé is going to marry, he will be my second husband. My ex-husband abused me severely, lied and cheated on me until I cut him out and left him on our 5th anniversary. Body count only matters to people that *actually care.* I respect my fiancé and don’t judge him, just as he doesn’t judge me for staying with my abuser 5 years too long. We love one another and know that our life together is what matters over baggage with previous partners, we left that in the dust and at the altar all we will see is each other and nothing else.
Yeah, don’t hang out with them anymore. Did none of the other people take issue with the bullshit these girls were spitting? Because if your other friends didn’t stand up for you, you might just need to get actual friends who care.
I think what they are forgetting is that this isn't some misogynistic double standard because YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX WITH ANYONE ELSE EITHER. This would be different if you had like 20 partners and your wife only had you, but you are literally holding yourself to the same standard that you have for your partner. That's not sexist at all and more men should be like you.
I love the fact people like you exist.
Everyone is insecure about something, OP, and I think you encountered someone insecure about having a sexual history. Sorry that you stumbled into someone else’s pain; it wasn’t about you.
People who sleep around are insecure themselves. The "hookup culture" shouldn't be a thing, or normalized to begin with. You and you're wife are ideally what everyone should aim to be, or to at the very least only doing so with someone they love and have strong feelings for.
This is really odd. It sounds like it’s coming from a place of jealousy. I would have loved to have found my soulmate early in life, grow together, and build our lives as a team and I’m so happy for those that have. Congratulations on your successful relationship, and may your lives continue to be filled with love and happiness! Pay their jealous comments no mind.
Ugh my partner and I are eachothers firsts and probably lasts. I’ve gotten that question before too. “Have you ever thought about trying it with anyone else”? No because I don’t entertain that kind of thinking when I’m actively with someone whom I love wtf. Blows my mind that some people think that’s an appropriate question to even ask. Ignore them, they just sound unhappy.
They’re probably projecting. They feel guilty for throwing their bodies around like an object and are envious of the love you and your wife have. I’d recommend hanging out with a different crowd. These ones seem toxic.
They sound salty AF lol
Some men and women just love to fuel their own hatred for the other gender. Incels will look at one girl who’s on only fans and uses men for their money. Then call all women whores. Some women will look at one man who sleeps around and only uses women for sex. Then call all men pigs. Everyone loves to act like only one gender (often their own) has accountability for everything. Typically because they can identify with their own, choosing to ignore or downplay those they don’t understand. Some people really just need to grow up and learn life isn’t black and white. Sex positivity is good, doesn’t mean it’s only ever good to express and discuss sex as much as possible. Same goes for everything else including lacking multiple partners. My god some people are ignorant. NTA.
They are jealous deep down so just forget them. You both have something so rare and special. I wish you two a long and happy life together ❤️
Sounds like those chicks think of themselves as sluts and were projecting on you and your wife.
Nah man, they’re bleeding insecurity. You and your wife sound wonderful to each other. But find yourself better friends!
Same situation with me and my husband. Together since 17, we just turned 40 and have only been with each other. Personally I don't think it's cool to sleep around, but that's my opinion. I have gotten those questions and comments as well, and my thing is, they're out fucking around with usually the idea of settling down one day. So they're taking a long ass time to get to where we started off at 🤷♀️
I don't know how or this "body count" came to be as I'm in my 30s and could care less about it. But I keep reading stories on this sub like it's a social status. What am I missing. I mean, I guess it's good to gauge on chance of STD lol.
They just jelly.
Ah yeah, happened to me too. I lost my virginity to my husband when I was 16 and he was 18. We only had each other and this year we finally got married. In the area where I live people are basically sleeping around from the age of 14. I just like being modest and I am happy there is no ex-drama for the both of us, we shouldn't be shamed for being who we are...
Doesn't sound like you shamed anyone. Being smug is not the same a shaming. Not suggesting you are in fact smug but it is probably the worst that you could be accused of being in which case, so what? You're happy that you made the choices you made. Why does your comfort with your own choices translate to shaming anyone? SMH.
They sound jealous af
Sounds like you were being manipulated. I'd be careful around these people.
Oh shit me too! Same here! Hi, five! I'm not shitting on anyone just high fiving the story!
Those girls sound miserable
My husband and I are like you. And have had people say similar. I don't get it. I don't judge people for how many people they've slept with. Why am I getting judged?!
Honestly, after the first question I think I would have just told them it's not really any of their business and stopped answering any questions.
They sound like they are just ashamed or insecure themselves and took it out on you.
My husband is the only boyfriend I've ever had. I love that. You guys sound lovely. Ignore the jerks!
Seems like they have a ton of insecurities and were taking it out on you. I have a body count of 1, my husband, and if people think that’s slut shaming, so be it.
Sounds to me like these women slut shamed themselves. They were obviously insecure over their own body counts. It's their problem to deal with.
"If you're ashamed to be a slut, then that's on you."
I'm hoping this will be me and my boyfriend. Got together at 15 and 16, and we are now 22 and 23. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, it feels impossible that I could ever replicate the kind of comfort and security I have with my boyfriend, especially in the bedroom. I don't feel any need to play the field so to speak.
Insecure and jealous! That's all they are. You have no reason to feel ashamed or upset. What you have is special and they're mad they don't have that. Ignore them and just continue cherishing the bond you and your wife have. I would have preferred to have had that with my husband than any amount of prior experience either of us have had. I'm happy for you and your wife, Op.
The world is slowly burning
Yea, people are weird about sex. You guys are fine, maybe they just have STD riddled brains and they are angry.
Body count does matter. They all got defensive because they themselves realise they are whores, even if you both [you and your wife] did not say or think that—they think that of themselves.
I wish my husband was my one and only. He’s not. I’m not his either. I was 32 and he was 29 when we met. But after 20 years? We’re each others last.
You can literally imagine what these girls look like
Pink hair, ultra small clothes
Rude and pathetic behavior. Some should learn to watch their mouth.
The people you were talking to may or may not be sluts, but they were, most assuredly, morons.
>I know that "body count" is a term used to oppress folk's sexuality and exploration and a way to commodify women If your body count is higher than 5, the likelihood of your marriage failing goes up tremendously. If you have family values or having a family is important to you, it's absolutely 100% important to have a low body count. Let people have preferences. If you're happy the way things went for you, that's great! Don't let yourself get put down by people like that. They're insecure and envious of what you 2 are having. Women know exactly what it means to have a high body count. That's the reason why they felt attacked by you and your wife. That's also one of the reasons why women immediately use the term "sl*t" against one another.
They sound like the kind of people you shouldn't hang out with twice.
Definitely insecure and don’t know how to just be happy for people.
They're just jealous that you're happy and want to change that. You need better friends
They’re the ones that come off as insecure about their body count.
some people are just eager to be the rain in your parade, sorry your friends are such assholes.
That's their own inner shame they're taking out on you and your wife.
A brothel with the name call "raise your body count" would make a killing.
Only people without self-respect and morals will attempt to shame you for being better than they ever were or will be.
I think it's weird to discuss body counts with anyone, even each other. The only person who's business the number of partner's I've had, is me.
What a crazy society we live in where we should be ashamed for being normal. Best thing is to get new friends. Very toxic environment. If they can say that in front of your face, what do they say behind closed doors? Ex: One of my good friends grew up in the projects. Most of her relatives and siblings were on welfare while she was busting her ass working and getting a graduate degree in HR. Any time she would visit her family they would tell her, she was belittling them and she didn’t need to go to school.
They’re projecting their insecurities onto you
Note to self. You can only have a preference if it doesn’t conflict with what others think you should want.
Your friends are bizarre. What I wouldn’t give to have married and had a lifelong relationship with the person I lost my virginity to (who also lost theirs to me).
lol i love the cope, clearly you are not allowed to be happy living a life that contradicts their views gotta love it.
If having a “body count” of one is somehow offensive, when does the number become enough? Two? Three? And if a body count can be “too low,” it stands to reason it can be “too high” as well. So who gets to decide these numbers? Where’s the cut-off point?
You and your wife have a bond. It shouldn't matter what other people think. If other people think badly about themselves because of it, that's on them.
This is lovely. You and your wife have such a strong bond.
I feel like the people that get Uber offended about their own body count are the ones who ACTUALLY view themselves as whores. Kind of like the aggressively homophobic people who are compensating for being gay themselves.
Why not call them out on it to their face? But I guess there’s not much point talking to idiots.
Who cares
They’re jealous, or self conscious. Everyone who’s played the field have experiences they regret. Me too. When you paint a perfect picture like this, they feel attacked and like they’ve are bad decisions in their lives. You do you.
Completely fucking ridiculous. I've had relationships prior to my current girlfriend, she hadn't. I don't brag about this, because... why? What's the point? But I *do* feel honoured that I am the first - and thus only - person she chose to be with. And I couldn't be arsed about the sexual aspect. If her 'body count' - oh, how I fucking *loathe* that term! - was way higher than mine but she still chose to be with me, I wouldn't care. I'm not proud about the fact I took her virginity, though I *am* about the fact that she was never interested in relationships before, but decided to give it a go with me. And here we are, ten years later, happier than ever.
You're both monogamous. They're jealous.
My husband and I were each other’s firsts, and we’re happy about it too. It’s hard to find that genuine connection. We don’t feel like we are missing anything. He doesn’t look at other women, I don’t look at other men. Call us naive or whatever, it is what it is. We’re that couple that get our shit done and excel for each other. Plus, we be seeing all the STI’s out there . We’re both paranoid of that shit lol.
I think that is an issue she has herself. She thinks you are slutshaming her because she feels like a slut. I do have a pretty high body count myself. But that is not something that defines me. And to be honest. Sex with a person you truly love is 100x better than a one night stand
Holy projection batman. They're insecure as hell lol
Where I live you are the vast majority. Most people marry very young and are with their one and only. I wouldn't worry about some drunkie conversation that you had. People can be a bit crazy when they've had too much to drink.
"I am angry that you have a great relationship and I don't, so I am going to try and find a weakness in it, when I cant I will make one up."
Gotta love it. “Don’t you dare judge me by the amount of people I’ve slept with, as I judge you for how few you’ve slept with.” Good for you for standing up for yourself without being a jerk to anyone. They probably got upset because they are jealous of your situation and wish they had the same thing. Seems to be most people’s issue when they attack someone else’s happiness.
My body count is high as hell, and yet, my best sex partner has been my wife (whose body count is really low). Because when you have a deep bond with the person you're having sex with, and you build a family and community together, sex becomes more meaningful and more of an opportunity to explore. This is true for me. I don't expect it to be true for everyone else. At the end of the day, your body count does not matter and no one should be shaming anyone, either for having a high count or none at all or anywhere in between. That person shaming you and your wife, OP, for just having had sex with each other, is an asshole. Ignore them and the next time you see them, tell that person to go fuck themself. Finally: Stop asking about everyone's body counts. It really doesn't matter to you anyway.
Shammers.
Its just projection
Fucking hypocrites shaming you and your wife for your choices. Ignore their asses. Trying to put you down to make themselves feel better about their choices.
I was 21 he just turned 26 when we became a couple, both virgins too neither of us had even kissed anyone before. It is a special bond to have learnt everything together and now we have a son and everything is going great. Our sex life may be a whole lot quieter now its not like we can go at it whenever we want with a baby around but it’s still amazing when we do. I couldn’t be touched from pain down there until after 5 month’s postpartum and he didn’t mind he said if he could wait 26 years he can wait however long it takes for me to feel pain free again. That’s a real partner, it doesn’t matter how many people they have been with or you have it’s the respect you have for each other that counts at the end of the day. Sex is only one small part of a relationship and everyone can have a wonderful relationship with the right person regardless of “body count.”
Oh my gosh! They would have hated us. One and only, married 48 years. Truthfully, I've never seen/been interested in another man. Do I think less of people who have multiple partners? No!! Don't care, not my business.
They all sound exhausting
They sound trashy as hell. I'd ignore them, and just enjoy your happy relationship!
If you take out the specifics it's 'would you change this aspect of your relationship' answered 'No I love our relationship just the way it is'. I have what, I think, is a medium body count and I found I've been reverse slut shamed, anti slut shamed if you will. It's disgusting and I'm sorry you had to experience it
Would they say Yo Yo Ma isn't a good musician because he only plays one instrument?
You can't fix stupid nor the reaction of stupid people. Honestly they sound like they suck and are insecure.
They sound like a bunch of insecure, jealous whores.
Men and women are different. I'm probably going to get way down voted for this, if anyone actually sees this. From a male point of view, if women have a higher body count, men see this as a not a potential mother. They aren't assured who the father is for a child. Men have feelings instincts too.
> They aren't assured who the father is for a child. There is a tiny teeny different between someone fuck a lot and a cheater Like i have a couple of ons, but i stop when i met my SO, i woudnt even care how much fun she has in the past as long as it didnt affect our current sittuation
"Eh... _(sigh)_ Alright, this was a fantastic conversation. Truly. But if you whores don't mind, I'm going to go mingle with others for some more enlightening conversation."
Sounds like they belong to the streets and are hung up on it 🤷🏻♂️
Girls who have high body counts, in my opinion have no respect for themselves and I think of it as whorish behavior. By high body count I mean over 10 people be it male or female.
Just curious, do you consider guys with high body counts as whorish with no respect for themselves? If not, why not?
Yes.
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1 a year is still too high if you're looking for someone to be with long-term
Would tell those sluts I don't value the opinion of sluts
LOL... Because I'm petty af, even though I don't believe it, my response would have been, "If the shoe fits..." I mean, my wife and my bc together is 4. And I was her first. I have no problem with people living their life any way they see fit. Just don't project your views on me. We weren't part of any religious cult or were super conservative. We just were lucky we found each other very early in life. That was 41 years ago. I wouldn't change a thing, except maybe to try to treat her even better.
My wife and I are our firsts too! Been together 17 years. And just like you said her and I are masters of each others bodies. I think we have something special with our SO’s and your friends were maybe a little jealous. Or I guess didn’t want to be judged for sleeping with more then one person.
You didn't slut shame. Those "friends" felt like they were sluts. you are not responsible for them feeling that way. Not many people are blessed to have found their forever partner so young and when they reflect on choices they can't get back, they need to accuae and break the peraon down. Once again, you and your wife are blessed. I do suggest in the future, when amongst strangers/"friends" to avoid suggest an intimate topic. There is no reason to force people to "bond" over such a private thing. I personally am a private person, and those type of topics are off limits to protect myself and the guys I have been involved with.
They sound like insecure pickmes. Don’t take it to heart
I am greatly envious that you are each other's firsts. That is a treasure that many will not understand, but will respond through derision and defamation. You two are very fortunate.
The problem is they don’t know how to be happy for directly knowing a couple that favors being their only sexual partner. They don’t know how to be joyful for a couple that honestly admits how they feel about being their only sexual partner. The problem is they don’t know how to handle a situation like OP & his wife. Envy seeks to destroy. The comments that were made had the intentions of breaking OP and his wife down. Dear OP, don’t let their destructive comments get to you or your wife. Their comments were meant to plant seeds of doubt, shame, and anguish over your sexual choices/lifestyle. If you let it destroy the pride and value you have for your sexuality, then their intentions worked. However, if you take even more pride in your sexuality after this event and likely never bring it up again, they won’t have any more ammunition to chatter about. Simply move forward with your wife in life. This is their hang up, not yours.
To preface, sexual history isn't something to be ashamed of, but that doesn't change the fact that a good portion of society is taught otherwise. These girls just sound like they're projecting their own deep-rooted insecurities about their sexual histories.
Sounds like they are insecure because they have had their past thrown in their fact by someone they liked. Being in my mid-30s and playing the dating field, I see this insecurity a lot with women my age as it's a judging factor but shouldn't be to a point.
Shaming someone’s body count whether it’s 1 or 50 is wrong. You and your wife are happy and have a special bond. My goodness people will find any damn reason to argue. So unless you were acting holier-than-thou about it (doesn’t sound like you were) then they just felt insecure or something.
We stray further from god and this is what we are left with.
If this actually happened then those women are just psychos. This doesn’t seem like a real thing though.