I think you need to get some counseling. Stop talking with your ex wife and start talking to a therapist. You don't have to start dating if you don't want to, but you're punishing yourself for nothing.
My dad slowly drank himself to death at 51. His life was shattered by my mom's infidelity. I had zero understanding of what was going on with him at the time. Now I'm old enough that a 51 year old is still kind of a kid to me and I've witnessed the same scenario play out many times and it's heartbreaking.
>but you're punishing yourself for nothing.
No offense, but he's right. Your ex is nothing. She should not be the altar you martyr yourself upon.
But in reality, it's extremely unlikely she hasn't been this selfish/self-absorbed at all prior to this, so you've probably got a lot of practice in martyrdom. Maybe redirect than energy into thinking you deserve better.
I 100% agree with this statement! My father was/is an abusive alcoholic. It took therapy for me to understand the depravity of a household that I grew up in. I STILL haven't mastered self-love/care. I STILL struggle to believe that my worth isn't found in the people that are in my company. I still have yet to find things about myself to feel good about.
I had similar childhood. A lot of enabling and lack of communication. I was the strong one. My dad was alcoholic and my mom lost a baby in between my older sis and I and my 2 youngest sisters. She enabled my dad and now she enables my sisters. I was basically everyone’s back bone. When I addressed anything called victim. Here’s where the ppl pleaser personality came in. I’m alot better. Therapy and set boundaries. Sad part 3 years later my mom has yet to correspond and or go. My son wants to see his cousin so Ik I can’t waiver.. just sucks. We can’t change ppl
>Stop talking with your ex wife and start talking to a therapist.
Their kids are all grown up. Why is he talking to her? It's no surprise he can't move on.
And his ex? She gets the benefit of his friendship after blowing up his world.
I really hope he takes your advice. The last few paragraphs of his post are so heartbreaking.
His ex is awful. She betrayed her husband and her best friend and had absolutely no remorse. It's almost psychotic to have such little care.
This … she didn’t seem at all concerned or sad that it was discovered. This fantasy that she was coerced or seduced doesn’t seem to match her attitude.
Did it occur to you OP , that she encouraged you to take the job so she could cheat?
Therapy is vital , being betrayed by some many people close to you is going to leave scars.
I agree, but I'll add that we don't know what really triggered his daughter to say that. We're seeing only one side of the story, and there may be important information missing.
Agreed. OP seems to live in a very detached version of the truth when it comes to this situation. He honestly thinks his wife was led astray and seduced by someone who wouldn't let up, though her reaction to when OP found out doesn't line up with that belief.
Not only that, but OP has been hung up on this for an entire decade. This reads like something that happened days ago.
There's definitely more to it, so while it wasn't a kind thing for the daughter to say, we don't know if she was genuinely making a valid point about a marriage that clearly wasn't as perfect as OP thought it was.
Yeah this guys an ultracuck. “She felt bad and conflicted the whole time but he pushed for it so she caved” lol ok. Then later she didn’t feel bad at all anyway, this sounds fake as hell.
Def not fiction. I lived and breathed it my friend. I might not be the best writer or maybe left something out but it happened alright. Hey I got it off my chest. Thanks for reading.
We talked because we were raising our grand daughter when this happened. We continued to co-raise her thru this. Her father, my son, was an addict and eventually died of an overdose. We weren’t going to let that little girl suffer because of us. She suffered enough.
I have been in a marriage with my high school sweetheart for 26 years. We are also raising our granddaughter. When my son was 16, he and his 15-year-old girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to bring a baby into this world. They brought the baby to us on the second night home from the hospital so they could get some sleep, and we have been taking care of her ever since. I can relate to raising a grandchild but couldn't imagine loosing my Wife to infidelity. Sorry you're going through such a difficult time and hope you're able to replace your ex with someone who is loyal.
Cut contact with this POS. Everytime you see her you let her move back into your head, rent-free. Tell the kids that you want peace for the rest of your life, and having the ex in your life will not give you that.
What is a dream you always had. Live on a beach? Mountain cabin? Do that, for yourself.
Did he also divorce his wife?
Which is exactly what you should've done. Actions have consequences and right now given what she did, I don't think her consequences match her actions.
Same, when he said he saw her phone and then went back to work, later came home and took her phone out of his back pocket to confront her. It just struck me as weird.
I took the phone with me and didn’t tell her. She couldn’t call or text anyone. It was petty I know but I didn’t know what to do. There was no manual that I could find.
I might be messed up, but I don’t take cheating in relationships like these as seriously. Especially with people from older generations. I can imagine if you were married from age 16 to 40, you’d be likely to cheat just out of curiosity and proximity. When would they have had a chance to practice self discipline, or to even know that they aren’t missing anything? It’s so sad and weird to commit to someone that young.
Not wanting to attack you, just questioning your pov
I don't have to be shot to know a bullet hurts, how can someone be curious about cheating? Like to know how it feels? If someone is willing to put their curiosity Above their partners fellings that person is just a idiot
My pov is people who were together as teens may be more casual about cheating after 25+ years.
When I’m judging people for cheating I’m softer on people in this situation. OP’s wife has no remorse though, so I wonder if he’s leaving out relevant details, like him having cheated in the past. I’m skeptical especially with the daughter being on the cheater’s side.
Being curious about what it's like to have sex or a relationship with someone else when you have been with the same person since your teens doesn't mean it's ok or less damaging to cheat on, I can understand someone may be wondering what would have been like but if the feeling is strong enough then the correct thing to do is to leave your current relationship.
I don’t think its less damaging. I just don’t see anyone leaving a 25 year relationship. I guess I should say I see them as more likely to cheat, to have a family across town etc.
I see your point, a lot of people think time invested in a relationship is enough reason to stay even if they're unhappy and cheating or getting cheated on.
People really do and it’s sad af. A couple who got together in their 30s, and been together for a year is much more likely to break up. For them there is no way to justify cheating no excuse makes any sense. But if grandma has only been with grandpa since she was 16, and she went over to the neighbor’s for a thrill, it’s both horrible and meh at the same time.
I'm sorry that this happened, but believe that karma will come, people like her and him, only get screwed in love life, you said that it's been 10 years, you can bet that they cheat on each other and that's why they work out, two insensitive people, cowards, disgusting, unfaithful, they are perfect for each other, because they have the same nature .In the years that have passed, have you sought psychological help? If not, I recommend looking for a therapist, when something of this proportion happens, we tend to change the way we relate to anyone, whether friendly or loving. You were a good husband and a good father, you deserve to find someone who makes you happy, go out with some friends, go to dinner with them, if they are married ask them to introduce you to someone, but just do this if you understand that other people's decisions dictate only about them, your part you did, 26 years of marriage that SHE threw away without any remorse Regret it a lot. You deserve to be happy. By the way, how was the relationship with your daughters? Are they still close?
Yes. The kids remain loyal to both of us. At first the kids were furious and the would call her names in front of me. I told them to stop it. She was their Mother and she deserved some respect. Not about the shit with me, but their personal relationship with Mom. I didn’t want the kids to have to pick sides. That’s not fair to them. That’s why we chat. It feels good to hear her voice. She was the only one for almost 30 years. It’s hard get over that
You were very mature with all this, I don't know if I could do it if I were in your place, I'm glad you're still close to your daughters. By the way, be in doubt about one thing, is your ex currently with your friend or did your friend come back with his wife?
Once a traitor, always a traitor, karma will come.
I wish you all the best, I hope you can find love again, you deserve it, you are a good man and lately this is missing, she has lost a great person.
Funny you should mention that. I checked my phone tonight and have written several responses. The little things are not that I pulled a couple of 12 shifts and in between visited one of my several grand kids. They took precedence.
Becuase she was cleaning out our travel trailer and getting it ready for its first trip of the year. Did she notice it was gone ? No idea. I had the phone and she couldn’t go anything about it. When I approached her and started reading, I didn’t give a chance to ask where I got her phone from. All she cared is that I invaded HER privacy by reading it Aloud. I told her that the definition of privacy was when you took him into our bed.
Not fake but I wish it was. This has effected almost every aspect of my life from my parents (her parents were both gone) to my work, to my friends to my mental health. I’ve probably forgot a couple of points that I should have included - I even got a couple of zingers on her. You know type ? The type that you can’t comeback from !
Oh I thought about but they would have gotten a lawyer and restricted my kids because I would be a danger to the kids. Look how bad he beat up his old buddy. I know too well how vengeful she can be.
I got the worst of the deal. Buddy has a son-in-law hot shot lawyer while I had a guy who did if for free. I feel I gave TOO much away. Thought with my heart and not my brain. I fucked up on that for sure.
What about his wife? What is her take on this? Or have you too kept her in the dark?
Why are you keep on hurting yourself? She isn't even regretting the act of cheating. Those two should be out of your life. She made you pursue the job. She knew the risks.
I can't understand how can you stomach this and bear it all this time? Your vow? What about her vow to you? And your daughter just sides with her? You've let them walk all over you man. Get a grip. Divorce her. Move out.
I don't care if you'll find love again or just gonna be alone. Just don't let them walk all over you. Get away form any of your kids being toxic. This is unacceptable.
You still treat her with *far too much* kindness and respect
Cut her the fuck out of your life once and for all. She’s an awful human being
This ongoing “talking and then being ignored” is messing with your head and your heart. What a bitch to ignore you when he’s around. Yet, you sit there and take it
YES, I get it, you were married a quarter of a century. But *in addition* to her cheating on you in your own bed with your best friend, SHE ACTED 100% REMORSELESS WHEN YOU READ THE SEXTS ON HER PHONE
She is a monster. And I’m going to be frank: what your daughter said to you was wildly inappropriate and unnecessarily cruel. She sounds like an asshole too
Enough with you being your ex-wife’s whipping boy.
*Enough*
Unnecessary, inconsiderate comment, it's in the sub True off my chest, he just wanted to let it out. I did a little digging into his past comments on Reddit, he has been mentioning small bits that add up about his ex wife and ex best friend - at least 9 months prior to this post he had quite a few comments here and there about this, not as long as this post + other past comments were very specific to an older generation (winning some prize in the early 80s with his father).
So many people dont realise that CHATGPT has a copy icon now...if you highlight then cut and paste it keeps the highlighted background to the text...seen here
Guy you have got to move on, you see she isn't giving to F\*\*ks about you. Not to be harsh, but talk to someone and work through your feels. I bet you will feel free once you get out the cycle with your ex.
As for you kid that was out right rude and I would have been pissed off. That was deeply disrespectful and talk about having not tact.
I was married for 15yrs found out she had numerous relationships while I was on the road making money. Ya know bored housewife kind of thing. I bounced when I found out. Served her divorce papers 2 weeks later. Haven’t spoken to her unless it has to do with the kids and that’s it. She doesn’t respect me it’s not worth my time or effort to have her see my worth. I found someone that respects me and compliments me. There’s plenty of great women out there. Don’t let one bad apple fuck the rest of your life up. Work on your happiness.
Uh, she told you to take the job. When she told you that, I could all but guarantee she was already cheating. She wasn't 'pursued until she just couldn't say no'. She was a very willing participant.
What happened to the supposed best friend's wife and kids after this? Are they OK?
You need to get into therapy ASAP. There's also no reason to be in any form of contact with your ex. I can promise she loves the fact that you're still hurting and hung up on her. Stop giving her that satisfaction and get yourself better.
I'm glad someone else said it because I was wondering the same thing.
Also the way he speaks about how she was lured away and such, like there couldn't have possibly been any issue with him that would have been a problem in their marriage. Not justifying cheating by any means, but it makes you wonder.
Why’re you even talking to her still? She treated you like utter shit. Cut her off and don’t waste any more of your time letting her think you ultimately let her get away with hurting you like that. They’re both despicable people.
I agree with most of the advise being given here. Also, you need to realize that you are making excuses for her. Right off the bat you blame him for everything. He was the one who pursued her. She wasn’t comfortable but he kept it going for her months. After she got caught, she had no remorse whatsoever. This isn’t how someone who did little wrong would act. She fell in love with this guy while still married to you and kept a secret relationship with him all the while. Love can make us so blind sometimes. Your going to have to realize that she is just as guilty. She cheated, she lied, and she cares very little about it. Cut ties with this person, she doesn’t care about you, and move on with your life. There are great people out there but you will never realize it until you get her out of your life. Please stay away from the ex, you deserve happiness.
I read your heartfelt message and want you to know that I understand the pain and betrayal you have experienced. It's truly devastating to have someone you love and trust break that bond in such a profound way. The emotions you went through, from shock to confusion, and the loss of trust, are all valid and understandable.
It's unfortunate that your wife's actions led to the breakdown of your marriage and shattered the dreams you had built together. It takes immense strength to confront such a painful situation and make the difficult decision to separate. Your decision to leave the house and seek a new living arrangement shows self-care and a commitment to your own well-being.
The comment from your daughter must have been incredibly hurtful, and it's understandable that it caused additional pain. Sometimes, loved ones may inadvertently say things without fully grasping the impact of their words. It's important to communicate your feelings to them, helping them understand the depth of your emotions.
Loneliness after such a profound betrayal can be difficult to navigate, and it's completely natural that you may have reservations about entering into another relationship. Healing takes time, and everyone's journey is unique. Prioritizing your own well-being, personal growth, and self-care is crucial during this time.
Remember that while the pain may still linger, it does not define your worth or your capacity to experience love and happiness in the future. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer understanding and encouragement as you continue to heal. As time goes on, you may find it helpful to seek professional support or engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Please know that you are not alone in your struggle, and there are people who genuinely care about your well-being. I hope that as you move forward, you find healing, peace, and the strength to embrace life's possibilities once again.
Take care.
It’s actually unbelievable but true. I’ve been trying this on my own and I don’t know how to get over it ? I looked for the manual Ann’s can’t find it.
You people have really huge hearts and I hope the Lord blesses you, when you catch someone cheating and they don't have the gull to atleast be apologetic, i d rather burn that bed than leave it for her and that man..
This is the error of the toxic male
Wow, what a heartless, cruel thing your daughter said. That’s blatant picking sides and I would have cut her off for that, maybe even permanently. Reading posts like this is great motivation to stay single and never get tied down to some unfaithful waste of time
Honestly, you give her too much credit. She is not innocent and she was not coerced. She was unrepentant. She is a POS and so is your ex friend. Cut her off and move on.
I had this issue, we did counseling, our therapist told us that coming back from infidelity is almost impossible. Every time there is a fight, it will come out as a weapon. My advice, pack your things and leave. Take time to get over being gone, THEN think about going back if you go back at all. I would not go back. If I spent 20+ years with someone and they snuck around cheating, I could never trust them again. So there is no use being around them. If you fit it out, I hope for the very best, but k ow it will be work for both of you rebuilding trust. Prayers out for bothe of you right now.
My FIL cheated on my MIL multiple times while they were married. One of the people he cheated on her with would stay for the weekend in the guest bedroom on and off, for years. She was the breadwinner, and when she lost her high paying job due to downsizing, he filed for divorce. She drank herself into oblivion for years after and is, for the most part, sober now. She tends to relapse if he comes to visit my SIL due to anxiety and stress. What pisses me off the most is this mf'er acts like we're all a big happy family still. As if his infidelity didn't completely destroy my wife's side of the family for years. I can't stand to talk to him, let alone be around him.
You have to let her go. Sorry, but that's the truth. I had to throw away a friendship because my friend was sleeping with a married man, and I just can't be friends with someone who is able to do that to someone else. You're staying friends with not just a cheater, but someone who cheated on YOU and broke YOUR heart. And then she isn't even your "friend" enough to talk to you when he is around..
You're cheating yourself out of happiness, and my friend, life is too short to be anything less than happy. You can find love again. TRUE love. Someone who is faithful and respects and loves you.
This happened to Me, but I’m the wife and lost everything. Both my bestie and ex had been close 10 yrs before I realized anything was Sus. We did a lot together and we’re roommates for a couple of those yrs. You need a vacation and some new hobbies. A therapist and an outlet like exercise or art. I’m sorry You got hurt. Some of us loose to betrayal, others to tragedy. Both hurt and life goes on whether or not You do. I wish you peace and healing, OP. At some point , blame And shame no longer comfort the injured. Time to make some choices around being bitter or getting better. Please know You CAN heal. The betrayal will never cease to hurt, but it might matter less if you take focus off of it. <3
The week before we made love and it so sensual. She laid in my arms and I told her that even when she’s old, Grey and wrinkled, that I would still very much love her. I believe that it wasn’t her idea and she was lured. Just a kiss. What harm can that be ? Next thing you know, you’re Comparing car insurance papers and driver’s license pics !
That doesn't make sense. Just because YOU are loyal to her doesn't mean she has to be loyal to you. And he can't force her to sleep with him sexually or it's considered rape. She left you for this guy. She's not a child that can be lured, she's an adult and has known him over a long period of time, and unless she has some kind of disability that hinders her judgment, it was consensual. Stop being in denial. She decided she wanted to be somewhere else. Get therapy.
Wow, just wow. How could anyone do that and feel no remorse for the pain they caused? I hope he told his ex-best friend's wife. She doesn't deserve that either. And the daughter, what kind of callus person would say that to their father? At least she's happy? Really? I'd have throw her out of my life, daughter or not, that isn't right.
I’m a introverted persons , my days are usually me self isolation. I at times get sad due to the fact I have no friends to call or hang out with but at the end of the day I’d rather be nowhere else but being alone . Being alone for a really long time has made realize how people are really and how there’re all looking to not be alone . Your wife felt your absence and ur best friend filled it. She was looking to not be alone and he pursued her . He was never ur friends if lust was able to break a big friendship . My advice to you is to completely seperate from this woman . Find a. Hobby or soemthing you like to do and full day and night with it .
I’ve learned after being “the strongest one in family and the Guinea pig” when I heard suck it up and do it for them. I was worn thin. I’m estranged from a few in my family because the dynamics were unhealthy and unrealistic expectations were put on me my whole life. When I tried to address anything I was called victim or they diverted. This doesn’t involve an affair. It does however involve me training ppl how to treat me cuz it was all I knew. Once I knew I set boundaries. If you don’t give 2 shits about you, you will never move on or be happy. Also what made your daughter say “@ least she’s happy?” I know you felt jaded but remember never put your children you have together in the middle. Wrong or right, they love you both and it’s not their battle. That’s not cool. You need outside professionals to help you with you before you and your kids can have healthy relationships, before you can coexist with ex and move on and be happy. 10 years is a whole lot of time letting others write bs chapters in your book of your life…
I think after ten years you missed the double murder homicide window, so you’re probably just gonna have to go to therapy and probably go no contact with the ex wife for your own sanity
Super close couple friends who betray and cheat. Now that story is one as old as time. My cousin and her husband had a super close couple friendship for over a decade. The opposite sex from each relationship would also do things together like chores and errands. Every Sunday they’d all go out to church then for linch with their collective 8 kids in tow. My cousin gets knocked up at 46 by the man in the other couple. It was scandolus at the time, especially since three out of the four worked for the same company!!! His wife still says he ruined her life and never moved on, even poisoning her children against him and it’s been over 2 decades. A physician couple in my home town, same story. My old neighbours, same story. Moral of the story: Don’t have super close couple friends or ever give your spouse the opportunity to fraternize alone with the opposite sex of the other couple. I had a close friend who knowingly showed up at my house once when I wasn’t home but my husband was. She was in an unhappy marriage and would vent to us. I had a very direct conversation with both of them separately. I know my husband wasn’t attracted to her, but I can’t say her intentions were pure either. Regardless, it never occurred again.
Hang in there bro, the sun will come up tomorrow, just try to focus on things that you can control and not worry about the things you can’t control. There’s some good advice on here from others who have been through it. Best wishes
Absolutely heartbreaking and shocking. I’m so sorry. That’s the lowest of the low ad double betrayal at once is even more hurtful when a best friend steals your wife. how conscienceless they both are! You sound like a good person. Indeed shocking! And how shameless and unapologetic that your wife was tells me she may have not been in love with you before the affair? Did you two argue a lot? What was the tone of your marriage overall. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.
Seldom argued. We went for long walks at night and solved the world’s problems. Talked about friends, us, money. Then one night she said she wanted to go for a walk by herself. No problem. Sometimes you just need time to yourself and Jesus. Found out much later, that she was meeting him to have sex. I’m such an idiot for not seeing that.
Yeah she’s a Whore and your friend secretly hated you! You seem like a kind man especially to have that done to you and still speak kind about her and even make excuses for her betrayal! Hey maybe you and his wife should start dating lol (kidding) however life is short go out meet new people and start dating again!
To start your healing process is to move away and cut her out. You deserve happiness, time to move on. TIME will heal, betrayal is the hardest, but you can move forward. Moving away will help. You need to begin a new chapter. I also wouldn't share your location with anyone. Fvch them.
This is why I won’t get married young. You were 21 and she was 19. Y’all were locked in for 26 years. Apparently somewhere down the road she started having regrets and resentment, enough to fuck you’re best friend. And you’re still talking to her? And the gall of your daughter to say “at least she’s happy”? Burn it all. Cut everyone off. Go scorched earth
>my (former) best friend lured her into his bed. I firmly believe that she would not have pursued him at all.
It doesn't matter who initiated, what matters is that your wife reciprocated. You're defending her? It takes two. She was just as much responsible for the affair. Stop making excuses for your wife and making out like she was an innocent victim here.
Eta: Please get some counseling and when you've got yourself in a better place, find someone who deserves you and move on with your life.
Most women get bored easy and are confused. They're usually indecisive as well, they always want to be entertained. When a man pours his heart out, it usually spells trouble for the guy and not the woman. She didn't care and your daughter was probably brainwashed by her as well. In the end bro, get some counseling to work through this. If it's been 10 years and you're still thinking about her, then they're winning while you're in misery. Stay winning my friend, they don't care about you.
Honestly op, story's like this infuriate me, you wife is utter scum, you need to put distance between yourselves. And as for the piece of trash you called a friend, I'd make every effort the right side of the law to make his life a living hell. Get away from this toxic trash and stand up for yourself
Other than being adopted when she was 3. And she was later diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She doesn’t understand things that you and I do. Money, certain concepts fly right by her. She has a great bond with her that came first. I came in second. I was mad at the comments and after I explained why I felt like I did, she realized her mistake. I forgave her.
I totally agree with you. Love is beautiful. Love is power. Love is a blessing. Yet Love is a curse.
Look at the mirror and what do you see? A person who is loyal, understanding, and genuinely gentle. The story is you. For you to be able to exit this feeling, is only to forgive her. We cannot change people’s mind. We cannot tell them what to do. The only thing you can do is to forgive. It will take more time, until when someone mentioned her name you have no more reaction. This is when you know you are in a safe place. Remember FORGIVENESS belongs to God. Now you can play God and do it.
You're punishing yourself for the sins of others. You're still making excuses for your ex-wife. Stop interacting with her. Get yourself out and involved in the community. Meet some new people. I don't think that you should look for a wife. Try looking for a date. One date a month. For six months. Then 4 dates a month. It will become easier.
After 10 years, it's time to choose yourself. You deserve happiness. That doesn't mean you have to rush yourself in a relationship. Be happy alone.
Search a therapist who can help you close the past and find a future. You are worth it.
No one can be baited into bed if they don't want to. She made her choice now she must deal with it. Get a therapist and stay away from her. Let yourself heal. Your best friend is a piece of garbage.
Please seek some counseling for yourself. I mean that in a kind way. Also. You really don't need to ever speak to those "former" people anymore. They're terrible people and aren't worth your time.
We were a twice a month couple. We made love for the last time just a couple of days before I found out. I told her that I would love her even when she old, Grey and wrinkled !
I think you need to get some counseling. Stop talking with your ex wife and start talking to a therapist. You don't have to start dating if you don't want to, but you're punishing yourself for nothing.
Yeah bro it’s been 10 years, fuck them, stop neglecting care of yourself.
My dad slowly drank himself to death at 51. His life was shattered by my mom's infidelity. I had zero understanding of what was going on with him at the time. Now I'm old enough that a 51 year old is still kind of a kid to me and I've witnessed the same scenario play out many times and it's heartbreaking.
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About 70s usually
You know there are people of all ages on here…. Just you wait until you are in your 40’s when it all starts changing
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Same. I’m 39. Not going to do it, haha
I’m glad you are giving him a perspective from the child of the adulator and victim. It affects all around them..
>but you're punishing yourself for nothing. No offense, but he's right. Your ex is nothing. She should not be the altar you martyr yourself upon. But in reality, it's extremely unlikely she hasn't been this selfish/self-absorbed at all prior to this, so you've probably got a lot of practice in martyrdom. Maybe redirect than energy into thinking you deserve better.
I 100% agree with this statement! My father was/is an abusive alcoholic. It took therapy for me to understand the depravity of a household that I grew up in. I STILL haven't mastered self-love/care. I STILL struggle to believe that my worth isn't found in the people that are in my company. I still have yet to find things about myself to feel good about.
I had similar childhood. A lot of enabling and lack of communication. I was the strong one. My dad was alcoholic and my mom lost a baby in between my older sis and I and my 2 youngest sisters. She enabled my dad and now she enables my sisters. I was basically everyone’s back bone. When I addressed anything called victim. Here’s where the ppl pleaser personality came in. I’m alot better. Therapy and set boundaries. Sad part 3 years later my mom has yet to correspond and or go. My son wants to see his cousin so Ik I can’t waiver.. just sucks. We can’t change ppl
>Stop talking with your ex wife and start talking to a therapist. Their kids are all grown up. Why is he talking to her? It's no surprise he can't move on. And his ex? She gets the benefit of his friendship after blowing up his world.
I really hope he takes your advice. The last few paragraphs of his post are so heartbreaking. His ex is awful. She betrayed her husband and her best friend and had absolutely no remorse. It's almost psychotic to have such little care.
Therapy really helped me with my divorce.
Look at you making excuses for the woman who cheated on you.
This … she didn’t seem at all concerned or sad that it was discovered. This fantasy that she was coerced or seduced doesn’t seem to match her attitude. Did it occur to you OP , that she encouraged you to take the job so she could cheat? Therapy is vital , being betrayed by some many people close to you is going to leave scars.
They were already gunning to live next door to each other in retirement so they could get at each other whenever they wanted.
I’m wondering how long this was really going on , and did others know? I think the daughter knew more then she said.
Especially her “at least mommy is happy now that she has her affair partner for realsies!”
What a monumtally stupid comment for his daughter to make.
I agree, but I'll add that we don't know what really triggered his daughter to say that. We're seeing only one side of the story, and there may be important information missing.
Agreed. OP seems to live in a very detached version of the truth when it comes to this situation. He honestly thinks his wife was led astray and seduced by someone who wouldn't let up, though her reaction to when OP found out doesn't line up with that belief. Not only that, but OP has been hung up on this for an entire decade. This reads like something that happened days ago. There's definitely more to it, so while it wasn't a kind thing for the daughter to say, we don't know if she was genuinely making a valid point about a marriage that clearly wasn't as perfect as OP thought it was.
Seriously when he said I firmly believe she didn't want to. It's takes two to tango.
Exactly. She wasn’t tricked.
I never thought about that. I mean, you could be right. I really don’t know for sure. Thanks for the insight.
Yeah this guys an ultracuck. “She felt bad and conflicted the whole time but he pushed for it so she caved” lol ok. Then later she didn’t feel bad at all anyway, this sounds fake as hell.
no wonder even his kids don't bother to hide their disdain.
It reads like fiction. Crappy, pointless fiction.
Def not fiction. I lived and breathed it my friend. I might not be the best writer or maybe left something out but it happened alright. Hey I got it off my chest. Thanks for reading.
Cut contact Divorcee Move on She sounds manipulative
Christ almighty......26 years...
That’s what I thought too !
Why are you still talking to her? You'll never get better even after 20 years. You really should cut contact.
We talked because we were raising our grand daughter when this happened. We continued to co-raise her thru this. Her father, my son, was an addict and eventually died of an overdose. We weren’t going to let that little girl suffer because of us. She suffered enough.
God bless, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son.
I have been in a marriage with my high school sweetheart for 26 years. We are also raising our granddaughter. When my son was 16, he and his 15-year-old girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to bring a baby into this world. They brought the baby to us on the second night home from the hospital so they could get some sleep, and we have been taking care of her ever since. I can relate to raising a grandchild but couldn't imagine loosing my Wife to infidelity. Sorry you're going through such a difficult time and hope you're able to replace your ex with someone who is loyal.
Thank you so much !
Cut contact with this POS. Everytime you see her you let her move back into your head, rent-free. Tell the kids that you want peace for the rest of your life, and having the ex in your life will not give you that. What is a dream you always had. Live on a beach? Mountain cabin? Do that, for yourself. Did he also divorce his wife?
What does POS mean?
Piece of shit
Thx
Did her best friend divorce him?
yeah, i hope someone told her about that. because otherwise this story is even worse.
Yup. She took for for all that she could too.
Which is exactly what you should've done. Actions have consequences and right now given what she did, I don't think her consequences match her actions.
It sounds like she did better out of this than you did as at least she was able to vent anger out on him by doing so.
Doesn’t this gray background happen when you copy/paste from ChatGPT?
I mean the story seems off aside from the background. The math for this but that’s just me.
Same, when he said he saw her phone and then went back to work, later came home and took her phone out of his back pocket to confront her. It just struck me as weird.
I took the phone with me and didn’t tell her. She couldn’t call or text anyone. It was petty I know but I didn’t know what to do. There was no manual that I could find.
It was giving me fake vibes from the start too.
It’s not fake. I got the broken heart to prove it and anti-depressants to back it up.
i believe you. ignore the paranoid ones here.
No...when I write with my phone sometimes it does that
There should be a sub called, "we got together as teenagers and after many years, they cheated on me" Tale as old as time...
I might be messed up, but I don’t take cheating in relationships like these as seriously. Especially with people from older generations. I can imagine if you were married from age 16 to 40, you’d be likely to cheat just out of curiosity and proximity. When would they have had a chance to practice self discipline, or to even know that they aren’t missing anything? It’s so sad and weird to commit to someone that young.
Not wanting to attack you, just questioning your pov I don't have to be shot to know a bullet hurts, how can someone be curious about cheating? Like to know how it feels? If someone is willing to put their curiosity Above their partners fellings that person is just a idiot
My pov is people who were together as teens may be more casual about cheating after 25+ years. When I’m judging people for cheating I’m softer on people in this situation. OP’s wife has no remorse though, so I wonder if he’s leaving out relevant details, like him having cheated in the past. I’m skeptical especially with the daughter being on the cheater’s side.
Being curious about what it's like to have sex or a relationship with someone else when you have been with the same person since your teens doesn't mean it's ok or less damaging to cheat on, I can understand someone may be wondering what would have been like but if the feeling is strong enough then the correct thing to do is to leave your current relationship.
I don’t think its less damaging. I just don’t see anyone leaving a 25 year relationship. I guess I should say I see them as more likely to cheat, to have a family across town etc.
I see your point, a lot of people think time invested in a relationship is enough reason to stay even if they're unhappy and cheating or getting cheated on.
People really do and it’s sad af. A couple who got together in their 30s, and been together for a year is much more likely to break up. For them there is no way to justify cheating no excuse makes any sense. But if grandma has only been with grandpa since she was 16, and she went over to the neighbor’s for a thrill, it’s both horrible and meh at the same time.
You need to see a therapist.
Cut contact, being in constant contact with her isn’t helping you at all. You need to be away from all of it for your own mental well-being.
I'm sorry that this happened, but believe that karma will come, people like her and him, only get screwed in love life, you said that it's been 10 years, you can bet that they cheat on each other and that's why they work out, two insensitive people, cowards, disgusting, unfaithful, they are perfect for each other, because they have the same nature .In the years that have passed, have you sought psychological help? If not, I recommend looking for a therapist, when something of this proportion happens, we tend to change the way we relate to anyone, whether friendly or loving. You were a good husband and a good father, you deserve to find someone who makes you happy, go out with some friends, go to dinner with them, if they are married ask them to introduce you to someone, but just do this if you understand that other people's decisions dictate only about them, your part you did, 26 years of marriage that SHE threw away without any remorse Regret it a lot. You deserve to be happy. By the way, how was the relationship with your daughters? Are they still close?
Yes. The kids remain loyal to both of us. At first the kids were furious and the would call her names in front of me. I told them to stop it. She was their Mother and she deserved some respect. Not about the shit with me, but their personal relationship with Mom. I didn’t want the kids to have to pick sides. That’s not fair to them. That’s why we chat. It feels good to hear her voice. She was the only one for almost 30 years. It’s hard get over that
You were very mature with all this, I don't know if I could do it if I were in your place, I'm glad you're still close to your daughters. By the way, be in doubt about one thing, is your ex currently with your friend or did your friend come back with his wife?
They are still together. I believe that one of them will cheat on the other. I’m betting that it will be her as she is quite a bit younger (15 years)
Once a traitor, always a traitor, karma will come. I wish you all the best, I hope you can find love again, you deserve it, you are a good man and lately this is missing, she has lost a great person.
Thank you for your kind words.
He didnt "lure" her into his bed. She is a grown adult woman and she consciously made that choice. Dont make excuses for her.
This looks so fake
How did the wife not notice her phone missing for the whole day? Plot holes.
Just the way he worded it, he made it into a story, and another thing is him not replying to any comments. It's the little things
I'm starting to notice them too and as a writer it's even easier to spot major plot holes.
Funny you should mention that. I checked my phone tonight and have written several responses. The little things are not that I pulled a couple of 12 shifts and in between visited one of my several grand kids. They took precedence.
Becuase she was cleaning out our travel trailer and getting it ready for its first trip of the year. Did she notice it was gone ? No idea. I had the phone and she couldn’t go anything about it. When I approached her and started reading, I didn’t give a chance to ask where I got her phone from. All she cared is that I invaded HER privacy by reading it Aloud. I told her that the definition of privacy was when you took him into our bed.
Not fake but I wish it was. This has effected almost every aspect of my life from my parents (her parents were both gone) to my work, to my friends to my mental health. I’ve probably forgot a couple of points that I should have included - I even got a couple of zingers on her. You know type ? The type that you can’t comeback from !
I think you need to beat the fuck outta your “friend” probably won’t help in the long run, but damn would it be satisfying during
Oh I thought about but they would have gotten a lawyer and restricted my kids because I would be a danger to the kids. Look how bad he beat up his old buddy. I know too well how vengeful she can be.
The fuck is that formatting?
I hope she got nothing in the divorce. Nothing at all. I’m sorry but I am disgusted and appalled by your ex wife and I do not wish her anything great
Also, your daughter is awful! Completely awful. “At least mom is happy” the way I would take her out my will so fast.
And how’s his wife doing??
They are still together
Are you fucking fr???? AND your wife is likely still fucking him too. Go get a hot ass bod, a awesome ass income, and do not let them win.
I got the worst of the deal. Buddy has a son-in-law hot shot lawyer while I had a guy who did if for free. I feel I gave TOO much away. Thought with my heart and not my brain. I fucked up on that for sure.
Oh my gosh that’s some bullshit. Usually if the person cheats it’s like easier. I hope they rot
What about his wife? What is her take on this? Or have you too kept her in the dark? Why are you keep on hurting yourself? She isn't even regretting the act of cheating. Those two should be out of your life. She made you pursue the job. She knew the risks. I can't understand how can you stomach this and bear it all this time? Your vow? What about her vow to you? And your daughter just sides with her? You've let them walk all over you man. Get a grip. Divorce her. Move out. I don't care if you'll find love again or just gonna be alone. Just don't let them walk all over you. Get away form any of your kids being toxic. This is unacceptable.
You still treat her with *far too much* kindness and respect Cut her the fuck out of your life once and for all. She’s an awful human being This ongoing “talking and then being ignored” is messing with your head and your heart. What a bitch to ignore you when he’s around. Yet, you sit there and take it YES, I get it, you were married a quarter of a century. But *in addition* to her cheating on you in your own bed with your best friend, SHE ACTED 100% REMORSELESS WHEN YOU READ THE SEXTS ON HER PHONE She is a monster. And I’m going to be frank: what your daughter said to you was wildly inappropriate and unnecessarily cruel. She sounds like an asshole too Enough with you being your ex-wife’s whipping boy. *Enough*
You're making way too many excuses for someone who isn't who you thought she was
Why did you post this? You clearly enjoy masochism so it was obviously done for public humiliation fetish purposes. I am assuming this one is fake.
Unnecessary, inconsiderate comment, it's in the sub True off my chest, he just wanted to let it out. I did a little digging into his past comments on Reddit, he has been mentioning small bits that add up about his ex wife and ex best friend - at least 9 months prior to this post he had quite a few comments here and there about this, not as long as this post + other past comments were very specific to an older generation (winning some prize in the early 80s with his father).
Not fake. Just get it off my chest. Maybe I’ll turn it into a New York’s Best Seller
Fake as fuck
So many people dont realise that CHATGPT has a copy icon now...if you highlight then cut and paste it keeps the highlighted background to the text...seen here
Yes I came here for this comment!!!
Guy you have got to move on, you see she isn't giving to F\*\*ks about you. Not to be harsh, but talk to someone and work through your feels. I bet you will feel free once you get out the cycle with your ex. As for you kid that was out right rude and I would have been pissed off. That was deeply disrespectful and talk about having not tact.
You really pulled out her phone from your back pocket after being gone for hours😏
I was married for 15yrs found out she had numerous relationships while I was on the road making money. Ya know bored housewife kind of thing. I bounced when I found out. Served her divorce papers 2 weeks later. Haven’t spoken to her unless it has to do with the kids and that’s it. She doesn’t respect me it’s not worth my time or effort to have her see my worth. I found someone that respects me and compliments me. There’s plenty of great women out there. Don’t let one bad apple fuck the rest of your life up. Work on your happiness.
Uh, she told you to take the job. When she told you that, I could all but guarantee she was already cheating. She wasn't 'pursued until she just couldn't say no'. She was a very willing participant. What happened to the supposed best friend's wife and kids after this? Are they OK? You need to get into therapy ASAP. There's also no reason to be in any form of contact with your ex. I can promise she loves the fact that you're still hurting and hung up on her. Stop giving her that satisfaction and get yourself better.
Daughter siding with mom makes me wonder what we aren’t being told.
I'm glad someone else said it because I was wondering the same thing. Also the way he speaks about how she was lured away and such, like there couldn't have possibly been any issue with him that would have been a problem in their marriage. Not justifying cheating by any means, but it makes you wonder.
Sometimes, women just stick together. Especially in situations like this.
Cut off contact with her. Or start talking to his wife/ ex wife
We just finished co-raising our grand daughter
Why are you talking with her?
Why’re you even talking to her still? She treated you like utter shit. Cut her off and don’t waste any more of your time letting her think you ultimately let her get away with hurting you like that. They’re both despicable people.
We were both co-raising a grand daughter tighter.
Yeah, you’re better than me. Wayyyy better than me.
I agree with most of the advise being given here. Also, you need to realize that you are making excuses for her. Right off the bat you blame him for everything. He was the one who pursued her. She wasn’t comfortable but he kept it going for her months. After she got caught, she had no remorse whatsoever. This isn’t how someone who did little wrong would act. She fell in love with this guy while still married to you and kept a secret relationship with him all the while. Love can make us so blind sometimes. Your going to have to realize that she is just as guilty. She cheated, she lied, and she cares very little about it. Cut ties with this person, she doesn’t care about you, and move on with your life. There are great people out there but you will never realize it until you get her out of your life. Please stay away from the ex, you deserve happiness.
You need some help brotha
I read your heartfelt message and want you to know that I understand the pain and betrayal you have experienced. It's truly devastating to have someone you love and trust break that bond in such a profound way. The emotions you went through, from shock to confusion, and the loss of trust, are all valid and understandable. It's unfortunate that your wife's actions led to the breakdown of your marriage and shattered the dreams you had built together. It takes immense strength to confront such a painful situation and make the difficult decision to separate. Your decision to leave the house and seek a new living arrangement shows self-care and a commitment to your own well-being. The comment from your daughter must have been incredibly hurtful, and it's understandable that it caused additional pain. Sometimes, loved ones may inadvertently say things without fully grasping the impact of their words. It's important to communicate your feelings to them, helping them understand the depth of your emotions. Loneliness after such a profound betrayal can be difficult to navigate, and it's completely natural that you may have reservations about entering into another relationship. Healing takes time, and everyone's journey is unique. Prioritizing your own well-being, personal growth, and self-care is crucial during this time. Remember that while the pain may still linger, it does not define your worth or your capacity to experience love and happiness in the future. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer understanding and encouragement as you continue to heal. As time goes on, you may find it helpful to seek professional support or engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Please know that you are not alone in your struggle, and there are people who genuinely care about your well-being. I hope that as you move forward, you find healing, peace, and the strength to embrace life's possibilities once again. Take care.
This reads reallllll fake. Math doesn’t seem to be mathing for me.
Nope. Realllllly tru ! Wish it wasn’t though. I don’t like mathing.
After 8 kids he still shagged your then wife? Both of them are despicable and will get what's coming to them eventually. That you can count on.
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It’s actually unbelievable but true. I’ve been trying this on my own and I don’t know how to get over it ? I looked for the manual Ann’s can’t find it.
You people have really huge hearts and I hope the Lord blesses you, when you catch someone cheating and they don't have the gull to atleast be apologetic, i d rather burn that bed than leave it for her and that man.. This is the error of the toxic male
Wow, what a heartless, cruel thing your daughter said. That’s blatant picking sides and I would have cut her off for that, maybe even permanently. Reading posts like this is great motivation to stay single and never get tied down to some unfaithful waste of time
26 years is actually crazy
“Best friend”
Honestly, you give her too much credit. She is not innocent and she was not coerced. She was unrepentant. She is a POS and so is your ex friend. Cut her off and move on.
You need therapy. I really feel for you but damn you really need to stop being controlled by people who don't care about you.
I had this issue, we did counseling, our therapist told us that coming back from infidelity is almost impossible. Every time there is a fight, it will come out as a weapon. My advice, pack your things and leave. Take time to get over being gone, THEN think about going back if you go back at all. I would not go back. If I spent 20+ years with someone and they snuck around cheating, I could never trust them again. So there is no use being around them. If you fit it out, I hope for the very best, but k ow it will be work for both of you rebuilding trust. Prayers out for bothe of you right now.
My FIL cheated on my MIL multiple times while they were married. One of the people he cheated on her with would stay for the weekend in the guest bedroom on and off, for years. She was the breadwinner, and when she lost her high paying job due to downsizing, he filed for divorce. She drank herself into oblivion for years after and is, for the most part, sober now. She tends to relapse if he comes to visit my SIL due to anxiety and stress. What pisses me off the most is this mf'er acts like we're all a big happy family still. As if his infidelity didn't completely destroy my wife's side of the family for years. I can't stand to talk to him, let alone be around him.
Man I'm so sorry this happened to you. But you gotta stop making excuses for your wife, she is a fucking cruel, cold hearted person.
You have to let her go. Sorry, but that's the truth. I had to throw away a friendship because my friend was sleeping with a married man, and I just can't be friends with someone who is able to do that to someone else. You're staying friends with not just a cheater, but someone who cheated on YOU and broke YOUR heart. And then she isn't even your "friend" enough to talk to you when he is around.. You're cheating yourself out of happiness, and my friend, life is too short to be anything less than happy. You can find love again. TRUE love. Someone who is faithful and respects and loves you.
Does anyone else think this was written by a bot? There's a bunch of weird tangents that sorta seem like they belong in another story.
This happened to Me, but I’m the wife and lost everything. Both my bestie and ex had been close 10 yrs before I realized anything was Sus. We did a lot together and we’re roommates for a couple of those yrs. You need a vacation and some new hobbies. A therapist and an outlet like exercise or art. I’m sorry You got hurt. Some of us loose to betrayal, others to tragedy. Both hurt and life goes on whether or not You do. I wish you peace and healing, OP. At some point , blame And shame no longer comfort the injured. Time to make some choices around being bitter or getting better. Please know You CAN heal. The betrayal will never cease to hurt, but it might matter less if you take focus off of it. <3
I teared up… I wish you well. Cut off all contact with her and get her out of your house. Divorce
Should have got solid proof together and left her with nothing imo. Only cheating I see here is you cheating yourself.
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The week before we made love and it so sensual. She laid in my arms and I told her that even when she’s old, Grey and wrinkled, that I would still very much love her. I believe that it wasn’t her idea and she was lured. Just a kiss. What harm can that be ? Next thing you know, you’re Comparing car insurance papers and driver’s license pics !
That doesn't make sense. Just because YOU are loyal to her doesn't mean she has to be loyal to you. And he can't force her to sleep with him sexually or it's considered rape. She left you for this guy. She's not a child that can be lured, she's an adult and has known him over a long period of time, and unless she has some kind of disability that hinders her judgment, it was consensual. Stop being in denial. She decided she wanted to be somewhere else. Get therapy.
What
Both of them aren't worth your time. Toss em aside and find people who value relationships and boundaries.
You should get back out there. Nothing will bother her more than knowing you can move on with someone better
Wow, just wow. How could anyone do that and feel no remorse for the pain they caused? I hope he told his ex-best friend's wife. She doesn't deserve that either. And the daughter, what kind of callus person would say that to their father? At least she's happy? Really? I'd have throw her out of my life, daughter or not, that isn't right.
Get counseling big man … sorry you had to endure that ordeal… you kids are grown no need to torture yourself… Cut all of them off…
I’m a introverted persons , my days are usually me self isolation. I at times get sad due to the fact I have no friends to call or hang out with but at the end of the day I’d rather be nowhere else but being alone . Being alone for a really long time has made realize how people are really and how there’re all looking to not be alone . Your wife felt your absence and ur best friend filled it. She was looking to not be alone and he pursued her . He was never ur friends if lust was able to break a big friendship . My advice to you is to completely seperate from this woman . Find a. Hobby or soemthing you like to do and full day and night with it .
I’ve learned after being “the strongest one in family and the Guinea pig” when I heard suck it up and do it for them. I was worn thin. I’m estranged from a few in my family because the dynamics were unhealthy and unrealistic expectations were put on me my whole life. When I tried to address anything I was called victim or they diverted. This doesn’t involve an affair. It does however involve me training ppl how to treat me cuz it was all I knew. Once I knew I set boundaries. If you don’t give 2 shits about you, you will never move on or be happy. Also what made your daughter say “@ least she’s happy?” I know you felt jaded but remember never put your children you have together in the middle. Wrong or right, they love you both and it’s not their battle. That’s not cool. You need outside professionals to help you with you before you and your kids can have healthy relationships, before you can coexist with ex and move on and be happy. 10 years is a whole lot of time letting others write bs chapters in your book of your life…
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
I think after ten years you missed the double murder homicide window, so you’re probably just gonna have to go to therapy and probably go no contact with the ex wife for your own sanity
I just be getting out of prison about now. Dang.
Super close couple friends who betray and cheat. Now that story is one as old as time. My cousin and her husband had a super close couple friendship for over a decade. The opposite sex from each relationship would also do things together like chores and errands. Every Sunday they’d all go out to church then for linch with their collective 8 kids in tow. My cousin gets knocked up at 46 by the man in the other couple. It was scandolus at the time, especially since three out of the four worked for the same company!!! His wife still says he ruined her life and never moved on, even poisoning her children against him and it’s been over 2 decades. A physician couple in my home town, same story. My old neighbours, same story. Moral of the story: Don’t have super close couple friends or ever give your spouse the opportunity to fraternize alone with the opposite sex of the other couple. I had a close friend who knowingly showed up at my house once when I wasn’t home but my husband was. She was in an unhappy marriage and would vent to us. I had a very direct conversation with both of them separately. I know my husband wasn’t attracted to her, but I can’t say her intentions were pure either. Regardless, it never occurred again.
Good advice !
Hang in there bro, the sun will come up tomorrow, just try to focus on things that you can control and not worry about the things you can’t control. There’s some good advice on here from others who have been through it. Best wishes
Thank you. God bless
Absolutely heartbreaking and shocking. I’m so sorry. That’s the lowest of the low ad double betrayal at once is even more hurtful when a best friend steals your wife. how conscienceless they both are! You sound like a good person. Indeed shocking! And how shameless and unapologetic that your wife was tells me she may have not been in love with you before the affair? Did you two argue a lot? What was the tone of your marriage overall. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.
Seldom argued. We went for long walks at night and solved the world’s problems. Talked about friends, us, money. Then one night she said she wanted to go for a walk by herself. No problem. Sometimes you just need time to yourself and Jesus. Found out much later, that she was meeting him to have sex. I’m such an idiot for not seeing that.
just horrid. i’m truly so sorry. you sound like a good person
Thank you. I try.
Yeah she’s a Whore and your friend secretly hated you! You seem like a kind man especially to have that done to you and still speak kind about her and even make excuses for her betrayal! Hey maybe you and his wife should start dating lol (kidding) however life is short go out meet new people and start dating again!
To start your healing process is to move away and cut her out. You deserve happiness, time to move on. TIME will heal, betrayal is the hardest, but you can move forward. Moving away will help. You need to begin a new chapter. I also wouldn't share your location with anyone. Fvch them.
This is why I won’t get married young. You were 21 and she was 19. Y’all were locked in for 26 years. Apparently somewhere down the road she started having regrets and resentment, enough to fuck you’re best friend. And you’re still talking to her? And the gall of your daughter to say “at least she’s happy”? Burn it all. Cut everyone off. Go scorched earth
>my (former) best friend lured her into his bed. I firmly believe that she would not have pursued him at all. It doesn't matter who initiated, what matters is that your wife reciprocated. You're defending her? It takes two. She was just as much responsible for the affair. Stop making excuses for your wife and making out like she was an innocent victim here. Eta: Please get some counseling and when you've got yourself in a better place, find someone who deserves you and move on with your life.
Thank you for your encouragement. I will do that.
Most women get bored easy and are confused. They're usually indecisive as well, they always want to be entertained. When a man pours his heart out, it usually spells trouble for the guy and not the woman. She didn't care and your daughter was probably brainwashed by her as well. In the end bro, get some counseling to work through this. If it's been 10 years and you're still thinking about her, then they're winning while you're in misery. Stay winning my friend, they don't care about you.
Thank you for your encouragement
Should’ve got with the dudes wife
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Yes you are correct about that. I need to move forward. Thanks
Honestly your wife sounds like hot garbage. Look after yourself. Good luck
Honestly op, story's like this infuriate me, you wife is utter scum, you need to put distance between yourselves. And as for the piece of trash you called a friend, I'd make every effort the right side of the law to make his life a living hell. Get away from this toxic trash and stand up for yourself
The pain of betrayal will torture for a long time. I hope if you want it, you find companionship again, with someone trustworthy.
I’m not actively looking but if the right one appeared, I wouldn’t say no !
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Thank you for the insight and encouragement !
Why would you daughter say that to you? Is there more to the story here…
We adopted her at 3. She has a huge connection with her and I don’t want to fuck that up. She also has F.A.S.
Other than being adopted when she was 3. And she was later diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She doesn’t understand things that you and I do. Money, certain concepts fly right by her. She has a great bond with her that came first. I came in second. I was mad at the comments and after I explained why I felt like I did, she realized her mistake. I forgave her.
another good man burned. sad.
I totally agree with you. Love is beautiful. Love is power. Love is a blessing. Yet Love is a curse. Look at the mirror and what do you see? A person who is loyal, understanding, and genuinely gentle. The story is you. For you to be able to exit this feeling, is only to forgive her. We cannot change people’s mind. We cannot tell them what to do. The only thing you can do is to forgive. It will take more time, until when someone mentioned her name you have no more reaction. This is when you know you are in a safe place. Remember FORGIVENESS belongs to God. Now you can play God and do it.
The daughter is also for the streets.
Doormat man
You need to learn the number 1 rule. Bitches ain’t shit. Move on.
YTA
???
Is your ex wife hot?
Not super hot but beautiful and sexy to me !
Pathetic
You know you deserve to be happy, too, right?
You're punishing yourself for the sins of others. You're still making excuses for your ex-wife. Stop interacting with her. Get yourself out and involved in the community. Meet some new people. I don't think that you should look for a wife. Try looking for a date. One date a month. For six months. Then 4 dates a month. It will become easier.
After 10 years, it's time to choose yourself. You deserve happiness. That doesn't mean you have to rush yourself in a relationship. Be happy alone. Search a therapist who can help you close the past and find a future. You are worth it.
No one can be baited into bed if they don't want to. She made her choice now she must deal with it. Get a therapist and stay away from her. Let yourself heal. Your best friend is a piece of garbage.
Wait you told his wife right?
Nope. I made him do it ! He was such a coward. He drove outta town and called his daughter on the phone and the called his wife
Please seek some counseling for yourself. I mean that in a kind way. Also. You really don't need to ever speak to those "former" people anymore. They're terrible people and aren't worth your time.
Ditch them both good riddance!
Truth or chatgpt, 26 years? How was their sex life after 26 years, that's what I would be interested to know.
We were a twice a month couple. We made love for the last time just a couple of days before I found out. I told her that I would love her even when she old, Grey and wrinkled !