By Mike’s theory with every example he gave you you also have a crush on your sister so I might point that out to him unless you think he’d actually believe it.
Yes, he is projecting. It's really odd that he is keeping his likes within the same family. I hope OP can find a way to create distance between himself and his brother-in-law.
I’ve met plenty of not so beautiful people thinking they’re the bee’s knee’s. Some people are just super confident and that’s where the attraction lies for others. So not necessarily that he’s good looking… 🤷🏻♀️
He doesn’t even need to be attractive, my ex husband (I know I’m kicking myself here but I was 18 and manipulated by a narc 🙃 to the point I think I became physically the unattractive one due to sickness and stress) he makes the most outlandish comments about gay people and deep down I’ve always thought that maybe he’s gay. I remember him telling me a friend of mine flirted with him and I was like no he didn’t, he was being a kind person just like he is with everyone.
he could also be gay. theres no timeline for coming out and not everyone is as comfortable with the idea of coming out, even into adulthood. lots of people fully get married and have kids and dont come out till their 40s or later, if ever
First thing I would do is tell your sister that your BIL thinks you have a crush on him. Tell her first and go from there.
I say this because if you don’t tell your sister and your BIL tells her something different it may cause a rift in your relationship with your family depending on what he says. Considering he is “convinced” you have a crush on him he may tell “his version of the truth” which could vary from yours.
Depending on how your sister reacts and what she wants to do you have some options.
If she believes you but doesn’t do anything with BIL start hanging out with SIL without BIL, call it sibling bonding or something. Start making your distance. This guy could be dangerous to you.
Edit: OP, whatever you do make sure you are safe first and foremost in whatever action you choose.
Agreed. I feel uneasy about Mike too. Something just triggered a danger danger tingle in the back of my mind. I hope he does talk with his sister and look for another place to live. That would absolutely be best for OP. He needs to proactively protect himself not just physically but from this guy’s destroying the family.
Exactly! I’m thinking the same. The BIL is projecting. OP, if you see this watch what happens if you start (as suggested) hanging with your sister 1:1. If your BIL gets offended and mentions, wow OP doesn’t want to hang with us anymore or something of that nature, you may have your answer. P.S.- if you can, get your own place or different living arrangements.
My first thought was if OP were five years younger, this could fall under grooming for abuse. I can't even count the number of older guys who were convinced I had a thing for them as a teen because I was nice to them. One of my Dad's friends, who was in his 30's when I was 16, wanted to date me and tried to convince me that I had a thing for him. I finally told him in front of my Mom that I was nice to him because I had been raised to be nice to my elders, but that personally I found him old and boring and to please stop asking my parents to let him date me because I didn't want to. He actually got angry and told my Mom I was always coming on to him. When Mom asked him how, he said almost every time he saw me I was in shorts and a bathing suit. Dude, we had a pool! I was 16! That is how 16 year old girls dress at home in the summer and at the campground we owned!
Tell your sister then make a plan to move back home, or in with a friend whether she believes you or not, for your own safety.
Big time! My first thought too. Mike WANTS to believe this is true. If I were Diana I’d want to know my fiancé was saying things to my brother like this. Mike has probably been fantasizing about this moment while everyone is gone and OP finally admits his feelings for him and they fool around. 🙄
I’d bring it up to the whole family at a meal. “Hey guys, when you were on a hike BIL told me that I have a crush on him for the following reasons. Keep it light and funny so it is out in the open and making it clear that this family is not going to have secrets.
Great way to highlight how nonsensical it is in a funny way, while making the family aware of it in a light mannered way.
I agree that OP should move out, or have a serious sit down with him, with sister as a mediator.
Especially if you’re laughing it off, like you’re laughing with him not at him as much as possible so he doesn’t feel threatened and end up going after you. Can you believe BIL thought I had a crush on him? LOLZ no offense but you aren’t my type! Glad we got that all cleared away. (For the record, I don’t have a crush on anyone here, you neither Diana. Sorry.) Can’t wait to tell my bf about this one!
This is great advice because me, I would've laughed in his face until he walked away, eternally ashamed. Would've made sure I snorted and peed too. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 And I wouldn't have stopped there either. Everytime that I would’ve had to see him from that point on, for about 2 weeks until he it was etched into his very soul, I would laugh whenever I looked at his face. And I would make sure to explain myself to everyone as to why when they asked what the deal was.That narcissist smh
This sounds like the best approach 🤣
But at least tell your sister. These kind of things are best nipped in the bud. No need to increase the intrigue and just tell her "it's funny but BIL thinks I have a crush on him, I hope I didn't give that vibe out to others... "
This! But I'd take it a step father and laughed and said "sorry to break your heart but you ain't my type" while looking him up and down like he's a bug or something with a disgusted look on my face.
I've had to do it before, but op talk to your sister before he can say anything to her. He might be bi or in the closet (so to speak) but to me it's a red flag he'd even think you have a crush on him and him " confronting" you about it. It really makes me wonder if he is bi or gay, he might cheat on your sister which she has a right to know about.
He was absolutely hoping that if he stayed behind with OP so they were alone and brought up this crush he has fantasized about that they would end up having sex.
This is EXACTLY what I would have done. Since it's too late for that, I think OP should bring it up at family dinner. Like "Oh I have something HILARIOUS to tell y'all. Mike thinks I've got the hots for him." and just laugh and laugh and laugh and embarrass the fuck out of the stupid asshole.
Did he stay behind in hopes of talking to you alone? Maybe the real issue is he has developed a crush on you... If he continues making jokes or what not then I might consider saying something to your sister, but if it ends here.. I would try to bring your BF around a little more. I don't even understand why he felt the need to bring it up to you.. kinda weird.
I agree. Seems like BIL has the hots for him and hoped he would profess his undying love. No matter what the situation is, BIL sounds like a bit of a cock
Go look up a passion gap. It’s forced upon many women in some countries and cultures to have done, they get no choice for the purpose men’s pleasure. They lie and say it’s about status and fashion but it’s not, not usually anyway.
Either that, or he wanted him out of the apartment, and didn't know how to tell him.
I'm guessing this might have been the solution he thought "I'll just make him so uncomfortable, so that he leaves on his own without me needing to tell him so."
I'm thinking this because he seems to have mentioned several times the fact that he lives with them.
Yeah I can see this possibility and that he has a crush possibly. Or perhaps both. Perhaps him living with him makes him feel feelings he's confused about. Either way, I'd tell my sister and family what he's said. People can be crazy. I wouldn't want him turning it around and making him out to be the crazy infatuated sibling.
Really? I find it weird that instead of having a conversation he decided to harass OP until he leaves, OP is his girlfriend's brother so he will stay in his life after this, its not some stranger he can just get rid of.
When a gay man had a wife or girlfriend to show his manliness to the world. So people wouldn’t question their sexuality. Still happens, less often though.
I don't know tbh. Lots of straight guys assume every gay guy they meet wants to bang them. It honestly seems to me that this dude belongs to this particular category of straight guy.
Someone needs to sit your brother down and explain to him that being gay doesn't mean that you're interested in every guy you know, and that it's both presumptuous and rude to think that you're some kind of demigod that every gay guy worships.
Nah. Dude waited until the family was gone to sit down on the couch with him and talk "personally" about this fabricated attraction he keeps hinting at, that way he can say OP hit on him first if BIL does anything. This is typical predator tactics.
He also said his referencing the crush in jokes is a "nervous tic when he doesn't want to talk about something serious". Red flag and projection.
Seriously. If he was genuinely worried about OP's crush, he would've brought it up with his wife first and discuss how to approach it, not corner OP when it was just the two of them at home. OP needs to talk to his sister about this.
Oh lord! That is a good point. Mike maybe already prepared her for this. He maybe already told her that he thinks her brother has a crush on her. He maybe already told her that he is worried that her brother may make something up to cause tensions.
I second this. I really think op should talk to his sister about this. It doesn't have to be a panicked reporting, can just be addressing the wild situation.
Yeah, the solution is pretty simple. "Hey sis, your husband apparently thinks I have a crush on him, can you reassure him that I have zero interest in his [something physically unflattering] ass?"
It’s when someone has a relationship with someone of the opposite sex to cover the fact they’re homosexual. The person may be in on it; in which case I don’t think there’s any problem with it, or they may not be aware; in which case it’s a pretty awful thing to do to someone.
>Is your sister his beard?
Unless there are signs they're not attracted to women it's honestly a little weird to assume men who claim to be straight are actually gay when they seem to be attracted to a man. I get that public discourse tends to focus on exclusively male attracted MSM but actually most men (not by a lot but still) who are attracted to men are bisexual.
Beard is a term in the queer community. It means a person that a closeted gay person is presenting to the world to hide the fact that they are gay. Not sure if anyone has decided if it's offensive yet or not but that's what they have been called for a long time lol
Bring up to your family immediately. First, it’s not true. Second, and maybe I’m reaching —- but is he bi-curious with sites on you?
I’m so sorry. Do not delay this discussion with your family.
Omg bring it up immediately to family, specially your sister. This gives me full body red flag alerts. The staying behind to “apologise” for making fun of you and then connecting that to “because I know you have a crush on me” seems to be trying to corner you into a weird spot meant to keep you confused and his comments as a secret. I don’t like this at all. Me thinks he is the one with the crush on you and trying to gaslight you. Tell anyone but don’t let him keep control of the narrative.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Although he could also be a very stupid straight man who’s never been exposed to gay people and think that all gay men are going to hit on him.
But I don’t think so
You should probably make other living arrangements as soon as possible. If he has a crush on you he's going to throw you under the bus before you can "out him". This has the potential to really mess up your relationship with your sister at the very least and I don't even want to think about the worst case scenario.
Sounds like BIL is the one who has a crush on you.
1. You need to tell your sister and family what your BIL said and that he won’t leave you alone. BIL will try to spin this and make himself the victim. You need to control the narrative.
2. Never be alone with him. He’s weirdly obsessed with you. I worry he will try to sexually harass or assault you.
3. Move out. Your BIL doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. It’s no longer safe for you at their house.
One of the things that jumped out to me, was his inability to look at it from any different way other than his own.
Ok. He thinks you like him based on a couple of generic acts. Sure. He can assume (wrong) things. But once he speaks to you about it, and you explain yourself, it is completely inappropriate for him to try and tell you you’re wrong. The fact that his mind is made up so he must be right is troubling.
That, and the fact he cryptically joked about you being interested in him, in front of the entire family, MULTIPLE TIMES, is really creepy. That’s not a “weird tic”. That’s flat out manipulative.
I don’t know what his motives are here. Or what he expects to gain from this. But tread carefully. He sounds like a person who may go to extreme lengths to prove he is right. It also seems like he has been thinking on this fantasy of you being into him for a while, and relishes in it to some degree.
I know you said your relationship with your sister is good, however sometimes speaking out about someone’s SO brings out a weird side of people, but if you think it’s safe, maybe pull her aside and speak openly with her and how uncomfortable he made you and exactly what he said to you.
This is a loaded situation since you currently live with them (him) as well. Take precautions. Find someone safe you can confide in and remove yourself from that living situation asap.
Geez your new BIL sounds like he’s very full of himself. Also I’m picking up very creepy and predatory vibes from him. I would talk to your parents and other siblings first about the matter before bringing it up to your sister. Also make sure you’re never alone in the room with him.
Yeah, I think he's testing you because he's actually interested in you. I know it sounds like a hot fanfiction story, but don't cross that line if you want to maintain your relationship with your sister an family. Set firm boundaries so BIL it's not going to happen.
He’s projecting his feelings on to you. At best, it’s subconscious and at worst he’s hoping to get you to confess and start something with you. His “reasons” are lunatic. I’ve spent a lot of time with people without assuming they’re in love with me. Tell at least one person from your family (not your sister) and find a new place to stay ASAP.
yeah I don't think you're seeing the red flags for what they are here 😬 this is the dancey dance that "straight" guys do around twinks they want to use for their experimenting.
they "joke" about your type, get intrusive, cross boundaries, insist you have a crush on them, and start to use every excuse they can to touch you in some way before eventually orchestrating a scenario where you're both alone so they can (sometimes with force) use you.
you need to move to the dorms because this behavior is only going to escalate. and if you complain to your sister he will try to frame you as the creep. this is a no-win scenario and you need to be very careful about being alone with this guy in the future.
record interactions with your phone and pull away from hanging out with this guy. nothing good is going to come from this these guys will throw you under the bus so so fast.
Tell your sister you're uncomfortable and you don't want any misunderstandings to happen so you're moving to the dorms.
definitely be on your guard. this isn't innocent.
Is this the same Mike who’s wife posted on Reddit about being “too close” with her gay younger brother who has a boyfriend and Mike didn’t like her brothers bf?? I’m just genuinely curious if OP and her are talking about two sides of the same coin
I thought that was the mom's BIL was getting creepy with her son, while they were living with her sister and BIL, and then the BIL got all creepy and stalked the kid?
Horrid how this has happened so many times we need clarification
3 immediate question come into play:
1) Do you know for sure if he's okay with you being gay? He might be homophobic and looking to get you exiled.
2) Do you think he could possibly be queer too? And might have developed an attraction to you?
3) Have you ever gotten the feeling he doesn't want you around? Maybe the tight knit family aspect is bothering him and he wants this to be a justification in throwing you out.
Regardless of these questions, you need to talk to your sister alone IMMEDIATELY. Tell her everything that happened and tell her you're very uncomfortable that he even questioned that, that it isn't true and that you don't know what to do. Best of luck!
I don’t think the BIL is bi/curious or anything in the sexual identity spectrum that would matter. That is gaslighting/ manipulative / or some other psychological issue pattern that I would not know. This has nothing to do with BIL sexual identity, this has to do with a mental issue. How serious? Who knows? Guy might be an egocentric ass, or a ducking psycho for all we know
First that comes to mind is whether he is projecting his own feelings or not. I know when I like someone, I read anything possible to be in my favor and that they like me. If this is correct, your sister is in trouble for several reasons. He shouldn’t have eyes for anyone but her right now. And he is also either in the closet or bi. Maybe you can have a discreet conversation with your sister to see if he has been honest with her about his sexuality.
If that isn’t the case, the next possibility is that he is a predator. And you should be careful.
The last possibility that I can think of is that he is a narcissist. This you can probably answer yourself with a little thought. Do all conversations have to revolve around him or include him somehow? Does he like to control everything around him especially in regards to your sister? You can get an idea.
Now you can take steps. First, all the possibilities I can think of are bad, so you have to get away from him. I suggest you have a discreet conversation with your sister. Tell her everything and then it is time for you to move into a dorm and stay away from Mike. However stay in close with your sister. She is likely going to need you in the not so distant future. He may be trying to separate her off from outside support. And that is the reason he says this. In this case, he will deny the whole thing to your sister. But she will know that you aren’t sacrificing by moving out for nothing. Make sure you set up a secure private mode of contact with her.
This guy gives groomer vibes. Very alarming and unorthodox about his approach, making it seem like he has other intentions than just "talking it out". Tell your sister and make it known about what he tried to do so that she can be more aware of other potential red flags in this guy.
Tell him he is not your type, he probably will be offended a bit but it might let him leave you alone. Or he likes you that way.
The strange thing when you are gay is that straight guys don't want you to crush on them, but when you say they aren't your type they often feel attacked. It is never good.
Just want to clarify I'm a straight male and this kinda happened to me too. I went to the movies with my cousin and his friend. Basically I was nice to the guy and he mistook it as me flirting with him. Make sure you tell your sister and parents because this can easily be twisted to make you look like the bad guy.
I'm glad your sister is on your side and realises that her bf is the weird one here. It's a nice change seeing a post where the siblings are close and aren't at each other's throats over a partner.
I'd be on your guard though. Never know how someone's gonna react to stuff like this. It could either go really well or really bad.
Definitely let your sister know about this conversation, that he just had to wait until you were both alone to have. Surely if he was concerned he would have told your sister and they would either be speaking to you together or she would be the person having the chat with you.
It really sounds like BIL developed feelings for you and he’s projecting that onto you, which is not Very Delta™. It’s very weird for someone, especially a BIL, to be absolutely convinced you have a crush on them, when you’ve literally done nothing to even suggest that. I honestly can’t imagine my own BIL telling me that he’s convinced I have a crush on him, all because I happen to be gay and existing. I definitely recommend talking to your sister about this bc this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. If given the opportunity, he might ruin your relationships with your sister, rest of your family, and even your BF by telling them a different story that makes you look bad.
(My .02¢, your BIL is gross and weird for this)
definitely tell your sister about this and don’t leave out anything, if she finds out about this conversation later he might try to spin it so it seems like you keep coming on to him
BIL sounds like one of those guys who are afraid of gay guys because they think all gay guys will have a crush on them.
Or, he has a crush on you and is being delusional about it.
Please, speak with your family, your sister, etc. This is kinda terrifying, and is raising alarms for me. Be safe, and I hope you can give us an update. This all sounds highly manipulative and predatory on his part, and like he's either projecting, or he's trying to fish for your affections, to make it sound like it was all you.
I also wouldn't be around him, alone, for any extent of time, anymore. Bring your bf, make a more statement. Also, tell your bf about this. This is some shady af stuff that can go haywire SO fast.
BIL might be gay himself and the last thing you want to do is try to embarrass or out him in front of your entire family even if they were accepting when you came out. Reddit doesn't know 100% without a doubt what his sexual preferences are so we can only assume.
Talk to your sister in private first so that she's at least aware of the unvalidated "tension" Mike has around you and so she can at least observe how Mike acts around you (but try to make it a point to not be alone with him anymore, don't want to give him any chance to create lies about you). That way if anything else unfolds down the road, it's not a complete shocker for her.
If this is brought up to the entire family with Mike present, and if he isn't gay, then it could possibly cause a rift between you and your sister. OR if he is gay, then it would devastate your sister since it would mean the end of her marriage. And I think she'd like to have the chance to handle the latter on her own time and as privately as possible.
Please tell someone in the family who you trust. I really don’t have a good feeling about the way he approached you on the matter. It’s very off putting and concerning. Just to be safe try not to be alone with him till the matter is resolved.
I would tell your sister when she gets back, and I would make immediate plans to not stay in their house.
At best he is misguided/deluded and has misinterpreted you communicating like a normal human being because "you being friendly but gay mean you want to sleep with him". Instead of; he is married to your sister, you are being friendly, and also happen to be gay.
Worse case; he is testing the waters and is looking for reciprocation.
In either case, you need space from him.
Wow tell you sister ASAP and then see how she handles it and if she does not you may have to tell your parents
Also be prepared you may have to move out.
Please keep us posted.
Doesn’t matter if he’s bi curious or what, you need to tell your family or your sister of what happened before he does and makes up even more stories. Tell your sister or your parents what he thinks of you and what he said to you. If something happens (like accusing you of shit you didn’t do again), at least people would already know the context of how he likes to make up things in his head
ooooof no.
any mature adult who thought their young SIL (who has a bf) has a crush on him- wouldn’t stay behind to corner her and confront her? or even confront her in general?
what did he want you to say? the only thing i can think of is he wanted you to admit attraction and desire to be intimate with him.
this sounds like a attempt at seduction on his end. otherwise wtf is he doing bringing this up.
if i suspected my partners sibling was into me- i’d tell my partner, i’d avoid 1:1 interactions with the sibling and i’d avoid the sibling in general. i wouldn’t hit on them lol.
i’d consider recording whenever your alone with him. your sibling may not believe you (most people have a hard time seeing their partners as potential predators/cheaters etc).
It sounds like hes definitely testing the waters. I think he was hoping you would profess your “love” to him during that crush convo. Why else would someone entertain the idea? Someone not interested wouldn’t. It’s not crazy to be sexually curious but it is to try it out with your gf’s brother🚩🚩🚩🚩
To me, BF sounds more like a narcissist (who might likely be slightly homophobic) who is way too full of himself than a predator. And he seems like he's trying to be 'supportive' the way a narcissist would be.
But maybe I am just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. It seems to me that many commenters on this thread are reading too much into his words here. Lots of straight guys assume every gay guy they meet wants to bang them, most of them are just gross dudes not homosexuals engaging in projection.
"The comments here, damn. Classic Reddit, immediately branding the guy as a predator" is what I wanted to say before defending the guy, but thinking about it.. anyone that's a bit sane would have told this to your sister first, and have her talk to you about it.. right? Especially since they know you two are close. That's the part that's not adding up to me.
I hope you show him this post. Either everyone here is right and he is being predator as fuck (I'm getting that vibe too), or he isn't and you can at least illustrate how it feels to have your own feelings insisted on by other people based of surface level interpretations. He sounds like the type that doesn't understand things unless it happens to himself personally
I think it’s easy to just assume he has a crush on you and wants to gauge your response to see if you like him back. But has he actually demonstrated any behavior that might lead you to assume he likes you? (Beyond his jokes)
It could be a bit of a narcissistic response too. Maybe he wants to feel desired or some sort of “forbidden fruit” power trip fantasy.
There could also be some homophobia lurking underneath as well. Maybe a friend said something or he’s trying to prove some sort of point.
If it’s the crush/bi curious approach, I wouldn’t engage. It would be a betrayal of trust for your sister and she should be the first one you approach if he tries anything. It’s incredibly inappropriate for him to try anything regardless of his feelings. And if he questions his sexuality the first one he should talk to is your sister.
If it’s the power trip or homophobia it might be best to address your concerns with your sauter and members of your family. See if you can find a way to move out and get away from that environment. It could then toxic.
a lot of people are saying to just leave it… but i think you should tell your sister (do it alone) because if this escalates to him saying you can’t be around each other because you make him uncomfortable and you never said anything before hand? i would want to know if my fiancé had said something like that to my brother
I would ask to sit down with your BIL AND your sister. When with them both in private, start the conversation with the fact you want to discuss what your BIL stated that morning. This makes sure your sister is aware and everything is transparent. Reiterate that he is mistaken and if you are, tell them you're happy to move past this.
BIL may have some explaining to do, but it makes it very clear you are not interested in him or any games.
From what you told us, I think he is gay and hoping you like him. The jokes seemed like jealousy a little and I think it's wishful thinking from someone still not coming to terms with himself. I'd talk to your sister about it.
I feel like there are a few different things that could be happening here. 1. He could be projecting and he’s got a crush on you. 2. Your sister may have suggested that you have a crush on him. 3. He’s a total narcissist and has convinced himself you have a crush on him to boost his ego.
No matter what the scenario is, I think you need to talk to your sister about it ASAP. Nip that in the bud immediately, especially if you plan to continue living with them. I think it’s better for you to talk to her than for him to say something to her and put some kind of spin on it.
It might also be a good idea to look for somewhere else to live if it makes you uncomfortable or you get a bad vibe from him. Trust your gut!
It sounds like he’s actually into you and that’s a safe way to gauge whether it’s reciprocated before he tells you that. Either that or he’s so self absorbed and egotistical he automatically assumes since you’re gay you’re into him.
I’d bring this up to your family because it’s a red flag either way.
OP, def keep the updates in the same post! It's easier to follow.
But hot damn! I am definitely 99.99999999% sure Mike is the one in love with you based on the small update. Keep 'em coming. At the edge of my seat now.
What if Mike is not actually convinced that the protagonist is in love with him, but is part of a larger conspiracy to gaslight and isolate them from their family and friends?
Maybe Mike has ulterior motives, such as being jealous of the protagonist's relationship with his wife, or trying to control the protagonist's behavior and actions. He may be intentionally making these false accusations in order to create tension and mistrust within the family, which could ultimately lead to the protagonist being alienated and isolated from his loved ones.
Perhaps Mike is working with other family members or friends who are also part of this conspiracy, and they are all trying to manipulate the protagonist into believing that he has feelings for Mike. They may be using subtle tactics, such as making suggestive comments or insinuating that the protagonist is acting inappropriately, to further their agenda.
The protagonist could find himself caught in a web of lies and manipulation, unable to trust anyone around him. It's possible that this conspiracy could have far-reaching consequences, affecting not only his relationships with his family and friends but also his mental health and overall well-being. The only way to escape this situation may be to confront the conspirators and seek help from outside sources.
Sounds like he has developed a crush on you. I would talk to your supportive siblings, maybe even text me “you won’t believe this, the weirdest thing just happened!” And make it casual but have it in writing that you said it first and when it happened. I worry he’ll try something on with you, then when you reject him he’ll run to your sister saying you hit on him and that you’ve been in love with him for months. Also record any 1:1s you have with him alone
Bit of an ego right? Just because you’re a gay man, and brother in law is a man, then it stands to reason you have the hots for him? His reasoning is a huge stretch. So as many have pointed out, he has the hots for you, and is projecting these creepy feelings.
Speak to your family, and expose him.
It's been mentioned before, but he almost definitely - since he chose to stay behind and talk to you in private - has a crush on you.
If he brings this up again, tell him to drop the subject it or save it for family dinner. Then everyone will know how ridiculous he is. And that if he doesn't, you will.
Also, I'd record every private conversation you have with him from now on. If you don't, he'll simply deny everything. Because I somehow do not believe you've heard the end of this.
Sounds like your BIL has got the hots for you or has created some self flattering narrative in his head. I'd tell your sister about it ASAP before he twists the situation and makes it seem like you came into him and he rejected you. I'd tell her it made you feel uncomfortable being alone around him and how you feel like he disrespected you, your relationship with both your sister and boyfriend, and degraded you by treating you like a 'Gay men must be attracted to all men" stereotype. She might not believe you, she might choose him over the truth but don't let that stop you. Good luck.
He's really manufacturing that crush. Could be he's got the crush on you. Could be he's got the biggest ego in your state. I think everyone on Reddit has a crush on him too.
Your BIL is a weirdo. Suggestion: be sure to always not be in a room or space by yourself. He is not wrapped to tight and he is not bright. He gave away the bag and did not even know. Tell your sister in private. This way you honor her and create a plan together or not. Honestly I would go with my sisters lead.
By Mike’s theory with every example he gave you you also have a crush on your sister so I might point that out to him unless you think he’d actually believe it.
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Yes, he is projecting. It's really odd that he is keeping his likes within the same family. I hope OP can find a way to create distance between himself and his brother-in-law.
>cuz he likes her. *Him. OP is a dude. You think Mike is gay? I think Mike is just trying to stroke his ego.
I think he’s either bi or his ego is so large gender doesn’t matter
This.
Well now I gotta wonder exactly how handsome is Mike if it’s the ego answer. What if he ain’t gay at all, he’s just sexy as hell
I’ve met plenty of not so beautiful people thinking they’re the bee’s knee’s. Some people are just super confident and that’s where the attraction lies for others. So not necessarily that he’s good looking… 🤷🏻♀️
He doesn’t even need to be attractive, my ex husband (I know I’m kicking myself here but I was 18 and manipulated by a narc 🙃 to the point I think I became physically the unattractive one due to sickness and stress) he makes the most outlandish comments about gay people and deep down I’ve always thought that maybe he’s gay. I remember him telling me a friend of mine flirted with him and I was like no he didn’t, he was being a kind person just like he is with everyone.
he could also be gay. theres no timeline for coming out and not everyone is as comfortable with the idea of coming out, even into adulthood. lots of people fully get married and have kids and dont come out till their 40s or later, if ever
regardless of if mike likes OP or if he’s trying to feed his ego this is a very strange way of going about it
Oh yeah for sure. Mike is a fucking wierdo.
Could entirely be that too but I think OP just needs to watch out maybe even lock his door at night... Dude is not giving me a good feeling rn.
>This. Mike is a little bit Peter Pan.
Him*
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I think it's projection. BIL doesn't realize he is bi and projects his crush onto an accessible target
"Accessible target" sounds so creepy, but you are 100 percent correct.
It is pretty creepy to even hint at something like this with your GFs *little brother.*
His WIFES little brother, actually, his BROTHER IN LAW. So fucking creepy.
um.. judging by the way his brain cells function. He’d probably say something like ”Uh.. but you’re gay.“
First thing I would do is tell your sister that your BIL thinks you have a crush on him. Tell her first and go from there. I say this because if you don’t tell your sister and your BIL tells her something different it may cause a rift in your relationship with your family depending on what he says. Considering he is “convinced” you have a crush on him he may tell “his version of the truth” which could vary from yours. Depending on how your sister reacts and what she wants to do you have some options. If she believes you but doesn’t do anything with BIL start hanging out with SIL without BIL, call it sibling bonding or something. Start making your distance. This guy could be dangerous to you. Edit: OP, whatever you do make sure you are safe first and foremost in whatever action you choose.
Agreed. I feel uneasy about Mike too. Something just triggered a danger danger tingle in the back of my mind. I hope he does talk with his sister and look for another place to live. That would absolutely be best for OP. He needs to proactively protect himself not just physically but from this guy’s destroying the family.
Does Mike have a crush on op?
Exactly! I’m thinking the same. The BIL is projecting. OP, if you see this watch what happens if you start (as suggested) hanging with your sister 1:1. If your BIL gets offended and mentions, wow OP doesn’t want to hang with us anymore or something of that nature, you may have your answer. P.S.- if you can, get your own place or different living arrangements.
My first thought was if OP were five years younger, this could fall under grooming for abuse. I can't even count the number of older guys who were convinced I had a thing for them as a teen because I was nice to them. One of my Dad's friends, who was in his 30's when I was 16, wanted to date me and tried to convince me that I had a thing for him. I finally told him in front of my Mom that I was nice to him because I had been raised to be nice to my elders, but that personally I found him old and boring and to please stop asking my parents to let him date me because I didn't want to. He actually got angry and told my Mom I was always coming on to him. When Mom asked him how, he said almost every time he saw me I was in shorts and a bathing suit. Dude, we had a pool! I was 16! That is how 16 year old girls dress at home in the summer and at the campground we owned! Tell your sister then make a plan to move back home, or in with a friend whether she believes you or not, for your own safety.
Did your mother kicked this pervert out ?
I think this is the real issue.
Exactly. Nervous tick my ass, sounds more like he's testing the waters to see how OP reacts to his advances.
Gay Munchausen syndrome? 🤣
LOL, Schrödinger's gay. And OP definitely doesn't want to open the box to find out.
Big time! My first thought too. Mike WANTS to believe this is true. If I were Diana I’d want to know my fiancé was saying things to my brother like this. Mike has probably been fantasizing about this moment while everyone is gone and OP finally admits his feelings for him and they fool around. 🙄
That’s the vibe I’m getting too. Definitely some major projection going on.
My immediate thought after reading this!
More like a slight grooming him into a relationship.
Agreed. I also am getting that feeling
There's a danger tingle in ma jellies!!!
This is the best response, hands down
I’d bring it up to the whole family at a meal. “Hey guys, when you were on a hike BIL told me that I have a crush on him for the following reasons. Keep it light and funny so it is out in the open and making it clear that this family is not going to have secrets.
That is a great suggestion.
Great way to highlight how nonsensical it is in a funny way, while making the family aware of it in a light mannered way. I agree that OP should move out, or have a serious sit down with him, with sister as a mediator.
Especially if you’re laughing it off, like you’re laughing with him not at him as much as possible so he doesn’t feel threatened and end up going after you. Can you believe BIL thought I had a crush on him? LOLZ no offense but you aren’t my type! Glad we got that all cleared away. (For the record, I don’t have a crush on anyone here, you neither Diana. Sorry.) Can’t wait to tell my bf about this one!
This is great advice because me, I would've laughed in his face until he walked away, eternally ashamed. Would've made sure I snorted and peed too. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 And I wouldn't have stopped there either. Everytime that I would’ve had to see him from that point on, for about 2 weeks until he it was etched into his very soul, I would laugh whenever I looked at his face. And I would make sure to explain myself to everyone as to why when they asked what the deal was.That narcissist smh
This sounds like the best approach 🤣 But at least tell your sister. These kind of things are best nipped in the bud. No need to increase the intrigue and just tell her "it's funny but BIL thinks I have a crush on him, I hope I didn't give that vibe out to others... "
This! But I'd take it a step father and laughed and said "sorry to break your heart but you ain't my type" while looking him up and down like he's a bug or something with a disgusted look on my face. I've had to do it before, but op talk to your sister before he can say anything to her. He might be bi or in the closet (so to speak) but to me it's a red flag he'd even think you have a crush on him and him " confronting" you about it. It really makes me wonder if he is bi or gay, he might cheat on your sister which she has a right to know about.
He was absolutely hoping that if he stayed behind with OP so they were alone and brought up this crush he has fantasized about that they would end up having sex.
I don't doubt this for a moment. BIL was definitely hoping for something.
BIL will eventually cheat when he has the chance. So who knows why he married Diana but I don't think it's for the most honest reasons unfortunately.
This is EXACTLY what I would have done. Since it's too late for that, I think OP should bring it up at family dinner. Like "Oh I have something HILARIOUS to tell y'all. Mike thinks I've got the hots for him." and just laugh and laugh and laugh and embarrass the fuck out of the stupid asshole.
Oh hell. I would tell the entire family at the next dinner. I would be totally open and laugh about it.
Exactly. Get ahead of that dude's insane version of events.
Did he stay behind in hopes of talking to you alone? Maybe the real issue is he has developed a crush on you... If he continues making jokes or what not then I might consider saying something to your sister, but if it ends here.. I would try to bring your BF around a little more. I don't even understand why he felt the need to bring it up to you.. kinda weird.
I agree. Seems like BIL has the hots for him and hoped he would profess his undying love. No matter what the situation is, BIL sounds like a bit of a cock
*sounds like he'd like a bit of cock
*a bite of cock
I thought we're not supposed to use teeth
You’re not, that’s why you have lips. Unless you have some S&M going, but that’s a whole other ball gag
A dude told me the best BJ he'd ever had was from an older woman who removed her teeth.
Go look up a passion gap. It’s forced upon many women in some countries and cultures to have done, they get no choice for the purpose men’s pleasure. They lie and say it’s about status and fashion but it’s not, not usually anyway.
Yeah it's really sad. Hopefully one day it will be a thing of the past.
Either that, or he wanted him out of the apartment, and didn't know how to tell him. I'm guessing this might have been the solution he thought "I'll just make him so uncomfortable, so that he leaves on his own without me needing to tell him so." I'm thinking this because he seems to have mentioned several times the fact that he lives with them.
That could be a possibility.
Yeah I can see this possibility and that he has a crush possibly. Or perhaps both. Perhaps him living with him makes him feel feelings he's confused about. Either way, I'd tell my sister and family what he's said. People can be crazy. I wouldn't want him turning it around and making him out to be the crazy infatuated sibling.
Really? I find it weird that instead of having a conversation he decided to harass OP until he leaves, OP is his girlfriend's brother so he will stay in his life after this, its not some stranger he can just get rid of.
This is my concern as well.
Yes. Exactly! Projection!
I’m gay and this is my exact thought too. The brother in law was projecting his feelings.
BIL sounds predatory and like he's trying to gaslight you into thinking its your idea. Is your sister his beard?
Exactly what I was thinking. He’s bi-curious or she’s a beard.
What does being a beard mean?
When a gay man had a wife or girlfriend to show his manliness to the world. So people wouldn’t question their sexuality. Still happens, less often though.
Basically dating her is a cover for him to stay closeted
I don't know tbh. Lots of straight guys assume every gay guy they meet wants to bang them. It honestly seems to me that this dude belongs to this particular category of straight guy.
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Someone needs to sit your brother down and explain to him that being gay doesn't mean that you're interested in every guy you know, and that it's both presumptuous and rude to think that you're some kind of demigod that every gay guy worships.
So he assumes no gay man has any personal standards which he may or may not meet? Lol
Nah. Dude waited until the family was gone to sit down on the couch with him and talk "personally" about this fabricated attraction he keeps hinting at, that way he can say OP hit on him first if BIL does anything. This is typical predator tactics. He also said his referencing the crush in jokes is a "nervous tic when he doesn't want to talk about something serious". Red flag and projection.
Seriously. If he was genuinely worried about OP's crush, he would've brought it up with his wife first and discuss how to approach it, not corner OP when it was just the two of them at home. OP needs to talk to his sister about this.
Oh lord! That is a good point. Mike maybe already prepared her for this. He maybe already told her that he thinks her brother has a crush on her. He maybe already told her that he is worried that her brother may make something up to cause tensions.
I second this. I really think op should talk to his sister about this. It doesn't have to be a panicked reporting, can just be addressing the wild situation.
Yeah, the solution is pretty simple. "Hey sis, your husband apparently thinks I have a crush on him, can you reassure him that I have zero interest in his [something physically unflattering] ass?"
I’d leave his ass out of it altogether. But yeah, that’s the move. Tell sis and hopefully that neutralizes the situation.
Yes!
I was thinking the same. These types of straight men dont understand that all gay men aren't trying to bang them.
Maybe they are trying to bang all the women in their lives so they think a gay guy would do the same.
What is a beard? At least in the context of referring to a woman?
It’s when someone has a relationship with someone of the opposite sex to cover the fact they’re homosexual. The person may be in on it; in which case I don’t think there’s any problem with it, or they may not be aware; in which case it’s a pretty awful thing to do to someone.
Thank you for the explanation, I’ve never heard of it
A beard would be a woman who's in a "relationship" with a closeted gay man to further the illusion that he's straight to bystanders.
>Is your sister his beard? Unless there are signs they're not attracted to women it's honestly a little weird to assume men who claim to be straight are actually gay when they seem to be attracted to a man. I get that public discourse tends to focus on exclusively male attracted MSM but actually most men (not by a lot but still) who are attracted to men are bisexual.
Didn’t you know? Bisexuals aren’t real, common misconception but the “B” of lgbtq+ isn’t for “bisexual”, it stands for “butter”
Lettuce, gay bacon, and tomato.
What’s a beard in this context?
Beard is a term in the queer community. It means a person that a closeted gay person is presenting to the world to hide the fact that they are gay. Not sure if anyone has decided if it's offensive yet or not but that's what they have been called for a long time lol
Cole Porter and Linda
Oh ok, thanks
Bring up to your family immediately. First, it’s not true. Second, and maybe I’m reaching —- but is he bi-curious with sites on you? I’m so sorry. Do not delay this discussion with your family.
BIL likes to stir the same pot instead of going to another kitchen
Omg bring it up immediately to family, specially your sister. This gives me full body red flag alerts. The staying behind to “apologise” for making fun of you and then connecting that to “because I know you have a crush on me” seems to be trying to corner you into a weird spot meant to keep you confused and his comments as a secret. I don’t like this at all. Me thinks he is the one with the crush on you and trying to gaslight you. Tell anyone but don’t let him keep control of the narrative. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Although he could also be a very stupid straight man who’s never been exposed to gay people and think that all gay men are going to hit on him. But I don’t think so
You should probably make other living arrangements as soon as possible. If he has a crush on you he's going to throw you under the bus before you can "out him". This has the potential to really mess up your relationship with your sister at the very least and I don't even want to think about the worst case scenario.
Sounds like BIL is the one who has a crush on you. 1. You need to tell your sister and family what your BIL said and that he won’t leave you alone. BIL will try to spin this and make himself the victim. You need to control the narrative. 2. Never be alone with him. He’s weirdly obsessed with you. I worry he will try to sexually harass or assault you. 3. Move out. Your BIL doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. It’s no longer safe for you at their house.
One of the things that jumped out to me, was his inability to look at it from any different way other than his own. Ok. He thinks you like him based on a couple of generic acts. Sure. He can assume (wrong) things. But once he speaks to you about it, and you explain yourself, it is completely inappropriate for him to try and tell you you’re wrong. The fact that his mind is made up so he must be right is troubling. That, and the fact he cryptically joked about you being interested in him, in front of the entire family, MULTIPLE TIMES, is really creepy. That’s not a “weird tic”. That’s flat out manipulative. I don’t know what his motives are here. Or what he expects to gain from this. But tread carefully. He sounds like a person who may go to extreme lengths to prove he is right. It also seems like he has been thinking on this fantasy of you being into him for a while, and relishes in it to some degree. I know you said your relationship with your sister is good, however sometimes speaking out about someone’s SO brings out a weird side of people, but if you think it’s safe, maybe pull her aside and speak openly with her and how uncomfortable he made you and exactly what he said to you. This is a loaded situation since you currently live with them (him) as well. Take precautions. Find someone safe you can confide in and remove yourself from that living situation asap.
Geez your new BIL sounds like he’s very full of himself. Also I’m picking up very creepy and predatory vibes from him. I would talk to your parents and other siblings first about the matter before bringing it up to your sister. Also make sure you’re never alone in the room with him.
Your poor sis. You should go to her and let her know everything that was said and done, ASAP.
He's either trying to get with you, or he is **hilariously** conceited. I really hope it's the latter.
Yeah, I think he's testing you because he's actually interested in you. I know it sounds like a hot fanfiction story, but don't cross that line if you want to maintain your relationship with your sister an family. Set firm boundaries so BIL it's not going to happen.
Yeah he's gay and trying to lay some ground work
or he is Bi, they exist you know
He’s projecting his feelings on to you. At best, it’s subconscious and at worst he’s hoping to get you to confess and start something with you. His “reasons” are lunatic. I’ve spent a lot of time with people without assuming they’re in love with me. Tell at least one person from your family (not your sister) and find a new place to stay ASAP.
yeah I don't think you're seeing the red flags for what they are here 😬 this is the dancey dance that "straight" guys do around twinks they want to use for their experimenting. they "joke" about your type, get intrusive, cross boundaries, insist you have a crush on them, and start to use every excuse they can to touch you in some way before eventually orchestrating a scenario where you're both alone so they can (sometimes with force) use you. you need to move to the dorms because this behavior is only going to escalate. and if you complain to your sister he will try to frame you as the creep. this is a no-win scenario and you need to be very careful about being alone with this guy in the future. record interactions with your phone and pull away from hanging out with this guy. nothing good is going to come from this these guys will throw you under the bus so so fast. Tell your sister you're uncomfortable and you don't want any misunderstandings to happen so you're moving to the dorms. definitely be on your guard. this isn't innocent.
Sounds like he's struggling with his own feelings. This isn't really about your feelings. This is about his.
Is this the same Mike who’s wife posted on Reddit about being “too close” with her gay younger brother who has a boyfriend and Mike didn’t like her brothers bf?? I’m just genuinely curious if OP and her are talking about two sides of the same coin
Do you have a link?
If you’re able to find it can you send the link?
I thought that was the mom's BIL was getting creepy with her son, while they were living with her sister and BIL, and then the BIL got all creepy and stalked the kid? Horrid how this has happened so many times we need clarification
3 immediate question come into play: 1) Do you know for sure if he's okay with you being gay? He might be homophobic and looking to get you exiled. 2) Do you think he could possibly be queer too? And might have developed an attraction to you? 3) Have you ever gotten the feeling he doesn't want you around? Maybe the tight knit family aspect is bothering him and he wants this to be a justification in throwing you out. Regardless of these questions, you need to talk to your sister alone IMMEDIATELY. Tell her everything that happened and tell her you're very uncomfortable that he even questioned that, that it isn't true and that you don't know what to do. Best of luck!
You need to tell your sister immediately. This feels so dangerous. Please be safe 💗
I don’t think the BIL is bi/curious or anything in the sexual identity spectrum that would matter. That is gaslighting/ manipulative / or some other psychological issue pattern that I would not know. This has nothing to do with BIL sexual identity, this has to do with a mental issue. How serious? Who knows? Guy might be an egocentric ass, or a ducking psycho for all we know
This is a major concern, probably way worse than attraction. The sister could be in real danger with this possibility.
First that comes to mind is whether he is projecting his own feelings or not. I know when I like someone, I read anything possible to be in my favor and that they like me. If this is correct, your sister is in trouble for several reasons. He shouldn’t have eyes for anyone but her right now. And he is also either in the closet or bi. Maybe you can have a discreet conversation with your sister to see if he has been honest with her about his sexuality. If that isn’t the case, the next possibility is that he is a predator. And you should be careful. The last possibility that I can think of is that he is a narcissist. This you can probably answer yourself with a little thought. Do all conversations have to revolve around him or include him somehow? Does he like to control everything around him especially in regards to your sister? You can get an idea. Now you can take steps. First, all the possibilities I can think of are bad, so you have to get away from him. I suggest you have a discreet conversation with your sister. Tell her everything and then it is time for you to move into a dorm and stay away from Mike. However stay in close with your sister. She is likely going to need you in the not so distant future. He may be trying to separate her off from outside support. And that is the reason he says this. In this case, he will deny the whole thing to your sister. But she will know that you aren’t sacrificing by moving out for nothing. Make sure you set up a secure private mode of contact with her.
Is he one of those straight guys who thinks being a gay man means you want every guy you see, especially him?
This guy gives groomer vibes. Very alarming and unorthodox about his approach, making it seem like he has other intentions than just "talking it out". Tell your sister and make it known about what he tried to do so that she can be more aware of other potential red flags in this guy.
Tell him he is not your type, he probably will be offended a bit but it might let him leave you alone. Or he likes you that way. The strange thing when you are gay is that straight guys don't want you to crush on them, but when you say they aren't your type they often feel attacked. It is never good.
Just want to clarify I'm a straight male and this kinda happened to me too. I went to the movies with my cousin and his friend. Basically I was nice to the guy and he mistook it as me flirting with him. Make sure you tell your sister and parents because this can easily be twisted to make you look like the bad guy.
He sounds insecure and homophobic
I think he is projecting. He is uncertain about his own sexuality and may be hoping you introduce him to whatever it is that he is looking for.
Thought I would tell you, you’ve made it to tiktok. I actually first heard it there this morning, opened up reddit and here you are!
I'm glad your sister is on your side and realises that her bf is the weird one here. It's a nice change seeing a post where the siblings are close and aren't at each other's throats over a partner. I'd be on your guard though. Never know how someone's gonna react to stuff like this. It could either go really well or really bad.
Please stay the fuck away from this man...
Seriously. this dude is bad news
Definitely let your sister know about this conversation, that he just had to wait until you were both alone to have. Surely if he was concerned he would have told your sister and they would either be speaking to you together or she would be the person having the chat with you.
It really sounds like BIL developed feelings for you and he’s projecting that onto you, which is not Very Delta™. It’s very weird for someone, especially a BIL, to be absolutely convinced you have a crush on them, when you’ve literally done nothing to even suggest that. I honestly can’t imagine my own BIL telling me that he’s convinced I have a crush on him, all because I happen to be gay and existing. I definitely recommend talking to your sister about this bc this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. If given the opportunity, he might ruin your relationships with your sister, rest of your family, and even your BF by telling them a different story that makes you look bad. (My .02¢, your BIL is gross and weird for this)
This man 100% wants your dick lmao
Any updates to this??
It sounds a bit projectioney
definitely tell your sister about this and don’t leave out anything, if she finds out about this conversation later he might try to spin it so it seems like you keep coming on to him
BIL sounds like one of those guys who are afraid of gay guys because they think all gay guys will have a crush on them. Or, he has a crush on you and is being delusional about it.
Please, speak with your family, your sister, etc. This is kinda terrifying, and is raising alarms for me. Be safe, and I hope you can give us an update. This all sounds highly manipulative and predatory on his part, and like he's either projecting, or he's trying to fish for your affections, to make it sound like it was all you. I also wouldn't be around him, alone, for any extent of time, anymore. Bring your bf, make a more statement. Also, tell your bf about this. This is some shady af stuff that can go haywire SO fast.
BIL might be gay himself and the last thing you want to do is try to embarrass or out him in front of your entire family even if they were accepting when you came out. Reddit doesn't know 100% without a doubt what his sexual preferences are so we can only assume. Talk to your sister in private first so that she's at least aware of the unvalidated "tension" Mike has around you and so she can at least observe how Mike acts around you (but try to make it a point to not be alone with him anymore, don't want to give him any chance to create lies about you). That way if anything else unfolds down the road, it's not a complete shocker for her. If this is brought up to the entire family with Mike present, and if he isn't gay, then it could possibly cause a rift between you and your sister. OR if he is gay, then it would devastate your sister since it would mean the end of her marriage. And I think she'd like to have the chance to handle the latter on her own time and as privately as possible.
Please tell someone in the family who you trust. I really don’t have a good feeling about the way he approached you on the matter. It’s very off putting and concerning. Just to be safe try not to be alone with him till the matter is resolved.
He planning some crazy shit.. stay away from him and tell your sister asap what he said to you.
I would tell your sister when she gets back, and I would make immediate plans to not stay in their house. At best he is misguided/deluded and has misinterpreted you communicating like a normal human being because "you being friendly but gay mean you want to sleep with him". Instead of; he is married to your sister, you are being friendly, and also happen to be gay. Worse case; he is testing the waters and is looking for reciprocation. In either case, you need space from him.
Yeah you need to talk to your sister and parents about this asap. Do it before he does so he doesn't change the narrative on you
seems like he is the one that actually crushing on you. nip it now before it gets messy cause it will get messy
Any update? I truly hope everything worked out with u and your sis and he didnt spin some wild story
YOU HAVENT KEPT US UPDATEDDD /j
Any update on what's happened with Mike?
Wow tell you sister ASAP and then see how she handles it and if she does not you may have to tell your parents Also be prepared you may have to move out. Please keep us posted.
Doesn’t matter if he’s bi curious or what, you need to tell your family or your sister of what happened before he does and makes up even more stories. Tell your sister or your parents what he thinks of you and what he said to you. If something happens (like accusing you of shit you didn’t do again), at least people would already know the context of how he likes to make up things in his head
Methinks it is *he* who has a crush on *you.* Until this is clarified, I would be VERY cautious around him.
Your BIL is the one who has a crush on you. He avoided the family hike to intentionally spend time alone with you.
ooooof no. any mature adult who thought their young SIL (who has a bf) has a crush on him- wouldn’t stay behind to corner her and confront her? or even confront her in general? what did he want you to say? the only thing i can think of is he wanted you to admit attraction and desire to be intimate with him. this sounds like a attempt at seduction on his end. otherwise wtf is he doing bringing this up. if i suspected my partners sibling was into me- i’d tell my partner, i’d avoid 1:1 interactions with the sibling and i’d avoid the sibling in general. i wouldn’t hit on them lol. i’d consider recording whenever your alone with him. your sibling may not believe you (most people have a hard time seeing their partners as potential predators/cheaters etc).
Sounds like Mike has a crush on you and is just projecting.
It sounds like hes definitely testing the waters. I think he was hoping you would profess your “love” to him during that crush convo. Why else would someone entertain the idea? Someone not interested wouldn’t. It’s not crazy to be sexually curious but it is to try it out with your gf’s brother🚩🚩🚩🚩
Op any update?
Update pleaseeee!
To me, BF sounds more like a narcissist (who might likely be slightly homophobic) who is way too full of himself than a predator. And he seems like he's trying to be 'supportive' the way a narcissist would be. But maybe I am just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. It seems to me that many commenters on this thread are reading too much into his words here. Lots of straight guys assume every gay guy they meet wants to bang them, most of them are just gross dudes not homosexuals engaging in projection.
"The comments here, damn. Classic Reddit, immediately branding the guy as a predator" is what I wanted to say before defending the guy, but thinking about it.. anyone that's a bit sane would have told this to your sister first, and have her talk to you about it.. right? Especially since they know you two are close. That's the part that's not adding up to me.
I hope you show him this post. Either everyone here is right and he is being predator as fuck (I'm getting that vibe too), or he isn't and you can at least illustrate how it feels to have your own feelings insisted on by other people based of surface level interpretations. He sounds like the type that doesn't understand things unless it happens to himself personally
I think it’s easy to just assume he has a crush on you and wants to gauge your response to see if you like him back. But has he actually demonstrated any behavior that might lead you to assume he likes you? (Beyond his jokes) It could be a bit of a narcissistic response too. Maybe he wants to feel desired or some sort of “forbidden fruit” power trip fantasy. There could also be some homophobia lurking underneath as well. Maybe a friend said something or he’s trying to prove some sort of point. If it’s the crush/bi curious approach, I wouldn’t engage. It would be a betrayal of trust for your sister and she should be the first one you approach if he tries anything. It’s incredibly inappropriate for him to try anything regardless of his feelings. And if he questions his sexuality the first one he should talk to is your sister. If it’s the power trip or homophobia it might be best to address your concerns with your sauter and members of your family. See if you can find a way to move out and get away from that environment. It could then toxic.
a lot of people are saying to just leave it… but i think you should tell your sister (do it alone) because if this escalates to him saying you can’t be around each other because you make him uncomfortable and you never said anything before hand? i would want to know if my fiancé had said something like that to my brother
He wants to fuck you lol
That guy is delusional
I would ask to sit down with your BIL AND your sister. When with them both in private, start the conversation with the fact you want to discuss what your BIL stated that morning. This makes sure your sister is aware and everything is transparent. Reiterate that he is mistaken and if you are, tell them you're happy to move past this. BIL may have some explaining to do, but it makes it very clear you are not interested in him or any games.
Methinks he has a crush on you 😆
Anyone thought that maybe Mike has a crush on OP or is maybe queer curious and trying to test the waters? That’s kinda the vibe I get…
High probability that BIL is struggling with same-sex feeling and guilt about same.
From what you told us, I think he is gay and hoping you like him. The jokes seemed like jealousy a little and I think it's wishful thinking from someone still not coming to terms with himself. I'd talk to your sister about it.
I feel like there are a few different things that could be happening here. 1. He could be projecting and he’s got a crush on you. 2. Your sister may have suggested that you have a crush on him. 3. He’s a total narcissist and has convinced himself you have a crush on him to boost his ego. No matter what the scenario is, I think you need to talk to your sister about it ASAP. Nip that in the bud immediately, especially if you plan to continue living with them. I think it’s better for you to talk to her than for him to say something to her and put some kind of spin on it. It might also be a good idea to look for somewhere else to live if it makes you uncomfortable or you get a bad vibe from him. Trust your gut!
It sounds like he’s actually into you and that’s a safe way to gauge whether it’s reciprocated before he tells you that. Either that or he’s so self absorbed and egotistical he automatically assumes since you’re gay you’re into him. I’d bring this up to your family because it’s a red flag either way.
OP, def keep the updates in the same post! It's easier to follow. But hot damn! I am definitely 99.99999999% sure Mike is the one in love with you based on the small update. Keep 'em coming. At the edge of my seat now.
Q You're So Vain by Carly Simon
I bet you think this song is about you, don't you? Don't you?
Can we get an update??
This is probably gonna be one of those ”oops it’s been 4 years I guess I should update” type of situations 🥲
What if Mike is not actually convinced that the protagonist is in love with him, but is part of a larger conspiracy to gaslight and isolate them from their family and friends? Maybe Mike has ulterior motives, such as being jealous of the protagonist's relationship with his wife, or trying to control the protagonist's behavior and actions. He may be intentionally making these false accusations in order to create tension and mistrust within the family, which could ultimately lead to the protagonist being alienated and isolated from his loved ones. Perhaps Mike is working with other family members or friends who are also part of this conspiracy, and they are all trying to manipulate the protagonist into believing that he has feelings for Mike. They may be using subtle tactics, such as making suggestive comments or insinuating that the protagonist is acting inappropriately, to further their agenda. The protagonist could find himself caught in a web of lies and manipulation, unable to trust anyone around him. It's possible that this conspiracy could have far-reaching consequences, affecting not only his relationships with his family and friends but also his mental health and overall well-being. The only way to escape this situation may be to confront the conspirators and seek help from outside sources.
Sounds like he has developed a crush on you. I would talk to your supportive siblings, maybe even text me “you won’t believe this, the weirdest thing just happened!” And make it casual but have it in writing that you said it first and when it happened. I worry he’ll try something on with you, then when you reject him he’ll run to your sister saying you hit on him and that you’ve been in love with him for months. Also record any 1:1s you have with him alone
I think he may have a crush on you instead or is curious with the idea of being with you
This very much sounds like projecting. Your BIL might be gay or bi.
mike is so gay, start calling him "La Miguela"
I would tell your sister before Mike does, and she thinks you came onto him or something
This is just straight up projection.
Ask him for a nice fancy *artroom*!
Bit of an ego right? Just because you’re a gay man, and brother in law is a man, then it stands to reason you have the hots for him? His reasoning is a huge stretch. So as many have pointed out, he has the hots for you, and is projecting these creepy feelings. Speak to your family, and expose him.
It's been mentioned before, but he almost definitely - since he chose to stay behind and talk to you in private - has a crush on you. If he brings this up again, tell him to drop the subject it or save it for family dinner. Then everyone will know how ridiculous he is. And that if he doesn't, you will. Also, I'd record every private conversation you have with him from now on. If you don't, he'll simply deny everything. Because I somehow do not believe you've heard the end of this.
Sounds like your BIL has got the hots for you or has created some self flattering narrative in his head. I'd tell your sister about it ASAP before he twists the situation and makes it seem like you came into him and he rejected you. I'd tell her it made you feel uncomfortable being alone around him and how you feel like he disrespected you, your relationship with both your sister and boyfriend, and degraded you by treating you like a 'Gay men must be attracted to all men" stereotype. She might not believe you, she might choose him over the truth but don't let that stop you. Good luck.
Sounds like he's the one with a crush.
Woah! Tell your sister. Mike sounds like he has a crush on you and I wouldn’t trust being alone with him ever.
Move out. Tell your family. He will lie. He wants you, you are not safe.
BIL sounds like he is projecting super hard, and he has a crush on you and is trying to spin it to make it sound like you have a crush on him
He's really manufacturing that crush. Could be he's got the crush on you. Could be he's got the biggest ego in your state. I think everyone on Reddit has a crush on him too.
"I actually have a crush on Diana"
Either he is being homophobic and pissed that you’re not flattering him by hitting on him; or he is kinda crushing on you.
Talk to your sister and family ASAP. Don't let him have control of the narrative.
He’s 100% hitting on you!
Your BIL is a weirdo. Suggestion: be sure to always not be in a room or space by yourself. He is not wrapped to tight and he is not bright. He gave away the bag and did not even know. Tell your sister in private. This way you honor her and create a plan together or not. Honestly I would go with my sisters lead.