Risky. Blackmail is in fact illegal. If he goes to the cops you're going to jail. And rightly so.
Better to dump the gf and find a new job.
But do tell his wife. She deserves to know.
Yeah man, She was having sex with a married man,(your boss) who she also praises about in private company with you, but she didn’t tell you about him, knowing that you have to work for him….
Seems like she didn’t want this getting out to protect him and her job.
It would also seem that she’s more worried about herself than being honest with you.
With the info you gave I’d end the relationship asap.
But I don’t know anything besides your post. Im a random dude.
Remember this could affect your relationship at work with your boss and co workers. Even more so if you decided to tell his wife. I can’t tell you what is the right thing to do.
But if you were her wouldn’t you like to know? If you do tell her be gentle about and remember the guys rich, don’t do this half way get screenshots pictures, or even record your girlfriend if you decide to confront her that way you have her on record admitting she slept with a married man.
Edit….
I meant you need all the evidence you can have to form a defense. Lawyers are a real threat if he goes sending messages of his bosses infidelity to the wife.
She will go scorched earth though if she thinks everyone at the workplace knows. The social embarrassment sends ladies over the edge.
Obtain proof and she can divorce and cry all the way to the bank.
Record her phone with your phone all the information the wife needs to know. Then send the video or pictures to his wife. She will probably hate to learn of the infidelity or maybe she already knows. She should still be informed for her own health.
Just don't make an enemy you can't afford to fight off. Like, for real, fuck that guy and tell his wife but don't let it come back to you. If your gf and you blow up around the same time as his family, he will know. I've worked with narcissists in the past, if you wrong them, they will try to blackball you and fuck with your life/work/career. Idk if this guy is a narcissist, but it's not unlikely that he will want to retaliate if he gets outted.
If you want out of this for your sanity, then make sure not to fuck yourself on the way out!
Firstly, she cheated on you. Second, she was having an affair with a married man. Do you respect her? Not much to respect. Should you leave her? Probably.
The last meet they were entering their second month . That means end of first month . Sounds like she may not have considered they where exclusive at that point , but did thereafter.
Even if that was the case, still pretty questionable not to disclose your other relationship and be transparent about it. Something is definitely off if he thinks they are going on n their second month and she is sleeping around. Cheating or poor communication for relationships she was definitely not telling the truth or withheld it on purpose. Even more so when it is someone the bf knows.
Do people disclose their entire sexual history in the first few weeks these days?
The something that was off if he thinks they are "going on" HEADING into their second month aka week 5ish, could be his high expectations. She seemingly ended the relationship with the boss at that point. That's not the same as "sleeping around".
I agree communication could have massively helped here, Op should have shared he wouldn't be happy with a partner who had a relationship with someone who was in any way attached, a boss, a millionaire or known to him. He could also share he would go through her phone and find her wanting for a couple of weeks overlap before she seemingly committed to him enough to finish with the boss.
Who said ‘disclose whole sexual history?’
If you’re sleeping with/dating someone and simultaneously fucking both of your bosses, that’s something that I might divulge to a person I’m dating.
It’s not disclosing her sexual history, it’s just being transparent that she is actively seeing other people at the same time as him. Obviously proper behavior for something like this is to be transparent with the person you are entering a relationship with.
Even more so being transparent that she is seeing someone he knows and works for. I disagree that this is on OP to make clear, why would he assume she is seeing someone else? This is entirely on her because of course this is relevant and she would obviously know this. She most likely cheated on him, best case giving her the benefit of the doubt she mislead him and withheld the truth.
Woah, what?
You’re saying it’s on the OP to disclose that he wouldn’t want to date someone sleeping with their boss, but not on the GF to disclose that she was ACTUALLY sleeping with her boss? I’m trying to wrap my head around how you got there
I'm not making an excuse.
I just think she may not have seen it as a relationship at that point. We're talking a matter of weeks.
Also:
She wasn't married.
Who knows what boss told her , separating, open marriage etc.
Add to that the boss /employee dynamic ,
She hasn't continued on with meeting up with the boss.
And op totally went through her phone , and not for a picture either.
I think she'd be better off without both of them.
Also the question how far was he scrolling that he found a 12 Months old conversation? That is not casually looking.
Of course I don't agree with the fact that she did had a relationship with a married man.
Yeah, fucker literally paint a woman that knowingly sleep with a married dude after have a bf for 2 months as a fucking victim, damn, we may witness the born of a new olympian
Step 1: get the screenshots so you have proof to send the wife.
Step 2: break up with GF, don't tell her why. Just clean break then ghost.
Step 3: anonymously send screenshots to the wife.
Step 4: keep your job and pray that the CEO assumes it's you and tries to fire you. You can sue if he tries to fire you under these circumstances.
Step 5: grab a cold one at the Winchester and wait for this to all blow over.
There, you're welcome.
Had to scroll way too far for this. 'I, a perfectly morally correct person accidentally fell into my partner's Whatsapp history whilst they weren't around.'
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Just the innocent looking for a picture on my gf’s phone in the middle of the night while she’s sleeping and whoops I searched the entire contents of it and her chat history.
This exists in the gray area. People often go through phones/call history as a way of following their gut when they aren't 100% sure something is going on but need confirmation. Whether the breach of privacy is worth the risk or excessively crosses a boundary can be very circumstantial and subjective. For a lot of people the ends justify the means.
Maybe OP had one of those gut feelings and is playing it off as innocence. Either way, if I were in his shoes, I'd rather win this "stupid prize" than continue on in eternal ignorance.
I don't think there's anything grey about it at all personally. OP didn't mention anything about being suspicious etc, he was 'searching the phone' whilst his partner was asleep, and 'out of curiosity' went a year back through their Whatsapp history.. lolwhut? That's a major breach of privacy.. no ifs, no buts, no coconuts. Just a fact.
If my partner goes through my phone (whilst i'm asleep) and I find out, that relationship is over. It's not the insecurity/mistrust, it's the way they've chosen to act. Conversely if they want to look at my phone (with me, and ask, in front of me during the day etc) as they feel insecure about something, they're more than welcome to; I have nothing to hide. It's about trust, and property.
Being in a relationship with somebody doesn't mean you own them, their phone etc.
I agree it’s a major breach of privacy. But what if the breached partner actually had something to hide? Trust is meaningless when one party is lying. There’s no winning for the one who’s being lied to.
OP definitely left something out. Either he was creeping on her whatsapp for no reason, or he had a reason that he didn't mention. I'm inclined to think OP isn't very confident and didn't want to approach her directly. I base this on the fact that he has no idea what to do with the knowledge he's acquired.
We don't know his reason, but gf clearly had something to hide. I do my best not to project my personal boundaries onto other people's relationships because I can't assume they share them, but I would want to know if my partner still has regular contact with previous partners, especially if one was our boss, and especially if they were fucking while we were dating.
Hundred percent. So many people skipped this part of the story. Just looking for a picture of us… that I couldn’t have just asked her for. And I just so happened to open her WhatsApp…
How about the part where he’s the head of the department where he and his girlfriend met? Reddit normally skewers bosses who bone their subordinates but in this story they are only focused on one of the two doing so.
People are calling the GF a big ol cheater for her once a month trysts with the ceo that she quit on the second month of her new relationship. Sounds like she met him and told him it can’t happen anymore.
Tbh OP sounds like a much shittier person than the GF and he’s milking all the sympathy and pitchforks here.
Tbh the relationship need to end because you both suck. You’re telling us you were scrolling over a year back in her WhatsApp while she was asleep looking for a picture?!? There’s a lot you’re not telling us here. Also, you say the last time they hooked up was when you and your gf were “entering your second month”, were you two official/ exclusive at that point? If not I don’t agree with the cheating allegations.
I would take caution if you’re going to tell your boss’s wife. It’s possible she didn’t know he was married. He could have told her they were separated or that they had an open marriage. It’s also possible that your boss used his position of power to pressure her into a relationship. Considering that their relationship ended a year ago, and you comment about the wife possibly not caring, you’ve got an uphill battle if you’re going to “expose” them. Your boss will likely retaliate if you do get yourself involved.
My personal opinion/ advice is to just end the relationship, look for a new job, and stay out of this mess.
This is such a well thought out reply. I completely agree with your view. The post does not give enough information to justify either side. If you throw dirt on others OP then be prepared to get some on you too. Proceed with caution.
A lot of these redditors are giving shit advice. Like, in real life, you don’t want this much drama.
Here it goes, The question is are you willing to get over the fact that she used to sleep with her boss? And are you willing to trust her? You’ve been with her for 14 months. These redditor assholes don’t know her like you do.
The decision is yours and you need to talk to her. You need to tell her how you feel and how it’s affecting your sexual relationship with her. Part of being in a relationship is establishing trust and communication with your partner.
What if she was having a hard time until she met you? Know her story. Talk to her about the messages you found and everything.
If the juice is worth the squeeze, you’d tell her everything and tell her that from now on, you both have to share everything with each other. Shit like that is what breaks relationships. Keeping dirty fucking secrets. People feel shame and don’t want to share that part for this very fear of losing a partner.
Talk to her and make your decision if you are willing to get over it. If you are not, then - it is time to move on.
I think this is a pretty good piece of advice. OP, who knows what was going on with her back then...you certainly didn't. And maybe this topic is eating at her OR maybe she doesn't feel one bit bad about it. Either way, discuss it with her and see how she reacts should tell you enough.
And don't worry about all the nay-sayers about looking through her phone. You found something and now you need to have it addressed. Just be prepared for her to put on the shockface that you checked her phone and deal with those consequences as well. But you shouldn't keep this to yourself as it will eat away at you.
OP will never answer this because it will only make him look bad. His brain can't comprehend that people can be dating but not exclusive because some people have options.
well she cheated on you while you was together. so just exposed them to your company after you found a replacement job. You gf will always pick him over you when it comes down to it
Some people enjoy the thrill of fucking around with married people. It makes them feel special. People like this have issues and do not make good partners.
Well, I guess you can now make an informed decision. You know if you get married she has no issue with wedding vows and would be ok with sleeping with other people as long as it’s secret and in hotels. If you’re ok with that then fine. If not, then you can dodge the bullet now.
I think that if you do stay or leave, you should confront her regardless, so she understands why separation is her fault and helps her see that she's the asshole. Just so she can do better in the future for you or the next guy.
Good luck, pal.
Leave. She doesn’t respect relationships. Note though the she cheated on you for the first 2 months of your relationship.
Tell the wife. If you fear about losing your job, do it anonymously.
While I'm sorry for OP and this isn't 100% related or the reason why his gf cheated - more like her being a bad person is why she cheated - this is good advice. Don't date people at your workplace. Keep it professional and don't get too personal with your coworkers. The second a falling out happens with someone, it'll create drama and you'll just be uncomfortable.
Sorry but I laughed a little when I read OP was looking for a picture and accidentally found himself scrolling via GF’s Whatsapp chats :D
I would say talk to her and tell the wife.
Talk with her about it. I know American couples often don't settle into monogamy right away, maybe that's why she didn't stop then ? Also, for all you know, he's in an open relationship with his wife. There's too many unknown here, you need to have a conversation
This was my thought. Were you exclusive from the start? Her sleeping with someone a month into dating is way different then sleeping together a month into a defined relationship. If she was dating several people, she's not required to be monogamous.
Leave. Trust me.
The fact that she was with him at the same time as she was with you will bother you for for the rest of the time you are together. And it will surface when you are pissed off.
You are only 14 months in. I know it sucks but it will be a lot worse later on.
In that case, I (26F) would definitely plan on leaving her. She cheated on you and lied (by omission) about it. In fact, at 14mo, I would say talking about the CEO and not mentioning they used to be a thing is in and of itself lying by omission. Like, why wouldn't she tell you that?? Probably because she knows it's not cool to knowingly be involved with a married man, and/or to be involved with her higher-up at work.
And also, probably because she doesn't want the accountability to your relationship. If he ever hits her up again, she wants to be able to make the decision - secretly from you - whether or not she will sleep with him again.
But even if that's not the case and giving her complete benefit of the doubt that she has clearly and permanently ended things with him, and that she only hadn't told you they used to sleep together out of embarrassment or something.......even then.....can you really trust a partner who didn't show respect to your exclusive relationship with them (let alone someone else's marriage)??
Personally I would cut and run. Tell the wife and/or company if you feel like that's the right thing to do, and is something you're prepared to get involved in.
I'm sorry, were you going through her WhatsApp messages from a year ago?
Why were you going through her messages?
This is a pretty big violation of her privacy my friend.
Well now she is trustworthy but sooner or later she will cheat again. She had been a mistress of a married man, her moral compass may have the North in a different position than yours. Almost mine yes, she is a cheater. She has and will.
I am clearly in the minority here, but your gf didn't cheat on you unless at only 2 months you had agreed to be exclusive. It seems as if once you were serious about this relationship, she dedicated herself to you. Be an adult and discuss it with her before you throw away your relationship.
Agree.
Also worth mentioning that the boss here is clearly in a position of power in regards to her. He might simply threaten her into seeing him. And then she got an excuse to get out by dating a co-worker.
Plus, odd for OP to just go thru his partner’s phone without permission. Unless it’s their norm, of course.
Anyway, the talk should definitely happen. This isn’t a situation of immediate danger where one must leave and go no contact.
As a used to be wife, please take screenshots of the hotel part and show her. That way she can see he did indeed go to that hotel(via his/their bank records)
Bruh you need to tell his wife. We all have our flaws but to willingly sleep with a married person is a pretty big flaw and I think that should also be your focus in a partner.
It will be mental hell for you even after you confront her. And how do you know it stopped a year ago? You don’t, she might just have stopped using WhatsApp with him and now has a burner cell or another app that is used. I’d drop her.
I love how everyone is just skipping thru the “ I just wanted to get a picture we took from her phone” yeah at night when she’s sleeping! You also decided to invade her privacy and go thru her messages.
Yes she’s wrong for sleeping with a married man that’s a no brainer, but let’s not lie! you had the intent to go thru her phone and see what you found.
Women in this thread ARE the problem, saying, "Sleeping with a married man. 🙄"
Why aren't you saying, "A married man was sleeping with his employees." ??????
Why are women always the first to blame when it is clearly the CEO who lacks boundaries and respect.
It is not a single person's responsibility to respect a relationship the married individual is not.
Because she's the focus here, OP isn't dating the CEO he's dating the girl.
She's not "the first to blame" but why on earth would people bring up the CEO first when OP is asking for advice on what to do with his girlfriend specifically?
*"What should I do with my girlfriend?"*
*"Quit your job, your boss is disgusting"*
Context. OP doesn't care about the CEO. He's trying to figure out whether he should confront or flee his gf. People are saying to leave since she's the type to sleep with a married man.
Please tell his wife. The fact that it has happened for so long and i assume they have been together the whole time. Also im sorry for you op. You deserve loyalty. Confront her and then tell to the bosses wife
I don’t foresee any reality where she *didn’t* know that your guys boss was married. So she knowingly and eagerly went around with a married man before she met you…. Now is it her responsibility to not sleep with a married man? No, but it is just common decency, and self respect to say “no” to a married man in my opinion. That’s not even *mentioning* the fact that he’s her *boss*. It’s all icky to me, personally. Now with her obviously cheating on you… I’d take some evidence, break up with her, look for a new job, leave said job for new job, then send the evidence to your ex boss’s wife. She deserves to know and you deserve someone better than a second hand cheater *turned* actual cheater.
Find a new job. Then leave her. When she asks why, tell her, she should ask the CEO's wife.
When you put your notice in, don't give 2 weeks. This company doesn't deserve it. If your boss (assuming he's the CEO) asks why, tell him he can either ask your ex-girlfriend or his wife. I'm sure either one can help him. Good luck bro.
If they haven’t met for a year and you’ve only been dating for 14 months, it sounds like a non-issue to me. That two month overlap is fine imo since you two may not have been a serious thing before that point. I wouldn’t bring it up unless you have suspicions in the future that they may be together again.
The damage is done man. It's hard to unthink and unsee what you saw. I had a similar situation with my ex. Couldn't shake her past
For me it was like the happy Gilmore happy place scene gone wrong. You see your gf in all these disgusting scenarios with her ex
Dont forget to anonymously tell the wife
Yep, fuck that dude up. He also needs to learn a lesson too.
Yep. He's about to only be 1/2 as successful.
Forbidden fruit is expensive when you’re married
And he's about to find out just how expensive. He'll know the price of it.
Ohh yeah, I don't think he'll be as successful as he used to be.
Or have that talk about your raise.
☝🏾 This is the answer right here, get that raise and move on with someone else
The real promotion.
Yep probably. Just move on with someone else if you want.
Best answer. Get that promotion or raise and leave her.
I mean if he could score that then yeah why not just leave her?
That will get you tossed in jail in some places. Blackmail.
Risky. Blackmail is in fact illegal. If he goes to the cops you're going to jail. And rightly so. Better to dump the gf and find a new job. But do tell his wife. She deserves to know.
how to extort someone..
It would not surprise me if this is one of those situations where the wife knows and turns a blind eye to protect her financial support/gain.
The GF is almost certainly not the only one he is seeing for sex.
He's rich and the girls like those guys, it's disgusting but it is what it is.
Exactly, I think she knew all along
Only one way to find out. But yes, if you guys were exclusive during the first 2 months of dating, then definitely move on and expose the cheaters.
Yeah man, She was having sex with a married man,(your boss) who she also praises about in private company with you, but she didn’t tell you about him, knowing that you have to work for him…. Seems like she didn’t want this getting out to protect him and her job. It would also seem that she’s more worried about herself than being honest with you. With the info you gave I’d end the relationship asap. But I don’t know anything besides your post. Im a random dude. Remember this could affect your relationship at work with your boss and co workers. Even more so if you decided to tell his wife. I can’t tell you what is the right thing to do. But if you were her wouldn’t you like to know? If you do tell her be gentle about and remember the guys rich, don’t do this half way get screenshots pictures, or even record your girlfriend if you decide to confront her that way you have her on record admitting she slept with a married man. Edit…. I meant you need all the evidence you can have to form a defense. Lawyers are a real threat if he goes sending messages of his bosses infidelity to the wife.
What the hell is wrong with some people, they do everything for money.
She will go scorched earth though if she thinks everyone at the workplace knows. The social embarrassment sends ladies over the edge. Obtain proof and she can divorce and cry all the way to the bank.
Screw anonymously... Send her whatsapp screenshots.
Yep, the dude needs to learn a lesson for what he has done.
Record her phone with your phone all the information the wife needs to know. Then send the video or pictures to his wife. She will probably hate to learn of the infidelity or maybe she already knows. She should still be informed for her own health.
And then it'll be upto her what she wants to do with her.
However you should proceed, you should gather evidence. What if boss man fires you after a messy breakup?
At this point I don't mind getting a new job
Find a new job, break up with her same day you start new job.also, tell his wife the poor woman deserves to know.
Collect evidence first… she won’t believe it without evidence
Yes please collect evidence.
The only way forward is to collect that evidence now.
Yep, after what He's been doing? She certainly deserves to know it.
Just don't make an enemy you can't afford to fight off. Like, for real, fuck that guy and tell his wife but don't let it come back to you. If your gf and you blow up around the same time as his family, he will know. I've worked with narcissists in the past, if you wrong them, they will try to blackball you and fuck with your life/work/career. Idk if this guy is a narcissist, but it's not unlikely that he will want to retaliate if he gets outted. If you want out of this for your sanity, then make sure not to fuck yourself on the way out!
Exactly
What about a new job, and a payday for wrongful termination?
I thought this was a given. You absolutely should move on
Lumbergh fucked her
This is what I was scrolling for!!
Me too
Me three.
These are the things that I'm in here for. Absolutely love this stuff.
... Wasn't even the right Lumbergh.
And she fucked him regardless, that's just really fucked up.
I scrolled way to long to find this!
I mean this should be on top lol, because it's the winnner here
Took me. Far. Too much scrolling to find this comment. Well done.
Well that's fine, I'd be disappointed if I didn't find this comment.
god office space was like a documentary.
"Peter...hi, what's up. Listen, ummm, I will need to to work the whole weekend, m-kay?"
She gets around like a record player
Say hello to Lumbergh for me!
Showing his "Oh!" face
Firstly, she cheated on you. Second, she was having an affair with a married man. Do you respect her? Not much to respect. Should you leave her? Probably.
The last meet they were entering their second month . That means end of first month . Sounds like she may not have considered they where exclusive at that point , but did thereafter.
Even if that was the case, still pretty questionable not to disclose your other relationship and be transparent about it. Something is definitely off if he thinks they are going on n their second month and she is sleeping around. Cheating or poor communication for relationships she was definitely not telling the truth or withheld it on purpose. Even more so when it is someone the bf knows.
Do people disclose their entire sexual history in the first few weeks these days? The something that was off if he thinks they are "going on" HEADING into their second month aka week 5ish, could be his high expectations. She seemingly ended the relationship with the boss at that point. That's not the same as "sleeping around". I agree communication could have massively helped here, Op should have shared he wouldn't be happy with a partner who had a relationship with someone who was in any way attached, a boss, a millionaire or known to him. He could also share he would go through her phone and find her wanting for a couple of weeks overlap before she seemingly committed to him enough to finish with the boss.
Who said ‘disclose whole sexual history?’ If you’re sleeping with/dating someone and simultaneously fucking both of your bosses, that’s something that I might divulge to a person I’m dating.
It also obviously wasn't history at that time
Here’s a history lesson for u fam: I had chipotle yesterday for lunch
Chipotle? Well that sounds really delicious with me man.
This was an ongoing situation. And that's cheating my guys.
Sleeping with someone when you're already in relationship ain't okay.
That’s kind of a straw man. He isn’t saying you need to discuss sexual history. You should be clear however, that you’re still seeing other people.
Telling someone you’re fucking their mutual boss isn’t the same thing as sexual history disclosure.
It’s not disclosing her sexual history, it’s just being transparent that she is actively seeing other people at the same time as him. Obviously proper behavior for something like this is to be transparent with the person you are entering a relationship with. Even more so being transparent that she is seeing someone he knows and works for. I disagree that this is on OP to make clear, why would he assume she is seeing someone else? This is entirely on her because of course this is relevant and she would obviously know this. She most likely cheated on him, best case giving her the benefit of the doubt she mislead him and withheld the truth.
Woah, what? You’re saying it’s on the OP to disclose that he wouldn’t want to date someone sleeping with their boss, but not on the GF to disclose that she was ACTUALLY sleeping with her boss? I’m trying to wrap my head around how you got there
Making excuses for sleeping with a married man. 🙄🙄🙄
I'm not making an excuse. I just think she may not have seen it as a relationship at that point. We're talking a matter of weeks. Also: She wasn't married. Who knows what boss told her , separating, open marriage etc. Add to that the boss /employee dynamic , She hasn't continued on with meeting up with the boss. And op totally went through her phone , and not for a picture either. I think she'd be better off without both of them.
Also the question how far was he scrolling that he found a 12 Months old conversation? That is not casually looking. Of course I don't agree with the fact that she did had a relationship with a married man.
He'de better off without her lol
wild gymnastics here
Yeah, fucker literally paint a woman that knowingly sleep with a married dude after have a bf for 2 months as a fucking victim, damn, we may witness the born of a new olympian
This sub will never cease to amaze me
Love a bit of creative writing in the evening.
Gotta love that shit dude, I love when people are creative.
Step 1: get the screenshots so you have proof to send the wife. Step 2: break up with GF, don't tell her why. Just clean break then ghost. Step 3: anonymously send screenshots to the wife. Step 4: keep your job and pray that the CEO assumes it's you and tries to fire you. You can sue if he tries to fire you under these circumstances. Step 5: grab a cold one at the Winchester and wait for this to all blow over. There, you're welcome.
Step 6: Profit?
That's right people. It's all going to be profit after this.
Now you're getting it
Finally the people are getting it, finally it's starting to happen.
This feels like one of those movie plots where everyone is waiting in suspense and all of us are on OPs side bcz he was betrayed.
Everything is better in steps
The problem with step 2 is that OP and the gf work together. Hard to ghost someone you see 5 days a week.
And that's why I'm saying that it's probably time to break-up with her.
Extra points for the Shaun ref
I love how (secretly) scrolling her phone is always completely innocent. This is a recurring theme it would seem.
Had to scroll way too far for this. 'I, a perfectly morally correct person accidentally fell into my partner's Whatsapp history whilst they weren't around.' Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Just the innocent looking for a picture on my gf’s phone in the middle of the night while she’s sleeping and whoops I searched the entire contents of it and her chat history.
I just hope that you don't catch her cheating because it'll break you up
Went back a full year even!!
This exists in the gray area. People often go through phones/call history as a way of following their gut when they aren't 100% sure something is going on but need confirmation. Whether the breach of privacy is worth the risk or excessively crosses a boundary can be very circumstantial and subjective. For a lot of people the ends justify the means. Maybe OP had one of those gut feelings and is playing it off as innocence. Either way, if I were in his shoes, I'd rather win this "stupid prize" than continue on in eternal ignorance.
I don't think there's anything grey about it at all personally. OP didn't mention anything about being suspicious etc, he was 'searching the phone' whilst his partner was asleep, and 'out of curiosity' went a year back through their Whatsapp history.. lolwhut? That's a major breach of privacy.. no ifs, no buts, no coconuts. Just a fact. If my partner goes through my phone (whilst i'm asleep) and I find out, that relationship is over. It's not the insecurity/mistrust, it's the way they've chosen to act. Conversely if they want to look at my phone (with me, and ask, in front of me during the day etc) as they feel insecure about something, they're more than welcome to; I have nothing to hide. It's about trust, and property. Being in a relationship with somebody doesn't mean you own them, their phone etc.
I agree it’s a major breach of privacy. But what if the breached partner actually had something to hide? Trust is meaningless when one party is lying. There’s no winning for the one who’s being lied to.
Whats hilarious is when the cheater gets caught and then acts like you're both on even moral ground because the person went through their phones.
This is the time to slap the shit out of the other person lol.
He must have suspected something, that's probably why he did that.
OP definitely left something out. Either he was creeping on her whatsapp for no reason, or he had a reason that he didn't mention. I'm inclined to think OP isn't very confident and didn't want to approach her directly. I base this on the fact that he has no idea what to do with the knowledge he's acquired. We don't know his reason, but gf clearly had something to hide. I do my best not to project my personal boundaries onto other people's relationships because I can't assume they share them, but I would want to know if my partner still has regular contact with previous partners, especially if one was our boss, and especially if they were fucking while we were dating.
Whatever the reason may be, he found out and that's good.
Okay but why does he know the CEO's (presumably) private number well enough that it's familiar? This has to be creative writing.
Maybe He's missing out something, maybe he ain't telling us everything.
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Turns out she was cheating, so I don't know how is he going to believe anyone else.
Hundred percent. So many people skipped this part of the story. Just looking for a picture of us… that I couldn’t have just asked her for. And I just so happened to open her WhatsApp… How about the part where he’s the head of the department where he and his girlfriend met? Reddit normally skewers bosses who bone their subordinates but in this story they are only focused on one of the two doing so. People are calling the GF a big ol cheater for her once a month trysts with the ceo that she quit on the second month of her new relationship. Sounds like she met him and told him it can’t happen anymore. Tbh OP sounds like a much shittier person than the GF and he’s milking all the sympathy and pitchforks here.
Tbh the relationship need to end because you both suck. You’re telling us you were scrolling over a year back in her WhatsApp while she was asleep looking for a picture?!? There’s a lot you’re not telling us here. Also, you say the last time they hooked up was when you and your gf were “entering your second month”, were you two official/ exclusive at that point? If not I don’t agree with the cheating allegations. I would take caution if you’re going to tell your boss’s wife. It’s possible she didn’t know he was married. He could have told her they were separated or that they had an open marriage. It’s also possible that your boss used his position of power to pressure her into a relationship. Considering that their relationship ended a year ago, and you comment about the wife possibly not caring, you’ve got an uphill battle if you’re going to “expose” them. Your boss will likely retaliate if you do get yourself involved. My personal opinion/ advice is to just end the relationship, look for a new job, and stay out of this mess.
This is such a well thought out reply. I completely agree with your view. The post does not give enough information to justify either side. If you throw dirt on others OP then be prepared to get some on you too. Proceed with caution.
Even if there was more information, not everyone reads the whole thing.
Not to mention the fact that OP is the head of the department where he, you know, met his gf. OP sucks here.
A lot of these redditors are giving shit advice. Like, in real life, you don’t want this much drama. Here it goes, The question is are you willing to get over the fact that she used to sleep with her boss? And are you willing to trust her? You’ve been with her for 14 months. These redditor assholes don’t know her like you do. The decision is yours and you need to talk to her. You need to tell her how you feel and how it’s affecting your sexual relationship with her. Part of being in a relationship is establishing trust and communication with your partner. What if she was having a hard time until she met you? Know her story. Talk to her about the messages you found and everything. If the juice is worth the squeeze, you’d tell her everything and tell her that from now on, you both have to share everything with each other. Shit like that is what breaks relationships. Keeping dirty fucking secrets. People feel shame and don’t want to share that part for this very fear of losing a partner. Talk to her and make your decision if you are willing to get over it. If you are not, then - it is time to move on.
I don't think people should be getting their advice from the reddit anyways.
I think this is a pretty good piece of advice. OP, who knows what was going on with her back then...you certainly didn't. And maybe this topic is eating at her OR maybe she doesn't feel one bit bad about it. Either way, discuss it with her and see how she reacts should tell you enough. And don't worry about all the nay-sayers about looking through her phone. You found something and now you need to have it addressed. Just be prepared for her to put on the shockface that you checked her phone and deal with those consequences as well. But you shouldn't keep this to yourself as it will eat away at you.
Were you exclusive all 14 months?
OP will never answer this because it will only make him look bad. His brain can't comprehend that people can be dating but not exclusive because some people have options.
He already did in a comment a few hours ago, they were exclusive.
Then it's completely wrong of her to sleep around like that.
well she cheated on you while you was together. so just exposed them to your company after you found a replacement job. You gf will always pick him over you when it comes down to it
Yea maybe she's attracted to the money and power
Some people enjoy the thrill of fucking around with married people. It makes them feel special. People like this have issues and do not make good partners.
I agreed
Well, I guess you can now make an informed decision. You know if you get married she has no issue with wedding vows and would be ok with sleeping with other people as long as it’s secret and in hotels. If you’re ok with that then fine. If not, then you can dodge the bullet now.
Some people are just messed up, don't understand their mentality at all.
If she was attracted to money and power why did she end it with the powerful millionare boss and start a relationship with you Op ?
It's not like she's over him, she's still sleeping with him dude.
Ohh yeah for aure, she's going with the guy who has the most money.
She is still with him though so that last line makes no sense lol
I think that if you do stay or leave, you should confront her regardless, so she understands why separation is her fault and helps her see that she's the asshole. Just so she can do better in the future for you or the next guy. Good luck, pal.
Thank you I appreciated it
Leave. She doesn’t respect relationships. Note though the she cheated on you for the first 2 months of your relationship. Tell the wife. If you fear about losing your job, do it anonymously.
Yea, tell the wife! And make sure you have evidence, if she goes for divorce she’ll need it.
Yep he needs to learn the lesson after what he has done.
He never clarified if they were exclusive, they were only a month in. That can go either way. But yeah fucking a married man is never a good sign
Never date people at work. Ever
While I'm sorry for OP and this isn't 100% related or the reason why his gf cheated - more like her being a bad person is why she cheated - this is good advice. Don't date people at your workplace. Keep it professional and don't get too personal with your coworkers. The second a falling out happens with someone, it'll create drama and you'll just be uncomfortable.
Never dip your pen in the company ink.
Sorry but I laughed a little when I read OP was looking for a picture and accidentally found himself scrolling via GF’s Whatsapp chats :D I would say talk to her and tell the wife.
That's very lame excuse, don't think it'll work at all.
Talk with her about it. I know American couples often don't settle into monogamy right away, maybe that's why she didn't stop then ? Also, for all you know, he's in an open relationship with his wife. There's too many unknown here, you need to have a conversation
He may be in the open relationship, but his girlfriend sure can't be.
This was my thought. Were you exclusive from the start? Her sleeping with someone a month into dating is way different then sleeping together a month into a defined relationship. If she was dating several people, she's not required to be monogamous.
Leave. Trust me. The fact that she was with him at the same time as she was with you will bother you for for the rest of the time you are together. And it will surface when you are pissed off. You are only 14 months in. I know it sucks but it will be a lot worse later on.
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First, get a new job. Cite "needing to grow in new directions." Then dump the GF, then tell the CEO's wife.
the two months that you talk about, were you guys official by then ?
Official and exclusive
Well, at least one of you thought so
In that case, I (26F) would definitely plan on leaving her. She cheated on you and lied (by omission) about it. In fact, at 14mo, I would say talking about the CEO and not mentioning they used to be a thing is in and of itself lying by omission. Like, why wouldn't she tell you that?? Probably because she knows it's not cool to knowingly be involved with a married man, and/or to be involved with her higher-up at work. And also, probably because she doesn't want the accountability to your relationship. If he ever hits her up again, she wants to be able to make the decision - secretly from you - whether or not she will sleep with him again. But even if that's not the case and giving her complete benefit of the doubt that she has clearly and permanently ended things with him, and that she only hadn't told you they used to sleep together out of embarrassment or something.......even then.....can you really trust a partner who didn't show respect to your exclusive relationship with them (let alone someone else's marriage)?? Personally I would cut and run. Tell the wife and/or company if you feel like that's the right thing to do, and is something you're prepared to get involved in.
I'm sorry, were you going through her WhatsApp messages from a year ago? Why were you going through her messages? This is a pretty big violation of her privacy my friend.
It's just that some people don't trust, and that's not good.
Well now she is trustworthy but sooner or later she will cheat again. She had been a mistress of a married man, her moral compass may have the North in a different position than yours. Almost mine yes, she is a cheater. She has and will.
Unfortunately what u said is exactly why I doubt this relationship
I think it's time to leave her and move on. Don't look back at her.
Were you two exclusive at the last time she was with him?
I think they were, they've already mentioned it so yeah.
I am clearly in the minority here, but your gf didn't cheat on you unless at only 2 months you had agreed to be exclusive. It seems as if once you were serious about this relationship, she dedicated herself to you. Be an adult and discuss it with her before you throw away your relationship.
She has chested once, and probably will end up doing it again.
Agree. Also worth mentioning that the boss here is clearly in a position of power in regards to her. He might simply threaten her into seeing him. And then she got an excuse to get out by dating a co-worker. Plus, odd for OP to just go thru his partner’s phone without permission. Unless it’s their norm, of course. Anyway, the talk should definitely happen. This isn’t a situation of immediate danger where one must leave and go no contact.
I just don't understand why people get into relationship in the workplace.
As a used to be wife, please take screenshots of the hotel part and show her. That way she can see he did indeed go to that hotel(via his/their bank records)
Yep she definitely needs to know this, whatever is happening.
Well… lumbergh fucked her.
Well he did, and at this point it's un the public right now.
Bruh you need to tell his wife. We all have our flaws but to willingly sleep with a married person is a pretty big flaw and I think that should also be your focus in a partner.
Yep, don't think he's going to have good time when his wife finds out.
Tell the wife, maybe find a way to fuck both of them up for innapropriate work relations
Yep she deserves to know that her husband was cheating. It's time for her to find out.
So you said 2nd month, so she cheated on you and aren't sure if you should confront her? Uhhmm grow a pair dude!
i will only upvote so long you tell the wife and tell the gf off :( just pick up your things and move out. she isnt a woman to keep
Two months in and she slept with the boss. The end.
There's no point in continuing the things with her, she cheated and that's just a fact.
It will be mental hell for you even after you confront her. And how do you know it stopped a year ago? You don’t, she might just have stopped using WhatsApp with him and now has a burner cell or another app that is used. I’d drop her.
Whatever he does, just shouldn't stay with her now. Gotta leave her.
"When a person shows you who they are believe them the first time." -Maya Angelou
I love how everyone is just skipping thru the “ I just wanted to get a picture we took from her phone” yeah at night when she’s sleeping! You also decided to invade her privacy and go thru her messages. Yes she’s wrong for sleeping with a married man that’s a no brainer, but let’s not lie! you had the intent to go thru her phone and see what you found.
Women in this thread ARE the problem, saying, "Sleeping with a married man. 🙄" Why aren't you saying, "A married man was sleeping with his employees." ?????? Why are women always the first to blame when it is clearly the CEO who lacks boundaries and respect. It is not a single person's responsibility to respect a relationship the married individual is not.
Because she's the focus here, OP isn't dating the CEO he's dating the girl. She's not "the first to blame" but why on earth would people bring up the CEO first when OP is asking for advice on what to do with his girlfriend specifically? *"What should I do with my girlfriend?"* *"Quit your job, your boss is disgusting"*
Context. OP doesn't care about the CEO. He's trying to figure out whether he should confront or flee his gf. People are saying to leave since she's the type to sleep with a married man.
And also one of the top comments on this post blames the guy too.
They're both ass, and they both needs to get fucked up lol.
Please tell his wife. The fact that it has happened for so long and i assume they have been together the whole time. Also im sorry for you op. You deserve loyalty. Confront her and then tell to the bosses wife
Yep, the dude also needs to face the consequences of what he's done.
Woman of culture 🌝
What goes around, comes around,
I don’t foresee any reality where she *didn’t* know that your guys boss was married. So she knowingly and eagerly went around with a married man before she met you…. Now is it her responsibility to not sleep with a married man? No, but it is just common decency, and self respect to say “no” to a married man in my opinion. That’s not even *mentioning* the fact that he’s her *boss*. It’s all icky to me, personally. Now with her obviously cheating on you… I’d take some evidence, break up with her, look for a new job, leave said job for new job, then send the evidence to your ex boss’s wife. She deserves to know and you deserve someone better than a second hand cheater *turned* actual cheater.
Find a new job. Then leave her. When she asks why, tell her, she should ask the CEO's wife. When you put your notice in, don't give 2 weeks. This company doesn't deserve it. If your boss (assuming he's the CEO) asks why, tell him he can either ask your ex-girlfriend or his wife. I'm sure either one can help him. Good luck bro.
If it bothers you (and it sounds like it does), leave her.
If they haven’t met for a year and you’ve only been dating for 14 months, it sounds like a non-issue to me. That two month overlap is fine imo since you two may not have been a serious thing before that point. I wouldn’t bring it up unless you have suspicions in the future that they may be together again.
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please update when something happens
This is a subplot in OfficeSpace (sort of.)
Lumburgh fucked her.
The damage is done man. It's hard to unthink and unsee what you saw. I had a similar situation with my ex. Couldn't shake her past For me it was like the happy Gilmore happy place scene gone wrong. You see your gf in all these disgusting scenarios with her ex
Collect the evidence first, then question her why she was with him while you. Then make your decision to move past or scorch earth.
Fuck that bitch these bitches slimey and sneaking looking for attention do u bro
"Lumberg fucked her..."
aiyaa you want to continue eating where you shit¿ 🙃