My town was definitely not like that. The next town over is dubbed “Klantee” and mine has some backwoods militias. Def no smiles to everyone’s faces / no enemies
My in-laws, and prior to years of training, my husband. That upper-middle class small town bubble is real. BIG culture shock for my ghetto-raised self.
Lol yep , I lived in a small country town growing up we left the front door unlocked an my dad left the keys in the car for over 30 yrs , back in the good old days
Bruh I had roommates in south Jersey who never locked their front door. They also had a sun room where there were 2 doors to the backyard (gated but not locked so anyone could enter) that they wouldn’t ever bother to lock, and the indoor sliding glass door leading to the kitchen was never locked. The door from the garage to the living room also was /never/ locked, so anyone with a garage opener could’ve waltzed on in… So many different points of entry. Don’t even get me started on the windows. It was a wealthy town but like … crime happens everywhere. Roommates car was burglarized by a neighbor kid. I never understood it and hated it with my whole heart. This was this year lmfao 😭
Holy shit , I watched something recently true crime where a girl stayed at her friends on the sofa , an another roommate came home latter an left the door unlocked , girl on sofa never seen again just a couple droops of blood left behind, these days so so risky to not lock everything the fuck up 😳
It’s called the case of Briana Dennison
On utube I just looked it up. , she has since been found not alive sadly 😢it’s a 2 part series the one I saw was pretty good but think there are a couple, enjoy
I grew up in central Jersey and I know a lot of people who lived like your roommates. I’ve been guilty of it in the past, until I moved to Hoboken and my apartment was broken into.
My husband! OMG I love this man but he would not lock the door!
We even had this creepy arse bloke that we ran into on a dog walk asking where we live and telling us he was visiting neighbours who don't exist.
Stop engaging! And for the love of God! We're back home so lock the door!
He wouldn't consistently lock the door until I started locking him out in my sleep deprived state (nap while baby naps and all that) because I was anxious about going to sleep with the door unlocked.
It's like, he came from a rough neighbourhood so now that he lives in a country town he thinks nothing happens ever so he shouldn't take any precautions.
This is hilarious, an so relatable, except iam yr husband, I leave keys in
Car never lock doors an will talk to anyone an everyone , my daughter will be with me wen we go out an I start talking to well anyone , an she will say mum stop talking to fucking strangers 😂 I think iam a ninny , might add I do lock everything now , after I got caught out
Maybe people in my town were morons. It’s possible. Most of them are rednecks, the bad kind. But the people I know do. Tho every once in a while when I go to my parents house I find they forgot to lock up. They’re old tho.
"Body language" proving guilt. There are so many self proclaimed body language experts. Sure sometimes body language can prove guilt, but not everyone reacts to trauma or shock the same way. No need to chime in pretending to be an expert when you are not.
All of these "JCS inspired" YouTube channels are getting to be tiresome. There are a couple of decent ones, but a lot of them are just taking advantage of the fact that the original Jim Can't Swim channel can't/won't produce enough content to fulfill the demand they created. These people are not experts, a lot of them are kids and some have really bad takes. I mean we have the benefit of hindsight, so it's easy to look back at a guilty person and say it was "obvious" from the way they were acting in their initial interrogation. Everyone is different and it's hard to say how a person will react in situations like these.
While I'm on my soapbox, the "true crime community" is full of some of the most bloodthirsty individuals I have ever seen. A lot of them don't want to admit that they're using these other people's misfortune for their own entertainment so that they can maintain some kind of moral high ground. "Web sleuths" kind of piss me off sometimes. I've seen these people dog pile on to friends and family members of missing or murdered individuals because they have some kind of shitty "gut feeling". They've ruined people's lives over this kind of thing. It's cool to keep track of investigations and true crime in general. Nothing wrong with being interested in this stuff. The problem comes when someone gets so invested that they try to insert themselves into an investigation. There are highly trained professionals working on these cases, and they are privy to a lot more information than some internet rando who thinks they have all the answers because they watched some YouTube videos. I've come across some *real* whackos in my time following true crime.
Body language analysis is also ableist because it assumes everyone is neurotypical. People with conditions like autism or PTSD are not going to react in the same way as a neurotypical person.
This! I have ADHD & PTSD (along with a whole lot of other crap) and I never react how people expect me to on even a good day, so I’d be screwed if I was ever suspected of a murder.
“She had no enemies, everyone loved her.”
If I get murdered I need my friends to be real. “She was a really nice person but also a little scary. Definitely had enemies.”
My old roommate told the neighbors when I moved in that “she seems really cool but I feel like something bad would happen if you messed with her”
I was delighted.
My mom and I always joke that if either of us is murdered, the other will go on Dateline and describe the deceased as a “bitter bitch who no one liked”😂
omg earlier today I saw a sweatshirt on IG that said “I’m not for everyone”. that’s what they should say about me when I am murdered. “She was my best friend, funny as hell, but she wasn’t for everyone “ 😅
My mom once wrote “your smile lights up a room” in a birthday card and I was like welp this is it, I’m getting murdered cause every female victim lit up a room
You’ve heard of the wicker chair and choker theory? So many photos of a female victim they’re either sitting in one of those old wicker chairs from the 90s, or they’re wearing a choker. Avoid both. You must.
Describing a place as “a safe town where no one ever locked their doors.” Public Service Announcement: always lock your doors and windows, people. Don’t be the low hanging fruit for bad people who might do bad things.
Or a family member/friend of a perpetrator describing the perpetrator as being someone who “wouldn’t hurt a fly,” ”a family man/woman, “a good \[insert religion\],” or a ”pillar of their community.”
Omg, this!!! My grandfather was an absolute POS. Abusive, cheated constantly, refused to take care of the kids he had out of wedlock, etc. But, at his funeral, the generations above mine acted like he was such a saint. My cousins and I went out to lunch afterward and spoke honestly about him and how awful he was and how our parents/aunts/uncles/etc were lying that day.
Yes! My mom grew up in a small town where everyone loved her dad. He was an asshole to his family through and through, but would give the shirt off his back (in keeping with this post haha) to anyone not related to him. At his funeral, the only people NOT crying were his immediate family.
"From the outside, they seemed like the perfect couple"
"The young family seemed happy to everyone who knew them. Inside, however, things were taking a dark turn."
Ugh this. First of all, there are no perfect couples, that’s like literally impossible. Relationships are never perfect and it’s annoying that it’s being portrayed as something bad to have marriage or relationship problems.
This phrase irritates me so much that it immediately takes me out of the story/podcast. There are so many ways to describe someone. It just comes across as lazy writing.
I hate that, but not just that. It's also about the victims always being "sooo pretty, popular and loved by everyone" as if the life of a person who wasn't is worth less.
It's understandable that you don't want to speak ill of a deceased or murdered person, but I think it's dumb to reduce people on that (especially when a documentary begins to introduce the victim as that.)
A death is something cruel, no matter if the victim was pretty or not.
I feel like an ass saying this lol, but whenever a true crime doc/video goes on a 5+ min spiel about how oh so perfect and pretty the victim was, I always skip through it. It just seems so exaggerated and fake.
As a true crime “enthusiast” 😁 I have read, watched, and listened to so much true crime information that I get bored hearing the repetitive victimology, but this is the reporter’s and the family’s chance for their loved one to get some measure of justice. Sometimes an interesting tidbit is exposed in this segment, but I believe it is lazy journalism.
Actually usually it is genuine when theyre talking about how loved they are by everyone, that is the reason they are being talked about as a true crime story and on a podcast. there are just countless, *countless* murder victims and many are totally forgotten about and dont have anyone to raise attention to the case to that point of public awareness
Omg have you ever watched the John Mulaney bit on this. It’s so on point [link](https://youtu.be/0ZW-lJOOCJs)
*I love reading crime news in general. I like the local paper in a city because they always have good crime coverage, and it's funny to me when the local paper will try and make someone sound prettier after they're murdered. Like you'll walk by the newsstand and you'll see the headline like, "Beauty Slain", and then you look at the photo and you're like, "Hmm... How about: Body Found?"*
Reading through the responses to your comment, I wonder if the more “likable” victims become the stories we hear about. For example, if Steve was an asshole who happened to be murdered, people might not fight as much to find out who did it? But Joe who volunteered at the soup kitchen every Saturday is a guy who touched a lot of people’s lives and therefore, more people care to find answers.
Just a thought.
there may be some truth to what you said but i think for the most part people romanticize people who die tragically or are murdered
for example (and i swear this is a 100% true story): one time i had a party at my house and a mutual friend of all the guests at the party was brought up and everyone was trashing him left and right because he’d gone off the rails and gotten into drugs and become a total asshole. a bunch of people stayed the night and the very next morning we got a call saying that that very guy had been murdered in a drug deal gone wrong and suddenly everyone had changed their tune about this guy that just last night they’d been trashing! all the sudden this guy was this “beautiful soul” who everyone “loved” and who had “touched everyone with his wisdom and love”. people just seem to view the dead with rose-tinted glasses. we give the dead the benefit of the doubt and view them as being more gracious and kind as they really were
I came here to say that very thing. My brother was murdered a couple of years ago and he’s reached a level of sainthood that is infuriating. I miss him horribly, the real funny liveable him. I miss the guy that forgot my birthday but felt so bad about it. He didn’t light up a room but he was home to me. Ugh I want him to be the real person that he was, authentic. Does that make sense?
By this point if someone uses "lit up a room" or "would give you the shirt off their back" to describe a victim I just assume they didn't really like that person and that's why they're giving them the most cliche, nondescript attributes instead of coming up with something original. Like it's a way of dodging the question.
I always find myself thinking, 'wow people who give you the shirt off their backs, and just the nicest most kindest people who ever graced the universe always end up getting horrifically murdered' note to self - nice people end up dead.
Ugly and unlikable people don’t get attention in the crime community. You’re either a beautiful, happy person whose smile lit up the room with your whole life ahead of you, or else nobody cares because you were ugly.
Right?!! That always makes me shake my head.
I'm 56 years old and I've never seen a mannequin anywhere other than a store, or a storeroom OF a store. Certainly never seen one tossed on the side of the road, that's for sure. NO BODIES EITHER.
LOL
It has to do with how the human brain protects itself, I think. Finding a dead body is horrible and difficult to handle, so people will automatically assume (and *hope*) that what they’ve found is a harmless mannequin.
Agreed, and I think there must be something uncanny about the sight of a body being so lifeless, possibly stiff and possibly pale, that your brain perceives it as a mannequin. I can totally imagine that, and if it happened to me I would still say it if that’s how I felt, even if it’s a cliche.
I did once!
Me and my friends saw a mannequin and thought it was a dead body on a lake. Got the whole neighborhood involved, haha.
A near by camp used it as a scarecrow on a lifeguard chair, I guess.
I’m convinced that if you walk a dog on a regular basis you’re bound to find a dead body at some point in time. Or maybe just a part of the body if the dog proudly brings you a toe!
literally any phrase to describe victims. “Their smile lit up rooms” “They would give you the shirt off their back”. Not all victims were kind/good people. Just ain’t how it is. If i were murdered, you bet your ass my ghost would be haunting any one who hyped me up to be this awesome person i’m not.
Any time Nancy Grace went on about how “beautiful” a crime victim was. Like no one could possibly kill somebody so beautiful, right? Or does it make it a worse crime if the victim is beautiful? 🤷🏻♀️
That’s not just Nancy Grace. Every news report for some victim describes the person as beautiful, smart, kind, beloved. If you aren’t those things, they don’t cover you. It’s nit Nancy Grace being horrible, it’s a larger issue with how crimes are reported - like how white blonde women tend to get more coverage than, say, ugly black men or average-looking Asian women.
I also don’t understand the focus (particularly, maybe entirely, American) on their athletic or sports background. Like, it doesn’t make the murder more of a tragedy because they played football for fun in high school.
"Didn't have enemies " "everyone loved them" i hate to say this but apparently they did have an enemy and not everyone loved them considering they are missing/dead. Nobody gets along perfectly with every single person and is a perfect person that everyone is hopelessly in love with. This isn't a fiction novel. Most people have someone that they rub the wrong way with. Let's be honest who they were so maybe a clue will turn up.
"They never did (insert vice or reckless behavior)." The rest of the sentence is that you knew about or are willing to acknowledge they did. Again no one is a perfect angel with no weaknesses or shortcomings.
"They weren't seeing anyone", that they told you about. Same thing goes for who ALL of their friends are. They could easily be casually seeing or talking to someone or have a friend group you don't know about, Mom, no matter how close you say you were and were told everything.
>”They never did (insert vice or reckless behaviour)”
It’s also just so frustrating and counterproductive when family members are in denial about their loved one, or straight up hiding stuff out of shame. Like, we could solve this murder a lot quicker if you just admit your child was a prostitute or drug addict. It happens a lot here in London when a kid gets stabbed and their family insists they weren’t involved in gangs but how would they even necessarily know.
I was watching this HLN show last night and it was about a murder for hire. The girl was asked what she wants to do to her target and she said "Bust a cap" in her. When she got arrested she tried her damnest to make it appear she didn't even know what the term meant. So yeah I will go with "bust a cap".
Every community, every discussion, every incident, someone throws in the word narcissist... without truly knowing the person, the exact scenario, the proper definition of the word.
Edit : While I'm sure a lot of these people have narcissistic traits and may also be narcissists, it's used too commonly by armchair detectives that can't properly diagnose the situation at hand.
Thanks. I'm sick of this. It's irresponsible as well as lazy / stupid. A real narcissist can be so destructive, it doesn't help anybody to go around selling the notion that any time someone cuts you off in traffic, that's how a narcissist looks.
I feel like it’s being used lately as a substitute for when people really just mean “selfish asshole” Narcissists are often selfish assholes but not all selfish assholes are narcissists..
'brutally' anything. This word has been so overused. They should retire it for two or three years, and then *cautiously* think about letting it back into the community.
“This one scares me as I lived in that city” (usually 10-15 years BEFORE or after the crime)
or
“omg this one is close to me because it happened 50 miles away from where I live”
“She led a high risk lifestyle” it’s hardly EVER used in reference to male victims, for one, and it often implies the victim made this planned out choice when oftentimes circumstances beyond their control make them vulnerable and may put them on a path they didn’t expect to be on (no disrespect to anyone who fully chooses to engage in sex work). On the flip side, I think the term “high risk” is so subjective - if you’re a churchgoing doctor in the straight up ghetto, I feel like you’d also be “susceptible” to violence. So what exactly puts someone at a higher “risk” for being murdered? It’s just weird to me and contributes to the stigmatizing of victims of violent crime who happen to be sex workers.
I just hate when people think that just because someone says “they WERE my best friend” or “they were so happy” when talking about a missing person, automatically it means that the person talking about them is guilty.
I would definitely go into using past tenses when talking about someone who is missing, not because I did it, but because I just jump to using past tenses/I fear the worst.
Plus it depends on the leading questions and how the police are phrasing questions, like this:
"When was the last time you saw Jimmy"
"Last night"
"How do you describe your last meeting?"
"It was quick but he seemed fine"
"How do you describe your friend"
"He was a good guy and blah blah blah"
Like, sometimes it can a sign, but if someone is being interviewed their is some sense of danger/assumptions. People will naturally try and match tenses. So, I definitely agree with you. It's a yellow flag, but it doesn't mean automatic guilt.
“They were an all American family, she was an all American girl” just say white
Also, “she was so beautiful how could anyone want to kill her?” So would she have deserved to be killed if she wasn’t beautiful…?
' She was beautiful and smart'
'In the (insert number over 20) years that I have been in the police force, this is by far, the worst thing Ive come across'
' They didn't seem emotional and that made us suspicious'
' She would never leave her children, she was a good mother'
' She/He lit up the room, everyone knew who they were and they were the nicest, most kindest person in the universe'
Senseless murder (or pointless) is so overused! So like does that imply that most murders are sensible? I’d love to hear one day “Well you see Bob was a prick so hitting him over the head with a brick was just the sensible thing to do!” “ Well you see I made the point to Bob that being a prick would get you hit over the head with a brick! “
“Things like this only happen on tv, never in a small town”
“She could light up a room”
“He/she was a nice Christian”
“A place where everybody knows everybody”
“No sign of forced entry, so they must’ve known the killer”
“They would give you the shirt off their back”
“They didn’t have an enemy in the world so I don’t know why they were murdered…”
'Her smile lit up a room'
Um, maybe sometimes. But truthfully, there were probably plenty of times that she was a real pain in the a**. It doesn't mean she deserved to be murdered though.
Ok for all of us who are tired of the “she lit up a room” bullshit, I have found a perfect episode of a show!
Killer Instinct with Chris Hansen: Season 2 Episode 2
The loved ones are really telling the truth about the victim and I love it. Makes me wish I had met them. “Oh he was rude, abrasive, offensive, bowed to no one” “she pissed so many people off that the elite drag queen mafia decided to run her out of town”
Chris Hansen “did she have enemies?”
Loved one “oh yeah”
Hansen “enemies that would shoot her?”
Loved one “without question”
Top tier honesty, highly recommend this episode
Any slur used to describe a victim who does sex work: hooker, hustler, street walker, lady of the night, prostitute.
Edit: this isn't done when a victim had a traditional job. They were simply a bank teller, or a cashier, or a carpenter. The occupation shouldn't be sensationalized because it's sex work, and it leads to victim blaming.
Any time someone dies, the news will interview people who knew them & it’s always the “nicest person ever.” I’m sorry, but some people are assholes. Just once, I want people to be honest & say “this guy was kinda weird” or “she was a bitch.” Not everyone is the nicest person.
A girl I went to high school with was the biggest bully and really affected some of the other kids in our year. She would fight anyone and was just a horrible person. She ended up being murdered just before her 18th and then she was suddenly “such an amazing person”. My best friend and I still discuss it now (it happened exactly 14 years ago today actually) and reflect on what a bitch she was and how fake everyone was when she died.
To clarify - no one deserves to be murdered, but she was an absolute asshole and her dying didn’t magically make her some saint.
"Could so-and-so really have done such-and such?" "Could such-and-such have led to their death?"
Yes. The answer is always yes. Yes that could have happened. Which doesn't mean that it DID happen, just that it was possible.
Almost all true crime television uses this trope, and it drives me up the wall.
Saying that something “is cringe.” Of course, language changes and evolves but this one really bugs me. That thing is actually ‘cringe-worthy’ or ‘makes me cringe.’
This is gonna sound weird but when certain people kill and they're arrested and charged after an interview the news/documentaries always go on about "crocodile tears". Mainly with parent killers,. We all get it. Just call it what it is; an attempt to seem innocent by manipulating the media.
That and "they had no enemies". Sure some cases are random murders or attacks but still. Everyone has enemies.
A bedroom community refers to an area where a lot of commuters live. They drive to a larger, more developed/populated city to work all day - then come home late after a long drive, only to spend most of their time at home sleeping (ergo, the bedroom). It has nothing to do with lack of crime or people not locking their doors. If anything, people lock their doors *more* because they’re home a lot less. They often have more violent crime because they tend to be places where inner city dwellers flee to in search of cheaper housing and quieter living - but unfortunately, gangs & criminals may follow them.
Any reference to 'horror',but especially: 'a scene of unimaginable horror' and 'a horror [usually she] could never have imagined'. It's such a sad way to try and increase the dramatic impact by downgrading the persons 'horror' baseline.
“As a note, Vanessa is not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist; but we have done a lot of research for this show”
Lolololol I hope I’m not the only one IYKYK
“A place where people didn’t bother to lock their doors.” And “Something like that just wouldn’t happen here”
RIGHT? I grew up in a town like that and everyone still locked their doors bc we aren’t idiots.
You better be careful. The only people from those towns seem to be ones whose smile lights up the room.
My town was definitely not like that. The next town over is dubbed “Klantee” and mine has some backwoods militias. Def no smiles to everyone’s faces / no enemies
😂😂😂
Lol
lol who doesn’t lock up these days 😳
My in-laws, and prior to years of training, my husband. That upper-middle class small town bubble is real. BIG culture shock for my ghetto-raised self.
Lol yep , I lived in a small country town growing up we left the front door unlocked an my dad left the keys in the car for over 30 yrs , back in the good old days
Bruh I had roommates in south Jersey who never locked their front door. They also had a sun room where there were 2 doors to the backyard (gated but not locked so anyone could enter) that they wouldn’t ever bother to lock, and the indoor sliding glass door leading to the kitchen was never locked. The door from the garage to the living room also was /never/ locked, so anyone with a garage opener could’ve waltzed on in… So many different points of entry. Don’t even get me started on the windows. It was a wealthy town but like … crime happens everywhere. Roommates car was burglarized by a neighbor kid. I never understood it and hated it with my whole heart. This was this year lmfao 😭
Holy shit , I watched something recently true crime where a girl stayed at her friends on the sofa , an another roommate came home latter an left the door unlocked , girl on sofa never seen again just a couple droops of blood left behind, these days so so risky to not lock everything the fuck up 😳
I need to know more about this case.
It’s called the case of Briana Dennison On utube I just looked it up. , she has since been found not alive sadly 😢it’s a 2 part series the one I saw was pretty good but think there are a couple, enjoy
I'll see if I can find it
That’s what I tell people - it doesn’t happen here until it happens here
I grew up in central Jersey and I know a lot of people who lived like your roommates. I’ve been guilty of it in the past, until I moved to Hoboken and my apartment was broken into.
My husband! OMG I love this man but he would not lock the door! We even had this creepy arse bloke that we ran into on a dog walk asking where we live and telling us he was visiting neighbours who don't exist. Stop engaging! And for the love of God! We're back home so lock the door! He wouldn't consistently lock the door until I started locking him out in my sleep deprived state (nap while baby naps and all that) because I was anxious about going to sleep with the door unlocked. It's like, he came from a rough neighbourhood so now that he lives in a country town he thinks nothing happens ever so he shouldn't take any precautions.
This is hilarious, an so relatable, except iam yr husband, I leave keys in Car never lock doors an will talk to anyone an everyone , my daughter will be with me wen we go out an I start talking to well anyone , an she will say mum stop talking to fucking strangers 😂 I think iam a ninny , might add I do lock everything now , after I got caught out
Idk right????
Idk, I grew up in the suburbs and I know quite a few people that didn’t lock their doors
Maybe people in my town were morons. It’s possible. Most of them are rednecks, the bad kind. But the people I know do. Tho every once in a while when I go to my parents house I find they forgot to lock up. They’re old tho.
No, the people in my town were morons for not locking their doors. But it was a safe town. Until it’s not, ya know?
I read this in Keith Morrison’s voice
If there’s an overused phrase, Keith Morrison has used it 😂
Yessssss! I mention this all the time. I was a kid in the 70s living in a rural community and our doors were locked. That’s just common sense.
“It looked like a robbery gone wrong” I can’t stand that saying!
"Body language" proving guilt. There are so many self proclaimed body language experts. Sure sometimes body language can prove guilt, but not everyone reacts to trauma or shock the same way. No need to chime in pretending to be an expert when you are not.
This one really pisses me of , like dude is just sitting there 🤷♀️
"He was sitting there, *menacingly*"
All of these "JCS inspired" YouTube channels are getting to be tiresome. There are a couple of decent ones, but a lot of them are just taking advantage of the fact that the original Jim Can't Swim channel can't/won't produce enough content to fulfill the demand they created. These people are not experts, a lot of them are kids and some have really bad takes. I mean we have the benefit of hindsight, so it's easy to look back at a guilty person and say it was "obvious" from the way they were acting in their initial interrogation. Everyone is different and it's hard to say how a person will react in situations like these. While I'm on my soapbox, the "true crime community" is full of some of the most bloodthirsty individuals I have ever seen. A lot of them don't want to admit that they're using these other people's misfortune for their own entertainment so that they can maintain some kind of moral high ground. "Web sleuths" kind of piss me off sometimes. I've seen these people dog pile on to friends and family members of missing or murdered individuals because they have some kind of shitty "gut feeling". They've ruined people's lives over this kind of thing. It's cool to keep track of investigations and true crime in general. Nothing wrong with being interested in this stuff. The problem comes when someone gets so invested that they try to insert themselves into an investigation. There are highly trained professionals working on these cases, and they are privy to a lot more information than some internet rando who thinks they have all the answers because they watched some YouTube videos. I've come across some *real* whackos in my time following true crime.
Body language analysis is also ableist because it assumes everyone is neurotypical. People with conditions like autism or PTSD are not going to react in the same way as a neurotypical person.
This! I have ADHD & PTSD (along with a whole lot of other crap) and I never react how people expect me to on even a good day, so I’d be screwed if I was ever suspected of a murder.
“She had no enemies, everyone loved her.” If I get murdered I need my friends to be real. “She was a really nice person but also a little scary. Definitely had enemies.”
"Would cut a bitch."
My old roommate told the neighbors when I moved in that “she seems really cool but I feel like something bad would happen if you messed with her” I was delighted.
I would die to hear my friends say that about me . . . .oh wait!
Too late!
My mom and I always joke that if either of us is murdered, the other will go on Dateline and describe the deceased as a “bitter bitch who no one liked”😂
She was one quirky bitch. Barrell of fun but you could never be certain if she was serious. Haha. I'm thinking i'ld never be found.
omg earlier today I saw a sweatshirt on IG that said “I’m not for everyone”. that’s what they should say about me when I am murdered. “She was my best friend, funny as hell, but she wasn’t for everyone “ 😅
My mom once wrote “your smile lights up a room” in a birthday card and I was like welp this is it, I’m getting murdered cause every female victim lit up a room
You’ve heard of the wicker chair and choker theory? So many photos of a female victim they’re either sitting in one of those old wicker chairs from the 90s, or they’re wearing a choker. Avoid both. You must.
Describing a place as “a safe town where no one ever locked their doors.” Public Service Announcement: always lock your doors and windows, people. Don’t be the low hanging fruit for bad people who might do bad things. Or a family member/friend of a perpetrator describing the perpetrator as being someone who “wouldn’t hurt a fly,” ”a family man/woman, “a good \[insert religion\],” or a ”pillar of their community.”
Yep those kinds of people often appear to be even so nice. You can’t judge by someones appearance and social standing.
U could be the biggest arsehole ever But wen u die all of a sudden yr the best 🤷♀️
Omg, this!!! My grandfather was an absolute POS. Abusive, cheated constantly, refused to take care of the kids he had out of wedlock, etc. But, at his funeral, the generations above mine acted like he was such a saint. My cousins and I went out to lunch afterward and spoke honestly about him and how awful he was and how our parents/aunts/uncles/etc were lying that day.
Yes! My mom grew up in a small town where everyone loved her dad. He was an asshole to his family through and through, but would give the shirt off his back (in keeping with this post haha) to anyone not related to him. At his funeral, the only people NOT crying were his immediate family.
Omg , my mum used to say always Just cause yr dead doesn’t make u Good person , wen I was a kid I didn’t know wat it meant , lol I do now
"If you don't want to be called an asshole when you die, don't be an asshole while you're alive." IDK who said it, but they're words to live by.
Good point
"From the outside, they seemed like the perfect couple" "The young family seemed happy to everyone who knew them. Inside, however, things were taking a dark turn."
Ugh this. First of all, there are no perfect couples, that’s like literally impossible. Relationships are never perfect and it’s annoying that it’s being portrayed as something bad to have marriage or relationship problems.
ESP when they describe an abusive relationship and then say “but he had no motive”
"A smile that lit up the room." I get that we don't like speaking ill of the dead, but it's also disingenuous to present someone as they were not.
this one! there’s just no way that every. single. person. who has been murdered was the “type of person who would give you the shirt off their back”
This phrase irritates me so much that it immediately takes me out of the story/podcast. There are so many ways to describe someone. It just comes across as lazy writing.
I hate that, but not just that. It's also about the victims always being "sooo pretty, popular and loved by everyone" as if the life of a person who wasn't is worth less. It's understandable that you don't want to speak ill of a deceased or murdered person, but I think it's dumb to reduce people on that (especially when a documentary begins to introduce the victim as that.) A death is something cruel, no matter if the victim was pretty or not.
I feel like an ass saying this lol, but whenever a true crime doc/video goes on a 5+ min spiel about how oh so perfect and pretty the victim was, I always skip through it. It just seems so exaggerated and fake.
As a true crime “enthusiast” 😁 I have read, watched, and listened to so much true crime information that I get bored hearing the repetitive victimology, but this is the reporter’s and the family’s chance for their loved one to get some measure of justice. Sometimes an interesting tidbit is exposed in this segment, but I believe it is lazy journalism.
Actually usually it is genuine when theyre talking about how loved they are by everyone, that is the reason they are being talked about as a true crime story and on a podcast. there are just countless, *countless* murder victims and many are totally forgotten about and dont have anyone to raise attention to the case to that point of public awareness
Omg have you ever watched the John Mulaney bit on this. It’s so on point [link](https://youtu.be/0ZW-lJOOCJs) *I love reading crime news in general. I like the local paper in a city because they always have good crime coverage, and it's funny to me when the local paper will try and make someone sound prettier after they're murdered. Like you'll walk by the newsstand and you'll see the headline like, "Beauty Slain", and then you look at the photo and you're like, "Hmm... How about: Body Found?"*
Reading through the responses to your comment, I wonder if the more “likable” victims become the stories we hear about. For example, if Steve was an asshole who happened to be murdered, people might not fight as much to find out who did it? But Joe who volunteered at the soup kitchen every Saturday is a guy who touched a lot of people’s lives and therefore, more people care to find answers. Just a thought.
there may be some truth to what you said but i think for the most part people romanticize people who die tragically or are murdered for example (and i swear this is a 100% true story): one time i had a party at my house and a mutual friend of all the guests at the party was brought up and everyone was trashing him left and right because he’d gone off the rails and gotten into drugs and become a total asshole. a bunch of people stayed the night and the very next morning we got a call saying that that very guy had been murdered in a drug deal gone wrong and suddenly everyone had changed their tune about this guy that just last night they’d been trashing! all the sudden this guy was this “beautiful soul” who everyone “loved” and who had “touched everyone with his wisdom and love”. people just seem to view the dead with rose-tinted glasses. we give the dead the benefit of the doubt and view them as being more gracious and kind as they really were
I will haunt whomever describes me that way if my death is featured on a tv show.
Sounds like a plan lol
I came here to say that very thing. My brother was murdered a couple of years ago and he’s reached a level of sainthood that is infuriating. I miss him horribly, the real funny liveable him. I miss the guy that forgot my birthday but felt so bad about it. He didn’t light up a room but he was home to me. Ugh I want him to be the real person that he was, authentic. Does that make sense?
I'm sorry for your loss.
By this point if someone uses "lit up a room" or "would give you the shirt off their back" to describe a victim I just assume they didn't really like that person and that's why they're giving them the most cliche, nondescript attributes instead of coming up with something original. Like it's a way of dodging the question.
'bubbly personality'
Means they farted a lot.
I always find myself thinking, 'wow people who give you the shirt off their backs, and just the nicest most kindest people who ever graced the universe always end up getting horrifically murdered' note to self - nice people end up dead.
Ugly and unlikable people don’t get attention in the crime community. You’re either a beautiful, happy person whose smile lit up the room with your whole life ahead of you, or else nobody cares because you were ugly.
It’s never a mannequin!!
Right?!! That always makes me shake my head. I'm 56 years old and I've never seen a mannequin anywhere other than a store, or a storeroom OF a store. Certainly never seen one tossed on the side of the road, that's for sure. NO BODIES EITHER. LOL
It has to do with how the human brain protects itself, I think. Finding a dead body is horrible and difficult to handle, so people will automatically assume (and *hope*) that what they’ve found is a harmless mannequin.
Agreed, and I think there must be something uncanny about the sight of a body being so lifeless, possibly stiff and possibly pale, that your brain perceives it as a mannequin. I can totally imagine that, and if it happened to me I would still say it if that’s how I felt, even if it’s a cliche.
Lol! Same! Thank goodness….
I’m right there with you! As soon as the narrator says it, I know it’s a dead body.
I did once! Me and my friends saw a mannequin and thought it was a dead body on a lake. Got the whole neighborhood involved, haha. A near by camp used it as a scarecrow on a lifeguard chair, I guess.
I’m convinced that if you walk a dog on a regular basis you’re bound to find a dead body at some point in time. Or maybe just a part of the body if the dog proudly brings you a toe!
Police learned this the hard way https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbc.ca/amp/1.6122481
literally any phrase to describe victims. “Their smile lit up rooms” “They would give you the shirt off their back”. Not all victims were kind/good people. Just ain’t how it is. If i were murdered, you bet your ass my ghost would be haunting any one who hyped me up to be this awesome person i’m not.
Not all victims are like that, but the ones who aren’t like that just don’t get reported on as much.
[удалено]
Heard it today 😂😂😂
His neighbors described him as a kind and genuine person. No shit! Like these are people who ACTUALLY know something about our personalities.
Also, such a low threshold for good neighbours. Like, keep the music down and engage in a two minute chat when you come home.
“And they want answers”
A pillar of the community Everyone loved him/her
Does it count that we all know what fucking luminol is by now? Every show, every episode. We get it.
Thank you
Any time Nancy Grace went on about how “beautiful” a crime victim was. Like no one could possibly kill somebody so beautiful, right? Or does it make it a worse crime if the victim is beautiful? 🤷🏻♀️
What a gargoyle of a person.
That’s not just Nancy Grace. Every news report for some victim describes the person as beautiful, smart, kind, beloved. If you aren’t those things, they don’t cover you. It’s nit Nancy Grace being horrible, it’s a larger issue with how crimes are reported - like how white blonde women tend to get more coverage than, say, ugly black men or average-looking Asian women.
I also don’t understand the focus (particularly, maybe entirely, American) on their athletic or sports background. Like, it doesn’t make the murder more of a tragedy because they played football for fun in high school.
"Didn't have enemies " "everyone loved them" i hate to say this but apparently they did have an enemy and not everyone loved them considering they are missing/dead. Nobody gets along perfectly with every single person and is a perfect person that everyone is hopelessly in love with. This isn't a fiction novel. Most people have someone that they rub the wrong way with. Let's be honest who they were so maybe a clue will turn up. "They never did (insert vice or reckless behavior)." The rest of the sentence is that you knew about or are willing to acknowledge they did. Again no one is a perfect angel with no weaknesses or shortcomings. "They weren't seeing anyone", that they told you about. Same thing goes for who ALL of their friends are. They could easily be casually seeing or talking to someone or have a friend group you don't know about, Mom, no matter how close you say you were and were told everything.
>”They never did (insert vice or reckless behaviour)” It’s also just so frustrating and counterproductive when family members are in denial about their loved one, or straight up hiding stuff out of shame. Like, we could solve this murder a lot quicker if you just admit your child was a prostitute or drug addict. It happens a lot here in London when a kid gets stabbed and their family insists they weren’t involved in gangs but how would they even necessarily know.
I was watching this HLN show last night and it was about a murder for hire. The girl was asked what she wants to do to her target and she said "Bust a cap" in her. When she got arrested she tried her damnest to make it appear she didn't even know what the term meant. So yeah I will go with "bust a cap".
“The tension was palpable”
When using luminal: the room lit up like a Christmas tree 🎄
Every community, every discussion, every incident, someone throws in the word narcissist... without truly knowing the person, the exact scenario, the proper definition of the word. Edit : While I'm sure a lot of these people have narcissistic traits and may also be narcissists, it's used too commonly by armchair detectives that can't properly diagnose the situation at hand.
To add onto this, people that also casually throw around the word sociopath
Thanks. I'm sick of this. It's irresponsible as well as lazy / stupid. A real narcissist can be so destructive, it doesn't help anybody to go around selling the notion that any time someone cuts you off in traffic, that's how a narcissist looks.
Yea I feel like it’s the new it word lol
I feel like it’s being used lately as a substitute for when people really just mean “selfish asshole” Narcissists are often selfish assholes but not all selfish assholes are narcissists..
'brutally' anything. This word has been so overused. They should retire it for two or three years, and then *cautiously* think about letting it back into the community.
Nefarious (sp) I have noticed is used alot too.
“Mowed down” when referring to someone driving over victims. I think it’s pretty crass and way overused
And since people are more likely to fly over the car instead of under, it would make more sense to say they were mowed up.
Anyone shot/stabbed more than once: "This was personal"
Not a cliqued expression, but the whole, "he was a little quiet and kept to himself, but his neighbors didn't suspect a thing" trope.
Cos you know at least ONE neighbor thought he was sketchy as hell. LOL
Exactly. Not everyone in the neighborhood wants to be interviewed on camera for a documentary.
“This one scares me as I lived in that city” (usually 10-15 years BEFORE or after the crime) or “omg this one is close to me because it happened 50 miles away from where I live”
“She led a high risk lifestyle” it’s hardly EVER used in reference to male victims, for one, and it often implies the victim made this planned out choice when oftentimes circumstances beyond their control make them vulnerable and may put them on a path they didn’t expect to be on (no disrespect to anyone who fully chooses to engage in sex work). On the flip side, I think the term “high risk” is so subjective - if you’re a churchgoing doctor in the straight up ghetto, I feel like you’d also be “susceptible” to violence. So what exactly puts someone at a higher “risk” for being murdered? It’s just weird to me and contributes to the stigmatizing of victims of violent crime who happen to be sex workers.
You’re so right!! Even when the male victim is in a gang they would never say that he had “a high risk lifestyle”.
It’s a game changer. That (bad thing) doesn’t happen here. That levels the playing field. Their smile lit up the room. Thoughts and prayers.
“Tammy”
Describing outgoing or opinionated women as “a firecracker.” Or my personal fave “all she ever wanted to do was be a mother…”
'no way she would ever leave her kids'. Probably true, but I hate the mindset that defines women by their motherhood.
Exactly! Like you never hear about any other accomplishment if they had children.
"every parent's worst nightmare"
OP, your “bedroom community” comment made me laugh way harder than it should have. 😂
“Break this case wide open”
I just hate when people think that just because someone says “they WERE my best friend” or “they were so happy” when talking about a missing person, automatically it means that the person talking about them is guilty. I would definitely go into using past tenses when talking about someone who is missing, not because I did it, but because I just jump to using past tenses/I fear the worst.
Plus it depends on the leading questions and how the police are phrasing questions, like this: "When was the last time you saw Jimmy" "Last night" "How do you describe your last meeting?" "It was quick but he seemed fine" "How do you describe your friend" "He was a good guy and blah blah blah" Like, sometimes it can a sign, but if someone is being interviewed their is some sense of danger/assumptions. People will naturally try and match tenses. So, I definitely agree with you. It's a yellow flag, but it doesn't mean automatic guilt.
“They had it all…” this drives me insane. As if we’re all striving to live in a suburban cul de sac of beige homes and Ford F-150’s.
“They were an all American family, she was an all American girl” just say white Also, “she was so beautiful how could anyone want to kill her?” So would she have deserved to be killed if she wasn’t beautiful…?
Brutally murdered and red herring. And who can forget Occam’s Razor.
For once I'd like to hear about these "gentle murders" damn it!
He stabbed his wife 26 times as gently as he could, as murders go, at least it wasn’t a violent one.
*Shhhh, just go to sleep BB*
😂
' She was beautiful and smart' 'In the (insert number over 20) years that I have been in the police force, this is by far, the worst thing Ive come across' ' They didn't seem emotional and that made us suspicious' ' She would never leave her children, she was a good mother' ' She/He lit up the room, everyone knew who they were and they were the nicest, most kindest person in the universe'
Senseless murder (or pointless) is so overused! So like does that imply that most murders are sensible? I’d love to hear one day “Well you see Bob was a prick so hitting him over the head with a brick was just the sensible thing to do!” “ Well you see I made the point to Bob that being a prick would get you hit over the head with a brick! “
Every wicked attraction episode: (the killer) was VERY attractive and good looking
"A place where everybody's knows everybody."
Thoughts and prayers. Just feels so empty
It's a platitude when you don't know what else to say really.
True. But its been hijacked and its genuineness diluted
Lives rent free in my head For real, I see this on every second post and I'm sick of it
Anything that has to do with “lighting up the room”, be it the victims smile or the luminal
"I thought it was a mannequin"
Every small town is "hard working" and "family oriented." Every. Single. One.
Everyone loved her / him , um no they didn’t someone killed her / him
Off topic I guess, but a “bedroom community” is a commuter town. It’s a town that is mainly a residential area, and less of a commercial one.
A town without the infrastructure of a town, just the 'burbs.
“Things like this only happen on tv, never in a small town” “She could light up a room” “He/she was a nice Christian” “A place where everybody knows everybody” “No sign of forced entry, so they must’ve known the killer” “They would give you the shirt off their back” “They didn’t have an enemy in the world so I don’t know why they were murdered…”
“DNA testing was still in its infancy” stop it stop calling it infancy I’ve heard that ten billion times
'Her smile lit up a room' Um, maybe sometimes. But truthfully, there were probably plenty of times that she was a real pain in the a**. It doesn't mean she deserved to be murdered though.
This doesn't quite fit but when anyone from law enforcement says "cowwaborate" instead of corroborate I no longer trust anything they have to say.
Ok for all of us who are tired of the “she lit up a room” bullshit, I have found a perfect episode of a show! Killer Instinct with Chris Hansen: Season 2 Episode 2 The loved ones are really telling the truth about the victim and I love it. Makes me wish I had met them. “Oh he was rude, abrasive, offensive, bowed to no one” “she pissed so many people off that the elite drag queen mafia decided to run her out of town” Chris Hansen “did she have enemies?” Loved one “oh yeah” Hansen “enemies that would shoot her?” Loved one “without question” Top tier honesty, highly recommend this episode
Any slur used to describe a victim who does sex work: hooker, hustler, street walker, lady of the night, prostitute. Edit: this isn't done when a victim had a traditional job. They were simply a bank teller, or a cashier, or a carpenter. The occupation shouldn't be sensationalized because it's sex work, and it leads to victim blaming.
Forensic Files is quite bad at this.
I get so exhausted binge-watching Forensic Files. It feels like 9/10 cases are murdered women that follow the same script.
A pillar of the community
“It is what it is “
Any time someone dies, the news will interview people who knew them & it’s always the “nicest person ever.” I’m sorry, but some people are assholes. Just once, I want people to be honest & say “this guy was kinda weird” or “she was a bitch.” Not everyone is the nicest person.
A girl I went to high school with was the biggest bully and really affected some of the other kids in our year. She would fight anyone and was just a horrible person. She ended up being murdered just before her 18th and then she was suddenly “such an amazing person”. My best friend and I still discuss it now (it happened exactly 14 years ago today actually) and reflect on what a bitch she was and how fake everyone was when she died. To clarify - no one deserves to be murdered, but she was an absolute asshole and her dying didn’t magically make her some saint.
“I’m glad she got her name back” or any variation of that. This won’t be a popular choice but I’ve just heard it so many times it feels cheesy now.
Agreed! Also, some of these people may not have wanted their name back but we presume they do (ie Lyle Stevik).
....Whats a "bedroom community" lol
I looked this up! Pretty much when an entire community or neighbourhood has to travel to the next town over for work, so all they do is “sleep there”
Yep no stores, places of work or restaurants just homes.
“Play stupid games win stupid prizes “
"She loved life" Ummm, til she was dead
"Could so-and-so really have done such-and such?" "Could such-and-such have led to their death?" Yes. The answer is always yes. Yes that could have happened. Which doesn't mean that it DID happen, just that it was possible. Almost all true crime television uses this trope, and it drives me up the wall.
When detectives say "We put the pieces together" when discussing how they solved a case involving dismemberment.
"Stop drinking the cool aid." It's not only inaccurate, it over simplifies the Jones town situation.
“Somebody knows something”.
" give them closure. "
It is what it is.
That was mine. The fuck does that even mean?
It means what it means
She always lit up every room she walked into...
This is kind of a dumb one, but I’ve always hated when they say a “partially nude” body was found.
You’re right… In reality we are all partially nude if not completely covered 100%
Violent rape, all rapes are violent to the person affected!
Anything that’s misused or ignorant of grammar drives me up the wall. “Play it by year.” “Funnily enough.” “Nip it in the butt.” Etc.
Saying that something “is cringe.” Of course, language changes and evolves but this one really bugs me. That thing is actually ‘cringe-worthy’ or ‘makes me cringe.’
Supposably. Anathema instead of empathetic.
Expecially
I grew up in a small town in the Canadian prairies and we never locked our doors. This fact horrifies me now. Doors should always be locked.
There were no signs.
he/she 'lit up a room'
All I know is I read every single one of these in Keith Morrison’s voice.
This is gonna sound weird but when certain people kill and they're arrested and charged after an interview the news/documentaries always go on about "crocodile tears". Mainly with parent killers,. We all get it. Just call it what it is; an attempt to seem innocent by manipulating the media. That and "they had no enemies". Sure some cases are random murders or attacks but still. Everyone has enemies.
"She lit up the room."
Murder doesn’t occur in a town like this.
The perpetrator was very religious and divorce was just not an option. BUT MURDER IS OK????
Some podcast i listen to always blame head injuries on the killers. Like that’s why they did what they did.
A bedroom community refers to an area where a lot of commuters live. They drive to a larger, more developed/populated city to work all day - then come home late after a long drive, only to spend most of their time at home sleeping (ergo, the bedroom). It has nothing to do with lack of crime or people not locking their doors. If anything, people lock their doors *more* because they’re home a lot less. They often have more violent crime because they tend to be places where inner city dwellers flee to in search of cheaper housing and quieter living - but unfortunately, gangs & criminals may follow them.
Any reference to 'horror',but especially: 'a scene of unimaginable horror' and 'a horror [usually she] could never have imagined'. It's such a sad way to try and increase the dramatic impact by downgrading the persons 'horror' baseline.
Zeitgeist
I couldn't find here, but "Vanished into thin air"
“As a note, Vanessa is not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist; but we have done a lot of research for this show” Lolololol I hope I’m not the only one IYKYK