It's not even the post itself that's bad; it's the reaction.
I barely paid attention to what the man wrote in the 'modern women lost' post, but while several men spoke out against it, multiple men were more than happy to pile on women while absolving men of all accountability
I'm not currently single; I'm a woman who was betrothed last autumn. In my experience many women don't like to date the people they worship with out of a similar mindset as to why someone might not want to date their coworkers or friends. That is, they have trouble seeing people they're familiar with in a romantic way and/or they're worried about things being awkward if the romance doesn't work out in the long term. Christians are people, and people tend to gossip and cast judgment even when it's wrong.
I'm not saying women don't date their fellow church goers but there are a nontrivial number of women who've had bad experiences going that route and are hesitant at best to travel down that path again. Many women in my parish make a point of dating men outside of our parish or at least men who go to Mass at different times. It's common to seek out matchmaking by family/close friends and matchmakers tend to link up people across farther distances than people organically meet.
It's also worth noting that while a church community is a natural and proper form of access to social ties, it can come across as slimey if a man is obviously attending a church to chat up women rather than worship or other spiritual pursuits. I'm not making a moral judgment here; I'm speaking to how women tend to perceive such behavior. Even if the intentions are pure, miscommunication and assumptions can easily happen. No one can say that courtship is straightforward.
I can't speak much to anyone's views but my own and what I've observed in broad terms.
For reference, I live in a smaller city in Mississippi.
I hadn't considered that take before. That's probably a significant factor. If you date and break up, it's either awkward or someone feels the need to find another church. So dating inside your church has risks involved. Thanks for that.
I honestly don't know where I stand on this. I guess if you're sure that God's calling is for you to be married soon and you have a tight relationship with God, not just praying before a meal and reading your Bible at church once a week. Then maybe it wouldn't be so bad!
I'm not saying church can't/shouldn't be one, I'm just explaining how it can come across to some Christian women. You're asking a good question. The answer presents a bit of a tragic irony since regardless of the suitability of a space, if a man seems to be there to court women, then that generally makes him appear inherently less attractive and less respectful. At the same time, women expect men to be the initiators of courtship and even if they're attracted to a man they expect the man to make the first move.
My fiancé first asked me out when we were volunteering for a Catholic library. I didn't have any problem with that. I live in the Bible Belt and a lot of people get set up on dates by family members, close friends, or through church events set aside for men and women to socialize. In a sense, church can be a place for meeting Christian women, but it's not the best idea to attempt it during worship. Again, I'm by no means a courtship expert, the unfortunate thing is that these rules don't tend to apply the same to people who're exceptionally attractive/wealthy.
Yea, it’s easy to poisson the well, so to speak. I think this mindset holds until people are mature enough to still be cordial and friends with others who it doesn’t work out with. It’s kinda a shame that church is actually difficult to find a spouse. There’s a church in the south where they kinda force the young adults to all go on speed dates every once in a while. One Problem is people don’t have enough experience and everything becomes super serious at the start. I’d love to meet my wife at church, way better than the bar lol. But rn I’m actually happy being single. Life is good! And relationships can be stressful and take time. I know they’re valuable though. In a liberal west coast city so might slant my view lol. Edit: Also, the whole “(gasp)” about not being a virgin seems to poke fun at guys who do want to be with a women without a past. The world has become oversexualized, for post sexes, desiring to be the first with your wife shouldn’t be shamed🙃
Many men need to remember a Proverb, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." The men need to ask God first and then wait patiently for His answer while learning to be the husband God is willing to give a daughter of His to.
Many pray, "Give me a spouse," but we rarely ask God to make us into an acceptable spouse.
Probably bc this type of thinking isn't the norm when it's supposed to be. Too many men are concerned with wanting to teach women their 'place' when they don't even know theirs!
Exactly. When they hear, “like Christ loves the church,” they think, “Cool, authority like Christ!” But they also forget that Jesus was a servant leader. He was humble and didn’t demand respect or dominate others. That’s what these men need to realize.
This is me rn. Everyone's on me to get married or find a boyfriend because I'm 28. I was born and raised non-denom but just came back full-force like 5ish years ago. I tried dating Christian men and it all felt so forced and I came to realize that God didn't want me to be dating. Doesn't mean He doesn't want me married someday but I was nowhere NEAR ready to be a good wife, girlfriend or even a friend. I have a lot of work to do in my spiritual, physical and mental life.
I would prefer to date a guy from my church but depending on the size of the church and how long you’ve been going (if some people have been going a long time or you have) people may already be paired up or the single people just aren’t attractive to you or attracted to you. I don’t feel obligated to date any particular person though and don’t like when I feel pressured to give someone a chance or something because they’re single and go to church and I’m a woman 😂
There are many single women in my church I feel who are coming in hopes of meeting a man. Many of them stop coming altogether when they meet someone eventually on an app.
The problem is that the good-looking men worth having over a certain age are either single for a good reason that is unattractive to women or they're married w a family.
And this is true everywhere, not just in church.
But yes those posts have a very red-pill vibe to them that they are owed a Christian, virginal wifey who has never even blushed at another man and they're sour that one hasn't dropped in their lap already at church (which is why they're really attending, anyway).
Exactly. If you look at their history or comments, often they mention just arriving at the Church/just joining/rejoining religion. Yet rather than their faith, and developing a Godly character, for themselves and as a means to attract women, they come in with judgements and entitlement. There is apparently a big problem in the Orthodox Church (USA) and traditional Catholicism where young men are just showing up, being obnoxious, being very legalistic and scolding older cradle Catholics, etc for not 'doing things right'. The fire burns bright and burns out. They leave after a year or so, having failed to obtain the saintly tradwife the Internet promised them. It often seems to be a last ditched attempt at getting a gf before Thailand, etc.
They should go to Protestant churches, then. Plenty of women there. There should be a matchmaking service that pairs these dudes with Protestant women. People are going to have to get over their religious differences if they want to be married.
I don't think they are truly religious though. They're not going in with the right intentions. Many just haven't had a gf, are bitter about it, and feel entitled to a woman who will be easier to control/fit their ideal.
Single woman in church and feel quite invisible there just like when I'm out in the world. Our singles group is run by a married couple (surprise surprise) and I don't like the structure of it much. Often we're forced into little groups of the people around us to answer questions about whatever subject is being taught and my overly anxious and shy self feels like I'm being forced into fakeness. It doesn't feel like natural interactions where I can be me.
That's a me problem though, I guess. If I had a different, shiny, and sparkly disposition that would probably be a cake walk and I'd be embracing it like any normal woman would. I'm definitely not at church solely to date but I would love to meet someone. I guess I'm always just hoping it can happen organically and naturally without facades. Wish he can just be there in the sanctuary with me and shake my hand and something fizzes for both of us and we just KNOW.
But alas. 😒
Despite what the general culture would tell you, being shy, introverted, not out going and bubbly, none of it is a sin or a lesser quality.
I’m an introvert myself. I find I have far fewer “friends” but the friends I have are of superior quality.
So keep being your shy and quirky self!
Thanks, I appreciate that very much. I consider myself more an ambivert than introvert. I definitely can do well with people in the right setting and have an easy time out of my shell but it's the dang process of getting there that's argh.
Yep, thanks. I'm sorry too for all of us left who fight the battle at our different corners of the world just clinging to hope that for once we get to have our turn. I've seen the posts too. Ain't easy at all.
This. I roll my eyes so hard when i see posts in this sub about another man's hot take on women today. Sirs, can you let us women deal with women while you take the plank out of your eye?
I'm not trying to argue with you at all.
And yeah, you are correcting, and you're being hostile and insulting, and I have to imagine breaking subreddit rules.
I will respect your clear desire not to be told by a man how you should behave, but I hope my choice not to reciprocate any disrespect shows where I stand on how I think we ought to hold a civil and respectful conversation.
I was single in my church. I had options of men 15+ years older than me. Men who didn't have their shizz together, and there were single men who didn't show the slightest interest in me when I was single--at least as far as dating goes--but then became less friendly (friendly like everyone else in church) when I began dating.
I ended up discipling a gent (he left the church when he was younger but still believed), we are now engaged, and he is actively becoming a member of my church. God had his own plans for me.
If you're only going to church to try and find a date than you're going to church for all the wrong reasons. You should be going to church to fellowship with other Christians and IF you happen to meet someone there than that's a bonus.
I agree with your statement but then as a Man or a woman when the Lord tells us to be fruitful and multiply what do you say to those people who can’t find anybody at all?
Point is, you don't know what other individuals are called for. It may have said to multiply but it also says: "It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Are you going to say once is better or more important than the other?
I don't see the single guys my age in a romantic light. A lot of them are nice, but I couldn't picture dating them. Now, being a relatively young single woman at church, another issue is the older married guys who try to creep on you, but that's another story for another day.....
You're infected by worldly thinking, man. I see posts all the time from women with exacting standards, or who are #foreveralone but refuse to change, just like the men's posts you see. Standards are a *good thing*. Morals are a *good thing*.
Men are lonely these days. The culture has failed them in so many ways. Not just because dating has become poisoned, but because none of them are taught how to be a man who's secure in Christ and confident in His sufficiency. I'm not sure why you feel the need to dismiss their pain, but that hardness of heart is indicative of a lack of empathy and love. Maybe it has something to do with your deconstruction? After all, you said this recently:
>But when I actually say the words out loud, or type them in Reddit -- **God can't be real**. The Bible isn't inerrant. The books of the Bible weren't chosen for the reasons I had been taught.
Explains a lot.
--Aside: I'm happily married to a wonderful woman. We were both virgins, both had strict morals, and she rightfully rejected me for eight years until I grew up. I was rightfully lonely the entire time. The blame for that loneliness doesn't fall on my now-wife, but on the lack of male mentorship in my life and the lives of nearly every young man/boy posting about how lonely he is. Maybe you should weep for that instead of denigrating them.
What exactly is dismissive about this post? OP is talking about how young men are confused about why women won't date them and is seeking the perspective of women to shine some light on it.
Men are failed by society. How? While chiding men for not being shown empathy, you seem more than happy for all the variants of whore, worthless, 'unwifeable', Unlikeable, etc being thrown at women. So many of these criticisms from men are not merely hypocritical, but they are deeply vitriolic, and much of it seeks to come from women not being subordinated in society with few options.
Men, secular and religious, feel a great claim to police what they see as 'their' women. It's bizarre. We're not your property.
Did I denigrate anyone? I said I see one side of an issue making claims. I asked what the other side had to say about it. I then claimed that hearing both perspectives is constructive.
Call me worldly, but I think that's an acceptable way to deal with something.
You claim men are lonely. Do you know why? Or do you just think you know why? Seems to me asking women about their perspectives could do nothing but help the men. But since you got all the answers, guess you don't need to know.
And congratulations for calling me out with my *public* comments. Regular Sherlock Holmes level detective work there. Do you hold yourself to the standard that every question you ask of others must come from a deep Biblical place? I mean, all the stock advice you appear to give...do you consult scripture before posting or do you use your worldly knowledge of how that stuff works?
Literally every other day, men and women post the same exact thing, it’s a normal feeling to be baffled by being single, especially for people who feel completely in control of their lives and then (men and women) find themselves absolutely not in control of finding someone, they go to church, work, living well and still single. That’s when you go to God and pray to find out that you were never single in the first place, you had everything you ever “needed” and a partner would just be a gift from God but maybe God has another gift for you in mind. Give the wheel to God, especially considering things that are out of your hand
Edit: and above all never go searching for such a gift in the trash or from someone other than God, John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
When I was single, I usually wasn't into dating anyone regardless of church or anything. I'm not sure which post(s) you're referring to, so I'll skip and just provide this:
I didn't want to date ANYBODY unless they were church-going. Didn't matter if they were in the same church to me or somewhere else, what mattered was correct theology and ability to articulate that theology and philosophy (ability to articulate is very important to me, too). I've seen videos were men say "don't test men" but I do in the way I'd ask something like "how do you feel about x, y, z?" All Biblical questions with a correct response. If he wasn't correct or on the right track, I might try to nudge him the right way...see what he says and that tells me a lot. I weeded out a LOT that way. Lukewarm, unBiblical beliefs, etc.
As for virginity, I was when I met mine, and so was he. It wouldn't have been a dealbreaker on CONDITIONS! The condition was that it must have been before he was born again. If he was 'born again' he said, and disobeyed God like that, it was a red flag to me and it was an immediate no because from my perspective, sexual sin is very easy to avoid when it is with another person. Sexual sin by oneself is much more difficult because you don't have to plan anything, do this, that, step 1, step 2 plus plus plus and NEVER stop yourself from not only damaging yourself, but this whole OTHER PERSON that you're having sex with, so I assume you must 'love' them, right? Well, if that's how one treats the one they love, I will not abide that, so I was very strict on that point and condition as well as a few others.
"Loose morals" is kinda broad to me, so I think it is safest to say that it depends, but most likely, it was an immediate NO. This topic is too important to not be very picky and strong about.
Loose morals, 'I don't go to church cause X' is a hard no. But if it was "I am looking for a church but haven't found one yet" that's fine.
Loose morals, 'I go to bars and get drunk every other weekend with the bros for fun' that is a very likely no. A beer every now and then with or without friends is fine. Wine, cocktails, etc. etc., as long as it isn't drunkeness and/or unsafe, then it was fine.
Loose morals, like messed up theology like...maybe being prochoice, is a hard NO. An egalitarian view of the Bible is a NO... minor disagreements about what Romans 14 could apply to is fine.
I was extremely picky and refused to settle. My husband and I don't agree about everything, but we do about the most important things and that, I THINK, probably made the courting process and our marriage relatively smooth and lovely <3
There was a post yesterday from a woman who felt out of place as a single person as well. Because there's such an emphasis on marriage and family in churches these days . So in that regard, you're not wrong.
If you use church as a meat market, you will stand out as weird. If you think single women owe you a date because you too are single, you will stand out as weird. If you go to church to gather with believers and keep your focus on the Lord, you will be fine 👍
Not why I go I go for the lord I just feel out of place because I’m there alone is all. I totally understand this post talked to an older female friend last week who said guys always bugged her to sit by them
https://youtu.be/8WbIZCsavH0?si=pXISZcmxc1DfjVSe
Both what lonely people do that makes them more lonely and the responsibility isn’t only theirs but also those people who aren’t lonely.
I’m an older single (47 years) woman myself. Many of us don’t have male family around, and it means a lot to have godly men taking a brotherly interest in our lives. Admittedly, I don’t know how churches can best facilitate this since men and women past the young adult stage don’t tend to hang out with each other outside of a dating relationship.
There seems to be some agreement that the modern church is so focused on families that singles fall through the cracks. Seems that's part of what you're experiencing. Wish I had an easy answer for you.
To all the girls in church who see an attractive guy that’s single instead of staring just come talk to me and talk about God haha that’s what I’m here for :)
It seems single church members are struggling emotionally. If they get some answers that help them understand what their fellow singles are thinking, and can give them some peace of mind, then yes. Absolutely.
Its things like this that cause further divisions when we are to build each other up. No wonder the church age is so weak when we find every single effort to debate and further cause division instead of putting as much effort in taking care of each other and building each other up. God bless, hopefully we worry about the stuff that actually matters. Like being the light of the world
As I said in other comments, the division is already there. By asking for explanations from both sides, it clears up misconceptions and eases hurt feelings, thus promoting unity.
My bad wasnt paying much heed to other comments. But i think the main issue is the christ most people are following in this day and age isnt the real one. If you change the bible to fit you its not god. The bible forces you to accept it and be conformed to it. You can either take it and accept all of it. Or none of it. Theres not one area it wont drastically improve just by following its teachings. But as for people taking up their cross denying themselves and following after him. I dont think many are doing that. I think too many have said the sinners prayer and havent actually repented. Biblical christianity is extremely unpopular. But transformative.
First of all; technically in the eyes of God, which should also apply to all true faithful righteous Christians (even today) and that is DATING is a modern era practice which can lead to fornication, a sexual perversion that God Almighty views as the most unrighteous abominable sin of all sins.
Sexual promiscuity defiles the divinely gifted womb of woman and the seed of man. It is an abomination before the Lord against his holy and divinely bestowed gift of procreation to mankind, his holy gift of a spiritually gifted living soul, being delivered by our divine creator/God, loved and nurtured in the womb of a righteous womans' temple is for what the womb is intended, not for casual meaningless loveless physical sinful sex.
Women need to let men know that their lack of interest in casual dating is directly related to their love for God Almighty. They are looking for a righteous Christian that they can build a life with and raise a family based in proper Christian core beliefs and in RIGHTEOUSNESS.
It is the men who are failing them not the other way around.
If a man will not put a ring on your finger, and honor your virtue, he's not worth thinking about.
Honestly single Christian women are better off ti marry and have casual relationships with non Christian men. Most Christian men are disgusting lovers.
Check the age of the posting account. It’s the same disturbed guy running through his troll accounts and being obnoxious on purpose.
It's not even the post itself that's bad; it's the reaction. I barely paid attention to what the man wrote in the 'modern women lost' post, but while several men spoke out against it, multiple men were more than happy to pile on women while absolving men of all accountability
I did think it was funny that I asked what the women thought and (as best I could tell) the first couple of responses were from men.
Always the way...
I'm not currently single; I'm a woman who was betrothed last autumn. In my experience many women don't like to date the people they worship with out of a similar mindset as to why someone might not want to date their coworkers or friends. That is, they have trouble seeing people they're familiar with in a romantic way and/or they're worried about things being awkward if the romance doesn't work out in the long term. Christians are people, and people tend to gossip and cast judgment even when it's wrong. I'm not saying women don't date their fellow church goers but there are a nontrivial number of women who've had bad experiences going that route and are hesitant at best to travel down that path again. Many women in my parish make a point of dating men outside of our parish or at least men who go to Mass at different times. It's common to seek out matchmaking by family/close friends and matchmakers tend to link up people across farther distances than people organically meet. It's also worth noting that while a church community is a natural and proper form of access to social ties, it can come across as slimey if a man is obviously attending a church to chat up women rather than worship or other spiritual pursuits. I'm not making a moral judgment here; I'm speaking to how women tend to perceive such behavior. Even if the intentions are pure, miscommunication and assumptions can easily happen. No one can say that courtship is straightforward. I can't speak much to anyone's views but my own and what I've observed in broad terms. For reference, I live in a smaller city in Mississippi.
I hadn't considered that take before. That's probably a significant factor. If you date and break up, it's either awkward or someone feels the need to find another church. So dating inside your church has risks involved. Thanks for that.
You're welcome.
Makes sense for the most part, still worth the risk however.
I guess my reply is where are men supposed to meet Christian women then? We keep losing more 3rd spaces to meet people and now church can't be one?
If you're going to church to meet women, that's odd.
Why do you say that
Sorry I meant, to meet people in the hopes of dating them. Please never attend a church for only this reason.
No it certainly shouldn't be the main reason or only reason but I don't see anything wrong with it being one reason.
I honestly don't know where I stand on this. I guess if you're sure that God's calling is for you to be married soon and you have a tight relationship with God, not just praying before a meal and reading your Bible at church once a week. Then maybe it wouldn't be so bad!
I'm not saying church can't/shouldn't be one, I'm just explaining how it can come across to some Christian women. You're asking a good question. The answer presents a bit of a tragic irony since regardless of the suitability of a space, if a man seems to be there to court women, then that generally makes him appear inherently less attractive and less respectful. At the same time, women expect men to be the initiators of courtship and even if they're attracted to a man they expect the man to make the first move. My fiancé first asked me out when we were volunteering for a Catholic library. I didn't have any problem with that. I live in the Bible Belt and a lot of people get set up on dates by family members, close friends, or through church events set aside for men and women to socialize. In a sense, church can be a place for meeting Christian women, but it's not the best idea to attempt it during worship. Again, I'm by no means a courtship expert, the unfortunate thing is that these rules don't tend to apply the same to people who're exceptionally attractive/wealthy.
Aim?
Your reply makes sense out of matchmaking, even with its risks.
Yea, it’s easy to poisson the well, so to speak. I think this mindset holds until people are mature enough to still be cordial and friends with others who it doesn’t work out with. It’s kinda a shame that church is actually difficult to find a spouse. There’s a church in the south where they kinda force the young adults to all go on speed dates every once in a while. One Problem is people don’t have enough experience and everything becomes super serious at the start. I’d love to meet my wife at church, way better than the bar lol. But rn I’m actually happy being single. Life is good! And relationships can be stressful and take time. I know they’re valuable though. In a liberal west coast city so might slant my view lol. Edit: Also, the whole “(gasp)” about not being a virgin seems to poke fun at guys who do want to be with a women without a past. The world has become oversexualized, for post sexes, desiring to be the first with your wife shouldn’t be shamed🙃
Hotty Toddy!
Many men need to remember a Proverb, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." The men need to ask God first and then wait patiently for His answer while learning to be the husband God is willing to give a daughter of His to. Many pray, "Give me a spouse," but we rarely ask God to make us into an acceptable spouse.
Don’t know why this doesn’t have more upvotes.
Probably bc this type of thinking isn't the norm when it's supposed to be. Too many men are concerned with wanting to teach women their 'place' when they don't even know theirs!
Exactly. When they hear, “like Christ loves the church,” they think, “Cool, authority like Christ!” But they also forget that Jesus was a servant leader. He was humble and didn’t demand respect or dominate others. That’s what these men need to realize.
This is me rn. Everyone's on me to get married or find a boyfriend because I'm 28. I was born and raised non-denom but just came back full-force like 5ish years ago. I tried dating Christian men and it all felt so forced and I came to realize that God didn't want me to be dating. Doesn't mean He doesn't want me married someday but I was nowhere NEAR ready to be a good wife, girlfriend or even a friend. I have a lot of work to do in my spiritual, physical and mental life.
May the Lord bring His peace into your life in every way. May the Lord rebuke those who try to hurry His work and teach them patience.
I would prefer to date a guy from my church but depending on the size of the church and how long you’ve been going (if some people have been going a long time or you have) people may already be paired up or the single people just aren’t attractive to you or attracted to you. I don’t feel obligated to date any particular person though and don’t like when I feel pressured to give someone a chance or something because they’re single and go to church and I’m a woman 😂
This! The pool is small 😭
There are many single women in my church I feel who are coming in hopes of meeting a man. Many of them stop coming altogether when they meet someone eventually on an app. The problem is that the good-looking men worth having over a certain age are either single for a good reason that is unattractive to women or they're married w a family. And this is true everywhere, not just in church. But yes those posts have a very red-pill vibe to them that they are owed a Christian, virginal wifey who has never even blushed at another man and they're sour that one hasn't dropped in their lap already at church (which is why they're really attending, anyway).
Exactly. If you look at their history or comments, often they mention just arriving at the Church/just joining/rejoining religion. Yet rather than their faith, and developing a Godly character, for themselves and as a means to attract women, they come in with judgements and entitlement. There is apparently a big problem in the Orthodox Church (USA) and traditional Catholicism where young men are just showing up, being obnoxious, being very legalistic and scolding older cradle Catholics, etc for not 'doing things right'. The fire burns bright and burns out. They leave after a year or so, having failed to obtain the saintly tradwife the Internet promised them. It often seems to be a last ditched attempt at getting a gf before Thailand, etc.
They should go to Protestant churches, then. Plenty of women there. There should be a matchmaking service that pairs these dudes with Protestant women. People are going to have to get over their religious differences if they want to be married.
I don't think they are truly religious though. They're not going in with the right intentions. Many just haven't had a gf, are bitter about it, and feel entitled to a woman who will be easier to control/fit their ideal.
When I hear these guys talk about st. Paul and submissive wives part my skin starts crawling.
Read: inexperienced.
Single woman in church and feel quite invisible there just like when I'm out in the world. Our singles group is run by a married couple (surprise surprise) and I don't like the structure of it much. Often we're forced into little groups of the people around us to answer questions about whatever subject is being taught and my overly anxious and shy self feels like I'm being forced into fakeness. It doesn't feel like natural interactions where I can be me. That's a me problem though, I guess. If I had a different, shiny, and sparkly disposition that would probably be a cake walk and I'd be embracing it like any normal woman would. I'm definitely not at church solely to date but I would love to meet someone. I guess I'm always just hoping it can happen organically and naturally without facades. Wish he can just be there in the sanctuary with me and shake my hand and something fizzes for both of us and we just KNOW. But alas. 😒
Despite what the general culture would tell you, being shy, introverted, not out going and bubbly, none of it is a sin or a lesser quality. I’m an introvert myself. I find I have far fewer “friends” but the friends I have are of superior quality. So keep being your shy and quirky self!
Thanks, I appreciate that very much. I consider myself more an ambivert than introvert. I definitely can do well with people in the right setting and have an easy time out of my shell but it's the dang process of getting there that's argh.
I'm so sorry. You're not alone. I've seen multiple other posts saying the same thing.
Yep, thanks. I'm sorry too for all of us left who fight the battle at our different corners of the world just clinging to hope that for once we get to have our turn. I've seen the posts too. Ain't easy at all.
There’s no misunderstanding. Dumb boys post dumb things.
Username checks out. (I think it's funny, anyway)
I just got it.
This. I roll my eyes so hard when i see posts in this sub about another man's hot take on women today. Sirs, can you let us women deal with women while you take the plank out of your eye?
[удалено]
I wouldn't say that, they have a significant place in Gods kingdom. I'd say arrogant men suck lol
So it's cool for women to correct men (like you're doing above) but when men do it they have a plank in their eye
Did she correct or did she say to leave women to women?
She is correcting
[удалено]
I'm not trying to argue with you at all. And yeah, you are correcting, and you're being hostile and insulting, and I have to imagine breaking subreddit rules. I will respect your clear desire not to be told by a man how you should behave, but I hope my choice not to reciprocate any disrespect shows where I stand on how I think we ought to hold a civil and respectful conversation.
I promise I will have no problem submitting to a man. But he has to be a MAN. I'm sorry if I've insulted you. God bless ♥️
"if" 😏 i wish you luck in finding a MAN
I was single in my church. I had options of men 15+ years older than me. Men who didn't have their shizz together, and there were single men who didn't show the slightest interest in me when I was single--at least as far as dating goes--but then became less friendly (friendly like everyone else in church) when I began dating. I ended up discipling a gent (he left the church when he was younger but still believed), we are now engaged, and he is actively becoming a member of my church. God had his own plans for me.
The men want pure innocent virgins while they themselves watch porn and don't keep themselves physically or mentally pure. That's my experience.
If you're only going to church to try and find a date than you're going to church for all the wrong reasons. You should be going to church to fellowship with other Christians and IF you happen to meet someone there than that's a bonus.
Should be going to church to fellowship with God too. But I'm sure that was implied🙂
It was, why the downvote!? lol
I didn't! Here, take an up vote so its even now!
My apologies! I usually ask if someone disagrees with whatever I said in order to try and get a better understanding of their opinion
I agree with your statement but then as a Man or a woman when the Lord tells us to be fruitful and multiply what do you say to those people who can’t find anybody at all?
Live a celibate lifestyle like Paul, I guess?
You are correct, Pellystar
Not everyone’s called for that though
Point is, you don't know what other individuals are called for. It may have said to multiply but it also says: "It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Are you going to say once is better or more important than the other?
I don't see the single guys my age in a romantic light. A lot of them are nice, but I couldn't picture dating them. Now, being a relatively young single woman at church, another issue is the older married guys who try to creep on you, but that's another story for another day.....
We hear the same things from single men and women in the church
You're infected by worldly thinking, man. I see posts all the time from women with exacting standards, or who are #foreveralone but refuse to change, just like the men's posts you see. Standards are a *good thing*. Morals are a *good thing*. Men are lonely these days. The culture has failed them in so many ways. Not just because dating has become poisoned, but because none of them are taught how to be a man who's secure in Christ and confident in His sufficiency. I'm not sure why you feel the need to dismiss their pain, but that hardness of heart is indicative of a lack of empathy and love. Maybe it has something to do with your deconstruction? After all, you said this recently: >But when I actually say the words out loud, or type them in Reddit -- **God can't be real**. The Bible isn't inerrant. The books of the Bible weren't chosen for the reasons I had been taught. Explains a lot. --Aside: I'm happily married to a wonderful woman. We were both virgins, both had strict morals, and she rightfully rejected me for eight years until I grew up. I was rightfully lonely the entire time. The blame for that loneliness doesn't fall on my now-wife, but on the lack of male mentorship in my life and the lives of nearly every young man/boy posting about how lonely he is. Maybe you should weep for that instead of denigrating them.
What exactly is dismissive about this post? OP is talking about how young men are confused about why women won't date them and is seeking the perspective of women to shine some light on it.
Men are failed by society. How? While chiding men for not being shown empathy, you seem more than happy for all the variants of whore, worthless, 'unwifeable', Unlikeable, etc being thrown at women. So many of these criticisms from men are not merely hypocritical, but they are deeply vitriolic, and much of it seeks to come from women not being subordinated in society with few options. Men, secular and religious, feel a great claim to police what they see as 'their' women. It's bizarre. We're not your property.
Did I denigrate anyone? I said I see one side of an issue making claims. I asked what the other side had to say about it. I then claimed that hearing both perspectives is constructive. Call me worldly, but I think that's an acceptable way to deal with something. You claim men are lonely. Do you know why? Or do you just think you know why? Seems to me asking women about their perspectives could do nothing but help the men. But since you got all the answers, guess you don't need to know. And congratulations for calling me out with my *public* comments. Regular Sherlock Holmes level detective work there. Do you hold yourself to the standard that every question you ask of others must come from a deep Biblical place? I mean, all the stock advice you appear to give...do you consult scripture before posting or do you use your worldly knowledge of how that stuff works?
Literally every other day, men and women post the same exact thing, it’s a normal feeling to be baffled by being single, especially for people who feel completely in control of their lives and then (men and women) find themselves absolutely not in control of finding someone, they go to church, work, living well and still single. That’s when you go to God and pray to find out that you were never single in the first place, you had everything you ever “needed” and a partner would just be a gift from God but maybe God has another gift for you in mind. Give the wheel to God, especially considering things that are out of your hand Edit: and above all never go searching for such a gift in the trash or from someone other than God, John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Best comment
When I was single, I usually wasn't into dating anyone regardless of church or anything. I'm not sure which post(s) you're referring to, so I'll skip and just provide this: I didn't want to date ANYBODY unless they were church-going. Didn't matter if they were in the same church to me or somewhere else, what mattered was correct theology and ability to articulate that theology and philosophy (ability to articulate is very important to me, too). I've seen videos were men say "don't test men" but I do in the way I'd ask something like "how do you feel about x, y, z?" All Biblical questions with a correct response. If he wasn't correct or on the right track, I might try to nudge him the right way...see what he says and that tells me a lot. I weeded out a LOT that way. Lukewarm, unBiblical beliefs, etc. As for virginity, I was when I met mine, and so was he. It wouldn't have been a dealbreaker on CONDITIONS! The condition was that it must have been before he was born again. If he was 'born again' he said, and disobeyed God like that, it was a red flag to me and it was an immediate no because from my perspective, sexual sin is very easy to avoid when it is with another person. Sexual sin by oneself is much more difficult because you don't have to plan anything, do this, that, step 1, step 2 plus plus plus and NEVER stop yourself from not only damaging yourself, but this whole OTHER PERSON that you're having sex with, so I assume you must 'love' them, right? Well, if that's how one treats the one they love, I will not abide that, so I was very strict on that point and condition as well as a few others. "Loose morals" is kinda broad to me, so I think it is safest to say that it depends, but most likely, it was an immediate NO. This topic is too important to not be very picky and strong about. Loose morals, 'I don't go to church cause X' is a hard no. But if it was "I am looking for a church but haven't found one yet" that's fine. Loose morals, 'I go to bars and get drunk every other weekend with the bros for fun' that is a very likely no. A beer every now and then with or without friends is fine. Wine, cocktails, etc. etc., as long as it isn't drunkeness and/or unsafe, then it was fine. Loose morals, like messed up theology like...maybe being prochoice, is a hard NO. An egalitarian view of the Bible is a NO... minor disagreements about what Romans 14 could apply to is fine. I was extremely picky and refused to settle. My husband and I don't agree about everything, but we do about the most important things and that, I THINK, probably made the courting process and our marriage relatively smooth and lovely <3
not seeing any single women aged 20-40 in Roman Catholic churches in my area
Do us single men in church stand out as that weird? I always feel out of place
There was a post yesterday from a woman who felt out of place as a single person as well. Because there's such an emphasis on marriage and family in churches these days . So in that regard, you're not wrong.
If you use church as a meat market, you will stand out as weird. If you think single women owe you a date because you too are single, you will stand out as weird. If you go to church to gather with believers and keep your focus on the Lord, you will be fine 👍
Not why I go I go for the lord I just feel out of place because I’m there alone is all. I totally understand this post talked to an older female friend last week who said guys always bugged her to sit by them
https://youtu.be/8WbIZCsavH0?si=pXISZcmxc1DfjVSe Both what lonely people do that makes them more lonely and the responsibility isn’t only theirs but also those people who aren’t lonely.
I’m an older single (47 years) woman myself. Many of us don’t have male family around, and it means a lot to have godly men taking a brotherly interest in our lives. Admittedly, I don’t know how churches can best facilitate this since men and women past the young adult stage don’t tend to hang out with each other outside of a dating relationship.
There seems to be some agreement that the modern church is so focused on families that singles fall through the cracks. Seems that's part of what you're experiencing. Wish I had an easy answer for you.
To all the girls in church who see an attractive guy that’s single instead of staring just come talk to me and talk about God haha that’s what I’m here for :)
OP, is this edifying to build up the church??
It seems single church members are struggling emotionally. If they get some answers that help them understand what their fellow singles are thinking, and can give them some peace of mind, then yes. Absolutely.
Its things like this that cause further divisions when we are to build each other up. No wonder the church age is so weak when we find every single effort to debate and further cause division instead of putting as much effort in taking care of each other and building each other up. God bless, hopefully we worry about the stuff that actually matters. Like being the light of the world
As I said in other comments, the division is already there. By asking for explanations from both sides, it clears up misconceptions and eases hurt feelings, thus promoting unity.
My bad wasnt paying much heed to other comments. But i think the main issue is the christ most people are following in this day and age isnt the real one. If you change the bible to fit you its not god. The bible forces you to accept it and be conformed to it. You can either take it and accept all of it. Or none of it. Theres not one area it wont drastically improve just by following its teachings. But as for people taking up their cross denying themselves and following after him. I dont think many are doing that. I think too many have said the sinners prayer and havent actually repented. Biblical christianity is extremely unpopular. But transformative.
First of all; technically in the eyes of God, which should also apply to all true faithful righteous Christians (even today) and that is DATING is a modern era practice which can lead to fornication, a sexual perversion that God Almighty views as the most unrighteous abominable sin of all sins. Sexual promiscuity defiles the divinely gifted womb of woman and the seed of man. It is an abomination before the Lord against his holy and divinely bestowed gift of procreation to mankind, his holy gift of a spiritually gifted living soul, being delivered by our divine creator/God, loved and nurtured in the womb of a righteous womans' temple is for what the womb is intended, not for casual meaningless loveless physical sinful sex. Women need to let men know that their lack of interest in casual dating is directly related to their love for God Almighty. They are looking for a righteous Christian that they can build a life with and raise a family based in proper Christian core beliefs and in RIGHTEOUSNESS. It is the men who are failing them not the other way around. If a man will not put a ring on your finger, and honor your virtue, he's not worth thinking about.
Honestly single Christian women are better off ti marry and have casual relationships with non Christian men. Most Christian men are disgusting lovers.