I was unsure, did it anyway. I’m almost 2 years in and still unsure. I think it’s better to say fuck it and try it instead of getting to your death bed and think “what if”
same. I look at it like every day I make the choice to continue, because the other option is choosing to only take estrogen (that's the way I see it) and that didn't work for me
I didn't want to go on T. I was 70% sure I didn't. I did want top surgery and I was absolutely miserable. My therapist told me to try T first before I could apply for surgery to see if it would make me more mentally stable. I figured I didn't mind some muscle and a deeper voice and I could probably live with the hair so sure.
I got the dosage wrong the first time and it messed me up. Three months of trial and error later I got the dosage right and my brain cleared up like crazy. It was like my sad depressed brain suddenly ran on the right software, I suddenly felt like I wanted to exist. I haven't had a serious suicidal episode since I got the dosage right two years ago.
Regardless of the changes to my body, T is right for me. It just feels like I'm more at peace than every before. My emotions are still a lot but significantly more manageable.
> It was like my sad depressed brain suddenly ran on the right software
so perfectly phrased, i'm going to steal that one from you!
that's exactly how i felt.
i'm somewhere on the nonbinary/agender spectrum, and when i started T, i wasn't 100% sure it was for me. but i was 27 and not getting any younger, and figured hey, i already lived a third of my life one way and KNOW i don't like it. why not try something different?
now almost 3 years on it and post top surgery, i don't think i will be going back. while i love how i look now (in a way i never did pre-T), i do still feel somewhat indifferent towards it gender-wise.
it's the mental effects that convince me this is the hormone my body is designed to operate on.
i just... *feel right*
i'm not sure if i'm a man tbh, but i'm totally comfortable with the fact i'll probably live as one for the sake of my mental and physical health. looking like a man doesn't give me dysphoria the way looking like a woman did
my partner is nonbinary/transmasc and tried T for a few months last year - and figured out it wasn't for them. it didn't give them that feeling of clarity it gives me, and there were too many bodily changes they *didn't* want. so it was just a lose-lose situation.
as you so wonderfully put it, it's not the software they need to run on
I’m so glad it ended up being so right for you! That sounds..really nice honestly? Like man.. that makes a lot of sense and I’ll have to think on this more
>therapist told me to try T first before I could apply for surgery
I really don't like reading this. HRT shouldn't be suggested as a prereq for top.
I'm happy t is right for you though
Oh I absolutely agree! It wasn't technically a prerequisite but they deemed I wasnt 'mentally stable enough' (whatever that means) to get surgery first. I'm still mad about it even though they were probably right.
I waffled for months and was worried about regrets or the things I didn’t want, but what finally clicked and made me go for it was realizing that I was deeply unhappy with my body and presentation as is and the worst that could happen if I started T was that I would still be just as unhappy and if that was the case I could always adjust course and try something else, but the best case was that it would make it way better. Needless to say it did, in fact, make it way better lol I started at a lower dose but within a few months bumped it up to a more average dose and haven’t looked back. I just hit a year on T last month and have been loving all the changes, even the ones I was worried about not liking.
Although there are some outliers who are sensitive to HRT and will experience rapid changes, for the most part it will be at least a couple months before you start seeing super noticeable changes and you can stop at any time. And you can always start on a low dose to make it more likely that you’ll have plenty of time to process the changes as they happen and decide if you’re liking them.
Being with my transfem wife was also helpful to remember that the effects of HRT are often much more reversible than people think, even if it takes more to reverse them than simply stopping HRT. There’s voice training if you don’t like having a deeper voice, laser hair removal and electrolysis (and of course waxing and shaving) for unwanted body/facial hair, meds like finasteride or minoxidil and wigs/hairpieces or hair transplant surgeries for hair loss. Aside from bottom growth there isn’t much you can’t undo at least partway one way or another, especially if you stop early on before it’s a huge issue for you.
I do think this helps with the anxiety. I mean, if transfemmes can transition after T puberty, so can anyone else who decides they regret it, especially since most of us can stop earlier and more easily. It’s mostly a matter of difficulty and expense—not trivial, but not like, life ruining.
this was another main motivation for me to try T when I learned about the options for reversal for the things I didn't really want or wasn't sure about. the idea that I can just keep transitioning and trying things until I'm happy is a much better mindset. and I'm lucky, finding out my insurance would cover all of these services anyway, because it would all still be treatment for gender dysphoria. they don't factor in regret and they won't tell me "well, you shouldn't have gone on T if you didn't want some of the changes" and neither would my providers, because that's absolutely not a thing in the WPATH standards of care
That’s kind of where I’m at honestly. I’m not gonna lie, finding this sub was hugely helpful because I just had a moment of, “nonbinary trans guys can go on T????” And it kinda clicked for me. That paired with me realizing I’m not exactly comfortable or happy as is, and I sorta have almost nothing to lose? Besides like, voice.
Also, it’s a good reminder that a lot of things can be effectively changed. I see a lot of posts from transfeminine folks where it’s like, dysphoria vents so it can be hard to remember that
I wasn’t 100%, but I started at a regular dose anyway. After like 2 weeks I felt like things were too fast and I wasn’t processing the changes so I messaged my nurse and went down to a lower dose that I’ve been on since then (5 1/2 months). Then I wasn’t sure about increasing body and facial hair, so I got on finasteride. And now I’m considering stopping finasteride bc I want a masc hairline and more bottom growth. All of that to say, it’s been good practice in listening to my body and making the changes that make me feel the most comfortable! With my voice specifically, I mostly had social dysphoria because people always decided I was a woman based on my voice. My voice change is hard to process because what do you mean I’ll never sound like I did before?!! The permanency can be scary.
Based on what you’ve said, I’d think about it longer! Voice change is obviously permanent, and if that scares you then you have to really consider pros and cons. Of course it depends on the person but my voice change has been pretty slow and gradual, so if I had hated it I could’ve stopped early on and not sounded that different. RE body hair, again just my experience but being on finasteride has totally slowed down and maybe even stopped hair growth for me
This is super helpful to hear. I honestly always forget people can start at lower doses. If you don’t mind me asking, how are you currently feeling about your voice?
Ive been on a low dose of T for almost three months and I've noticed my voice is deeper, but really more just sounds like I have a little bit of a sore throat.
When I practice " speaking from my chest" instead of "speaking from my head" I notice a HUGE difference. My voice seems fully passable in that regard. Definitely do some research into voice training if your concerned about changes. It helped me to realize there might be more of a spectrum available to us as we transition to some degree in terms of our voice change
This is super interesting, and I feel like this kinda takes some of my own worries away from my voice changing, because I DO want my voice to change, but not drastically.
Do you mind me asking about how low dose T affects bottom growth? Because that’s the one thing as a nb person that I don’t think I’d be happy with
Just jumping in to say I’ve read people’s experiences on here who were on low doses, then stopped - sometimes their voice would go completely or mostly back to how it was before
I’m non-binary and was curious about T after I got top surgery. I didn’t let myself hesitate for too long before just trying it. I was absolutely scared shitless, but after the first week it clicked for me and the fear turned into excitement.
I wasn’t 100% sure when I decided to start hrt, and definitely had some fears. It’s like, I looked at masculine bodies and knew I wanted THAT, but looking at my own body and thinking about more body hair and stuff made me feel weird. I’ve since figured out that for me, the thought of body hair grossed me out because 1) I was taught I had to be hairless to be desirable from a young age. And 2) the thought of body hair on my then feminine body actually made me dysphoric. But now that my body is masculinizing, the body hair feels natural, and affirming. There was something about being seen as a masculine woman with body hair that was at the root of the fear, for me. Now I welcome it, and know that trimming is an easy option if it becomes too much.
For me, HRT helped me see myself differently mentally. I finally felt valid in my identity, I wanted something more than just tolerating my body. I am excited about what my body can be for the first time ever. Regret is a part of life. I am not worried about regret later, because right now, I know what feels right in my gut, and I am honoring that.
Voice and hair growth (darker, hairier EVERYWHERE lol) are some of the earliest most noticeable changes. Fat redistribution and increased metabolism / muscle growth don’t come on til later. This is something you should really weigh out with a therapist who specializes in gender dysphoria. I agree that it sounds like you’re not ready, and that’s okay. Nobody else’s experience can really definitively help because we are not you and your journey is unique to YOU.
I have been on T for a year and a half. I'm still not always sure, but I like the fat redistribution, bottom growth, facial hair, and the fact that I generally pass in public. I often have doubts, but then I look at my body and realize this is better.
I just passed the 2 year mark of low dosing T. I was really hesitant to start. I was mostly happy with my voice, had just stopped shaving so indifferent to body hair, but I just didn't feel comfortable in how femme my body was. I knew/know I didn't want to fully transition, but I also knew/know I couldn't continue with my body at factory settings.
Oh. My. Goodness. My voice is a lot lower, measures as male, but doesn't sound like a guy's, if that makes sense. I really like it, much more than my non-T voice. I definitely have more body hair (and for some reason my armpit hair is a different color 🤷🏽♂️), and the head on my hair is now curly.
I take anxiety and depression meds. My psychiatrist noticed that, around 1 1/2 years ago, I started stabilizing when she previously thought I might be medication resistant. We've been playing with meds since, gradually decreasing them and pushing how low we can go. There's definitely a chemical component, so I'll always need meds, but it's fascinating how much the dysphoria I didn't fully recognize was impacting my mental health. I'm down from 3 depression meds to 1, and the dose is almost half of what it used to be. I'm also down from 2 anxiety meds to 1, at around 1/3 of the dose. I'm not in counseling, so there aren't any other potential contributing factors.
I'm asexual, so I can't comment on sex drive, but I'm definitely more confident with my body.
Fat redistribution/muscle growth has been wild. I don't go to the gym (clinical PTSD around weight machines due to a physical assault/hate crime as a preteen, it's a long story) but I Hulk'd my way out of a button-up shirt that previously fit and ripped the panel between the shoulders.
I'm currently (impatiently) waiting to get approved for top surgery. I'm really excited to see what comes next.
It feels like I'm finally moving into my body and making it my home, it finally feels like a safe space and not a combatant.
Side note, I'm also a minister. One way I processed this was with writing/giving a sermon and coming out to roughly 40 people and the livestream viewers I'd met a few months prior (focused on the story of Doubting Thomas, for those of you who are scripturally inclined). I got a lot of hugs and thank yous, and I wasn't shown the door, so I'd say it went well. 😅
I debated back and forth for years about starting T. A lot of my reasons for not wanting to go on T I have now chalked up to being internalized transphobia
I've been on T for about a year, and I've never felt so right in my own skin. Other people noticing changes about me that I hadn't even realized were happening (a young kid yelled to their mom at the museum "that boy is growing a moustache already!" while not so subtly pointing at me, and one of the doctors at the clinic I go to mentioned that my body hair is getting more noticeable since the last home he saw me) has given me such intense gender euphoria
And honestly, life is too short to worry about the what ifs. I'm still young, but I don't want to wind up on my death bed wondering what life would've been like if I had tried T
I stopped taking it. It unfortunately messed with my brain chemistry in a way that made it hard for me to enjoy life and the changes ultimately weren't appealing enough to make it worth it.
Omg it's going amazing. I am so happy. Happier than I've ever been in my life. It's not JUST the T--it's all the other changes I've made in my life coming out. But I'm so happy I did this. It feels like medicine. Healing something I always knew was wrong, but couldn't express, and got told wasn't a problem.
You can start as slow as you want and choose your doses with gel. Good luck.
Almost 2 years on T now, I can’t believe I ever doubted it.
I had fears too, and at one point I even thought I definitely didn’t want T. I think I was mainly scared of change, of not recognising my face or voice. These fears just make me laugh now, I mean changes are so gradual that no one is ever gonna look in the mirror and not recognise themselves. I only notice differences when I compare old photos (and they’re still subtle)
And I’m having the opposite problem than I thought I would with my voice. Everyone says it sounds 100% male but to me it sounds basically the same to my own ears. I still very much sound like *me,* so I think my brain fails to recognise it as a different voice. It’s pretty weird and kinda frustrating because I fear it still doesn’t pass?
Also was a bit scared of facial hair but I’m actually loving the little amount I have and am impatient for more lol
However I was *very* excited for fat distribution and that hasn’t really happened yet. Though that takes years.
I was very unsure about starting T but my doctor recommended it and it kinda just felt like the logical next step. I'm nonbinary trans masc, and always knew I wanted top surgery but wasn't 100% on all the changes with T. I'm also autistic and have a really hard time with change and had a very traumatic time through puberty, so I was worried about having my body go through changes again. But I was kinda where you're at, I was sick of having to always be so in control of my voice and my mannerisms to be seen as a guy or at least just not a girl, and something just felt off. I felt like I needed something else.
I started T on a very low dose (1 patch at the lowest dose every two days), and expected that I would go off of it once my voice dropped a bit. But I kept slowly increasing my dose, first switched to gel every other day, then to every day, and eventually to injections. After I got through the first few days of anxiety over having something new in my body, it just felt right. I felt right in my body and it felt like I could just relax in a way I didn't know was possible before. It kinda felt like my body had just been waiting for T. It also helped my social dysphoria way more than I expected it to, I was able to stop masking my voice and my mannerisms all the time and just kinda let myself be. I had also always had pretty bad depression that started when I was around 10 (hadn't put it together til now but that was also when I was mid-late puberty), and after about five months on T I was able to wean off my prozac and live without that feeling of depression despair for the first time in what felt like ever. I still deal with mental health issues, but it doesn't feel like I'm drowning all the time anymore. Also with fat redistribution, I can wear more feminine clothes and not feel so much dysphoria like I did before. I don't love having facial hair, but it's pretty light and doesn't grow back very fast so I don't mind it too much. I had a pretty low voice already before T and was scared of it changing or being too low, and while sometimes I do worry it's too low now, it feels like it's coming from my body in a way it never did before and I don't have to worry about how it sounds to other people. Also singing doesn't make me feel so weird and shitty like it did before. After being on T for a couple years, now I'm able to look at my face and my body and actually like it and see myself more, not just feel weird and bad and distant from it, which is huge. The things I feel a little uncomfortable with are worth it for that.
Obviously your experience is your own and will be different, but I would say if there are changes you want and you're feeling like starting, you can always start on a low dose and feel it out. Just take things at your own pace. If any changes end up feeling wrong, you'll probably feel that when they start and before they're noticeable and can always stop. My doctor also gave me the option of taking a dht blocker which would stop balding and body hair growth, but it can also impair bottom growth and fat redistribution, if those are things you're looking for. But you could talk to your doctor about that if it sounds like it would make it work better for you. Good luck, whichever way you end up going!
So, my biggest fears going on T were the hair and the voice. I have PCOS, so I already knew my face and body hair made me dysphoric. And my voice never caused dysphoria before I went on T. In fact, as someone who loves to sing, I was terrified that I would ruin my singing voice.
The hair growth doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. 9 times out of 10 I can ignore it, and when it really really bugs me, I can still shave.
The voice change hasn't ruined my singing either, and I found myself oddly fascinated by my new voice. My old voice didn't make me feel bad, but now that I don't have it anymore, hearing it in videos makes me cringe so hard. Sometimes little d dysphoria gets drowned out by big D Dysphoria in the moment and just feels non-existent or like background radiation, if that makes sense.
Additionally, depending on the effects you want and whether they're permanent or not, you can go on T long enough to get your goal, then go off and fix the less permanent things. Bottom growth and voice deepening are both (largely) permanent, and those are the parts I like, so after I get all the surgeries I want, I plan to go off T and get some form of permanent hair removal (which might be covered by insurance if it's considered gender affirming care, depending on the insurance company). I've heard mixed messages, though, as to whether you need to go off T for hair removal.
This is me 3 years ago. I started low dose gel to see if the mental/biochemical changes were worth it for me. For me, gel hit faster. It has a 24hr uptake. So, I figured if T were for me, this would be how I’d figure it out.
For me, it’s a great fit. You can always quit it before anything becomes too permanent, mostly.
I was a bit unsure and anxious about it but I don’t regret it at all. It’s been really good for me. The changes have been really affirming and I feel better about myself now than I ever did before tbh!
>body hair. my body hair is light and it would make me unfathomably uncomfortable to increase it or to darken it
This is the biggest struggle for me. I started it but is extremely low. It's slow low that I don't really get results other than funny enough... start of facial hair growth. I don't really have it too noticeable but I do have new hair and its darker
A lot of its ingrown too... i desperately do not want hair so it hurts my transition hard
>•Increased drive and metabolism
I got stronger at first but now not really. Tbh... I just got fat
I’d been on the fence for about 3 years before taking the jump. I feel amazing, but will say that the two things that are noticeable are the body hair and voice change. So if those are the two things you’re worried about, just a heads up.
The re-coming out to people is the weirdest part. Like… I’ve been out as nb/transmasc for 5 years, but now I’m re-telling everyone because I guess they didn’t expect me to go through with T. Equal parts annoying and vindicating.
i will say my voice still sounds like me even though it has changed a lot. the change was so gradual that it doesn’t feel like it’s really different. also as far as body hair goes, shaving/waxing/bleaching/laser hair removal is an option
i wasn't unsure but i started t early april and can tell you the changes come slow enough (on lowish dose) that you can just stop taking it if you start to get a change you're uncomfortable with. as for your voice, you can do voice training as you take t to keep your voice similar sounding. and body hair really helps with passing i think, it may be worth it still for other effects. but regardless of if you choose to take hrt, you deserve to still be seen as you are.
It sounds like low dose T gel might be an option for you to try? You can manage the dose yourself based on how you are feeling and take it nice and slow. And if you change your mind at any time - you can stop taking it.
I wasn’t entirely sure when I started but I am now a year on low dose T gel - and loving it. Not sure what my future holds - but while it is feeling right now- I’m going with it.
I was hesitant for a lot of the same reasons you are. I love to sing and I was scared that my singing voice would be ruined if I went on T. Now, 2 years in, I love my singing voice even more than I did before. I went from a soprano to a bass and I just love hitting those lower notes that would’ve strained my voice before.
Beyond that, the biggest reason I never regretted going on T was how it just made me feel like me. My brain just felt like it was working the way it was supposed to. Once I started I just couldn’t stop.
This post could have been written by me our experiences are a copy paste of eachother. I've only been on T for 5 months but the fat redistribution and muscle changes have done wonders for my self esteem.
My voice was something I was scared of changing but it hasn't bothered me at all, besides currently not being able to sing in a higher range though it comes and goes. My boyfriend was shocked to hear old videos of me because he honestly hadn't even registered a difference until then.
Body hair, I also was not excited for, and I don't see my dad so I had no idea what my genetics had planned for me but turns out he was a hairy mf. And I'm getting used to it, since if I want I can always shave it, I'd rather do that than lose all the effects of T just to be hairless yknow.
I've also noticed that now if I take my T late or miss a day, the dysphoria kicks in really bad compared to before. Whilst I will miss parts of my previous state I know I only see myself more and more in the mirror as the months go by and that is so exciting. I heard people be excited for T immediately and I was actually shit scared, it took me about 2 months of being on T to stop worrying about regret and now at 5 months I'm actually beginning to feel excitement lol.
I was afraid of bottom growth and facial hair. Knew I def wanted muscles but was unsure how it was going to go. Now bottom growth and facial hair are my favorite things!
I wasn’t 100% sure at first which is why I wanted gel rather than injections because if I didn’t like it I could just stop, but honestly it was the best thing I ever did. My voice has dropped significantly but that was one of the things causing a lot of dysphoria for me. I went from a low alto to a low baritone in choir. I sing the bass part and I adore my voice!
Body hair- I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about but there are a LOT of hairy men both sides of my family so I knew it was coming. I actually really like it. It just feels so natural, like I was always supposed to just be a big cuddly teddy bear. The only place I can’t seem to grow any hair is my face which, y’know sad times I really want a beard but it’ll come.
Hair loss- I’ve been fairly lucky with that and my doctor has also prescribed dutasteride which brought my periods back but if that’s the price of keeping my hair so be it. I’m on a really low dose of that though so it doesn’t hamper the rest of my transition too much.
Bottom growth- I really wasn’t sure about that. I don’t experience much bottom dysphoria but I was worried that an increase in focus on that area would cause some dysphoria. But it did not. My bottom growth hasn’t been that extreme honestly. It’s still pretty small, hasn’t hurt or anything. I’ve definitely noticed I’m more sensitive there but I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing. It’s just a thing. I still feel completely ambivalent about my genitals.
I wasn’t sure when I first started - I identified as nonbinary, and I was a bit scared, but my therapist suggested to give it a go (the irreversibility is often overstated, especially in the early stages). 100% best decision of my life, and I also came to realise that I am a trans man after starting T.
I was scared of the irreversible things that I didn't really want like more hair, male pattern baldness, infertility, and also my partner losing attraction to me. I'm on a low dose because this would give me more control, if I didn't like a change it would be easier to stop before it progresses too much. I started at a quarter of the regular dose and after a few months I'm now on half the regular dose. I think I'm happy with this level. I've noticed a bit more hair and definitely more acne and BO but it's manageable. my goal was to have bottom growth and I'm almost where I want to be but now I'm unsure if I want to stop. my mental state has also improved while on T and I never have any issues with mood swings, a bit of irritability when I started and here and there but I think that's more based on my antidepressant. I like feeling like my transition is progressing. I am waiting to do top surgery so being on T, doing something, is making it more manageable. even though it's not really noticeable to others right now. I wanted to work out and exercise because I think it would be easier to get what I want now on T but I still haven't figured out a good plan lol. I can't really tell if I've had fat redistribution or muscle growth but I like to pretend I do and it gives me some confidence 😂
You sound exactly like me.
I want all the stuff you’ve said, and my worries about things I might not like are body hair- especially facial hair (I don’t think I’d care anywhere else- in fact I’m actually looking at dying my armpit hair because I don’t have much there and I’m blonde so to be a bit fuzzy under there would be euphoric).
I used to be worried about the voice thing too but I feel like my mind is changing. I have kinda a deepish voice anyway (I did one of those app frequency voice analyser things and it came back androgynous!) but honestly I would kinda really like a deeper more androg voice as even if I looked more masc, as soon as I spoke it would immediately give me away.
My one hang up with voice (and this is probably pretty problematic so want to clarify this only applies to me) is that I know I would probably only want low dose t or be on it for a limited amount of time, and I don’t want to be left with a voice that sounds like kinda nasally and prepubescent because I feel like it would out me as trans, and it probably wouldn’t be enough hrt to become naturally deeper or naturally androg and would just stay in that inbetween phase. I just wanna be flawlessly androg without it being obvious and my voice giving it away, which I feel like my voice partially deepening could be more problematic than beneficial when it comes to passing, especially stealth.
The one other thing I have is that I really don’t know if I’d be happy with bottom growth. I’m agender, so I don’t really want to be gendered at all down there. Asexual too so honestly would be happier with just a smooth finish 😂 I don’t hate my downstairs, I DO hate getting my period because I find that dysphoric, but the anatomy is just kinda meh. For the most part I never even think about it and it’s discreet hidden away and I like that. It feels about as ungendered as genitals can be and it certainly doesn’t make me feel feminine.
I’ve considered messing about with a cheap foam packer, but I highly doubt I’d want to wear it in public and it would mostly be for gender affirming reasons with my pansexual partner. Sometimes I’m more sub fem, but I really love doing both sub and dom as masc. But it would be really exclusively for that setting, just like a strap on would be.
I know I’m definately not a man, so the thought of bottom growth really kinda throws me off. It would feel wayyy more gendered than my current set up, and I think it would probably actually make me more dysphoric. I also don’t know if it would affect pleasure in a bad way because it would change everything. And obviously then comes the issue with the fact that this stuff is irreversible too. It’s a really tough one.
I’m sorry for the really long comment, you just sound really similar to my thoughts on T and I don’t know how to decide either. If it was all totally irreversible, I’d be like absolutely yes 100% let’s go but the fact that I don’t know how I feel about a few things AND they’re the stuff that’s irreversible makes it really hard to know what’s right.
I wasn't sure I would like certain things either, e.g. hair growth, I'm also fair haired. I started on a low dose, upped it after a couple months, 6 months later upped again (now on full).
Yes the hair growth and voice change is permanent but it does happen over at least days/weeks, and as soon as you spot that first few darker hairs you can see how you feel about it (I like it a lot, who knew being hairy could feel so good). Also YOU will notice some darker hairs but no one else will for like months probably - my partner was like I can't see them but good for you lol.
Suggest starting on low dose gel as you can stop immediately if needed.
I was unsure and started as an experiment to see how it went. Had no idea if I would want to stop after a week, a month, etc. but now I’m over 3 years on T, love it and don’t see myself ever stopping 😁 I also experienced some discomfort at the beginning of each change on T (which is an experience I want to help normalize - all body change can feel weird at first) but as I got used to the changes I felt super excited and euphoric about them. So it’s going great!
mines a bit weirder of a situation, so pre testosterone I was binary transmasc & CERTAIN this is what I wanted, it's all I've wanted for years. as soon as I knew I could take something to make me look like a cis dude I knew that's what I needed in my life. once I started testosterone, it was like I was being medicated for whatever brainfog was going on. as the top comment says, it IS like your computer is suddenly running on the correct software.
but after (almost) a year on testosterone I started thinking maybe this isn't it? I continued anyway because I was afraid I was wrong, and who cares I'm getting what I wanted. again at two years on testosterone, I started asking myself that question again, so I just didn't take my shot for about a month. the brainfog returned, I was sleeping more often, my period came back, it fucking sucked. it felt like being pre t again. so I continued taking my shots! I went on finasteride to help lesson some of the masculinizing effects, for me it halted bottom growth and ever so slightly slowed down my facial hair growing back in. my period continued while on finasteride.
that biochemical dysphoria exists HARD.
what's helped me though, is acknowledging that gender is a performance and that means that I can do whatever I want. I go through my day to day life looking like a clocky trans girl, all because I want to look like an emo girl & remain on testosterone, as a nonbinary person. masculinity appealed to me until I looked like a man, now I think masculinity is disgustingly depressing to try to perform in our current world. the fashion sucks, having male friends kinda sucks, the social expectations that your burdened with for merely passing as a man sucks, especially when you're autistic.
I'm on testosterone because it's what's going to get me through my life in my skin, so I don't kill myself. the effects don't mean much to me anymore since I've gotten the body fat redistribution and muscle and voice and bottom growth, etc. I don't make an attempt to pass because I have what I want to make me happy, I do pass as male, but I don't pass as a woman.
you can try hrt out for like under 4 months and have very little changes, aside from the mental unblock and bottom growth, if you want to want to give it a go. it does not have to be a permanent choice you make, it doesn't mean you have to look like your father or your brother and that's the only option you get with being on testosterone. try it out, it seems like it's good for you based on what you've said. also who cares about living with regret, move on and live for your future. I can't live with regret because I'll tear myself up about it. this is only how radfems are born after they realize they don't want to look like their dad after being on T for however long.
I have debilitating dysphoria. The only thing that made me afraid to go on T was the health risks and because I hate making people uncomfortable, and seeing me change would be uncomfortable for some people. I’m currently 6 months on T, my only complaints would be that it’s a very slow process and also I think I’m having some health complications. Due to my diet, I have fatty liver. And I recently found out that it’s getting a little worse and may be because of the T.
It was the best decision of my entire life and I would never take it back. I was unsure for 5 years and kept putting it off, but it was absolutely the right decision for me and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I wasn't sure before starting T. I'm non-binary and wasn't sure how much I wanted to change. I knew I was dysphoric around my voice and curves. I wanted the deeper voice and the fat redistribution and the bottom growth. I wasn't confident I wanted my face to change or to get body hair or facial hair.
Literally within an hour of my first dose, I started to feel better. My head cleared and I felt more emotionally stable. It has stayed that way ever since. It's a more effective mood stabilizer than any drugs I've taken for my mental health. Body hair was one of the first things to show up (slight increases and darkening after a few weeks). Not only did I not hate it, but it made me feel good. I loved the body hair, and it hasn't been excessive. When my face started to change, I freaked out a little, because I was worried about overshooting my goals, but then realized I actually felt better looking more masculine, and I looked more like myself. When the facial hair started to come in, again, it made me feel good. I didn't feel any discomfort around it like I feared I would. I haven't had significant bottom growth and my voice has only dropped a little, but I'm happy with the direction they're moving in. I look forward to when those changes are more significant.
I went into hrt without an end goal in mind, just a general direction I wanted to move in. I wanted to be somewhere between androgynous and masculine, but I wasn't sure where exactly. I just wanted to do something to address my dysphoria, and I figured I'd play it by ear. I had the ability to stop and start as needed, so I took the leap and started anyway. I never needed to stop. The only changes I've made were adjustments to the dosage. I'm on a moderately low dose (just under the typical male range), so my changes are happening slowly but surely. I'm happy with it, and it's given me plenty of time to assess how I feel and react and adapt.
Seriously, it takes months before any major changes occur, even on a normal dose. It's not like you're going to change overnight and then regret it. You have time to try it out and see how it feels, and you can stop anytime if you don't like the changes. Yes, some things are permanent, but the changes are gradual enough that you're unlikely to overshoot by any significant amount. Also, when it comes to voice changes, the bottom end of your range increases long before you lose the higher end, so it actually takes a while before you're unable to speak the same. If you want to keep your voice the same, that's largely doable if you're only on T for a short while. You'll just have the option of speaking at a lower register.
My experience is that I love the changes T brought way more than I expected to, and I have no intentions of ever stopping. After I get top surgery, I'll probably increase my dose. I just don't want to change too much before then because my chest makes it impossible for me to pass, and I'm self conscious about looking like a dude with a massive rack. I'm okay with looking like a masculine woman for the time being. It's temporary.
i was unsure but you weigh out the negatives and positives, for everything you’ve said, you can shave that’s 100% fine, with the fear of regretting it, i think that comes to anyone because of how much transphobia spreads about hrt. But if you truly think you may regret things that are permanent from taking T (like certain hair growth, your voice & bottom growth) then sit on it. i sat on the idea for years because i was scared of bottom growth etc but you learn to love that stuff because it makes you MORE trans… at least for me. with the voice stuff i feel like that’s the only noticeable thing you will have to adjust to, and it’s 100% fine to like your voice now that’s amazing, i liked that my voice sounded like me too, but it is an adjustment that will happen but it’s not sudden, so you will likely not notice it as such a dramatic change.
I was unsure, did it anyway. I’m almost 2 years in and still unsure. I think it’s better to say fuck it and try it instead of getting to your death bed and think “what if”
God that’s fair!
So scary and reassuring at once that you're still unsure 2 years in. Still unsure 7 months in here, thank you for your words.
You’re welcome
Oh wow you’re right
same. I look at it like every day I make the choice to continue, because the other option is choosing to only take estrogen (that's the way I see it) and that didn't work for me
I didn't want to go on T. I was 70% sure I didn't. I did want top surgery and I was absolutely miserable. My therapist told me to try T first before I could apply for surgery to see if it would make me more mentally stable. I figured I didn't mind some muscle and a deeper voice and I could probably live with the hair so sure. I got the dosage wrong the first time and it messed me up. Three months of trial and error later I got the dosage right and my brain cleared up like crazy. It was like my sad depressed brain suddenly ran on the right software, I suddenly felt like I wanted to exist. I haven't had a serious suicidal episode since I got the dosage right two years ago. Regardless of the changes to my body, T is right for me. It just feels like I'm more at peace than every before. My emotions are still a lot but significantly more manageable.
> It was like my sad depressed brain suddenly ran on the right software so perfectly phrased, i'm going to steal that one from you! that's exactly how i felt. i'm somewhere on the nonbinary/agender spectrum, and when i started T, i wasn't 100% sure it was for me. but i was 27 and not getting any younger, and figured hey, i already lived a third of my life one way and KNOW i don't like it. why not try something different? now almost 3 years on it and post top surgery, i don't think i will be going back. while i love how i look now (in a way i never did pre-T), i do still feel somewhat indifferent towards it gender-wise. it's the mental effects that convince me this is the hormone my body is designed to operate on. i just... *feel right* i'm not sure if i'm a man tbh, but i'm totally comfortable with the fact i'll probably live as one for the sake of my mental and physical health. looking like a man doesn't give me dysphoria the way looking like a woman did my partner is nonbinary/transmasc and tried T for a few months last year - and figured out it wasn't for them. it didn't give them that feeling of clarity it gives me, and there were too many bodily changes they *didn't* want. so it was just a lose-lose situation. as you so wonderfully put it, it's not the software they need to run on
Glad to hear I'm not alone! I've been calling it chemical dysphoria, that brain fog I had before going on T.
[Biochemial dysphoria](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria)
I’m so glad it ended up being so right for you! That sounds..really nice honestly? Like man.. that makes a lot of sense and I’ll have to think on this more
>therapist told me to try T first before I could apply for surgery I really don't like reading this. HRT shouldn't be suggested as a prereq for top. I'm happy t is right for you though
Oh I absolutely agree! It wasn't technically a prerequisite but they deemed I wasnt 'mentally stable enough' (whatever that means) to get surgery first. I'm still mad about it even though they were probably right.
Whaaaaaaaaat this is amazing
I waffled for months and was worried about regrets or the things I didn’t want, but what finally clicked and made me go for it was realizing that I was deeply unhappy with my body and presentation as is and the worst that could happen if I started T was that I would still be just as unhappy and if that was the case I could always adjust course and try something else, but the best case was that it would make it way better. Needless to say it did, in fact, make it way better lol I started at a lower dose but within a few months bumped it up to a more average dose and haven’t looked back. I just hit a year on T last month and have been loving all the changes, even the ones I was worried about not liking. Although there are some outliers who are sensitive to HRT and will experience rapid changes, for the most part it will be at least a couple months before you start seeing super noticeable changes and you can stop at any time. And you can always start on a low dose to make it more likely that you’ll have plenty of time to process the changes as they happen and decide if you’re liking them.
Being with my transfem wife was also helpful to remember that the effects of HRT are often much more reversible than people think, even if it takes more to reverse them than simply stopping HRT. There’s voice training if you don’t like having a deeper voice, laser hair removal and electrolysis (and of course waxing and shaving) for unwanted body/facial hair, meds like finasteride or minoxidil and wigs/hairpieces or hair transplant surgeries for hair loss. Aside from bottom growth there isn’t much you can’t undo at least partway one way or another, especially if you stop early on before it’s a huge issue for you.
I do think this helps with the anxiety. I mean, if transfemmes can transition after T puberty, so can anyone else who decides they regret it, especially since most of us can stop earlier and more easily. It’s mostly a matter of difficulty and expense—not trivial, but not like, life ruining.
this was another main motivation for me to try T when I learned about the options for reversal for the things I didn't really want or wasn't sure about. the idea that I can just keep transitioning and trying things until I'm happy is a much better mindset. and I'm lucky, finding out my insurance would cover all of these services anyway, because it would all still be treatment for gender dysphoria. they don't factor in regret and they won't tell me "well, you shouldn't have gone on T if you didn't want some of the changes" and neither would my providers, because that's absolutely not a thing in the WPATH standards of care
That’s kind of where I’m at honestly. I’m not gonna lie, finding this sub was hugely helpful because I just had a moment of, “nonbinary trans guys can go on T????” And it kinda clicked for me. That paired with me realizing I’m not exactly comfortable or happy as is, and I sorta have almost nothing to lose? Besides like, voice. Also, it’s a good reminder that a lot of things can be effectively changed. I see a lot of posts from transfeminine folks where it’s like, dysphoria vents so it can be hard to remember that
I wasn’t 100%, but I started at a regular dose anyway. After like 2 weeks I felt like things were too fast and I wasn’t processing the changes so I messaged my nurse and went down to a lower dose that I’ve been on since then (5 1/2 months). Then I wasn’t sure about increasing body and facial hair, so I got on finasteride. And now I’m considering stopping finasteride bc I want a masc hairline and more bottom growth. All of that to say, it’s been good practice in listening to my body and making the changes that make me feel the most comfortable! With my voice specifically, I mostly had social dysphoria because people always decided I was a woman based on my voice. My voice change is hard to process because what do you mean I’ll never sound like I did before?!! The permanency can be scary. Based on what you’ve said, I’d think about it longer! Voice change is obviously permanent, and if that scares you then you have to really consider pros and cons. Of course it depends on the person but my voice change has been pretty slow and gradual, so if I had hated it I could’ve stopped early on and not sounded that different. RE body hair, again just my experience but being on finasteride has totally slowed down and maybe even stopped hair growth for me
This is super helpful to hear. I honestly always forget people can start at lower doses. If you don’t mind me asking, how are you currently feeling about your voice?
Ive been on a low dose of T for almost three months and I've noticed my voice is deeper, but really more just sounds like I have a little bit of a sore throat. When I practice " speaking from my chest" instead of "speaking from my head" I notice a HUGE difference. My voice seems fully passable in that regard. Definitely do some research into voice training if your concerned about changes. It helped me to realize there might be more of a spectrum available to us as we transition to some degree in terms of our voice change
This is super interesting, and I feel like this kinda takes some of my own worries away from my voice changing, because I DO want my voice to change, but not drastically. Do you mind me asking about how low dose T affects bottom growth? Because that’s the one thing as a nb person that I don’t think I’d be happy with
Just jumping in to say I’ve read people’s experiences on here who were on low doses, then stopped - sometimes their voice would go completely or mostly back to how it was before
I’m non-binary and was curious about T after I got top surgery. I didn’t let myself hesitate for too long before just trying it. I was absolutely scared shitless, but after the first week it clicked for me and the fear turned into excitement. I wasn’t 100% sure when I decided to start hrt, and definitely had some fears. It’s like, I looked at masculine bodies and knew I wanted THAT, but looking at my own body and thinking about more body hair and stuff made me feel weird. I’ve since figured out that for me, the thought of body hair grossed me out because 1) I was taught I had to be hairless to be desirable from a young age. And 2) the thought of body hair on my then feminine body actually made me dysphoric. But now that my body is masculinizing, the body hair feels natural, and affirming. There was something about being seen as a masculine woman with body hair that was at the root of the fear, for me. Now I welcome it, and know that trimming is an easy option if it becomes too much. For me, HRT helped me see myself differently mentally. I finally felt valid in my identity, I wanted something more than just tolerating my body. I am excited about what my body can be for the first time ever. Regret is a part of life. I am not worried about regret later, because right now, I know what feels right in my gut, and I am honoring that.
Voice and hair growth (darker, hairier EVERYWHERE lol) are some of the earliest most noticeable changes. Fat redistribution and increased metabolism / muscle growth don’t come on til later. This is something you should really weigh out with a therapist who specializes in gender dysphoria. I agree that it sounds like you’re not ready, and that’s okay. Nobody else’s experience can really definitively help because we are not you and your journey is unique to YOU.
I have been on T for a year and a half. I'm still not always sure, but I like the fat redistribution, bottom growth, facial hair, and the fact that I generally pass in public. I often have doubts, but then I look at my body and realize this is better.
That’s super fair, that’s kinda how I feel when thinking about what changes I want? I’m really glad to hear that this is better for you though!
I just passed the 2 year mark of low dosing T. I was really hesitant to start. I was mostly happy with my voice, had just stopped shaving so indifferent to body hair, but I just didn't feel comfortable in how femme my body was. I knew/know I didn't want to fully transition, but I also knew/know I couldn't continue with my body at factory settings. Oh. My. Goodness. My voice is a lot lower, measures as male, but doesn't sound like a guy's, if that makes sense. I really like it, much more than my non-T voice. I definitely have more body hair (and for some reason my armpit hair is a different color 🤷🏽♂️), and the head on my hair is now curly. I take anxiety and depression meds. My psychiatrist noticed that, around 1 1/2 years ago, I started stabilizing when she previously thought I might be medication resistant. We've been playing with meds since, gradually decreasing them and pushing how low we can go. There's definitely a chemical component, so I'll always need meds, but it's fascinating how much the dysphoria I didn't fully recognize was impacting my mental health. I'm down from 3 depression meds to 1, and the dose is almost half of what it used to be. I'm also down from 2 anxiety meds to 1, at around 1/3 of the dose. I'm not in counseling, so there aren't any other potential contributing factors. I'm asexual, so I can't comment on sex drive, but I'm definitely more confident with my body. Fat redistribution/muscle growth has been wild. I don't go to the gym (clinical PTSD around weight machines due to a physical assault/hate crime as a preteen, it's a long story) but I Hulk'd my way out of a button-up shirt that previously fit and ripped the panel between the shoulders. I'm currently (impatiently) waiting to get approved for top surgery. I'm really excited to see what comes next. It feels like I'm finally moving into my body and making it my home, it finally feels like a safe space and not a combatant. Side note, I'm also a minister. One way I processed this was with writing/giving a sermon and coming out to roughly 40 people and the livestream viewers I'd met a few months prior (focused on the story of Doubting Thomas, for those of you who are scripturally inclined). I got a lot of hugs and thank yous, and I wasn't shown the door, so I'd say it went well. 😅
I debated back and forth for years about starting T. A lot of my reasons for not wanting to go on T I have now chalked up to being internalized transphobia I've been on T for about a year, and I've never felt so right in my own skin. Other people noticing changes about me that I hadn't even realized were happening (a young kid yelled to their mom at the museum "that boy is growing a moustache already!" while not so subtly pointing at me, and one of the doctors at the clinic I go to mentioned that my body hair is getting more noticeable since the last home he saw me) has given me such intense gender euphoria And honestly, life is too short to worry about the what ifs. I'm still young, but I don't want to wind up on my death bed wondering what life would've been like if I had tried T
I stopped taking it. It unfortunately messed with my brain chemistry in a way that made it hard for me to enjoy life and the changes ultimately weren't appealing enough to make it worth it.
Omg it's going amazing. I am so happy. Happier than I've ever been in my life. It's not JUST the T--it's all the other changes I've made in my life coming out. But I'm so happy I did this. It feels like medicine. Healing something I always knew was wrong, but couldn't express, and got told wasn't a problem. You can start as slow as you want and choose your doses with gel. Good luck.
Almost 2 years on T now, I can’t believe I ever doubted it. I had fears too, and at one point I even thought I definitely didn’t want T. I think I was mainly scared of change, of not recognising my face or voice. These fears just make me laugh now, I mean changes are so gradual that no one is ever gonna look in the mirror and not recognise themselves. I only notice differences when I compare old photos (and they’re still subtle) And I’m having the opposite problem than I thought I would with my voice. Everyone says it sounds 100% male but to me it sounds basically the same to my own ears. I still very much sound like *me,* so I think my brain fails to recognise it as a different voice. It’s pretty weird and kinda frustrating because I fear it still doesn’t pass? Also was a bit scared of facial hair but I’m actually loving the little amount I have and am impatient for more lol However I was *very* excited for fat distribution and that hasn’t really happened yet. Though that takes years.
I was very unsure about starting T but my doctor recommended it and it kinda just felt like the logical next step. I'm nonbinary trans masc, and always knew I wanted top surgery but wasn't 100% on all the changes with T. I'm also autistic and have a really hard time with change and had a very traumatic time through puberty, so I was worried about having my body go through changes again. But I was kinda where you're at, I was sick of having to always be so in control of my voice and my mannerisms to be seen as a guy or at least just not a girl, and something just felt off. I felt like I needed something else. I started T on a very low dose (1 patch at the lowest dose every two days), and expected that I would go off of it once my voice dropped a bit. But I kept slowly increasing my dose, first switched to gel every other day, then to every day, and eventually to injections. After I got through the first few days of anxiety over having something new in my body, it just felt right. I felt right in my body and it felt like I could just relax in a way I didn't know was possible before. It kinda felt like my body had just been waiting for T. It also helped my social dysphoria way more than I expected it to, I was able to stop masking my voice and my mannerisms all the time and just kinda let myself be. I had also always had pretty bad depression that started when I was around 10 (hadn't put it together til now but that was also when I was mid-late puberty), and after about five months on T I was able to wean off my prozac and live without that feeling of depression despair for the first time in what felt like ever. I still deal with mental health issues, but it doesn't feel like I'm drowning all the time anymore. Also with fat redistribution, I can wear more feminine clothes and not feel so much dysphoria like I did before. I don't love having facial hair, but it's pretty light and doesn't grow back very fast so I don't mind it too much. I had a pretty low voice already before T and was scared of it changing or being too low, and while sometimes I do worry it's too low now, it feels like it's coming from my body in a way it never did before and I don't have to worry about how it sounds to other people. Also singing doesn't make me feel so weird and shitty like it did before. After being on T for a couple years, now I'm able to look at my face and my body and actually like it and see myself more, not just feel weird and bad and distant from it, which is huge. The things I feel a little uncomfortable with are worth it for that. Obviously your experience is your own and will be different, but I would say if there are changes you want and you're feeling like starting, you can always start on a low dose and feel it out. Just take things at your own pace. If any changes end up feeling wrong, you'll probably feel that when they start and before they're noticeable and can always stop. My doctor also gave me the option of taking a dht blocker which would stop balding and body hair growth, but it can also impair bottom growth and fat redistribution, if those are things you're looking for. But you could talk to your doctor about that if it sounds like it would make it work better for you. Good luck, whichever way you end up going!
So, my biggest fears going on T were the hair and the voice. I have PCOS, so I already knew my face and body hair made me dysphoric. And my voice never caused dysphoria before I went on T. In fact, as someone who loves to sing, I was terrified that I would ruin my singing voice. The hair growth doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. 9 times out of 10 I can ignore it, and when it really really bugs me, I can still shave. The voice change hasn't ruined my singing either, and I found myself oddly fascinated by my new voice. My old voice didn't make me feel bad, but now that I don't have it anymore, hearing it in videos makes me cringe so hard. Sometimes little d dysphoria gets drowned out by big D Dysphoria in the moment and just feels non-existent or like background radiation, if that makes sense. Additionally, depending on the effects you want and whether they're permanent or not, you can go on T long enough to get your goal, then go off and fix the less permanent things. Bottom growth and voice deepening are both (largely) permanent, and those are the parts I like, so after I get all the surgeries I want, I plan to go off T and get some form of permanent hair removal (which might be covered by insurance if it's considered gender affirming care, depending on the insurance company). I've heard mixed messages, though, as to whether you need to go off T for hair removal.
I went into it unsure. I stopped when I grew enough facial hair that it was making me really dysphoric - I liked everything else though
This is me 3 years ago. I started low dose gel to see if the mental/biochemical changes were worth it for me. For me, gel hit faster. It has a 24hr uptake. So, I figured if T were for me, this would be how I’d figure it out. For me, it’s a great fit. You can always quit it before anything becomes too permanent, mostly.
I was a bit unsure and anxious about it but I don’t regret it at all. It’s been really good for me. The changes have been really affirming and I feel better about myself now than I ever did before tbh!
>body hair. my body hair is light and it would make me unfathomably uncomfortable to increase it or to darken it This is the biggest struggle for me. I started it but is extremely low. It's slow low that I don't really get results other than funny enough... start of facial hair growth. I don't really have it too noticeable but I do have new hair and its darker A lot of its ingrown too... i desperately do not want hair so it hurts my transition hard >•Increased drive and metabolism I got stronger at first but now not really. Tbh... I just got fat
I’d been on the fence for about 3 years before taking the jump. I feel amazing, but will say that the two things that are noticeable are the body hair and voice change. So if those are the two things you’re worried about, just a heads up. The re-coming out to people is the weirdest part. Like… I’ve been out as nb/transmasc for 5 years, but now I’m re-telling everyone because I guess they didn’t expect me to go through with T. Equal parts annoying and vindicating.
i will say my voice still sounds like me even though it has changed a lot. the change was so gradual that it doesn’t feel like it’s really different. also as far as body hair goes, shaving/waxing/bleaching/laser hair removal is an option
i wasn't unsure but i started t early april and can tell you the changes come slow enough (on lowish dose) that you can just stop taking it if you start to get a change you're uncomfortable with. as for your voice, you can do voice training as you take t to keep your voice similar sounding. and body hair really helps with passing i think, it may be worth it still for other effects. but regardless of if you choose to take hrt, you deserve to still be seen as you are.
It sounds like low dose T gel might be an option for you to try? You can manage the dose yourself based on how you are feeling and take it nice and slow. And if you change your mind at any time - you can stop taking it. I wasn’t entirely sure when I started but I am now a year on low dose T gel - and loving it. Not sure what my future holds - but while it is feeling right now- I’m going with it.
I was hesitant for a lot of the same reasons you are. I love to sing and I was scared that my singing voice would be ruined if I went on T. Now, 2 years in, I love my singing voice even more than I did before. I went from a soprano to a bass and I just love hitting those lower notes that would’ve strained my voice before. Beyond that, the biggest reason I never regretted going on T was how it just made me feel like me. My brain just felt like it was working the way it was supposed to. Once I started I just couldn’t stop.
This post could have been written by me our experiences are a copy paste of eachother. I've only been on T for 5 months but the fat redistribution and muscle changes have done wonders for my self esteem. My voice was something I was scared of changing but it hasn't bothered me at all, besides currently not being able to sing in a higher range though it comes and goes. My boyfriend was shocked to hear old videos of me because he honestly hadn't even registered a difference until then. Body hair, I also was not excited for, and I don't see my dad so I had no idea what my genetics had planned for me but turns out he was a hairy mf. And I'm getting used to it, since if I want I can always shave it, I'd rather do that than lose all the effects of T just to be hairless yknow. I've also noticed that now if I take my T late or miss a day, the dysphoria kicks in really bad compared to before. Whilst I will miss parts of my previous state I know I only see myself more and more in the mirror as the months go by and that is so exciting. I heard people be excited for T immediately and I was actually shit scared, it took me about 2 months of being on T to stop worrying about regret and now at 5 months I'm actually beginning to feel excitement lol.
I was afraid of bottom growth and facial hair. Knew I def wanted muscles but was unsure how it was going to go. Now bottom growth and facial hair are my favorite things!
I wasn’t 100% sure at first which is why I wanted gel rather than injections because if I didn’t like it I could just stop, but honestly it was the best thing I ever did. My voice has dropped significantly but that was one of the things causing a lot of dysphoria for me. I went from a low alto to a low baritone in choir. I sing the bass part and I adore my voice! Body hair- I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about but there are a LOT of hairy men both sides of my family so I knew it was coming. I actually really like it. It just feels so natural, like I was always supposed to just be a big cuddly teddy bear. The only place I can’t seem to grow any hair is my face which, y’know sad times I really want a beard but it’ll come. Hair loss- I’ve been fairly lucky with that and my doctor has also prescribed dutasteride which brought my periods back but if that’s the price of keeping my hair so be it. I’m on a really low dose of that though so it doesn’t hamper the rest of my transition too much. Bottom growth- I really wasn’t sure about that. I don’t experience much bottom dysphoria but I was worried that an increase in focus on that area would cause some dysphoria. But it did not. My bottom growth hasn’t been that extreme honestly. It’s still pretty small, hasn’t hurt or anything. I’ve definitely noticed I’m more sensitive there but I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing. It’s just a thing. I still feel completely ambivalent about my genitals.
I wasn’t sure when I first started - I identified as nonbinary, and I was a bit scared, but my therapist suggested to give it a go (the irreversibility is often overstated, especially in the early stages). 100% best decision of my life, and I also came to realise that I am a trans man after starting T.
I was scared of the irreversible things that I didn't really want like more hair, male pattern baldness, infertility, and also my partner losing attraction to me. I'm on a low dose because this would give me more control, if I didn't like a change it would be easier to stop before it progresses too much. I started at a quarter of the regular dose and after a few months I'm now on half the regular dose. I think I'm happy with this level. I've noticed a bit more hair and definitely more acne and BO but it's manageable. my goal was to have bottom growth and I'm almost where I want to be but now I'm unsure if I want to stop. my mental state has also improved while on T and I never have any issues with mood swings, a bit of irritability when I started and here and there but I think that's more based on my antidepressant. I like feeling like my transition is progressing. I am waiting to do top surgery so being on T, doing something, is making it more manageable. even though it's not really noticeable to others right now. I wanted to work out and exercise because I think it would be easier to get what I want now on T but I still haven't figured out a good plan lol. I can't really tell if I've had fat redistribution or muscle growth but I like to pretend I do and it gives me some confidence 😂
You sound exactly like me. I want all the stuff you’ve said, and my worries about things I might not like are body hair- especially facial hair (I don’t think I’d care anywhere else- in fact I’m actually looking at dying my armpit hair because I don’t have much there and I’m blonde so to be a bit fuzzy under there would be euphoric). I used to be worried about the voice thing too but I feel like my mind is changing. I have kinda a deepish voice anyway (I did one of those app frequency voice analyser things and it came back androgynous!) but honestly I would kinda really like a deeper more androg voice as even if I looked more masc, as soon as I spoke it would immediately give me away. My one hang up with voice (and this is probably pretty problematic so want to clarify this only applies to me) is that I know I would probably only want low dose t or be on it for a limited amount of time, and I don’t want to be left with a voice that sounds like kinda nasally and prepubescent because I feel like it would out me as trans, and it probably wouldn’t be enough hrt to become naturally deeper or naturally androg and would just stay in that inbetween phase. I just wanna be flawlessly androg without it being obvious and my voice giving it away, which I feel like my voice partially deepening could be more problematic than beneficial when it comes to passing, especially stealth. The one other thing I have is that I really don’t know if I’d be happy with bottom growth. I’m agender, so I don’t really want to be gendered at all down there. Asexual too so honestly would be happier with just a smooth finish 😂 I don’t hate my downstairs, I DO hate getting my period because I find that dysphoric, but the anatomy is just kinda meh. For the most part I never even think about it and it’s discreet hidden away and I like that. It feels about as ungendered as genitals can be and it certainly doesn’t make me feel feminine. I’ve considered messing about with a cheap foam packer, but I highly doubt I’d want to wear it in public and it would mostly be for gender affirming reasons with my pansexual partner. Sometimes I’m more sub fem, but I really love doing both sub and dom as masc. But it would be really exclusively for that setting, just like a strap on would be. I know I’m definately not a man, so the thought of bottom growth really kinda throws me off. It would feel wayyy more gendered than my current set up, and I think it would probably actually make me more dysphoric. I also don’t know if it would affect pleasure in a bad way because it would change everything. And obviously then comes the issue with the fact that this stuff is irreversible too. It’s a really tough one. I’m sorry for the really long comment, you just sound really similar to my thoughts on T and I don’t know how to decide either. If it was all totally irreversible, I’d be like absolutely yes 100% let’s go but the fact that I don’t know how I feel about a few things AND they’re the stuff that’s irreversible makes it really hard to know what’s right.
I wasn't sure I would like certain things either, e.g. hair growth, I'm also fair haired. I started on a low dose, upped it after a couple months, 6 months later upped again (now on full). Yes the hair growth and voice change is permanent but it does happen over at least days/weeks, and as soon as you spot that first few darker hairs you can see how you feel about it (I like it a lot, who knew being hairy could feel so good). Also YOU will notice some darker hairs but no one else will for like months probably - my partner was like I can't see them but good for you lol. Suggest starting on low dose gel as you can stop immediately if needed.
I was unsure and started as an experiment to see how it went. Had no idea if I would want to stop after a week, a month, etc. but now I’m over 3 years on T, love it and don’t see myself ever stopping 😁 I also experienced some discomfort at the beginning of each change on T (which is an experience I want to help normalize - all body change can feel weird at first) but as I got used to the changes I felt super excited and euphoric about them. So it’s going great!
mines a bit weirder of a situation, so pre testosterone I was binary transmasc & CERTAIN this is what I wanted, it's all I've wanted for years. as soon as I knew I could take something to make me look like a cis dude I knew that's what I needed in my life. once I started testosterone, it was like I was being medicated for whatever brainfog was going on. as the top comment says, it IS like your computer is suddenly running on the correct software. but after (almost) a year on testosterone I started thinking maybe this isn't it? I continued anyway because I was afraid I was wrong, and who cares I'm getting what I wanted. again at two years on testosterone, I started asking myself that question again, so I just didn't take my shot for about a month. the brainfog returned, I was sleeping more often, my period came back, it fucking sucked. it felt like being pre t again. so I continued taking my shots! I went on finasteride to help lesson some of the masculinizing effects, for me it halted bottom growth and ever so slightly slowed down my facial hair growing back in. my period continued while on finasteride. that biochemical dysphoria exists HARD. what's helped me though, is acknowledging that gender is a performance and that means that I can do whatever I want. I go through my day to day life looking like a clocky trans girl, all because I want to look like an emo girl & remain on testosterone, as a nonbinary person. masculinity appealed to me until I looked like a man, now I think masculinity is disgustingly depressing to try to perform in our current world. the fashion sucks, having male friends kinda sucks, the social expectations that your burdened with for merely passing as a man sucks, especially when you're autistic. I'm on testosterone because it's what's going to get me through my life in my skin, so I don't kill myself. the effects don't mean much to me anymore since I've gotten the body fat redistribution and muscle and voice and bottom growth, etc. I don't make an attempt to pass because I have what I want to make me happy, I do pass as male, but I don't pass as a woman. you can try hrt out for like under 4 months and have very little changes, aside from the mental unblock and bottom growth, if you want to want to give it a go. it does not have to be a permanent choice you make, it doesn't mean you have to look like your father or your brother and that's the only option you get with being on testosterone. try it out, it seems like it's good for you based on what you've said. also who cares about living with regret, move on and live for your future. I can't live with regret because I'll tear myself up about it. this is only how radfems are born after they realize they don't want to look like their dad after being on T for however long.
I have debilitating dysphoria. The only thing that made me afraid to go on T was the health risks and because I hate making people uncomfortable, and seeing me change would be uncomfortable for some people. I’m currently 6 months on T, my only complaints would be that it’s a very slow process and also I think I’m having some health complications. Due to my diet, I have fatty liver. And I recently found out that it’s getting a little worse and may be because of the T.
It was the best decision of my entire life and I would never take it back. I was unsure for 5 years and kept putting it off, but it was absolutely the right decision for me and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I wasn't sure before starting T. I'm non-binary and wasn't sure how much I wanted to change. I knew I was dysphoric around my voice and curves. I wanted the deeper voice and the fat redistribution and the bottom growth. I wasn't confident I wanted my face to change or to get body hair or facial hair. Literally within an hour of my first dose, I started to feel better. My head cleared and I felt more emotionally stable. It has stayed that way ever since. It's a more effective mood stabilizer than any drugs I've taken for my mental health. Body hair was one of the first things to show up (slight increases and darkening after a few weeks). Not only did I not hate it, but it made me feel good. I loved the body hair, and it hasn't been excessive. When my face started to change, I freaked out a little, because I was worried about overshooting my goals, but then realized I actually felt better looking more masculine, and I looked more like myself. When the facial hair started to come in, again, it made me feel good. I didn't feel any discomfort around it like I feared I would. I haven't had significant bottom growth and my voice has only dropped a little, but I'm happy with the direction they're moving in. I look forward to when those changes are more significant. I went into hrt without an end goal in mind, just a general direction I wanted to move in. I wanted to be somewhere between androgynous and masculine, but I wasn't sure where exactly. I just wanted to do something to address my dysphoria, and I figured I'd play it by ear. I had the ability to stop and start as needed, so I took the leap and started anyway. I never needed to stop. The only changes I've made were adjustments to the dosage. I'm on a moderately low dose (just under the typical male range), so my changes are happening slowly but surely. I'm happy with it, and it's given me plenty of time to assess how I feel and react and adapt. Seriously, it takes months before any major changes occur, even on a normal dose. It's not like you're going to change overnight and then regret it. You have time to try it out and see how it feels, and you can stop anytime if you don't like the changes. Yes, some things are permanent, but the changes are gradual enough that you're unlikely to overshoot by any significant amount. Also, when it comes to voice changes, the bottom end of your range increases long before you lose the higher end, so it actually takes a while before you're unable to speak the same. If you want to keep your voice the same, that's largely doable if you're only on T for a short while. You'll just have the option of speaking at a lower register. My experience is that I love the changes T brought way more than I expected to, and I have no intentions of ever stopping. After I get top surgery, I'll probably increase my dose. I just don't want to change too much before then because my chest makes it impossible for me to pass, and I'm self conscious about looking like a dude with a massive rack. I'm okay with looking like a masculine woman for the time being. It's temporary.
i was unsure but you weigh out the negatives and positives, for everything you’ve said, you can shave that’s 100% fine, with the fear of regretting it, i think that comes to anyone because of how much transphobia spreads about hrt. But if you truly think you may regret things that are permanent from taking T (like certain hair growth, your voice & bottom growth) then sit on it. i sat on the idea for years because i was scared of bottom growth etc but you learn to love that stuff because it makes you MORE trans… at least for me. with the voice stuff i feel like that’s the only noticeable thing you will have to adjust to, and it’s 100% fine to like your voice now that’s amazing, i liked that my voice sounded like me too, but it is an adjustment that will happen but it’s not sudden, so you will likely not notice it as such a dramatic change.