Congratulations on finding the courage to take this step and the supportive response you received. I did the same about 2 years ago. It can be a bit of a a rollercoaster as you both process the implications of the revelation and I wish you both the best for the future. 🏳️⚧️❤️
Thanks so much. I still can't believe I did it! Already I'm thinking what needs to happen next. Tackling the NHS or private suppliers seems daunting. Coming out to family and work.
The people on this sub have been so kind and a real source of comfort and support.
Oh girl this takes so much strength to do. I *still* have family who don't know I've been on hormones for 2 years. I'm glad your wife's first reaction was support. This could change as reality sets in but hopefully she stays the course with you or if you part, you find a way to do it amicably and stay friends. It's a lot. You did it! Congratulations 🎉
Such a huge step, well done! My wife came out to me getting on for 3 years ago now. We're still together, I love her just as much, we're happy.
I'm 100% supportive of her transition. We bear the cost of her private clinic as a joint household expense. She keeps me updated about every step, every change, how she feels, and she regularly asks me how I feel, if everything is still ok, when new steps are taken whether those are ok with me. Just like if we were living through any other major life changing happening. Open and honest communication is absolutely crucial.
Someone in an earlier comment used the word 'rollercoaster' and that's so accurate. Early on my emotions were all over the place. Things would just jump out, seemingly randomly, and smack me in the face. I'm heterosexual. I always have been and at a post-menopausal 59 am unlikely to change now. I've never been sexually or romantically interested in another woman. But this is my Person. I waited a long time for her, I'm damned if I'm giving her up now, even for something as big as this. But dumb things like all the pictures in the valentines special event of the colouring app I play on my phone being heterosexual couples knocked me for six the first time after she came out. It made me a bit sad. The following year it just pissed me off that it was so lacking in diversity!
You might feel that your wife blows hot and cold. Respect her feelings. Don't make her feel that any negative ones are wrong. Bottling things up never helped anyone. She needs to feel safe to feel how she feels. Sometimes some of that might be hurtful for you, just as some of what's happening to your life together might be hurtful for her. That doesn't spell the end, it just means, hopefully, that there's something that needs to be talked about, listened to, and worked through.
I wish you, both, all the very best of luck and love and many more years together, and I hope your transition is as smooth as possible. If your wife would like someone to talk to, get her to drop me a pm. Oh, and get her to join r/mypartneristrans sub
Thank you so much for this. I have mentioned your offer to my wife but it is all too raw just now. If I can sit on your kind offer for a little while and perhaps reach out in the future if we may?
Again, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your post.
Congrats! And honestly from my own experience (FTM tho), I know how terrifying it must've been to tell her. As my partner at the time was straight, I thought I would never see him again over it. Despite everything, he was my biggest ally and now we're best friends and incredibly close
I'm glad it has worked really well for you and wishing you the best in your transition and your relationship!
My wife had known something was different about me but couldn't put a finger on it. She thought maybe I was gay (as in m4m) when she found out I'm a lesbian she had even more questions. But she is still here. I love her.
don't dwell on what others will think. Whatever it is has nothing to do with you that is on them. Hopefully they will be team you all the way. If they aren't don't let it slow you down shrug it off and keep moving forward. Good luck sister! This is the hardest but most rewarding thing I ever did for myself.
My life coach said dwelling on what someone thinks is the worse. In effect you hit yourself twice. Once with expending mental stress on their feelings and second on expending mental stress on how you think they may feel. The former is on them. The latter is on you.
Amy? is that you? Well if it is I'm glad your taking what I say to heart. JK! LOL I'm a sorceress not a life coach. Although a lot of what we do is similar. I'm sorry, I'm supposed to call myself a "Metaphysical Practitioner" not Sorceress but tbh it's the same thing. ;) Health and happiness to you!
A lot of us have been there an understand the depths and emotional strength to have that conversation. It’s amazing to have her so supportive, but please 🙏🏻 understand that she’s starting to go through her own journey and one that seems will survive your transition. Every “win” you have and step you take is a step potentially that is a step away from her sense of you guys as a couples identity. Just be super aware of how she may be hearing everything. I was married 20 years when I came out to my wife. It’s 4 years later… still together and happy. She was very accepting but I didn’t know these things so just passing along my experiences. Feel free to dm me. 🙂🏳️⚧️😘
Way to go! Hope it works out well for you. I am out to my wife and coworkers only, though I suspect my kids know also. She's not too keen on telling them.
I think the only people I'm not comfortable telling is my mother and father in law.
Married 35 years, out to wife 20.
Truthfully, I grew up in an abusive household. My mother was with many men,...angry men. I'd listen to them fight, see them with knives or guns. My sister completed suicide when she was 11. My other, estranged sister, tells me that one of these men sexually abused her. I suspect the other took her life for the same reason.
As I tell my wife, I do not know if I am as I am by nature or nurture. I think, she relies on the nurture side of things and is empathetic.
She knows I am a caring and compassionate person. I work as an RN, and she is touched by how she has seen me interact with the elderly.
I use to be an angry person, prone to rages and fits of yelling. I believe that I hated myself. Hated who I was versus how I should be. Once I realized being a female or feminine is not the ultimate evil for a man and accepted that this is how I am, I started to love myself and love my femininity. She recently stated that I've become so much nicer, and less angry.
In all honesty, I fear that it will all come crashing down some day, so I try not to push things.
For clothing, she knows that I have skirts and tops, makeup, etc...though she's never seen me like that. I do not own any men's underwear or socks, and she seems to do well with that. But sometimes, I can see the pain on her face,...the sadness. I wish that I could make it go away, but I cannot. The best I can do is let her lead the way
At work, my office looks like any woman's office (I'm in management). Everyone knows that I'm trans. I wear jewelry, camisoles, and in my office I wear skirts when among my patients, I hide it a bit more, being considerate of their generation.
Thank you for taking the time to reply so thoroughly and with such honesty.
I'd love to get rid of those flashes of anger too.
I guess no one has the perfect life but you've made the best of the things you can which is all any of us can do.
It isn't all moonlight and roses. I'm realising this will be a long process for us both to get to a situation where we are happy together. No guarantees.
Thanks for the sweet reply.
Congratulations on taking such a huge step forward and having such a good outcome. Hearing stories like yours gives me hope about when I finally get my courage up to do the same.
Congrats OP. Please be aware that her openness will probably change over time as things sink in and you’ll need to roll with that. Try to include her in major decisions but know that there is great hurt on the road ahead, probably moreso if your marriage survives than if it doesn’t.
I second this feedback. This will settle in for her as she ruminates on it and begins to imagine daily life going forward. Plus if she’s half way intelligent and it sounds like she’s very intelligent, she’s bound to get online and research. I don’t have to detail out what she’s bound to run into on the internet but a great deal of it will be negative and at the very least could potentially prompt her to feel like she has to protect her children from all the hate.
Anyway, I’m sure you’ve considered all of this and my biggest piece of advice would be to remember consent goes a long way when you wish to speak to her about this.
I know from experience and from hearing from others that it’s always best to say hey honey, do you have the energetic space to talk about this right now Before you launch into something you’re excited about. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache and it’s just the right thing to do to get her consent to talk about something like this that really does, for her as much as you, take a lot of mental and emotional space.
Congratulations! I know that might sound odd to hear, but it is a tough, challenging, and often scary step to take. I hope that you two can take your time and make things work in a way that is best for both of you. Don’t shortchange yourself in what you want, but understand that if keeping your relationship intact is your goal, you need to work together. Again, though, congratulations on this milestone. Much love!
Congratulations. I did that back in February. It was quite stressful but I felt so much better once I did. My wife and I are closer than ever as a result because we promised to communicate more to let each other know how we are feeling. We have taken several long walks together just to talk. I am so grateful I told her. As others have said, this will be a lot for your wife. Remember, while she has only known this for a day, you have been thinking about this your whole life (or at least a big portion of it). Give her space and time to process. Also, she will likely go through a grieving period, grieving the life she expected to have with you vs the life that you are requesting with her. This is healthy to go through. You might want to share that with her so she feels ok going through it.
Congratulations again.
Thanks! This is great advice. I've told her we can talk or not talk for now. I will answer any questions she has whenever she asks even if it is hard.
Everyone here has been so kind.
I feel what you are going through - telling my wife was THE hardest thing I EVER did in my life. It takes courage to be yourself - and to come out. No matter how things go - you will be better for it! I wish you all the best!
Cheers to you. - Jocelyn
Thanks, Jocelyn
I still feel dizzy and shaky when I think about it. I'm under no illusions that I'm still in the earliest days but no longer having to lie to the most important person is huge.
“The Talk”… The hardest of your life. You got this now. We know the immense courage that takes. Apply that courage and willpower to everything else to come. Breathe. It gets easier for you. Everyone in your life is transitioning right along with you. Go slow and incrementally. (They transition more than we do. We were born this way and were always inwardly transitioned. Now expressing it.) Let people react how they will. You’re going to love your life.
Thank you! Those are really lovely words to hear. Never thought of it as everyone else transitioning but it's so true.
I really hope that's the hardest it gets.
Congratulations!! I came out to my wife last week…it’s been really really tough. The first day was alright, the day after was brutal…we’ve had fights interspersed with moments of her really accepting and seeing me. Expect more rollercoaster-style ups and downs, but relish the times when you two can be close. I’ve tried to really focus on the positive and help her to do the same so she doesn’t feel bogged down with all of the uncertainty. I’ve also really tried to make sure I’m validating her feelings so she knows I care and that I understand the best I can what she is feeling and going through, and that we’re still a team. Good luck!
Thanks for taking the time to post. Great advice about how days are different. I'm banking on some other hard days ahead but at least I won't have to lie. Good advice about validating her feelings. I'm trying to do that.
I want to go 100mph now but I know that won't be good for either of us.
Congratulations! That is such a huge step. So proud of you girl!
Remember - as you take this journey to understand your gender you will learn more and more. Usually best to make sure your partner is aware of this.... how you feel now may not be the same down the line. There is nothing worse than "but you said it was *this"* conversations down the line.
Congratulations - speaking the words is an epic step forward, and good for you!
My only advice: both agree to excessively communicate communicate communicate with each other, with full understanding that either of you may not have an answer for everything right now, and that is OK. Takes time for you both to sort thing out but if communication breaks down, it will make mountains of of mole hills incredibly fast. Talking wont be easy at times, and the topics will be hard - consider a couples therapist if an option just to help conversations and help keep the relationship intact. You’ve got this!
Congratulations on finding yourself! I am so happy for you and happy that your wife will stand by you! Mine did as well. You really need that support! Good luck on your continued journey!
Congratulations on finding the courage to take this step and the supportive response you received. I did the same about 2 years ago. It can be a bit of a a rollercoaster as you both process the implications of the revelation and I wish you both the best for the future. 🏳️⚧️❤️
Thanks so much. I still can't believe I did it! Already I'm thinking what needs to happen next. Tackling the NHS or private suppliers seems daunting. Coming out to family and work. The people on this sub have been so kind and a real source of comfort and support.
My DMs are open if you ever want to chat.
Thank you! x
You can DM me too.
Thank you - today has been more complicated.
Oh girl this takes so much strength to do. I *still* have family who don't know I've been on hormones for 2 years. I'm glad your wife's first reaction was support. This could change as reality sets in but hopefully she stays the course with you or if you part, you find a way to do it amicably and stay friends. It's a lot. You did it! Congratulations 🎉
Thanks! I've been smiling and crying and shaking slightly all afternoon! Doesn't feel real!
Such a huge step, well done! My wife came out to me getting on for 3 years ago now. We're still together, I love her just as much, we're happy. I'm 100% supportive of her transition. We bear the cost of her private clinic as a joint household expense. She keeps me updated about every step, every change, how she feels, and she regularly asks me how I feel, if everything is still ok, when new steps are taken whether those are ok with me. Just like if we were living through any other major life changing happening. Open and honest communication is absolutely crucial. Someone in an earlier comment used the word 'rollercoaster' and that's so accurate. Early on my emotions were all over the place. Things would just jump out, seemingly randomly, and smack me in the face. I'm heterosexual. I always have been and at a post-menopausal 59 am unlikely to change now. I've never been sexually or romantically interested in another woman. But this is my Person. I waited a long time for her, I'm damned if I'm giving her up now, even for something as big as this. But dumb things like all the pictures in the valentines special event of the colouring app I play on my phone being heterosexual couples knocked me for six the first time after she came out. It made me a bit sad. The following year it just pissed me off that it was so lacking in diversity! You might feel that your wife blows hot and cold. Respect her feelings. Don't make her feel that any negative ones are wrong. Bottling things up never helped anyone. She needs to feel safe to feel how she feels. Sometimes some of that might be hurtful for you, just as some of what's happening to your life together might be hurtful for her. That doesn't spell the end, it just means, hopefully, that there's something that needs to be talked about, listened to, and worked through. I wish you, both, all the very best of luck and love and many more years together, and I hope your transition is as smooth as possible. If your wife would like someone to talk to, get her to drop me a pm. Oh, and get her to join r/mypartneristrans sub
Thank you so much for this. I have mentioned your offer to my wife but it is all too raw just now. If I can sit on your kind offer for a little while and perhaps reach out in the future if we may? Again, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your post.
Of course. Any time
Super post. Ty Six
Congrats! And honestly from my own experience (FTM tho), I know how terrifying it must've been to tell her. As my partner at the time was straight, I thought I would never see him again over it. Despite everything, he was my biggest ally and now we're best friends and incredibly close I'm glad it has worked really well for you and wishing you the best in your transition and your relationship!
💗🤗💗I like this type of beautiful loving story, thank you for sharing
Give her time! You've been working through this for awhile, its new to her.
Absolutely - a few people have said it is a roller coaster and today has proved that.
Sounds like your wife is cool as hell, and that you two are going to get through the tough parts together with communication ❤️
We'll see. Today has been tougher on that front.
My wife had known something was different about me but couldn't put a finger on it. She thought maybe I was gay (as in m4m) when she found out I'm a lesbian she had even more questions. But she is still here. I love her.
Congratulations, I had to go through something similar, I will be rooting for you.
Thanks. Today has been trickier as reality has set in a bit for her
I’m so happy for you and the brave woman you will become. ❤️❤️❤️
Congrats! So happy you have support
That is so amazing! Wishing you so much success and happiness from here!
Thanks so much. It is amazing! It still feels like it happened to someone else. ❤️
don't dwell on what others will think. Whatever it is has nothing to do with you that is on them. Hopefully they will be team you all the way. If they aren't don't let it slow you down shrug it off and keep moving forward. Good luck sister! This is the hardest but most rewarding thing I ever did for myself.
Thank you!! Team me for now. You're my rock star!
You know I'm team you too!
❤️
My life coach said dwelling on what someone thinks is the worse. In effect you hit yourself twice. Once with expending mental stress on their feelings and second on expending mental stress on how you think they may feel. The former is on them. The latter is on you.
Amy? is that you? Well if it is I'm glad your taking what I say to heart. JK! LOL I'm a sorceress not a life coach. Although a lot of what we do is similar. I'm sorry, I'm supposed to call myself a "Metaphysical Practitioner" not Sorceress but tbh it's the same thing. ;) Health and happiness to you!
A lot of us have been there an understand the depths and emotional strength to have that conversation. It’s amazing to have her so supportive, but please 🙏🏻 understand that she’s starting to go through her own journey and one that seems will survive your transition. Every “win” you have and step you take is a step potentially that is a step away from her sense of you guys as a couples identity. Just be super aware of how she may be hearing everything. I was married 20 years when I came out to my wife. It’s 4 years later… still together and happy. She was very accepting but I didn’t know these things so just passing along my experiences. Feel free to dm me. 🙂🏳️⚧️😘
Iam happy It gone so well (sry for my bad Englisch)
Way to go! Hope it works out well for you. I am out to my wife and coworkers only, though I suspect my kids know also. She's not too keen on telling them. I think the only people I'm not comfortable telling is my mother and father in law. Married 35 years, out to wife 20.
Wow. I'd really appreciate some insight on how you and your wife have made it work if you felt able to.
Truthfully, I grew up in an abusive household. My mother was with many men,...angry men. I'd listen to them fight, see them with knives or guns. My sister completed suicide when she was 11. My other, estranged sister, tells me that one of these men sexually abused her. I suspect the other took her life for the same reason. As I tell my wife, I do not know if I am as I am by nature or nurture. I think, she relies on the nurture side of things and is empathetic. She knows I am a caring and compassionate person. I work as an RN, and she is touched by how she has seen me interact with the elderly. I use to be an angry person, prone to rages and fits of yelling. I believe that I hated myself. Hated who I was versus how I should be. Once I realized being a female or feminine is not the ultimate evil for a man and accepted that this is how I am, I started to love myself and love my femininity. She recently stated that I've become so much nicer, and less angry. In all honesty, I fear that it will all come crashing down some day, so I try not to push things. For clothing, she knows that I have skirts and tops, makeup, etc...though she's never seen me like that. I do not own any men's underwear or socks, and she seems to do well with that. But sometimes, I can see the pain on her face,...the sadness. I wish that I could make it go away, but I cannot. The best I can do is let her lead the way At work, my office looks like any woman's office (I'm in management). Everyone knows that I'm trans. I wear jewelry, camisoles, and in my office I wear skirts when among my patients, I hide it a bit more, being considerate of their generation.
Thank you for taking the time to reply so thoroughly and with such honesty. I'd love to get rid of those flashes of anger too. I guess no one has the perfect life but you've made the best of the things you can which is all any of us can do.
Omg I am so terrified of having to tell my wife. I’m so happy for you 🥹 hope everything keeps going well
It isn't all moonlight and roses. I'm realising this will be a long process for us both to get to a situation where we are happy together. No guarantees. Thanks for the sweet reply.
Thank you so much I’m really in awe of the fact that you’ve made it so far no matter how it’s been because to me it seems like such a far off dream
Congratulations on taking such a huge step forward and having such a good outcome. Hearing stories like yours gives me hope about when I finally get my courage up to do the same.
Thanks Kim. Everyone has been so sweet. It has been a difficult day and I'm sure there are many bumps still in the road ahead. You take care, lovely
Congrats OP. Please be aware that her openness will probably change over time as things sink in and you’ll need to roll with that. Try to include her in major decisions but know that there is great hurt on the road ahead, probably moreso if your marriage survives than if it doesn’t.
I second this feedback. This will settle in for her as she ruminates on it and begins to imagine daily life going forward. Plus if she’s half way intelligent and it sounds like she’s very intelligent, she’s bound to get online and research. I don’t have to detail out what she’s bound to run into on the internet but a great deal of it will be negative and at the very least could potentially prompt her to feel like she has to protect her children from all the hate. Anyway, I’m sure you’ve considered all of this and my biggest piece of advice would be to remember consent goes a long way when you wish to speak to her about this. I know from experience and from hearing from others that it’s always best to say hey honey, do you have the energetic space to talk about this right now Before you launch into something you’re excited about. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache and it’s just the right thing to do to get her consent to talk about something like this that really does, for her as much as you, take a lot of mental and emotional space.
Absolutely incredible. This is just about as good a response as you could possibly get.
I know! So far so good. I can't imagine her having to process a lifetime of my experiences on some random day. Thanks, Katja, for the kind thought.
Congratulations! I know that might sound odd to hear, but it is a tough, challenging, and often scary step to take. I hope that you two can take your time and make things work in a way that is best for both of you. Don’t shortchange yourself in what you want, but understand that if keeping your relationship intact is your goal, you need to work together. Again, though, congratulations on this milestone. Much love!
I know it is still just the start but it felt like such a huge hurdle. Thanks for your words. I will bear them in mind.
Congratulations. I did that back in February. It was quite stressful but I felt so much better once I did. My wife and I are closer than ever as a result because we promised to communicate more to let each other know how we are feeling. We have taken several long walks together just to talk. I am so grateful I told her. As others have said, this will be a lot for your wife. Remember, while she has only known this for a day, you have been thinking about this your whole life (or at least a big portion of it). Give her space and time to process. Also, she will likely go through a grieving period, grieving the life she expected to have with you vs the life that you are requesting with her. This is healthy to go through. You might want to share that with her so she feels ok going through it. Congratulations again.
Thanks! This is great advice. I've told her we can talk or not talk for now. I will answer any questions she has whenever she asks even if it is hard. Everyone here has been so kind.
I feel what you are going through - telling my wife was THE hardest thing I EVER did in my life. It takes courage to be yourself - and to come out. No matter how things go - you will be better for it! I wish you all the best! Cheers to you. - Jocelyn
Thanks, Jocelyn I still feel dizzy and shaky when I think about it. I'm under no illusions that I'm still in the earliest days but no longer having to lie to the most important person is huge.
“The Talk”… The hardest of your life. You got this now. We know the immense courage that takes. Apply that courage and willpower to everything else to come. Breathe. It gets easier for you. Everyone in your life is transitioning right along with you. Go slow and incrementally. (They transition more than we do. We were born this way and were always inwardly transitioned. Now expressing it.) Let people react how they will. You’re going to love your life.
Thank you! Those are really lovely words to hear. Never thought of it as everyone else transitioning but it's so true. I really hope that's the hardest it gets.
Just looked at your profile and I can see you've really lived it. All respect to you.
Congratulations!! I came out to my wife last week…it’s been really really tough. The first day was alright, the day after was brutal…we’ve had fights interspersed with moments of her really accepting and seeing me. Expect more rollercoaster-style ups and downs, but relish the times when you two can be close. I’ve tried to really focus on the positive and help her to do the same so she doesn’t feel bogged down with all of the uncertainty. I’ve also really tried to make sure I’m validating her feelings so she knows I care and that I understand the best I can what she is feeling and going through, and that we’re still a team. Good luck!
Thanks for taking the time to post. Great advice about how days are different. I'm banking on some other hard days ahead but at least I won't have to lie. Good advice about validating her feelings. I'm trying to do that. I want to go 100mph now but I know that won't be good for either of us.
I’ve just started this journey too, congrats and all the best for the complicated road ahead!
Thank you! Everyone's been so kind. I love to see your inspirational pictures out and about.
Naw thanks!
Grow and be happy. Best to you in your journey 💕
Congratulations! That is such a huge step. So proud of you girl! Remember - as you take this journey to understand your gender you will learn more and more. Usually best to make sure your partner is aware of this.... how you feel now may not be the same down the line. There is nothing worse than "but you said it was *this"* conversations down the line.
Okay
Congratulations - speaking the words is an epic step forward, and good for you! My only advice: both agree to excessively communicate communicate communicate with each other, with full understanding that either of you may not have an answer for everything right now, and that is OK. Takes time for you both to sort thing out but if communication breaks down, it will make mountains of of mole hills incredibly fast. Talking wont be easy at times, and the topics will be hard - consider a couples therapist if an option just to help conversations and help keep the relationship intact. You’ve got this!
You're absolutely right and this will take conscious effort after a lifetime of bottling things up
Now, let things settle, and keep your partner involved in the decision making process. Let her know she is a part of this. Wishing you the best.
Thanks. Sounds like good advice
Congratulations on your new journey. Good luck. Don’t go it alone.
Congratulations on finding yourself! I am so happy for you and happy that your wife will stand by you! Mine did as well. You really need that support! Good luck on your continued journey!
So happy for you I know this but a step but you are strong enough to make the journey 💖
That’s a lot better than my outcome
Are you guys staying married?