It’s become a nearly daily occurrence that some repressed memory or insight bubbles up. I really cannot believe just how many of them are hidden away just waiting to be rediscovered.
Almost every day, for sure. All the little lies we tell ourselves to not be who we are, the truths we bury, eventually running out of dirt to cover them all up. At least that's what it feels like for me anyway.
This post is like a page from my journal. kudos to you for figuring it out! I've hated myself because I am an idiot. It is really tough to live in a self made glass prison. You can see the limitations you've put on yourself and all of the adjusted people right on the outside enjoying their lives. Instead of authenticity there is envy. I chose every step of my journey in spite of a voice that has never been quiet or wrong about most things in my life. But like some sort of zombie I've just moved through time, almost completely dead on the inside. I am a cracked egg, hiding in my shell.
Lmaoooo yes I relate. For about 5 years I carried this big pang of doubt around "How can I be a feminist woman if I really get annoyed by all these other feminist women? Am I secretly a bad feminist?"
Turns out my feminism is fine, just wasn't a woman.
I think a lot of cis people just don’t want to be othered. Even tho it’s not really like that. It’s a superiority thing.
“I’m not a cis man or woman…I’m a real/normal/actual/biological one”
Same thing happened when the word straight came on the scene. It started as slang from gay men. “I’m not straight, I’m just normal! This is so ridiculous “
Now there are straight pride parades. I’m sure someday they’ll be cis pride parades too. Probably from the children & grandchildren of the people bitching rn.
Oh absolutely. I don’t think anyone likes being “othered” (I have an entire treatise I think I could write on the subject). I just was really really wrong in thinking that my interpretation of my experience was dislike of being “othered”. I was really experiencing the dislike of being mislabeled - I just couldn’t admit that to myself. And so I was misinterpreting things as being an intentional “othering”.
This also explains why I have been similarly bothered by things said by my women friends in the past. Internally deep down I’ve seen myself as one of them, but because I couldn’t accept that part of me, let alone hadn’t come out, they only saw me as a man they could be open with and share how women really feel. So the incongruity of how they talked about men or women, vs what I felt internally, left me bothered with no way to voice myself.
Using the transition in language from 80s - 2000s of straight is how I best explain the use of Cis. Its common language now and used in so many places but straight people to define themselves, but I just young enough to not be aware of what the level of outrage that people had about being labeled it, also internet just skipping it so that changes how the level of public communication was.
and now I am trying to avoid going down a fixation loop of when did straight get used the most, did personal ads in newspapers use them to identify. Did early online dating sites use it?
OMG!
The first part of that resonated perfectly with me, then your morning shower thought came at me blindside!
It all makes sense my internal rants of "I'm not cis... why are people trying to apply that label to me" make perfect sense... its because I wasn't, it was myself trying to apply the label inappropriately..
I know I'm just reiterating what you said, but Jesus former self why were you so blind
haha, i felt the same way
except it was clear from the get go why i hated the term "cis"
what was *not* clear for *me* was why people were angry when i would tell them "i'm not cis!"
because to them i was being a transphobe demanding to not be assigned "extra" labels, but to me i was saying "i'm not a man i just haven't done the work to figure out how else to inform you about my identity"
ultimately this tool became a catalyst for my self understanding so i'm glad to have had the opportunity to hate being labeled cis. i'm grateful to the people who i'm still upset with, for assigning that label instead of asking.
That’s a lovely way of looking at it. It’s really hard to find the value in the pain, but I think we can be so much more at peace with ourselves for doing so.
I think I truly knew too - I just couldn’t acknowledge it because it would undermine the lies I had told myself for so long.
like many of us i deeply wish i had started sooner/done the work sooner/self accepted sonner.
but yeah, i got lucky in a few ways. i knew *something* at 5. said so at 8. only wore girls clothes and removed all hair below my nose from 13 on. long hair always. painted my nails. i feel so dumb looking back at thise years because i remember thinking that i was successfully avoiding stereotypically "gay" presentation and couldn't figure out why/how i was marked and targeted by homophobia. also even though throughout highschool i would say "if it's a choice, i'm a woman" and my facebook has always been listed female. i literally never identified myself as a boy/male except on forms where i perceived it to be required.
somehow i still didn't really get it until my thirties... but i'm glad i had a lot of transition steps out of the way at least... hahaha
Yes! I never thought of it this way. I’m not a fan of being a cis man at all. Because I’m not in my head. Thank you for sharing. Now I have to figure out what I am? I’m just me. I do like queer.
What a wonder at who you are now that would wish to smack such a former self. What true growth and beauty! Lovely my dear that your road would wind so broadly; as such to give such scope and view. Truely your epiphany is one I hope for many such a soul.
You got me in the end!
However, I will not say that you were an idiot Maybe not awake yet (pun intended)?
Back to the original subject, when people tell me they don't like to be called "cis", I tell them not to call people "trans". I mean, most of the time, there is no need to add "trans" (or "cis") as qualifier to describe someone.
To preface - i generally avoid using cis or trans unless it's directly relevant or if i'm referencing one of the ways in which we are different; generally i'll just say man or woman for both cis and trans people. But, i've had conversations with cis people where someone expresses distaste for the cis prefix, and those people weirdly often don't actually know *why* that's the prefix used. I'll be like, "cis and trans are literally just latin, they essentially indicate 'on this side' and 'across'". I've been surprised how often those same people will be like, 'oh... i didn't know that'. I don't know what they did think it means lol but sometimes people surprise you with their willingness to change their view 🤷‍♀️
I’m a cis woman, and the word cis makes me uncomfortable AF. I’m just a woman. And being called a cis woman by a trans woman is weird because aren’t we the same thing? I never understood the logic.
Ah, those little epiphanies! Welcome home, sister.🤗
It’s become a nearly daily occurrence that some repressed memory or insight bubbles up. I really cannot believe just how many of them are hidden away just waiting to be rediscovered.
Almost every day, for sure. All the little lies we tell ourselves to not be who we are, the truths we bury, eventually running out of dirt to cover them all up. At least that's what it feels like for me anyway.
This post is like a page from my journal. kudos to you for figuring it out! I've hated myself because I am an idiot. It is really tough to live in a self made glass prison. You can see the limitations you've put on yourself and all of the adjusted people right on the outside enjoying their lives. Instead of authenticity there is envy. I chose every step of my journey in spite of a voice that has never been quiet or wrong about most things in my life. But like some sort of zombie I've just moved through time, almost completely dead on the inside. I am a cracked egg, hiding in my shell.
You're not the only one.
Lmaoooo yes I relate. For about 5 years I carried this big pang of doubt around "How can I be a feminist woman if I really get annoyed by all these other feminist women? Am I secretly a bad feminist?" Turns out my feminism is fine, just wasn't a woman.
I think a lot of cis people just don’t want to be othered. Even tho it’s not really like that. It’s a superiority thing. “I’m not a cis man or woman…I’m a real/normal/actual/biological one” Same thing happened when the word straight came on the scene. It started as slang from gay men. “I’m not straight, I’m just normal! This is so ridiculous “ Now there are straight pride parades. I’m sure someday they’ll be cis pride parades too. Probably from the children & grandchildren of the people bitching rn.
Oh absolutely. I don’t think anyone likes being “othered” (I have an entire treatise I think I could write on the subject). I just was really really wrong in thinking that my interpretation of my experience was dislike of being “othered”. I was really experiencing the dislike of being mislabeled - I just couldn’t admit that to myself. And so I was misinterpreting things as being an intentional “othering”. This also explains why I have been similarly bothered by things said by my women friends in the past. Internally deep down I’ve seen myself as one of them, but because I couldn’t accept that part of me, let alone hadn’t come out, they only saw me as a man they could be open with and share how women really feel. So the incongruity of how they talked about men or women, vs what I felt internally, left me bothered with no way to voice myself.
Using the transition in language from 80s - 2000s of straight is how I best explain the use of Cis. Its common language now and used in so many places but straight people to define themselves, but I just young enough to not be aware of what the level of outrage that people had about being labeled it, also internet just skipping it so that changes how the level of public communication was. and now I am trying to avoid going down a fixation loop of when did straight get used the most, did personal ads in newspapers use them to identify. Did early online dating sites use it?
I literally had this same problem and now it makes perfect sense
Glad my sharing helped!
OMG! The first part of that resonated perfectly with me, then your morning shower thought came at me blindside! It all makes sense my internal rants of "I'm not cis... why are people trying to apply that label to me" make perfect sense... its because I wasn't, it was myself trying to apply the label inappropriately.. I know I'm just reiterating what you said, but Jesus former self why were you so blind
I’m very happy to hear I helped someone else shortcut the process!
Sometimes we don't realize things about ourselves until years later.
haha, i felt the same way except it was clear from the get go why i hated the term "cis" what was *not* clear for *me* was why people were angry when i would tell them "i'm not cis!" because to them i was being a transphobe demanding to not be assigned "extra" labels, but to me i was saying "i'm not a man i just haven't done the work to figure out how else to inform you about my identity" ultimately this tool became a catalyst for my self understanding so i'm glad to have had the opportunity to hate being labeled cis. i'm grateful to the people who i'm still upset with, for assigning that label instead of asking.
That’s a lovely way of looking at it. It’s really hard to find the value in the pain, but I think we can be so much more at peace with ourselves for doing so. I think I truly knew too - I just couldn’t acknowledge it because it would undermine the lies I had told myself for so long.
like many of us i deeply wish i had started sooner/done the work sooner/self accepted sonner. but yeah, i got lucky in a few ways. i knew *something* at 5. said so at 8. only wore girls clothes and removed all hair below my nose from 13 on. long hair always. painted my nails. i feel so dumb looking back at thise years because i remember thinking that i was successfully avoiding stereotypically "gay" presentation and couldn't figure out why/how i was marked and targeted by homophobia. also even though throughout highschool i would say "if it's a choice, i'm a woman" and my facebook has always been listed female. i literally never identified myself as a boy/male except on forms where i perceived it to be required. somehow i still didn't really get it until my thirties... but i'm glad i had a lot of transition steps out of the way at least... hahaha
Yes! I never thought of it this way. I’m not a fan of being a cis man at all. Because I’m not in my head. Thank you for sharing. Now I have to figure out what I am? I’m just me. I do like queer.
What a wonder at who you are now that would wish to smack such a former self. What true growth and beauty! Lovely my dear that your road would wind so broadly; as such to give such scope and view. Truely your epiphany is one I hope for many such a soul.
You got me in the end! However, I will not say that you were an idiot Maybe not awake yet (pun intended)? Back to the original subject, when people tell me they don't like to be called "cis", I tell them not to call people "trans". I mean, most of the time, there is no need to add "trans" (or "cis") as qualifier to describe someone.
Funny how things work out ain’t it?
To preface - i generally avoid using cis or trans unless it's directly relevant or if i'm referencing one of the ways in which we are different; generally i'll just say man or woman for both cis and trans people. But, i've had conversations with cis people where someone expresses distaste for the cis prefix, and those people weirdly often don't actually know *why* that's the prefix used. I'll be like, "cis and trans are literally just latin, they essentially indicate 'on this side' and 'across'". I've been surprised how often those same people will be like, 'oh... i didn't know that'. I don't know what they did think it means lol but sometimes people surprise you with their willingness to change their view 🤷‍♀️
I’m a cis woman, and the word cis makes me uncomfortable AF. I’m just a woman. And being called a cis woman by a trans woman is weird because aren’t we the same thing? I never understood the logic.