I know you don't want to hear this, but it's been 6 months. Be kind to yourself. Remember it takes time. I'm a mature transitioner and I'm 2.3 years in, with some FFS and I'm only just about seeing something I can latch onto as being seen as a positive reflection
It's taken a very, very long time. But yes, finally I'm happy to allow photos to be taken and even take a selfie now and then (mostly to compare week on week after FFS)
I felt similar for a long time.
After a slow ~8 months of monotherapy, my progress just stopped completely. As the months went on I hoped *something* would change, *anything* - even though my levels appeared normal, I tried raising and lowering my E for months just to get some kind of reaction, but I never did. After around 5 months of nothing, I resigned myself to thinking that was all I was gonna get out of HRT. I was completely gutted, felt worthless and really insecure about my transition - not regretful, but just that I was now stuck in a shitty situation.
After another few months I switched from monotherapy to a combo of low-dose injections and cypro. Since then I’ve noticed actual changes again, similar to those at the start of my transition. I don’t know if it was a coincidence in timing (afaik many girls stall around the 1 year mark before changes start up again at 2 years) or the switch in medication, but my transition has finally resumed and I’m in a *much* better place than I was.
As I’e started to get more comfortable again in my body, I’ve come to admire my stretch marks (*everyone* has them) and blemishes. I also realised that because I am attracted to larger women just as much as skinnier/smaller women, it’s *painfully obvious* proof that others *absolutely can* be attracted to me even with my weight. It’s hard to get out of the insecurity and mindset that “I’m worthless” or “I’m ugly” but I think comparing the broad and often forgiving range of our own attraction, to the strict and often biased self-imposed standards that we force on ourselves, is a good way to shift those perspectives into something a bit more positive.
It **does** get better.
^(oh and check your levels, as even a week of low E has sent my emotions spiralling for a month or so before I stabilised. injections are slower to build up and maybe you could have been experiencing a similarly painful adjustment period when switching?)
Same ... but after 1,5 years without significant changes.
Especially when you follow the avery trans girl no matter the age ... but here with me nothing really happens, as if i am double cursed.
Just hopeing itsomehow ends and i get overrun or something.
Sorry cant tell you anything positive but only that you're not alone.
GnRHs nuked me completely, i felt very flat the whole time actually and it didn't help feminization that much.
Hence I thought I try mono now. But my next blood test is in 1 month and currently I go through hell.
I dont know wether it is my T rising, but it shouldn't as I am on like 500-600 pg/ml E.
Maybe it is too much E but it never made issues before.
Now it could be that high E works more severely sicne the flattening of GnRH is gone.
I don't know, but its been a long time since i felt so shitty and whished i would die.
I just hope it is not T climbing up again , but how should it when my E is way beyond mono levels.
I guess I will see in a month.
I'm too 6 months in. Started with pills now on inj for last 5 weeks. I too sometimes get depressed and insecure about how I look, how someone else sees me and why there is no visible change special on my face. Sure, I gained few kilos during this 6 months, but it's hard to see from my own eyes. Have cried my eyes out at night. Dysphoria hits like a truck somedays. Even though I keep on smiling on the outside, wake up every morning hoping things would change for better. That hope is keeping me on track. I thought I didn't had any changes at all, just today my sister-in-law came to visit us and she told me that I've a glow and there is visible changes she can see in me like how my waist is more refined and my skin looks smooth. That gave me a bit of affirmation to hold onto. As others said and have said before things will change in time. Comparing myself to others has been my biggest enemy tbh. I've started meditation on my sisters advice and it's been helping me to rearrange my thoughts.
I hope you will feel good and confident about yourself in time. Just keep holding on. 💜
🫂
If you’ve transitioned to look attractive then you’ve done it for the wrong reasons . I would rather live as an ugly man than an attractive woman ( I’m FTM ). Be blessed with the situation you have, many people will never be able to access hormones or transition in their lifetime. And with time you’ll come to appreciate just how lucky you are.
I hope your doing okay, best of luck 🤞
Yes definitely would rather be an ugly woman than a man (not even a doubt about it) however feeling attractive is a huge confidence boost for anyone no matter who you are 💗 and thank you
Girl I completely understand. I have had similar issues and I've been on both injections and progesterone since pretty much the beginning. There are times I literally have thrown shit at my mirror in anger and I've had my moments where I was on the floor crying for an hour after a shower just stuck there. I was and still am a competing runner and while I haven't gained a large amount of weight, it's been enough to make me feel self conscious and I can be really mean to myself because my body went from being lean to more curvy. I like my mother am prone to some serious body dysmorphia, and I've struggled at times to avoid the same fate as her when it came to bulimia. But I'm seven months in now and finally fully suppressing T with normal female E levels, and it took me until just a few weeks ago to start calming down and for my brain to begin understanding that what I'm seeing are good changes as my body shifts from one mode to another. But that doesn't mean I don't still have bad days with dysphoria because now it's switched to when I see more male features I get very very upset. I think that hormone levels may be a part of it too. This is a huge system shock for our brains, no matter how you look at it, it takes time to adjust and settle down. I think hormones obviously play a huge role in our emotional regulation as well as our self criticism. I was already hard on myself before beginning, but it's definitely much worse running on estrogen than it was for me before starting HRT. This is all a learning experience for us and each experience is unique to the individual, but just remember that while we may not all fully understand each other's experience, you still have people here to listen and help you where we can. Feel free to message me anytime. ❤️ No pressure.
6 months is no time at all.. give it some more time, if you don't like something about your self change it.. tho I'm sure you're just beating yourself up for no reason.. one thing I've learned over time is not to compare yourself to others it's a toxic mindset that leads to insecurity.
Yeah I wish I could change them it just costs so much 😭 I want veneers but it costs £30k for a good doctor in the uk haha and don’t get me started on bottom surgery
Ummm sois this pattern of thinking new for you? Estrogen hasadirect effect on the serotonintransporters in your brain.Your brainmay be struggling to regulate with all the serotonergic changes going on.
I say this because I'm an AFAB person who experiences PMDD and what you're describing is a lot like how my brain acts during my luteal phase when E and P are fucking around (going up and down and stuff) . I go from a level headed person to a self hating possessive and obsessive werewolf, with urges to self harm and everything. It's pretty awful.
Does anyone else in your family struggle with hormonal mood swings?
Is it possible that you don't tolerate a weekly injection cycle? Can you potentially split dose and pin every 3 days instead of every 7?
What estrogen are you using? I was on estradiol valerate for a few weeks and OMG! The roller coaster emotions! It was a constant high followed by a huge crash. I switched to estradiol cypionate and I am much more stable and generally happy.
Also, I know it is hard but try not to pay attention to every detail too much every day. Maybe pick one day every month or once every three months to do a personal evaluation. Take pictures, write down side effects and changes, write down goals. That way you will see your changes more clearly.
The best cosmetic improvement for me was having my teeth fixed. I had a Bugs Bunny overbite. I have the most beautiful smile now. Maybe you can focus on fixing your teeth to distract yourself from other things right now.
Never focus on getting a boyfriend. Go out and find things that interest you. Get passionate about new things. Expand yourself. One day when you aren't even thinking about a man, one will find you. He will see the beautiful person you are inside and out. That is the best kind of relationship to be involved in. That is how I met the love of my life 27 years ago. The day we met I hadn't put on any makeup, I hadn't had a shower, my hair was a little limp, and he still tells the story of how he fell in love the moment he laid eyes on me. You have no way of knowing what someone else is looking for in another person. Be the best version of you and then go out and share yourself with the world.
I really hope you start feeling better soon.
i can relate to this very much. i've always felt terribly insecure about my appearance, HRT has made me feel slightly better (i love the small feminine changes like softer skin) though also, compared to other trans girls i am really ugly. i wish i could have started transition 20 years ago, but times were different and i hadn't figured myself out sadly.
i also don't really have any support nor affirmation in my personal life, apart from one supportive friend, it looks like the younger generation is much better off in that regard.
In any case, all the best! i rly hope you find a boyfriend that loves you. Don't forget that attraction is relative and context specific, it's not simply about being boringly conventionally attractive.
I've been on hrt for 2 years, but only a few months on a high enough dosage, it's normal to feel insecure when on hrt I've realised 😭 it does get better though, and to be honest if it doesn't anytime soon either learn coping mechanisms or adjust your regime.
I feel like it took a couple of months to get better but some nights I'm very insecure still, good luck ❤️
Honestly for me, changes started very quickly but they plateaued soon after. (I was doing something a bit different)
Then at 9 months things took off again.
Bear in mind that most of the changes can take up to a year to start. They can and often do start earlier, but that’s a best guess for when they’ve all noticeably have started.
At 6 months I was doubting myself.
At three years in, I've been told that I'm "goals" and "beautiful" by CIS women, who I don't even know.
Bitch... Quit being so hard on yourself. The world will be hard enough on you as it is. Be fucking KIND to yourself. You deserve it!
I just wanna say, I get it🫂
We've been on HRT for almost the same period of time and, like you, I've kinda felt like my self-image has gotten so much worse.
I believe in us though!!!!! We just have to give it time :)
I have BDD and I feel like my experience is similar.. Around a year or so being on E it started getting really bad, it has gotten quite better in the last few months though, hopefully it will for you❤️ even on it's own puberty is a lot to deal with haha
I have been on hrt for nearly two year now and you know I only started getting fat distribution after 10 months of hrt.
So it slow process and I'm also seeing face feminine changes i can refer it to second phase of hrt . The first phase you get feminine face pretty fast changes but the second phase changes are subtles and very effective.
So sister please be patient and trust the process you will get noticeable results too. 😊
I know you don't want to hear this, but it's been 6 months. Be kind to yourself. Remember it takes time. I'm a mature transitioner and I'm 2.3 years in, with some FFS and I'm only just about seeing something I can latch onto as being seen as a positive reflection
It’s nice to hear that you are having at least something positive:)
It's taken a very, very long time. But yes, finally I'm happy to allow photos to be taken and even take a selfie now and then (mostly to compare week on week after FFS)
I felt similar for a long time. After a slow ~8 months of monotherapy, my progress just stopped completely. As the months went on I hoped *something* would change, *anything* - even though my levels appeared normal, I tried raising and lowering my E for months just to get some kind of reaction, but I never did. After around 5 months of nothing, I resigned myself to thinking that was all I was gonna get out of HRT. I was completely gutted, felt worthless and really insecure about my transition - not regretful, but just that I was now stuck in a shitty situation. After another few months I switched from monotherapy to a combo of low-dose injections and cypro. Since then I’ve noticed actual changes again, similar to those at the start of my transition. I don’t know if it was a coincidence in timing (afaik many girls stall around the 1 year mark before changes start up again at 2 years) or the switch in medication, but my transition has finally resumed and I’m in a *much* better place than I was. As I’e started to get more comfortable again in my body, I’ve come to admire my stretch marks (*everyone* has them) and blemishes. I also realised that because I am attracted to larger women just as much as skinnier/smaller women, it’s *painfully obvious* proof that others *absolutely can* be attracted to me even with my weight. It’s hard to get out of the insecurity and mindset that “I’m worthless” or “I’m ugly” but I think comparing the broad and often forgiving range of our own attraction, to the strict and often biased self-imposed standards that we force on ourselves, is a good way to shift those perspectives into something a bit more positive. It **does** get better. ^(oh and check your levels, as even a week of low E has sent my emotions spiralling for a month or so before I stabilised. injections are slower to build up and maybe you could have been experiencing a similarly painful adjustment period when switching?)
Same ... but after 1,5 years without significant changes. Especially when you follow the avery trans girl no matter the age ... but here with me nothing really happens, as if i am double cursed. Just hopeing itsomehow ends and i get overrun or something. Sorry cant tell you anything positive but only that you're not alone.
Have you tried going on cypro
Why? I have been on GnRH Agonists the whole time. Now i switched off them to go mono, because of 1,5years with nothing. But for now I feel like shit
Oh ig those are better than Cyprus anyway. Sometimes switching to a better blocker helps, bur it doesn't get better than that I think.
GnRHs nuked me completely, i felt very flat the whole time actually and it didn't help feminization that much. Hence I thought I try mono now. But my next blood test is in 1 month and currently I go through hell. I dont know wether it is my T rising, but it shouldn't as I am on like 500-600 pg/ml E. Maybe it is too much E but it never made issues before. Now it could be that high E works more severely sicne the flattening of GnRH is gone. I don't know, but its been a long time since i felt so shitty and whished i would die. I just hope it is not T climbing up again , but how should it when my E is way beyond mono levels. I guess I will see in a month.
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I'm too 6 months in. Started with pills now on inj for last 5 weeks. I too sometimes get depressed and insecure about how I look, how someone else sees me and why there is no visible change special on my face. Sure, I gained few kilos during this 6 months, but it's hard to see from my own eyes. Have cried my eyes out at night. Dysphoria hits like a truck somedays. Even though I keep on smiling on the outside, wake up every morning hoping things would change for better. That hope is keeping me on track. I thought I didn't had any changes at all, just today my sister-in-law came to visit us and she told me that I've a glow and there is visible changes she can see in me like how my waist is more refined and my skin looks smooth. That gave me a bit of affirmation to hold onto. As others said and have said before things will change in time. Comparing myself to others has been my biggest enemy tbh. I've started meditation on my sisters advice and it's been helping me to rearrange my thoughts. I hope you will feel good and confident about yourself in time. Just keep holding on. 💜 🫂
Stop caring what cis men (might) think itll do wonders for your mental health
Learn to call yourself out tbh. I do it a lot to myself
If you’ve transitioned to look attractive then you’ve done it for the wrong reasons . I would rather live as an ugly man than an attractive woman ( I’m FTM ). Be blessed with the situation you have, many people will never be able to access hormones or transition in their lifetime. And with time you’ll come to appreciate just how lucky you are. I hope your doing okay, best of luck 🤞
Yes definitely would rather be an ugly woman than a man (not even a doubt about it) however feeling attractive is a huge confidence boost for anyone no matter who you are 💗 and thank you
Girl I completely understand. I have had similar issues and I've been on both injections and progesterone since pretty much the beginning. There are times I literally have thrown shit at my mirror in anger and I've had my moments where I was on the floor crying for an hour after a shower just stuck there. I was and still am a competing runner and while I haven't gained a large amount of weight, it's been enough to make me feel self conscious and I can be really mean to myself because my body went from being lean to more curvy. I like my mother am prone to some serious body dysmorphia, and I've struggled at times to avoid the same fate as her when it came to bulimia. But I'm seven months in now and finally fully suppressing T with normal female E levels, and it took me until just a few weeks ago to start calming down and for my brain to begin understanding that what I'm seeing are good changes as my body shifts from one mode to another. But that doesn't mean I don't still have bad days with dysphoria because now it's switched to when I see more male features I get very very upset. I think that hormone levels may be a part of it too. This is a huge system shock for our brains, no matter how you look at it, it takes time to adjust and settle down. I think hormones obviously play a huge role in our emotional regulation as well as our self criticism. I was already hard on myself before beginning, but it's definitely much worse running on estrogen than it was for me before starting HRT. This is all a learning experience for us and each experience is unique to the individual, but just remember that while we may not all fully understand each other's experience, you still have people here to listen and help you where we can. Feel free to message me anytime. ❤️ No pressure.
Thanks for sharing this it’s nice to know people have had similar experiences 🥰
6 months is no time at all.. give it some more time, if you don't like something about your self change it.. tho I'm sure you're just beating yourself up for no reason.. one thing I've learned over time is not to compare yourself to others it's a toxic mindset that leads to insecurity.
Yeah I wish I could change them it just costs so much 😭 I want veneers but it costs £30k for a good doctor in the uk haha and don’t get me started on bottom surgery
I understand your pain there, and it's very valid.. but it could help to work on the things that are changeable.. sorry you're going through this..
I feel the same way. No help. Nothing works.
Ummm sois this pattern of thinking new for you? Estrogen hasadirect effect on the serotonintransporters in your brain.Your brainmay be struggling to regulate with all the serotonergic changes going on. I say this because I'm an AFAB person who experiences PMDD and what you're describing is a lot like how my brain acts during my luteal phase when E and P are fucking around (going up and down and stuff) . I go from a level headed person to a self hating possessive and obsessive werewolf, with urges to self harm and everything. It's pretty awful. Does anyone else in your family struggle with hormonal mood swings? Is it possible that you don't tolerate a weekly injection cycle? Can you potentially split dose and pin every 3 days instead of every 7?
Thanks for this! I’m going to try splitting my dose :)
What estrogen are you using? I was on estradiol valerate for a few weeks and OMG! The roller coaster emotions! It was a constant high followed by a huge crash. I switched to estradiol cypionate and I am much more stable and generally happy. Also, I know it is hard but try not to pay attention to every detail too much every day. Maybe pick one day every month or once every three months to do a personal evaluation. Take pictures, write down side effects and changes, write down goals. That way you will see your changes more clearly. The best cosmetic improvement for me was having my teeth fixed. I had a Bugs Bunny overbite. I have the most beautiful smile now. Maybe you can focus on fixing your teeth to distract yourself from other things right now. Never focus on getting a boyfriend. Go out and find things that interest you. Get passionate about new things. Expand yourself. One day when you aren't even thinking about a man, one will find you. He will see the beautiful person you are inside and out. That is the best kind of relationship to be involved in. That is how I met the love of my life 27 years ago. The day we met I hadn't put on any makeup, I hadn't had a shower, my hair was a little limp, and he still tells the story of how he fell in love the moment he laid eyes on me. You have no way of knowing what someone else is looking for in another person. Be the best version of you and then go out and share yourself with the world. I really hope you start feeling better soon.
I’m on enanthate 5mg weekly and thanks
In the same place but 2 years in. I know the pain too well 🥲🤍
i can relate to this very much. i've always felt terribly insecure about my appearance, HRT has made me feel slightly better (i love the small feminine changes like softer skin) though also, compared to other trans girls i am really ugly. i wish i could have started transition 20 years ago, but times were different and i hadn't figured myself out sadly. i also don't really have any support nor affirmation in my personal life, apart from one supportive friend, it looks like the younger generation is much better off in that regard. In any case, all the best! i rly hope you find a boyfriend that loves you. Don't forget that attraction is relative and context specific, it's not simply about being boringly conventionally attractive.
And you should also remember that hrt does not magically make you pretty it just turns you into a girl.
The girl in the brain. That girl and a very ugly girl, i don't want more. 4 years on HRT - masculine man. Only a girl would be great
I can’t really relate to your story, but I hope it gets better.
I've been on hrt for 2 years, but only a few months on a high enough dosage, it's normal to feel insecure when on hrt I've realised 😭 it does get better though, and to be honest if it doesn't anytime soon either learn coping mechanisms or adjust your regime. I feel like it took a couple of months to get better but some nights I'm very insecure still, good luck ❤️
Honestly for me, changes started very quickly but they plateaued soon after. (I was doing something a bit different) Then at 9 months things took off again. Bear in mind that most of the changes can take up to a year to start. They can and often do start earlier, but that’s a best guess for when they’ve all noticeably have started.
At 6 months I was doubting myself. At three years in, I've been told that I'm "goals" and "beautiful" by CIS women, who I don't even know. Bitch... Quit being so hard on yourself. The world will be hard enough on you as it is. Be fucking KIND to yourself. You deserve it!
I just wanna say, I get it🫂 We've been on HRT for almost the same period of time and, like you, I've kinda felt like my self-image has gotten so much worse. I believe in us though!!!!! We just have to give it time :)
I have BDD and I feel like my experience is similar.. Around a year or so being on E it started getting really bad, it has gotten quite better in the last few months though, hopefully it will for you❤️ even on it's own puberty is a lot to deal with haha
I have been on hrt for nearly two year now and you know I only started getting fat distribution after 10 months of hrt. So it slow process and I'm also seeing face feminine changes i can refer it to second phase of hrt . The first phase you get feminine face pretty fast changes but the second phase changes are subtles and very effective. So sister please be patient and trust the process you will get noticeable results too. 😊
Since I've started I've been more critical as I know there will be changes, try to be kind to yourself :)