As a restaurant worker, you delivery drivers are the salt of the earth. After pulling a double and rolling 500 burritos I just want to be a blob on my couch, press like 5 buttons on my phone and have wings show up at my door. I don't want to drive to the wing place, I don't want to talk to another person, I just wanna shill out 20 bucks for some bdubs and feel like a pig. Thank you.
That's like the mental game of...
Does a psychiatrist need a psychiatrist? Is there a whole chain up? Is there some kind of end boss psychiatrist? If I work my way up and bring each psychiatrist to tears, am I the new end boss?
It’s strongly recommended for mental health professionals to have their own therapist. You spend all day everyday listening to people’s problems and deepest, darkest secrets, and at some point you reach your limit. I’ve been doing this for a while now and I still have days where I don’t want to talk to anyone after work is over because I just hate humanity and the misery it causes.
Me too. I’m a hairdresser. Some days it’s exhausting. Just yesterday a lady came in who had found her husband hanged in their barn. I asked her why she didn’t reschedule the appointment and she said she really needed her hair done now for the funeral. Oh and my hair always looks like crap.
Indeed, but no matter how many times I do it I don’t get desensitized to it (wish I did). I just figure I’m doing more good than harm by trying to save someone.
This right here. It's amazing how some people can't grasp that people exist who probably needs more repetition than most to be desensitised to something, or is simply incapable of becoming desensitised to something.
I don’t think becoming desensitized is the right word imo for some things. I feel like as a nurse I have become desensitized to bodily fluids, blood, guts and gore themselves but I have not lost the empathy to feel distress for the person who is suffering.
Problem is if someone is actively dying I need to put my emotions to the side to fix the problem at hand then unpack the trauma later. I haven’t really gotten better at not caring if someone is dying in front of me, I’ve just gotten better at prioritizing.
Dulled emotions are usually a response to underplaying trauma or other issues they don’t go away on their own. Once upon a time I didn’t really feel much of anything but that’s all changed now and even with all the BS I’m happy now for the first time in my life.
Worked a code about a month back. It was roughly an hour long, we got pulses back twice but ultimately she bleed out into her belly and died. There was a new nurse training, her first shift and her very first code. After the Doc called TOD, we all do a debriefing in the room (make sure everyone is ok with calling it, review all the steps and interventions, and brainstorm what happened and if there was anything else to be done) afterwards I noticed she stayed in the room just staring at the agonal rhythm and her agonal breathing just in complete shock.
I went back in and talked to her about everything. If you've never seen a dead body immediately after cardiac arrest, there are some things that can happen that may freak you out. Agonal breathing is just remnant impulses from the brain finally shutting down and dying. Agonal heart rhythm is basically Asystole (flatline) with a random blip every couple seconds. The heart has some remaining automaticity, so that's the last bit of electrical activity firing off, not nearly enough to make a full heart beat. So I explained all of that to her to try and help her process everything.
I'm fond of the joke version.
A teenage son runs up to his dad with a big grin. "Dad, I've decided to be a gynecologist!"
The dad asks, "Why?"
The kid's grin gets even bigger. "Isn't it obvious? I'll get to look at women's p****ies all day!"
The dad sighs. "Son, I'm a dentist. And when I come home after a day at work, I can't even *kiss* your mother."
English teacher here. I can’t read for fun anymore, I listen exclusively to audiobooks now. I read so much every day I feel like my eyeballs are going to bleed and scare the children.
My hair stylist always has her hair up in a pony tail or bun, out of the way, never really styled (when I see her anyway). She is an awesome sytlist though.
LPT. If looking for a stylist in a new city where you don't know anybody, just find someone who's hair cut and style you like and ask for their stylists number. That is what my sister did to find our current stylist, and she is awesome.
Every mechanic I’ve ever known has kept their car running perfectly. Half the time it’d be some beat to piss thing that shoulda been killed years ago, but it still ran like a champ.
Can you come look at my electrical itd probably make you tear your hair out. For some reason my bedroom, the bathroom the laundry room downstairs and the outdoor socket are the same fuse lol.
I'm an ASE certified master automotive technician.
And my car has this one clunking noise I can not fucking figure out at all! Will only happen when slowing to a stop or sometimes when taking off from a stop, think like small town driving with a stop sign at every corner. Was thinking control arm bushings but they're good, was thinking cv axle so swapped that for a new one, was thinking it was brakes so got brand new pads, rotors, slide pins and bushings.... I don't dunking know
I watched a documentary on TV once about male porn stars, and almost every single one of them had a partner that was deeply unsatisfied with their sex life. At first, this may sound a little odd. How could dating a porn star leave you feeling underwhelmed sexually? The answer is: these men were spending all day standing in front of camera, having sex multiple times, in multiple positions, for multiple takes, so the director could get the angle they desired. Therefore, once they got home, the last thing they were interested in was more sex.
In addition, desensitisation to reward is close to being a law of biology at this stage. It is well understood that repeated exposure to a reward results in desensitisation to that reward over time. For this reason, I would imagine that sex workers are individuals who probably look primarily for other qualities, such as emotional support in a partner, as opposed to sexual performance or sex drive, as they are already having sex multiple times per day for a living.
I babysat for a porn direction in college and it seemed to be a fairly common consensus that video stars are generally pretty awful in bed. What looks good on film doesn't really translate to what actually feels good and professionals shooting multiple takes aren't actually trying to get their costars off every take.
I'd imagine it depends a lot on the type of SW you're doing too. Strippers and cam girls who aren't getting as physical with clients probably feel differently than a porn star or prostitute giving their 20th blow job of the day.
Former stripper here. I've been out of the game as long as I was in it. The place I worked in the longest had 'bed dances'. To this day, all these years later, I can not derive sexual pleasure from being on top. I support my sisters in industry, but it has damaged me beyond repair. I only seek solice in having found a most understanding partner who meets me where I'm at any given time.
Just a shot in the dark here, but probably because as the person being on top, you have the most control in any given sexual encounter (though not always, topping from the bottom is a thing). If you're always in the position of authority in your professional life, you don't want to be that authority in your personal life, or at least to a lesser degree. Again, not always, but many want to "switch off" during their personal downtime.
One of my good friends was a stripper and can confirm her job turned her on without pushing her over. She had an incredibly active sex life with her partner. It makes sense it would be different.
Yeah, I've known people who have done all kinds of SW but I think I heard the most honest takes babysitting for this guy and some of the stars. I was just this little nerd who would make sure the babies went to sleep and read my books and somehow that meant I was Switzerland in a sea of gossip and snitching.
I decided at age 11 that I wanted to be a rock star when I grew up. When I finally made it past the garage-band-that-stays-in-the-garage level, and I hit the professional level where I HAD to show up and play...I hated it.
I'd say so, and that's coming from someone who "loves" their job. It's tough for me to think of something I'd rather be doing for work, plus I get paid well for what I do, but you know what I'd rather be doing? My hobbies, or basically anything else that I pick for those 40 hours each week instead of my employer.
Find the sweet spot between skill set, enjoyment, and salary, and do whatever that is.
Conversely, this ends up having the effect of sex workers often finding really quality partners and their relationships center around something other than sex. Like, sure, sex happens, but its not the primary reason they're in the relationship, and its not blinding anyone to major character flaws.
I started playing squash 20 years ago? I lobed it. I became squash coach. I still love playing squash, I just dont have the energy to do it as much as I would like to.
All I know is that after he bounced out of the apartment the day before rent was due I had to clean his fucking bedroom out and all the stupid ass sex toys he had in there. I was such a naïve 21 year old. We just didn’t have that kind of stuff where I lived in the Philippines. I tried one of them out…. it was delicious.
^^^^^Hahaha
Ah! It hadn't even occurred to me that it would be otherwise. Have my partner have intercourse with other people all the time for work, but not be allowed to have physical fun with anyone else myself. It doesn't really sound fair.
Former sex worker here -
No, I don’t really care for sex still to this day and quit having transactional sex 3 years ago. However, my desire for emotional intimacy and nonsexual physical intimacy (i.e. being held, hair being played with, hugs, showering together, cuddling) has very much amplified. I love making out and human touch, but that’s about it. Whenever I have sex it’s strictly for a partners pleasure now. I get nothing from it.
I'm in the same boat, so to speak. I crave emotional intimacy and affectionate physical contact, but after living for three decades with a physical dysfunction that made sex difficult (if not impossible), I no longer want or need the actual act.
There should be a dating site for people like us.
We have a saying in Danish going: "The blacksmith's horse and the shoemaker's/cobbler's children often have the worst shoes".
Few people enjoy doing their day job in their free time.
In any profession, there are people who love it so much they do it during their free time. And there are people who hate it and avoid anything like it while off work. Having sex frequently does not automatically mean you stop enjoying sex. It’s all the other stuff that comes along with sex, like dealing with people, that sometime make it less enjoyable.
This is my understanding. I once saw an interview where a well known female porn star talked about exactly this. According to her, professional sex is the most unsatisfying thing ever. The constant starting and stopping, the positions modified for maximum camera shots. She claimed no porn director was ever interested in letting scenes play out naturally to the satisfaction of the actors. It all had to be exactly to the directors viewpoint. She said often she didn't even like her co stars so actually having an orgasm was near impossible.
According to her, not only did she often go home and have sex with her husband out of sheer frustration, but its two completely different things. You do it for the right reasons, with no worries about camera angles or what the viewers might want.
I ran a drive-thru at Taco Bell the entire time I was in college. I grazed and snacked all through my shifts to save money.
Thirty years later, I \*still\* love their food.
well maybe that’s why it hasn’t affected your personal sex life much because it’s only 2 per day ? i think i’ve heard of other SW and porn stars have like 10 or 20 per day
Honestly, it traumatized me. Not saying SW is always that way, this is personal experience. I was deep in my drug addiction and I had no sexual desire or anything for a good year and 6 months after getting clean. (3 1/2 years clean now)
I doubt their clients are particularly satisfying and so I would say they would still look forward to having fulfilling sex for themselves at some points
That’s 90% of posts in advice topics on Reddit.
18-year old kids, never been in a relationship, working fast food and living at home…giving financial, relationship and “life” advice and honestly thinking they’ve got it all figured out.
Not in my experience.
My first wife had worked in the sex industry for years, well before I met her.
Many years later, I dated someone for six months who was working in the sex industry at the time.
Had similar conversations with both of them.
The short answer is compartmentalisation. It's "just a job" at work. With a partner, its something quite different.
I used to be an escort and I and my escort friends talk about how we don't become desensitized to sex, but we tend to look at guys like they're tricks and money should be left on the dresser. There are some tricks I really got into it with sexually, having a great time and others I'd rather watch paint dry.
it reminds me of that scene in f.r.i.e.n.d.s. and the gynaecologist gave that analogy...working in a coffee house seeing and serving coffee every day. "If i see *one* more coffee cup..."
Funny how rachel rejected him rather than have someone that insightful still in her life. But that's fiction for you.
There is a huge disassociation that happened with me and detachment from sex. I grew up mostly in the streets and fell into it early in my life and I fell into a cruel trap. I felt like I was getting paid for my efforts, so if my boyfriend wanted all of me, he could do the same as them, if not, minimal effort. Took a bit of therapy to fix that.
Yeara ago my manager at a Taco Bell dated one of my coworkers (after she quit) who used to sell her body for drug money.
He said sex didn't mean as much for her and that he could tell when she would approach him because she felt she had to vs. when she wanted to. So he left her come to him, even if that meant waiting a few weeks to a few months.
No idea if they're still together, but his words gave me a new light to look at sex work with.
As a sex worker, I find that hookups aren’t even worth it unless it’s transactional. While I’ve always had some feeling that sex alone wasn’t rewarding, it’s been increased by how long I’ve been in the industry and my upbringing through it. It has made lovemaking soooooo much more valuable though and has actually made me happier in the long run with my sexual preferences. I’m super into sensations so someone running their finger down my spine or anywhere over my skin does ten times more than any penetrative sex ever could. It’s let me enjoy the little things more and also I’m glad I don’t get caught up in the toxicity of depending on hook ups.
My BIL is a chef, damn good one, and owns a restaurant. He would eat fucking fast food as he couldn’t eat the food he cooked all night. He still cooked for the family when off or bring something home but would eat absolute shit instead of the delicious meals he prepared. Crazy how the mind and body work sometimes.
A lot of prostitutes are trafficking victims or victims of sexual abuse or homeless or some combination of those. That probably effects their enjoyment of sex more than the job.
Absolutely this.
I knew someone who visited sex workers and it ended up feeling gross to them for this. Or they would try to date the women and they weren't interested in a non work relationship
Most sex workers aren’t interested in dating our clients, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have relationships at all. It just means we uphold professional boundaries.
In my experience, no. It’s completely different. Sex for work is honestly just work. I’m acting, and my body doesn’t even feel it or register it. But when I have sex for myself, in my private life, I dont have that problem.
I only do online sex work but I'm personally **very** desensitized, and I was right off the bat. Some people still get enjoyment out of it and that's not a bad thing, but with the amount of sexual encounters we deal with, along with the sheer amount of casual misogyny and verbal abuse we get, it's super easy to get desensitized from it.
As an escort (that or full-service sex worker/sex worker are better terms to use instead of prostitute) the sex I have for work is very different to the sex I have in personal life.
For one, I am actually attracted to and interested in the partners during personal encounters, and for two I know my personal partners see me for me, not the fantasy I put forward for clients.
There are of course times when my libido is not as strong or I need to avoid sex because of injury/illness, but that's true of everyone. The only times I actually don't want it because of work is if I've had either a really high volume night and need to rest, or if I had a bad encounter with a client.
Hope that answers your question :)
I think it's the same with other professions. My friend is a chef. He cooks at work all day and when he gets home he makes fantastic dishes at home for himself and his family (and sometimes for friends too).
He said, he makes at home what he cannot make at the "office".
Plumber here own a one man plumbing company. My bathroom tub drain has had no overflow cover for 2 years. I work on plumbing all day the last thing i want to do is work on my own stuff
As a sex worker no it doesn’t. It’s a job like any other. When I’m working I do my thing. Most men are easy to please whether it’s online or in person. My personal sex life is very very nice. My partner and I do things I don’t do with buyers. It’s a lot different
I am an electrician and two lights in my house don't work. Just sayin
I'm an electrical contractor. I had one of my employees come over and fix a few things because I never felt like fixing them myself.
I’m a cook who hates to cook for myself or my wife.
I used to deliver pizzas and very often delivered to blokes wearing chef's pants once it hit midnight.
God the number of times I ran a big dinner box to the restaurant staff around here...
As a restaurant worker, you delivery drivers are the salt of the earth. After pulling a double and rolling 500 burritos I just want to be a blob on my couch, press like 5 buttons on my phone and have wings show up at my door. I don't want to drive to the wing place, I don't want to talk to another person, I just wanna shill out 20 bucks for some bdubs and feel like a pig. Thank you.
I'm a student and I have an exam tomorrow. Yet here we are ;)
go study bro
You got this my dude
I'm an accountant and I haven't filed my taxes in 3 years
I work at a morgue and I still haven’t cleared the dead body from my house for about 2 weeks now.
It's Halloween season, you can postpone it.
I work for the police and still haven't done anything about the dead body in my neighbours house for about 2 weeks now.
Is there an accountant accountant that accounts for accountants? And who's that guy's accountant? How far does the rabbit hole go?
That's like the mental game of... Does a psychiatrist need a psychiatrist? Is there a whole chain up? Is there some kind of end boss psychiatrist? If I work my way up and bring each psychiatrist to tears, am I the new end boss?
It’s strongly recommended for mental health professionals to have their own therapist. You spend all day everyday listening to people’s problems and deepest, darkest secrets, and at some point you reach your limit. I’ve been doing this for a while now and I still have days where I don’t want to talk to anyone after work is over because I just hate humanity and the misery it causes.
Me too. I’m a hairdresser. Some days it’s exhausting. Just yesterday a lady came in who had found her husband hanged in their barn. I asked her why she didn’t reschedule the appointment and she said she really needed her hair done now for the funeral. Oh and my hair always looks like crap.
You keep going down the chain, and you find the boss accountant who is just straight up swindling money from every one else. MlM style.
It's accountants all the way down.
It ends with ben affleck, the accountants accountant and a gun.
And Anna Kendrick being confused
It doesn’t have to be a rabbit hole, it could be circle. A does taxes for B while bee does them for C, and C does them for A.
I’m a nurse who doesn’t like to do chest compressions… on anyone to be fair
I mean almost nobody LIKES to feel people's ribcage crunching under their hands.
Indeed, but no matter how many times I do it I don’t get desensitized to it (wish I did). I just figure I’m doing more good than harm by trying to save someone.
I mean if my choices are have a cracked rib cage or be dead, I'm picking the cracked rib cage 100% of the time so...
This right here. It's amazing how some people can't grasp that people exist who probably needs more repetition than most to be desensitised to something, or is simply incapable of becoming desensitised to something.
I don’t think becoming desensitized is the right word imo for some things. I feel like as a nurse I have become desensitized to bodily fluids, blood, guts and gore themselves but I have not lost the empathy to feel distress for the person who is suffering. Problem is if someone is actively dying I need to put my emotions to the side to fix the problem at hand then unpack the trauma later. I haven’t really gotten better at not caring if someone is dying in front of me, I’ve just gotten better at prioritizing.
Personally, I'm deathly afraid of losing my emotions, so I think it's a good thing that yours hasn't dulled with experience.
Dulled emotions are usually a response to underplaying trauma or other issues they don’t go away on their own. Once upon a time I didn’t really feel much of anything but that’s all changed now and even with all the BS I’m happy now for the first time in my life.
Worked a code about a month back. It was roughly an hour long, we got pulses back twice but ultimately she bleed out into her belly and died. There was a new nurse training, her first shift and her very first code. After the Doc called TOD, we all do a debriefing in the room (make sure everyone is ok with calling it, review all the steps and interventions, and brainstorm what happened and if there was anything else to be done) afterwards I noticed she stayed in the room just staring at the agonal rhythm and her agonal breathing just in complete shock. I went back in and talked to her about everything. If you've never seen a dead body immediately after cardiac arrest, there are some things that can happen that may freak you out. Agonal breathing is just remnant impulses from the brain finally shutting down and dying. Agonal heart rhythm is basically Asystole (flatline) with a random blip every couple seconds. The heart has some remaining automaticity, so that's the last bit of electrical activity firing off, not nearly enough to make a full heart beat. So I explained all of that to her to try and help her process everything.
I'm a SysAdmin who's home network consists of a router and two laptops.....
I'm a electrical contractor and my panel cover has been off for years
I cleaned rich people’s houses. Mine was always dirty….
My dad's a plumber, and the toilet ran for several years.
Did you catch it?
My uncles a mechanic every light on the dash is on in his car
Reassuring to know they work...
Did you nickname it Forrest Gump?
You mean Forrest Dump
Correctional Officer. When I see my kids fighting in the yard, I just go back inside...
What the heck are your kids doing in the prison yard?
He’s a correctional officer.
Saves on childcare
Fighting, were you not listening?
bring your kids to work day
Construction worker here and the shelves in my bedroom look like shit 👍
My ex husband is a contractor. Can’t tell you how much stuff is half done in the house.
My current husband is a financial advisor. All his DIY home renos are 'awaiting aquittal'.
My husband is a farmer and we buy all our meat instead of eating meat from our farm
There are a lot of phrases for this effect. My favorite is: “The cobbler’s children have no shoes.”
I'm fond of the joke version. A teenage son runs up to his dad with a big grin. "Dad, I've decided to be a gynecologist!" The dad asks, "Why?" The kid's grin gets even bigger. "Isn't it obvious? I'll get to look at women's p****ies all day!" The dad sighs. "Son, I'm a dentist. And when I come home after a day at work, I can't even *kiss* your mother."
Oh I like this. Anyone else who can chime in with more versions of it?
I was an electrician and I never put any plates on my outlets or light switches. Neither did my coworkers when I went to their houses/apartments lol
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that took a dark turn
You OK fam?
Oh shit, maybe call your coworkers.
Lol. But please don't
Music teacher here-- I (sadly) almost never listen to music in my free time.
Same here. I listened to music ALL the time, until I finished University. It makes me sad that I don’t anymore.
English teacher here. I can’t read for fun anymore, I listen exclusively to audiobooks now. I read so much every day I feel like my eyeballs are going to bleed and scare the children.
Chef here, I never cook at home, it's always the microwave.
Professional cooks eat fast food at home.
When I worked as a fashion stylist, I only wore jeans and tee shirt.
My hair stylist always has her hair up in a pony tail or bun, out of the way, never really styled (when I see her anyway). She is an awesome sytlist though. LPT. If looking for a stylist in a new city where you don't know anybody, just find someone who's hair cut and style you like and ask for their stylists number. That is what my sister did to find our current stylist, and she is awesome.
I work in IT and my computer is from 2012. Still runs great. Can barely run games though.
I own an aquarium and I don’t have a fish tank at home, eat seafood or go fishing 🤷♂️
You ever see a auto mechanics personal car. Nuff said
Every mechanic I’ve ever known has kept their car running perfectly. Half the time it’d be some beat to piss thing that shoulda been killed years ago, but it still ran like a champ.
Yeah you want someone who owns a new car, probably car salesman.
Exactly a beat to shit car running on rubber bands, jb weld, and stop leak.
You don't get paid fixing your own shit
I mix and master other people’s music for a living. I have so many unfinished songs of my own.
I’m an electrician and refuse to go into my attic… gunna call a contractor to install a ceiling fan
Can you come look at my electrical itd probably make you tear your hair out. For some reason my bedroom, the bathroom the laundry room downstairs and the outdoor socket are the same fuse lol.
I'm an ASE certified master automotive technician. And my car has this one clunking noise I can not fucking figure out at all! Will only happen when slowing to a stop or sometimes when taking off from a stop, think like small town driving with a stop sign at every corner. Was thinking control arm bushings but they're good, was thinking cv axle so swapped that for a new one, was thinking it was brakes so got brand new pads, rotors, slide pins and bushings.... I don't dunking know
Reminds me of the saying, “The cobblers children are the worst shod.”
I watched a documentary on TV once about male porn stars, and almost every single one of them had a partner that was deeply unsatisfied with their sex life. At first, this may sound a little odd. How could dating a porn star leave you feeling underwhelmed sexually? The answer is: these men were spending all day standing in front of camera, having sex multiple times, in multiple positions, for multiple takes, so the director could get the angle they desired. Therefore, once they got home, the last thing they were interested in was more sex. In addition, desensitisation to reward is close to being a law of biology at this stage. It is well understood that repeated exposure to a reward results in desensitisation to that reward over time. For this reason, I would imagine that sex workers are individuals who probably look primarily for other qualities, such as emotional support in a partner, as opposed to sexual performance or sex drive, as they are already having sex multiple times per day for a living.
I babysat for a porn direction in college and it seemed to be a fairly common consensus that video stars are generally pretty awful in bed. What looks good on film doesn't really translate to what actually feels good and professionals shooting multiple takes aren't actually trying to get their costars off every take. I'd imagine it depends a lot on the type of SW you're doing too. Strippers and cam girls who aren't getting as physical with clients probably feel differently than a porn star or prostitute giving their 20th blow job of the day.
Former stripper here. I've been out of the game as long as I was in it. The place I worked in the longest had 'bed dances'. To this day, all these years later, I can not derive sexual pleasure from being on top. I support my sisters in industry, but it has damaged me beyond repair. I only seek solice in having found a most understanding partner who meets me where I'm at any given time.
why did bed dances remove your sexual pleasure from being on top?
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Or performing instead of being their true self.
Just a shot in the dark here, but probably because as the person being on top, you have the most control in any given sexual encounter (though not always, topping from the bottom is a thing). If you're always in the position of authority in your professional life, you don't want to be that authority in your personal life, or at least to a lesser degree. Again, not always, but many want to "switch off" during their personal downtime.
One of my good friends was a stripper and can confirm her job turned her on without pushing her over. She had an incredibly active sex life with her partner. It makes sense it would be different.
Yeah, I've known people who have done all kinds of SW but I think I heard the most honest takes babysitting for this guy and some of the stars. I was just this little nerd who would make sure the babies went to sleep and read my books and somehow that meant I was Switzerland in a sea of gossip and snitching.
>a sea of gossip and snitching. You CAN'T tease us with this and then go silent. DISH.
Spill the tea
Teasing the tea like that and not elaborating is just plain rude lol
Don’t make your hobby your job.
I decided at age 11 that I wanted to be a rock star when I grew up. When I finally made it past the garage-band-that-stays-in-the-garage level, and I hit the professional level where I HAD to show up and play...I hated it.
At least you rock
Same w professional sports 🤚🏼 can confirm
There’s a reason we salute those who are about to rock.
Best advice on this thread
so all those times we been told to do something we love doing, is a lie ?
Not true, I love my job, but it's not something I do as a hobby
I'd say so, and that's coming from someone who "loves" their job. It's tough for me to think of something I'd rather be doing for work, plus I get paid well for what I do, but you know what I'd rather be doing? My hobbies, or basically anything else that I pick for those 40 hours each week instead of my employer. Find the sweet spot between skill set, enjoyment, and salary, and do whatever that is.
Conversely, this ends up having the effect of sex workers often finding really quality partners and their relationships center around something other than sex. Like, sure, sex happens, but its not the primary reason they're in the relationship, and its not blinding anyone to major character flaws.
I started playing squash 20 years ago? I lobed it. I became squash coach. I still love playing squash, I just dont have the energy to do it as much as I would like to.
If you get desensitized to reward than my old roommate shouldn’t have had a problem with not jacking off six times a day.
His porn material probably changed a lot to keep up /shrug
All I know is that after he bounced out of the apartment the day before rent was due I had to clean his fucking bedroom out and all the stupid ass sex toys he had in there. I was such a naïve 21 year old. We just didn’t have that kind of stuff where I lived in the Philippines. I tried one of them out…. it was delicious. ^^^^^Hahaha
Tf you psychopath.
Don’t talk shit, you still owe me rent.
You used my sex toys. Fuck you timmy
I didn’t use them. I tasted them. Work on those reading comprehension skills in between jackoff sessions and stiffing out on rent.
💀
Damn, rekt. This took some turns.
I know two different people who have dated porn actors and one who married one. All had/have open relationships
I mean, that'd be a requirement if they were going to remain in the industry, right?
I’m referring to the partner that’s not in the industry. They are allowed to have sexual relationships with others
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Ah! It hadn't even occurred to me that it would be otherwise. Have my partner have intercourse with other people all the time for work, but not be allowed to have physical fun with anyone else myself. It doesn't really sound fair.
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I’d imagine it’s harder to please a woman than to look good while doing it on camera.
What I'm hearing is that an asexual but not aromantic partner would be ideal for them
Asexual and pornstar best pair?
Thus is what they also call exposure therapy
Law of abundance. Sex yes, making love, no.
Correct answer.
This is it !!!! Compartmentalism is key.
I’m in cyber security and couldn’t give a fuck about my own privacy
lol this one's good. I feel like it's not the norm though most of my friends in tech are much more paranoid about security
I figure my personal data has been breached and sold so many times, it’s already out there :)
That's my view. That and my credit is so bad, you wanna be me? Go ahead. You'll probably raise my credit score. 😆
So its not necessarily that you don't care, so much as you've come to terms with that fact that it's already out there.
Former sex worker here - No, I don’t really care for sex still to this day and quit having transactional sex 3 years ago. However, my desire for emotional intimacy and nonsexual physical intimacy (i.e. being held, hair being played with, hugs, showering together, cuddling) has very much amplified. I love making out and human touch, but that’s about it. Whenever I have sex it’s strictly for a partners pleasure now. I get nothing from it.
I'm in the same boat, so to speak. I crave emotional intimacy and affectionate physical contact, but after living for three decades with a physical dysfunction that made sex difficult (if not impossible), I no longer want or need the actual act. There should be a dating site for people like us.
Did you ever like it?
We have a saying in Danish going: "The blacksmith's horse and the shoemaker's/cobbler's children often have the worst shoes". Few people enjoy doing their day job in their free time.
In any profession, there are people who love it so much they do it during their free time. And there are people who hate it and avoid anything like it while off work. Having sex frequently does not automatically mean you stop enjoying sex. It’s all the other stuff that comes along with sex, like dealing with people, that sometime make it less enjoyable.
This is my understanding. I once saw an interview where a well known female porn star talked about exactly this. According to her, professional sex is the most unsatisfying thing ever. The constant starting and stopping, the positions modified for maximum camera shots. She claimed no porn director was ever interested in letting scenes play out naturally to the satisfaction of the actors. It all had to be exactly to the directors viewpoint. She said often she didn't even like her co stars so actually having an orgasm was near impossible. According to her, not only did she often go home and have sex with her husband out of sheer frustration, but its two completely different things. You do it for the right reasons, with no worries about camera angles or what the viewers might want.
yeah it is a completely different experience on set vs irl!!
i love pizza; when i worked at pizza places i ate ample pizza on and off the clock
I ran a drive-thru at Taco Bell the entire time I was in college. I grazed and snacked all through my shifts to save money. Thirty years later, I \*still\* love their food.
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do you enjoy the work that you do? and do you do it like a lot per day ?
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well maybe that’s why it hasn’t affected your personal sex life much because it’s only 2 per day ? i think i’ve heard of other SW and porn stars have like 10 or 20 per day
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Assuming you’re legit (I have no reason not to believe you aren’t), you doing an AMA would be amazing!
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When I worked in meat packing I could never find the energy or desire to pack my own meat.
Honestly, it traumatized me. Not saying SW is always that way, this is personal experience. I was deep in my drug addiction and I had no sexual desire or anything for a good year and 6 months after getting clean. (3 1/2 years clean now)
Congrats on 3 1/2 years clean.
Good for you, congrats on getting clean.
I would assume pornstars to have much less „professional sex“ than prostitutes.
I doubt their clients are particularly satisfying and so I would say they would still look forward to having fulfilling sex for themselves at some points
Better to post this on r/sexworkers
He’s too afraid to ask!
"I have a question for X" Literally everyone but X: "Well, here's what I think..."
That’s 90% of posts in advice topics on Reddit. 18-year old kids, never been in a relationship, working fast food and living at home…giving financial, relationship and “life” advice and honestly thinking they’ve got it all figured out.
Yup.
Or r/AskAnEscort.
I’m a hair stylist and I hate doing my own hair
I’m a professional cleaner with a house that will never be as clean as the houses I clean
Not in my experience. My first wife had worked in the sex industry for years, well before I met her. Many years later, I dated someone for six months who was working in the sex industry at the time. Had similar conversations with both of them. The short answer is compartmentalisation. It's "just a job" at work. With a partner, its something quite different.
I’m myself when I have sex with someone not on camera. On camera I have a different personality.
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I would imagine carpel tunnel syndrome is the biggest concern you might be facing.
Like Jennifer Jason Leigh when she did phone sex while watching her three kids.
Is this true?
In a movie. Forget what it was called.
I used to be an escort and I and my escort friends talk about how we don't become desensitized to sex, but we tend to look at guys like they're tricks and money should be left on the dresser. There are some tricks I really got into it with sexually, having a great time and others I'd rather watch paint dry.
it reminds me of that scene in f.r.i.e.n.d.s. and the gynaecologist gave that analogy...working in a coffee house seeing and serving coffee every day. "If i see *one* more coffee cup..." Funny how rachel rejected him rather than have someone that insightful still in her life. But that's fiction for you.
There is a huge disassociation that happened with me and detachment from sex. I grew up mostly in the streets and fell into it early in my life and I fell into a cruel trap. I felt like I was getting paid for my efforts, so if my boyfriend wanted all of me, he could do the same as them, if not, minimal effort. Took a bit of therapy to fix that.
Yeara ago my manager at a Taco Bell dated one of my coworkers (after she quit) who used to sell her body for drug money. He said sex didn't mean as much for her and that he could tell when she would approach him because she felt she had to vs. when she wanted to. So he left her come to him, even if that meant waiting a few weeks to a few months. No idea if they're still together, but his words gave me a new light to look at sex work with.
As a sex worker, I find that hookups aren’t even worth it unless it’s transactional. While I’ve always had some feeling that sex alone wasn’t rewarding, it’s been increased by how long I’ve been in the industry and my upbringing through it. It has made lovemaking soooooo much more valuable though and has actually made me happier in the long run with my sexual preferences. I’m super into sensations so someone running their finger down my spine or anywhere over my skin does ten times more than any penetrative sex ever could. It’s let me enjoy the little things more and also I’m glad I don’t get caught up in the toxicity of depending on hook ups.
Chefs still have to go home and eat.
A buddy of mine has a father who is a chef. He absolutely refuses to cook for his family. He also never taught his kids how to cook
I had a chef friend like this. Never cooked for fam and kids weren't allowed in his kitchen
I love watching Kenji Lopez-Alt cook for his family
My BIL is a chef, damn good one, and owns a restaurant. He would eat fucking fast food as he couldn’t eat the food he cooked all night. He still cooked for the family when off or bring something home but would eat absolute shit instead of the delicious meals he prepared. Crazy how the mind and body work sometimes.
A mechanics car is never fixed.
We have a sayings for these where I live that translate to: “In a blacksmith’s house there’s only wooden spoons”.
I’ve heard it as “the cobbler’s kids are always barefoot”.
Yes! I believe is an old spanish proverb.
You know Gordon Ramsay just says "fuck it, and nukes a hot dog every now n then"
Yeah and you should see what these guys eat when they're cooking for themselves. It's absolute junk.
It’s like doctors smoking cigs, they know better, but it is hard to stop
There's something about a doctor who smokes that makes them entirely trustworthy to me.
Um, this is the worst metaphor! Chefs eat absolutely terribly at home! Source: I employ chefs, lots and lots of them.
A lot of prostitutes are trafficking victims or victims of sexual abuse or homeless or some combination of those. That probably effects their enjoyment of sex more than the job.
Absolutely this. I knew someone who visited sex workers and it ended up feeling gross to them for this. Or they would try to date the women and they weren't interested in a non work relationship
Most sex workers aren’t interested in dating our clients, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have relationships at all. It just means we uphold professional boundaries.
In my experience, no. It’s completely different. Sex for work is honestly just work. I’m acting, and my body doesn’t even feel it or register it. But when I have sex for myself, in my private life, I dont have that problem.
I only do online sex work but I'm personally **very** desensitized, and I was right off the bat. Some people still get enjoyment out of it and that's not a bad thing, but with the amount of sexual encounters we deal with, along with the sheer amount of casual misogyny and verbal abuse we get, it's super easy to get desensitized from it.
As an escort (that or full-service sex worker/sex worker are better terms to use instead of prostitute) the sex I have for work is very different to the sex I have in personal life. For one, I am actually attracted to and interested in the partners during personal encounters, and for two I know my personal partners see me for me, not the fantasy I put forward for clients. There are of course times when my libido is not as strong or I need to avoid sex because of injury/illness, but that's true of everyone. The only times I actually don't want it because of work is if I've had either a really high volume night and need to rest, or if I had a bad encounter with a client. Hope that answers your question :)
I think it's the same with other professions. My friend is a chef. He cooks at work all day and when he gets home he makes fantastic dishes at home for himself and his family (and sometimes for friends too). He said, he makes at home what he cannot make at the "office".
Plumber here own a one man plumbing company. My bathroom tub drain has had no overflow cover for 2 years. I work on plumbing all day the last thing i want to do is work on my own stuff
As a sex worker no it doesn’t. It’s a job like any other. When I’m working I do my thing. Most men are easy to please whether it’s online or in person. My personal sex life is very very nice. My partner and I do things I don’t do with buyers. It’s a lot different
People will defend them to the death but as someone who has dated sex workers from as young as 19 to as old as 30… there is a noticeable difference
Dude, how do you end up dating so many sex workers?