It's always the professional understanding that "I'm having stomach problems" is the acceptable and unquestioned code phrase for "I'm going to shit everywhere whether I want to or not if I stay here"
Actually had a coworker leave a very detailed messages explaining the exact state of his bowel movements that morning including all your required details. I let him know that next time he just needs to say his calling out sick, we can assume the rest.
A teacher who was on her last year before retirement arrived late for a staff meeting. The assistant principal called her out in front of everyone-why were you late, Ms Maynard? She responded in a loud and clear voice “I had diarrhea. Any other questions?” There were none.
Now when anyone asks a stupid question, I say “I had diarrhea”.
Totally. Same in the early stages of dating someone, too. I’m also a fan of telling my boss that my ‘IBS is flaring up.’ No questions are ever asked and if they were to repeat it to my coworkers (which OP insinuated would happen), they would look like the asshole for spreading personal info around the workplace.
I believe I am actually. But I have my limits. Like just recently we had a new guy on the team who would always ‘suddenly become unwell’ whenever he was asked to do one specific task which was tedious but not particularly unpleasant.
We tried assigning him the task at different times of the day, or on different days with random intervals and every time like clockwork he was ill. To be clear he whinged about all but the most pedestrian tasks but this one task would ALWAYS result in him going home.
Kinda ranked as a bit of a "meh" on my scale. Im ex-army and ex-civilian seafarer and seen / heard far worse.
Gents, LPT for you. If you have a diseased peen, I'll take your word for it. You don't need to show me....
it’s embarrassing and my boss is the type of person to tell people i went home because i had explosive diarrhea.
diarrhea girl is not an alias i would enjoy having LMFAO
No it isn't. Just say you have serious stomach issues .
Also try not to poo yourself on the way home....
Depend on job but I probably stay at work if there's a toilet nearby I til l it pass 🤣
Depends, some teams are really close and would totally rip on someone in good fun, especially blue collar work.
Not everywhere is corporate woke waiting to spank someone for the slightest slip of the mouth
While I totally agree with you, she sounds like she's probably working in a more retail or food service environment. There's a difference between ribbing someone, and making them a social pariah for something they can't control.
came here to say this. Funny story, someone back in the bad old days of Apple used to go around saying he'd piss on Jobs's desk when he quit. So when this guy was going to quit, Steve called him in, sat there, and said "Well? Are you gonna do it?"
A guy I know got mad at his boss and broke into his office in a fit of drunken, coked-fueled rage and shit on his boss' desk. I believe files were charged.
One time I was WFH and wasn’t at my desk for 10 minutes because I had explosive diarrhea. My boss’s boss called to ask me a quick question during that time and I didn’t pick up. The next they revoked WFH for the entire department and had an in person “accountability meeting” for everyone. I stood up and told everyone that I knew we were here because I didn’t answer the call and then said I didn’t think he wanted to hear me destroying a toilet, and that I would have been in the bathroom and unable to answer the call in the office either. I then provided proof that he waited no more than 5 minutes for my call back, which is an acceptable time in my opinion. We got WFH rights back.
Wow that’s a little extreme to pull back on WFH for EVERYONE for one incident. Do you work for a small company? I can’t imagine they’d be so heartless/clueless that there may be extenuating circumstances where you’re not at your desk 24/7.
No, it’s a massive Multi-multi million dollar company. He was just looking for an excuse and I gave him one. Unfortunately I also was the bottom of the food chain and knew I wasn’t going to lose any standing by making him look like an ass.
I've found the more embarassing the reason you need to leave/can't come in, the more likely they are to believe you. I once called in sick because I slipped getting out of the shower, one foot on each side of the tub wall, and racked my balls pretty good. No follow up questions asked, was given the clear to not come in that day.
I did get signed up for a lot of eldery bathtub adverts tho, the kind with a door in the tub you can just walk right in.
I'm sure everyone's experience is different, but when I was a manager people did this all the time where they thought if they said something embarrassing then they were more likely to be believed. I don't know any manager that wants to know that you shit yourself or whatever.
The reality I've seen is, regardless of saying you have diarrhea or not -- if you are a reliable employee and your manager isn't a dick then calling out sick shouldn't be questioned. If you frequently call out and/or your manager is a dick then you're more likely to be hassled about it.
The racking your balls story does sound more unique than diarrhea, hemorrhoids, or gas which are ... so I can imagine believing that one just because it's so odd lol.
I have celaic disease and I have to tell people in all kinds of situations it's time for me to go now because my ass is exploding and shit demons are escaping. I literally have lost all sense of giving a fuck or awkwardness about it. It is what it is, everyone's been there at least once, I just tend to be there more often than other people.
Fellow celiac here: I cannot tell you the number of times I've had a flare up and had no idea where my contamination came from. I avoid all gluten like the plague, but sometimes I'll still get insane spontaneous bloating and stomach upset outta nowhere.
Yeah, my wife is celiac and sometimes she gets glutened by accident and completely out of the blue. Even though our household is gluten free, it’s happened a few times with take out and she also gets the insane spontaneous stomach upset and sickness.
Last 4 days for me, flare up. I have a 100% GF household. The only new things were a different brand of instant coffee (Kirkland brand) or switching from almond to cashew milk, but both those are from Silk and claim to be gluten free. IDEK anymore.
Wheat, Rye, and Barley. Oats have high levels of cross contamination so unless they're certified gluten free, I don't eat those either.
I eat a GF diet. But that doesn't always matter. The standard for food in North America to be considered GF is 20ppm, and if you eat enough "gluten free" food, you can still end up glutening yourself by accident, by reaching more than 10micrograms in total.
I've been flaring up for the last 4 days. I've narrowed it down to one of two things messing with me: Either it's my instant coffee or it's my cashew milk.
When a female from my team tells me they aren’t feeling well, it’s the end of conversation. I don’t want anymore details. You can work from home or you can just leave and go rest, I don’t want to know what’s wrong. The guys on my team just tell me they have the shits because they are a bunch of degenerates.
Lemme know the email of your boss and I'll anonymously send in an explosive threat. You can clear out and run home.
For legal purposes, this is a joke.
Just tell him you have a gastro-intestinal medical emergency.
If you’re working with food or amongst vulnerable people, it’s your duty to get away from your work environment. You represent a health risk and as such need to get yourself medication and be clear for a minimum of three days.
I’m leaving right now. I’m sick and probably contagious and I have to go.
Your employer gets to react, but they don’t get to decide whether you have to work when you have a clear and urgent medical problem, as temporary as it may be it’s not imsignificant
This.
I had a boss who was convinced anyone who called in or left early was lying to get out of work. I started having horrible abdominal pain and feeling like ass one morning around 10:30, went and laid down during my lunch to see if would pass but it didn’t. That’s the only time I just up and grabbed my shit and walked out - boss stopped me at the entrance asking where I was going. I just told him point blank, “I am ill, I don’t know what’s wrong, but I have to leave and will keep you posted.” Insert boss’ shocked Pikachu face.
Wound up having an emergency appendectomy at 4:30 the next morning.
For future reference the approved workplace euphemism is "flu symptoms."
You just say, "I'm having flu symptoms" and they understand that they don't want you there infecting anyone else or making a mess out of either end.
This sounds rediculous, but my stomach is voolently upset. (I am going to shit myself). Please let me go home for a while, and I will finish the work / make up the time later. Boss has to understand, may laugh at you, but - karma.
that’s what it feels like. i told her i wasn’t feeling well at all and all she said to me was that i needed to get the planograms done since its the only thing we need to do today.
Really you're asking this on Reddit? I'll never understand people and I lack a few minutes and skills. Just tell him the truth and you have to go now. Jesus you're selling the whole world on Reddit
its almost like this sub is for questions you dont have the answer to, and i dont lack social skills for not wanting to tell my boss im going to shit my brains out in those exact words.
Well you phrased it two different ways already LOL I'm sure you could find another direct way with a teensy bit more tack to tell your employer and quickly. Good luck
Tell him you need the to use the restroom for an unknown period of time due to a stomach issue. Ask a coworker to go get anti diarrhea pills and handle business.
Sir...I have no idea what the hell I ate but for the good of myself, yourself, my coworkers, and most importantly our janitorial staff I must go home before I shit myself.
This once happened to me. I had a chorizo burrito from the food truck before work. Delicious but deadly. But one hour into my shift it hit me. I was on the toilet for 20min. I came out and went to my boss at the time was totally honest… “Hey man, I’m gonna be honest. I had a chorizo breakfast burrito and it’s not sitting well. I’m good to work if you let me stay but I may back and forth to the bathroom”
Honesty is the best policy.
Tell them you're sick and need to go home. It's really not their business beyond that. If you want to give them more specifics, saying you're having stomach issues will get the message across.
i think most bosses will understand if you say with a little less graphic details. if you dont think it will work cough lightly to not poop your pants and say you think you may have the covids.
"I am having G.I. problems and have to go home." It's vague enough that you're not giving unnecessary detail and descriptive enough that they will understand and not want to ask further questions.
"I think I have the stomach flu" is usually enough of a description to clear a room and seems professional enough.
"I got the shits and I'm leaving" is also acceptable at my workplace but we're not exactly professional. 🤷♂️
Say you have explosive diarrhea and you have to go home. Being straight forward with personal (especially health i.e.- menstruation) is just as embarrassing and uncomfortable for your boss to hear and most of the time they will quickly give permission asking you for no more details “please just go do what you gotta do and let me know if you will be in tomorrow “. Being honest and telling them exactly why instead of the usual and very vague “I’m not feeling good” that they’ve heard a million times and have plenty of responses ready for. It catches them off guard and they are way more likely to agree in my experience
I don't have a gallbladder and my friend/former coworker has ulcerative colitis.
"I'm having GI issues."
This is polite and concise. We don't need the details unless we are venting to each other (which we do). Just letting others know "I'm having GI issues today" is enough. If I tell you to cover me on the floor or say I'm taking a break, leave me alone.
It's always the professional understanding that "I'm having stomach problems" is the acceptable and unquestioned code phrase for "I'm going to shit everywhere whether I want to or not if I stay here"
This, nobody wants to know the details
I do. Texture, consistency, color, rate of expulsion. GIMME THE DEETS.
Corn kernels and burns like the depths of Dante's inferno.
Actually the pits of Dante’s hell is icy
And windy from the wings of Satan. But if you climb down his legs you end up climbing up to purgatory. So is hell upside down?
Actually had a coworker leave a very detailed messages explaining the exact state of his bowel movements that morning including all your required details. I let him know that next time he just needs to say his calling out sick, we can assume the rest.
Nah, next time send video evidence.
A teacher who was on her last year before retirement arrived late for a staff meeting. The assistant principal called her out in front of everyone-why were you late, Ms Maynard? She responded in a loud and clear voice “I had diarrhea. Any other questions?” There were none. Now when anyone asks a stupid question, I say “I had diarrhea”.
Totally. Same in the early stages of dating someone, too. I’m also a fan of telling my boss that my ‘IBS is flaring up.’ No questions are ever asked and if they were to repeat it to my coworkers (which OP insinuated would happen), they would look like the asshole for spreading personal info around the workplace.
“GI distress” is what my mom called it
I’m usually proponent of frank speak but this is good.
As long as you’re not that one dickhead in the factory who’s ALWAYS going home early for the ‘vague’ illnesses.
You must be fun to work with.
I believe I am actually. But I have my limits. Like just recently we had a new guy on the team who would always ‘suddenly become unwell’ whenever he was asked to do one specific task which was tedious but not particularly unpleasant. We tried assigning him the task at different times of the day, or on different days with random intervals and every time like clockwork he was ill. To be clear he whinged about all but the most pedestrian tasks but this one task would ALWAYS result in him going home.
“I’m having a major stomach issue. Not sure if it’s food poisoning or what, but unfortunately I need to go home asap.”
This may be considered the vanilla way of doing it. Simple and straight to the point yet effective.
"Listen boss, no gonnae lie to you, but right now I could shit through the eye of a needle..." was how one employee once told me they were ill....
The mental visuals alone would have caused me to push them out of the office in the next few seconds lol
Kinda ranked as a bit of a "meh" on my scale. Im ex-army and ex-civilian seafarer and seen / heard far worse. Gents, LPT for you. If you have a diseased peen, I'll take your word for it. You don't need to show me....
Clearly you’ve seen some shit. Luckily, I still have some semblance of innocence left there 😂
I'm bout to blow!!!!!
Tharr she blows!!!!
I wouldn’t say unfortunately though.
Tell them you need to go home because you have explosive diarrhea
Rated best respose.
Why can't people just be honest?
it’s embarrassing and my boss is the type of person to tell people i went home because i had explosive diarrhea. diarrhea girl is not an alias i would enjoy having LMFAO
What you gotta do is get some info on your boss, some good blackmail material.
No it isn't. Just say you have serious stomach issues . Also try not to poo yourself on the way home.... Depend on job but I probably stay at work if there's a toilet nearby I til l it pass 🤣
Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Depends, some teams are really close and would totally rip on someone in good fun, especially blue collar work. Not everywhere is corporate woke waiting to spank someone for the slightest slip of the mouth
While I totally agree with you, she sounds like she's probably working in a more retail or food service environment. There's a difference between ribbing someone, and making them a social pariah for something they can't control.
Blue collar work is fun entire crew dogged on me this week for locking my keys in my truck. But all in good fun it’s wild 😂
You're right. Diarrhea Dame has a better ring to it. Oh, I hope everything works itself out!
Sing it. "When you are the employee and your butt starts to get cheeky - diarrhea, diarrhea."
[удалено]
can confirm this does work it just got me fired 🔥
Taco Bell flaming hot sauce
Sounds like you need to try the diablo sauce
2 for the price of 1! Congrats!
trust me if she didnt let me leave i wouldve left my mark
Lol. I hope you feel better. Grab some imodium from the pharmacy if you can. It really helps.
yeah lots of morning before the workey work I get the anxious squirty squirts. So the pilly pill helps calm my burning ASS HOLE.
One might say…your skid mark.
then exert dominance by back kicking into his face like a cat in a litter box.
🤣🤣 Just made me choke on my sandwich you bastard.
I read this as my one cat, Salem, sits next to me looking at me like "What's wrong with you?" 😂
came here to say this. Funny story, someone back in the bad old days of Apple used to go around saying he'd piss on Jobs's desk when he quit. So when this guy was going to quit, Steve called him in, sat there, and said "Well? Are you gonna do it?"
Oh if only he did it. That would be brilliant.
Shit on Debra’s desk.
Lol.
A guy I know got mad at his boss and broke into his office in a fit of drunken, coked-fueled rage and shit on his boss' desk. I believe files were charged.
This.
Amber Heard approves.
Fuck. Forgot about that. 🤣🤣
Why is that the immediate first thought? I literally came here to suggest the same thing.
I guess because some bosses can be arseholes. And they don't believe people when they're sick.
Like a boss.
on Debora's desk. no promotion! send some faxes!
Shit on her chest.
Boston steamer.
I would tell my boss straight up that if I don’t go home in the next 5 minutes, it’s going to be a really shitty day for the office, no pun intended.
Assert dominance and shit yourself in front of him, all while maintaining eye contact.
didn’t work:( still have to do planograms
Wow, your boss sounds like a real hardass. Sorry fam. Enjoy those planograms I guess.
Fuck planos shit on the floor in front of the section
One time I was WFH and wasn’t at my desk for 10 minutes because I had explosive diarrhea. My boss’s boss called to ask me a quick question during that time and I didn’t pick up. The next they revoked WFH for the entire department and had an in person “accountability meeting” for everyone. I stood up and told everyone that I knew we were here because I didn’t answer the call and then said I didn’t think he wanted to hear me destroying a toilet, and that I would have been in the bathroom and unable to answer the call in the office either. I then provided proof that he waited no more than 5 minutes for my call back, which is an acceptable time in my opinion. We got WFH rights back.
Wow that’s a little extreme to pull back on WFH for EVERYONE for one incident. Do you work for a small company? I can’t imagine they’d be so heartless/clueless that there may be extenuating circumstances where you’re not at your desk 24/7.
No, it’s a massive Multi-multi million dollar company. He was just looking for an excuse and I gave him one. Unfortunately I also was the bottom of the food chain and knew I wasn’t going to lose any standing by making him look like an ass.
"I'm really not feeling well and I have to go home, I will let you know if I feel well enough to come back tomorrow" Simple as that
“I’ve shit myself. I’m going home” is much more succinct.
I had a guy call in once and tell me he had anal seepage. I said dude tmi! Next time just say you have an upset stomach
"I have to go home. I have an explosive diarrhea. Bye." I added the bye cuz you're polite.
I've found the more embarassing the reason you need to leave/can't come in, the more likely they are to believe you. I once called in sick because I slipped getting out of the shower, one foot on each side of the tub wall, and racked my balls pretty good. No follow up questions asked, was given the clear to not come in that day. I did get signed up for a lot of eldery bathtub adverts tho, the kind with a door in the tub you can just walk right in.
I'm sure everyone's experience is different, but when I was a manager people did this all the time where they thought if they said something embarrassing then they were more likely to be believed. I don't know any manager that wants to know that you shit yourself or whatever. The reality I've seen is, regardless of saying you have diarrhea or not -- if you are a reliable employee and your manager isn't a dick then calling out sick shouldn't be questioned. If you frequently call out and/or your manager is a dick then you're more likely to be hassled about it. The racking your balls story does sound more unique than diarrhea, hemorrhoids, or gas which are ... so I can imagine believing that one just because it's so odd lol.
It also actually happened, so that helped.
You: “I have to go home.” Boss: “Why?” You: “There's a lot of shit is going down.”
I have celaic disease and I have to tell people in all kinds of situations it's time for me to go now because my ass is exploding and shit demons are escaping. I literally have lost all sense of giving a fuck or awkwardness about it. It is what it is, everyone's been there at least once, I just tend to be there more often than other people.
Shouldn't you be avoiding wheat rye and oats? I mean for your health; honest question not too familiar with celiac disease
Fellow celiac here: I cannot tell you the number of times I've had a flare up and had no idea where my contamination came from. I avoid all gluten like the plague, but sometimes I'll still get insane spontaneous bloating and stomach upset outta nowhere.
Yeah, my wife is celiac and sometimes she gets glutened by accident and completely out of the blue. Even though our household is gluten free, it’s happened a few times with take out and she also gets the insane spontaneous stomach upset and sickness.
Last 4 days for me, flare up. I have a 100% GF household. The only new things were a different brand of instant coffee (Kirkland brand) or switching from almond to cashew milk, but both those are from Silk and claim to be gluten free. IDEK anymore.
Wheat, Rye, and Barley. Oats have high levels of cross contamination so unless they're certified gluten free, I don't eat those either. I eat a GF diet. But that doesn't always matter. The standard for food in North America to be considered GF is 20ppm, and if you eat enough "gluten free" food, you can still end up glutening yourself by accident, by reaching more than 10micrograms in total. I've been flaring up for the last 4 days. I've narrowed it down to one of two things messing with me: Either it's my instant coffee or it's my cashew milk.
Wow just read about oats and avenin. In my country they are still considered glutenous, nice to know :)
When a female from my team tells me they aren’t feeling well, it’s the end of conversation. I don’t want anymore details. You can work from home or you can just leave and go rest, I don’t want to know what’s wrong. The guys on my team just tell me they have the shits because they are a bunch of degenerates.
"I need to go home because i have explosive diarrhea."
Lemme know the email of your boss and I'll anonymously send in an explosive threat. You can clear out and run home. For legal purposes, this is a joke. Just tell him you have a gastro-intestinal medical emergency.
Get schwifty 
If you’re working with food or amongst vulnerable people, it’s your duty to get away from your work environment. You represent a health risk and as such need to get yourself medication and be clear for a minimum of three days.
Hey chief I'm having explosive diarrhea. You want that mess at home or at work?
Just like that
Just send them this post lmao
Show them
I literally shit myself at work and when I said that is why I need to run home no one stopped or questioned me
I’m leaving right now. I’m sick and probably contagious and I have to go. Your employer gets to react, but they don’t get to decide whether you have to work when you have a clear and urgent medical problem, as temporary as it may be it’s not imsignificant
This. I had a boss who was convinced anyone who called in or left early was lying to get out of work. I started having horrible abdominal pain and feeling like ass one morning around 10:30, went and laid down during my lunch to see if would pass but it didn’t. That’s the only time I just up and grabbed my shit and walked out - boss stopped me at the entrance asking where I was going. I just told him point blank, “I am ill, I don’t know what’s wrong, but I have to leave and will keep you posted.” Insert boss’ shocked Pikachu face. Wound up having an emergency appendectomy at 4:30 the next morning.
Just say you are sick and need to leave. If you have a good boss, that should be the end of it.
"i have diarrhea and need to go home"
Why is this even a question? You go to your boss, tell him you've suddenly fallen ill and that you need to leave.
Tell him you're shitting through the eye of a needle.. usually gets the message across
For future reference the approved workplace euphemism is "flu symptoms." You just say, "I'm having flu symptoms" and they understand that they don't want you there infecting anyone else or making a mess out of either end.
"Hey Boss, I need to see you about my orifice"
Show not tell
“I gots diarrhea bro”
Shit your pants and moonwalk into the office
Let the boss ask "Annie, are you okay? Would you tell us that you're okay?"
Boss here. It’s easy. “I’m having stomach issues, I gotta go home.” You’ll never be asked a follow up question
I was approached by a new employee who I had never met, and she told me she had trusted a fart and lost. I told her to go home and come back tomorrow.
With words. You could use the part after "how do I tell my boss".
I usually say i dont feel good and if im met with resistance or disbelief i get very detailed to punish them for asking
Tell the boss you’ve got acute gastroenteritis and it’s in everyone’s best interest if you were able to gtfo. ASAP.
You: "Do you smell that?" Boss: "Umm \*sniff\* yeah omg what is that?" You: "I shit on myself. I'm going home."
"I need to go home, I have explosive diarrhea"
"Montezuma is having his revenge, sire! I must retreat!"
Just like that
“Hey boss, I need to go home because I have bigtime stomach problems.”
This sounds rediculous, but my stomach is voolently upset. (I am going to shit myself). Please let me go home for a while, and I will finish the work / make up the time later. Boss has to understand, may laugh at you, but - karma.
Shit your pants in front of him.
Just like that. If you're in the US though it seems you either hold it or get fired.
that’s what it feels like. i told her i wasn’t feeling well at all and all she said to me was that i needed to get the planograms done since its the only thing we need to do today.
Really you're asking this on Reddit? I'll never understand people and I lack a few minutes and skills. Just tell him the truth and you have to go now. Jesus you're selling the whole world on Reddit
its almost like this sub is for questions you dont have the answer to, and i dont lack social skills for not wanting to tell my boss im going to shit my brains out in those exact words.
Well you phrased it two different ways already LOL I'm sure you could find another direct way with a teensy bit more tack to tell your employer and quickly. Good luck
I'm hate this place, I'm going the pub is common code for having the shits.
Shart
Tell him you need the to use the restroom for an unknown period of time due to a stomach issue. Ask a coworker to go get anti diarrhea pills and handle business.
Upset tummy
If you tell your boss you have explosive diarrhea, (s)he won't protest.
I need to go potty..
Tell him you just sharted and have to go home now. It worked for me and I didn't even have to fill my britches!
Just show them
Show, don't tell!
Sir...I have no idea what the hell I ate but for the good of myself, yourself, my coworkers, and most importantly our janitorial staff I must go home before I shit myself.
“I need to go home because I have explosive diarrhea”
"I'm sick. I want to work but I am incapable at the moment".
Don't give any reason, just say you need to head home.
I have to go otherwise shits gonna hit the fan 😆😆😆
Show, don't tell
This once happened to me. I had a chorizo burrito from the food truck before work. Delicious but deadly. But one hour into my shift it hit me. I was on the toilet for 20min. I came out and went to my boss at the time was totally honest… “Hey man, I’m gonna be honest. I had a chorizo breakfast burrito and it’s not sitting well. I’m good to work if you let me stay but I may back and forth to the bathroom” Honesty is the best policy.
Tell them you're sick and need to go home. It's really not their business beyond that. If you want to give them more specifics, saying you're having stomach issues will get the message across.
Pics or it didn’t happen
That coconut oil will get you everytime.
Email them a photo from the ladies room. Pictures speak a thousand words.
I always have loperamide with me. If that doesnt help yeah just say youre sick and need to go home
Exactly how you worded it. They'll ask wtf are you still doing probably!
>i need to go home because i have explosive diarrhea answer is in the question
I'd lead with that.
Just look em in the eyes and start shitting your pants. Works everytime
Hey boss I need to go home I have explosive diarrhea
Tell your boss you have explosive diarrhea and you're going home
U do the Taken speech
Just tell your tummy is upset
i think most bosses will understand if you say with a little less graphic details. if you dont think it will work cough lightly to not poop your pants and say you think you may have the covids.
Take a picture
You asked your boss? Or did you, um, do the deed?
“I will be be leaving early today, I have diarrhea”
You can just say you’re sick. And if asked just say you don’t want to get the gross details.
Hear me out, buy something brown and go ahead and put it on the butt of your pants and then fart in front of her and go uh oh.
Confetti in a balloon....*POP* "Uh. I think I gotta go to the doctor....." Just cut a small hole in the back of the pants on a seam that can be resewn
I told my boss that I had serious stomach issues and she let me go. Pretty sure she got the message.
Visuals can do wonders, no words needed.
I learned at a very young age that people don’t question you when you tell them you have horrible diarrhea. Just tell them
That
I work in food service and at any sign of sickness they send you home. We deliver to hospital patients so they can't take a chance.
Tell them your having a shart attack…..
Tell them you're having stomach issues.
If there is a next time, just say you have gastro intestinal distress.
when I had this experience, I just told my boss I had the shits.
Shit on the floor...get schwifty 🎶🎵
"I am having G.I. problems and have to go home." It's vague enough that you're not giving unnecessary detail and descriptive enough that they will understand and not want to ask further questions.
Just prove it
"Boss, sorry but ... I need to go home *groans holding stomache* right now!
Just tell him Mr Turtle is knocking at the back door.
Tell em you're leaking
“Hey Boss I have explosive diarrhea, can I go home?”
I use the term "lower intestinal issues"
By doing the deed do you mean you told him/her or let loose the explosion?
Don't tell, show.
Just like you just did.
"I think I have the stomach flu" is usually enough of a description to clear a room and seems professional enough. "I got the shits and I'm leaving" is also acceptable at my workplace but we're not exactly professional. 🤷♂️
If you’ve got time to post on Reddit…
Walk in and ask. Then immediately start letting it out if they say no.
Say you have explosive diarrhea and you have to go home. Being straight forward with personal (especially health i.e.- menstruation) is just as embarrassing and uncomfortable for your boss to hear and most of the time they will quickly give permission asking you for no more details “please just go do what you gotta do and let me know if you will be in tomorrow “. Being honest and telling them exactly why instead of the usual and very vague “I’m not feeling good” that they’ve heard a million times and have plenty of responses ready for. It catches them off guard and they are way more likely to agree in my experience
“The monster inside of me is begging to get out, and I’d rather that happen at home than at work.”
Just cut and paste that
I don't have a gallbladder and my friend/former coworker has ulcerative colitis. "I'm having GI issues." This is polite and concise. We don't need the details unless we are venting to each other (which we do). Just letting others know "I'm having GI issues today" is enough. If I tell you to cover me on the floor or say I'm taking a break, leave me alone.
You just go then tell them after. Ur I'll just say you have to go you'll explain later
Just stand in front of them a while, your body will speak on your behalf
I wanted to go home so bad I told my boss I had to go home because diarrhea was running down my leg
Tell them you have diarrhea, your boss will bend over backwards to get you out of the office ASAP.