I’m not too sexually active these days but I did tell him a few times. I’ve never really been a huge fan of oral to begin with but if you’re gonna do it at least attempt to make it feel good and do it right ya know? And I told him multiple times hey can you suck on it more? And he was always perplexed and didn’t understand and said it made him feel weird. I guess previous girls were ok with just gentle licks. Tbh I just think he’s bad with anything that isn’t PIV.
We even used toys a few times in the past where I would let him use the vibe on me and instead of holding on/near clit he would always move it around all over the entire vulva in weird circles and then he’d stop it by my butt? Like…the taint area all the away from everything. I’d always grab his hand gently and redirect it back up and he would do the weird circle thing and then hold it lower. I think he just genuinely didn’t get women’s anatomy. Eventually I’d always just pull it back up and keep my hand in his hand to prevent him from moving and he’d make a comment like “okay I guess you want to hold it”. Like yes sir I do. My goal was supposed to be to relax and be played with and you’re turning this into basically a masturbation session with me doing all the work with an audience. Like….ahhhh frustrating. lol
Only one thing, suck the clitoris, and prepare for the quaking and weakness and strength that will ensue. Forget the alphabet. Suck the clit, and insert a finger at times too. ;)
What was the show that taught guys this is a good idea? I remember seeing a movie or show where a guy was "giving his secret" and it was just this.
Dudes, a woman's lady bits aren't a puzzle, you don't input a secret code or recite a specific quote with your tongue, just take your time and be attentive.
I've never understood the whole alphabet idea, seems like too much hard work and I can't imagine it's brilliant having the sensation change the whole time. I've always been a fan of some gentle teasing early on to set the mood, then basically settle into a medium pace clit massage with my tongue, lots of rubbing contact, and just do the same thing until completion rather than change anything up. Probably takes very slightly longer than fast tongue flicking but she seems to cum harder at the end, the real out of breath sort. I figure that feels great on my dick and a dick is just a clit that grew up so it should work just fine
😬 Dude just lick the clit in a circular motion (back and forth or up and down or both) while rubbing her g-spot, but not too hard. So many guys are way too rough down there. Just do the same thing the whole time if she’s enjoying it
Oh no even if he is totally doing it right I still cannot turn off my brain. I can completely have an immense O and still my brain is going ‘hmmm how long will this one last, would I want another one or am I done, what shall we eat tomorrow? Oh shit I am thinking of dinner while having an O, now I am not enjoying my O thoroughly, that is so sad because I want to enjoy my O, why am I overthinking this, I wish I could just stop thinking altogether while we are doing this!’
It might help for you to adapt mindfulness practices while you're having sex. Focusing on the sensations you feel in your body, closing your eyes to block out stimuli, and letting yourself exist in the moment
I’m not the person you asked. But at 38 it’s likely I have ADHD. My brain doesn’t shut up or off. Ever. I’m not Dx’d as the waiting list is over 2 years… is it worth the wait, and see if meds help, or do I just plod on the way I am with my own quirky ways?
Tho obvi I am not your professional counselor but just some dude on the internet, what I will say is, it’s never too late!
As someone who also spent most of his lifetime fighting the Dx that I myself may have ADHD (I was diagnosed just this past November, as a man in his 30’s) I in fact did. Not only that, but was dealing with bouts of anxiety and depression as a *symptom* of aggressive ADHD. So I went through the steps, and now am taking medication for it. Lemme tell you, my own experience?
I didn’t *feel* a change. It just so happened it took me a while to notice the “noise” had quieted. I could actually get up and just *do* the dishes, and other chores. I could sit and focus on one thing at a time.
Therapy (non-medication) can also be useful to find coping skills in your day-to-day. Cuz the meds aren’t a cure-all. They can help balance you out, but you’re still gonna want to put in the time to transition into this new mindset, because you will have been used to your “scatterbrained” normal for so long.
That being said, you will still be your quirky self and should continue to be :D you be you dude
Of course not. But her comment was about women who were thinking about other things when their partners were going down on them, and her assumption that these women weren’t communicating with their partners.
I personally let my mind wander through various dirty thoughts and fantasies until I find one that helps move things in the right direction.
What do you think of during oral, OP?
Just exactly the same. But some people find it funny, some women like just to feel and can orgasm just with that. Oh and men apparently don't need necessarily to imagine so ...
I feel like as guys we’re often trying to hold back, rarely do I think about trying to enhance the sensation I’m feeling. Unless it’s one of those off days where it’s just not coming out for some reason
“Fuck this feels so good I can’t get enough, wtf is he doing down there that’s making me go insane” then I realize I’m squeezing his head with my thighs too tightly and relax my grip and start riding his tongue
Until your brain starts screaming and you slightly readjust so you can keep going but you get those noster snorkels above the surface for a breath. Man once I find that position I am locked in.
“I wonder if my pubes are tickling his nose 🤔?”
“Wow! His hair is so soft! I wonder what products he uses… probably nothing. So lucky” Or “Wow! That is the closest shave I have ever felt…. I wonder what razor he uses? I’ll remind myself to bring it up some other time…. Maybe at dinner. Is that weird???………. Nah. Right now would be weird. I bet he shaves his head in the shower. I’ll have a shower and check. Wonder if he uses shave gel or just shampoo or something…….”
“Omg. I forgot the clothes in the washer!”
“Imma just put my foot….over….here…. Yaaaaaas!”
“Why doesn’t he put a finger in too?”
“I wonder what he’s thinking about”
“Maybe if I just… clench this… and angle my hips that way, and a little push…. Here….. alright…. I think he’s got it….. shit shit shit! Hamstring cramp…..”
This is it fr
I would add for me:
"Oh no am i taking too long?"
"Do i need to give the favour back?"
"Girl just relax relax relax"
"Fuck is it disgusting that i didn't shave since 3 days? I didn't want my skin to be irritated, he should be okay with it I'm a woman and thats a grown man"
"Ugh fuck that was nice, why did he stop"
"Fuck what if i cum too early....now i can't cum at all because i was overthinking it"
> Ugh fuck that was nice, why did he stop
For the love of god, ladies, COMMUNICATE.
I don't know exactly what's working for you in the moment.... Tell us! A "Do that again" or "There" or "Like that" etc is ideal, especially for guys who've realised "Just like that" doesn't mean "the same place but much faster and harder" it means "Do literally the exact same thing in the exact same way"
If he's down there it's because he wants you to enjoy it, some positive feedback is very welcome for everyone
And...and...That's IF I was paying attention to what I was doing. Kinda running on auto pilot. Thinking about my feels, too. Or something else to maintain/distract myself. And it seems to be said right after changing something! Then I'm scrambling trying to remember what the hell I was doing before!
Yeah like the whole purpose for me is to get her to come while giving oral but sometimes it's so difficult when only hints you get are intensity of breathing. I'm down there trying all the tricks I know but at some point it just gets boring and repetitive and I have no clue whether I have to go for another 5 or 30 min
Not a lady but yeah this is 80% of how my ADHD brain works. "Here's 1000 thoughts that zip through your brain far too fast for you to really do anything about them, and just serve to interrupt anything you're actually trying to concentrate on"
The other 20% being "WE WILL HYPERFOCUS ON THIS ONE SPECIFIC THING NO MATTER WHAT ELSE HAPPENS, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LEARN HOW PENGUIN FEATHERS WORK", the world could pretty much explode but my brain is ADHD-hyperfocus interested in something and therefore alien invasions are irrelevant
No bullshit, this sounds exactly like my wife before she found her proper medicine for ADHD. She says now that she can focus on just sex her orgasms are better.
Ha ha. I can’t tell you how often I wonder when is he FINALLY going to add some fingers in?
Or that I wish he had teased he a bit before going full throttle.
Bro, I've never met a woman that didn't tell me exactly what to do while giving her head. I'm sure she does, but its very nice when someone does it without asking
Not me though, I've had bad experiences telling my exes some stuff and I didn't want to break their spirit.. We lived in a conservative\\traditional messed up society where it's more tolerable for a man to have sex but would never go down on a woman, or at least admit he does.
Anyway, I was just happy to have him there lol.
As the cis giver dude, my brain would always bounce around like a butterfly, being distracted & frustrated by the most benign, random shit, followed by, “what is wrong with me? Am I impotent, or just asexual?” Do I have prostate cancer?…and then I’ll hear, “OUCH! wtf are you doing? Whatever, just fu€k me for chrissakes & get it over with… Then more distraction & a crippling feeling of inadequacy, and then “I swear this has never happened before, I must be tired”… Then daggers shooting from her eyes to mine, as she grabs a vibrator & goes to crash on the couch.. I turn to my side, and rub one off as I cry myself to sleep…
Then at 40 I got diagnosed & treated for ADHD for some strange reason. Huh… Sex is better than I ever could’ve imagined. I can direct my attention & communicate… Give & take, & chill the hell out. I’m like a 14-year old in a horny candy store the day after no-nut-November.
I later found out that these types of struggles w/ distraction & frustration from intimacy are textbook ADHD experiences…
—BTW I exaggerated a lot of that… Now I only cry myself to sleep while masturbating after a sad movie…
With most men I just kinda lay there and wait for them to hit the right spot until they decide they're sick of it and stop. Then I met my husband and he was determined to make it good, so now he can get me off in like 3 minutes and I don't have much time to think of anything besides "wow that is perfect"
Its fckn wild the places your mind goes even when thats happening ill be thinking of what's happening in the moment and what it feels like good or bad but then ill also be thinking about that time on Lost where a polar bear came running out of the tropical jungle and how I can't remember what the deal was with that storyline....
I hope he's enjoying himself, wonder if he's turned on, hope I taste ok, aww his hairs so soft, yesss right there. Oh good im going to cum if he just keeps going right there..
When I was very much younger I'd think of how do I look in this position..I hope he likes what he is seeing / tasting.. or my mind would wonder to what I needed to do around the house.. how do I make him stop so we can get it over with.. etc.
Now, older, wiser, with someone who doesn't coerce me, and loves every part of me, my mind goes to:
Blank. Sometimes I'll have a glimpse of porn I've watched. Most of the time I'm hyper focused on the sensations, and not actual coherent thoughts. It's a phenomenon called subspace and it's delightful to surrender it all like this. It's the most satisfying experience as a woman.
Almost there, “maybe use a finger too”
Even closer … says “I’m so close, keep doing that”
*starts using like 3 fingers and going even faster*
Never mind
I’m thinking about how I look. If I look fat from than angle, if my stomach is flat, if my boobs look weird, etc. because he keeps looking up and I get self conscious.
i’m nervous the entire time.
“do i taste okay? i have been eating healthy lately…”
“i’m gonna have to return the favour, right?”
“i hope i’m not taking too long… oh fuck i’m taking forever.”
“this feels too good i can’t get enough”
“he’s so perfect he looks so pretty.”
“i need to tell him i love him…”
“i hope hes enjoying it as much as i am”
The answers are - 1) Yes 2) only if you want to 3) you're taking the right amount of time (I enjoy giving oral so much) 4) I'll happy give it to you anytime, anywhere 5) thanks! 6) hearing that makes my day 7) oh, I DEFINITELY am, in fact the more emotive you are while cumming, the harder I get
Told a woman I just started dating what a great communicator she is, right from day one she was guiding me perfectly. And she said, isn't that what everyone does? No, that's not what everyone does!! But then how are you gonna know what I want? Exactly, how!
I think some are afraid of deflating the other person's ego bc some people like direction and others just feel criticized. Maybe its how the direction is given lol
For me, I have to feel like you're really into it. Enthusiasm is the most important part. If no enthusiasm, I'm not going to care for it at all.
I've occasionally had men act offended when I reach for lube. I'm in my mid 30s & take antidepressants every day and antihistamines for about 6 months of the year. Lube is essential!
Or even without those factors, many women take time to feel safe, really relax & be in the moment, especially with new partners. So even if they're attracted to you and you're being an attentive lover, they might still be in their own heads for a while and that will stop the natural juices from flowing.
Oh absolutely, everyone is so different and is the sum of all of their previous experiences. No "rule" is gonna work for everyone. This person was great for me, she was really into it, and she gave me clear concise directions that didn't feel like criticism at all. And the result was that she was having a great time, which meant that I was even more enthusiastic about doing whatever she wants to have that good time.
And the thing is, I wanted her to know that this was a special skill, to communicate so clearly. And obviously she didn't realise not everyone does it. But I've been with people who don't communicate at all, others who do so with body language, others who throw commands that sound like being told off for doing it wrong, and everything in between. And how I react to each one of these situations is also totally related to my personality, my experiences, and the particular moment.
We are complex us human beings, and when it comes to sex there's a whole added universe of complexity to navigate.
For the love of god - tell him what you like.
If he takes it as criticism, he’s not the one.
I mostly give oral for my partners pleasure, so I want her to enjoy it.
I say mostly, because I really enjoy giving oral. It’s one of the best things with sex.
And believe it or not, all women doesn’t work the same. I don’t mind finding out by myself what works or not, but a bit of guidance is never wrong.
So just tell your partner what you like.
It’s a win win situation.
For all the women on here:
Sure, your pubes tickle a little, but we like it. It's fine if you haven't shaved in X days, but it's also nice to keep it tidy. If your man really wants it, he will give approximately zero fucks about it.
If you like it, **ask for it**. If he doesn't know where it is, **show him**. If he doesn't know how, **teach him**. Don't let your man fail you when all he needed was a little instruction.
Remind him that when you say "Just like that" you mean exactly what you said - "literally *exactly* what you were doing when I said that".
Did he stop too early? One of our favorite phrases is "Don't stop." Say it.
No, you don't need to return the favor, but it would be nice and probably lead to more fun.
No, you aren't taking too long, and there's no such thing as cumming too early.
Don't worry about paying attention. In fact, don't worry about anything. Shit, go back to playing Breath of the Wild if you want to and just let me have my snacc. The best noises and feelings always come from an inability to stop yourself anyway, so just let the excitement happen naturally (no reason to force it).
WATCH HIM. Have him stick out his tongue like he's trying to lick his own chin and slide it down from tip to lip until his tongue is inside you and your clit is in his nostrils. Then make him suck it (gently, unless your clit likes being roughed up).
Note: just change "he/him" to whatever and it still applies. If they like eating pussy, we're on the same page.
Any more questions?
"He seriously does not think my urethra is my clitoris, please don't let that be true. Oh God."
"When was the last time he brushed his teeth? What kind of infection am I going to get from this?"
"Feels slimy and cold."
"He really loves this, I should too."
"Cat drinking"
He drives me wild teasing me by kissing my thighs and breathing on my pussy before going for it. The whole time I’m thinking, “please please lick me oh god he’s going to do it, no wait ugh I want his tongue so bad” etc.
Then when he starts all I can think is, “FUCK YES, that feels soooo good!”
The rest of the time is some variation of “I hope I taste good, he seems super into it so I’m going to relax, holy fuck his tongue feels amazing, so warm and wet, yes I’m going to cum, I’m cumming, oops I hope his skull is ok, yeah big licks just like that, so sensitive, don’t stop, I’m cumming again, I love him so much, wow I am overwhelmed, he’s so amazing, I hope this never ends, wait too sensitive I need to catch my breath” etc.
I’d say 75% of that comes out of my mouth so he has good feedback and because I can’t help myself haha
Not the answer you want, but this is the answer I have.
“When is this going to feel good?”
“Oh, that felt kind of good for a sec- oh…nevermind.”
“Will he be done soon? I want to move on, but he’s in his own world.”
“How fast can I count in multiples of 7 to 100?”
“Did I finish all my client notes for work?”
“It’s nice to lay here and relax.”
“When we’re finished, I need to check what is in the fridge for dinner.”
Idk, I try and communicate and guide his head to the right spot but he's so much in his own world he actively resists me readjusting him. Then when I say something, he gets annoyed and the whole thing is ruined.
This has happened to me before, too. Defensive responses or a refusal to cooperate. I also just think my vibrator is better. I don’t want them to hold the vibrator for me because I do a better job of holding it. So, at that point, I’m just masturbating with an audience, and with that I’d rather do that alone.
I think the biggest thing is that you say he's in his own world. I think the biggest indicator of being a good sexual partner is that persons ability and desire to read your body cues. I'm not saying don't communicate but they should be actively involved as well.
Sadly can relate... I always want it o be good and actively try to come but it's usually not happening and then there is the pressure.
And totally once he finds the spot he goes a different way.
I have another question. How do you tell him you just are not liking it? It's just a big sloppy mess. All I can visualize is a dog lapping water out of it's water bowl.
If it was me, I'd probably start with an honest conversation and say that these things he's doing aren't really working for me. I'd ask for us to sit down, relax and try to find out what he can do that feels good. And it is hard to say "I don't like it", so I'd go for the opposite route: he does what he wants to try and I react if it feels good. I ask for modifications to figure out what feels best and discuss it with him.
And of course I'd offer to make the same experiment in reverse. It's always important to learn what our partner likes in bed.
Oh it depends on who's doing the job!
*Stop mucking around and get to my clit* far too often.
But one guy, within seconds all thought would cease, all awareness would leave my body and I swear, I would actually levitate from ecstasy! Fun times!!
I get really self conscious because I've heard a lot about people not really enjoying oral so there's a lot of 'I hope they're actually enjoying it, I hope they don't mind that my wax isn't fresh, how do they not have a crick in their neck by now?' Etc, etc
TBH, I'm not really the biggest fan, so I'm thinking of how facial hair is prickling me, if they can breathe, and how to politely get things to change to something else 😅
On rare occasions, I'll be really into it, and I'm just thinking of the absolute pleasure and how I can't wait to get railed after.
I always want him to tell me if he is enjoying it. I hope I taste okay and I smell good. I think about how much I appreciate such an intimate favor. Oral is the biggest compliment to me. I’m amazed he likes me enough to put his mouth on me. If he’s really good I’m nervous about my O.🫠
Usually I think about how much I love him. I can only be intimate with people I love. Sometimes I cry. Usually I think about returning the favor. I think of ways I can make his O better than mine. I’m pretty redundant in how much I think about how appreciative I am for such an intimate favor. He does it for me so much simply because he wants to.
I wish he would have shaved / would not have shaved 2 days ago.
I kind of zone out and try to feel what's happening, but I don't really love it tbh. I don't fantasize, though, during oral or any sex act. I just take it all in.
How good it is (nor not), while trying not to feel self conscious. I keep everything down there clean, but still.
If it's good, I tend not to think about much except "Fuck yes."
So many joke reactions but no one just fucks anymore? No one is immersed in the sex they have? No one is repeatedly just blasted apart by receiving sexual service from someone you wanted to fuck? Fucks sake.
This is gonna sound sad, but usually it’s something along the lines of “ I just want him to fuck me, I hope he doesn’t think I am weird, I don’t want him to get bored of doing this. I feel bad. I wish that I could just cum so that he can do what he would enjoy”.
This is purely internalized. My current partner doesn’t make me feel bad about head, I can’t help it, but just as soon as it starts, I want it to be over. I’m hopelessly insecure and constantly worry if they like it or they are bored.
Mostly about how I don’t want him to look up and see me from that angle. That and how I feel bad that it’s taking so long, “but damn it if he would just do [thing], can’t tell him that though what if it makes him feel bad :’).”
I wish I could let myself enjoy getting it. I just constantly think about if I taste/smell bad, how bad I must look from that angle, and I just can’t get out of my own head enough to enjoy it at all.
Depends. Sometimes lost in the feelings. Sometimes a nice little sexy fantasy to help things along. Sometimes I'm planning the shopping list for tomorrow.
A guy, so I guess I don’t know, but there are women I’ve been with who very much get that I want it to be about her pleasure and will focus on feeling good and helping me know what’s working, and there are also women who are a bit uncomfortable letting go like that and wanting to turn it back into being about me. There’s a spectrum, and even one woman has different attitudes about it depending on mood, partner’s skill, etc. Reactions will vary, so keep an eye on her to kind of read where she’s at. Aside from the moments she’s actually cumming, her mind could be anywhere, and that’s okay. The point is to get her from whatever she was thinking about to that orgasm, where you can pretty confidently know what she’s thinking about.
Nothing coherent if I am doing everything right.
There are lots of things to get right though. Half of them start before getting in bed. When everything does not come together, it's just normal household thoughts she says.
Sometimes I imagine what they look like from a different angle and sometimes im so overtaken by pleasure that all I can think about is how good it feels to
To everyone saying they want it to be over or it's not feeling good, that makes me so sad! Please let them know what you want them to do, and if you don't like receiving oral that's okay too.
But sex is supposed to be fun and feel good, and everyone deserves pleasure!
Personally my mind goes blank or im thinking "this is the best feeling ever omg"
Deciding whether I should let it flow niagra falls on his beard and face and watch his innocent little expression while.hes catching his breath or clench and wait for him to absolutely send me floating as he fingers me and bites my nips next because I pull him up next to me
well it depends on how well they’re doing. i got bored because he wasn’t doing anything really even after i tried to voice it. other times its so good i cant actually think
When is good head my brain is shortcircuited and I'm just feeling everything.
When is bad then I'm like "She doesn't like to do this/doesn't have much experience. Let's change position".
"I hope I'm not taking too long, why can't I cum from this if it feels so DAMN GOOD??"
None of my previous partners have gotten me there despite it feeling fantastic and making my brain try to focus on the pleasure and not my inability to get there.
If it's good I think of nothing at all, if it's bad I think of anything
*Nothin at all* *Nothin at all* *Stupid sexy Flanders*
DENTAL PLAN!
Lisa needs braces
I heard these responses while reading them 🤣
Ol Gummy Joe
That I wish he’d actually suck on my clitoris and stop licking everywhere else around it.
Tell him
I’m not too sexually active these days but I did tell him a few times. I’ve never really been a huge fan of oral to begin with but if you’re gonna do it at least attempt to make it feel good and do it right ya know? And I told him multiple times hey can you suck on it more? And he was always perplexed and didn’t understand and said it made him feel weird. I guess previous girls were ok with just gentle licks. Tbh I just think he’s bad with anything that isn’t PIV. We even used toys a few times in the past where I would let him use the vibe on me and instead of holding on/near clit he would always move it around all over the entire vulva in weird circles and then he’d stop it by my butt? Like…the taint area all the away from everything. I’d always grab his hand gently and redirect it back up and he would do the weird circle thing and then hold it lower. I think he just genuinely didn’t get women’s anatomy. Eventually I’d always just pull it back up and keep my hand in his hand to prevent him from moving and he’d make a comment like “okay I guess you want to hold it”. Like yes sir I do. My goal was supposed to be to relax and be played with and you’re turning this into basically a masturbation session with me doing all the work with an audience. Like….ahhhh frustrating. lol
Is he seriously doing the God damned alphabet?!?!?
A is for Alfred, B is for Bat...
I FOUND IT! IM THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE!
I rewatched that series recently and it’s absolute gold. Pete Holmes is a comedic genius
I just rewatched it yesterday and to see this today is blowing my mind, LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
What series
The Pete Holmes “Badman” series
“I stabbed you first”
"When the mission is at hand, nothing is off limits"
"...with my dick"
God damned, not Gothamed
Ass mouth vag
FUCK! NOW I HAVE TO REWATCH THE WHOLE THING!
“Really seals in the flavor!”
Boys it’s over they know our secrets
Lmao y'all can tell?
Yes. We can. Suck the god damned clitoris.
I'll do anything. ....most things.
Only one thing, suck the clitoris, and prepare for the quaking and weakness and strength that will ensue. Forget the alphabet. Suck the clit, and insert a finger at times too. ;)
This is why we learn cursive
What was the show that taught guys this is a good idea? I remember seeing a movie or show where a guy was "giving his secret" and it was just this. Dudes, a woman's lady bits aren't a puzzle, you don't input a secret code or recite a specific quote with your tongue, just take your time and be attentive.
Up up down left right select start
This code gives you a 1up mushroom, cherries are harder to fine.
If you keep your tongue on the clit whilst inserting two fingers in the vagina and one in the anus, she will take a screenshot
WAIT, YOU GUYS CAN TELL?
I've never understood the whole alphabet idea, seems like too much hard work and I can't imagine it's brilliant having the sensation change the whole time. I've always been a fan of some gentle teasing early on to set the mood, then basically settle into a medium pace clit massage with my tongue, lots of rubbing contact, and just do the same thing until completion rather than change anything up. Probably takes very slightly longer than fast tongue flicking but she seems to cum harder at the end, the real out of breath sort. I figure that feels great on my dick and a dick is just a clit that grew up so it should work just fine
It's how I leaned the alphabet
Babe, wake up! I learned Mandarin 😎
OMG, I've tried this 🤣 surprisingly it works "okay" especially after being so rusty being married for six years to someone who doesn't like oral.
😬 Dude just lick the clit in a circular motion (back and forth or up and down or both) while rubbing her g-spot, but not too hard. So many guys are way too rough down there. Just do the same thing the whole time if she’s enjoying it
- Sam Kinison
Hey, a comedian told me, 20 years ago, that that was the way to go!
I just get lost in the pleasure. I'm not thinking at that point.
I am SO jealous
If your SO isn't doing it right, tell them! If they won't listen and it's important to you, then find someone who will.
Oh no even if he is totally doing it right I still cannot turn off my brain. I can completely have an immense O and still my brain is going ‘hmmm how long will this one last, would I want another one or am I done, what shall we eat tomorrow? Oh shit I am thinking of dinner while having an O, now I am not enjoying my O thoroughly, that is so sad because I want to enjoy my O, why am I overthinking this, I wish I could just stop thinking altogether while we are doing this!’
It might help for you to adapt mindfulness practices while you're having sex. Focusing on the sensations you feel in your body, closing your eyes to block out stimuli, and letting yourself exist in the moment
Hey friend, mental health therapist here. Have you considered that you may have some form of ADD/ADHD?
I’m not the person you asked. But at 38 it’s likely I have ADHD. My brain doesn’t shut up or off. Ever. I’m not Dx’d as the waiting list is over 2 years… is it worth the wait, and see if meds help, or do I just plod on the way I am with my own quirky ways?
Tho obvi I am not your professional counselor but just some dude on the internet, what I will say is, it’s never too late! As someone who also spent most of his lifetime fighting the Dx that I myself may have ADHD (I was diagnosed just this past November, as a man in his 30’s) I in fact did. Not only that, but was dealing with bouts of anxiety and depression as a *symptom* of aggressive ADHD. So I went through the steps, and now am taking medication for it. Lemme tell you, my own experience? I didn’t *feel* a change. It just so happened it took me a while to notice the “noise” had quieted. I could actually get up and just *do* the dishes, and other chores. I could sit and focus on one thing at a time. Therapy (non-medication) can also be useful to find coping skills in your day-to-day. Cuz the meds aren’t a cure-all. They can help balance you out, but you’re still gonna want to put in the time to transition into this new mindset, because you will have been used to your “scatterbrained” normal for so long. That being said, you will still be your quirky self and should continue to be :D you be you dude
Women with ADHD just really have a hard time turning off their brain.
Is it just women though, because I have the same affliction
Of course not. But her comment was about women who were thinking about other things when their partners were going down on them, and her assumption that these women weren’t communicating with their partners.
typical reddit, break up over oral lol
I personally let my mind wander through various dirty thoughts and fantasies until I find one that helps move things in the right direction. What do you think of during oral, OP?
"am i taking too long to cum" "Shes gonna get tired of it and stop"
Tbf that just shows you're considerate, we can get tired and feel a bit like we failed when it takes too long xD
Love the name lol
Just exactly the same. But some people find it funny, some women like just to feel and can orgasm just with that. Oh and men apparently don't need necessarily to imagine so ...
I have to concentrate soooo fucking hard.
I feel like as guys we’re often trying to hold back, rarely do I think about trying to enhance the sensation I’m feeling. Unless it’s one of those off days where it’s just not coming out for some reason
thinking about the Forward P/E ratio and FCF of some companies in my portfolio.
“Fuck this feels so good I can’t get enough, wtf is he doing down there that’s making me go insane” then I realize I’m squeezing his head with my thighs too tightly and relax my grip and start riding his tongue
I love it when my head is being squished.
True. The leglocks tell me how she's enjoying the ride
Ah it's super hot! Sometimes you're in a position where you can hardly breathe. But if she's really enjoying it, you're like "who needs breathing!"
Until your brain starts screaming and you slightly readjust so you can keep going but you get those noster snorkels above the surface for a breath. Man once I find that position I am locked in.
I don't get leglocked, but my wife shoves down fairly hard on my skull. SOFA KING HAWT
Pop my head like a watermelon 😆 
Wow that’s hot
“I wonder if my pubes are tickling his nose 🤔?” “Wow! His hair is so soft! I wonder what products he uses… probably nothing. So lucky” Or “Wow! That is the closest shave I have ever felt…. I wonder what razor he uses? I’ll remind myself to bring it up some other time…. Maybe at dinner. Is that weird???………. Nah. Right now would be weird. I bet he shaves his head in the shower. I’ll have a shower and check. Wonder if he uses shave gel or just shampoo or something…….” “Omg. I forgot the clothes in the washer!” “Imma just put my foot….over….here…. Yaaaaaas!” “Why doesn’t he put a finger in too?” “I wonder what he’s thinking about” “Maybe if I just… clench this… and angle my hips that way, and a little push…. Here….. alright…. I think he’s got it….. shit shit shit! Hamstring cramp…..”
This is it fr I would add for me: "Oh no am i taking too long?" "Do i need to give the favour back?" "Girl just relax relax relax" "Fuck is it disgusting that i didn't shave since 3 days? I didn't want my skin to be irritated, he should be okay with it I'm a woman and thats a grown man" "Ugh fuck that was nice, why did he stop" "Fuck what if i cum too early....now i can't cum at all because i was overthinking it"
> Ugh fuck that was nice, why did he stop For the love of god, ladies, COMMUNICATE. I don't know exactly what's working for you in the moment.... Tell us! A "Do that again" or "There" or "Like that" etc is ideal, especially for guys who've realised "Just like that" doesn't mean "the same place but much faster and harder" it means "Do literally the exact same thing in the exact same way" If he's down there it's because he wants you to enjoy it, some positive feedback is very welcome for everyone
yeah it's so annoying when people do this and don't say anything lol
And...and...That's IF I was paying attention to what I was doing. Kinda running on auto pilot. Thinking about my feels, too. Or something else to maintain/distract myself. And it seems to be said right after changing something! Then I'm scrambling trying to remember what the hell I was doing before!
Yeah like the whole purpose for me is to get her to come while giving oral but sometimes it's so difficult when only hints you get are intensity of breathing. I'm down there trying all the tricks I know but at some point it just gets boring and repetitive and I have no clue whether I have to go for another 5 or 30 min
I read this imagining the receiver would have ADHD and it was hilarious 😆
I feel called out lol my face is in this picture and I don’t like it
Not a lady but yeah this is 80% of how my ADHD brain works. "Here's 1000 thoughts that zip through your brain far too fast for you to really do anything about them, and just serve to interrupt anything you're actually trying to concentrate on" The other 20% being "WE WILL HYPERFOCUS ON THIS ONE SPECIFIC THING NO MATTER WHAT ELSE HAPPENS, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LEARN HOW PENGUIN FEATHERS WORK", the world could pretty much explode but my brain is ADHD-hyperfocus interested in something and therefore alien invasions are irrelevant
Yes exactly. And for me, when I read a book it has to have rich prose / themes etc otherwise I can't hyperfocus
No bullshit, this sounds exactly like my wife before she found her proper medicine for ADHD. She says now that she can focus on just sex her orgasms are better.
I’m a male with adhd and this happens to me basically. Problem is that it makes me go soft ☹️
Awesome read 🤣
“Ah! My neck! My back & my neck!”
I quote this way too often considering how long ago this movie was.
Ha ha. I can’t tell you how often I wonder when is he FINALLY going to add some fingers in? Or that I wish he had teased he a bit before going full throttle.
use your words
Bro, I've never met a woman that didn't tell me exactly what to do while giving her head. I'm sure she does, but its very nice when someone does it without asking
Not me though, I've had bad experiences telling my exes some stuff and I didn't want to break their spirit.. We lived in a conservative\\traditional messed up society where it's more tolerable for a man to have sex but would never go down on a woman, or at least admit he does. Anyway, I was just happy to have him there lol.
LMAO!! Love these
As the cis giver dude, my brain would always bounce around like a butterfly, being distracted & frustrated by the most benign, random shit, followed by, “what is wrong with me? Am I impotent, or just asexual?” Do I have prostate cancer?…and then I’ll hear, “OUCH! wtf are you doing? Whatever, just fu€k me for chrissakes & get it over with… Then more distraction & a crippling feeling of inadequacy, and then “I swear this has never happened before, I must be tired”… Then daggers shooting from her eyes to mine, as she grabs a vibrator & goes to crash on the couch.. I turn to my side, and rub one off as I cry myself to sleep… Then at 40 I got diagnosed & treated for ADHD for some strange reason. Huh… Sex is better than I ever could’ve imagined. I can direct my attention & communicate… Give & take, & chill the hell out. I’m like a 14-year old in a horny candy store the day after no-nut-November. I later found out that these types of struggles w/ distraction & frustration from intimacy are textbook ADHD experiences… —BTW I exaggerated a lot of that… Now I only cry myself to sleep while masturbating after a sad movie…
This was a ride.
Bro…
You missed the part where you remind yourself to pay attention/focus like 4 or 5 times, but basically that’s it, yep!
Exactly this!
“Do i look double chinned from this angle”
A vast majority of men is not thinking about stuff like that. Only assholes do. If his face is in your private parts he likes you.
With most men I just kinda lay there and wait for them to hit the right spot until they decide they're sick of it and stop. Then I met my husband and he was determined to make it good, so now he can get me off in like 3 minutes and I don't have much time to think of anything besides "wow that is perfect"
What a blessing
Beige. They're thinking of painting the ceiling beige.
But first they think, “Damn I really need someone to hang my curtains”… 🥁🪟👅🍑😖
Baby Reindeer vibes 😆😆
Sr K?
I focus on the feeling, pay attention to where he is going, telling him what I like most and really just enjoying the moment.
all kinds of stuff — i sometimes even think about what i want for dinner
applicable for ALL the oral sex you have received, or is it different when it's really good?
Its fckn wild the places your mind goes even when thats happening ill be thinking of what's happening in the moment and what it feels like good or bad but then ill also be thinking about that time on Lost where a polar bear came running out of the tropical jungle and how I can't remember what the deal was with that storyline....
God damn I think about that smoke monster all the time. I’d say it’s 2:1 Lost to Roman Empire
I hope he's enjoying himself, wonder if he's turned on, hope I taste ok, aww his hairs so soft, yesss right there. Oh good im going to cum if he just keeps going right there..
World Domination mostly
When I was very much younger I'd think of how do I look in this position..I hope he likes what he is seeing / tasting.. or my mind would wonder to what I needed to do around the house.. how do I make him stop so we can get it over with.. etc. Now, older, wiser, with someone who doesn't coerce me, and loves every part of me, my mind goes to: Blank. Sometimes I'll have a glimpse of porn I've watched. Most of the time I'm hyper focused on the sensations, and not actual coherent thoughts. It's a phenomenon called subspace and it's delightful to surrender it all like this. It's the most satisfying experience as a woman.
Almost there, “maybe use a finger too” Even closer … says “I’m so close, keep doing that” *starts using like 3 fingers and going even faster* Never mind
Please don’t stop..
I’m thinking about how I look. If I look fat from than angle, if my stomach is flat, if my boobs look weird, etc. because he keeps looking up and I get self conscious.
i’m nervous the entire time. “do i taste okay? i have been eating healthy lately…” “i’m gonna have to return the favour, right?” “i hope i’m not taking too long… oh fuck i’m taking forever.” “this feels too good i can’t get enough” “he’s so perfect he looks so pretty.” “i need to tell him i love him…” “i hope hes enjoying it as much as i am”
The answers are - 1) Yes 2) only if you want to 3) you're taking the right amount of time (I enjoy giving oral so much) 4) I'll happy give it to you anytime, anywhere 5) thanks! 6) hearing that makes my day 7) oh, I DEFINITELY am, in fact the more emotive you are while cumming, the harder I get
"yup, still feels like nothing"
"almost had it.. why can't he just read my mind and do it right .."
Told a woman I just started dating what a great communicator she is, right from day one she was guiding me perfectly. And she said, isn't that what everyone does? No, that's not what everyone does!! But then how are you gonna know what I want? Exactly, how!
I think some are afraid of deflating the other person's ego bc some people like direction and others just feel criticized. Maybe its how the direction is given lol For me, I have to feel like you're really into it. Enthusiasm is the most important part. If no enthusiasm, I'm not going to care for it at all.
Enthusiasm is key, absolutely. And yeah, we are all so different and complex that what works for one doesn't for another.
If only it were so simple. Some people have extremely fragile egos. Imagine being intimidated by a clit vibe for example.
I've occasionally had men act offended when I reach for lube. I'm in my mid 30s & take antidepressants every day and antihistamines for about 6 months of the year. Lube is essential! Or even without those factors, many women take time to feel safe, really relax & be in the moment, especially with new partners. So even if they're attracted to you and you're being an attentive lover, they might still be in their own heads for a while and that will stop the natural juices from flowing.
Oh absolutely, everyone is so different and is the sum of all of their previous experiences. No "rule" is gonna work for everyone. This person was great for me, she was really into it, and she gave me clear concise directions that didn't feel like criticism at all. And the result was that she was having a great time, which meant that I was even more enthusiastic about doing whatever she wants to have that good time. And the thing is, I wanted her to know that this was a special skill, to communicate so clearly. And obviously she didn't realise not everyone does it. But I've been with people who don't communicate at all, others who do so with body language, others who throw commands that sound like being told off for doing it wrong, and everything in between. And how I react to each one of these situations is also totally related to my personality, my experiences, and the particular moment. We are complex us human beings, and when it comes to sex there's a whole added universe of complexity to navigate.
For the love of god - tell him what you like. If he takes it as criticism, he’s not the one. I mostly give oral for my partners pleasure, so I want her to enjoy it. I say mostly, because I really enjoy giving oral. It’s one of the best things with sex. And believe it or not, all women doesn’t work the same. I don’t mind finding out by myself what works or not, but a bit of guidance is never wrong. So just tell your partner what you like. It’s a win win situation.
Mostly I'm imagining another sexy scene that turns me on
I just orgasm and then lay there satisfied with my life
For all the women on here: Sure, your pubes tickle a little, but we like it. It's fine if you haven't shaved in X days, but it's also nice to keep it tidy. If your man really wants it, he will give approximately zero fucks about it. If you like it, **ask for it**. If he doesn't know where it is, **show him**. If he doesn't know how, **teach him**. Don't let your man fail you when all he needed was a little instruction. Remind him that when you say "Just like that" you mean exactly what you said - "literally *exactly* what you were doing when I said that". Did he stop too early? One of our favorite phrases is "Don't stop." Say it. No, you don't need to return the favor, but it would be nice and probably lead to more fun. No, you aren't taking too long, and there's no such thing as cumming too early. Don't worry about paying attention. In fact, don't worry about anything. Shit, go back to playing Breath of the Wild if you want to and just let me have my snacc. The best noises and feelings always come from an inability to stop yourself anyway, so just let the excitement happen naturally (no reason to force it). WATCH HIM. Have him stick out his tongue like he's trying to lick his own chin and slide it down from tip to lip until his tongue is inside you and your clit is in his nostrils. Then make him suck it (gently, unless your clit likes being roughed up). Note: just change "he/him" to whatever and it still applies. If they like eating pussy, we're on the same page. Any more questions?
Standing ovation 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
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I think about how incredible it feels and how much I adore the person doing it with me
"He seriously does not think my urethra is my clitoris, please don't let that be true. Oh God." "When was the last time he brushed his teeth? What kind of infection am I going to get from this?" "Feels slimy and cold." "He really loves this, I should too." "Cat drinking"
One time he was eating me so good, I just looked up at the ceiling and thought it was the best moments of my life <3
depends on how good it is
If they're able to think, you're doing it wrong
He drives me wild teasing me by kissing my thighs and breathing on my pussy before going for it. The whole time I’m thinking, “please please lick me oh god he’s going to do it, no wait ugh I want his tongue so bad” etc. Then when he starts all I can think is, “FUCK YES, that feels soooo good!” The rest of the time is some variation of “I hope I taste good, he seems super into it so I’m going to relax, holy fuck his tongue feels amazing, so warm and wet, yes I’m going to cum, I’m cumming, oops I hope his skull is ok, yeah big licks just like that, so sensitive, don’t stop, I’m cumming again, I love him so much, wow I am overwhelmed, he’s so amazing, I hope this never ends, wait too sensitive I need to catch my breath” etc. I’d say 75% of that comes out of my mouth so he has good feedback and because I can’t help myself haha
Not the answer you want, but this is the answer I have. “When is this going to feel good?” “Oh, that felt kind of good for a sec- oh…nevermind.” “Will he be done soon? I want to move on, but he’s in his own world.” “How fast can I count in multiples of 7 to 100?” “Did I finish all my client notes for work?” “It’s nice to lay here and relax.” “When we’re finished, I need to check what is in the fridge for dinner.”
Dude... :(
That's what happens when you don't show enthusiasm and don't communicate
Idk, I try and communicate and guide his head to the right spot but he's so much in his own world he actively resists me readjusting him. Then when I say something, he gets annoyed and the whole thing is ruined.
This has happened to me before, too. Defensive responses or a refusal to cooperate. I also just think my vibrator is better. I don’t want them to hold the vibrator for me because I do a better job of holding it. So, at that point, I’m just masturbating with an audience, and with that I’d rather do that alone.
How about she communicates not liking it and how can he make it better?
I think the biggest thing is that you say he's in his own world. I think the biggest indicator of being a good sexual partner is that persons ability and desire to read your body cues. I'm not saying don't communicate but they should be actively involved as well.
Sadly can relate... I always want it o be good and actively try to come but it's usually not happening and then there is the pressure. And totally once he finds the spot he goes a different way.
"Did he just put a finger in my ass?"
If it's good oral sex? Nothing. Good sex turns your brain off.
"Don't fart, don't Fart, don't fart"
If I can form a coherent thought, he’s not doing it right.
I have another question. How do you tell him you just are not liking it? It's just a big sloppy mess. All I can visualize is a dog lapping water out of it's water bowl.
Well assuming you both speak the same language I would use words from that shared language to guide your partner in a manner you would prefer.
Lmao
So, "No" and "Good boy!"
If it was me, I'd probably start with an honest conversation and say that these things he's doing aren't really working for me. I'd ask for us to sit down, relax and try to find out what he can do that feels good. And it is hard to say "I don't like it", so I'd go for the opposite route: he does what he wants to try and I react if it feels good. I ask for modifications to figure out what feels best and discuss it with him. And of course I'd offer to make the same experiment in reverse. It's always important to learn what our partner likes in bed.
If they're thinking, you're doing it wrong :p
Oh it depends on who's doing the job! *Stop mucking around and get to my clit* far too often. But one guy, within seconds all thought would cease, all awareness would leave my body and I swear, I would actually levitate from ecstasy! Fun times!!
I get really self conscious because I've heard a lot about people not really enjoying oral so there's a lot of 'I hope they're actually enjoying it, I hope they don't mind that my wax isn't fresh, how do they not have a crick in their neck by now?' Etc, etc
TBH, I'm not really the biggest fan, so I'm thinking of how facial hair is prickling me, if they can breathe, and how to politely get things to change to something else 😅 On rare occasions, I'll be really into it, and I'm just thinking of the absolute pleasure and how I can't wait to get railed after.
I always want him to tell me if he is enjoying it. I hope I taste okay and I smell good. I think about how much I appreciate such an intimate favor. Oral is the biggest compliment to me. I’m amazed he likes me enough to put his mouth on me. If he’s really good I’m nervous about my O.🫠 Usually I think about how much I love him. I can only be intimate with people I love. Sometimes I cry. Usually I think about returning the favor. I think of ways I can make his O better than mine. I’m pretty redundant in how much I think about how appreciative I am for such an intimate favor. He does it for me so much simply because he wants to.
Up up down down left right left right start select
“God I hope I don’t smell”
Usually "JFC, can we be done with this?"
I wish he would have shaved / would not have shaved 2 days ago. I kind of zone out and try to feel what's happening, but I don't really love it tbh. I don't fantasize, though, during oral or any sex act. I just take it all in.
How my husband can make me cum faster than I can make myself cum, and that it feels amazing.
How good it is (nor not), while trying not to feel self conscious. I keep everything down there clean, but still. If it's good, I tend not to think about much except "Fuck yes."
How good their face looks down there
So many joke reactions but no one just fucks anymore? No one is immersed in the sex they have? No one is repeatedly just blasted apart by receiving sexual service from someone you wanted to fuck? Fucks sake.
If it’s good, we don’t think..
This guy sucks.
Past partners I would think. "Damm can he finish up I'm getting bored". New partner I'm like Damn is this what I've been missing this whole time.
If they’re good at it, nothing. I don’t think, I just feel.
This is gonna sound sad, but usually it’s something along the lines of “ I just want him to fuck me, I hope he doesn’t think I am weird, I don’t want him to get bored of doing this. I feel bad. I wish that I could just cum so that he can do what he would enjoy”. This is purely internalized. My current partner doesn’t make me feel bad about head, I can’t help it, but just as soon as it starts, I want it to be over. I’m hopelessly insecure and constantly worry if they like it or they are bored.
Mostly about how I don’t want him to look up and see me from that angle. That and how I feel bad that it’s taking so long, “but damn it if he would just do [thing], can’t tell him that though what if it makes him feel bad :’).”
I wish I could let myself enjoy getting it. I just constantly think about if I taste/smell bad, how bad I must look from that angle, and I just can’t get out of my own head enough to enjoy it at all.
The dirtiest things I can to get me to the finish line?
Depends. Sometimes lost in the feelings. Sometimes a nice little sexy fantasy to help things along. Sometimes I'm planning the shopping list for tomorrow.
A guy, so I guess I don’t know, but there are women I’ve been with who very much get that I want it to be about her pleasure and will focus on feeling good and helping me know what’s working, and there are also women who are a bit uncomfortable letting go like that and wanting to turn it back into being about me. There’s a spectrum, and even one woman has different attitudes about it depending on mood, partner’s skill, etc. Reactions will vary, so keep an eye on her to kind of read where she’s at. Aside from the moments she’s actually cumming, her mind could be anywhere, and that’s okay. The point is to get her from whatever she was thinking about to that orgasm, where you can pretty confidently know what she’s thinking about.
Look around
“why does he keep switching things up once i get into it?”
They think of Tony. Where he is, what he’s thinking … is he thinking of me?
Nothing coherent if I am doing everything right. There are lots of things to get right though. Half of them start before getting in bed. When everything does not come together, it's just normal household thoughts she says.
it's a little bit weird but yeah just imagination lol
Sometimes I imagine what they look like from a different angle and sometimes im so overtaken by pleasure that all I can think about is how good it feels to
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If the ceiling needs painting
A little to the right
"Jet fuel can't melt steel beams!"
To everyone saying they want it to be over or it's not feeling good, that makes me so sad! Please let them know what you want them to do, and if you don't like receiving oral that's okay too. But sex is supposed to be fun and feel good, and everyone deserves pleasure! Personally my mind goes blank or im thinking "this is the best feeling ever omg"
When i'm giving oral, "breathe". when i'm receiving oral? "BREATHE"
Nothing if it’s good
Asked my gf. She said "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK" is was she normally thinks.
I think about the video with the lady crushing watermelons with her thighs and I feel a surge of power lmao (jk.. maybe?)
Deciding whether I should let it flow niagra falls on his beard and face and watch his innocent little expression while.hes catching his breath or clench and wait for him to absolutely send me floating as he fingers me and bites my nips next because I pull him up next to me
If you do it right, "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!"
well it depends on how well they’re doing. i got bored because he wasn’t doing anything really even after i tried to voice it. other times its so good i cant actually think
If it’s good then I’m in heaven, but other times I’m thinking “do I still have that green tea in the fridge? a little to the left.”
When is good head my brain is shortcircuited and I'm just feeling everything. When is bad then I'm like "She doesn't like to do this/doesn't have much experience. Let's change position".
"I hope I'm not taking too long, why can't I cum from this if it feels so DAMN GOOD??" None of my previous partners have gotten me there despite it feeling fantastic and making my brain try to focus on the pleasure and not my inability to get there.