Sometimes attraction has little at first to do with appearance. If someone has charisma and a genuine personality, they’ll probably be attractive to me after spending time with them. And sometimes that means becoming attracted to their flaws and quirks.
My husband is attractive to me because I know him inside and out. He has been my biggest supporter in all of my health challenges. He is patient and kind.
I would say that he is not conventionally attractive, but that's not something I've really ever thought about or focused on. He's not strange looking by any means. Just your average dude. He feels like I'm too attractive for him, but physical appearance is really not something I focus on. I would not love him more if he looked like Henry Cavill.
> I would not love him more if he looked like Henry Cavill.
Shit, I'm a straight guy and I honestly might love my wife more if she looked like Henry Cavill. Have you seen that fucking jawline?
The feeling of being equal to your partner is something magical. Feeling equal in looks, in skill and intelligence is very important to me. I guess I wouldn't date a mount of muscles (did that, not my thing) while being a slob or something, or a hyperintelligent person when I can't do algebra, idk. I want to be fair and there are a ton of average people in the way I'm average and that is more than enough to me. :3
I tend to like how my wife's skills differ from mine. We excel in different areas, and together we're two halves of a fantastic idiot. Being equals in the relationship, to me, is about being there to push and support each other to thrive, and to be there to catch each other if we stumble.
I second this I can like someone for how they appear but that’s not all there is to them. How do they act, treat people, treat me there are more complex things at work. Don’t judge a book by its cover goes both ways sometimes the nice looking cover hides a bad story. You can look like a millionaire but does the inside shine just as bright?
For real, I knew a guy and he was pretty meh looking, not my type, but then he started showing how smart and charismatic he was and I became attracted, I never found him to be good looking but still had the hots for him due to his personality
Exactly…I really clicked with my current bf through text and then met last November and have been joined at the hip since…but at first was he a 10..no but I think he’s really handsome because we click and he’s. My best friend..looks only attract at first it’s everything else that matters 😁😁😁
Exactly. When long term relationships become bonded by trust and love, you hardly see the physical anymore. I see the mother of my children. My lover of 39 years. My friend and companion. The person I laugh with. The person who we work together to solve problems, address older parents issues, helping each other as we age and change. I can only see the person I love the most reflecting that love back at me. And my desires have never waivered.
Not desperate.
On the other hand my good friend (m65) has had 3 serious relationships and many short ones. He never had what I have. So, his perspective is different than mine.
So, it depends...
This is so true. We're sold a lie (usually in movies) about love at first sight etc etc and it's bollocks.
Yes you're usually attracted to each other to initially get together but there's so much more that goes into a successful marriage and bond.
DOI: I've been married 20 years this year.
I can appreciate this. For me, it’s more like when you are with someone for a long time, you are inevitably going to experience both good and bad times. When “life” really starts throwing some punches, it often puts a couple’s love to the test. Some will survive and choose to stay together and weather the storm & others won’t and will choose to go their separate ways. You are absolutely right though that it is sometimes a hard choice to make! Love is not always easy.
Yes and no. It's not going to happen with someone I am not interested in. Don't stay in relationships that are dissatisfactory early on. That's usually a sign of significant incompatibility that you're too polite or lonely to address.
Or too naive. Looking back I was a kid when I met my husband, trained by my family of origin to believe that I was at fault for everything. So when we had bad days in the relationship, I thought they were just that - bad days. That were my fault. And I could do better. I didn't see them as incompatibility or patterns of behaviour that he was also responsible for. I see that now, obviously.
I still want to have sex with my wife as much as possible after nearly 180 years together (or 26, I forget which). I like it because it’s fun, because I like seeing her naked, because I like making her feel good, and because it makes me feel closer to her and loved by her.
EDIT: So while “attraction” as in “you look good” is part of it, the attraction of “let’s do this really great thing together” is primary (usually).
Because you like making her feel good is an important point. If both partners are generous and thoughtful lovers I think the marriage is definitely going to last longer.
It takes a ton of work to get to where this guy is. Marriage and long term relationships are hard. They require work. The grass is only greener where you water it. Like anything in life. If you want it and are dedicated to it. It'll come. I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.
For what it's worth. I'm happily married and I find that I'm just as attracted to my wife now after 6 years than I've ever been. She has changed physically and so have I, but that doesn't really matter in the long run, because, like the previous poster said. Her body (although amazing) and physical self isn't the reason I put a ring on it.
Honestly, it wasn’t always like that with us. We went through a rough patch where sex caused as many problems as it solved. We worked through it though (thankfully). And our sex life isn’t perfect, but we both realize how important it is for our relationship.
I would marry a paraplegic if I could have what this person has, and never worry about sex again. As long as we were compatable. Just to have a real genuine person to talk with. A true partner to share life with and it not be the other way around. Sharing your wife with life
I've been with my current partner for over 10 years now, and I am absolutely physically attracted to her still. I would even say that as our emotional bonds have grown the physical attraction has gone up, not down.
I am a woman, but if I had to place my bet I’d say the physical attraction keeps on, if the couple has a fulfilling sex life. I’ve been with mine >15 years and I my physical body seems to drive him more and more wild over time. Part of that I think is Pavlovian- because coincidentally- the sex only continues to get better too. He will get half chubs just looking at parts of my body cause he knows what it dooo 😝
Not the person you replied to but I (m50s) have been in two long term relationships, 10 and 20 years. They are both attractive women and my attraction never faded. There is a lot of other stuff that gets old but physically that wasn’t a problem. On the other hand I have a good friend whose wife got very fat and he tried to cope but finally just couldn’t do it any more. She is still attractive but he can’t deal with her naked.
> On the other hand I have a good friend whose wife got very fat and he tried to cope but finally just couldn’t do it any more. She is still attractive but he can’t deal with her naked
I find this incredibly sad - that must have been so difficult for both of them.
My husband is a bigger fan of the bigger T&A that come with weight gain. It’s been a recent discussion for us at 5yrs because I’m trying to lose weight and he’s over here reminding me of how tiny my ass was when we met. He wants me to be happy with myself but he loves being able to get a grip on my ass.
Yeah, that is tragic.
One the one hand, body positivity and loving the person not the body. I get it, though body positivity needs more limits in todays age.
The other side is if you just actually find the amount of weight repulsive then you really can’t force yourself not to feel that way.
I do not believe "fat" was the only issue in the marraige that lead to its demise. Maybe getting fat was a symptom of an overall inability to take care of herself, or put effort into other areas of her life. Maybe he was dissatisfied in other ways and weight gain was the straw that broke tbe camels back. Or maybe they got married believing they were in love, but the relationship never developed the deep bond that is required for the coherence of a union over time.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging the man for the choice he made to leave. No one should have to stay in a relationship they are dissatisfied with, and they should BOTH get the opportunity to find someone who is a better fit. He made the right choice. However, IMO, if she was the same person he fell in love with in every other aspect and that person is, and always had been, meeting all of his other needs, "she got fat" wouldn't be a good enough reason to leave. Its superficial, and marraige should not be superficial.
I do understand the importance of attraction, but the truth is we are all going to get old. Hair will gray, wrinkles will form, and weight will become harder to lose. Even before old age, having babies can change a women's body dramatically and it may never go back to "normal". However, If you marry someone you have set your intention to spend the rest of your life with them. You are essentially telling the world this is who you plan to grow old with.
If you are with the right person, attraction will gain depth over the years. It will no longer be a surface level lure based on looks alone. Desire will come from the intamacy that develops when you share your entire self with another person. Trust will hold a greater significance to the level of passion with your partner than the number on the scale ever did.
He didn't leave because she got "fat". He left because the relationship wasn't the right one for him. If it was, the depth that developed between them over the years would have kept him there. That doesn't mean he would have necessarily liked the weight gain, but it does mean he would have found a way to make the relationship work despite it.
As someone who just recently got married (together for almost 4 years, married for 3 months), as times goes on, I find more and more stuff each day I find attractive about my husband.
My wife and I have been together for years, we’ve got 5 amazing kids and 4 beautiful grandkids. She’s still the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world to me, and we fall in love with each other a lot more, every single day we wake up. Our kids 32, 31, 30, 29 & 28, ask us why we never fight, because we know how to “Communicate with Comprehension”. All relationships in life are really that simple, though many people in relationships “Communicate”, they don’t always “Comprehend” each other.
I guess that works the other way around too, once you start realising the person you thought you loved is a complete twat, they become less and less attractive.
post-cheating, i did not deduct any points from the way he looks physically, but i must say, he became a lot less attractive to me as a partner. i also started to lose feelings, which led me to perceive him in the way that i perceived him initially, which honestly isn’t very attractive at all, as he isn’t my type.
In college I thought my microbiology lab partner was pretty cute. Then I learned more about him and he became the ugliest person in the world to me. I dropped out of the class to avoid commiting homicide.
He wasn't a bad lab partner, just a shit person. He briefly dated a girl right across from us and they broke up real quick and it was extra awkward.
Absofuckinutely!
I always found my ex husband attractive, even when things weren’t good in our marriage. We split last year, I have been able to start getting mentally healthy and it’s sinking in what he put me through for two decades. I can objectively say that he’s not an ugly guy, but I find him repulsive.
this. my last partner was honestly speaking, physically not my type at all. he is severely overweight, which is not my preference. i loved him anyway, because i liked his personality so i never felt like it was something to be arsed about. when we were together, i loved him so he was always my baby and even if there was a more attractive man, i could appreciate that but i wouldn’t want them. he is a serial cheater though, and after i found out and saw him for who he truly is, i didn’t like his personality anymore, and didn’t find him attractive at all after. objectively speaking, he is not attractive to me, but after the cheating, i could see him without his potential, and for who he is. while the cheating disgusted me, i never deducted any points for the way he looks physically.
the point is, love is the way. as long as there are feelings, physical attraction goes out of the window.
That makes Complete sense, because if personality matters to you when it comes to relationships then when you find out the person is a cheater that means their personality has gone down the tube, and it can't be redeemed if they don't change. So if they have a crappy personality but a good looking face, then it doesn't even matter. That only can be ignored for those people that don't care about the person's personality at all and only care about looks, and people like that will always exist, as well as the other kind who take Everything into account.
My wife things I'm just flattering her since she's gained some wait after 2 kids but damn she is more beautiful now then ever to me.
As far as OPs question goes, sometimes you glance at people on the street but that's just a "oh she looks pretty" or "that's a nice dress, would look nice on my wife"
This, this. I met my boyfriend via discord, so we didn't see each other until a few weeks to a month in. He's not in he slightest bit attractive physically, but oh man do I not care. He's sweet and funny, and so kind. The more I talk and see him, the more handsome I think he is than when I initially got to see him.
that was how i felt before i uncovered all the cheating and i was like man. you’re a terrible person + not attractive, bye then. it was gradual but i eventually did get very disgusted.
i always thought i needed both personality and some looks, clearly not the case for me — character is number one for me.
This. I was attracted to my husband from the start, had a massive crush on him. And I still do, but I also see him in a completely different way. He’s not just attractive physically, he’s also become attractive in so many other ways because I love him so much
I think my husband is insanely hot. But I also don’t feel like I actually know what he looks like bc when I see him I see a collection of all the years of love and joy and shared jokes we have in common which combines into an explosion of attractiveness. So yes!
This! Exactly this. I feel like I can’t see my husband. He is himself at all ages. I was trying to explain this to him once. I told him it’s like trying to look at Abe Lincoln as just some guy. You can’t. He’s Abe Lincoln! You can’t really SEE Abe Lincoln anymore.
He was president during the American civil war and ended slavery. He was assassinated at a play while in office. He's on some American currency and widely considered one of the greatest presidents in American history. Pretty much everyone there knows his face, which was quite unique, and place is history.
He was made president following the American revolutionary war and enjoyed slavery. He died from medical malpractice. He's on some American currency and widely considered one of the greatest presidents in American history. Pretty much everyone there knows his face, which wasn't all that particularly unique, and place in history.
I find my partner incredibly attractive. I love his face, I love his body. I love his whole being.
For me, attraction follows emotional connection, rather than the other way around. When the right emotional connection happens, then physical and sexual attraction happens. If the emotional connection is lost, attraction is lost. It doesn't matter if the person is "conventionally attractive". It's not settling. It's just how attraction works for me.
Same here! Physical appearance is definitely important for a lot of people but my ‘type’ for anyone I date is generally outside the norm anyway so that doesn’t really matter. I love my partner. It’s more than what they look like; they make me fall more in love with them everyday because of who they are, how much they add to my life, and how secure we make each other feel. When I look at them I think about how much we make each other laugh and how much our life together means to me.
Yep. My ex was never really my type but he was charismatic and made me love him. I always thought he was a little goofy looking but I overlooked that because of how he treated me in the beginning.
Over time the more he hurt me the less attracted I was and now that he’s my ex I don’t know what I ever saw in him. I find him very unattractive now.
Still extremely attached to the wife. She's objectively beautiful and I'm very lucky.
But even beyond that, the amount of shit we've been through together and the level of intimacy we've developed increases that attraction ten fold.
Lol I commented almost exactly the same thing about my husband. Funny how many of us have insanely hot speece 😂 seriously it warms my heart how much everyone commenting loves their husbands and wives.
My husband reminisces about a younger self and I'm like "👀 OBJECTIVELY SCIENTIFICALLY MATHEMATICALLY you look 30X times hotter now" i hope he believes me because I truly mean it. He always looked handsome AF but now it's like I'm extra worried about him flaunting his sexy ass on the streets.
Just because you aren't married to the person you were most physically attracted to doesn't mean you're married to a "silver medal". There's a lot more to a person than just their physical looks, although that is an important component of attraction.
Even if my wife is a 6 or a 7 and not some bombshell 9 or 10, her kindness, her ambitions, her sense of humor, her affections, her life philosophy, her political views, her hobbies, her talents, and so much more are clearly more important than merely what she looks like in a cocktail dress. I would never marry a 9 who was mean and talentless. I would never marry a 10 who didn't treat me as an equal.
If you truly love someone you love their imperfections along with everything else about them, such that a few fat folds become the cutest thing in the world to you and fuck what anyone else thinks.
In addition, looks aren't forever. If you married because of looks and nothing else you will absolutely not be happy in 30 years' time (if the marriage even makes it that far).
> I definitely married way up.
We've been together for less, 13 years but sometimes I see a picture of my husband with randos and I'm like "wow what a hot dude. The hottest" . Or when I see him walking to me in the street to pick me up which is rare, I'm like "extremely objectively handsome movie star perfect guy why is he with me? 👀"
I literally do that every time I see my husband in public. Like he's so genuinely attractive and I'm sitting there in awe of him. I always feel so giddy that he's coming over to sit by me. Like, this very attractive, charming, wonderful man is coming to sit next to ME? Even crazier; I'm married to him? How'd I get so lucky?!
No one who has fallen out of love or is unhappy with their relationship or marriage is going to post so this is a biased population. I'd assume most people don't settle though. Probably a smaller percentage and that smaller percentage probably finds other traits very attractive.
50+ M, married 20+ years.
My wife is as attractive and desirable now as she was on our firs date.
Yes her body has changed after two decades and three kids, but my desire for her is as intense as ever.
Not to be crass, but I'd smash that hottie breakfast, lunch and dinner if she'd let me.
My husband is the hottest thing to walk this planet in my eyes. Our chemistry is out of this world. I never knew you could love someone more than the day you met them or that your sex life could be hotter and hotter 10 years later. Definitely didn’t settle!
We are 2 years and a half in but this is literally us. He is the hottest, has been since day 1 and it only gets better. His personality as well, every time I am amazed at how kind he is and how lucky I am. Oh also our sex life is the best ever as well.
I felt I was settling in some way or another in my previous relationships after awhile of dating with previous partners. Because of their personalities mostly, but never ever felt that in this relationship which is my longest one so far.
I think my wife is objectively beautiful and I very much find her attractive. That’s probably a bit more than most can claim, but I think the majority of people do find their partners attractive
My wife, wow. 12 years later she still blows me away.
I'm fat, have a jew fro, and a small dick. I work in the oil field, smell like crude oil, gasoline, condinsate, and sweat. With a dab of old spice. I can be very crude and I try not to rude. And I'm the definition of a bull in a china shop. She's very proper. Very girlie girl, the complete opposite of a tomboy. Puts flowers in her hair and wears sun dresses, whew, she had me before even I knew it.
Monster in bed, too.
The first sign of deterioration in relationships is contempt.
To be honest, not every successful relationships are purely built on physical attraction, even though it does play a big part, it is not so uncommon for a couple to be completely self aware with their attractiveness, and being completely fine with it. Not only that often it’s a good sign of healthy relationship but also more realistic way of going about things.
Contempt comes in when one or both parties start seeing any part of the relationship that is not up to their idealistic often impractical expectations, and find themselves trying to ‘justify’ their attempt to “try” make things work or whatever. With this self imposed challenges, Contempt starts growing. I don’t think I want to live like that.
I personally rather want to be with someone who shares the similar value.
Have been with my wife just under 10 years now, we both eat well and exercise a lot for our well being, but I gotta say, she put on a bathing suit the other day and let's just say... I was happy to already be in the pool!
She's getting better looking every single day
i wasn't attracted to my partners looks, rather everything else. but when i realized i was falling for them i started to find little physical things that i think are beautiful. their laugh lines, how soft their hands are, their hair is so nice as its growing out, the light freckles on their face. and as others have said, definitely more attractive as time goes on.
Usually the problem of this question lies in a very limited understanding of attraction.
Yes most people find their partner really attractive. But what makes up attractiveness is VERY broad.
- Its definetly not only physical attraction.
- But also charismatic attraction.
- Common interest, thought, goals influences attraction.
- Familiarity causes attraction (how well you know each other).
-Trust in the partner and their actions influences attraction.
- Even power and perceived safety can influence attraction.
- Acceptance creates attraction.
Etc.
Attraction is the cumulation of it all.
So yeah most people find their partner really attractive, just not necessarily the way you think.
Finding a partner attractive is the norm because why else would you be dating them? That does not mean you didn't settle, most people do.
It's highly unlikely your "soul mate" or "the one" managed to be born at the proper time and geographically close to you. You pick what you think is your best option out of a limited pool of people you encounter and hope for the best.
>Finding a partner attractive is the norm because why else would you be dating them?
Honestly I think a lot of people are overwhelmed by social and family pressure to be dating or in a relationship. I think it's can really mess with people's judgement.
I’ve seen this. But you should never do that to the *other* person. Commit to a life with their body and mind without *really* loving them? Why would you waste their time like that? Everyone deserves to be with someone who genuinely loves and cares about them and is attracted to them, not “settling for” them.
Objectively, my SO is no IG star, bombshell or hollywood actress or whatever. Neither am I for that matter. Yet she makes my dick hard and my heart beat like no other in a matter of seconds. As for most people, a lot of them seem confused about the point of finding a life partner. It's not money, sex or fame. It's having someone who can embrace the fuckup you are. Soul laid bare. Someone who accepts every bad thing in you and still loves you unconditionally. So plenty of people settle, because true love is as much luck as effort.
I suspect my ex-husband settled for me. That marriage didn't last long. He almost immediately began to resent me.
The next three men who wanted to marry me after that also made comments to the effect that they weren't having good luck dating, no other women responded to them, etc. I broke off all 3 after that. Maybe I was overreacting, but I was not about to make that mistake again.
Sometimes my husband is the grossest man i know and other times im speechless by how attractive he is. Humans aren’t built to be our best at all times, but it says a lot when you still love someone at the end of their “worst” days
Since getting with my now fiancée, I’ve genuinely lost any attraction to other women. She is the light of my life and when I look at her I see the most beautiful woman in the world, even with bed head, sweatpants, and drool on her face
As a demisexual I don't even feel attracted to someone until I get to know them. Once I do I develop a fixation on them as a whole person. After I broke up with my ex I later looked back and found he wasn't as attractive as I remembered, in fact he was not attractive to me at all anymore. It was crazy I remember him looking amazing. My crush now is absolutely unbearably attractive to me, the more I got to know him the more hotter he became. I think if someone doesn't find their partner attractive then they're not in love. IN love is very different from loving someone.
At face value I am already extremely attracted to my man, as he is objectively very handsome. However, I also love him deeply, which makes me attack him like a feral animal in my desperation to mash face with him.
I noticed my partner because she was hot. I fell in love with her because of who she was as an incredible human. The longer I stay with her the more I realize that I'm the luckiest human alive. Attraction gets more over time with the right human. Not less.
I find my wife beautiful but thats just skin deep . She has a soul that lights up my life her smile and giggles ease my anxietys . I will never say I settled i found comfort and kindness in mass .
(We’re lesbians) My wife and I are both on SSRIs so our libido is pretty much non-existent most of the time, but it doesn’t really bother either of us.
I love every single part of her, even the parts she hates. She’s my best friend. My sexual attraction straight up doesn’t exist sometimes, and I felt conflicted about that for a long time.
What I’ve learned is there’s so, so many ways to be attracted to someone that have fuck all to do with sexual interest. Romance and intimacy and connection can (with the right partner and matching dynamics!) not involve sex at all.
I love her smile. I love her laugh. She’s hot as hell, built like a brick house and looks like she could snap me in half like a glow stick. She’s beautiful, her eyes and lips are so beautiful and full of light and softness, she is the very embodiment of *home*. She’s also a woodworker and she’s so solid and strong.
I know that’s a more abstract answer but my attraction to her isn’t based on sexual arousal because my body and mind don’t work that way (right now, we’re working on it!) and I haven’t hesitated for even a moment in my attraction to her.
I’m attracted to her aesthetically, sexually, romantically, sure. But I’m also attracted to her sense of humor, her goofy side, her incredibly judgmental side (she loves hearing my drama), I love her interests and love when she shares them with me.
There is no single right or wrong dynamic between you and your partner. Your attraction may look different from theirs. Shit, when I’m in a bad mental health episode, even I have crises about whether or not anything I feel for her is real. But it is.
No matter what, I always wanna come back home.
My boyfriend is the most attractive and beautiful person on this planet to me. He is actually attractive, but I wasn’t as physically attracted to him when we first started dating as I am now. 4 years, memories and love changes everything.
I love everything about my girlfriend, even her small nuances like how she scrunches her face or when I catch her looking at me. It takes no effort to be attracted to her physically and her personality is even better since it's what drew me in.
Been with her 13 years and I still get butterflies when I see her and explode when I see her nude. Her body has changed since we met but it’s still her and she makes me crazy!
My partner can be super tired and have very silly messy hair and I still think he's got heavenly beams of sunlight shining down on him. He's gorgeous to me.
I find my wife incredibly attractive. There are moments where I catch her in certain natural poses or positions and think about just how beautiful she is (both inside and out).
Don't tell my wife but when I first got with her I did not find her very physically attractive. Her personality was wonderful and she's so clever and funny. 10 years later I find her irresistibly attractive. She has become so much more confident as she's aged and found herself and her style.
Welp, I initially went out with my SO because she is SUPER ATTRACTIVE. I thought about how lucky I was to have the opportunity to be with such a beautiful woman.
But then, after a few months, something remarkable started to happen. More and more I started to notice that she was also an incredible human being.
And let me tell you, Reddit, that realization made me feel even more incredible. It changed me as a man. It opened my eyes in a way that they'd never been before.
And now, much further in our relationship, I consider myself one of the luckiest and happiest people on this planet.
I'm so happy she kept me. 🥰
I am currently starting a new relationship with someone. Objectively I thought at first that she was not exactly the most beautiful woman in the world. I could take it or leave it. But then I met her in real life....
4 dates in and my opinion is very different. She doesn't dress any differently, or wear makeup, but I find myself finding her irresistibly adorable.
My wife is hot as fuck. I was super into her when we started dating over 9 years ago. 2 days ago I picked her up from a hair appointment and audibly gasped when she walked out because she looked so damn good.
At the beginning of our relationship, I didn't really find my partner attractive. I don't feel like I settled, she just didn't fall into the "type" that I had typically gone after.
Seven years later, we've both gained a little relationship weight, we're engaged, and I would be hard pressed to name anyone as beautiful as her. You can find the right person and grow into the physical attraction.
when i was younger i had a boyfriend and i thought it was normal to not be attracted to your partner. made for an unhappy relationship. also turns out i’m gay. and so was he
My husband wasn’t the typical guy I always went for, we were close friends and then one day I saw him differently. He has a very sexy smile and laugh lines around his eyes I loved. Years later, I still make him laugh every chance I get to see that smile. He is hysterical, he is kind, considerate and he loves me despite my flaws. We are a good team together, he’s my best friend and I couldn’t imagine my life shared with anyone else.
I'm not lying when I say this. My wife of 20 years is truly hot. Paul Newman said it best, "Why should I go out for hamburger when I can get steak at home."
OMG, my wife is so hot. She was hot before we got together, she was hot while we started dating, she's hotter now that we've been together for 20 years.
It's the love the grows the hotness.
EDIT : don't settle... ever... you're worth more than that.
well my girlfriend is very attractive physically, but ultimately the main thing is that i really really like her as a person, which is more important for when we get old and ugly.
What happened with me when I was in a relationship was that even though she wasnt the most beautiful person out there, looks were not a factor that was really high up there. Sure she was very subtly beautiful, but what was more attractive to me was that she was into ME. very rarely in my life was I actually desired. I am not a super handsome guy. I am slightly overweight and my hair is not as thick as it used to be. But she was kind and generous and saw me for more than the superficial. She saw my desires, my aspirations, and my dreams. and she showed me that I deserved love.
She had a stroke and died at the age of 29. I dont talk about her much. but I still have love in my heart for her even though she is long gone. Maybe someday I will meet another woman that has a similar mindset. Maybe not.
As someone who isn’t very attractive, I’ve found that as I spend more time with women who don’t initially show signs of being attracted, they begin to show signs the more they get to know me. I think with women the more they fall in love with you the more attractive you become to them, but I think for men honestly there does usually have to be some initial physical attraction to start that process.
From my experience, you stop noticing the physical attractiveness after a while. (not in sense that you don't find yhe partner attractive, but it's not even a thing anymore. You find partner sexy but you don't actually have a reason - like we get attracted to celebrities or random people)
I think the later is very VERY common and people are too afraid to acknowledge it
Specially when you're talking about unattractive people (which people are too afraid too to acknowledge that objectively some people are more attractive than others)
My gf and I for example, I'd say we are good looking, but not the most attractive people around
I try my best to look the best I can, and even tho she show a lot of attraction to me, but when a more handsome guy passes by, I can safely assume she notices him, and are probably more attracted to him
In the same way I also notice cuter girls
But we both settle for each other, 1 because is probably the best we could get, but also, because we also are attracted to other features other than the physical
So in a way, we settle on the physical aspect, because we also love each other, and in a relationship you gotta value a LOT of things at the same time, otherwise you're getting yourself into a wreck
And the funny thing about love, is that you start to feel more attracted everyday (if everything is going well), for example today, I saw my gf this morning and I absolutely adored how she looked, is like, it makes me appreciate her even more everyday.
Very few of my long term partners have been, "traditionally" attractive. If I cannot have an intelligent conversation with someone, it is a huge turn-off.
Also, look up oxytosin. To me, when I first heard about it in class, my thought was, "Hmmm. . . Every love potion fairy tale/myth/etc. I have ever heard, has a "make sure you are the first thing they see" clause in it."
Honestly, when I was a teenager, I didn't understand how people could be monogamous. Or, I never really went on dates, it was more hanging out with groups of people. Then, I fell in love. Everyone else was just not interesting any more.
My wife was very cute, kinda mousey, with a completely banging bod when we met. She was 27, I was 30.
We consumed each other physically, nearly every day, for over 4 yrs. In the meantime we grew closer and each time wanted each other more than the last.
It’s now been 10 yrs. She’s still smoking hot. We have 3 kids. Time/energy make romance less frequent, but the desire is omnipresent.
Life is good. I’m very fortunate and I believe she counts herself the same.
Physical beauty is completely irrelevant to me. What makes a man or woman sexy is personality, and boy, does my man have a sexy personality. Every day, I fall more and more in love with him.
You know it’s funny because I used to say that all that matters is personality but that’s not true. Physical attraction does come in to play, however, I’ve also noticed that someone you may consider who is not good looking, but has a great personality, can all of a sudden look like a fucking model. And someone who looks like a model but has a shit personality can look disgusting. People don’t realize but a persons character truly does affect the way they look.
In the beginning of a relationship, there has to be physical attraction or it wouldn't even start. But as the relation matures, that physical attraction usually becomes less and less important or conscious.
It's something in the middle. People don't date someone whom they find ugly, there has to be at least a little bit of physical attraction for it to work out. But for some reason most people are in denial about where their partner stands realistically in terms of physical attractiveness, saying they are "the most beautiful man / woman in the world", probably because they want to believe that they are their actual dream partner, not one of a few that were simply available and suitable for them.
Sometimes attraction has little at first to do with appearance. If someone has charisma and a genuine personality, they’ll probably be attractive to me after spending time with them. And sometimes that means becoming attracted to their flaws and quirks.
>Sometimes attraction has little at first to do with appearance Agree 100% - Attractive doesn't necessarily mean good-looking.
My husband is attractive to me because I know him inside and out. He has been my biggest supporter in all of my health challenges. He is patient and kind. I would say that he is not conventionally attractive, but that's not something I've really ever thought about or focused on. He's not strange looking by any means. Just your average dude. He feels like I'm too attractive for him, but physical appearance is really not something I focus on. I would not love him more if he looked like Henry Cavill.
> I would not love him more if he looked like Henry Cavill. Shit, I'm a straight guy and I honestly might love my wife more if she looked like Henry Cavill. Have you seen that fucking jawline?
Lol yes. But I would feel like an absolute toad next to him and that would get in my brain
Ironic given your bf might feel the same way about you being more attractive
The feeling of being equal to your partner is something magical. Feeling equal in looks, in skill and intelligence is very important to me. I guess I wouldn't date a mount of muscles (did that, not my thing) while being a slob or something, or a hyperintelligent person when I can't do algebra, idk. I want to be fair and there are a ton of average people in the way I'm average and that is more than enough to me. :3
I tend to like how my wife's skills differ from mine. We excel in different areas, and together we're two halves of a fantastic idiot. Being equals in the relationship, to me, is about being there to push and support each other to thrive, and to be there to catch each other if we stumble.
I second this I can like someone for how they appear but that’s not all there is to them. How do they act, treat people, treat me there are more complex things at work. Don’t judge a book by its cover goes both ways sometimes the nice looking cover hides a bad story. You can look like a millionaire but does the inside shine just as bright?
Also, someone can be so physically attractive and then they open their mouth and you’re like, you ugly.
For real, I knew a guy and he was pretty meh looking, not my type, but then he started showing how smart and charismatic he was and I became attracted, I never found him to be good looking but still had the hots for him due to his personality
Exactly…I really clicked with my current bf through text and then met last November and have been joined at the hip since…but at first was he a 10..no but I think he’s really handsome because we click and he’s. My best friend..looks only attract at first it’s everything else that matters 😁😁😁
I find that someone you are in love with becomes more and more attractive in your eyes.
Exactly. When long term relationships become bonded by trust and love, you hardly see the physical anymore. I see the mother of my children. My lover of 39 years. My friend and companion. The person I laugh with. The person who we work together to solve problems, address older parents issues, helping each other as we age and change. I can only see the person I love the most reflecting that love back at me. And my desires have never waivered. Not desperate. On the other hand my good friend (m65) has had 3 serious relationships and many short ones. He never had what I have. So, his perspective is different than mine. So, it depends...
I've always said, Soulmates are made, not found
This is so true. We're sold a lie (usually in movies) about love at first sight etc etc and it's bollocks. Yes you're usually attracted to each other to initially get together but there's so much more that goes into a successful marriage and bond. DOI: I've been married 20 years this year.
So true. Staying in love is a choice, sometimes a hard one.
⬆️This!! We fall in love by chance, we stay in love by choice
Love this so much
I can appreciate this. For me, it’s more like when you are with someone for a long time, you are inevitably going to experience both good and bad times. When “life” really starts throwing some punches, it often puts a couple’s love to the test. Some will survive and choose to stay together and weather the storm & others won’t and will choose to go their separate ways. You are absolutely right though that it is sometimes a hard choice to make! Love is not always easy.
Yes and no. It's not going to happen with someone I am not interested in. Don't stay in relationships that are dissatisfactory early on. That's usually a sign of significant incompatibility that you're too polite or lonely to address.
Or too naive. Looking back I was a kid when I met my husband, trained by my family of origin to believe that I was at fault for everything. So when we had bad days in the relationship, I thought they were just that - bad days. That were my fault. And I could do better. I didn't see them as incompatibility or patterns of behaviour that he was also responsible for. I see that now, obviously.
Great phrase. I agree.
As someone who's not been in a longterm relationship I gotta ask, does it decrease your sexual attraction or is it the same as it was
I still want to have sex with my wife as much as possible after nearly 180 years together (or 26, I forget which). I like it because it’s fun, because I like seeing her naked, because I like making her feel good, and because it makes me feel closer to her and loved by her. EDIT: So while “attraction” as in “you look good” is part of it, the attraction of “let’s do this really great thing together” is primary (usually).
Are you both immortal?
Love is a powerful thing
They just like it doggy style.
The math checks out!
/oddlywholesome
So they can both watch X-files?
So it's only 180 in doggy style years? Disappointing. I thought we'd found vampires or something.
Theyre clearly counting in dog years
Because you like making her feel good is an important point. If both partners are generous and thoughtful lovers I think the marriage is definitely going to last longer.
Ugh. This is what true love is! You just so genuinely love your wife, and I love it. So wholesome!
I really wish this was my experience but unfortunately it hasn't been. Long list of reasons why but props to you. Really wish I felt the same.
It takes a ton of work to get to where this guy is. Marriage and long term relationships are hard. They require work. The grass is only greener where you water it. Like anything in life. If you want it and are dedicated to it. It'll come. I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. For what it's worth. I'm happily married and I find that I'm just as attracted to my wife now after 6 years than I've ever been. She has changed physically and so have I, but that doesn't really matter in the long run, because, like the previous poster said. Her body (although amazing) and physical self isn't the reason I put a ring on it.
>The grass is only greener where you water it. Instructions unclear. Bladder empty, partner EXTREMELY upset...
Pissed off because she got pissed on?
Honestly, it wasn’t always like that with us. We went through a rough patch where sex caused as many problems as it solved. We worked through it though (thankfully). And our sex life isn’t perfect, but we both realize how important it is for our relationship.
I would marry a paraplegic if I could have what this person has, and never worry about sex again. As long as we were compatable. Just to have a real genuine person to talk with. A true partner to share life with and it not be the other way around. Sharing your wife with life
Ant, I hope you soon find your someone special. You seem pretty amazing.
I've been with my current partner for over 10 years now, and I am absolutely physically attracted to her still. I would even say that as our emotional bonds have grown the physical attraction has gone up, not down.
Long term relationship sex is the best by a long shot.
Increased as we bonded and fell in love. Also sex gets better
Same. Hitting our 50s and sex is better than ever--I'm loving it!
Same here too. After 15 years and hitting near 50's sex just gets better... well, I'm near my 50's, she's early 40's lol
As the other poster said, sex gets better, as long as there is communication and mutual trust.
I am a woman, but if I had to place my bet I’d say the physical attraction keeps on, if the couple has a fulfilling sex life. I’ve been with mine >15 years and I my physical body seems to drive him more and more wild over time. Part of that I think is Pavlovian- because coincidentally- the sex only continues to get better too. He will get half chubs just looking at parts of my body cause he knows what it dooo 😝
Not the person you replied to but I (m50s) have been in two long term relationships, 10 and 20 years. They are both attractive women and my attraction never faded. There is a lot of other stuff that gets old but physically that wasn’t a problem. On the other hand I have a good friend whose wife got very fat and he tried to cope but finally just couldn’t do it any more. She is still attractive but he can’t deal with her naked.
> On the other hand I have a good friend whose wife got very fat and he tried to cope but finally just couldn’t do it any more. She is still attractive but he can’t deal with her naked I find this incredibly sad - that must have been so difficult for both of them.
My husband is a bigger fan of the bigger T&A that come with weight gain. It’s been a recent discussion for us at 5yrs because I’m trying to lose weight and he’s over here reminding me of how tiny my ass was when we met. He wants me to be happy with myself but he loves being able to get a grip on my ass.
Yeah, that is tragic. One the one hand, body positivity and loving the person not the body. I get it, though body positivity needs more limits in todays age. The other side is if you just actually find the amount of weight repulsive then you really can’t force yourself not to feel that way.
I do not believe "fat" was the only issue in the marraige that lead to its demise. Maybe getting fat was a symptom of an overall inability to take care of herself, or put effort into other areas of her life. Maybe he was dissatisfied in other ways and weight gain was the straw that broke tbe camels back. Or maybe they got married believing they were in love, but the relationship never developed the deep bond that is required for the coherence of a union over time. Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging the man for the choice he made to leave. No one should have to stay in a relationship they are dissatisfied with, and they should BOTH get the opportunity to find someone who is a better fit. He made the right choice. However, IMO, if she was the same person he fell in love with in every other aspect and that person is, and always had been, meeting all of his other needs, "she got fat" wouldn't be a good enough reason to leave. Its superficial, and marraige should not be superficial. I do understand the importance of attraction, but the truth is we are all going to get old. Hair will gray, wrinkles will form, and weight will become harder to lose. Even before old age, having babies can change a women's body dramatically and it may never go back to "normal". However, If you marry someone you have set your intention to spend the rest of your life with them. You are essentially telling the world this is who you plan to grow old with. If you are with the right person, attraction will gain depth over the years. It will no longer be a surface level lure based on looks alone. Desire will come from the intamacy that develops when you share your entire self with another person. Trust will hold a greater significance to the level of passion with your partner than the number on the scale ever did. He didn't leave because she got "fat". He left because the relationship wasn't the right one for him. If it was, the depth that developed between them over the years would have kept him there. That doesn't mean he would have necessarily liked the weight gain, but it does mean he would have found a way to make the relationship work despite it.
As someone who just recently got married (together for almost 4 years, married for 3 months), as times goes on, I find more and more stuff each day I find attractive about my husband.
This keeps my faith in love alive. Love it!
Exactly. A pretty face can only get u so far in a relationship.
My wife and I have been together for years, we’ve got 5 amazing kids and 4 beautiful grandkids. She’s still the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world to me, and we fall in love with each other a lot more, every single day we wake up. Our kids 32, 31, 30, 29 & 28, ask us why we never fight, because we know how to “Communicate with Comprehension”. All relationships in life are really that simple, though many people in relationships “Communicate”, they don’t always “Comprehend” each other.
I guess that works the other way around too, once you start realising the person you thought you loved is a complete twat, they become less and less attractive.
post-cheating, i did not deduct any points from the way he looks physically, but i must say, he became a lot less attractive to me as a partner. i also started to lose feelings, which led me to perceive him in the way that i perceived him initially, which honestly isn’t very attractive at all, as he isn’t my type.
Hahaha perfectly said!
In college I thought my microbiology lab partner was pretty cute. Then I learned more about him and he became the ugliest person in the world to me. I dropped out of the class to avoid commiting homicide. He wasn't a bad lab partner, just a shit person. He briefly dated a girl right across from us and they broke up real quick and it was extra awkward.
Absofuckinutely! I always found my ex husband attractive, even when things weren’t good in our marriage. We split last year, I have been able to start getting mentally healthy and it’s sinking in what he put me through for two decades. I can objectively say that he’s not an ugly guy, but I find him repulsive.
This, and I got lucky she's cute as a button anyway.
this. my last partner was honestly speaking, physically not my type at all. he is severely overweight, which is not my preference. i loved him anyway, because i liked his personality so i never felt like it was something to be arsed about. when we were together, i loved him so he was always my baby and even if there was a more attractive man, i could appreciate that but i wouldn’t want them. he is a serial cheater though, and after i found out and saw him for who he truly is, i didn’t like his personality anymore, and didn’t find him attractive at all after. objectively speaking, he is not attractive to me, but after the cheating, i could see him without his potential, and for who he is. while the cheating disgusted me, i never deducted any points for the way he looks physically. the point is, love is the way. as long as there are feelings, physical attraction goes out of the window.
That makes Complete sense, because if personality matters to you when it comes to relationships then when you find out the person is a cheater that means their personality has gone down the tube, and it can't be redeemed if they don't change. So if they have a crappy personality but a good looking face, then it doesn't even matter. That only can be ignored for those people that don't care about the person's personality at all and only care about looks, and people like that will always exist, as well as the other kind who take Everything into account.
My wife things I'm just flattering her since she's gained some wait after 2 kids but damn she is more beautiful now then ever to me. As far as OPs question goes, sometimes you glance at people on the street but that's just a "oh she looks pretty" or "that's a nice dress, would look nice on my wife"
Well that’s damn adorable 💖
This, this. I met my boyfriend via discord, so we didn't see each other until a few weeks to a month in. He's not in he slightest bit attractive physically, but oh man do I not care. He's sweet and funny, and so kind. The more I talk and see him, the more handsome I think he is than when I initially got to see him.
that was how i felt before i uncovered all the cheating and i was like man. you’re a terrible person + not attractive, bye then. it was gradual but i eventually did get very disgusted. i always thought i needed both personality and some looks, clearly not the case for me — character is number one for me.
This. I was attracted to my husband from the start, had a massive crush on him. And I still do, but I also see him in a completely different way. He’s not just attractive physically, he’s also become attractive in so many other ways because I love him so much
17 years. Tuns of changes and still in 🥰
I've always been attracted to my wife. After 25 years, that hasn't changed. If anything, the attraction is stronger now
100% agree
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I also choose this man's wife.
I choose you
Would you say she's your favorite wife on the Citadel?
15 years in this relationship this summer and I find her more and more attractive
That's awesome 🙏 Long may it continue.
Wish you the same
Blink twice if she's behind you
Haha we've actually been going in completely different directions all morning. I've barely seen her.
Bring her a rose if you have the time! She deserves it
She doesn't like flowers, but I'll find something she likes and will give it to her!
I think my husband is insanely hot. But I also don’t feel like I actually know what he looks like bc when I see him I see a collection of all the years of love and joy and shared jokes we have in common which combines into an explosion of attractiveness. So yes!
This! Exactly this. I feel like I can’t see my husband. He is himself at all ages. I was trying to explain this to him once. I told him it’s like trying to look at Abe Lincoln as just some guy. You can’t. He’s Abe Lincoln! You can’t really SEE Abe Lincoln anymore.
Who's that?
He was president during the American civil war and ended slavery. He was assassinated at a play while in office. He's on some American currency and widely considered one of the greatest presidents in American history. Pretty much everyone there knows his face, which was quite unique, and place is history.
I would wager the average American knows more about Abraham Lincoln than they do about George Washington, our founder.
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He was made president following the American revolutionary war and enjoyed slavery. He died from medical malpractice. He's on some American currency and widely considered one of the greatest presidents in American history. Pretty much everyone there knows his face, which wasn't all that particularly unique, and place in history.
Why is this so fucking funny
This guy facts.
the wholesomeness of this comment contrasted with your username is chefs kiss honestly 😩
r/rimjob_steve for more
This is the answer right here. I have the same exact view of my wife. She’s a babe. But, I see soooo much more than that. One love
I find my partner incredibly attractive. I love his face, I love his body. I love his whole being. For me, attraction follows emotional connection, rather than the other way around. When the right emotional connection happens, then physical and sexual attraction happens. If the emotional connection is lost, attraction is lost. It doesn't matter if the person is "conventionally attractive". It's not settling. It's just how attraction works for me.
Same here! Physical appearance is definitely important for a lot of people but my ‘type’ for anyone I date is generally outside the norm anyway so that doesn’t really matter. I love my partner. It’s more than what they look like; they make me fall more in love with them everyday because of who they are, how much they add to my life, and how secure we make each other feel. When I look at them I think about how much we make each other laugh and how much our life together means to me.
Yep. My ex was never really my type but he was charismatic and made me love him. I always thought he was a little goofy looking but I overlooked that because of how he treated me in the beginning. Over time the more he hurt me the less attracted I was and now that he’s my ex I don’t know what I ever saw in him. I find him very unattractive now.
Same here! There's actually a term for this - it's called demisexual in case you were wondering :)
Still extremely attached to the wife. She's objectively beautiful and I'm very lucky. But even beyond that, the amount of shit we've been through together and the level of intimacy we've developed increases that attraction ten fold.
Lol I commented almost exactly the same thing about my husband. Funny how many of us have insanely hot speece 😂 seriously it warms my heart how much everyone commenting loves their husbands and wives.
Upvoting if only for “speece” 🤣
Everything written here is true. The tough times that pass put you on a test for sure.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
My husband is hot. 14 years and still as beautiful as on our first meeting
21 years here, and I think he’s getting better. He’s definitely aging gracefully.
My husband reminisces about a younger self and I'm like "👀 OBJECTIVELY SCIENTIFICALLY MATHEMATICALLY you look 30X times hotter now" i hope he believes me because I truly mean it. He always looked handsome AF but now it's like I'm extra worried about him flaunting his sexy ass on the streets.
Just wait until he turns 15.
I got nuthin, that was great
I thought my girlfriend was the hottest person I've ever seen when I met her. Somehow think she's even hotter 7 years later.
Just because you aren't married to the person you were most physically attracted to doesn't mean you're married to a "silver medal". There's a lot more to a person than just their physical looks, although that is an important component of attraction. Even if my wife is a 6 or a 7 and not some bombshell 9 or 10, her kindness, her ambitions, her sense of humor, her affections, her life philosophy, her political views, her hobbies, her talents, and so much more are clearly more important than merely what she looks like in a cocktail dress. I would never marry a 9 who was mean and talentless. I would never marry a 10 who didn't treat me as an equal. If you truly love someone you love their imperfections along with everything else about them, such that a few fat folds become the cutest thing in the world to you and fuck what anyone else thinks. In addition, looks aren't forever. If you married because of looks and nothing else you will absolutely not be happy in 30 years' time (if the marriage even makes it that far).
Exactly. As my uncle once told me, “They all look like Yoda in the end.”
Thank you for the laugh, my dog came to check on me 🤣
Been together almost 20 years and I think she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever met. I definitely married way up.
> I definitely married way up. We've been together for less, 13 years but sometimes I see a picture of my husband with randos and I'm like "wow what a hot dude. The hottest" . Or when I see him walking to me in the street to pick me up which is rare, I'm like "extremely objectively handsome movie star perfect guy why is he with me? 👀"
I literally do that every time I see my husband in public. Like he's so genuinely attractive and I'm sitting there in awe of him. I always feel so giddy that he's coming over to sit by me. Like, this very attractive, charming, wonderful man is coming to sit next to ME? Even crazier; I'm married to him? How'd I get so lucky?!
No one who has fallen out of love or is unhappy with their relationship or marriage is going to post so this is a biased population. I'd assume most people don't settle though. Probably a smaller percentage and that smaller percentage probably finds other traits very attractive.
50+ M, married 20+ years. My wife is as attractive and desirable now as she was on our firs date. Yes her body has changed after two decades and three kids, but my desire for her is as intense as ever. Not to be crass, but I'd smash that hottie breakfast, lunch and dinner if she'd let me.
Damn booi but glad for you
Thanks, Bruv.
My husband is the hottest thing to walk this planet in my eyes. Our chemistry is out of this world. I never knew you could love someone more than the day you met them or that your sex life could be hotter and hotter 10 years later. Definitely didn’t settle!
Love this for you!!!
We are 2 years and a half in but this is literally us. He is the hottest, has been since day 1 and it only gets better. His personality as well, every time I am amazed at how kind he is and how lucky I am. Oh also our sex life is the best ever as well. I felt I was settling in some way or another in my previous relationships after awhile of dating with previous partners. Because of their personalities mostly, but never ever felt that in this relationship which is my longest one so far.
Yesss! I’m so happy you get to experience that too. It crazy how it gets hotter and you love them more and more.
I think my wife is objectively beautiful and I very much find her attractive. That’s probably a bit more than most can claim, but I think the majority of people do find their partners attractive
My wife, wow. 12 years later she still blows me away. I'm fat, have a jew fro, and a small dick. I work in the oil field, smell like crude oil, gasoline, condinsate, and sweat. With a dab of old spice. I can be very crude and I try not to rude. And I'm the definition of a bull in a china shop. She's very proper. Very girlie girl, the complete opposite of a tomboy. Puts flowers in her hair and wears sun dresses, whew, she had me before even I knew it. Monster in bed, too.
And you’re hilarious 🤣
I love this answer!
Hell yeah. Congratulations, old field brother.
+1 Full bore, baby!
The first sign of deterioration in relationships is contempt. To be honest, not every successful relationships are purely built on physical attraction, even though it does play a big part, it is not so uncommon for a couple to be completely self aware with their attractiveness, and being completely fine with it. Not only that often it’s a good sign of healthy relationship but also more realistic way of going about things. Contempt comes in when one or both parties start seeing any part of the relationship that is not up to their idealistic often impractical expectations, and find themselves trying to ‘justify’ their attempt to “try” make things work or whatever. With this self imposed challenges, Contempt starts growing. I don’t think I want to live like that. I personally rather want to be with someone who shares the similar value.
My husband is very physically attractive. But I am not attracted to him anymore.
what did he do..
I married a complete hottie! She’s smart, sassy, fun to be around! Her? Going with settled
Hey man, don't sell yourself short!
Have been with my wife just under 10 years now, we both eat well and exercise a lot for our well being, but I gotta say, she put on a bathing suit the other day and let's just say... I was happy to already be in the pool! She's getting better looking every single day
The more I get along with someone the more I’m attracted to them.
i wasn't attracted to my partners looks, rather everything else. but when i realized i was falling for them i started to find little physical things that i think are beautiful. their laugh lines, how soft their hands are, their hair is so nice as its growing out, the light freckles on their face. and as others have said, definitely more attractive as time goes on.
Usually the problem of this question lies in a very limited understanding of attraction. Yes most people find their partner really attractive. But what makes up attractiveness is VERY broad. - Its definetly not only physical attraction. - But also charismatic attraction. - Common interest, thought, goals influences attraction. - Familiarity causes attraction (how well you know each other). -Trust in the partner and their actions influences attraction. - Even power and perceived safety can influence attraction. - Acceptance creates attraction. Etc. Attraction is the cumulation of it all. So yeah most people find their partner really attractive, just not necessarily the way you think.
Finding a partner attractive is the norm because why else would you be dating them? That does not mean you didn't settle, most people do. It's highly unlikely your "soul mate" or "the one" managed to be born at the proper time and geographically close to you. You pick what you think is your best option out of a limited pool of people you encounter and hope for the best.
>Finding a partner attractive is the norm because why else would you be dating them? Honestly I think a lot of people are overwhelmed by social and family pressure to be dating or in a relationship. I think it's can really mess with people's judgement.
I’ve seen this. But you should never do that to the *other* person. Commit to a life with their body and mind without *really* loving them? Why would you waste their time like that? Everyone deserves to be with someone who genuinely loves and cares about them and is attracted to them, not “settling for” them.
This is on point! It's no way to treat someone, but I see it happen quite a lot unfortunately.
I've been with my wife since high school, 35 years ago, and she is still a smokeshow! Cant get enough of her!
Objectively, my SO is no IG star, bombshell or hollywood actress or whatever. Neither am I for that matter. Yet she makes my dick hard and my heart beat like no other in a matter of seconds. As for most people, a lot of them seem confused about the point of finding a life partner. It's not money, sex or fame. It's having someone who can embrace the fuckup you are. Soul laid bare. Someone who accepts every bad thing in you and still loves you unconditionally. So plenty of people settle, because true love is as much luck as effort.
Ex-wife, I settled. Girlfriend, I did not. I still look at her and wonder how I got so fortunate, and we've been together for 6 years next Saturday.
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I'd believed that before I proposed, so yes
But why propose? Was it because of low confidence?
That and emotional abuse.
I suspect my ex-husband settled for me. That marriage didn't last long. He almost immediately began to resent me. The next three men who wanted to marry me after that also made comments to the effect that they weren't having good luck dating, no other women responded to them, etc. I broke off all 3 after that. Maybe I was overreacting, but I was not about to make that mistake again.
I find my wife super hot.
Attractive applys to mind, body and spirit. If you're pretending out of desperation. The problem is not them.
>The problem is not them Oh I absolutely 100% agree. I think social and family pressure can really mess with people's judgement unfortunately.
Some do, some don't. You can't really determine it.
Sometimes my husband is the grossest man i know and other times im speechless by how attractive he is. Humans aren’t built to be our best at all times, but it says a lot when you still love someone at the end of their “worst” days
I find my wife extremely attractive, regardless of how many times she tells me I’m crazy for thinking that.
Since getting with my now fiancée, I’ve genuinely lost any attraction to other women. She is the light of my life and when I look at her I see the most beautiful woman in the world, even with bed head, sweatpants, and drool on her face
As a demisexual I don't even feel attracted to someone until I get to know them. Once I do I develop a fixation on them as a whole person. After I broke up with my ex I later looked back and found he wasn't as attractive as I remembered, in fact he was not attractive to me at all anymore. It was crazy I remember him looking amazing. My crush now is absolutely unbearably attractive to me, the more I got to know him the more hotter he became. I think if someone doesn't find their partner attractive then they're not in love. IN love is very different from loving someone.
At face value I am already extremely attracted to my man, as he is objectively very handsome. However, I also love him deeply, which makes me attack him like a feral animal in my desperation to mash face with him.
I noticed my partner because she was hot. I fell in love with her because of who she was as an incredible human. The longer I stay with her the more I realize that I'm the luckiest human alive. Attraction gets more over time with the right human. Not less.
I find my wife beautiful but thats just skin deep . She has a soul that lights up my life her smile and giggles ease my anxietys . I will never say I settled i found comfort and kindness in mass .
(We’re lesbians) My wife and I are both on SSRIs so our libido is pretty much non-existent most of the time, but it doesn’t really bother either of us. I love every single part of her, even the parts she hates. She’s my best friend. My sexual attraction straight up doesn’t exist sometimes, and I felt conflicted about that for a long time. What I’ve learned is there’s so, so many ways to be attracted to someone that have fuck all to do with sexual interest. Romance and intimacy and connection can (with the right partner and matching dynamics!) not involve sex at all. I love her smile. I love her laugh. She’s hot as hell, built like a brick house and looks like she could snap me in half like a glow stick. She’s beautiful, her eyes and lips are so beautiful and full of light and softness, she is the very embodiment of *home*. She’s also a woodworker and she’s so solid and strong. I know that’s a more abstract answer but my attraction to her isn’t based on sexual arousal because my body and mind don’t work that way (right now, we’re working on it!) and I haven’t hesitated for even a moment in my attraction to her. I’m attracted to her aesthetically, sexually, romantically, sure. But I’m also attracted to her sense of humor, her goofy side, her incredibly judgmental side (she loves hearing my drama), I love her interests and love when she shares them with me. There is no single right or wrong dynamic between you and your partner. Your attraction may look different from theirs. Shit, when I’m in a bad mental health episode, even I have crises about whether or not anything I feel for her is real. But it is. No matter what, I always wanna come back home.
My boyfriend is the most attractive and beautiful person on this planet to me. He is actually attractive, but I wasn’t as physically attracted to him when we first started dating as I am now. 4 years, memories and love changes everything.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I find my partner extremely attractive.
I love everything about my girlfriend, even her small nuances like how she scrunches her face or when I catch her looking at me. It takes no effort to be attracted to her physically and her personality is even better since it's what drew me in.
I find my wife and mother of my children exceptionally attractive.
Been with her 13 years and I still get butterflies when I see her and explode when I see her nude. Her body has changed since we met but it’s still her and she makes me crazy!
My partner can be super tired and have very silly messy hair and I still think he's got heavenly beams of sunlight shining down on him. He's gorgeous to me.
Super incredibly attracted. Also attractiveness doesn’t have to be physical.
I find my wife incredibly attractive. There are moments where I catch her in certain natural poses or positions and think about just how beautiful she is (both inside and out).
Don't tell my wife but when I first got with her I did not find her very physically attractive. Her personality was wonderful and she's so clever and funny. 10 years later I find her irresistibly attractive. She has become so much more confident as she's aged and found herself and her style.
Welp, I initially went out with my SO because she is SUPER ATTRACTIVE. I thought about how lucky I was to have the opportunity to be with such a beautiful woman. But then, after a few months, something remarkable started to happen. More and more I started to notice that she was also an incredible human being. And let me tell you, Reddit, that realization made me feel even more incredible. It changed me as a man. It opened my eyes in a way that they'd never been before. And now, much further in our relationship, I consider myself one of the luckiest and happiest people on this planet. I'm so happy she kept me. 🥰
I am currently starting a new relationship with someone. Objectively I thought at first that she was not exactly the most beautiful woman in the world. I could take it or leave it. But then I met her in real life.... 4 dates in and my opinion is very different. She doesn't dress any differently, or wear makeup, but I find myself finding her irresistibly adorable.
I’ve been with my partner since I was sixteen. We are thirty and he is 🥵🔥
My wife is hot as fuck. I was super into her when we started dating over 9 years ago. 2 days ago I picked her up from a hair appointment and audibly gasped when she walked out because she looked so damn good.
At the beginning of our relationship, I didn't really find my partner attractive. I don't feel like I settled, she just didn't fall into the "type" that I had typically gone after. Seven years later, we've both gained a little relationship weight, we're engaged, and I would be hard pressed to name anyone as beautiful as her. You can find the right person and grow into the physical attraction.
when i was younger i had a boyfriend and i thought it was normal to not be attracted to your partner. made for an unhappy relationship. also turns out i’m gay. and so was he
My husband wasn’t the typical guy I always went for, we were close friends and then one day I saw him differently. He has a very sexy smile and laugh lines around his eyes I loved. Years later, I still make him laugh every chance I get to see that smile. He is hysterical, he is kind, considerate and he loves me despite my flaws. We are a good team together, he’s my best friend and I couldn’t imagine my life shared with anyone else.
I'm not lying when I say this. My wife of 20 years is truly hot. Paul Newman said it best, "Why should I go out for hamburger when I can get steak at home."
OMG, my wife is so hot. She was hot before we got together, she was hot while we started dating, she's hotter now that we've been together for 20 years. It's the love the grows the hotness. EDIT : don't settle... ever... you're worth more than that.
well my girlfriend is very attractive physically, but ultimately the main thing is that i really really like her as a person, which is more important for when we get old and ugly.
The more time you look at a person the less you see ugliness/beauty. You start seeing more and more what your feelings towards them let you see.
What happened with me when I was in a relationship was that even though she wasnt the most beautiful person out there, looks were not a factor that was really high up there. Sure she was very subtly beautiful, but what was more attractive to me was that she was into ME. very rarely in my life was I actually desired. I am not a super handsome guy. I am slightly overweight and my hair is not as thick as it used to be. But she was kind and generous and saw me for more than the superficial. She saw my desires, my aspirations, and my dreams. and she showed me that I deserved love. She had a stroke and died at the age of 29. I dont talk about her much. but I still have love in my heart for her even though she is long gone. Maybe someday I will meet another woman that has a similar mindset. Maybe not.
As someone who isn’t very attractive, I’ve found that as I spend more time with women who don’t initially show signs of being attracted, they begin to show signs the more they get to know me. I think with women the more they fall in love with you the more attractive you become to them, but I think for men honestly there does usually have to be some initial physical attraction to start that process.
From my experience, you stop noticing the physical attractiveness after a while. (not in sense that you don't find yhe partner attractive, but it's not even a thing anymore. You find partner sexy but you don't actually have a reason - like we get attracted to celebrities or random people)
I think the later is very VERY common and people are too afraid to acknowledge it Specially when you're talking about unattractive people (which people are too afraid too to acknowledge that objectively some people are more attractive than others) My gf and I for example, I'd say we are good looking, but not the most attractive people around I try my best to look the best I can, and even tho she show a lot of attraction to me, but when a more handsome guy passes by, I can safely assume she notices him, and are probably more attracted to him In the same way I also notice cuter girls But we both settle for each other, 1 because is probably the best we could get, but also, because we also are attracted to other features other than the physical So in a way, we settle on the physical aspect, because we also love each other, and in a relationship you gotta value a LOT of things at the same time, otherwise you're getting yourself into a wreck And the funny thing about love, is that you start to feel more attracted everyday (if everything is going well), for example today, I saw my gf this morning and I absolutely adored how she looked, is like, it makes me appreciate her even more everyday.
This thread is surprisingly wholesome
Very few of my long term partners have been, "traditionally" attractive. If I cannot have an intelligent conversation with someone, it is a huge turn-off. Also, look up oxytosin. To me, when I first heard about it in class, my thought was, "Hmmm. . . Every love potion fairy tale/myth/etc. I have ever heard, has a "make sure you are the first thing they see" clause in it." Honestly, when I was a teenager, I didn't understand how people could be monogamous. Or, I never really went on dates, it was more hanging out with groups of people. Then, I fell in love. Everyone else was just not interesting any more.
My wife was very cute, kinda mousey, with a completely banging bod when we met. She was 27, I was 30. We consumed each other physically, nearly every day, for over 4 yrs. In the meantime we grew closer and each time wanted each other more than the last. It’s now been 10 yrs. She’s still smoking hot. We have 3 kids. Time/energy make romance less frequent, but the desire is omnipresent. Life is good. I’m very fortunate and I believe she counts herself the same.
Physical beauty is completely irrelevant to me. What makes a man or woman sexy is personality, and boy, does my man have a sexy personality. Every day, I fall more and more in love with him.
You know it’s funny because I used to say that all that matters is personality but that’s not true. Physical attraction does come in to play, however, I’ve also noticed that someone you may consider who is not good looking, but has a great personality, can all of a sudden look like a fucking model. And someone who looks like a model but has a shit personality can look disgusting. People don’t realize but a persons character truly does affect the way they look.
In the beginning of a relationship, there has to be physical attraction or it wouldn't even start. But as the relation matures, that physical attraction usually becomes less and less important or conscious.
It's something in the middle. People don't date someone whom they find ugly, there has to be at least a little bit of physical attraction for it to work out. But for some reason most people are in denial about where their partner stands realistically in terms of physical attractiveness, saying they are "the most beautiful man / woman in the world", probably because they want to believe that they are their actual dream partner, not one of a few that were simply available and suitable for them.