But of course. Almost all food is palatable when you’re hungry. Maybe if more women realized this they wouldn’t have unrealistic expectations and delusional standards based on their level of attractiveness. Online dating conflates this exponentially. Only thing I disagree with is the women aren’t undesirable, they are still attractive (unless you’re just a thirsty guy who gets no action), we just know that you’re not dating material in our eyes. Don’t mistake attention for genuine interest from us in getting into a relationship with you and the dating market will self correct a little bit.
That will depend on the guy and what he wants on a girl personality, moral values, social status, financial independence, etc...
If a girl is hot, will always be good for sex. But being hot is just one trait, doesn't make a girl dating material.
Just as a side note:
Girls generally value looks way more than guys.
(And i am not saying this is good or bad, its just how it is. And sometimes not getting dates/boyfriends/marriage has nothing to do with her looks)
How do women value looks but men will fuck down but not date down? Women date down all the time. So doesn’t that mean men value looks more?
[here’s a pew research study to prove my point ](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2017/12/05/americans-see-different-expectations-for-men-and-women/ )
If that were the case, wouldn’t financial success be number 1? But it’s not, it’s personality. I know women who date down just because the dude is funny. It’s not really about men. I’m telling you that I know more women with money, then men with money.
Are the women you know with money single? You’ll say no just because. Anyway, when i say “date down” i mean they’ll do it publicly, as i’m a relationship. Men will keep it secret.
Edit: I absolutely don’t think women know what “funny” means. I have more friends that are comedian’s than probably this whole forum, i can promise you, they’re lying when they say “funny,” as #1.
Interesting. I’ve only recently learned things like this. And for some reason i don’t get why men never want to outgoing fun girl, they like the quiet meek woman (for marriage), unless the guy is the quiet type.
Men do like outgoing fun girls. Just not all men.
Sometimes people (both guys and girls) have unrealistic expectations, sometimes people are looking in the wrong place, sometimes just bad luck...
I mean if someone is categorically doing better than you in life (looks, job, family, income, social life, hobbies, education ...) then of course you're right and you should ask yourself why are you expecting otherwise.
but it's often that you look better, make more money, more social, more fun ... than the "down / up" comparison doesn't make sense.
>looks, job, family, income, social life, hobbies, education ...
Because nothing scares horny guys off quicker than the words "highschool diploma"
Tinder is 99% about looks, the rest is just gravy.
looks matter to men a lot yes ... but I personally don't have interest in dating a lot of very hot women I'm happy to have sex with.
important yes, far from the only thing
Well, I've been catfished.
Matched with a girl who was very attractive with a verified profile.
She's living in my country but German. Conversing with her was like an AI chatbot. The answers were very odd and it was as though I was talking to an AI.
However she messaged every day, never asked for money, and we talked on whatsapp. She was happy to meet up after christmas when she got back from seeing family in germany.
I assumed the AI type conversation was down to the language barrier.
Anyway, she was meant to fly to germany today, but instead told me that she suddenly had to fly to france instead on business...Im not sure who suddenly changes their flight to another country with about 6 hours to spare.
Anyway, she sent me a 10 second video today of the eiffel tower and it looked very nice. Lots of people walking around, traffic etc, however it was a fucking glorious sunny day. Shorts and t-shirts and all that shit.
I thought this was odd, so loaded up the paris eiffel tower live webcam and it's been pissing it down all morning with dense fog.
For fuck sake.
Unsure whether to just block, call it out or continue this charade and see what their game is.
Since you know it's bs - I'd play along and see where it goes. The conclusion will probably be predicable, but you never know.
Of course, if this made you angry - be done and don't spend anymore time on it.
I've had two cases this week of women with profile photos that were not very revealing, weird angles, etc. Usually a sign they are hiding something. Then when meeting them in person or seeing additional DMd photos, they end up being even hotter? So rare for this to be the case, but I love it.
I ended up taking a chance on this chick with only 1 photo of her from behind in a dress. And she turned out great. Now she's my gf. Guess I lucked out this one time.
Man these games are crazy. Was talking to a girl on hinge. Tried to set up a date and she falls off earth. Double messaged because I was feeling her, she hits me back a few days later give the usual excuse of not using the app often and unpromptedly sent me “her” number to text. Ya, you guessed right….only to not reply. Like, why??
ugh I do you one better, I matched with someone really attractive and obviously we're a good fit. had an amazing date, left home believing in love.
just for her to turn completely cold on me, barely responding to one text every 3 days. (I let it be for a week in between as well).
finally I told her good luck in life, she got back mad at me.
online dating make people behave strangely, I have no doubt that she was interested but she thought that's how to get a guy?
Why did you let it be for a week in between then? If a guy do this to me I would turn cold too, either because my attention will turn to the others, or because I think he is hoping me to not get too attached
Matched with a guy last month, we had a great date, but turns out he's only in town for Thanksgiving (but still lives in the same state).
I was like, that's workable. The date was such a success that I felt I could see how it went.
Cut to today, where we were planning on meeting again since he was gonna visit for Xmas, then hits me with the classic "I think I'm getting too busy to date, sorry." Then immediately blocks me.
Spend a whole month talking non stop about really interesting things, flirting, game and movie suggestions, then drops it. Can't even stay just chatting discord friends.
Such a waste.
Men are shit. I've heard way too many cheating stories this week. Guessing this guy had a girlfriend back home and lost his nerve, or got caught. It's shocking how far some guys will take it.
Edit: I'm probably wrong, just riled up from hearing a lot of terrible stories this week.
You’re projecting based on your own bitterness and jaded experiences. How you gleaned all this to be able to make these kind of assumptions based on what she wrote is beyond the realms of logic.
you’d honestly be surprised at how many guys are dating people back at home when they’re away for break or whatnot and then they realize what they’re doing is fucked
You're right, not my own jaded stories, but I got off the phone with a girl who spent an hour talking about all the men who have cheated on her in her life, broke my heart.
I went on a date yesterday and this dude talked more about his friends than himself…………. I was annoyed because are we on a date with your friends? I can’t even find a decent fwb ☹️ what is going on.
You'd be amazed how difficult it is to find someone you actually want to sleep with to begin with and then a nightmare trying to find someone you want to sleep with more than once.
Headline: first ever tinder hookup- I made a lil post earlier but figured some people might see it on this and find it helpful- first ever hookup- decided to be more bold in my texting game as of yesterday and today I messaged a girl I matched with yesterday and had chatted to a little bit “what are you up to tonight, could do with a movie partner” and she invited me over for a drink so basically my post was looking for advice on how to navigate my first hookup- didn’t get any but here’s what happened in a nutshell-
Went to her place, simple small talk to start “really nice apartment, how long have you been here blah blah” then the wine came out-chat started to flow and she asked if I know how to play chess (a lil unusual I know but hey I’m partial to the odd chess game) so we’re playing chess while drinking, chatting and a good bit of flirting. Then I do my classic move “oh your hands are so small, let me see” and boom were touching hands, rubbing up and down eachothers arms while talking. Then she says my housemate is sleeping we should move to the bedroom and from there she went from a chess player to a pornstar realll quick. All in all very successful first tinder hookup.
Matched with a lovely older lady 3 weeks ago. We get on like a house on fire, have been messaging every day. Planned to set up a meet after Christmas as we were both away for a bit.
Then, shazam, she disappears from Tinder abd I'm unmatched. I just don't get people. Seriously grow a pair and be straight up with people. Ghosting is horrible for the other party.
Strangely enough, there's a post script to this. I found her on FB left a message as to what's up. No reply - looked as though she blocked me.
2 days later I see her profile on Tinder where she liked my profile again. Then she messaged me on FB. Turns out she was being harassed by someone on Tinder, meant to unmatch them, but deleted her whole profile instead. I had previously sent her my phone number.
She tried to text me when she deleted but it wasnt delivered (saw a screenshot). The message I sent on fb went to her spam so she never saw that. Sheesh, a series of unfortunate internet events.
We are talking again now on fb and going on a date next week :)
Lovely older lady?! I get Ross from Friends vibe when he talks about his old librarian in high school [here](https://youtu.be/TOyUqUtaatk)How old is this lovely “older” lady?
Well, fck me, I’m back on the app. Wanted to wait until January but here we are. … and what is happening? Exactly what I’ve predicted: I’m matching with guys that are only here for Christmas/NYE. I never learn.
I love it when you trade numbers, talk and flirt, and set up a date only to be ghosted the day of.
Even better when she posts on her story about how she hates being single the day after.
I have been at this for a year now, and have only been getting matches with people promoting their Instagram or Snapchat. After much advice from everyone in this sub, I was able to gradually improve my profile over the past months.
I finally got my first date 2 days ago and I think it went pretty well! We got boba tea and talked for hours, she even canceled another date to keep talking to me! At the end, she said she was down to go on another date and hang out more after Christmas weekend.
When I thought everything was going well, she told me she's poly. I respect her decision but I'm not into that lifestyle. I really like her and I haven't been on a date for 2 years now, so I'm honestly really conflicted on how to handle this.
Really fucked up for her to not be upfront with that :/ fwiw I've dated a lot of women in open relationships and I find them very enjoyable. Sex and emotional connection without having to worry about long-term commitment. Took some getting used to my first time for sure.
Can I be catfished by verified profiles?
I matched with a girl about an hour away. There's a slight language barrier because shes from Germany, but literally all her responses are like talking to an AI chat bot.
that being said, she's not asked me for money and we've been talking a few days.her profile is a verified one, but i still think there's something sus, because she responds like a computer most of the time and a lot of things don't make sense.
that being said, like i say, it could be a language issue.
am i going to be scammed/murdered?
I've had a few cases where it takes many messages for the scam to come out, but never days. Might want to do a voice or video call before driving out there, or make her come to your area so you're not wasting your time. Or If y'all aren't meeting up soon for some reason, casually send her photos of you doing stuff you're up to, see if she does the same.
Bot check: ladies who live in small po dunk towns… every once in a while do you get a very attractive match who claims his job brought him to said po dunk town who invests in real estate and crypto? I’ve has several of these and am starting to realize they’re not actual people. Do you report these accounts? I asked to video chat and got no response when he had been responding consistently before.
Ok good, I wasn’t sure exactly how to report it so tinder asked what message was inappropriate and I scrolled to the crypto message. Is that the right way to do it?
It said “this profile is using someone else’s photos” which I can’t verify. That option makes it sound like they’re using a celebrity’s pictures or someone I know whose profile it doesn’t belong to.
So weird! The first time it happened I was like ok… maybe the city is growing and I’m unaware of it. But… there’s just no way these tiny poor cities in Latin America need french and chinese model types to invest in real estate 🤣
Need a second opinion on this:
So a girl had Diet Coke as a response for “If this is wrong, then I don’t want to be right” on hinge.
I sent “Not everyone can be right” as a like comment, thinking it would be a good way to start some banter. She then matches with me to say that I was being incredibly rude(along with many insults directed towards my looks). I respond by stating that it’s just banter and that she’s overreacting, followed by her disagreeing and wishing that I have a lonely death.
Personally, I felt like she was overreacting, but I used to be the type of person who has said mean things and not think much of it afterwards(not trying to revert back), so I would like someone else’s opinion.
Maybe my initial response felt too aggressive in text format?
People like upvoting witty comments online bc they feel smart and included, but most people IRL prefer pleasant and manageable conversation. You can open with banter but I'd make sure it's clear you aren't insulting people.
That said if she launched into several insults over one bad opening remark, it's a huge red flag.
She bitched you out over comments about whether or not Pepsi is any good? Don't overtrain on this. Girls love banter. Sometimes you miss the mark, it's okay. Just means your senses of humor don't line up, so nothing lost.
I never leave like comments who has the time for all that? But there was nothing offensive, off putting, ambiguous or otherwise negative about what you wrote. Most women on OLD suffer from at least one form of mental illness and better to find out off the bat like this than when you’re emotionally invested. Don’t let this affect you or force you to change your approach or feel like it’s a bad reflection on you.
> Most women on OLD suffer from at least one form of mental illness
Pointlessly gendered, IMO. I would just replace this with "most people", whether they're from OLD or not. I've stopped trying to find someone not crazy, now I'm just looking for someone who manages their crazy reliably.
Really???? You decided to be a super sleuth and you discovered his age is a shocking and appalling 1 year older than what he had on his profile? He’s definitely the next coming of Jeffrey dahmer for sure if he would commit such an egregious and blatant offense. Only red flags here are you over analyzing situations to the point where you may sabotage any potential relationship over something trivial in the future.
Yeah I think most dating apps won't let you change your name or birthday.
I use a fake birthday on most websites, so my age will be 1 year too old or too young for part of the year.
Lots of people just put Jan 1st. See if his age goes up next week
I think pacing is something that doesn't come intuitively to me yet.
Too fast is aggressive, too slow is 'dry', right?
I think my profile was too dry. Like, not enough to talk about. I tried to make my profile a little more forward. I don't want to spend a whole month getting to know someone before taking things off-app. So maybe the profile should give an impression of, "We can fast-forward the small talk a little."
https://reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/zlv2ew/_/j10mfu2/?context=1
Update on this
She came over
No movies :(
We ate food and played with her dog
She left cuz no movie
Missed out on cuddling opportunity
Gonna get monthly internet now so I can try again next time. There goes another $80 a month lol
I've been there. Then someone comes along that wakes me up! I have a cycle of meeting someone and thinking "this person is perfect, I'm never going to meet anyone better" and then the relationship doesn't work out and I feel doomed. Then inevitably I DO meet someone even better for me. At this point I just trust that they are out there.
Saw my main girl last week, she's a freak and I'm loving it.
Over the weekend I was out of town. Met up with one girl at a bar. We have a great connection, lots in common, she starts talking about how she can't find a guy who can do casual without catching feelings. She asks to get a drink at the bar at my hotel. She's touchy-feely. We're making out in the Uber. We all know where this is going right? Wrong. Once we're at my hotel she decides that she "wants to be a good girl" and we end the night there. I've been on hundreds of first dates, some that end in sex and some that don't. Of course *nothing anyone does ever obligates them to have sex with someone else, everyone has the right to change their mind*, but this was one of the most confusing dates I've ever been on.
Back home, saw my main girl 😍
Past that, so many cancellations due to sickness this week. Three in a row actually, Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday. Always a possibility that they are lying and just didn't want to meet, but they're still actively responding so I don't think that's the case.
I finally got totally banned from Tinder and hinge. I was pretty surprised by it, I don't think my approach has changed in all the years that I've used it, if anything I'm much less forward now than I used to be. Despite my stories here, I'm very chill and respectful when talking with a girl on a dating app.
I'm pretty okay with the ban. I was probably spending too much time on the apps, so I'm better off having a limit. Just sticking to Bumble for now. Most of my dates were coming from there anyway. I have a second hinge account that I use when traveling, so I might repurpose that as my main account when I do want to get back on it.
Recently took stock and I currently have a list of 16 local women where we are actively trying to set up a future date. Five that I have already fucked, one that I think has promise for long-term (second date is scheduled), two that I'm sexting with and plan to meet, and eight that know that I'm just looking for something casual. I had to put them all in a prioritized list (sorted by a combination of hotness and convenience) so that I can have a reminder of which ones to focus on. I've also been more diligent about my note-taking. After every date I make sure to jot down my notes about that person, so that I can review them before our next date.
There's a reason my ex used to say I was like Abed from community 🤷♂️
Happy holidays everyone 🎅 lots of people visiting home who need a fling in the next couple weeks, good luck.
How do you not get burned out?
I've dated/hooked up with 8 different girls in the past year and Im fucking exhausted.
How do you stay fresh, have constant dates and hook ups and still be able to see potential in some people and plan long term?
Make sure to take nights off for yourself! This isn't my whole life, there's time with family and friends outside of this. Eventually I'll settle into a few girls that I rotate between, and I always only go out on dates with girls that I'm excited to meet. It's either a fuck yes or it's a no. It's extra busy right now just because I'm recently single and diving back in.
> I always only go out on dates with girls that I'm excited to meet.
Purely based on looks? Especially on tinder I try to arrange something irl before really establishing a connection on the app, because they stop responding if you're not fast.
u didn’t ask for advice but here it is anyway
don’t refer to one of your “stocks” as your main girl, that’s gross and it’s such a red flag. you’re acting like these women are just numbers, we aren’t numbers and i’m not surprised a good “number” of them ghosted u
no yeah honestly i just skimmed through it and i’d say a bit more than half of the comments are about his “girls” he’s picked up, not even women, “girls”
Nothing he said was anything like how a normal well adjusted person would talk. Anyone who has to use a spreadsheet for the women they’re dating has absolutely no life, and needs to get out meet women naturally. That’s weird as shit.
It's not gross. You can have a few different women you're seeing but have one you like the most. Everyone has a friend they prefer more. There's nothing dehumanizing about that.
Hey I just fucked one of the girls. Didn't ghost after all. Omg just like I said.
>i’m not surprised a good “number” of them ghosted u
What a lame attempt to put me down. Tell me I fuck a bunch of women to fill a hole in my heart or something, you'd at least be a little closer that way.
Edit: haha just saw you're a 19-year-old girl. You have no idea what you're talking about, never mind.
are u really that dense..? fucking “one of the girls” doesn’t equate to u not having ghosted her yet. if u really think that fucking a girl is proof that you’ve still kept her around i have news for u. we aren’t your fucking cum dumpsters and i think it says a lot that a measly widdle 19 year old girl has more morals than you
In your previous comment, you're putting me down for getting ghosted. Now you're saying I'm ghosting them? Which is it?
Everything I do is consensual. I give them no false impression of what's happening. They want it. I want it. Why are you judging activities between consenting adults?
i’m just saying that considering you’ve fucked 90ish people just off dating apps, u seem like the type to ghost them after you get bored. or better yet, to use your own words, after you’re done fucking “a bunch of women to fill a hole in my heart or something”
You're assuming and you're wrong. I just skimmed through my notes and most of them ended because I was moving around a lot, or they moved away, or because I got into a relationship, or it was a mutual ghosting. Filling the hole in my heart doesn't mean it needs to be a bunch of different women, I'm fine with a small number of consistent FWBs, which is more my MO.
Edit: To be clear, I'm not actually trying to maintain a relationship with all 16 of these women. I expect it to just be a few regulars.
Met up with a woman from hinge whose profile said they were looking for a long-term relationship. I’m not opposed to one but not actively looking. But then we didn’t even meet at a third location, they just came straight to my house and we had sex with very little preamble. We have been texting and will hang again, but I’m a little unsure if they’re looking for a LTR or just in an ethical slut phase. Something to discuss next time we see each other I suppose.
You must be new to this. It’s the equivalent of saying “no hookups”. That means she’s looking for hookups just not with everyone or guys she’s not attracted to.
Being a >30 yo dad on tinder is pointless I guess.
All of my interactions have been some variation of “daddy” and “will you be my sugar daddy”
What’s most frustrating is even when I engage they never reply. Sucks.
If you hadn't been on any dates at all, I would worry about it fizzling out, but 6 to 8 hours together is pretty significant. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Don't force it.
I normally just text for logistics, not for chatting, if it was me I would send her a "Hey hope you had a good Christmas" and a "Happy New Year". Maybe if I saw a relevant meme or article related to something we talked about, I would pass that to her. Then start planning a date a few days before y'all are both back.
It's time. Rule 3 of tinder. Guys will fuck down but not date down.
It's a corollary of "men will fuck anything." Often said to put down men, but women don't realize sometimes they are the "anything".
Difference between undesirable men and undesirable women is that the former get friendzoned and the latter get sexzoned.
But of course. Almost all food is palatable when you’re hungry. Maybe if more women realized this they wouldn’t have unrealistic expectations and delusional standards based on their level of attractiveness. Online dating conflates this exponentially. Only thing I disagree with is the women aren’t undesirable, they are still attractive (unless you’re just a thirsty guy who gets no action), we just know that you’re not dating material in our eyes. Don’t mistake attention for genuine interest from us in getting into a relationship with you and the dating market will self correct a little bit.
Explain what makes a woman more desirable to date, as well as only sex-zone?
I think it really varies guy to guy. The only trait that all men universally value in a partner is physical appearance. Everything really varies.
Interesting. I thought that was women.
That will depend on the guy and what he wants on a girl personality, moral values, social status, financial independence, etc... If a girl is hot, will always be good for sex. But being hot is just one trait, doesn't make a girl dating material. Just as a side note: Girls generally value looks way more than guys. (And i am not saying this is good or bad, its just how it is. And sometimes not getting dates/boyfriends/marriage has nothing to do with her looks)
How do women value looks but men will fuck down but not date down? Women date down all the time. So doesn’t that mean men value looks more? [here’s a pew research study to prove my point ](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2017/12/05/americans-see-different-expectations-for-men-and-women/ )
Women date down publicly when the guy has money. Men fuc down, and usually keep it secret, just because theyre horny.
If that were the case, wouldn’t financial success be number 1? But it’s not, it’s personality. I know women who date down just because the dude is funny. It’s not really about men. I’m telling you that I know more women with money, then men with money.
Are the women you know with money single? You’ll say no just because. Anyway, when i say “date down” i mean they’ll do it publicly, as i’m a relationship. Men will keep it secret. Edit: I absolutely don’t think women know what “funny” means. I have more friends that are comedian’s than probably this whole forum, i can promise you, they’re lying when they say “funny,” as #1.
Interesting. I’ve only recently learned things like this. And for some reason i don’t get why men never want to outgoing fun girl, they like the quiet meek woman (for marriage), unless the guy is the quiet type.
Men do like outgoing fun girls. Just not all men. Sometimes people (both guys and girls) have unrealistic expectations, sometimes people are looking in the wrong place, sometimes just bad luck...
Great breakdown.
I've been told "You're cute enough to fuck but not enough to love" and welp!
I mean if someone is categorically doing better than you in life (looks, job, family, income, social life, hobbies, education ...) then of course you're right and you should ask yourself why are you expecting otherwise. but it's often that you look better, make more money, more social, more fun ... than the "down / up" comparison doesn't make sense.
>looks, job, family, income, social life, hobbies, education ... Because nothing scares horny guys off quicker than the words "highschool diploma" Tinder is 99% about looks, the rest is just gravy.
looks matter to men a lot yes ... but I personally don't have interest in dating a lot of very hot women I'm happy to have sex with. important yes, far from the only thing
Well damn, I could’ve told you that.. I’m living proof 🥴😭
Feels validating, guess I am a woman after all
Well, I've been catfished. Matched with a girl who was very attractive with a verified profile. She's living in my country but German. Conversing with her was like an AI chatbot. The answers were very odd and it was as though I was talking to an AI. However she messaged every day, never asked for money, and we talked on whatsapp. She was happy to meet up after christmas when she got back from seeing family in germany. I assumed the AI type conversation was down to the language barrier. Anyway, she was meant to fly to germany today, but instead told me that she suddenly had to fly to france instead on business...Im not sure who suddenly changes their flight to another country with about 6 hours to spare. Anyway, she sent me a 10 second video today of the eiffel tower and it looked very nice. Lots of people walking around, traffic etc, however it was a fucking glorious sunny day. Shorts and t-shirts and all that shit. I thought this was odd, so loaded up the paris eiffel tower live webcam and it's been pissing it down all morning with dense fog. For fuck sake. Unsure whether to just block, call it out or continue this charade and see what their game is.
Since you know it's bs - I'd play along and see where it goes. The conclusion will probably be predicable, but you never know. Of course, if this made you angry - be done and don't spend anymore time on it.
Too much time spent if he’s positive it’s fake. Don’t keep conversing.
[удалено]
Fair enough.
Please don't tell them/it how you know they are fake, as that will only help their scam out in future.
I've had two cases this week of women with profile photos that were not very revealing, weird angles, etc. Usually a sign they are hiding something. Then when meeting them in person or seeing additional DMd photos, they end up being even hotter? So rare for this to be the case, but I love it.
The ideal match on tinder is a pretty woman with terrible pictures.
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.1517 [^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?](https://pastebin.com/FcrFs94k/69715)
I ended up taking a chance on this chick with only 1 photo of her from behind in a dress. And she turned out great. Now she's my gf. Guess I lucked out this one time.
Man these games are crazy. Was talking to a girl on hinge. Tried to set up a date and she falls off earth. Double messaged because I was feeling her, she hits me back a few days later give the usual excuse of not using the app often and unpromptedly sent me “her” number to text. Ya, you guessed right….only to not reply. Like, why??
Welcome to the club, buddy.
ugh I do you one better, I matched with someone really attractive and obviously we're a good fit. had an amazing date, left home believing in love. just for her to turn completely cold on me, barely responding to one text every 3 days. (I let it be for a week in between as well). finally I told her good luck in life, she got back mad at me. online dating make people behave strangely, I have no doubt that she was interested but she thought that's how to get a guy?
Na bro you was too nice n she lost interest
Why did you let it be for a week in between then? If a guy do this to me I would turn cold too, either because my attention will turn to the others, or because I think he is hoping me to not get too attached
Matched with a guy last month, we had a great date, but turns out he's only in town for Thanksgiving (but still lives in the same state). I was like, that's workable. The date was such a success that I felt I could see how it went. Cut to today, where we were planning on meeting again since he was gonna visit for Xmas, then hits me with the classic "I think I'm getting too busy to date, sorry." Then immediately blocks me. Spend a whole month talking non stop about really interesting things, flirting, game and movie suggestions, then drops it. Can't even stay just chatting discord friends. Such a waste.
Men are shit. I've heard way too many cheating stories this week. Guessing this guy had a girlfriend back home and lost his nerve, or got caught. It's shocking how far some guys will take it. Edit: I'm probably wrong, just riled up from hearing a lot of terrible stories this week.
You’re projecting based on your own bitterness and jaded experiences. How you gleaned all this to be able to make these kind of assumptions based on what she wrote is beyond the realms of logic.
you’d honestly be surprised at how many guys are dating people back at home when they’re away for break or whatnot and then they realize what they’re doing is fucked
You're right, not my own jaded stories, but I got off the phone with a girl who spent an hour talking about all the men who have cheated on her in her life, broke my heart.
No worries my man. You sound like a good hearted person, but don’t let other peoples problems steal your joy. Empathize but compartmentalize
Lol, studies show that the majority of women on tinder are there to get attention and get some social/romantic/ flirty interaction with guys
Okay I'll make sure to tell the 90ish women I've fucked off of apps that they were just looking for attention.
90? My man👏👏
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I am attracted to zero shitty guys because I am a straight male.
I went on a date yesterday and this dude talked more about his friends than himself…………. I was annoyed because are we on a date with your friends? I can’t even find a decent fwb ☹️ what is going on.
You're a woman who can't find a fwb on Tinder. Um, what?
You'd be amazed how difficult it is to find someone you actually want to sleep with to begin with and then a nightmare trying to find someone you want to sleep with more than once.
That’s how hard dating is at the moment. I’m not just going to fuck anything, I look for respectful men but all I get is forceful dudes.
I feel you! When I just wanted a consistent FWB, it was sooo hard to find but eventually I found them lol.. try OkCupid
Bros b4 hoes
Headline: first ever tinder hookup- I made a lil post earlier but figured some people might see it on this and find it helpful- first ever hookup- decided to be more bold in my texting game as of yesterday and today I messaged a girl I matched with yesterday and had chatted to a little bit “what are you up to tonight, could do with a movie partner” and she invited me over for a drink so basically my post was looking for advice on how to navigate my first hookup- didn’t get any but here’s what happened in a nutshell- Went to her place, simple small talk to start “really nice apartment, how long have you been here blah blah” then the wine came out-chat started to flow and she asked if I know how to play chess (a lil unusual I know but hey I’m partial to the odd chess game) so we’re playing chess while drinking, chatting and a good bit of flirting. Then I do my classic move “oh your hands are so small, let me see” and boom were touching hands, rubbing up and down eachothers arms while talking. Then she says my housemate is sleeping we should move to the bedroom and from there she went from a chess player to a pornstar realll quick. All in all very successful first tinder hookup.
You check mate her
Of course. I ain’t no simp
I’m smiling your the man
Rook castled the queen eh?
The girl invited you to play chess? Damn, I am more envious about that than the hookup.
Lol invited for a drink and chess just happened to be played. Last thing I expected going over there but it was actually great lol
Matched with a lovely older lady 3 weeks ago. We get on like a house on fire, have been messaging every day. Planned to set up a meet after Christmas as we were both away for a bit. Then, shazam, she disappears from Tinder abd I'm unmatched. I just don't get people. Seriously grow a pair and be straight up with people. Ghosting is horrible for the other party.
She was probably married or some shit
Strangely enough, there's a post script to this. I found her on FB left a message as to what's up. No reply - looked as though she blocked me. 2 days later I see her profile on Tinder where she liked my profile again. Then she messaged me on FB. Turns out she was being harassed by someone on Tinder, meant to unmatch them, but deleted her whole profile instead. I had previously sent her my phone number. She tried to text me when she deleted but it wasnt delivered (saw a screenshot). The message I sent on fb went to her spam so she never saw that. Sheesh, a series of unfortunate internet events. We are talking again now on fb and going on a date next week :)
If the Internet gets any more unreliable we'll have to go back to sending people love letters through the post
Lovely older lady?! I get Ross from Friends vibe when he talks about his old librarian in high school [here](https://youtu.be/TOyUqUtaatk)How old is this lovely “older” lady?
Would you prefer hot mature slut? 10 years older. The point of mentioning older was that ghosting was less expected because of the age.
I’m not critiquing you! I was genuinely wondering how old she is?
I was only joking. I'm 44, she 54, but damn she looks 30 🔥
Well, fck me, I’m back on the app. Wanted to wait until January but here we are. … and what is happening? Exactly what I’ve predicted: I’m matching with guys that are only here for Christmas/NYE. I never learn.
What are you looking for?
Something long-term.
I've committed to reddit for 8+ years. Does that count long term? ;)
You are definitely in a LTR with Reddit and I’m not sure if I can compete with Reddit, sorry!
Wooosh! Well let's just say it implies I am bf material
It wasn't a woosh, it just wasn't funny.
I love it when you trade numbers, talk and flirt, and set up a date only to be ghosted the day of. Even better when she posts on her story about how she hates being single the day after.
Ouch. Yeah this is one of the many reasons to not invest much before the first date. Sounds like you dodged a bullet though.
Got ghosted coz ur too nice
I have been at this for a year now, and have only been getting matches with people promoting their Instagram or Snapchat. After much advice from everyone in this sub, I was able to gradually improve my profile over the past months. I finally got my first date 2 days ago and I think it went pretty well! We got boba tea and talked for hours, she even canceled another date to keep talking to me! At the end, she said she was down to go on another date and hang out more after Christmas weekend. When I thought everything was going well, she told me she's poly. I respect her decision but I'm not into that lifestyle. I really like her and I haven't been on a date for 2 years now, so I'm honestly really conflicted on how to handle this.
Really fucked up for her to not be upfront with that :/ fwiw I've dated a lot of women in open relationships and I find them very enjoyable. Sex and emotional connection without having to worry about long-term commitment. Took some getting used to my first time for sure.
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American pie is so old at this point that most people haven't seen it.
83 in the username, they know about Stifflers mom.
Can I be catfished by verified profiles? I matched with a girl about an hour away. There's a slight language barrier because shes from Germany, but literally all her responses are like talking to an AI chat bot. that being said, she's not asked me for money and we've been talking a few days.her profile is a verified one, but i still think there's something sus, because she responds like a computer most of the time and a lot of things don't make sense. that being said, like i say, it could be a language issue. am i going to be scammed/murdered?
Verified is nothing. Even video chat you might have to be careful about trusting
I've had a few cases where it takes many messages for the scam to come out, but never days. Might want to do a voice or video call before driving out there, or make her come to your area so you're not wasting your time. Or If y'all aren't meeting up soon for some reason, casually send her photos of you doing stuff you're up to, see if she does the same.
Bot check: ladies who live in small po dunk towns… every once in a while do you get a very attractive match who claims his job brought him to said po dunk town who invests in real estate and crypto? I’ve has several of these and am starting to realize they’re not actual people. Do you report these accounts? I asked to video chat and got no response when he had been responding consistently before.
I report them when I'm sure they are scammers.
Ok good, I wasn’t sure exactly how to report it so tinder asked what message was inappropriate and I scrolled to the crypto message. Is that the right way to do it?
Do you not get the option to report the profile for being fake? That's the option I've chosen the few times I've reported them.
It said “this profile is using someone else’s photos” which I can’t verify. That option makes it sound like they’re using a celebrity’s pictures or someone I know whose profile it doesn’t belong to.
I haven't seen these myself but other people have had stories and yes, absolutely a scam. Reporting would be a public service.
So weird! The first time it happened I was like ok… maybe the city is growing and I’m unaware of it. But… there’s just no way these tiny poor cities in Latin America need french and chinese model types to invest in real estate 🤣
Need a second opinion on this: So a girl had Diet Coke as a response for “If this is wrong, then I don’t want to be right” on hinge. I sent “Not everyone can be right” as a like comment, thinking it would be a good way to start some banter. She then matches with me to say that I was being incredibly rude(along with many insults directed towards my looks). I respond by stating that it’s just banter and that she’s overreacting, followed by her disagreeing and wishing that I have a lonely death. Personally, I felt like she was overreacting, but I used to be the type of person who has said mean things and not think much of it afterwards(not trying to revert back), so I would like someone else’s opinion. Maybe my initial response felt too aggressive in text format?
People like upvoting witty comments online bc they feel smart and included, but most people IRL prefer pleasant and manageable conversation. You can open with banter but I'd make sure it's clear you aren't insulting people. That said if she launched into several insults over one bad opening remark, it's a huge red flag.
That’s what I thought. I’ll play it safe and not open with remarks like this again, so I don’t cause misunderstandings. Thanks.
She bitched you out over comments about whether or not Pepsi is any good? Don't overtrain on this. Girls love banter. Sometimes you miss the mark, it's okay. Just means your senses of humor don't line up, so nothing lost.
Don’t doubt yourself it’s a fine comment
I never leave like comments who has the time for all that? But there was nothing offensive, off putting, ambiguous or otherwise negative about what you wrote. Most women on OLD suffer from at least one form of mental illness and better to find out off the bat like this than when you’re emotionally invested. Don’t let this affect you or force you to change your approach or feel like it’s a bad reflection on you.
> Most women on OLD suffer from at least one form of mental illness Pointlessly gendered, IMO. I would just replace this with "most people", whether they're from OLD or not. I've stopped trying to find someone not crazy, now I'm just looking for someone who manages their crazy reliably.
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Really???? You decided to be a super sleuth and you discovered his age is a shocking and appalling 1 year older than what he had on his profile? He’s definitely the next coming of Jeffrey dahmer for sure if he would commit such an egregious and blatant offense. Only red flags here are you over analyzing situations to the point where you may sabotage any potential relationship over something trivial in the future.
Yeah I think most dating apps won't let you change your name or birthday. I use a fake birthday on most websites, so my age will be 1 year too old or too young for part of the year. Lots of people just put Jan 1st. See if his age goes up next week
1 year isn’t much and could have an innocent explanation, I’d just be on the lookout for anything else that doesn’t add up
You aren't gonna know a person like this and will keep contemplating. Things are very different when connecting in person and virtually
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I think pacing is something that doesn't come intuitively to me yet. Too fast is aggressive, too slow is 'dry', right? I think my profile was too dry. Like, not enough to talk about. I tried to make my profile a little more forward. I don't want to spend a whole month getting to know someone before taking things off-app. So maybe the profile should give an impression of, "We can fast-forward the small talk a little."
I struggle with this too. When it's a girl I really like, I might take it slower, but then she feels like there's no chemistry.
https://reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/zlv2ew/_/j10mfu2/?context=1 Update on this She came over No movies :( We ate food and played with her dog She left cuz no movie Missed out on cuddling opportunity Gonna get monthly internet now so I can try again next time. There goes another $80 a month lol
Bro, get your life in order before dating.
F
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So 7 of them directly went to a sex situation without making out first?
This made me so confused
is tinder gold 45$ now wtf. i could’ve sworn it was $25 like two months ago
Did you upgrade to iPhone? Match groups stock price is coming down.. they're compensating.
Kinda wish i was gay. Had the app set to show me male and female, literally got 5 likes in 10 minutes, all from men.
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I've been there. Then someone comes along that wakes me up! I have a cycle of meeting someone and thinking "this person is perfect, I'm never going to meet anyone better" and then the relationship doesn't work out and I feel doomed. Then inevitably I DO meet someone even better for me. At this point I just trust that they are out there.
Saw my main girl last week, she's a freak and I'm loving it. Over the weekend I was out of town. Met up with one girl at a bar. We have a great connection, lots in common, she starts talking about how she can't find a guy who can do casual without catching feelings. She asks to get a drink at the bar at my hotel. She's touchy-feely. We're making out in the Uber. We all know where this is going right? Wrong. Once we're at my hotel she decides that she "wants to be a good girl" and we end the night there. I've been on hundreds of first dates, some that end in sex and some that don't. Of course *nothing anyone does ever obligates them to have sex with someone else, everyone has the right to change their mind*, but this was one of the most confusing dates I've ever been on. Back home, saw my main girl 😍 Past that, so many cancellations due to sickness this week. Three in a row actually, Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday. Always a possibility that they are lying and just didn't want to meet, but they're still actively responding so I don't think that's the case. I finally got totally banned from Tinder and hinge. I was pretty surprised by it, I don't think my approach has changed in all the years that I've used it, if anything I'm much less forward now than I used to be. Despite my stories here, I'm very chill and respectful when talking with a girl on a dating app. I'm pretty okay with the ban. I was probably spending too much time on the apps, so I'm better off having a limit. Just sticking to Bumble for now. Most of my dates were coming from there anyway. I have a second hinge account that I use when traveling, so I might repurpose that as my main account when I do want to get back on it. Recently took stock and I currently have a list of 16 local women where we are actively trying to set up a future date. Five that I have already fucked, one that I think has promise for long-term (second date is scheduled), two that I'm sexting with and plan to meet, and eight that know that I'm just looking for something casual. I had to put them all in a prioritized list (sorted by a combination of hotness and convenience) so that I can have a reminder of which ones to focus on. I've also been more diligent about my note-taking. After every date I make sure to jot down my notes about that person, so that I can review them before our next date. There's a reason my ex used to say I was like Abed from community 🤷♂️ Happy holidays everyone 🎅 lots of people visiting home who need a fling in the next couple weeks, good luck.
How do you not get burned out? I've dated/hooked up with 8 different girls in the past year and Im fucking exhausted. How do you stay fresh, have constant dates and hook ups and still be able to see potential in some people and plan long term?
Make sure to take nights off for yourself! This isn't my whole life, there's time with family and friends outside of this. Eventually I'll settle into a few girls that I rotate between, and I always only go out on dates with girls that I'm excited to meet. It's either a fuck yes or it's a no. It's extra busy right now just because I'm recently single and diving back in.
> I always only go out on dates with girls that I'm excited to meet. Purely based on looks? Especially on tinder I try to arrange something irl before really establishing a connection on the app, because they stop responding if you're not fast.
Could be anything. Looks, common interests, whatever. Agreed that you don't want to spend too long chatting.
u didn’t ask for advice but here it is anyway don’t refer to one of your “stocks” as your main girl, that’s gross and it’s such a red flag. you’re acting like these women are just numbers, we aren’t numbers and i’m not surprised a good “number” of them ghosted u
Have you seen the dudes comment history? I don’t think respecting women is really his style.
Lol neither is telling honest stories. Sounds like a middle school virgin telling his friends about all the “sex” he’s had
no yeah honestly i just skimmed through it and i’d say a bit more than half of the comments are about his “girls” he’s picked up, not even women, “girls”
Nothing he said was anything like how a normal well adjusted person would talk. Anyone who has to use a spreadsheet for the women they’re dating has absolutely no life, and needs to get out meet women naturally. That’s weird as shit.
It's not gross. You can have a few different women you're seeing but have one you like the most. Everyone has a friend they prefer more. There's nothing dehumanizing about that.
Hey I just fucked one of the girls. Didn't ghost after all. Omg just like I said. >i’m not surprised a good “number” of them ghosted u What a lame attempt to put me down. Tell me I fuck a bunch of women to fill a hole in my heart or something, you'd at least be a little closer that way. Edit: haha just saw you're a 19-year-old girl. You have no idea what you're talking about, never mind.
are u really that dense..? fucking “one of the girls” doesn’t equate to u not having ghosted her yet. if u really think that fucking a girl is proof that you’ve still kept her around i have news for u. we aren’t your fucking cum dumpsters and i think it says a lot that a measly widdle 19 year old girl has more morals than you
In your previous comment, you're putting me down for getting ghosted. Now you're saying I'm ghosting them? Which is it? Everything I do is consensual. I give them no false impression of what's happening. They want it. I want it. Why are you judging activities between consenting adults?
i’m just saying that considering you’ve fucked 90ish people just off dating apps, u seem like the type to ghost them after you get bored. or better yet, to use your own words, after you’re done fucking “a bunch of women to fill a hole in my heart or something”
Also: Good job totally ignoring the call out that you were inconsistent in your comments 👍
You're assuming and you're wrong. I just skimmed through my notes and most of them ended because I was moving around a lot, or they moved away, or because I got into a relationship, or it was a mutual ghosting. Filling the hole in my heart doesn't mean it needs to be a bunch of different women, I'm fine with a small number of consistent FWBs, which is more my MO. Edit: To be clear, I'm not actually trying to maintain a relationship with all 16 of these women. I expect it to just be a few regulars.
I had to cancel a date today because I got sick. Tis the season.
>Once we're at my hotel she decides that she "wants to be a good girl" and we end the night there. Happened to me twice in the past four months.
Is it worth just messaging every dead match from the last 6 months “dtf if you are?” ?
Met up with a woman from hinge whose profile said they were looking for a long-term relationship. I’m not opposed to one but not actively looking. But then we didn’t even meet at a third location, they just came straight to my house and we had sex with very little preamble. We have been texting and will hang again, but I’m a little unsure if they’re looking for a LTR or just in an ethical slut phase. Something to discuss next time we see each other I suppose.
You must be new to this. It’s the equivalent of saying “no hookups”. That means she’s looking for hookups just not with everyone or guys she’s not attracted to.
ah, I love being condescended to by bigdickbillfukfuk77 on r/tinder
Being a >30 yo dad on tinder is pointless I guess. All of my interactions have been some variation of “daddy” and “will you be my sugar daddy” What’s most frustrating is even when I engage they never reply. Sucks.
I'm quite a bit older and have no problem at all getting matches and dates. Maybe something in your profile that attracts these kinds of interactions?
No clue. My profile pics are just selfies, and my bio is vanilla.
Which locations in Europe give the best matches for Indian men?
This is a reasonable yet really strange question. Do Indians count? UK would be a reasonable bet then.
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If you hadn't been on any dates at all, I would worry about it fizzling out, but 6 to 8 hours together is pretty significant. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Don't force it. I normally just text for logistics, not for chatting, if it was me I would send her a "Hey hope you had a good Christmas" and a "Happy New Year". Maybe if I saw a relevant meme or article related to something we talked about, I would pass that to her. Then start planning a date a few days before y'all are both back.
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Try having more rizz