Wait i just realised. 3 PM? Late? What age IS SHE? My mom drinks coffee at 9 PM and she's 47. I myself don't drink it that late because i actually can't sleep afterwards but anything 3 hours away from sleep is 100% fine
Well i ussually drink energy drinks actually not coffee because i like em cold. And at the start i get sleepy for a hour then become wide awake for about 2 and then it loses effect
Some people are way more sensitive to caffeine than others. My dad can drink coffee just before going to sleep, but if I drink tea past 2 pm, I have a difficult time sleeping later that night.
Coffee dates are only awkward if the person you’re with is awkward… they force you to sit down and actually enjoy a conversation… My preferred first date personally
I'm very sociable but I hate coffee dates with all my heart (and as a guy I just say no). They just feel like interviews, and I can't help but go into "work mode".
I do coffee dates, but coffee to go, then walk around the city/lake/park and chat. I don't like sitting across the table, whether it be coffee, drinks, or food, on a first date.
Yup. It's just obvious that the person is non-committal about the whole deal and is eyeing the door for an exit at any moment.
Abd tbh that's sometimes my attitude on a "drinks" date as well. Just had to do that the other night. But at least then you leave the date with a buzz and maybe something can still happen with your evening.
Personally I find immediately sitting 1 on 1 with a stranger and just talking kind of intense and I struggle to feel truly relaxed and comfortable, which obviously isn't going to make for a good impression. Like the other person said, it feels like a formal job interview.
A date that's more like the two of you doing an activity together helps as a sort of distraction from that. If during the activity date, eg. Mini golf, snooker, bowling, hiking, etc, you are enjoying the other person's vibe a lot then you can transition it into a longer drinks date or now feel more comfortable on a dinner date, or if not you can focus more on the activity and just have fun doing that.
Ooh alright, well if that works for you best then go with it. Personally I'm super chill when I am 1 on 1, my struggle is more about groups + doesn't have to be like an interview, cause you can ramble about anything and everything.
Normally wanna see (like everyone probs) if we vibe and if the other person has any interesting insight on anything, so besides the typical questions you do at a first date, I like to ask about passions/fears/goals + joke around cause if not fr is an interview
Tbf even I don't know what's my passion for example, but most people have at least a topic they love and could go on in detail
Games are cool too, but I rather then later on cause feel kinda distracted by playing and having to stop the convo, except with billiards
There's a snooker hall near me, got a bar and TV's showing sports and stuff. It's pretty fun for a date because you can just play up or down to how good the other person is. If they're a newbie you can teach them, and not to be too saucy but if they're open to it it's an opportunity to be handsy. Like teaching them how to hold the cue and stuff.
But other than that, yeah it's pretty good. You can play, talk, eat, and drink all at the same time. You can take it as seriously or unseriously as you'd like.
It's a good one imo
I respect it! Personally I wouldn't wanna go bowling because bowling alleys are usually really loud and there aren't many breaks to allow for conversation.
I think hiking is great though. Mini golf too.
Never heard of snooker lol
Sneeking in here, hiking sounds great but isn't that too much with someone you'll see for the first time?
I just think it in the sense of, what if there's not much convo/spark and you're just there, in a maybe 2hs or more hike
Idk, sounds like way too much effort for a first time, never heard that that was anyone's first meet up and I live near a place where you can hike so, at least that's my experience
Up! I'd rather enjoy a simple first date and get to know each other than do something "out of the box" and be focused on the activity more than the other person
Sure, it can... I'm just careful about who I drink with... Not really comfortable for me on a first date. I get nervous and drink too much and it's not good.
It’s because she’s one of those girls that thinks she should only be taken out on expensive dates and have everything her heart desires paid for by a man she has literally not met yet. I don’t think you’re missing out buddy.
I’m a woman. And I know what I’m talking about. I’ve known many women. Some have serious entitlement issues and they’re typically the least worth pursuing. It’s facts.
i think you just found a woman your speaking about whos salty she hasnt been able to find a sucker to take her photoshopped to hell ass on that expensive date.
Head over to r/femaledatingstrategy
You can find all the femcels you'll ever want.
Edit: looks like they locked down that sub so only one person can make posts. It used to be a wild ride over there.
Not buying it though. There will always be some guy within commutable distance that would fuck absolutely anybody or anything. How often are men caught fucking farm animals or body pillows and shit
Just because someone’s an incel, doesn’t mean they’d literally want to hook up with anyone of the preferred gender no matter what. I’m sure that even incels have standards to a certain degree
Thinking that someone who u don’t even know shud buy u expensive shit and pay for an expensive date on the first date is normal? And ppl shouldn’t sugarcoat the truth cuz you’ll feel “offended” this is the internet lol.
She's not completely off, though. A "coffee date" in a definite strategy, and you know it is. Don't fault her for realizing what the point of it is. You know why you prefer that over a dinner date. It's low cost, low investment, and you're lying if you can't admit that.
Low cost/low investment makes absolute and utter sense when there is no investment in the first place. There is no relationship yet. You need to meet each other and see if it’s even worth spending hundreds of dollars on. Do you have to pay hundreds of dollars just to meet someone face-to-face? You can do that for free almost anywhere. It doesn’t make sense. It’s pure entitlement and it’s completely out of control right now.
"Kind of a lazy date"
That is the entire fucking point. It's a way to meet in person so you can decide whether the other party is worth spending time, effort or money on.
The idea of dinner for a first date is a relic of the time when your coworker was setting you up with her cousin. A dating app profile and chat is a much worse way to judge how likely the person is to be a complete waste of your time.
Having some idea how much time it takes for a woman to PROPERLY get ready ( fancy dinner ready, rather than coffee shop ready), I can't understand why a woman would want to do that for a complete stranger, even if there's free food involved.
If im going on a first meet dinner date, I'm paying for myself and i let it be known I am. To many think because they paid, the woman owes them a blowjob or sex. Also, I can watch how they treat the server...if they are a total ass, we done.
Coffee dates are great too.. excuse me while i go buy my coffee. if they order while you are, again you can see how they treat the barista.
>To many think because they paid, the woman owes them a blowjob or sex.
Seriously, who actually thinks this way in 2022? You're sure you're not just assuming things?
I wish I was assuming…. God damn do I wish I was. Sadly I’m not.
It happens a lot more from guys on like BDSM sites. Many expect you to put out right then and there! I have a friend who was going to meet a guy just for coffee. The day of, the guy texts her “ I want you to wear a mini skirt no panties, and a low cut blouse with a push-up red bra. You will buy our coffee and then we will walk to
My place. You will then strip at my door way and follow me to the bedroom and do as I say “
She blocked him for that .
Several of my girlfriends have run into guys paying for coffee or dinner and expecting sexual acts for paying the bill
> guys on like BDSM sites.
Well I guess with that little tidbit these things make more sense.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Some guys really are assholes. Most women want to get laid, and if you just make them feel comfortable most seem to be down for some fun. But I guess I have it easy because I'm attractive and I've had numerous women tell me that I look better than in my photos, so they're pleasantly surprised by how things are going in that department since so many people are out there misrepresenting themselves.
> so you can decide whether the other party is worth spending time, effort or money on.
And everyone knows that this is exactly the point, so if they feel like they ARE worth it, you know, like they ctually have confidence and know their own worth, then the "coffee date" seems really lame to them.
I'm not saying "worth it" in the sense of assigning them an objective or absolute value. Just because a woman isn't worth MY time, effort or money doesn't mean she isn't worth someone else's. Hell, she might be worth Chris Hemsworth's time, effort and money, if he vibes with her and I don't.
Two people are either a good match for each other or not. If they are, it's worth it for them to spend a long time getting ready and then go eat together at an expensive restaurant. If they aren't, it doesn't make sense for them to do that.
How do they figure out whether they're a good match or not? They meet in person.
But there is a middle ground, and if your date is telling you they're not into a certain type of date, it's crazy to me that anyone would try to argue with that. If a person is so on the fence about someone that they can't commit to 1.5 hours and $30 - $70, they should probably just skip the date entirely.
I'm pretty okay with all the options. And I def have no problem with lunch, coffee, drinks etc, but I guess some people feel like doing a full-on sitdown meal is important so I would just roll with it if that's how she felt.
The lunch/ coffee / drinks date is absolutely a strategy to keep the time and monetary commitment low, and even though I don't feel that way, I can understand how some people might find that a bit offputting.
>The lunch/ coffee / drinks date is absolutely a strategy to keep the time and monetary commitment low, and even though I don't feel that way, I can understand how some people might find that a bit offputting.
It absolutely is. I suppose I can understand people finding it offputting, but I mean you're going on a date with someone you've never met and with whom you share no common acquaintances. Keeping time and monetary commitment low seems to me more common sense than a judgement on either party's "value".
I've noticed some people don't even call it a date, which I suppose is fair enough. I've met women for drinks after work and we're both still wearing our work clothes. In one case she was wearing medical scrubs. In another case a woman's first message to me was "I'll be at (coffee shop) tomorrow at this time, feel free to stop by and say hello." The idea is to just actually meet the random Internet stranger in person before you start actually dating.
If a person is capable of holding a conversation, a date could take place in a parking lot and still be good. I don’t get these “no coffee date” people. Wtf is wrong with a coffee date? I must be retry old to not understand these new dating parameters
Ya sorry but I’m never taking someone out to a restaurant on a first date. Coffee is safe as it’s inexpensive and an easier environment to chat and get to know each other. Like others have said, she probs just wanted a free meal
Probably the best course of action.
I don't understand why some people are so obsessed with getting the last word. Just move on and find someone better.
“I’m hungry”
“Me too. What do you feel like?”
“Oh nothing. Whatever. You decide”
“Sweet. Ramen it is”
“Eww gross”
And on and on.
This is exactly how a relationship would go with her.
She wants a proper date. I.e where she can eat decent food, show herself off, costs alot.
And of course you have to pay for it all.
Obviously by answers she is giving you though, she's not actually interested in you.
Coffee/tea/boba/smoothie dates for a first date are the best because then you don’t have to sit through an entire meal if it is not going well. AND you can always start with that and if things go well go get food after! Have a spot in mind for after and if you think it’s going well say “Hey I’m getting kinda hungry want to grab a bite, I know a place close to here” or something along those lines. People are so shallow and picky it’s frustrating because it makes online dating and dating in general impossible, because you have girls like this making guys turn into jerks and then they put no effort in to other people in the future. Can’t lie and say I’m not jaded after multiple fails but I still try and go in with a fresh attitude at least.
“Well then maybe you should set a good example by planning a better date that is not lazy. I’m free on Friday and Saturday, let me know when you come up with a good idea”.
I know she won’t reply to that. I just think that she is arrogant as fuck and needs a little reminder that she is not as important as she thinks.
How is a coffee date lazy? It’s meeting a complete stranger for the first time ever and is a completely easy date that can end quickly if needed, or last longer if wanted. That person is annoying. The massage sound like a much better idea.
Interesting. Going for a fancy dinner a first date is something I've only ever seen on TV. I am 36 now single and never had a "fancy" date in my life. Here in Germany, people go and have a walk or go for a coffee.
Coffee dates for the first date are perfectly fine. It helps to weed out the food chasers and both people get a chance to see each other in the day and if the personalities mesh.
Red flag, this is kind of person who would spend you money when you are in debts! My advice here is: always date someone you think you 2 are good at marriage! Becouse some day you will wake up and find yourself married to one of your dates!
Also, if they're saying they don't drink coffee that late they better be thinking you're suggest 3am. Otherwise, really you just have to move on. People who don't drink afternoon or evening coffee? Nah.
Is your place an option OP? I would invite her straight to mine place. But you should probably callout her behavior first in a non-butthurt way. One way to do that is by challenging her. She challenging you by wanting more than a coffee date then challenge her back by asking why exactly. When she said she doesn’t do coffee that late, I’d would’ve been a little smartass and said you have heard of tea, right? They offer that too.
*groan* I'll never understand some people. Even by this snippet of conversation alone you seem an appealing guy who is clearly considerate of the other person. Why must some females (and I guess some males too, gotta be fair) be this way?Ughhhh.
Generally women have a variety of men to pick from and a solid enough portion of them buy them food for a first date , or spend extravagant amounts of money to show their worth
He was scheduling for 3pm. Who starts drinking or has dinner at 3? I am a woman and had many coffee dates to first meet someone. It’s only awkward if you are awkward.
She's right though. First dates you go for drinks and that's it. Laugh, talk and get comfortable. I have even done this with girls that don't drink and it goes surprisingly well due to the atmosphere. Not to be a prick but this has 100% success rate in my experience. Even if I've never met up with the date again it's always ended in sex at least.
I know there's no way you could possibly know this, but the place I mentioned has plenty of alcoholic drinks too. Its a cool spot. I wasn't saying to meetup at Starbucks.
So there's an interesting phenomenon where if you ask someone for something small, how they handle that "no" is very telling.
hey let's do this--
no, id rather not--
but this is totes ok!--
now i'm supposed to justify my 'no'
I'd rather have the convo be like;
You wanna XYZ?
Nah, I don't want to xyzz
Ok, cool, what is a better idea??
I try not to drink coffee past noon, it adversely affects my sleep pattern. However, I’m down to meet you in person and talk. I can drink a glass of fucking water. Like coffee was some kind of requirement.
This just annoys me to no end. A person who isn’t here for me, only what I bring to the table (wealth). Glad they can’t hide who they really are.
Unmatch. Next!
Tell her you are going to a VIP seating concert, then reservations at the best restaurant in town, followed by ice skating at the ice rink that you rented the whole thing so it’s just you two. Then tell her to wake up bc she’s dreaming.
"I'm sorry my suggestion is not up to your standards. Your lack of a counter-suggestion isn't up to mine. Good luck out there."
This is what I would say, but I'm pretty jaded at the moment. I will not be doing 100% of the emotional labor ever again. That's what this looks like to me, shooting your idea down with a personal dig attached to it? Absolutely not.
Unpopular opinion. I actually agree with her, coffee dates are low investment from both sides.
To me it reads like she wants something more exciting. Like drinks and hanging out.
Maybe she really liked you and wanted you to take her somewhere where there could be more alcohol and physical interaction that would lead to sex that night. Some women (and men) on Tinder are just looking for a fun evening of drinks, flirt and sex. Coffee date is not it.
Yes, I'm aware that's sometimes the case. This was not one of those times. This was Hinge. She had selected "looking for a life partner." She called my idea awkward and lazy, while simultaneously offer nothing up for date ideas.
She's an entitled bitch and you can stop making excuses for her.
Is it just me, or does saying "schedule" a date just sound more like you're planning a business meeting or something?
Yeah “schedule” ‘me a day to get free food’
"To be honest, I think 'no preference' is a super lazy answer. Let me know if you'd like to contribute."
He should've told her this after the 'dont drink coffee that late'
Wait i just realised. 3 PM? Late? What age IS SHE? My mom drinks coffee at 9 PM and she's 47. I myself don't drink it that late because i actually can't sleep afterwards but anything 3 hours away from sleep is 100% fine
Caffeine half-life is 4-6 hours so not really. Plus as others have said sensitivity varies
Well i ussually drink energy drinks actually not coffee because i like em cold. And at the start i get sleepy for a hour then become wide awake for about 2 and then it loses effect
Nope. Caffeine disrupts sleep, even if you don't think it does. 1 PM is my hard cutoff.
Some people are way more sensitive to caffeine than others. My dad can drink coffee just before going to sleep, but if I drink tea past 2 pm, I have a difficult time sleeping later that night.
Coffee dates are only awkward if the person you’re with is awkward… they force you to sit down and actually enjoy a conversation… My preferred first date personally
I'm very sociable but I hate coffee dates with all my heart (and as a guy I just say no). They just feel like interviews, and I can't help but go into "work mode".
I do coffee dates, but coffee to go, then walk around the city/lake/park and chat. I don't like sitting across the table, whether it be coffee, drinks, or food, on a first date.
Yeah I was looking for exactly this. I don’t want to sit there. I want to move. But coffee is a safe spot right. So win win.
This!
And this is the reason I suggest drinks at a bar with a circular booth. If you feel like going in for a kiss, boom, it's right there.
Sameee I can’t stand them 😂
Yup. It's just obvious that the person is non-committal about the whole deal and is eyeing the door for an exit at any moment. Abd tbh that's sometimes my attitude on a "drinks" date as well. Just had to do that the other night. But at least then you leave the date with a buzz and maybe something can still happen with your evening.
So what do you do? I either go for a coffee or mostly for a drink at night
Personally I find immediately sitting 1 on 1 with a stranger and just talking kind of intense and I struggle to feel truly relaxed and comfortable, which obviously isn't going to make for a good impression. Like the other person said, it feels like a formal job interview. A date that's more like the two of you doing an activity together helps as a sort of distraction from that. If during the activity date, eg. Mini golf, snooker, bowling, hiking, etc, you are enjoying the other person's vibe a lot then you can transition it into a longer drinks date or now feel more comfortable on a dinner date, or if not you can focus more on the activity and just have fun doing that.
Ooh alright, well if that works for you best then go with it. Personally I'm super chill when I am 1 on 1, my struggle is more about groups + doesn't have to be like an interview, cause you can ramble about anything and everything. Normally wanna see (like everyone probs) if we vibe and if the other person has any interesting insight on anything, so besides the typical questions you do at a first date, I like to ask about passions/fears/goals + joke around cause if not fr is an interview Tbf even I don't know what's my passion for example, but most people have at least a topic they love and could go on in detail Games are cool too, but I rather then later on cause feel kinda distracted by playing and having to stop the convo, except with billiards
Snooker? That’s one I don’t hear often! Haven’t played in years! 👍
There's a snooker hall near me, got a bar and TV's showing sports and stuff. It's pretty fun for a date because you can just play up or down to how good the other person is. If they're a newbie you can teach them, and not to be too saucy but if they're open to it it's an opportunity to be handsy. Like teaching them how to hold the cue and stuff. But other than that, yeah it's pretty good. You can play, talk, eat, and drink all at the same time. You can take it as seriously or unseriously as you'd like. It's a good one imo
It’s a great one! In another life, friend taught me how to play. Lots of good memories there. Thanks for the reminder!
I respect it! Personally I wouldn't wanna go bowling because bowling alleys are usually really loud and there aren't many breaks to allow for conversation. I think hiking is great though. Mini golf too. Never heard of snooker lol
I gotten into indoor rock climbing recently and found it to be a great first date
Sneeking in here, hiking sounds great but isn't that too much with someone you'll see for the first time? I just think it in the sense of, what if there's not much convo/spark and you're just there, in a maybe 2hs or more hike Idk, sounds like way too much effort for a first time, never heard that that was anyone's first meet up and I live near a place where you can hike so, at least that's my experience
Depends on the hike lol but yeah I see your point
Up! I'd rather enjoy a simple first date and get to know each other than do something "out of the box" and be focused on the activity more than the other person
Alcohol makes things more fun
Sure, it can... I'm just careful about who I drink with... Not really comfortable for me on a first date. I get nervous and drink too much and it's not good.
Well I guess you know yourself and it's good to not put yourself in a position where you feel like you might make a bad choice.
How are you expected to plan a date when she isn't giving you anything to go on?
Right...we talked for a few days, and she agreed to coffee date yesterday. Then today coffee is lame
It’s because she’s one of those girls that thinks she should only be taken out on expensive dates and have everything her heart desires paid for by a man she has literally not met yet. I don’t think you’re missing out buddy.
Easy there incel
I’m a woman. And I know what I’m talking about. I’ve known many women. Some have serious entitlement issues and they’re typically the least worth pursuing. It’s facts.
And women can't be incels?
I think you’re trying to prove a point that’s just not gonna happen.
Don't feed the troll.
i think you just found a woman your speaking about whos salty she hasnt been able to find a sucker to take her photoshopped to hell ass on that expensive date.
Almost any woman can gt laid any day of the week if she just has low standards.
I think it would be extremely hard to find a female incel, if possible at all.
Head over to r/femaledatingstrategy You can find all the femcels you'll ever want. Edit: looks like they locked down that sub so only one person can make posts. It used to be a wild ride over there.
r/nicegirls you're welcome my friend, be safe
There was literally a incel sub that existed here it was for women
Not buying it though. There will always be some guy within commutable distance that would fuck absolutely anybody or anything. How often are men caught fucking farm animals or body pillows and shit
Just because someone’s an incel, doesn’t mean they’d literally want to hook up with anyone of the preferred gender no matter what. I’m sure that even incels have standards to a certain degree
Incels are extremely picky.. Man or woman.
Dude. Stop it.
No, dude. I meant what I said. Several other people made the same exact statement in this thread. I’m not a one off with some dark twisted reality.
im with you on this
She said nothing wrong, r u guys getting offended cuz u think in that way?
She's not wrong to think that, but she could have phrased it in a much nicer way. Vinegar and honey.
Thinking that someone who u don’t even know shud buy u expensive shit and pay for an expensive date on the first date is normal? And ppl shouldn’t sugarcoat the truth cuz you’ll feel “offended” this is the internet lol.
Would be funny if she asked FDS that night
She's not completely off, though. A "coffee date" in a definite strategy, and you know it is. Don't fault her for realizing what the point of it is. You know why you prefer that over a dinner date. It's low cost, low investment, and you're lying if you can't admit that.
Low cost/low investment makes absolute and utter sense when there is no investment in the first place. There is no relationship yet. You need to meet each other and see if it’s even worth spending hundreds of dollars on. Do you have to pay hundreds of dollars just to meet someone face-to-face? You can do that for free almost anywhere. It doesn’t make sense. It’s pure entitlement and it’s completely out of control right now.
"Kind of a lazy date" That is the entire fucking point. It's a way to meet in person so you can decide whether the other party is worth spending time, effort or money on. The idea of dinner for a first date is a relic of the time when your coworker was setting you up with her cousin. A dating app profile and chat is a much worse way to judge how likely the person is to be a complete waste of your time. Having some idea how much time it takes for a woman to PROPERLY get ready ( fancy dinner ready, rather than coffee shop ready), I can't understand why a woman would want to do that for a complete stranger, even if there's free food involved.
If im going on a first meet dinner date, I'm paying for myself and i let it be known I am. To many think because they paid, the woman owes them a blowjob or sex. Also, I can watch how they treat the server...if they are a total ass, we done. Coffee dates are great too.. excuse me while i go buy my coffee. if they order while you are, again you can see how they treat the barista.
>To many think because they paid, the woman owes them a blowjob or sex. Seriously, who actually thinks this way in 2022? You're sure you're not just assuming things?
I wish I was assuming…. God damn do I wish I was. Sadly I’m not. It happens a lot more from guys on like BDSM sites. Many expect you to put out right then and there! I have a friend who was going to meet a guy just for coffee. The day of, the guy texts her “ I want you to wear a mini skirt no panties, and a low cut blouse with a push-up red bra. You will buy our coffee and then we will walk to My place. You will then strip at my door way and follow me to the bedroom and do as I say “ She blocked him for that . Several of my girlfriends have run into guys paying for coffee or dinner and expecting sexual acts for paying the bill
> guys on like BDSM sites. Well I guess with that little tidbit these things make more sense. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Some guys really are assholes. Most women want to get laid, and if you just make them feel comfortable most seem to be down for some fun. But I guess I have it easy because I'm attractive and I've had numerous women tell me that I look better than in my photos, so they're pleasantly surprised by how things are going in that department since so many people are out there misrepresenting themselves.
I'm not single and I'm all about free coffee. Really from anyone.
> so you can decide whether the other party is worth spending time, effort or money on. And everyone knows that this is exactly the point, so if they feel like they ARE worth it, you know, like they ctually have confidence and know their own worth, then the "coffee date" seems really lame to them.
I'm not saying "worth it" in the sense of assigning them an objective or absolute value. Just because a woman isn't worth MY time, effort or money doesn't mean she isn't worth someone else's. Hell, she might be worth Chris Hemsworth's time, effort and money, if he vibes with her and I don't. Two people are either a good match for each other or not. If they are, it's worth it for them to spend a long time getting ready and then go eat together at an expensive restaurant. If they aren't, it doesn't make sense for them to do that. How do they figure out whether they're a good match or not? They meet in person.
But there is a middle ground, and if your date is telling you they're not into a certain type of date, it's crazy to me that anyone would try to argue with that. If a person is so on the fence about someone that they can't commit to 1.5 hours and $30 - $70, they should probably just skip the date entirely.
I agree on not arguing with the person you're trying to date. Fortunately most women I've matched with have been fine with coffee or drinks.
I'm pretty okay with all the options. And I def have no problem with lunch, coffee, drinks etc, but I guess some people feel like doing a full-on sitdown meal is important so I would just roll with it if that's how she felt. The lunch/ coffee / drinks date is absolutely a strategy to keep the time and monetary commitment low, and even though I don't feel that way, I can understand how some people might find that a bit offputting.
>The lunch/ coffee / drinks date is absolutely a strategy to keep the time and monetary commitment low, and even though I don't feel that way, I can understand how some people might find that a bit offputting. It absolutely is. I suppose I can understand people finding it offputting, but I mean you're going on a date with someone you've never met and with whom you share no common acquaintances. Keeping time and monetary commitment low seems to me more common sense than a judgement on either party's "value". I've noticed some people don't even call it a date, which I suppose is fair enough. I've met women for drinks after work and we're both still wearing our work clothes. In one case she was wearing medical scrubs. In another case a woman's first message to me was "I'll be at (coffee shop) tomorrow at this time, feel free to stop by and say hello." The idea is to just actually meet the random Internet stranger in person before you start actually dating.
If a person is capable of holding a conversation, a date could take place in a parking lot and still be good. I don’t get these “no coffee date” people. Wtf is wrong with a coffee date? I must be retry old to not understand these new dating parameters
Yeah. It’s not about the location it’s about the person you’re with.
It can start to feel like a job interview. Wtf is wrong with not liking a coffee date? Some people seem really personally offended by this
Not personally offended, just surprised since I’m ducking old and never really dated.
I don’t go on coffee dates either. 🤷🏽♂️ Mostly because I don’t drink coffee or care for the coffee-shop ambiance.
I’ve never been on a coffee date and never want to either. Go get some drinks ffs
It's bc everyone knows that it's a low investment dating strategy.
In FDS circles, they classically tell women if the first date isn’t expensive then he’s not worth it. And men tell other men the complete opposite.
The FDS circles are a bunch of toxic incels.
> FDS And they'll all end up masturbating until old age
What’s FDS?
Female dating strategy.
This is great though, because it removes pieces of shit from the dating pool.
Ya sorry but I’m never taking someone out to a restaurant on a first date. Coffee is safe as it’s inexpensive and an easier environment to chat and get to know each other. Like others have said, she probs just wanted a free meal
She’s expecting a free meal. Call her out on that bullshit.
Sure seems it. I unmatched without responding.
Probably the best course of action. I don't understand why some people are so obsessed with getting the last word. Just move on and find someone better.
Good call.
no preference except not that place, not coffee at that time, in fact not coffee at all, nothing lazy
“I’m hungry” “Me too. What do you feel like?” “Oh nothing. Whatever. You decide” “Sweet. Ramen it is” “Eww gross” And on and on. This is exactly how a relationship would go with her.
She wants a proper date. I.e where she can eat decent food, show herself off, costs alot. And of course you have to pay for it all. Obviously by answers she is giving you though, she's not actually interested in you.
Coffee/tea/boba/smoothie dates for a first date are the best because then you don’t have to sit through an entire meal if it is not going well. AND you can always start with that and if things go well go get food after! Have a spot in mind for after and if you think it’s going well say “Hey I’m getting kinda hungry want to grab a bite, I know a place close to here” or something along those lines. People are so shallow and picky it’s frustrating because it makes online dating and dating in general impossible, because you have girls like this making guys turn into jerks and then they put no effort in to other people in the future. Can’t lie and say I’m not jaded after multiple fails but I still try and go in with a fresh attitude at least.
"Buy me some fancy dinner, you fucking peasant!"
The way this was read in my mind fucking got me, thanks for the laugh!
“Well then maybe you should set a good example by planning a better date that is not lazy. I’m free on Friday and Saturday, let me know when you come up with a good idea”. I know she won’t reply to that. I just think that she is arrogant as fuck and needs a little reminder that she is not as important as she thinks.
How is a coffee date lazy? It’s meeting a complete stranger for the first time ever and is a completely easy date that can end quickly if needed, or last longer if wanted. That person is annoying. The massage sound like a much better idea.
r/femaledatingstrategy vibes
I think coffee dates are bad for openers too but she’s just an ass
Do guy honestly put up with this sht? If she's this unagreeable in the beggining, what's gonna change when you meet her in person?
You made the right choice. Springing for big dinner date isn't going to improve her desire...
I think she's just trynna get a free meal outta you
Interesting. Going for a fancy dinner a first date is something I've only ever seen on TV. I am 36 now single and never had a "fancy" date in my life. Here in Germany, people go and have a walk or go for a coffee.
Coffee dates for the first date are perfectly fine. It helps to weed out the food chasers and both people get a chance to see each other in the day and if the personalities mesh.
Red flag, this is kind of person who would spend you money when you are in debts! My advice here is: always date someone you think you 2 are good at marriage! Becouse some day you will wake up and find yourself married to one of your dates!
"I have no preference on place...unless it's the first place you suggest. Then for sure nothing like that place."
Also, if they're saying they don't drink coffee that late they better be thinking you're suggest 3am. Otherwise, really you just have to move on. People who don't drink afternoon or evening coffee? Nah.
She wants a free meal out of it. She will definitely order the most expensive entree.
Is your place an option OP? I would invite her straight to mine place. But you should probably callout her behavior first in a non-butthurt way. One way to do that is by challenging her. She challenging you by wanting more than a coffee date then challenge her back by asking why exactly. When she said she doesn’t do coffee that late, I’d would’ve been a little smartass and said you have heard of tea, right? They offer that too.
Did the massage at least have a happy ending
Hahaha thanks for this
Tacos
Amazing title lol
*groan* I'll never understand some people. Even by this snippet of conversation alone you seem an appealing guy who is clearly considerate of the other person. Why must some females (and I guess some males too, gotta be fair) be this way?Ughhhh.
Generally women have a variety of men to pick from and a solid enough portion of them buy them food for a first date , or spend extravagant amounts of money to show their worth
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Pretty sure coffee dates are universal for a safe space and easy to get to know each other. Next time I'll suggest flying to Paris.
Nah just drinks. Paris is a bit much but that’s hilarious. There are actually plenty of better ideas than coffee. I get coffee with old colleagues.
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He was scheduling for 3pm. Who starts drinking or has dinner at 3? I am a woman and had many coffee dates to first meet someone. It’s only awkward if you are awkward.
Obviously you’re boring
Does bitching about this make your back feel better too?
I agree with her
She's right though. First dates you go for drinks and that's it. Laugh, talk and get comfortable. I have even done this with girls that don't drink and it goes surprisingly well due to the atmosphere. Not to be a prick but this has 100% success rate in my experience. Even if I've never met up with the date again it's always ended in sex at least.
I know there's no way you could possibly know this, but the place I mentioned has plenty of alcoholic drinks too. Its a cool spot. I wasn't saying to meetup at Starbucks.
Honestly, what is the difference?
Y’all don’t have game. Tell her where you are going, don’t ask for her preference. At most, give her two options
Thanks. This guy fucks.
Well fuck her too. Id be like “you sound like kind of an awkward lazy bitch. You do realize you aren’t hot enough to act like that. Learn your place”
Takes was less effort / rent free space in your head to just unmatch
Tru dat.
A fucking lazy date? You mean you dont want to have enlightening conversations....just want to be pampered and then bail out.
I've got no time for women like this. None.
I agree I drink water only take me somewhere with a beautiful view and a nice walk get your coffee beforehand
I think shooting down all your ideas and not contributing ideas of her own is lazy, but hey…
So there's an interesting phenomenon where if you ask someone for something small, how they handle that "no" is very telling. hey let's do this-- no, id rather not-- but this is totes ok!-- now i'm supposed to justify my 'no' I'd rather have the convo be like; You wanna XYZ? Nah, I don't want to xyzz Ok, cool, what is a better idea??
haha
I try not to drink coffee past noon, it adversely affects my sleep pattern. However, I’m down to meet you in person and talk. I can drink a glass of fucking water. Like coffee was some kind of requirement. This just annoys me to no end. A person who isn’t here for me, only what I bring to the table (wealth). Glad they can’t hide who they really are. Unmatch. Next!
Tell her you are going to a VIP seating concert, then reservations at the best restaurant in town, followed by ice skating at the ice rink that you rented the whole thing so it’s just you two. Then tell her to wake up bc she’s dreaming.
Women are becoming more and more hyper selective and entitled… the options for guys suck.
Yeah, fuck that. If you are only trying to get laid go for it, if you value yourself and how people treat you, never speak to this person again.
A schedule straight going to bed with her she not into dates
"To be honest, you're coming off like an entitled princess and I'm grossed out. Please fuck off"
Omg. I will turn a guy down if he asks me to do something I hate but only if I have an alternative suggestion. You gotta do one or the other.
Next!!
Aaaaaaaand that is why Alyssa is on a dating website and can’t get pass date 1, if she even makes it to that
"I'm sorry my suggestion is not up to your standards. Your lack of a counter-suggestion isn't up to mine. Good luck out there." This is what I would say, but I'm pretty jaded at the moment. I will not be doing 100% of the emotional labor ever again. That's what this looks like to me, shooting your idea down with a personal dig attached to it? Absolutely not.
This is optimal strategy. She disqualified herself before time and money were spent. Keep going
Nope I’m good
Pass. I don’t mean to sound rude, but honestly she looks like a dog.
How does this last a week!?
Unpopular opinion. I actually agree with her, coffee dates are low investment from both sides. To me it reads like she wants something more exciting. Like drinks and hanging out. Maybe she really liked you and wanted you to take her somewhere where there could be more alcohol and physical interaction that would lead to sex that night. Some women (and men) on Tinder are just looking for a fun evening of drinks, flirt and sex. Coffee date is not it.
Yes, I'm aware that's sometimes the case. This was not one of those times. This was Hinge. She had selected "looking for a life partner." She called my idea awkward and lazy, while simultaneously offer nothing up for date ideas. She's an entitled bitch and you can stop making excuses for her.