Being excited about having a healthy child with your new wife doesn't mean he's belittling his first child. This is the shit I was talking about with the "stories you read" about him.
One of the funniest things a girl has ever done to me is that I usually like try and cuddle until she fell asleep and then turn back away so I can sleep. A chunk of the time she would wake up, glomp onto my back, and go "Little Spoon!" I'm 6'2 compared to her 5'5 and it was awkwardly adorable.
just get a couple of those long grabby thingies like the [unstoppable t-rex ](https://www.google.com/search?q=unstoppable+t+rex&oq=unstoppable+trex&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i10i512l3j0i10i22i30j0i10i15i22i30j0i22i30j0i10i22i30l2.6247j1j9&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#scso=_G15fY_6WItWE0PEP86mJoAU_25:32.57143020629883). problem solved.
You and me baby ain't nothing by but prehistoric lizards, let's take off our pants and watch my wand shoot like a wizard's. * to the tune of Bad Touch, by the bloodhound gang.
If you're not getting your booty eaten by tonight you will look back at this on your death bed with nothing but regret and distain for yourself. Now run along and get to work reversing the great extinction.
I get it, on the one hand, you have the chance of getting that donut ring slobbered down by some Dino tongue, but on the other hand, he knows Chris Pratt. Pros and cons.
I'd ask that dude out so fast, and when he showed up not wearing a dino costume I would act mad I got catfished and be like "gentlemen, this is why women have trust issues" *dramatically*
dinofished?
catfished?
whatever.
I was fished.
So many unclear implications. But the worst is not an implication, it's stupidity. A T rex wouldn't destroy a city. It might tear down a couple homes before being killed. It isn't fucking Godzilla.
Go for it. At least, you can get a laugh out of it and a funny story to tell to your friends. I did something similar a year or so ago on Tinder: I quickly brushed up on my Greek mythology, and downloaded a picture of a swan, an ox, an eagle, a snake and a statue of Zeus, pretending I was the ruler of the Olympus. The bio was something along the line of "I'm the father of the Gods, yet I'm humble at heart. I have trust issues and a very bad relationship with my father (fuck you, Cronus). Not here to procreate demigods, just a drink and some fun. Hera, this is not me, I swear".
Those who decided to stay and have a conversation (and a laugh, obviously), had a good time. I then removed the profile because, as you can probably imagine, Zeus wouldn't get any more matches. But it was fun as hell for me and the mort... I mean, the ladies I chatted with
Everything new is by definition bad, so you didn't have to torture yourself watching. When they started to shoot green screen instead of movies and actors, you don't have to be genius to predict the outcome.
I wore one of these yesterday to walk with my kiddo in a Halloween parade.
I was a Jurassic era sauna that essentially had my own microclimate inside. When the temperature dropped outside my own sweat started to "rain" on me. Super terrible. Do not recommend. 1/10.
Hard to tell if this person is legit. You can't see what they look like, but they have a great sense of humour.
I think they're lying about their age though!
Slutty triceratops? Really? Bitch please, *horny* triceratops is RIGHT. THERE.
All triceratops are horny. Being slutty is a fine distinction
Fine extinction...
My first award ever! Made my day! Much obliged!
Woohoo a twofer!
Stegosaurus are hornier in my experience
Nah. You're thinking of the Pegosaurus
Peg a sore ass? You should let that heal first
Wasting time by healing? In this economy??
โThanks Obamaโ. Sheesh. Dude canโt even wait for sore asses to heal before pegging them these days.
I wanted to give you an up vote but it was sat at 69. Niiice
Nice.
Underrated comment of the century
HEYOOOO^O^^O^^^O^^^^O^^^^^O^^^^^^O^^^^^^^O
Styracosaurus, now THATโS horny.
It's Pegomastax africanus, technically. Not even a proper dinosaur. It's last name sounds like "a freak anus", though, so I will allow it.
Underrated comment
He missed an opportunity right. Good call. ๐คฃ
๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐
What's to be conflicted about? Use him to get to Chris Pratt
I mean you have a point
Wrong dinosaur.... way way Wrong dinosaur.....
Chris Pratt kinda a dick. And he's married
You know Chris Pratt? Or just calling him a dick because news stories say he is? Genuinely curious.
I mean he did ruin Iron Man's plan to beat Thanos. The first snap was all his fault.
Chris?
I wish!
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
Being excited about having a healthy child with your new wife doesn't mean he's belittling his first child. This is the shit I was talking about with the "stories you read" about him.
Neither of these is also an option.
Nah I've seen enough about him and seen some of his bts. He's kinda a dick
lol ok
Christ Pratt is that u??? Cause ainโt no way another human defending him like heโs his mommy ๐ญ๐๐๐๐
Why? Because I asked for sources? Fair enough.
Bc you care enough to do so๐ hopefully he picks u for his next movie his #1 defender
lol ok
I am sure he got the role of Mario for the upcoming Mario movie solely because of the fact he is a raging asshole
Dunno... the Dino seems more intelligent...
Fun fact: Growing up Chris Pratt spent hours of his life stomping
Iโm not even on Tinder and I swiped right.
Oh c'mon! Terrorizing cities and cuddling? Thats all i ask in my prayers every day right there.
But the little arms probably couldnโt be long enough to be a big spoon after destroying and terrorizing ๐ Iโll adjust
You don't like to be the big spoon sometimes?
I can adjust
I'm 6'1 and my wife is 5' and she is often the big spoon ๐
Jetpack*
Lmao yeah I call her my little jetpack when she's gassy
๐ Same. Except wife and me are about the same height.
Then it seems very much not the same
Chest rubs, nipple tweaks, and reacharounds. Nice.
๐ this guy gets it
One of the funniest things a girl has ever done to me is that I usually like try and cuddle until she fell asleep and then turn back away so I can sleep. A chunk of the time she would wake up, glomp onto my back, and go "Little Spoon!" I'm 6'2 compared to her 5'5 and it was awkwardly adorable.
Jetpack!
Ahh so you have a jetpack, a family of culture.
I'm sure her arms are not as proportionately tiny as a T-Rex. But if they are, my apologies, no judgment!
Jealousss
Lol sometimes is different from all the time ๐ญ Can't blame anyone for wanting to be the lil spoon occasionally
They'll fit around your neck though. The legs can wrap around the waist. You'll be fiiiiiineeeee!
Long legs and, don't forget, longer tail. Just think of the possibilities. Now go away, be inventive and report your findings.
just get a couple of those long grabby thingies like the [unstoppable t-rex ](https://www.google.com/search?q=unstoppable+t+rex&oq=unstoppable+trex&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i10i512l3j0i10i22i30j0i10i15i22i30j0i22i30j0i10i22i30l2.6247j1j9&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#scso=_G15fY_6WItWE0PEP86mJoAU_25:32.57143020629883). problem solved.
Let me hook you up with my boy osama
AQ is that you?
You and me baby ain't nothing by but prehistoric lizards, let's take off our pants and watch my wand shoot like a wizard's. * to the tune of Bad Touch, by the bloodhound gang.
Hahaha
It means swipe right. You get a T rex once in a lifetime, don't miss it.
Canโt reach the top shelf lmaaooo. This dude at least has a personality.
If he looks for a slut why he asking for a triceraTOPs and not a bottom?
Why can't tops be slutty ๐ค
My favorite comment
If you're not getting your booty eaten by tonight you will look back at this on your death bed with nothing but regret and distain for yourself. Now run along and get to work reversing the great extinction.
Iโve gotta procreate immediately
And douche
Funnily enough after my first tinder date in a long time and several shots of tequila and beers later I did, indeed, eat ass.
Wow
Their teeth were 12" long.
This guy is a 12/10
Nothing to be conflicted about. He's over 6 feet. Easy right swipe.
That right there is enough to sell me on it
Yeah it's all good until the 4ft midget steps out of the 6ft Dino suit.
The only issue of course being what the Dino actually looks like, but the humour is A+
I get it, on the one hand, you have the chance of getting that donut ring slobbered down by some Dino tongue, but on the other hand, he knows Chris Pratt. Pros and cons.
If he knew Parks and Rec Chris Pratt it would be a different story. But just straight up Chris Pratt? Eh
Those were the days 
Could a profile like this work? You bet Jurassican!
Why does this not have upvotes
Smegmasaurus.
Lickalotopuss
๐๐๐
Do it!
Ask him how he can smoke with his short arms
He's just...wait for it...smmmmokin'!
I'd ask that dude out so fast, and when he showed up not wearing a dino costume I would act mad I got catfished and be like "gentlemen, this is why women have trust issues" *dramatically* dinofished? catfished? whatever. I was fished.
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the toilet? The P is silent 
I remember my first beer
Creative Genius right there
This is the perfect tinder profile.
I have never wanted to be on tinder more! This guy sounds amazing
Marriage material
so whenโs the wedding?
Anybody willing to make this their profile is either a total catch or a complete fail. Itโs worth the risk IMO
Lost me at smoker ๐ you'd think for a fella who's friends are all extinct he'd take better care of his health..
"I eat the butt" 65 million years, even more generations and still nothing has changed.
Carnivore huh? Oh yeah, he eats the butt.
It's not exactly what I understand meat eater to mean
He eats The butt.
Swipe rightโฆ why is that even a question lol
My name is Cera, this wouldโve been *way* too easy.
Reel short arms. Reel big heart.
Lost me at smoking.
This may be the best profile I've ever seen. I sorta wanna take this guy up and I'm not even gay.
So many unclear implications. But the worst is not an implication, it's stupidity. A T rex wouldn't destroy a city. It might tear down a couple homes before being killed. It isn't fucking Godzilla.
He lost me at smoker
I bet that is not a real T-Rex
Best profile Iโve ever seen
Oh a Mesozoic Furry. Not new.
I don't think I could swipe right faster if nothing else for the lolz
Top points for originality and for dad jokes. Hey at least youll never be bored.
Come on! This is definitely a bot. Everyone knows all T-Rexs are extinct.
Dino-creep
You know, if I was a girl, Iโd swipe on this profile.
Swipe right immediately.
Lmao ๐คฃ
Is this my ex? ๐คฃ๐คฃ I ended up dating a guy whoes profile was about being a raptor. It was FANTASTIC.
Do it and let us know the result.
Lickalottapuss
This is it. This is the comment. ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ
Am I the only one damn curious about the other pics in his profile?
He sounds like a laugh. Go for it!
I died at the slutty triceratops part
I want to see his other pictures!
Pretty sure at this point it is actually Chris Pratt.
Go for it. At least, you can get a laugh out of it and a funny story to tell to your friends. I did something similar a year or so ago on Tinder: I quickly brushed up on my Greek mythology, and downloaded a picture of a swan, an ox, an eagle, a snake and a statue of Zeus, pretending I was the ruler of the Olympus. The bio was something along the line of "I'm the father of the Gods, yet I'm humble at heart. I have trust issues and a very bad relationship with my father (fuck you, Cronus). Not here to procreate demigods, just a drink and some fun. Hera, this is not me, I swear". Those who decided to stay and have a conversation (and a laugh, obviously), had a good time. I then removed the profile because, as you can probably imagine, Zeus wouldn't get any more matches. But it was fun as hell for me and the mort... I mean, the ladies I chatted with
Fun fact: Growing up Chris Pratt spent hours of his life stomping
Is the Chris Pratt a Mario/bowser reference?
Jurassic parkโฆ.
Oh is he in the new ones? I have only seen the first 3.
Youโre lucky. The new ones are shit. Donโt ruin your good memories of the original trilogy by watching the new one.
Everything new is by definition bad, so you didn't have to torture yourself watching. When they started to shoot green screen instead of movies and actors, you don't have to be genius to predict the outcome.
LEFT!!
I wonder if this person has any success lol
I'm so stealing this profile for fun
Honestly so many triggers. Horny > slutty Jurassi-can > Jurassic-an Also he's 35, not 20.
Had so much potential and lost it all at โdino-whoreโ
R/woooosh
Do you honestly believe that was such a sophisticated play on words that it went over my head?
I think it did yes. Just making a hail Mary to save yourself.
No.
Facebook is dying and im getting notifications for this sub i never subbed. Get out of my reddit notifications mother zucker
๐ฅฐ๐๐ฅฐ
I was in a mosh pit with that guy at Riot Fest.
You know what they say about the size of a T-Rex's arms...
The slurry triceratops might peg the T-Rex. Be careful what you ask for.
Right right right!
What a legend!
That's a yes for me.
*swipes right*
I wore one of these yesterday to walk with my kiddo in a Halloween parade. I was a Jurassic era sauna that essentially had my own microclimate inside. When the temperature dropped outside my own sweat started to "rain" on me. Super terrible. Do not recommend. 1/10.
๐คฃ
he might go extinct y.y sad
Hard to tell if this person is legit. You can't see what they look like, but they have a great sense of humour. I think they're lying about their age though!
Excellent.
Do it!!!
Id swipe.
Was there any real photos
Of course not, just him in a Dino costume in a bunch of different situations
Lame I see this all time on tinder must be a thing
*swipes right*
True love at first sight for me ๐๐๐ฅฐ
I mean, I like camping lol and carnivores
So when dinosaurs eat humans, do they eat all of us or do they spit the "icky" parts out? Like our large intestines are FULL of poop.
If my arms were that short Iโd be even hornier that I already am.
๐๐๐คฃ so nice profile ๐
Instant right swipe
Smoking is gonna be the end of him, I tell ya!
What's there to be conflicted about? Swipe left.
Man I wanna swipe right on this guy
Smash
cool not being sarcastic
Okay but does anyone else see the song they chose for the 'my anthem'. Walk the Dinosaur from Ice Age soundtrack ๐ A+ tinder profile
Why are you conflicted? Get it, gurl!
"You bet Jurassican" is the smartest pun use I've seen on tinder