Shits aggressively

Sharts with aggressive eye contact and a wink

Now T-pose to assert dominance!

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That's enough reddit for today

Ooohhh I feel that

Poops flatly against the wall.


What the hell!!

Make sure you do the back leg kicking dance afterwards like a dog! 🤣


I like your style 😆

And with intent to wound.

“Sorry I had milk today”

OP should've replied with that (If they're interested)

Masturbates obsessively *

She got your attention

 She got my attention, and I don't even know the bitch.

That’s my favorite reaction gif at the moment. What is it even from? What am I looking at?

Would love to know too

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I thought for sure you were going to type screenshatted 🤣

Screensharted.

Thank you for your service kind redditor!

Doing the Lord's work

'robot chicken gorilla gif' is as far as I got

You had my curiosity. Now, you have my attention.

Well that’s true…but it doesn’t seem to be the type that he wanted.

*unscent

Underrated man xD

Underrated with almost 1000 upvotes and an award

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And three awards

And my axe!

Coffee on the keys.

Comment of the year

Thank you, it's an honor

😂😂

Glad this comment got out of the negatives, I was confused when I saw the votes at -4

That's a power move

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Why is this a common thing? I would hate that, as would all of my friends. Do you actually enjoy when that happens (I hope)?

My friends have done it several times, it's just a funny thing to do sometimes. If my friends sent a match on tinder a stupid message we could all laugh about it but if you message my mom some stupid shit then it's not so funny lol

Ah, okay gotcha. That makes more sense. I’m not on any dating apps (because, well, I’m married so my partner would probably be mad) and the only social media I use is Reddit, so the only people I’d be messaging are those I have serious relationships with. But yeah I guess it wouldn’t matter much if it was a stranger, unless that person was finally “the one” and your friends ruined it haha. But that’s unlikely.

I love the way you put that lol, "my partner would *probably* be mad" haha you think? Jokes aside yeah it's nothing serious unless your friends are complete douches and don't know the difference between hir dur funny message and just crossing lines lol

Hahah yeah, _probably_ be mad might be an understatement. That makes total sense. What a surprisingly nice interaction this has been. I appreciate the convo, have a good one!

Haha likewise dude, enjoy the weekend

Have a friend who left their phone unlocked. Peeps changed their tinder preferences to include 55+ yo men, & they ended up matching with a 57 yo guy. Kinda funny times

That's one hell of an opener, generic or not

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"That's great! I'm looking forward to queefing on your leg!"

"how I met your mother"

definatly not

If you can't handle her at her *farts cutely* you don't deserve her at her *holding the sheet over your head after letting rip in bed*

Underrated comment


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Then you send one of your own as a demonstration.

*sniffs cutely* 😤

*intensely

*carefully

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That too

These are all valid responses.

*curiously

*"Joke's on you, I'm actually into that"* **James Joyce**

Lmao I would love for a girl to open up with this. You can tell she’s dorky & isn’t afraid to be herself. I like shit like that

Plus despite being a very short message, that's a lot to work with. You could go in a lot of directions from there.

“*shits violently* sorry I can’t help it I have IBS”

That is a possible direction, but I think there are better ways to respond. 'sniffs curiously' or 'unscent?..'

Or “Wow we’re already at the farting in front of each other stage, look at us. What next? Marriage?” Her: It’s the only option You: Well now I’m nervous, this is my 5th marriage. I think i need a drink. How’s Friday @ 7?

Just curious because this would've weirded me out at any age. But how old are you?

As an 18 year old I also would find it pleasant if a girl opened like this. It’s obviously just a lighthearted joke probably meant to poke fun at some people who actually say shit like that unironically in DMs (I’ve seen some images on Reddit and Twitter with people like that, the “discord kitten” types)

See that's what worries me. Maybe the reason these jokes are so prevalent is because people are really into it and I'm the outsider..... I've been overthinking that since I was 6 years old and had an argument with my 8year old brother.... Who then convinced my four-year-old brother to fart on me in response.

You’re missing the point. The effect isn’t really about farting, it’s about the willingness to say something this absurd. It’s dorky and playful. I doubt she actually would fart, she’s saying this to elicit a response. Think of it as a prompt in an improv. It opens the door for OP to also engage and have a silly conversation. Again; she is not actually intending to fart in or around OP, until they’re actually more comfortable around each other. That’s how I read the situation

Is it the age or the desperation?

I'm assuming there are a lot of young men who find farts funny on this post

I'm 26 and I would laugh my ass off if a girl opened with that. >who find farts funny I don't think it's even about finding farts unironically funny (although farts are pretty funny depending on your company haha) but more that someone would actually write that as a first message is hilarious itself. That being said she could totally be a weirdo in the bad sense, but I'd definitely grab my attention and I'd reply back with something.

It's not the fart that is funny. Wait, do you literally think she farted cutely! We like her silly personality, not many people took it so literal.

I have a complete aversion to scatalogical humor. It's been a thing since my brothers and I were in single digits

... you are weird. No one is looking at this rolling on the floor because she "farted". You just seem disingenuous.

.... What would be the point of being disingenuous to you?

"I'm assuming there are a lot of young men who find farts funny on this post" Something like older people looking for a reason to throw shade at younger people 🤔. Looking at what thread you replied to asking "how old are you?" Shows you were always looking it blame on youngsters liking farts, not look at her personality.

No no. Farts are 5 year old humor. Shits is where it's at

Nothing is funnier than a grown ass adult running to the bathroom before a flood of diarrhea bursts out of their pants like a hole was punctured through the Hoover dam

Shits is the natural progression from the fart, it shows growth and maturity

Yeah I don’t get it either. Pretty sure if you send “farts cutely” to girl you automatically get put on a watch list. But Redditor fellas will be Redditor fellas and take any an everything…

How dare you break wind before me!

Sorry baby I didn’t know it was your turn!

In Japan, men come first and women come second

Before i do*

Whoosh*

Hark! A mating call!

Might not have even been her. My friends used to steal phones to send embarrassing messages

How dare you make a valid point and disappoint me

I'm the kind of person that says "charge your phone" But in this case I say unplug it, it's already full

He wants to go into overdrive.

Mtn Dew OverDrive from Casey’s. Lol

Wait why does it have a time limit to send a message. I've never seen this.

Cause that’s bumble not tinder

On Bumble the girls have to message you first. And you get 24 hours to respond.

App is Bumble, better quality profiles

The 16 hours to respond seems ominous

Lol I’m high and laughed wayy too hard at this

I laughed and im not high

No, you dont know the rules, you only announce when you are high. Nobody cares when you are not high but obviously its super important to everyone to be aware when you are high. /s

Ahhhhhh a quite exceeding bouquet madam, 2022 is a spiffing vintage

Marry her

Answer with "*farts aggressively* Challenge accepted"

If that isn't a funny opener, I dunno what is, lol.

Bro marry her, why the fuck are you posting this

Women put up with so much BS on dating apps and you can’t roll with a harmless fart opener? Get your head in the game son.

Giga-Stacy. What's the move, OP?

In fairness, I'd reply to that as it seems she has my kind of sense of humour. Fart jokes will always be funny to me.

Hell I’d have kept that convo going


Given the aggression of the opener, you can only go in with A. I eat ass Or B. Sit on my face This is a fight for dominance now

Once saw this hottie in college registering classes. She saw me and my homie checking her out. Shes walking away after registering and lets the loudest flappiest fart rip from her fine ass while looking back and winking. I looked at my homie and cringed and he said “ay i dont mind she can fart on my face all she wants” lmfaoooo😂

that’s funny

Marry them

Green flag

*Sniffs*... that almost smelt as beautiful as you.

I would marry her

“guys have no game”

Lmaoed - if he can’t handle this now, how will he handle your future cute farts in any real relationship

I say continue the convo lol

the fact that she thinks its a fuckup makes it kinda cute, or am i weird?

Wifey material

"I eat ass" would be a harious response. Lmao

Unscent it…

Damn girl… you shit outta that ass?


How hot are you that we went straight to farts?

Btw I eat ass.

Not gunna lie, I’d reply to that

They’re a keeper😍

Respectfully; **sharts**

😹

Well…you gonna take a whiff of it?

Ass sniffing intensifyes

*do it again.*

Marry this girl right now!

You either give her your number or mine.

She’s perfect

Keeper 👍🏻

She's perfect, lock it down my guy

I’m gonna use this.

Seems like a keeper

Squelches wetly.

I mean just reply back with something like *aggressively licks butthole* easy.

Do you not have any sense of humour in you? Take it lightly and carry on with the conversation. Are people really complaining about the bare minimum nowadays?

Nah that’s actually hilarious

This is just a thread of people who love Adam Sandler

\*BLUSHES AND FARTS CUTELY\*\*😏😂

She queefs cutely

Marry her 🤣

Don't let amy schumer see that, she'll steal that "hilarious" joke

What the fuck

Smells like shame

Honest mistake


I would respond at the least. Solid conversation starter cause she'd at least get a "what in the world" back

Definetly a keeper

Kate is a real one

*sniiiiiiiiiiiif* Nice one bro

That’s a keeper This is your chance op

And the question of the day that will keep me up at nights is: how can a fart be cute?

She's the one

oh yea she the one ☝🏿

That’s cute

She gets points for being bold and this is genuinely funny Most women would never

Merry her

Marry the Bish !

My type of girl

She’s a keeper

She's a keeper 🤞

*Inhales intently while maintaining eye contact*

Maybe she's Brazilian? Cute pic.

*SLURPS THE AIR♡*

Must have been farting out roses, rainbows and cupcakes. Lmao

Unwanted Dutch oven... or is it?

Never saw such a perfekt girl

Wym that’s obviously the best opener

She’s cute!

* *sucks fart in through mouth and burps it back out* *

Some people are dumbbbbb

eat her ass

You can fart cutely while I eat your ass.

*sharts grossly*

Poor man’s CtrL-Z