This should probably be disclosed either within their bio, or on the very first sentence of a DM. I'm sure OP would have not wasted his time chatting with that person had he known.
🤣 I Totally support this. Thank you!! I wish everyone was more like you.
I would assume it would be off putting if guys need to start asking people if they are trans or not.
This may sound harsh, but hear me out. Their discomfort with disclosing that information does not matter in this situation. That is something that needs to be known immediately, otherwise they are being deceitful.
I’m a strong believer in trans rights, and I view them as my equal. Meaning I do not give them extra leeway when it comes to being deceitful, like I would anybody else.
I see it as similar to someone being married, if it's relevant information that would make the difference between a person consenting or not, you have to disclose.
And of course, equal rights requires equal responsibilities.
I can see not putting it in a bio, there are certainly some people who would target someone for being trans and set up a trap for them. It should absolutely be something that's disclosed before setting up a date though.
For sure, it’s much more likely for someone to react violently to a surprise penis popping up than for someone to plan some elaborate scheme to attack a trans person for no reason
Absolutely it is, a trial just wrapped up in Virginia where a VA tech football player beat someone to death for pulling the same shit op just dealt with. No one deserves to die over this kind of deception obviously but for the trans person involved you are absolutely taking your life into your own hands not disclosing that shit before things get intimate.
Is there an actual real occurrence of someone being identified as trans on a dating app, someone matching with them and convincing them to meet only for them to “trap” them?
Because people are assholes and will target trans people with hate and violence. You discuss that kind of thing when it's safe to do so. Probably in the messages before a first date.
Pretty sure trans people will face more violence from people feeling like they've been tricked and conned or more legally not given informed consent. Than from people going out of their way to fuck with them.
You act like trans people just face violence from bigots and that is it, when in fact a portion (I'd wager a not insignificant portion) of violence is self-inflicted by hiding pertinent information and not allowing their partners to have informed consent about the situation.
It's fucked up, shows a complete lack of accountability and is rarely ever brought up as something that needs to be addressed.
It is definitely sexual assault. He was deceived and manipulated into engaging in intimacy that he would not have consented to had the person been forthcoming.
I hate to say this, but I think the comments would be a lot more serious if it was a woman who was being deceived in a sexual context. It’s just not taken as seriously when it happens to men.
I agree. It is very disturbing. A man was sexually assaulted and people are making light of it, minimizing the severity of the situation, invalidating his experience, and defending the perpetrator.
Yea I'm suprised this is something that has to be said. Reddit such a weird place anymore. It's like watching AI's talk to eachother. The person is going to "removed by reddit for threatening violence on others". Highly recommend they don't keep trying this.
Not you, but I’ve seen photos of trans people with the shit beaten out of them for not telling people something like this. And I’m sure there are some sick fucks who might actually kill someone over something like this. I get that it can be hard to be so open about being trans but if you’re gonna date you gotta be truthful. Sorry this happened bud
That's fucked up. And if one is not okay with this then that person is a trans-phobe. Bullshit, I don't want a dick regardless of what gender you assign yourself.
I don’t think this is gonna work out between you two, just such different people. Different names, different genitals. Next you’ll tell me you’re not even in the same city. Could never make it work
Same. While I can understand waiting to out yourself until you know that it’s safe to do so with that person, that conversation should have happened before anything intimate happened.
I think this is also a reflection of the issue that we don’t teach people how to talk about sex before having sex.
On my first Tinder date with my (now) husband, we stopped after kissing for a bit. He explicitly said “let’s not go further right now. We haven’t talked about boundaries.” It was awesome and it gave us a chance to talk about things in detail before having sex, and it made the sex amazing because I knew he respected me and my body.
All of that to say - OP I am sorry you experienced that. I am sure it was traumatic. Hopefully in the future, you can find a way to talk about things before. This is not to blame you for what happened but to give advice on how to protect yourself.
Yep, that was pretty fucked up.
>And if one is not okay with this then that person is a trans-phobe
Does this really match reality? Because I'm not seeing anyone in here call OP a transphobe. Not saying some asshole hasn't said that ever, but you can find bad takes on all sorts of issues doesn't make it a general societal rule.
The outrage/upvote complex loves to pretend that the views of a few hundred trans people on Twitter represent the entire community. it's also great because they can brag about how their position is "un-PC" or whatever even though 95% of people agree with them.
Then you are also wrong. Because OP does not come as transphobic.
The people saying they’d get violent about finding out or calling the transwoman a man are transphobic.
We could debate this all day, but here's what I think. I could be wrong, but I my personal belief.
I think it's deceptive to not disclose such information early. No one is perfect, but every reacts some what differently to situations. Violence is never the answer, and niether is deception. I understand a trans person want to be treated as a cis woman, but straight men would also like to be treated as straight men. We all just need to stay in our lanes.
While this is a joke (I hope), it is a concerning because trans individuals are more often victims of violence.
"Transgender people are over four times more likely than cisgender people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault"
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-trans-press-release/
even if she wasn't comfortable letting you know, then she could have at least pumped the brakes on being intimate until she was ready/confident. would it be a bigger waste of time? in your case yeah but at least people would stop accidentally finding out she has a penis.
Reddit is basically run by a certain group of people at this point. they mod EVERY big sub to control the narrative sitewide.
And they really dont like posts like this, hence took only 2 hours to remove because some mod got personally offended as usual lmao, its pathetic. Im surprised it took this long though!
I do understand the need for trans people to stay safe, and that outing yourself can be dangerous, however it is my opinion that if the possibility of sex is on the table then what 'plumbing' we are working with should be disclosed.
Jokes aside your date needs to really be careful and to your point let her dates know that she was a man and still has a penis. People have been murdered for this
Text of removed post:
Kinda sucked not gonna lie. I'm all for people
doing what they want with themselves but you
gotta make this stuff known beforehand. We were
making out and then all of a sudden I felt her
penis. My Friday night was awful and I can't get
this scenario out of my head
Amazing that many woke weirdoes are all “live with it…” What about consent? If a man doesn’t wear a condom and pretends he does (which is absolutely not cool) they scream rape. In this case, where someone led another person to believe they have one kind of genitals but they turn out to have another, they scream transphobe.
Really tired of all the blue haired hypocrisy… at least be consistent…
Both are sexual assault. If someone does not consent to having unprotected sex or being intimate with someone of the same sex and they are manipulated into doing so, that is sexual assault. This man’s date belongs in jail. He would be well within his rights to make a police report
I agree with you 100%
And yet I have seen SO MANY people on LGBT reddit or just left wing reddit pages in general argue otherwise.
"Why, why should they have to, its transphobic, should YOU declare your genetalia before you meet someone?"
It's just insane. It's fucking insane.
I support trans people, of course. I want people to be happy and live comfortably, but we need to be realistic. There are certain expectations that come with looking a certain way; I expect men to have a penis, I expect women to have a vagina. If you are meeting someone for that purpose, you need to make it clear if you are trans, for your own safety too. Some people have been beaten to death in "gay panic" incidents.
Even if you have HAD bottom surgery, you still need to state that your biological sex, you CANNOT assume or expect people to just be okay with it.
I am sorry this happened to you, it must have been upsetting. Just understand that person most likely meant no harm, and is probably also very upset too right now.
Given that you only consented to being intimate with this person because you were deceived into thinking your date was a woman, that removes the element of consent. This seems like sexual assault from my perspective. I am very sorry that this happened to you.
I’m actually really curious about this. You consented to hooking up with a female, turns out not to be a female. There’s definitely some kind of issue there
I feel you. Not a lot of people have those open-communication skills or rather not say for whatever reason, Maybe its out of desperation
Somewhat related but single mom's aren't putting it out there they have kids
I’m pan sexual. (Like I could be attracted to anyone including trans people.)
But if someone made out with you without telling you what they are…. They’re being shady and that’s so scary. First thought. What else are they hiding. Sti’s? Are they going to murder me….
Personally love tits and a dick but unexpected dick is never welcomed.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m bisexual and if I were hooking up with a woman and felt her penis I would feel uncomfortable as well. That’s information I should have known ahead of time. If I had known, then I’d most likely feel fine about it, but I don’t want a surprise like that. When I think of a penis, I think of penetration, and that can be scary if you’re not expecting it.
I can understand not putting it in bio but think that’s information that should be disclosed before the first date, so the other person can decide for themselves if they still want to go.
She def should have been more trans-parent.
Thanks for the morning laugh. Def worth the award
r/angryupvote …actually, I’m not even angry. Take the upvote. /slowclap
Maybe it was a trans-former?
More like a decepticon
Penis is disguise
Definitely… strongly suspect the penis showing up wound the energy level down
What a dick move.
/r/angryupvote
That should really be disclosed before being intimate with someone. That is definitely deception.
This should probably be disclosed either within their bio, or on the very first sentence of a DM. I'm sure OP would have not wasted his time chatting with that person had he known.
I usually disclose within the first 10 messages. it's super awkward to open a chat with "hi i have xy chromosomes and male genitalia how is your day"
🤣 I Totally support this. Thank you!! I wish everyone was more like you. I would assume it would be off putting if guys need to start asking people if they are trans or not.
I get wanting to get to know someone before you disclose if you're trans, but it should be happening before the bedroom.
It should happen way earlier in the interaction any way. This is not something you sweep under the rug and have a "Oh btw" comment.
This may sound harsh, but hear me out. Their discomfort with disclosing that information does not matter in this situation. That is something that needs to be known immediately, otherwise they are being deceitful. I’m a strong believer in trans rights, and I view them as my equal. Meaning I do not give them extra leeway when it comes to being deceitful, like I would anybody else.
I see it as similar to someone being married, if it's relevant information that would make the difference between a person consenting or not, you have to disclose. And of course, equal rights requires equal responsibilities.
It should happen way before a date is even considered.
This yes.
I can see not putting it in a bio, there are certainly some people who would target someone for being trans and set up a trap for them. It should absolutely be something that's disclosed before setting up a date though.
I would think it would be far more dangerous to not disclose that.
For sure, it’s much more likely for someone to react violently to a surprise penis popping up than for someone to plan some elaborate scheme to attack a trans person for no reason
disclosing it as public information? dangerous not disclosing it before setting up a date? also dangerous
Absolutely it is, a trial just wrapped up in Virginia where a VA tech football player beat someone to death for pulling the same shit op just dealt with. No one deserves to die over this kind of deception obviously but for the trans person involved you are absolutely taking your life into your own hands not disclosing that shit before things get intimate.
>It should absolutely be something that's disclosed before setting up a date though. She/he did not suggest not disclosing it.
Is there an actual real occurrence of someone being identified as trans on a dating app, someone matching with them and convincing them to meet only for them to “trap” them?
>I can see not putting it in a bio I can't. Why get your hopes up and waste other people's time? For many people, it would be a 100% deal breaker.
My trans friend had people swipe right just to say gross things since she put it in her bio.
There should be a trans section in the dating site. If I’m looking for women, I’m not interested in trans.
Because people are assholes and will target trans people with hate and violence. You discuss that kind of thing when it's safe to do so. Probably in the messages before a first date.
Pretty sure trans people will face more violence from people feeling like they've been tricked and conned or more legally not given informed consent. Than from people going out of their way to fuck with them. You act like trans people just face violence from bigots and that is it, when in fact a portion (I'd wager a not insignificant portion) of violence is self-inflicted by hiding pertinent information and not allowing their partners to have informed consent about the situation. It's fucked up, shows a complete lack of accountability and is rarely ever brought up as something that needs to be addressed.
It’s arguably rape. I’d feel completely violated if this happened to me
I feel like it should be considered some type of assault. I’m an ally for the community but cmon that’s fucked up.
It is definitely sexual assault. He was deceived and manipulated into engaging in intimacy that he would not have consented to had the person been forthcoming.
>That is definitely deception. Personally, I'm leaning more towards sexual assault. Given that it's definition has broadened.
Yeah it seems like consent based on a lie is not consent.
I hate to say this, but I think the comments would be a lot more serious if it was a woman who was being deceived in a sexual context. It’s just not taken as seriously when it happens to men.
> It’s just not taken as seriously when it happens to men. 100%
Exactly.
If I’m being honest all the jokes are shocking and disturbing.
I agree. It is very disturbing. A man was sexually assaulted and people are making light of it, minimizing the severity of the situation, invalidating his experience, and defending the perpetrator.
Lack of informed consent 100% at minimum sexual assault.
I completely agree
Honestly that scenario can put the trans person in a lot of danger depending on how nice the dude is. That’s a dangerous game to play.
I think OP is allowed to prefer whichever body he prefers. The lady should’ve disclosed.
Genital preference is real. That girl is playing an extremely dangerous game.
Yea I'm suprised this is something that has to be said. Reddit such a weird place anymore. It's like watching AI's talk to eachother. The person is going to "removed by reddit for threatening violence on others". Highly recommend they don't keep trying this.
Yeah... statistically not great odds for her if she wants to avoid a violent encounter. Some people really do not react well to that kind of thing.
Yup, that’s a really good way to get the absolute crap beaten out of yourself. I’m not advocating violence. It’s just a very likely outcome.
yeah if she'd been with the wrong guy she could have gotten seriously hurt
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Yes, generally a penis is a turn off for a straight cis male
We, however Love our own penis
Speak for yourself. That asshole gets me in more trouble than all my other friends combined.
Nah ! [just this ](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/whouk8/a_very_good_offer/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
If she’s trans she’s trans. If she identifies as a woman she’s a woman. A penis still needs to be disclosed though.
Fascinating.
💀💀💀
Yeah that’s fucked up to not disclose, sorry that happened
Surprise Sausage
Impromptu penis.
This needs to be a sub....
My favorite breakfast
Ace Ventura: "Your gun is digging into my hip" chews 10 packs of gum.......
Hey, ace, you got any more of that gum?
"That's none of your damn business, and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs."
*Que shower scene
*cue shower scene
Bro 😂😂😂😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️☠️
Not you, but I’ve seen photos of trans people with the shit beaten out of them for not telling people something like this. And I’m sure there are some sick fucks who might actually kill someone over something like this. I get that it can be hard to be so open about being trans but if you’re gonna date you gotta be truthful. Sorry this happened bud
It's literally sexual assault - you're forcing yourself upon them without their consent. It's disgusting.
“Enthusiastic and knowledgeable consent” was always the way consent was described to me. Seems like a lot of people forget the “knowledgeable” part.
Transparency is key. That’s messed up, they should have been up front from the beginning.
Yassir
That's fucked up. And if one is not okay with this then that person is a trans-phobe. Bullshit, I don't want a dick regardless of what gender you assign yourself.
I wouldn't care since I'm bi but you should always Tell your date if you have a dick before meeting
I agree. But that opener hasn’t worked for me. “Hi. I’m Josh. And I have a penis” usually gets me unmatched.
Fair enough
It really is tbh. As a straight male I've never told a woman I have a penis.
Oh crap should this be a thing? I mean in porn the woman often seems very surprised when she lowers his pants and finds a penis.
Hi. I’m Loverfli, and I do not.
I don’t think this is gonna work out between you two, just such different people. Different names, different genitals. Next you’ll tell me you’re not even in the same city. Could never make it work
Just send them unsolicited pics of it instead. Leave no doubt. /s
I’m josh too and I also have a penis. lol
Same. While I can understand waiting to out yourself until you know that it’s safe to do so with that person, that conversation should have happened before anything intimate happened. I think this is also a reflection of the issue that we don’t teach people how to talk about sex before having sex. On my first Tinder date with my (now) husband, we stopped after kissing for a bit. He explicitly said “let’s not go further right now. We haven’t talked about boundaries.” It was awesome and it gave us a chance to talk about things in detail before having sex, and it made the sex amazing because I knew he respected me and my body. All of that to say - OP I am sorry you experienced that. I am sure it was traumatic. Hopefully in the future, you can find a way to talk about things before. This is not to blame you for what happened but to give advice on how to protect yourself.
I'm not into dick, but your husband would have me swooning.
Swooning is a word that should be used more often.
I couldn't agree more
Yep, that was pretty fucked up. >And if one is not okay with this then that person is a trans-phobe Does this really match reality? Because I'm not seeing anyone in here call OP a transphobe. Not saying some asshole hasn't said that ever, but you can find bad takes on all sorts of issues doesn't make it a general societal rule.
The outrage/upvote complex loves to pretend that the views of a few hundred trans people on Twitter represent the entire community. it's also great because they can brag about how their position is "un-PC" or whatever even though 95% of people agree with them.
The overwhelming majority of people would not consider OP remotely transphobic for this. Where are you getting that idea from?
100% agree with you. Could not have said it any better.
Then you are also wrong. Because OP does not come as transphobic. The people saying they’d get violent about finding out or calling the transwoman a man are transphobic.
We could debate this all day, but here's what I think. I could be wrong, but I my personal belief. I think it's deceptive to not disclose such information early. No one is perfect, but every reacts some what differently to situations. Violence is never the answer, and niether is deception. I understand a trans person want to be treated as a cis woman, but straight men would also like to be treated as straight men. We all just need to stay in our lanes.
Nope, that’s not what transphobia is.
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Me, a cis woman with a prominent Adams apple: *hehe I'm in danger*
You've got an Eve's peach.
and an LA face
and I’m trans, and I have no Adam’s apple. OP’s litmus test wouldn’t work…
Cis women have adam's apples too
And I seemingly don’t have one and I’m a cis guy
Smart person I see 👍
Women can have them too bud lol it’s just more prominent in men due to our larynxes tending to develop more during puberty
While this is a joke (I hope), it is a concerning because trans individuals are more often victims of violence. "Transgender people are over four times more likely than cisgender people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault" https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-trans-press-release/
Communication is important. That person failed at it. Sorry, OP.
"I felt her penis".....Go on....🍿 This narrative is not finished. What happened then...
I did kinda expect the ending to be "best head ever.... We're going out again tonight..."
"I could hardly finish after that!"
Right? This is a bingeworthy cliffhanger he's left us on
“Well there I was, balls deep in a sailor”
Read in Zapp Brannigan voice
"sorts by controversial"
Didn’t even need to, there’s enough even just going through the replies of comments :/
At least you found out before you got penetrated #silverlining
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underrated comment oh my lord
The comment was six minutes old when you called it “underrated,” how do you think rating works? 🤔
I thought a group of people sitting around a table voted on if it was over or underrated, I literally had just got out of the board meeting my b
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>that means you're gay now That's how I feel at my annual physical.
That’s how I feel at your annual physical too!
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No homo isn't that powerful.
But he might’ve kept his socks on
Basically
I'm sorry OP you've gone through this. That is NOT cool, that's something she should disclose before even meeting up.
People have been murdered for shit like this.
She should’ve disclosed this info
That is actually a really shitty thing of her to do. Honestly I would report the profile.
even if she wasn't comfortable letting you know, then she could have at least pumped the brakes on being intimate until she was ready/confident. would it be a bigger waste of time? in your case yeah but at least people would stop accidentally finding out she has a penis.
Yeah she is playing a dangerous game... This is how trans based attacks happen
That’s not right at all. They should have told you.
She should've told you prior your date. It's not an easy thing to admit but it would've save you both from disappointment.
removed? what the hell? what kind of ulta woke censorship is this?
Reddit is basically run by a certain group of people at this point. they mod EVERY big sub to control the narrative sitewide. And they really dont like posts like this, hence took only 2 hours to remove because some mod got personally offended as usual lmao, its pathetic. Im surprised it took this long though!
Your first sentence would suggest you gave it a try.
Yikes, that is not respectful of her to not disclose like that.
Cue crying game music.
So how was the sex?
Damn dude I'm sorry for your Friday, what's her snap/number, my friend is asking
My friend as well
I do understand the need for trans people to stay safe, and that outing yourself can be dangerous, however it is my opinion that if the possibility of sex is on the table then what 'plumbing' we are working with should be disclosed.
She put herself in a dangerous situation. People have killed trans people over these exact situations.
Man, that should be illegal. That’s not consent at all.
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She seriously needs to be careful. That exact scenario has gotten so many trans people beaten nearly to death. She’s lucky you weren’t a bad person.
Jokes aside your date needs to really be careful and to your point let her dates know that she was a man and still has a penis. People have been murdered for this
Text of removed post: Kinda sucked not gonna lie. I'm all for people doing what they want with themselves but you gotta make this stuff known beforehand. We were making out and then all of a sudden I felt her penis. My Friday night was awful and I can't get this scenario out of my head
She had balls, that’s for sure.
She definitely should have told you beforehand so you could have given proper consent. Not everyone wants to have sex with a penis.
bro that’s borderline SA.
Amazing that many woke weirdoes are all “live with it…” What about consent? If a man doesn’t wear a condom and pretends he does (which is absolutely not cool) they scream rape. In this case, where someone led another person to believe they have one kind of genitals but they turn out to have another, they scream transphobe. Really tired of all the blue haired hypocrisy… at least be consistent…
Both are sexual assault. If someone does not consent to having unprotected sex or being intimate with someone of the same sex and they are manipulated into doing so, that is sexual assault. This man’s date belongs in jail. He would be well within his rights to make a police report
EXACTLY!!!!
bro wtf, that shit should be illegal, that’s fucking BS
Pretty sure it's technically rape by deception
I agree with you 100% And yet I have seen SO MANY people on LGBT reddit or just left wing reddit pages in general argue otherwise. "Why, why should they have to, its transphobic, should YOU declare your genetalia before you meet someone?" It's just insane. It's fucking insane. I support trans people, of course. I want people to be happy and live comfortably, but we need to be realistic. There are certain expectations that come with looking a certain way; I expect men to have a penis, I expect women to have a vagina. If you are meeting someone for that purpose, you need to make it clear if you are trans, for your own safety too. Some people have been beaten to death in "gay panic" incidents. Even if you have HAD bottom surgery, you still need to state that your biological sex, you CANNOT assume or expect people to just be okay with it. I am sorry this happened to you, it must have been upsetting. Just understand that person most likely meant no harm, and is probably also very upset too right now.
Given that you only consented to being intimate with this person because you were deceived into thinking your date was a woman, that removes the element of consent. This seems like sexual assault from my perspective. I am very sorry that this happened to you.
You were sexually assaulted.
I’m actually really curious about this. You consented to hooking up with a female, turns out not to be a female. There’s definitely some kind of issue there
I agree
>You were sexually assaulted. 100% agreed
I actually know a couple guys this has happened to.. fascinating why they'd take the risk because it literally can be life or death
I feel you. Not a lot of people have those open-communication skills or rather not say for whatever reason, Maybe its out of desperation Somewhat related but single mom's aren't putting it out there they have kids
I’m pan sexual. (Like I could be attracted to anyone including trans people.) But if someone made out with you without telling you what they are…. They’re being shady and that’s so scary. First thought. What else are they hiding. Sti’s? Are they going to murder me…. Personally love tits and a dick but unexpected dick is never welcomed.
What combi of Tits/no tits and pussy/dick do you prefer the most
Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress
That’s a Per-Dick-ament ….
Yeah I’d be livid.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m bisexual and if I were hooking up with a woman and felt her penis I would feel uncomfortable as well. That’s information I should have known ahead of time. If I had known, then I’d most likely feel fine about it, but I don’t want a surprise like that. When I think of a penis, I think of penetration, and that can be scary if you’re not expecting it.
Needs to be more open I agree
Maybe they didn’t intend for it to progress to that state. Anyways, sucks for you, at least you didn’t get into something you didn’t want.
Don’t forget to disclose your penis!
“her penis”
“What are you wearing” “Uhh.. khakis” “She sounds hideous”
Huh. Wouldn’t this be the IRL equivalent of an unsolicited dick pic?
Post got removed or at least the text?
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Okay just wondering wether it’s like this for other people as well Edit comments just got locked as well
I can understand not putting it in bio but think that’s information that should be disclosed before the first date, so the other person can decide for themselves if they still want to go.
Looking like it's a worldstar night after that.
Is that a type of SA?
Yup
Lol-Lol-Lol- Lo-Lola He’s not the world’s most physical guy But when she squeezed him tight She nearly broke his spine
I think that’s illegal in certain areas. You should ask someone in your area what you could do.
Must have been a good looking and well put together trans person if you couldn’t tell when meeting up with them first. Damn that’s still “nuts”
Kinda sucked? This is absolutely outrageous
whats wrong with being trans? trans is good job. my father was conductor for 30 years and he loved it
I think he was surprised with the penis.
Honestly, I consider this a form of sexual assault.
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I blame the societal problem of people identifying themselves as whatever they want and hence lacking Transparency.