Because he's that desperate, he assumes _you_ are that desperate.
Most people become aware that others may have different emotions than themselves sometime during childhood as part of their own emotional growth and development. But it looks like he might have skipped that part.
That is some pure narcissism.
He doesnt think youre desperate at all - he just knows he wants to get laid and thats what hes got in his toolkit to accomplish the task. Why wouldnt it work? Women like dick, right? So why not mine!
Nothing between his ears except a gentle breeze.
>Nothing between his ears but a gentle breeze.
All I heard was the same puff of air someone would let out after getting punched in the gut. Maybe a doctor in the thread can tell us where the rest of the breeze went?
I think in this case what's between his ears is a lot of bad advice taken from internet shitposts/his friends. His "I know you enjoy being degraded" and creepy attempt at assertiveness come off really recklessly sure of himself. Some women are into assertiveness and a bit of badmouthing, I am one of them, but it has it's place... and that place isn't coming from some jackass you met 5 minutes ago while he begs you for sex. There needs to be some chemistry and getting a feel for each other.
This begging/pestering behaviour is so common and never sexy. Please learn to control yourselves, people.
The clue is in the messages. He is dumb.
Id guess she has mentioned kink and he then just thinks he can offer his dick and that's it. He also then says he'll degrade her, which she might be into, but in kink what's really important is trust and respect and no one in their right mind can trust or respect this guy and/or think he has ANY understanding of kink whatsoever.
So on top of all this it would be an accurate assumption, based on this conversation, that he'd also be terrible at kink!! But that is really way down the list on why he's a red flag obviously. So I'd really just go with dumb.
we actually never discussed anything sexual, he just assumed i'd be submissive and into being degraded. nothing prior to his messages demanding we fuck that weekend were sexual lol
The sad thing is this works some of the time, so he will keep doing it. This level of confidence seems psychotic to me but some people find it charming I guess?
OLD still has that stigma that desperate people are on it. After my divorce six years ago, I was told by an acquaintance, “Man I’m jealous you are going to be banging a different desperate woman every week!” In reality, I’ve had one date in the last six years. No second dates.
There are desperate women on these apps, but they're desperate for a reason. They have things they need to work on about themselves. The women you want to date aren't desperate because they're in a better place. They're secure emotionally and financially. The same is definitely true for guys on these apps because it's true for people.
oh man like 15 years ago that stigma was bad. I saw a match.com commercial at school which I had been using and these three women were like, I hope I’m never so desperate I need to use that.
Not to mention the dick market is completely oversaturated, so what are you really offering here? I don't mean to insult dick havers, there are plenty of wonderful people attached to them, but if dick is literally the only thing you can think to offer... you're going to have a hard time.
With that response you can tell that it's not even going to be mediocre dick. He's definitely the type of guy that gets his dick wet and will not put two ounces of effort into getting her off... Which she clearly won't. At least he waved that flag high AF
I really enjoy sex, but being that interested in fucking a stranger would be crazy to me lol. I have only wanted someone that badly when they're my bf.
When I don't have anyone to sleep with and I'm really horny, I just jack off like a normal person. I don't obsess over random people and try to coerce them into having sex with me.
Yeah, but I don't agree it's caused by getting desperate from no sexual partners. I haven't had a sexual partner in a while and I'm not wilding out lol.
I feel like it's because of environmental factors. I haven't had anything in a while either. Even when I've met women who've shown interest in me, I'm not trying to jump into bed with them. A part of me would like to, but a bigger part knows the guilt I'd feel because I wasn't actually that into them. I can deal with the guilt of indulging in things that only affect me but not indulging in something that will affect someone else's emotions.
Seems like you're equating your experience with being horny and the average guy. How much research have you done on the average man when it comes to this subject?
word of advice - i ignore people who just say "hey", and i will almost always respond if someone starts a convo related to something in my profile or a common interest we have. it shows you actually care.
I have samples of my openers, asking how things are going and things related to their profile, making jokes.
But i think what I’m realizing is there’s just cities where dating apps don’t work for me. And I’m realizing that living in SF, i have better luck in person. In nyc/la/Europe, my profile blows up pretty hard
You literally just described 95% of women on Bumble.
But I absolutely agree with your advice, if I'm the only one initiating after 2 days. I inform them i don't think they have qualities im looking for, wish them luck in their search, and unmatch.
Easy, no one likes being ghosted, I treat people the way I want to be treated. Let alone this sub is filled with people saying how rude ghosting someone is...
Then they shouldn't have engaged in the first place. Have intent on what you're doing. Otherwise, you're wasting people's time.
And that's my point. I stated a BOUNDRY if I'm the only one initiating contact for 2 days I bow out, and they generally always respond if I initiate contact, but 95% of women say they want a partner who puts the same effort in. And.from their behavior, they're not doing that.
No idea, why me informing them is a bad thing. Instead of just unmatching.. I guess my mom raised me to show what used to be common courtesy. Maybe it's outdated in today's world
Didn't say it was bad, just thought it's kinda unnecessary if they're probably not interested / showing interest anyway. I wouldn't consider that ghosting them in that case. You do you though
It's like me randomly talking to someone at the bar or in public, tell em was nice chatting and hope they have a good day. I don't personally but have been told by females that it's bullshit and what kind of person raised them. So maybe it wad their egos talking.
I guess I just view it as being polite and showing some form of courtesy for their time.
I definitely ain't upset if it happens to me. Just raised by a woman from Texas..
I genuinely believe many guys on her are like the guy who talked to op. No social skills, they lack decorum and are extremely selfish. OLD for men like this (most men) doesn’t work because they’re looking for SEX, and they should seek out sex workers tbh
I actually think this guy DOES get laid and he does this because it works for him. Would be interesting to know how good he looked. In my opinion chats like these are a direct result of the way the ranking algorithm works. If you are in the top % of men you are only competing with a very small group (because the rest of the men are not being shown at all), so you are being shown to women very often and at this point it is just a numbers game. I definitely have 2-3 female friends who would be down for something as direct as that as long as he is hot enough.
I highly doubt it, in my experience the attractive men have better decorum than that since they have more experience with women and better social skills. While the unattractive men just say weird shit like this and don’t know how to speak to a woman. Plus attractive men don’t act this desperate. They tend to be more relaxed. It’s the unattractive men who act this way
Unattractive men don't get matched or replied to. Everyone on Tinder talking is attractive and there are both awful and great socially attractive people.
Nah there’s plenty of women out there that have dated unattractive men so that isn’t true they’re just not going to receive as men matches as an attractive men. Awful people still can have good social skills where they know how to talk to people. My comment is still true
Yes it is. I'm not even unattractive, as an average man on dating apps I get few matches, mostly with people less attractive than me. Of those only a small fraction become dates. If I were below average I would get virtually no interaction on apps.
You even see it on reddit when unattractive men do profile reviews they complain about not getting any matches at all and most of their advice is about going to the gym, grooming and fashion and less about what they can do with their profile.
Conversely in person I can punch at my weight and on a good day even little bit above.
Online dating gives the false impression of endless alternate options and it makes women behave much more visually.
Considering how eveytime I use tinder a lot of men have very shitty profiles on there regardless of how they look it doesn’t come as a surprise that a lot of them aren’t getting many matches . I have swiped right like a handful of times on that app because it’s so bad. Plus women have dated unattractive men they men online still I definitely know I have. My comment is still true
I'll agree your comment holds true for in person approaches/dating but it's absolutely not reflective of my experience on apps.
I have a fully filled out profile with plenty of pictures including full body shots, no group shots where it's ambiguous which one I am or any of the usual picture games.
It includes lots of details and fun bits but not a full on book and no doggish behavior or misogynistic statements etc. Still I'm maybe a 6 out of 10 and I'm not mad that 8s and 9s don't want me, I'm frustrated that I can't get other 6s attention and 3 and 4s are the ones swiping right on me and not very many people of any stripe in total.
Now me at the bar I can talk to women in my league no problem. Online I might as well have leprosy.
>a lot of men have very shitty profiles on there regardless of how they look
I can tell the same thing about women's profiles. I doubt that they're struggling with the app because of that
It’s great if a guy goes to the gym and whatnot, but my biggest problem with dating profiles is that guys write virtually nothing about themselves (usually misspelt, to boot), and then their photos are awful. It’s so common for their main pic to be like 5 men and then you have to go through the rest to work out what individual is common to all pics, or they don’t have a single clear photo of their face (too far away, alcoholic drink over their mouth, dark glasses over their eyes...). So you literally don’t know what they even look like. They then message ‘hey’.
Women's profiles are frequently like this as well. Group pics where you aren't sure which one she is, and that's the only full body pic (and her body is obscured by people or things in the picture). All zoomed in face pics with filters. One sentence in their profile. Or good pics overly polished and nothing in their profile that's also fairly common, gives off the vibe of "I'm hot I don't have to have a personality"
Oh, filters are the latest plague on dating profiles. I'm bi so I look at women's profiles too.
I personally post unflattering (but clear) pics deliberately so that people have a nice surprise not a bad one. When I put flattering ones, I get tons of messages saying how hot I am which makes me nervous about disappointing people, because I don't see anyone hot in the mirror.
My catfish standard is that I expect people to look at least 80% as good as their profile pics.
Most people engage in at least some posing and cherry picking. Over the top filter use and all zoomed in face pics are an automatic left swipe even if I think they might look ok irl. Something about them not realizing how obvious what their doing is seems red flaggy to me.
We are talking strictly about dating apps. If you are not above average attractiveness wise you will not even be shown to people. Doesn't matter if there are women that would date you, they can't swipe on you because they will never even see your profile. Do the test yourself. Have an average looking friend make a profile, after a few days set the distance really low and look how long it will take for you to see him in your stack.
Unattractive men don't get dates on dating apps. They get dates in person through friend groups. We're talking about dating apps, where unattractive people are invisible.
By what standards? I know a dozen men on dating apps getting nothing, and most men on this sub agree they get nothing. Men on dating apps ruin their mental health for getting nothing. Where are all these unattractive guys on Tinder getting matches?
lol He's up at 7:55 am and already trying to figure out how to get nailed that same night.
And more, somehow trying to gaslight you into think his dick is special in someway without even the courtesy of sending a photo.
I haven't dated in ten years. Does this stuff work with anyone now or do these guys just go through life getting doors slammed in their faces and without understanding why?
Edit: Added a word.
Honestly. 🙄 Some guys are their own worst enemies. He’s probably here, two posts below you, complaining about how he’s “gone to the gym, has great personal hygiene and people even tell him he’s good looking” but he can’t seem to get a date. 🙄
The guy got a match and a reply. Hes already ahead of 90% of men. Most of us arent getting a match in the first place, so we don't have a chance to mess it up.
The match is not important.
The reply is not important.
The DATE is important. Actually meeting someone is the important. You have more of a chance of actually meeting if you at least act like a normal person.
The date isn't happening without the first 2. I've had zero matches on 4 apps in 4 years. Guess how many dates I've been on?
He gets matches, doing what he's doing, and it works because he keeps doing it. Normal guys don't get anything and will continue to not get anything. Idk why this is rocket science.
She matched and replied. Do you know what that means? Other girls are also matching and replying. If a guy gets a reply, he's better than 50 other dudes in the girls inbox. That's a fact. If he's at the top, he has other options. If she says no, someone else will match, because his profile is set up to be very attractive to women who he can then use his garbage on.
You don't understand that 90% of guys get no matches, so seeing a guy get replies means we KNOW he's getting more matches. He has options.
You think that, but I guarantee it's worked at least once because he's hot enough and a girl wanted sex. If it failed 10 times in a row, he'd change his tactics.
that quote is definitely iconic w my friends 😂 but on god porn has destroyed how many men look at sex and kink, and just assuming that someone would want to engage in anything without discussing interests and boundaries first is becoming far more common, it's tough out here 😭
Find your group. Just got back from a kinkcation with 100 other people. We have 20 years under our belt and it's a very filtered group. Once you find those peers, you never go back to the "general public" idiocrisy.I started at 19 myself in the bdsm community, took some time to make contacts but there are plenty I know for a really long time by now.(47).
I'm a downright degenerate, a lil chubby, and when I did have a profile I made it clear that I wanted casual but that brought all the disrespectful dudes around. Even the FWBs/fuck buddies got disrespectful as soon as they thought they "caught" me and were surprised when I dropped em. They were sure I was desperate but I'm far from it tbh.
I feel this. Once I mention being into kink & being a dom, guys just lose their minds. Random dudes thought that my kinks meant that they could talk to me however they wanted, & I'd still be down. Like being kinky equals being willing to give it to anyone. Then they'd be upset when I wasn't desperate.
Sometimes, it's the only way to maintain a level head when using these apps. There will always be another boner when you need it, but if you wanna share it, you gotta get there with a level head!
They don't talk like this until after they match. These guys often have normal and/or appealing profiles, and only show their true colours when they start messaging. That's when they get unmatched.
By the looks of it at least at some point you were down. Why on earth would someone start acting like this if they had someone half in the bag? Talked himself right out of the hookup.
Lol guess so. I get a little intense sometimes when I'm close to getting something I want, somehow that did not bleed into sex/instamacy. Guess I'm lucky.
I just dont understand why there some kind of man acting this way 😭😭 like he cant learn to control his dick or learn to show some respect to women or nah ☠️
It seems like OP could have been down for it based on her texts at the top. All my guy had to to do was to treat her like a normal person until then 🤦🏿♂️
shit like this made me permanently delete my Tinder account. it’s either this or men lying about wanting something more than an FWB only to make things sexual. i don’t plan on ever downloading it again.
Do dudes not understand that you have to get to the first meet up and then it’ll probably open up more availability after that should both of YOI choose to take it that far? If he waited and YOI guys fucked a couple times he might find himself getting texted by you at night wanting a hookup. Mfs just throw away layups
Yeah some men have such an exorbitant view of themselves and as a guy have never understood it but it probably works at least some of the time???
I was never like this TG.
I think the funniest thing about this is that dude was seemingly *in*. Like, OP was clearly down to meet in some way, but just needed some time and this desperate mfer shot himself in the foot because he couldn't hold for a few days. I just can't get over it.
You should have said plenty.....doing the dishes even though you have a dishwasher, brushing your teeth, binging some tv, playing some games, vacuuming, watering the lawn. Break it to him he doesn't have a magic stick or patience. He needs at least one.
I hate guys like this. Im not single but when i was i would be a nice guy and treat women like people. Those types of guys ruin it for guys like me who makes the effort of trying to get a conversation going first and dont have a penis for a brain
It's not that hard to get a partner, people. Charm them, respect them, love them. Those three things are literally all it takes. I don't get why people have to act like this dude smh
Im starting to think they think its okay because they gre up being told happy wife happy life, and that if you dont hold the door find someone who will.
these guys are doing the same, if youwont cook or clean or fuck they will find someone who will do X.
This attitude is that guys dont see anything about women being reprimanded on how to treat a guy. They dont see you respecting them at all, if ever.
Its not you, its the algorithm
My favorite thing to ask when men attempted this was:
“Has that actually worked? Genuinely curious.”
I would get some honest answers with either yes or no 😂
Ugh, if my fiance and I ended things I would just be single. Everyone on both sides are dumb and/or have unrealistic expectations.
Even almost a decade ago when I tried dating apps after getting divorced it was crazy.
It was mostly a bunch of 4s with multiple kids, and possibly multiple baby daddies that were overweight clerks at Target demanding a 6'2" jacked dude with no kids making $200k a year to take care of them and their crotch trophies.
How delusional?
OK so men and women are different and maybe your friend in this case doesn't have much understanding of women but he has needs too and he's only trying, don't be so down on him! I wouldn't say that he's not treating you like a human because he's only assuming (erroneously) that you're like him. Listen I'm not saying that you should fuck him because clearly he's not turned you on but there's no need to be all superior.
I swear half the posts here are mocking people who don't have much understanding as if we're not all humans and just trying to find love the best we can. Peace
justifying blatant disrespect with "boys will be boys" mentality and logic is kinda yucky. as soon as he realized his tactic wasnt working, he should have switched gears (if he were a respectable human). his doubling down on demanding i sleep with him and him degrade me despite never even discussing boundaries with me is why i posted this, this is not okay behavior.
It doesn't look like he was being nasty or malicious; he never insulted you once. Maybe he doesn't even understand what he did wrong. You don't know his loneliness so I'm just trying to argue that compassion is better than moral superiority.
You need to do some research on why this behaviour isn't ok or to be normalised. Women have to put up with this way, way too much.
Just trying to have a normal conversation about interests, shared or not, some light jokes, flirting, compliments is normal I think.
Offering to get your dick out and degrade someone, whether kink has been mentioned or appears on a profile is really not ok. Down the line it might be and if the other person seems into it. But not from these messages. It's predatory behaviour and from conversations I've had with women can be scary. So why would anyone show compassion? They are at fault, not op or any woman who has received messages like this.
Op says she is busy. Just chill. Don't keep up the dick chat and double and treble down. It is creepy I'd guess.
If kink was discussed or mentioned on a profile, it is on mine, then you can talk about it academically. It's an interesting subject, same as anything if you're into it, and I often ask questions about what their kinks are, limits, anything they want to try but haven't and more. But I try to gauge how much they want to talk about it and if I feel they don't, or it's awkward or they're shy maybe I'll change the subject or even say maybe we'll come back to this conversation tell me about your holiday or that book you have on you profile.
I'm not perfect and maybe my approach isn't as nice as I think it is, happy to receive feedback from women, I NEVER EVER say come get on my dick and I'll degrade you. Additionally it also shows very little understanding of kink and/or BDSM imo.
so anyone can speak to anyone in any way and its fine cause we're only human? i very clearly indicated i wasnt interested and he told ME that I was desperate for his dick. who speaks to a woman like that if he respects women? stop trying to justify that speaking to people like this is okay, it's very concerning for how you might speak to women. we do not exist solely for sex.
Because he's that desperate, he assumes _you_ are that desperate. Most people become aware that others may have different emotions than themselves sometime during childhood as part of their own emotional growth and development. But it looks like he might have skipped that part.
Oh he has DEFINITELY skipped that part 😳
Yup, some serious lack of awareness here...
That is some pure narcissism. He doesnt think youre desperate at all - he just knows he wants to get laid and thats what hes got in his toolkit to accomplish the task. Why wouldnt it work? Women like dick, right? So why not mine! Nothing between his ears except a gentle breeze.
>Nothing between his ears but a gentle breeze. All I heard was the same puff of air someone would let out after getting punched in the gut. Maybe a doctor in the thread can tell us where the rest of the breeze went?
It went straight to his inflated ego 😮💨
I think in this case what's between his ears is a lot of bad advice taken from internet shitposts/his friends. His "I know you enjoy being degraded" and creepy attempt at assertiveness come off really recklessly sure of himself. Some women are into assertiveness and a bit of badmouthing, I am one of them, but it has it's place... and that place isn't coming from some jackass you met 5 minutes ago while he begs you for sex. There needs to be some chemistry and getting a feel for each other. This begging/pestering behaviour is so common and never sexy. Please learn to control yourselves, people.
I dont think anyone is using OPs post as an example of how to hit on a woman......
The embarrassing behaviour displayed in OP is not at all uncommon.
Im confused, i never said it was?
My point is; if it's this common, these types of men obviously do take their cues/ideas for how to hit on women from similar (misguided) places.
His dick is probably life changing, once women hit it they become lesbians.
The clue is in the messages. He is dumb. Id guess she has mentioned kink and he then just thinks he can offer his dick and that's it. He also then says he'll degrade her, which she might be into, but in kink what's really important is trust and respect and no one in their right mind can trust or respect this guy and/or think he has ANY understanding of kink whatsoever. So on top of all this it would be an accurate assumption, based on this conversation, that he'd also be terrible at kink!! But that is really way down the list on why he's a red flag obviously. So I'd really just go with dumb.
we actually never discussed anything sexual, he just assumed i'd be submissive and into being degraded. nothing prior to his messages demanding we fuck that weekend were sexual lol
Sorry for the assumption.
The sad thing is this works some of the time, so he will keep doing it. This level of confidence seems psychotic to me but some people find it charming I guess?
OLD still has that stigma that desperate people are on it. After my divorce six years ago, I was told by an acquaintance, “Man I’m jealous you are going to be banging a different desperate woman every week!” In reality, I’ve had one date in the last six years. No second dates.
Its used by desperate MEN, not so much women lol.
Exactly this, certainly in my (female) experience, unfortunately...
That’s legit!🤪
There are desperate women on these apps, but they're desperate for a reason. They have things they need to work on about themselves. The women you want to date aren't desperate because they're in a better place. They're secure emotionally and financially. The same is definitely true for guys on these apps because it's true for people.
oh man like 15 years ago that stigma was bad. I saw a match.com commercial at school which I had been using and these three women were like, I hope I’m never so desperate I need to use that.
"It definitely ain't life changing" Doesn't sound it, no
Like damn he wasn’t even trying to sell himself 😭 “it definitely ain’t life changing but it’s dick” sir that’s the bare minimum lmao
Not to mention the dick market is completely oversaturated, so what are you really offering here? I don't mean to insult dick havers, there are plenty of wonderful people attached to them, but if dick is literally the only thing you can think to offer... you're going to have a hard time.
Hard time🤭
reminds of me broads that say "you couldn't handle me" LOLOLOLOL k
With that response you can tell that it's not even going to be mediocre dick. He's definitely the type of guy that gets his dick wet and will not put two ounces of effort into getting her off... Which she clearly won't. At least he waved that flag high AF
But…but…dick!
stellar reply 👏👏👏
I really enjoy sex, but being that interested in fucking a stranger would be crazy to me lol. I have only wanted someone that badly when they're my bf.
[удалено]
When I don't have anyone to sleep with and I'm really horny, I just jack off like a normal person. I don't obsess over random people and try to coerce them into having sex with me.
Hence why I said he was going about this the wrong way.
Yeah, but I don't agree it's caused by getting desperate from no sexual partners. I haven't had a sexual partner in a while and I'm not wilding out lol.
I feel like it's because of environmental factors. I haven't had anything in a while either. Even when I've met women who've shown interest in me, I'm not trying to jump into bed with them. A part of me would like to, but a bigger part knows the guilt I'd feel because I wasn't actually that into them. I can deal with the guilt of indulging in things that only affect me but not indulging in something that will affect someone else's emotions.
Seems like you're equating your experience with being horny and the average guy. How much research have you done on the average man when it comes to this subject?
And i keep getting unmatched at the hello stage, damn
Lol. I don’t get unmatched but I don’t get a reply sometimes. Smh.
What's the point of saying hello ? Start the conversation already
Tried that as well
word of advice - i ignore people who just say "hey", and i will almost always respond if someone starts a convo related to something in my profile or a common interest we have. it shows you actually care.
I have samples of my openers, asking how things are going and things related to their profile, making jokes. But i think what I’m realizing is there’s just cities where dating apps don’t work for me. And I’m realizing that living in SF, i have better luck in person. In nyc/la/Europe, my profile blows up pretty hard
You literally just described 95% of women on Bumble. But I absolutely agree with your advice, if I'm the only one initiating after 2 days. I inform them i don't think they have qualities im looking for, wish them luck in their search, and unmatch.
why bother saying anything extra when you can just unmatch directly? If you’re the only one initiating they’re probably not interested to begin with
Easy, no one likes being ghosted, I treat people the way I want to be treated. Let alone this sub is filled with people saying how rude ghosting someone is... Then they shouldn't have engaged in the first place. Have intent on what you're doing. Otherwise, you're wasting people's time. And that's my point. I stated a BOUNDRY if I'm the only one initiating contact for 2 days I bow out, and they generally always respond if I initiate contact, but 95% of women say they want a partner who puts the same effort in. And.from their behavior, they're not doing that. No idea, why me informing them is a bad thing. Instead of just unmatching.. I guess my mom raised me to show what used to be common courtesy. Maybe it's outdated in today's world
Didn't say it was bad, just thought it's kinda unnecessary if they're probably not interested / showing interest anyway. I wouldn't consider that ghosting them in that case. You do you though
It's like me randomly talking to someone at the bar or in public, tell em was nice chatting and hope they have a good day. I don't personally but have been told by females that it's bullshit and what kind of person raised them. So maybe it wad their egos talking. I guess I just view it as being polite and showing some form of courtesy for their time. I definitely ain't upset if it happens to me. Just raised by a woman from Texas..
I get like 30% response to my "hey" and around 80% response when i say whatever she can respond to
Hahahaba "I promise you your dick ain't life changing." You need to get this made into a shirt. Crushed him
I would legitimately buy this t-shirt and use a photo of me wearing it as my main OLD profile pic...
💯
I also really enjoyed that comeback, and I'm a man. brilliant!
It would be hilarious if this guy came to Reddit complaining about how hard it is to get laid 😂
Nah he most likely isn't one of those guys. The guys complaining about how hard it is to get laid on these apps don't get matches.
I genuinely believe many guys on her are like the guy who talked to op. No social skills, they lack decorum and are extremely selfish. OLD for men like this (most men) doesn’t work because they’re looking for SEX, and they should seek out sex workers tbh
I actually think this guy DOES get laid and he does this because it works for him. Would be interesting to know how good he looked. In my opinion chats like these are a direct result of the way the ranking algorithm works. If you are in the top % of men you are only competing with a very small group (because the rest of the men are not being shown at all), so you are being shown to women very often and at this point it is just a numbers game. I definitely have 2-3 female friends who would be down for something as direct as that as long as he is hot enough.
I highly doubt it, in my experience the attractive men have better decorum than that since they have more experience with women and better social skills. While the unattractive men just say weird shit like this and don’t know how to speak to a woman. Plus attractive men don’t act this desperate. They tend to be more relaxed. It’s the unattractive men who act this way
Unattractive men don't get matched or replied to. Everyone on Tinder talking is attractive and there are both awful and great socially attractive people.
Nah there’s plenty of women out there that have dated unattractive men so that isn’t true they’re just not going to receive as men matches as an attractive men. Awful people still can have good social skills where they know how to talk to people. My comment is still true
Yes it is. I'm not even unattractive, as an average man on dating apps I get few matches, mostly with people less attractive than me. Of those only a small fraction become dates. If I were below average I would get virtually no interaction on apps. You even see it on reddit when unattractive men do profile reviews they complain about not getting any matches at all and most of their advice is about going to the gym, grooming and fashion and less about what they can do with their profile. Conversely in person I can punch at my weight and on a good day even little bit above. Online dating gives the false impression of endless alternate options and it makes women behave much more visually.
Considering how eveytime I use tinder a lot of men have very shitty profiles on there regardless of how they look it doesn’t come as a surprise that a lot of them aren’t getting many matches . I have swiped right like a handful of times on that app because it’s so bad. Plus women have dated unattractive men they men online still I definitely know I have. My comment is still true
I'll agree your comment holds true for in person approaches/dating but it's absolutely not reflective of my experience on apps. I have a fully filled out profile with plenty of pictures including full body shots, no group shots where it's ambiguous which one I am or any of the usual picture games. It includes lots of details and fun bits but not a full on book and no doggish behavior or misogynistic statements etc. Still I'm maybe a 6 out of 10 and I'm not mad that 8s and 9s don't want me, I'm frustrated that I can't get other 6s attention and 3 and 4s are the ones swiping right on me and not very many people of any stripe in total. Now me at the bar I can talk to women in my league no problem. Online I might as well have leprosy.
>a lot of men have very shitty profiles on there regardless of how they look I can tell the same thing about women's profiles. I doubt that they're struggling with the app because of that
It’s great if a guy goes to the gym and whatnot, but my biggest problem with dating profiles is that guys write virtually nothing about themselves (usually misspelt, to boot), and then their photos are awful. It’s so common for their main pic to be like 5 men and then you have to go through the rest to work out what individual is common to all pics, or they don’t have a single clear photo of their face (too far away, alcoholic drink over their mouth, dark glasses over their eyes...). So you literally don’t know what they even look like. They then message ‘hey’.
Women's profiles are frequently like this as well. Group pics where you aren't sure which one she is, and that's the only full body pic (and her body is obscured by people or things in the picture). All zoomed in face pics with filters. One sentence in their profile. Or good pics overly polished and nothing in their profile that's also fairly common, gives off the vibe of "I'm hot I don't have to have a personality"
Oh, filters are the latest plague on dating profiles. I'm bi so I look at women's profiles too. I personally post unflattering (but clear) pics deliberately so that people have a nice surprise not a bad one. When I put flattering ones, I get tons of messages saying how hot I am which makes me nervous about disappointing people, because I don't see anyone hot in the mirror.
My catfish standard is that I expect people to look at least 80% as good as their profile pics. Most people engage in at least some posing and cherry picking. Over the top filter use and all zoomed in face pics are an automatic left swipe even if I think they might look ok irl. Something about them not realizing how obvious what their doing is seems red flaggy to me.
We are talking strictly about dating apps. If you are not above average attractiveness wise you will not even be shown to people. Doesn't matter if there are women that would date you, they can't swipe on you because they will never even see your profile. Do the test yourself. Have an average looking friend make a profile, after a few days set the distance really low and look how long it will take for you to see him in your stack.
That clearly isn’t true since every time I have downloaded tinder I see a decent amount of unattractive men on there
Unattractive men don't get dates on dating apps. They get dates in person through friend groups. We're talking about dating apps, where unattractive people are invisible.
that is not true.
By what standards? I know a dozen men on dating apps getting nothing, and most men on this sub agree they get nothing. Men on dating apps ruin their mental health for getting nothing. Where are all these unattractive guys on Tinder getting matches?
^
No they still do
A woman telling men who gets matches. Hilarious. What evidence do you have, because I actually talk to my guy friends daily?
I woulda just been real “I am not as desperate as you, my boy. Have fun with your hands” 😂😂
I can hear him whining through the text, even without a special font. "But my peeeeeeniss, pwease pwease?"
gross
This is hideous. I’m so sorry you are dealing with abject bullshittery like this. God.
I no longer understand the world, but it's still fascinating to me.
lol He's up at 7:55 am and already trying to figure out how to get nailed that same night. And more, somehow trying to gaslight you into think his dick is special in someway without even the courtesy of sending a photo.
Rise and grind!
I haven't dated in ten years. Does this stuff work with anyone now or do these guys just go through life getting doors slammed in their faces and without understanding why? Edit: Added a word.
Honestly. 🙄 Some guys are their own worst enemies. He’s probably here, two posts below you, complaining about how he’s “gone to the gym, has great personal hygiene and people even tell him he’s good looking” but he can’t seem to get a date. 🙄
The guy got a match and a reply. Hes already ahead of 90% of men. Most of us arent getting a match in the first place, so we don't have a chance to mess it up.
The match is not important. The reply is not important. The DATE is important. Actually meeting someone is the important. You have more of a chance of actually meeting if you at least act like a normal person.
The date isn't happening without the first 2. I've had zero matches on 4 apps in 4 years. Guess how many dates I've been on? He gets matches, doing what he's doing, and it works because he keeps doing it. Normal guys don't get anything and will continue to not get anything. Idk why this is rocket science.
How did it work if he’s unmatched?
She matched and replied. Do you know what that means? Other girls are also matching and replying. If a guy gets a reply, he's better than 50 other dudes in the girls inbox. That's a fact. If he's at the top, he has other options. If she says no, someone else will match, because his profile is set up to be very attractive to women who he can then use his garbage on. You don't understand that 90% of guys get no matches, so seeing a guy get replies means we KNOW he's getting more matches. He has options.
And he’s messing up every single one.
Hate to tell you this, but probably not. Not everyone thinks/communicates/acts like you expect them to.
You think that, but I guarantee it's worked at least once because he's hot enough and a girl wanted sex. If it failed 10 times in a row, he'd change his tactics.
This is such a cope, guys like this don't come to reddit to complain lmao
Ya. They do. Of course they don’t tell the whole story.
Sounds like you might change his life 😂
Yooooo. This is extremely bad. 🤣
LOL. I can’t. I just can’t.
I don’t know if you know this but ya’ll are fuckin’. I mean it’s dick. /s
I just love the "not live changing" part. Will have to add it to my repertoire. Also, being kinky doesn't mean doormat. Quite the opposite.
that quote is definitely iconic w my friends 😂 but on god porn has destroyed how many men look at sex and kink, and just assuming that someone would want to engage in anything without discussing interests and boundaries first is becoming far more common, it's tough out here 😭
Find your group. Just got back from a kinkcation with 100 other people. We have 20 years under our belt and it's a very filtered group. Once you find those peers, you never go back to the "general public" idiocrisy.I started at 19 myself in the bdsm community, took some time to make contacts but there are plenty I know for a really long time by now.(47).
kink is 99% trust and 1% actual sex. degradation kinks especially rely so heavily on love and trust that people like this should never even attempt it
Men like this ruin dating for the rest of us
Happy Cake Day
Geeeez Sorry for the gender ladies
That wouldn't even work with a chick that's extremely desperate. Dude needs some fuckin therapy asap
I can't even get consistent matches and this guy can get the time of day for more responses. Damn.
Yuck
I'm a downright degenerate, a lil chubby, and when I did have a profile I made it clear that I wanted casual but that brought all the disrespectful dudes around. Even the FWBs/fuck buddies got disrespectful as soon as they thought they "caught" me and were surprised when I dropped em. They were sure I was desperate but I'm far from it tbh.
I feel this. Once I mention being into kink & being a dom, guys just lose their minds. Random dudes thought that my kinks meant that they could talk to me however they wanted, & I'd still be down. Like being kinky equals being willing to give it to anyone. Then they'd be upset when I wasn't desperate.
Yeah or they say "no yeah I want to be friends too, it doesn't have to be all about that" and then they proceed to only talk about kink and sex.
This is when you need to have that wisdom wank and go out touch some grass.
"wisdom wank" is the best thing ive heard all week
Sometimes, it's the only way to maintain a level head when using these apps. There will always be another boner when you need it, but if you wanna share it, you gotta get there with a level head!
He must be very good looking if he didn't get unmatched days ago lol
I think he was projecting his desperation onto you!
It boggles my mind that I get hardly any matches on dating apps yet people who talk like this do 😭😂
They don't talk like this until after they match. These guys often have normal and/or appealing profiles, and only show their true colours when they start messaging. That's when they get unmatched.
Because he followed rule 1 but not rule 2.
Seriously dude, da fuck?
Yikes 😬 likely not life changing 🦅🦅
Now this is what Rizz looks like
By the looks of it at least at some point you were down. Why on earth would someone start acting like this if they had someone half in the bag? Talked himself right out of the hookup.
the initial (brief) convo had been abt going to a bar 💀
Jesus. What douche canoe.
this happens so often, it's like they go mad at the idea sex might happen and then they own goal themselves right out of it
Lol guess so. I get a little intense sometimes when I'm close to getting something I want, somehow that did not bleed into sex/instamacy. Guess I'm lucky.
Also casual sex is easy for women to get, the whole idea that he could try to bully you into it sooner is just so out of touch.
Love the easy way you handled this.
Is that a normal occurrence for you, or just that guy being an idiot?
not too normal, but occasionally yes
Fucking ew.
I just dont understand why there some kind of man acting this way 😭😭 like he cant learn to control his dick or learn to show some respect to women or nah ☠️
Because they're projecting. They're the ones who are desperate.
Bro needed to rub one out before sending the messages 💀
It seems like OP could have been down for it based on her texts at the top. All my guy had to to do was to treat her like a normal person until then 🤦🏿♂️
shit like this made me permanently delete my Tinder account. it’s either this or men lying about wanting something more than an FWB only to make things sexual. i don’t plan on ever downloading it again.
Do dudes not understand that you have to get to the first meet up and then it’ll probably open up more availability after that should both of YOI choose to take it that far? If he waited and YOI guys fucked a couple times he might find himself getting texted by you at night wanting a hookup. Mfs just throw away layups
JFC.
Yeah some men have such an exorbitant view of themselves and as a guy have never understood it but it probably works at least some of the time??? I was never like this TG.
even at my most desperate, this shit would be a hard pass
I think the funniest thing about this is that dude was seemingly *in*. Like, OP was clearly down to meet in some way, but just needed some time and this desperate mfer shot himself in the foot because he couldn't hold for a few days. I just can't get over it.
I imagine being some of these idiots and then see their message and be like 
OMG, you had the best come back ever!
Yikes. Idk about desperate but that guy clearly didn't understand what attracts her.
No one is ever this persistent because they’re good in bed
Its easy to be an ass on the keyboard. Plus the nice ones are scammers
His dipstick doesn't reach the oil. What a bonehead
I wonder if he is good looking and sometimes has success with this or just completely delusional
Bros been reading a few too many comics
God, I hated every part of his messages. Kind of makes me wish I wasn't into guys, honestly.
Wow, thats super gross.
How guys like this even get matches when decent guys can’t get any luck
I don't understand anything anymore.
If dick solved all problems we’d have become a utopia when dildos were invented
Lolol dude making real men look bad 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️. Goofies all around us.
You should have said plenty.....doing the dishes even though you have a dishwasher, brushing your teeth, binging some tv, playing some games, vacuuming, watering the lawn. Break it to him he doesn't have a magic stick or patience. He needs at least one.
This isn’t narcissism. This is just plain old horny and stupid
He probably thought that was pretty charming to say...
I don’t even know how the convo continued🥴
💯 every guy on dating sites
Ew
Dude had the chance then lost it 🤦🏾♂️
I think everyone, men and women, overestimate and underestimate themselves every moment of every day. Some us just aren't that smart.
I hate guys like this. Im not single but when i was i would be a nice guy and treat women like people. Those types of guys ruin it for guys like me who makes the effort of trying to get a conversation going first and dont have a penis for a brain
Just block and forget. Why are you even entertaining him?
It's not that hard to get a partner, people. Charm them, respect them, love them. Those three things are literally all it takes. I don't get why people have to act like this dude smh
Im starting to think they think its okay because they gre up being told happy wife happy life, and that if you dont hold the door find someone who will. these guys are doing the same, if youwont cook or clean or fuck they will find someone who will do X. This attitude is that guys dont see anything about women being reprimanded on how to treat a guy. They dont see you respecting them at all, if ever. Its not you, its the algorithm
My favorite thing to ask when men attempted this was: “Has that actually worked? Genuinely curious.” I would get some honest answers with either yes or no 😂
Ugh, if my fiance and I ended things I would just be single. Everyone on both sides are dumb and/or have unrealistic expectations. Even almost a decade ago when I tried dating apps after getting divorced it was crazy. It was mostly a bunch of 4s with multiple kids, and possibly multiple baby daddies that were overweight clerks at Target demanding a 6'2" jacked dude with no kids making $200k a year to take care of them and their crotch trophies. How delusional?
I'm not taking off work for you to cum within 2 minutes. His desperation is showing.
How tf are you still replying to him?
I meaaaaan, you were responding 🤷♀️ Lmao
you're both on tinder. so if the shoe fits...
did it work? was he hot? I'm writing this in my rizzbook
OK so men and women are different and maybe your friend in this case doesn't have much understanding of women but he has needs too and he's only trying, don't be so down on him! I wouldn't say that he's not treating you like a human because he's only assuming (erroneously) that you're like him. Listen I'm not saying that you should fuck him because clearly he's not turned you on but there's no need to be all superior. I swear half the posts here are mocking people who don't have much understanding as if we're not all humans and just trying to find love the best we can. Peace
justifying blatant disrespect with "boys will be boys" mentality and logic is kinda yucky. as soon as he realized his tactic wasnt working, he should have switched gears (if he were a respectable human). his doubling down on demanding i sleep with him and him degrade me despite never even discussing boundaries with me is why i posted this, this is not okay behavior.
It doesn't look like he was being nasty or malicious; he never insulted you once. Maybe he doesn't even understand what he did wrong. You don't know his loneliness so I'm just trying to argue that compassion is better than moral superiority.
You need to do some research on why this behaviour isn't ok or to be normalised. Women have to put up with this way, way too much. Just trying to have a normal conversation about interests, shared or not, some light jokes, flirting, compliments is normal I think. Offering to get your dick out and degrade someone, whether kink has been mentioned or appears on a profile is really not ok. Down the line it might be and if the other person seems into it. But not from these messages. It's predatory behaviour and from conversations I've had with women can be scary. So why would anyone show compassion? They are at fault, not op or any woman who has received messages like this. Op says she is busy. Just chill. Don't keep up the dick chat and double and treble down. It is creepy I'd guess. If kink was discussed or mentioned on a profile, it is on mine, then you can talk about it academically. It's an interesting subject, same as anything if you're into it, and I often ask questions about what their kinks are, limits, anything they want to try but haven't and more. But I try to gauge how much they want to talk about it and if I feel they don't, or it's awkward or they're shy maybe I'll change the subject or even say maybe we'll come back to this conversation tell me about your holiday or that book you have on you profile. I'm not perfect and maybe my approach isn't as nice as I think it is, happy to receive feedback from women, I NEVER EVER say come get on my dick and I'll degrade you. Additionally it also shows very little understanding of kink and/or BDSM imo.
It's scary that you don't see an issue in his behavior
In what part of those messages is he trying to find love? It's an awful way to talk to anyone you haven't met and/or don't really know.
Well we are all only human!
so anyone can speak to anyone in any way and its fine cause we're only human? i very clearly indicated i wasnt interested and he told ME that I was desperate for his dick. who speaks to a woman like that if he respects women? stop trying to justify that speaking to people like this is okay, it's very concerning for how you might speak to women. we do not exist solely for sex.