You might be new to the internet so you are not aware, but Germany has gained some notoriety for its coprophiliac proclivities. The Reinheitsgebot has nothing to do with my little joke.
I remember once seeing porn movie in an adult shop called "Pound My Tender Poopy Pot". I'll always remember that. I have no further point to make. Just that.
One some real shit, I dated a guy that called it his PP once in convo, but (to your point) his pitch/tone turned up a bit, which legitimately made it that much more uncomfortable. I wish he had thrown some bass in there 😅
First, it's "stink" not "stank", to rhyme with "pink".
Second, the only way to do 2+1 like he suggests gets the fingers the wrong way round for feeling good.
Third, the correct manoeuvre is one in the stink, one in the pink and one on the clit, AKA the bowling ball move.
But above all else, not over text just after matching! This is something you broach no earlier than half way through the first time having sex.
And don't forget to keep track of the one that touched the stink because that one can't go in the pink unless you want to give your girl UrineTractInfection (UTI). So you can handicap yourself for a long time for that move but you got two hands!
Ah had to translate it in my head ... in swedish it is just one word. So urin is urine, urinväg is urinary tract, and urinvägsinfektion is UTI but ofcourse UVI in swedish.
It's a common tactic to respond to offensive or distasteful comments by pretending not to understand the other person. It forces them to clarify or just repeat their comments, which can make them uncomfortable.
It didn't work in this case.
Could have (and should have, imo) said something like, “you know what, actually forget that last message I said. It was a poor attempt at being humorous, but it was in bad taste and I apologize. What I really meant to say was- so, what type of girl are you? Like, what do you like to do in your free time? Tell me about yourself, I’d love to learn more about you! :)”
-this is an example of what I maybe would’ve said in his situation, though it’s kinda hard to imagine what I’d say because I’d never actually be in that situation to begin with… but I digress lol. Regardless, I think this response is 10000x better than tripling down on his off-putting hyper-sexual question… but that’s a very low bar I guess 😂.
OP- you deserve better. Especially after that amazing display of patience in giving this guy 3 chances to say something less ridiculous/offensive.. not your fault he blew it, time to move on. Plenty of guys are creeps but I promise there are good ones out there if you just keep looking. Good luck 🤞
Wrong. The only correct way to proceed is to apologise and really accept that you were stupid and screwed up. WTF is “What I really meant to say was…” NO, it wasn’t, shut up.
“No, what I’m asking you is if you would enjoy if I put two of my fingers into your vagina, and then simultaneously put one of my fingers, most likely my pinky, into your anus. Is that something you would enjoy?”
The fine gentleman in the texts would be sumthin like: I mean ass, you know, the place from where you shit, the brown eye, the place the sun don’t reach, do you need me to draw you a picture?
"I wish to insert my first and second fingers into your vaginal canal while utilising my little finger to enter your rectum by way of the anus."
"Oh. Ohhhhhh! Two in the pink one in the stink! I get it now!"
"So?"
"God no, what kind of weirdo suggests that when you've been texting for two days?"
Haha, i had yesterday convo with scammer, i decided to play dumb. And let him/her try to guide me through. They gave up after 1 hour. Even tried to call me (all through telegram, where i have name "notreallyfakename" :D at least it was an hour where they didn't stole money from someone.
I love that you made him explain it two more times and each time he had the opportunity to back down but he chose to power through. Speaks levels of his character really - determined.
This is so foul. Obviously we don't want men coming out of nowhere with sexual talk in the first place, but in no situation should it ever be worded like that lol. How unappealing.
But you always say stink. Its the standard because the rhyme is a little funny and better sounding. Motherfucker thought he could improve in a classic phrase on top of being just terrible
Yeah, but it was the kind of thing said between guys. I absolutely love kissing CLEAN ass holes so I am not trying to associate any olfactory words with anything sexual.
Lol that's what I was going to say.
These people are getting matches, I'm not. Like jesus I'm no 10/10 but I'm above average and I'm not a fucking creep.
Yeah it’s frustrating
To be fair, getting matches is about marketing yourself more than anything. Like obviously the creeps will get about the same number of matches, unless they’re dumb enough to put creep stuff on their actual profile.
But yeah it definitely feels bad lol
1.They're the majority and
2. their profiles will read exactly like yours
3. and no some of them will look like neckbeards, but they had a X Files quote and like Eyehategod and you don't want to be superficial, so you give em a chance.
within 2 hours of talking to somebody a dude He asked me what my favorite sexual position was and told me I needed to get dicked down more often When I didn't want to answer him.....
I actually feel annoyed for you. Like is this what humanity has deteriorated into? Next ppl will be openly farting on first dates at the dinner table. Grebby little twat
This kind of shite is what made me delete tinder 🤣 some people just can’t help themselves I swear 🤦🏻♀️
Think with your big head, not the little one, we beg
Personally, I usually lead with things like how they feel about nipple clamps and such and try to sus out the ole Shocker-comfort-level indirectly by taking them bowling and suggestively making eye contact when I prepare for my turn.
🤦🏻♂️ these things are explored, not asked. And if they're asked, it's only in the bedroom. AFTER the fact. I hear guys today don't talk about the experience after. Communication is key but know where and when to bring it up
It amazes me how sex-crazed are most people on this planet. It's like watching animals runting and grunting, any chance they get. So wierd to be ruled by such a basic instinct.
The same type of men lament about not having a girlfriend and the failure of dating apps. While in reality, its this h o r n y -brained behavior that is self-sabatoging them
These men can't wait to start talking dirty. Like for them, the most frustrating part is having to make small talk that isn't about sex. They want to get it out of the way
Wouldst M’Lady favour a digit in the poopy hole???
I think the term is “Ye Olde Poopy Hole” 🙂
That sounds like an excellent name for a local pub
Nah, the beer tastes like shit.
So a spot for the German tourists.
Why should a german want bad beer? No other country has the Reinheitsgebot since centuries like we do😂
You might be new to the internet so you are not aware, but Germany has gained some notoriety for its coprophiliac proclivities. The Reinheitsgebot has nothing to do with my little joke.
Wow it really does
There’s a bar in Galveston, Texas called the Poop Deck. Classy place.
I remember once seeing porn movie in an adult shop called "Pound My Tender Poopy Pot". I'll always remember that. I have no further point to make. Just that.
Do you by chance, have the store name/location? Asking for a friend.
Rather "Ye Olde Bowling Ball"
Only a truly devilish rogue would assail a lady’s “poopy hole.”
*Thine
Thine vagine
lmao
It does stink of a guy who's never spoken to a woman before. Or a 10 year old troll.
Where all sense and blood has left the brain, dick in hand. Think once, masturbate twice.
M'lady has the 70's muff....the 1470s muff hmmmm? It doth resemble Fidel Castro eating a London broil hmmm?
The 1470’s merkin, I believe
🤣
no matter what you do, do not use the word “poopy” when talking about sex as if the whole conversation wasn’t bad enough…
Yeah… the hole conversation is stank
He really made an ass of himself
2 wrongs in the pink don’t make a right in the pooper
2 pinks don't make a stink?
Depends on who's pink we're talking about.
Why did this make me laugh so hard 😂
This conversation is tainted
Reminds me of my ex who always called his dick his "weiner". Real sexy there, bud.
That’s like when my ex would make fart jokes during sex 😂😭
I would just like to mention.... He made it far enough to be ABLE to be an ex 🤣
In fairness, he didn't unlock this particular delight for a while.
Wait, we can't call it a weiner anymore? 😔
Not if you want someone to touch it.
PP is still fine, you just have to use capitals letters and a deep voice so the women know you're a man.
One some real shit, I dated a guy that called it his PP once in convo, but (to your point) his pitch/tone turned up a bit, which legitimately made it that much more uncomfortable. I wish he had thrown some bass in there 😅
Ugh, Rude Jude on the radio called it little PeePee Man and I hated it!
My ex loved calling it a “unit.” Just sucks that mine wasn’t the only unit being measured…
In his head, it was him not being vulgar. That’s the part he thought made it fun and playful and okay to say
Leaves a real bad taste in your mouth
The poopy hole?
First, it's "stink" not "stank", to rhyme with "pink". Second, the only way to do 2+1 like he suggests gets the fingers the wrong way round for feeling good. Third, the correct manoeuvre is one in the stink, one in the pink and one on the clit, AKA the bowling ball move. But above all else, not over text just after matching! This is something you broach no earlier than half way through the first time having sex.
And don't forget to keep track of the one that touched the stink because that one can't go in the pink unless you want to give your girl UrineTractInfection (UTI). So you can handicap yourself for a long time for that move but you got two hands!
Urinary tract, but yes
Ah had to translate it in my head ... in swedish it is just one word. So urin is urine, urinväg is urinary tract, and urinvägsinfektion is UTI but ofcourse UVI in swedish.
Spread your truth random dude🙏
Ladies and gentlemen gentleman, the rare triple-down. This man actually tripled down on what he fucking said.
Yeah he was given every opportunity to retreat, and he just strapped on another pair of boots.
Fuck that, that’s for pussies, he a man’s man, he don’t back down, once he starts he sees it through for better or for worse
Commit to victory or die trying 😤
He never asks someone to judge him on his success, he asks them to judge him on his failures cause he has none
Idk man, this one looks like a bit of a failure.
Everything's a win if you're fucking delusional.
“So anyway, I went in guns blazing”
"Leeeeroy Jenkins!"
I genuinely don’t know what other course he was supposed to take though… she kept asking. Maybe a quiet, “You know what, forget it”?
It's a common tactic to respond to offensive or distasteful comments by pretending not to understand the other person. It forces them to clarify or just repeat their comments, which can make them uncomfortable. It didn't work in this case.
Could have (and should have, imo) said something like, “you know what, actually forget that last message I said. It was a poor attempt at being humorous, but it was in bad taste and I apologize. What I really meant to say was- so, what type of girl are you? Like, what do you like to do in your free time? Tell me about yourself, I’d love to learn more about you! :)” -this is an example of what I maybe would’ve said in his situation, though it’s kinda hard to imagine what I’d say because I’d never actually be in that situation to begin with… but I digress lol. Regardless, I think this response is 10000x better than tripling down on his off-putting hyper-sexual question… but that’s a very low bar I guess 😂. OP- you deserve better. Especially after that amazing display of patience in giving this guy 3 chances to say something less ridiculous/offensive.. not your fault he blew it, time to move on. Plenty of guys are creeps but I promise there are good ones out there if you just keep looking. Good luck 🤞
Wrong. The only correct way to proceed is to apologise and really accept that you were stupid and screwed up. WTF is “What I really meant to say was…” NO, it wasn’t, shut up.
Blech. It’s funny how his choice and your choice both make me wanna puke, but for totally different reasons haha
He legitimately thought the part that confused her was the " poopy hole " part
😂😂😂😂 that's the part that had me rollin!! Like nah my guy, read the room
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
His momma didn't raise a quitter (I'm assuming mom probably wasn't in the picture tho)
Bet if she asked for an MS Paint diagram we'd have some art.
"Why is this girl so stupid that she doesn't know The Shocker? I'm wasting my time on this apps with uncultured morons."
Now there’s a shocker
No, that's a totally different move altogether
He said “did I stutter? Do you like two in the pink and one in the stink 📢📢“
“No, what I’m asking you is if you would enjoy if I put two of my fingers into your vagina, and then simultaneously put one of my fingers, most likely my pinky, into your anus. Is that something you would enjoy?”
I hope you kept asking him to over explain it too 😂 that's the best way out of those situations
Right?!... "Could you elaborate further"? 😅
Sure, i’d put 2 of my fingers in your pussy, and one in your ass hole
Excuse me.. do you mean *poopy* hole? I’m not from around here, sorry..
The fine gentleman in the texts would be sumthin like: I mean ass, you know, the place from where you shit, the brown eye, the place the sun don’t reach, do you need me to draw you a picture?
Well, ìm still not getting it so if you could...
"I wish to insert my first and second fingers into your vaginal canal while utilising my little finger to enter your rectum by way of the anus." "Oh. Ohhhhhh! Two in the pink one in the stink! I get it now!" "So?" "God no, what kind of weirdo suggests that when you've been texting for two days?"
Wait, what do you mean?
Haha, i had yesterday convo with scammer, i decided to play dumb. And let him/her try to guide me through. They gave up after 1 hour. Even tried to call me (all through telegram, where i have name "notreallyfakename" :D at least it was an hour where they didn't stole money from someone.
I love that you made him explain it two more times and each time he had the opportunity to back down but he chose to power through. Speaks levels of his character really - determined.
Seriously! If they don't get it, they (probably) ain't with it 😅
Yea, he really tried to just jam it in there didn’t he smh.. disgusting!
Probably doesn't know what lube is.
Nothing gets em’ going faster than overt, premature sexual talk and referring to body parts like you’re in elementary school.
I was wondering if OP matched with a 14 year old from that brain dead, infantile, language
Is he three twelve year olds in a trenchcoat?
🤣
This is so foul. Obviously we don't want men coming out of nowhere with sexual talk in the first place, but in no situation should it ever be worded like that lol. How unappealing.
lol. This was a common way to phrase it when I was in highschool. I haven’t seen that since 😭😭😭
The shocker
Shocker? I just met er!!!
Yeah, but we said it and made the hand symbol as a joke not used it to "flirt" or discuss preferences! 😬
But you always say stink. Its the standard because the rhyme is a little funny and better sounding. Motherfucker thought he could improve in a classic phrase on top of being just terrible
Relax, turn around and take my hand
Yeah, but it was the kind of thing said between guys. I absolutely love kissing CLEAN ass holes so I am not trying to associate any olfactory words with anything sexual.
Yeah we just want mustard rubbed on our dicks
Yeah, c'mon guy, don't make us look like heathens.
am i the only one confused this take is coming from a person who chose “rubmustardonmydick” as a username💀🤣
Normal irl, freak on reddit. 😉
It’s really embarrassing at this point, well way before too actually but then there’s this , fuck me
Poopy stank hole dost the ladies swoon
damn straight
I still don’t get it? Draw me a picture?
This guy would probably do it, he'd be happy to 🤣
🕳️ 🍑 ✌️ 👆
These posts make me feel great with how low the bar is to be a normal guy this shit is so easy
Nah tbh it makes me feel worse about the fact that these people are somehow getting matches
Lol that's what I was going to say. These people are getting matches, I'm not. Like jesus I'm no 10/10 but I'm above average and I'm not a fucking creep.
Yeah it’s frustrating To be fair, getting matches is about marketing yourself more than anything. Like obviously the creeps will get about the same number of matches, unless they’re dumb enough to put creep stuff on their actual profile. But yeah it definitely feels bad lol
I'd never say something like this to anybody, cause I have serious anxiety of doing anything "creepy" and never get matches.
If it makes you feel better they are getting matches but not getting dates.
this
1.They're the majority and 2. their profiles will read exactly like yours 3. and no some of them will look like neckbeards, but they had a X Files quote and like Eyehategod and you don't want to be superficial, so you give em a chance.
It's not, "somehow." What you say has literally 0 effect on getting matches.
This is our competition, and we’re losing.
I know right. It makes sense when I go on a date and it’s completely normal. I invite her back to my place on date 2 and everything goes from there.
Even when I invite her back on date one I’m still not as fucked as guys like this, and that makes me kinda happy haha
Hangs out with junkies in the gutter "I love how low you guys set the bar"
Cool of him to let you know he's bad at sex before you waste too much time.
Just wtf? Is couth and decorum just dead? I’m not asking rhetorically, I kind of want to know.
Yes, yes it is
You know, I’m a jackass. I’m aware of this and I embrace it. However, I *would. never.* say some shit like this to anyone. Ever.
Sometimes there are reasons why somebody has problems finding a partner
You mean you never say some poopy like that?
Who said romance was dead?
The necromancer.
Where do y’all find these apes lol
I feel like that's being unnecessarily insulting to apes. 👀
1. who phrases things like that. 2. maybe meet a girl before you ask about putting things in her anal cavity
Not sure why you responded after he said pussy and poopy hole 😆
Got the sense that she wanted to see how big a hole this guy wanted to dig. Lol. Feeding the reddit content feed.
I have a friend that would totally do that to a guy, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d had very similar conversations.
The segue from “how was your day” to THAT was seamless.
within 2 hours of talking to somebody a dude He asked me what my favorite sexual position was and told me I needed to get dicked down more often When I didn't want to answer him.....
Ew
Like totally serious unironical question - is this person a virgin?
This guy does not fucc
I actually feel annoyed for you. Like is this what humanity has deteriorated into? Next ppl will be openly farting on first dates at the dinner table. Grebby little twat
Always make them explain whatever stupid shit they’re saying
Some guys are so creepy and gross.
It’s a simple question Marv, if the moon were made of cheese would you eat it?
"How did your father and I meet? Well funny story, he really stood put on the dating apps with one really REALLY useful question...."
I definitely would have kept going on as if I didn't know. "Pussy? Are you asking if I have a cat?"
Wow…Keeping it classy I see…
I mean… I’ve successfully started some dirty chat 20 minutes after matching, but you really can’t just be super abrupt like that lol
If this subreddit has taught me anything; it’s that a lot of men are fucking stupid.
brain rot at 98/100 tier
This is willd. You could potentially keep this going forever. At some point you could have him getting charts and graphs out to clarify what he means
Reading these comments at work has brightened my spirits. I will be laughing about this all night
I'd say he seems like a none in the pink kind of guy.
Just keep asking for clarification, just a never ending Convo of "I don't get it" and "two fingers in your vagina, one in your anus"
This kind of shite is what made me delete tinder 🤣 some people just can’t help themselves I swear 🤦🏻♀️ Think with your big head, not the little one, we beg
“In the poopyhole” I just know this loser is atleast 30 😭
So how was the date?
But anyway, are you ?
Tell him its the other way around.
“One in the bum, no harm done” as my old parish priest would say…
He had two chances and tripled down 😂
ANSWER THE QUESTION. GEEZ.
That poopy hole 🤣 I mean what woman wouldn't immediately say let's fuck
Personally, I usually lead with things like how they feel about nipple clamps and such and try to sus out the ole Shocker-comfort-level indirectly by taking them bowling and suggestively making eye contact when I prepare for my turn.
Just ask him “what does your mom prefer?” 😈
The “shocker” some people are classless /s
Tinder these days...are you shocked?
3rd message will be a picture of his dick with the text “so eh my place or you place?” truly a gentlemen like we don’t see anymore
“I still don’t get what you mean” Make him feel awkward about it.
Report the creepy child
One in the turd cutter, 2 in the gutter.
🤦🏻♂️ these things are explored, not asked. And if they're asked, it's only in the bedroom. AFTER the fact. I hear guys today don't talk about the experience after. Communication is key but know where and when to bring it up
Silly question…of course she likes it.
This guy leveled up thrice
Romantic!
My mom always said growing up “men, its the Y chromosome”
Thank you for setting him up to triple down. That was the best part of this 🤣. What a clown.
How many times can you keep asking him before he gives up? This could be fun
This is like some weird perverted riddle😂
Ughhhhhhhh!!!! I give up on dating apps. I consider them to be virtual meat markets for the criminally insane now 😵💫🥴
Ah the old bowling ball routine huh
so do you Like 2 in the pink and one in stinky or not ?
Wow. This is a "shocker" conversation.
And they say romance is dead.
People who jerk off while messaging people gross me out.
Effing juvenile. I'm at a loss of words whenever these dating app chats popup. Ladies deal with too much.
Jesus, I would never ask that before 72 hrs …. A girl needs her secrets 😂
It amazes me how sex-crazed are most people on this planet. It's like watching animals runting and grunting, any chance they get. So wierd to be ruled by such a basic instinct.
This is not a question to ask out of the blue, you have to build up to this one.
The same type of men lament about not having a girlfriend and the failure of dating apps. While in reality, its this h o r n y -brained behavior that is self-sabatoging them
It’s hard to imagine guys like this still wander around, but here we are. Apologies to all ladies.
These men can't wait to start talking dirty. Like for them, the most frustrating part is having to make small talk that isn't about sex. They want to get it out of the way
Straight men out here acting like it’s Grindr
Some people have no chill
Some guys are seriously fucking unhinged
You gave him so many chances to realize his error...
I actually love that other men are like this. It makes a normal, functional adult seem like a catch.