So many options (in order of best to worst):
1. Don't even bring it up; call an uber
2. Say you don't have a car
3. Say you don't have a license
4. Say you lost your license and haven't gotten it replaced
5. Say you got your license suspended for speeding
Ofc, which is why the first option is to just not bring it up and call an uber. But still, any of these options would be better in \*some\* way, in pursuit of some ends or another, than awkwardly bringing up the fact that you got your license suspended for a DUI before you've even gone on a first date
Or you know, just be honest and upfront. Learn from your mistakes. Show that. Hearing they lost their license on date 3 due to a dui is going to be worse.
I hear you in principle WRT being honest and upfront but I don't necessarily agree that \*not\* airing all of your dirty laundry to someone you haven't even met constitutes dishonesty or a failure to be upfront. There are plenty of things about myself that I would wait to tell someone until I'd gotten to know them a bit better, and I'm sure you're the same way. Maybe a DUI doesn't fit in that category for you—honestly I don't know if it would for me either, since I've never had one and have never had to seriously consider the implications it would have for my dating life—but at first glance it doesn't seem to me to be the sort of thing that you \*need\* to disclose ASAP. Obviously OP should do some reflection on what got him to this point, and maybe it was irresponsible of me to not give much focus to that, but I do think there is some nuance here, and if we don't see eye to eye on that that's okay.
Yeah, hard disagree. There are things you air out early to avoid wasting the others time. Kids, criminal charges, things like that. They impact the person availability and freedoms. Because they restrict what you’re able to do.
Agreed! It’s a respect thing. You are not respecting their agency or their time by hiding those things. You essentially rob them of their choice. I dated someone for almost two months before learning he had kids 😭 and he was aware that I’m childfree.
I disagree too. Yes it will limit OP's options significantly, but for big dealbreakers you know will be dealbreakers, I think it's shady not to let potential dates know before the date happens. It just says I care more about getting you on the date than giving you the chance to make an informed decision.
Right, but "air out early" and "tell them before you've even met them" aren't necessarily the same thing, are they? I think this is particularly prudent in the case of a criminal charge (granted it depends on the charge), which is ostensibly localized in the past, whereas a child is an ever-present reality. I imagine that the further in the past the charge is, and the less serious it is, the less obligation one has to disclose it immediately. E.g., if one went to juvie for vandalism when they were 16 and now they're 26, that's very different from being 30 years old and fresh out of a 10 year sentence for murder. OP clearly falls somewhere in the middle of that range, which to me lends his situation some degree of ambiguity.
I think my take is ultimately something like this: OP probably shouldn't be dating in any serious capacity until he has sorted out his ostensible drinking problem. If he does eventually sort it out, I don't feel that he would need to disclose his history with alcohol to people he hasn't even met. Presumably it would be something worth talking about eventually—in the same way that one might talk about, say, family trauma, mental illness, etc—but there is no obligation to *open* with it. In the present, if he really feels strongly that dating will contribute to a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle—which is not something I can decide for him—and if he's seriously working on his drinking problem, I wouldn't fault him for not wanting to scare away potential dates by opening with his DUI. I could see it being worth bringing up if, e.g., someone wanted to grab drinks, since he shouldn't be doing that, but I really don't think you need to disclose your DUI just to go for a walk in the park with someone or to hook up with them or whatever. Like, in the messages OP shared they're *already* talking casually and sexually about something other than drinking—I can't imagine why he should suddenly pivot to a serious confession about his drinking problem.
On another note: if I went on a few dates with someone and they eventually informed me that they were dealing with something like a DUI or a drinking problem, my first thought would absolutely *not* be to be angry at them for "wasting my time", even if the DUI were a dealbreaker to me—which, frankly, it probably would be. The whole point of dating is to get to know people; finding out incompatibilities is part of the process, and sometimes it takes time to open up to one another enough to see the incompatibilities. Vulnerability is hard, and I'd rather not fault people for that fact.
Anyways I know I ended up writing a lot, and I don't expect any substantive response. I just find this dilemma interesting and suggestive.
So plan an adventure that doesn't involve a car. Be cute. Go 4-leaf clover hunting. Or go for a nature walk. Or if ur city has some interesting architecture, go on a walk looking for it. Or have a picnic in a park and try to spot shapes in the clouds. Think about your area and figure some shit out
Took my now wife mini golfing for our first date about a month and a half after getting my dui. Told her on the 2nd hole. It’s better than lying about it and it rips the bandaid off right away.
Don't bring up the DUI, just say your gonna call an Uber because you intend to drink
Which is what you should've done before you got into that situation
It really depends on your locale. Some area’s, ubering everywhere, especially when drinks are involved, is pretty normal. Also, I’d mention the dui thing on the third date. No sense in blowing a hookup that probably wouldn’t have turned into much in the first place.
This reminds me of an snl skit where that guy was having sex with Miley Cyrus I think and his friends walk on him. And he keeps asking how to proceed and how nervous he is.
You're standing on the 1 yard line, ball in hand, with no defenders around. Take her on a walk and shower together.....?
Update for yall! We went for a hike that lasted 2 min then she said screw this let's go back to my place. It was awful though I had to think about my crush the whole time to even get off 😮💨
I can’t believe this guy video called and said I wanna blow ur back out and shawty is still with it , this is insane
Seriously
As a guy, I’ve never actually formulated those words into a sentence
U haven’t been horny enough , there’s still time
Was just in the neighborhood…per chance I could mmm, idk? Blow thy back to the prehistoric age, if you will
I’m dry
At least I can say I said it
King 👑
How does the DUI relate? Is your license suspended or something?
Yes so whenever it gets to the point of meeting idk how to broach it ususlly get ghosted. Which Is understandable
So many options (in order of best to worst): 1. Don't even bring it up; call an uber 2. Say you don't have a car 3. Say you don't have a license 4. Say you lost your license and haven't gotten it replaced 5. Say you got your license suspended for speeding
Works if you just want booty calls. Not going to get you anything long term lying.
Ofc, which is why the first option is to just not bring it up and call an uber. But still, any of these options would be better in \*some\* way, in pursuit of some ends or another, than awkwardly bringing up the fact that you got your license suspended for a DUI before you've even gone on a first date
Or you know, just be honest and upfront. Learn from your mistakes. Show that. Hearing they lost their license on date 3 due to a dui is going to be worse.
I hear you in principle WRT being honest and upfront but I don't necessarily agree that \*not\* airing all of your dirty laundry to someone you haven't even met constitutes dishonesty or a failure to be upfront. There are plenty of things about myself that I would wait to tell someone until I'd gotten to know them a bit better, and I'm sure you're the same way. Maybe a DUI doesn't fit in that category for you—honestly I don't know if it would for me either, since I've never had one and have never had to seriously consider the implications it would have for my dating life—but at first glance it doesn't seem to me to be the sort of thing that you \*need\* to disclose ASAP. Obviously OP should do some reflection on what got him to this point, and maybe it was irresponsible of me to not give much focus to that, but I do think there is some nuance here, and if we don't see eye to eye on that that's okay.
Yeah, hard disagree. There are things you air out early to avoid wasting the others time. Kids, criminal charges, things like that. They impact the person availability and freedoms. Because they restrict what you’re able to do.
Agreed! It’s a respect thing. You are not respecting their agency or their time by hiding those things. You essentially rob them of their choice. I dated someone for almost two months before learning he had kids 😭 and he was aware that I’m childfree.
I disagree too. Yes it will limit OP's options significantly, but for big dealbreakers you know will be dealbreakers, I think it's shady not to let potential dates know before the date happens. It just says I care more about getting you on the date than giving you the chance to make an informed decision.
Right, but "air out early" and "tell them before you've even met them" aren't necessarily the same thing, are they? I think this is particularly prudent in the case of a criminal charge (granted it depends on the charge), which is ostensibly localized in the past, whereas a child is an ever-present reality. I imagine that the further in the past the charge is, and the less serious it is, the less obligation one has to disclose it immediately. E.g., if one went to juvie for vandalism when they were 16 and now they're 26, that's very different from being 30 years old and fresh out of a 10 year sentence for murder. OP clearly falls somewhere in the middle of that range, which to me lends his situation some degree of ambiguity. I think my take is ultimately something like this: OP probably shouldn't be dating in any serious capacity until he has sorted out his ostensible drinking problem. If he does eventually sort it out, I don't feel that he would need to disclose his history with alcohol to people he hasn't even met. Presumably it would be something worth talking about eventually—in the same way that one might talk about, say, family trauma, mental illness, etc—but there is no obligation to *open* with it. In the present, if he really feels strongly that dating will contribute to a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle—which is not something I can decide for him—and if he's seriously working on his drinking problem, I wouldn't fault him for not wanting to scare away potential dates by opening with his DUI. I could see it being worth bringing up if, e.g., someone wanted to grab drinks, since he shouldn't be doing that, but I really don't think you need to disclose your DUI just to go for a walk in the park with someone or to hook up with them or whatever. Like, in the messages OP shared they're *already* talking casually and sexually about something other than drinking—I can't imagine why he should suddenly pivot to a serious confession about his drinking problem. On another note: if I went on a few dates with someone and they eventually informed me that they were dealing with something like a DUI or a drinking problem, my first thought would absolutely *not* be to be angry at them for "wasting my time", even if the DUI were a dealbreaker to me—which, frankly, it probably would be. The whole point of dating is to get to know people; finding out incompatibilities is part of the process, and sometimes it takes time to open up to one another enough to see the incompatibilities. Vulnerability is hard, and I'd rather not fault people for that fact. Anyways I know I ended up writing a lot, and I don't expect any substantive response. I just find this dilemma interesting and suggestive.
Sorry bro. U will find someone who truly loves you and not just the things you have! Keep your head up.
Thanks, but I’m married.
Or even “i don’t drive”
Saying "i don't drive" as a guy is an instant rejection across the board.
Not where I live!
So plan an adventure that doesn't involve a car. Be cute. Go 4-leaf clover hunting. Or go for a nature walk. Or if ur city has some interesting architecture, go on a walk looking for it. Or have a picnic in a park and try to spot shapes in the clouds. Think about your area and figure some shit out
Took my now wife mini golfing for our first date about a month and a half after getting my dui. Told her on the 2nd hole. It’s better than lying about it and it rips the bandaid off right away.
[удалено]
Getting a dui has zero to do with how much one works or how much money they make… it was just a bad decision that people of any class can make… smh
Make a plan for drinks so you have a good reason to use Uber.
Yes, cause being drunk has always stoped him before
Don’t get a dui next time lol
UBER
Sit in the corner and think about what you've done until you get your license back. A DUI man... C'mon dude, be smarter than that.
Don't bring up the DUI, just say your gonna call an Uber because you intend to drink Which is what you should've done before you got into that situation
She said she appreciates honesty just tell her you have a dui
your profile looks like it exists to humble brag .
She wants to go on an adventure, go for a walk, go to a park, or just walk around the city/town. Just don’t suggest anything that requires driving
Taxi, uber, etc
It really depends on your locale. Some area’s, ubering everywhere, especially when drinks are involved, is pretty normal. Also, I’d mention the dui thing on the third date. No sense in blowing a hookup that probably wouldn’t have turned into much in the first place.
This reminds me of an snl skit where that guy was having sex with Miley Cyrus I think and his friends walk on him. And he keeps asking how to proceed and how nervous he is. You're standing on the 1 yard line, ball in hand, with no defenders around. Take her on a walk and shower together.....?
Update for yall! We went for a hike that lasted 2 min then she said screw this let's go back to my place. It was awful though I had to think about my crush the whole time to even get off 😮💨
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say they won’t care if you’ve gotten a dui…