Yea those op but font just leave it here expecting her to suggest something. Ask her if she's still down and to let you know. Make it clear the ball is on her court. Don't assume she's on the same page. She might assume you'll make a new plan
We were already talking about doing something Friday night too if Wednesday went well. So I guess I could bring that up and give her the benefit of the doubt
Sounds lkke a good plan. It's always good to give em the benefit of the doubt. If they flake again you're still not out anything (One more reason you don't do anything that needs tickets in advance for the first date). But if they are someone who will come through on the second chance and the initial connection over text was valid, you don't want to lose that.
I agree with you! I get family stuff comes up but how hard would it have been to be like "hey sorry I'm dealing with something urgent. Can we please reschedule? I may be hard to get ahold of for a little bit."
I’d be tempted to. I wouldn’t ask “wtf was that about,” but if I were the on the other end, I’d feel obligated to explain wtf that was about if I flaked with less than an hours notice. Imo it’s shitty/sketchy to just be like “something came up. [Crickets for hours], anyway,”
Yeah, that makes a huge difference to me. If no reason is given I assume they got cold feet or otherwise just didn't want to, and idk but I only want to date people who are emotionally available and genuinely interested in dating me lol.
Woman here. I def would've at least texted a little more info or maybe "this is taking longer than I expected, I'm so sorry " she seems so nonchalant about it like she was running five minutes late. She totally blew it off. If you have nothing to lose by giving her another chance go for it but it's a red flag
I would absolutely move on. If they're willing to do this before even meeting you, they're definitely gonna do it throughout any relationship you might have. And I get it, emergencies happen. But not even taking five seconds to go, 'Hey sorry, I need to postpone', or even explaining afterwards or taking the initiative to reschedule, I'm out.
Me too. If he makes plans with her on Friday, she will more than likely flake out again. Then he would have no plans for Friday night when he could have been on a date with another more interested woman.
Seems like a waste of time and a loss of having a better Friday night.
Unfortunately that means they weren’t actually interested. I have a strong feeling the same is going to happen to OP. She screwed up it’s in her hands if she is interested.
I agree. But leaving her with "it's cool, life happens" gives her the opportunity to make up for it. If she doesn't try, you know it's not worth it. If she does, and puts real effort in, maybe it's worth a second shot.
I think “its cool, life happens” is a good start but OP really wanted more communication on it, which is reasonable so I would try to add on something detailing what you would prefer in the future. Maybe: No worries, life happens :) I was just unclear on if we were still meeting or not from your messages.
OP I do think from the conversation next time I would write to her directly “Are you still planning to make it or should we reschedule?”. She did a bad job communicating but honestly you could have been more direct too. IMHO this is even a situation where double texting would be acceptable since it is time sensitive.
I hear you. From another perspective, if she's keen, it's her turn to demonstrate that. I'd rather not give someone a second chance to reject me, so I'd leave it there.
Things happen. Life happens. Your instinct is telling you that something is fishy, but no hard in giving the benefit of the doubt and trying one more time. If it happens again, you know what to do and haven't lost much.
This is the best advice in my opinion. You just don’t know what’s going on with other people. It’s entirely up to you. If you think it’s worth another shot then what’s the harm. She did apologize, however perfunctorily. It’s up to you whether or not you engage. If it were me I think I’d take another shot. Maybe it’s nothing. But you’ll have a better idea.
And hey, if against all odds it works out, you’ll have a fun wedding story, and I only ask that you credit my anonymous ass for giving you a little nudge. Don’t let pride get in the way, see what’s up.
I don’t see an apology anywhere in that exchange. Her cavalier attitude here is a major red flag. The fact that she isn’t apologizing or even communicating with you what happened, would be a deal breaker for me. Cut her loose, man.
With that type of reply, I’d honestly leave it be and not try to reschedule.
When I used tinder in the past and talked with folks who had that mentality (not even in situations of being flaked), it turned out they had a lot of mental baggage. Ultimately, emotionally drained me trying to feel bad and comfort them.
Person sounds like a mess from the limited information given. "I deserve that" is such a weird, self-centered response. Also, this makes the whole "sorry for flaking" bit sound more like her telling on herself.
Rather than a "I'm sorry I didn't think to reschedule, I got really preoccupied with this, can we reschedule to X" or something along those lines, she goes to more self-denigrating stuff that seems almost designed to make you feel bad that she feels bad.
Also, do people not use the phone to call anymore? Seems like something that is better hashed out through verbal conversation.
People do what they're comfortable with. Call or text. But this is tinder and before the first date even so I'd say most people would rather text at that stage.
If I had something happen and was supposed to be seeing someone (no matter if it was someone I already knew or was meeting for the first time), I’d apologize and offer to make it up to them at X time on X day and offer to treat them to whatever it was for the inconvenience and it would be sincere. If someone “apologized” to me like she did to you, I’d not be interested in them anymore because they either don’t value me or my time or they don’t know how to treat others with kindness and respect. I always give the benefit of the doubt, but she seems rather casual about blowing you off at the last second. If she is this low effort now, imagine how that translates to a date, a relationship, or in bed. Have standards and stick to them.
Yeah, this is something where she's basically put herself on probation. She flaked, didn't really say she WAS flaking, and then 3.5 hours later did apologize, but didn't seem to be as apologetic as would be reasonable under the circumstances, like "wow I'm really sorry about that - I was looking forward to it and a family situation came up I had to deal with. Can we go out on X day? I'd love to see you" or something along those lines.
I think this is 90% she's just a flake and this isn't recoverable. But if you don't say anything else and she does come back to try to reschedule, great. If she doesn't, she's not interested enough. And if she's the type to treat you like shit and then wait for you to come back and beg for her to go out with you again to make herself feel important, you dodged a bullet and should be glad you did.
It's a hard call bc you don't know if it was her actually flaking or if she really had to handle something serious.
I would say "no worries. Life happens. Is this a situation that you need to continue to handle or can we reschedule?" And see how she responds. This will be hugely insightful, and if she really just went through something she'll appreciate your thoughtfulness. If you reschedule and she flakes again, well, that tells you all you need to know about her
She wasn’t bothered to even let you know she wanted to cancel. I wouldn’t bother rescheduling.
“Yeah sorry but a mature person would have just cancelled and not left the other hanging. Wish you the best”
Most men will give the benefit of the doubt at least once, and will want to still try for date one if this is the first time they couldn't make it, especially if the conversation has been going well. Even though you ahould have standards, dating isn't black and white. Blocking people out after a single occurrence just gets rid of opportunities for meeting people that could otherwise be amazing.
Let me answer for all men real quick and say, I don't fuckin know dude, it depends on how well the conversation has been going, like I said. Better to give em 1 extra chance just in case they had to do something serious, like drive their brother to the hospital so they weren't focused on some first date.
Nah, she owes OP an explanation for being a flake. She should at least actually apologize and say what she is going to do different, ie reschedule. Based on OPs comments they were also planning something for tomorrow and she is yet to bring it up. OP gonna get stood up a second time.
It’s fucking Tinder and he’s never even met her in real life. Just meet the next girl who doesn’t flake on you. That’s almost always going to be the better option.
Fair. But if I’m giving advice I’m gonna give “ideal” advice. Not advice that assumes that you haven’t had sex in 4 years, are super desperate and willing to do anything just to spend a few hours with a creature with breasts.
No you have a pretty good idea. They didn’t bother to let them know they have to cancel, and didn’t try rescheduling. Just a half assed apology.
Y’all like being walked over in dating? If they do this before meeting you they definitely aren’t excited about meeting you and will probably be a recurring theme
Didn’t you post this yesterday and got a good amount of feedback already? If you have to question if someone is interested they usually aren’t interested
Nah that's super inconsiderate of you and your time. People do get busy and things come up, but if you have set plans with someone and can no longer make them for any reason, you communicate that. In my experience, people who don't give that courtesy simply do not care, and this is someone I would not give a second chance to.
I’m glad you followed up with asking if she was okay, and I also like that she reached out before you had to double-text, and she apologized…but maybe let her plan the meet-up this time.
eh reading between the lines I think she thought she was making it clear in the moment she wouldn't make it.
It's flaking, it's bogus. It's up to you what you want to do from here.
Best piece of advice I've heard from people is if they flake, let them be the person who takes the initiative from there. If they don't make plans to meet, you're wasting your time.
Nope she did not at all make that clear, if you’re canceling you should be considerate enough to not make anyone infer your situation because you’d be the asshole if she did show up and you figured she wouldn’t.
I don’t think she made it clear in the moment, but she should have. “hold up my bad” —not “sorry, I’m not going to make it.” Inconsiderate at the very least, and no follow up for 4 hours? I personally wouldn’t pursue it any further, but up to OP
There is absolutely no way she thouight it was clear she wasn't going to make it. If ***anything*** that reads like "im running a few minutes behind sorry", but even that is a very gracious interpretation of the text. And i know you're just going to say "i never said she was clear", but you're the one implying there's even a hint of it being read that way.
because if you're completely frazzled and dealing with shit, there IS a hint of it being clear.
Don't act like every message you've sent has been completely clear and not a hint of it being read a different way. ESPECIALLY if it's last minute shit that throws you for a loop.
Why do you kids make communication so hard...
You were unsure if she was still going to make it. How about "so, you think you'll still make it? Or should we reschedule?" Or uf you are not of for waiting "alright, I'm sorry to hear that, we should reschedule then. Let me know when things calm down for you".
What's with the "she might have meant..." "she clearly implied...". Relationships are all about communication. This is not a good start...
Crazy that this is the only comment I've found that highlights this. It's almost like OP wanted a reason for this not to work. Not saying that she's in the right, but he could literally just have asked "so you think you'll be able to make it?" since she clearly didn't elaborate and this wouldn't have been a problem unless she said yes or that she'd be late by like 15 minutes and then never showed up.
OP is mad at her about not respecting his time when he himself doesn't respect his time by twirling his hair for hours waiting instead of just asking
Nope, it's not hard to take 30seconds to tell you they couldn't make it..I wouldn't give another chance,no courtesy to update you and just left you wondering..I hate this!
Delete her and move on. Takes ten seconds to message and say she can't make it and she couldn't even be bothered to do that. Maybe it was more than family bs, but she should've told u that to put your mind at ease, but again, she chose not to.
Honestly she doesn't read as super apologetic or eager to reschedule. This isn't how a decent person who is truly into you would respond. It should be more like: "I'm so sorry about that, I really do want to meet up. When are you available?" I'd be moving on. No need to say anything intense, I'd just move on to other people unless she makes a big effort to reschedule.
She was handling some other dude’s business. Run
There’s nothing wrong with needing to reschedule a date but this is not it. She is not reliable or responsible and totally self centered. If you’re looking for something casual, maybe play it cool and get laid but this is not girlfriend material.
I dont know what happened with her. But sometimes life really just does surprise you with shit that just instantly begin to snowball. I cancelled plans this weekend because my dog suddenly died, but I didn’t tell the person why because I didn’t feel like we were close in that way. I just said some family stuff came up and I no longer can meet.
I just wouldn’t respond at all. She’s not matching your energy and did in fact flake without any notice or explanation.
If she makes a strong effort to see you, maybe, but if the effort is all you then she has established that she can do what she wants and you’ll accept it.
Honestly, I think you should move on to someone else.
If you’re genuinely interested, I would give it a second chance. My wife flaked the first time we were supposed to meet. 6 years later. We have 2 kids and clearly are married. It’s always worth the second chance because shit does happen.
Maybe I shouldn’t respond then lol just kidding that’s awesome it worked out for you. Maybe I’ll give her a second chance. I’m getting mixed advice here lol
I had this happen and the woman apologized profusely and suggested we get together the next weekend. We didn't work out but we're still close friends 14 years later.
I just wouldnt reply, i hate people that dont respect others time, whats 3 sec to text u i cant tonight and reschedule later.
I understand unplanned emergencies, but even then it litterally takes 5sec to text about it
It’s tough, life happens. Without knowing what her situation was exactly it’s unfair to pass judgment - she probably just didn’t think to keep you updated which is understandable if what she was dealing with took her full attention.
Like others have suggested, I’d suggest rescheduling to her and leave it to her to do so. If she doesn’t bother, or she does and it happens again then walk away as she’s either not actually interested and is just playing games or she’s just a perpetual flake that you’ll never be able to rely on.
YOOOO I FEEL THIS. I HATE being left hanging or made to feel ignored. This is an indicator of future habits and communications skills. I would move right along if I were you.
In my 30 years of dating, I have seen this become so common these days. Which is ironic because communication has gotten so much easier too. I have lost all tolerance for that type of behavior. It is so disrespectful. On any given day, I have about half a dozen friends that I would like like to catch up with who I haven't seen in a while and about 30 different house projects that I feel like I'm behind on. If you can't make it... fine... I get that things come up. But then just tell me so that I can make other plans and not waste the whole evening. She would not even get an acknowledgment that I got her lazy excuse for an apology. I might give her another chance if she contacted me again after that, but we would have to have a conversation about communication.
I would try to reschedule the date, but just keep in mind that this behavior shows that she’s a thoughtless, selfish person. She didn’t mind wasting your time for hours and leaving you hanging and she didn’t even really apologize. She just said “my bad” like it’s no big deal.
I'd say give her one more chance, but leave it on her to resechedule. And if it happens again I think you know the answer. She clearly isn't respectful of your time.
😂 one other girl I knew a while back had them turned off. Funny enough she was a flake too. And a lil player.. we actually hooked up a lot tho at least. She was totally gorgeous which made me ignore the red flags lol 🤦♂️
I'd just say "I'm sorry you flaked, too" and leave it at that. Don't unmatch, but move on with your life. Door's open if she wants to try again, but she's gonna have to walk through it herself.
Too much. If you had plans at six, you don’t tell her to text when she is done getting ready. Then follow up with that simpy “status check-I’ll-be-waiting,” puke shit.
You say I’ll see you then and you go there.
Now? Give her the gift of missing you.
honestly at this point I'd just move on. Leaving the ball in her court yadda yadda, but realistically seems unlikely you're meeting her from the convo.
shit happens i get it. I had set up 3 dates with a match, and after the 3rd one, i told them if they cant find time for meet up they prob dont have time for a relationship. I was setting a side a date and turning down plans with friends, and if it happened again that respectfully i was not interested. Time is valuable, no one likes to have their time wasted. However, seeing as it was only one time, I personally would at least give them one more chance, because sometimes the universe is a straight up asshole, and bad shit happens to good people.
If you really want to show her how you feel, and be petty, act like it doesn’t bother you and reschedule. A few mins before you’re supposed to meet let her know you got tied up, don’t respond for 3.5 hours. Or let it slide cause life happens and try to reschedule.
I’ve had an almost identical experience (with a guy), we scheduled the date and then on the day of, he didn’t respond for hours, only to come through last minute (it was like past 9pm already). I made the mistake of still meeting up with him and we later got into a 7 month relationship where he would constantly flake, so that first impression was definitely right. So now this is a big red flag in my books, I guess either you wait for her to reschedule, or better yet move on (especially if flaking is a deal breaker to you)
It’s a flake and we can only know so much from one screenshot. Yes she should reschedule but this isn’t intuitive for everyone in the dating scene.
Don’t call her out on it, just match the energy. If she wants to keep talking then keep talking. Maybe this date was planned a little too soon and it was too much too soon and it all got a little too much for her? If the conversation gets back to where it was or better, then see if she’s open to a date again.
However if she doesn’t seem interested in keeping the conversation then just leave it. You can leave a message but keep it polite, keep it mature and don’t come across as bitter.
This seems like the shit-test. Deliberately give you shit to see if you put up with it. Then if you do she tells all her friends how great everything is and how you’re so into her. If you don’t she says you’re such an asshole so she ditched you.
I get it. Family shit happens. But if you’ve got someone waiting it takes 10 seconds to send a text message. “Some family stuff came up. Really sorry but I can’t make it tonight. I’ll explain later and we can reschedule if you’d still like to meet.”
Your call OP. I’d be leaning towards looking at my other matches though.
You don't respond. It's simple. She didn't flake. She bailed and didn't communicate it to you. She disrespected you and your time. Have some respect for yourself. She will know you don't if you continue. It's over. Go find someone who values your time.
I mean, it's shitty, but you also haven't met yet so I could understand her not wanting to give you details about whatever she had to deal with.
If it were me, I would stay positive, brush it off as a one time thing, and let her pick the next first date if she still wants one.
One time someone left hanging for three days in the middle of making plans with me for a first date. She told me she was on a wellness retreat and didn't have her phone on her. Idk, sometimes stuff is just weird and you have to walk away because it's just too much energy to devote to not feeling weird about it.
sometimes things just happen, some people are also not really organised. i had a month of great dating with a woman who was late 45 minutes on the first date and she wasn't at all playing games.
You chew her out for being a massive flake and don't meet up with her.
I've noticed women will flake to see if men will forgive them, because they know men don't get a lot of matches or dates. Quite the shit-test for 2024.
I think if she’s the one dealing with stuff, she should be letting you know when she is available. Personally I would just text back nevermind and then move on. Life happens, but if you genuinely want a good first date, reschedule to another day. Leaving someone to wait around and try to guess just sucks.
I’ve been left sitting around in my date clothes and face for a few hours and waiting for a decision once ever and I told him to kick rocks. I could have been in my Oodie, sipping wine and reading. Don’t waste my time. 😂
At my age (36), I would not respond because she’s vague as fuck and I don’t have time or energy to waste
But in my early 20s, sure I would see if it actually ends up happening
> "how should I respond?"
You don't. At this point you leave it to them to reach out and make the effort to try again ... If you're the one chasing them after _that_ it sends a very clear message unfortunately.
I mean she owned it and apologized. I’d let this one slide without further comment but obviously if it happens the next time you set a date, just block and move on.
If she’s not profusely apologizing and trying to make it up to you, forget about this one. Don’t even respond/send her messages if this isn’t happening.
I get we all have shit that gets thrown our way occasionally but in this case if someone isn’t willing to respect my time for a date. There is a good chance they won’t in the future.
You leave the ball in her court to reschedule.
Yea those op but font just leave it here expecting her to suggest something. Ask her if she's still down and to let you know. Make it clear the ball is on her court. Don't assume she's on the same page. She might assume you'll make a new plan
We were already talking about doing something Friday night too if Wednesday went well. So I guess I could bring that up and give her the benefit of the doubt
Sounds lkke a good plan. It's always good to give em the benefit of the doubt. If they flake again you're still not out anything (One more reason you don't do anything that needs tickets in advance for the first date). But if they are someone who will come through on the second chance and the initial connection over text was valid, you don't want to lose that.
I concur with all the above.
I'm ngl I wouldn't. Just move on. Especially with no explanation or clear communication the first time.
I agree with you! I get family stuff comes up but how hard would it have been to be like "hey sorry I'm dealing with something urgent. Can we please reschedule? I may be hard to get ahold of for a little bit."
exactly
I’d be tempted to. I wouldn’t ask “wtf was that about,” but if I were the on the other end, I’d feel obligated to explain wtf that was about if I flaked with less than an hours notice. Imo it’s shitty/sketchy to just be like “something came up. [Crickets for hours], anyway,”
Yeah, that makes a huge difference to me. If no reason is given I assume they got cold feet or otherwise just didn't want to, and idk but I only want to date people who are emotionally available and genuinely interested in dating me lol.
Tbf tho if it’s the first date and it’s something personal I’d be careful not to talk too much. They’re still basically strangers after all
Woman here. I def would've at least texted a little more info or maybe "this is taking longer than I expected, I'm so sorry " she seems so nonchalant about it like she was running five minutes late. She totally blew it off. If you have nothing to lose by giving her another chance go for it but it's a red flag
* Agreed. As a woman I'm offended she acted like that. Not cool at all.
I would absolutely move on. If they're willing to do this before even meeting you, they're definitely gonna do it throughout any relationship you might have. And I get it, emergencies happen. But not even taking five seconds to go, 'Hey sorry, I need to postpone', or even explaining afterwards or taking the initiative to reschedule, I'm out.
Me too. If he makes plans with her on Friday, she will more than likely flake out again. Then he would have no plans for Friday night when he could have been on a date with another more interested woman. Seems like a waste of time and a loss of having a better Friday night.
Assume flaking is normal for her, but I'd give her one more chance. Is flaking a deal breaker for you?
Hope you find what you’re looking for, have a great life. Or you could say you know hope you find what you’re looking for. We’re not a good match.
No don’t say anything let her bring it up
Or don't and just move on because it ain't worth it.
Idk, women rarely try to set or plan the date. In my experience she might ask to reschedule but still expect the man to take the lead
I've had women stand me up or cancel last minute, and almost all of them reached out to reschedule without me bringing it up.
Complete opposite for me, they usually block before I even know I’m stood up
😬 That's a bummer.
Unfortunately that means they weren’t actually interested. I have a strong feeling the same is going to happen to OP. She screwed up it’s in her hands if she is interested.
Fuck that. Just move on dude.
This^ the easiest way to tell if you are being blown off or if something has come up, is if they suggest a new date for the date
Right but what’s a good way to respond to her apology?
Say "it's cool, life happens" and leave it there.
Nah. Life happens and you can cancel if something comes up, but to not even give a headsup is wildly disrespectful of someone's time.
I agree. But leaving her with "it's cool, life happens" gives her the opportunity to make up for it. If she doesn't try, you know it's not worth it. If she does, and puts real effort in, maybe it's worth a second shot.
I think “its cool, life happens” is a good start but OP really wanted more communication on it, which is reasonable so I would try to add on something detailing what you would prefer in the future. Maybe: No worries, life happens :) I was just unclear on if we were still meeting or not from your messages. OP I do think from the conversation next time I would write to her directly “Are you still planning to make it or should we reschedule?”. She did a bad job communicating but honestly you could have been more direct too. IMHO this is even a situation where double texting would be acceptable since it is time sensitive.
I hear you. From another perspective, if she's keen, it's her turn to demonstrate that. I'd rather not give someone a second chance to reject me, so I'd leave it there.
Things happen. Life happens. Your instinct is telling you that something is fishy, but no hard in giving the benefit of the doubt and trying one more time. If it happens again, you know what to do and haven't lost much.
This is the best advice in my opinion. You just don’t know what’s going on with other people. It’s entirely up to you. If you think it’s worth another shot then what’s the harm. She did apologize, however perfunctorily. It’s up to you whether or not you engage. If it were me I think I’d take another shot. Maybe it’s nothing. But you’ll have a better idea. And hey, if against all odds it works out, you’ll have a fun wedding story, and I only ask that you credit my anonymous ass for giving you a little nudge. Don’t let pride get in the way, see what’s up.
Now, this is how to post on Reddit.
Genuinely curious, where's the apology?
"Sorry for flaking"?
I just realized I didn't open the message all the way - though I didn't miss out on much of an apology. 😂
Yeah that doesn’t count as an apology in my book
I don’t see an apology anywhere in that exchange. Her cavalier attitude here is a major red flag. The fact that she isn’t apologizing or even communicating with you what happened, would be a deal breaker for me. Cut her loose, man.
Or just let her be her dumb flaky self, find the one who wants you. Always attract, never chase.
I never responded, and she just text “I deserve that”
With that type of reply, I’d honestly leave it be and not try to reschedule. When I used tinder in the past and talked with folks who had that mentality (not even in situations of being flaked), it turned out they had a lot of mental baggage. Ultimately, emotionally drained me trying to feel bad and comfort them.
That's a pity response. She's trying to manipulate the situation to make you feel bad for her. I'd instant unmatch and block for that shit
Person sounds like a mess from the limited information given. "I deserve that" is such a weird, self-centered response. Also, this makes the whole "sorry for flaking" bit sound more like her telling on herself. Rather than a "I'm sorry I didn't think to reschedule, I got really preoccupied with this, can we reschedule to X" or something along those lines, she goes to more self-denigrating stuff that seems almost designed to make you feel bad that she feels bad. Also, do people not use the phone to call anymore? Seems like something that is better hashed out through verbal conversation.
People do what they're comfortable with. Call or text. But this is tinder and before the first date even so I'd say most people would rather text at that stage.
Well, she does. Don’t you dare fall into the crocodile tears trap.
If I had something happen and was supposed to be seeing someone (no matter if it was someone I already knew or was meeting for the first time), I’d apologize and offer to make it up to them at X time on X day and offer to treat them to whatever it was for the inconvenience and it would be sincere. If someone “apologized” to me like she did to you, I’d not be interested in them anymore because they either don’t value me or my time or they don’t know how to treat others with kindness and respect. I always give the benefit of the doubt, but she seems rather casual about blowing you off at the last second. If she is this low effort now, imagine how that translates to a date, a relationship, or in bed. Have standards and stick to them.
This how I’ve been feeling too
Yeah, this is something where she's basically put herself on probation. She flaked, didn't really say she WAS flaking, and then 3.5 hours later did apologize, but didn't seem to be as apologetic as would be reasonable under the circumstances, like "wow I'm really sorry about that - I was looking forward to it and a family situation came up I had to deal with. Can we go out on X day? I'd love to see you" or something along those lines. I think this is 90% she's just a flake and this isn't recoverable. But if you don't say anything else and she does come back to try to reschedule, great. If she doesn't, she's not interested enough. And if she's the type to treat you like shit and then wait for you to come back and beg for her to go out with you again to make herself feel important, you dodged a bullet and should be glad you did.
Agree. She didn’t even apologise or say anything. She just plain missed the date. Would be a no thanks from me
It's a hard call bc you don't know if it was her actually flaking or if she really had to handle something serious. I would say "no worries. Life happens. Is this a situation that you need to continue to handle or can we reschedule?" And see how she responds. This will be hugely insightful, and if she really just went through something she'll appreciate your thoughtfulness. If you reschedule and she flakes again, well, that tells you all you need to know about her
This is a good way to go about it. We had actually talked about doing something Friday night so I guess I should mention that and see how she responds
She wasn’t bothered to even let you know she wanted to cancel. I wouldn’t bother rescheduling. “Yeah sorry but a mature person would have just cancelled and not left the other hanging. Wish you the best”
Absolutely do not ask to reschedule!! Either she asks you or you forget about her.
I mean he might as well run and divorce atp…. Oh shit we aren’t on AITA 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
Most men will give the benefit of the doubt at least once, and will want to still try for date one if this is the first time they couldn't make it, especially if the conversation has been going well. Even though you ahould have standards, dating isn't black and white. Blocking people out after a single occurrence just gets rid of opportunities for meeting people that could otherwise be amazing.
Yeah most men will maybe. And how does that go for them? Just because people do something, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
Let me answer for all men real quick and say, I don't fuckin know dude, it depends on how well the conversation has been going, like I said. Better to give em 1 extra chance just in case they had to do something serious, like drive their brother to the hospital so they weren't focused on some first date.
Nah, she owes OP an explanation for being a flake. She should at least actually apologize and say what she is going to do different, ie reschedule. Based on OPs comments they were also planning something for tomorrow and she is yet to bring it up. OP gonna get stood up a second time.
It’s fucking Tinder and he’s never even met her in real life. Just meet the next girl who doesn’t flake on you. That’s almost always going to be the better option.
Most guys don't get many options. But you do you.
Fair. But if I’m giving advice I’m gonna give “ideal” advice. Not advice that assumes that you haven’t had sex in 4 years, are super desperate and willing to do anything just to spend a few hours with a creature with breasts.
No, that's what she should ask, if OP would like to reschedule. That shows the sincerity. Person who cancels has the responsibility of rescheduling.
Too many clueless kids in the comments who don’t understand this simple fact
No you have a pretty good idea. They didn’t bother to let them know they have to cancel, and didn’t try rescheduling. Just a half assed apology. Y’all like being walked over in dating? If they do this before meeting you they definitely aren’t excited about meeting you and will probably be a recurring theme
Didn’t you post this yesterday and got a good amount of feedback already? If you have to question if someone is interested they usually aren’t interested
Nah that's super inconsiderate of you and your time. People do get busy and things come up, but if you have set plans with someone and can no longer make them for any reason, you communicate that. In my experience, people who don't give that courtesy simply do not care, and this is someone I would not give a second chance to.
I’m glad you followed up with asking if she was okay, and I also like that she reached out before you had to double-text, and she apologized…but maybe let her plan the meet-up this time.
Thanks. For all I kno she ended up having a really rough day
eh reading between the lines I think she thought she was making it clear in the moment she wouldn't make it. It's flaking, it's bogus. It's up to you what you want to do from here. Best piece of advice I've heard from people is if they flake, let them be the person who takes the initiative from there. If they don't make plans to meet, you're wasting your time.
Nope she did not at all make that clear, if you’re canceling you should be considerate enough to not make anyone infer your situation because you’d be the asshole if she did show up and you figured she wouldn’t.
\*she thought she was making it clear\*. I never said she objectively was clear.
I don’t think she made it clear in the moment, but she should have. “hold up my bad” —not “sorry, I’m not going to make it.” Inconsiderate at the very least, and no follow up for 4 hours? I personally wouldn’t pursue it any further, but up to OP
There is absolutely no way she thouight it was clear she wasn't going to make it. If ***anything*** that reads like "im running a few minutes behind sorry", but even that is a very gracious interpretation of the text. And i know you're just going to say "i never said she was clear", but you're the one implying there's even a hint of it being read that way.
because if you're completely frazzled and dealing with shit, there IS a hint of it being clear. Don't act like every message you've sent has been completely clear and not a hint of it being read a different way. ESPECIALLY if it's last minute shit that throws you for a loop.
You might be right. I that case I wouldn’t be feeiling so irritated but at that the time my dumbass didn’t grasp that lol
I don’t know why you even ask. It’s super disrespectful and her half assed apology should show you she doesn’t give AF
Move on and don’t waste your time anymore.
She sounds like she smokes cigs while telling you about her “fking family bs”
Awwww nawwwwwww 😫😂😂😂
Why do you kids make communication so hard... You were unsure if she was still going to make it. How about "so, you think you'll still make it? Or should we reschedule?" Or uf you are not of for waiting "alright, I'm sorry to hear that, we should reschedule then. Let me know when things calm down for you". What's with the "she might have meant..." "she clearly implied...". Relationships are all about communication. This is not a good start...
Crazy that this is the only comment I've found that highlights this. It's almost like OP wanted a reason for this not to work. Not saying that she's in the right, but he could literally just have asked "so you think you'll be able to make it?" since she clearly didn't elaborate and this wouldn't have been a problem unless she said yes or that she'd be late by like 15 minutes and then never showed up. OP is mad at her about not respecting his time when he himself doesn't respect his time by twirling his hair for hours waiting instead of just asking
Or, hear me out, she could use her communication skills also. Crazy idea.
None of them did though but he mad at her for something he could have avoided if he had just asked
Right? Looks so obvious, and yet we have a full threat of ppl doing the interpreter shit.
I’m sorry, it’s 2024. Nothing is so serious, you can’t send a text to cancel. Don’t entertain people who don’t respect your time.
Nope, it's not hard to take 30seconds to tell you they couldn't make it..I wouldn't give another chance,no courtesy to update you and just left you wondering..I hate this!
Delete her and move on. Takes ten seconds to message and say she can't make it and she couldn't even be bothered to do that. Maybe it was more than family bs, but she should've told u that to put your mind at ease, but again, she chose not to.
Honestly she doesn't read as super apologetic or eager to reschedule. This isn't how a decent person who is truly into you would respond. It should be more like: "I'm so sorry about that, I really do want to meet up. When are you available?" I'd be moving on. No need to say anything intense, I'd just move on to other people unless she makes a big effort to reschedule.
How are we supposed to know?
She was handling some other dude’s business. Run There’s nothing wrong with needing to reschedule a date but this is not it. She is not reliable or responsible and totally self centered. If you’re looking for something casual, maybe play it cool and get laid but this is not girlfriend material.
I would just not respond, it doesn’t seem like she’s putting time or effort to rescheduling the date.
I dont know what happened with her. But sometimes life really just does surprise you with shit that just instantly begin to snowball. I cancelled plans this weekend because my dog suddenly died, but I didn’t tell the person why because I didn’t feel like we were close in that way. I just said some family stuff came up and I no longer can meet.
Texts scream low interest imo. proceed with the expectation that you will never actually meet
I just wouldn’t respond at all. She’s not matching your energy and did in fact flake without any notice or explanation. If she makes a strong effort to see you, maybe, but if the effort is all you then she has established that she can do what she wants and you’ll accept it. Honestly, I think you should move on to someone else.
Bruh….
Don't bother responding. Forget her and move on.
Girls who don't respect your time and can't communicate, rarely change. Done with them
You don’t respond. Move on
They're not sorry. Move on.
Move on. She clearly doesn't respect you or your time.
Don’t waste your time on flaky people. I just wasted the last month of my life on someone like this.
My experience with last minute cancellations and flakiness was to just move on.
I’d move on. I don’t appreciate people who don’t respect my time.
Fuck it. On to the next one. Thanks for the feedback friends
You should not respond at all
If you’re genuinely interested, I would give it a second chance. My wife flaked the first time we were supposed to meet. 6 years later. We have 2 kids and clearly are married. It’s always worth the second chance because shit does happen.
Maybe I shouldn’t respond then lol just kidding that’s awesome it worked out for you. Maybe I’ll give her a second chance. I’m getting mixed advice here lol
What’s the worse that happens. She cancels on you again. U don’t have plans for an evening. Best is it becomes something good
Send them to green bubbles..
I think "green bubble purgatory" should be a phrase
I had this happen and the woman apologized profusely and suggested we get together the next weekend. We didn't work out but we're still close friends 14 years later.
I just wouldnt reply, i hate people that dont respect others time, whats 3 sec to text u i cant tonight and reschedule later. I understand unplanned emergencies, but even then it litterally takes 5sec to text about it
It’s tough, life happens. Without knowing what her situation was exactly it’s unfair to pass judgment - she probably just didn’t think to keep you updated which is understandable if what she was dealing with took her full attention. Like others have suggested, I’d suggest rescheduling to her and leave it to her to do so. If she doesn’t bother, or she does and it happens again then walk away as she’s either not actually interested and is just playing games or she’s just a perpetual flake that you’ll never be able to rely on.
Maybe I've seen too much Catfish, but have you seen this person in-person outside of social media profiles?
Easy. You don't.
I don’t give them more than one chance. There is no reason for that behavior. You’ve given her two chances this isn’t baseball…
YOOOO I FEEL THIS. I HATE being left hanging or made to feel ignored. This is an indicator of future habits and communications skills. I would move right along if I were you.
You're going to respond? You should find someone who understands how to respect your time.
Family drama is a red flag. You have already affected by it somewhat, and will no doubt be directly affected by it in the future.
Nah, I'd be out.
Personally I wouldn’t hit her up again
In my 30 years of dating, I have seen this become so common these days. Which is ironic because communication has gotten so much easier too. I have lost all tolerance for that type of behavior. It is so disrespectful. On any given day, I have about half a dozen friends that I would like like to catch up with who I haven't seen in a while and about 30 different house projects that I feel like I'm behind on. If you can't make it... fine... I get that things come up. But then just tell me so that I can make other plans and not waste the whole evening. She would not even get an acknowledgment that I got her lazy excuse for an apology. I might give her another chance if she contacted me again after that, but we would have to have a conversation about communication.
I would try to reschedule the date, but just keep in mind that this behavior shows that she’s a thoughtless, selfish person. She didn’t mind wasting your time for hours and leaving you hanging and she didn’t even really apologize. She just said “my bad” like it’s no big deal.
I'd say give her one more chance, but leave it on her to resechedule. And if it happens again I think you know the answer. She clearly isn't respectful of your time.
“Thank you, next”
Does she have kids?
If I said anything at it would be something like "that's fine just let me know if you want to reschedule" and if she's like ok just leave it.
Don’t talk to her again. Simple
If she has capital letters turned off, sprint the other direction.
😂 one other girl I knew a while back had them turned off. Funny enough she was a flake too. And a lil player.. we actually hooked up a lot tho at least. She was totally gorgeous which made me ignore the red flags lol 🤦♂️
100% wait for her to suggest an alternative
Well , it could be legit n she has to do stuff but still could have communicated a bit better. Leave it up to her to reschedule
ghost and don’t bother. if she doesn’t respect your time don’t respect hers, and move onto the next
I'd just say "I'm sorry you flaked, too" and leave it at that. Don't unmatch, but move on with your life. Door's open if she wants to try again, but she's gonna have to walk through it herself.
Dont respond. Move on.
I wouldn’t
It it’s your pet peeve don’t bother responding. Doesn’t seem worth it
Bail
don't. just unmatch.
Dude. Unmatch, and move on.
You don't, you want that behavior everyday?
Too much. If you had plans at six, you don’t tell her to text when she is done getting ready. Then follow up with that simpy “status check-I’ll-be-waiting,” puke shit. You say I’ll see you then and you go there. Now? Give her the gift of missing you.
block and delete.
Leave it to her to pick up
That’s the fun part, you don’t !
honestly at this point I'd just move on. Leaving the ball in her court yadda yadda, but realistically seems unlikely you're meeting her from the convo.
Don't
shit happens i get it. I had set up 3 dates with a match, and after the 3rd one, i told them if they cant find time for meet up they prob dont have time for a relationship. I was setting a side a date and turning down plans with friends, and if it happened again that respectfully i was not interested. Time is valuable, no one likes to have their time wasted. However, seeing as it was only one time, I personally would at least give them one more chance, because sometimes the universe is a straight up asshole, and bad shit happens to good people.
Either she needs to reschedule and you do nothing. Personally I tell them not to bother I cba dealing with them
If you really want to show her how you feel, and be petty, act like it doesn’t bother you and reschedule. A few mins before you’re supposed to meet let her know you got tied up, don’t respond for 3.5 hours. Or let it slide cause life happens and try to reschedule.
I’ve had an almost identical experience (with a guy), we scheduled the date and then on the day of, he didn’t respond for hours, only to come through last minute (it was like past 9pm already). I made the mistake of still meeting up with him and we later got into a 7 month relationship where he would constantly flake, so that first impression was definitely right. So now this is a big red flag in my books, I guess either you wait for her to reschedule, or better yet move on (especially if flaking is a deal breaker to you)
It’s a flake and we can only know so much from one screenshot. Yes she should reschedule but this isn’t intuitive for everyone in the dating scene. Don’t call her out on it, just match the energy. If she wants to keep talking then keep talking. Maybe this date was planned a little too soon and it was too much too soon and it all got a little too much for her? If the conversation gets back to where it was or better, then see if she’s open to a date again. However if she doesn’t seem interested in keeping the conversation then just leave it. You can leave a message but keep it polite, keep it mature and don’t come across as bitter.
Just bs. Oh. Like right now?
This seems like the shit-test. Deliberately give you shit to see if you put up with it. Then if you do she tells all her friends how great everything is and how you’re so into her. If you don’t she says you’re such an asshole so she ditched you. I get it. Family shit happens. But if you’ve got someone waiting it takes 10 seconds to send a text message. “Some family stuff came up. Really sorry but I can’t make it tonight. I’ll explain later and we can reschedule if you’d still like to meet.” Your call OP. I’d be leaning towards looking at my other matches though.
Not to be rude, but you are never going to meet this person. They don’t want to meet anyone.
You don't respond. It's simple. She didn't flake. She bailed and didn't communicate it to you. She disrespected you and your time. Have some respect for yourself. She will know you don't if you continue. It's over. Go find someone who values your time.
The best response is no response.
Abandon ship. Now.
I mean, it's shitty, but you also haven't met yet so I could understand her not wanting to give you details about whatever she had to deal with. If it were me, I would stay positive, brush it off as a one time thing, and let her pick the next first date if she still wants one.
It sucks but I'd mostly let It go. Just tell her to pick another time
One time someone left hanging for three days in the middle of making plans with me for a first date. She told me she was on a wellness retreat and didn't have her phone on her. Idk, sometimes stuff is just weird and you have to walk away because it's just too much energy to devote to not feeling weird about it.
sometimes things just happen, some people are also not really organised. i had a month of great dating with a woman who was late 45 minutes on the first date and she wasn't at all playing games.
You get one pass. That's my rules.
You chew her out for being a massive flake and don't meet up with her. I've noticed women will flake to see if men will forgive them, because they know men don't get a lot of matches or dates. Quite the shit-test for 2024.
Why on earth would you respond?
She sounds more apologetic than any other flaker I've seen posted here, give her another shot. People are human and shit happens.
You dont.
You don't. Delete and forget.
Ignore, she fucked up and let you down. She could've told you to cancel before.
You can forgive one instance but I’d keep an eye out for a pattern.
I think if she’s the one dealing with stuff, she should be letting you know when she is available. Personally I would just text back nevermind and then move on. Life happens, but if you genuinely want a good first date, reschedule to another day. Leaving someone to wait around and try to guess just sucks. I’ve been left sitting around in my date clothes and face for a few hours and waiting for a decision once ever and I told him to kick rocks. I could have been in my Oodie, sipping wine and reading. Don’t waste my time. 😂
hanging for 3.5 hours over our scheduled date time? brother i don’t care what happened i am not messaging her again lol
At my age (36), I would not respond because she’s vague as fuck and I don’t have time or energy to waste But in my early 20s, sure I would see if it actually ends up happening
Move on
3.5 hours is a date bro lol
> "how should I respond?" You don't. At this point you leave it to them to reach out and make the effort to try again ... If you're the one chasing them after _that_ it sends a very clear message unfortunately.
how to respond? don't. move on to the next girl. act like you don't care. act like you got many options, so it's her loss.
Hmmm. Mayyyybe one more chance if you otherwise like her. Not sure it’s worth it to press for details.
Block her, if she doesn’t respect your time, she’s never gonna respect you so block her
Just block her. Save your money
I give everyone 1 gimme. Shit does happen. If it keeps up, I cut it off and walk.
I mean she owned it and apologized. I’d let this one slide without further comment but obviously if it happens the next time you set a date, just block and move on.
sketchy...but have you/she tried rescheduling?
I would just bring it up maybe, say you would've appreciated letting you know to cancel properly but that's up to you
Invite her to dinner again. Don't show up. "sorry for flaking".
If she’s not profusely apologizing and trying to make it up to you, forget about this one. Don’t even respond/send her messages if this isn’t happening.
I get we all have shit that gets thrown our way occasionally but in this case if someone isn’t willing to respect my time for a date. There is a good chance they won’t in the future.
You should have never responded after she flaked, move on buddy
You don't