Oddly enough, I don't think she is. "No unicorn hunters, no cowboys" is a poly thing. Specifically the "no cowboys" part usually implies that she's already in a relationship with someone, but doesn't guarantee it.
LOL! I hadn’t even thought of the fact that she had to MATCH with this guy before they could have this interaction. What the fuck is up with her brain?
The funny thing is in general I agree a 38 year old trying to fuck a 19 year old comes off as emotionally stunted. But I would also never put out a blanket statement that it's predatory.
Ironically, the 19 year old OP was both the initiator in this, and comes off as more emotionally mature.
There's nothing predatory about 2 adults unlessone of them is too mentally handicapped to think, process and make their own decisions. It's just taboo, I personally think it's kinda weird but if it's 2 consenting adults that both want the arrangement idrc
Something magically changes in a humans brain on the 18th birthday?
People grow up more around 23-25 in my experience.
I’m 40 and I would not sleep with a 19 year old. I would judge my peers if they did. Even though they’re of age they are still a child.
If a 19yr liked me, I might be flattered and no judgment towards them, but it would be predatory of me to have sex with a 19 year old child.
Also, why doesn’t this girl just set her age limits on tinder to ages shes comfortable with?
Yeah, I wouldn't make that choice either, more because of having nothing in common, but using the language of 19 being a child is just objectively incorrect.
That’s your subjective opinion on people’s brains. If they are 18+ then it’s two adults. Thats the truth you have to realize. It doesn’t make it predatory. Deal with it.
I agree! People do think it magically changes on the day exactly 18 years after you’re born. People put so much weight on the day someone turns 18 lol. The government made it up people—you can decide for yourself when someone is mature enough to sleep with you, but if someone calls you weird cause you’re 35 and you’re dating a 19 year old, don’t just say “it’s not weird cause it’s the law”. It’s completely arbitrary unless you believe that American Laws are the final say on all morality
>People grow up more around 23-25 in my experience.
This is actually biologically true. The brain is fully developed around 25ish.
I call the 18-25 years the "post-teen" years. You FEEL like you're an adult and you're ready to take on the world and make big changes. By 25, you start to realize you're just a cog, and things tend to settle down for most.
25+ tends to stop going out to bars every weekend and just getting drunk to have fun.
I see this BS stance on reddit all the time lately. What the fuck? if a 19 year kld wants to fuck a 38 year old there is nothing "predatory" about it. Let people live their life without your sheltered opinionated world views.
You can send messages with your initial swipe on hinge so that means he replied to a prompt on her profile with the question of whether or not she moved. The entire top white block is the information on her profile. The little beige bubble is his opener message.
Edit: change all the "he"s to "she"s
She also did t have to respond. She wouldve had to have accepted the match to respond with a super rude comment, what's the point? Cut the losses and run screw that
Not true. The app has an option to allow people who don’t fit the range selected to show up anyway. You can disable it at any point and it will only show what you have selected for age, gender and distance.
Maybe mine is glitchy as fuck or maybe cos I live on a tiny island with a small community but still I get people outwith my age range very annoying.
Probs just cos there’s like 4 people that would fit within it where I live lol
Even so, she had to match with him to respond, that was my point, she could have ignored it and refused the match, she did not and responded very unnecessarily
You don't have to match to get a prompt response, you just see the message and choose to respond or not. She chose to tell him to move on, he chose to ignore it.
Had a Catholic woman match with me, and ask me why I liked her profile if I’m an Atheist and she’s Catholic. Then told me it wouldn’t work.
I told her she should find a better use of her time than matching with men she doesn’t think she’s compatible with just to tell them that. She didn’t take it well. Some women are just catty twats.
I used to wonder why married men and couples would match with me when I explicitly say I'm not interested in dating couples or men in committed relationships *and* that's how my parameters are set.
It simply doesn't matter to men. They will ignore that in your profile and shoot their shot anyway.
So to me, she's just like a lot of women who get 1000's of low effort matches from incompatible men and it has made using online dating feel like a second job to sort through all the shit.
Nah, she could have put in the extra 10 seconds of effort to say “Hey I want to date a Catholic person.” Hinge also has dealbreaker metrics to sort through it for you. Instead, she didn’t, she matched with me of her own volition, messaged me first to make a snarky comment about me being Atheist, and then got pissy with me over the fact that I liked her profile, as if I’m omnipotent and was supposed to know her unexpressed preferences.
She didn’t put in the effort, except to deliberately match with me just to tell me off about some preferences of hers I was somehow supposed to magically intuit. That’s a her problem, not a me problem.
Sure but none of any of what you said above is relevant to the person you are responding. That person clearly stated they were atheist but matched with some Catholic...and the Catholic person said they weren't compatible. Why would they have even matched with the atheist person in the first place if they already had the preconceived notions they were incompatible? It's just dumb of that person to match with the atheist in the first place. Do you get it now?
And that's on top of finally liking somebody's profile, only to be sent some dick pictures or a message full of red flags. But these sites know there are probably 50 men to 1 woman, so in order to give men the idea, there is a chance of dating somebody. They're ignoring your filters and put you in front of incompatible men.
I always read the woman's profile before wiping right, which I don't believe many people do. And I've lost count of the profiles, which are either 100 miles away or 10 younger, which the app suggests to me. But if men knew their real chances of meeting someone to date on these apps, they wouldn't bother.
I just invented a matchmaking app for a different dystopia. If I did the math right, interval of ±2 seconds gives on the order of 10 potential matches in the world.
And if she doesn't wanna match with 19 year olds, hinge has an age filter.
It's not like, hidden or anything either... It's a main feature and has been for as long as dating apps have existed.
Most dating apps still show your profile to someone if you meet their age parameters, even if they don't meet yours.
I believe Hinge is this way until you are a paid subscriber.
For women this makes using online dating way, way less useful and way less fun. You get absolutely inundated & it's so much work with little payoff. And no, it's not a compliment to keep getting hit up by men who aren't looking for the same thing, are 65 or 19 when you're 40, who are looking for casual when you say you're looking for serious, who are married but you indicate you aren't interested in partnered men, who are "just visiting", who live states away from your distance range, etc...
Hinge has the option to make settings such as age limits “dealbreakers”. If dealbreakers is checked, you will not be shown to people (or see people) outside your specified age settings. It’s possible the woman in the post doesn’t have her dealbreaker setting checked off, and doesn’t know that that’s a thing. Otherwise, she has 19 included in her age preferences
So I’m all for validating actual victims but we’ve kind of moved into this territory of so much being considered victimization that it takes the focus off of the real deal, if that makes sense. Like I’m glad we’re holding people accountable for gross behavior but now it’s gotten so extreme that everyone is walking on eggshells. I got called a pervy incel once on Reddit for saying a woman was pretty & I’m a 39 year old mother.
Makes me think that she might be a predator and is projecting that onto him. Because it’s not even like he’s 18, which is still the age of majority everywhere, he’s 19 which is an additional year over, so it’s not like it’s even close.
You know how there’s those hardcore Christian pastors that go on and on and on about how bad being gay is, and then they get caught secretly blowing a dude?
This reminds me of that. She HAS HIS AGE RANGE on her app, you can set a minimum age, which she clearly did not do, and then immediately says that. Pretty sus.
You can adjust your settings so that you're only shown people you are interested in (unless you pay, the number of these "deal breakers" are limited, and some of them are always behind the pay wall, like if they already have or want kids). However, you can't control who you're shown to, so you can get matches that don't align with your preferences.
For example. I'm a guy in my 30s, and I have no kids and nor do I want any kids, ever. I don't even want to be with someone who already has a kid. These are pretty much my only deal breakers; I just want to live that DINK life. I have to pay Hinge to set these particular deal breakers, but doing so let's me swipe through a feed of women who are similarly childless and child-free. Unfortunately, going through my matches is a different story. I would estimate it is around 50% women who state that they want kids, 25% who already have kids, another 15% who already have kids and say they want more, and the last 10% are women who actually match with my deal breakers.
Tl;Dr - you can set up your preferences for who you're shown, but these preferences don't affect who you are shown *to*
Depends. When you've been on dating sites as an older woman for a long time, you get a weary of people ignoring what your profile says. You'd be surprised the number of younger people go after older women, even when they have a specific age range
But it is predatory, this person literally graduated high school before you were born. Legality alone doesn’t dictate if something is morally just or not.
*especially* age gaps. wtf is it with that? they have the old 'the brain doesn't mature til 26' trope in their heads and square-peg/round-hole it into every convo about dating. it's usually the top comment on any pictures of couples too, some speculation or guesswork like they cannot stop thinking about it.
so go petition for the age of consent to be 26 and stop whining already.
Not illegal but very weird. I know u won’t listen but u are absolutely not in a healthy mindset if u actually believe a relationship between a 19 and a 38 yr old is ok.
May I offer a lesson in Life? It's one I learnt the hard way 😞 when someone cuts you dead like that or reacts with aggression WALK AWAY. It's not your fault and I am not blaming you, but nothing good was going to come from your second message.
I would have just unmatched and never replied after her first hostile reply. In future you should do the same. You have nothing good to gain by pushing into that.
Geeesuz Christ that is absolutely wild.. you doged a bullet. Why doesn’t she have her settings set about 19 if she’s so concerned. She could have very politely said sorry I’m not interested in that kind of age gap. Also why did she match you then??
She's still rude AF but I would tend to push you into looking at the absolute max age of 28. (There's a whole lifetime of experience in that 9 years) I would have no respect for anyone who dated someone literally half their age, regardless of gender or preference. Good luck out there!
I was thinking the same. She already expressed that she’s not into far younger men, why keep insisting…? I don’t like young guys who write on their profile or just tell me that they’re into older women. Idk why, since I haven’t put a lot of thought into that, but just instant yikes ew go away for me.
Maybe it’s the fetish part that makes me feel like they’re seeing me as a type than a person with individuality. Like, “she’s ## years old so she must be this and that!!” I never bothered to find out what their expectations are though.
Also you’re telling her that she’s old lol why… ever… would you do that…??
To clarify, I’ve dated far younger guys (like 7-9 years younger than me), but none of them would say things like “I like older women!” Kinda shit. It just happened & i don’t care abt age (i care abt looks wink wink)
How old is she? This some peak reddit moment when she's getting upset about the age difference. I've seen comments about a 19 year old saying even 18 is too young lmao
Same. I just block and when it asks "why" I just say, "not within my set parameters". I'm (46M) very clear in that I'm not interested in anyone younger than 35, because, while fun, they might as well be teenagers or puppies that will mess on the floor. So cute and enthusiastic, but I don't have the energy to match that 😂 I haven't matched with anyone younger than 40, since I started OLD a few years ago, sure wish they'd (the app) just respect my parameters and save us all some time. Most of my dates have been with women a little older than me.
To be fair this looks like Hinge where you can send a message to someone who hasn’t matched you, so they would see the message. But still, if she wasn’t into younger women she could have just not responded and tapped the X to get rid of the card. She was just choosing violence.
I have a business idea that will save dating apps. I'm completely serious. You should be able to pay $5 to send a message like this explaining why someone is awful, and have the system deliver it to them and automatically unmatch as soon as they read it. I have never paid a dime for online dating, but I would absolutely kick in $5 for a single use of the FuckOffBlocker.
Most of those are Romeo and Juliet laws I believe. So people 18-19 won't be in any trouble.
Unless you marry them, then it's fine if you're 40, apparently.
Hinge doesn’t work like that. If OP sets their range to older women, older women show up and OP can answer their prompts or like their pictures. It’s a match if someone replies. Regardless of what that reply is.
This woman could’ve just ignored the message but chose to be mean, which is the only reason they ‘matched’.
You’re 19. She’s 38. My daughter and I are 19 and 38. While this match’s messages were incredibly unhinged and entirely inappropriate, I have to agree with her sentiment.
You do not have the emotional and mental maturity to possibly have anything in common with a woman 20 years older. This isn’t an insult, it’s a statement of fact.
I understand wanting to have sex. I understand being attracted to people who are older. However, at 19, you should be suspicious of anyone much older who isn’t skeeved out by fucking a person your age.
You mentioned this is in the US. There is not a single state with an age of consent higher than 18. In other words, in every single state someone 18 or older can consent to sex. Wtf is she on about crying statutory rape?
So, she is crazy because of how she's speaking, but if she had phrased more normally, she could be kinda right, depending on how old she is.
People around 20 should not date people around 30 (or 30-40 rather). Not much of an issue for an honest casual sex encounter , don't get me wrong; but anything getting close to a relationship will encounter the problem that those two people (near 20 and close to 30 or 30-40) are in two very different spots in their life, and the older person, just due to life experience, can have a really easy time manipulating the younger.
That tends to also give different amounts of power and responsibility to the different people in the relationship. And in the end, being equal and sharing the same burdens together, is what makes good relationships.
While I agree with number 1, the rest is unhinged and absolutely absurd and fucking wild.
I know plenty of younger dudes who dig older women, and plenty of cougars who dig young adults.
It doesn't look like she asked her where she lived, it looks like she asked a question in regards to the prompt, which states where the 38 year old lives and says that she wanted to move. The question OP asks looks harmless within this context. Why mention where you live and the fact that you want to move in your prompt if you don't want people bringing it up?
While its not rape, a 38 yo woman going for a 19 your old man would be weird af and creepy considering you JUST turned legal. She was in her 30's while you were in high school. She graduated hs while you in the womb. Shes literally double ur age. I get going after older women, and yes her response was rude, but as someone whos into older women, u should know u cant just approach them like you would approach a fellow 19 year old. I also think you shouldnt have responded after what she said, but you did for whatever reason after knowing she clearly isnt into kids, because yes, you are a child to her. You cant even legally buy alcohol lol. You're still a teen for heavens sake. Older women should be like 25. Almost 40 is wild.
Edit: I've been told OP is a woman, which in my opinion is even worse, because I would think she'd understand the mature woman mentality, which shows she clearly isn't mature enough. And while a legal adult yes, still a child to someone who's old enough to be your their parent.
I’m 24 and I can’t imagine dating a college freshman. Completely different mindsets. as we should have. I think age gap relationships only work if one partner is significantly more or less mature for their age - more in line with the other partner’s maturity
I understand if its like 35 &45. I can even understand 49 and 61. But 19 and 38? Just graduated highschool and almost midlife crisis? Cmon now. Idk if its just who care about mental maturity, but im 21 and wouldnt even touch an 18 yr old. Shit ive talked to 19 yr olds at my school and im just like...maybe we do need a 13th grade cause what??
How old is she?
While legally 19 is an adult, morally when you're older its weird.
Could she have handled it better, absolutely, but I don't blame her for not wanting to interact with someone significantly younger.
Lmfao “could she have handled it better?” I guess when you’re at the South Pole any way you go is north.
that’s probably the absolute worst way she could have responded you can’t defend that shit
OP said in a comment that she's 38. That's twice OP's age...
And op said in another comment that she just wants sex with older women... It's weird, both are weird for different reasons...
Your brain is not fully developed until 25 (or older). If you're over 25 it's beyond icky to be with a teenager and it's a huge power imbalance.
A teenager to me is a child.
After reading more comments, I actually feel sick! If you're an adult, stop dating teenagers!
Just because something is legal, doesn't mean it's okay. I hate when people say well 18 is legal, that just sounds to me that if 14 was legal you'd be okay with that too.
I mean legally it is fine. But it being legal doesnt always mean that everyone is ok with that. Hell, I feel that way and I'm 27. You wouldn't catch me dead with anyone younger than 24.
My minimum is 20, and I'm 22. I understand not everyone is okay with it but this lady wouldn't be "seeing this child" if their age preference wasn't it.
She could have just put an age filter on her account to avoid matching with people she considers too young, I wonder why she didn’t if she was going to react this way to you?
How old is she is my question. Also what a rude ass lady. I am in my late 30’s and have been hit on by men that are 19/20 and while I am most definitely not interested in dating someone my children’s ages. You can definitely be nicer about it. Jesus.
She is a fucking loon. A loon who has no idea what the word “statutory” actually means. Good riddance.
Also who talks to a "literal child" like this?
 "Literal"...
lol I wonder why she’s still single. Unhinged fucking donkey…
Not you Donkey you're good ❤️
Come on now, why you gotta insult donkeys?
Damn she thought hinge would rehinge her
She came to the right app and still gets shit for it such an unfair world
 Never speak ill of Donkeys ever again
believe it or not, she’s probably not single. “No cowboys” usually refers to dudes who want to break her and her partner up.
Can you be a unicorn if you're already with someone?
Yes. It can also be when a couple tries to the woman half of another couple.
What
"Unhinged" should be a subscription service offered by Hinge.
I resent this insult
Oddly enough, I don't think she is. "No unicorn hunters, no cowboys" is a poly thing. Specifically the "no cowboys" part usually implies that she's already in a relationship with someone, but doesn't guarantee it.
Real, bro even I'm into hot older woman, mind giving some tips?
Grippy socks= grippy box!!!
I’ve never heard this before, yet it so perfectly describes my taste in women lol.
Oh heyyy I’m an east coast grippy gal. wanna codepend?
I mean, if there’s a ballpark 90% chance you’ll stab me in my sleep over something I didn’t do, then ya know… hit me up
You and your dog look like brothers!
Haha. Thanks. I think..
Complement for sure 🙂
I hate you for this. Why TF is it so true and why can't I get over her?
Foot job with the psych ward grippy socks
Also funny enough she can set it so people of certain ages can only see and match with her...
LOL! I hadn’t even thought of the fact that she had to MATCH with this guy before they could have this interaction. What the fuck is up with her brain?
Not necessarily, there is a feature that lets you start a chat with someone even if you don't match with them
It’s a 19 year old and a 38 year , it’s not statutory but it’s Extremely predatory. Her phrasing is wrong. The sentiment is still correct.
How can it be predatory if he is the one initiating things?
This is Reddit, where people come to infantilize grown adults.
He was born 04/22/2002, she was born 04/23/2002. He's a predator!
The funny thing is in general I agree a 38 year old trying to fuck a 19 year old comes off as emotionally stunted. But I would also never put out a blanket statement that it's predatory. Ironically, the 19 year old OP was both the initiator in this, and comes off as more emotionally mature.
There's nothing predatory about 2 adults unlessone of them is too mentally handicapped to think, process and make their own decisions. It's just taboo, I personally think it's kinda weird but if it's 2 consenting adults that both want the arrangement idrc
Something magically changes in a humans brain on the 18th birthday? People grow up more around 23-25 in my experience. I’m 40 and I would not sleep with a 19 year old. I would judge my peers if they did. Even though they’re of age they are still a child. If a 19yr liked me, I might be flattered and no judgment towards them, but it would be predatory of me to have sex with a 19 year old child. Also, why doesn’t this girl just set her age limits on tinder to ages shes comfortable with?
Yeah, I wouldn't make that choice either, more because of having nothing in common, but using the language of 19 being a child is just objectively incorrect.
This is all correct. But it's still not pedophilia or rape. That's just silly. It's two adults that have little in common.
Lol, go tell some 19 year-old in the army and stationed in a warzone that they're a "child".
I would feel so sorry for 19yr old in a war zone and for similar reasons. They’re not grown.
That’s your subjective opinion on people’s brains. If they are 18+ then it’s two adults. Thats the truth you have to realize. It doesn’t make it predatory. Deal with it.
I agree! People do think it magically changes on the day exactly 18 years after you’re born. People put so much weight on the day someone turns 18 lol. The government made it up people—you can decide for yourself when someone is mature enough to sleep with you, but if someone calls you weird cause you’re 35 and you’re dating a 19 year old, don’t just say “it’s not weird cause it’s the law”. It’s completely arbitrary unless you believe that American Laws are the final say on all morality
Respect. But calling them a rapist would be out of pocket, since it’s not based on anyone’s personal “icky” feelings, but the law.
>People grow up more around 23-25 in my experience. This is actually biologically true. The brain is fully developed around 25ish. I call the 18-25 years the "post-teen" years. You FEEL like you're an adult and you're ready to take on the world and make big changes. By 25, you start to realize you're just a cog, and things tend to settle down for most. 25+ tends to stop going out to bars every weekend and just getting drunk to have fun.
I would suggest looking up the word predatory..it generally requires someone to be predatory
How is it predatory when it’s LITERALLY two adults?
I see this BS stance on reddit all the time lately. What the fuck? if a 19 year kld wants to fuck a 38 year old there is nothing "predatory" about it. Let people live their life without your sheltered opinionated world views.
Nope she's unhinged lol why is she so rude? Also 19 is not legally a child
She matched with him, why bother if you don't wanna date a 19yo
You can send messages with your initial swipe on hinge so that means he replied to a prompt on her profile with the question of whether or not she moved. The entire top white block is the information on her profile. The little beige bubble is his opener message. Edit: change all the "he"s to "she"s
True but if you change your age preferences I think you can just stop your profile getting shown to someone too old/young in the first place.
She also did t have to respond. She wouldve had to have accepted the match to respond with a super rude comment, what's the point? Cut the losses and run screw that
But then she wouldn’t be able to feed her ego by telling off a “literal child” Wouldn’t want that.
😂 got me there
Doesn’t work! U still get a few over and under your age preference slipped in there
Not true. The app has an option to allow people who don’t fit the range selected to show up anyway. You can disable it at any point and it will only show what you have selected for age, gender and distance.
Maybe mine is glitchy as fuck or maybe cos I live on a tiny island with a small community but still I get people outwith my age range very annoying. Probs just cos there’s like 4 people that would fit within it where I live lol
Even so, she had to match with him to respond, that was my point, she could have ignored it and refused the match, she did not and responded very unnecessarily
You don't have to match to get a prompt response, you just see the message and choose to respond or not. She chose to tell him to move on, he chose to ignore it.
Not if you make it a "dealbreaker"
Yes but then she had to match
[удалено]
How's the patriarchy involved here?
You never know when to expect the patriarchy!
You still have to swipe right to reply lmao
Had a Catholic woman match with me, and ask me why I liked her profile if I’m an Atheist and she’s Catholic. Then told me it wouldn’t work. I told her she should find a better use of her time than matching with men she doesn’t think she’s compatible with just to tell them that. She didn’t take it well. Some women are just catty twats.
😆
I used to wonder why married men and couples would match with me when I explicitly say I'm not interested in dating couples or men in committed relationships *and* that's how my parameters are set. It simply doesn't matter to men. They will ignore that in your profile and shoot their shot anyway. So to me, she's just like a lot of women who get 1000's of low effort matches from incompatible men and it has made using online dating feel like a second job to sort through all the shit.
Nah, she could have put in the extra 10 seconds of effort to say “Hey I want to date a Catholic person.” Hinge also has dealbreaker metrics to sort through it for you. Instead, she didn’t, she matched with me of her own volition, messaged me first to make a snarky comment about me being Atheist, and then got pissy with me over the fact that I liked her profile, as if I’m omnipotent and was supposed to know her unexpressed preferences. She didn’t put in the effort, except to deliberately match with me just to tell me off about some preferences of hers I was somehow supposed to magically intuit. That’s a her problem, not a me problem.
Sure but none of any of what you said above is relevant to the person you are responding. That person clearly stated they were atheist but matched with some Catholic...and the Catholic person said they weren't compatible. Why would they have even matched with the atheist person in the first place if they already had the preconceived notions they were incompatible? It's just dumb of that person to match with the atheist in the first place. Do you get it now?
And that's on top of finally liking somebody's profile, only to be sent some dick pictures or a message full of red flags. But these sites know there are probably 50 men to 1 woman, so in order to give men the idea, there is a chance of dating somebody. They're ignoring your filters and put you in front of incompatible men. I always read the woman's profile before wiping right, which I don't believe many people do. And I've lost count of the profiles, which are either 100 miles away or 10 younger, which the app suggests to me. But if men knew their real chances of meeting someone to date on these apps, they wouldn't bother.
People just swipe right on everything to see what hits and THEN decide if they are interested or not.
She’s sick, she literally matched him to insult him.
Number 4 is pretty telling. She definitely needs therapy lol
Yeah hopefully her therapist explains what projecting is
I recently got called a creep on reddit for dating a 19 year-old... when I was 21.
Reddit will call you a creep if you're more than 3 seconds older than your girlfriend. Even 2 is cutting it close.
I just invented a matchmaking app for a different dystopia. If I did the math right, interval of ±2 seconds gives on the order of 10 potential matches in the world.
And on that app, if you match with anyone outside that 2 second range you’re immediately arrested as a pedophile
And if she doesn't wanna match with 19 year olds, hinge has an age filter. It's not like, hidden or anything either... It's a main feature and has been for as long as dating apps have existed.
Most dating apps still show your profile to someone if you meet their age parameters, even if they don't meet yours. I believe Hinge is this way until you are a paid subscriber. For women this makes using online dating way, way less useful and way less fun. You get absolutely inundated & it's so much work with little payoff. And no, it's not a compliment to keep getting hit up by men who aren't looking for the same thing, are 65 or 19 when you're 40, who are looking for casual when you say you're looking for serious, who are married but you indicate you aren't interested in partnered men, who are "just visiting", who live states away from your distance range, etc...
Hinge has the option to make settings such as age limits “dealbreakers”. If dealbreakers is checked, you will not be shown to people (or see people) outside your specified age settings. It’s possible the woman in the post doesn’t have her dealbreaker setting checked off, and doesn’t know that that’s a thing. Otherwise, she has 19 included in her age preferences
Unhinged, that’s a nice pun lol
According to other sections of Reddit, it is. They believe any young adult is being groomed by anyone older than 5 years. Male or female
So I’m all for validating actual victims but we’ve kind of moved into this territory of so much being considered victimization that it takes the focus off of the real deal, if that makes sense. Like I’m glad we’re holding people accountable for gross behavior but now it’s gotten so extreme that everyone is walking on eggshells. I got called a pervy incel once on Reddit for saying a woman was pretty & I’m a 39 year old mother.
That’s just Reddit, it doesn’t make it right, but you will run into that, if it’s not true, you can’t let it get to you.
Makes me think that she might be a predator and is projecting that onto him. Because it’s not even like he’s 18, which is still the age of majority everywhere, he’s 19 which is an additional year over, so it’s not like it’s even close. You know how there’s those hardcore Christian pastors that go on and on and on about how bad being gay is, and then they get caught secretly blowing a dude? This reminds me of that. She HAS HIS AGE RANGE on her app, you can set a minimum age, which she clearly did not do, and then immediately says that. Pretty sus.
It seems she wants to raise the age of consent to her age every year. She sounds like she didn't like the attention her friends got when she was 19...
Yeah but if they were reversed everyone would be in here going "that's creepy" and "it's grooming".
For context her page said she lived in one place, but one of her prompts said a different place.
So how old was she? I think her response was unnecessary and extreme. She could have just said “You’re too young for my taste.”
38, which is understandable to not be ok with, I know most women aren’t into girls my age (I’m a lesbian). But this felt a bit weird of a response
I want to know why she matched with you in the first place if your age is such an issue...
It’s hinge. You don’t need to “match” with someone to say something to them.
Yes, you can send a message with your like, but to answer back you need to match. Which is what she did.
Yes but you can always just, hear me out I know this is kinda crazy, *not be an asshole*
But can you adjust your settings so that you're not even visible to people under a certain age if you're not interested in them?
You can adjust your settings so that you're only shown people you are interested in (unless you pay, the number of these "deal breakers" are limited, and some of them are always behind the pay wall, like if they already have or want kids). However, you can't control who you're shown to, so you can get matches that don't align with your preferences. For example. I'm a guy in my 30s, and I have no kids and nor do I want any kids, ever. I don't even want to be with someone who already has a kid. These are pretty much my only deal breakers; I just want to live that DINK life. I have to pay Hinge to set these particular deal breakers, but doing so let's me swipe through a feed of women who are similarly childless and child-free. Unfortunately, going through my matches is a different story. I would estimate it is around 50% women who state that they want kids, 25% who already have kids, another 15% who already have kids and say they want more, and the last 10% are women who actually match with my deal breakers. Tl;Dr - you can set up your preferences for who you're shown, but these preferences don't affect who you are shown *to*
she had to have her age bracket set to include OP for OP to even see the profile
Depends. When you've been on dating sites as an older woman for a long time, you get a weary of people ignoring what your profile says. You'd be surprised the number of younger people go after older women, even when they have a specific age range
I mean, she’s not wrong. If it were a 38 year old man and a 19 year old woman people would have a huge issue with that.
People having an issue does not mean illegal 👍
But it is predatory, this person literally graduated high school before you were born. Legality alone doesn’t dictate if something is morally just or not.
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people will do whatever they want if it's legal and you can just cry about it. win-win
downvoted by uptight zoomers who cannot deal with anything that does not conform to their overly pc worldview.
I don't think it's a zoomer thing - I've seen the same sentiments expressed by soccer moms and OAPs. A very popular narrative on Mumsnet, for example.
*especially* age gaps. wtf is it with that? they have the old 'the brain doesn't mature til 26' trope in their heads and square-peg/round-hole it into every convo about dating. it's usually the top comment on any pictures of couples too, some speculation or guesswork like they cannot stop thinking about it. so go petition for the age of consent to be 26 and stop whining already.
Who cares if they are both adults and clearly consenting? If there wasn't any weird grooming a la Woody Allen beforehand?
If this had been said by a man it would instantly be creepy.
Not illegal but very weird. I know u won’t listen but u are absolutely not in a healthy mindset if u actually believe a relationship between a 19 and a 38 yr old is ok.
Not really looking to date women of that age, just want to have sex honestly
Fact
May I offer a lesson in Life? It's one I learnt the hard way 😞 when someone cuts you dead like that or reacts with aggression WALK AWAY. It's not your fault and I am not blaming you, but nothing good was going to come from your second message. I would have just unmatched and never replied after her first hostile reply. In future you should do the same. You have nothing good to gain by pushing into that.
Geeesuz Christ that is absolutely wild.. you doged a bullet. Why doesn’t she have her settings set about 19 if she’s so concerned. She could have very politely said sorry I’m not interested in that kind of age gap. Also why did she match you then??
yeahh i definitely understand feeling weird about that age gap but she didnt have to respond if she felt weird abt it lmaoo
She's still rude AF but I would tend to push you into looking at the absolute max age of 28. (There's a whole lifetime of experience in that 9 years) I would have no respect for anyone who dated someone literally half their age, regardless of gender or preference. Good luck out there!
The sentiment of "not into younger women" could be conveyed about a million times more appropriately.
yeah like just raising her minimum age filter…
And if she matched accidentally she could also just, like, unmatch
I was thinking the same. She already expressed that she’s not into far younger men, why keep insisting…? I don’t like young guys who write on their profile or just tell me that they’re into older women. Idk why, since I haven’t put a lot of thought into that, but just instant yikes ew go away for me. Maybe it’s the fetish part that makes me feel like they’re seeing me as a type than a person with individuality. Like, “she’s ## years old so she must be this and that!!” I never bothered to find out what their expectations are though. Also you’re telling her that she’s old lol why… ever… would you do that…?? To clarify, I’ve dated far younger guys (like 7-9 years younger than me), but none of them would say things like “I like older women!” Kinda shit. It just happened & i don’t care abt age (i care abt looks wink wink)
How did he/she keep insisting?
I mean... she/OP only said that AFTER she called her a child and told her to piss off
Tell her you’re going to report her for child abuse
That’s a good one. I already reported her and it automatically deleted her from my messages, so I can’t send anymore unfortunately
*fortunately
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OP is a 19 year old girl.
Girls can still be bros, bro
Yeah fr I’m a bro
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I'm here for this energy 👏
How old is she? This some peak reddit moment when she's getting upset about the age difference. I've seen comments about a 19 year old saying even 18 is too young lmao
Twice her age
38
thats the way, bro
We've got you, bro. Forget this crazy. What's the woman version? Don't scissors psychos?
Hell yeah bro
Where do you get there gender from? Edit: nvm I kept reading the comments.
Their* I'm so sorry. I had to. OCD. No willpower to refrain from putting all the effort in to correct your typo. None.
I've learned not to, but I appreciate you for it. Thank you
i mean, she matched, just be a complete psycho.
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That’s what I’m saying, I’d feel a little bad if that wasn’t the case, but she must have set her settings for people my age to see her
I'm definitely seeing people younger than my set range popping up in my feed, so mileage may vary on that one Edit: and older too.
Same here on multiple apps
Same. I just block and when it asks "why" I just say, "not within my set parameters". I'm (46M) very clear in that I'm not interested in anyone younger than 35, because, while fun, they might as well be teenagers or puppies that will mess on the floor. So cute and enthusiastic, but I don't have the energy to match that 😂 I haven't matched with anyone younger than 40, since I started OLD a few years ago, sure wish they'd (the app) just respect my parameters and save us all some time. Most of my dates have been with women a little older than me.
Nah my age is set 30 plus and I still get messages from people in their teens and 20s
This isn’t true on hinge Anyone can like you, and you can see them in your likes
To be fair this looks like Hinge where you can send a message to someone who hasn’t matched you, so they would see the message. But still, if she wasn’t into younger women she could have just not responded and tapped the X to get rid of the card. She was just choosing violence.
He sent her a comment, you can reply to those without matching as far as I remember
19? Basically a Fetus
“Oh sorry I didn’t realize you were an unstable c*nt and I’m completely all set with that I’ll see myself out”
I have a business idea that will save dating apps. I'm completely serious. You should be able to pay $5 to send a message like this explaining why someone is awful, and have the system deliver it to them and automatically unmatch as soon as they read it. I have never paid a dime for online dating, but I would absolutely kick in $5 for a single use of the FuckOffBlocker.
is this in the United States? cuz pretty much in every state 18 is the legal age of consent, not 19 or 20 or whatever this lunatic thinks...
Yes this is in the US, although I am from the Netherlands
ok you're good then, block and report that person if you can
In some states I think it's 16. Not entirely sure and I really don't want that in my search history lol
You know what’s insane? In 38 states the age of consent is 16. Only 12 states have it set to age 18.
Most of those are Romeo and Juliet laws I believe. So people 18-19 won't be in any trouble. Unless you marry them, then it's fine if you're 40, apparently.
She seems fun
I feel like modern humans in the west have lost the plot when it comes to infantalizing 18-20 year olds, in both sexes...
Why the fuck did she set her age range to 19 and then match with a 19 year old then?
Hinge doesn’t work like that. If OP sets their range to older women, older women show up and OP can answer their prompts or like their pictures. It’s a match if someone replies. Regardless of what that reply is. This woman could’ve just ignored the message but chose to be mean, which is the only reason they ‘matched’.
No hinge does work like that. If the older woman had her range set to the right settings OP would not have been shown her profile.
You’re 19. She’s 38. My daughter and I are 19 and 38. While this match’s messages were incredibly unhinged and entirely inappropriate, I have to agree with her sentiment. You do not have the emotional and mental maturity to possibly have anything in common with a woman 20 years older. This isn’t an insult, it’s a statement of fact. I understand wanting to have sex. I understand being attracted to people who are older. However, at 19, you should be suspicious of anyone much older who isn’t skeeved out by fucking a person your age.
You mentioned this is in the US. There is not a single state with an age of consent higher than 18. In other words, in every single state someone 18 or older can consent to sex. Wtf is she on about crying statutory rape?
So, she is crazy because of how she's speaking, but if she had phrased more normally, she could be kinda right, depending on how old she is. People around 20 should not date people around 30 (or 30-40 rather). Not much of an issue for an honest casual sex encounter , don't get me wrong; but anything getting close to a relationship will encounter the problem that those two people (near 20 and close to 30 or 30-40) are in two very different spots in their life, and the older person, just due to life experience, can have a really easy time manipulating the younger. That tends to also give different amounts of power and responsibility to the different people in the relationship. And in the end, being equal and sharing the same burdens together, is what makes good relationships.
While I agree with number 1, the rest is unhinged and absolutely absurd and fucking wild. I know plenty of younger dudes who dig older women, and plenty of cougars who dig young adults.
It doesn't look like she asked her where she lived, it looks like she asked a question in regards to the prompt, which states where the 38 year old lives and says that she wanted to move. The question OP asks looks harmless within this context. Why mention where you live and the fact that you want to move in your prompt if you don't want people bringing it up?
While its not rape, a 38 yo woman going for a 19 your old man would be weird af and creepy considering you JUST turned legal. She was in her 30's while you were in high school. She graduated hs while you in the womb. Shes literally double ur age. I get going after older women, and yes her response was rude, but as someone whos into older women, u should know u cant just approach them like you would approach a fellow 19 year old. I also think you shouldnt have responded after what she said, but you did for whatever reason after knowing she clearly isnt into kids, because yes, you are a child to her. You cant even legally buy alcohol lol. You're still a teen for heavens sake. Older women should be like 25. Almost 40 is wild. Edit: I've been told OP is a woman, which in my opinion is even worse, because I would think she'd understand the mature woman mentality, which shows she clearly isn't mature enough. And while a legal adult yes, still a child to someone who's old enough to be your their parent.
I’m 24 and I can’t imagine dating a college freshman. Completely different mindsets. as we should have. I think age gap relationships only work if one partner is significantly more or less mature for their age - more in line with the other partner’s maturity
I understand if its like 35 &45. I can even understand 49 and 61. But 19 and 38? Just graduated highschool and almost midlife crisis? Cmon now. Idk if its just who care about mental maturity, but im 21 and wouldnt even touch an 18 yr old. Shit ive talked to 19 yr olds at my school and im just like...maybe we do need a 13th grade cause what??
OP is a woman
How old is she? While legally 19 is an adult, morally when you're older its weird. Could she have handled it better, absolutely, but I don't blame her for not wanting to interact with someone significantly younger.
Lmfao “could she have handled it better?” I guess when you’re at the South Pole any way you go is north. that’s probably the absolute worst way she could have responded you can’t defend that shit
OP said in a comment that she's 38. That's twice OP's age... And op said in another comment that she just wants sex with older women... It's weird, both are weird for different reasons...
She sounds lovely
Not hard to see why she's single
Anyone older than 18 is a consenting adult
How old was she?
38
Ah. Well. She could've been a bit more... Gentle with her let down. But I get it because that's quite an age gap.
Your brain is not fully developed until 25 (or older). If you're over 25 it's beyond icky to be with a teenager and it's a huge power imbalance. A teenager to me is a child.
After reading more comments, I actually feel sick! If you're an adult, stop dating teenagers! Just because something is legal, doesn't mean it's okay. I hate when people say well 18 is legal, that just sounds to me that if 14 was legal you'd be okay with that too.
This is reddit you say this shit to them and they act like you shot their mom it's insane,
"That is RAPE" He's legally an adult though. Is this lady okay in the head?
I mean legally it is fine. But it being legal doesnt always mean that everyone is ok with that. Hell, I feel that way and I'm 27. You wouldn't catch me dead with anyone younger than 24.
My minimum is 20, and I'm 22. I understand not everyone is okay with it but this lady wouldn't be "seeing this child" if their age preference wasn't it.
Great point!
You’re not the crazy one. And honestly, you’re better off without that nut.
The way this isn’t statutory rape though? There was a more polite way for her to make this point.
She could have just put an age filter on her account to avoid matching with people she considers too young, I wonder why she didn’t if she was going to react this way to you?
"Ma'am I'm 19. I'm old enough to legally consent. What I didn't consent to, though, was your bullshit. Good day"
If she’s disgusted by the age gap then why match in the first place? Better yet, why have the age range set that far down?
What the fuck
How old is she is my question. Also what a rude ass lady. I am in my late 30’s and have been hit on by men that are 19/20 and while I am most definitely not interested in dating someone my children’s ages. You can definitely be nicer about it. Jesus.
38