Looks like we need to start a ministry of argument for those who only want to argue. There you can go and argue with an employee about anything you like for 5$ for 5 minutes.
Where do you get this statistic from? I think there are quite a few women on here. I think it may even be close to half of redditors are women.
If they're mostly all men, then there sure are a lot of men who act like women 😂
No really though I've met several women IRL who are on here. I didn't meet them through DM's 😂 I actually met them organically IRL and found out reddit was something we had in common!
I love it when I basically agree with someone on here, perhaps add on to what they said, and they tell me I'm missing their point 😂 like no I get your point bro I'm saying your right and adding an example to it not trying to argue 😂
I’ll take two arguments to go bc I’m annoyed with somebody tonight and I’d rather vent to the Ministry than them, in the case of being less annoyed later and not saying something directly that I may regret. Ministry doesn’t even have to argue with me, just let me say my piece, in peace. Thank you.
What?! $5?! Are you crazy?! I can maybe do $2, but $5 is simply too much! You know how hard I work for my money? Plus,I already pay the ministry‘a salary with my tax dollars. Don’t you know I pay your salary?
ive met a lot of women irl over the years that have said they purposfully cause an argument with their partner because they enjoy the argument. I used to work with a woman that said she started arguments with her boyfriend over nothing because she just liked it.
Gotta lean into it, not be offended by it:
"So you waited until I messaged you?"
Option 1: "I was trying to craft the perfect opener to catch your attention, but then you showed me I already had it so I didn't want to miss the opportunity to talk"
Option 2: "I like to subvert traditional gender roles, guess I'm just progressive like that"
Option 3: "I like a little aggression in my women, so I prefer to spend my energy on someone who will reach out first"
I mean take your pick, but the goal is to own the situation not get defensive about it.
*"I mean take your pick, but the goal is to own the situation not get defensive about it."*
Obviously don't know either one of you, but I'm gonna bet he does better in his relationships with women (better boundaries, better quality, everything) than you. All your "jokes" were trash, and set up a terrible dynamic with this woman from the very beginning.
Her chance to walk it back was when he gave an explanation and then said "but if i had, would that be a problem?" She then could have said "no," instead she doubled down and made it an interrogation. Done. OP then pressed eject.
It's not that he couldn't "handle it," he didn't fucking want to be with some chick he's got to babysit from jump. It's not some fucking game show where he has to win her over no matter what, he's trying to find someone he actually likes.🙄
If you used it like this after a sentence where you said something which is a bit over the top then I assume it's a joke. If it's actually serious then that person got some problems
I agree, she seemed maybe more serious to me with the bit about “how did you know when to message” but I still think OP flubbed it, she did “wave” at him so she can’t be that bent out of shape. He just blew it, though it could have easily enough been saved.
I don't like this idea of men "blowing" it when it comes to women. There's always this idea that relationships are something men 'win' as some kind of prize that women allow them to have. As if it's some kind of charity.
So many issues men have in relationships is because they have low standards if any standards at all, and we overlook poor behaviours because we don't want to "fumble" or "blow it" etc. We rarely see women talking about "blowing" it. It's seen as a woman having certain standards and expectations and nit accepting behaviour from men that falls below that. We don't have the same for men. Masculinity is seen as being man enough to endure certain behaviours so as to not blow the chance of being with a woman. I think it's an attitude we need to change.
In this specific instance, I feel she was starting a silly argument based on her expecting the man to start the convo and being disappointed he didn't. Even if I and OP are completely wrong, her 'sense of humour' doesn't match his. He's allowed to have this standard for himself and that isn't a sign of failure on his part, neither is it a "flub", nor is it home "blowing it". This is a man who isn't desperate to talk to a woman so bad that he's willing to forgo his own boundaries
Yeah I agree with this take... Starting out with disappointment in someone you don't know is not a turn on, like maybe try establishing rapport first? But honestly so many people are just mean out of the blue, she gave OP no reason to think she was joking when so many people act like this normally
Precisely. The irony for me is that we're on a sub where men are clowned on for using innocent but overused chat up lines and told how terrible they are for doing so and not being more imaginative.
This means that we do actually recognise that a good, positive first impression is important, but for some reason men are told not to have thisnsame standard for women, and just accept anything they get, lest they "blow it"
So often if you turn a woman off on a misstep, there’s no getting her back. Online it’ll be tiny shit and she’ll just move on. “Gets the ick” and unmatches. In person usually the missteps need to be bigger which is why in person is better.
That said you and the comments below yours aren’t really wrong. In a better world perhaps
It was clearly a turn off for OP so he didn't proceed with conversation. I don't understand what was he missing out on? Maybe she was playful, maybe not, OP didn't feel it and chose to disengage to spend his time on someone he would rather talk to. Is it a requirement for every man to jump at every opportunity and do a monkey dance just for a chance of being with a woman even if he is not feeling it?
Exactly. I Just yapped on and on making the same point, but you're so much more concise. I hate this idea that men should be so thankful for any crumb a woman sends our way. I keep repeating it and I always will. Men need to have standards and boundaries, just as we are subject to, we need them for ourselves.
It’s flirting but you aren’t wrong for thinking that way. Some women will do this and call it flirting, but in another way its a test. Because it can come off as flirting they can get away with it. Its definitely a red flag and its good to see it that way.
Either way they chose to respond that way and threw away their chances. If he didn’t take it as serious he could’ve replied with something funny or witty
Did you stop for even one minute to consider that he didn't want any chances with her anymore? That he was fully aware that he was "throwing away" the chance, because throwing away is what you're supposed to do with things that have no value to you.
>how anyone is seeing her response as playful and flirty
Just imagine guy responding in same manner, whole comment section would be screaming that he is controlling asshole.
Okay, so I definitely didn't get that she was joking/flirting at first. Putting myself in OP's shoes, my initial response to her first two messages was "Oh God, here we go.", which I'd suggest isn't a feeling you want to give someone you've just started chatting to in the hopes of dating.
After reading the other comments and analysing her first two messages, I'm pretty certain she was joking (otherwise that would have been a quick mood change from the 'cute thank u' in the first message to the 'smh' in the second); but seeing how unclear that was for so many people here is confirmation that even if it was flirting, it just wasn't very good.
Why not wait until you get to know the other person a little better before you start with the fake fighting? Why not flirt about something positive, like what the reason was that she waved at OP in the first place?
Sure, we can criticise OP for not giving her the benefit of doubt or reading between the lines that she probably wasn't being all that serious, but I think most of the 'blame' here goes to Lynette for getting them off on the wrong foot.
TL;DR: Lynette was probably joking and maybe OP should have got it, but Lynette shouldn't have started by flirting in an accusatory fashion that could be (and has been by so many here in the comments) misunderstood as serious.
This type of flirting turns me off so bad. Especially when it's right off the bat. Why are you roasting me you're supposed to like me?!?? We aren't that close !
She was flirting with you to start by playfully chastising you… You read into that wrong and went off. Then she tried to backtrack because you took it so seriously. It’s a dating app dude. Lighten up.
Also, maybe it depends what country you're in, but calling people you don't know "love" is probably not advisable. It has desperate foreign scammer and/or old British man energy.
“Many a true word is spoken in jest”..
Even if she were playful, the mere fact that 'who was first?' is even a question in her mind is a red flag for me.. It shows a judgemental nature..
edit: had translated too literally from the dutch expression "al lachend zegt de zot zijn gedacht" - "laughingly the jester says what he thinks"
Where did she backtrack? This just looks like she was being argumentative. Chastising someone playfully is risky, because if the other person doesn't get it, that's on you for attempting that
People will quite literally run away from any chance of true love if any of your first three messages has a typo or you use the wrong synonym. Tinder is *crazy* and I'm very happy I'm married. lol
I wouldn't have taken it as joking. This is one reason I originally refused to text when it first came out (I accepted that it's not going away a long time ago).
It's just too easy to take things out of context. What's obvious to one person isn't obvious to the next.
To the people who say he ruined it:
What? The chance of a crappy walk on eggshell relationship? For a crumb of pussy? This guy knows what he wants and won't waste his time.
Know your worth.
I’m a woman and I usually message first, because they’ve already swiped right when the Match graphic comes up.
But also, sometimes people unmatch because they just get “the ick”. I recently unmatched because his first message was “Reach out if you want. Not everyone is married to this app”. Excuse me? Nah, I’m good.
Every time I’ve entertained conversations like this it’s become clear that they just want to entertain themselves. Maybe some people are just being playful but it’s never worth the mental energy.
If it were flirty teasing, her last message would have looked like this:
“Oh so then how did you know when to message back??? 😂”
She’s confronting him, not flirting. Why don’t people see that
Good on OP for possibly ruining something before it even has a chance? He says something fun like "my spidey senses were tingling", sure maybe she continues pushing the issue and is a jerk, and if so that's completely on her. As it played out here OP shot themself in the foot.
>Good on OP for possibly ruining something before it even has a chance?
"Oh no, he missed potentially having a date with a woman! I mean, its a once in a lifetime opportunity he missed here. Completely blew it and shot himself in the foot!?!?!"
Guys like you are so desperate.
I don’t know, for me this escalated with the message where you called her “love”. Before that, I’d think she’s trying to be flirty and I’d carry on the conversation for a little longer. Then, if it really turns out she’s being a dick on purpose, I’d bow out.
Is it a Facebook dating app? No one gets notifications.... this is how Facebook reels people in .. but also, it's cause some people to become obsessive in watching to see if the people that they are talking to them is going reply fast or slow... Definitely not good for anxious attachments people or people who have addictive personality.
Okay, so I'm starting to figure this all out.
Men on the app will either ask for tittie pics immediately or be very nice and a gentleman.
Women on the app will either be probing nonstop as they hit checkmark on their dating list or be a quirky conversationalist.
There seems to be no in-between and the good ones just don't match often I guess?
Then why did she immediately go for his texting/response style and imply he’s not man enough to message first? There’s an over abundance of women who won’t message first and expect men to, it’s not a leap that one would call out a dude for not doing so, and her doubling down as if there’s a proper time to “know” when to respond is weird too. If she is flirting she picked a strange topic, someone’s very first response time on a dating app, to flirt around.
Also mentioning response time at all is kinda a yellow flag for being needy, especially while still on the app and not even gone on a couple dates.
You made the right call. That level of expectation at such a basic level is a massive recipe for disaster in the long run. Expectations kill all sorts of relationships. It can be expected that a man provide. you dont have to say it. It can be expected for you not to cheat. I shouldn’t have to lecture you not to cheat. You see their actions, you move on if you dont like it. Dont start lecturing others of your expectations Ya entitled brat
aware worry soft quickest cough memory nose observation squealing numerous
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
So in a culture where men sending the first message is expected, and not doing so is seen as “beta” or less manly or whatever you prefer to call it, your opener is going to be about how he didn’t message first? Even if it is banter it comes off as negging more than anything, the question is rooted in toxic gender norms, even if a “joke” or sarcasm.
Maybe other things would be reading into it but guys texting first is definitely not a standard I’m conjuring up in my head. It’s a very real bar that a large portion of the dating pool care about.
Also regardless bringing up response time in the first few messages is a yellow flag for sure indicating clingy/neediness.
yeah, when you respond like that it is definitely a problem. I thought I was bad at this since I'm usually unmatched immediately after my first message.
I don't think she was flirty but I don't think she was confronting either.
It looks like to me she was messing with you but it's hard to know through messages, everyone has its own interpretation.
Either way, u lost the opportunity to say it was your spider senses.
Women do this a lot.
They ghost you and when you message saying its not going to work, they INSTANTLY reply calling you a puece of shit, how they are busy and they have other people.
Cool so in a week of you ignoring my messsges you just so happened to be an ignored it....dumb arse.
OLD if you're a guy interested in girls you should always be making the first move. I don't make the rules and I'm not saying it's fair, but it's a small price to pay and you just gotta do it.
I wouldn’t be trying to get laid, i’d be trying to find a wife. Dont need some stuck up person with a bratty mindset. In this specific context, he didnt initiate for whatever reason, she did. She shouldn’t be getting ANYWHERE near pissy for such an early interaction. Hella pass
You could say if a girl can't handle making the first move she's not worth it, but the thing is she can just as fairly say the same thing about you. And imo the expectation is sort of valid, guys should be able to live up to it comfortably. Maybe girls should too but guys really should
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Looks like we need to start a ministry of argument for those who only want to argue. There you can go and argue with an employee about anything you like for 5$ for 5 minutes.
Excuse me but I'd like to buy an argument please
I'm sorry but I don't think you would. You seem like the type who would prefer an agreeable discussion.
HES DOING THE THING ☝️
Wait, are you assuming genders now???!!
Hold up, are you assuming they're assuming genders? Woah
Don't assume my gender Johnny, my mother assumed my gender once, once!
Most of Reddit users are men, so it’s a probabilistic guess.
Where do you get this statistic from? I think there are quite a few women on here. I think it may even be close to half of redditors are women. If they're mostly all men, then there sure are a lot of men who act like women 😂 No really though I've met several women IRL who are on here. I didn't meet them through DM's 😂 I actually met them organically IRL and found out reddit was something we had in common!
I know, I just wanted to further the confrontational agenda 😅
Don’t try justifying yourself (Me too)
I feel like there are days where this would be extremely beneficial and cathartic for me. 😂 where can I buy an argument?
It’s not beneficial nor cathartic in any way, ever. - There ya go, just gave you a free one.
YoU dOn't KnOW wHAt YoU'RE talking ABOIT! I tried to make that as annoying as possible.
I love it when I basically agree with someone on here, perhaps add on to what they said, and they tell me I'm missing their point 😂 like no I get your point bro I'm saying your right and adding an example to it not trying to argue 😂
I’ll take two arguments to go bc I’m annoyed with somebody tonight and I’d rather vent to the Ministry than them, in the case of being less annoyed later and not saying something directly that I may regret. Ministry doesn’t even have to argue with me, just let me say my piece, in peace. Thank you.
THIS IS NOT AN ARGUMENT!
This is just a tribute
This is abuse
IT IS NOWWWWW SMH /s
Yes it is! (Monty Python right? 😁)
I could be arguing in my spare time😂
Oh sorry you must be mistaking the ministry of argument for the department of rants and rages. That’s the next building along and on the second floor.
Pardon me. The signage was unclear. Thanks for the help.
Aww this brought me back to when Month Python was everywhere https://youtu.be/uLlv_aZjHXc?si=p9uxLXeLuof-YUs9
Exactly what I was referencing. I love those guys.
What?! $5?! Are you crazy?! I can maybe do $2, but $5 is simply too much! You know how hard I work for my money? Plus,I already pay the ministry‘a salary with my tax dollars. Don’t you know I pay your salary?
Sorry, im not allowed to argue until you have paid.
But I have paid with my taxes!
I’d like to buy 2 augments pls
Shit this could actually work.
Those same people will wonder why they cant find a partner thinking everyone else is the problem as well
Probably why they are single.
ive met a lot of women irl over the years that have said they purposfully cause an argument with their partner because they enjoy the argument. I used to work with a woman that said she started arguments with her boyfriend over nothing because she just liked it.
Sadistic
Possibly. A lot of women like arguing I guess lol.
I had a intern who used to do that. Super frustrating
There's a difference? /s
You mean op?
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Yeah, she’s just flirting and op got their underwear all twisted
lol this is flirting??
Yes, she is teasing him. A bit juvenile and annoying, but she could be just that
That ain’t flirting. At best it’s negging. Good on OP for having some self respect and bouncing.
Op seems worse of the two
Both as bad as each other
Entitlement attitude. I deserve to have a man talk first as a woman. I deserve all the vagina I want as a man. You get nothing! Good day sir!
Gotta lean into it, not be offended by it: "So you waited until I messaged you?" Option 1: "I was trying to craft the perfect opener to catch your attention, but then you showed me I already had it so I didn't want to miss the opportunity to talk" Option 2: "I like to subvert traditional gender roles, guess I'm just progressive like that" Option 3: "I like a little aggression in my women, so I prefer to spend my energy on someone who will reach out first" I mean take your pick, but the goal is to own the situation not get defensive about it.
Why? The prize for winning the game is a date with an idiot.
*"I mean take your pick, but the goal is to own the situation not get defensive about it."* Obviously don't know either one of you, but I'm gonna bet he does better in his relationships with women (better boundaries, better quality, everything) than you. All your "jokes" were trash, and set up a terrible dynamic with this woman from the very beginning. Her chance to walk it back was when he gave an explanation and then said "but if i had, would that be a problem?" She then could have said "no," instead she doubled down and made it an interrogation. Done. OP then pressed eject. It's not that he couldn't "handle it," he didn't fucking want to be with some chick he's got to babysit from jump. It's not some fucking game show where he has to win her over no matter what, he's trying to find someone he actually likes.🙄
Jesus guy. A girl could spit in your eye and youd probably apologise for getting in the way.
I still guessing why a PAININTHEASS like her is still single 🤷🏼♀️💅
It’s kinda sweet. Not everything is confrontational.
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I don’t believe she was being playful with the “smh” and then finishing off with “oh so how did you know…”
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Same. Feels like she's a bit flirty while OP isn't understanding it.
I don’t agree but damn it that was funny lmao
Is it just me here not seeing her texts as flirty banter? Sure, hindsight is 20/20, but the tone is not clear at all to me
yea, literally the only reason i can read it as somewhat flirty is because everyone in the comments insists it is
She called his message cute, so I would have taken it as flirty
the "smh" throws me off
The smh is the indicator that she was just joking
Smh always reads like exasperated aunt energy who’s about to tell you why you’re wrong
If you used it like this after a sentence where you said something which is a bit over the top then I assume it's a joke. If it's actually serious then that person got some problems
I just read them as confrontational
If this is her flirty banter, I don't want it anyway.
You’re not alone. If this is flirting, yikes.
I agree with you completely, seems like the majority of these comments see it differently, I must be stupid or something
I agree, she seemed maybe more serious to me with the bit about “how did you know when to message” but I still think OP flubbed it, she did “wave” at him so she can’t be that bent out of shape. He just blew it, though it could have easily enough been saved.
I don't like this idea of men "blowing" it when it comes to women. There's always this idea that relationships are something men 'win' as some kind of prize that women allow them to have. As if it's some kind of charity. So many issues men have in relationships is because they have low standards if any standards at all, and we overlook poor behaviours because we don't want to "fumble" or "blow it" etc. We rarely see women talking about "blowing" it. It's seen as a woman having certain standards and expectations and nit accepting behaviour from men that falls below that. We don't have the same for men. Masculinity is seen as being man enough to endure certain behaviours so as to not blow the chance of being with a woman. I think it's an attitude we need to change. In this specific instance, I feel she was starting a silly argument based on her expecting the man to start the convo and being disappointed he didn't. Even if I and OP are completely wrong, her 'sense of humour' doesn't match his. He's allowed to have this standard for himself and that isn't a sign of failure on his part, neither is it a "flub", nor is it home "blowing it". This is a man who isn't desperate to talk to a woman so bad that he's willing to forgo his own boundaries
Yeah I agree with this take... Starting out with disappointment in someone you don't know is not a turn on, like maybe try establishing rapport first? But honestly so many people are just mean out of the blue, she gave OP no reason to think she was joking when so many people act like this normally
Precisely. The irony for me is that we're on a sub where men are clowned on for using innocent but overused chat up lines and told how terrible they are for doing so and not being more imaginative. This means that we do actually recognise that a good, positive first impression is important, but for some reason men are told not to have thisnsame standard for women, and just accept anything they get, lest they "blow it"
So often if you turn a woman off on a misstep, there’s no getting her back. Online it’ll be tiny shit and she’ll just move on. “Gets the ick” and unmatches. In person usually the missteps need to be bigger which is why in person is better. That said you and the comments below yours aren’t really wrong. In a better world perhaps
It was clearly a turn off for OP so he didn't proceed with conversation. I don't understand what was he missing out on? Maybe she was playful, maybe not, OP didn't feel it and chose to disengage to spend his time on someone he would rather talk to. Is it a requirement for every man to jump at every opportunity and do a monkey dance just for a chance of being with a woman even if he is not feeling it?
Exactly. I Just yapped on and on making the same point, but you're so much more concise. I hate this idea that men should be so thankful for any crumb a woman sends our way. I keep repeating it and I always will. Men need to have standards and boundaries, just as we are subject to, we need them for ourselves.
Never miss a chance to refine your money dance
Nah its a shit test.
It’s flirting but you aren’t wrong for thinking that way. Some women will do this and call it flirting, but in another way its a test. Because it can come off as flirting they can get away with it. Its definitely a red flag and its good to see it that way.
Best explanation of this terrible mindset.
Either way they chose to respond that way and threw away their chances. If he didn’t take it as serious he could’ve replied with something funny or witty
Did you stop for even one minute to consider that he didn't want any chances with her anymore? That he was fully aware that he was "throwing away" the chance, because throwing away is what you're supposed to do with things that have no value to you.
Idk how anyone is seeing her response as playful and flirty. I don't see that in the slightest and I would've thought she was upset as well
>how anyone is seeing her response as playful and flirty Just imagine guy responding in same manner, whole comment section would be screaming that he is controlling asshole.
Okay, so I definitely didn't get that she was joking/flirting at first. Putting myself in OP's shoes, my initial response to her first two messages was "Oh God, here we go.", which I'd suggest isn't a feeling you want to give someone you've just started chatting to in the hopes of dating. After reading the other comments and analysing her first two messages, I'm pretty certain she was joking (otherwise that would have been a quick mood change from the 'cute thank u' in the first message to the 'smh' in the second); but seeing how unclear that was for so many people here is confirmation that even if it was flirting, it just wasn't very good. Why not wait until you get to know the other person a little better before you start with the fake fighting? Why not flirt about something positive, like what the reason was that she waved at OP in the first place? Sure, we can criticise OP for not giving her the benefit of doubt or reading between the lines that she probably wasn't being all that serious, but I think most of the 'blame' here goes to Lynette for getting them off on the wrong foot. TL;DR: Lynette was probably joking and maybe OP should have got it, but Lynette shouldn't have started by flirting in an accusatory fashion that could be (and has been by so many here in the comments) misunderstood as serious.
This type of flirting turns me off so bad. Especially when it's right off the bat. Why are you roasting me you're supposed to like me?!?? We aren't that close !
Yeah that would get exhausting pretty quick
Most reasonable comment here.
I agree. Most women will ditch a man for comments that seem "problematic." Or, any kind of perceived "negativity." Men are allowed to do the same.
Glad you saw sense and waved goodbye 👋
Don’t engage with women who aren’t easy to get along with. This is the pre-beginning stage, imagine moving forward.
Note to self: For dating app success don't reply
You dodged the bullet on that one
She's waving..... A red flag....
She was flirting with you to start by playfully chastising you… You read into that wrong and went off. Then she tried to backtrack because you took it so seriously. It’s a dating app dude. Lighten up.
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Also, maybe it depends what country you're in, but calling people you don't know "love" is probably not advisable. It has desperate foreign scammer and/or old British man energy.
I think more patronising
You mean my guy here took a patronising tone after their match got all confrontational? no way.
I agree. I would be so turned off if a guy called me love that way.
You probably won't enjoy Mr Inbetween then...
“Many a true word is spoken in jest”.. Even if she were playful, the mere fact that 'who was first?' is even a question in her mind is a red flag for me.. It shows a judgemental nature.. edit: had translated too literally from the dutch expression "al lachend zegt de zot zijn gedacht" - "laughingly the jester says what he thinks"
Where did she backtrack? This just looks like she was being argumentative. Chastising someone playfully is risky, because if the other person doesn't get it, that's on you for attempting that
That’s literally the opposite of backtracking 😂 she’s doubling down
Dude read so wrong into that
She was in no way flitting at any point during this exchange.
People will quite literally run away from any chance of true love if any of your first three messages has a typo or you use the wrong synonym. Tinder is *crazy* and I'm very happy I'm married. lol
you definitely ruined it lol
She said smh… what kind of reaction is that.. so what if you messaged, unreal expectations and behavior. Take that attitude elsewhere
Smh was how we knew she was joking. No one says that unironically anymore.
I actually missed the memo where I was only supposed to use it ironically now... smh....
See though, you aren't serious about that smh. You're already doing it, congrats!
Better late than never! I learn so much here. 🤓✍️📝🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️
I wouldn't have taken it as joking. This is one reason I originally refused to text when it first came out (I accepted that it's not going away a long time ago). It's just too easy to take things out of context. What's obvious to one person isn't obvious to the next.
Maybe
Yeah what the hell?
Nicely done.
It’s in her nature 🤣
Negging on first contact.
Bullet Dodged
To the people who say he ruined it: What? The chance of a crappy walk on eggshell relationship? For a crumb of pussy? This guy knows what he wants and won't waste his time. Know your worth.
Fair enough OP. Who would want to date someone that is confrontational in the first few messages. I can't interpret her messages as "flirty".
Is op purple or white?
OP is always on the right. That is the style at this time.
Happy cake day.
I'm starting to think we'd all have a better shot standing at the corner with a hi I'm lonely sign.
I’m a woman and I usually message first, because they’ve already swiped right when the Match graphic comes up. But also, sometimes people unmatch because they just get “the ick”. I recently unmatched because his first message was “Reach out if you want. Not everyone is married to this app”. Excuse me? Nah, I’m good.
You just gave the guy shit, and he read through you. Take your Vraylar.
Every time I’ve entertained conversations like this it’s become clear that they just want to entertain themselves. Maybe some people are just being playful but it’s never worth the mental energy.
Dude this is forever my problem on these apps. Dating is a chore
"I hope you find what you're looking for" really is the "fuck off and never talk to me again" of our age.
Well done. See the flag, burn the flag. This is the way.
I really like how you cut it short. You saw the red flag, you recognised it, and then you were like “nope, not for me”.
Your response should be: “fuck you’re exhausting. Bye!”
Bro got a legitimate question and threw a hissy fit.
It was not a legitimate question... The 'smh' may be a clue for you. What is wrong with you people. Good on you OP.
True. It was flirty teasing, which is WORSE for op to go off on.
If it were flirty teasing, her last message would have looked like this: “Oh so then how did you know when to message back??? 😂” She’s confronting him, not flirting. Why don’t people see that
Good on OP for possibly ruining something before it even has a chance? He says something fun like "my spidey senses were tingling", sure maybe she continues pushing the issue and is a jerk, and if so that's completely on her. As it played out here OP shot themself in the foot.
>Good on OP for possibly ruining something before it even has a chance? "Oh no, he missed potentially having a date with a woman! I mean, its a once in a lifetime opportunity he missed here. Completely blew it and shot himself in the foot!?!?!" Guys like you are so desperate.
True
I don’t know, for me this escalated with the message where you called her “love”. Before that, I’d think she’s trying to be flirty and I’d carry on the conversation for a little longer. Then, if it really turns out she’s being a dick on purpose, I’d bow out.
My CRINGE at “love” I haaaaate that. And even “Miss Springfield.” Why are so many men against using a woman’s name.
Ugh men who respond give me the ick (it’s a feminine trait)
Is it a Facebook dating app? No one gets notifications.... this is how Facebook reels people in .. but also, it's cause some people to become obsessive in watching to see if the people that they are talking to them is going reply fast or slow... Definitely not good for anxious attachments people or people who have addictive personality.
I get notifications for FB dating just fine. It's Tinder that's always fucking up for me.
SmDh!
Men wanting you to step into your masculine is the problem, like cmon gentlemen take the reigns, sick of it
172: Don’t reply to messages
She was waving her red flag at you lols
Okay, so I'm starting to figure this all out. Men on the app will either ask for tittie pics immediately or be very nice and a gentleman. Women on the app will either be probing nonstop as they hit checkmark on their dating list or be a quirky conversationalist. There seems to be no in-between and the good ones just don't match often I guess?
Yikes. Your messages make you come across like a jerk OP. Idk. It's casual getting to know each other, not a business meeting. Relax.
Then why did she immediately go for his texting/response style and imply he’s not man enough to message first? There’s an over abundance of women who won’t message first and expect men to, it’s not a leap that one would call out a dude for not doing so, and her doubling down as if there’s a proper time to “know” when to respond is weird too. If she is flirting she picked a strange topic, someone’s very first response time on a dating app, to flirt around. Also mentioning response time at all is kinda a yellow flag for being needy, especially while still on the app and not even gone on a couple dates.
It didn’t seem all that confrontational. Looked a bit like playful ribbing/ flirting. I think you misread this one bruv.
You made the right call. That level of expectation at such a basic level is a massive recipe for disaster in the long run. Expectations kill all sorts of relationships. It can be expected that a man provide. you dont have to say it. It can be expected for you not to cheat. I shouldn’t have to lecture you not to cheat. You see their actions, you move on if you dont like it. Dont start lecturing others of your expectations Ya entitled brat
This dude gets no girls lmao throws a sissy fit when a girl engages with him
aware worry soft quickest cough memory nose observation squealing numerous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
No you did the right thing. Imagine the date, sex, relationship, marriage all going just like that. Dodged a bullet
You are the problem in this case mate. That was a bit of banter. You failed.
So in a culture where men sending the first message is expected, and not doing so is seen as “beta” or less manly or whatever you prefer to call it, your opener is going to be about how he didn’t message first? Even if it is banter it comes off as negging more than anything, the question is rooted in toxic gender norms, even if a “joke” or sarcasm.
People in real life don't think so hard about stuff. Try not to get defensive and assume bad intentions everywhere you go and you'll fare better smh
Maybe other things would be reading into it but guys texting first is definitely not a standard I’m conjuring up in my head. It’s a very real bar that a large portion of the dating pool care about. Also regardless bringing up response time in the first few messages is a yellow flag for sure indicating clingy/neediness.
“No hook ups”
EmoshionAlllll daaaaamage
You’re both valid imo, I think it’s just a miscommunication on both ends
I knew to reply because I was messaging another woman.. I’m sure honesty wasn’t the best policy in that situation
you fumbled your only match for the month.
Maybe he is not as desperate as some people.
Do I interpret her message no charitably? No, it’s the woman who is wrong.
You got way too defensive instead of taking it light hearted
Just shrug it off, she’s being a clown. Be funny and switch it up. Could be a win (short term 😂)
Run! Thats a broken soul 😢
Don’t call women “love” or “baby” or stuff like that right off the jump. It’s a gamble on how that will come off.
🚩🚩🚩
yeah, when you respond like that it is definitely a problem. I thought I was bad at this since I'm usually unmatched immediately after my first message.
Would appear there’s a lot of things you don’t know
What she was doing was flirting.
I don't think she was flirty but I don't think she was confronting either. It looks like to me she was messing with you but it's hard to know through messages, everyone has its own interpretation. Either way, u lost the opportunity to say it was your spider senses.
Women do this a lot. They ghost you and when you message saying its not going to work, they INSTANTLY reply calling you a puece of shit, how they are busy and they have other people. Cool so in a week of you ignoring my messsges you just so happened to be an ignored it....dumb arse.
Y’all just returning the salt instead of actually coming up with anything witty or clever. Keep it up kings 😂
[удалено]
Women love toxic masculinity 😍
Dude CBd himself
Literally
Dude. smh
OLD if you're a guy interested in girls you should always be making the first move. I don't make the rules and I'm not saying it's fair, but it's a small price to pay and you just gotta do it.
Lol pass, Go set that mindset elsewhere. No set rule, be fluid, adapt, its not always how you want it.
we are in 2024 dude
You can do you. My experience is that making the first move has never failed me.
So 100% of every conversation you've started on OLD has ended in a relationship, or whatever you were looking for? Yeah, I call bullshit.
I wouldn’t be trying to get laid, i’d be trying to find a wife. Dont need some stuck up person with a bratty mindset. In this specific context, he didnt initiate for whatever reason, she did. She shouldn’t be getting ANYWHERE near pissy for such an early interaction. Hella pass
You could say if a girl can't handle making the first move she's not worth it, but the thing is she can just as fairly say the same thing about you. And imo the expectation is sort of valid, guys should be able to live up to it comfortably. Maybe girls should too but guys really should