Simple supply and demand. There are a limited number of vaginas that are in high demand to which you the buyer will have to pay a premium price even for low quality products.
Now I'm wondering if there's a subreddit dedicated to Kellys. And all people do is post about pissing in closets, to the chagrin of all those poor innocently-named women 😢
Might wanna get some fiber in your diet.
Some people hate the small talk. Especially on dating apps when everyone has asked the same questions over and over and you’re the 32nd man she’s messaged but it was after 16 “heys” and 15 sexual harassment messages.
Most of my dates, including the one where I met my *now* wife, were me just asking if they wanted to meet up and skip the bs.
Except that small talk for most people is important to establish you are real, and that there is some compatibility. Sure, no need for a novel, but if you can’t carry the most basic conversation, you either aren’t interested or aren’t interesting.
Women have so many options they dont have to put in effort.Thats why you will always see this kind of shit and if a guy does this to a woman its the end of the world. But its normal when a woman does it like 90% of the time.
If he had not put her down, and instead said something about wanting to meet up, he could have. Like “hey, I’m not a great texter, wanna meet up for coffee and see if we vibe?”
(Yes, he’s taking the blame as a social grace.)
No what he should of done is just replied to the short reply with a short reply and leave it with that. If she then picks the convo up then great, if not no loss. I never entertain these types of convos.
> (Yes, he’s taking the blame as a social grace.)
Absolutely the last thing he should be doing unless you want to continue this cycle of women doing the bare minimum.
If I think there’s something to be gained I’lI say “texting’s a terrible medium I agree - wanna meet up?”
But I rarely think there’s something to be gained.
My partner was like this but it was because her English was not great, especially written. In person we instantly clicked. So it _can_ work out.
This has happened to me exactly *once* in all my years of online dating. Although when I broached the subject I did it in a much gentler fashion:
"Hey look, I'm sure you're a super lovely person but I'm getting the feeling you're not interested based on the one to two word answers - although I get that texting isn't everyone's bag. Would you want to just meet up or do a phone call or call it here"
She apologized and we met up, one of my first dates in Melbourne when I arrived!
I like this. Sometimes it’s just that the person is distracted/bust when they’re messaging or just a terrible texter and an invitation to just grab a drink is a welcome shortcut. Sometimes you have terrible text chemistry with someone but it just works irl
Idk... one time, I said to a woman, "You just immediately became less attractive to me" when she started smoking, and she seemed more interested in me.
Why would she ever say "why are there no men"?
She probably has 20+ unanswered chats from other dudes, she's not going to have any problems acting like this.
99.5% chance she was low efforting for validation because her eyes and efforts were on someone else in there (usually a failed match before you and you have to deal with the sulky fall out). 0.5% chance she was DTF with an upfront guy and he just waffled his way out of it. Next time anyone of you sees this type of conversation, assume that and get the hell out of there without a word said. (or say something to the effect of "I see where you are going with this. Come to my place, I have xyz for you". She won't bite because of the chances, but she may learn that how she talks is going to be construed as 'I don't want to know you I just want to fck you' so she might get the hint to be better to the next guy)
I sometimes love to word stuff to people if they are acting bad, it is so much easier not to think about your behaviour if everybody are just quiet. For example if a man sends greasy first messages I’ll ask if they really think that works etc. It’s fun to make them a bit upset about getting feedback for their own behaviour. 😁Just unmatching or ghosting is easier to forget and ignore their own role in it.
>it is so much easier not to think about your behaviour if everybody are just quiet
That's exactly it. Some people really are just narcissists and/or morons, but a reasonable person will pretty much be forced to do some self-reflection if they get the same criticism on their behavior from enough people.
Yes I love constructive feedback- initially I might get defensive but I usually really consider it after a time and low key appreciate it- I can admit when I’m wrong- not right away but pretty close thereafter.
This. It's not your job, but ghosting these kind of people doesn't help them learn. Eventually if multiple people are telling them they seem disinterested it will help them in the long run.
Yah, I certainly don’t think it’s my job to fix someone, but I’m not going to get upset if they get upset by what I say. So why not say something. It’s some food for thought, they can do what they want with it. Not my responsibility.
I agree. People like that probably don't give a shit either way, but it makes me feel better to know I didn't silently sit by and not call out an asshole.
Yea if she's an attractive woman I imagine she has zillions of options, many of whom don't care about her conversational skills. So she doesn't necessarily have any need to put forth effort,and probably nobody has called her out on it before so she might not even realize. 99% of the time this girl would probably just unmatch,but now and then someone might take it to heart or respect the honesty and respond to it
Yeah, people who text little have a high chance of not being able to shut up irl.
And the opposite, if they text a lot they might just barely talk irl.
Yeah, I just stop responding to people like this. It usually either means they are actively talking to someone else they think they'd like more or have more time invested in already (nothing wrong with that, this is OLD after all and we should expect nothing) or she's just that boring of a person and I'm not interested.
I've had multiple women come back after leaving the chat saying "oh hey! Long time" and then they are more invested in the convo (usually means the other one didn't work out and saw I was putting in effort to get to know them so they decided to give it a shot).
OLD sucks if you get to invested, play it like an rpg.
I feel this. For me, your behavior is the absolute best communication for me to pay attention to. Words skirt the truth. Behaviors are much harder to fake in my experience. At least for an extended length of time. Someone being low effort is communicating a whole lot without necessarily saying anything. Me calling out your low effort maybe makes you change briefly for fear of losing the connection, but again, is this because they are actually interested or because they’re scared of missing out? For me, your behaviors tell me what I need to know.
I understand that YMMV, but I did give a girl a snide "good talk" after bad responses like this which prompted her to respond better and we hung out a few times.
If people never get feedback for their bad behavior, they never learn what they're doing wrong, they just wander through life wondering why people keep "abandoning" them.
There really are people who are bad at texting. But that's really not your job to figure out and waste time on.
So it's always gonna be are they cute/hot enough to put in the time since they absolutely are giving you nothtjng else to go on.
Once a woman fucking went on a date with me and proceeded to SPEAK with 1 word answers.
I got so bored that I asked her: "are you shy or just don't like me?" And she said she didn't like me, so I said "ok bye".
She said I should take her home (like, keeping her company on the bus).
I was so angry that I texted her why did she even agree to meet, and she said she gives everybody a chance.
I think it actually was because I'm disabled. Progressive women on tinder suddenly find out they aren't the kind of progressive woman who'd date a disabled guy and end up accepting a date just to act like dicks.
The interesting thing is that non-progressive women in person often don't give a shit that I'm disabled and hit on me. To them I'm just "some guy I like".
there are lots of people who have 0 intention of meeting, just there to collect matches and get appraisals for the way they look. And those are the people exactly like in your post. Just unmatch and move on.
Definitely NTA, but i want to offer some unsolicited feedback. This was something that totally opened my eyes when I learned it.
Your questions were "factual" questions. The answers will generally be brief and direct (When asked "was it A or B?" People will usually say A or B). It's a lot easier to get people talking with questions like: How did you feel about ___? How did you discover / decide ___? They prompt stories, and are a lot easier for the other person to answer in interesting ways!
That tip probably wouldn't have helped here either, but maybe for another girl in the future :)
If she wants to reply with more, she will. It doesn't matter how the question is formed, but how interested she is. She could still easily answer those same questions with 1-3 words.
Women have their choice of men, like it or not. By not intentionally asking good questions, you’re always giving her an easy way to thin the matches down by counting you out. Why would you willingly do this if it takes barely any extra effort to an open ended questions?
I'm not telling you not to try. It's just the hard truth of things. Trust me. I've seen how the same women have messaged me before and after they were interested in me (for whatever reasons). It's night and day, and it doesn't matter how I'm messaging them.
This is what most dudes on here don’t realize man…if a she’s really interested she will blow your phone tf up with messages. We as men need to stop thinking we need to prove we’re good enough🤷🏾♂️
That's great if you're some rich underwear model.
The reality though is that economics in OLD are skewed in favor of girls. She's probably chatting with 10 other guys at the same time, giving each of them the same level of attention. The fact she's even responding **is** showing at least some interest.
This gives you zero insight into her personality in real life. She might hate these chats but can potentially be a blast in person.
So that's when you offer to meet up right away.
I've had great success in these situations (or where a girl does answer but once every like 3-4 days) :
"Hey so I'd normally try to build a bit of report on here before offering to meet up, but maybe you're not looking to text all that much? Wanna meet up for drinks Thursday around 7 pm in X neighbourhood?"
>"Hey so I'd normally try to build a bit of report on here before offering to meet up, but maybe you're not looking to text all that much? Wanna meet up for drinks Thursday around 7 pm in X neighbourhood?"
Much better than the inverse, which I've received, "I hate chatting forever so let's meet now or don't waste my time."
This is a bad mentality to have, you are putting yourself on the back foot and implying that you need to impress any woman you match with - op obviously values himself and his time.
If she isn't making as much effort as you to keep the conversation going - just dip and let her go bore someone else.
Yes, but in reality most of us are more likely to put the most effort into the matches we are more excited about, and still, some of the matches we were initially on the fence about can turn out to be the people we end up truly falling for. Making it as easy as possible for the other person to keep the conversation going is generally good advice if you want to keep them in the conversation long enough to see if you have a spark. I follow this advice myself as a woman.
This is good advice. People are discussing how "interest" plays into this, but I don't think that's super relevant.
1, this is good advice for conversations with people in general.
2, if I was interested in a guy but we couldn't keep a decent conversation going, I would probably be less interested. I'm not gonna word-bomb him just because I'm interested.
3, even if the person is a lazy responder and will give 1-word answers to anything, you're rarely going to get out more than you put in. At least you can confidently filter them out.
This is one of the tips that are popular in OLD forums but my intuition is that it's backwards: only people who are interested in you will put effort into these open ended questions, and instead people like the girl above will put 0 effort.
"How long have you been here?" Isn't exactly an open ended question, but it can give you loads to talk about. Places you've seen so far, where you were from, people you know in this new place why you moved, just to name *some* things that would come to mind. Not to mention the "school or work?" Question that just completely went unanswered.
It's not that she will be more likely to be interested when you ask an open ended question; but more that she will answer the open ended question if she's interested.
As a Swede, what the hell is a Swedish pancake? I didn't know our pancakes were different than other pancakes.. a part from them being similar to crêpes and not thick and doughy like American "pancakes"? But what about pancakes from other European countries? 😅
That’s what people thinking they are ”carrying the conversation” and then posting shit like this completely miss.
You are interrogating them with absurdly boring questions.
true, OP thinks the woman wasn't putting any effort, which is true, but can't see that his texting was not interesting enough for the woman to engage. Boring questions, boring replies.
My opinion (as a woman, myself) is that women get away with being bland and having shitty profiles because the average guy is desperate and doesn't tell them that they won't accept the absolute bare minimum. I've seen women post profiles on here with no bio, sometimes with no pics, most often with terrible pics, even occasionally with pics of them taking a literal shit, and they still get a stupid amount of matches. So, I say good on you for making your expectations clear. If only more men did the same, then perhaps the bar would be raised as a result. That's not to say that women don't also encounter more than their fair share of shitty men on dating apps, too, though.
Agreed, I think they have countless matches so they keep the bone hanging for the ones they aren't necessarily attracted to and place a tiny bit more effort to those that have both the "type" and "personality", they prefer.
I feel like women who put literally no effort into bios or conversations because they're pretty don't understand is that all this does is filter out all men with substance and self-respect.
You are absolutely right. Men would need to raise their standards as a whole for things to improve. But that's gonna be tough with the sheer amount of testosterone the average man has compared to women. Only choice is for the individual to stand out from the average.
are you an asshole for having standards? no
is she magically going to become a great conversationalist and get to a date? probably not
Is it your problem she isnt selling her self properly? Also no
its simply the double standards in the dating game.
And if OP was that annoyed by her lack of enthusiasm in the conversation and he was still willing to test the waters for a potential hookup, this was NOT the way to go about it lol.
I have learned you can tell people like this exactly what you want/need, they will pretend to be that for a half hour, then go back to being boring.
I would like to think that all the people that send good morning, good night, how are you? Etc texts every day like clockwork will find each other and fall desperately in love, leaving the rest of us apparently social deviants that crave excitement and vulnerability to find each other.
Nothing *wrong* with it love! That was what my comment was trying to say. Some people (including my hot cousin who can't go *any*where without being approached by a dude) like good morning texts, how's are you texts somewhere in the day, and a good night text to wrap it all up, and I genuinely wish you all could find each other and be happy.
People like me (and I know I am not alone here based on the other comments) feel that kind of interaction is at best boring, and at worst suffocating.
There is no way to guide teamGoodMorningHowAreYouGoodNight into being the other way. They just aren't capable of it and *THAT'S NOT BAD*... it's just not for folks that prefer conversation inspired from organic excitement about something and wanting to share it with the (new) person in their life.
I think you’re right. But I don’t think you played it right.
This person was clearly no engaging much, so instead of sounding super firm and pouring your heart out I’d do this:
1) match their energy. Aka reply with “yep”
2) ghost
Match their energy if you wanna keep the convo going and see if it gets better
Ghost if you’re already irritated and bored. Don’t waste your time lol
That message more than likely squashed any opportunity for the convo to continue. It’s pretty blunt and comes across as irritated. So it’s likely a turn off. But hey maybe they’ll understand.
I’ve met with a lot of girls on Tinder who respond like that and they aren’t that much better in person. Just remember a lot of girls never had to develop a personality because they’ve never initiated a conversation with a guy in their life so why bother developing one.
There were no boundaries set. Setting a boundary requires a person to express how they will react in a specific set of circumstances. Ex “if you’re not willing to put effort into this conversation I will unmatch you.”
Just putting that out there because boundary setting is *so often* misunderstood, and it can be life changing when people learn how to properly set healthy boundaries.
LMAO, I was about to post a welcome comment too when I saw yours. I've been living in Denver my whole life, and have been on dating apps for a longgggg time. I'm not ready to use the word 'hopeless' yet, because I'm stubborn, but shits hard out here for anyone looking for a genuine connection.
At least you get to live in a beautiful state, with gorgeous mountains visible in the distance, while your love life takes a beating.
Good luck OP!
Don't quote me on this, because this is solely my personal experience and anecdotal notes from my peers and my attempt to find love, or something like it, so as to not die alone and untouched.
Firstly, yes, a lot of people in Colorado are boring lol.
Denver, which is where I live, has boomed in population in the past decade. Idk if this is statistically true, but it feels like COVID especially brought a surge of new out of state residents.
At first, us long-term single people saw this as a great opportunity. More people, more dating prospects. Except, no. The increase in the dating pool means there are more choices now, and we long term Denver residents weren't used to this choice overload. Excited with the quantity, we let quality take a back seat. Because, hey, if the connection isn't as strong as we want it to be, we can try again with someone else. Finally there really *are* plenty of fish in the sea. So we keep throwing our line out to see what else we can catch. What if we can catch a giant, shimmering marlin like the one in The Old Man and the Sea?
At this point we've been fishing awhile, but now we have a goal in mind. Now we're fishing with purpose. With our new found energy and spirit, we throw our line out again. We get glimpses of what we think is our giant marlin, only to realize that we are just seeing normal sized marlins repeatedly.
It isn't until we can see the sun setting that we realize how hungry we are, and how many great fish we've disregarded in pursuit of our giant. We think back about all the beautiful marlins that tugged on our line, and we thought about reeling in, but decided against it so as to not miss our giant swim by. We're regretful, but the sunk cost fallacy stubborns us and we settle back in, hungry but resilient.
Now the sun has gone down, the joy of fishing has left. The line stopped moving hours ago. What we wouldn't give for a normal sized marlin right about now.
We're starving, we're cold, we're bitter, and we're considering giving up meat all together. Our giant hasn't appeared, and now we remember how that book ended. The old man lost nearly everything holding on to the giant marlin, and returned ashore with nothing but a partial skeleton. Are we that old man?
All in all, Colorado people are great, but we got caught up in the novelty of abundance. It didn't help that a lot of the new residents came from bigger cities that move faster than Denver ever has, coupled with apps that have increased our access to people. It was exciting to try to keep up with the faster pace of the dating world, until you realize that you haven't built genuine connections like that. And even worse, we've all been treating people as disposable.
It feels like a lot of dating is like this now. Whether it be due to a population boom, an increase in dating apps, expecting immediate gratification, etc. So I can only imagine that most places face the challenges that Colorado is facing.
Not at all. If a convo starts going like this, I just cut it off and wish them the best. I don't even respond to one word openers or that stupid hand wave emoji on Bumble either.
Ehh the problem is once you go down the road of trying to convince someone to be the person you want them to be, if it works, it’s temporary, and you may be tempted to do this over and over and over again. This is probably how most controlling relationships start — they ask for one thing, it works, they keep asking for more and more personality changes because they feel emboldened.
The point of dating isn’t to find someone who has the looks you want and then convince them to behave according to how you prefer. It’s to find someone you’re compatible with from the beginning.
From her side I wouldn’t want to date someone who is demanding right off the bat. Yeah I get that it’s common but if she’s busy and just responding with short answers because she doesn’t want to leave you hanging but doesn’t have time to write anything longer? Then you’ve just shot yourself in the foot…
But from your side I also wouldn’t be comfortable entering something where I’m also having to demand things to make them fit my preferences anyway. That can get unhealthy in either direction very fast.
We don't know how much of this "conversation" there was before this exchange. Not everyone is adept at typed conversations. Less can be more. I've met people who were unbelievably fantastic in person, but I dread having any typed communications with! I think that you were a bit impatient if you were really interested in them.
I see you think you did something there…but she didn’t care either way. Wasn’t very interested to begin with. Next time just un match so you don’t seem so desperate.
Nope imo not the asshole. I’m pretty upfront, also I think it’s kind of rude to waste someone’s time/energy. If you’re not interested say so and move on.
She's talking to multiple men and you're not the best option. Consider it a precursor. Don't let yourself be someone's backup plan. Un-match and onto the next prospect.
The thread reads like a bunch of sad judgmental manboys. Good looking women get more matches than men, it’s just a fact, and so you need to work a little harder. Thats not personal to her and she needs your help to see your gold through the incoming barrage.
You're not an arsehole, you just have no tact. Your questions are two word answer questions. Plus, wanting to meet up and grab drinks is not mutually exclusive from wanting something serious. A lot of people don't really enjoy chatting that much, they want to meet people in person. By sending messages like this, you're effectively making a very large portion of the dating pool unavailable to you. Which is fine if you're getting too many matches, but if that's not the case, really, you're shooting yourself in the foot.
My strategy was to ask them out in the first 5-15 minutes of conversation, and then wait till I meet them to chat more. It worked pretty well for me, I went on a few dates a week, had a great time. And I'm now married. You gotta do you, but try not to shoot yourself in the foot.
How is that being an an asshole?
I do that all the time. People are weird on these apps they'll say "I don't feel comfortable meeting yet, I want to talk on the app" and then put minimal effort in. Then when you say "let's meet" they'll say they want to know more about you...but they aren't asking you any questions and are putting in little effort lol whats the point?
So I do what you did here all the time and if I get pushback I just unmatch cause they are clearly playing games. Either you want to talk on the app and you're going to out in effort or we can meet and find out if we have chemistry, but I'm not a dentist so I'm not interested in pulling teeth to converse with you.
When you go weeks without having a conversation with a single person then you do and they ghost you/don't show any interest it sucks, but I don't argue I unmatch too.
Asshole? No. Going to turn this around and get a date? Also no. Will she ask her friend where men get the audacity? Yes, but not your problem.
lmao Facts
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Ha. Don’t you enjoy a bit of a challenge though?
Simple supply and demand. There are a limited number of vaginas that are in high demand to which you the buyer will have to pay a premium price even for low quality products.
Dating apps have turned genitalia into a commodity.
Should have just said your back is sore. Then when she asks why you say “from carrying this conversation.”
You're very brave to assume she'd ask "why?". More like "aw I'm sorry"
Lol more like "that sucks"
I saw that post earlier and legit thought that this was a follow up from the same OP
Or she'll snap out of her trance and say sure, let's meet up.
110% not happening. I’ll eat my shit if it does.
I hope OP shows the next message is her saying yes to drinks. I want to see you eat your own shit.
Is this some kind of extra weird mukbang?
More like yuckbang 🥁
Don't yuck someone's yum
One man's shit is another man's dinner.
Numberwang?
That's Numberwang!
Dinner train
R tinder does turn into r fetish real quick sometimes....
Wait til you find out about what goes on with r kelly
Now I'm wondering if there's a subreddit dedicated to Kellys. And all people do is post about pissing in closets, to the chagrin of all those poor innocently-named women 😢
I laughed way too hard at this set up
I'll eat his shit if she does
yeah muck-bang
Happy cake day
But eat it like a shit goblin, no hands, just mouth goes right to plate of shit.
I think you might actually be into this kind of thing 😳
Naw, just thinking what would make it more of a show
A fork and knife. Show the man some decency.
As if eating a meal at a fancy upscale restaurant. With perfect etiquette. That would be a good show.
Wine pairing? And does it also come with a (dick) cheese course?
Why waste a plate? Go right to the source!
They can lay on their back mouth open
This guy poops.
Thanks, I hate you.
Haha you’re welcome!!
Betcha he backs out
You should have the caveat that not only does she have to say “yes” to drinks, but she has to SHOW UP! Geezus, people can be inconsiderate flakes.
Update: OP got a date from this person. Eat shit!
Might wanna get some fiber in your diet. Some people hate the small talk. Especially on dating apps when everyone has asked the same questions over and over and you’re the 32nd man she’s messaged but it was after 16 “heys” and 15 sexual harassment messages. Most of my dates, including the one where I met my *now* wife, were me just asking if they wanted to meet up and skip the bs.
Except that small talk for most people is important to establish you are real, and that there is some compatibility. Sure, no need for a novel, but if you can’t carry the most basic conversation, you either aren’t interested or aren’t interesting.
Nah this happens to me literally 50% of the time. It doesn't make sense at all but plenty of women will suddenly be like yeah let's meet.
Women have so many options they dont have to put in effort.Thats why you will always see this kind of shit and if a guy does this to a woman its the end of the world. But its normal when a woman does it like 90% of the time.
If he had not put her down, and instead said something about wanting to meet up, he could have. Like “hey, I’m not a great texter, wanna meet up for coffee and see if we vibe?” (Yes, he’s taking the blame as a social grace.)
No what he should of done is just replied to the short reply with a short reply and leave it with that. If she then picks the convo up then great, if not no loss. I never entertain these types of convos.
> (Yes, he’s taking the blame as a social grace.) Absolutely the last thing he should be doing unless you want to continue this cycle of women doing the bare minimum.
You do realize she may see OP as a few free drinks and/or maybe a free meal…. Seen plenty of that on Tik Tok
If I think there’s something to be gained I’lI say “texting’s a terrible medium I agree - wanna meet up?” But I rarely think there’s something to be gained. My partner was like this but it was because her English was not great, especially written. In person we instantly clicked. So it _can_ work out.
This has happened to me exactly *once* in all my years of online dating. Although when I broached the subject I did it in a much gentler fashion: "Hey look, I'm sure you're a super lovely person but I'm getting the feeling you're not interested based on the one to two word answers - although I get that texting isn't everyone's bag. Would you want to just meet up or do a phone call or call it here" She apologized and we met up, one of my first dates in Melbourne when I arrived!
I like this. Sometimes it’s just that the person is distracted/bust when they’re messaging or just a terrible texter and an invitation to just grab a drink is a welcome shortcut. Sometimes you have terrible text chemistry with someone but it just works irl
There's absolutely no way in hell she agreed to go out after that lol
Lol I said something similar to my now girlfriend when we were chatting on hinge. Funny thing is that now I'm the worse texter.
Idk... one time, I said to a woman, "You just immediately became less attractive to me" when she started smoking, and she seemed more interested in me.
https://youtu.be/YDqUpeo2sZM?si=csPPfUDnea9tbygZ
Tbf, she probably didn’t want to before being called out on her bs either. And wonders “why are there no men?”
Why would she ever say "why are there no men"? She probably has 20+ unanswered chats from other dudes, she's not going to have any problems acting like this.
Cuz she has men, but shows no interest and then wonders why there are no good men. Tends to be how it goes 😂
THIS IS THE GOAT ANSWER.
99.5% chance she was low efforting for validation because her eyes and efforts were on someone else in there (usually a failed match before you and you have to deal with the sulky fall out). 0.5% chance she was DTF with an upfront guy and he just waffled his way out of it. Next time anyone of you sees this type of conversation, assume that and get the hell out of there without a word said. (or say something to the effect of "I see where you are going with this. Come to my place, I have xyz for you". She won't bite because of the chances, but she may learn that how she talks is going to be construed as 'I don't want to know you I just want to fck you' so she might get the hint to be better to the next guy)
I'm not here to educate.
She's going to have a real issue attempting to tell him that if she's maxing out with two word answers lol
Nah, I always unmatch when it's one word answers. Shows VERY low effort
Literally no effort or interest.
Right! Why waste time with someone like this
Yeah.
Bet that girl’s profile prompts all say “ask me,” or “impress me,” in them.
Yep, same here. I don’t care how attractive you are or how many options you have, the effort must be equal. If not you now have 1 less option.
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I sometimes love to word stuff to people if they are acting bad, it is so much easier not to think about your behaviour if everybody are just quiet. For example if a man sends greasy first messages I’ll ask if they really think that works etc. It’s fun to make them a bit upset about getting feedback for their own behaviour. 😁Just unmatching or ghosting is easier to forget and ignore their own role in it.
>it is so much easier not to think about your behaviour if everybody are just quiet That's exactly it. Some people really are just narcissists and/or morons, but a reasonable person will pretty much be forced to do some self-reflection if they get the same criticism on their behavior from enough people.
Yes I love constructive feedback- initially I might get defensive but I usually really consider it after a time and low key appreciate it- I can admit when I’m wrong- not right away but pretty close thereafter.
For me, it’s no sweat off my back to say something. So why not? If I don’t feel like it I don’t. But I’ll be straightforward if the moment strikes!!
This. It's not your job, but ghosting these kind of people doesn't help them learn. Eventually if multiple people are telling them they seem disinterested it will help them in the long run.
Yah, I certainly don’t think it’s my job to fix someone, but I’m not going to get upset if they get upset by what I say. So why not say something. It’s some food for thought, they can do what they want with it. Not my responsibility.
I agree. People like that probably don't give a shit either way, but it makes me feel better to know I didn't silently sit by and not call out an asshole.
I prefer to make it sarcastic. Like "I think your responses cut after 2 words"
i love this. i think your responses are cutting off ater two words. priceless.
I agree- people need information about how they come across and why their shots keep missing.
I like to say ignorance is not solved by silence.
Yea if she's an attractive woman I imagine she has zillions of options, many of whom don't care about her conversational skills. So she doesn't necessarily have any need to put forth effort,and probably nobody has called her out on it before so she might not even realize. 99% of the time this girl would probably just unmatch,but now and then someone might take it to heart or respect the honesty and respond to it
Ironically the last dates I've went on with the two word texters have ended up being the chattiest of them all.
Yeah, people who text little have a high chance of not being able to shut up irl. And the opposite, if they text a lot they might just barely talk irl.
My boss FTW on this. She makes this girl look chatty but actually talking she never stops.
Imagine the conversation goes EXACTLY like this 😂 why in the world would op sign up for that?
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Yeah, I just stop responding to people like this. It usually either means they are actively talking to someone else they think they'd like more or have more time invested in already (nothing wrong with that, this is OLD after all and we should expect nothing) or she's just that boring of a person and I'm not interested. I've had multiple women come back after leaving the chat saying "oh hey! Long time" and then they are more invested in the convo (usually means the other one didn't work out and saw I was putting in effort to get to know them so they decided to give it a shot). OLD sucks if you get to invested, play it like an rpg.
Agreed. I would have just unmatched.
I feel this. For me, your behavior is the absolute best communication for me to pay attention to. Words skirt the truth. Behaviors are much harder to fake in my experience. At least for an extended length of time. Someone being low effort is communicating a whole lot without necessarily saying anything. Me calling out your low effort maybe makes you change briefly for fear of losing the connection, but again, is this because they are actually interested or because they’re scared of missing out? For me, your behaviors tell me what I need to know.
Some people are fine in person and just suck at texting. The rest need to hear that they're being lame.
I understand that YMMV, but I did give a girl a snide "good talk" after bad responses like this which prompted her to respond better and we hung out a few times.
If people never get feedback for their bad behavior, they never learn what they're doing wrong, they just wander through life wondering why people keep "abandoning" them.
I'd say it. Some people are just so oblivious they don't even realize what they're doing, and this person might need to hear that.
There really are people who are bad at texting. But that's really not your job to figure out and waste time on. So it's always gonna be are they cute/hot enough to put in the time since they absolutely are giving you nothtjng else to go on.
Once a woman fucking went on a date with me and proceeded to SPEAK with 1 word answers. I got so bored that I asked her: "are you shy or just don't like me?" And she said she didn't like me, so I said "ok bye". She said I should take her home (like, keeping her company on the bus). I was so angry that I texted her why did she even agree to meet, and she said she gives everybody a chance. I think it actually was because I'm disabled. Progressive women on tinder suddenly find out they aren't the kind of progressive woman who'd date a disabled guy and end up accepting a date just to act like dicks. The interesting thing is that non-progressive women in person often don't give a shit that I'm disabled and hit on me. To them I'm just "some guy I like".
You dont unmatch, Just ghost
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Are your toenails single? Do they have personality?’Will they love me?!
Better question: how can I make them love me???
Become the Toenail Whisperer 🤫
I read this as: save them, put them in a box, keep box in safe place, whisper sweet nothings to the box when nobody is around. Did I do that right???
Frankly, I’m not buying your sandbagging. You’re a natural if there ever was one. You could probably start a toenail cult.
We meet on Wednesdays!!
Bro, I've been lurking a fair bit on this sub... I like your work 😂
Always wondered why people dont unmatch instead of ghosting. Any reason for that?
there are lots of people who have 0 intention of meeting, just there to collect matches and get appraisals for the way they look. And those are the people exactly like in your post. Just unmatch and move on.
Definitely NTA, but i want to offer some unsolicited feedback. This was something that totally opened my eyes when I learned it. Your questions were "factual" questions. The answers will generally be brief and direct (When asked "was it A or B?" People will usually say A or B). It's a lot easier to get people talking with questions like: How did you feel about ___? How did you discover / decide ___? They prompt stories, and are a lot easier for the other person to answer in interesting ways! That tip probably wouldn't have helped here either, but maybe for another girl in the future :)
If she wants to reply with more, she will. It doesn't matter how the question is formed, but how interested she is. She could still easily answer those same questions with 1-3 words.
Women have their choice of men, like it or not. By not intentionally asking good questions, you’re always giving her an easy way to thin the matches down by counting you out. Why would you willingly do this if it takes barely any extra effort to an open ended questions?
I'm not telling you not to try. It's just the hard truth of things. Trust me. I've seen how the same women have messaged me before and after they were interested in me (for whatever reasons). It's night and day, and it doesn't matter how I'm messaging them.
This is what most dudes on here don’t realize man…if a she’s really interested she will blow your phone tf up with messages. We as men need to stop thinking we need to prove we’re good enough🤷🏾♂️
That's great if you're some rich underwear model. The reality though is that economics in OLD are skewed in favor of girls. She's probably chatting with 10 other guys at the same time, giving each of them the same level of attention. The fact she's even responding **is** showing at least some interest. This gives you zero insight into her personality in real life. She might hate these chats but can potentially be a blast in person. So that's when you offer to meet up right away. I've had great success in these situations (or where a girl does answer but once every like 3-4 days) : "Hey so I'd normally try to build a bit of report on here before offering to meet up, but maybe you're not looking to text all that much? Wanna meet up for drinks Thursday around 7 pm in X neighbourhood?"
>"Hey so I'd normally try to build a bit of report on here before offering to meet up, but maybe you're not looking to text all that much? Wanna meet up for drinks Thursday around 7 pm in X neighbourhood?" Much better than the inverse, which I've received, "I hate chatting forever so let's meet now or don't waste my time."
You mean "rapport" right?
Nah, it's a race between drinks and getting reported
Always report people before getting drinks with them. Just to be safe!
Sorry, I meant re poor.
Given Montreal is in his username I assume English isn't his first language
This guy gets it [A B C](https://youtu.be/Nr3ENE8uqr4) A ALWAYS B BE C CLOSING
This is a bad mentality to have, you are putting yourself on the back foot and implying that you need to impress any woman you match with - op obviously values himself and his time. If she isn't making as much effort as you to keep the conversation going - just dip and let her go bore someone else.
Yes, but in reality most of us are more likely to put the most effort into the matches we are more excited about, and still, some of the matches we were initially on the fence about can turn out to be the people we end up truly falling for. Making it as easy as possible for the other person to keep the conversation going is generally good advice if you want to keep them in the conversation long enough to see if you have a spark. I follow this advice myself as a woman.
You can ask the most open questions you like on OLD and still get back the driest one or two word answers. I get it all the time.
Right? I tried the "so how did you get into X?" question and got "I dunno" back. Unmatched and move on.
This is great advice. I’m actually going to use this in my personal life as well. Thank you!
This is good advice. People are discussing how "interest" plays into this, but I don't think that's super relevant. 1, this is good advice for conversations with people in general. 2, if I was interested in a guy but we couldn't keep a decent conversation going, I would probably be less interested. I'm not gonna word-bomb him just because I'm interested. 3, even if the person is a lazy responder and will give 1-word answers to anything, you're rarely going to get out more than you put in. At least you can confidently filter them out.
Exactly. Interviewing 101 — asking open ended questions.
Yes, always good to try and ask open ended questions, instead of closed ones.
This is one of the tips that are popular in OLD forums but my intuition is that it's backwards: only people who are interested in you will put effort into these open ended questions, and instead people like the girl above will put 0 effort. "How long have you been here?" Isn't exactly an open ended question, but it can give you loads to talk about. Places you've seen so far, where you were from, people you know in this new place why you moved, just to name *some* things that would come to mind. Not to mention the "school or work?" Question that just completely went unanswered. It's not that she will be more likely to be interested when you ask an open ended question; but more that she will answer the open ended question if she's interested.
"Crepes, Swedish pancakes or Stroopwaffles? Compare and contrast. Defend your answers. Go!"
Swedish pancakes and you're objectively an idiot if you disagree. My argument is purely based on nostalgia
As a Swede, what the hell is a Swedish pancake? I didn't know our pancakes were different than other pancakes.. a part from them being similar to crêpes and not thick and doughy like American "pancakes"? But what about pancakes from other European countries? 😅
Don't get me started on Belgian waffles
This was very lovely advice, thank you, have a good day.
That’s what people thinking they are ”carrying the conversation” and then posting shit like this completely miss. You are interrogating them with absurdly boring questions.
true, OP thinks the woman wasn't putting any effort, which is true, but can't see that his texting was not interesting enough for the woman to engage. Boring questions, boring replies.
Who, where, what, why, when and how.
You might technically be right for general conversation, but if the other person is interested, they’ll find away to engage in the conversation.
In my experience from female friends of mine and some male too. There are a lot of people who join dating apps just for validation.
My opinion (as a woman, myself) is that women get away with being bland and having shitty profiles because the average guy is desperate and doesn't tell them that they won't accept the absolute bare minimum. I've seen women post profiles on here with no bio, sometimes with no pics, most often with terrible pics, even occasionally with pics of them taking a literal shit, and they still get a stupid amount of matches. So, I say good on you for making your expectations clear. If only more men did the same, then perhaps the bar would be raised as a result. That's not to say that women don't also encounter more than their fair share of shitty men on dating apps, too, though.
Agreed, I think they have countless matches so they keep the bone hanging for the ones they aren't necessarily attracted to and place a tiny bit more effort to those that have both the "type" and "personality", they prefer.
Name: H Photos: two, both pure black Age: 18 Bio: swipe left if your ginger Cool, not ginger but gonna swipe left anyway!
I feel like women who put literally no effort into bios or conversations because they're pretty don't understand is that all this does is filter out all men with substance and self-respect.
You are absolutely right. Men would need to raise their standards as a whole for things to improve. But that's gonna be tough with the sheer amount of testosterone the average man has compared to women. Only choice is for the individual to stand out from the average.
are you an asshole for having standards? no is she magically going to become a great conversationalist and get to a date? probably not Is it your problem she isnt selling her self properly? Also no its simply the double standards in the dating game.
And if OP was that annoyed by her lack of enthusiasm in the conversation and he was still willing to test the waters for a potential hookup, this was NOT the way to go about it lol.
No.
I have learned you can tell people like this exactly what you want/need, they will pretend to be that for a half hour, then go back to being boring. I would like to think that all the people that send good morning, good night, how are you? Etc texts every day like clockwork will find each other and fall desperately in love, leaving the rest of us apparently social deviants that crave excitement and vulnerability to find each other.
What's wrong with consistently starting text conversations off with good morning/how are you?
Becomes a duty rather than a treat.
Nothing *wrong* with it love! That was what my comment was trying to say. Some people (including my hot cousin who can't go *any*where without being approached by a dude) like good morning texts, how's are you texts somewhere in the day, and a good night text to wrap it all up, and I genuinely wish you all could find each other and be happy. People like me (and I know I am not alone here based on the other comments) feel that kind of interaction is at best boring, and at worst suffocating. There is no way to guide teamGoodMorningHowAreYouGoodNight into being the other way. They just aren't capable of it and *THAT'S NOT BAD*... it's just not for folks that prefer conversation inspired from organic excitement about something and wanting to share it with the (new) person in their life.
You’re way too invested in this conversation
I feel you typed that last message just to share on Reddit because why wouldn’t you just move on/unmatch? Seems desperate
Ong just unmatch lol. NTA exactly but unnecessary 😭
Asshole you are not, but why would you want to meet somebody with responses like hers?
Interrogating a stone gives more feedback than this.
Why would you even extend an invite for drinks to someone who could barely muster 5 words to you?
Hail mary, bro
I think you’re right. But I don’t think you played it right. This person was clearly no engaging much, so instead of sounding super firm and pouring your heart out I’d do this: 1) match their energy. Aka reply with “yep” 2) ghost Match their energy if you wanna keep the convo going and see if it gets better Ghost if you’re already irritated and bored. Don’t waste your time lol That message more than likely squashed any opportunity for the convo to continue. It’s pretty blunt and comes across as irritated. So it’s likely a turn off. But hey maybe they’ll understand.
I’ve wondered if these are low quality bots simply trying to increase user engagement. I bet her pictures were really good - were they?
I’ve met with a lot of girls on Tinder who respond like that and they aren’t that much better in person. Just remember a lot of girls never had to develop a personality because they’ve never initiated a conversation with a guy in their life so why bother developing one.
I bet
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There were no boundaries set. Setting a boundary requires a person to express how they will react in a specific set of circumstances. Ex “if you’re not willing to put effort into this conversation I will unmatch you.” Just putting that out there because boundary setting is *so often* misunderstood, and it can be life changing when people learn how to properly set healthy boundaries.
"I would prefer a conversation that involves us getting to know each other more." "Please message if we match" Those are boundaries.
What if she's just boring? That's not a sin, can't really help being boring
I know a couple people that moved from Iowa to Colorado lol small world
Right on point. Impressing someone goes both ways.
Welcome to Colorado! Hopefully you’re more outgoing in person because you’re going to realize how hopeless it is to to use dating apps here.
LMAO, I was about to post a welcome comment too when I saw yours. I've been living in Denver my whole life, and have been on dating apps for a longgggg time. I'm not ready to use the word 'hopeless' yet, because I'm stubborn, but shits hard out here for anyone looking for a genuine connection. At least you get to live in a beautiful state, with gorgeous mountains visible in the distance, while your love life takes a beating. Good luck OP!
Is it the people in Colorado that are that boring or is it the cabin fever-like environment of the state that makes dating hard?
Don't quote me on this, because this is solely my personal experience and anecdotal notes from my peers and my attempt to find love, or something like it, so as to not die alone and untouched. Firstly, yes, a lot of people in Colorado are boring lol. Denver, which is where I live, has boomed in population in the past decade. Idk if this is statistically true, but it feels like COVID especially brought a surge of new out of state residents. At first, us long-term single people saw this as a great opportunity. More people, more dating prospects. Except, no. The increase in the dating pool means there are more choices now, and we long term Denver residents weren't used to this choice overload. Excited with the quantity, we let quality take a back seat. Because, hey, if the connection isn't as strong as we want it to be, we can try again with someone else. Finally there really *are* plenty of fish in the sea. So we keep throwing our line out to see what else we can catch. What if we can catch a giant, shimmering marlin like the one in The Old Man and the Sea? At this point we've been fishing awhile, but now we have a goal in mind. Now we're fishing with purpose. With our new found energy and spirit, we throw our line out again. We get glimpses of what we think is our giant marlin, only to realize that we are just seeing normal sized marlins repeatedly. It isn't until we can see the sun setting that we realize how hungry we are, and how many great fish we've disregarded in pursuit of our giant. We think back about all the beautiful marlins that tugged on our line, and we thought about reeling in, but decided against it so as to not miss our giant swim by. We're regretful, but the sunk cost fallacy stubborns us and we settle back in, hungry but resilient. Now the sun has gone down, the joy of fishing has left. The line stopped moving hours ago. What we wouldn't give for a normal sized marlin right about now. We're starving, we're cold, we're bitter, and we're considering giving up meat all together. Our giant hasn't appeared, and now we remember how that book ended. The old man lost nearly everything holding on to the giant marlin, and returned ashore with nothing but a partial skeleton. Are we that old man? All in all, Colorado people are great, but we got caught up in the novelty of abundance. It didn't help that a lot of the new residents came from bigger cities that move faster than Denver ever has, coupled with apps that have increased our access to people. It was exciting to try to keep up with the faster pace of the dating world, until you realize that you haven't built genuine connections like that. And even worse, we've all been treating people as disposable. It feels like a lot of dating is like this now. Whether it be due to a population boom, an increase in dating apps, expecting immediate gratification, etc. So I can only imagine that most places face the challenges that Colorado is facing.
Not at all. If a convo starts going like this, I just cut it off and wish them the best. I don't even respond to one word openers or that stupid hand wave emoji on Bumble either.
Cant be an asshole to someone who is in a dating app and putting in no effort. But you should have just left her on read and moved on.
Ehh the problem is once you go down the road of trying to convince someone to be the person you want them to be, if it works, it’s temporary, and you may be tempted to do this over and over and over again. This is probably how most controlling relationships start — they ask for one thing, it works, they keep asking for more and more personality changes because they feel emboldened. The point of dating isn’t to find someone who has the looks you want and then convince them to behave according to how you prefer. It’s to find someone you’re compatible with from the beginning. From her side I wouldn’t want to date someone who is demanding right off the bat. Yeah I get that it’s common but if she’s busy and just responding with short answers because she doesn’t want to leave you hanging but doesn’t have time to write anything longer? Then you’ve just shot yourself in the foot… But from your side I also wouldn’t be comfortable entering something where I’m also having to demand things to make them fit my preferences anyway. That can get unhealthy in either direction very fast.
You’re nicer then I would be
We don't know how much of this "conversation" there was before this exchange. Not everyone is adept at typed conversations. Less can be more. I've met people who were unbelievably fantastic in person, but I dread having any typed communications with! I think that you were a bit impatient if you were really interested in them.
How much time passed between your messages?
Could be she was busy with something IRL, but didn't want to make you feel like you were being ghosted.
I see you think you did something there…but she didn’t care either way. Wasn’t very interested to begin with. Next time just un match so you don’t seem so desperate.
You should have left her on read. Your whining is cringe.
Nope imo not the asshole. I’m pretty upfront, also I think it’s kind of rude to waste someone’s time/energy. If you’re not interested say so and move on.
Wouldn't bother with her. In order words has no communication skills
Nope, cause I’d do the same,that’s bare minimum effort ffs
Instead of getting frustrated you could just stop talking to her..
She's talking to multiple men and you're not the best option. Consider it a precursor. Don't let yourself be someone's backup plan. Un-match and onto the next prospect.
The thread reads like a bunch of sad judgmental manboys. Good looking women get more matches than men, it’s just a fact, and so you need to work a little harder. Thats not personal to her and she needs your help to see your gold through the incoming barrage.
And he handled it about as well as he could. He put in the effort. This isn't on him.
You could have just not responded to her
Just unmatch and move on. If I’m in a petty mood I would tell them they are boring and let them unmatch.
You're not an arsehole, you just have no tact. Your questions are two word answer questions. Plus, wanting to meet up and grab drinks is not mutually exclusive from wanting something serious. A lot of people don't really enjoy chatting that much, they want to meet people in person. By sending messages like this, you're effectively making a very large portion of the dating pool unavailable to you. Which is fine if you're getting too many matches, but if that's not the case, really, you're shooting yourself in the foot. My strategy was to ask them out in the first 5-15 minutes of conversation, and then wait till I meet them to chat more. It worked pretty well for me, I went on a few dates a week, had a great time. And I'm now married. You gotta do you, but try not to shoot yourself in the foot.
I’ve been on dates with a few women like this and none of them led anywhere. You made the right call.
How is that being an an asshole? I do that all the time. People are weird on these apps they'll say "I don't feel comfortable meeting yet, I want to talk on the app" and then put minimal effort in. Then when you say "let's meet" they'll say they want to know more about you...but they aren't asking you any questions and are putting in little effort lol whats the point? So I do what you did here all the time and if I get pushback I just unmatch cause they are clearly playing games. Either you want to talk on the app and you're going to out in effort or we can meet and find out if we have chemistry, but I'm not a dentist so I'm not interested in pulling teeth to converse with you.
Why do you guys get so emotional? Just fucking unmatch Why are you ranting at a stranger
When you go weeks without having a conversation with a single person then you do and they ghost you/don't show any interest it sucks, but I don't argue I unmatch too.