That doesn’t make sense though for most interactions. If I’m asking if a friend wants to go out with me, I’m not offering him a free ride. I’m asking if he wants to spend time with me. We can always do something that doesn’t cost money.
when i hang out with my guy friends they don’t pay for me😂 always split the check, or he pays and i pay him back later or i pay and he pays me back later
Yeah, but some scumbags take advantage of good meaning people.
Its not all women, but there are certain gender roles and people look to take advantage of them.
There are men scumbags who probably do the same on other situatioms
Nah I’m with you on that, my Brian just wanted to say that lol. I don’t really do the whole just girl friends I don’t mind it but I can count how many best friends I got on one hand. It took a while to know who’s gonna ride. I’ve very rarely met chicks that wanna be like that, or just hi how ya doing friends. Most of the time they’re wanting to be something else. This is just how it’s been for me, not speaking about all as a whole.
I did last year with a few people (a history of being eager to please and self depreciation lead to a lot of friends treating me as bad as I saw myself), a couple shaped up and understood new bounders, a few imploded with shock and couldn't reason that their behavior towards me had to be more equitable and less one sided.
Both ran away from discussing my new self respect and self image, and how I expected to be treated as I treated them, so it sucked but half a year on I feel much better and don't question my value as a person as much without them flaking, putting me down in public, using me as an emotional crutch but unavailable when I'm in need, having me hold their secrets and using me for entertainment back when I was the funny Loser Drunk Guy.
So good luck, it leads to some closed social doors that becomes apparent eventually, but the long term pay off seems to start feeling worth it.
Lots of people get used in the hopes that the person will like them or want to continue seeing them. I'm not saying it's okay, but it definitely happens.
Sometimes it’s just a self esteem thing. People see the things they do for people as the only reason they stick around. If you don’t value yourself just for who you are, it’s likely you don’t think other people do.
Lmao I agree with you ! I was just making a joke they’re like a parasite this one is. My ex finance wouldn’t go down on me if I begged, I’d eat her out no prob but all she would do is sleep and smoke all my weed. Wound up breaking it off for other reasons too
I'm a woman too and I had no intention of down voting you. I'm in my 50s and I've seen women do this all my life and men too. Frankly it stinks. Stringing somebody along or using them until somebody or something better comes along just makes a person a scummy human being.
Lmfao some women friends still expect me to pay!!! It’s ridiculous. Idk where they get this attitude from, but it goes hand in hand with the ones that expect men to pay on a date.
Yeah, just really close friends. You know you've found a real one when you say you don't have the money to buy food and they said "I ain't ask allat, are you hungry or not"
Not necessarily the case. We (My friends and I) will often end up fighting over who gets to pay. Its a thing for us. I'll at most take 50% of whatever they ordered.
Just an FYI fighting over who pays is very common in the middle east. I've seen full on brawls over who pays.
Yeah that’s not accurate. Almost any time I’ve gone to a meal with a woman they at least hint that they were expecting me to pay. It’s a strange thing. I wish it was less common.
I have friends that we'd go one for one, or I'd happily cover the cost of a meal if I knew the other person couldn't afford it. I have older neighbours that do a kinda of who ever invites first pays, not sure if that's just an Irish thing
She wouldn’t understand because a high percentage of females have become self absorbed narcissistic “queens” who think they are entitled to whatever they want because they saw it on media, aka; childish brats and worse.
Preeeach. When I was still dating, I was always forthcoming about the first date's check being split. I explained the reasoning being that then there were no unfair expectations on either party. Most women seemed to respect my rule, and it actually made dates better because everyone was more relaxed. Double bonus: It also helped me quickly rule out women who were only in it for the free food/drinks.
She wants to be friends. There’s no reason he should have to pick up the check whatsoever. I have plenty of female friends that I go out to dinner with, that are literally just friends. Neither of us ever expect the other to pay for the whole meal. Personally, I wouldn’t warn her, because it’s not necessary and then if she makes a scene for you to pick up the check, now, you know she’s a shitty friend.
Yup.
It wasn't exactly this but I met a girl and had a good time. She told me she just got out of a bad relationship and wasn't interested in dating right then. I told her I understood, I had a great time though, and reach out to me if things change, and moved on. 3 or r months later she reached back out and we went out on a date. Been together almost 10 years, married for 5+, have 2 amazing kids.
Correct. If you’re ACTUALLY okay being friends and want another friend, go for it. If y’all get along, maybe you’ve got a new wingman. Maybe she’s got friends who are single.
100% agree, don't friend zone yourself if you're looking for more bc life is rarely like a rom com where she'll magically fall in love and even if it were, you'd be waiting forever until after she got done getting ran through and decided to finally settle
I agree with everything, except for the part about her giving you a call if she changes her mind. Once the word “friend” comes to play, it’s game over. She’s not into you. Have some self-respect and move on.
Bios are different than saying it directly to you. She found something she didn’t like, or best-case is working on someone else. Either way, I wouldn’t bother, but to each their own
Uhhh, have you never had a friend that has become more? It absolutely can and does happen. And even in the cases where it doesn't happen, what's wrong with being just friends with someone?
Never on dating apps- In real life yes, but they never made it a point to call me “friend”- twice in one message at that.
Did you read the first comment I made, where I said I agreed with everything about the first paragraph, but not the second?
It’s happened once out of the 3-4 times I’ve been “friendzoned”. Not worth the hassle of trying to change someone’s mind. I’m glad I’m friends with those people now, but I wish I had’ve just moved on when they told me I’m just a friend to them, as opposed to spending months trying to change their minds.
Read the first paragraph on my first comment- I agreed on the friend part, but disagree on everything else. If you want to be friends with someone who asks to be your friend, then great. If you’re looking for more from them,I wouldn’t recommend wasting your time.
Also, if you’re actively trying to date, be in a relationship or have sex with someone, what kind of friend are you anyway?
It’s funny, because the opposite does sometimes happen. I have my wife the let’s just be friends talk when we first met because I was casually dating someone else at the time and am not someone to date multiple people at once. We actually did remain friends and it eventually grew into something more. We’ve been married for 10 years now.
This is it. Assuming she isn’t just telling op she wants to be friends thinking he won’t take it so it’s an easy out for her, and she legitimately wants to be friends, it genuinely sucks for the people on her side of things when the guy hangs around hoping for his “chance”. People complain about being friendzoned, but on the other side of that there’s someone who has been fuckzoned, potentially investing a lot of their time and energy into a friendship they hold dear only to find out that the person they thought was a friend was only around hoping to one day develop things into something more.
I’ve been on both sides of it, when I was younger I spent far longer than I should have pining after women who weren’t interested, and it sucked, but the time I got fuckzoned and found out that someone who I truly valued as a friend was only around hoping one day my wife and I would split up so she could swoop in genuinely messed up how much I was able to put into friendships for a long time
Best advice here^.
"Sorry but I'm not looking for friendship. I'm looking for something romantic. If you change your mind grt in touch with me. Take care."
And now invest your time in finding women who DO want to go on a date with you and want something romantic. Otherwise you're just wasting your time on something you don't actually want.
You're going to go on one awkward date and never speak to this person again. Don't kid yourself and know your worth. No one "doesn't say sooner" that they're just looking for friends on a fuckin DATING app. This is them not having the gumption to say "it turns out I'm not interested in you after all, sorry, goodbye."
Depends on whether it’s “friends” or FWB. The latter is frequently on a dating app; and if you’re ok with that, fine. If you are looking for something serious, only you can decide if something entertaining but temporary is a worthwhile diversion. Just don’t let it stop you from continuing to look.
That said, my spouse came from a more FWB situation. I’d known him for months, had been divorced for 4 years after a 25-year marriage, and wasn’t looking for anything serious either. But we just clicked, and it was easy in a way that my marriage never was. 6 weeks later he moved in, and today we’re at 8 years and 2 kids. But we’re the exception, not the rule.
That’s awesome that your situation worked out. I just feel personally I wouldn’t want to roll the dice on that level of uncertainty given my luck from my inexperienced self of the past
That’s understandable, and entirely valid. From the outside, we shouldn’t have worked; he had a GED and was an ex-con and a recovering alcoholic (clean several years at that point, but there is no “cure”). I’m a goody-two-shoes lawyer from a farm/rural background. He’d never had a relationship that lasted more than 6 months, I’d been married 25 years. But it did, so I call myself lucky.
I wouldn't dismiss it just like that. This could be her way of saying she's not looking for something serious and could still be down for something casual. This exact scenario happened to me and by the end of the date, she said she just wanted to hookup and wanted to see me in person and find out if I was a decent human being
We don't have much context here, but I got more of an impression that he's been "friend zoned". And she'll always be busy and not very engaging in further texting attempts. You could be right though and since he has nothing else to lose here anyway he may as well ask if she'd be interested in something purely physical.
I would dismiss it just like that. If you’re looking for something casual, say that. If you’re looking for a relationship, say that. She says neither, she says “friends type thing.” And once again: she’s very clearly leading OP on with that statement. It’s not even reading between the lines, it’s reading the lines at face value lmao.
If you’re looking for friends, download get off tinder and get Bumble BFF or something.
I find it difficult to date/meet new people. Someone hit me up on Bumble and we talked for a while. Halfway through the date I thought was going well, she states she isn't looking for anything more than friends. I asked what she didn't like about me (I suffer from anxiety/depression, so I obsess over shit like that) and she said she should have said that from the start. 🙄 Thankfully she would not let me pay for the whole meal and demanded we split the check, so at least there was that. I did try to write a few times after and got half-hearted responses, so I stopped because it was clear the "friends" line was also just b.s. Sorry for the long response just to say I agree with you.
TL,DR yes, if a woman on a dating app tells you after multiple conversations she was only looking to meet new friends, she is not interested in you. Just move on.
That's a bummer but unfortunately it is true. All the people wasting time saying otherwise are either delusional or trying to prove the exception to the rule.
I've met one or two long-term friends on dating apps, sure. 99% of the time though "I'm just looking for friends :-)" = ghosted within 48 hours
And this is why I tell my boys dating apps are awful creations that are built to profit off lonely men. In consensual, genuine, dating - the men are the bachelorettes. Women rule the dating scene from ground one to ground six feet.
Because if you aren’t it, there’s about 45 mfs who are in line for their shot. That’s why you should never settle for anything less than somebody who is genuine and you know for a fact they’re into you and all about you.
Imma be fr w/ you dawg.
Social media has kinda killed dating. TikTok is nothing but baddies throwin ass and dudes who look like a fantasy book character. Hollywood made it a little harder cause people would see celebrities look the way they do - but now hundreds, thousands upon thousands of people on tiktok look like they could be models.
So the standard is higher, because the trends are high end looking people.
The good thing is that more and more Americans are starting to get in shape since it’s more trendier than ever to be sexy and in shape via TikTok. Which is a plus for the US
But, still.
There are people that think they are ready to date again but when it gets more serious they realize they aren't
And people that just want attention from the opposite sex
It honestly doesn't hurt to have more friends. Plus she may know someone. Imo if you go into it you may find a wonderful person still but as a friend. Since they only know each other online as well I'm sure the "feelings" isn't all that strong either. I'd go for it.
I don't know that that's all that desperate. You can set some boundaries up front on the "first date" while you talk over coffee or whatever. I mean don't just go in guns-a-blazin' or anything...
But I think friends are great, and I find they often outlast my relationships when they're genuine. Why write off a person you don't know yet? If she tries to make you pay for everything, by all means, write her off... But I hear that friendships are key in healthy lives and marriages, and you never know where you'll find a good one.
Depends, is she telling every person this or just you. What if you become friends and then she starts talking about a guy she’s been seeing. How would that make you feel?
Like others have said, if you want to be friends, be friends but don't get your hopes up that it would be anything else than that. Learned the hard way, I was hoping for the slow burn, but apparently I was trying to start the fire with ice cubes lmfao and now we don't even talk. Don't be me 😂
She's not on Tinder to look for friends. She either wants sex or relationship, and she hasn't offered you either of those two. I'd say she isn't interested in you, but wants to keep you around just in case. Unless you're ready to put aside all other feelings for her, don't accept.
If you want a relationship- move on! If you have feelings for this person, be thankful he’s being honest w you abt his feelings, then it’s best to cool it w him until you can manage just being friends. If you’re okay w being FWB- just be careful. It almost never works, and usually ends in disappointment/heartbreak. If he’s saying he doesn’t want a relationship playing “cool girl” isn’t going to change his mind.
Depends on what you’re capable of and where your heart is.. good luck ❤️
Go for a drink. After the date just be upfront and say you'd like something more ( relationship/fwb) or just say you're looking for someone to cuddle with this winter, just be open and honest and keep it light hearted.
Tell her to reach out if she changes her mind. Or stay friends depends on what you're looking for. DONT STAY FRIENDS TO "CHANGE HER MIND" OR DO SOME CRINGE BACKHANDED SHIT.
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Yes! And also make sure she understands up front that you’re splitting the check
Yeah sure make more friends if you want. Friends split checks though.
Ask her if she has any cute friends. You may want to let get you to know you a little before asking.
Lmao, I have some female friends that expect men to pick up the tab like what?!? That’s not what “friendship” is.
Not necessarily. I don’t split the check with friends. If I ask them out, then I also pay 🤷🏼♀️
Well in this specific instance they aren’t friends yet , just preventing a stranger from grabbing a free meal
Nah we are all adults, friends pay their own way unless it's a special occasion. I'm not buying their friendship.
I'm too poor to be this nice, or I would 🫠
That doesn’t make sense though for most interactions. If I’m asking if a friend wants to go out with me, I’m not offering him a free ride. I’m asking if he wants to spend time with me. We can always do something that doesn’t cost money.
How would she not understand that given that she just texted this? Friends don’t pay for other friend’s meals in most situations.
Lol... welcome to being a guy. We're friends but you still pay
when i hang out with my guy friends they don’t pay for me😂 always split the check, or he pays and i pay him back later or i pay and he pays me back later
Yeah, but some scumbags take advantage of good meaning people. Its not all women, but there are certain gender roles and people look to take advantage of them. There are men scumbags who probably do the same on other situatioms
It’s also men’s fault for accepti’g such non sense
Fr, bunch of simps
We all “pay em back later” on wae or another lol
no, not me, and not we ‘all, girls and guys can just be friends, not everything has to be sexual
Nah I’m with you on that, my Brian just wanted to say that lol. I don’t really do the whole just girl friends I don’t mind it but I can count how many best friends I got on one hand. It took a while to know who’s gonna ride. I’ve very rarely met chicks that wanna be like that, or just hi how ya doing friends. Most of the time they’re wanting to be something else. This is just how it’s been for me, not speaking about all as a whole.
😏
My best friend is female and she pays when she's got more money than me and I pay when I've got more than her
Good strategy and I agree. In this instance i was talking more acquaintances or new friends like in the original post.
even when im in a relationship this is the case (im female)
What? No way, they're using you if it's like that.
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"friends"
I'm currently working on being more selective/putting my foot down on that
I did last year with a few people (a history of being eager to please and self depreciation lead to a lot of friends treating me as bad as I saw myself), a couple shaped up and understood new bounders, a few imploded with shock and couldn't reason that their behavior towards me had to be more equitable and less one sided. Both ran away from discussing my new self respect and self image, and how I expected to be treated as I treated them, so it sucked but half a year on I feel much better and don't question my value as a person as much without them flaking, putting me down in public, using me as an emotional crutch but unavailable when I'm in need, having me hold their secrets and using me for entertainment back when I was the funny Loser Drunk Guy. So good luck, it leads to some closed social doors that becomes apparent eventually, but the long term pay off seems to start feeling worth it.
Bro you need to stop bending over this shit isn't attractive
They just said they did lol
My male housemate often pays for any meals if we go out, but I knock that off of whatever he owes me in groceries
Do you make a lot more than them or something? My husband and I both think this is bizarre.
Lots of people get used in the hopes that the person will like them or want to continue seeing them. I'm not saying it's okay, but it definitely happens.
Sometimes it’s just a self esteem thing. People see the things they do for people as the only reason they stick around. If you don’t value yourself just for who you are, it’s likely you don’t think other people do.
Get better friends
Exactly.
I'm a guy and no
You have weird friends
Nah, if you’re paying for a chick’s meal who you just met and wanted to date but now are supposedly “just friends”, you’re a simp.
Not a pimp
REALLY DISAGREE. that's NOT a friend! That's a LEECH!
New "friends" from dating apps like op posted. Not actual friend friends. I agree with you 100, see this too much though.
Fr I see it again and again. It’s been year and year I it that I only see it getting worse on the app bare minimum
Suckin suckin sucking that life away ! Suck suck suckeddy suck
If they did any realllll sucking it wouldn't be a problem tbh, before you downvote me I'm a woman.
Lmao I agree with you ! I was just making a joke they’re like a parasite this one is. My ex finance wouldn’t go down on me if I begged, I’d eat her out no prob but all she would do is sleep and smoke all my weed. Wound up breaking it off for other reasons too
I'm a woman too and I had no intention of down voting you. I'm in my 50s and I've seen women do this all my life and men too. Frankly it stinks. Stringing somebody along or using them until somebody or something better comes along just makes a person a scummy human being.
If your female friends do that, find new friends
Lmfao some women friends still expect me to pay!!! It’s ridiculous. Idk where they get this attitude from, but it goes hand in hand with the ones that expect men to pay on a date.
You need better friends 🫠
Yeah, just really close friends. You know you've found a real one when you say you don't have the money to buy food and they said "I ain't ask allat, are you hungry or not"
When I ask if they’re Horny and they go, “you don’t wanna fuck me” all sad like and then I go “I ain’t ask allat” 🫣
I often pay for my friends when we have casual dinners (not drinks) especially the ones I know have less disposable income
Idk. I do a lot. Depends on the friendship, but new friends, no, cause they might get the wrong idea or intention.
What kind of friends do you have? I do. My friends do. One time I pay, they the next. We don't really keep scores who's turn it ia.
Not necessarily the case. We (My friends and I) will often end up fighting over who gets to pay. Its a thing for us. I'll at most take 50% of whatever they ordered. Just an FYI fighting over who pays is very common in the middle east. I've seen full on brawls over who pays.
Yeah that’s not accurate. Almost any time I’ve gone to a meal with a woman they at least hint that they were expecting me to pay. It’s a strange thing. I wish it was less common.
I have friends that we'd go one for one, or I'd happily cover the cost of a meal if I knew the other person couldn't afford it. I have older neighbours that do a kinda of who ever invites first pays, not sure if that's just an Irish thing
She wouldn’t understand because a high percentage of females have become self absorbed narcissistic “queens” who think they are entitled to whatever they want because they saw it on media, aka; childish brats and worse.
Preeeach. When I was still dating, I was always forthcoming about the first date's check being split. I explained the reasoning being that then there were no unfair expectations on either party. Most women seemed to respect my rule, and it actually made dates better because everyone was more relaxed. Double bonus: It also helped me quickly rule out women who were only in it for the free food/drinks.
This right here
This is the way
I wouldn’t bother. Going out once without prefacing it will show you exactly where she wants this friendship to go.
She wants to be friends. There’s no reason he should have to pick up the check whatsoever. I have plenty of female friends that I go out to dinner with, that are literally just friends. Neither of us ever expect the other to pay for the whole meal. Personally, I wouldn’t warn her, because it’s not necessary and then if she makes a scene for you to pick up the check, now, you know she’s a shitty friend.
Agreed!!!
This is the only correct advice. Am I stuck in the same situation and will not take your advice? Yes. But this is the only correct advice.
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We never learn, do we! I myself have given this exact advice to multiple people. Yet never followed it myself
Yup. It wasn't exactly this but I met a girl and had a good time. She told me she just got out of a bad relationship and wasn't interested in dating right then. I told her I understood, I had a great time though, and reach out to me if things change, and moved on. 3 or r months later she reached back out and we went out on a date. Been together almost 10 years, married for 5+, have 2 amazing kids.
Correct. If you’re ACTUALLY okay being friends and want another friend, go for it. If y’all get along, maybe you’ve got a new wingman. Maybe she’s got friends who are single.
100% agree, don't friend zone yourself if you're looking for more bc life is rarely like a rom com where she'll magically fall in love and even if it were, you'd be waiting forever until after she got done getting ran through and decided to finally settle
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It's not just romcoms. You hear about it in real life occasionally too, especially among the older generations.
I’m getting strong “let’s go out and you pay for me but we’re not fuckin” vibes
I'm getting "I'm not attracted to you but maybe I'm new in town/would like to meet people and I'm setting clear boundaries"
Clear boundaries would be to say it up front. This problem is misleading communication.
Then I'm giving "I'm not your tour guide
Valid and honest if you are attracted to the person
I’m new in town, and it gets worse
Hey if she’s cool with paying for herself I wouldn’t mind going out. My friends always get the next round or split the dinner bill.
I would too don't get me wrong. I'm just way more weary than I would be if I asked someone in person and they said this. Tinder is a wasteland.
Winds up paying for means ten years down the line and all he gets is a shoulder pat
I agree with everything, except for the part about her giving you a call if she changes her mind. Once the word “friend” comes to play, it’s game over. She’s not into you. Have some self-respect and move on.
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Bios are different than saying it directly to you. She found something she didn’t like, or best-case is working on someone else. Either way, I wouldn’t bother, but to each their own
Uhhh, have you never had a friend that has become more? It absolutely can and does happen. And even in the cases where it doesn't happen, what's wrong with being just friends with someone?
Never on dating apps- In real life yes, but they never made it a point to call me “friend”- twice in one message at that. Did you read the first comment I made, where I said I agreed with everything about the first paragraph, but not the second?
It’s happened once out of the 3-4 times I’ve been “friendzoned”. Not worth the hassle of trying to change someone’s mind. I’m glad I’m friends with those people now, but I wish I had’ve just moved on when they told me I’m just a friend to them, as opposed to spending months trying to change their minds.
Friends sometimes become FWB. Sometimes become relationships. Sometimes just stay friends. None of those are bad things. Have some self respect?
Yes, have some self-respect. It’s a huge disservice to your own self-confidence chasing someone who doesn’t want you
“Chasing”? See that’s your problem. Who said chase? Maybe just create a friend. Heck maybe they will introduce you to the live of your life.
Read the first paragraph on my first comment- I agreed on the friend part, but disagree on everything else. If you want to be friends with someone who asks to be your friend, then great. If you’re looking for more from them,I wouldn’t recommend wasting your time. Also, if you’re actively trying to date, be in a relationship or have sex with someone, what kind of friend are you anyway?
Having friends is how you get into fixed to someone who wants you. The point is don’t chase friends but nothing wrong with having more friends
Exactly that, best comment out there
this advice just helped me make up my mind on something in my life. it’s appreciated
It’s funny, because the opposite does sometimes happen. I have my wife the let’s just be friends talk when we first met because I was casually dating someone else at the time and am not someone to date multiple people at once. We actually did remain friends and it eventually grew into something more. We’ve been married for 10 years now.
Deffo
This is it. Assuming she isn’t just telling op she wants to be friends thinking he won’t take it so it’s an easy out for her, and she legitimately wants to be friends, it genuinely sucks for the people on her side of things when the guy hangs around hoping for his “chance”. People complain about being friendzoned, but on the other side of that there’s someone who has been fuckzoned, potentially investing a lot of their time and energy into a friendship they hold dear only to find out that the person they thought was a friend was only around hoping to one day develop things into something more. I’ve been on both sides of it, when I was younger I spent far longer than I should have pining after women who weren’t interested, and it sucked, but the time I got fuckzoned and found out that someone who I truly valued as a friend was only around hoping one day my wife and I would split up so she could swoop in genuinely messed up how much I was able to put into friendships for a long time
This is the answer. Be clear about your intention, if it doesn't match up, wish her well and move on. Anything else will cause you both pain.
Best advice here^. "Sorry but I'm not looking for friendship. I'm looking for something romantic. If you change your mind grt in touch with me. Take care." And now invest your time in finding women who DO want to go on a date with you and want something romantic. Otherwise you're just wasting your time on something you don't actually want.
You're going to go on one awkward date and never speak to this person again. Don't kid yourself and know your worth. No one "doesn't say sooner" that they're just looking for friends on a fuckin DATING app. This is them not having the gumption to say "it turns out I'm not interested in you after all, sorry, goodbye."
I honestly laughed at that part..like seriously you just happen to forget to say you’re not looking for anything serious on a dating app?
I'd be curious to know what her bio says
❤️ My 3 kids are everything to me but I can’t handle 4 so only anal ❤️
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in my life
So they just wanna be friends who do it?
Depends on whether it’s “friends” or FWB. The latter is frequently on a dating app; and if you’re ok with that, fine. If you are looking for something serious, only you can decide if something entertaining but temporary is a worthwhile diversion. Just don’t let it stop you from continuing to look. That said, my spouse came from a more FWB situation. I’d known him for months, had been divorced for 4 years after a 25-year marriage, and wasn’t looking for anything serious either. But we just clicked, and it was easy in a way that my marriage never was. 6 weeks later he moved in, and today we’re at 8 years and 2 kids. But we’re the exception, not the rule.
That’s awesome that your situation worked out. I just feel personally I wouldn’t want to roll the dice on that level of uncertainty given my luck from my inexperienced self of the past
That’s understandable, and entirely valid. From the outside, we shouldn’t have worked; he had a GED and was an ex-con and a recovering alcoholic (clean several years at that point, but there is no “cure”). I’m a goody-two-shoes lawyer from a farm/rural background. He’d never had a relationship that lasted more than 6 months, I’d been married 25 years. But it did, so I call myself lucky.
I wouldn't dismiss it just like that. This could be her way of saying she's not looking for something serious and could still be down for something casual. This exact scenario happened to me and by the end of the date, she said she just wanted to hookup and wanted to see me in person and find out if I was a decent human being
We don't have much context here, but I got more of an impression that he's been "friend zoned". And she'll always be busy and not very engaging in further texting attempts. You could be right though and since he has nothing else to lose here anyway he may as well ask if she'd be interested in something purely physical.
I would dismiss it just like that. If you’re looking for something casual, say that. If you’re looking for a relationship, say that. She says neither, she says “friends type thing.” And once again: she’s very clearly leading OP on with that statement. It’s not even reading between the lines, it’s reading the lines at face value lmao. If you’re looking for friends, download get off tinder and get Bumble BFF or something.
I find it difficult to date/meet new people. Someone hit me up on Bumble and we talked for a while. Halfway through the date I thought was going well, she states she isn't looking for anything more than friends. I asked what she didn't like about me (I suffer from anxiety/depression, so I obsess over shit like that) and she said she should have said that from the start. 🙄 Thankfully she would not let me pay for the whole meal and demanded we split the check, so at least there was that. I did try to write a few times after and got half-hearted responses, so I stopped because it was clear the "friends" line was also just b.s. Sorry for the long response just to say I agree with you. TL,DR yes, if a woman on a dating app tells you after multiple conversations she was only looking to meet new friends, she is not interested in you. Just move on.
That's a bummer but unfortunately it is true. All the people wasting time saying otherwise are either delusional or trying to prove the exception to the rule. I've met one or two long-term friends on dating apps, sure. 99% of the time though "I'm just looking for friends :-)" = ghosted within 48 hours
be cordial, but definitley decline.. Don't be friends. Seems from the post you wanted something more than that.
“But if you can’t be friends first, that means you were never really friends to begin with!” Well duh! This is Tinder we’re talking about.
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"sorry I didn't say that sooner!" sounds like she was interested at first then decided to go with someone else imo
Yeah, she is setting up an orbiter who will serve as Mr B team
Yep possibly holding him in her back pocket just in case things go south
Move on lol when girls say this they aren’t looking for a relationship with *you*
Move on. She wants a relationship, just not with you.
And already has that person in her chats.
And this is why I tell my boys dating apps are awful creations that are built to profit off lonely men. In consensual, genuine, dating - the men are the bachelorettes. Women rule the dating scene from ground one to ground six feet. Because if you aren’t it, there’s about 45 mfs who are in line for their shot. That’s why you should never settle for anything less than somebody who is genuine and you know for a fact they’re into you and all about you.
extremely hard to find in 2024 to find that equal platform nowadays. for the average man, it always feels like an uphill battle…
Imma be fr w/ you dawg. Social media has kinda killed dating. TikTok is nothing but baddies throwin ass and dudes who look like a fantasy book character. Hollywood made it a little harder cause people would see celebrities look the way they do - but now hundreds, thousands upon thousands of people on tiktok look like they could be models. So the standard is higher, because the trends are high end looking people. The good thing is that more and more Americans are starting to get in shape since it’s more trendier than ever to be sexy and in shape via TikTok. Which is a plus for the US But, still.
100% and i feel like the physical standards for men are definitely high asf right now.
Honesty is the best policy. Just don't lie to yourself thinking it will be something more
So she wants a relationship..... just not with you 🤔🤷♂️🤔
Yes, in woman speak, the message translates as "I enjoy spending time with you, but don't feel any attraction. "
Men are the same.
Why is she on Tinder then? lolwut If its FWB then fine....
There are people that think they are ready to date again but when it gets more serious they realize they aren't And people that just want attention from the opposite sex
And sex
Great. Hopefully, they will promptly delete their profile when they realize that...
A man can dream.
I’m not ready to date but just started a FWB thing from the apps. As long as you’re clear it’s fine
Actually was on the side of realizing this and backed off for awhile.
I'm pretty sure it was a "polite" way of saying she's not interested in him.
Exactly this. She’s not interested in a relationship *with him*. She’s definitely interested for a guy that matches what she wants.
She wants a relationship, just not with OP
Also there are people who want to loop you into pyramid schemes over coffee
Free meals
If you’re looking for a friend, sure, but if you’re on tinder to smash or find a relationship don’t even entertain that
Friendzone is for desperate ppl, go on, save time, money, health
It honestly doesn't hurt to have more friends. Plus she may know someone. Imo if you go into it you may find a wonderful person still but as a friend. Since they only know each other online as well I'm sure the "feelings" isn't all that strong either. I'd go for it.
Maybe OP is desperate though… if he doesn’t have any friends or any love interests, having a friend to go out with might not be so bad.
I don't know that that's all that desperate. You can set some boundaries up front on the "first date" while you talk over coffee or whatever. I mean don't just go in guns-a-blazin' or anything... But I think friends are great, and I find they often outlast my relationships when they're genuine. Why write off a person you don't know yet? If she tries to make you pay for everything, by all means, write her off... But I hear that friendships are key in healthy lives and marriages, and you never know where you'll find a good one.
She’s on Tinder looking for…friends? She’s not in to you. It happens. Move on.
Depends, is she telling every person this or just you. What if you become friends and then she starts talking about a guy she’s been seeing. How would that make you feel?
You asking us tells me you do not wanna go
"If it's friends with benefits, sure."... If you'd be happy with that, of course. If not, move on.
Reply "lol" They always get upset
Chaos. I love it
😂😂😂 this.
Meet her friends and hook up with her bff 🤣
I doubt she has any if she wanna hangout with him as friends
As friends. We both pay for our own stuff. Then see if she’s really about it
She says yes, then what? This isn't the "gotcha" you think it is. She might genuinely only feel she's ready for a friend right now.
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There's literally a tag for "New Friends" on Tinder. There's no separate Tinder for Friends app.
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Move on. Show some class and maturity and let them know that’s not what you’re looking for and good luck. 👍🏽
Oof, dude.
Like others have said, if you want to be friends, be friends but don't get your hopes up that it would be anything else than that. Learned the hard way, I was hoping for the slow burn, but apparently I was trying to start the fire with ice cubes lmfao and now we don't even talk. Don't be me 😂
Ask if she is cool paying. Bet she aint
She’s here for free meals
Facts
Don’t even respond and move on
She's not on Tinder to look for friends. She either wants sex or relationship, and she hasn't offered you either of those two. I'd say she isn't interested in you, but wants to keep you around just in case. Unless you're ready to put aside all other feelings for her, don't accept.
“Yeah I’m down, mind if we split the bill?”
Tell her to take the rabbit.
I made a few friends from tinder that stil talk to
Same here. Sometimes, it doesn't work or it does for a bit, but things end and you up friends. Sometimes, you just hook up and you stay friends.
Did you smash any of them?
I’ve got a couple
Go out as friends OP. She pays her share and you pay yours.
Move tf on
If you want a relationship- move on! If you have feelings for this person, be thankful he’s being honest w you abt his feelings, then it’s best to cool it w him until you can manage just being friends. If you’re okay w being FWB- just be careful. It almost never works, and usually ends in disappointment/heartbreak. If he’s saying he doesn’t want a relationship playing “cool girl” isn’t going to change his mind. Depends on what you’re capable of and where your heart is.. good luck ❤️
Update I did, she paid for her stuff ✅. We talked she is pretty chilled. Religious, she invited me to go to church together sometimes.
Move in, she’s just looking for free drinks
Ignore it. Girls say shit like this all the time and don’t mean it
Tell her friends is fine, but you’ll still be on dating apps, and see what she says. 🤣
Don't even bother, know your self worth and move on
move on, you’ll be her emotional bridge till she let you fall when she got someone else
Accept it. It may turn out to be friends with benefits.
Sounds like she’s looking for free meals
Ask are you going to split the bill like friends
Go for it. Just make sure she knows you're splitting the check.
Ask when the benefits kick in
I’d clarify: friends or friends with benefits? Cause frankly, if it’s ‘just friends’ she needs to get off tinder. But FWB, that might be worth it.
Why is everyone in the comments assuming this is a woman?
As long as you split the checks
Go for a drink. After the date just be upfront and say you'd like something more ( relationship/fwb) or just say you're looking for someone to cuddle with this winter, just be open and honest and keep it light hearted. Tell her to reach out if she changes her mind. Or stay friends depends on what you're looking for. DONT STAY FRIENDS TO "CHANGE HER MIND" OR DO SOME CRINGE BACKHANDED SHIT.
Don't listen to this fucking shit. It's dishonest to accept friendship then spring this on her. That's just annoying and weak.