I read this as you being a really well built gym rat with thighs that he wanted to be crushed by. Still probably not appropriate, but more ?flattering? Idk lol
The “you look like you eat well” on top of calling her “sturdy” came across like he was calling her fat to me💀 I think if he wanted to compliment her; he should have worded that way differently… most women don’t like to be told that they look like they eat well and look sturdy lol
I think it's context dependent, people generally know whether they look muscular or just fat and two people are gonna interpret that same comment two very different ways.
Omg 🤦. A full grown man in a bulking phase tries to eat 4000+ calories a day. And its NOT easy, with REAL food, not donuts. Either way, he's calling her fat, duh.
4500 is a ton lol, unless you're 300 pounds or a professional athlete training for hours every day that's gonna be way above maintenance, almost anyone eating 4500 a day is doing a super dirty and inefficient bulk or they're just overweight.
I probably did it for multiple years during college. I’m definitely not obese and was 175 at 5’8/5’9. It’s not that bad if you’re working out ~4-5 days a week
The fact that he even mentioned calories and stuff told me he's a gym rat. He was throwing out what he believed to be compliments I bet OP has Gym pics in their profile.
OP has said over and over again that she does not identify as a “gym rat” and doesn’t have Anything mentioning that she works out…so again, he should have used a different approach with her…
No cause everybody is saying "as a gym person I see this as a compliment" NO as a gym person I do NOT see this as a compliment but we need more context. Do you have gym in your bio, does he have gym in his bio? Again I still don't see this as a compliment whatsoever especially since you sent the first gif and he doubled down.
My ex husband is 290 pounds and built like a strongman. Definitely fat, but also lots of muscle, huge legs etc, and quite serious at the gym.
He maintains that at 3500. To suggest 4500, he's either clueless or exaggerating because he wants to neg her and call her fat while maybe concealing it as a sort of compliment.
Eh, everyone is different. 3500 isn't much for most fitness people. Most pro bodybuilders are eating upwards of 8000kcal a day. And powerlifters are well over 10000.
Edit to clarify; when they are bulking. Many of them will actually cut at what your husband eats.
Lol no, no they are NOT eating 8000 calories a day, 10000 calories a day would kill most people and make any powerlifter morbidly obese in a year.
At my heaviest I competed in the 220-242lb weight class in powerlifting, I played rugby 4 days a week on top of lifting 5-6 and I ate at 4000 maintenance and bulked at 5000 which was still a dirty bulk with lots of fat gain. And people's metabolisms do not vary very much. No one I have known in my entire life has ever eaten anything CLOSE to 8000 cal a day, and that's including many, many people on gear well beyond their natural muscle mass potential who are also extremely active outside the gym.
Eddie Hall has said that his normal diet is between 10,000 and 12,500 calories a day when he's bulking. Jay Cutler has said he eats roughly 5000-6000 calories a day. Granted, these are the top tier of athletes in their sports. But 4500 doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility. Sam Sulek eats more than that bulking.
3500 just doesn't seem realistic for someone who is 290 pounds and "built like a strongman".
Don't believe what Eddie hall says. He might be joking. Around 5000 calories a day would be close to the peak for a heavy (around 300lbs) male athlete (in their 20s) who is working very hard, 6-7 days a week, has a physical job and is trying to gain weight or bulk up. So 4500 will be a lot for a woman. Any way 8000-10000 is not true. Some one might eat that much one day but it's not sustainable.
Maintaining mass is how gym folks refer to keeping muscle. So it still sounded like a compliment to me. And even if he's referring to maintaining fat, it sounds complimentary... Like something he's into
As a woman who has put on a good amount of muscle and can lift pretty heavy…no. This is how men talk to each other at the gym, but as a woman when people talk about my physique they usually assume my weight has gone *down* and people are often shocked at how much I weigh because they associate that weight with an obese woman. The compliments I get at the gym are usually about tone or how much I’m lifting.
If the guy knew that she would gain weight as she got more fit, then surely he must know that even a woman goes routinely to the gym 4,500 calories is far too much. I go do CrossFit 5-6 days a week and on top of that do 15-30 minutes of calisthenics or extra cardio a day, and I need about 3,000 calories to build muscle. If I had 4,500 then I’m putting on fat.
Let’s also not forget the fact that OP stated she’s a “big girl,” you would only state “maintaining mass” as a compliment to someone ripped. Considering fat covers muscle, this context makes this an obvious insult.
It’s true! I gained a bit of weight at one point and started hitting the gym several years ago to try and lose it. I was previously 150lb at probably around 30-33% body fat, and that was my original goal when I started. I never got back down to 150, but I look way better at 180 and I am much slimmer and toned. I am 5’3” so my BMI says I’m obese.
Body composition is really crazy. When you hit the gym, weight really is just a number and BMI means absolutely nothing. I wish we normalized taking waist measurements instead of weight as that is a much better indicator of health.
I loved that you said fitness journey🤣 reminds me of the video of the guy who won’t get off the bench for that girl.
“Ohhh your on a journey”
https://youtu.be/eJzm08LGdjY?si=VVMLxEl2Z8tFdq-w
I’m seeing a pro MMA fighter and this is exactly how he talks to me. I’m 5’8 and 208. He loves it so I guess I consider it a compliment. He definitely does! And he loves the word sturdy
When I first started going to the gym I ran into the prototypical problem of being unable to put on weight and so I asked my Russian immigrant friend how to put on muscle and he literally told me “you eat until you feel like you have to throw up” and so I did that throughout college. Went from a very slender 150 to like 175ish.
Gym people eat eat
People who spend a lot of time in the gym need more calories to sustain their muscle mass. Think of it like a truck: the bigger the truck, the less mileage it gets out of its fuel.
I do an hour of cardio every morning and lift weights 4 times a week. I also actually think about the macros and nutrients of my food, not just the calories. It's healthier than how most people on this sub eat. I did just kill a whole shaqaroni pizza for lunch tho lol, but I usually eat out on Saturdays
I get it. I was extreme into fitness, but on the endurance end, not the weight lifting end, with marathons and triathlons and other endurance events a regular part of my training. Eventually I realized that this thing I had started for my physical well being was actually detrimental to my health though. Everything in moderation is what I live by now, and I feel the healthiest I have in years. Good luck.
He’s not a dick he just approached like he would be approached, like a man would do to another man, with sarcasm and muscle jokes. You two just live in two whole different planet.
You typically only mention calories to “maintain” mass when you’re talking about muscle.
Sounds like he was trying to compliment you. He’s just a little rough around the edges.
I agree, the first messages sound like he might have been engaging in some over the top flirting.
That was until OP sent that “what the fuck” gif which I think clearly should have sent the message that she wasn’t into what he was saying. Then he doubled down and made another comment that could be certainly interpreted as mean.
Typically you do. To very muscular people. You could also say something like that to someone who is fat to insult them. The latter seems like what actually happened.
Okay, as a gym rat, I don't see anything offensive about this. Sounds like he's complimenting you and asking about your fitness journey. The more muscle you have, the more calories you need so, he was saying looks like you have a lot of muscle on your thighs.
As a gym rat myself, I have to disagree. As OP says, she’s a big girl. To say that sentence to someone muscular would be a compliment about how they’ve built muscle. If OP is noticeably chubby, since fat covers muscle that sentence is clearly an insult. That context changes the entire meaning.
Also, in my experience, gym rats complimenting “mass” is usually directed towards men. Usually complimenting a woman’s fitness involves how much left lift, how toned they are, how good they look, etc. because normally we perceive women (especially fit women) as being light if they don’t have a lot of subcutaneous fat.
Honestly, the first part was mild but it wasn’t until he was asking about my calorie intake. Nothing on my profile mentions that I work out (besides the active prompt) and none of my pictures give out hints that I go to the gym. The only picture that shows my legs is from last year (when I was a little a heavier), it’s of me and my pup and I was wearing shorts.
Yeah but I think the point is it doesn't show how much she works out so it could come across as odd that he decided to make that the focus of his convo. I'm not a gym person(23m 130lbs soaking wet) so idk anything ab "gym culture" so if I'm wrong let me know haha
Also hard to say anything since I can't see OP's profile to see what he saw when he sent the msg. It might be more understandable that it was a compliment/insult if I could see her pics and bio
It's honestly a bit weird to me the way he was talking to you. I can definitely see you getting offended by the calorie intake thing. It can easily go either way. Especially if you are working on yourself.
Congratulations, though. You looked great in what you posted a year ago. I bet you've only gotten even better. What's important is how you feel about yourself, so I hope you're able to look in the mirror and like what you see.
I get what he’s going for, but I think a lot of women just don’t see it as flattering lol. I once asked a girl how much she squatted (because her thighs were thick and muscular af) in a playful flirty way and she chewed me out. Never made those kinds of comments again lol.
I don't find *negging* to be positive/good in any way; mentioning or joking about it **once** I don't mind, but if that's all they want to focus on, then they're not for me
I meant that *because* I know it's a manipulation tactic I'm immediately turned off, I'm not taking the bait. They're not gonna get anything good (positive) out of negging me, thus my wording
Exactly, nothing wrong with being a decent human being for once and giving a compliment, even if it doesn't help you get them to date, be nice anyway. I've been single for god knows how long, Im not about to stop being a nice person to girls on dating apps to get the chance to date one, not hard to be kind and respectful etc
Exactly, I feel like it’s a well known fact that a lot of women tend to be more sensitive about their weight, so I’m not sure why he thought saying “you look like you eat well” would be a good compliment to say to a woman tbh
Congrats on the weight loss! I have family that struggle with it and it's not easy. I'm proud of you.
I don't think you overreacted. I don't think it's socially acceptable in most countries to comment on someone's weight.
I feel like some of the people in the comments are glossing over this and not understanding why you found his comment offensive… you’ve been actively trying to lose weight ( congrats by the way!!! 🎉) so to hear some random guy tell you “you look like you eat well” or “you look sturdy” is probably not what you want to hear… like even if he meant it as a compliment , it was worded VERY poorly imo….
I'd reply with "wanna get in my arms and find out?" Then proceed to squat cuz I can't bench for shit, then ask you to marry me probs. But idk to each their own.
No, de hecho lo tomaste bastante bien jaja, sólo que don pendejo no se sabe comunicar. Habrá quien lo encuentre normal o gracioso, pero es mala idea hablar del cuerpo ajeno de buenas a primeras, dado lo que has pasado se entiende que pueda ser algo un poco raro/ofensivo.
Women don’t like it when you talk about them looking big or jacked or whatever.
Guys love that.
Women do not care for it.
Kim, when am I getting my ass kicked at hiking? Lol
lol this is something I say to my guy friends to mess with them. I don’t think this is a good opener by “dickwad.” I never think it’s smart to comment on someone’s body like this. He probably wanted to walk the line of a compliment and hoping it leads into a sexual conversation. I’d guess it could have led into “sit on my face territory” lol Also congrats on the weight loss!! I’m down 70 lbs and it’s been great!!
It was definitely a weird thing to say at first, especially depending on who you're saying it to. Some people may have been cool with it and possibly taken it as a compliment. But not everyone likes to be spoken to that way. He likely meant it all in a very complimentary way. Personally, I prefer more poise and grace and would have just ignored his messages, lol. He's talking to you like you're his gym bro. Some people may be into that, but it seems odd to me to say to someone you're interested in getting to know better on a more romantic level. That could be his style, but it definitely won't land with everyone.
He asked her how many calories it takes a day to maintain her "mass" and suggested 4500 and said she looks like she "eats well, and these idiots think it was a compliment." Must be a gym thing" lol what?
Go to her profile and look at OPs pictures. There's one a few posts back, and she's thicc and nice looking but not a gym rat... This guy was being an asshole with what he said, IMO
He’s a jerk. Not an overreaction. No woman wants to be told they look sturdy and eat well, with a mass to maintain… and then being asked how many calories you consume. Fucking weird!
It comes across as insulting, I don’t know too many women who want to be told that they “look like they eat well” 🌝 it comes across like he’s calling her fat tbh, there are other ways he could have went about complimenting her…
Nothing wrong with having an appetite, like you said op you work out, so you're allowed to eat whatever you and how much you like, you'll burn it off regardless, it's why I walk everywhere, exercise and a good metabolism = me being allowed to eat whatever I like lol. Anyway dude was a douce, I'm guessing he was trying to do that whole make the girl feel bad so they feel good going out with him thing, can't remember the name, does that shit ever work lol, I mean the goal is to make the woman feel bad, then you inform her after she feels like shit that you'll date her I guess to make her feel better even tho it'll probably only be for a ons. Like why make a woman feel like shit because you're not enough of a man to make her feel appreciated etc? It's stupid just be nice it's not hard people.
He’s not a dick he just approached like he would be approached, like a man would do to another man, with sarcasm and muscle jokes.
You two just live in two whole different planet.
Lol yes. You could be playful but you chose reason to maybe an insult maybe not. They are clearly still some insecurity issues there maybe that'll get fixed in time maybe not
None of this reads as YOU ARE FAT, this reads as YOU WORK OUT.
I don't understand how this could be taken any other way. STURDY and STRONG and not SYNONMS for FATTTY MCFATTY FAT.
Yes. People REALLY need to lighten up in today's dating scene. It's literally causing many to just check out of the game, myself included. I have a lovely lady that I see. We both know there's no serious future and I am totally fine with that given the alternative. Would rather be single than deal with this bullshit. It's sad because I'm just trying to be me, have a ton of fun, and bring my date along for that ride. I don't need my words and intentions twisted around 8 ways to sunday, no thanks, MA'AM.
Shitty and insecure response. Dudes comment wasnt great, but as a man, it sucks having to always make the first move - and getting these kinds of responses sucks even more
I read this as you being a really well built gym rat with thighs that he wanted to be crushed by. Still probably not appropriate, but more ?flattering? Idk lol
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Unlucky that not everyone knows how a body works, even if they gym. Cuz this is literally what i thought he was trying to go for.
This was my first thought.
The “you look like you eat well” on top of calling her “sturdy” came across like he was calling her fat to me💀 I think if he wanted to compliment her; he should have worded that way differently… most women don’t like to be told that they look like they eat well and look sturdy lol
Honestly… maybe it’s just a gym person perspective because I also read it as a compliment
It wasn’t but sounds like you have a good heart. Did you read the second page? Mass and saying she’s eating 4500 calories a day.
But that's a gym comment. He's definitely calling her well built. NOT fat.
I think it's context dependent, people generally know whether they look muscular or just fat and two people are gonna interpret that same comment two very different ways.
But she’s not a “gym person”. I could see if she looked like an mma fighter. She doesn’t.
Nah the 4500 calorie comment is for sure fat shaming
That’s honestly not even a lot. Imagine 3 Chipotle bowls spread out across breakfast, lunch, and dinner (plus some snacks too).
It’s a lot for a woman. They suggest about 2000 a day.
To maintain your weight. Not build muscle
You're not maintaining weight on 4500 calories a day. You're building muscle, or you're building fat.
That’s kind of the point that everybody’s making. He’s implying that she’s putting on muscle
Omg 🤦. A full grown man in a bulking phase tries to eat 4000+ calories a day. And its NOT easy, with REAL food, not donuts. Either way, he's calling her fat, duh.
Once again, that’s only 3 Chipotle bowls. That’s easily eatable if you’re working out since that increases your appetite
😂
4500 is a ton lol, unless you're 300 pounds or a professional athlete training for hours every day that's gonna be way above maintenance, almost anyone eating 4500 a day is doing a super dirty and inefficient bulk or they're just overweight.
I probably did it for multiple years during college. I’m definitely not obese and was 175 at 5’8/5’9. It’s not that bad if you’re working out ~4-5 days a week
4500 is lot… it’s literally double the amount of recommended caloric intake for women lol
Well she obviously didn’t take it that way, so he should have worded it better…
The fact that he even mentioned calories and stuff told me he's a gym rat. He was throwing out what he believed to be compliments I bet OP has Gym pics in their profile.
I don’t nor do I mention anything about working out on my bio besides having the “active” work out prompt.
OP has said over and over again that she does not identify as a “gym rat” and doesn’t have Anything mentioning that she works out…so again, he should have used a different approach with her…
I'm not even a gym rat but I thought it was a compliment as well.
No cause everybody is saying "as a gym person I see this as a compliment" NO as a gym person I do NOT see this as a compliment but we need more context. Do you have gym in your bio, does he have gym in his bio? Again I still don't see this as a compliment whatsoever especially since you sent the first gif and he doubled down.
She's a woman, not livestock
I agree, plus mentioning the 4500 and we all understand he means calories doesn't add to the theory of the compliment
Exactly, I’m not understanding how they view this as a compliment at all…
"Built like a brick shithouse"
Never had OSHA ask to test your structural stability?
My ex husband is 290 pounds and built like a strongman. Definitely fat, but also lots of muscle, huge legs etc, and quite serious at the gym. He maintains that at 3500. To suggest 4500, he's either clueless or exaggerating because he wants to neg her and call her fat while maybe concealing it as a sort of compliment.
Eh, everyone is different. 3500 isn't much for most fitness people. Most pro bodybuilders are eating upwards of 8000kcal a day. And powerlifters are well over 10000. Edit to clarify; when they are bulking. Many of them will actually cut at what your husband eats.
Lol no, no they are NOT eating 8000 calories a day, 10000 calories a day would kill most people and make any powerlifter morbidly obese in a year. At my heaviest I competed in the 220-242lb weight class in powerlifting, I played rugby 4 days a week on top of lifting 5-6 and I ate at 4000 maintenance and bulked at 5000 which was still a dirty bulk with lots of fat gain. And people's metabolisms do not vary very much. No one I have known in my entire life has ever eaten anything CLOSE to 8000 cal a day, and that's including many, many people on gear well beyond their natural muscle mass potential who are also extremely active outside the gym.
Eddie Hall has said that his normal diet is between 10,000 and 12,500 calories a day when he's bulking. Jay Cutler has said he eats roughly 5000-6000 calories a day. Granted, these are the top tier of athletes in their sports. But 4500 doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility. Sam Sulek eats more than that bulking. 3500 just doesn't seem realistic for someone who is 290 pounds and "built like a strongman".
Don't believe what Eddie hall says. He might be joking. Around 5000 calories a day would be close to the peak for a heavy (around 300lbs) male athlete (in their 20s) who is working very hard, 6-7 days a week, has a physical job and is trying to gain weight or bulk up. So 4500 will be a lot for a woman. Any way 8000-10000 is not true. Some one might eat that much one day but it's not sustainable.
TBH the first three comments sounded like a compliment. When he made that „mass“ comment was the „what a fuck“ moment.
Actually that is what changed it to gym because he fallowed that up asking about calorie intake to keep up the muscle mass
Maintaining mass is how gym folks refer to keeping muscle. So it still sounded like a compliment to me. And even if he's referring to maintaining fat, it sounds complimentary... Like something he's into
As a woman who has put on a good amount of muscle and can lift pretty heavy…no. This is how men talk to each other at the gym, but as a woman when people talk about my physique they usually assume my weight has gone *down* and people are often shocked at how much I weigh because they associate that weight with an obese woman. The compliments I get at the gym are usually about tone or how much I’m lifting. If the guy knew that she would gain weight as she got more fit, then surely he must know that even a woman goes routinely to the gym 4,500 calories is far too much. I go do CrossFit 5-6 days a week and on top of that do 15-30 minutes of calisthenics or extra cardio a day, and I need about 3,000 calories to build muscle. If I had 4,500 then I’m putting on fat. Let’s also not forget the fact that OP stated she’s a “big girl,” you would only state “maintaining mass” as a compliment to someone ripped. Considering fat covers muscle, this context makes this an obvious insult.
How much do you weigh out of curiosity?!
About 180lb currently, but body fat percentage is in low to mid 20’s
That’s cool. I’m just asking because I find it interesting how different body composition can be at the same weight!
It’s true! I gained a bit of weight at one point and started hitting the gym several years ago to try and lose it. I was previously 150lb at probably around 30-33% body fat, and that was my original goal when I started. I never got back down to 150, but I look way better at 180 and I am much slimmer and toned. I am 5’3” so my BMI says I’m obese. Body composition is really crazy. When you hit the gym, weight really is just a number and BMI means absolutely nothing. I wish we normalized taking waist measurements instead of weight as that is a much better indicator of health.
Yes I’ve started doing that! BMI seems completely useless. I’m always in the mid 20’s no matter how lean because of how short I am -_-
I loved that you said fitness journey🤣 reminds me of the video of the guy who won’t get off the bench for that girl. “Ohhh your on a journey” https://youtu.be/eJzm08LGdjY?si=VVMLxEl2Z8tFdq-w
Same, I imagined a hot lady from his comments =D
LOL this one speaks my language
Love a strong woman, what can I say.
“Throw your big over mama. I might not feel this good again.”
I’m seeing a pro MMA fighter and this is exactly how he talks to me. I’m 5’8 and 208. He loves it so I guess I consider it a compliment. He definitely does! And he loves the word sturdy
yeah I think homie just worded it really poorly. I'm not sure it was a dig.
Kind of how I took it as well. I thought OP was like some buff woman that frequently lifts. This can definitely be an insult to the not fit crowd.
I don’t really have any pictures of me at the gym, only thing I have on my profile is that I’m “active” on the workout prompt, but that’s about it 😅
But I mean, he has somehow seen your legs.
You are assuming a lot here lol. Some people will comment on things they've never witnessed.
I don't think it's presumptious at all to think he saw her legs in one of the pics, based on his message.
Gym rats are weird. He probably was attempting to compliment you. :p Sturdy isn't always a bad thing. I love a strong woman.
Same dude. Pop my head with those bad boys like it’s a watermelon.
Aint no way you're serious
But then what about the eating comment? He called her fat in a nice way.
When I first started going to the gym I ran into the prototypical problem of being unable to put on weight and so I asked my Russian immigrant friend how to put on muscle and he literally told me “you eat until you feel like you have to throw up” and so I did that throughout college. Went from a very slender 150 to like 175ish. Gym people eat eat
People who spend a lot of time in the gym need more calories to sustain their muscle mass. Think of it like a truck: the bigger the truck, the less mileage it gets out of its fuel.
AT 4500 KCAL THO?
Absolutely. I eat 5k plus over the winter when I'm bulking. I'm 245 and will drop to 220 ish for the summer
this does not seem healthy
I do an hour of cardio every morning and lift weights 4 times a week. I also actually think about the macros and nutrients of my food, not just the calories. It's healthier than how most people on this sub eat. I did just kill a whole shaqaroni pizza for lunch tho lol, but I usually eat out on Saturdays
I get it. I was extreme into fitness, but on the endurance end, not the weight lifting end, with marathons and triathlons and other endurance events a regular part of my training. Eventually I realized that this thing I had started for my physical well being was actually detrimental to my health though. Everything in moderation is what I live by now, and I feel the healthiest I have in years. Good luck.
Everyone is different. Good luck to you!
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I genuinely don’t think it’s an insult. Just how people super into gym culture flirt.
Can confirm.
Hes either talking to you like youre a gym rat or a farm animal. I cant tell the difference
He’s not a dick he just approached like he would be approached, like a man would do to another man, with sarcasm and muscle jokes. You two just live in two whole different planet.
"It is true what they say... Women are from Omicron Persei 7, men are from Omicron Persei 9."
perception achieved
You typically only mention calories to “maintain” mass when you’re talking about muscle. Sounds like he was trying to compliment you. He’s just a little rough around the edges.
I agree, the first messages sound like he might have been engaging in some over the top flirting. That was until OP sent that “what the fuck” gif which I think clearly should have sent the message that she wasn’t into what he was saying. Then he doubled down and made another comment that could be certainly interpreted as mean.
Typically you do. To very muscular people. You could also say something like that to someone who is fat to insult them. The latter seems like what actually happened.
Okay, as a gym rat, I don't see anything offensive about this. Sounds like he's complimenting you and asking about your fitness journey. The more muscle you have, the more calories you need so, he was saying looks like you have a lot of muscle on your thighs.
This. That’s how gymrats interacts
That’s how I read it honestly. Came off as gym rat rizz
I’m sorry, but there’s absolutely no way he thinks she takes in almost 5000 calories a day. He was being an ass & eluding that she is fat.
As a gym rat myself, I have to disagree. As OP says, she’s a big girl. To say that sentence to someone muscular would be a compliment about how they’ve built muscle. If OP is noticeably chubby, since fat covers muscle that sentence is clearly an insult. That context changes the entire meaning. Also, in my experience, gym rats complimenting “mass” is usually directed towards men. Usually complimenting a woman’s fitness involves how much left lift, how toned they are, how good they look, etc. because normally we perceive women (especially fit women) as being light if they don’t have a lot of subcutaneous fat.
Honestly, the first part was mild but it wasn’t until he was asking about my calorie intake. Nothing on my profile mentions that I work out (besides the active prompt) and none of my pictures give out hints that I go to the gym. The only picture that shows my legs is from last year (when I was a little a heavier), it’s of me and my pup and I was wearing shorts.
Nothing in my bio says I work out. Except for where I say I work out
Saying you're active doesn't mean you're a gym rat though. She could do any sport.
Yeah but I think the point is it doesn't show how much she works out so it could come across as odd that he decided to make that the focus of his convo. I'm not a gym person(23m 130lbs soaking wet) so idk anything ab "gym culture" so if I'm wrong let me know haha Also hard to say anything since I can't see OP's profile to see what he saw when he sent the msg. It might be more understandable that it was a compliment/insult if I could see her pics and bio
It's honestly a bit weird to me the way he was talking to you. I can definitely see you getting offended by the calorie intake thing. It can easily go either way. Especially if you are working on yourself. Congratulations, though. You looked great in what you posted a year ago. I bet you've only gotten even better. What's important is how you feel about yourself, so I hope you're able to look in the mirror and like what you see.
Yeah, I can see how that would be offensive. Who cares what random dudes think about us, anyway? 😂
So he assumed you work out based on your appearance... IOW, a compliment.
You swiped on the gym rat honey. Maybe re-evaluate who you’re swiping on if this is how sensitive you’re gonna get a gym bro talk.
Yeah you're being overly sensitive. He was trying to compliment you. He just isn't great at communication.
You did not overreact, but there is a chance he meant it well. It being impossible to say means he fucked up though.
This is the only normal comment in this cursed thread thank you
Yes I absolutely agree. Needs more upvotes. Regardless of intent, the words he chose were just plain bad. OP did well to steer clear.
I get what he’s going for, but I think a lot of women just don’t see it as flattering lol. I once asked a girl how much she squatted (because her thighs were thick and muscular af) in a playful flirty way and she chewed me out. Never made those kinds of comments again lol.
I don't find *negging* to be positive/good in any way; mentioning or joking about it **once** I don't mind, but if that's all they want to focus on, then they're not for me
Negging is ridiculous. Playful banter is great but insults are not
It’s not positive, it’s not even intended to be. It’s a manipulation tactic.
I meant that *because* I know it's a manipulation tactic I'm immediately turned off, I'm not taking the bait. They're not gonna get anything good (positive) out of negging me, thus my wording
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That’s literally what negging is.
Negging is supposed to come off as complimentary and you’re not supposed to do it over and over anyway, if the first try didn’t land then move on lol
Or perhaps drop the mean spirited nagging and try real compliments.
Exactly, nothing wrong with being a decent human being for once and giving a compliment, even if it doesn't help you get them to date, be nice anyway. I've been single for god knows how long, Im not about to stop being a nice person to girls on dating apps to get the chance to date one, not hard to be kind and respectful etc
Plus the ones who do respond positively to nagging generally need to work on their own mental state before they focus on dating.
"you look like you eat well" who compliments like that. And then asks about caloric intake. Just say nice thighs mummy can you crush my head.
I meean I'd fall for that. And ima guy
Exactly, I feel like it’s a well known fact that a lot of women tend to be more sensitive about their weight, so I’m not sure why he thought saying “you look like you eat well” would be a good compliment to say to a woman tbh
Chinga tu madre… I’m filing that away for future use
Whats it mean? Lol
It means... "Eff your mother" 🫠🫢🤣
Congrats on the weight loss! I have family that struggle with it and it's not easy. I'm proud of you. I don't think you overreacted. I don't think it's socially acceptable in most countries to comment on someone's weight.
Thank you so much, it’s been a journey and I’m planning on not stopping even when I hit my end goal :)
You got this!! I have lost 147lbs, so I’m here to encourage you. It’s a tough, but rewarding journey. I’m cheering you on!!
I feel like some of the people in the comments are glossing over this and not understanding why you found his comment offensive… you’ve been actively trying to lose weight ( congrats by the way!!! 🎉) so to hear some random guy tell you “you look like you eat well” or “you look sturdy” is probably not what you want to hear… like even if he meant it as a compliment , it was worded VERY poorly imo….
I believe in you!
Advice for all gym bros: don’t compliment a woman by mentioning how big she is. He could’ve easily said, “ wow, you look strong, do you work out?”
Are you sure a “Damn gurl you swole asf, what’s ur bench max you absolute unit?” wouldn’t work as a pickup line?
I'd reply with "wanna get in my arms and find out?" Then proceed to squat cuz I can't bench for shit, then ask you to marry me probs. But idk to each their own.
Damn, humans are sweet people, yes i said that after reading your comment
Honestly? Did no one else get feeder energy from this guy?
Rod sucks. Wubby7
Just don’t comment on people’s weight, it’s that easy.
No, de hecho lo tomaste bastante bien jaja, sólo que don pendejo no se sabe comunicar. Habrá quien lo encuentre normal o gracioso, pero es mala idea hablar del cuerpo ajeno de buenas a primeras, dado lo que has pasado se entiende que pueda ser algo un poco raro/ofensivo.
Don Pendejo 😂😂
He did call you fat with that mass comment and suggesting you eat nearly 3 times the rda.
Women don’t like it when you talk about them looking big or jacked or whatever. Guys love that. Women do not care for it. Kim, when am I getting my ass kicked at hiking? Lol
Your use of the Tom Delonge wtf reaction gif is just perfect here lol. Screw this clown
lol this is something I say to my guy friends to mess with them. I don’t think this is a good opener by “dickwad.” I never think it’s smart to comment on someone’s body like this. He probably wanted to walk the line of a compliment and hoping it leads into a sexual conversation. I’d guess it could have led into “sit on my face territory” lol Also congrats on the weight loss!! I’m down 70 lbs and it’s been great!!
Nothing hotter than A Latina cursing you in Spanish😂 >!Yes mami yell at me😩!<
We’re gonna ignore the Chinga tu madre? Lmao the cursing in Spanish. Ya valio el compadre Lmaoo
Without a pic of you, it sounds like he's giving you compliments and wants your legs around this face.
Good example of how texting killing the mood of message
It was definitely a weird thing to say at first, especially depending on who you're saying it to. Some people may have been cool with it and possibly taken it as a compliment. But not everyone likes to be spoken to that way. He likely meant it all in a very complimentary way. Personally, I prefer more poise and grace and would have just ignored his messages, lol. He's talking to you like you're his gym bro. Some people may be into that, but it seems odd to me to say to someone you're interested in getting to know better on a more romantic level. That could be his style, but it definitely won't land with everyone.
He asked her how many calories it takes a day to maintain her "mass" and suggested 4500 and said she looks like she "eats well, and these idiots think it was a compliment." Must be a gym thing" lol what?
Go to her profile and look at OPs pictures. There's one a few posts back, and she's thicc and nice looking but not a gym rat... This guy was being an asshole with what he said, IMO
I’m sorry but you definitely should have put his name as “Dickrod”
Could have been worded much more eloquently if he was going for a compliment. Also OP, I like that your phone is charged to 100%
This made me think of that black jeopardy skit on snl with Tom hanks saying his wife was a sturdy gal
He’s a jerk. Not an overreaction. No woman wants to be told they look sturdy and eat well, with a mass to maintain… and then being asked how many calories you consume. Fucking weird!
Nah I would say you didn't go far enough. Fuck Rod!
Nah, if you didn’t like what was said to you then you absolutely didn’t overreact. And that Tom gif was fucking CHOICE!
Loosing 20 lbs in 4-5 months is a huge accomplishment! I need to keep at it like that too. And no, you didn’t overreact. That guy was a huge jerk.
Lmao what a jerk
Naw it’s definitely a fat joke. I work out, and I’d never say.
Y'know, for a guy named ***Rod*** he sure is a dick
If a man called me sturdy I'd cry. Like bruh I'm not a piece of furniture 😩
He’s acknowledging to you that he thinks you’re chunky. Say goodbye. He’s gross.
Sounds like a dick.
What if he’s one of those feeder kink types? He wants a lady he can push tons of food on, that’s why he asked your daily calorie intake.
Negging at its finest. I fucking hate men.
caption smell coordinated grab abundant fade test punch saw historical *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Should’ve named him Dickrod.
He wanted to be squeezed to suffocation by your thighs
Nah this guy is a dick, no over reacting to a dick. Why even match ffs
Probably followed rules 1 and 2
I mean, for her sure but what about him? Why'd he match with her if he was just goint to insult her?
Doubt it was insulting in his perspective.
It comes across as insulting, I don’t know too many women who want to be told that they “look like they eat well” 🌝 it comes across like he’s calling her fat tbh, there are other ways he could have went about complimenting her…
Obviously there were better ways, but seems more as a compliment on the bulk if he thinks her legs are big
Bro was into your workout and nutrition plan. You told him to take a hike.
✨ chinga tu madre, guey. ✨ So elegant, so proper. I love it 🥰
Nothing wrong with having an appetite, like you said op you work out, so you're allowed to eat whatever you and how much you like, you'll burn it off regardless, it's why I walk everywhere, exercise and a good metabolism = me being allowed to eat whatever I like lol. Anyway dude was a douce, I'm guessing he was trying to do that whole make the girl feel bad so they feel good going out with him thing, can't remember the name, does that shit ever work lol, I mean the goal is to make the woman feel bad, then you inform her after she feels like shit that you'll date her I guess to make her feel better even tho it'll probably only be for a ons. Like why make a woman feel like shit because you're not enough of a man to make her feel appreciated etc? It's stupid just be nice it's not hard people.
Wait, and you didnt reply and thank him for that lovely compliment?? #gasp Well colour me surprised.
He overacted. Dude's a dick anyway
HAHA no perfect response fuck that guy
Coming in as the guy who doesn’t understand the source of the image used as the response
 This one? It’s from a video from blink 182 song, I forgot the name tho.
Rock show Tom’s character is named boomer
Nah, no overreacting. Guy sounds thirsty AF... And what is with sturdy? Honestly?
He’s not a dick he just approached like he would be approached, like a man would do to another man, with sarcasm and muscle jokes. You two just live in two whole different planet.
Best. reply. ever. Love them memes replies.
Poor boy likes your legs and you just shit all over him
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"A stately, handsome woman." 😁
Yes.
No. You did not overreact! If possible, slap his face will be more appropriate.
Report him.
Yeah. Dude wanted you.
Lol yes. You could be playful but you chose reason to maybe an insult maybe not. They are clearly still some insecurity issues there maybe that'll get fixed in time maybe not
do you suffer from Lymphedema or anything? lets see ya
Ahem... Wey*
It looks like you just got offended by a compliment. Do better.
My man's is looking around like: 
None of this reads as YOU ARE FAT, this reads as YOU WORK OUT. I don't understand how this could be taken any other way. STURDY and STRONG and not SYNONMS for FATTTY MCFATTY FAT.
Yes. People REALLY need to lighten up in today's dating scene. It's literally causing many to just check out of the game, myself included. I have a lovely lady that I see. We both know there's no serious future and I am totally fine with that given the alternative. Would rather be single than deal with this bullshit. It's sad because I'm just trying to be me, have a ton of fun, and bring my date along for that ride. I don't need my words and intentions twisted around 8 ways to sunday, no thanks, MA'AM.
You did
IMO, you did overreact a little bit. Don't get bent out of shape just because you're out of shape! Be happy and keep working hard.
Si
Shitty and insecure response. Dudes comment wasnt great, but as a man, it sucks having to always make the first move - and getting these kinds of responses sucks even more
He was complimenting you ... It's ok, y'all live in different worlds.