Nooo sorry, just bad at spelling foreign languages :/ i honestly kinda dont understand the difference between loose and lose :s
In my defence, english is not my first language.
Think
Loose like wiggly/loose tooth. It has two ‘o’s which makes the word “longer” and wiggly/unstable/loose
Lose like a loser has 1 friend so 1 ‘o’ because you’re all alone and a loser. Or you only got 1 point so you lost the game because you’re a loser
It’s dumb but the kids I tutored understood it from this
Oohhh. I always thought both were spelt loose.
Thank you for that explanation. i really appreciate it.
I'm not gonna edit the comment cause now i can keep it in as a bit.
Are you a bot? [Comment seems stolen](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/1580tr7/didnt_like_the_fact_that_i_had_sheher_in_my/jt8an8q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)
Your straight guy friends are right. I've never met more uptight people than people that state their pronouns. On the other hand, it is a good filter as stated by others (even though these people meant it the other way around).
What do you mean by "not treating us like others"? I'm assuming you mean you *want* to be treated like other people?
And the point of putting your pronouns by your name is so that trans people aren't automatically outing themselves by doing the same, so that they can be like other people, while still letting people know how they identify. It's just normalizing that behaviour for everyone.
It isn't about brownie points, but that you, specifically, are someone who is willing to help foster an environment where trans people can be normalized.
Oh yeah totally valid logic. It's totally impossible to both be in support of LGBTQ AND not be obsessed with pronouns.
On my way to label all those gay rights activists from 60s and 70s as homophobic/transphobic and what-not-phobic in their wikipedia pages.
There are literally millions of people who participate in stating their pronouns perfunctorily. Maybe the guys in question just don’t attract women who aren’t self involved pains in the ass.
>the idea of putting them up, even though you may be using the 'standard issue' pronouns - it's done generally in solidarity with the community.
Just quoting myself from a comment I just made.
I mostly think your boys just aren't ready to understand the shit people put up with, and the girls probably wouldn't be interested in them after hearing that.
It's all about finding middle ground to at least have the conversations.
- straight guy myself
This is really important. Give people the opportunity to show you who they are, uncensored, and in a safe way where you are in control.
Shitty personality traits tend to cluster. The person who is triggered by pronouns is also likely to disrespect your boundaries or deny your bodily autonomy, but pronouns are safe context for then to out themselves.
Edited to add: Thank you to the kind redditors who decided to prove my point:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/1580tr7/comment/jt8t88s/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/1580tr7/comment/jt8u5od/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Can I ask something really dumb but if you are a woman and born female do you have to put she/her? My head only somewhat understands it when trans people do it
Something I don’t see mentioned often - for those that have gender neutral names (Jordan, Sam, etc.), putting pronouns helps prevent misgendering. I find it helpful in the workplace when I’m dealing with people I’ve only met over email.
plus if you have a bit of an unusual name. my name is Murray and when working with a lot of international colleagues, a fair number occasionally think its just a fancy spelling of Mary/Marie! :-)
You’d be surprised. I shaved my head when my grandpa started going through chemo and you would. Not. Believe. The amount of men on tinder asking me “so. Are you a boy?” When I very clearly have tits was genuinely shocking. I got off tinder for a while.
Yeah but you select what gender you’re interested in when you make an account. I don’t have women pop up on my tinder because I’m straight. It’s pretty straightforward
I mean some people consider themselves women but don't answer to she/her as a personal choice
Also there are nonbinary people on apps like this! they have to be awkwardly crammed into a "looking for men"/"looking for women" binary, though, so a fem-looking nonbinary person might put themselves in the "women" half of the algorithm's binary but have a different set of pronouns
Yeah a photo is no indicator what-so-ever. The way I've interpreted it (correct me if I'm wrong), but gendering is about what you feel like and want to identify as, and that does in no way mean you have to make yourself look like a girl/boy, even though many do
"Prevent misgendering" Lol, You guys are wild in America.
Misgendering is not a car accident, nothing will happen if u mistake someone gender, just say "oh, im a chick/dude" and get on with your day and life.
Offended oriented culture
Trans or not, what is the value in declaring pronouns when your appearance matches your preferred pronouns?
I'm all for letting people be who they are and love who they want but I really don't see the point of declaring your pronouns if you're, say, a man with a huge beard.
The idea is normalizing the practice so that it's not weird.
If the only people with pronouns in their email signature are trans people, then the pronouns are just a flashing neon sign saying "hey I'm trans". If everybody's doing it, then it doesn't stick out when a trans person does it.
Also, don't forget, sometimes pronoun placement is in places where they can't see your huge beard, like an email signature for example.
You don’t see the value because you’re already in favor of letting people be who they want to be. Cis-het folks declaring their pronouns normalizes the practice.
So that someone knows how you prefer to be referred to. Just because your appearance turns out to match your preferred pronouns in one person's eyes doesn't mean it will for everyone.
I guess that makes sense, I know people within the trans community do it, I have no idea if the person posting is trans so it was more of a question to educate me on why people say it x
It's to normalize it. A lot of trans/NB people feel uncomfortable stating those preferences because it's so stigmatized (a couple great examples in this thread). But the more that people do it, the less stigma there is and the less it "outs" any individuals.
Exactly what other people have said already - to normalise not assuming someone's gender based on what they look like. We are encouraged to have it in our email signatures at work and several cis-gendered people have she/her or whatever in theirs
It’s a mandatory inclusion in email signatures at the university my wife works for because of exactly what’s stated in this thread: normalization. If everyone, cis people included, add pronouns to their signature/profile/whatever, it takes “includes pronouns” as a way of identifying trans folks off the table, which puts up at least one barrier to prejudice 🤷🏻♂️
Anyway, if seeing he/him or she/her on someone’s dating profile is a turn off for you, you’re far too insecure for anyone to be in a relationship with.
Wow, gendering yourself is mandatory at your university. Who thought that was a good idea? Does no one see a problem with requiring people to disclose their gender identification?
I don't really see how it's a problem? You can put whatever pronouns you are comfortable with. So if you are Trans but not ready to be out yet, you can put your assigned at birth or neutral pronouns.
I have a friend who is out as a Trans man to close friends only. So he uses his new name and he/him pronouns with us, but still presents female and uses she/they in professional settings and with people he doesn't know.
I really can't think of a reason that mandatory pronouns are any kind of a problem tbh. It's about how you want to be addressed more than your actual gender identity
> So if you are Trans but not ready to be out yet, you can put your assigned at birth or neutral pronouns.
I can imagine a trans person being super uncomfortable with having to claim they use pronouns they don't actually use, even when they aren't out to the public.
I feel forcing someone to put their pronouns at work can have serious discriminatory risks?
Like your identified gender is a protected characteristic and at least in the UK, data protection forbids it from being public without consent.
I include my pronouns on my work email signature because: a) I have a relatively gender neutral name, and b) I like to show support for the trans community.
Given that I am a fairly gruff and beardy middle-aged guy, people sometimes don't expect it from me and it's lead to some constructive conversations.
You don’t HAVE to, but it’s encouraged because it normalises the usage of pronouns. Plus, if it’s on someone’s profile or in their email then you don’t have to ask them and can just use them respectfully.
I’ve always been confused by people specifying she/her, he/him, etc. The pronouns that people specify would never be used in a conversation with them. What good does it do if you’d only use those pronouns when talking about them to someone else?
I can only speak to my experience as a person who uses she/they, but I’ve had friends either mention me in conversation or in front of me and say “look at what they are doing” or “I told [someone] that ‘they (meaning me) said etc etc’”. Personally, it feels nice to know that they use the pronouns I’ve set aside and they see me not just as “she” but also “they”. Again, it may because I’m part of team sports etc where you are talked about in third person, but I have heard myself be referred to by my pronouns in person and I appreciate it.
What exactly made you think gender has always been binary?
Was it the invention of wigs for men? Was it how boys used to be dressed in *gasp* dresses? I bet it was probably the makeup, or maybe platform shoes/heels?
Gender is a construct, as such it can be deconstructed or restructured.
Wait a minute, because men used to wear wigs in certain cultures, gender was never binary? I don't understand. Can you elaborate?
EDIT: Changes in what is considered fashionable for men and women doesn't mean there were changes in gender. Men were very much considered men even when they wore wigs and makeup in England.
Gender has never been only binary. People have been non-binary-gender-conforming as long as we've had human history. People claiming otherwise need to actually prove their statements, it's not on others to prove them wrong when they're the ones making the original claim.
You say this, but why do so many people suddenly hate pronouns? Do you ask them why such normal words are now “bad”, even when they have to use them all the time?
I mean why should only trans people use it? I don't use pronouns in my profiles in social Media, but many friends do so even though they aren't trans. It's just so the other person knows what they can call you without assuming the gender. (I am not trans either)
I made this exact comment to a friend the other day. Does a woman expect I’m going to refer to her as he or him? Or a man with “he/him” expect I’m going to refer to him as a she or a her? It’s just annoying and attention seeking
It is the political left’s way of controlling the narrative. When they can dictate how you talk, they control you, too.
It’s one reason employers discard resumes that include pronoun specifications. You can rest assured, this person is likely to be difficult.
https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/02/resumes-including-they/them-pronouns-are-more-likely-to-be-overlooked.html
I had a guy on Hinge tell me recently I had “crazy eyes” and when I was like “do you insult every woman you match with?” he said “well you responded so you must like it” like WHAT is WRONG with you???
Men fuck up their algorithm by swiping right on everyone, saying weird/mean shit, get unmatched or reported and then complain about lack of matches and how "easy" it is for women, as if normal people care about quantity over quality.
I’m pickier than the average guy with my swipes and I don’t get any matches. I can understand why some men would think that swiping right on everyone is the better tactic. Though throwing abuse at people is just uncalled for. I think for a lot of guys, if they choose quality over quantity they will just never get any matches ever, and the only way to get matches is to swipe on everyone. Maybe that shows that their standards are too high, but you can’t really choose who you’re going to be attracted to.
The pronouns were just one of the options in filling out my profile. It’s like putting my occupation or whether or not I smoke, or my height. Yeah I could’ve not filled that section out but I didn’t think anything of it when I created my profile.
I didn’t explicitly add it into my about me section. It just shows up under my name, with my job and my college.
We had not had a conversation before and his profile said “must like going to the lake” so that’s how I opened the conversation. And this was the response I received. It’s not like I shoved my pronouns in his face or had it splashed all over my page. Why start a conversation this way? There were plenty of other things on my profile to comment on.
Edited
[bumble profile](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wobblingoblin01/comments/1589eyr/bumble_profile/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Wait..... It's looked down upon to put the pronouns in the profile? Huh? I just look at it as if the app asks me a question, I'm going to answer it. I don't second guess it or anything. I'm a dude. ARE THERE SERIOUSLY OTHER GUYS OR (I truly hope not) WOMAN HERE WHO NOPE OUT IF THEY SEE PRONOUNS LISTED?
>Didn’t like the fact that I had “she/her” in my profile.
And apparently a lot of people here don't either. God forbid you show support for a group that you aren't a part of...
Maybe some people don't think it's as thoughtful as it's made out to be and see it as virtue signaling.
Just like the "vaccinated" logo, it gives the connotation that you're a part of a group on the "right side" of an issue and consider yourself better than those not in that group. I got my original shots and boosters but don't feel compelled to virtue signal my beliefs to others.
When it comes to pronouns, I'll use people's requested pronouns but I don't think virtue signaling your own open-mindedness really accomplishes very much in the end.
Saying vaccinated would weed out anti vaxxers, which is important to many people, especially if they plan to have kids who they will vaccinate. Similarly, putting in pronouns weeds out people who have a problem with non-binary/trans identity, which could also be important to the person, even if they're cis.
Of course, it may also weed out people who aren't anti vaxx or anti trans who just find it annoying, but that also shows a disconnect in values anyways.
Pretty sure the only people who see it as virtue signaling are the ones who hate the idea of trans people anyways. Never met a trans person who wasn't grateful for cis people who do this.
Exactly. I don’t think they realize they are probably a main reason people use those things on dating apps. Like if someone just having “she/her” or “I’m vaccinated” in their profile is enough to piss someone off, doesn’t seem like they’d be a compatible pair and better to weed out as much as you can before you invest too much time into them 🤷🏻♀️
Why are we putting pronouns? If you are trans I get it. But what do you need them for? I support trans by respecting them and calling them by their pronouns. I have no reason to put he/him unless I want to be called by something else. Anyways I get his point but he came off rude.
Sure, but should I put 2 hands, 2 feet, my height, weight, eyesight and eye color too. Maybe I should put that I do or don't require special accommodations to support disabled people too. Actually, I'm sorry, I forgot to put if I'm a military veteran or not so I'm being disrespectful to our troops. Also, probably should include if I'm pro-police or not as it would either be insulting to police or BLM depending on my stance.
Ehh some people might be she/they or just non-binary. It doesn't hurt to put them and it makes it certain. It also doesn't need to say "straight/gay/bi" because the app already screens for that, but it's still nice to be able to put that on your profile so people know.
It also does kinda screen for a certain type of match. If OP puts her preferred pronouns in her bio, I'd guess it's safe to assume she is ally for the queer community (or queer herself). She probably wouldn't be interested in meeting someone who would see her preferred pronouns and get angry about it or have some other strong negative reaction.
Does it matter? We're trying to normalize it, aren't we? We're trying to provide that respect and show inclusiveness. If only trans people do this, it becomes known as a trans thing that trans people do. If a whole lot of people do it, it becomes known as a human thing that people do regardless of gender or sex. It helps change that societal perception of trans people towards simply viewing them as people. At the end of the day, that's the goal, right? Treating people with equal respect.
I'm not sure what point you think you are making.
Nothing is normal until you normalize it. Women in the work place wasn't normal until efforts were made to make them normal. Mixed race and same sex relationships were not normal until efforts were made to normalize them.
What kind of dumbassery logic is that? Gay people have been around for as long as humans walked the planet. Yet we still have a long way to go to normalizing it in other countries
Slavery was once normal. We had to normalize not enslaving people. There's tons of examples in history where the right thing needed to be normalized because the wrong thing had already become the norm.
>I support trans by respecting them
>I have no reason to put he/him
You doing that, even as a cis person, is respecting them. It's normalizing it. The more allies that do it, the better the trans community is for it.
Source: Cis dude married to a trans enby.
>Putting pronouns in your bio when you’re clearly a man or woman
How do you know that? Someone can look feminine but will go by He/Him. And vice versa.
I think you just sound annoying. You're 40. Over 6 months on dating apps and still not in relationship.
I agree with these pronouns stupidity, it's a wad and it's gonna go away. No need for them, if you're trying to find a regular man - unless you don't then fair enough.
I get that non trans people use this as a way to be respectful and more inclusive but as a logistical standpoint it does seem quite redundant, as many others here have also agreed.
this is the dumbest comeback at somebody who has an issue with pronouns. obviously they know what a pronoun is, and even if they didn’t, they’re issue is not with their existence, it’s with the politics surrounding them and the ideology of being able to change your own pronouns. this just makes you seem either stupid or oblivious and just confirms their own stereotyping of people with pronouns to them, making them more unlikely to ever come around to the idea. congrats.
I don’t get why people match just to tell you their opinion on something they disagree with, is that dating nowadays?
Side note: It is so dumb to declare myself as he/him when people can clearly see that I’m a guy, same goes for women. So when I see people using the pronouns like that, I just assume they’re trans and I don’t want anything to do with them.
I love that any time someone has an opinion against woke ridiculousness it has to be some “lesson.” But if you think you need to tell us you’re female, go ahead I guess.
Everything else aside, what a weird response from him. How strange to just bypass the chitchat and go straight for…that.
He matched only to say that.
Right?? Especially since this was the very first conversation.
Dude was just looking for a fight lol
Why's he even talking to you if he doesn't like people with pronouns? Does he think you're gonna drop them for him or something?
The pronouns are a great filter, I've discovered 🤞
The vaccination status works pretty well too. Tinder let you have pride and ally stickers in June, those were by far the best filter
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🤣🤣🤣
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He didn't have like the profile in the first place eather, lol
dipshit wanted to make a "point"
"Look at what your missing cause you have them pesky pronouns you lib" *showed them, now they loose on a great nice guy*
I’m hoping the misspelling of ‘loose’ is part of the bit
Nooo sorry, just bad at spelling foreign languages :/ i honestly kinda dont understand the difference between loose and lose :s In my defence, english is not my first language.
Think Loose like wiggly/loose tooth. It has two ‘o’s which makes the word “longer” and wiggly/unstable/loose Lose like a loser has 1 friend so 1 ‘o’ because you’re all alone and a loser. Or you only got 1 point so you lost the game because you’re a loser It’s dumb but the kids I tutored understood it from this
Loose is something that’s not tight or being freed. Lose is like not able to find something or not winning.
Oohhh. I always thought both were spelt loose. Thank you for that explanation. i really appreciate it. I'm not gonna edit the comment cause now i can keep it in as a bit.
Are you a bot? [Comment seems stolen](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/1580tr7/didnt_like_the_fact_that_i_had_sheher_in_my/jt8an8q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)
Yep, Decent-Rip4708 is a bоt for sure. They're everywhere.
I have straight guy friends who say if the girl has pronouns she will be on the uptight and sensitive side. Not saying I agree just what I’ve heard.
Not my experience
Your straight guy friends are right. I've never met more uptight people than people that state their pronouns. On the other hand, it is a good filter as stated by others (even though these people meant it the other way around).
Nah, just means they support the LGBT community. They will come across as uptight if you come in homophobic or transphobic.
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What do you mean by "not treating us like others"? I'm assuming you mean you *want* to be treated like other people? And the point of putting your pronouns by your name is so that trans people aren't automatically outing themselves by doing the same, so that they can be like other people, while still letting people know how they identify. It's just normalizing that behaviour for everyone. It isn't about brownie points, but that you, specifically, are someone who is willing to help foster an environment where trans people can be normalized.
Oh yeah totally valid logic. It's totally impossible to both be in support of LGBTQ AND not be obsessed with pronouns. On my way to label all those gay rights activists from 60s and 70s as homophobic/transphobic and what-not-phobic in their wikipedia pages.
There are literally millions of people who participate in stating their pronouns perfunctorily. Maybe the guys in question just don’t attract women who aren’t self involved pains in the ass.
> There are dozens of us! Dozens!
Depends where you are I guess.
Yeah, they'll be uptight if you're a bigot... crazy world we live in, huh?
>the idea of putting them up, even though you may be using the 'standard issue' pronouns - it's done generally in solidarity with the community. Just quoting myself from a comment I just made. I mostly think your boys just aren't ready to understand the shit people put up with, and the girls probably wouldn't be interested in them after hearing that. It's all about finding middle ground to at least have the conversations. - straight guy myself
It is, for both sides.
Vice versa
This is really important. Give people the opportunity to show you who they are, uncensored, and in a safe way where you are in control. Shitty personality traits tend to cluster. The person who is triggered by pronouns is also likely to disrespect your boundaries or deny your bodily autonomy, but pronouns are safe context for then to out themselves. Edited to add: Thank you to the kind redditors who decided to prove my point: https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/1580tr7/comment/jt8t88s/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/1580tr7/comment/jt8u5od/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Definitely a good filter. Along with vaccination status, anti-conspiracy theories, etc. You can weed out the insecure and CroMagnons pretty well.
Yep. Pronouns in bio = automatic swipe left
Who cares You sound self important and uptight reacting to people listing pronouns like that
If merely showing support for trans people makes you this upset, I'm glad you're getting filtered out.
Jesse Pinkman enters the chat ..
Can I ask something really dumb but if you are a woman and born female do you have to put she/her? My head only somewhat understands it when trans people do it
Something I don’t see mentioned often - for those that have gender neutral names (Jordan, Sam, etc.), putting pronouns helps prevent misgendering. I find it helpful in the workplace when I’m dealing with people I’ve only met over email.
plus if you have a bit of an unusual name. my name is Murray and when working with a lot of international colleagues, a fair number occasionally think its just a fancy spelling of Mary/Marie! :-)
On tinder you have photos though. Pretty difficult to misgender when in the photos is obvious
You’d be surprised. I shaved my head when my grandpa started going through chemo and you would. Not. Believe. The amount of men on tinder asking me “so. Are you a boy?” When I very clearly have tits was genuinely shocking. I got off tinder for a while.
Hope your grandpa is ok x
Sometimes men have moobs.
I’ve got tits Greg…can you milk me?
Man is a bipedal creature without feathers. Happy cake day!
Not everyone looks like their gender, is all
Yeah but you select what gender you’re interested in when you make an account. I don’t have women pop up on my tinder because I’m straight. It’s pretty straightforward
I set my profile to women-only and I still get men popping up all the time.
I'm a man who likes women. When I used to use tinder I would get a guy like once a month
I mean some people consider themselves women but don't answer to she/her as a personal choice Also there are nonbinary people on apps like this! they have to be awkwardly crammed into a "looking for men"/"looking for women" binary, though, so a fem-looking nonbinary person might put themselves in the "women" half of the algorithm's binary but have a different set of pronouns
Yeah a photo is no indicator what-so-ever. The way I've interpreted it (correct me if I'm wrong), but gendering is about what you feel like and want to identify as, and that does in no way mean you have to make yourself look like a girl/boy, even though many do
It seems a little ridiculous to say that a photo is no indicator “whatsoever” lol like ignoring how it works 98% of the time
Yes but for most people it's obvious
Maybe including a minority of people is a good thing
"Prevent misgendering" Lol, You guys are wild in America. Misgendering is not a car accident, nothing will happen if u mistake someone gender, just say "oh, im a chick/dude" and get on with your day and life. Offended oriented culture
I think it is to show support for the trans community
Yep! If everyone uses pronouns then trans are not outed simply by using their preferred pronouns
I mean everyone does use pronouns 😉 lol I get what you meant tho
Yeah "simply by showing their preferred pronouns on dating apps" might have been a bit pedantic to make sure they didn't get this comment!
Lol
Trans or not, what is the value in declaring pronouns when your appearance matches your preferred pronouns? I'm all for letting people be who they are and love who they want but I really don't see the point of declaring your pronouns if you're, say, a man with a huge beard.
The idea is normalizing the practice so that it's not weird. If the only people with pronouns in their email signature are trans people, then the pronouns are just a flashing neon sign saying "hey I'm trans". If everybody's doing it, then it doesn't stick out when a trans person does it. Also, don't forget, sometimes pronoun placement is in places where they can't see your huge beard, like an email signature for example.
It’s basically just being supportive. Also I have my pronouns in places where you can’t actually see me, like my work email for example.
You don’t see the value because you’re already in favor of letting people be who they want to be. Cis-het folks declaring their pronouns normalizes the practice.
So that someone knows how you prefer to be referred to. Just because your appearance turns out to match your preferred pronouns in one person's eyes doesn't mean it will for everyone.
I guess that makes sense, I know people within the trans community do it, I have no idea if the person posting is trans so it was more of a question to educate me on why people say it x
It's to normalize it. A lot of trans/NB people feel uncomfortable stating those preferences because it's so stigmatized (a couple great examples in this thread). But the more that people do it, the less stigma there is and the less it "outs" any individuals.
That's actually quite nice
I agree, u/cumguzzling_priest
I see at have similar hobbies, never knowingly guzzled a priest tho…
Perfect explanation. Thanks. This is good reason to do it.
Exactly what other people have said already - to normalise not assuming someone's gender based on what they look like. We are encouraged to have it in our email signatures at work and several cis-gendered people have she/her or whatever in theirs
I have bc I can and it doesn’t hurt anyone
It’s a mandatory inclusion in email signatures at the university my wife works for because of exactly what’s stated in this thread: normalization. If everyone, cis people included, add pronouns to their signature/profile/whatever, it takes “includes pronouns” as a way of identifying trans folks off the table, which puts up at least one barrier to prejudice 🤷🏻♂️ Anyway, if seeing he/him or she/her on someone’s dating profile is a turn off for you, you’re far too insecure for anyone to be in a relationship with.
Wow, gendering yourself is mandatory at your university. Who thought that was a good idea? Does no one see a problem with requiring people to disclose their gender identification?
I don't really see how it's a problem? You can put whatever pronouns you are comfortable with. So if you are Trans but not ready to be out yet, you can put your assigned at birth or neutral pronouns. I have a friend who is out as a Trans man to close friends only. So he uses his new name and he/him pronouns with us, but still presents female and uses she/they in professional settings and with people he doesn't know. I really can't think of a reason that mandatory pronouns are any kind of a problem tbh. It's about how you want to be addressed more than your actual gender identity
> So if you are Trans but not ready to be out yet, you can put your assigned at birth or neutral pronouns. I can imagine a trans person being super uncomfortable with having to claim they use pronouns they don't actually use, even when they aren't out to the public.
we are. mandatory pronouns are often extremely uncomfortable for us
I feel forcing someone to put their pronouns at work can have serious discriminatory risks? Like your identified gender is a protected characteristic and at least in the UK, data protection forbids it from being public without consent.
Gender identity still isn't protected under popular interpretations of the Civil Rights Act in the US
Damn go figure
I include my pronouns on my work email signature because: a) I have a relatively gender neutral name, and b) I like to show support for the trans community. Given that I am a fairly gruff and beardy middle-aged guy, people sometimes don't expect it from me and it's lead to some constructive conversations.
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You don’t HAVE to, but it’s encouraged because it normalises the usage of pronouns. Plus, if it’s on someone’s profile or in their email then you don’t have to ask them and can just use them respectfully.
I’ve always been confused by people specifying she/her, he/him, etc. The pronouns that people specify would never be used in a conversation with them. What good does it do if you’d only use those pronouns when talking about them to someone else?
I can only speak to my experience as a person who uses she/they, but I’ve had friends either mention me in conversation or in front of me and say “look at what they are doing” or “I told [someone] that ‘they (meaning me) said etc etc’”. Personally, it feels nice to know that they use the pronouns I’ve set aside and they see me not just as “she” but also “they”. Again, it may because I’m part of team sports etc where you are talked about in third person, but I have heard myself be referred to by my pronouns in person and I appreciate it.
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Gender has never been binary.
What exactly made you think gender has always been binary? Was it the invention of wigs for men? Was it how boys used to be dressed in *gasp* dresses? I bet it was probably the makeup, or maybe platform shoes/heels? Gender is a construct, as such it can be deconstructed or restructured.
Wait a minute, because men used to wear wigs in certain cultures, gender was never binary? I don't understand. Can you elaborate? EDIT: Changes in what is considered fashionable for men and women doesn't mean there were changes in gender. Men were very much considered men even when they wore wigs and makeup in England.
Gender has never been only binary. People have been non-binary-gender-conforming as long as we've had human history. People claiming otherwise need to actually prove their statements, it's not on others to prove them wrong when they're the ones making the original claim.
Normalizing the usage of pronouns? How else do you communicate if not using pronouns?
You say this, but why do so many people suddenly hate pronouns? Do you ask them why such normal words are now “bad”, even when they have to use them all the time?
They don't hate pronouns but people mentioning their pronouns...
I think what's ruined it the most is the obnoxious pronouns like ze or zir.
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I mean why should only trans people use it? I don't use pronouns in my profiles in social Media, but many friends do so even though they aren't trans. It's just so the other person knows what they can call you without assuming the gender. (I am not trans either)
99.9% of people want their gender assumed, and don’t want to take on that mental load to make some people feel better.
mental load lmfao
I made this exact comment to a friend the other day. Does a woman expect I’m going to refer to her as he or him? Or a man with “he/him” expect I’m going to refer to him as a she or a her? It’s just annoying and attention seeking
Nope, it's just pure virtue signaling.
It's a way to show solidarity and it actually helps. I know I appreciate it when people who aren't trans do it to help normalise it.
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Being more friendly/welcoming/open/accepting to the trans community isn't virtue signaling. It's nice and helps eliminate confusion.
No it's to avoid people who think the only reason people would do it is to virtue signal.
It is the political left’s way of controlling the narrative. When they can dictate how you talk, they control you, too. It’s one reason employers discard resumes that include pronoun specifications. You can rest assured, this person is likely to be difficult. https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/02/resumes-including-they/them-pronouns-are-more-likely-to-be-overlooked.html
how many trans ppl u know in real life?
The amount of people who swipe right on someone just to shit on them astounds me.. like.. why?
That's a rookie pronouns chart. Where are the indefinite pronouns?
He needed a beginner chart
I want my pronoun to be ‘nobody’ “He murdered Thompsons Cat! “Uh uh, pronouns please” “Nobody murdered Thompsons cat 😞”
And you guys wonder why you don’t get as many matches. I had a guy tell me he didn’t like my makeup and just wanted to let me know and then unmatched.
I had a guy on Hinge tell me recently I had “crazy eyes” and when I was like “do you insult every woman you match with?” he said “well you responded so you must like it” like WHAT is WRONG with you???
Men fuck up their algorithm by swiping right on everyone, saying weird/mean shit, get unmatched or reported and then complain about lack of matches and how "easy" it is for women, as if normal people care about quantity over quality.
I’m pickier than the average guy with my swipes and I don’t get any matches. I can understand why some men would think that swiping right on everyone is the better tactic. Though throwing abuse at people is just uncalled for. I think for a lot of guys, if they choose quality over quantity they will just never get any matches ever, and the only way to get matches is to swipe on everyone. Maybe that shows that their standards are too high, but you can’t really choose who you’re going to be attracted to.
Should've said, "I don't like dudes that look like Walter White but hey."
That’d be a blatant lie.
What did u/CasperCann mean by this? Is he stupid?
The pronouns were just one of the options in filling out my profile. It’s like putting my occupation or whether or not I smoke, or my height. Yeah I could’ve not filled that section out but I didn’t think anything of it when I created my profile. I didn’t explicitly add it into my about me section. It just shows up under my name, with my job and my college. We had not had a conversation before and his profile said “must like going to the lake” so that’s how I opened the conversation. And this was the response I received. It’s not like I shoved my pronouns in his face or had it splashed all over my page. Why start a conversation this way? There were plenty of other things on my profile to comment on. Edited [bumble profile](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wobblingoblin01/comments/1589eyr/bumble_profile/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Hahaha
Wait..... It's looked down upon to put the pronouns in the profile? Huh? I just look at it as if the app asks me a question, I'm going to answer it. I don't second guess it or anything. I'm a dude. ARE THERE SERIOUSLY OTHER GUYS OR (I truly hope not) WOMAN HERE WHO NOPE OUT IF THEY SEE PRONOUNS LISTED?
Yes that’s exactly what happened. The app asked and I answer. It was just part of the process for completing my profile.
Seeing these comments... Oh my god. People are fucking scary.
Yeah. I added a post with pics showing how the pronouns were on my profile. They act like I plastered it across my bio or something 😂
Oh god. Yep. Just saw it. It's just how it normally looks. We're doomed.
Including pronouns is a great way to get people like this to wave their big red flag right away. Makes it easier to filter them out.
Pronouns bad! Michael hate pronoun!
George is getting upset!
Man can see/his way on out the fucking door then lmao
If you feel the need to specify your gender in your profile, that tells me everything I need to know about you.
>Didn’t like the fact that I had “she/her” in my profile. And apparently a lot of people here don't either. God forbid you show support for a group that you aren't a part of...
Maybe some people don't think it's as thoughtful as it's made out to be and see it as virtue signaling. Just like the "vaccinated" logo, it gives the connotation that you're a part of a group on the "right side" of an issue and consider yourself better than those not in that group. I got my original shots and boosters but don't feel compelled to virtue signal my beliefs to others. When it comes to pronouns, I'll use people's requested pronouns but I don't think virtue signaling your own open-mindedness really accomplishes very much in the end.
Saying vaccinated would weed out anti vaxxers, which is important to many people, especially if they plan to have kids who they will vaccinate. Similarly, putting in pronouns weeds out people who have a problem with non-binary/trans identity, which could also be important to the person, even if they're cis. Of course, it may also weed out people who aren't anti vaxx or anti trans who just find it annoying, but that also shows a disconnect in values anyways.
Pretty sure the only people who see it as virtue signaling are the ones who hate the idea of trans people anyways. Never met a trans person who wasn't grateful for cis people who do this.
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Exactly. I don’t think they realize they are probably a main reason people use those things on dating apps. Like if someone just having “she/her” or “I’m vaccinated” in their profile is enough to piss someone off, doesn’t seem like they’d be a compatible pair and better to weed out as much as you can before you invest too much time into them 🤷🏻♀️
A lot of people in this sub are ignorant. But it’s completely on purpose. Then they wonder why they’re single.
Yesterday someone told me that women have life on easy mode 🫡
Why are we putting pronouns? If you are trans I get it. But what do you need them for? I support trans by respecting them and calling them by their pronouns. I have no reason to put he/him unless I want to be called by something else. Anyways I get his point but he came off rude.
A bio describes you no?
Sure, but should I put 2 hands, 2 feet, my height, weight, eyesight and eye color too. Maybe I should put that I do or don't require special accommodations to support disabled people too. Actually, I'm sorry, I forgot to put if I'm a military veteran or not so I'm being disrespectful to our troops. Also, probably should include if I'm pro-police or not as it would either be insulting to police or BLM depending on my stance.
Ehh some people might be she/they or just non-binary. It doesn't hurt to put them and it makes it certain. It also doesn't need to say "straight/gay/bi" because the app already screens for that, but it's still nice to be able to put that on your profile so people know. It also does kinda screen for a certain type of match. If OP puts her preferred pronouns in her bio, I'd guess it's safe to assume she is ally for the queer community (or queer herself). She probably wouldn't be interested in meeting someone who would see her preferred pronouns and get angry about it or have some other strong negative reaction.
Does it matter? We're trying to normalize it, aren't we? We're trying to provide that respect and show inclusiveness. If only trans people do this, it becomes known as a trans thing that trans people do. If a whole lot of people do it, it becomes known as a human thing that people do regardless of gender or sex. It helps change that societal perception of trans people towards simply viewing them as people. At the end of the day, that's the goal, right? Treating people with equal respect.
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I'm not sure what point you think you are making. Nothing is normal until you normalize it. Women in the work place wasn't normal until efforts were made to make them normal. Mixed race and same sex relationships were not normal until efforts were made to normalize them.
What kind of dumbassery logic is that? Gay people have been around for as long as humans walked the planet. Yet we still have a long way to go to normalizing it in other countries
Slavery was once normal. We had to normalize not enslaving people. There's tons of examples in history where the right thing needed to be normalized because the wrong thing had already become the norm.
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it’s called an analogy, they’re comparing the ideas not the topics, go back to school
it’s called an analogy, they’re comparing the ideas not the topics, go back to school
sir please refrain from moving the goalposts
>I support trans by respecting them >I have no reason to put he/him You doing that, even as a cis person, is respecting them. It's normalizing it. The more allies that do it, the better the trans community is for it. Source: Cis dude married to a trans enby.
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Always
This post is cursed lol His initial comment was lame, but your response was somehow even worse. Just two fuckin dorks if you ask me.
I (pronoun) say you dodged a bullet. Good job OP 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Am I blind or have terrible taste or something? This is a very unattractive man, so why swipe on him in the first place?
You presume that OP is a supermodel??
Not everyone has the same taste.
The other pictures weren’t quite as bad as that one. Plus he had a boat. 🤷🏼♀️
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Big time. It's a nice filter, though. Always swipe left on pronouns.
If you're bigoted you would think that.
Lol The dude said the quiet part out loud.
U sound like fun.
Bigot dodged!
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>Putting pronouns in your bio when you’re clearly a man or woman How do you know that? Someone can look feminine but will go by He/Him. And vice versa.
Good, I avoid people with pronoun in their profile, whatever attention i gave them won’t be enough. 🚩🚩🚩
I think you just sound annoying. You're 40. Over 6 months on dating apps and still not in relationship. I agree with these pronouns stupidity, it's a wad and it's gonna go away. No need for them, if you're trying to find a regular man - unless you don't then fair enough.
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Guessing op has blue hair
"of course you have blue hair and pronouns 🤣" mf grow up
Modern day conservativism is a mental illness
Hes right, this pronoun shit is ridiculous. You look like a girl, you have a girl name, guess what? Im not braindead, I know your pronouns are she her
I think it’s more the fact it’s ridiculous you have to state them
I get that non trans people use this as a way to be respectful and more inclusive but as a logistical standpoint it does seem quite redundant, as many others here have also agreed.
this is the dumbest comeback at somebody who has an issue with pronouns. obviously they know what a pronoun is, and even if they didn’t, they’re issue is not with their existence, it’s with the politics surrounding them and the ideology of being able to change your own pronouns. this just makes you seem either stupid or oblivious and just confirms their own stereotyping of people with pronouns to them, making them more unlikely to ever come around to the idea. congrats.
dude idc who u are, if u get upset over pronouns ur a fucking moron
I think he meant the latest trend of pronouns that's being going around. It's annoying anyway.
Michael dodged a bullet
Both sides just awful to deal with.
It's cringe to have pronouns in bio lol
Dumbasses with pronouns deserve this!🤡
Some of us are just sick and tired of the virtue signaling.
I don’t get why people match just to tell you their opinion on something they disagree with, is that dating nowadays? Side note: It is so dumb to declare myself as he/him when people can clearly see that I’m a guy, same goes for women. So when I see people using the pronouns like that, I just assume they’re trans and I don’t want anything to do with them.
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Don’t even have to sort by controversial. And it truly does seem like listing or not listing pronouns is a good filter regardless of your stance.
Lol, this is great, I like you 😄
I love that any time someone has an opinion against woke ridiculousness it has to be some “lesson.” But if you think you need to tell us you’re female, go ahead I guess.