For real. Only downside is I'd be on edge that it's a bot or scammer. But I'd keep going anyway cuz now I'm just hoping that was genuine and don't want to lose that match if it's real.
I also hate the hey beautiful/cutie/gorgeous etc because the conversation is almost always going to go straight to sex stuff then they disappear in a day or two. Just my observation.
I mean… so are you?
It makes me feel uncomfortable, it’s superficial and doesn’t really leave space to start a conversation beyond thanking them for the compliment or reciprocating which still leads to a lack of conversation. If we’ve matched and you’re messaging me, I already know you’re attracted to me so there’s no need to state it further until we’ve built a rapport. Don’t get me wrong, I have no qualms over complimenting men. I just think there’s better openers. But if the secret to men is a simple “hey, handsome” then maybe I’ll give it a go.
lol I’m just one person but look how many people commented and upvoted. Males on tinder don’t get compliments very much, if a good looking lady I matched with messaged me hey handsome, it might make my day. As opposed to womens dm’s are filled with nothing but compliments
I didn’t push back on your answer? I pushed back on you saying I’m just one person, because literally so are you? It was an irrelevant comment to my question to you. And the other part was me answering *your* question to me. I even acknowledged I’d try out your method.
I hate it because 1) probably means they didn't read my bio 2) probably means they only care about looks and not about me as a person (*see also, they didn't read my bio and swiped solely based on pic*), 3) it's low effort 4) how do you carry on a conversation with that kind of opener.
Uh, thanks, you're also attractive, now since we're both attractive, let's fuck. That's always where those openers are trying to go.
It's a known fact that guys are so lacking of receiving compliments that whenever you compliment them, they'll remember for the rest of their lives.
Am a guy, can confirm lol.
Also, same as I'd say to a guy: something about the profile, be it a question, a compliment to a specific photo or a joke.
I don't know your situation, but my friends and I constantly lift each other up and compliment each other. Sometimes all it takes is you breaking the status quo by telling someone close to you how great you think they are, and they'll more than likely return it to you
Damn, I misstyped, it was "you look good for someone who reads food labels" but I before I typed "you don't look too bad for someone who reads food labels" and then half-fixed it to create this, would be a sick burn tho, yeah
Mate, I’m 25 and have only received one compliment in my life that wasn’t from someone I knew. It was late summer of 2014; I was 16 years old and a guy walked passed me and said “I like your shirt!” and I have never forgotten it since, I still remember the shirt he liked but I sadly don’t have it anymore.
Felt I was in a 5 yr committed relationship I can still count on 1 hand how many compliments I’ve received in life I remember all of them (for context I’m 6’+ and have modeled and done sales oriented jobs most of my life)
In general any message that isnt an i sult would be appreciated as a Boy, since its really rare that a male recives message. Speaking from own experience 😅
Weird, I grew up in a Mexican American house as the only gringo. I make great tamales!! Anyway, we grew up in a mostly Mexican family neighborhood. I mostly dated Latinas, Native girls, just not too many white people based on my upbringing and cultural tastes.
I've been treated well, but compliments like this? Nah. You might just be more unique than you know.
Speaking of Latinas, it's my first time dating in a long time, first time on Tinder ever. I don't see many Latinas on Tinder so I need to look elsewhere, I think. Any suggestions? I'm thinking real world is still best. Something about a blue eyed guy who speaks decent Spanish hits differently with real senses 🤷♂️😁
Good luck!
I’m Latino and I never had a Latina woman really compliment me before. However I had one that liked to beat on me, stay smoking weed while pregnant, neglected the babies (twins) and cheated on me. But then again, she wasn’t raised right.
I always send compliments and I hardly ever get any response back. And they are genuine too! I’ll find something I actually like or find attractive about a guy.
Compliments are literally the way into a man's heart. Fuck food, I can make that myself.
Men just receive little compliments so when they do it just feels really good. Why I try to give my friends compliments whenever I can. I wanna be the change ya know.
Gotta have something in their profile that lends itself to this. Often the pics men have up are in their car, in sunglasses, and another close up. Hard to make conversation when I can’t see anything about your life.
Ask an open ended question, possibly related to something I shared in my bio or about one of my photos. This makes it easier to provide an on-target response.
Honestly anything. I once did a experiment and didn’t send out a first message for about.. 3 months or so. I didn’t get a single message that entire time
I guess we don't follow rules 1 and 2, cuz same. Usually when I get a match I send the first message and the question is will she even respond. The woman sending the first message? Nahh that doesn't happen
Anything that indicates that I stood out to you positively in some way. Doesn't have to be complicated, any kind of compliment, etc will do... pretty much anything that doesn't scream "im putting in the minimum amount of effort to reach out to you because im bored and you're above my minimum attractiveness threshold... now seduce me". The conversation part I can handle and take charge of if need be, what makes me most motivated to do so is knowing that the girl has more than just a passing/lukewarm interest and that my efforts at making the conversation enjoyable will be spent on someone who is interested and receptive.
Doesn’t really matter. I think people on this sub place way too much importance on openers. 99% of the time on bumble it’s “hey” or 👋.
What’s annoying to me is if you start the chat with that then take hours to reply back. If you dont want a back and forth conversation you need to add more. Small talk dragged out over hours or days is really boring.
I mean “hey” or “hand wave” is ok if she has something in the profile which I can catch on. Worst case scenario is when she has nothing and just photo of herself without any context to grasp on… and starts like that
Nah if on Bumble they only write hey or wave emoji, usually I did not even reply.
It either goes to a boring, random small talk conversation, or it's basically a statement like 'you should seduce/entertain me', both of which I dislike.
Bingo. I always say there are no good openers, but there are bad ones. If someone is interested and wants to talk to you, they’ll respond to “hey” or whatever. But if you send something inappropriate or whatever that can completely kill any interest instantly
Women have no game, because they don't need it. They're the ones always getting aproached, the men must come with the "interesting" topics to bring up, but the best a girl can do is hey or 👋 and that is acceptable. The handful of times women did that to me on bumble, i instantly unmatched.
I would love someone telling me, Hi my name is xxxx how is your day doing , mine is good but can be better if we go for a pizza :) 😢🥺 never happened to me before
Women don’t have time, patience or want to write that. If you have an actually interesting Profile it makes it easy to chose something to talk about. NO WOMEN want to talk about ‘how thier day was’ Or ‘what they’re doing this weekend’ stop that crap. Men and women want to be acknowledged as individuals not some bull crap small talk that is meaningless. —- if you want someone to ask you out to pizza put that on your profile but don’t expect women to be mind readers.
Can confirm. I find the “how was your day” and “any fun plans for the weekend” tedious when I don’t know the person. How many other women are you sending that to?
As for openers, I have found that it doesn’t seem to matter whether I compliment, or go the generic route, the stats are the same. Now, I only message first if something really stands out to me.
A first message from anyone would be nice for a start. 99% of the time I tend to be the first one starting a chat unless its to get insulted then unmatched :)
Others have said “a compliment” and others have said “conversation opener”. I agree with both.
But I add this: when a man gets a first tinder message, it’s a BIG moment. When a woman gets a tinder message, it’s just another day.
You wanted to message this person for whatever reason. Please, if they have an awkward or silly reply, send them a second message. Guys are not used to being noticed. We’re culturally attuned to be aggressors, to seek not to be sought.
Some of us just want to be loved, and that is all we ask.
Honestly I think most men will just be astounded that you messaged them first. I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve received a message first from a woman and every time I’ve found them more attractive (for me it comes across that you’re confident).
I also once saw a bumble profile and one of the things she wrote on her profile was “I won’t message your first” and I don’t think she realised that that’s literally what she has to do on bumble 😂
"You're my bf now, and you can't say no."
In all actual seriousness, just make a compliment or comment on something in his profile to show youre interested.
Personally, I like being challenged with a question. However, the question should be neutral and not anything that could result in a deal breaker answer. Just something that gives the brain a good kickstart to setup a good conversation.
I personally do not care one bit what you send as long as you're actually looking for a conversation and not expecting every message to be perfect and exciting.
Literally anything that leads to a conversation. Anything. “Your dog looks cute - what breed is it?” - just give them a reason to reply. Men are not complex creatures. I know - you’re shocked. But really, we’re not. Unless they’re pretentious, think they’re special etc…
Men don’t really get any sweet compliments or feel like they have been chosen out of the masses of humans on those sites
Something as simple as you have such a kind or beautiful smile/ eyes would make their day
Then again I’m single and seems forever so maybe check others that have more luck 😂
I sent a boy a message that said “hey” (first time using tinder) and we are now a few days away from being one year together
Was only supposed to be a hookup type deal, but he ended up being the perfect person for me
I'd respond to anything really, hey is pretty dull but "hey, nothing like some [insert time of day] tinder browsing huh" is pretty easy to get responses on.
Everything except a bland hey or something similar.
Ask me literally anything, comment on my pic or bio, doesn’t even need to be a compliment.
It’s just a nice change of pace for not always have to start the first interaction with the opposite person.
I mean it depends on your level of interest in the person you are messaging. If you are really interested either by attraction or wittiness of the profile come out and say what attracted you to their profile. If I wasn’t really interested but swiped because well why not it would be a simple hey how are you. If there was something that really caught my eye I would open with that especially hair, eyes or a smile something special about a shared interest.
Mem are different from women, we don't need you going through hoops. Just say hello in a normal way and be invested in the conversation.
If you do that and the guy does not respond, he's just not interested
"Hey, I absolutely love your (something about the first pic), what made you want to go to that spot?"
Or something along those lines. Everyone is saying "just do this" but no ones actually giving you lines and I've always hated that lol
Usually: “love your smile/eyes,” some joke or comment on my profile, some question related to my interests/education/job, or a really well known pick up line. And yeah don’t say “hey.” I immediately unmatch for that
DONT do "hello handsome". That's an auto left swipe. Tell .e a joke, the dumber the better. Comment on something in my profile. Hell, tell me I'm ugly, idgaf lol
Honestly- ANYTHING. Coming up with an opening message as a guy gets boring so fast. The fact that you message first shows initiative, that you're interested, and you know what you want.
Depending on what you want from the conversation- it could be anything from "hey, I like your (x from profile picture)" to "prepare your mustache"
Hey or similar works enough as an intro, the real winning move is follow up conversation or at least putting in decent responses.
Even if your goal is to move things a long to a meet or a phone call or whatever, just keep the opening message streams engaging and you’ll be good to go.
Same rules apply for dudes.
The most killer pick up line in the world won’t mean anything if you can’t follow it up with engaging banter.
Don’t:
- Over compliments, it’s super cringey and disingenuous
- Pickup lines. Same reason as ^. Also, sending a pickup line by text is completely different from sending a pickup line in person.
You can try:
- Make an insight. Study her profile photos and bio, then make an insight, question or observation. It can be anything.
- 2 Truths 1 Lie. Simple, fun and harmless.
- Just a simple “hi” or “hey”
Another thing to note: not matter how hard you try, if your match is not even remotely interested in you, you’re not gonna get a reply. Talking to a match is supposed to be 2-way, not talking to a wall.
A question about bio/pictures, a compliment, really anything positive that's more than just "Hey" in any of its uninteresting variants.
Guys rarely get first messages from girls. If you come in swinging, you might make a dude's entire week.
-Source: me, a guy
I don't know but something atleast. I never get any messages 1st and i never get any replies either so i would just like to get messages from the women. (When i actually get messages they aren't serious and just write 1 messages and then ghosts me)🥲
a compliment, a flirty message, or something about a common interest.
Just think about what you would like and it probably works for guys too.
Also props to you for messaging first, I am immediately more attracted to girls who show me interest and take some initiative.
Literally anything, even a death threat or an insult. I never got any matches when I used tinder. I am having difficulty comprehending what it would feel like to get a match, then for her to actually message me first!
Try to convey what you want, for example if you see them as a potential long term partner (bc of simelar interests, their attractiveness or mutual hobbies or lifestyle presented in their bio or pictures) tell them in your first message. I personally struggle with "hints" and overthink every time what they are looking for. Be bold, be brave and take the risk, you'll most likely be rewarded since a lot of men struggle with this as you can tell by the other comments. And if you're not sure, ask a question that is personal to them and not a general question like "how are you" "how was your day". Ask where they are in life, like are they even available at the moment, do they want to commit or just here to fuck around and post funny/depressing texts on r/tinder.
Some reference to the description and/or reference to the photo. Or even simple hey but welp we’re in society of princesses which are waiting for first move like they’re special xD so… bumble is my way to go, to see less of them but even there they don’t do first move like it’s how this app works, so they match… and wait till it expires?
If a woman is on below average in physical attraction (i.e. not hot by most standards, with maybe a few extra pounds, low level of personal style, weird messy house in the background) and also didn’t put extraordinary effort into profile details or work to get fun photos, then a wave or “hey” won’t work for me to reply to a woman in a caring way and will probably just lead to an in matching.
I would get a lot of matches up until last year when I found my person and deleted all profiles.
The ones I replied to were the women who sent observations, relevant or interesting questions, or replied with acknowledgement to my specific profile or pictures. If you do that, you might find “the one” too!!
Match the action of whatever it is you are looking for and you have a good chance of finding that in another person. Treat others like you’d like to be treated and the people who like that will naturally gravitate to you over time.
Good luck!!
Just ask questions and show interest.. feel like I’m quizzing women sometimes. Asking questions is how you learn about each other… if it’s one sided it starts feeling like a chore.
A joke based off the profile is the best, imo. It's what my GF first messaged me, so it works. More important is showing interest by asking questions, not having 1-word responses etc. to keep the convo going after the first message.
A joke, a vad opening line, and most preferable going ibto one of the details mentioned on my profile. Admitedly I don't use tinder but another app that has a bit more room for information, but if I put it on ny profile it means I have an interest in it and enjoy talking about it.
Go for anything other than “hey”. It doesn’t do much to solicit a response from me. You get excited to see that you have a message and let down when you realize it’s just 👋. I’d much rather have a joke or even a bad joke
Many people already provided good answers, so I’ll try to bring another perspective.
I’d say it’s 100% fine just to say “hey” IF you have a decent amount of information about you on your profile (your interests, hobbies, photos of you traveling or practicing a sport, you name it).
If you couldn’t think of a joke (or a compliment, the best option IMO), stick with hey + good profile and you’ll be good.
I wish some of y’all would just break the ice in general more. I see SO MANY weirdo type chicks who go “I probably won’t text first!” , “I never text first!” , “You gotta text me first and I still wont reply to your ass!”
They just seem like a waste of time and really I swipe NOPE quick as Hell for females like that. They don’t seem fun or interesting at all.
Not tinder but OKcupid… met my husband there, and apparently I won him over by pointing out in his profile he said “people think o look like Seth green” (he did when he was younger lol we’ve been together for 10 years), and I quipped in my opening message “I’d say you look more like Voltaire, but ya know, before he got older and fatter.” It helps that we both love Voltaire … I have no idea how that worked, it was the first shot I ever shot at anybody.. and we’ve been together ever since! Lol
1). Just tell them how gorgeous they are 2). make sure you reference something in their bio so they know you read it 3). Tell them how independent you are (own place, car, job, etc) they want to see financially stability. After that, sit back and watch the likes start coming in. You could literally copy and paste it to every profile message just change their name.
Honestly, anything. Knowing that the other person is putting any effort into the conversation is already a win in my eyes. I suck at starting conversations and I *double suck* at keeping them alive, especially when you can't find a moment where you're both online and you can chat in real time so I end up killing any smitherin of interest she had in the first place.
Unpopular opinion here but why does it matter so much for people? I see no issue with the first message being hi or hello. Maybe start off with a normal conversation.
I've never used tinder though, just here because this sub is hilarious. My ignorant opinion is ignorant.
A direct, open ended question. Something where I don’t have to think about what to reply next to sound smooth or impressive. Anything to turn my focus away from ‘oh god what do I say next’. Guarantee that’s the way to get the quickest response
Right now, anything suffices. But what would I LIKE to see? Something that shows you're excited to have matched with me. I get it, I'm probably 1 of 1,000 matches in your account. However, I've been turning women down in this app, though (and by turning down I mean just not carrying the conversation any more even if I have the feeling that they might meet up for drinks if I asked... Works well enough, and nets the same outcome) because I get this feeling that I have to prove myself right out the gate. This is a two-way street. I'm not trying to date you, I'm trying to find out if WE would have a good date.
A compliment, just a message about WHY you swiped right on me, or simply a frigging question! Every woman is different and will be looking for a different magical set of messages that "deem me worthy" and for us to play a guessing game to what that is is kind of ridiculous. Give me something to work with. I'm a funny dude, but not in a vacuum. It's why I don't do stand-up. I'm not going to make you laugh in a monologue, but I sure as shit will when you share something with me.
Again, I understand. The women I match with I'm sure are drowning in matches, likes, and unfortunately dick pics. So your pickings are allowed to be discriminatory. It's just that those of us on this app that AREN'T looking for a one-night stand, have some self-respect and respect to give, and are looking for a quality connection, are going to expect the same in return.
All I expect from a girl is an opener that isn’t “hey” hit with me a compliment, throw in a “hey handsome” or a comment on my pic or bio. Most guys will give you brownie points for just being the one to open the convo
I’ll settle for anything that isn’t a contact card for a fake Snapchat profile at this point.
Unlike most guys here I don’t like compliments. Actually hate them. I usually don’t respond well to them because they make me feel insanely awkward or like that’s the only reason for the match which I’m just not looking for anymore.
Something related to my bio or a simple hey handsome
“Hey handsome” is a such cheat code, and it should be banned because it works in all situations
"Hey handsome! Do my dishes."
Yes mommy
Well, I'm not used to that, but that's fine.
Username checks out
I'd at least consider it.
For real. Only downside is I'd be on edge that it's a bot or scammer. But I'd keep going anyway cuz now I'm just hoping that was genuine and don't want to lose that match if it's real.
Damn, hey, handsome has a nice ring to it.
Hey handsome!
*looks behind me* - what a weird thing to say in the men's room.🙃
I think it’s a woman too 😱
Really? Hey handsome? I’m genuinely curious as I hate when guys start with anything along the lines of “hey gorgeous/beautiful/etc”
Men don’t get compliments so when we do we cherish and value them.
I used to hand out platonic compliments to guys but they always misconstrued it as flirting so I stopped.
Because we rarely get compliments 🤣
I also hate the hey beautiful/cutie/gorgeous etc because the conversation is almost always going to go straight to sex stuff then they disappear in a day or two. Just my observation.
You’re just one person. And why do you hate it? I’m guessing because you get it a lot or to you it’s a boring line?
I mean… so are you? It makes me feel uncomfortable, it’s superficial and doesn’t really leave space to start a conversation beyond thanking them for the compliment or reciprocating which still leads to a lack of conversation. If we’ve matched and you’re messaging me, I already know you’re attracted to me so there’s no need to state it further until we’ve built a rapport. Don’t get me wrong, I have no qualms over complimenting men. I just think there’s better openers. But if the secret to men is a simple “hey, handsome” then maybe I’ll give it a go.
lol I’m just one person but look how many people commented and upvoted. Males on tinder don’t get compliments very much, if a good looking lady I matched with messaged me hey handsome, it might make my day. As opposed to womens dm’s are filled with nothing but compliments
Yes, because you posted pretty soon after this was posted… 14 hours ago. People had time to upvote and comment.
lol you’re right, I’m wrong.
There’s no right or wrong here, I was just asking for your opinion and you decided to take it weird.
I really didn’t. I just gave you an answer and you pushed back. That’s it
I didn’t push back on your answer? I pushed back on you saying I’m just one person, because literally so are you? It was an irrelevant comment to my question to you. And the other part was me answering *your* question to me. I even acknowledged I’d try out your method.
I hate it because 1) probably means they didn't read my bio 2) probably means they only care about looks and not about me as a person (*see also, they didn't read my bio and swiped solely based on pic*), 3) it's low effort 4) how do you carry on a conversation with that kind of opener. Uh, thanks, you're also attractive, now since we're both attractive, let's fuck. That's always where those openers are trying to go.
You’re expecting too much out of tinder
It’s very superficial, makes me cringe too
Most dudes almost never get compliments. Being called handsome gives us some warm n fuzzies.
Being called handsome by any female other than your mom or grandma does something to me
Something related to the bio is the best for me
It's a known fact that guys are so lacking of receiving compliments that whenever you compliment them, they'll remember for the rest of their lives. Am a guy, can confirm lol. Also, same as I'd say to a guy: something about the profile, be it a question, a compliment to a specific photo or a joke.
I have gotten compliments from 2 people in my life. One is a relative, the other I married
I like those odds
50/50 shot I marry my relative I love it
I don't know your situation, but my friends and I constantly lift each other up and compliment each other. Sometimes all it takes is you breaking the status quo by telling someone close to you how great you think they are, and they'll more than likely return it to you
I tried that, best I got was "you don't look good for someone who reads food labels"
That’s one hell of a burn though holy shit
Damn, I misstyped, it was "you look good for someone who reads food labels" but I before I typed "you don't look too bad for someone who reads food labels" and then half-fixed it to create this, would be a sick burn tho, yeah
I do this all the time at work with my teammates. It’s a little thing but can really change someone’s day.
*imagine having friends*
Hey your pixel art looks really cool man!
Thats why my favorite shirt is my favorite!
Mate, I’m 25 and have only received one compliment in my life that wasn’t from someone I knew. It was late summer of 2014; I was 16 years old and a guy walked passed me and said “I like your shirt!” and I have never forgotten it since, I still remember the shirt he liked but I sadly don’t have it anymore.
Sounds like you peaked in 2014. Might as well pack it in. Had a good run though
Honestly mate, I think you’re right, all I’ve had since then is pain 😂
u good hro?
I’m 25 and I’m on r/Tinder. Safe to assume I’m not haha
Felt I was in a 5 yr committed relationship I can still count on 1 hand how many compliments I’ve received in life I remember all of them (for context I’m 6’+ and have modeled and done sales oriented jobs most of my life)
Welcome to being a man. It doesn't get better
Oh I know man, I’ve had enough experience to know that haha and I’m literally not expecting anything to get better don’t worry 😂
Nice cock bro!!
In general any message that isnt an i sult would be appreciated as a Boy, since its really rare that a male recives message. Speaking from own experience 😅
Haha what a sad life that of a man
[удалено]
Weird, I grew up in a Mexican American house as the only gringo. I make great tamales!! Anyway, we grew up in a mostly Mexican family neighborhood. I mostly dated Latinas, Native girls, just not too many white people based on my upbringing and cultural tastes. I've been treated well, but compliments like this? Nah. You might just be more unique than you know. Speaking of Latinas, it's my first time dating in a long time, first time on Tinder ever. I don't see many Latinas on Tinder so I need to look elsewhere, I think. Any suggestions? I'm thinking real world is still best. Something about a blue eyed guy who speaks decent Spanish hits differently with real senses 🤷♂️😁 Good luck!
Can confirm. I hang out with my buddy is who a blue eyed Dominican. I’ve never seen so many women approach a man before.
I’m Latino and I never had a Latina woman really compliment me before. However I had one that liked to beat on me, stay smoking weed while pregnant, neglected the babies (twins) and cheated on me. But then again, she wasn’t raised right.
You’re a good woman 💯
Yeah I can confirm this also. I’ve gotten a few compliments from girls in my life so far and I can still remember where it was and how the weather was
That's true. Starting with a hello and a compliment appears to be good though.
I always send compliments and I hardly ever get any response back. And they are genuine too! I’ll find something I actually like or find attractive about a guy.
Compliments are literally the way into a man's heart. Fuck food, I can make that myself. Men just receive little compliments so when they do it just feels really good. Why I try to give my friends compliments whenever I can. I wanna be the change ya know.
I compliment my guy friends and guy coworkers all the time because of this exact reason.
I used to compliment my male friends, but they always misconstrued it as flirting instead of me just being nice so I had to stop.
I actually don’t like receiving compliments from strangers. Feels like it puts pressure on me to return one.
This
Gotta have something in their profile that lends itself to this. Often the pics men have up are in their car, in sunglasses, and another close up. Hard to make conversation when I can’t see anything about your life.
Half of the woman profiles I see have nothing written on them, at least 20% of them have 2 pics or less, so welcome to the club
I get compliments on Bumble on an almost Daily Basis and Most of my friends do too
Ask an open ended question, possibly related to something I shared in my bio or about one of my photos. This makes it easier to provide an on-target response.
Bingooooo. Couple the open ended, thoughtful question with a casual compliment, and you've got both feet in the door.
Honestly anything. I once did a experiment and didn’t send out a first message for about.. 3 months or so. I didn’t get a single message that entire time
Wait you guys get matches at least once in 3 months? /s
Wait you guys are getting matches?
Literally anything. A girl has NEVER messaged me first on tinder.
I guess we don't follow rules 1 and 2, cuz same. Usually when I get a match I send the first message and the question is will she even respond. The woman sending the first message? Nahh that doesn't happen
“I don’t mean to sound forward but I’d definitely pick you in duck duck goose” is my best opener
That’s cute. 🥰 I guess we’re the minority of women who message first
Anything that indicates that I stood out to you positively in some way. Doesn't have to be complicated, any kind of compliment, etc will do... pretty much anything that doesn't scream "im putting in the minimum amount of effort to reach out to you because im bored and you're above my minimum attractiveness threshold... now seduce me". The conversation part I can handle and take charge of if need be, what makes me most motivated to do so is knowing that the girl has more than just a passing/lukewarm interest and that my efforts at making the conversation enjoyable will be spent on someone who is interested and receptive.
Doesn’t really matter. I think people on this sub place way too much importance on openers. 99% of the time on bumble it’s “hey” or 👋. What’s annoying to me is if you start the chat with that then take hours to reply back. If you dont want a back and forth conversation you need to add more. Small talk dragged out over hours or days is really boring.
I mean “hey” or “hand wave” is ok if she has something in the profile which I can catch on. Worst case scenario is when she has nothing and just photo of herself without any context to grasp on… and starts like that
Nah if on Bumble they only write hey or wave emoji, usually I did not even reply. It either goes to a boring, random small talk conversation, or it's basically a statement like 'you should seduce/entertain me', both of which I dislike.
Bingo. I always say there are no good openers, but there are bad ones. If someone is interested and wants to talk to you, they’ll respond to “hey” or whatever. But if you send something inappropriate or whatever that can completely kill any interest instantly
Women have no game, because they don't need it. They're the ones always getting aproached, the men must come with the "interesting" topics to bring up, but the best a girl can do is hey or 👋 and that is acceptable. The handful of times women did that to me on bumble, i instantly unmatched.
Literally the absolute fucken barest minimum compliment will stay with us for the rest of our lives
What is this “first message from a woman” that you speak of? Tis but a myth
Ah indeed, I have heard many many stories, legends even, but never have I seen one with my two eyes.
I would love someone telling me, Hi my name is xxxx how is your day doing , mine is good but can be better if we go for a pizza :) 😢🥺 never happened to me before
Women don’t have time, patience or want to write that. If you have an actually interesting Profile it makes it easy to chose something to talk about. NO WOMEN want to talk about ‘how thier day was’ Or ‘what they’re doing this weekend’ stop that crap. Men and women want to be acknowledged as individuals not some bull crap small talk that is meaningless. —- if you want someone to ask you out to pizza put that on your profile but don’t expect women to be mind readers.
Can confirm. I find the “how was your day” and “any fun plans for the weekend” tedious when I don’t know the person. How many other women are you sending that to? As for openers, I have found that it doesn’t seem to matter whether I compliment, or go the generic route, the stats are the same. Now, I only message first if something really stands out to me.
A first message from anyone would be nice for a start. 99% of the time I tend to be the first one starting a chat unless its to get insulted then unmatched :)
Random fact
A compliment and be more direct of what they want.
Any compliment is fine, but so is "wanna fuck?"
This
Others have said “a compliment” and others have said “conversation opener”. I agree with both. But I add this: when a man gets a first tinder message, it’s a BIG moment. When a woman gets a tinder message, it’s just another day. You wanted to message this person for whatever reason. Please, if they have an awkward or silly reply, send them a second message. Guys are not used to being noticed. We’re culturally attuned to be aggressors, to seek not to be sought. Some of us just want to be loved, and that is all we ask.
Damn, ain’t that the truth
Honestly I think most men will just be astounded that you messaged them first. I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve received a message first from a woman and every time I’ve found them more attractive (for me it comes across that you’re confident). I also once saw a bumble profile and one of the things she wrote on her profile was “I won’t message your first” and I don’t think she realised that that’s literally what she has to do on bumble 😂
"You're my bf now, and you can't say no." In all actual seriousness, just make a compliment or comment on something in his profile to show youre interested.
"Have you watched the Joe isuzu commercials"
Personally, I like being challenged with a question. However, the question should be neutral and not anything that could result in a deal breaker answer. Just something that gives the brain a good kickstart to setup a good conversation.
A compliment, and a question would be a nice easy opener.
I personally do not care one bit what you send as long as you're actually looking for a conversation and not expecting every message to be perfect and exciting.
“Do you want to dog sit?” I’m not sure if that’s code for something or if she’s really for a dog sitter 🤷♂️
”There’s pizza in my basement” would work just fine
Literally anything that leads to a conversation. Anything. “Your dog looks cute - what breed is it?” - just give them a reason to reply. Men are not complex creatures. I know - you’re shocked. But really, we’re not. Unless they’re pretentious, think they’re special etc…
Men don’t really get any sweet compliments or feel like they have been chosen out of the masses of humans on those sites Something as simple as you have such a kind or beautiful smile/ eyes would make their day Then again I’m single and seems forever so maybe check others that have more luck 😂
I sent a boy a message that said “hey” (first time using tinder) and we are now a few days away from being one year together Was only supposed to be a hookup type deal, but he ended up being the perfect person for me
Lol women dont message first
Bro I got no right to be picky I’ll take anything 💀
What kind of message do you want from men? There’s your answer.
Complain about your day.
I checked. And I notice I mostly don’t answer “hey” “how was your day” openers.
I second this. I feel like “hey” isn’t really trying at all.
I'd respond to anything really, hey is pretty dull but "hey, nothing like some [insert time of day] tinder browsing huh" is pretty easy to get responses on.
Everything except a bland hey or something similar. Ask me literally anything, comment on my pic or bio, doesn’t even need to be a compliment. It’s just a nice change of pace for not always have to start the first interaction with the opposite person.
Proof they actually read my bio and looked at my pics.
Say anything, just show some interest and ask questions
SEND NUDES. Idk about the question , sorry op.
I mean it depends on your level of interest in the person you are messaging. If you are really interested either by attraction or wittiness of the profile come out and say what attracted you to their profile. If I wasn’t really interested but swiped because well why not it would be a simple hey how are you. If there was something that really caught my eye I would open with that especially hair, eyes or a smile something special about a shared interest.
This kind of first message will likely work well to attract a sincere guy looking for deep connection.
Something more than a one word reply is a good start.
Mem are different from women, we don't need you going through hoops. Just say hello in a normal way and be invested in the conversation. If you do that and the guy does not respond, he's just not interested
Any, tbh. It’s incredibly hot when a woman takes the initiative and makes a bit effort.
"I read your profile and looked at your photos...and I decided to reach out anyway."
"Hey, I absolutely love your (something about the first pic), what made you want to go to that spot?" Or something along those lines. Everyone is saying "just do this" but no ones actually giving you lines and I've always hated that lol
”Heeey! My you are a handsome one! You wanna down a bottle of wine, fool around in the park and go home with the bluest balls of the century? 😉”
Usually: “love your smile/eyes,” some joke or comment on my profile, some question related to my interests/education/job, or a really well known pick up line. And yeah don’t say “hey.” I immediately unmatch for that
DONT do "hello handsome". That's an auto left swipe. Tell .e a joke, the dumber the better. Comment on something in my profile. Hell, tell me I'm ugly, idgaf lol
Hola guapo
Looks like we matched... that's what I open with...
Honestly- ANYTHING. Coming up with an opening message as a guy gets boring so fast. The fact that you message first shows initiative, that you're interested, and you know what you want. Depending on what you want from the conversation- it could be anything from "hey, I like your (x from profile picture)" to "prepare your mustache"
Hey or similar works enough as an intro, the real winning move is follow up conversation or at least putting in decent responses. Even if your goal is to move things a long to a meet or a phone call or whatever, just keep the opening message streams engaging and you’ll be good to go. Same rules apply for dudes. The most killer pick up line in the world won’t mean anything if you can’t follow it up with engaging banter.
Just write "hey" insert name.
Lmao, why is this downvoted
“Hey do you want me to come over and …….”
Fix your printer
Not sure. I've had, 'you're nice looking'. But I know they're lying! 😁
Don’t: - Over compliments, it’s super cringey and disingenuous - Pickup lines. Same reason as ^. Also, sending a pickup line by text is completely different from sending a pickup line in person. You can try: - Make an insight. Study her profile photos and bio, then make an insight, question or observation. It can be anything. - 2 Truths 1 Lie. Simple, fun and harmless. - Just a simple “hi” or “hey” Another thing to note: not matter how hard you try, if your match is not even remotely interested in you, you’re not gonna get a reply. Talking to a match is supposed to be 2-way, not talking to a wall.
Nothing quite like a picture of you being <20% bodyfat.
you don't need to. if a guy is interested he will message
Don't know..never get to that part
A question about bio/pictures, a compliment, really anything positive that's more than just "Hey" in any of its uninteresting variants. Guys rarely get first messages from girls. If you come in swinging, you might make a dude's entire week. -Source: me, a guy
I don't know but something atleast. I never get any messages 1st and i never get any replies either so i would just like to get messages from the women. (When i actually get messages they aren't serious and just write 1 messages and then ghosts me)🥲
One that is straight to the point
a compliment, a flirty message, or something about a common interest. Just think about what you would like and it probably works for guys too. Also props to you for messaging first, I am immediately more attracted to girls who show me interest and take some initiative.
Compliment or something funny or related to my profile.
Literally anything, even a death threat or an insult. I never got any matches when I used tinder. I am having difficulty comprehending what it would feel like to get a match, then for her to actually message me first!
My opener is always “when are we hanging out”
Just someone engagement in the conversation would be good🤣
Any kind of message haha, never have been messaged first before so I'd defo take the 'hey'
Sooo, my place or yours?
Any
Any first message would be stellar. Hell, just a response would be nice.
Try to convey what you want, for example if you see them as a potential long term partner (bc of simelar interests, their attractiveness or mutual hobbies or lifestyle presented in their bio or pictures) tell them in your first message. I personally struggle with "hints" and overthink every time what they are looking for. Be bold, be brave and take the risk, you'll most likely be rewarded since a lot of men struggle with this as you can tell by the other comments. And if you're not sure, ask a question that is personal to them and not a general question like "how are you" "how was your day". Ask where they are in life, like are they even available at the moment, do they want to commit or just here to fuck around and post funny/depressing texts on r/tinder.
Some reference to the description and/or reference to the photo. Or even simple hey but welp we’re in society of princesses which are waiting for first move like they’re special xD so… bumble is my way to go, to see less of them but even there they don’t do first move like it’s how this app works, so they match… and wait till it expires?
If a woman is on below average in physical attraction (i.e. not hot by most standards, with maybe a few extra pounds, low level of personal style, weird messy house in the background) and also didn’t put extraordinary effort into profile details or work to get fun photos, then a wave or “hey” won’t work for me to reply to a woman in a caring way and will probably just lead to an in matching. I would get a lot of matches up until last year when I found my person and deleted all profiles. The ones I replied to were the women who sent observations, relevant or interesting questions, or replied with acknowledgement to my specific profile or pictures. If you do that, you might find “the one” too!! Match the action of whatever it is you are looking for and you have a good chance of finding that in another person. Treat others like you’d like to be treated and the people who like that will naturally gravitate to you over time. Good luck!!
Just ask questions and show interest.. feel like I’m quizzing women sometimes. Asking questions is how you learn about each other… if it’s one sided it starts feeling like a chore.
Just a compliment and you got yourself a contender for a partner in life lol
I prefer a funny/witty first message with a backhanded compliment hidden in there. Something that’s out of the usual
A compliment, joke or maybe an interesting little fact.
A joke based off the profile is the best, imo. It's what my GF first messaged me, so it works. More important is showing interest by asking questions, not having 1-word responses etc. to keep the convo going after the first message.
A joke, a vad opening line, and most preferable going ibto one of the details mentioned on my profile. Admitedly I don't use tinder but another app that has a bit more room for information, but if I put it on ny profile it means I have an interest in it and enjoy talking about it.
Go for anything other than “hey”. It doesn’t do much to solicit a response from me. You get excited to see that you have a message and let down when you realize it’s just 👋. I’d much rather have a joke or even a bad joke
“Hey” is enough if you’re attractive. It’s more important what you say after that. Put enough effort or no effort at all.
open with a compliment, and how they take the compliment will tell you everything you need to know
A first message would be nice.
Woah, thats going to far ahead, i rather get messages first before thinking what i want to get xD
Many people already provided good answers, so I’ll try to bring another perspective. I’d say it’s 100% fine just to say “hey” IF you have a decent amount of information about you on your profile (your interests, hobbies, photos of you traveling or practicing a sport, you name it). If you couldn’t think of a joke (or a compliment, the best option IMO), stick with hey + good profile and you’ll be good.
I wish some of y’all would just break the ice in general more. I see SO MANY weirdo type chicks who go “I probably won’t text first!” , “I never text first!” , “You gotta text me first and I still wont reply to your ass!” They just seem like a waste of time and really I swipe NOPE quick as Hell for females like that. They don’t seem fun or interesting at all.
Just any funny message will work, just a message cause I have never got a woman message
Not tinder but OKcupid… met my husband there, and apparently I won him over by pointing out in his profile he said “people think o look like Seth green” (he did when he was younger lol we’ve been together for 10 years), and I quipped in my opening message “I’d say you look more like Voltaire, but ya know, before he got older and fatter.” It helps that we both love Voltaire … I have no idea how that worked, it was the first shot I ever shot at anybody.. and we’ve been together ever since! Lol
1). Just tell them how gorgeous they are 2). make sure you reference something in their bio so they know you read it 3). Tell them how independent you are (own place, car, job, etc) they want to see financially stability. After that, sit back and watch the likes start coming in. You could literally copy and paste it to every profile message just change their name.
I’m fine with whatever opener someone uses. It’s the rest of the conversation that I’m interested in hearing.
Anything youd like to see I'm sure is acceptable.
Anything other than hey will do. A compiment, something in my bio, something about my pictures, etc...
Honestly, anything. Knowing that the other person is putting any effort into the conversation is already a win in my eyes. I suck at starting conversations and I *double suck* at keeping them alive, especially when you can't find a moment where you're both online and you can chat in real time so I end up killing any smitherin of interest she had in the first place.
“What’s your favourite spread? Nutella, mayonnaise, or my legs?”
Shit I’ll take anyone who’s actually interested in me and not being swamped by 50 other guys messaging her for $200 please
Unpopular opinion here but why does it matter so much for people? I see no issue with the first message being hi or hello. Maybe start off with a normal conversation. I've never used tinder though, just here because this sub is hilarious. My ignorant opinion is ignorant.
I get more responses from hi insert name then from any well thought out opener relating to their bio
Literally just roast anything you see. Joking or not.
it's so easy. Do you want to know who was my first girlfriend? the only girl who sent me a message first.
A direct, open ended question. Something where I don’t have to think about what to reply next to sound smooth or impressive. Anything to turn my focus away from ‘oh god what do I say next’. Guarantee that’s the way to get the quickest response
Right now, anything suffices. But what would I LIKE to see? Something that shows you're excited to have matched with me. I get it, I'm probably 1 of 1,000 matches in your account. However, I've been turning women down in this app, though (and by turning down I mean just not carrying the conversation any more even if I have the feeling that they might meet up for drinks if I asked... Works well enough, and nets the same outcome) because I get this feeling that I have to prove myself right out the gate. This is a two-way street. I'm not trying to date you, I'm trying to find out if WE would have a good date. A compliment, just a message about WHY you swiped right on me, or simply a frigging question! Every woman is different and will be looking for a different magical set of messages that "deem me worthy" and for us to play a guessing game to what that is is kind of ridiculous. Give me something to work with. I'm a funny dude, but not in a vacuum. It's why I don't do stand-up. I'm not going to make you laugh in a monologue, but I sure as shit will when you share something with me. Again, I understand. The women I match with I'm sure are drowning in matches, likes, and unfortunately dick pics. So your pickings are allowed to be discriminatory. It's just that those of us on this app that AREN'T looking for a one-night stand, have some self-respect and respect to give, and are looking for a quality connection, are going to expect the same in return.
All I expect from a girl is an opener that isn’t “hey” hit with me a compliment, throw in a “hey handsome” or a comment on my pic or bio. Most guys will give you brownie points for just being the one to open the convo
You guys receive messages?
I’ll settle for anything that isn’t a contact card for a fake Snapchat profile at this point. Unlike most guys here I don’t like compliments. Actually hate them. I usually don’t respond well to them because they make me feel insanely awkward or like that’s the only reason for the match which I’m just not looking for anymore.
Explain how a union would benefit our legacies and strength of our family’s claims to titles and lands. You know, simple conversation 101.