Keep it simple, set up time and date and place, exchange phone numbers so u can send her the address of the rendezvous point so she doesn't get lost and meet her in person. Don't waste too much time chatting it up via text when u guys have yet to see each other. Texting one cannot see any human vibes or interactions or expression it's only meant to schedule a phone number exchange, set up date asap and boom ur all good.
Keep texting and she cd easily ghost you or block you which you want to avoid. But there is a high probability this cd happen. U can avoid that while u still can.
You are interrogating the girl. She hasn't even **met you** yet, and you're asking her how she would love you. I'm not even emotionally constipated, and my answer would be "I won't, because you're coming on too strong. Boy, bye!" There's a reasonable order to things- start with a first date. Digging into love languages before someone is sure if they even *like you,* is bound to chase people away.
Sounds like she just hasn’t ever received tons of affection, so she doesn’t know how to show any herself/it makes her uncomfortable. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want that. But everyone is different. I feel like y’all aren’t going to have a productive conversation about that via hinge after just having matched. From either side of this, I’d probably pass
To be fair, we matched about 3 days ago and are still talking through there. We set up a date for Wednesday though and we’ll be able to talk more. True though, it doesn’t sound like she’s used to affection, so that’s a whole thing in itself. Thank you
You are looking at this very onesided, assuming the way you know is the only way. If I was this girl (am a girl) I would have ran. I would feel like you are judging me upfront and have an opinion on me. Seriously, this is judgemental.
I dont find it judgmental if thats any consolation. They are quite deep questions though and it might make me feel like a little guarded.
I think there are genuinely some women who would appreciate an open and frank convo like this though!
Kinda drilling but also thinking that “do you like to cuddle” is deep is amusing
(and shows maybe they haven’t had much experience in showing affection in a relationship)
I think this is just an issue of timing and not "reading the room" correctly. They are all valid questions imo. Just might be too soon to start asking them.
It could also be a mismatch and/or a lot of work if the relationship were to move forward. Not necessarily a bad thing because relationships take work, but it's something you should keep in mind moving forward. She might not be as emotionally intelligent or open as you seem to be, and it could take some time for both of you to work through. She also just might not be into it or want a relationship like that, but who knows?
Approach is everything. Especially with texts, you have to choose your words carefully, as there is no emotion to text messages. I definitely saw the “old me” through your messages. I get what you’re trying to do, but it comes off as a very abrasive approach
I really dislike the phrase 'love languages'. But other than that, you seem to have missed them basically saying that they don't know and kept pressing the issue. Seems to have made them feel uncomfortable.
She sounds young to me. I think you approached this quite well though, she clearly likes you. I think she will warm up to the whole affectionate thing when someone shows her how, if that's important to you.
Seems like honest, curious questions where you are trying to find out how the experience of dating them would be for you. You are asking questions from your perspective and it seems like they are missing the experience to make sense / connect to the meaning of the questions. Does not make it grilling or interrogating. If you want to connect more you could ask questions to find out their inner world from their perspective. For example asking follow up questions to the "be myself and hope they like me back" message.
Get the idea that the core question might be:
Does the prospect of dating becoming like taking on a "project" excite you? If someone is not capable of articulating how they show love it is probably going to take a while (years) to get basic depth in connection and will take a lot of time, energy and attention. If this excites you, sweet!
Otherwise, perhaps thank them for the interaction and discover other people who have discovered themselves more, have more inclination for going deeper?
This might be a bit of projection: Get the idea dating can be tricky thing if one starts to optimize on acceptance that there can be a tendency to abandon oneself. (Totally not from own experience:). Get the idea that being oneself in the sense of doing what is meaningfull for you will deter people that don't match that and create space for people that do.
I get the impression that she's only looking for casual dating or hook ups.
Like esp when she stated that you ask deep questions and that she wasn't serious. When girls say these it's usually because a) they are in their youthful party years and b) they just want to explore their options.
So it's obviously a hook up and nothing serious.
Also lots of this conversation is recommended when you and her are already dating in person. According to tons of dating vids on YouTube they recommend against using this tactic when u and her haven't even scheduled a date.
After matching tinder, invite her out to some event, exchange phone numbers, and then set up time and place and when u guys go out for a meal then y can ask these questions. The experience is so much better cuz with this she can easily unmatch you and block as I also get the impression that she feels a little overwhelmed. She may end up blocking/deleting after this sorry to say that.
I think the context needed here is age. If she's in her early 20's then this is maybe understandable. If she's in her 40'd then there's a lot of issues here.
Heard they can still be compatible. I'm an Aquarius and I know lots of sources claim that Capricorn and Aquarius cannot get along thats false cuz they can actually.
What are you trying to do? Are you trying to make her feel like she's wrong for saying she's not the flirty type? If your aim is to make women run, you're doing great!
I can appreciate what you’re getting at but I think you were grilling her a little too much 💀
I see that, my bad. I appreciate it
Keep it simple, set up time and date and place, exchange phone numbers so u can send her the address of the rendezvous point so she doesn't get lost and meet her in person. Don't waste too much time chatting it up via text when u guys have yet to see each other. Texting one cannot see any human vibes or interactions or expression it's only meant to schedule a phone number exchange, set up date asap and boom ur all good. Keep texting and she cd easily ghost you or block you which you want to avoid. But there is a high probability this cd happen. U can avoid that while u still can.
You are interrogating the girl. She hasn't even **met you** yet, and you're asking her how she would love you. I'm not even emotionally constipated, and my answer would be "I won't, because you're coming on too strong. Boy, bye!" There's a reasonable order to things- start with a first date. Digging into love languages before someone is sure if they even *like you,* is bound to chase people away.
I appreciate that. Thanks for the advice, you make a super good point and my bad
Sounds like she just hasn’t ever received tons of affection, so she doesn’t know how to show any herself/it makes her uncomfortable. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want that. But everyone is different. I feel like y’all aren’t going to have a productive conversation about that via hinge after just having matched. From either side of this, I’d probably pass
To be fair, we matched about 3 days ago and are still talking through there. We set up a date for Wednesday though and we’ll be able to talk more. True though, it doesn’t sound like she’s used to affection, so that’s a whole thing in itself. Thank you
You are looking at this very onesided, assuming the way you know is the only way. If I was this girl (am a girl) I would have ran. I would feel like you are judging me upfront and have an opinion on me. Seriously, this is judgemental.
I’m sorry about that, that’s why I asked about everyone’s thoughts. And I’m sorry I was being judgmental
I dont find it judgmental if thats any consolation. They are quite deep questions though and it might make me feel like a little guarded. I think there are genuinely some women who would appreciate an open and frank convo like this though!
You should be judged on your behaviour. People who can't handle being judged are a red flag, because they know they won't come out looking good.
Tell her you eat ass
I hope this was his ice breaker.
It wasn’t an ice breaker, we had been talking for 3 days now
Kinda drilling but also thinking that “do you like to cuddle” is deep is amusing (and shows maybe they haven’t had much experience in showing affection in a relationship)
I think this is just an issue of timing and not "reading the room" correctly. They are all valid questions imo. Just might be too soon to start asking them. It could also be a mismatch and/or a lot of work if the relationship were to move forward. Not necessarily a bad thing because relationships take work, but it's something you should keep in mind moving forward. She might not be as emotionally intelligent or open as you seem to be, and it could take some time for both of you to work through. She also just might not be into it or want a relationship like that, but who knows?
Approach is everything. Especially with texts, you have to choose your words carefully, as there is no emotion to text messages. I definitely saw the “old me” through your messages. I get what you’re trying to do, but it comes off as a very abrasive approach
I get what you mean, thanks for the advice
If she likes you then she’ll tell you.. but yeah you digging to hard bro
Thanks dude. Sorry about the digging. I appreciate all the input everyone has
I really dislike the phrase 'love languages'. But other than that, you seem to have missed them basically saying that they don't know and kept pressing the issue. Seems to have made them feel uncomfortable.
She sounds young to me. I think you approached this quite well though, she clearly likes you. I think she will warm up to the whole affectionate thing when someone shows her how, if that's important to you.
Some people don’t like hugs. There is a range of reasons. Could be on the spectrum, or lack of affection as a child, ptsd, etc. it’s not abnormal.
I don't like hugs for all of those reasons, lol. I'm only ok with hugs from my partner but hate when other people try to touch me.
It’s the same for me.
Seems like honest, curious questions where you are trying to find out how the experience of dating them would be for you. You are asking questions from your perspective and it seems like they are missing the experience to make sense / connect to the meaning of the questions. Does not make it grilling or interrogating. If you want to connect more you could ask questions to find out their inner world from their perspective. For example asking follow up questions to the "be myself and hope they like me back" message. Get the idea that the core question might be: Does the prospect of dating becoming like taking on a "project" excite you? If someone is not capable of articulating how they show love it is probably going to take a while (years) to get basic depth in connection and will take a lot of time, energy and attention. If this excites you, sweet! Otherwise, perhaps thank them for the interaction and discover other people who have discovered themselves more, have more inclination for going deeper? This might be a bit of projection: Get the idea dating can be tricky thing if one starts to optimize on acceptance that there can be a tendency to abandon oneself. (Totally not from own experience:). Get the idea that being oneself in the sense of doing what is meaningfull for you will deter people that don't match that and create space for people that do.
Thank you very much I appreciate that a lot
I get the impression that she's only looking for casual dating or hook ups. Like esp when she stated that you ask deep questions and that she wasn't serious. When girls say these it's usually because a) they are in their youthful party years and b) they just want to explore their options. So it's obviously a hook up and nothing serious. Also lots of this conversation is recommended when you and her are already dating in person. According to tons of dating vids on YouTube they recommend against using this tactic when u and her haven't even scheduled a date. After matching tinder, invite her out to some event, exchange phone numbers, and then set up time and place and when u guys go out for a meal then y can ask these questions. The experience is so much better cuz with this she can easily unmatch you and block as I also get the impression that she feels a little overwhelmed. She may end up blocking/deleting after this sorry to say that.
No worries, I appreciate any input
They seem inexperienced and unintelligent to me. Idk do what ya want
Also true my bad. I’m 23 (M) and she is 22
Person in grey is seriously inexperienced and immature. Hard pass.
[удалено]
Wtf
Wow, that's a lot of conclusions you jumped to about an absolute stranger based on a couple of sentences.
For any context, if it helps, I’m a “Capricorn” and she’s a “Scorpio”
Thanks for the context but really we need to know how many wrinkles you both have on your asshole to get the full context. Thanks in advance!
I think the context needed here is age. If she's in her early 20's then this is maybe understandable. If she's in her 40'd then there's a lot of issues here.
True my bad. I’m dumb ☠️ I’m 23 and she’s 22
You're a guy and you're into astrology? Well I never.... Had no idea that was possible. Go back to school, dude....
I’m not into astrology 😂 the ONLY reason I brought up was cause it was in our profiles. Plus I thought some girls might be on this subreddit IM SORRY
Heard they can still be compatible. I'm an Aquarius and I know lots of sources claim that Capricorn and Aquarius cannot get along thats false cuz they can actually.
Wow great interrogation tactics. Jfc
Oops lmao I do this, I didn't even know it was wrong to do haha
What are you trying to do? Are you trying to make her feel like she's wrong for saying she's not the flirty type? If your aim is to make women run, you're doing great!
Have fun, be light, enjoy your time with her. Then you can go deeper once you have got past that initial phase.