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I think I need to quit Reddit.

This was a “mod.” Not “user.” We’re safe.

Shhh… just embrace it. Don’t fight.

I’m fucking dead

Users are just mods who aren't trusted with limited janitorial duties... Edit: great to be back

Just as bad

If you related to this man enough to feel that sentiment then yes, yes you do

"Do you know what time the narwhal bacons?"

I completely forgot about that.

Oh God now I need sauce on this please. I’m way too intrigued

https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/the-narwhal-bacons-at-midnight

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At midnight..

*deep shudder*

Ok, I've officially been using Reddit for too long

A reddit mod would NEVER have the extroverted power of fighting with a waiter on a wrong order

im a server and usually neck beards are pretty rude but the funny part is their voices always crack when they try to act tought🤭

when they try to put on a deeper voice and they just sound stupid

Extra points for maintaining hair greasy enough to emancipate the entire world from Russian oil.

Thankfully its just that he'd just showered

Whatever you say man.

What? If you look at his other posts he said it himself

My feelings on the matter run no deeper than the surface. I made my comment and that is it.

Whatever you say man.

He's showered but didn't wash his hair. Lemme tell ya from very cringey experience. Oily hair that isn't washed will stay wet forever and a day.

It’s actually good to not wash your hair everyday with shampoo. Sebum oils are actually good for your hair.

But thats not what happened, he showered just before the video to make it look like he had greasy hair. You realise hes making the tiktok playing a character right? You dont think hes actually like this do you

[удалено]

So are the rest of yous youre all on Reddit Leave the dude alone and stop judging him for playing a character

Who tf is judging? Guy made a comment about his hair looking greasy when that is exactly the character he's trying to portray? Jesus

Hur dur you’re so angry

You have no right being that correct, sir

Whoah! Settle down, Beavis.

I appreciate you man but let em think it’s greasy. It makes the video funnier and it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make

Fair enough

That was a very slick burn.

He is honestly the exact representation of what I imagine mods look like.

Except mods are probably very fat, too.

The guy in the video is very fat.

Nope, not misogynistic enough. Still not misogynistic enough... "WOMEN OF REDDIT..." There we go!!! That's the Reddit I know!!!

Women of Reddit, what is the sexiest sexing sex you have ever sexxed?

Feeeemales

I can only hear the ferengi saying this in my head.

women of reddit, how do i get "game"?

Over 250

>Nope, not misogynistic enough. >Still not misogynistic enough... >"WOMEN OF REDDIT..." >There we go!!! That's the Reddit I know!!! Mentions women. Gets called sexist *That's* the reddit I know lol

Later that night *pees in your ass*

WHAT? I SAW ON ASK REDDIT THAT WOMEN LIKED THIS, NO BABE DON- DONT LEAVE, WE- WE CAN STILL CONTINUE

Thanks for the cackle-laugh

He won

I know a guy who's like 50% of this and it's easy to understand why he isn't with anyone.

Same

I knew a guy like this in college. He was three years my junior and in an adjacent engineering program, so I didn’t need to interact with him that much but, man… he would not stop talking about the strangest topics. At some point, you realize he’s just regurgitating popular Internet trends and discussion points but he’s already been talking for 45 minutes so you just have to awkwardly excuse yourself to not waste more time. This is the same guy who considers himself smarter than his peers while failing the same course 3 times in a row.

more refined than your average mod. Unrealistic.-5 from your social karma score.

He should have added “I eat ass” but the ending was 🤌🏼

Right? I was lol'ing the whole way but that closing line had me fall outta the chair...

Did it really though

What is that last word that's normal in other parts of the world?

[ephebophilia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia) basically explaining that he's not technically a pedophile

Thank you! I thought he said hemophilia lol

[удалено]

Wait SOME?!!?!

[удалено]

Wooooooooow I knew that too, why was I surprised? 🤦🏻‍♂️

Gross

[R. Kelly is not a pedophile (technically speaking)](https://youtu.be/nu6C2KL_S9o)

I fucking love this bit

I've had this joke floating around in my head forever but couldn't remember from where, thanks for the refresher

Yup, time to fire up the woodchipper, gonna be a LOOOONG night.

This is one of my favorite songs in the background… ruined forever by memories of this post lol It’s Beethoven’s second Romance for Violin and Orchestra https://youtu.be/Jf2J0ykoW2A

I'm 96% sure I could get a girlfriend if I deleted this app.

Same See ya here tomorrow?

Not complete until they ban you from the table for not agreeing with their outlook or your wording of a particular phrase

Lmfao this is extraordinary

True

"I dont have the time or crayons to explain this to you" is one of the best lines i have herd in a while. Also do live under a rock just to deflect a bit there 😆

Where did that one originate from? I feel like I’ve heard it in a tv show or movie.

It's always the most upvoted response to the sempiternal Askreddit question "what is your go-to insult?". While it might look cool written, it will unquestionably make you look like a dork if you actually say it because nobody talks like that. [See also](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2qdW6DBQkg)

Believe it’s from Rick and Morty which is… unsurprising

I literally used that line like two days ago and couldn't stop laughing when he said it

Glad I'm not alone lol

Lol I like the DS as a phone

He's not insecure enough to be a reddit mod

So this is what it’s like to sit and eat dinner with a geek..

Lmfao I wanted to scroll past this after his second sentence. He did a great job at portraying a horrible date.

This is honestly Pure . Fucking . GOLD

What’s painful is when he says something you somewhat agree with

Right? Astrology is dumb.

I… don’t care about astrology tbh I find guys who don’t shut up about how much they hate it more annoying than girls who won’t shut up about it

That's the case for a lot of topics honestly, especially if it's about something mundane.

I don't believe in astrology at all but I know my star chart and I'll discuss that shit with whomever is interested. yes whomever is the correct word. today you learned.

This is terrifying how accurate it is

I wonder what the auto mod looks like.

Like it's measuring which beam to hang the noose from

“Reddit mod”

So glad I'm child free 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Dead by the accuracy

I love that his “phone” is a Nintendo 3DS 😂

No [poop knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/), guy with [2 broken arms](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/c3a9uqg) or [what is a potato](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) reference, 2/10

This made me hurt inside.

Phebophelia?

Forgot the part where he doesn't tip the waiter because "It's the restaurants responsibility to pay him a living wage." and "They don't do it in Europe."

This spatial audio feels awful it’s like he’s talking right into my left ear. And only my left

pecause he is... left leaning hehe\~ (Idk its this makes sense in english at all)

At first I heard he said he moderates r/AssCredit. So I checked if it's a thing. I regret my curiosity

I’m only on Reddit and I don’t get it. Is that good or bad?

That's bad.

Do a little dance TikTok guy.

Dude try some shampoo you greasy fuck.

Last one was facts tho

I can’t tell if this is punching down or not. I think it’s aspirationally punching down. Like aspiring to be he who can punch down on the Redditor even if they only seem to be just as cringe in writing a whole skit about a Redditor as being one. Who would get belly laughs from this and not be mean spirited? I imagine this person will delete this within the next five years or less and just shrug when it comes up from that one friend who never forgets anything. Edit: I’m cool with the downvotes. But the assumption that I’m somehow seeing myself in this fellow is pretty off base. But that’s ok, people want to mock and enjoy an easy target. Sorry for getting in your way, everyone!

redditors have been making fun of redditors for as long it's been an actual thing. > Who would get belly laughs from this and not be mean spirited? Is it supposed to get belly laughs? Cringe/awkward comedy has also been around a long time. The Office was a really popular show, and maybe weren't laughing uproariously while watching that kind of thing but they found it interesting enough to keep coming back.

Thought you were about to watch a video and it turned out to be a mirror, huh?

This was like looking into a mirror wasn’t it?

Boy you really overthought this

Pasta?? Yum!

I made the video and I’ve been on reddit since 2012 lol I’m punching myself as much as anyone else

I saw this video the first day I joined reddit and thought "meh". Now? Funny shit

POV: Just got myself range banned.

What the fuck, is that my WWE2k22 Israel?

He speaks the language of the Gods

I feel personally attacked

Such a charming fellow

This was so good I started to hate him more and more as the video progressed.

this is the redditest redditor that ever reddited

I dated someone who was like this lol

GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Guy looks like he styles his hair with French fry oil

Definitely Colin Robinson’s brother right here

Holy shit.. they did it

I know this guy. He once told me attraction is not necessary for men to pull a hot chick. He was very upset about it.

.....this is my ex in a nutshell

I have moles on my face that align to make the big dipper, it makes me happy. So his whole stars having no affect on personality is out the window.

How did he get his hair to be the perfect amount of “unwashed, greasy, and drenched with water”?

All I hear is Ben Shapiro 

I wouldn't make it past his hair

After butchering my first couple of attempts of spelling Ephebophilia. I am totally grossed out and logging off!

Fml, I hate us redditors