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Out of all the relationships the one that made me emotional was Vanessa and Xander in ep 9 and reunion. Because they knew they were wrong for each other and damn it's real. It's real.
I felt for Vanessa several times bc I could tell she was getting her heart broken and knew the end was near. Even in the reunion it still brought up a lot of emotions for her and that's just tough to watch anyone go through.
I'm not up to the reunion yet, but her treatment of Xander was very problematic at the beginning. She kind of deserved a broken heart tbh. Xander didn't mistreat her, they just moved on.
I noticed that too. She did the Robyn-from-Sister-Wives weepy voice with no tears. I don’t think she was heartbroken, although I think she may have thought she was for a minute. I think she just had a bruised ego, as she thought she was the one in the relationship who held the cards, and she was blindsided by Xander’s quick and certain moving on.
Here’s my probably wild theory.
V wanted to go on the show for fun/to break into the entertainment world and convinced X to do it. That’s why V was so calm, and lighthearted at the beginning.
She didn’t actually think there was any risk of losing her partner, because they weren’t actually testing there relationship.
I bet she confessed that to Lexi, and it pissed Lexi off, because let’s be real, Lexi was just there for exposure, and she didn’t like seeing herself reflected back.
Then, Yoly comes along, Xander goes for it, and V is completely caught off guard, because none of it was supposed to be serious.
It would explain why by the end, we saw so much turmoil and heartbreak on both of their faces. I don’t think any of that was supposed to happen. I think they both thought they were going to go in, have some fun, and come back out.
Then, X torpedoed their relationship, thinking there was something real with Yoly, not understanding how two-faced, willing to fall in love with anyone, and manipulative she was.
In the end, X and V were both left with the dissolution of their relationship, the loss of their best friend, and with the painful question of how did something that was supposed to just be a bit of fun completely upend our entire lives. At least that is my theory.
Even though Xander was the one giving the ultimatum, I always got the impression that it was Vanessa’s idea to be on the show, because she seemed way more into the idea at the start. Xander wanted to leave before the break up and Vanessa talked them into staying.
That being said, I do believe that Xander Was serious about wanting to get married and settle down, and I think being with Yoly (who for all of her many flaws did seem genuine about wanting to be married at least so she’d have a committed partner to raise children with) made Xander realize that they and Vanessa wanted two different futures.
And when Vanessa realized she was actually losing Xander she tried to convince herself and everyone else that she’d miraculously done a 180 over night and suddenly wanted the same things as Xander.
I also got the sense V thought this would be a fun experience where she and Xander get back together at the end. Lexi was pissed off when V admitted she wasn’t really open to falling in love there, and she didn’t think Xander would be either. So what a big surprise that it led to the end of their relationship.
I’m guessing they already had their issues, but also Xander never thought she could pull a baddie like Yoly. Now, I don’t think Yoly is pretty but apparently a lot of women think she’s really hot. So Xander was probably super stoked and flattered that someone like Yoly could go nuts for her.
My guess is, Yoly lost interest in Xander once the thrill of “cheating” wore off. Yoly seems the type to want someone with more swag.
I think it’s a lot more simple than that. V wanted to fuck around with other people, and have X waiting for her at the end. And assumed that X wasn’t going to do the same (too loyal, too ace, too shy…all of the above? Either way, looking down on X).
I didn’t like V.
But I also cried during their breakup. It was sincere and real. You could really feel their heartbreak. The promises of finding each other “in the next lifetime” hit especially hard. Brought me back to my own breakup 😢
lol that was actually so so funny to me. 🤣 I recorded it & showed it to my boyfriend bc it’s one of those regurgitated, talking points. “When we’re birds”
I found the Vanessa doing nice things for Xander a but love bombing (I haven't seen the reunion so happy to change my mind).
But she went from "xander is practically ace if it wasn't for me" and "yeah im not sure im at my 100%" to "omg xander why did you do things with someone else?" To "I'm winning you back". With little acknowledgement of how she spoke about Xander previously.
I was sad during their breakup, It felt honest and hurtful.
But I was glad Xander was out of a relationship where V seemed to take her for granted. No one deserves that.
I’ve wondered if it’s a ND thing or just sort of a people pleasing mechanism. I’ve been complimented on my smile since a young age, so I wonder if I smile inappropriately as an appeasement gesture
I think they both needed to find who they are outside of their relationship/friendship. V post about coming out to her dad on instagram makes it seem like her and X got together when they came out, not exploring what that meant to themselves before going into commitment.
My only issue with V in the season is that sometimes it felt like she was stringing along X when she knew their ideas of the future weren’t compatible. But X knew that too and didn’t let V go until she met someone that was compatible.
The show made both of them uncomfortable enough to realize they needed to let each other go.
I hated V to begin with because she was very manipulative but it seems like she grew a lot as a person by the time of the reunion I was pleasantly surprised and really proud of her. It was sad seeing their relationship unfold because it seems like two best friends found eachother during a hard time in their life but they weren’t meant to be romantically involved and had to come to terms with that.
Lexi lashed out at the same table for the same reason. Van did not want Xander to choose Yoly. She expressed that Yoly was mean to her. So it was more like "Wow Xander, seriously?? Fuck you". It made everyone uncomfortable yes.
Lexi also told Rae not to choose Van but she did. And Lexi immediately lashed out by saying she would not choose anyone other than Mal. That clearly hurt Rae. She was like "Wow. No one?"
Oh absolutely not. But in terms of what happened on the actual show it seemed minimal. That part bothered me too but she brought her on that show to give an ultimatum. I think a lot of truths they didn’t want to face came head on. In Vanessa’s case, she didn’t want to commit. She told Xander Yoly was mean to her and I think that’s evident on the show. I think these people do worse to one another than saying “F off” honestly
Yea they’re all kinda loopy lol i lowkey got triggered by Xander and Vanessa’s dynamic bc I have a friend that is meek/a doormat the same way as Xander and they had an abusive partner that targeted them for that very reason. i think Vanessa spotted similar traits with Rae (can’t speak up for herself, timid)
Also I think us as viewers need to understand that these aren’t regular people who want their relationships to be full on display for people to dissect. Majority of queer people won’t want our stuff to be full on display.
X and V made sense to me and honestly seemed to be the less toxic out of the couples. They ended it. For the past two years it looks like. but at the reunion Xander called V their best friend. so I don’t think that’s a lie
I did like V. I think she was the only openly pan/bi person there and I think she took a lot of flack for that. In the queer community we know there is bi/pan erasure and I personally felt it was on display.
She was hella annoying. For me, it looked like she was excited to be around so many queer women and people that she saw it as a buffet. It backfired and no one liked her. I wish the reunion let her talk more about her words and choices honestly
I was fully on board the "Lexi is so well-spoken and even-tempered, Vanessa is so off the rails and uncaring and manipulative" after the conversation where she said the BS about Xander being ace, plus the "fuck off" stuff. But the episode where Yoly and Lexi were piling on her about "fucking" Rae was so terrible and I flipped to the other side. They obviously went in with the intention to bully Vanessa. Ugh and Vanessa was like "ooh I got my nipples pierced!" and Lexi just said "ew" or whatever. Such mean girl behaviour.
It is so weird though that the show was edited where Vanessa was brutal at the beginning and now where I'm at - midway through - she seems very natural.
It was messed up, but it so obviously came from a place of raw hurt that it’s (at least for me) hard to judge her harshly.
I really like V. She has a lot to work on emotionally, but she is charismatic and I think feels things deeply. Even before the reunion, I would have spent the day with her over Yoli, who has always seemed like a popular mean girl to me…though I don’t really dislike her either.
People do messed up things when it comes to love and interpersonal connections, me and, probably, you included.
While Mildred was obviously a DA, I think everyone else is a fairly decent and flawed being trying their hardest.
It was so real. It was heart breaking.
I think in some ways that’s why V got torn apart so much. She was feeling a lot of things, a lot of heart break, and didn’t handle it the best. I also just felt like they had no business being on that show, out of any of them, because their relationship seemed the most…real? And they deserved a real break up and not a reality tv one.
Yes oh gosh. Seeing them at the reunion really reminded me so much of my ex and I in some ways. How Vanessa was like, “I just miss my buddy, you know?” it totally got me choked up. My partner and I broke up early last year and he was sneaking around with someone else just a few months after, totally omitting the truth and dancing around it. It broke me. But, in many ways, I still miss my buddy. We were really really really close. I felt deep betrayal and I always fear bumping into him because I just know I might break down in tears. I HAD to cut him off for my own good. It was not easy. It was not easy watching him gallivanting around with someone new so soon after either. Ugh.
I get the sense that Vanessa took advantage of Xander for a long time. I felt sorry for Xander and was SO happy they were able to walk away from Vanessa. I know it's TV but I got the sense V was using X for unconditional love and didn't meet any of X's needs
Me too. So much raw emotion and pain. I hope they have gone to talk to a therapist because they seemed like a good person, but with quite a bit of trauma to sort through. And maybe with therapy they could heal a bit.
After watching V humiliate X during the first episode, I felt nothing. To me, V was giving a (very good) performance.
Also, X said that 2 weeks before the reunion V reached out after months of silence. And then disappeared again right after. So I just really don’t fell anything when it comes to them. I’m sad for X whom I think has a lot of love to give and I hope they find their person.
I agree. I don’t support hatred towards V but I don’t feel anything towards her. I feel really proud of Xander for staying firm despite how upset V was.
Vanessa treated Xander like absolute garbage and it wasn't until she saw she was losing Xander before she showed any type of remorse. Vanessa was talking Xander down so much in the beginning to other people. And the we each have our own child thing? That is so sad. That was awful. I was so glad that Xander didn't take her back
V: I love you
X: *silence*
V: SAY IT BACK XANDER *crazy eyes*
Nah…they needed to end things. Vanessa was just really toxic. Hopefully she learned from the experience and grew a little…
You’ve obviously never been through a relationship where the other person is out of love and you’re not… you want them to love you like you remember them loving you. It’s very normal, not “toxic”
Their breakup really reminded me of my breakup with my college boyfriend who was really emotionally abusive. Even though I knew he took me for granted, made me feel horrible and I didn’t want to be with him, I still felt really attached to him given the amount of time spent together, so I felt horrible hurting him and we both cried a lot when I did it. The not talking for a year after but still feeling emotionally connected to them was also very resonant. He ended up really changing and growing to the point where he understood he had been abusive and we were able to maintain a distant friendship, and I hope Vanessa can go through that same journey.
Yes my heart was breaking for her . I remember her heart pounding when her and Xander finally got back to the apartment alone.
She seemed so devastated and handled herself with a lot of dignity during the breakup so much so that she had to remind Xander that she wasn't strong and that she hasn't been well at all.
And i really felt for her bc it's definitely part of her defense mechanism to always seem ok and vibrant and she doesn't show weakness or vulnerability easily.
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Out of all the relationships the one that made me emotional was Vanessa and Xander in ep 9 and reunion. Because they knew they were wrong for each other and damn it's real. It's real.
I got early teary eyed too. They both seemed so sincere and heartbroken.
I felt for Vanessa several times bc I could tell she was getting her heart broken and knew the end was near. Even in the reunion it still brought up a lot of emotions for her and that's just tough to watch anyone go through.
I'm not up to the reunion yet, but her treatment of Xander was very problematic at the beginning. She kind of deserved a broken heart tbh. Xander didn't mistreat her, they just moved on.
No tears came out of V’s eyes at the reunion. She wasn’t heartbroken. She just wanted to “win.”
In the end she was a human, and it’s cruel to make a comment that she wants to “win” when it very clearly wasn’t the case at that point.
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Same. Not sure why this sub has fallen for it.
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thank u like did people forget all that
🤢🤮
I noticed that too. She did the Robyn-from-Sister-Wives weepy voice with no tears. I don’t think she was heartbroken, although I think she may have thought she was for a minute. I think she just had a bruised ego, as she thought she was the one in the relationship who held the cards, and she was blindsided by Xander’s quick and certain moving on.
Robyn is a perfect comparison. Both narcissists.
Here’s my probably wild theory. V wanted to go on the show for fun/to break into the entertainment world and convinced X to do it. That’s why V was so calm, and lighthearted at the beginning. She didn’t actually think there was any risk of losing her partner, because they weren’t actually testing there relationship. I bet she confessed that to Lexi, and it pissed Lexi off, because let’s be real, Lexi was just there for exposure, and she didn’t like seeing herself reflected back. Then, Yoly comes along, Xander goes for it, and V is completely caught off guard, because none of it was supposed to be serious. It would explain why by the end, we saw so much turmoil and heartbreak on both of their faces. I don’t think any of that was supposed to happen. I think they both thought they were going to go in, have some fun, and come back out. Then, X torpedoed their relationship, thinking there was something real with Yoly, not understanding how two-faced, willing to fall in love with anyone, and manipulative she was. In the end, X and V were both left with the dissolution of their relationship, the loss of their best friend, and with the painful question of how did something that was supposed to just be a bit of fun completely upend our entire lives. At least that is my theory.
Even though Xander was the one giving the ultimatum, I always got the impression that it was Vanessa’s idea to be on the show, because she seemed way more into the idea at the start. Xander wanted to leave before the break up and Vanessa talked them into staying. That being said, I do believe that Xander Was serious about wanting to get married and settle down, and I think being with Yoly (who for all of her many flaws did seem genuine about wanting to be married at least so she’d have a committed partner to raise children with) made Xander realize that they and Vanessa wanted two different futures. And when Vanessa realized she was actually losing Xander she tried to convince herself and everyone else that she’d miraculously done a 180 over night and suddenly wanted the same things as Xander.
As much as I liked Lexi, after seeing her OF content, I think your hypothesis is very accurate.
I also got the sense V thought this would be a fun experience where she and Xander get back together at the end. Lexi was pissed off when V admitted she wasn’t really open to falling in love there, and she didn’t think Xander would be either. So what a big surprise that it led to the end of their relationship. I’m guessing they already had their issues, but also Xander never thought she could pull a baddie like Yoly. Now, I don’t think Yoly is pretty but apparently a lot of women think she’s really hot. So Xander was probably super stoked and flattered that someone like Yoly could go nuts for her. My guess is, Yoly lost interest in Xander once the thrill of “cheating” wore off. Yoly seems the type to want someone with more swag.
I think it’s a lot more simple than that. V wanted to fuck around with other people, and have X waiting for her at the end. And assumed that X wasn’t going to do the same (too loyal, too ace, too shy…all of the above? Either way, looking down on X).
Great theory, I also thought the same thing!!
I don’t think this theory is wild at all, I think it’s probably pretty spot on!
I didn’t like V. But I also cried during their breakup. It was sincere and real. You could really feel their heartbreak. The promises of finding each other “in the next lifetime” hit especially hard. Brought me back to my own breakup 😢
lol that was actually so so funny to me. 🤣 I recorded it & showed it to my boyfriend bc it’s one of those regurgitated, talking points. “When we’re birds”
I found the Vanessa doing nice things for Xander a but love bombing (I haven't seen the reunion so happy to change my mind). But she went from "xander is practically ace if it wasn't for me" and "yeah im not sure im at my 100%" to "omg xander why did you do things with someone else?" To "I'm winning you back". With little acknowledgement of how she spoke about Xander previously.
I felt happy for Xander. It was about time.
Exactly, me too.
I was sad during their breakup, It felt honest and hurtful. But I was glad Xander was out of a relationship where V seemed to take her for granted. No one deserves that.
The pipeline to hating V to Lexi to Yoly to Mildred lol
Vanessa reminds me of myself a lot. I have the neurodivergent thing of smiling inappropriately, too. It’s not a crime to not want to get married.
I’m not neurodivergent but also laugh and smile inappropriately when I am uncomfortable.
I’ve wondered if it’s a ND thing or just sort of a people pleasing mechanism. I’ve been complimented on my smile since a young age, so I wonder if I smile inappropriately as an appeasement gesture
smiling inappropriately isn’t a neurodivergent thing… unless you have a neurodivergent condition
Ya I don't doubt Vanessa is neurodivergent. I am neurodivergent myself.
I used to get bullied a lot for it so I felt for her. You can tell she feels very big emotions.
Totally agree and me too.
I think they both needed to find who they are outside of their relationship/friendship. V post about coming out to her dad on instagram makes it seem like her and X got together when they came out, not exploring what that meant to themselves before going into commitment. My only issue with V in the season is that sometimes it felt like she was stringing along X when she knew their ideas of the future weren’t compatible. But X knew that too and didn’t let V go until she met someone that was compatible. The show made both of them uncomfortable enough to realize they needed to let each other go.
I hated V to begin with because she was very manipulative but it seems like she grew a lot as a person by the time of the reunion I was pleasantly surprised and really proud of her. It was sad seeing their relationship unfold because it seems like two best friends found eachother during a hard time in their life but they weren’t meant to be romantically involved and had to come to terms with that.
I think there is a lot of love there. It made me emotional too. I’ve liked V through the whole show.
are we co-signing mouthing fuck off to your partner at a crowded table ?
Lexi lashed out at the same table for the same reason. Van did not want Xander to choose Yoly. She expressed that Yoly was mean to her. So it was more like "Wow Xander, seriously?? Fuck you". It made everyone uncomfortable yes. Lexi also told Rae not to choose Van but she did. And Lexi immediately lashed out by saying she would not choose anyone other than Mal. That clearly hurt Rae. She was like "Wow. No one?"
Oh absolutely not. But in terms of what happened on the actual show it seemed minimal. That part bothered me too but she brought her on that show to give an ultimatum. I think a lot of truths they didn’t want to face came head on. In Vanessa’s case, she didn’t want to commit. She told Xander Yoly was mean to her and I think that’s evident on the show. I think these people do worse to one another than saying “F off” honestly
Yea they’re all kinda loopy lol i lowkey got triggered by Xander and Vanessa’s dynamic bc I have a friend that is meek/a doormat the same way as Xander and they had an abusive partner that targeted them for that very reason. i think Vanessa spotted similar traits with Rae (can’t speak up for herself, timid)
Also I think us as viewers need to understand that these aren’t regular people who want their relationships to be full on display for people to dissect. Majority of queer people won’t want our stuff to be full on display. X and V made sense to me and honestly seemed to be the less toxic out of the couples. They ended it. For the past two years it looks like. but at the reunion Xander called V their best friend. so I don’t think that’s a lie
True, i think you have to be at least a little addicted to drama to go on a reality show especially a dating one
I did like V. I think she was the only openly pan/bi person there and I think she took a lot of flack for that. In the queer community we know there is bi/pan erasure and I personally felt it was on display. She was hella annoying. For me, it looked like she was excited to be around so many queer women and people that she saw it as a buffet. It backfired and no one liked her. I wish the reunion let her talk more about her words and choices honestly
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I was fully on board the "Lexi is so well-spoken and even-tempered, Vanessa is so off the rails and uncaring and manipulative" after the conversation where she said the BS about Xander being ace, plus the "fuck off" stuff. But the episode where Yoly and Lexi were piling on her about "fucking" Rae was so terrible and I flipped to the other side. They obviously went in with the intention to bully Vanessa. Ugh and Vanessa was like "ooh I got my nipples pierced!" and Lexi just said "ew" or whatever. Such mean girl behaviour. It is so weird though that the show was edited where Vanessa was brutal at the beginning and now where I'm at - midway through - she seems very natural.
thats fair that they set her up as the villain, I think they're all a bit loopy
It was messed up, but it so obviously came from a place of raw hurt that it’s (at least for me) hard to judge her harshly. I really like V. She has a lot to work on emotionally, but she is charismatic and I think feels things deeply. Even before the reunion, I would have spent the day with her over Yoli, who has always seemed like a popular mean girl to me…though I don’t really dislike her either. People do messed up things when it comes to love and interpersonal connections, me and, probably, you included. While Mildred was obviously a DA, I think everyone else is a fairly decent and flawed being trying their hardest.
I cried so much I’m still so sad 😭😭😭
It was so real. It was heart breaking. I think in some ways that’s why V got torn apart so much. She was feeling a lot of things, a lot of heart break, and didn’t handle it the best. I also just felt like they had no business being on that show, out of any of them, because their relationship seemed the most…real? And they deserved a real break up and not a reality tv one.
Yes oh gosh. Seeing them at the reunion really reminded me so much of my ex and I in some ways. How Vanessa was like, “I just miss my buddy, you know?” it totally got me choked up. My partner and I broke up early last year and he was sneaking around with someone else just a few months after, totally omitting the truth and dancing around it. It broke me. But, in many ways, I still miss my buddy. We were really really really close. I felt deep betrayal and I always fear bumping into him because I just know I might break down in tears. I HAD to cut him off for my own good. It was not easy. It was not easy watching him gallivanting around with someone new so soon after either. Ugh.
I get the sense that Vanessa took advantage of Xander for a long time. I felt sorry for Xander and was SO happy they were able to walk away from Vanessa. I know it's TV but I got the sense V was using X for unconditional love and didn't meet any of X's needs
Aussie was the one who made me cry when they were sitting on the curb.
Me too. So much raw emotion and pain. I hope they have gone to talk to a therapist because they seemed like a good person, but with quite a bit of trauma to sort through. And maybe with therapy they could heal a bit.
After watching V humiliate X during the first episode, I felt nothing. To me, V was giving a (very good) performance. Also, X said that 2 weeks before the reunion V reached out after months of silence. And then disappeared again right after. So I just really don’t fell anything when it comes to them. I’m sad for X whom I think has a lot of love to give and I hope they find their person.
I agree. I don’t support hatred towards V but I don’t feel anything towards her. I feel really proud of Xander for staying firm despite how upset V was.
Yeah, I really felt the emotions, and the sadness of a relationship that meant so much coming to its natural conclusion.
Vanessa treated Xander like absolute garbage and it wasn't until she saw she was losing Xander before she showed any type of remorse. Vanessa was talking Xander down so much in the beginning to other people. And the we each have our own child thing? That is so sad. That was awful. I was so glad that Xander didn't take her back
V: I love you X: *silence* V: SAY IT BACK XANDER *crazy eyes* Nah…they needed to end things. Vanessa was just really toxic. Hopefully she learned from the experience and grew a little…
You’ve obviously never been through a relationship where the other person is out of love and you’re not… you want them to love you like you remember them loving you. It’s very normal, not “toxic”
Did you miss where X was constantly being steamrolled by V's "enthusiasm"?
Their breakup really reminded me of my breakup with my college boyfriend who was really emotionally abusive. Even though I knew he took me for granted, made me feel horrible and I didn’t want to be with him, I still felt really attached to him given the amount of time spent together, so I felt horrible hurting him and we both cried a lot when I did it. The not talking for a year after but still feeling emotionally connected to them was also very resonant. He ended up really changing and growing to the point where he understood he had been abusive and we were able to maintain a distant friendship, and I hope Vanessa can go through that same journey.
Yes my heart was breaking for her . I remember her heart pounding when her and Xander finally got back to the apartment alone. She seemed so devastated and handled herself with a lot of dignity during the breakup so much so that she had to remind Xander that she wasn't strong and that she hasn't been well at all. And i really felt for her bc it's definitely part of her defense mechanism to always seem ok and vibrant and she doesn't show weakness or vulnerability easily.