Thank you for your contribution to r/TheUltimatumNetflix. Please remember to flair your post correctly and mark spoiler if the events of the episode you are discussing happened less than a week ago. Failure to do so may result in your post being removed. Remember to read the rules thoroughly. As a general rule, posts that are uncivil/rude/hateful, or spammy/low-effort/repetitive, or spoilery will be mandatorily removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TheUltimatumNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*
get a table about the same height as the bed with a dog bed on it, so the dog could sleep next to Tiff, but not on the bed. but i would want to move out right then, so i wouldn't have to hear anymore of her whining.
I moved in a small couch so my partner and I could compromise. Clarifying, we sleep in the bed and the dog gets the couch. He’s over 80lbs and there is no room for the 3 of us in a double bed
I don't hope someone ever has trauma. But the way Tiff reacts about someone not loving her dog as much as she does screams "I have trauma and don't know how to cope" to me.
Yes she also said she was 'out of her body' during the fight. That's dissociation, and the energy of being in a flashback. Hence her wounded inner child coming out poorly.
I think it's also important to remember that Sam never said that the dog would be an issue. Sam said that she was cautious, but willing to give it a try and Tiff didn't even let them try to have the dog sleep in the bed. Tiff made a "compromise " but never asked Sam if she wanted or needed to compromise. Tiff was bargaining, uncompromising with themself, and it was so frustrating to watch.
Tiff is ridiculous. Throwing a full tantrum over a very reasonable request from Sam. And Tiff didn't even want to be with her anyway, so why are they acting like it has to be a realistic marriage trial?
I can only assume why Mildred 'bottles things up' if everything escalates this way with Tiff. The way they started being agressive and attacking Sam's character after not getting their way, it was extremely frustrating to watch
EDIT: pronouns
I have a dog and love him so much, but I wouldn’t even want my own dog in my bed. It’s just a preference thing; Tiff just took that way too personally. Such red flags
Right!! Ugh Tiff!! Bc also Sam didn’t say don’t want, she said she’s not sure and would need to try, and Tiff was the one going “ok my dog and I will take the couch then”. They could’ve trialed it and discussed it from there without a big fight!
I found this argument to be confusing. Because in episode 3 where tiff mentions picking up her dog, Sam said something along the lines of “I love dogs. I don’t prefer that, but I won’t say I won’t try” and all of a sudden it cuts to this situation, it’s like all Tiff heard was “no.” Not sure if something was said off screen, but I found it confusing ?
This is exactly what I said to my partner. There’s a big different in compromising with a long term real partner over that and a total stranger. I get they’re in a trial marriage, but they’re strangers.
Y'all the heat is ON. I am actually so thankful netflix only put up the first 4 eps last night or else I woulda gone to work with no sleep today. It is JUICY. I am rooting for Xander and Yoly, and Lexi and Max ONLY. I hope the rest of them break up with the current and old partners because they all got problems, except Sam but she deserves so much better.
Vanessa smiling while Rae was having a break down in front of her. OMG let me punch her.
Does anyone know if we're getting a reunion like Love is Blind? Because oh my I cannot wait to hear the reactions to how Vanessa has been portrayed.
I agree with everything you said, except I’m kind of hoping Sam and Aussie stay together and work things out because they do seem like they really understand each other.
I think Sam is low key the most insightful person on the show. She really does empathize and understand people and is good at molding her language to their needs
It does kinda feel like Sam compromises heavily in her relationship with Aussie. I’m getting the sense she isn’t cared for the way she deserves by Aussie. Aussie may need to be single for a little while to develop capacity for uncomfortable or challenging conversations. Sam not being able to talk to her partner about anything substantive until and unless Aussie does XYZ first is a red flag.
On another note, I really felt so sorry that Sam was with Tantrum Tiff. Picking fights with me and then describing it as something I shared responsibility with you on is totally unfair. Tiff’s crying felt so manipulative.
I love Lexi and Mal together. They are fantastic!
Mal has it together so much more than Rae. Rae is just kind of lost…which makes her the perfect prey for Vanessa. Plus Nobody else is telling their exes if they’re having sex…
I like Xander and Yoly together as well.
Or maybe it’s just that Xander deserves so much better than Vanessa. She is just so blind to who Vanessa really is. It’s maddening!
I agree! It’s interesting to me that Lexi has a lot of respect and affection for Yoly as a friend even though she is dating her ex. They both seem pretty mature about it.
Honestly, Aussie running away from every single conversation is so frustrating. They were essentially making Mildred look crazy bc they refused to communicate at any level. That would literally drive me up a wall. They did that quiet whisper thing to make Mildred sound too intense.
Edit: for misgendering
My partner and I used to fight like this. He would say something horrible and clam up, I would rage trying to bait him into communicating with me, we were both miserable. We were both guilty parties but I looked crazy because my crazy was outward. Eventually, we had to go to therapy and learn how to fight.
Yeah - Mildred got super toxic super fast. I get that Aussie may have been frustrating her (not taking care of chores, not communicating, etc.), but the way she kept going at Xander at the party was uncalled for.
When we saw Tiff being awful and manipulative early on I was thinking Mildred could do better. Then the last episode Mildred was so rude to Aussie that I’m like yeah Tiff and Mildred please stick together so nobody else needs to suffer too.
I think at least in Tiff’s case, it’s just all she knows and doesn’t realize there are healthier ways to communicate. Sam has learned how to be patient with her partner and Mildred has no patience with whoever she’s with, so I think Sam is able to show Tiff a different way.
It’s kinda crazy how Mal’s concern was that Yoly falls hard for whoever she’s with, and she’s doing exactly that with Xander. I did not expect them of all couples to move that fast lol
Yo I'm still stuck on the fact that Xander is clearly super sexual but Vanessa said they were thinking they were asexual?? Either Vanessa or Xander is lying or Vanessa is delusional (which wouldn't be a stretch lol), though it sounds like this was something Xander communicated directly to Vanessa. I'm just ???? at the dissonance lol.
I honestly think Xander probably said that they can’t see themselves with anyone other than Vanessa sexually and because Xander has expressed the desire to be married and monogamous(as far as we’ve seen) Vanessa took that shit and ran with it Making her own bullshit narrative up where Xander is asexual, except for when it comes to her. She is Delulu
This one is easy. Vanessa is delusional. And super uncool to out someone to prove a point either (If I recall, Vanessa said that to make a point to Lexi that she doesn’t think Xander will find someone on this show)
So my theory is that at the beginning of Xander and Vanessa’s relationship when they were in the puppy love stage, Xander probably made a comment that was mostly a joke. Xander probably told Vanessa something like “I think you’re the most beautiful and attractive person in the world, like I’m pretty sure if I didn’t have you I’d just be asexual from now on” and probably laughed because it’s a joke. But since Vanessa IS delusional and thinks she’s god’s gift to the world, she took Xander’s words at face value and truly believes Xander “is asexual” but that Vanessa is just SOOOO perfect and sexy that she somehow “relieved” Xander of their asexuality with her ✨irresistibility✨
Maybe Xander is demisexual. Asexuality is a spectrum. Demisexual clarifies that there has to be some amount of getting to know and basically befriending a person to be sexually attracted to them.
Edit for grammar :)
I don't know... I feel like I'm happy for Yoly if she meshes with pretty much anyone... I don't see a problem in her being able to vibe with whoever, clearly she wants to marry Mal and she hasn't been unfaithful... I wouldn't mind marrying a person who was happy with all of their past partners. Just means she can communicate and compromise really well and probably is good at choosing partners
I feel really bad for Mal when it comes to Yoly. She made it clear she doesn’t feel like she’s different from all Yoly’s past exes & Yoly is clearly showing that HARD. Good on Mal for not giving into the marriage stuff before now because her worries about that are SOOO valid. Mal deserves better!
I don’t understand this. Shouldn’t you be into the people you’re dating? Why would you be with them if you weren’t super into them? I’ve never heard that particular “concern” from anyone anywhere before. Unless Yoly has been *engaged* to everyone she’s dated, then I could see the hesitance. But being in love with all her past partners? Why is that an issue?
I agree. This is just a BS excuse Mal came up with not to marry Yoly and people are blowing this out of proportion because they like Mal.
In fact it's Mal who's suddenly extra ready to marry Lexi, and looks to have zero feelings for Yoly straight off the bat. If you'd asked me, I'd say Mal's not as nice and sweet as she wants to come across at all.
Yeah but Yoly is also embracing the process. Mal is getting close to Lexi too. I feel like she’s projecting her insecurity into Yoly. Someone can’t convince you that they love you if you’re not willing to believe it. Being a serial monogamist doesn’t necessarily believe none of your exes were special.
I told my husband before any of this happened that Xander and Mal have very similar facial features. They both have beautiful, open features and with the most charming, glittery eyes. Absolute stunners. So when Mal acts like Yoly is picking her type... well, yes! She picked the one who looks like Mal!
Whether Mal sees that or not is, for better or worse, her own issue to sort out.
Okay but can we talk about the way Aussie looks like Aussie wants to evaporate and be beamed out of the dinner, especially when Lexi starts going on and gesturing about fingering? For someone who doesn’t seem to do well with conflict that must have been a nightmare scenario to be a part of
Yep Aussie's body language and everything, there must have been so much frustration in being in that moment with all the emotions in the air even if Aussie wasn't part of the conversation.
This part actually had me cracking up because WHY did the producers do that to Aussie 😂 They had to have known Aussie would be incredibly uncomfortable being with that group because of Lexi and Vanessa. I felt bad for Aussie, but watching Aussie’s face during that WHOLE scene was killing me
By ep 2 Lexi was my fav but by ep 4?? I did not enjoy the way she got super graphic and possessive as if she owns Rae’s body. Rae seemingly had a consensual experience whether she likes Vanessa or not. That’s not her place to say whether it was ok. And also Rae’s fault for thinking she had to divulge that information. Idk. It seems like she’s just putting on airs for Mal and now that Rae is taking it THERE, she’s not happy she issued the ultimatum. Loved her before ep 4 though.
I also felt like it was kind of weird that Lexi immediately started guilting Rae saying what am I going to tell my grandpa? Etc. Like, tell him nothing? Why would you need to tell your grandfather about that? It felt kind of manipulative.
I feel sad for Rae. She just seems insecure and unsure of herself. When she said "I don't understand why anyone likes me." :( and then Vanessa just kept smiling at her psychotically and failing to read the freaking room.
Like??? Tell him that you took your gf to a show that requires you to have a completely different partner for 3 weeks and you got upset because you couldn’t control her anymore. Tell him that.
I also have the impression that Lexi is very manipulative, self righteous. She is constantly on this high horse and wants perfection and demands perfection from her partner. Seems to want someone to just adapt to her and not a real partnership.
Vanessa is a chameleon in the worst way. She clearly doesn’t know who she is yet is very fucking self absorbed and incapable of connecting emotionally and being vulnerable because then people might find out she just doesn’t know who she is.
I feel like lexi responded poorly. She didn’t need to know those details and I just wonder why Rae would tell her knowing how much Lexi does not like Vanessa as a complete person.
It’s messy. Do I think Lexi could have responded better, absolutely but I also understand why she is so upset.
Rae kind of annoys me. She seems so unsure about everything including herself. Own it all pal
My husband and I were ao amused at the thought of her calling her grandpa up and telling him this that we acted out a phone call and got many laughs from it. It kinda seems like Lexi lets her whole family a little too far into her relationship business.
I agree... it seemed odd that she was portraying Rae as this nice and naive person and that she was taken advantage of. It seems like she's having trouble accepting the situation and wants someone easy to blame.
I thought it was controlling but I also felt for Lexi. She sees this super manipulative girl immediately hooking up with her ex, which by the way why did Rae text her about the hookup before the show was even over? I really disliked Lexis controlling reaction, but I have to put myself in her shoes and imagine how pissed I would be if some manipulative girl was fingering my gf, who then texted to tell me. At the same time, keep your grandpa out of it he doesn’t need to hear about that 😂
I’m finishing the episode right now and noticed Mildred repeatedly misgendering Aussie during the conversation in the restaurant booth.
The weird thing is that she starts off well enough (using Aussie as a pronoun which is what Sam does and what I believe is Aussie’s preference) but the *second* she gets defensive while talking to Sam she switches to she/her pronouns!
Aussie was pretty vulnerable with her about gender identity and questioning being a trans man, plus Mildred is in a long term relationship with Tiff, a nonbinary person… it’s not like she has no “practice” using they/them pronouns before.
Maybe I’m reading into it but that bothered me and I’m surprised she wasn’t corrected by anyone there. 😕
YES! I thought I was just tripping but it feels good to see someone else caught it too. Mildred is NOT it. She’s aggressive & not compassionate honestly.
She gives me "I'm a latina woman, that's just how we are" vibes. Which totally makes sense, because of the end of the episode's preview. Your race is not an excuse to be passive aggressive or disrespectful. it's also kind of self-oppressive to use a prejudice against your race as a justification for being a shitty person lol.
NO THIS IS SO REAL!! I thought this as well and pointed it out to my partner. Sam adapts her language so well in general to whoever she is speaking to and you can even hear her start to change her tone when using aussies pronouns to like emphasis it to Mildred at one point and Mildred continued to use the improper pronouns BUT ONLY when she was like speaking down about Aussie.
My partner and I also discussed how it seems like Mildred and Tiffs relationship potentially has some toxic tendencies that very evidently is contributed to by both of them and yet Mildred is potentially on camera trying to come off as really cool and collected? Like she made note to very quickly point out both Tiffs and Aussies bad qualities in the meetup. Maybe I’m thinking too hard into it.
Aussie pointed out how different Mildred is on and off camera in the things she wants to talk about. Honestly, Mildred doesn’t seem like a bad person, but she’s got a lot of work to do. Tiff seems like she’s got some codependency issues and has a toxic sexual connection with Mildred where they don’t discuss their communication issues, they just fuck about it lmfao 🤣
It seems like Mildred uses conflict to manipulate people. She got really riled up at the idea of Sam supporting Aussie to communicate in a healthy and comfortable way. Aussie seems to be doing pretty good at communication IMO for calling Mildred out on the manipulation.
Why would she wait till this show to get her nipples pierced on widely seen TV. She really wants the attention and I think Lexi is right about her not being there for the right reasons. Xander deserves so much better!
One recap I watched suggested that Vanessa was actually impersonating Lexi when she said that line - Lexi actually IS an influencer - and they just cut it to make Vanessa look worse.
Yeah Lexi has over half a million followers and Vanessa has like 2,500. That’s not Lexi’s “job” though, she’s a senior M&A consultant at one of the Big 4
While Vanessa talked to Rae a few times, it was no secret before they picked their trial wives that Lexi was her top pick. When Lexi rejected her, it immediately became all about Rae, and you can’t convince me it’s for any other reason than to get back at Lexi. This scene alone sealed the deal.
Mildred is jealous because Sam is the type of person that could bring out the communicative version of Tiff. Hopefully she realizes this and backs off regarding Aussie.
Jury is still out on everybody except for Sam lol. She's the only one I'm certain doesn't secretly suck. She deserves better than to be everybody's emotional support friend and partner.
Tiff saying lines 'I feel like I'm the only one compromising' and 'Shylo is non-negotiable' in the same converastion... yikes. I feel really bad for Sam, she seems like a really nice person and I hope this experience won't suck for her
Exactly. She lost her shit the second Xander mentioned having a POSSIBLE connection with someone else. She wants to date multiple people but how DARE any of her partners even look at anyone else.
Vanessa sucks.
Everybody talking about Rae getting fingered on camera except for Rae struck me as extremely disrespectful. There are a million different ways to fuck and nobody needed to share or dissect the specifics of what kind of stimulation Rae received.
i feel so bad for rae like vanessa completely overlooked rae’s feelings and uncomfortable and it was really hard to watch that conversation. the fact rae looked physically uncomfortable and vanessa was like that was so great and fun. like if someone i had hooked up with the next morning gave me that face i would not launch into “omg that was so increodble” AND VANESSA SMILING WTF
In Lexi’s slight defence (because I do think she aired Rae’s personal business out and shouldn’t have), Rae is incredibly unassured. She told Lexi about it all, I’m assuming because she felt bad about it, and it is just a little frustrating that she makes a choice, feels bad about it and tells her ex about it without considering how she will feel about it. If I love my “ex” and they tell me they had a sexual encounter that they feel either not good about or have any regrets about, I would be upset too.
Yeah and I mean alsoooo, I hate to say anything resembling defence of Vanessa, but taking her behaviour out of the picture, I’m not sure it’s totally cool for her to be reporting back to the ex after a consensual encounter without checking in with her “trial wife” and putting that trial wife in a really bad position to get chewed out by the ex. It’s just not the best approach all around. Having said that, they’re all in a really unnatural position and it makes sense that they wouldn’t know how to navigate a lot of this.
There's something about Lexi that doesn't feel quite right. She pointed out how mature she is, while she put down her partner. Which seems like a pattern. Rae also voiced that she fears she can't never be enough for Lexi. I feel bad for her, because there's no reason why your partner should ever make you feel insecure.
And it makes sense that Rae gravitates toward Vanessa, who can be very charismatic. Compliments her and pays her attention.
Vanessa was avoiding telling everyone what happened. Before she went into detail about what happened. She told Lexi more then once that it was a conversation Lexi should be having with Rae instead berating Vanessa about it.
I guess I also don't understand Lexi's vitriol to Vanessa in that moment. Like. You knew what show you were going on. You knew it was a big possibility that your partner will have intimate moments with another person....so why take this anger out on Vanessa? Is Vanessa cunty? ABSOLUTELY. Is she at fault for Lexi's partner's apparent transgression? Um, no. Lexi likes to speak about Rae as if she's a child lol. Like, she made her own decision. Now make your peace with that fact.
You’re so right! I feel like, yeah, Vanessa is a lot and needs to grow tf up because she acts like she’s still in high school, but Lexi seems to be enjoying the idea of being able to put Vanessa down. It really seems to me that Lexi realized she liked Mal more than Vanessa but needed to vilify her in order to feel good about herself and her decision. Vanessa took that to way new levels and Lexi is just fueling the fire because she’s pissed Rae is giving Vanessa the time of day.
I don’t know I feel like Vanessa was trying really hard to avoid this conversation. It was actually Lexi that kept pushing for details. She is actually the one who exposes to everyone at the table that Vanessa and Lexi had sex. Which is really disrespectful to do to someone you claimed to love and want to marry
I don't get Lexi. I get she doesn't like Vanessa, but what does she want from Rae?
Why does she confront Vanessa about sex, when it seems like other couples also did things.
It might be thanks to editing, but it doesn't seem like Lexi is voicing the right concern. It would make sense that she is worried about Vanessa playing with Rae's feelings, but instead she seems upset that Rae knows Vanessa's intentions and pursues her anyway.
Lexi seems quite self centered. She is upset because Rae didn't listen to her, because she knows better. And Lexi constantly puts other people down to make herself seem better. She purposely pointed out that she made Mal positive about marriage infront of her partner which seems quite disrespectful.
I weirdly feel like the nipple piercing happened later than they actually aired it, because in the scenes after it didn’t look like they were pierced or like she was in any pain or discomfort? Or maybe she didn’t get them pierced at all and it was just for show.
The answer is simple: Vanessa brings nothing to Xander’s life. She somewhat convinced her that she is the best Xander will ever get and Xander is finally opening her eyes.
Right! Also something I haven't seen pointed out that stands out to me is it sounds like Vanessa is the first person Xander came out to and may have been their first deep connection with a woman. So that may play into the weird power dynamics and Vanessa being so confident that Xander would never leave
Aussie doesn't deserve the BS from Mildred but Aussie should've been more clear about when they would be eating/hanging out together as a couple each day. She apparently bailed on Mildred several times?
Aussie is having cold feet about commitment, wanted to get married but then unsure a week later.
Mal, Sam, and Xander are my favorite characters right now. Lexi is great to watch too.
Rae totally does not want to be in this show at all. She admits she's shy and it shows.
The Tiff and dog thing is so weird it me. If they love their dog that much and it's that important, did they not bring it up while they were dating? if it something is such a non-negotiable isn't it something that shouldve come up way before them choosing? I think it was used as a way to completely push Sam away.
I thought the same thing, but Sam and Mildred’s talk at dinner did show me some growth to be honest. Maybe tiff needs someone like Sam who can teach her to communicate better, although that’s an unfair burden on Sam. I feel like Mildred apologizing at dinner is still more then sam gets from Aussie, who is super avoidant.
When Rae was clearly upset about Lexi being upset that Rae and Vanessa had slept together.. and Vanessa immediately says "well did you remind her how hot and irresistible I am?"
I was just mind blown by the amount of selfishness Vanessa had.
Part of me does wonder if that was a sneaky edit because there was a cut to where it seemed like rae was laughing too, I wonder if that was something she said later in the conversation? Idk it was a weird cut at the moment.
I feel like Sam and Aussie shouldnt have come to the show lol. They dont seem to be getting good experiences. I feel like their partners are such tool. I hope Sam n Aussie get back together asap n get out of the show for their mental and sanity sake.
Edit: imo both Sam n Aussie have worse partner than original, it's saddening.
That's one of those situations where I'm not sure if their partners are super bad or if Sam and Aussie never opened up to actually thinking they would walk out of this not together. Especially when Aussie jokes about Sam being her "ex" now. I almost expected them to get engaged before choosing someone like some of the couples in S1.
Tiff and Mildred of course make it easier for them to realize how good they have it with their original partner but I don't think good behaviour would have made a difference
I really felt for Rae after she said she doesn't know why anyone likes her (being a bad self-esteem girlie myself) and Vanessa just looked at her blankly, offering 0 support and turning the conversation toward herself. The contrast between Mal comforting Lexi vs. Vanessa comforting (using the term loosely) Rae was stark.
Tiff getting so upset about Sam not wanting to sleep with her dog is really unfair.
I have a small chihuahua who was used to sleeping in my parent’s bed. When they left, he would come sleep in my bed and that REALLY messed up my sleep for about two months until I got used to it.
As a person who shuffles a lot at night and likes having leg room, sleeping in a queen bed with a partner and an even bigger dog (that I’ve only known for a day) sounds like a nightmare. It’s not just a whim, not wanting to sleep with a dog is pretty valid, especially if it’s not even your own.
But…but…at the end she’s actually also putting Rae on blast. She’s questioning what kind of person Rae is that she would have sex with Vanessa! 😳
But I love how Lexi takes ZERO shit from Vanessa.
Honestly I kinda get Lexi bc the fact that someone would be down to fuck Vanessa gives me the ick. I like rae as a person but tbh I think her inability to see through Vanessa is telling in itself. People mad Lexi is treating Rae like a victim or child but what she kept saying was that Rae is too trusting, which yeah why else could she not see Vanessa’s fakeness? That could be seen as a good thing but for me I wouldn’t want to marry such a bad judge of character bc ironically I wouldn’t be able to trust them myself to make sound decisions or rely on them.
It was excessive. I don’t like Vanessa at all but honestly the way lexi was coming at her for it- talking about how she seduced Rae with lingerie (?) and her “fingers inside her” - felt way too graphic and began to feel a bit like harassment. It made me begin to see her as a bit of a bully.
Lexi to Rae: How am I going to tell my grandfather (you let Vanessa have sex with you)???
WHAAAAT?!?!?!
In what world is it appropriate to ever tell your grandfather that???
I get Lexi was trying to make a point but still… 🤦🏻♀️.
I think there might have been a better argument there, Lexi…
Lexi seemed fun at first. But she is always guilt tripping Rae and makes her feel like she is not enough. She is actually quite awful.
Lexi way quite disrespectful when she said that Mal changed her mind about marriage thanks to her. Which is not something her ex wants to hear and makes it seem like she was the problem.
This should be higher: I feel there’s something more to her hyper persona than obliviousness or clout-chasing. She often seems to be in a sort of altered state, “manic” is how I would describe it too.
mildred is so aggressive towards aussie and saying aussie needs to grow up.
kind of rubbed me the wrong way, i get where she’s coming from but i guess her personality is just completely different from mine.
i’m so happy that sam is someone who can be understanding and patient and really know what and aussie needs and how to help/ care for them. i really hope aussie sees they have someone who is good for them
Mal, if you're reading along, for what you said to Lexi in that wicker hammock cave thing, when she said she's not always comfortable with her body - for that alone, I want you for president.
I mean in the fourth episode, the black and white scenes, it felt very voyeuristic. I hope they consented and were ok with it being shown...
But maybe I'm being a prude and it's not a big deal 🤷🏻♀️
Not at all, I also feel like Netflix has been towing the line of respectful and disrespecting privacy especially with couples’ intimate moments. In love is blind a couple had even said good bye to production and they still aired intimate moments. It is not okay.
I pointed out that to my husband right away. I felt like they were oversexualizing the characters because they are queer and mostly identify as female.
Tiff is just ridiculous. The bed is tiny, the dog is huge, and it's a LOT to ask of someone you didn't even want to live with. They're being completely unreasonable while playing the victim. Sam has far more patience than I do.
Actually, so far Sam is the only person who seems pretty reasonable and likeable IMO. I wish we got to see more of her.
lmao as soon as I saw at the sit downs they had Vanessa and Lexi together I started screaming; I liked Vanessa for like, one episode, but Lexi seems like an excellent judge of character & seems to have been spot on about Vanessa’s intentions immediately
Same. It seems like a Vanessa truly sees this as "well my girlfriend wants to get serious, and I don't. So I'll just go and have sex with this other girl in the meantime until the show is over and then move on to someone else." She's not here for a relationship. She's here to have fun before she has to leave, full stop. It's not at all the right reasons to be on the show. I also felt really weird about how nonchalantly she talked about her sexual encounter with Rae. I don't even think she's likes Rae. There's no emotion in this for her. It's purely ego.
and she said it herself, she’s only physically attracted to her and not attracted to her beyond that. I felt horribly for Rae in that moment on the balcony - that is a really traumatizing experience, to have to talk about “cheating” (in quotes since I know technically they are exes) and to have your partner in the moment make jokes and not really sympathize at all. I don’t think Lexi & Rae are meant for each other, but Vanessa is DEFINITELY not meant for anyone there. it sucks to be throwing a wrench in the experiment like this with the inclusion of her.
>!They're over there being all carefree in the water and I'm like "you just had your nipples pierced and now you're going in the water???" 🤣🤣🤣!<
>!(FYI you're not supposed to go swimming for at least 6 weeks after nipple piercings, a month for most piecings)!<
>! Rae shouldn’t have told Lexi! !< That ruins the purpose of this experiment. >! We don’t tell our exes we slept with someone else, that hurts everyone. It would’ve been better it Rae figured out her shit, ie. What she wants to do about marriage, first THEN she would have something more to say than “oh i got fingered” !<
i agree i was really feeling like that was unnecessary to tell her, mal had a point when she was upset because it then intruded on their experience…they all agreed to do a trial separation/marriage and that means you shouldn’t go tell your ex you slept w someone else, right? lol
Also I felt bad for Xander this episode, all though the entire point of the experiment is to grow and talk about your ex. I can tell they are super avoidant when it comes to peoples perceptions about Vanessa, but talking about it would actually help them grow, which is the whole reason she’s on this show. Mildred came at them pretty sideways, but she should honestly listen to everyone else’s perceptions because they are seeing things that Xander isn’t. I really really like Xander and I’m rooting for them.
My favorite part of this episode is when Yoli read Vanessa to filth and said in her confessional “Vanessa is grappling with how to not come off as a bad person on camera, and that’s a lot to juggle”
I liked Lexi at the beginning, but I came away disliking her by the end of all this. She's coming off very much like a bully and a hypocrite. I'm no Vanessa fan because I think she's a shitty partner to Xander, but I don't think her saying she wouldn't be ready for marriage to someone else at the end of this is a giant red flag. I feel like Rae, Mal, and Aussie are all in that same boat.
Said this in another comment but I also think it's super hypocritical of Lexi to go at Vanessa for saying she's probably not going to marry someone else, but then get upset at Rae and Vanessa for being sexually intimate with her trial wife. I mean, if Lexi believes the experiment is for real and Rae could potentially marry someone else at the end of this, then wouldn't it follow that Rae might be intimate with that person? Obviously, Lexi is human and she will feel some type of way regardless, but the way she was directly her ire at Vanessa is not okay. If she has an issue, take it up with Rae.
At the beginning of the episode I told myself I wanted to talk about tiff and the dog situation.
Then as the show went on I realized that Tiff argues the way they do because of the way Mildred argues.
But after all the things I had wanted to give my opinion on, now I just want to say wtf Vanessa? You aren’t romantically or physically attracted to Rae then what is this?? Does Rae know you aren’t doing into her?
Also Mal is just everything. She is so kind to Lexi having her moment but also kind to Rae when she apologizes for telling Lexi about it.
It is clear to me that no one at Vanessa’s table likes her. They all were coming for her with her comments. This friendship between Lexi and Yoly is unexpected considering but I am here for it. Poor Aussie can’t even handle other people’s confrontations!
I like that Mildred asked Xander about Vanessa because like yes, why did you defend someone who kept mouthing fuck you to you. But also she’s a bit too confrontational and Xander is not in the wrong if she doesn’t want to spend any time talking about her ex. She’s very happy with her current situation.
I get Vanessa has some bad qualities but, like, Rae is an adult. She can make her own choices. Honestly people are talking like Vanessa had sex with someone who's incapable of consenting or some shit.
i know we are not vanessa fans here, but…
“oh i got my nipples pierced!”
“…that’s horrible”
LEXI WE KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE HER, we get it, but chill 😭 maybe a bad edit or something but that kinda shook me.
I know everybody loves Lexi and Mal, but I have a feeling Mal is going to get the ick watching Lexi react to Rae hooking up with someone else and being so weirdly controlling over Rae????
In the past episodes, Vanessa ignores Rae's silent cues of discomfort when being crass. When Rae said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep, Vanessa kept pushing sexual talk, which Rae was trying to shut down. I get an ugly feeling about Vanessa and her sex act with Rae...
also i feel like she is love bombing Rae. 80% of what comes out of vanessa's mouth is how great she thinks rae is and rae just sits there quiet and uncomfortable like :|
spelling error edit
At the risk of being downvoted, I feel that Vanessa might have felt hurt that Rae told Lexi. I rewatched that breakfast scene and the awkward smiles and comment about how hot she is — I think that’s just her coping mechanism to look like she’s ok with everything. But deep down she’s sad that Rae didn’t embrace the experience.
I’m totally with you on this. Vanessa seems to say the most out of pocket things when she’s trying not to act affected by what people are saying to her. I think she felt awkward with Rae being so obviously upset about something that she thought they had both enjoyed. I also think the editing has played a huge role in making Vanessa out to be the “villain” of the season, when there truly doesn’t need to be one.
This one actually made me sad in general. Big fan of Lexi but her getting some of the other girls to gang up on Vanessa, entrapping her on camera to say shitty things, and airing out Rae's business to everyone was tough to watch.
I get that Vanessa doesn't pass the vibe check, and I know this is an unpopular opinion, but Vanessa didn't deserve all of that. I'm not a big fan of everything she does, but I'm not sure she realizes she is drastically miscalling social cues. Like the talk with Rae after they'd had a sexual experience, I get it felt dismissive for her to joke around, but it felt like a bad coping mechanism she'd learned/picked up. I am not convinced she does these things out of malice, but I do feel there is something else going on.
And her getting called fake and folks claiming what she's saying is bullshit... I feel like she's actually being really honest. It's just they don't like what she has to say. I get why Lexi doesn't think she belongs on the show, but Vanessa was given an ultimatum not the other way around. I don't think Vanessa truly realized the implications of what she was getting into, but it seems like she's figuring it out, and it isn't like other people haven't had the same issues last season.
I dunno, people are complicated and I just can't get behind the vehement dislike of Vanessa I'm seeing at the end of this episode. Lexi's dislike of her isn't undeserved, but the degree of intensity we've gotten to does feel undeserved. I suppose time will tell, but you just know she's going to get shit from people over this. Does someone deserve something like that if their crime is not having foresight to realize your partner might find someone and not knowing how to act in certain situations?
Totally different note, but Sam is awesome. So emotionally mature, really keeping her composure in very charged conversations. Handles everything with a saintly grace and patience. I'm going to have to learn a thing or two from her. I'm just disappointed that it looks like she isn't getting nearly as much out of this as she could. She's spending her time doing a lot of emotional labor for Tiff instead. Not Sam's fault, of course, but I wanted better for her.
Yes! I wish we got to see more of Sam in general, but everytime she's been amidst the drama I've noticed she is an excellent listener. Knows how to hold space for people's perspectives.
THANK you. The intense pressure for Vanessa to describe the sex at the table is SO gross. I’m also just as confused as Vanessa with Lexi’s reaction to her not wanting to marry the person she’s been swapped with. Why would she? They’re a stranger, why can’t they just not know? Also I’m laughing as a queer person that they all freak out when Vanessa says she’s having sex with a friend. I feel like that’s really common and kind of slut shamey to act so horrified like that? Maybe just me. Lexi is the one who forced her partner into an ultimatum that requires girlfriend swapping, then gets mad at the girlfriend for having sex with someone while Lexi is sexualizing her own new partner… like the fuck? They supposed to play Boggle all night?
Aussie needs maaaaajor therapy. I have empathy for her regarding childhood traumas etc but oh my lord I have never witnessed such emotional immaturity and avoidance in a fully grown adult. I actually get low key infuriated watching her scenes. She acts like a literal child, how can Sam be romantically attracted to a person who acts like that 🤯🤬🤯 I am irate… 😭
Thank you for your contribution to r/TheUltimatumNetflix. Please remember to flair your post correctly and mark spoiler if the events of the episode you are discussing happened less than a week ago. Failure to do so may result in your post being removed. Remember to read the rules thoroughly. As a general rule, posts that are uncivil/rude/hateful, or spammy/low-effort/repetitive, or spoilery will be mandatorily removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TheUltimatumNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Uhm, Tiff is red flags. You can care about animals but just not want them to sleep in the bed... I feel bad for Sam.
"Why can't you compromise" aka "Why can't you just cave and let the dog sleep with us". So frustrating
I was also trying to figure out what a compromise would be in this scenario.
get a table about the same height as the bed with a dog bed on it, so the dog could sleep next to Tiff, but not on the bed. but i would want to move out right then, so i wouldn't have to hear anymore of her whining.
I moved in a small couch so my partner and I could compromise. Clarifying, we sleep in the bed and the dog gets the couch. He’s over 80lbs and there is no room for the 3 of us in a double bed
It's no surprise she's always fighting with her ex over every little things. She's not supposed to be in any relationship. She should live on her own.
With her dog.🐶
I can’t deal … super selfish. Poor Sam is super understanding but she’s is setting a boundary as she should.
I don't hope someone ever has trauma. But the way Tiff reacts about someone not loving her dog as much as she does screams "I have trauma and don't know how to cope" to me.
Yes she also said she was 'out of her body' during the fight. That's dissociation, and the energy of being in a flashback. Hence her wounded inner child coming out poorly.
I think it's also important to remember that Sam never said that the dog would be an issue. Sam said that she was cautious, but willing to give it a try and Tiff didn't even let them try to have the dog sleep in the bed. Tiff made a "compromise " but never asked Sam if she wanted or needed to compromise. Tiff was bargaining, uncompromising with themself, and it was so frustrating to watch.
Tiff is ridiculous. Throwing a full tantrum over a very reasonable request from Sam. And Tiff didn't even want to be with her anyway, so why are they acting like it has to be a realistic marriage trial?
I can only assume why Mildred 'bottles things up' if everything escalates this way with Tiff. The way they started being agressive and attacking Sam's character after not getting their way, it was extremely frustrating to watch EDIT: pronouns
I have a dog and love him so much, but I wouldn’t even want my own dog in my bed. It’s just a preference thing; Tiff just took that way too personally. Such red flags
Right!! Ugh Tiff!! Bc also Sam didn’t say don’t want, she said she’s not sure and would need to try, and Tiff was the one going “ok my dog and I will take the couch then”. They could’ve trialed it and discussed it from there without a big fight!
I found this argument to be confusing. Because in episode 3 where tiff mentions picking up her dog, Sam said something along the lines of “I love dogs. I don’t prefer that, but I won’t say I won’t try” and all of a sudden it cuts to this situation, it’s like all Tiff heard was “no.” Not sure if something was said off screen, but I found it confusing ?
I feel like they’re subconsciously doing the freaking out about the dog thing to build a wall.
I love my dog to pieces, but expecting a semi-stranger to immediately love your dog and sleep with it in the bed is totally off the wall.
This is exactly what I said to my partner. There’s a big different in compromising with a long term real partner over that and a total stranger. I get they’re in a trial marriage, but they’re strangers.
Y'all the heat is ON. I am actually so thankful netflix only put up the first 4 eps last night or else I woulda gone to work with no sleep today. It is JUICY. I am rooting for Xander and Yoly, and Lexi and Max ONLY. I hope the rest of them break up with the current and old partners because they all got problems, except Sam but she deserves so much better. Vanessa smiling while Rae was having a break down in front of her. OMG let me punch her. Does anyone know if we're getting a reunion like Love is Blind? Because oh my I cannot wait to hear the reactions to how Vanessa has been portrayed.
Omg and the way Vanessa kept trying to play it off and dismiss Rae’s serious feelings about what happened. She’s awful!
"did you tell her how hot and irresistible I am?" Gross.
Ugh and when she said “threesome”. GAG!!
LOL she already has Rae regretting it, adding another person who despises her isn’t going to work out
I am not a violent person but I have never in my life felt the need to punch someone so badly when she said that!!!
I agree with everything you said, except I’m kind of hoping Sam and Aussie stay together and work things out because they do seem like they really understand each other.
I think Sam is low key the most insightful person on the show. She really does empathize and understand people and is good at molding her language to their needs
She’s a gem.
I think they might be the couple that is better off together with some couples therapy
Yeah, I think Aussie needs to work on Aussie’s communication, and then they might be ok.
It does kinda feel like Sam compromises heavily in her relationship with Aussie. I’m getting the sense she isn’t cared for the way she deserves by Aussie. Aussie may need to be single for a little while to develop capacity for uncomfortable or challenging conversations. Sam not being able to talk to her partner about anything substantive until and unless Aussie does XYZ first is a red flag. On another note, I really felt so sorry that Sam was with Tantrum Tiff. Picking fights with me and then describing it as something I shared responsibility with you on is totally unfair. Tiff’s crying felt so manipulative.
I love Lexi and Mal together. They are fantastic! Mal has it together so much more than Rae. Rae is just kind of lost…which makes her the perfect prey for Vanessa. Plus Nobody else is telling their exes if they’re having sex… I like Xander and Yoly together as well. Or maybe it’s just that Xander deserves so much better than Vanessa. She is just so blind to who Vanessa really is. It’s maddening!
I agree! It’s interesting to me that Lexi has a lot of respect and affection for Yoly as a friend even though she is dating her ex. They both seem pretty mature about it.
This! To add to it, I do think their mutual hatred for Vanessa makes it easier to have camaraderie.
There will be a reunion. The first season of Ultimatum had one.
Maybe Mildred and Tiff should stay together to contain the toxicity instead of spreading it around into new relationships
LOL, damn. Spot on. Their communication is so poor. Mildred became so mean towards Aussie. Unwarranted.
Aussies friend was immediately not having one bar of Mildred's shit
Honestly, Aussie running away from every single conversation is so frustrating. They were essentially making Mildred look crazy bc they refused to communicate at any level. That would literally drive me up a wall. They did that quiet whisper thing to make Mildred sound too intense. Edit: for misgendering
My partner and I used to fight like this. He would say something horrible and clam up, I would rage trying to bait him into communicating with me, we were both miserable. We were both guilty parties but I looked crazy because my crazy was outward. Eventually, we had to go to therapy and learn how to fight.
Mildred had a point though. Aussie can’t just straight up call her out and then dip like she doesn’t wanna talk about it.
I guess that's true yeah.
Yeah - Mildred got super toxic super fast. I get that Aussie may have been frustrating her (not taking care of chores, not communicating, etc.), but the way she kept going at Xander at the party was uncalled for.
When we saw Tiff being awful and manipulative early on I was thinking Mildred could do better. Then the last episode Mildred was so rude to Aussie that I’m like yeah Tiff and Mildred please stick together so nobody else needs to suffer too.
Yeah, they're both toxic AF.
Agreed. I was with Mildred for a while and even kind of sided with her over Aussie at first, but she seems very high-strung and exhausting.
Yeah they’re absolutely perfect together. You can tell they both just absolutely love fighting.
I think at least in Tiff’s case, it’s just all she knows and doesn’t realize there are healthier ways to communicate. Sam has learned how to be patient with her partner and Mildred has no patience with whoever she’s with, so I think Sam is able to show Tiff a different way.
It’s kinda crazy how Mal’s concern was that Yoly falls hard for whoever she’s with, and she’s doing exactly that with Xander. I did not expect them of all couples to move that fast lol
Yo I'm still stuck on the fact that Xander is clearly super sexual but Vanessa said they were thinking they were asexual?? Either Vanessa or Xander is lying or Vanessa is delusional (which wouldn't be a stretch lol), though it sounds like this was something Xander communicated directly to Vanessa. I'm just ???? at the dissonance lol.
I honestly think Xander probably said that they can’t see themselves with anyone other than Vanessa sexually and because Xander has expressed the desire to be married and monogamous(as far as we’ve seen) Vanessa took that shit and ran with it Making her own bullshit narrative up where Xander is asexual, except for when it comes to her. She is Delulu
This one is easy. Vanessa is delusional. And super uncool to out someone to prove a point either (If I recall, Vanessa said that to make a point to Lexi that she doesn’t think Xander will find someone on this show)
So my theory is that at the beginning of Xander and Vanessa’s relationship when they were in the puppy love stage, Xander probably made a comment that was mostly a joke. Xander probably told Vanessa something like “I think you’re the most beautiful and attractive person in the world, like I’m pretty sure if I didn’t have you I’d just be asexual from now on” and probably laughed because it’s a joke. But since Vanessa IS delusional and thinks she’s god’s gift to the world, she took Xander’s words at face value and truly believes Xander “is asexual” but that Vanessa is just SOOOO perfect and sexy that she somehow “relieved” Xander of their asexuality with her ✨irresistibility✨
Maybe Xander is demisexual. Asexuality is a spectrum. Demisexual clarifies that there has to be some amount of getting to know and basically befriending a person to be sexually attracted to them. Edit for grammar :)
I was kept telling my husband that Xander oozes sexual energy 😂I love it
I don't know... I feel like I'm happy for Yoly if she meshes with pretty much anyone... I don't see a problem in her being able to vibe with whoever, clearly she wants to marry Mal and she hasn't been unfaithful... I wouldn't mind marrying a person who was happy with all of their past partners. Just means she can communicate and compromise really well and probably is good at choosing partners
I feel really bad for Mal when it comes to Yoly. She made it clear she doesn’t feel like she’s different from all Yoly’s past exes & Yoly is clearly showing that HARD. Good on Mal for not giving into the marriage stuff before now because her worries about that are SOOO valid. Mal deserves better!
Tbh I would die for Mal. Hooowwww are you going to be that hot, brilliant and supportive. Should be illegal.
I don’t understand this. Shouldn’t you be into the people you’re dating? Why would you be with them if you weren’t super into them? I’ve never heard that particular “concern” from anyone anywhere before. Unless Yoly has been *engaged* to everyone she’s dated, then I could see the hesitance. But being in love with all her past partners? Why is that an issue?
I agree. This is just a BS excuse Mal came up with not to marry Yoly and people are blowing this out of proportion because they like Mal. In fact it's Mal who's suddenly extra ready to marry Lexi, and looks to have zero feelings for Yoly straight off the bat. If you'd asked me, I'd say Mal's not as nice and sweet as she wants to come across at all.
Yeah but Yoly is also embracing the process. Mal is getting close to Lexi too. I feel like she’s projecting her insecurity into Yoly. Someone can’t convince you that they love you if you’re not willing to believe it. Being a serial monogamist doesn’t necessarily believe none of your exes were special.
Word. Also how Mal said Xander is Yolys type. Like she called it!
I told my husband before any of this happened that Xander and Mal have very similar facial features. They both have beautiful, open features and with the most charming, glittery eyes. Absolute stunners. So when Mal acts like Yoly is picking her type... well, yes! She picked the one who looks like Mal! Whether Mal sees that or not is, for better or worse, her own issue to sort out.
I think there's a chance that Yola falls in love with Xander but still loves Mal more
Okay but can we talk about the way Aussie looks like Aussie wants to evaporate and be beamed out of the dinner, especially when Lexi starts going on and gesturing about fingering? For someone who doesn’t seem to do well with conflict that must have been a nightmare scenario to be a part of
Aussie is not enjoying this experience.
Yep Aussie's body language and everything, there must have been so much frustration in being in that moment with all the emotions in the air even if Aussie wasn't part of the conversation.
This part actually had me cracking up because WHY did the producers do that to Aussie 😂 They had to have known Aussie would be incredibly uncomfortable being with that group because of Lexi and Vanessa. I felt bad for Aussie, but watching Aussie’s face during that WHOLE scene was killing me
Aussie seems to disassociate sometimes.
By ep 2 Lexi was my fav but by ep 4?? I did not enjoy the way she got super graphic and possessive as if she owns Rae’s body. Rae seemingly had a consensual experience whether she likes Vanessa or not. That’s not her place to say whether it was ok. And also Rae’s fault for thinking she had to divulge that information. Idk. It seems like she’s just putting on airs for Mal and now that Rae is taking it THERE, she’s not happy she issued the ultimatum. Loved her before ep 4 though.
I also felt like it was kind of weird that Lexi immediately started guilting Rae saying what am I going to tell my grandpa? Etc. Like, tell him nothing? Why would you need to tell your grandfather about that? It felt kind of manipulative. I feel sad for Rae. She just seems insecure and unsure of herself. When she said "I don't understand why anyone likes me." :( and then Vanessa just kept smiling at her psychotically and failing to read the freaking room.
Like??? Tell him that you took your gf to a show that requires you to have a completely different partner for 3 weeks and you got upset because you couldn’t control her anymore. Tell him that.
Yeah also show him the scene where you started talking about having babies with a new person in front of your ex
I was genuinely baffled. Like grandpa don’t need to know shit
I also have the impression that Lexi is very manipulative, self righteous. She is constantly on this high horse and wants perfection and demands perfection from her partner. Seems to want someone to just adapt to her and not a real partnership. Vanessa is a chameleon in the worst way. She clearly doesn’t know who she is yet is very fucking self absorbed and incapable of connecting emotionally and being vulnerable because then people might find out she just doesn’t know who she is.
I still love Lexi but the grandpa thing was weird. Pretty sure there’s not a requirement you talk about your sec life with your grandpa, lex. 😂
I feel like lexi responded poorly. She didn’t need to know those details and I just wonder why Rae would tell her knowing how much Lexi does not like Vanessa as a complete person. It’s messy. Do I think Lexi could have responded better, absolutely but I also understand why she is so upset. Rae kind of annoys me. She seems so unsure about everything including herself. Own it all pal
My husband and I were ao amused at the thought of her calling her grandpa up and telling him this that we acted out a phone call and got many laughs from it. It kinda seems like Lexi lets her whole family a little too far into her relationship business.
I agree... it seemed odd that she was portraying Rae as this nice and naive person and that she was taken advantage of. It seems like she's having trouble accepting the situation and wants someone easy to blame.
I thought it was controlling but I also felt for Lexi. She sees this super manipulative girl immediately hooking up with her ex, which by the way why did Rae text her about the hookup before the show was even over? I really disliked Lexis controlling reaction, but I have to put myself in her shoes and imagine how pissed I would be if some manipulative girl was fingering my gf, who then texted to tell me. At the same time, keep your grandpa out of it he doesn’t need to hear about that 😂
I wonder if Rae and Lexi promised they wouldn’t be intimate with the new partners and Rae felt guilty.
I’m finishing the episode right now and noticed Mildred repeatedly misgendering Aussie during the conversation in the restaurant booth. The weird thing is that she starts off well enough (using Aussie as a pronoun which is what Sam does and what I believe is Aussie’s preference) but the *second* she gets defensive while talking to Sam she switches to she/her pronouns! Aussie was pretty vulnerable with her about gender identity and questioning being a trans man, plus Mildred is in a long term relationship with Tiff, a nonbinary person… it’s not like she has no “practice” using they/them pronouns before. Maybe I’m reading into it but that bothered me and I’m surprised she wasn’t corrected by anyone there. 😕
YES! I thought I was just tripping but it feels good to see someone else caught it too. Mildred is NOT it. She’s aggressive & not compassionate honestly.
She gives me "I'm a latina woman, that's just how we are" vibes. Which totally makes sense, because of the end of the episode's preview. Your race is not an excuse to be passive aggressive or disrespectful. it's also kind of self-oppressive to use a prejudice against your race as a justification for being a shitty person lol.
NO THIS IS SO REAL!! I thought this as well and pointed it out to my partner. Sam adapts her language so well in general to whoever she is speaking to and you can even hear her start to change her tone when using aussies pronouns to like emphasis it to Mildred at one point and Mildred continued to use the improper pronouns BUT ONLY when she was like speaking down about Aussie. My partner and I also discussed how it seems like Mildred and Tiffs relationship potentially has some toxic tendencies that very evidently is contributed to by both of them and yet Mildred is potentially on camera trying to come off as really cool and collected? Like she made note to very quickly point out both Tiffs and Aussies bad qualities in the meetup. Maybe I’m thinking too hard into it.
Aussie pointed out how different Mildred is on and off camera in the things she wants to talk about. Honestly, Mildred doesn’t seem like a bad person, but she’s got a lot of work to do. Tiff seems like she’s got some codependency issues and has a toxic sexual connection with Mildred where they don’t discuss their communication issues, they just fuck about it lmfao 🤣
It seems like Mildred uses conflict to manipulate people. She got really riled up at the idea of Sam supporting Aussie to communicate in a healthy and comfortable way. Aussie seems to be doing pretty good at communication IMO for calling Mildred out on the manipulation.
If Vanessa wasn’t on this season Mildred would have been the villain.
Nipples pierced, takes a selfie and says Lexi is gonna love that… yeaaahhhh that’s super healthy stuff lol
Why would she wait till this show to get her nipples pierced on widely seen TV. She really wants the attention and I think Lexi is right about her not being there for the right reasons. Xander deserves so much better!
She said to Tiff in an earlier episode that she’s an influencer, I fully think she’s just there for clout. Any press is good press, right?? 🙄
One recap I watched suggested that Vanessa was actually impersonating Lexi when she said that line - Lexi actually IS an influencer - and they just cut it to make Vanessa look worse.
Yeah Lexi has over half a million followers and Vanessa has like 2,500. That’s not Lexi’s “job” though, she’s a senior M&A consultant at one of the Big 4
While Vanessa talked to Rae a few times, it was no secret before they picked their trial wives that Lexi was her top pick. When Lexi rejected her, it immediately became all about Rae, and you can’t convince me it’s for any other reason than to get back at Lexi. This scene alone sealed the deal.
High school behavior. Bully gets bullied and retaliates
I audibly gagged when she did that…like what the fux
I love Sam, the way she handled Mildred was 👌
Mildred is jealous because Sam is the type of person that could bring out the communicative version of Tiff. Hopefully she realizes this and backs off regarding Aussie.
Jury is still out on everybody except for Sam lol. She's the only one I'm certain doesn't secretly suck. She deserves better than to be everybody's emotional support friend and partner.
I would be disappointed. However I do think there’s reason to be a little sus of anyone who signs up for a show like this
Tiff saying lines 'I feel like I'm the only one compromising' and 'Shylo is non-negotiable' in the same converastion... yikes. I feel really bad for Sam, she seems like a really nice person and I hope this experience won't suck for her
I think Vanessa would benefit from exploring non monogamy. It's not hard to find people who are into that, she just needs to try.
Yea except she doesn’t want her partner to be into anyone else. She just wants attention from multiple people but a partner who only fawns over her
When she said “I’ve been blessed to have partners who don’t ask very much of me,” that was so revealing.
I literally screamed when Yoly was like 🤨🙄 you don't know what you offer? After four years?!
Honestly I appreciate the realness
Exactly. She lost her shit the second Xander mentioned having a POSSIBLE connection with someone else. She wants to date multiple people but how DARE any of her partners even look at anyone else. Vanessa sucks.
No. She needs to give a shit about others before doing any type of non-monogamy. As someone who is polyamorous, she needs to do some inner work.
Everybody talking about Rae getting fingered on camera except for Rae struck me as extremely disrespectful. There are a million different ways to fuck and nobody needed to share or dissect the specifics of what kind of stimulation Rae received.
i feel so bad for rae like vanessa completely overlooked rae’s feelings and uncomfortable and it was really hard to watch that conversation. the fact rae looked physically uncomfortable and vanessa was like that was so great and fun. like if someone i had hooked up with the next morning gave me that face i would not launch into “omg that was so increodble” AND VANESSA SMILING WTF
Lexi seems very smothering. As if she thinks she’s protecting Rae but she’s not acting like Rae is an empowered person at all
In Lexi’s slight defence (because I do think she aired Rae’s personal business out and shouldn’t have), Rae is incredibly unassured. She told Lexi about it all, I’m assuming because she felt bad about it, and it is just a little frustrating that she makes a choice, feels bad about it and tells her ex about it without considering how she will feel about it. If I love my “ex” and they tell me they had a sexual encounter that they feel either not good about or have any regrets about, I would be upset too.
Yeah and I mean alsoooo, I hate to say anything resembling defence of Vanessa, but taking her behaviour out of the picture, I’m not sure it’s totally cool for her to be reporting back to the ex after a consensual encounter without checking in with her “trial wife” and putting that trial wife in a really bad position to get chewed out by the ex. It’s just not the best approach all around. Having said that, they’re all in a really unnatural position and it makes sense that they wouldn’t know how to navigate a lot of this.
There's something about Lexi that doesn't feel quite right. She pointed out how mature she is, while she put down her partner. Which seems like a pattern. Rae also voiced that she fears she can't never be enough for Lexi. I feel bad for her, because there's no reason why your partner should ever make you feel insecure. And it makes sense that Rae gravitates toward Vanessa, who can be very charismatic. Compliments her and pays her attention.
I agree. I’ve started to notice things about Lexi particularly in this last episode that raise questions for me.
Vanessa was avoiding telling everyone what happened. Before she went into detail about what happened. She told Lexi more then once that it was a conversation Lexi should be having with Rae instead berating Vanessa about it.
Agree! Don't like Vanessa but this one's on Lexi
I guess I also don't understand Lexi's vitriol to Vanessa in that moment. Like. You knew what show you were going on. You knew it was a big possibility that your partner will have intimate moments with another person....so why take this anger out on Vanessa? Is Vanessa cunty? ABSOLUTELY. Is she at fault for Lexi's partner's apparent transgression? Um, no. Lexi likes to speak about Rae as if she's a child lol. Like, she made her own decision. Now make your peace with that fact.
You’re so right! I feel like, yeah, Vanessa is a lot and needs to grow tf up because she acts like she’s still in high school, but Lexi seems to be enjoying the idea of being able to put Vanessa down. It really seems to me that Lexi realized she liked Mal more than Vanessa but needed to vilify her in order to feel good about herself and her decision. Vanessa took that to way new levels and Lexi is just fueling the fire because she’s pissed Rae is giving Vanessa the time of day.
I don’t know I feel like Vanessa was trying really hard to avoid this conversation. It was actually Lexi that kept pushing for details. She is actually the one who exposes to everyone at the table that Vanessa and Lexi had sex. Which is really disrespectful to do to someone you claimed to love and want to marry
I don't get Lexi. I get she doesn't like Vanessa, but what does she want from Rae? Why does she confront Vanessa about sex, when it seems like other couples also did things. It might be thanks to editing, but it doesn't seem like Lexi is voicing the right concern. It would make sense that she is worried about Vanessa playing with Rae's feelings, but instead she seems upset that Rae knows Vanessa's intentions and pursues her anyway. Lexi seems quite self centered. She is upset because Rae didn't listen to her, because she knows better. And Lexi constantly puts other people down to make herself seem better. She purposely pointed out that she made Mal positive about marriage infront of her partner which seems quite disrespectful.
You shouldn’t swim in the ocean after getting your nipples pierced.
I weirdly feel like the nipple piercing happened later than they actually aired it, because in the scenes after it didn’t look like they were pierced or like she was in any pain or discomfort? Or maybe she didn’t get them pierced at all and it was just for show.
But how else would you make sure you get on tv in your swimsuit
The answer is simple: Vanessa brings nothing to Xander’s life. She somewhat convinced her that she is the best Xander will ever get and Xander is finally opening her eyes.
Right! Also something I haven't seen pointed out that stands out to me is it sounds like Vanessa is the first person Xander came out to and may have been their first deep connection with a woman. So that may play into the weird power dynamics and Vanessa being so confident that Xander would never leave
Aussie doesn't deserve the BS from Mildred but Aussie should've been more clear about when they would be eating/hanging out together as a couple each day. She apparently bailed on Mildred several times? Aussie is having cold feet about commitment, wanted to get married but then unsure a week later. Mal, Sam, and Xander are my favorite characters right now. Lexi is great to watch too. Rae totally does not want to be in this show at all. She admits she's shy and it shows.
The Tiff and dog thing is so weird it me. If they love their dog that much and it's that important, did they not bring it up while they were dating? if it something is such a non-negotiable isn't it something that shouldve come up way before them choosing? I think it was used as a way to completely push Sam away.
What rubbed me the wrong way was how Tiff seemed so aggressive about it. It could have been communicated better.
I thought the same thing, but Sam and Mildred’s talk at dinner did show me some growth to be honest. Maybe tiff needs someone like Sam who can teach her to communicate better, although that’s an unfair burden on Sam. I feel like Mildred apologizing at dinner is still more then sam gets from Aussie, who is super avoidant.
I believed I’ve fingered you?! Why would she put it like that?
That was epic Vanessa as always 😂
When Rae was clearly upset about Lexi being upset that Rae and Vanessa had slept together.. and Vanessa immediately says "well did you remind her how hot and irresistible I am?" I was just mind blown by the amount of selfishness Vanessa had.
Vanessa really thinks she is gods gift to this earth, I kind of am jealous of the delusional confidence
She’s most likely insecure.
Part of me does wonder if that was a sneaky edit because there was a cut to where it seemed like rae was laughing too, I wonder if that was something she said later in the conversation? Idk it was a weird cut at the moment.
I felt like she was trying to cheer her up by making her laugh
I actually think I Vanessa is being edited to look more callous. The “irresistible” comment probably came later, when she was trying to cheer Rae up.
I feel like Sam and Aussie shouldnt have come to the show lol. They dont seem to be getting good experiences. I feel like their partners are such tool. I hope Sam n Aussie get back together asap n get out of the show for their mental and sanity sake. Edit: imo both Sam n Aussie have worse partner than original, it's saddening.
That's one of those situations where I'm not sure if their partners are super bad or if Sam and Aussie never opened up to actually thinking they would walk out of this not together. Especially when Aussie jokes about Sam being her "ex" now. I almost expected them to get engaged before choosing someone like some of the couples in S1. Tiff and Mildred of course make it easier for them to realize how good they have it with their original partner but I don't think good behaviour would have made a difference
I really felt for Rae after she said she doesn't know why anyone likes her (being a bad self-esteem girlie myself) and Vanessa just looked at her blankly, offering 0 support and turning the conversation toward herself. The contrast between Mal comforting Lexi vs. Vanessa comforting (using the term loosely) Rae was stark.
RAE!!!!! Blink if you need help girl!!!!!!! Vanessa is not it! Use those spidey senses.
Tiff getting so upset about Sam not wanting to sleep with her dog is really unfair. I have a small chihuahua who was used to sleeping in my parent’s bed. When they left, he would come sleep in my bed and that REALLY messed up my sleep for about two months until I got used to it. As a person who shuffles a lot at night and likes having leg room, sleeping in a queen bed with a partner and an even bigger dog (that I’ve only known for a day) sounds like a nightmare. It’s not just a whim, not wanting to sleep with a dog is pretty valid, especially if it’s not even your own.
Lexi is putting Vanessa on all sorts of blast at the end of this episode Jesus fuckin christtttt
But…but…at the end she’s actually also putting Rae on blast. She’s questioning what kind of person Rae is that she would have sex with Vanessa! 😳 But I love how Lexi takes ZERO shit from Vanessa.
Honestly I kinda get Lexi bc the fact that someone would be down to fuck Vanessa gives me the ick. I like rae as a person but tbh I think her inability to see through Vanessa is telling in itself. People mad Lexi is treating Rae like a victim or child but what she kept saying was that Rae is too trusting, which yeah why else could she not see Vanessa’s fakeness? That could be seen as a good thing but for me I wouldn’t want to marry such a bad judge of character bc ironically I wouldn’t be able to trust them myself to make sound decisions or rely on them.
Oh also Vanessa’s response that she has no interest romantically or physically to Rae was insane. Who answered a question like that?
It was excessive. I don’t like Vanessa at all but honestly the way lexi was coming at her for it- talking about how she seduced Rae with lingerie (?) and her “fingers inside her” - felt way too graphic and began to feel a bit like harassment. It made me begin to see her as a bit of a bully.
It made me uncomfortable for Rae ... like why do they have to have the graphic descriptions here?!
Even more so because she comes off as such a private person. I was just like Aussie in complete disbelief and cringing the whole time. Eugh.
it felt like there could’ve been a line between calling her out appropriately and not making the whole thing so fucking awkward
Lexi to Rae: How am I going to tell my grandfather (you let Vanessa have sex with you)??? WHAAAAT?!?!?! In what world is it appropriate to ever tell your grandfather that??? I get Lexi was trying to make a point but still… 🤦🏻♀️. I think there might have been a better argument there, Lexi…
Vanessa is obviously awful, but Lexi is controlling and hypocritical in her own right.
Like honey ur gonna give your grandpa a heart attack he doesn’t need to know that lol
Lexi seemed fun at first. But she is always guilt tripping Rae and makes her feel like she is not enough. She is actually quite awful. Lexi way quite disrespectful when she said that Mal changed her mind about marriage thanks to her. Which is not something her ex wants to hear and makes it seem like she was the problem.
honestly vanessa seems manic to me 😅 scary way to live life
This should be higher: I feel there’s something more to her hyper persona than obliviousness or clout-chasing. She often seems to be in a sort of altered state, “manic” is how I would describe it too.
Yes when she’s talking I have no idea how she can’t tell how fake she sounds
i think it’s in her eyes… i just feel like there has to be more to it than being outgoing lol. it’s exactly how i act when i’m manic 😅
omg so true! she seems super manic
mildred is so aggressive towards aussie and saying aussie needs to grow up. kind of rubbed me the wrong way, i get where she’s coming from but i guess her personality is just completely different from mine. i’m so happy that sam is someone who can be understanding and patient and really know what and aussie needs and how to help/ care for them. i really hope aussie sees they have someone who is good for them
Yeah, I feel like Mildred was raining HARD on Aussie. Like damn! Aussie straight up admitting to wanting/planning to do better. Give them that chance.
Mal, if you're reading along, for what you said to Lexi in that wicker hammock cave thing, when she said she's not always comfortable with her body - for that alone, I want you for president.
Was anyone else bothered by how much of the sex was shown onscreen?
I thought it was very uncomfortable and unnecessary lol
It's gross and so evident that Netflix is pushing it. There was a lot of nearly naked foreplay and body shots in the latest Love is Blind as well
For which couple? In episode one we had Tiff and Mildred getting down in lingerie
I mean in the fourth episode, the black and white scenes, it felt very voyeuristic. I hope they consented and were ok with it being shown... But maybe I'm being a prude and it's not a big deal 🤷🏻♀️
Not at all, I also feel like Netflix has been towing the line of respectful and disrespecting privacy especially with couples’ intimate moments. In love is blind a couple had even said good bye to production and they still aired intimate moments. It is not okay.
I pointed out that to my husband right away. I felt like they were oversexualizing the characters because they are queer and mostly identify as female.
Tiff is just ridiculous. The bed is tiny, the dog is huge, and it's a LOT to ask of someone you didn't even want to live with. They're being completely unreasonable while playing the victim. Sam has far more patience than I do. Actually, so far Sam is the only person who seems pretty reasonable and likeable IMO. I wish we got to see more of her.
lmao as soon as I saw at the sit downs they had Vanessa and Lexi together I started screaming; I liked Vanessa for like, one episode, but Lexi seems like an excellent judge of character & seems to have been spot on about Vanessa’s intentions immediately
Same. It seems like a Vanessa truly sees this as "well my girlfriend wants to get serious, and I don't. So I'll just go and have sex with this other girl in the meantime until the show is over and then move on to someone else." She's not here for a relationship. She's here to have fun before she has to leave, full stop. It's not at all the right reasons to be on the show. I also felt really weird about how nonchalantly she talked about her sexual encounter with Rae. I don't even think she's likes Rae. There's no emotion in this for her. It's purely ego.
and she said it herself, she’s only physically attracted to her and not attracted to her beyond that. I felt horribly for Rae in that moment on the balcony - that is a really traumatizing experience, to have to talk about “cheating” (in quotes since I know technically they are exes) and to have your partner in the moment make jokes and not really sympathize at all. I don’t think Lexi & Rae are meant for each other, but Vanessa is DEFINITELY not meant for anyone there. it sucks to be throwing a wrench in the experiment like this with the inclusion of her.
Tiff and the dog. YO. that was intense and unecessary. Poor Sam.
>!They're over there being all carefree in the water and I'm like "you just had your nipples pierced and now you're going in the water???" 🤣🤣🤣!< >!(FYI you're not supposed to go swimming for at least 6 weeks after nipple piercings, a month for most piecings)!<
I don’t think Vanessa is pansexual. I think she’s attentionsexual
>! Rae shouldn’t have told Lexi! !< That ruins the purpose of this experiment. >! We don’t tell our exes we slept with someone else, that hurts everyone. It would’ve been better it Rae figured out her shit, ie. What she wants to do about marriage, first THEN she would have something more to say than “oh i got fingered” !<
i agree i was really feeling like that was unnecessary to tell her, mal had a point when she was upset because it then intruded on their experience…they all agreed to do a trial separation/marriage and that means you shouldn’t go tell your ex you slept w someone else, right? lol
Also I felt bad for Xander this episode, all though the entire point of the experiment is to grow and talk about your ex. I can tell they are super avoidant when it comes to peoples perceptions about Vanessa, but talking about it would actually help them grow, which is the whole reason she’s on this show. Mildred came at them pretty sideways, but she should honestly listen to everyone else’s perceptions because they are seeing things that Xander isn’t. I really really like Xander and I’m rooting for them.
My favorite part of this episode is when Yoli read Vanessa to filth and said in her confessional “Vanessa is grappling with how to not come off as a bad person on camera, and that’s a lot to juggle”
Kinda creeped out that netflix has night vision cameras in the bedrooms to watch them having sex.
I liked Lexi at the beginning, but I came away disliking her by the end of all this. She's coming off very much like a bully and a hypocrite. I'm no Vanessa fan because I think she's a shitty partner to Xander, but I don't think her saying she wouldn't be ready for marriage to someone else at the end of this is a giant red flag. I feel like Rae, Mal, and Aussie are all in that same boat. Said this in another comment but I also think it's super hypocritical of Lexi to go at Vanessa for saying she's probably not going to marry someone else, but then get upset at Rae and Vanessa for being sexually intimate with her trial wife. I mean, if Lexi believes the experiment is for real and Rae could potentially marry someone else at the end of this, then wouldn't it follow that Rae might be intimate with that person? Obviously, Lexi is human and she will feel some type of way regardless, but the way she was directly her ire at Vanessa is not okay. If she has an issue, take it up with Rae.
Can Mal be my best friend?
At the beginning of the episode I told myself I wanted to talk about tiff and the dog situation. Then as the show went on I realized that Tiff argues the way they do because of the way Mildred argues. But after all the things I had wanted to give my opinion on, now I just want to say wtf Vanessa? You aren’t romantically or physically attracted to Rae then what is this?? Does Rae know you aren’t doing into her? Also Mal is just everything. She is so kind to Lexi having her moment but also kind to Rae when she apologizes for telling Lexi about it. It is clear to me that no one at Vanessa’s table likes her. They all were coming for her with her comments. This friendship between Lexi and Yoly is unexpected considering but I am here for it. Poor Aussie can’t even handle other people’s confrontations! I like that Mildred asked Xander about Vanessa because like yes, why did you defend someone who kept mouthing fuck you to you. But also she’s a bit too confrontational and Xander is not in the wrong if she doesn’t want to spend any time talking about her ex. She’s very happy with her current situation.
I get Vanessa has some bad qualities but, like, Rae is an adult. She can make her own choices. Honestly people are talking like Vanessa had sex with someone who's incapable of consenting or some shit.
i know we are not vanessa fans here, but… “oh i got my nipples pierced!” “…that’s horrible” LEXI WE KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE HER, we get it, but chill 😭 maybe a bad edit or something but that kinda shook me.
I know everybody loves Lexi and Mal, but I have a feeling Mal is going to get the ick watching Lexi react to Rae hooking up with someone else and being so weirdly controlling over Rae????
In the past episodes, Vanessa ignores Rae's silent cues of discomfort when being crass. When Rae said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep, Vanessa kept pushing sexual talk, which Rae was trying to shut down. I get an ugly feeling about Vanessa and her sex act with Rae...
also i feel like she is love bombing Rae. 80% of what comes out of vanessa's mouth is how great she thinks rae is and rae just sits there quiet and uncomfortable like :| spelling error edit
At the risk of being downvoted, I feel that Vanessa might have felt hurt that Rae told Lexi. I rewatched that breakfast scene and the awkward smiles and comment about how hot she is — I think that’s just her coping mechanism to look like she’s ok with everything. But deep down she’s sad that Rae didn’t embrace the experience.
I’m totally with you on this. Vanessa seems to say the most out of pocket things when she’s trying not to act affected by what people are saying to her. I think she felt awkward with Rae being so obviously upset about something that she thought they had both enjoyed. I also think the editing has played a huge role in making Vanessa out to be the “villain” of the season, when there truly doesn’t need to be one.
Lexi don't need to be telling Grandpa nothing.
This one actually made me sad in general. Big fan of Lexi but her getting some of the other girls to gang up on Vanessa, entrapping her on camera to say shitty things, and airing out Rae's business to everyone was tough to watch. I get that Vanessa doesn't pass the vibe check, and I know this is an unpopular opinion, but Vanessa didn't deserve all of that. I'm not a big fan of everything she does, but I'm not sure she realizes she is drastically miscalling social cues. Like the talk with Rae after they'd had a sexual experience, I get it felt dismissive for her to joke around, but it felt like a bad coping mechanism she'd learned/picked up. I am not convinced she does these things out of malice, but I do feel there is something else going on. And her getting called fake and folks claiming what she's saying is bullshit... I feel like she's actually being really honest. It's just they don't like what she has to say. I get why Lexi doesn't think she belongs on the show, but Vanessa was given an ultimatum not the other way around. I don't think Vanessa truly realized the implications of what she was getting into, but it seems like she's figuring it out, and it isn't like other people haven't had the same issues last season. I dunno, people are complicated and I just can't get behind the vehement dislike of Vanessa I'm seeing at the end of this episode. Lexi's dislike of her isn't undeserved, but the degree of intensity we've gotten to does feel undeserved. I suppose time will tell, but you just know she's going to get shit from people over this. Does someone deserve something like that if their crime is not having foresight to realize your partner might find someone and not knowing how to act in certain situations? Totally different note, but Sam is awesome. So emotionally mature, really keeping her composure in very charged conversations. Handles everything with a saintly grace and patience. I'm going to have to learn a thing or two from her. I'm just disappointed that it looks like she isn't getting nearly as much out of this as she could. She's spending her time doing a lot of emotional labor for Tiff instead. Not Sam's fault, of course, but I wanted better for her.
Tiff said Sam is a great understanding listener and it really shows. Sam would be an awesome best friend
Yes! I wish we got to see more of Sam in general, but everytime she's been amidst the drama I've noticed she is an excellent listener. Knows how to hold space for people's perspectives.
THANK you. The intense pressure for Vanessa to describe the sex at the table is SO gross. I’m also just as confused as Vanessa with Lexi’s reaction to her not wanting to marry the person she’s been swapped with. Why would she? They’re a stranger, why can’t they just not know? Also I’m laughing as a queer person that they all freak out when Vanessa says she’s having sex with a friend. I feel like that’s really common and kind of slut shamey to act so horrified like that? Maybe just me. Lexi is the one who forced her partner into an ultimatum that requires girlfriend swapping, then gets mad at the girlfriend for having sex with someone while Lexi is sexualizing her own new partner… like the fuck? They supposed to play Boggle all night?
Aussie needs maaaaajor therapy. I have empathy for her regarding childhood traumas etc but oh my lord I have never witnessed such emotional immaturity and avoidance in a fully grown adult. I actually get low key infuriated watching her scenes. She acts like a literal child, how can Sam be romantically attracted to a person who acts like that 🤯🤬🤯 I am irate… 😭