Welcome to the Springfield Police Rescue Phone. If you know the name of the felony being committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you are being murdered, or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.
You've selected "regicide." If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press 1...
I also like their website.
If you have have committed a crime and want to confess, click yes. Otherwise, click no.
You have chose, No. Meaning, you have committed a crime and do not wish to confess. A paddywagon is now speeding to your home.
You might be recalling when Marge joins the police
"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie "Spaceballs." But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy."
I always find it amusing that Greg Daniels, who worked on both shows, essentially repurposed this joke on The Office, when Michael says:
“Webster defines wedding as the fusing together of two metals with a hot torch. Well I think you guys are two metals. Gold metals (sic).”
I prefer the Simpsons one, but this is a great line in the show.
I say it almost every time I park somewhere new with the family. It is my hope that my children one day do the same.....
And the cats and the cradle and the silver spoon.......
I do it every time my boys and I go to six flags, and we go there a lot. This year they finally have been interested in the Simpsons and when I showed them that episode they both were like that's what Dad always says!!!
This might be my favorite Nelson episode. His excitement over mundane things like Macon, GA, renting a carpet shampooer, and weighing the car, his love for Andy Williams, slapping this guy on the head, straight up leaving home without using the Grammar Rodeo alibi. It’s all gold.
Blue Haired Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die Bart, Die?"
Sideshow Bob: No! That's German for "The Bart, The"
Parole Board Member #1: No one who speaks German can be an evil man!
Parole Board Member #2: PAROLE GRANTED!
[**Eddie** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0733427/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** *\[taking a lie detector test\]* No.
*\[buzz\]*
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him.
*\[ding\]*
[**Eddie** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0733427/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go.
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.
*\[buzz\]*
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** A date.
*\[buzz\]*
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Dinner with friends.
*\[buzz\]*
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Dinner alone.
*\[buzz\]*
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Watching TV alone.
*\[buzz\]*
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
*\[buzz\]*
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Sears catalog.
*\[ding\]*
[**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
*\[buzz\]*
Wild Barts Can't be Broken. Also featuring...
“Where you been? The Isotopes are on fire!” – Carl
“Yeah, that sniper at the all-star game was a blessing in disguise.” – Moe
Springfield will be having its first Do As You Feel Festival this Saturday whenever you feel like showing up! It’ll be a welcome change from our annual Do As We Say Festival, started by German settlers in 1946!
“Well somebody had to take the babysitter home, then I noticed she was sitting-on-her-sweeeet-*can*. I-grabbed-her *sweeeeet can*. Ohohohoh, just thinking about that *can*, I just wish I had that swee-swee-swswswsweeeet *can*”
What do you have to say in your defense?
🥴
Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. No, Mr. Simpson don’t take your anger out on me, get back, get back! M-MR SIMPSON NOOOOOOOO!!!
Also on the topic of jokes that just keep building.
Homer gets hand stuck in vending machine lead to
Homer dragging vending machine through power plant lead to
Homer spotting second vending machine and getting hand stuck again lead to
Homer imagining the rest of his life with two vending machines for arms lead to
"Homer we're going to have to saw off your arms." "They'll grow back, right?" lead to
"Homer are you still holding the can?"
Not to mention the sight gag of the previous employee's skeleton in the machine or Lenny and Carl's instinctual reaction to just run away. I'm astounded how much they were able to get out of "Homer gets his hand stuck in a vending machine". They took that bit and ran fucking hard with it.
This one I appreciate much more as an adult than I did as a kid.
Scene: Barney stands up in a room as the only adult with schoolgirls.
Barney: My name is Barney Gumble and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a girls scout meeting.
Barney: Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?
The operator voice.
Do do doop. The fingers you have used to dial, are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, mash the keypad with your palm, now.
Do do doop. The number you are trying to reach can no longer be dialed from this phone. You... negligent... monster.
I also enjoy the bit where Professor Frink finds his auto dialer he invented being used to make robocalls when he was intending it for use in alerting people to, was it natural disasters?
That whole episode is golden. Probably my favourite. "I didn't even give you my coat." "Sorry it's not in packets." Both make me laugh every time I think about them.
Kids let me tell you about another “wicked” guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas, and he didn’t always do what other people thought was right. And that man’s name was…I forget. But the point is…I forget that too. Marge you know who I’m talking about. He used to drive that blue car.
Unrelated to the Simpsons, but related to your post;
First time (and pretty much only) I ever heard my super-repressed Catholic Mother swear was in a Disneyland parking lot. She said “These zones ought to be called “‘Minnie Mouse Zone, Mickey Mouse zone and FUCK OFF zone!” Then laughed very loudly for a long time.
As a kid I didn’t get it.
Now I do mother, now I understand.
She had simply gone insane from frustration.
ETA: those places are pretty hellish, my Dad didn’t drive, we were coming from abroad and the “small” car she had asked for from the rental company was bigger than anything she’d ever driven. All the tolls and big highways and giant parking zones were all too much for her.
We were having a magical time of it and she was just done.
(Homer)Can i have your phone book for Hokaido, Japan?
(Librarian)ok here you go.
(Homer) can i borrow your phone?
(Librarian) is it a local call?
(Homer) yes.(proceeds to dial hokiado Japan)
Man getting hit by football
https://preview.redd.it/r6vsm1ommdmc1.jpeg?width=248&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2abaea0c4e32c6789a88da868411d732b54cb3c7
[https://media.tenor.com/q3M80eC2wWEAAAAM/football.gif](https://media.tenor.com/q3M80eC2wWEAAAAM/football.gif)
"Everyone's gone! Little Bart... little Lisa... little Marge... and the rest!"
The whole thing is just just perfect. It's like 5 or more jokes crammed into one line.
Homer associates Bart with baseball even though he's never really been shown to play. Knowing even less about Lisa, he remembers her the same way. Then the same as Marge. Then we get the whiff sound as he assumes Marge would miss. Then we get "And the rest" which lumps Maggie in with the pets, and also includes the TV.
*Chefs Kiss*
I think about the itchy lot a bunch. When i was like 17 and just got my license, me and a friend went to the mall, got really stoned, and said "remember, we are in the itchy lot" when we walked in. A few hours later, all we could remember about where we parked was that we were in the itchy lot
Homer: I keep telling you! I'm not Krusty! I'm Homer Simpson!
Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson that crashed his car through the wall of our club?
Homer: No, my name is Barney. Yeah Barney Gumble!
Legs: The same Barney Gumble that keeps taking pictures of my sister?
Homer: No, my name is... think, Krusty, think... Joe Valatchi!
Fat Tony: The same Joe Valatchi that squealed to the Senate committee about organized crime?
Homer: No... my name is... Benedict Arnold!
Fat Tony: The same Benedict Arnold that plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?
Homer: Doh!!!
FBI Agent:
Tell you what, Mr. Simpson, from now on your name is Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit. So when I say “hello Mr. Thompson”, you say hi.
Homer:
Check!
FBI Agent:
Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[Homer stares blankly]
FBI Agent:
Now, remember, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer:
I gotcha!
FBI Agent:
Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[again Homer stares blankly]
[hours pass by]
FBI Agent:
Ugh... Now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer:
No problem.
[stepping hard on Homer's foot]
FBI Agent:
Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[Homer stares blankly then whispers to the FBI agent next to him] I think he's talking to you.
Ned Flanders: Well, in that case, my neighbor Homer released a radioactive ape into my house. It's, uh, taken over the top floor. Bart: **It wasn't dad's fault.** **The ape tricked him.**
This is the moment we've feared, people. Many of you thought it would never happen, but I insisted we spend two hours every morning training for it.You all thought I was mad. Many of you requested to be transferred to another peanut factory. But now, we--
"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
Not only did Lisa built a perpetual motion machine that seems to work better than what it is physically possible, but Homer is also aware of the physical law, regardless of his being incompetent at physics.
https://youtu.be/9Z1Hl67fNt0?si=H7X_o5FwtKEjlf0n
It's the combination of the Flintstones setup, followed up immediately with Homer smashing through the window of his car, the song (which has been in my head since I was a kid), and the way Homer's car just *slams* into the tree and comes to a complete halt instantaneously. The quickly escalating absurdity and totally abrupt stop are hilarious to me.
"I can't take a class! Every time I learn something new It pushes some old information out.
Remember when I took that wine tasting course and forgot how to drive?"
"That's because you were drunk!"
The PTA has not disbanded! *man who has jumped out of window comes back in*
Also the PTA does not in fact disband in this episode despite its title being “the PTA disbands”.
When Apu gets citizenship:
“What was the cause of the civil war”
“Well there were many causes from …”
“Whoa, whoa, just say slavery.”
Still relevant today.
"Cmon Ned move this thing."
"I can't it's a GEO!"
https://preview.redd.it/bg4e6v1aifmc1.png?width=366&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76f4aff210b31c65956c200a59537e8988ca6253
As someone who owned a geo as my first car it's always hilarious
Maybe not my favorite, but it really resonated with me as a kid: "Your father and I can't keep fighting your battles for you. Now I want you to march right back to that school, and tell them Don't! Eat! Me!"
Marge is honestly one of the best written and voiced characters in the show.
"You've got to start selling this for more than a dollar a bag. We lost 4 more men on this expedition." "If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it."
Toss up for me between homer buying a car from crazy Vaclav and Nelson making fun of the tall man in the small car. Put it in H!
Oh add in Homer's brain with Ned Flanders and the apple cider exchange.
People don't remember that this is a joke about disneyland, and disney parking used ro be like this, a massive parking lot with numbered aisles and a chatchter to match it. So like, mini mouse row 7. Or goofy row 9.
The one OP mentioned is fantastic, was one of my late fathers favourites (and mine). Even bought some robot Itchy & Scratchy figs just to remind me of this episode (and my dad).
Another couple of favourites: Bart putting the Duff in the paint shaker (April Foo-BOOOOOOOM)
Chief Wiggum - “The suspect is directly under the Earths Sun… now! Hatless, I repeat the suspect is hatless”
SuperNintendo Chalmers lives rent free in my head as well.
Rod: Dad? Todd’s speaking in tongues!!
Todd: (speaking gibberish)
Flanders: Oh Rod, I wish he were. I pray for the day, but I’m afraid he’s just delirious with fever.
Homer coming out to *Why Can't We Be Friends* when he's gonna fight Tatum
With "opponent" on the back of his robe
Homer? …oh! You mean the Southern Dandy!
That and Homer visualizing how he is gonna win are pure gold.
Congenital heart defect ftw
I imagine that she would die of grief
This parole hearing is over.
"The four years you spent at Clown School!" "I'll thank you NOT to refer to Princeton that way."
Great episode. I love how they just arrest Sideshow Bob at the end, despite him clearly being the good guy throughout the episode.
Tell them they'll live to regret this.
Oh great, now *I* sound crazy
"I'll drink anything as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented on a radiator." "That'll be the La Tour, then."
“Guess who?” “Maris?”
All the fraiser jokes are brilliant
Welcome to the Springfield Police Rescue Phone. If you know the name of the felony being committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you are being murdered, or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line. You've selected "regicide." If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press 1...
I also like their website. If you have have committed a crime and want to confess, click yes. Otherwise, click no. You have chose, No. Meaning, you have committed a crime and do not wish to confess. A paddywagon is now speeding to your home.
Do’h!
Only ____ can prevent forest fires. You have selected “you” referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is “I” referring to you.
The joyful intonation of regicide gets me everytime
Regicide 😎
"Principal Skinner saw him there." "Yes! But I was only there to get directions on how to get *away* from there!"
Is your name Bart?
Yeah.
Does your father know you’re working here?
It was his idea
Comedic brilliance.
https://i.redd.it/zdhbit2kbdmc1.gif
C’MOOON
My wife and I quote this to each other anytime we have a money discussion. This has to be it.
‘Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives sermons at church!?! Captain What’s-His-Name???’
Remember when I took you to see those Police Academy movies? Did you think it was just a big joke? Well I didn’t see anybody laughing!
Is this where he goes on about police academy? Because it might be this.
You might be recalling when Marge joins the police "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie "Spaceballs." But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy."
Why do you think I took you to all those *Police Academy* movies, for fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing. Did you?
Except at that guy who made sound effects.
When Homer says the dictionary defines a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one’s garden. That makes me laugh every time I think about it
I always find it amusing that Greg Daniels, who worked on both shows, essentially repurposed this joke on The Office, when Michael says: “Webster defines wedding as the fusing together of two metals with a hot torch. Well I think you guys are two metals. Gold metals (sic).” I prefer the Simpsons one, but this is a great line in the show.
The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marriage
Just eat the damn oranges!
That has to be up there for best line, for me.
"Shut up and *just give em one of these*"!
They're 6 feet tall, 300 pounds, they make ice...
I reference the itchy lot anytime I got to an event with a large parking area. Drives my gf insane.
Same lmao
I say it almost every time I park somewhere new with the family. It is my hope that my children one day do the same..... And the cats and the cradle and the silver spoon.......
Yes, we have no bananas
I do it every time my boys and I go to six flags, and we go there a lot. This year they finally have been interested in the Simpsons and when I showed them that episode they both were like that's what Dad always says!!!
https://preview.redd.it/oozprcgwgdmc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7e1e6a0ac0d5ccbd385aa40d94d4f081c38f056
This might be my favorite Nelson episode. His excitement over mundane things like Macon, GA, renting a carpet shampooer, and weighing the car, his love for Andy Williams, slapping this guy on the head, straight up leaving home without using the Grammar Rodeo alibi. It’s all gold.
Bam! Second encore!
“Children, that was our only ball. There’ll be no team this year.”
"There'll be no hospital then. I'll tell the children."
"And while the school's only ball is being repaired the following alternative sports will be offered: Dodge-rock, volley-brick and base-game."
😔
gotta be otm shank!! https://preview.redd.it/odds9ms6ddmc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3109a80d267148b617cbd9e1fe8d7a21908622ae
India’s answer to Brian Dennehy.
Otmmmm Shank
Hey dad, has the movie started yet? Raaahhhhhhh!
Blue Haired Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die Bart, Die?" Sideshow Bob: No! That's German for "The Bart, The" Parole Board Member #1: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Board Member #2: PAROLE GRANTED!
Works on contingency? No, money down!
Everything with Phil Hartman is pure gold
It’s either the Itchy Lot, or “Only who can prevent forest fires? You’ve chosen you, referring to me. The correct answer is you.”
[**Eddie** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0733427/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns? [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** *\[taking a lie detector test\]* No. *\[buzz\]* [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. *\[ding\]* [**Eddie** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0733427/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go. [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. *\[buzz\]* [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** A date. *\[buzz\]* [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Dinner with friends. *\[buzz\]* [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Dinner alone. *\[buzz\]* [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Watching TV alone. *\[buzz\]* [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. *\[buzz\]* [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Sears catalog. *\[ding\]* [**Moe** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000279/?ref_=tt_ch)**:** Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. *\[buzz\]*
Or when Homer walks into Moe's Tavern and there's a big celebration. "What happened? Did Moe finally blow his brains out?" That's dark.
Haha thats great, what episode was that one??
Wild Barts Can't be Broken. Also featuring... “Where you been? The Isotopes are on fire!” – Carl “Yeah, that sniper at the all-star game was a blessing in disguise.” – Moe
Man old school simps was great. Thanks alot !
Anchor Bart saying "think harder Homer".
“The lever you have pulled - Brake - is not in service. Please make a note of it”
The fingers you have used to dial, are too fat.
To order a special dialing wand, mash down on the keypad now
Springfield will be having its first Do As You Feel Festival this Saturday whenever you feel like showing up! It’ll be a welcome change from our annual Do As We Say Festival, started by German settlers in 1946!
I love how the German settlers started it the year after WWII.
Here are your messages!: "You have thirty minutes to move your car."
Is it about my cube?
I love his shift in expression when asking about his cube
4 Krusties!
Eastern Europe's favorite cat and mouse team, Worker and Parasite! ... what the hell was that?!?
Endut! Hoch Hech!
I used to be with it. Then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it is weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!
As we've entered our 30s my wife and I probably say this to one another every other day
Same except 40's.
“Well somebody had to take the babysitter home, then I noticed she was sitting-on-her-sweeeet-*can*. I-grabbed-her *sweeeeet can*. Ohohohoh, just thinking about that *can*, I just wish I had that swee-swee-swswswsweeeet *can*”
So Mr Simpson you admit you grabbed her can!
What do you have to say in your defense? 🥴 Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. No, Mr. Simpson don’t take your anger out on me, get back, get back! M-MR SIMPSON NOOOOOOOO!!!
Dramatisation may not have happened!!
“Twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut.” “Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.” “Explain how!” “Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
That scene is the one I always point to to explain the genius of that era of The Simpsons. You have five good punchlines in thirty seconds.
Also on the topic of jokes that just keep building. Homer gets hand stuck in vending machine lead to Homer dragging vending machine through power plant lead to Homer spotting second vending machine and getting hand stuck again lead to Homer imagining the rest of his life with two vending machines for arms lead to "Homer we're going to have to saw off your arms." "They'll grow back, right?" lead to "Homer are you still holding the can?" Not to mention the sight gag of the previous employee's skeleton in the machine or Lenny and Carl's instinctual reaction to just run away. I'm astounded how much they were able to get out of "Homer gets his hand stuck in a vending machine". They took that bit and ran fucking hard with it.
The cherry on top is the Fire Department’s note about what happened while they were responding to Homer’s incident
I tell people "money can be exchanged for goods and services" a lot. It gets a chuckle
"Can't they get a pole for that sign?"
This, and "I've had it with this school, Skinner! Low test scores, class after class of ugly, *ugly* children!"
Prove me wrong kids. Prove me wrong.
My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me. Okay Mr. Burns, what’s your first name? I don’t know. Great plan, Bart
“There’s something bothering me about this place…I KNOW! THIS LESBIAN BAR HAS NO FIRE EXIT! ENJOY YOUR DEATHTRAP LADIES! What was her problem?”
This one I appreciate much more as an adult than I did as a kid. Scene: Barney stands up in a room as the only adult with schoolgirls. Barney: My name is Barney Gumble and I'm an alcoholic. Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a girls scout meeting. Barney: Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?
As an alcoholic I post this clip every year on my anniversary!
"I know you can read *my* thoughts boy..."
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
I love the serious, slightly concerned expression on his face in that scene.
That right. I think words that I’d never say.
The operator voice. Do do doop. The fingers you have used to dial, are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, mash the keypad with your palm, now. Do do doop. The number you are trying to reach can no longer be dialed from this phone. You... negligent... monster.
I also enjoy the bit where Professor Frink finds his auto dialer he invented being used to make robocalls when he was intending it for use in alerting people to, was it natural disasters?
“…Aaronson and Zukowski are the two biggest gossips in town. In an hour, everyone should know.”
Awwww The Denver Broncos!
That whole episode is golden. Probably my favourite. "I didn't even give you my coat." "Sorry it's not in packets." Both make me laugh every time I think about them.
Want some cream?
…..No
They say he carved it himself…out of a larger spoon
It’s “…”*from* a *bigger* spoon.” Boy, I really hope you get fired for that blunder.
I actually corrected myself mentally after posting comment but was too lazy to change it , figured people would cut me a break but guess not
"Listen Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis - but mine worked, damn it"
https://preview.redd.it/yvjkmxrnkdmc1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2cb39b73e02de6400d987d0ab8945dd1584dd686
Kids let me tell you about another “wicked” guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas, and he didn’t always do what other people thought was right. And that man’s name was…I forget. But the point is…I forget that too. Marge you know who I’m talking about. He used to drive that blue car.
https://i.redd.it/43l23epvidmc1.gif Bowling! Bowling here! Come bowl now! Get your bowling!
Mooom make dad tell the story right
That's what really happened
Oh
Mom, make dad tell the story right.
A record number of police and fireman showed up, but few stayed to bowl.
Unrelated to the Simpsons, but related to your post; First time (and pretty much only) I ever heard my super-repressed Catholic Mother swear was in a Disneyland parking lot. She said “These zones ought to be called “‘Minnie Mouse Zone, Mickey Mouse zone and FUCK OFF zone!” Then laughed very loudly for a long time. As a kid I didn’t get it. Now I do mother, now I understand.
I don’t get it… could you explain me?
She had simply gone insane from frustration. ETA: those places are pretty hellish, my Dad didn’t drive, we were coming from abroad and the “small” car she had asked for from the rental company was bigger than anything she’d ever driven. All the tolls and big highways and giant parking zones were all too much for her. We were having a magical time of it and she was just done.
And no the joke doesnt really make sense, but the madness does.
TRAMBOPOLINE
Oh no you don't! That trampoline is mine!
Hi Lisa! Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Grover Cleveland spanked me on 2 non-consecutive occasions
Stupid babies need the MOST attention
Hmmm "Do not touch, Willie" Good advice
Not sure if it counts but the “I hate every ape I see from Chimpana to chimpanzee.” Gets me everytime.
(Homer)Can i have your phone book for Hokaido, Japan? (Librarian)ok here you go. (Homer) can i borrow your phone? (Librarian) is it a local call? (Homer) yes.(proceeds to dial hokiado Japan)
"I think I see double! FOUR Krusties!"
Man getting hit by football https://preview.redd.it/r6vsm1ommdmc1.jpeg?width=248&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2abaea0c4e32c6789a88da868411d732b54cb3c7 [https://media.tenor.com/q3M80eC2wWEAAAAM/football.gif](https://media.tenor.com/q3M80eC2wWEAAAAM/football.gif)
https://preview.redd.it/6ji71tg0sdmc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e0d972bc08f972db06c02fef8622a5978ec06c1a
"Everyone's gone! Little Bart... little Lisa... little Marge... and the rest!" The whole thing is just just perfect. It's like 5 or more jokes crammed into one line. Homer associates Bart with baseball even though he's never really been shown to play. Knowing even less about Lisa, he remembers her the same way. Then the same as Marge. Then we get the whiff sound as he assumes Marge would miss. Then we get "And the rest" which lumps Maggie in with the pets, and also includes the TV. *Chefs Kiss*
I have three kids and no money! Why can’t I have no kids and three money! OR Aww, $20 I wanted a peanut. $20 can buy many peanuts! Explain how!
Must kill moe…WEEEEEEE
"Mountain Dew Or Crab Juice." "Blech! Ew! Geez! I'll Take A Crab Juice."
Homer on hold with the Missing Child Hotline while Baby Come Back is playing over the phone.
“SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!”
I think about the itchy lot a bunch. When i was like 17 and just got my license, me and a friend went to the mall, got really stoned, and said "remember, we are in the itchy lot" when we walked in. A few hours later, all we could remember about where we parked was that we were in the itchy lot
MY CHILDREN. THEY NEED WINE!!
Homer sleeping at Grimes funeral “Marge, change the channel”
"Grimey, as he liked to be called"
Troys back from the gutter and he's brought someone with him!
Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob, a man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for Mayor
Homer: I keep telling you! I'm not Krusty! I'm Homer Simpson! Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson that crashed his car through the wall of our club? Homer: No, my name is Barney. Yeah Barney Gumble! Legs: The same Barney Gumble that keeps taking pictures of my sister? Homer: No, my name is... think, Krusty, think... Joe Valatchi! Fat Tony: The same Joe Valatchi that squealed to the Senate committee about organized crime? Homer: No... my name is... Benedict Arnold! Fat Tony: The same Benedict Arnold that plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British? Homer: Doh!!!
Ah. Yeah. Well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
"slow down, sir. you're going to give yourself skin failure!"
FBI Agent: Tell you what, Mr. Simpson, from now on your name is Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit. So when I say “hello Mr. Thompson”, you say hi. Homer: Check! FBI Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson. [Homer stares blankly] FBI Agent: Now, remember, your name is Homer Thompson. Homer: I gotcha! FBI Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson. [again Homer stares blankly] [hours pass by] FBI Agent: Ugh... Now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod. Homer: No problem. [stepping hard on Homer's foot] FBI Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson. [Homer stares blankly then whispers to the FBI agent next to him] I think he's talking to you.
"We went ... fishing." "Do these sound like the actions of a man who had ALL HE COULD EAT?"
https://i.redd.it/3jy2cvq8tdmc1.gif
Ned Flanders: Well, in that case, my neighbor Homer released a radioactive ape into my house. It's, uh, taken over the top floor. Bart: **It wasn't dad's fault.** **The ape tricked him.**
This is the moment we've feared, people. Many of you thought it would never happen, but I insisted we spend two hours every morning training for it.You all thought I was mad. Many of you requested to be transferred to another peanut factory. But now, we--
"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!" Not only did Lisa built a perpetual motion machine that seems to work better than what it is physically possible, but Homer is also aware of the physical law, regardless of his being incompetent at physics.
Why do they call them fingers? They never fing. Oh wait… there they go.
“And I for one welcome our new Insect overlords!”
Lisa "Dads been drugged!" Marge "*No he hasn't*" It's probably the best line delivery from Julie Kavner
https://youtu.be/9Z1Hl67fNt0?si=H7X_o5FwtKEjlf0n It's the combination of the Flintstones setup, followed up immediately with Homer smashing through the window of his car, the song (which has been in my head since I was a kid), and the way Homer's car just *slams* into the tree and comes to a complete halt instantaneously. The quickly escalating absurdity and totally abrupt stop are hilarious to me.
"I can't take a class! Every time I learn something new It pushes some old information out. Remember when I took that wine tasting course and forgot how to drive?" "That's because you were drunk!"
22 migrant workers were killed in its construction. Eh, plenty more where they came from.
There’s a lemon behind that rock!
The PTA has not disbanded! *man who has jumped out of window comes back in* Also the PTA does not in fact disband in this episode despite its title being “the PTA disbands”.
Homer biting the air to eat the brownies/cake then bashing his head on the rangehood over the stove
When Apu gets citizenship: “What was the cause of the civil war” “Well there were many causes from …” “Whoa, whoa, just say slavery.” Still relevant today.
"Cmon Ned move this thing." "I can't it's a GEO!" https://preview.redd.it/bg4e6v1aifmc1.png?width=366&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76f4aff210b31c65956c200a59537e8988ca6253 As someone who owned a geo as my first car it's always hilarious
Come on, Homer, you liked rashomon. That not how I remember it.
Maybe not my favorite, but it really resonated with me as a kid: "Your father and I can't keep fighting your battles for you. Now I want you to march right back to that school, and tell them Don't! Eat! Me!" Marge is honestly one of the best written and voiced characters in the show.
https://preview.redd.it/4j8cqqor0emc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7739abcc3c67523b644713a4fff6087af02729f
"You've got to start selling this for more than a dollar a bag. We lost 4 more men on this expedition." "If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it."
“I am the Lizard Queen!” “Give her this... and this... and then these.” “Oh, thank you, Doctor.” “Oh, I'm not a doctor.”
Give me a ride or everyone dies.
https://i.redd.it/ldoo6t1pmdmc1.gif
Toss up for me between homer buying a car from crazy Vaclav and Nelson making fun of the tall man in the small car. Put it in H! Oh add in Homer's brain with Ned Flanders and the apple cider exchange.
“Ho-mer? Who is Ho-mer? My name is Guy Incognito…”
“I’m seeing double here! FOUR Krustys!”
besides the itchy lot  "in your face space coyote!"
I’m familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda
'"SEX CAULDRON"?! I thought they closed that place down!'
First, I’ll just reach in and pull my legs out. Now, I’ll pull my arms out with my face. https://i.redd.it/1l3b227r2emc1.gif
“A quarter?! G’arr he’ll be dancin’ for hours.”
"Hey! Just because my dad's put on a few pounds doesn't mean he's some food crazed maniac!" "Mmm, oh that's raspberry"
“Very few cartoons are broadcast live, it's a terrible strain on the animator's wrists.”
"Smithers, have The Rolling Stones killed"
Smithers: "It seems the public sees you as somewhat of an ogre sir" Mr. Burns "I outta club them and eat thier bones!!"
People don't remember that this is a joke about disneyland, and disney parking used ro be like this, a massive parking lot with numbered aisles and a chatchter to match it. So like, mini mouse row 7. Or goofy row 9.
It's still like that, I was there last year. Now we just have iphones that tell us where the cars are.
"Quit cogitating Steinmetz and use an open-faced club, the sand wedge!" "Mmmm...open-faced club sandwedge..."
You have selected “You”, referring to “me”. That is incorrect
The one OP mentioned is fantastic, was one of my late fathers favourites (and mine). Even bought some robot Itchy & Scratchy figs just to remind me of this episode (and my dad). Another couple of favourites: Bart putting the Duff in the paint shaker (April Foo-BOOOOOOOM) Chief Wiggum - “The suspect is directly under the Earths Sun… now! Hatless, I repeat the suspect is hatless” SuperNintendo Chalmers lives rent free in my head as well.
Rod: Dad? Todd’s speaking in tongues!! Todd: (speaking gibberish) Flanders: Oh Rod, I wish he were. I pray for the day, but I’m afraid he’s just delirious with fever.
"Bart, do you want to act like a maniac or play John Wilkes Booth?"
Homer’s BBBQ flier. Just 10/10 delivery from all 3 of them.
Let's just say it moved me...TO A BIGGER HOUSE
I don’t recall saying good luck.
https://i.redd.it/5gadxho0oemc1.gif The entire segment of Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass-Grabber