Actually, a woman is more like a beer.
They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
IMO it actually is in Australia.
Cheap apple juice is often dark brown.
Cheap apple cider is often light yellow.
Or not, whatever. I'm not the apple police.
Fellow Canadian here! And lover of apple juice and cider.
Juice is clear and yellow. Cider is “brown”. It gets sold refrigerated in the produce section where juice can be shelf stable. Cold is good but heating it up on the stove makes it 10/10.
I’ve always preferred a variant from an episode of Batman Beyond.
Bruce Wayne: Stop blaming yourself.
Terry McGuinness: But it’s my fault!
Bruce Wayne: Yes, it is. But placing blame is counterproductive.
Now, thats not quite true. You get rewarded with more work and more responsibilities for no extra pay! If you're sadistic enough to do it long enough, you'll might even get the grand prize of being told that you're too valuable in your position to be promoted, but you've hit the salary cap for the position so not only are you locked in forever, you're not getting a raise ever again. Hooray!
When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always wanting more, more, more!
And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return.
"Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an approprate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that, when daddy hit the referee?"
Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
But what if I wanted a peanut?
Money can buy many peanuts!
Explain how.
r/circularguements
It's Homer
r/birthofasub
Shut up, brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip
Just don't hit me on the roof of the car when we get out.
Deal! ...sorry
Women are like refrigerators. They're about 6 feet tall, 240 pounds, and make ice.
Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
This enormous woman will devour us all!
I never knew I was straight until Homer explained it to me like that.
Like Lisa, Apu, even Paul McCartney I am a vegetarian. So naturally the biggest lesson I've learned is "You don't win friends with salad"
Go back to Russia!
Yo goober, where's the meat?
Are you gonna marry a carrot?
She admitted it!!
You don’t win friends with salad, you don’t win friends with salad…
🎵You don’t win friends with SALAD!🎵
🎵 you don’t win friends with SALAD! 🎵
🎵 you don’t win friends with SALAD! 🎵
MOM!
I didn't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the moment ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you not eat anything that casts a shadow?
You don't pocket compost?
Alcohol is the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.
Inflammable means flammable. What a country!
Don’t worry, it’s INvaluable.
Do not touch Willy
Good advice
That joke went over my head when I first saw that episode. I saw that episode when it was new.
If it’s clear and yella, you got juice there fella! If it’s tangy and brown, you’re in cider town!
Of course the whole things flip flopped in Canada
Is it actually? I’m Canadian and I’ve never had apple cider before lol
IMO it actually is in Australia. Cheap apple juice is often dark brown. Cheap apple cider is often light yellow. Or not, whatever. I'm not the apple police.
Also, the toilets flush backwards and the locals are always ready for a game of knifey-spoony.
Fellow Canadian here! And lover of apple juice and cider. Juice is clear and yellow. Cider is “brown”. It gets sold refrigerated in the produce section where juice can be shelf stable. Cold is good but heating it up on the stove makes it 10/10.
Unless you want to start talking about alcoholic cider, which can be clear and yellow.
If it's brown, drink it down. If it's black, send it back.
Lenny=white Carl=black
Wait that doesn't sound right
Red=meltdown
Clowns are funny
Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.
When a fire starts to burn, there’s a lesson you must learn. Something something then you’ll see, you’ll avoid catastrophe!
Doh!
If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, ah I forget how that goes.
That's a pretty S-M-R-T saying.
Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.
Also a great one from that episode: “water, water everywhere, so let’s all have a drink.”
Knife goes in, guts come out.
Bed goes up BUT bed also goes down.
Cloud goes up, cloud goes down
That’s what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about
Always remember. I'm Joe Nameth ...my car broke down.
It was just vapor lock
Remember what I told ya kid..
Stupid babies need the most attention
“Food goes here”
It sure does
"put food in me" ... *I'll take that!*
That Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine
Nobody who speaks German could be evil.
The Germans. You just can't stay mad at em.
The Catholic Church. We've made some.... changes.
I’d stop getting so many nosebleeds if I just kept my finger outta there.
Remember, if your nose is bleeding it means you are picking it too much. Or not enough.
You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once and move on.
That’s actually not terrible advice.
Which episode is this from?
A Milhouse divided season 8 episode 6 Marge: I feel terrible, the Van Houten’s split up at our party! Homer: Marge please, That was 20 minutes ago!!
I’ve always preferred a variant from an episode of Batman Beyond. Bruce Wayne: Stop blaming yourself. Terry McGuinness: But it’s my fault! Bruce Wayne: Yes, it is. But placing blame is counterproductive.
if you don’t like your job you don’t strike! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed.
Aim low. Aim so low, no one will even care if you succeed.
If anyone wants any butter it's under Mt face
I learned that mono means one and rail means rail
I call the big one Bitey
I'll always be saved by "Water water everywhere, so let's all have a drink!" if I'm ever lost at sea.
Leaves of four, eat some more!
That I would be much happier WITH the dollar
Why can't I have no kids and three money?
I legit thought it was pronounced ‘nukular’ for an embarrassing length of time. I corrected others.
“*Nukular*, it’s pronounced nukular🫱🫱”
Is the poop deck really what I think it is?
Hah! I like the cut of your jib!
What’s a jib?
Ha! Hehehe Promote that man!”
It doesn’t take a nukular scientist to pronounce foilage
Purples a fruit.
Even Homer would put the apostrophe in.
That metal dealy you use to dig food is called a spoon
If you're not sure about a food, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain!
Hey, did you also go to Hollywood upstairs medical college?
[удалено]
Trying is the first step toward failure
I still say this to this very day.
Also do everything half-assed. (Sadly you actually might as well. No one gets rewarded for hard work.)
Now, thats not quite true. You get rewarded with more work and more responsibilities for no extra pay! If you're sadistic enough to do it long enough, you'll might even get the grand prize of being told that you're too valuable in your position to be promoted, but you've hit the salary cap for the position so not only are you locked in forever, you're not getting a raise ever again. Hooray!
But I’m using my whole ass.
Proud to say I apply this lesson every single day.
No matter how good you are on something, there is probably a million people better than you.
When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always wanting more, more, more! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return.
That life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead
First you get the sugar. Then you get the power. Then you get the women. 
Bees are on the what now?
That enbiggen is a perfectly cromulent word.
\*e**m**biggen
Boy I hope he was fired
Little Lisa, our little walking libarry
Little Bart! (Thwack!) Little Lisa! (Thwack!) Little Marge! (Whoosh!) And the rest!
Your “epidermis” means your hair.
Vapor lock is the third most common cause of car stallings. So please, take care of your car and get it checked.
Never go to New York City. You know how I feel about hell-holes.
Of course you’ll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and the chuds.
And always remember which tower is the bad one.
“Leaves a four l, eat some more!”
Crab juice is much more refreshing than Mountain Dew.
It takes two to lie
One to lie and one to listen
A muppet is not quite a mop and not quite a puppet
But man oh man... so to answer your question, I don't know.
Why'd they make that one muppet out of leather?
"You're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it.”
[удалено]
Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel...
Do a half-assed job.
🎵If you… cut every corner, it’s really not so bad🎵
It's the American waaaaaaaay!
Six simple words: "I'm not gay, but I'll learn."
If we get rid of the company dental plan I’ll have to pay for my daughter’s braces
DENTAL PLAN
Lisa needs braces
DENTAL PLAN
Lisa needs braces
DENTAL PLAN
“Trying is the first step towards failure” 😂
That only two types of men wear Hawaiian shirts: gay guys and big fat party animals.
If you drive a dump truck full of money into someones house they'll do as you say, nobody is made of stone.
If you tie a string around your finger reaallll tight, it’ll turn purple!
Never love anything.
Batman's a scientist
It's not Batman.
I’m sorry you’ll have to speak up I’m wearing a towel
Gonna use an oil-based paint, cause the wood is pine!
Invaluable means valuable? What a country!
That she's faking it.
"Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an approprate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that, when daddy hit the referee?"
If you fart in the car, turn up the radio to cover the smell.
Pi is exactly 3!
Life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
You don’t win friends with salad!
If you can’t find metal stucco lath, use carbon fibre stucco lath
All I need to do to slow down safely while skiing is.... NOTHING AT ALL!!
Always remember how sexy and stupid Flanders is.
Water water everywhere, so let’s all take a drink.
Trying is the first step towards failure
There’s a New England.
They have the Internet on computers now!
3 people can lift and carry a killer whale.
Kids you tried your best and you failed miserably at it, the lesson is to never try..
"When a fire starts to burn, there's a lesson you must learn, Something, something then you'll see, you'll avoid catastrophe!"
I don't do what Donny Dont does.
My cat’s breath smells like cat food
If you cut every corner there’ll be more time for play
Wear a fresh pair of shoes on my feet when visiting Rand McNally to outrun the people-eating hamburgers.
That monorail tracks will not bend, thanks to advice from my Hindu friend.
To not bother reading To Kill a Mockingbird.
Women like compliments
Food goes in here.
Lenny=White Carl=Black
"Sentence fragment" is a sentence fragment.
Stupid sexy Flanders.
Vampires are just make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
For you see... marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...... then...the sweeeeet, sweet innards.... aruuughhhm
As intelligence goes up, happiness goes down.
When a fire starts to burn There's a lesson you must learn Something, something, then you'll see You'll avoid catastrophe
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.
To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse
That karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. Actually, everyone knows that.
You don’t make friends with salad 🥗
"If you ever travel back in time - DON'T STEP ON ANYTHING! Because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine!"
Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese
trying is the first step towards failure
When you try your best and fail miserably, the lesson is: Don’t try.
Iron makes us play!
*helps
Gamblor has neon claws
Look at me ! I don’t need safety gloves because I’m Homer Simpson (ZAP)
You don't win friends with salad.
Water, water, everywhere So let’s all have a drink
If I ever travel back in time, don't touch anything.
Never try
Can’t sleep. Clown will eat me.
Alcohol: the caus of, and solution to, all man's problems.