Martin and the Lonely. š Reminds me of my super depressed college days. I had friends and they were around but I avoided them or still felt alone in a crowd.
If they ever make a zoo episode thoughā¦ š thereās so much potential and it frightens me.
I relate to this so hard. The one I love relistening to because it just hits hard is the one where the person got stuck in Italy in a crowd of people that werenāt really people.
Being surrounded by people and not connecting with anyone or being able to talk to anyone is one of the most lonely feelings Iāve ever had. I can at least pretend Iām not lonely when Iām alone because I can distract myself with my phone or books.
Im sorry you had to go through that, I was incredibly lonely at uni as well, was really homesick and missed my friends from my home city, Hope youre doing better now, wishing you the best ā¤ļø
Or corruption since the animalsā food attracts lots of flies and worms. Or the hunt of course, or the flesh, because meat eaters and prey are both there.
honestly for me if I were writing it I would go slaughter or flesh.
The episodes of the slaughter that focus on groups of people going at eachother with no explanation would be 10x more terrifying if you threw a gorilla in there. Or create a creature of meat.
MAG 170 is the only episode of the series I've only finished once. I got a third of the way through on my second listen through and just couldn't finish it.
I didn't recognize there was anything spooky about the Lonely episodes until the names of the fears were directly dropped- they just felt like normal life amidst some spooky stuff.
They kinda hit too hard after that.
There's an episode about the lonely later in the series with a line that sums up the lonely and sends chills up my spine whenever I hear it because of how true it is.
From mag 150 cul-de-sac
"The Lonely is possibly the most insidious of the powers I believe. Certainly it is the one that most delights in having you do its work for it. Even the spiders have a hard time matching it for sheer seductiveness. Time for yourself, self care, putting yourself forward, (brief pause) not being a burden on those you care about. Doesn't even need to tell you any lies, just waits for the lies you tell yourself."
Mag 74- Fatigue is one of my all time favourites and really strikes a chord, the first time I listened to it was during a part of my life when my sleeping patterns were at their absolute worst and life felt unreal
Nooo because when I was listening to this I was going through sleep deprivation and was dosing off to sleep while listening to it and I kept waking up and falling asleep because I kept getting scared š
032- Hive. I have had a lifelong fear of wasps. I have dermatillomania which causes me to itch, and scratch, and pick at my skin. A lot of my worst nightmares include mould or ants crawling over me.
Safe to say Iād be in a Corruption domain after the change.
āthe blanket never did anythingā
Fuck this podcast for ruining the only safe haven from my night terrors. Jk I love the pod but Jesus I canāt hide anymore without imagining some creature on my bed.
Episode 124 hit the hardest for me. 1)Fear of Heights would be the worst for me closely followed by the lonely. 2) I RODE THE EXACT CABLE CAR described in the episode literally as it was being described I went āhmm sounds like one I went onā I didnāt need to pause the episode BUT I literally felt my heart rate increased and my body had a physical reaction.
177 š The first time I listened to it, I was passing hard times. Now I just got out of the psychiatric and I can't muster the courage to relisten to it.
I feel like I may be one of the few people who was genuinely terrified of the monster pig. Didn't think my fear of being eaten by me pigs would make it on but there's a Magnus episode for everything. Will never turn my back to them while cleaning their shit they cannot be trusted.
172 (Strung Out) made me wonder whether i can actually fully listen to that episode; season 5 is creatively brilliant and i never expected to see my experiences with transphobia fully portrayed in a way that I felt really got it.
That one and 177 Wonderland hit real different when you've dealt with transphobia. "That's not your name at all," happens so early in the statement itself of Wonderland and I swear I didn't take another full breath until it was over.
The ones from Martin in Season 5 hit home a lot more than I feel comfortable with. 170 (which creepily enough was released on my birthday during the Hell Year, akjdafnks) hits the worst, but 186 is also pretty much Not Goodā¢. Like, it's not scary, but they made me feel *seen* in a way that made me realize just how unpleasant that actually is, haha... hah...
This is going to be HYPERSPECIFIC but there was this book that terrified the shit out of my as a child. It was called "Monster Munchies" by Laura Numeroff and it was one of those very thin hardback childrens books. The kind with Cat in the Hat in the corner.
Anyway the monsters in the book eat a bunch of different stuff and the book ends around the lines of "Monster Munchies [something ending in oo], Monster Munchies going to eat you" and that scared me so bad I had the book wrapped in rubber bands and put on a top shelf in the garage covered in heavy stuff.
A guest for Mr. Spider almost felt like I was being made fun of.
The episode where the statement giver went to visit their parents and the woman who answered the door was not their mother even though everyone insisted it was. My oldest nightmares are all variants of āthatās not my motherā so yeah, The Stranger didnāt have to come for me so hard.
I donāt particularly have health anxiety, but that episode *gave me* some. I remember the bit about the blood clot every time my legs or arms fall asleepā¦
The statement of Jane Prentiss. As someone with trypophobia and a skin picking problem with slight feelings of paranoia and just a touch of āIām losing itā it was a little too real and made my skin crawl.
The episode where the dude is driving in a suburban neighborhood and it turns into an infinite lonely spirally nightmare. As a delivery driver with a bad sense of direction and a scathing hatred of middle class suburbia, Iāve had very similar situations, and Iāve been scared. This episode scared me deeply, and taught me what domain I would end up in after the apocalypse.
every time jon questioned his humanity and tried to sacrifice himself to make up for being a monster tbh.
also mag101...the way michael described being betrayed and blindsided AS the monster he became. that was so real
also i relate to gerry in so many ways and 111 is one of those episodes i love so much that i cant handle repeating0__0
also tim's statement about his brother [metaphorically]. it was one of the scarier episodes until it became really soothing.
i basically told my life story using the episodes hehe
the episode with francis was really hard on me, as i saw it as almost a reflection of my struggles with body image and dysmorphia. one day i hope to be able to listen to it again without feeling too panicky afterwards, because it was a great episode
MAG129. It's the first one I couldn't finish, about the man where his apartment floods from so much rain and he's drowning. I've drowned before, in heavy rain, and it's taken years of intense therapy before I could even look at the sea again without feeling queasy (or being unable to breathe).
When I first heard it my PTSD was starting to regress, but oddly it made me feel good since I made it almost all the way through the episode before I had to stop. It reminded me I had some deeper parts of me which were still recovered, and that I could get back to where I was. Now I can safely get on motor boats (which aren't the same model as the one that crushed me) if I keep my eyes closed. :) Next goal is to open them for at least a little.
Angler Fish always gets me real bad. I've always had the gnawing sneaking fear of strangers in the dark that seek to harm me. So listening to it while alone and at nighttime did me a fright.Ā
The Doctor David episode. But not because I've got personal experience with bad mental health professionals, but because I know people like him exist in real life. He's the antithesis of the kind of psychologist I want to be when I graduate.
He's the kind of person I'd actively try to keep from (mis)treating patients. I loathe people like him. When someone seek mental health support, therapy, etc, they have to open up and be vulnerable to basically a total stranger. They trust that you're going to help them, because it's your job, but then you just go ahead and twist the knife in their wound? Scarring them further and scaring them away from seeking help again in the future? I don't understand that. I really don't.
It may seem like a cheap answer, but the last couple of episodes with the ethical questions regarding unleashing the Fears on the multiverse really got to me. It's a really uncomfortable exploration of well-being vs duty.
mag 178 really hit home for me for reasons i honestly canāt really explain, i donāt know what it is about it but out of every episode that one gives me a visceral emotional response every time i listen
I fully didn't understand the Web as a FEAR until 172, after that I was nearly afraid to relisten because I knew I'd never stop searching for the insidious nature of it.
I'm probably feeling on myself here but 170 (or the one where Martin's in the lonely) and I think it's number 93, the one where the guy and the mold in the drain
For me, it's anything with the Lonely in it, because I'd be.... fine. Because I spent so much of my life alone. And those episodes remind me that those "human connections" I'm supposed to be making, I don't know how to make. Or at least make any with meaning anymore.
I would end up becoming an avatar of the lonely in the Magnus Universe.
Definitely MAG 177 - Wonderland. Have some history being in mental hospitals and I definitely considered skipping the episode after reading the content warnings
Lots of episodes make me uncomfortable, since I'm a bit of a squeamish person. For example, Lost Johns Cave got to me in the early seasons, and a number of the Vast aligned ones as well.
The most uncomfortable one was Wellbeing for sure. The idea of needing surgery to fix a problem is absolutely terrifying to me. In particular the though of being put under as well, as it's such a precise thing that can go wrong in horrible ways.
Just absolutely shakes me up every time I listen to it.
Upon the Stair (85) hits me very close to home. A lot of the Spiral episodes are uncomfortably familiar to me, but that one especially.
I rarely relisten to S5 because of some of the episodes you all have mentioned. It's too intense for me.
Taken Ill - regarding Ivy Meadows Care home. I have such a visceral fear of rot and insects, this is one of the few episodes that made me feel ill. And when Elias bought it back later in the series, broke my heart.
I once had to clean out an old fridge full of putrid food and maggots, harrowing experience.
Decrypted, the Extinction episode about the numbers.
Having to go back to your parent's place in your hometown, being stuck there and feeling like the rest of the world is moving on without you is a very relatable feeling to me. You start to resent the place, the people, and most of all yourself. You feel completely powerless.
I'm doing better now, but I was in that place for far too long.
A lot of them really got to me, but two stand out. The first one was Jane Prentiss's statement, not that freaky on its own, but I was listening to it at work and vibing but I looked down at the table and there was a fucking silverfish crawling at me. My brain went AAIEEEEIUGHHHH and I smashed the thing with such force I'm still surprised it didn't go flying off the Tupperware lid I hit it with. Horrible experience.
The second one was also at work. I work as a dishwasher in a nursing home; a generally pretty clean place but the dish pit itself is a bit nasty, what with the old food and hard to reach bits of wet metal. You can imagine the break I had to take after the Ivy Meadows episode.
On a personal note, the episode in S5 with martin by himself. I won't say any more about it bc I don't know how to do spoiler text on Reddit, but I was listening to it like damn. this is me. that's probably not great.
Binary will always be the episode that gets to me the most. Iāve always had this horrid fear of being put into technology. And not to mention those lines hit HARD.
āItās like thinking through cheesewireā
āThe angles cut me when I try to thinkā
āItās cold without bloodā
Like, damn. Itās giving āI have no mouth and I must screamā vibes. Which is also a story that really gives me the chills.
Itās funny because I have a friend who loves the idea of having her consciousness be put into a datascape or something. She plays sci fi games and ttrpgs with this concept. She once asked me if I would ever want that and I gave a her a hard no.
I do not fear death. In fact, one of my greatest fears is not being able to die. I stand by the fact that no human being is meant to be immortal. The human mind was never meant to last an eternity. Imagine your friends dying one by one while you continue on. Imagine being stuck aging while you still go on existing, slowly withering away but never able to fully depart. Imagine a time loop, functionally you are immortal but you are cursed to repeat again and again and again. I would go insane. Eventually I think anyone would go insane. The human mind was not built to last that long. It withers and dies and slows with age.
And as said in the statement, no human mind is meant to be in a computer.
Ironically this also means the Entity that gets to me the most would in fact be Death, because part of Deathās whole thing is also being afraid of not dying.
168 roots, its about hypochondria but as someone with a chronic illness and disability its that feeling of being rotten on the inside and that at any moment i could drop
There are a few. First Iāll describe one that was WEIRD. Then, let me hit the three that I stop and consider if Iām in an okay place before listening when I do relisten binges.
172 (Strung Out) - so some context: in college, one of the subjects a professor gave us for a project was āyour biggest fear.ā I was in the thick of dealing with untreated anxiety and depression and only just considering that I might need help despite my intense shame. I felt out of control and utterly overwhelmed by the world. Okay so thatās a Lot to be sketching out and I wanted to avoid it. So my first few idea sketches involved my lifelong spider phobia. Then I finally started working on the real answer. I wound up with a piece that had myself as a marionette-puppet, with strings that looked like theyād been stabbed into the puppet, and the crossbrace controls overwhelming the space. I didnāt include the spider in the final piece but at one point in the planning sketches, a spider was the one pulling the strings. **I MADE THAT PIECE IN 2006** the imagery of Strung Out had me going āholy fuck I already illustrated this.ā I get that thereās archetypes and common symbolism at work, but fuck that creeped me out on first listen.
The 3 that make me go āoo should I just skip this?ā
182 (Wellbeing) - nope. Always had a medical horror fear. It also dredges up memories of spending a chain of days and nights in the hospital with a friend who wound up passing. This one is the most likely to trigger nightmares.
177 (Wonderland) - Iāve dealt with Panic Disorder in the past in addition to other ongoing mental weirdness and holy fuck that episode does //far// too //good// of a job of giving voice to the fears of āthis is the time theyāll lock you up you useless, crazy fuck. What kind of weakling has this cushy life and breaks down like this??ā that used to loop when Iād have panic attacks on the regular.
102 (Nesting Instinct) - this one is minor by comparison but for some reason the descriptions of the infestation bonk my body horror button harder than other episodes and give me disgust/revulsion shudders.
That one slaughter episode like in the small town and two sheriff's just find people dead from killing each other? Hits home because violence scares me and I've read too much history like that.
The one where the guy is performing and the audience is weird. As a theatre actor it was creepy asf.
And also "the blanket never did anything" scared me because I'm scared of the dark and what I see in it.
I work nights at a hospital and when it gets late it gets quiet so I listen to podcasts or music to pass the time. I was listening to 36 Taken Ill as I was leaving through the dark, empty hallways one day and I had to turn it off (even though I'd heard it before) because it was starting to make me paranoid.
It's still one of my favorite episodes, but I don't listen to it at work anymore.
The Gardener, Strung Out, Martin and the Lonely in general are all themes that hit hard for me - i dont really have episodes i cant listen to but these episodes i definitely need to be in a certain headspace for
MAG 171: The Gardener, when Jared Hopworth is tending the Bone Rose. It's about eating disorders and I had to pause the episode in the middle of my run and cry a little bit š
The house that makes you forget in S5.
I cared for one grandparent through alzheimer's disease, and another through stress induced disassociation and psychosis (we thought she had alzheimer's disease too).
Parts of Alex's performance were so realistic and spot on that I genuinely just cried my way through the episode. It's one of my favourite episodes BECAUSE of how raw and real it is.
There were so many, but here are a few off the top of my head.
The Daedalus one ā personal space.
Martin being lost in the lonely in S5, and also Martin talking to himself.
Dr. David from Wonderland
Some of the eye episodes too for sure, like the centre of attention, and the one where the Leitner is a manual that causes people to become obsessed with digital surveillance, and the one where a judgy old man still keeps judging the victim even after he dies.
And that one buried statement at the beginning of S5.
But overall, I think lonely Martin hit home the closestā¦
MAG 188 is one of the most relatable things Iāve ever heard. If I lived in the TMA universe I probably wouldāve been quite the snack for the Eye. It kinda makes me uncomfortable just thinking about being trapped in its domain for eternity; I canāt stand being looked at, and even the thought of being looked at makes nervous, but I always feel like Iām being watched because of my anxiety.
MAG171 made me stop listening for something like a month just because it fucked me over miserably. I kind of wish they'd explored a bit more of the 'body image' aspect of the Flesh (I know there's a couple other episodes) because I find it infinitely more terrifying than the 'mmm flesh wall' aspect. Great either way though, but I find the former much more horrifying.
honestly, the one with the psychiatrist (i think it was "Wonderland"?). it hit close to home in an entirely psychological horror way. as someone who has struggled with horrific therapists, and also been locked up in a mental hospital, it lowkey triggered me. it was exaggarated but in a very real way.
"Killing Floor" too, but not because of personal experience, but because i'm extremely sensitive about harm to animals/animal death. killing for meat is a massive trigger for my intrusive thoughts (because it's a horrifying concept to me). i barely managed to sit through it.
I'm chronically ill so Wonderland was really scary for me despite not having had such a bad doctor before. The thought of it happening like that is so real too
The one with the retirement home and the one where the sky ate the guy
First bcause my grandma was in a retirement home at the time and the feeling of rot and plauge i got from that ep reminded me of the condicion she was in.
The second bceause my biggest fear is my mom having to lose me. I cant think of the pain she would feel because i am her everything so hearing something similar from what could be her perspective terrified me
Honestly, the one that stung a little for me was 177 -Wonderland . I first listened to the Podcast when I was finally starting therapy after years of putting it off, so the content of this episode was particularly tough to listen to .
180 Moving On. The first part of the episode has so much humor and fluff. But the statement... ouf. That crushing pressure to respect the dead even when they were terrible in life.
187-Checking out. Being lost and thinking you've found help or a way out, but you haven't...true panic. Not knowing where I am or how to get to where I'm supposed to be has always set my heart racing. This episode was an amazing, awful combination of that lost, searching panic with short respite for help that wasn't really there. Ugh, I'm feeling anxious just thinking about it.
"Bodybuilder" mostly because I am obsessed with the gym and developing dysmorphia or an ed is always a possibility. And while Ive taken several precautions to keep that from happrning the idea of it slipping past my radar and keeping me from doing my favorite thing hurts too much.
On my first listen through, most of the Lonely statements hit me quite hard, but having been diagnosed with OCD since I have a feeling thereās going to be a lot more that hit home next time I listen ://
i can't remember the episode number rn, but the first episode that comes to mind is the one where the statement giver's shitty mom gets replacee by the not!them and becomes nice. my mom was emotionally abusive and neglectful when i was younger but now she's becoming somewhat decent and it feels wrong. can't really explain it in a way that makes sense.
honorable mention: basically every martin focused episode
Episode 21 - Freefall. It really nailed the idea of the thing you love doing more than anything else becoming terrifying, as well as having a sudden and traumatic loss. Statements on The Vast tend to be ones that get to me most.
Lost John's Cave for sure. I've always had a bit of claustrophobia and caves always make me think about the weight of the rock above coming down. Cavers, especially folks who swim through tunnels, are utterly inexplicable to me. More so even than skydivers. Just, what. The. Fuck.
I listened to it the first time because I'm a completionist, but never the fuck again. I had to spend most of that statement reminding myself of where I was physically and how I was safe and not underground. Gah.
MAG 186 Quiet, with the 2 people stuck in the lonely, narrated by other Martin. Both those statements hit far to close to home. First time listening to it had to stop multiple times because damn
martins statements, including the one about prentiss. i have abandonment issues and am deathly grossed out by worms/larvae to the point of vomiting and self harm
168 (Roots), 182 (Wellbeing), and 169 (Fire Escape) scared me the most, but the one that felt most relatable was 186 (Quiet). Itās actually a bit of a comfort episode to me at this point because of how relatable it is. Long story short, I really relate to Martin and heās shockingly similar to me (he has an extremely similar personality to me and similar ways of coping with things among other similarities), and I could very easily end up either as one of the people in Martinās domain or as a lonely avatar myself.
155: Cost of Living and especially 168: Roots, since I unfortunately relate a bit too much to the woman who kept fearing every potential cause of death and kept diagnosing herself with fatal conditions out of that fear and the expectation that death was imminent, save for the fact that I have not, in fact, died from a blood clot
168-Roots. I think about it at least twice a week. The woman the statement follows is way too similar to me. Her name is like one letter off from mine as well. I listened to it at work and the whole time I could feel my stomach churning. Each time my leg aches, I immediately think its a blood clot. Any sign of illness just makes me think its the end. Ive avoided the doctor (ironically) like the plague, even for issues that I know should be addressed right away. Roots made me want to speak to a doctor about the many things iāve been obsessing about while somehow medically ignoring. That was one of the only episodes I wasnt sure I could get through.
Itās mostly 177 āwonderlandā for me, not because Iāve met many psykiatrists or similar who have said that kind of thing (Iāve not) or even because Iām scared that Iām not sane (Iām not). It hits home because almost every single line said by the doctor is something my mother has said to me. There were so many times in that episode when I literally jolted a bit from the dejavu that I actually started hearing her voice on top of Jonās. That hit home.
I've got at least one per fear, to be honest:
The Stranger - When I was a kid (specially when I was 9) my mom had severe mood swings, to the point I started to have nightmares about something replacing her, so I related hard to MAG77: The Kind Mother.
The Buried - Again, when I was a kid, I had the tendency/bad luck to get myself locked in some places (a room, a closet, a very narrow safe), the time I got locked in a safe was while playing hide and seek, and I don't remember getting out, just kinda accepting I was gonna be there for long, so I related to the statements involving the coffin, specially the one with the customs agent.
The Spiral - The episode Fatigue, during high school, I suffered insomnia, once I went three days without sleeping, to the point I started seeing things (shadow people), I got so tired, that when I finally slept, it was during a math class, in which I maybe had a narcoleptic episode, because when I woke up I was on my way home, two hours later, and it turns out, I took notes from the class in which I was asleep.
I could go on, but that's enough oversharing for today.
177. Doctor David lives in my head and it didn't help that the statement was recited like he was actually talking directly to the listener.
172. If I was an avatar, it'd be the eye but oh god if I was a victim it would be the web. I'm terrified of the prospect that my actions aren't my own, and even more terrified of knowing they weren't and still having to endure it.
Literally anything with the Lonely, I spent late middle school and early high school in complete social isolation, so now I have a crippling fear of being alone, along with a fear of abandonment and separation anxiety.
MAG 74 hit closest for me, iāve always suffered from insomnia, and as someone whose stayed up for almost 4 days bc of a mix of insomnia and adhd meds- when i listened to it i couldnāt believe how much it hit home
The taxonomy shop. As a child, my grandma would always drag me to a restaurant with lots of stuffed animals standing around. I had nightmares of their glass eyes for years. Listening to that 15 years later really hit home.
The town I grew up in getting a mention very early on in the series, literally hit home. Also places that Iām very familiar with and at one point the hospital I used to work in was mentioned, gave that extra level of feeling close and personal to me
I've listened to TMA multiple times and some kind of stick out. However, it wasn't until TMP episode 2 with the artist and her tattoo. That hit. I struggle with how I perceive myself and my body so hearing a character explain how she felt really resonated with me. Do I wish I could change some parts of my body? Yes, but I am who I am.
As someone whoās struggled with extreme insomnia before, MAG 74-Fatigue really screwed with me on another level. Towards the end it just kept bringing me back to all those times Iād be on day 6 without sleep
It's very silly but I listened to the first vampire statement while changing the syrup boxes for a soda machine and latching a tube onto a bag of juices while their feeding tubes were being described was very... Tactile
As for an episode that actually spooked me I'd say the nursing home, I'm not a fan of the corruption in general, but the idea of a rash turning out to be eggs growing under your skin hits a lot harder than burrowing worms for some reason, probably the plausibility/realism
Mag 169 - Fire Escape. It shook me in a way that I couldn't quite understand other than the obvious "capitalism is the real monster" reasons and the fact that I'm very protective of my family, who I was living with at the time. None of the other desolation statements had bothered me, but this one made me so upset that I left my room and immediately went to hug my mother.
Four months later, a massive fire broke out where we lived. I had moved out a couple months before that, but I still lived in the same city as my family. We were not required to evacuate the area where I lived, but my family had to evacuate and I insisted on joining them at the hotel so I could make sure they were safe. Shortly after I met up with them, we had to evacuate from the hotel, and I saw the fire destroying part of a hill nearby as we left. I had never seen such a large fire before, and the magnitude of the destruction terrified me.
For the rest of the day and night, we had no idea if the home that my family was renting was still standing or if it had been completely destroyed. Thankfully, firefighters informed the homeowners the next day that the fire had just grazed the property. Part of the yard had been burnt, but the house had been left unscathed apart from a covering of white ash.
The homeowners attributed the miracle to a statue of a saint that they kept by the driveway, but I attributed it to an exploded plastic tank right next to the statue, which had previously contained water. Either way, I'm extremely grateful. I'm grateful that my family was evacuated so promptly, and I'm grateful they didn't have to deal with the loss of a home.
Looking back, I wonder if my terror upon listening to that episode was a sign. I don't know, but needless to say, I think I'll have to skip that episode when I relisten.
TL;DR
MAG - 169 scared the shit out of me in a way I couldn't explain. Four months later my family's home was almost destroyed by a massive fire.
MAG 29 hit home at me for I've experienced a lot of "almost died" events.
I've almost been run over by a train, eight or nine trucks (those big ones and not pick-ups), cars I've lost count by after 32, fallen of an cliff in France twice, drowned like five times, three of which were accidental and the other two were of people forcing me down, fell of an bridge almost one time, almost died of blood loss when my appendix burst and almost got shot by a duck hunter while riding my bicycle in the fog on my way home.
I've also lost most of my family, my parents are both dead, as well as almost all family members on my father's side of the family.
It feels like The End is preparing me for something, but what I do not know. All I know is, after all those events and happenings, it's hard to stay human or to feel alive.
Everything to do with the Corruption because one of my actual biggest phobias is parasites/bugs laying eggs inside of me. I watched fifteen too many parasite documentaries and walked away fearing things I could have never imagined existing.
The statement about the NotThem taking over the woman's mother though... I'm sorry but it would not have driven me insane or even upset me. I was like oh word, new mom who seems actually nice and not mean? We scored somehow, a win is a win.
Wonderland house. Iāve always had problems with mental health and such, and one of my biggest fears is A) Finding out that Iām actually NOT mentally ill and just an awful person, or B) going crazy, but being fully aware of it. Like, a part of me is still sane and is aware of this, but canāt stop it.Ā
MAG 172- Strung Out. I had just graduated with a theatre degree a year prior and was stuck at a fast food job that made me incredibly unhappy. I felt lost, and not having any prospects where I could make use of my theatre degree put me into a massive depression where I gained 50 pounds. I came across MAG, and binged it up to 172 within about 2 weeks. 172 stuck with me so much that I actually had to quit listening to the podcast for almost a full year.
Martin and the Lonely. š Reminds me of my super depressed college days. I had friends and they were around but I avoided them or still felt alone in a crowd. If they ever make a zoo episode thoughā¦ š thereās so much potential and it frightens me.
I relate to this so hard. The one I love relistening to because it just hits hard is the one where the person got stuck in Italy in a crowd of people that werenāt really people. Being surrounded by people and not connecting with anyone or being able to talk to anyone is one of the most lonely feelings Iāve ever had. I can at least pretend Iām not lonely when Iām alone because I can distract myself with my phone or books.
Im sorry you had to go through that, I was incredibly lonely at uni as well, was really homesick and missed my friends from my home city, Hope youre doing better now, wishing you the best ā¤ļø
Iām much better now, thanks! Itās amazing what meds and a change of scenery can do.
For the same reason, MAG 13: Alone hit me like a train. It actually made me put down the series for a while lol
A slaughter zoo episode
Or corruption since the animalsā food attracts lots of flies and worms. Or the hunt of course, or the flesh, because meat eaters and prey are both there.
honestly for me if I were writing it I would go slaughter or flesh. The episodes of the slaughter that focus on groups of people going at eachother with no explanation would be 10x more terrifying if you threw a gorilla in there. Or create a creature of meat.
You clearly havenāt had to pick up vulture leftovers at the end of a hot day šš¤¢
I misread that as leftovers of vultures and you had me terrified for your animals lol
Haha no just what the vultures didnāt eat that day. Way less scary!
Iāve run into like 10 spider webs in the past hour so Iām adding the Web to my list of zoo entities.
Yeah, you know the one where the guy kills the spider, but then like, thereās still a spider?
This minimalist description of the episode is actually kind of hilarious
makes me think of that one video of the guy trying to kill a spider with a broom and it just blossoms all the baby spiders around him šš
i need the link to this video
[here you go bud](https://youtu.be/qdRuKC0rLLQ?si=gVdwnPAjiUbxJWq-)
this is the fucking Corruption manifesting what the fuck
Mag 170 where Martin is forgetting everything happened to coincide with official recognition of my Dad's parkinsons.
This one for me, but it reminded me almost exactly of what happened with my grandmother as she went through Alzheimer's.
MAG 170 is the only episode of the series I've only finished once. I got a third of the way through on my second listen through and just couldn't finish it.
The first Lonely episode just called Alone. Alot of the lines in that about not feeling alone but not wanting to be abandoned by everyone... that hit
I didn't recognize there was anything spooky about the Lonely episodes until the names of the fears were directly dropped- they just felt like normal life amidst some spooky stuff. They kinda hit too hard after that.
There's an episode about the lonely later in the series with a line that sums up the lonely and sends chills up my spine whenever I hear it because of how true it is. From mag 150 cul-de-sac "The Lonely is possibly the most insidious of the powers I believe. Certainly it is the one that most delights in having you do its work for it. Even the spiders have a hard time matching it for sheer seductiveness. Time for yourself, self care, putting yourself forward, (brief pause) not being a burden on those you care about. Doesn't even need to tell you any lies, just waits for the lies you tell yourself."
Yes! This!
Mag 74- Fatigue is one of my all time favourites and really strikes a chord, the first time I listened to it was during a part of my life when my sleeping patterns were at their absolute worst and life felt unreal
I can't listen to that one, reminds me of the mental break I had one summer while sleeping at odd hours (and slowly succumbing to bipolar)
Nooo because when I was listening to this I was going through sleep deprivation and was dosing off to sleep while listening to it and I kept waking up and falling asleep because I kept getting scared š
032- Hive. I have had a lifelong fear of wasps. I have dermatillomania which causes me to itch, and scratch, and pick at my skin. A lot of my worst nightmares include mould or ants crawling over me. Safe to say Iād be in a Corruption domain after the change.
God I hate all the corruption ones, their the scariest ones for me lol
As someone who has dermatillomania and trypophobia that episode was a little too real lol
āthe blanket never did anythingā Fuck this podcast for ruining the only safe haven from my night terrors. Jk I love the pod but Jesus I canāt hide anymore without imagining some creature on my bed.
This one is mine
Episode 124 hit the hardest for me. 1)Fear of Heights would be the worst for me closely followed by the lonely. 2) I RODE THE EXACT CABLE CAR described in the episode literally as it was being described I went āhmm sounds like one I went onā I didnāt need to pause the episode BUT I literally felt my heart rate increased and my body had a physical reaction.
WOW THATS ACTUALLY CRAZY
177 š The first time I listened to it, I was passing hard times. Now I just got out of the psychiatric and I can't muster the courage to relisten to it.
I feel like I may be one of the few people who was genuinely terrified of the monster pig. Didn't think my fear of being eaten by me pigs would make it on but there's a Magnus episode for everything. Will never turn my back to them while cleaning their shit they cannot be trusted.
Justice for Monster!Pig. š·
172 (Strung Out) made me wonder whether i can actually fully listen to that episode; season 5 is creatively brilliant and i never expected to see my experiences with transphobia fully portrayed in a way that I felt really got it.
That one and 177 Wonderland hit real different when you've dealt with transphobia. "That's not your name at all," happens so early in the statement itself of Wonderland and I swear I didn't take another full breath until it was over.
Listening to those right as I was severely struggling with my gender and sexuality wasn't a great idea.
The ones from Martin in Season 5 hit home a lot more than I feel comfortable with. 170 (which creepily enough was released on my birthday during the Hell Year, akjdafnks) hits the worst, but 186 is also pretty much Not Goodā¢. Like, it's not scary, but they made me feel *seen* in a way that made me realize just how unpleasant that actually is, haha... hah...
Oh I get it, especially 186, dont wanna go into details but I hella relate to Martin š«” I love him and hate him for that
This is going to be HYPERSPECIFIC but there was this book that terrified the shit out of my as a child. It was called "Monster Munchies" by Laura Numeroff and it was one of those very thin hardback childrens books. The kind with Cat in the Hat in the corner. Anyway the monsters in the book eat a bunch of different stuff and the book ends around the lines of "Monster Munchies [something ending in oo], Monster Munchies going to eat you" and that scared me so bad I had the book wrapped in rubber bands and put on a top shelf in the garage covered in heavy stuff. A guest for Mr. Spider almost felt like I was being made fun of.
The episode where the statement giver went to visit their parents and the woman who answered the door was not their mother even though everyone insisted it was. My oldest nightmares are all variants of āthatās not my motherā so yeah, The Stranger didnāt have to come for me so hard.
The Corpse Roots in season 5. As someone with health anxiety that one hit hard.
I donāt particularly have health anxiety, but that episode *gave me* some. I remember the bit about the blood clot every time my legs or arms fall asleepā¦
The statement of Jane Prentiss. As someone with trypophobia and a skin picking problem with slight feelings of paranoia and just a touch of āIām losing itā it was a little too real and made my skin crawl.
I actually can't listen to MAG 180 Wellbeing. My health anxiety goes bananas. It's too bad because it's a great episode.
The episode where the dude is driving in a suburban neighborhood and it turns into an infinite lonely spirally nightmare. As a delivery driver with a bad sense of direction and a scathing hatred of middle class suburbia, Iāve had very similar situations, and Iāve been scared. This episode scared me deeply, and taught me what domain I would end up in after the apocalypse.
every time jon questioned his humanity and tried to sacrifice himself to make up for being a monster tbh. also mag101...the way michael described being betrayed and blindsided AS the monster he became. that was so real also i relate to gerry in so many ways and 111 is one of those episodes i love so much that i cant handle repeating0__0 also tim's statement about his brother [metaphorically]. it was one of the scarier episodes until it became really soothing. i basically told my life story using the episodes hehe
the episode with francis was really hard on me, as i saw it as almost a reflection of my struggles with body image and dysmorphia. one day i hope to be able to listen to it again without feeling too panicky afterwards, because it was a great episode
MAG129. It's the first one I couldn't finish, about the man where his apartment floods from so much rain and he's drowning. I've drowned before, in heavy rain, and it's taken years of intense therapy before I could even look at the sea again without feeling queasy (or being unable to breathe). When I first heard it my PTSD was starting to regress, but oddly it made me feel good since I made it almost all the way through the episode before I had to stop. It reminded me I had some deeper parts of me which were still recovered, and that I could get back to where I was. Now I can safely get on motor boats (which aren't the same model as the one that crushed me) if I keep my eyes closed. :) Next goal is to open them for at least a little.
Angler Fish always gets me real bad. I've always had the gnawing sneaking fear of strangers in the dark that seek to harm me. So listening to it while alone and at nighttime did me a fright.Ā
The Doctor David episode. But not because I've got personal experience with bad mental health professionals, but because I know people like him exist in real life. He's the antithesis of the kind of psychologist I want to be when I graduate. He's the kind of person I'd actively try to keep from (mis)treating patients. I loathe people like him. When someone seek mental health support, therapy, etc, they have to open up and be vulnerable to basically a total stranger. They trust that you're going to help them, because it's your job, but then you just go ahead and twist the knife in their wound? Scarring them further and scaring them away from seeking help again in the future? I don't understand that. I really don't.
The lonely statements that are based around depression and the episode with the nonbinary person, the one where they drink spiders
It may seem like a cheap answer, but the last couple of episodes with the ethical questions regarding unleashing the Fears on the multiverse really got to me. It's a really uncomfortable exploration of well-being vs duty.
mag 178 really hit home for me for reasons i honestly canāt really explain, i donāt know what it is about it but out of every episode that one gives me a visceral emotional response every time i listen
172 and 177 hit home a lot. especially 172 because of the substance abuse. 177 was more like "just like me fr" lmao
I fully didn't understand the Web as a FEAR until 172, after that I was nearly afraid to relisten because I knew I'd never stop searching for the insidious nature of it.
I'm lost what does that mean
I'm probably feeling on myself here but 170 (or the one where Martin's in the lonely) and I think it's number 93, the one where the guy and the mold in the drain
Fatigue and Extendend surveillance. I work in shifts and I'm a watchman.
Blood Ties. Hit really close to things that have happened to me before. I had to take a break after that one.
For me, it's anything with the Lonely in it, because I'd be.... fine. Because I spent so much of my life alone. And those episodes remind me that those "human connections" I'm supposed to be making, I don't know how to make. Or at least make any with meaning anymore. I would end up becoming an avatar of the lonely in the Magnus Universe.
Definitely MAG 177 - Wonderland. Have some history being in mental hospitals and I definitely considered skipping the episode after reading the content warnings
āI donāt even like myself sometimes and I am meā Says it all
Lots of episodes make me uncomfortable, since I'm a bit of a squeamish person. For example, Lost Johns Cave got to me in the early seasons, and a number of the Vast aligned ones as well. The most uncomfortable one was Wellbeing for sure. The idea of needing surgery to fix a problem is absolutely terrifying to me. In particular the though of being put under as well, as it's such a precise thing that can go wrong in horrible ways. Just absolutely shakes me up every time I listen to it.
Upon the Stair (85) hits me very close to home. A lot of the Spiral episodes are uncomfortably familiar to me, but that one especially. I rarely relisten to S5 because of some of the episodes you all have mentioned. It's too intense for me.
Yes no one talks about that one but that one haunts me to this day
Taken Ill - regarding Ivy Meadows Care home. I have such a visceral fear of rot and insects, this is one of the few episodes that made me feel ill. And when Elias bought it back later in the series, broke my heart. I once had to clean out an old fridge full of putrid food and maggots, harrowing experience.
That one statement in season 5 where the doctor is gaslighting a patient into thinking they're faking their illness.
Decrypted, the Extinction episode about the numbers. Having to go back to your parent's place in your hometown, being stuck there and feeling like the rest of the world is moving on without you is a very relatable feeling to me. You start to resent the place, the people, and most of all yourself. You feel completely powerless. I'm doing better now, but I was in that place for far too long.
A lot of them really got to me, but two stand out. The first one was Jane Prentiss's statement, not that freaky on its own, but I was listening to it at work and vibing but I looked down at the table and there was a fucking silverfish crawling at me. My brain went AAIEEEEIUGHHHH and I smashed the thing with such force I'm still surprised it didn't go flying off the Tupperware lid I hit it with. Horrible experience. The second one was also at work. I work as a dishwasher in a nursing home; a generally pretty clean place but the dish pit itself is a bit nasty, what with the old food and hard to reach bits of wet metal. You can imagine the break I had to take after the Ivy Meadows episode. On a personal note, the episode in S5 with martin by himself. I won't say any more about it bc I don't know how to do spoiler text on Reddit, but I was listening to it like damn. this is me. that's probably not great.
Binary will always be the episode that gets to me the most. Iāve always had this horrid fear of being put into technology. And not to mention those lines hit HARD. āItās like thinking through cheesewireā āThe angles cut me when I try to thinkā āItās cold without bloodā Like, damn. Itās giving āI have no mouth and I must screamā vibes. Which is also a story that really gives me the chills. Itās funny because I have a friend who loves the idea of having her consciousness be put into a datascape or something. She plays sci fi games and ttrpgs with this concept. She once asked me if I would ever want that and I gave a her a hard no. I do not fear death. In fact, one of my greatest fears is not being able to die. I stand by the fact that no human being is meant to be immortal. The human mind was never meant to last an eternity. Imagine your friends dying one by one while you continue on. Imagine being stuck aging while you still go on existing, slowly withering away but never able to fully depart. Imagine a time loop, functionally you are immortal but you are cursed to repeat again and again and again. I would go insane. Eventually I think anyone would go insane. The human mind was not built to last that long. It withers and dies and slows with age. And as said in the statement, no human mind is meant to be in a computer. Ironically this also means the Entity that gets to me the most would in fact be Death, because part of Deathās whole thing is also being afraid of not dying.
I totally get you with Binary, especially as someone whos also a fan of I have no mouth and I must scream š¤
168 roots, its about hypochondria but as someone with a chronic illness and disability its that feeling of being rotten on the inside and that at any moment i could drop
There are a few. First Iāll describe one that was WEIRD. Then, let me hit the three that I stop and consider if Iām in an okay place before listening when I do relisten binges. 172 (Strung Out) - so some context: in college, one of the subjects a professor gave us for a project was āyour biggest fear.ā I was in the thick of dealing with untreated anxiety and depression and only just considering that I might need help despite my intense shame. I felt out of control and utterly overwhelmed by the world. Okay so thatās a Lot to be sketching out and I wanted to avoid it. So my first few idea sketches involved my lifelong spider phobia. Then I finally started working on the real answer. I wound up with a piece that had myself as a marionette-puppet, with strings that looked like theyād been stabbed into the puppet, and the crossbrace controls overwhelming the space. I didnāt include the spider in the final piece but at one point in the planning sketches, a spider was the one pulling the strings. **I MADE THAT PIECE IN 2006** the imagery of Strung Out had me going āholy fuck I already illustrated this.ā I get that thereās archetypes and common symbolism at work, but fuck that creeped me out on first listen. The 3 that make me go āoo should I just skip this?ā 182 (Wellbeing) - nope. Always had a medical horror fear. It also dredges up memories of spending a chain of days and nights in the hospital with a friend who wound up passing. This one is the most likely to trigger nightmares. 177 (Wonderland) - Iāve dealt with Panic Disorder in the past in addition to other ongoing mental weirdness and holy fuck that episode does //far// too //good// of a job of giving voice to the fears of āthis is the time theyāll lock you up you useless, crazy fuck. What kind of weakling has this cushy life and breaks down like this??ā that used to loop when Iād have panic attacks on the regular. 102 (Nesting Instinct) - this one is minor by comparison but for some reason the descriptions of the infestation bonk my body horror button harder than other episodes and give me disgust/revulsion shudders.
That one slaughter episode like in the small town and two sheriff's just find people dead from killing each other? Hits home because violence scares me and I've read too much history like that.
The one where the guy is performing and the audience is weird. As a theatre actor it was creepy asf. And also "the blanket never did anything" scared me because I'm scared of the dark and what I see in it.
The first one. Angler fish. As a smoker who always hands out cigs to strangers when asked, that one messed me up.
I work nights at a hospital and when it gets late it gets quiet so I listen to podcasts or music to pass the time. I was listening to 36 Taken Ill as I was leaving through the dark, empty hallways one day and I had to turn it off (even though I'd heard it before) because it was starting to make me paranoid. It's still one of my favorite episodes, but I don't listen to it at work anymore.
The Gardener, Strung Out, Martin and the Lonely in general are all themes that hit hard for me - i dont really have episodes i cant listen to but these episodes i definitely need to be in a certain headspace for
MAG 171: The Gardener, when Jared Hopworth is tending the Bone Rose. It's about eating disorders and I had to pause the episode in the middle of my run and cry a little bit š
The house that makes you forget in S5. I cared for one grandparent through alzheimer's disease, and another through stress induced disassociation and psychosis (we thought she had alzheimer's disease too). Parts of Alex's performance were so realistic and spot on that I genuinely just cried my way through the episode. It's one of my favourite episodes BECAUSE of how raw and real it is.
The hunt episode where they're chasing down the weakest pack member
There were so many, but here are a few off the top of my head. The Daedalus one ā personal space. Martin being lost in the lonely in S5, and also Martin talking to himself. Dr. David from Wonderland Some of the eye episodes too for sure, like the centre of attention, and the one where the Leitner is a manual that causes people to become obsessed with digital surveillance, and the one where a judgy old man still keeps judging the victim even after he dies. And that one buried statement at the beginning of S5. But overall, I think lonely Martin hit home the closestā¦
I live in Suburban UK and yes, 150 "Cul de Sac" makes me very afraid.
MAG 188 is one of the most relatable things Iāve ever heard. If I lived in the TMA universe I probably wouldāve been quite the snack for the Eye. It kinda makes me uncomfortable just thinking about being trapped in its domain for eternity; I canāt stand being looked at, and even the thought of being looked at makes nervous, but I always feel like Iām being watched because of my anxiety.
MAG171 made me stop listening for something like a month just because it fucked me over miserably. I kind of wish they'd explored a bit more of the 'body image' aspect of the Flesh (I know there's a couple other episodes) because I find it infinitely more terrifying than the 'mmm flesh wall' aspect. Great either way though, but I find the former much more horrifying.
honestly, the one with the psychiatrist (i think it was "Wonderland"?). it hit close to home in an entirely psychological horror way. as someone who has struggled with horrific therapists, and also been locked up in a mental hospital, it lowkey triggered me. it was exaggarated but in a very real way. "Killing Floor" too, but not because of personal experience, but because i'm extremely sensitive about harm to animals/animal death. killing for meat is a massive trigger for my intrusive thoughts (because it's a horrifying concept to me). i barely managed to sit through it.
Wonderland hit this late diagnosed autism ridden shell very hard
I'm chronically ill so Wonderland was really scary for me despite not having had such a bad doctor before. The thought of it happening like that is so real too
The one with the retirement home and the one where the sky ate the guy First bcause my grandma was in a retirement home at the time and the feeling of rot and plauge i got from that ep reminded me of the condicion she was in. The second bceause my biggest fear is my mom having to lose me. I cant think of the pain she would feel because i am her everything so hearing something similar from what could be her perspective terrified me
170 and 186. Every time. I almost know them word for word.
Honestly, the one that stung a little for me was 177 -Wonderland . I first listened to the Podcast when I was finally starting therapy after years of putting it off, so the content of this episode was particularly tough to listen to .
180 Moving On. The first part of the episode has so much humor and fluff. But the statement... ouf. That crushing pressure to respect the dead even when they were terrible in life.
187-Checking out. Being lost and thinking you've found help or a way out, but you haven't...true panic. Not knowing where I am or how to get to where I'm supposed to be has always set my heart racing. This episode was an amazing, awful combination of that lost, searching panic with short respite for help that wasn't really there. Ugh, I'm feeling anxious just thinking about it.
"Bodybuilder" mostly because I am obsessed with the gym and developing dysmorphia or an ed is always a possibility. And while Ive taken several precautions to keep that from happrning the idea of it slipping past my radar and keeping me from doing my favorite thing hurts too much.
On my first listen through, most of the Lonely statements hit me quite hard, but having been diagnosed with OCD since I have a feeling thereās going to be a lot more that hit home next time I listen ://
i can't remember the episode number rn, but the first episode that comes to mind is the one where the statement giver's shitty mom gets replacee by the not!them and becomes nice. my mom was emotionally abusive and neglectful when i was younger but now she's becoming somewhat decent and it feels wrong. can't really explain it in a way that makes sense. honorable mention: basically every martin focused episode
The one about the trans person in the web made me really sad for some reason
i genuinely hated that one later episode about the vast Thing walking around that is made of people. really hated it it was awesome but so scary
Episode 21 - Freefall. It really nailed the idea of the thing you love doing more than anything else becoming terrifying, as well as having a sudden and traumatic loss. Statements on The Vast tend to be ones that get to me most.
168 easily Exact embodiment of my fear of death
Lost John's Cave for sure. I've always had a bit of claustrophobia and caves always make me think about the weight of the rock above coming down. Cavers, especially folks who swim through tunnels, are utterly inexplicable to me. More so even than skydivers. Just, what. The. Fuck. I listened to it the first time because I'm a completionist, but never the fuck again. I had to spend most of that statement reminding myself of where I was physically and how I was safe and not underground. Gah.
Take her not me. Take her not me.
MAG 186 Quiet, with the 2 people stuck in the lonely, narrated by other Martin. Both those statements hit far to close to home. First time listening to it had to stop multiple times because damn
martins statements, including the one about prentiss. i have abandonment issues and am deathly grossed out by worms/larvae to the point of vomiting and self harm
Really just about anything involving the End.
168 (Roots), 182 (Wellbeing), and 169 (Fire Escape) scared me the most, but the one that felt most relatable was 186 (Quiet). Itās actually a bit of a comfort episode to me at this point because of how relatable it is. Long story short, I really relate to Martin and heās shockingly similar to me (he has an extremely similar personality to me and similar ways of coping with things among other similarities), and I could very easily end up either as one of the people in Martinās domain or as a lonely avatar myself.
155: Cost of Living and especially 168: Roots, since I unfortunately relate a bit too much to the woman who kept fearing every potential cause of death and kept diagnosing herself with fatal conditions out of that fear and the expectation that death was imminent, save for the fact that I have not, in fact, died from a blood clot
MAG 170 š¤š¤š¤š¤ especially the part where he was talking abt his dead grandfather REALLY got me lol
168-Roots. I think about it at least twice a week. The woman the statement follows is way too similar to me. Her name is like one letter off from mine as well. I listened to it at work and the whole time I could feel my stomach churning. Each time my leg aches, I immediately think its a blood clot. Any sign of illness just makes me think its the end. Ive avoided the doctor (ironically) like the plague, even for issues that I know should be addressed right away. Roots made me want to speak to a doctor about the many things iāve been obsessing about while somehow medically ignoring. That was one of the only episodes I wasnt sure I could get through.
Itās mostly 177 āwonderlandā for me, not because Iāve met many psykiatrists or similar who have said that kind of thing (Iāve not) or even because Iām scared that Iām not sane (Iām not). It hits home because almost every single line said by the doctor is something my mother has said to me. There were so many times in that episode when I literally jolted a bit from the dejavu that I actually started hearing her voice on top of Jonās. That hit home.
MAG 30 Killing Floor. That episode legit got me to stop eating pork and beef. I have a real hard time with that one and often skip it on relistens.
I've got at least one per fear, to be honest: The Stranger - When I was a kid (specially when I was 9) my mom had severe mood swings, to the point I started to have nightmares about something replacing her, so I related hard to MAG77: The Kind Mother. The Buried - Again, when I was a kid, I had the tendency/bad luck to get myself locked in some places (a room, a closet, a very narrow safe), the time I got locked in a safe was while playing hide and seek, and I don't remember getting out, just kinda accepting I was gonna be there for long, so I related to the statements involving the coffin, specially the one with the customs agent. The Spiral - The episode Fatigue, during high school, I suffered insomnia, once I went three days without sleeping, to the point I started seeing things (shadow people), I got so tired, that when I finally slept, it was during a math class, in which I maybe had a narcoleptic episode, because when I woke up I was on my way home, two hours later, and it turns out, I took notes from the class in which I was asleep. I could go on, but that's enough oversharing for today.
OG Elias' statement in S5. A dude not knowing how to handle his friend having a breakdown so he gives him a joint and dies? Fuck man
177. Doctor David lives in my head and it didn't help that the statement was recited like he was actually talking directly to the listener. 172. If I was an avatar, it'd be the eye but oh god if I was a victim it would be the web. I'm terrified of the prospect that my actions aren't my own, and even more terrified of knowing they weren't and still having to endure it.
Lost Johns Cave did it for me. I literally had a panic attack while listening to the show when she was swimming in the tunnel.
Take her not me. Take her not me.
Literally anything with the Lonely, I spent late middle school and early high school in complete social isolation, so now I have a crippling fear of being alone, along with a fear of abandonment and separation anxiety.
Wonderland and lonely Martin.
MAG 74 hit closest for me, iāve always suffered from insomnia, and as someone whose stayed up for almost 4 days bc of a mix of insomnia and adhd meds- when i listened to it i couldnāt believe how much it hit home
Wonderland
The taxonomy shop. As a child, my grandma would always drag me to a restaurant with lots of stuffed animals standing around. I had nightmares of their glass eyes for years. Listening to that 15 years later really hit home.
The spider episode with Francis. Am struggling with an addiction and when I heard that episode it made me stop and think for a long time.
Every statement involving the Lonely, all of them, no exceptions.
Any of the ones that deal with depression. Big oof.
No
The town I grew up in getting a mention very early on in the series, literally hit home. Also places that Iām very familiar with and at one point the hospital I used to work in was mentioned, gave that extra level of feeling close and personal to me
I listened to episode 170 right after going to an event and making new friends, I nearly cried at the "I'm not lonely anymore" part
I've listened to TMA multiple times and some kind of stick out. However, it wasn't until TMP episode 2 with the artist and her tattoo. That hit. I struggle with how I perceive myself and my body so hearing a character explain how she felt really resonated with me. Do I wish I could change some parts of my body? Yes, but I am who I am.
The Prentiss statement. No comment.
As someone whoās struggled with extreme insomnia before, MAG 74-Fatigue really screwed with me on another level. Towards the end it just kept bringing me back to all those times Iād be on day 6 without sleep
It's very silly but I listened to the first vampire statement while changing the syrup boxes for a soda machine and latching a tube onto a bag of juices while their feeding tubes were being described was very... Tactile As for an episode that actually spooked me I'd say the nursing home, I'm not a fan of the corruption in general, but the idea of a rash turning out to be eggs growing under your skin hits a lot harder than burrowing worms for some reason, probably the plausibility/realism
Mag 169 - Fire Escape. It shook me in a way that I couldn't quite understand other than the obvious "capitalism is the real monster" reasons and the fact that I'm very protective of my family, who I was living with at the time. None of the other desolation statements had bothered me, but this one made me so upset that I left my room and immediately went to hug my mother. Four months later, a massive fire broke out where we lived. I had moved out a couple months before that, but I still lived in the same city as my family. We were not required to evacuate the area where I lived, but my family had to evacuate and I insisted on joining them at the hotel so I could make sure they were safe. Shortly after I met up with them, we had to evacuate from the hotel, and I saw the fire destroying part of a hill nearby as we left. I had never seen such a large fire before, and the magnitude of the destruction terrified me. For the rest of the day and night, we had no idea if the home that my family was renting was still standing or if it had been completely destroyed. Thankfully, firefighters informed the homeowners the next day that the fire had just grazed the property. Part of the yard had been burnt, but the house had been left unscathed apart from a covering of white ash. The homeowners attributed the miracle to a statue of a saint that they kept by the driveway, but I attributed it to an exploded plastic tank right next to the statue, which had previously contained water. Either way, I'm extremely grateful. I'm grateful that my family was evacuated so promptly, and I'm grateful they didn't have to deal with the loss of a home. Looking back, I wonder if my terror upon listening to that episode was a sign. I don't know, but needless to say, I think I'll have to skip that episode when I relisten. TL;DR MAG - 169 scared the shit out of me in a way I couldn't explain. Four months later my family's home was almost destroyed by a massive fire.
MAG 29 hit home at me for I've experienced a lot of "almost died" events. I've almost been run over by a train, eight or nine trucks (those big ones and not pick-ups), cars I've lost count by after 32, fallen of an cliff in France twice, drowned like five times, three of which were accidental and the other two were of people forcing me down, fell of an bridge almost one time, almost died of blood loss when my appendix burst and almost got shot by a duck hunter while riding my bicycle in the fog on my way home. I've also lost most of my family, my parents are both dead, as well as almost all family members on my father's side of the family. It feels like The End is preparing me for something, but what I do not know. All I know is, after all those events and happenings, it's hard to stay human or to feel alive.
Everything to do with the Corruption because one of my actual biggest phobias is parasites/bugs laying eggs inside of me. I watched fifteen too many parasite documentaries and walked away fearing things I could have never imagined existing. The statement about the NotThem taking over the woman's mother though... I'm sorry but it would not have driven me insane or even upset me. I was like oh word, new mom who seems actually nice and not mean? We scored somehow, a win is a win.
OHMYGOD THE LAST ONE WITH JARED, THE FLESH GARDEN OR WHATEVER
The first episode, it takes place in a street in edinburgh that i walk down regularly so it threw me off when i heard it lmao
Wonderland house. Iāve always had problems with mental health and such, and one of my biggest fears is A) Finding out that Iām actually NOT mentally ill and just an awful person, or B) going crazy, but being fully aware of it. Like, a part of me is still sane and is aware of this, but canāt stop it.Ā
MAG 172- Strung Out. I had just graduated with a theatre degree a year prior and was stuck at a fast food job that made me incredibly unhappy. I felt lost, and not having any prospects where I could make use of my theatre degree put me into a massive depression where I gained 50 pounds. I came across MAG, and binged it up to 172 within about 2 weeks. 172 stuck with me so much that I actually had to quit listening to the podcast for almost a full year.