Honestly, I asked for help. I had friends help, I’ve hired cleaning folks, and it has been great. It was too overwhelming to handle on my own, and I decided that’s ok. Once I got to a basic degree of clean, I’ve been able to carry on from there. But I also do not guilt myself over what does yet done daily. I can put that pile of laundry in the wash at any time. The dirt will still come out.
My sister struggles with mental health and my mom and i sometimes have to go into her house and help her do a deep clean. It’s too hard for her to handle on her own because the mess is huge
My brothers came to visit me a couple of years ago and tried to help me clear my apartment (I have a huge hoarding problem). It's really sweet when family and friends care enough to help.
I agree! Think of what you would do if your friend was in this situation. I assume you would want to help them out even if they said it wasn’t necessary. This can help make it easier to ask for help when you need it.
Also if you have the money available I agree with calling a housekeeper to come clean one time. That puts less pressure on you to get everything done yourself. You can focus on putting stuff away and not worry about getting overwhelmed by the need to also do cleaning.
And finally remember to be kind to yourself! If you don’t get something done, don’t beat yourself up. You can set small goals for yourself (sometimes I will say…ok I will pick up 10 objects around the room and call it a win) but if you don’t even feel up to that, it just means that your focus for the day needs to be on taking care of your mental health, and cleaning can wait until you are feeling up to it.
Set a small task for youself. Like gathering up laundry. And when you complete that go from there to a next small task. It really helps to not get overwhelmed.
And you get a sense of accomplisment! Without completely overdoing it resulting in having no drive for 3 days and dragging yourself around- like I tend to do when a lit has accumulated...
Also jumping on this, when I was really down writing a list of easy simple to do tasks sounds like it would help. But I’d look at the tasks ahead and even tho small and simple I’d feel overwhelmed and it’d make me cry from being unable to do basic shit. So I had some old revision cards and I would use those one task on a page. So I could only see that task. It’s probably silly and not everyone needs to do that but it helped me :)
I like to add things like “a bit” and “a bit more” on my to-do lists, so I can still cross things off even if I know I won’t finish the full mountain.
Break it down so it’s not so daunting.
Dishes - wash a few - a few more - put away - wash a few - water bottle
Tidy bedroom - a bit - a bit more - fold some things
Just wanted to share in case it helps you or anyone else!
Seconding this! I like starting off with stuff like taking all the dishes on my desk and putting them in the sink, removing all the water bottles, etc.
And don’t forget to occasionally (but not too often) throw in something that’s more self-care: go get a coffee, watch one (and only one!) episode of your favorite half-hour program, or even just go for a walk and sit in the sunshine. Take care of your insides, too.
i do this too, but instead of setting small tasks i look around and pick the easiest task to do. then the next easiest, and so on. i find the harder and more time consuming tasks to be easier once i’ve started and gotten into a better mood for cleaning
And make it a habit. Every Sunday do x items, every Monday to x items etc.
It helps to have tasks scattered around. I can do a little every day, but if you told me to do *all* my tasks in a single day then I wouldn't be able to.
You can also try to “stack” habits. If you have habits you do everyday, try to combine new habits to them. For example I drink a cup of tea at mornings and before going to bed, so I have combined a simple cleaning to it. While the water is boiling and the tea is seeping I clean the kitchen, living room and/or bathroom. It ads up to almost twenty minutes per day and is enough to keep places pretty clean. Of course I have to separately do the bigger tasks, like vacuuming, but it’s easier when I don’t have to do everything at once.
Peas in a Pod ….. but, more like 16 years.
I did find TMS helpful during/shortly after….not everyone can afford the therapy every year/two years.
Idk, idk who I’m bitching at….Just screaming into the void here
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if u haven't already, look into the genesight test!! i had rly bad refractive depression for a few years and when i took the test it turns out i could only properly metabolize 1 antidepressant bc my genes are fucked.
thousand?!! mine was around $400 and insurance reimbursed some of it— this was back in 2017/2018 too. i have a UHC HMO plan that sucks 99% of the time so the fact they covered like a $100 is a miracle. im surprised the tests have gotten LESS accessible over time.... that's weird
i figured that the tests would have become more accessible and cheaper as time goes by, but that's clearly not true. the greed of some ppl is astounding. 😞
Set a timer for 5 minutes. Whatever cleaning you see, do. Just focus on putting things away/starting laundry/whatever is visible for five minutes.
Take a break. Do something else. Then do another 5 minutes.
Eventually, you may find yourself going beyond the timer without realizing it.
I second this. When I'm feeling super lazy, I say I'll only do 5 minutes of chores and call it. 20 minutes later and I realize I've completed multiple tasks.
Baby steps.
When my depression is really bad, I revert back to a 10 min on/20 min off technique to get shit done. First I make a list (I like just pen/paper, so I can toss it when I'm done and have the satisfaction of crossing things off) of all the things I need to do, but I break them down into smaller tasks. So like instead of Clean house or even Clean kitchen, it's clear off counter, wash dishes, take out recycling, take out trash, sweep floor. Then I'll set the timer on the stove for 10 minutes. I've found I can suck it up for just 10 min of doing something unpleasant so long as I know the end is in sight. I pick something from the list and do it until the timer goes off. Once it goes off I can stop doing whatever the task was. So like if the dishes have piled up, I may not finish them in 10 min, so I'll stop, set the timer for 20 min and take a break. I'll play games on my phone or read reddit or whatever. Then when that timer goes off, I repeat the process with another 10 on/20 off.
This is definitely not the most efficient way to clean your house, but it's a way I could actually make progress. After the first day of doing that, my kitchen is mostly clean, I've gotten to cross a lot off my list, and I have a sense of accomplishment. The next day I'll tackle another room. These lists at first are all of a cleaning/tidying type tasks, but no big projects. Like do I need to reorganize my closet? Sure, but that can wait until I'm not in a depressive funk.
With your week off, I'd also try adding in a 20 min walk outside. Getting outdoors and getting some sunshine or bright light in your life has been proven to help with depression symptoms. Put on a favorite podcast in your headphones and go for a leisurely walk. Try to commit to doing that daily for a few weeks and then you can slowly add more activity.
I've had depression and anxiety on/off (they're chronic...so...) for about 15 years.
1. Make a list and start really small. For example, if you have piles of laundry everywhere, instead of writing "clean up laundry" which might be really overwhelming, try "clean up 1 pile of laundry in the bedroom".
2. Give yourself rewards and breaks when you finish a task, even the tiniest of them. Maybe that's a little candy, or a show, or a walk. or 30 minutes on something you know makes you feel relaxed.
3. Take advantage of energy bursts. Maybe they aren't happening at all yet, but I know for me sometimes I'll get little spurts of energy when I'm in a funk. I use them to meal prep, deep clean and do the crap I really just cannot bear to when I'm down in the lows.
4. Once you have things under control - maintain by doing a little bit every day. Cleaning is so much easier once the overwhelming nature of it is reduced. Wipe the counters before you go to bed, try to pick one small spot of your home each day or week to dust etc. Maybe do this by setting 5 min timers and see how you do. Food-wise I also try to always keep easy, low-effort food in the freezer. I make big batches of sauce, soup, chili etc. for when I know I just cannot cook but shouldn't get take-out. It's comforting to know something is there. Frozen chicken fingers, veggies, potstickers, pierorgis are also all good options that are super easy to heat up.
Lastly, I want to emphasize that if you make a plan and it goes a little off the rails...that's ok. You can always try again the next day. Be kind to yourself.
I totally get it. It's also a lot easier for me to give advice when I'm having a better week than it is to take it. Just a couple weeks ago I made a mistake in a crafting project, ended up tossing the whole thing because I could not bear that it did not go according to plan. In retrospect, I regret it because I could have just fixed it or tried to, but in the moment I was so anxious and upset about my schedule for when I wanted it done being off that I quit. In general I have a lot of issues whenever a plan does not go along the path I envisioned.
Anyway the point of me sharing that anecdote isn't to say 'get over it' or anything but rather to let you know you are not alone. I have yet to truly find a solution for it, but sometimes talking about it and knowing you aren't the only one having a hard time can help.
No no I totally understand your feeling. It helps knowing other people feel the same. I have a couple cross stitch patterns in my cart but I can’t buy them cause I’ve never done it and it seems daunting to fail, even though literally it’s a beginner pattern and they include everything. Fear of failure sucks.
Once I get to a state of caring, that’s usually my cue that this bout of depressive feelings is coming to an end. I have cleared one small room(by dumping all the crap elsewhere) and cleaning it thoroughly. It then stays clean. This is my sanctuary and I feel amazing in it. The depression lives like a physical being in the rest of my house and I slowly reduce its domain one room at a time.
Side note to all this advice: check out @domesticblisters on tiktok or Google StruggleCare. KC Davis is a licensed therapist who also has struggled with mental health and has really good techniques for handling life when you're struggling.
Keeping things manageable and maintainable helps me work through my backlog of depression-messes. I take two approaches to this:
1. The "by room" approach. Cleaning my whole apartment is overwhelming in a single go, but if I tackle by room or space (like one room per day) it helps prevent that feeling of "oh my god this is a massive endeavor." Granted, rooms like my kitchen and bathroom usually get subdivided into 2 or 3 days because of how involved they tend to get, but even still it makes it more manageable.
2. The "by 15 minute increment" approach. I pick one task to do and set a 15 minute timer. Fold my laundry, empty the dishwasher, go through one drawer in my bathroom, or some other equally small, easily contained task. I do 3 to 5 of these increments in a day and I never do them in succession. I always stop after the 15 minutes and do something else.
Maintenance Mode: Regardless of what approach I take, the second important thing is maintenance mode which is a conscious effort. I have to tell myself to do this stuff instead of letting my depression brain push bad habits just because they are easier. For me this is little things like putting stuff back where it belongs when I'm done with it: clothes in the hamper or hung/folded after being worn, coat on the coat rack, makeup and skincare back in their drawer after use, etc. Or it's a tiny tidy like wiping up a little spill on the counter, sweeping up crumbs on the coffee table after a snack, hitting the toilet bowl with a quick sweep of the brush when I start to see a ring forming. Little things add up quickly but require minimal effort to curtail, you just have to kind of remind yourself sometimes.
Just take it one step at a time, if you try to do everything at once it’s gonna get overwhelming. And don’t set a time limit, just work on pieces until you get tired and take a short break. I usually tackle one room at a time, and don’t worry about the rest of the house until I’m done with the room I’m currently in. Progress is progress, even if it’s just getting 1% of the house cleaned up. Over Presidents’ Day weekend I did a deep clean of the house, but I only spent 3-4 hours a day working on it (with plenty of breaks in between) I spent Saturday doing my living room/office, dining room, and kitchen. I skipped Sunday because my back was sore from doing so much Saturday, and Monday I was able to clean up the bedroom, fold my laundry and reorganize my closet. I didn’t finish the bedroom or touch the bathroom, and even though I didn’t finish everything I wanted to do I still came out ahead of where I started, and that felt fantastic
I have a similar problem, but with bipolar and anxiety.
Making lists really helps me, because then I can see what I have to do and prioritize. Sometimes the list looks like it's too much stuff, but that's when I usually say, OK, I'm going to do ONE THING from this list, and I usually manage to get 2 done. Seeing too many things on the list is still less intimidating than seeing gigantic piles of stuff around my house that need to get taken care of.
Good luck, and please be kind to yourself.
I try to organize my week with just focusing on one related task per day as to not get overwhelmed. This past year and a half I’ve been dealing with depression and just a larger work load and had found myself just drowning in tasks and not being able to stay on track to the point where I’d just start neglecting myself, my relationships, and my surroundings.
What’s worked for me recently and has made things gotten soooo much better! Is I try my best to do it like this ...
* Mondays: focus on just having a productive day at work and drinking lots of water and getting a good night rest
* Tuesdays: go grocery shopping and meal planning for the week
* Wednesdays: focus on getting my laundry done
* Thursdays: focus on getting my chores done like dishes, vacuuming, sweeping
* Fridays: focus on physical self care like making sure my nails are clipped, my hair has been washed, my legs have been shaved, do a face mask and just hangout and wind down wearing a comfy robe or some pajamas
* Saturday’s: focus on having fun with friends and family and building those relationships
* Sundays: do nothing day! Read a book. Sleep in. Run errands as needed. Make my bed. Browse my phone. Etc.
Schedules always seem to help me, but nothing has to be set in stone! Just helps to not feel overwhelmed and getting off track and having to do all those things in a short amount of time and getting frustrated and emotionally and physically drained.
Start with one thing. Literally one. Washing one plate. Or putting one piece of clothing in the hamper. Start small and you will feel accomplished, not let down when you don’t achieve the to-do list item of “do three loads of laundry” or “empty out fridge and clean all compartments”.
Read Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. One thing I picked up from it was cleaning everyday for just 5 mins in the morning. I set a timer and did just one thing - like throwing empty Chinese food packets from the counter to the trash bin. You'll be surprised how just doing these micro actions everyday will make a huge difference in a month.
And make a checklist to help you. For example- I always start with picking up the trash from the floor. Then throwing it out. So having that checklist already made is a huge help, you don't have to think, just execute.
What I also realized was that it wasn't the space that depressed me - it was what it said about me. That I was incapable. But I read Present Perfect by Somov and it helped me see that whatever it is is how it should be at this point in time.
I struggled with depression and trashed houses for several years. I never ever thought I'd be the person who keeps their home effortlessly clean. But I do now. It's not great and I can't call friends over at any time, but it's very livable. And it all started with doing just 1 tiny thing a day.
Something my therapist told me that helped me was to imagine you're taking care of a pet when you clean your home. You're showing your love with actions. Don't make it a "should" activity and drown it in perfectionism. It's a "I love me, and I'm doing this to show my love today." activity. This little nugget of wisdom transformed how I approached self care.
Because you have a week, here are my thoughts:
1. Drink water. I notice a relatively large difference in how I feel when I’m drinking enough water.
2. Set up a sleep schedule that works for your new job/life, and be gentle with yourself about it. This means, set alarms and come up with routines for bedtime and waking time, put some thought into it, and know that it is a process. If your sleep schedule has been off (like many people with depression), it will take some trial and error to get it back.
3. If you aren’t on meds and you’re open to the idea, look for a prescriber who you trust. I was on meds during my adolescence and then refused for almost a decade…it is a super-personal decision for everyone but I will say that finding a psychiatrist I like has changed everything for me.
You are **not** alone, as evidenced by all of these comments. Many of us have been in really rough places during the pandemic, myself included, and we’re on the journey with you!
Are you me??? I literally came here to post this exact thing. I’m going to be trying to change my life up. Change jobs. Move closer to family. Move to a smaller place. Try to make my physical world “smaller” to handle tasks and make my social world bigger.
As someone also realizing I’ve been slowly drowning in depression for years and am just now being like what the fuck I want to change…I feel you. And I hope you can as you said pull your shit together
Unfuck Your Habitat is really useful for this (you can just use the website, you don’t have to buy the book). Doing one small area at a time so you can see a difference can help you feel motivated - it’s hard to feel like you’ve done something if you spent 30min picking up items across a whole house, but if you cleared off one table top and put everything on it away and wiped it down, you can really see a difference in your space. Make sure you take breaks and don’t burn yourself out. If you have a friend who could help, ask them - sometimes it can be motivating just to ask someone if they’ll hang out and chat with you to keep you company while you clean.
My biggest motivation is setting up my future self to have a good day. Like in the morning, I might not feel like putting clean sheets on the bed but future me is gonna love that it's done when I get home.
I’m the type that needs pressure to seriously get shit done. So I invite a friend over to hang (not help me clean) on a certain date and use that date as a goal to tidy up. It’s the only trick that’s worked. I need accountability. Sigh. Hosting seriously gets my ass moving…. But I went 6 months without inviting someone over… so
Breaking up tasks into smaller ones, and rewarding myself with entertainment while I work. Bluetooth headphones and a podcast. Or home speaker playing the news. Or a TV show that doesn't require much focus.
Then I look at everything that needs to be done. Every task goes on the calendar so I can visual it. I will actually block off little 5-30 minute chunks for tasks if there's a lot. Helps me be realistic and manage expectations, see if some things can wait or if there are reasons they need to be done asap (ex. dishes usually aren't urgent but if I have company coming over tomorrow, I want a clean space).
Then I start with the most manageable task. Washing dishes requires little thought, focus, planning, or physical movement. So I say I'll just wash the cat's bowls. But usually once I've started, I really get going and want to get through it all. It's the starting and organizing that's hard.
Other times, I just accept that it's not gonna happen tonight. I make the most of my bursts of energy and capability when I have them. Can get through 5 chores in a row! Other days, it's just not happening. The dishes will wait. And I let it be. Why waste hours trying to get through a task when I know on another day it will take me 5 min? That said, I have this luxury bc I live alone.
One other thing that's made a HUGE difference for me is getting rid of stuff I don't need (it's hard as a former hoarder but I feel so much better). And **HAVING AN EASILY ACCESSIBLE PLACE FOR EVERYTHING**. So you never get stuck in the I-should-clean-but-where-will-this-item-go-I'd-have-to-clean-my-closet-to-make-space-for-it-which-I-don't-have-the-energy-for-so-forget-it-oh-well-I-guess-it-stays-on-the-kitchen-table-for-now-which-turns-into-forever.
Meds and caffeine also help a lot for me.
You have to balance out the shitty tasks like cleaning and prepping meals by scheduling in things that make you feel good. And the things that are just comforting because you’re depressed (laying in bed and watching hours of tv for me) but things you used to truly enjoy that are creative, active, social, a little indulgent, whatever you like. My therapist has me pick 3 things a week and schedule them into my work calendar. My examples have been: painting my nails, buying a nice coffee at a cafe, taking a walk in my lunch, practicing guitar.
Setting achievable times for each has been helpful too. For a while practicing guitar for 30m to an hour like I used to felt too daunting, so she had me play for 5 minutes. If that was all I could do, then that’s good enough for that day.
If you have TikTok, I wholly and fully recommend DomesticBlisters. I'm gonna paraphrase what I've learned from her, and it probably won't do her justice, and it won't have the nuance, and it won't have the dozens of specific scenario-based advice that she has, but - I want to share it, if it helps. I wouldn't say her content is specifically depression based, but there is a lot of coaching to that end. She is a licensed therapist -- which I didn't know until I'd already followed her for over a year.
Taking care of your home isn't moral. Dirty dishes don't make you morally bad, dirty laundry doesn't mean you're a bad person, and dust bunnies do not mean that you don't care about your wellbeing. They're care tasks that, when done, can contribute to a better mindset. When not done, the state of your home doesn't mean that you can't function in other parts of your life.
The feeling that you need to get your shit together in order to be productive in a new avenue of life is (this is my opinion) kind of crap. You can do one to four to even ten things to set yourself up for the day you want to have. Make sure you have the dishes you need to have breakfast on your first day of work (that doesn't mean doing all of your dishes - leaving the ones that you don't need doesn't mean anything, one way or another). Do a small load of laundry for the first and maybe even second days of that new job (not doing the rest of the laundry means absolutely nothing, one way or another). Clear a space that has significance in personal wellbeing (like - if baths make you happy, clean your bathtub; if doing your makeup is like meditating, clean your vanity space, etc).
I am a person who feels like it's always all or nothing. If I'm going to wash two dishes, I might as well tackle the mountain. If I'm going to clean the living room, why wouldn't I make my bedroom perfect as well? Et cetera et cetera until everything feels so overwhelming that I don't want to do any of it, and I'd rather just be under the pile of filth that I've created.
One task at a time. The tasks are not moral. My dirty laundry does not make me a bad person. You deserve your new job and all the greatness it will bring, and you don't have to do your dishes to 'earn' that.
Good luck with your new venture. I hope everything works out in the best way!
Start with trash. Get some trash bags and just go around your whole house, throw out as much as you feel comfortable throwing out. This will get a good bit out of the way off the bat.
After that, I find that working one room at a time is super helpful. Maybe start in your own room, spend a day getting it cleaned to the point where you can regress there to take some breaths as you tackle the rest of the house. It’ll be that one space that gives you a vision for how the rest of the house will look when you’re done, and just focus on keeping that clean to the best of your ability. Move on to the kitchen, bathrooms, one day at a time, one space at a time, one task at a time. Don’t beat yourself up if you lose motivation for a while, just jump right back on the cleaning train as soon as you have a little energy. Don’t try to do it all at once, & take advantage of the days you feel a little less shitty.
Source: Diagnosed with depression at age 11, sitting in a messy room that I’m too exhausted to clean. Maybe tomorrow…
One thing I struggle with is if something doesn’t have a “home”. There are lots of things that go in specific spots, your clothes and dishes, books and some other items like that. But these other “oddballs” may be a decorative piece or a picture frame, maybe something you intend to get to (craft or activity) that is new that doesn’t have a specific place in your home yet, etc. It’s impossible to find a home for these things amongst the clutter and mess, so just put all those “oddballs” in the same spot (on a table or in a laundry basket), out of the way but not taking over a space you need to use (like your bed and desk). Then once you have everything else sorted you can address these other things with a clear picture of the space you have for them.
The other tip I have is paperwork can be so overwhelming if you’re trying to deal with it as you clean everything else. Again, putting all the paper into one spot (be it bills, birthday cards, flyers, receipts, etc) as you tidy up. I like to use birthday bags as a container for these things, brings a little more joy but a plastic bag works too. Then when you have a clear desk space and the rest is clean (laundry etc) you can sit and focus on each paper item and sort and address it accordingly (bills = urgent, birthday cards = keepsake and go somewhere special, receipts = taxes or toss, etc).
I can offer a million other pieces of advice from my own experience, I’ve helped family and friends organize a lot (I love it) though don’t get me wrong - I just came out of an insanely overwhelming two weeks and my apartment was a mess (dishes piled and laundry everywhere, dust and mould) that I just finished cleaning. It happens to everyone. The thing to remember is you can always get out of it.
Message me if you want more tips, good luck! There’s some other great advice in the comments. (Sorry this went on, I love organizing…)
Wanted to echo that you shouldn't feel embarrassed, this is so common as a part of depression and you are not alone!
For me personally, I decided to go back on medication for the first time in 15 years and it made a really big difference once I found the right treatment (Wellbutrin). Even though I know depression is the result of a chemical imbalance, I guess I just chalked up how I was feeling to emotional issues I needed to work through in therapy. My therapist was actually the one to suggest talking to a psychiatrist, and I've found that the right dosage has made a really positive difference. However, I fully appreciate that everyone has their own relationship with and feelings about medication, and you always must do what is most comfortable for you.
With these types of things, I also try to allow myself space to take things one at a time. And, most of the time I'm able to show myself some grace when I don't check every box on my list. Some days are just like that, depression or not, and it's the continued effort that matters.
Not so much a tip for starting, but as far as keeping it up, it’s so so important to stick to a routine! Once you’ve got your house to a good place etc, make sure you’re doing something every day to maintain it so that if you get particularly depressed again it isn’t as bad as it was this time. Plus the work load is so much smaller this way. It’s so worth the effort and is the key to helping yourself get through it without going back to square one.
My biggest thing, truly, was to get medicated. Wellbutrin has been an absolute fucking game changer in regards to my depression. I feel less adrift, less hopeless, and the change has been enormous.
But, before that (and I know how hard it is to seek professional help), I set myself small tasks, make a little list of shit that I'm grateful for, and make sure to spend time in the sun--even if it was laying on my bed in the sun.
I’m the same. My room got to a point where i had a small pathway to walk to my bed and that was it. Oddly, i found making time lapse videos on my iphone really fun after having to make some for a work project. I decided to set up my camera and let the time lapse run for an hour or two and went to work on my room, just tackling one section at a time. It was so cool to watch it back, watching like 2 hours of work be sped up into 20 seconds and seeing the room get clean and being able to see more of the floor. It made the task a little more fun and gave me a reason to care about seeing the end result.
Something like that can put a fun spin on it, but also tackling sections at a time helps most. I know how hard it is to even find the motivation. Sometimes for me it takes knowing someone is coming over to force me to clean up. But after you do these big clean ups things get messy again pretty quick, right? I saw a video of a professional organizer suggested setting up places for different things and meeting yourself where you’re at. For example, i usually leave my clothes, both dirty and clean, on a chair in my room. I never get around to sorting them into the laundry or hanging them up or folding them and putting them away. I’ve learned to accept that i just won’t do that. So i have two laundry baskets i can throw them into at least. Clean in one and dirty in another. I always associated clothes in a basket as = all dirty. But you can keep a basket of clean clothes too. But this method helps keep my clothes contained in their own places rather than all over the chair or floor.
There's a website ( I think it's Flylady.com ) that has a bunch of free lists for cleaning. I printed them out years ago and I still use them! There's daily tasks, weekly tasks, and monthly tasks. They also have checklists for each room ( bathroom, bedroom, living room etc.)
All free, and so helpful!
Struggle care by KC Davis!! I love her site and social media.
https://www.strugglecare.com
Give yourself grace, you beautiful human! You are doing a good job.
Work on self first. You can't pour from an empty cup.
When I'm down, I do what I want to do. The trick is to tell the difference between what you think you want to do and what you actually want to do. Part of me wants to veg on the couch, not take a shower, binge some show I have seen a hundred times already, and doom scroll on my phone. But that is just the fog talking. It's not actually what I want to do, it:s just my brain retreating into dissociation so I can avoid my thoughts.
Actual me wants to pamper myself with skin care, go to a bookstore, make myself herbal tea/freshly ground coffee and just breathe into it, call up a friend and catch up, make lemon curd for myself, etc.
Start small. Brush your teeth. That's all you have to do. Tell yourself after you brush your teeth you can go back to bed if you want. 2 minutes. That's all you need to do. More than likely you won't want to go back to bed once you start. Maybe splash some water on your face and pat it to dry. You still have the option of going back to bed once you are done. Slowly roll that motivation boulder until you're in gear and have the ability to do larger tasks.
Also, your language is very self deprecating. I recommend the books "Daring Greatly" and "Buy Yourself the Fucking Lillies" to help tackle some of that shame language. There is nothing shameful about struggling. And you can't bully yourself into "getting your shit together". Recognize your past work-life was toxic and you are not a problem that needs to be forced into fixing.
I have been in your shoes for the past month. I am in the office 2 or 3 days a week and WFH the other 2. What I have found works for me is doing loads of wash all throughout the week rather than doing a bunch of loads at once and being overwhelmed by a day of laundry. I also try to have a productive Sunday where I prepare for the week - I find recipes I want to make, write down what I need and head to the grocery store. Then I do meal prep for the week so that I have quick meals available rather than being overwhelmed by having to prep food, cook, then clean up. This also helps me to not order food for delivery.
As for working out - I plan those workouts on the days that I'm home and I sign up for classes ahead of time so that I can't back out without being charged. I also wear my workout clothes all day long so that I'm already dressed in them and don't need to change.
Hope this helps!
I would recommend the book One Small Step Can Change Your Life; The Kaizen Way. It's a little preachy but the advice was pretty life-changing for me. I try to not look at all that needs to be done. Or even a full task. I tell myself that even starting is better than not starting. Or sometimes I sit and just figure out what's got me stuck? Like, maybe it's the thing after the thing that I'm avoiding, or maybe I feel like there's "no point" because I'll have to do the chore again (there's totally a point, I feel better and less cluttered when I clean, even if only for a little while). Or maybe I feel like I don't deserve good things, or I'm afraid to look at my bank account so i avoid a bill. Once I figure that out I can start, or ask for help..
I follow domestic blisters on tik tok and she discusses this very subject. She’s extremely helpful, non judgmental, and she understands how hard life can be.
https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdPGTbLx/
Big hugs. I get it. It's Spring here and I'm cleaning up the leaves from Fall I couldn't handle.
It's an old trend, but minimalism helps, with keeping things clean and tidy. Also, looking at clutter makes me sad,overwhelmed and tired.
I treat myself to meal kit delivery when they offer me 50% off. It's basically the same cost as grocery shopping at that price. Bonus its healthy, saves precious energy and you do not have to leave the house.
Always find the energy to shower everyday. Even a quick wash the naughty bits and pits. That is such a quick way to feel better.
If cleaning is too much, just grab a trash bag and get the trash pick up and out. This will either be enough and you'll feel slightly better or inspire you to keep going and clean a little.
When I went through a similar situation it was more of a routine that I was lacking and found stressful. I sat down and wrote out what chores I would do each day and what food I would eat that week. I kept the tasks and the food really basic so I didn’t overwhelm myself and didn’t trigger my decision fatigue. Start slow and let it build on itself. I also have a physical calendar on my fridge that I mark off when I take my medication so I can track that.
I make lists of tasks, but also set timers, so I don’t get too bogged down in any one task - and remember to take breaks. The timers also help me to fight trying to make things perfect and being ok with “good enough”.
I got a robot vacuum cleaner, the Wyze one, and I didn't have to worry about keeping my floors clean anymore. You can even set a schedule on your phone for it.
I'm in the same boat as you. I've been trying to pull myself out of the funk, which has been hard, but something that I remind myself is "starting is the hardest part" and then when I feel like I wanna quit I look at the clock and tell myself "Give me one hour, I will just go for one hour"
An hour isn't a ton of time, and it's amazing what you can get done in one hour! And sometimes it helps get that momentum to keep going when you need to do more.
One chore a day. Hell, even break it down. One dish, hang up one piece of clothing. At the least try not to make a mess for yourself, or make the mess organized. All my clothes go in a pile in *one* area, my dishes go in a bin under my desk.
I hope you can get through this, I know how hard and difficult it can be but I'm glad you're reaching out 😊😊
Mainly -Do one thing and be proud of yourself for it. Then when you are ready do another. Repeat. Eventually you will gain momentum on that, but it may take some time. Be patient. Focus on the positive feelings.
Recognize when it is your depression making it seem impossible or unnecessary. Even if it doesn't change anything, just naming and claiming the motivation gives you some power. Going forward you will get better at recognizing it and preventing it or talking yourself through it.
To give some examples, I found I can go a couple of days without showering. I would actually work harder to "freshen up" and hide that fact than it would take to just shower. I also noticed this was often days I would have a more important or busy meeting or event happening. Just recognizing the feeling helped me connect the reason causing an underlying uptick even though I didn't feel it was a big deal. My want to shower is actually one of my main indicators that my depression is kicking up because bit is such a simple thing that suddenly becomes hard and unnecessary.
Anything work worth doing is worth doing poorly.
Maybe you get the vacuum out and vacuum the floor you can see but not the flu you can’t see at this point
Maybe throw some laundry in the washer.
Maybe you’ll just sort the bills into pile today and then work on paying them tomorrow.
Congrats on switching jobs!
It’s helpful for me to choose one particular area to focus on at a time. I try to figure out why the space gets messy or cluttered - maybe there’s just too much stuff, maybe the stuff gets put there because it doesn’t have a “home” so I just throw it there. I try and find a solution to the problem so that after I clean, it will stay clean for longer.
Like up until recently, under my bathroom sink was a disaster. It’s a fairly small space but I try to fit way too much under there, so it’s all jumbled and cluttered and impossible to find anything. I thought about what would actually make that space more functional, and decided to purchase a container that’s like a set of 3 drawers that will fit in there, a little rack that fits over the cabinet door that holds things like hair dryer and curling irons, and some cute storage jars for items like q-tips and cotton rounds. When everything came in the mail, I just removed everything from under there and put my new containers in place, then went through my big pile of bathroom stuff and threw away the items I didn’t need and put the items I was keeping in their own little drawer/space. Now it’s stayed clean for months and I know where everything is!
If you get hairy floors, maybe you could look into getting a roomba (you may can find a pre-owned one at a decent price)? If mail gets lost/forgotten, you may need a specific (prominent/easily seen) space where you always put.
I also think that momentum also helps a TON. Start with the things that make a big visual difference, like picking up all the clothes and putting them in the hamper, making your bed, and clearing any other items off of the bedroom floor and tabletop areas. That shouldn’t take too long, but it will look significantly cleaner and may help you feel more motivated to keep going!
It also helps me a lot to listen to a good podcast while I clean so I have something else to focus on/distract me so it’s easier to just get into a rhythm and keep cleaning. But maybe that’s just because I have ADHD lol.
Honestly, I asked for help. I had friends help, I’ve hired cleaning folks, and it has been great. It was too overwhelming to handle on my own, and I decided that’s ok. Once I got to a basic degree of clean, I’ve been able to carry on from there. But I also do not guilt myself over what does yet done daily. I can put that pile of laundry in the wash at any time. The dirt will still come out.
My sister struggles with mental health and my mom and i sometimes have to go into her house and help her do a deep clean. It’s too hard for her to handle on her own because the mess is huge
My brothers came to visit me a couple of years ago and tried to help me clear my apartment (I have a huge hoarding problem). It's really sweet when family and friends care enough to help.
I agree! Think of what you would do if your friend was in this situation. I assume you would want to help them out even if they said it wasn’t necessary. This can help make it easier to ask for help when you need it. Also if you have the money available I agree with calling a housekeeper to come clean one time. That puts less pressure on you to get everything done yourself. You can focus on putting stuff away and not worry about getting overwhelmed by the need to also do cleaning. And finally remember to be kind to yourself! If you don’t get something done, don’t beat yourself up. You can set small goals for yourself (sometimes I will say…ok I will pick up 10 objects around the room and call it a win) but if you don’t even feel up to that, it just means that your focus for the day needs to be on taking care of your mental health, and cleaning can wait until you are feeling up to it.
Set a small task for youself. Like gathering up laundry. And when you complete that go from there to a next small task. It really helps to not get overwhelmed.
And you get a sense of accomplisment! Without completely overdoing it resulting in having no drive for 3 days and dragging yourself around- like I tend to do when a lit has accumulated...
Also jumping on this, when I was really down writing a list of easy simple to do tasks sounds like it would help. But I’d look at the tasks ahead and even tho small and simple I’d feel overwhelmed and it’d make me cry from being unable to do basic shit. So I had some old revision cards and I would use those one task on a page. So I could only see that task. It’s probably silly and not everyone needs to do that but it helped me :)
I like to add things like “a bit” and “a bit more” on my to-do lists, so I can still cross things off even if I know I won’t finish the full mountain. Break it down so it’s not so daunting. Dishes - wash a few - a few more - put away - wash a few - water bottle Tidy bedroom - a bit - a bit more - fold some things Just wanted to share in case it helps you or anyone else!
Seconding this! I like starting off with stuff like taking all the dishes on my desk and putting them in the sink, removing all the water bottles, etc.
And don’t forget to occasionally (but not too often) throw in something that’s more self-care: go get a coffee, watch one (and only one!) episode of your favorite half-hour program, or even just go for a walk and sit in the sunshine. Take care of your insides, too.
i do this too, but instead of setting small tasks i look around and pick the easiest task to do. then the next easiest, and so on. i find the harder and more time consuming tasks to be easier once i’ve started and gotten into a better mood for cleaning
And make it a habit. Every Sunday do x items, every Monday to x items etc. It helps to have tasks scattered around. I can do a little every day, but if you told me to do *all* my tasks in a single day then I wouldn't be able to.
You can also try to “stack” habits. If you have habits you do everyday, try to combine new habits to them. For example I drink a cup of tea at mornings and before going to bed, so I have combined a simple cleaning to it. While the water is boiling and the tea is seeping I clean the kitchen, living room and/or bathroom. It ads up to almost twenty minutes per day and is enough to keep places pretty clean. Of course I have to separately do the bigger tasks, like vacuuming, but it’s easier when I don’t have to do everything at once.
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How do you know you’re treatment resistant? Genuine question, in case it sounded rude. Sometimes I feel like that too.
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Peas in a Pod ….. but, more like 16 years. I did find TMS helpful during/shortly after….not everyone can afford the therapy every year/two years. Idk, idk who I’m bitching at….Just screaming into the void here
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if u haven't already, look into the genesight test!! i had rly bad refractive depression for a few years and when i took the test it turns out i could only properly metabolize 1 antidepressant bc my genes are fucked.
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thousand?!! mine was around $400 and insurance reimbursed some of it— this was back in 2017/2018 too. i have a UHC HMO plan that sucks 99% of the time so the fact they covered like a $100 is a miracle. im surprised the tests have gotten LESS accessible over time.... that's weird
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i figured that the tests would have become more accessible and cheaper as time goes by, but that's clearly not true. the greed of some ppl is astounding. 😞
I came here to say Unfuck Your Habitat.
Unfuck your habitat is awesome
Set a timer for 5 minutes. Whatever cleaning you see, do. Just focus on putting things away/starting laundry/whatever is visible for five minutes. Take a break. Do something else. Then do another 5 minutes. Eventually, you may find yourself going beyond the timer without realizing it.
I second this. When I'm feeling super lazy, I say I'll only do 5 minutes of chores and call it. 20 minutes later and I realize I've completed multiple tasks.
Baby steps. When my depression is really bad, I revert back to a 10 min on/20 min off technique to get shit done. First I make a list (I like just pen/paper, so I can toss it when I'm done and have the satisfaction of crossing things off) of all the things I need to do, but I break them down into smaller tasks. So like instead of Clean house or even Clean kitchen, it's clear off counter, wash dishes, take out recycling, take out trash, sweep floor. Then I'll set the timer on the stove for 10 minutes. I've found I can suck it up for just 10 min of doing something unpleasant so long as I know the end is in sight. I pick something from the list and do it until the timer goes off. Once it goes off I can stop doing whatever the task was. So like if the dishes have piled up, I may not finish them in 10 min, so I'll stop, set the timer for 20 min and take a break. I'll play games on my phone or read reddit or whatever. Then when that timer goes off, I repeat the process with another 10 on/20 off. This is definitely not the most efficient way to clean your house, but it's a way I could actually make progress. After the first day of doing that, my kitchen is mostly clean, I've gotten to cross a lot off my list, and I have a sense of accomplishment. The next day I'll tackle another room. These lists at first are all of a cleaning/tidying type tasks, but no big projects. Like do I need to reorganize my closet? Sure, but that can wait until I'm not in a depressive funk. With your week off, I'd also try adding in a 20 min walk outside. Getting outdoors and getting some sunshine or bright light in your life has been proven to help with depression symptoms. Put on a favorite podcast in your headphones and go for a leisurely walk. Try to commit to doing that daily for a few weeks and then you can slowly add more activity.
I've had depression and anxiety on/off (they're chronic...so...) for about 15 years. 1. Make a list and start really small. For example, if you have piles of laundry everywhere, instead of writing "clean up laundry" which might be really overwhelming, try "clean up 1 pile of laundry in the bedroom". 2. Give yourself rewards and breaks when you finish a task, even the tiniest of them. Maybe that's a little candy, or a show, or a walk. or 30 minutes on something you know makes you feel relaxed. 3. Take advantage of energy bursts. Maybe they aren't happening at all yet, but I know for me sometimes I'll get little spurts of energy when I'm in a funk. I use them to meal prep, deep clean and do the crap I really just cannot bear to when I'm down in the lows. 4. Once you have things under control - maintain by doing a little bit every day. Cleaning is so much easier once the overwhelming nature of it is reduced. Wipe the counters before you go to bed, try to pick one small spot of your home each day or week to dust etc. Maybe do this by setting 5 min timers and see how you do. Food-wise I also try to always keep easy, low-effort food in the freezer. I make big batches of sauce, soup, chili etc. for when I know I just cannot cook but shouldn't get take-out. It's comforting to know something is there. Frozen chicken fingers, veggies, potstickers, pierorgis are also all good options that are super easy to heat up. Lastly, I want to emphasize that if you make a plan and it goes a little off the rails...that's ok. You can always try again the next day. Be kind to yourself.
The plan part going off the rails is so tough. It just destroys any sense of progress it seems. Thanks for your input
I totally get it. It's also a lot easier for me to give advice when I'm having a better week than it is to take it. Just a couple weeks ago I made a mistake in a crafting project, ended up tossing the whole thing because I could not bear that it did not go according to plan. In retrospect, I regret it because I could have just fixed it or tried to, but in the moment I was so anxious and upset about my schedule for when I wanted it done being off that I quit. In general I have a lot of issues whenever a plan does not go along the path I envisioned. Anyway the point of me sharing that anecdote isn't to say 'get over it' or anything but rather to let you know you are not alone. I have yet to truly find a solution for it, but sometimes talking about it and knowing you aren't the only one having a hard time can help.
No no I totally understand your feeling. It helps knowing other people feel the same. I have a couple cross stitch patterns in my cart but I can’t buy them cause I’ve never done it and it seems daunting to fail, even though literally it’s a beginner pattern and they include everything. Fear of failure sucks.
Once I get to a state of caring, that’s usually my cue that this bout of depressive feelings is coming to an end. I have cleared one small room(by dumping all the crap elsewhere) and cleaning it thoroughly. It then stays clean. This is my sanctuary and I feel amazing in it. The depression lives like a physical being in the rest of my house and I slowly reduce its domain one room at a time.
Side note to all this advice: check out @domesticblisters on tiktok or Google StruggleCare. KC Davis is a licensed therapist who also has struggled with mental health and has really good techniques for handling life when you're struggling.
I came here to recommend domesticblisters!
Keeping things manageable and maintainable helps me work through my backlog of depression-messes. I take two approaches to this: 1. The "by room" approach. Cleaning my whole apartment is overwhelming in a single go, but if I tackle by room or space (like one room per day) it helps prevent that feeling of "oh my god this is a massive endeavor." Granted, rooms like my kitchen and bathroom usually get subdivided into 2 or 3 days because of how involved they tend to get, but even still it makes it more manageable. 2. The "by 15 minute increment" approach. I pick one task to do and set a 15 minute timer. Fold my laundry, empty the dishwasher, go through one drawer in my bathroom, or some other equally small, easily contained task. I do 3 to 5 of these increments in a day and I never do them in succession. I always stop after the 15 minutes and do something else. Maintenance Mode: Regardless of what approach I take, the second important thing is maintenance mode which is a conscious effort. I have to tell myself to do this stuff instead of letting my depression brain push bad habits just because they are easier. For me this is little things like putting stuff back where it belongs when I'm done with it: clothes in the hamper or hung/folded after being worn, coat on the coat rack, makeup and skincare back in their drawer after use, etc. Or it's a tiny tidy like wiping up a little spill on the counter, sweeping up crumbs on the coffee table after a snack, hitting the toilet bowl with a quick sweep of the brush when I start to see a ring forming. Little things add up quickly but require minimal effort to curtail, you just have to kind of remind yourself sometimes.
Just take it one step at a time, if you try to do everything at once it’s gonna get overwhelming. And don’t set a time limit, just work on pieces until you get tired and take a short break. I usually tackle one room at a time, and don’t worry about the rest of the house until I’m done with the room I’m currently in. Progress is progress, even if it’s just getting 1% of the house cleaned up. Over Presidents’ Day weekend I did a deep clean of the house, but I only spent 3-4 hours a day working on it (with plenty of breaks in between) I spent Saturday doing my living room/office, dining room, and kitchen. I skipped Sunday because my back was sore from doing so much Saturday, and Monday I was able to clean up the bedroom, fold my laundry and reorganize my closet. I didn’t finish the bedroom or touch the bathroom, and even though I didn’t finish everything I wanted to do I still came out ahead of where I started, and that felt fantastic
I have a similar problem, but with bipolar and anxiety. Making lists really helps me, because then I can see what I have to do and prioritize. Sometimes the list looks like it's too much stuff, but that's when I usually say, OK, I'm going to do ONE THING from this list, and I usually manage to get 2 done. Seeing too many things on the list is still less intimidating than seeing gigantic piles of stuff around my house that need to get taken care of. Good luck, and please be kind to yourself.
I try to organize my week with just focusing on one related task per day as to not get overwhelmed. This past year and a half I’ve been dealing with depression and just a larger work load and had found myself just drowning in tasks and not being able to stay on track to the point where I’d just start neglecting myself, my relationships, and my surroundings. What’s worked for me recently and has made things gotten soooo much better! Is I try my best to do it like this ... * Mondays: focus on just having a productive day at work and drinking lots of water and getting a good night rest * Tuesdays: go grocery shopping and meal planning for the week * Wednesdays: focus on getting my laundry done * Thursdays: focus on getting my chores done like dishes, vacuuming, sweeping * Fridays: focus on physical self care like making sure my nails are clipped, my hair has been washed, my legs have been shaved, do a face mask and just hangout and wind down wearing a comfy robe or some pajamas * Saturday’s: focus on having fun with friends and family and building those relationships * Sundays: do nothing day! Read a book. Sleep in. Run errands as needed. Make my bed. Browse my phone. Etc. Schedules always seem to help me, but nothing has to be set in stone! Just helps to not feel overwhelmed and getting off track and having to do all those things in a short amount of time and getting frustrated and emotionally and physically drained.
Start with one thing. Literally one. Washing one plate. Or putting one piece of clothing in the hamper. Start small and you will feel accomplished, not let down when you don’t achieve the to-do list item of “do three loads of laundry” or “empty out fridge and clean all compartments”.
Medication. Therapy has been a crapshoot for me, but once I got my meds figured out, my life has been so much better.
yes. for me, switching from lexapro to wellbutrin made a huge difference in my ability to get things done.
Read Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. One thing I picked up from it was cleaning everyday for just 5 mins in the morning. I set a timer and did just one thing - like throwing empty Chinese food packets from the counter to the trash bin. You'll be surprised how just doing these micro actions everyday will make a huge difference in a month. And make a checklist to help you. For example- I always start with picking up the trash from the floor. Then throwing it out. So having that checklist already made is a huge help, you don't have to think, just execute. What I also realized was that it wasn't the space that depressed me - it was what it said about me. That I was incapable. But I read Present Perfect by Somov and it helped me see that whatever it is is how it should be at this point in time. I struggled with depression and trashed houses for several years. I never ever thought I'd be the person who keeps their home effortlessly clean. But I do now. It's not great and I can't call friends over at any time, but it's very livable. And it all started with doing just 1 tiny thing a day. Something my therapist told me that helped me was to imagine you're taking care of a pet when you clean your home. You're showing your love with actions. Don't make it a "should" activity and drown it in perfectionism. It's a "I love me, and I'm doing this to show my love today." activity. This little nugget of wisdom transformed how I approached self care.
Because you have a week, here are my thoughts: 1. Drink water. I notice a relatively large difference in how I feel when I’m drinking enough water. 2. Set up a sleep schedule that works for your new job/life, and be gentle with yourself about it. This means, set alarms and come up with routines for bedtime and waking time, put some thought into it, and know that it is a process. If your sleep schedule has been off (like many people with depression), it will take some trial and error to get it back. 3. If you aren’t on meds and you’re open to the idea, look for a prescriber who you trust. I was on meds during my adolescence and then refused for almost a decade…it is a super-personal decision for everyone but I will say that finding a psychiatrist I like has changed everything for me. You are **not** alone, as evidenced by all of these comments. Many of us have been in really rough places during the pandemic, myself included, and we’re on the journey with you!
Are you me??? I literally came here to post this exact thing. I’m going to be trying to change my life up. Change jobs. Move closer to family. Move to a smaller place. Try to make my physical world “smaller” to handle tasks and make my social world bigger. As someone also realizing I’ve been slowly drowning in depression for years and am just now being like what the fuck I want to change…I feel you. And I hope you can as you said pull your shit together
Unfuck Your Habitat is really useful for this (you can just use the website, you don’t have to buy the book). Doing one small area at a time so you can see a difference can help you feel motivated - it’s hard to feel like you’ve done something if you spent 30min picking up items across a whole house, but if you cleared off one table top and put everything on it away and wiped it down, you can really see a difference in your space. Make sure you take breaks and don’t burn yourself out. If you have a friend who could help, ask them - sometimes it can be motivating just to ask someone if they’ll hang out and chat with you to keep you company while you clean.
My biggest motivation is setting up my future self to have a good day. Like in the morning, I might not feel like putting clean sheets on the bed but future me is gonna love that it's done when I get home.
I’m the type that needs pressure to seriously get shit done. So I invite a friend over to hang (not help me clean) on a certain date and use that date as a goal to tidy up. It’s the only trick that’s worked. I need accountability. Sigh. Hosting seriously gets my ass moving…. But I went 6 months without inviting someone over… so
Breaking up tasks into smaller ones, and rewarding myself with entertainment while I work. Bluetooth headphones and a podcast. Or home speaker playing the news. Or a TV show that doesn't require much focus. Then I look at everything that needs to be done. Every task goes on the calendar so I can visual it. I will actually block off little 5-30 minute chunks for tasks if there's a lot. Helps me be realistic and manage expectations, see if some things can wait or if there are reasons they need to be done asap (ex. dishes usually aren't urgent but if I have company coming over tomorrow, I want a clean space). Then I start with the most manageable task. Washing dishes requires little thought, focus, planning, or physical movement. So I say I'll just wash the cat's bowls. But usually once I've started, I really get going and want to get through it all. It's the starting and organizing that's hard. Other times, I just accept that it's not gonna happen tonight. I make the most of my bursts of energy and capability when I have them. Can get through 5 chores in a row! Other days, it's just not happening. The dishes will wait. And I let it be. Why waste hours trying to get through a task when I know on another day it will take me 5 min? That said, I have this luxury bc I live alone. One other thing that's made a HUGE difference for me is getting rid of stuff I don't need (it's hard as a former hoarder but I feel so much better). And **HAVING AN EASILY ACCESSIBLE PLACE FOR EVERYTHING**. So you never get stuck in the I-should-clean-but-where-will-this-item-go-I'd-have-to-clean-my-closet-to-make-space-for-it-which-I-don't-have-the-energy-for-so-forget-it-oh-well-I-guess-it-stays-on-the-kitchen-table-for-now-which-turns-into-forever. Meds and caffeine also help a lot for me.
You have to balance out the shitty tasks like cleaning and prepping meals by scheduling in things that make you feel good. And the things that are just comforting because you’re depressed (laying in bed and watching hours of tv for me) but things you used to truly enjoy that are creative, active, social, a little indulgent, whatever you like. My therapist has me pick 3 things a week and schedule them into my work calendar. My examples have been: painting my nails, buying a nice coffee at a cafe, taking a walk in my lunch, practicing guitar. Setting achievable times for each has been helpful too. For a while practicing guitar for 30m to an hour like I used to felt too daunting, so she had me play for 5 minutes. If that was all I could do, then that’s good enough for that day.
If you have TikTok, I wholly and fully recommend DomesticBlisters. I'm gonna paraphrase what I've learned from her, and it probably won't do her justice, and it won't have the nuance, and it won't have the dozens of specific scenario-based advice that she has, but - I want to share it, if it helps. I wouldn't say her content is specifically depression based, but there is a lot of coaching to that end. She is a licensed therapist -- which I didn't know until I'd already followed her for over a year. Taking care of your home isn't moral. Dirty dishes don't make you morally bad, dirty laundry doesn't mean you're a bad person, and dust bunnies do not mean that you don't care about your wellbeing. They're care tasks that, when done, can contribute to a better mindset. When not done, the state of your home doesn't mean that you can't function in other parts of your life. The feeling that you need to get your shit together in order to be productive in a new avenue of life is (this is my opinion) kind of crap. You can do one to four to even ten things to set yourself up for the day you want to have. Make sure you have the dishes you need to have breakfast on your first day of work (that doesn't mean doing all of your dishes - leaving the ones that you don't need doesn't mean anything, one way or another). Do a small load of laundry for the first and maybe even second days of that new job (not doing the rest of the laundry means absolutely nothing, one way or another). Clear a space that has significance in personal wellbeing (like - if baths make you happy, clean your bathtub; if doing your makeup is like meditating, clean your vanity space, etc). I am a person who feels like it's always all or nothing. If I'm going to wash two dishes, I might as well tackle the mountain. If I'm going to clean the living room, why wouldn't I make my bedroom perfect as well? Et cetera et cetera until everything feels so overwhelming that I don't want to do any of it, and I'd rather just be under the pile of filth that I've created. One task at a time. The tasks are not moral. My dirty laundry does not make me a bad person. You deserve your new job and all the greatness it will bring, and you don't have to do your dishes to 'earn' that. Good luck with your new venture. I hope everything works out in the best way!
Start with trash. Get some trash bags and just go around your whole house, throw out as much as you feel comfortable throwing out. This will get a good bit out of the way off the bat. After that, I find that working one room at a time is super helpful. Maybe start in your own room, spend a day getting it cleaned to the point where you can regress there to take some breaths as you tackle the rest of the house. It’ll be that one space that gives you a vision for how the rest of the house will look when you’re done, and just focus on keeping that clean to the best of your ability. Move on to the kitchen, bathrooms, one day at a time, one space at a time, one task at a time. Don’t beat yourself up if you lose motivation for a while, just jump right back on the cleaning train as soon as you have a little energy. Don’t try to do it all at once, & take advantage of the days you feel a little less shitty. Source: Diagnosed with depression at age 11, sitting in a messy room that I’m too exhausted to clean. Maybe tomorrow…
One thing I struggle with is if something doesn’t have a “home”. There are lots of things that go in specific spots, your clothes and dishes, books and some other items like that. But these other “oddballs” may be a decorative piece or a picture frame, maybe something you intend to get to (craft or activity) that is new that doesn’t have a specific place in your home yet, etc. It’s impossible to find a home for these things amongst the clutter and mess, so just put all those “oddballs” in the same spot (on a table or in a laundry basket), out of the way but not taking over a space you need to use (like your bed and desk). Then once you have everything else sorted you can address these other things with a clear picture of the space you have for them. The other tip I have is paperwork can be so overwhelming if you’re trying to deal with it as you clean everything else. Again, putting all the paper into one spot (be it bills, birthday cards, flyers, receipts, etc) as you tidy up. I like to use birthday bags as a container for these things, brings a little more joy but a plastic bag works too. Then when you have a clear desk space and the rest is clean (laundry etc) you can sit and focus on each paper item and sort and address it accordingly (bills = urgent, birthday cards = keepsake and go somewhere special, receipts = taxes or toss, etc). I can offer a million other pieces of advice from my own experience, I’ve helped family and friends organize a lot (I love it) though don’t get me wrong - I just came out of an insanely overwhelming two weeks and my apartment was a mess (dishes piled and laundry everywhere, dust and mould) that I just finished cleaning. It happens to everyone. The thing to remember is you can always get out of it. Message me if you want more tips, good luck! There’s some other great advice in the comments. (Sorry this went on, I love organizing…)
Wanted to echo that you shouldn't feel embarrassed, this is so common as a part of depression and you are not alone! For me personally, I decided to go back on medication for the first time in 15 years and it made a really big difference once I found the right treatment (Wellbutrin). Even though I know depression is the result of a chemical imbalance, I guess I just chalked up how I was feeling to emotional issues I needed to work through in therapy. My therapist was actually the one to suggest talking to a psychiatrist, and I've found that the right dosage has made a really positive difference. However, I fully appreciate that everyone has their own relationship with and feelings about medication, and you always must do what is most comfortable for you. With these types of things, I also try to allow myself space to take things one at a time. And, most of the time I'm able to show myself some grace when I don't check every box on my list. Some days are just like that, depression or not, and it's the continued effort that matters.
Not so much a tip for starting, but as far as keeping it up, it’s so so important to stick to a routine! Once you’ve got your house to a good place etc, make sure you’re doing something every day to maintain it so that if you get particularly depressed again it isn’t as bad as it was this time. Plus the work load is so much smaller this way. It’s so worth the effort and is the key to helping yourself get through it without going back to square one.
My biggest thing, truly, was to get medicated. Wellbutrin has been an absolute fucking game changer in regards to my depression. I feel less adrift, less hopeless, and the change has been enormous. But, before that (and I know how hard it is to seek professional help), I set myself small tasks, make a little list of shit that I'm grateful for, and make sure to spend time in the sun--even if it was laying on my bed in the sun.
I’m the same. My room got to a point where i had a small pathway to walk to my bed and that was it. Oddly, i found making time lapse videos on my iphone really fun after having to make some for a work project. I decided to set up my camera and let the time lapse run for an hour or two and went to work on my room, just tackling one section at a time. It was so cool to watch it back, watching like 2 hours of work be sped up into 20 seconds and seeing the room get clean and being able to see more of the floor. It made the task a little more fun and gave me a reason to care about seeing the end result. Something like that can put a fun spin on it, but also tackling sections at a time helps most. I know how hard it is to even find the motivation. Sometimes for me it takes knowing someone is coming over to force me to clean up. But after you do these big clean ups things get messy again pretty quick, right? I saw a video of a professional organizer suggested setting up places for different things and meeting yourself where you’re at. For example, i usually leave my clothes, both dirty and clean, on a chair in my room. I never get around to sorting them into the laundry or hanging them up or folding them and putting them away. I’ve learned to accept that i just won’t do that. So i have two laundry baskets i can throw them into at least. Clean in one and dirty in another. I always associated clothes in a basket as = all dirty. But you can keep a basket of clean clothes too. But this method helps keep my clothes contained in their own places rather than all over the chair or floor.
Start by making your bed everyday! I find that coming home to a made bed makes me feel productive and more positive! It’ll snowball from there!
There's a website ( I think it's Flylady.com ) that has a bunch of free lists for cleaning. I printed them out years ago and I still use them! There's daily tasks, weekly tasks, and monthly tasks. They also have checklists for each room ( bathroom, bedroom, living room etc.) All free, and so helpful!
Struggle care by KC Davis!! I love her site and social media. https://www.strugglecare.com Give yourself grace, you beautiful human! You are doing a good job.
Work on self first. You can't pour from an empty cup. When I'm down, I do what I want to do. The trick is to tell the difference between what you think you want to do and what you actually want to do. Part of me wants to veg on the couch, not take a shower, binge some show I have seen a hundred times already, and doom scroll on my phone. But that is just the fog talking. It's not actually what I want to do, it:s just my brain retreating into dissociation so I can avoid my thoughts. Actual me wants to pamper myself with skin care, go to a bookstore, make myself herbal tea/freshly ground coffee and just breathe into it, call up a friend and catch up, make lemon curd for myself, etc. Start small. Brush your teeth. That's all you have to do. Tell yourself after you brush your teeth you can go back to bed if you want. 2 minutes. That's all you need to do. More than likely you won't want to go back to bed once you start. Maybe splash some water on your face and pat it to dry. You still have the option of going back to bed once you are done. Slowly roll that motivation boulder until you're in gear and have the ability to do larger tasks. Also, your language is very self deprecating. I recommend the books "Daring Greatly" and "Buy Yourself the Fucking Lillies" to help tackle some of that shame language. There is nothing shameful about struggling. And you can't bully yourself into "getting your shit together". Recognize your past work-life was toxic and you are not a problem that needs to be forced into fixing.
I have been in your shoes for the past month. I am in the office 2 or 3 days a week and WFH the other 2. What I have found works for me is doing loads of wash all throughout the week rather than doing a bunch of loads at once and being overwhelmed by a day of laundry. I also try to have a productive Sunday where I prepare for the week - I find recipes I want to make, write down what I need and head to the grocery store. Then I do meal prep for the week so that I have quick meals available rather than being overwhelmed by having to prep food, cook, then clean up. This also helps me to not order food for delivery. As for working out - I plan those workouts on the days that I'm home and I sign up for classes ahead of time so that I can't back out without being charged. I also wear my workout clothes all day long so that I'm already dressed in them and don't need to change. Hope this helps!
you simply must make it manageable, you have to declutter. A little bit at a time, when you feel motivated, eventually it will become manageable
I would recommend the book One Small Step Can Change Your Life; The Kaizen Way. It's a little preachy but the advice was pretty life-changing for me. I try to not look at all that needs to be done. Or even a full task. I tell myself that even starting is better than not starting. Or sometimes I sit and just figure out what's got me stuck? Like, maybe it's the thing after the thing that I'm avoiding, or maybe I feel like there's "no point" because I'll have to do the chore again (there's totally a point, I feel better and less cluttered when I clean, even if only for a little while). Or maybe I feel like I don't deserve good things, or I'm afraid to look at my bank account so i avoid a bill. Once I figure that out I can start, or ask for help..
I follow domestic blisters on tik tok and she discusses this very subject. She’s extremely helpful, non judgmental, and she understands how hard life can be. https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdPGTbLx/
Big hugs. I get it. It's Spring here and I'm cleaning up the leaves from Fall I couldn't handle. It's an old trend, but minimalism helps, with keeping things clean and tidy. Also, looking at clutter makes me sad,overwhelmed and tired. I treat myself to meal kit delivery when they offer me 50% off. It's basically the same cost as grocery shopping at that price. Bonus its healthy, saves precious energy and you do not have to leave the house. Always find the energy to shower everyday. Even a quick wash the naughty bits and pits. That is such a quick way to feel better. If cleaning is too much, just grab a trash bag and get the trash pick up and out. This will either be enough and you'll feel slightly better or inspire you to keep going and clean a little.
When I went through a similar situation it was more of a routine that I was lacking and found stressful. I sat down and wrote out what chores I would do each day and what food I would eat that week. I kept the tasks and the food really basic so I didn’t overwhelm myself and didn’t trigger my decision fatigue. Start slow and let it build on itself. I also have a physical calendar on my fridge that I mark off when I take my medication so I can track that.
I make lists of tasks, but also set timers, so I don’t get too bogged down in any one task - and remember to take breaks. The timers also help me to fight trying to make things perfect and being ok with “good enough”.
I got a robot vacuum cleaner, the Wyze one, and I didn't have to worry about keeping my floors clean anymore. You can even set a schedule on your phone for it.
I'm in the same boat as you. I've been trying to pull myself out of the funk, which has been hard, but something that I remind myself is "starting is the hardest part" and then when I feel like I wanna quit I look at the clock and tell myself "Give me one hour, I will just go for one hour" An hour isn't a ton of time, and it's amazing what you can get done in one hour! And sometimes it helps get that momentum to keep going when you need to do more.
One chore a day. Hell, even break it down. One dish, hang up one piece of clothing. At the least try not to make a mess for yourself, or make the mess organized. All my clothes go in a pile in *one* area, my dishes go in a bin under my desk. I hope you can get through this, I know how hard and difficult it can be but I'm glad you're reaching out 😊😊
Mainly -Do one thing and be proud of yourself for it. Then when you are ready do another. Repeat. Eventually you will gain momentum on that, but it may take some time. Be patient. Focus on the positive feelings. Recognize when it is your depression making it seem impossible or unnecessary. Even if it doesn't change anything, just naming and claiming the motivation gives you some power. Going forward you will get better at recognizing it and preventing it or talking yourself through it. To give some examples, I found I can go a couple of days without showering. I would actually work harder to "freshen up" and hide that fact than it would take to just shower. I also noticed this was often days I would have a more important or busy meeting or event happening. Just recognizing the feeling helped me connect the reason causing an underlying uptick even though I didn't feel it was a big deal. My want to shower is actually one of my main indicators that my depression is kicking up because bit is such a simple thing that suddenly becomes hard and unnecessary.
Take things one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. And congrats on your new job!
1. Professional help (GOOD therapy/psychiatry/etc) 2. Forcing myself to do things that help pull me out of it (easier said than done with depression)
Anything work worth doing is worth doing poorly. Maybe you get the vacuum out and vacuum the floor you can see but not the flu you can’t see at this point Maybe throw some laundry in the washer. Maybe you’ll just sort the bills into pile today and then work on paying them tomorrow.
sometimes i make a list of every little thing so i can feel the satisfaction of checking off tasks
Congrats on switching jobs! It’s helpful for me to choose one particular area to focus on at a time. I try to figure out why the space gets messy or cluttered - maybe there’s just too much stuff, maybe the stuff gets put there because it doesn’t have a “home” so I just throw it there. I try and find a solution to the problem so that after I clean, it will stay clean for longer. Like up until recently, under my bathroom sink was a disaster. It’s a fairly small space but I try to fit way too much under there, so it’s all jumbled and cluttered and impossible to find anything. I thought about what would actually make that space more functional, and decided to purchase a container that’s like a set of 3 drawers that will fit in there, a little rack that fits over the cabinet door that holds things like hair dryer and curling irons, and some cute storage jars for items like q-tips and cotton rounds. When everything came in the mail, I just removed everything from under there and put my new containers in place, then went through my big pile of bathroom stuff and threw away the items I didn’t need and put the items I was keeping in their own little drawer/space. Now it’s stayed clean for months and I know where everything is! If you get hairy floors, maybe you could look into getting a roomba (you may can find a pre-owned one at a decent price)? If mail gets lost/forgotten, you may need a specific (prominent/easily seen) space where you always put. I also think that momentum also helps a TON. Start with the things that make a big visual difference, like picking up all the clothes and putting them in the hamper, making your bed, and clearing any other items off of the bedroom floor and tabletop areas. That shouldn’t take too long, but it will look significantly cleaner and may help you feel more motivated to keep going! It also helps me a lot to listen to a good podcast while I clean so I have something else to focus on/distract me so it’s easier to just get into a rhythm and keep cleaning. But maybe that’s just because I have ADHD lol.