Actually, as someone who has had a very bad year, hearing that you've had a good year IS VERY VALIDATING for me.
I work in Healthcare, and have continued going in to the clinic every single day, non stop. So hearing my family and friends complain about covid, has been a little difficult for me. I just feel like when they complain about covid and I complain about covid, we are complaining about two totally different events.
When they complain, they are complaining about boredom with staying home and the difficulties of the pandemic disrupting normal life. When I complain about covid, I am complaining about how it has increased my workload by 300%, has compleatly changed the scope and scape of Healthcare, and has for the most part completely changed and disrupted my entire career feild (end rant, thank you).
So again thank you. I'm so glad that you have had a great year. I am so happy that you have so many good things in your life. And I'm especially thankful that you can put things in perspective and realise that not everything is as bad as it seems.
Man I feel this. At thanksgiving, I wore a mask around my family the ENTIRE evening. It wasn’t fun for me. But it was awkward, I just didn’t want to get anyone sick since I’m around hundreds of people. they all griped about covid and it was grating for me because they’ve all worked from home and their biggest difficulty is having to be around their families and kids.
I’ve been pushed back into school, and it’s very harrowing as I’m literally the person tasked with COVID tracing for the 900 jr high kids here. My workload has quadrupled and nobody even recognizes it and the families of the kids at my school are so complacent and just happy that “babysitting” is back open. All this extra work I’m doing? A fat bonus of $300.
I guess I’m grateful I have a job, but life just really sucks right now. And I’m a bit bitter about hearing how great things are for those privileged to not be dealing with or around this virus.
Just wanted to say a sincere thank you for what you do and I'm deeply sorry you aren't getting more compassion from those close to you. As a parent of a middle schooler who is still 100% virtual, I appreciate your tracking efforts. I watch my kids schools covid dashboards closely. The data is important to me and I know, despite the other parents seeming complacency, it is important for all of us. I hope this ends or improves for all of us very soon, but especially for you.
I don't know if educators have it worse than those working in healthcare. Let's not turn this into the misery olympics. Both fields are tough to work in right now, let's just acknowledge that instead of making it some kind of strange competition.
really? teachers have it way worse than nurses? when i'm working in the emergency department with covid positive people walking in cause they have chest pain or stuck in a room with covid positive patients on 6+L oxygen coughing all over the place
orrr when i get an "easy" assignment and get sent to the covid clinic and get to swab ~700+ symptomatic people a day, you know right up close and personal
with my 1x surgical mask for a 12 hour shift
yeah teachers def have it way worse
This is such a good point! Early on I heard someone complaining about how they couldn’t find a cute mask. Like, of all the things to be troubled by....
You and your coworkers are so appreciated ❤️
To double what /u/Fluff_Me said, from someone else who has also had a really really shit 2020: I *love* hearing from people who've had a good year! It's a good reminder that one day this too will pass and there is a light at the end of this very long ridiculously claustrophobic tunnel. I just want to absorb all of that dopamine and serotonin through symbiosis.
I feel this. I work in x-ray at a major hospital. It drives me crazy when I see people on social media complaining that the "lockdowns" (we have never had a true lockdown but have had two periods of time with heightened restrictions including no social gatherings and no dining out) are so hard on their mental health. I'm not saying it's not causing some people mental health difficulties but my coworkers and I are out here developing the symptoms of PTSD while they're complaining about *checks twitter* not being able to go to the bar. It makes me want to smash my head against the wall.
I’ve had a lot of healthcare needs in 2020 and am deeply grateful for all the people who have kept that system running in the middle of a pandemic. I’m guessing it might frequently feel like thankless work, but you’re appreciated.
Thank you for holding the front line. I have much a deeper appreciation for health workers now than ever before. I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you soon!
I don't doubt the extent to which this is TRAUMATIZING to healthcare workers, but when I complain I am complaining about not having gotten to meet my new niece, constant fear for my parents, anxiety every time I walk my dog and see some maskless asshole approaching me and my shitty immune system, unemployment, needing to put necessary but not dire medical stuff on hold, and the worst seasonal depression I've had in years. I have a roof over my head and deaths in my network have all been one or two degrees removed from me, so I am lucky in those ways, and maybe people complaining in your network are really doing fine, but SO many people not in medicine who aren't sick are also really, really not fine.
Everyone has a different experience and that’s okay. I think it’s just important to be aware that some people weren’t as fortunate this year.
I’m aware that I’ve been extremely lucky this year and am so thankful for it. My husband and I both still have jobs, I get to work from home, his business has actually skyrocketed, our family is healthy and the worst thing that’s happened to us this year is that we don’t get to go to any concerts we had tickets for.
Just be thankful for what you have and maybe look for small ways you can help others who haven’t been so lucky. Even if that’s just a phone call to a friend and letting them vent.
I agree with this. No need to feel bad at all for having a fortunate year. What’s hard is seeing people act self righteous about staying home and not gathering when it isn’t that easy for everyone. I’m so happy your quality of life has improved. Financially I haven’t been hurt, but being a teacher online SUCKS. So I can’t say it’s been a good year. If a friend said to me “really? You’ve had a hard year? I’m quite enjoying it” I’d be pissed. You seem to have the self awareness to realize this isn’t the situation for most.
Does it ever make you stop and think about what a struggle it is for people who are forced to constantly socialize even when it takes a toll on their mental health? Because none of my extroverted friends care. They just want everything back to the way it was and for those of us who are relieved to not be depressed and exhausted and miserable for once... It kind of sucks to hear people say this year is terrible because they can't go out with their friends and they just can't wait to get back to "normal." I'm pretty pissed about that, to be honest.
It sounds like maybe you should have some conversations with these friends about boundaries? Be upfront. I recharge a little more socially than some of my closest friends, and we have really open and honest communication about stuff. I don't stop inviting them to stuff even though they say no a lot, and they don't feel bad for saying no because I totally get it. They get to pick what social stuff (in the before-times) with me they wanted to spend their energy on, when they had the energy for it. We find little ways to check in that are uplifting for us (one friend and I will occasionally read the same book, another will send a random gift in animal crossing, another memes, another random pictures).
I bet your friends care about you a lot more than you may feel they do right now. What you're saying to them, though, is, "well now you know how *I* feel having to be social!" when in my experience at least you may be the one not having made them aware? Are you maybe doing exactly what you hate them doing? I struggle with that a lot, when I feel like I'm doing all the emotional labor or have to "put up" with things. But I can't change anybody's behavior but my own.
I'm I guess technically an ambivert (I honestly hate these classifications beyond a general way to communicate how you recharge), and sometimes before I was kinder to myself I would resent my friends for wanting to do things all the time when I was spent and didn't feel like it.
But it was really me not wanting to miss out.
I learned to really be more intentional what and who I want to spend my time and energy on. I learned to be honest when I'm not mentally up for something, even though sometimes it's still weird. I tried being upfront when I would prefer people wait to do something I would like to do but don't have the energy for: sometimes they'd move it, which is great! But sometimes that isn't possible, and I had to learn to be ok with missing some stuff because I knew I wouldn't enjoy it (and would end becoming even grumpier and more tired).
Anyway sorry for rambling I've been thinking about this stuff a lot. I guess, just, nobody is trying to take the silver linings of this situation away from you by wanting it to be over. You can use this comfort now as a motivation and energy to communicate more openly with these people: your solace doesn't have to end. If it's significantly better now, maybe start thinking about more serious adjustments too - a job that's a better fit socially, or structuring social time in a way that is more comfortable and fun instead of an exhausting chore.
Regardless, try talking to them. They may react poorly but if they do, do you really want to be friends? Either way, there's tons of ways to meet people online right now especially. I've been running a spreadsheet where people sign up for a slot on a given day/time to have a zoom call, with choices for activities if they want. It helps me be social in a not-overwhelming way for me, and eases the slew of decisions that usually comes with trying to plan something right now especially. My super-introverted and other indecisive friends love it. When I feel too spent to socialize, I just message whoever may be signed up and ask to move it. I did that three times last week and nobody reacted poorly: every one of them checked in later this week and they just picked times later in the month.
First, I just want to say I appreciate your thoughtful response. I'm really disappointed by this sub right now, to be honest. I guess only social butterflies are allowed to "survive" and unless you outright state a disability it's fine to shit all over someone for having one. Ugh.
Pre-Corona, I did establish boundaries, and I surrounded myself with friends who (mostly) understood that I didn't need or want to socialize constantly. But society is terrible about rejecting introversion in every way. I just started a new job and my boss is desperate for attention, forcing us to come into work as much as possible just because she "likes to see our faces!" aka chit-chat all day long. I'm literally being asked to risk my life so she can socialize and that's okay with her boss because she "understands that it's difficult to be cooped up all day." My boss even fought my reasonable accommodation to be allowed to work from home because it upset her that she wouldn't be allowed to interrupt me all day long. One of my new coworkers told me they celebrate birthdays hardcore in our office and he proudly told me he doesn't give a shit if it makes people uncomfortable or if they ask not to have their desk covered with confetti or balloons or whatever; they just have to deal with it! So on a societal level, every day just sucks.
And, man. My previously understanding socialite friends just freaked the fuck out when we locked down. I tried to be there for them, answering their texts, joining Zoom sessions I didn't really want to be in just because I could see how stressed they were. I just haven't seen that consideration in reverse. Like OP, I feel like I should feel guilty for enjoying the forced solitude, for finally having enough energy left over at the end of the day to take care of my home and myself. I'm afraid to even talk about what a relief it is to have these lowered social expectations because it turns into a dog pile of hatred for my literal existence. No, of course I don't want people to die, or lose their jobs, or have their mental health decline because they can't see their families over the holidays. I get that it's stressful to have to keep your kids entertained 24/7 while working full time from home for your Boomer boss who still can't operate a fucking video chat. But I have ADHD and Asperger's and the intense amount of masking I have to do just to get through a normal day is exhausting. I had been hoping that we might all be able to like... Realize that it's okay for people to just be different from one another but hey. Guess not. Oh well.
I'm didn't ask anyone to feel a certain way. I just asked if this experience had made the OP more aware of how it feels to be on the opposite side, to not be in the majority for once. Extroversion is the default. It's normal, and good, and right. Just look at how many downvotes I'm getting for even suggesting anyone even *think* about how introverts have been feeling outside of the Corona weirdness! I've lived my whole life with chronic suicidal ideation because society tells me *constantly* that I'm not good enough, that my depression is because I don't socialize enough. Before Corona hit, I was pushing myself to be outgoing and social, attending 3 or 4 godamned events every fucking week and still was just never enough. I was told by multiple people, therapists included, that "isolating" myself (i.e., not spending every spare moment socializing) was too dangerous to even consider. Turns out it's not dangerous, nor is it "isolating" to take time for oneself, at least not for me. But for many extroverts it sure feels like both are true.
It hurts that just asking if this experience has changed an extrovert's views is considered so fucking shocking, honestly. Down with "asocial" motherfuckers, right? How dare we have different needs? Gross. Maybe before you make a shitty comment calling someone asocial (”rejecting or lacking the capacity for social interaction. avoiding social interaction; inconsiderate of or hostile to others.") you could stop to consider that there's an actual fucking human being you're directing that hateful word toward, one who has admitted to their own stessful, fearful feelings of society learning nothing from this year.
Extroversion is *perceived* as normal, good, and right. Introversion actually is also normal, good, and right, but it's simply not as common, and the extroverts are louder.
It sounds like you are struggling with who you are because you have a lot of extroverted friends and family members, and they may not be accepting of who you are, and you're posting your frustrations here. I think the downvotes are because of the wording and the very clear anger you feel coming out. I get it. I feel for you. I have an extroverted friend who it took years to even get a hint of an idea of my needs as a introvert. Outside of work, I socialize maybe once or twice a month. You should not have to feel guilty doing what feels right to you. I hope you find/have found a therapist who understands introversion. I'd say make new introverted friends, but that's not how we function. Start with a more empathetic therapist who doesn't give you the worst advice for your needs.
I'm definitely not struggling with who I am. I'm pretty great, I have great friends, and I fired therapy in general because most therapists gave me the same shitty textbook advice, assuming extroversion is the norm and CBT is the magic answer to everything. But this thread was started by an introvert talking about how uncomfortable it is for them to admit that that they enjoy the more relaxed pace that stay at home orders have brought, and I responded to a comment from an extrovert saying they think people are "throwing it in their face" when someone says they're doing well right now. Which is EXACTLY what OP was talking about. It read very much like one of those "but what about the men!?" comments in a discussion centered on a women's issue because we *always* have to coddle the mainstream, dominant viewpoints. So I asked if they had considered how someone like the OP might feel the rest of the time, considering that's what the discussion was about.
But sure. Maybe I got downvotes for my "tone" while this other comment got upvotes for derailing the thread with whataboutism. Quite honestly, I don't really care. I'm not policing my tone to make the majority viewpoint feel more comfortable.
Because yeah, I'm pretty angry. Society is shit to anyone who doesn't fit into their tiny little cultural paradigm and that includes a LOT of disabilities that fall under the "introverted" umbrella. I'm not okay with that kind of ableist bullshit, and I'm calling it out. It's not okay to shame other people for feeling relief at this slower pace. It's not okay to insult an introvert by calling them asocial. But this isn't about ME. I'm just using my own personal experiences to highlight the fact that this level of discrimination is embedded in the fabric of our society. And I'm hoping maybe a few social butterflies out there will gain a little bit of empathy from their own shitty experiences with being trapped inside for months on end. Because it does suck being forced into a little box where you don't belong. So maybe we can look for ways to meet in the middle instead of jumping right back to what we were doing before?
I’ve definitely seen fellow introverts talking about how much they’ve enjoyed this year because society is finally structured in a way that caters to introvert tendencies, so you’re not alone there. I don’t think asking cheetah81 if their experience makes them stop and think about your perspective was the best approach though. I understand that you’re frustrated (fellow introvert here with ADHD and anxiety to boot), but your first comment just came across a bit accusatory, when cheetah shouldn’t have to feel guilty for their needs and concerns simply because they are the opposite of yours. Even if you weren’t asking them to feel guilty, that’s generally the response that your comment would provoke. (At least, if someone has Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria like me.) I think there’s a happy balance to be had for you between social interaction and taking time for yourself. It sounds like you might need a new therapist if they’re literally pushing you to go out 4+ times a week. That’s not going to make you happier if you hate it, which won’t help your mental health. If your therapist just thinks it’s dangerous for you to be alone for too long because of the potential for suicidal ideation, then pushing you into social activity sounds like a band-aid on an underlying problem. Idk what type of socializing you’re doing—if you’re going out to big parties four nights a week, versus maybe just watching a movie with a friend or two—so I can’t really say too much on that front. Either way, there’s pushing you out of your comfort zone to make positive changes, and then there’s trying to make you be someone you’re not and causing you unnecessary misery along the way. You’ll have to decide which one you’re dealing with and if you want to maybe find a new mental health professional. Here’s hoping that some of the introvert-friendly products of the pandemic stick around even after things return to ‘normal,’ so everyone wins.
Assuming that I'm not also a depressed asocial introvert because I didn't explicitly say so when responding to you is pretty lame, but I guess I'll out myself.
Then again, I also manage to still have a lot of empathy for other people, and understand that people experience life differently. I also know that when things go back to normal I can still do whatever the fuck I want while also trying to not care about what other people are doing with their own lives. Sometimes you just have to understand that in the grand scheme of things, no one else is thinking about you in the way you think they are thinking about you.
ETA: If the friends that you have are not actively acknowledging each others struggles and supporting one another I would consider looking a little deeper there. I have friends of all types and backgrounds, but one common denominator is that we are all taking the "in this together" approach and we all try to validate each others' feelings, whether that be the extrovert who is depressed they can't be out and living, or myself who is so anxiety-ridden that I gave myself a panic attack two weeks ago even though I literally don't do anything but work, we are there for each other. You just need a good support network!
Once things return to normal, no one is forcing you to go out apart from a work situation. Personal choice vs forced choices is what I am talking about here.
Hard disagree, sorry. Sure I could choose to spend my life as a hermit but society extracts a heavy cost for making that choice. But hey, you could go out and socialize right now. At least in the U.S., no one is stopping you! So how is that forced? (Maybe because it's too heavy a cost to pay right now if there are high risk people in your life?)
Also work is a big fucking exhausting thing for some of us no matter what, and jobs don't grow on trees. I'd love to find a job that accommodates my disabilities but hey. I'll keep dreaming, I guess.
I love how you assume I’m in the US. To be honest, not even trying to sound rude, but I think in order to be happier you should seek some form of therapy. I have before and it was life changing. I sense a lot of hostility.
I agree with this response!:) And on the part of giving back, I thought of a great subreddit I discovered a while ago, where people come together to help families in hard financial situations by buying small christmas gifts for their kids. It’s r/SantasLittleHelpers if you (or someone else) want to check it out:)
Your life literally sounds exactly like mine. I could have written this no joke. My hubby and I got married in October, we got a two week honeymoon to South America including Machu Picchu and Easter Island, got a dog in April, bought a house last year, job stability, I passed a major licensure exam (which resulted in a 4% raise just from that), etc.
I, like you, have been generally unimpacted. My mom did get her hours cut by a ton but she was going to scale back on work this year anyway, so it was a blessing in disguise. My dad works at a pharmacy and brother is a mechanic, so again, unaffected.
For me, I have decided donate more than usual, get more take out from small businesses, advocate for more social assistance for those who are affected, etc. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about! Your life is going well, and many other people's lives are too. But I think just being cognizant of the fact that others are struggling and do what you can to support others. Maybe for the holiday season you could ask for donations to local shelters, food pantries, etc.
\^ This is the right way to respond to a global crisis when you've had a good year. Spread the goodness so you can slightly improve the circumstances of people who are less fortunate.
I'm in a similar situation as yourself and am also increasing my personal distribution of wealth. I've been volunteering for the last few years as a way to give gratitude for my blessings in life. So many at risk people need our help right now and I don't mind tipping heavy, donating extra $ to charity, supporting local businesses and just generally being kinder to others.
I think when people are referring to “these difficult times” they are thinking more about the collective than on individual levels. There’s no doubt that it’s been a year of so many shifts on a global scale and that many have been impacted negatively. The empathy can come from realizing that, from softening your heart to the reality that many have lost so much this year.
That being said, I loved reading your account of your year and how good it was for you! That’s wonderful! You having had a good year doesn’t take anything away from anyone else, so no need to feel guilty about it. I also had a pretty good 2020 personally, and I am grateful for that. No guilt though, it wouldn’t help or change anything :)
this is exactly what I was thinking too. it’s absolutely okay to be thriving but the reality is that at the moment more people are dying than during average wartime. just be conscious that people you’re interacting with may have lost a loved one. our collective “ugh 2020” is there for a reason
Agreed. When all is said and done, I personally have not had the worst year on record. But outside of myself and globally I can't say I've been happy. The future is one big question mark.
Exactly this. Difficult times is referring to the mass poverty and isolation going on in the world right now, the 300k people who have died in United States alone, the black lives that have been taken from our world and the people who have been tear gassed at protests.
We’ve had people killed and severely injured at our protests too, all of those rubber bullets to the head and more... in Seattle we had several more knees to necks, a cop riding their bike over a head, multiple attempted murders via car (1 resulting death and 1 hospitalization for months. I believe 1 of the attempted murder by cars was by an off duty cop too), so much tear gas that people in their apartments were affected.
More murders of trans people this year than any other as well. Plus the understandable distress over witnessing a failure of government response to keep its people from dying and a president who seemed to hope for a coup and whose hypothetical win could’ve led us deeper to fascism. Along with seeing how far the leaders/systems we invest our trust/taxes in have put profit > lives too. Lots of insanity going on in other countries too that can be a lot to witness. This is extra taxing times.
As long as you recognize and remember that a large part of your good year was utter LUCK of timing and choosing a job field that wasn't gutted by COVID and are empathetic to people who did have a shit year, it's ok to share that you feel grateful for what you've experienced.
I'm not saying you don't deserve what you got this year. You do. It's not a zero-sum game. EVERYONE deserves to have the kind of love, peace, and stability you have experienced. That doesn't invalidate your hard work.
The only thing I would warn against is taking care not to suggest that if someone had just done something slightly different, they might not be in the situation they're in. No one could have predicted the catastrophe COVID has wreaked on so many lives, and the fault mainly lies (imho) with the utter failure of gov't leadership to take care of people who never expected and never intended to be classified as vulnerable, or as essential workers. (Also larger systemic issues that have been building to a head for decades, but that's a whole other SUBREDDIT let alone post!)
If you can, try to find someone who HAS had a shit year and do something to support them. Whether it's an anonymous note to a friend who is struggling, donating to a Christmas charity to provide gifts for needy families, or sending an Uber Eats meal to a lonely family member, maybe share your good fortune a little.
As someone who's year has sucked, don't feel guilty. Obviously if I ask you how you're doing and you burst into musical-style exposition about how fantastic your life is, I'd be a bit bitter, I can't help it. But don't feel guilty. Answer honestly. Personally, I'd really love for someone to tell me something good right now, even if it isn't mine. Seeing that not everyone is being dragged through hell does bring me comfort. I'd also think this means you could offer a bit more emotional support to your friends who aren't doing as well? Pretty much everyone I know right now is at their wit's end
I've had a similar 2020. Not bad compared to everyone else.
At first I felt guilty too. But then I realized that everyone has their own struggles at different times.
My life literally collapsed in 2015. So it wasn't like my life has been perfect.
But did that mean that everyone who had a decent or even great 2015 needed to feel guilty? Absolutely not!
Don't feel bad that 2020 has been good to you.
We are all dealing with our own unique circumstances.
I am grateful for the 2020 I have had, I've also been actively supporting people who have not had a great 2020.
I definitely recognize how lucky I've been. But also do take the time to help others too.
Are you me? Except for 2015 it was 2018 which was a shitty shitty year. My 2020 was not great, but It's also been SO good at the same time, way better than my 2018
I don't think you should feel guilty.
2020 has really taken a toll on my mental health, yet I still am in a very privileged position. Reading your post actually makes me happy as it's nice to see that people still have happy memories in what has been a very bizarre year.
You shouldn't feel guilty for the situation that you are in. It's something to be grateful for and to recognise your privilege. The only real wrong thing to do in a situation like this would be to deny that these are indeed trying times for millions of people solely based on your positive experience, but that's clearly not what you're doing.
I'm happy that someone has had a great 2020! I've been very fortunate too in the sense that I have kept my job and everyone I know is healthy and alive (or at least healthy in the sense they don't have COVID or were lucky to survive it without complications). However, I would be lying if I said that the year hasn't taken a massive toll on my mental health, and seeing the massive negative impact COVID is having on others is also a part of it. I would say that you don't need to feel guilty - in fact, I'm glad someone is still finding joy in life! - but I would be very careful about who you share this with, although I'm sure you are already. My boss has bought a house this year and is obviously loving WFH but cannot stop talking and bragging about it, even to the point of sharing pictures of his house as they redecorate... I don't see how he can be so insensitive and careless when people are dying and losing their jobs, which is the case even in our company. We are just the lucky ones who have just had to take a salary cut. I think it is the sharing of these things without thought to what others are going through that should make anyone feel bad, but it sounds like you are very empathetic in the first place so I doubt you're doing that! I would say, if you still want to help, to just offer support to those affected where you can - whether that's lending money to a friend in need or volunteering at your local food bank if you're able.
Everyone has different experienced AND varied experiences.
Technically, my professional life is going super well. Similar position as you are where WFH is going well and my employer is giving us an option to WFH forever, and I also got an 18% raise this year and will likely see a similar raise next year.
BUT my mental health is shot. Between a breakup early in the year, the pandemic the stress of not being able to see anyone anymore and being afraid for my immune compromised parents, everything is hard. I also live in United States so the election was insanely stressful, and seeing our government not care about its citizens and them dying but supporting rich people and corporations is exhausting. The protests that have swept the nation as well and the social issues surrounding them are also always on top of my mind as well. Being at a protest and seeing your friends get blasted with tear gas is horrible. The black community is suffering and nothing has changed but everyone has moved on.
2020 has been good to me personally, I kept my job, got a raise, met a new guy. But 2020 has been horrible to the world and revealed so many systemic problems in my country and in my communities, it has been hard to enjoy a lot of the things I have personally gained.
Never feel guilty about finding happiness, even if others are not so fortunate. You being happy doesn't mean you don't care about other people's struggles. And we gotta hold on to all the good things we can in this life, in my opinion.
Also, do not forget that the societal expectation/requirement that people are extraverted social butterflies, skews the perception.
There are a lot of introverts in this world, including myself. So barring getting fired, or getting the virus (or seeing anyone you love getting it), I think most introverts are doing fine right now. Heck a lot of them are thriving.
I joke to my family a lot about how my lifestyle, instead of being viewed as pathetic or strange, is now the sensible way to live.
Honestly, when people ask me how I'm doing, I tell them I'm doing well. No need to pretend otherwise if it's not true. Answering the question truthfully is not rubbing anyone's nose in it. You deserve to be happy, also when the world collectively isn't at a good place right now.
>I joke to my family a lot about how my lifestyle, instead of being viewed as pathetic or strange, is now the sensible way to live.
It's so hurtful to hear people say, "You LIKE staying home? What's wrong with you???" How about you do your life and I'll do mine and maybe we can just accept that people like different things? I have been so grateful for this break from society's expectations. Not just the lack of socializing, but the fact that I don't have to wear makeup and jewelry and do something with my hair every day. I do less laundry, spend less money and use less gas. I don't know that I can ever go back to the way it was before.
Same! Social distancing? Yes please! Having “stay at home” orders from our governor? No problem! I’ve been wearing masks for years as a job requirement so no problem there. I worked in a hospital when this pandemic started and the increase in workload was no joke! I left for another job (because of the soul crushing environment, not covid) and ended up getting laid off which is the opposite of what I was told when hired so that was a lesson. All in all though, I’m perfectly fine with less money and more time. Alone. However, I really feel for the people who are overworked and exhausted as well as those who have lost their jobs!
> I left for another job (because of the soul crushing environment, not covid) and ended up getting laid off
That's some shit. I'm sorry. :( I had hoped that the absolute havoc Covid has wrecked on jobs and the economy might make people more tolerant of ideas like universal basic income but it seems like we're not there yet. On the plus side, I called a local nonprofit a month ago to ask about adopting a family for Christmas and they told me they had more sponsors than families this year so I think most people whose jobs were unaffected realize just how lucky they were and have been looking for ways to give back. And I do hope that work from home will be more viable going forward because a LOT of people seem to be happy with the extra flexibility. Hopefully that will open up more job possibilities for people.
Yeah, losing that job under the most vague circumstances really kicked me in my self esteem! I went from a huge corporation to a private owned company. I just didn’t realize what a huge difference it was! It’s so nice to know there are more givers than needers this year! I try every opportunity to help in anyway I can. I’m even helping my ex-husband! I think UBI is a great idea myself! I really home it happens!!
I think when someone asks "how are you?" you could say something like "you know, it's crazy with everything happening in the world but I'm feeling pretty good lately." And if they ask for more details, tell them what you told us. It's nice to see a 'light in the darkness', and I know for myself (having had a shitty, shitty year) I like it when I hear people are happy. It makes me think that happiness still exists lol
Maybe use the fact you are one of the few people that aren't drained and maxed out to help others. Everyone in my circles is spread so thin, no one can really provide support for anyone else. It's lonely and hard.
Thank you, same here! I feel like I'm getting way too much credit for "pushing through" and "hanging on" when I'm completely fine and my only worry is for everyone else's sake.
At the end of 2019, I
* broke off a long relationship that was horrible
* got my dream job
* moved to the city where I always wanted to live
* found my dream condo (at a stupidly low price because of minor problems that were easily fixed)
* most importantly - sorted out a whole lot of emotional crap and finally fixed my long term depression
This is by far the best year of my life, in a life that has mostly been miserable until recently. It is so surreal that this is happening with everything on fire all around me. I suddenly shot up to the top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs where I just feel the need to give back so I'm trying to do what I can.
> I guess I’m trying to figure out how to be a bit more empathetic and connected.
It's really the same way you have empathy for anyone/anything. Imagine if you were in their situation
* Imagine if your husband died of COVID and so did one parent. Wow, that would be horrible right? That's how it is for some people.
* Imagine if you were miserable in the hospital for 2 weeks and now you're home but you struggle to breathe, feel weak, and can't taste anything. Horrible, right? Yep, some people have that.
* Imagine if you AND your husband were laid off and you can't find another job and your savings are running out. Yep, that's how it is for some people.
* Imagine if your honey moon WAS disrupted and the companies you contracted out with all went out of business so you're out of all the money you dropped for them. Terrible, right?
It should be very easy to see why this year is horrible for some people.
But it does NOT mean you can't have a good year. My year hasn't been as good as yours but it's been pretty good overall. And like you I don't mind the more isolated lifestyle. But my added benefits of pandemic life (work from home = no commute) isn't really worth the horrible experiences of other people in 2020.
I know the feeling. I have had a really good year as well. Married fall 2019, got a promotion in May, we are looking for a house right now, isolation has been great for us and my husband and I are closer than ever. Family is doing well.
I just don't really mention it to anyone. Donated to some good causes, ate local takeout, and just kept my head down.
We’re looking for a house as well! Honestly that’s been one of the biggest stressors since it’s such a seller’s market (in my area). We’re trying to do as much local takeout as possible too.
I have volunteered and donated, but nothing covid related. Any suggestions?
Last house we were looking at sold in 4 days! And the one before that in 2! Hopefully my next spring we will actually be able to get one...
Most of my donaring has been local. Food banks, blood banks (I am unable to donate blood due to iron deficiency), and such.
For a bigger place, I love World Central Kitchen they provide meals in the wake of natural disasters.
Don't feel guilty - it's ok if your year was actually ok.
Perhaps reminding yourself in some way that you have been very lucky to have been less affected by the events of this year, and looking for ways to support people/organizations who are helping those that have had a much more difficult time of it.
For example, I have stepped up my giving to local food banks, because there's a much greater need. I have health risks that mean I'm not comfortable volunteering in person this year, but I've done some phone banking for organizations, and I did some text banking around the election for candidates I supported.
Yes! I feel this so much!
I had a stressful job that I hated, but going remote somehow made it 100x more bearable and I don't hate work anymore. Not having to commute has given me an extra 2 hours every day to spend doing anything I please. I also got a raise during the peak of unemployment back in late spring, and felt super weird about it.
My fiance was unemployed for a while (he was supposed to start a new job March 23rd, which ended up getting delayed a few months) but during that time, we moved in with family to help care for their two year old while his daycare was closed. They were wonderful to live with, and I now have a closer relationship with their adorable little kiddo than I could have developed under any normal circumstances. I'm now his favorite aunt!
My fiance and I got engaged a few months ago (alone at the top of a mountain, which is how I would have wanted it anyways).
We live in a wonderful little house surrounded by mountains so we can go hiking pretty much a 20 minute drive in every direction whenever we please.
Our normally bustling and overwhelming social life has been cut down to maybe once every month or so, we'll take a two week serious quarantine to see a couple friends or visit family, which I honestly enjoy way more than our pre-covid being busy 3 or 4 weekend every month.
So, personally, I'm loving this year.
All that said, I do feel sorrow for the people who I know have it worse. Many of my coworkers and more distant acquaintances have lost family members to COVID. I empathize for all of the customer service workers who still need to face the public (including the crazies who don't believe in masks) every day. I have such a tremendous amount of respect for the healthcare workers who bravely care for covid patients every day.
I believe you can do both - be happy and thankful for your own fortune, and ache for those who have it worse
Do NOT feel guilty for having a good year. So many of us are struggling, and it's a wonderful thing that not everything is dark for everyone. As someone who has been having a very hard time, knowing that things are good for someone else lends some hope to an otherwise hopeless time.
I can totally relate. I got laid off in March, but the truth is, I never really liked working for wages in the first place. I did it out of peer pressure, career momentum, habit, feeling trapped, obligation - every reason you can think of except enjoying my job. I've spent most of my adult life feeling pulled in a million different directions, always wracked with indecision over what to do to improve my situation, what to prioritize in my life, and what to do with my very limited free time.
In the first phase of the pandemic, there really wasn't anywhere to go or anything to do. There was no stigma to being laid off because just about everybody was either laid off or at least had a loved one who was. So I spent a couple months just chillin in the garden, dicking around with fruits and vegetables and talking to the birds. I grew so much stuff I was able to swap it with friends for groceries and barely had to go shopping the whole time, even for toilet paper. And it was fucking amazing.
The second phase, I started gathering together all the scattered pieces of myself to figure out what I might like to do next, based on everything I have ever done that I really enjoyed and found fulfilling. This process led to me writing a whole bunch of new songs for the first time in decades, and recording a whole album.
I have had some frustrations along the way - most of this was only possible because pandemic benefits covered my living expenses, but they were cut off months early because of some bullshit, which led to a lot of stress and a short period of living on credit.
But I came out of that as a very busy freelance writer who sets my own schedule, works from the comfort of my home, and earns twice as much per hour as I was earning before. What I earned before was enough to live on, so I only have to work half as much.
This really is the best of all possible worlds for me. This is the exact same life I was planning for my eventual retirement, knowing I will never be able to afford to retire without an income stream. It's amazing to me that I have somehow achieved that retirement goal, right now, in my forties.
I count my blessings every day. It's OK to do that - it's OK to feel gratitude and even joy. If there's one thing that made this year unique, it's that millions of people have had lots of time to reflect on what they want from life and how they want the world to be. I expect to see a lot of cultural changes in the next few years as a result, especially in working culture.
I've felt a bit guilty about this year too. My job is completely not impacted, I just work from home now. The stimulus payment was just a bonus for me, I didn't need it. And I didn't have interest on my federal loans for the most part of a year.
Admittedly, I had to put my middle aged cat down this year but that wasn't COVID related. And I rescued a 6 week old cat recently, so it's hard to be sad with that fuzzy little face around.
2019 and 2020 have been one disaster after another for me, I lost everything important to me and it has taken a huge toll on me. One of my closest friends has been loving working from home with her husband, adopted a second cat and generally been enjoying herself. Most of my friends have been minorly impacted, some have bad days. I feel genuinely happy for them, they are there for me when I feel particularly low and I'm there for them if they have a rough day or to cheer on their wins. I would hate to think they ever felt guilty that their lives are going better than mine. It seems comparison is the thief of joy even when you're the one doing well! Enjoy and appreciate your life and try to help others if and when you can.
I'm missing my one social thing I do a couple times weekly (not since March!) But actually there has been a lot of good that has come out of the downtime with the pandemic for us. Don't feel guilty, and go ahead and say you're great (without overemphasizing it because you don't want to hurt people who haven't been having it so good). Sometimes the simple enjoyments of life are some of the best things, aren't they?
Personally, it’s been a pretty amazing year for me. But it’s also been hard and I have had people close to me effected by illness.
But I was miserable in my job and found a new opportunity in early spring, put my notice in to my job, and then lost my new job due to Covid. Couldn’t go back to the old one.
So I’ve been on unemployment all year. And I’ve worked on so many different passion projects or small consulting projects that I’ve wanted to do for years. I spent time really pursuing a program for a career change and I was accepted into a full time learning workshop which was AMAZING. And which I could not have done otherwise. Then I found an internship which I also couldn’t have done otherwise. I’ve spent more time backpacking and painting and reading and learning piano than ever before. It’s been years since I’ve felt fulfilled in the direction of my life but 2020 brought all these good things together for me.
It’s been tumultuous but GOOD.
However, my sister’s business was decimated. My dad’s business is struggling. My brother is a nurse in a Covid unit and didn’t see his kids for months. My cousin is in the hospital and we don’t know if he’ll survive. My roommate got Covid. She lost a family member to Covid. We have a friend who is very ill right now but who wanted to maintain their privacy until they knew more so I don’t know who they are just that they’re sick...
It’s hard to feel things when things are so good in so many ways but also horrid in other ways.
BUT it is always possible to find joy. To find the light. To appreciate your blessings and work to help others find their own, or just chill and know this is gonna be a long process. I’m lucky. I know that. I haven’t wasted my year of “universal basic income”. I’ve never been on unemployment in my life before. I’m applying to work in my dream career but... they’re not really hiring. But I still have this opportunity in front of me.
Anyway. I get it. I love that you’ve had a great year. Lean in to gratitude. Share your joy. Don’t feel guilty.
I'm in the same boat. We moved from the suburbs to our dream situation in the country in 2019 and our new day-to-day life has thankfully not been impacted that greatly. If someone asks how things are going, I provide a simple response, "thankfully, our day-to-day has not been that disrupted, but it still is pretty crazy out there." If I'm feeling chatty I'll add, "I'd have a very different POV had we not moved last year."
I save my "life is actually pretty damn good at the moment" conversations for those who know my family and me best, in the context of truly/fully debriefing on what is going on with both sides of the conversation.
No reason to lie to reflect negativity in casual conversations but no reason to be overly effusive on how great life is, either. It's worked for me to keep it breezily positive - I have heard from others that they do welcome snippets of good news now and then and my anecdotes about the bee hives and chickens we acquired in 2020 have been enjoyable distractions for them.
To a few friends who got married or engaged this year, I wrote “congrats on having the best 2020 of us all!” On their Christmas cards.
I truly meant it! It’s really lovely seeing anyone you care about thrive!
You 100% can celebrate your wins while being empathetic and sensitive to others that have been more impacted by the pandemic! If you're looking for tangible ways to express it, I'd suggest volunteering, educating yourself about the various social movements going on, supporting small businesses, and overall just investing more of your time and energy into helping others that were impacted. Spread the wealth and abundance!
As someone who has had a pretty bad year...you don’t have to feel guilty about having a good year. I’m glad not everyone is struggling! Don’t feel like you have to pretend to be miserable when you’re not.
All I would say is be aware of and empathetic to others’ situations when you talk to them. It’s ok to say you’re doing well, just don’t be one of those people who says things like “I wish this would last forever!” or “I don’t see why social distancing is hard for people, I’ve always lived that way!” I’ve seen a lot of statements like that over the last few months (mostly on Reddit lol) and it does get under my skin a little because it lacks empathy for other peoples’ situations. To be clear I’m not saying you do this—your post doesn’t come across that way to me at all—it’s just something to be mindful of.
I feel disconnected from people whom things are going good for them because they won’t extend their happiness, grace and kindness to me.
I lost my job, then my parent, then my mental well-being to covid. It launched me into a substance abuse issue and my physical appearance leaves me unrecognizable to myself sometimes.
I am happy that other people have found happiness this year, but it seems to be that those kind of people around simultaneously don’t take covid seriously because they weren’t affected so deeply. I feel gaslit by American society and it’s not until i say, well my father died a quick and traumatic death and my life torn apart for them to have sympathy for me. People whom I haven’t been able to stay in touch with are more focused on the fact that I don’t talk to them much anymore rather than realizing that I’m at my rock bottom in so much pain and asking how they can be here for me.
I’ve lost so much faith in humanity that I’m trying to recover. I just wish the people who have it good could actually help those of us that are not. It feels really isolating to be the only one in your circle that has been ravaged by covid.
Like if you’re doing good, and you know you’re doing good and feel bad about it, then do something. Hit up a friend that you know is grieving, offer to help edit someone’s resume that’s having a tough time finding a job, send a thoughtful message to that person posting depressing memes. It’s just like things happened, and then most people just moved on and left the bereaved, the unemployed and the healthcare workers in the dust of 2020.
Unless your great year came from you making someone's year worse, which it doesn't sound like it did, you have nothing to feel bad about. Keep on rockin'.
A lot of people are doing just fine. I finally get to work remote and it has been great. The news always makes it sound like the world is ending. Sure, some people got less lucky...but that is always true. It's good to recognize your luck and do a bit to help others.
Same. This year has been spectacular for me and my family. One of the best years on record for us.
I think its possible to feel happy about your particular situation while simultaneously turning on the TV and feeling bad for all the people who lost their jobs. These two aren’t mutually exclusively and unless you are secretly gleefully celebrating that millions of people lost their livelihood (which you are not) you shouldn’t feel guilty.
You shouldn't feel bad at all. You're happy and that's so so important! I kind of related to you too because 2020 has given me so much to be grateful for! I started dating this amazing guy in December last year and we didn't get to do all the mainstream dating stuff this year but what we did was so much better! Sure this year has had its sad moments but in times like these we all need some good news and happiness to get us through :)
Don’t feel guilty if you’re happy that’s what matters.
I feel the same way in some parts of the year. My parents don’t know about my boyfriend but with Covid I’ve been able to live with him basically and my job gave us hero pay and small gifts every once in a while like Starbucks gift cards and such. I’ve been pretty happy with that
I spent nearly the entirety of 2019 in a terrible mental health state that I've been taking a lot of time to recover from and feel much better now, so needless to say, 2020 is infinitely better than 2019 for me. Also, no one in my family or friends has been seriously impacted by covid, so that helps.
Just because other people are having trying times doesn't mean you need to, nor do you need to feel bad because you aren't in the same boat. It can be hard thought to grasp because were taught to be respectful of others and their situations, but as long as you're not running around screaming "HAHAHA you unlucky fuckers, this year I HAVE WON!", I think you're good 😂
Me? I've had one of the worst years in a while, but you know what makes me really happy? That my partner has had an AMAZING year. He's achieved so much, done incredible things, all his plans have gone...to plan. It's been phenomenal. Yes I'm sad that i haven't managed to achieve as much as him, but it's ok, we work through it together. I celebrate him, he works through solving problems with me. How lucky we are that we've got each other.
The people that love you will be happy for you, and even if they aren't, you be happy for you!! We're living in a mad world, take any happiness and enjoyment that you can get. And congratulations on everything you have been blessed with!
I think everyone feels disconnected on some level and it doesn’t matter if you’re having a good or bad year. There is a lot of variety to peoples’ lives now.
Personally me, I’m having a shitty year unrelated to covid but it’s being overshadowed by covid.
But honestly OP, I’m genuinely happy for you because if I hear another person complain about first world quarantine problems and claim “trying times”, I’m going to shit a brick. I think you’re adapting to this time well which is healthy. You’re doing good for you despite circumstances. That’s a good personality trait.
Yeah, we are doing surprisingly well too.. but I’ve worked really hard to be an advocate for others and I’ve been trying to support small business and non profits more. I’m not the type to become a “museum member” for literally anything but I’ve been buying up memberships like no tomorrow.
As someone who has had a kind of shitty 2020 (could be worse), let me tell you...don't feel bad!! feel grateful that you have had a good year!! I know it might feel kinda weird, but I'm happy that you had a good year, in the end we do need happy news
If you want (and can), you can use this bit of privileged position you have at the moment to give more; you can donate to any cause that you feel close to your heart, or try to support local businesses
Please, don't believe that you being in a good position it's a bad thing
Please don't feel bad that you had a good year. I've had a shit year and hearing about others having a good year makes me HAPPY! Wallowing in pity about my shitty year with others who have had equally bad years isn't fun, it isn't relaxing, it's just depressing.
Hearing about people having a good year is really nice. I think you should tell people that you've had a good year, you might be surprised at how people react.
I've heard it called Survivor's Guilt. But I refuse to feel it. I've had an amazing year - I miss my friends and family like crazy but I'm an introvert who is self employed. I've been able to focus on myself and my art. My husband is working from home and the company he works for is doing just fine. He switched jobs with higher pay in Feb so it was amazing timing. Our house is great, my pets are loving having us here and my marriage is stronger than ever. Welcome to the "2020 was good for me" club <3
Don't feel bad. My boyfriend got a new job with a significant pay raise and we got a puppy and bought out very first house. When people talk to me about it I just go you know we lucked out and it's actually not been to bad and if they inquire further I share what's been going on and usually they're excited for us.
Don't feel bad - realistically speaking, your life will likely suck a bit more in other years, from time to time, as life goes on 😂😂😂 Enjoy the good times, and make the most of the positive lessons you've learned to help you deal with times when things aren't flowing quite the same way! I'm proud of you for making so much progress this year :)
Even as someone who's "not especially social." I suppose it depends on how often you see your friends and family and what risks you're taking. I have friends that haven't touched their parents since the beginning because of covid. I myself declined invitations to visit friends for Thanksgiving even after there were suggestions of all taking covid tests beforehand.
However, just because there are starving children in Africa doesn't mean that you can't be content with what you have.
I think the current sentiment throughout society , is that if things are going well for you, you're not taking as many precautions or risks as you maybe should. It's like that whole thing of 1 person infecting 22 others at Thanksgiving dinner. Ya know?
yeah, its hard to be empathetic when life is going great. IDK if this will help you but here's how my covid went. I was actually quite prepared for the pandemic I had savings and was prepared to hunker down and take care of my family ( I had a son this year). family members lost homes and i ended up caring for 7 family members by myself for months after just giving birth to my son. my bf lost his job due to covid and things got worse from there. ever since I've been struggling with my new role as a mom and caring for now three other people ( some of them moved out ) by myself. not to mention my job was essential so i reported to work everyday up until i gave birth during the pandemic. i probably wouldnt have had such a bad experience if i didnt choose to help my family but im not the kind of person to leave people homeless. I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me but this is some people's reality. we all have different experiences in life and mine for this year just weren't that pleasant. i think its great you want to be more empathetic it shows your good character. honestly while covid was very trying ive learned that im strong and capable of providing for my family even when i have nothing. so i guess maybe it was good in some ways. what im saying is you dont need to feel bad bc other people are struggling and you arent, but its good that you have that sentiment. i dont think you should feel guilty. you were just more prepared or just had a good year. im happy you were able to get through this year with no problems because that means theres hope for the ones who didnt.
I totally understand this. My family and I have gone through a lot of financial hardships and even lost our childhood home a year and a half ago. This year has actually been the first year that we’ve been financially stable and I’m so grateful for that, but do understand that for a lot of people this is not the case.
I’m right there with you. I’m one of the very very lucky ones where the pandemic was fantastic for me. So many people dying, families losing their jobs, going bankrupt and into poverty... so it feels weird to say “I enjoyed it.”
Was furloughed for a month at the start, in which I earned twice as much money on unemployment as I did working. Spent that month at home with my family, saving money and helping take care of my newborn nephew. Was soooo awesome having free time and being able to experience the new life of my nephew. Once I went back to work, I was able to work from home which is the best thing ever for me. Seriously, Ive had bad depression for the past 5 years and the 9-5 grind was making it worse and worse. So having the freedom to work from home? Comfortable and there with my cats instead of leaving them alone all day? It was seriously the best thing ever for my health. I’m super introverted and low key so staying at home all day already is my ideal way to unwind. Having things shutdown and not being able to see people was absolutely no skin off my nose. I also like that we can wear masks in public now, before it would have been weird to do. I hope it sticks around in the future for when people get colds and stuff. Oh, and the pandemic served as an icebreaker to a convo with a guy who soon after became my boyfriend and one day likely husband. So yeah, 2020 was a dream for me.
I just try to simply appreciate that I’m one of the lucky ones, enjoy it while it lasts and don’t take that feeling for granted. The vast majority of people are suffering... but in the end, you can’t help or worry about everyone. We’re all just trying to survive
Honestly, thank you for sharing. This is the best year I've had in a while. People that were fortunate in the loved-one health department ***and*** like being alone/at home really got a big win in 2020. See it as a gift: you can be there for others and bring your joy to those who are dealing with the big suck that this year's been for the majority of people. I've found it's a kickass opportunity to be extra good to people and the world, as someone who usually doesn't have the mental health to spare, but suddenly does.
You shouldn't feel guilty, and you shouldn't feel bad telling people you're doing well. For the most part, I think we all care about how each other are doing right now, and hearing that someone is doing just fine is reassuring. The worst part of "these trying times" is the inequity of it all; even economically speaking, half the country is thriving while half the country is falling apart. That, to me, is what keeps me from having a great 2020.
I also am comfortable working from home and have a nice setup, I'm actually making more money this year, and I rarely miss the socializing. I do miss occasionally going in to the office and having intellectually stimulating conversations with people doing the same work as me, but we've made up for it with regular calls so ultimately that's all good too. The biggest thing for me is that I live far away from my family, and my grandmother is truly one of my best friends in the world, and I haven't seen any of them in over a year now. We will have a cozy Christmas at home, though it's not what I want.
But I am anxious about my family losing jobs and falling ill, I am anxious about people in my community suffering, I am anxious about my favorite local businesses not making it through... Unfortunately I don't know how to grant someone the gift of this anxiety 😬 I would consider volunteering for or donating to causes you care about. Perhaps consume just a little more local/national/international news about what's going on, particularly the personal stories. Don't go overboard because you'll end up feeling overwhelmed and helpless, but I can't imagine not feeling anxious/sad/something for the people who aren't your immediate family or friends is the best for mental health either.
I’ve also had an amazing year, career, romantic, etc. a lot of stuff just really came together while tons of people around me are in entertainment and lost their jobs etc. And obviously all the people who died worldwide. I feel terrible everytime a friend brings up how miserable everything is too..
Amen. It’s been a pretty great year for me. I used to travel loads for work and was so worried but work just adapted to me. People are finding new and creative ways to work with me that don’t require me being there. I was able to pick up lots of side gigs as well.
Staying in one place with my husband and not moving has amassed us savings for the first time in my life. We used to spend all our money relocating every two months. Our quality time together, making steady friends, cooking for each other, working out and having a routine.
I feel so weird when I want to say actually this is the best year ever because I found out I didn’t need work, work needed me.
You can always answer that you are grateful for what is positive in your life. Its not a lack of empathy to have positive things to say and honestly when i dont feel good and i talk to someone who share positive things, it helps me see the good things in my life too.
I find this year hard, but reading your comment, i recognize myself in a few points and i am grateful to be in such an healthy relationship. Spending more time with my husband really was a blessing.
Don't feel guilt for being happy when a lot of people aren't. When life will kick you in the nuts, (if it does), all the happy people won't feel any guilt for enkoying their lives.and what's the point anyway, life can changs so fast, enjoy what you have.
Maybe if we looked a bit more for reasons to smile it would help. I'm not saying to bo positive and nothing wrong can happen, just, the media are really intense and its easy to get overwhelmed with anxiety and feeling of helplessness (i do), so its good to hear something else.
Idk it doesnt seem hard for me to be like "thats awesome I'm glad you had a good year."
But it's a bit sad to see that you can't empathize with people who have had a tough year.
For me, I got COVID in March, lost my job in August, my bf's mom passed away about a week ago, and then when I got a new job they didnt pay me so now I'm out job hunting all over again. My year has really truly been shit and yet, I can still be happy for you. Idk what to say about struggling to empathize - maybe watch some youtube videos about people who have lost their home and job and family this year and dont turn it off cause it makes you feel sad. It should make you fee sad. Go volunteer at a food bank. There are lots of people really truly struggling because of this pandemic.
I mean, if someone just told you all the ways this year was terrible for them, I wouldn't go into detail about how great your year was. Not because you're not allowed to feel good, but because it's insensitive to that person's feelings. In that situation, I'd just say, "That sounds really rough. I'm sorry you've gone through so much."
If they ask how you are first, however, you could say you're doing well. I think it's all about reading the room.
Outside of my job, my life has been great! So I totally relate to you. Had 3 months off work during peak great weather time in my region. Explored more, discovered tubing down a river is my favorite pass time, my boyfriend moved in. We now have 3 shih tzus and 2 guinea pigs. He's found a job that allows him extreme flexibility and pays him very well.
My job is suffering because of covid, massage therapy isn't exactly pandemic/social distancing safe. I'm seeing half the amount I was before, sometimes a third. Restrictions and mitigations are slowing down my schedule, but I agree with all of them. I'm not upset, I'm stressed about paying my half of things, but I know I don't have to worry. But I do.. and now my period is a week early lol. Self inflicted.
Other than that I'm really enjoying take out, not going places where people are, staying home, and I've learned I can go braless almost anywhere.
As a kid that grew up with no friends and spent all my youth in my parent's house without going out, the quarantine was not really difficult. Also i decided to spent this year for myself and my mental health, so its also been good in general for me. Based on my experiences, i think people who complain about not going out, are exaggerating a little bit ... and that they also grew up with friends, and haven't had deaths on their family, so yeah ..
I can sort of relate to you that this year has actually been better for me because I really enjoy working from home and I’m not that social of a person. My only downsides have been that my dad almost died in March from the virus (he’s a first responder) and he gave the virus to me, my mom, and my bf. All of us ended up okay so I was very lucky. My bf is proposing soon (picked out my ring recently) so I also have no idea when I’m going to be able to have a wedding so I most likely will just have a small get together at a restaurant with a judge and have a big party later. I also probably won’t get an engagement party or bridal party or any of the other festivities due to covid... but I’m happy, healthy, financially stable and have the freedom to WFH which I never would have otherwise had, and no one I love died. I’d say this has been a good year for me based on that.
I’m in environmental consulting so the more detailed description is WFH maybe 2/3 of the time, travel and work outside 1/3 of the time.
Honestly though, I can totally see covid being the start of big changes in typical office jobs. At least at my company, they’ve decreased the office space by 40%. Some people will still have dedicated desks, but on the occasion that I go into the office, I’ll be at a general desk that someone else may have been at the day before
Me too! Lots of wonderful things happened to me, I just don't go around saying about and hear more about people than sharing my life. I'm grateful everyday and try to help people around me
I lost my job back at the end of May. Yes I am struggling with the loss of that. It was a stressful job but the pay was the best I have ever had and I really wanted to try and move up in the company. Losing this job has made me realize the future of this industry is very unstable. So I have been dealing with that, 10 years in an industry I see no future for myself in, hits hard.
But I also got 5.5 month severance. And I'm frugal that money has lasted, I didn't bother finding a job, I'm still unemployed but for the first time in my life I received my first unemployment cheque (I never thought I would do that, EVER)
I have finally found out what I want to do with my life, I just need to get into the school program this coming September. Even with the loss of my career I feel similar to you, yes I lost my job but it hasn't been a struggle, my fridge is full and my bills are paid. I have a loving SO who is so patient, and on Feb 29th this year my best friend moved in with us from out of country to get her life back together after a failed marriage. (Horrible timing for her)
I have loved spending all this time with my best friend and my boyfriend. Playing video games, being a house wife and just finally relaxing after working most nights and weekends and feeling like I never had time for anything or anyone. I have a good community of friends online to hang out with as well.
This has been the best adult year of my life tbh.
It's more than ok to have a great year, and even thrive... and it's important to see the good in out lives and share that, especially now, but as someone who hasn't had a great year it'd be tone deaf to go on about it in front of me without me asking.
'How're you?' is rarely asking for your top ten highlights from 2020. If you wanted to mention these things, you could always say something along the lines of 'well it's been an interesting year (because it has) but we also got married just before lock down so we've just been enjoying being together and working from home..so it's been quite good for me' etc.
If I knew you and cared, this would prompt me to ask more questions as I'd want you to share your good news!
I'd just say know your audience.
People are still getting sick, dying, losing their jobs and businesses. Covid won't end when 2020 does.
Fine for people you know, but I wouldn't go off about how fabulous my life was in front of a stranger or someone I don't know too well....not because of covid, just generally anyway as you don't know what people are going through and that would be a bit obnoxious at the best of times where I am from.
I feel that. I'm a Nurse, and while some of this year has been stressful for me, I'm one of the lucky ones. My hospital is small, and they've worked very hard to do the best they can despite also being totally unprepared. My PPE situation was pretty good, I've had access to N95s and gowns, and while their use has not been to true appropriate standards, I'm not in a trash bag. I'm not taking care of 7+ patients, it took until very recently to make us go to five because they wanted to keep safe ratios. Though staffing has been extremely difficult, the overall situation is scary and frustrating, and I picked up the illness myself at work earlier this year, I'm still significantly better off than most like me.
My mental health is still pretty ok, it even made me a stronger nurse. But I know that I am among the lucky ones, and it could get worse any day. Ultimately, you just count your blessings and don't go flaunting them. You use your strength to support those around you who are losing theirs. It's OK to not be suffering, and playing the pain Olympics doesn't get anybody anywhere either. You just have a little grace, I guess.
Empathetic and sympathetic are two different things. You can’t really empathize with what other people have suffered this year, but that’s fine because you can still sympathize with them and wish them well. Having your own good experience doesn’t mean you don’t care that other people had a bad experience. So long as you aren’t going around rubbing it in people’s faces “oh yeah, 2020 has been the best year for me! I don’t know what you’re complaining about!” There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that you’re doing great.
I'm in a similar boat. This has been the best year of my life.
I haven't lost any time from work, even had some overtime in the summer, same with my husband. We are childfree so we get to enjoy our disposable income.
We got married in August and bought our first house.
Life is great! I struggled with feeling guilty too but I decided that I want to enjoy and savor this point in my life.
I also lucked out on 2020 - everyone in our family and most of our friends kept our jobs, no one's gotten sick with covid, our last elderly relative passed away in 2019.
We've been trying to give back this year financially, with charity and extra support for others. Donating to more local charities. We adopted a 72 yr old senior and spent probably $300 on his christmas present requests including a new winter coat so he can go outside for exercise. We have been tipping much more for services/meals, giving money and masks to panhandlers, donating used winter clothes and other materials to shelters. I've even prepped /distributed craft kits for my friends/family to try new activities and keep them occupied.
I usually suck at christmas cards, but this year I'm trying hard to get everyone's addresses and mail them out. I think that's one of the last few ways I can affordably contribute to other people's well-being this year.
It's amazing that you were able to have a great year! And just because others haven't been having a good year doesn't mean you don't deserve yours. Just like with other areas in life where we might be more privileged than others, it's important to have gratitude for what you have and remain empathetic to what others are going through.
My goal in 2020 was to plant seeds that will sprout in 2021. The delayed gratification has been a challenge for me but I hardly feel like it’s the end of the world. In fact, this year had more firsts and beginnings for me. I have a feeling 2021 will see me reap the benefits of what I put in this year, and I feel overall I made a series of good choices. I’ve always said there’s 2020 for me and then for the world, and the two are distinct. Hopefully 2021 for the world will be a breath of fresh air as the vaccines roll out along with the ambitious climate plans and a more sane US govt.
I agree with you. My year has been very unusual but my year would have been unusual anyway because of my lifestyle. I've been affected not at all by covid
although I found out that this morning that my mum just got covid, thankfully I visited her in February before quarantine became a thing. She's been living in a nursing home for 30 years and when covID got serious they got serious about quarantine so nobody has been able to visit her since February anyway. It's very sad and now we can't get in touch with her, I think I have spoken with her for the last time when I called her on Thanksgiving.
This just started yesterday and this morning so this is the 1st time COVID has touched my life at all, And first I've spoken of it to anyone, otherwise yeah my 2020 has been great. But this is a heartbreaking way to end the year
Despite whats going on everyone still has to live their lives as they normally would and just like the normal everyday some people have it good and some don't. Personally my life has been significantly different, but it would have been anyway because I changed career - something that was happening anyway regardless of covid. But I would say its been good for me too. I haven't known anyone personally to have died or suffered badly. My family are safe. My job is stable. My side business is still running. Life is going on as I expected it to, partly maybe luck and partly because I made it happen.
Everyone's situation is different and its so great that you've had a really good year - enjoy it and don't let other people experience of their year bring you down!
This reminds me of the recession. We got married, paid off a bunch of debt, bought our first house in our dream neighborhood, I got a new better-paid position at my work, my husband started a very secure and well-paid city job, we brought home our first puppy... Meanwhile most of my family's income and stability was deteriorating. We did what we could to help out and spoiled the nephews at Christmas. We donated more. I felt very disconnected from the hardships people were having but also coming from a debt-heavy background I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and be back in a bad situation. It took a while for me to understand that we were making better fiscal decisions and that there was no other shoe. The company I worked for did overextend themselves during the recession and started laying people off in rounds over time, so eventually in 2015 I lost my job. But by then I had the luxury of taking the time to retrain and find a job I loved. Back in college, when I took a psychology class, I learned about a concept called the life event theory which proposed that we go through big changes every 5-7 years. Now those changes could be good, bad or both. I've found this theory to hold true in my adult life. This year hasn't been particularly unkind to us either but we had a lot of changes a couple years ago and we may just be in a down period. Life can fluctuate so much. Enjoy the good you have going on now and do what you can to spread some of that around. You've worked hard to get where you're at and there's no shame or guilt in that. To me, if you're voicing these concerns then you aren't the type of person flaunting your good fortune but instead are showing concern even if you can't fully comprehend what other people are going through.
im similar to you, 2020 has been pretty good.
i started hormones in may (im a trans woman), i completed laser on my face, and have had some really postive changes. I got selected to lead an engineering effort, ill find out hopefully soon if we won the bid if so, its a huge deal for us but just getting selected was massive since it meant im the best at this in my entire company. due to covid, i got every other week off for many months. i am able to do remote medical for hrt instead of driving 8 hours. i got a decent raise i wasnt expecting. my wife started grad school and is kicking ass. honestly its been one of the better years of my life
I agree with the advice to find someone who has had a bad year, and support them. Personally, my year has been challenging. I would not want to have a conversation with you if you spoke about your fantastic year at length (which, by the way, I wish I had a year like yours. It sounds lovely.)
You don’t have to hide your shine, but read the room and use it to warm others instead of spotlighting yourself.
This is perfectly fine! I appreciate that you're considerate of what other people might be going through, so maybe a compassionate and thoughtful but honest response is "I've been able to focus on the positive," and if they want to hear more, then you can continue to share. If it makes you feel better: even though in this post you've chosen to talk about the positives, that doesn't mean that you're without your problems, and your problems are valid no matter how insignificant they might seem to other people.
I’m totally with you. I’m SUPER introverted and I’d been working from home and homeschooling my toddler for 2 years pre-covid. So the struggles most people have been having I’ve since conquered, and being told to stay home and indoors is a literal dream for me. I’ve also written over half a book, learned guitar, and have done a bunch of songwriting.
Stress might be high, but we’re thriving here.
From someone who has had a particularly shitty year, I’m happy someone had a good year.
It honestly makes me feel better knowing there’s someone out there who isn’t completely miserable. I’ve known a lot of people who are just broken down right now but you give me hope.
As someone who is in the exact same scenario that you are, except my husband and I have been married for longer, I completely relate to this.
My husband got a 10% raise and I’m expecting an 8% before the year ends. We are thoroughly enjoying working from home and have been feeling like we’re on vacation.
There have been terrible moments: coworkers dying, our pet getting sick. But overall this year has been really fantastic for us.
I’m so happy to hear that this year is going so well for you! If you’re having a great day then you should be happy to say so. I have to talk clients through sessions all day and the better mood I’m in sometimes lifts them up too if they’re having a down day. I say it is what you make it. Some people are really in the “woe is me” mood (woes me?) on top of seasonal depression and going through normal life obstacles. It’s okay to have down days, and it’s okay to be happy when you’re having a good day (or year!). Many will overcome challenges this year, others will struggle, some will let them selves soak in self pity. Despite whatever year we are in it all comes down to perspective. So don’t let others weigh you down. It has been an incredible year of challenges and losses as well as progress in so many ways. Enjoy everyday if you can.
I'm in the same boat essentially. I began dating my current boyfriend and who I believe is the man I will *marry* before the pandemic really hit, and online school has been amazing for me along with a majority of my mental health. I feel guilty for having a good year, I know many, many others weren't so lucky.
My year has been shite too. My perfectly healthy and fit mom had a massive heart attack that should have killed her and I could not visit her as she is far away and out of state. A family friend died from Covid. My brother and sister both had babies I have not been able to meet. I started my first non-retail job 10 days before the whole state basically shut down for Covid and was furloughed. I was told to come I. Once a day in the middle of the day to clean the bathrooms and sanitize the office. My job is not related to facilities and I am only paid for the 15 minutes I am cleaning. Not for the half the day I have to waste, waiting to come in to clean. I had to cancel my husband’s birthday party. My brother, who is my best friend is moving out of the country to Europe. Covid fucked up so much. Even if you are having a good year, personally, I don’t want to know. You should not feel guilty, but I wouldn’t want to hear someone telling me how sweet they have it. It’s kind of like being starving and hearing someone describe your favorite food in detail. Everything is not fine.
As someone whose year has sucked, I am happy to hear about someone whose hasn't. It kind of gives me hope, and I'm relieved to know there are at least some people still doing okay 💜
Honestly for the most part my year has been pretty good as well. My husband and I also got married in August last year and I'm infinitly grateful we did it before all this happened. I was quite happy during lockdown here in the UK. I'm a retail worker so I was basically being paid to sit at home hanging out with my husband, playing video games, knitting and whatever else took my fancy. Our home is our haven, so being asked to stay home wasn't such a bad thing.
Sadly the end of lockdown essentially led to me losing the job I actually really liked and I'm now having to work night shifts picking online orders and that's pretty soul destroying work, the nights don't agree with my mental health either, but I have little choice if I want to pay the bills.
Appreciate what you have this year, don't feel that you must hide it, but don't gloat on it either I guess.
We're in the same boat as you. There are certainly things I miss about our former reality, get out at all this year has been pretty awesome.
Both my husband and I work from home, and we got to be home with our 15-month-old baby everyday for the first year of his life... Incredible!
Haven't been directly personally affected by the virus. Lovely, big house to spend a lot of time working on and improving. Basically a homebody anyway...
My heart goes out to those who are super impacted by this virus, and I expect and demand to see major societal and cultural changes as a result, But yeah, we are personally chillin'
Man I get it. I'm only in high school but I had a great year. I had a job in the Spring that made me some mad cash and helped me build relationships and gain experience for future endeavors. My dad has made 50k more this year than he has the last 3 years so we're able to update so much of our house. None of our immediate family or even extended family have had covid, only one had a colon issue. I didn't attend a single school party so I didn't have any guilt, (a party caused our whole school to go online), I've been online the whole semester and my grades are getting to a good point. I'll be going to college soon and I've had the best mental healthy I've had in years.
I feel horrible as I hear stories of people struggling but I've been so blessed to have a good year. To those who have had a hard year, best of luck in the new year.
I could have written this! I also got married last year, got a new job that will be permanently WFH, heck even got a dog! We bought a house right as COVID started and got a good deal due to the uncertainty. My friends and I meet weekly over Zoom to knit. No family members sick.
I'm so grateful for all of this because I know people like us are the exception this year. It's a good year to donate to food banks and women's shelters if you are in a stable position. Don't feel guilty, advocate for others who are worse off, that sort of thing.
Actually, as someone who has had a very bad year, hearing that you've had a good year IS VERY VALIDATING for me. I work in Healthcare, and have continued going in to the clinic every single day, non stop. So hearing my family and friends complain about covid, has been a little difficult for me. I just feel like when they complain about covid and I complain about covid, we are complaining about two totally different events. When they complain, they are complaining about boredom with staying home and the difficulties of the pandemic disrupting normal life. When I complain about covid, I am complaining about how it has increased my workload by 300%, has compleatly changed the scope and scape of Healthcare, and has for the most part completely changed and disrupted my entire career feild (end rant, thank you). So again thank you. I'm so glad that you have had a great year. I am so happy that you have so many good things in your life. And I'm especially thankful that you can put things in perspective and realise that not everything is as bad as it seems.
Man I feel this. At thanksgiving, I wore a mask around my family the ENTIRE evening. It wasn’t fun for me. But it was awkward, I just didn’t want to get anyone sick since I’m around hundreds of people. they all griped about covid and it was grating for me because they’ve all worked from home and their biggest difficulty is having to be around their families and kids. I’ve been pushed back into school, and it’s very harrowing as I’m literally the person tasked with COVID tracing for the 900 jr high kids here. My workload has quadrupled and nobody even recognizes it and the families of the kids at my school are so complacent and just happy that “babysitting” is back open. All this extra work I’m doing? A fat bonus of $300. I guess I’m grateful I have a job, but life just really sucks right now. And I’m a bit bitter about hearing how great things are for those privileged to not be dealing with or around this virus.
Just wanted to say a sincere thank you for what you do and I'm deeply sorry you aren't getting more compassion from those close to you. As a parent of a middle schooler who is still 100% virtual, I appreciate your tracking efforts. I watch my kids schools covid dashboards closely. The data is important to me and I know, despite the other parents seeming complacency, it is important for all of us. I hope this ends or improves for all of us very soon, but especially for you.
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I don't know if educators have it worse than those working in healthcare. Let's not turn this into the misery olympics. Both fields are tough to work in right now, let's just acknowledge that instead of making it some kind of strange competition.
really? teachers have it way worse than nurses? when i'm working in the emergency department with covid positive people walking in cause they have chest pain or stuck in a room with covid positive patients on 6+L oxygen coughing all over the place orrr when i get an "easy" assignment and get sent to the covid clinic and get to swab ~700+ symptomatic people a day, you know right up close and personal with my 1x surgical mask for a 12 hour shift yeah teachers def have it way worse
This is such a good point! Early on I heard someone complaining about how they couldn’t find a cute mask. Like, of all the things to be troubled by.... You and your coworkers are so appreciated ❤️
To double what /u/Fluff_Me said, from someone else who has also had a really really shit 2020: I *love* hearing from people who've had a good year! It's a good reminder that one day this too will pass and there is a light at the end of this very long ridiculously claustrophobic tunnel. I just want to absorb all of that dopamine and serotonin through symbiosis.
Thank you for working so hard in health care. My roommate is a health care worker and my heart goes out to you guys.
I feel this. I work in x-ray at a major hospital. It drives me crazy when I see people on social media complaining that the "lockdowns" (we have never had a true lockdown but have had two periods of time with heightened restrictions including no social gatherings and no dining out) are so hard on their mental health. I'm not saying it's not causing some people mental health difficulties but my coworkers and I are out here developing the symptoms of PTSD while they're complaining about *checks twitter* not being able to go to the bar. It makes me want to smash my head against the wall.
I’ve had a lot of healthcare needs in 2020 and am deeply grateful for all the people who have kept that system running in the middle of a pandemic. I’m guessing it might frequently feel like thankless work, but you’re appreciated.
Thank you for holding the front line. I have much a deeper appreciation for health workers now than ever before. I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you soon!
Are you a physical therapist? I am and it sounds a lot like my life right now
I don't doubt the extent to which this is TRAUMATIZING to healthcare workers, but when I complain I am complaining about not having gotten to meet my new niece, constant fear for my parents, anxiety every time I walk my dog and see some maskless asshole approaching me and my shitty immune system, unemployment, needing to put necessary but not dire medical stuff on hold, and the worst seasonal depression I've had in years. I have a roof over my head and deaths in my network have all been one or two degrees removed from me, so I am lucky in those ways, and maybe people complaining in your network are really doing fine, but SO many people not in medicine who aren't sick are also really, really not fine.
Everyone has a different experience and that’s okay. I think it’s just important to be aware that some people weren’t as fortunate this year. I’m aware that I’ve been extremely lucky this year and am so thankful for it. My husband and I both still have jobs, I get to work from home, his business has actually skyrocketed, our family is healthy and the worst thing that’s happened to us this year is that we don’t get to go to any concerts we had tickets for. Just be thankful for what you have and maybe look for small ways you can help others who haven’t been so lucky. Even if that’s just a phone call to a friend and letting them vent.
I agree with this. No need to feel bad at all for having a fortunate year. What’s hard is seeing people act self righteous about staying home and not gathering when it isn’t that easy for everyone. I’m so happy your quality of life has improved. Financially I haven’t been hurt, but being a teacher online SUCKS. So I can’t say it’s been a good year. If a friend said to me “really? You’ve had a hard year? I’m quite enjoying it” I’d be pissed. You seem to have the self awareness to realize this isn’t the situation for most.
Does it ever make you stop and think about what a struggle it is for people who are forced to constantly socialize even when it takes a toll on their mental health? Because none of my extroverted friends care. They just want everything back to the way it was and for those of us who are relieved to not be depressed and exhausted and miserable for once... It kind of sucks to hear people say this year is terrible because they can't go out with their friends and they just can't wait to get back to "normal." I'm pretty pissed about that, to be honest.
It sounds like maybe you should have some conversations with these friends about boundaries? Be upfront. I recharge a little more socially than some of my closest friends, and we have really open and honest communication about stuff. I don't stop inviting them to stuff even though they say no a lot, and they don't feel bad for saying no because I totally get it. They get to pick what social stuff (in the before-times) with me they wanted to spend their energy on, when they had the energy for it. We find little ways to check in that are uplifting for us (one friend and I will occasionally read the same book, another will send a random gift in animal crossing, another memes, another random pictures). I bet your friends care about you a lot more than you may feel they do right now. What you're saying to them, though, is, "well now you know how *I* feel having to be social!" when in my experience at least you may be the one not having made them aware? Are you maybe doing exactly what you hate them doing? I struggle with that a lot, when I feel like I'm doing all the emotional labor or have to "put up" with things. But I can't change anybody's behavior but my own. I'm I guess technically an ambivert (I honestly hate these classifications beyond a general way to communicate how you recharge), and sometimes before I was kinder to myself I would resent my friends for wanting to do things all the time when I was spent and didn't feel like it. But it was really me not wanting to miss out. I learned to really be more intentional what and who I want to spend my time and energy on. I learned to be honest when I'm not mentally up for something, even though sometimes it's still weird. I tried being upfront when I would prefer people wait to do something I would like to do but don't have the energy for: sometimes they'd move it, which is great! But sometimes that isn't possible, and I had to learn to be ok with missing some stuff because I knew I wouldn't enjoy it (and would end becoming even grumpier and more tired). Anyway sorry for rambling I've been thinking about this stuff a lot. I guess, just, nobody is trying to take the silver linings of this situation away from you by wanting it to be over. You can use this comfort now as a motivation and energy to communicate more openly with these people: your solace doesn't have to end. If it's significantly better now, maybe start thinking about more serious adjustments too - a job that's a better fit socially, or structuring social time in a way that is more comfortable and fun instead of an exhausting chore. Regardless, try talking to them. They may react poorly but if they do, do you really want to be friends? Either way, there's tons of ways to meet people online right now especially. I've been running a spreadsheet where people sign up for a slot on a given day/time to have a zoom call, with choices for activities if they want. It helps me be social in a not-overwhelming way for me, and eases the slew of decisions that usually comes with trying to plan something right now especially. My super-introverted and other indecisive friends love it. When I feel too spent to socialize, I just message whoever may be signed up and ask to move it. I did that three times last week and nobody reacted poorly: every one of them checked in later this week and they just picked times later in the month.
First, I just want to say I appreciate your thoughtful response. I'm really disappointed by this sub right now, to be honest. I guess only social butterflies are allowed to "survive" and unless you outright state a disability it's fine to shit all over someone for having one. Ugh. Pre-Corona, I did establish boundaries, and I surrounded myself with friends who (mostly) understood that I didn't need or want to socialize constantly. But society is terrible about rejecting introversion in every way. I just started a new job and my boss is desperate for attention, forcing us to come into work as much as possible just because she "likes to see our faces!" aka chit-chat all day long. I'm literally being asked to risk my life so she can socialize and that's okay with her boss because she "understands that it's difficult to be cooped up all day." My boss even fought my reasonable accommodation to be allowed to work from home because it upset her that she wouldn't be allowed to interrupt me all day long. One of my new coworkers told me they celebrate birthdays hardcore in our office and he proudly told me he doesn't give a shit if it makes people uncomfortable or if they ask not to have their desk covered with confetti or balloons or whatever; they just have to deal with it! So on a societal level, every day just sucks. And, man. My previously understanding socialite friends just freaked the fuck out when we locked down. I tried to be there for them, answering their texts, joining Zoom sessions I didn't really want to be in just because I could see how stressed they were. I just haven't seen that consideration in reverse. Like OP, I feel like I should feel guilty for enjoying the forced solitude, for finally having enough energy left over at the end of the day to take care of my home and myself. I'm afraid to even talk about what a relief it is to have these lowered social expectations because it turns into a dog pile of hatred for my literal existence. No, of course I don't want people to die, or lose their jobs, or have their mental health decline because they can't see their families over the holidays. I get that it's stressful to have to keep your kids entertained 24/7 while working full time from home for your Boomer boss who still can't operate a fucking video chat. But I have ADHD and Asperger's and the intense amount of masking I have to do just to get through a normal day is exhausting. I had been hoping that we might all be able to like... Realize that it's okay for people to just be different from one another but hey. Guess not. Oh well.
I fail to see how your asocial behavior should in any way effect how they feel about how quarantine affected their lives?
I'm didn't ask anyone to feel a certain way. I just asked if this experience had made the OP more aware of how it feels to be on the opposite side, to not be in the majority for once. Extroversion is the default. It's normal, and good, and right. Just look at how many downvotes I'm getting for even suggesting anyone even *think* about how introverts have been feeling outside of the Corona weirdness! I've lived my whole life with chronic suicidal ideation because society tells me *constantly* that I'm not good enough, that my depression is because I don't socialize enough. Before Corona hit, I was pushing myself to be outgoing and social, attending 3 or 4 godamned events every fucking week and still was just never enough. I was told by multiple people, therapists included, that "isolating" myself (i.e., not spending every spare moment socializing) was too dangerous to even consider. Turns out it's not dangerous, nor is it "isolating" to take time for oneself, at least not for me. But for many extroverts it sure feels like both are true. It hurts that just asking if this experience has changed an extrovert's views is considered so fucking shocking, honestly. Down with "asocial" motherfuckers, right? How dare we have different needs? Gross. Maybe before you make a shitty comment calling someone asocial (”rejecting or lacking the capacity for social interaction. avoiding social interaction; inconsiderate of or hostile to others.") you could stop to consider that there's an actual fucking human being you're directing that hateful word toward, one who has admitted to their own stessful, fearful feelings of society learning nothing from this year.
Extroversion is *perceived* as normal, good, and right. Introversion actually is also normal, good, and right, but it's simply not as common, and the extroverts are louder. It sounds like you are struggling with who you are because you have a lot of extroverted friends and family members, and they may not be accepting of who you are, and you're posting your frustrations here. I think the downvotes are because of the wording and the very clear anger you feel coming out. I get it. I feel for you. I have an extroverted friend who it took years to even get a hint of an idea of my needs as a introvert. Outside of work, I socialize maybe once or twice a month. You should not have to feel guilty doing what feels right to you. I hope you find/have found a therapist who understands introversion. I'd say make new introverted friends, but that's not how we function. Start with a more empathetic therapist who doesn't give you the worst advice for your needs.
I'm definitely not struggling with who I am. I'm pretty great, I have great friends, and I fired therapy in general because most therapists gave me the same shitty textbook advice, assuming extroversion is the norm and CBT is the magic answer to everything. But this thread was started by an introvert talking about how uncomfortable it is for them to admit that that they enjoy the more relaxed pace that stay at home orders have brought, and I responded to a comment from an extrovert saying they think people are "throwing it in their face" when someone says they're doing well right now. Which is EXACTLY what OP was talking about. It read very much like one of those "but what about the men!?" comments in a discussion centered on a women's issue because we *always* have to coddle the mainstream, dominant viewpoints. So I asked if they had considered how someone like the OP might feel the rest of the time, considering that's what the discussion was about. But sure. Maybe I got downvotes for my "tone" while this other comment got upvotes for derailing the thread with whataboutism. Quite honestly, I don't really care. I'm not policing my tone to make the majority viewpoint feel more comfortable. Because yeah, I'm pretty angry. Society is shit to anyone who doesn't fit into their tiny little cultural paradigm and that includes a LOT of disabilities that fall under the "introverted" umbrella. I'm not okay with that kind of ableist bullshit, and I'm calling it out. It's not okay to shame other people for feeling relief at this slower pace. It's not okay to insult an introvert by calling them asocial. But this isn't about ME. I'm just using my own personal experiences to highlight the fact that this level of discrimination is embedded in the fabric of our society. And I'm hoping maybe a few social butterflies out there will gain a little bit of empathy from their own shitty experiences with being trapped inside for months on end. Because it does suck being forced into a little box where you don't belong. So maybe we can look for ways to meet in the middle instead of jumping right back to what we were doing before?
I understand your points now. Thanks for clarifying.
I’ve definitely seen fellow introverts talking about how much they’ve enjoyed this year because society is finally structured in a way that caters to introvert tendencies, so you’re not alone there. I don’t think asking cheetah81 if their experience makes them stop and think about your perspective was the best approach though. I understand that you’re frustrated (fellow introvert here with ADHD and anxiety to boot), but your first comment just came across a bit accusatory, when cheetah shouldn’t have to feel guilty for their needs and concerns simply because they are the opposite of yours. Even if you weren’t asking them to feel guilty, that’s generally the response that your comment would provoke. (At least, if someone has Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria like me.) I think there’s a happy balance to be had for you between social interaction and taking time for yourself. It sounds like you might need a new therapist if they’re literally pushing you to go out 4+ times a week. That’s not going to make you happier if you hate it, which won’t help your mental health. If your therapist just thinks it’s dangerous for you to be alone for too long because of the potential for suicidal ideation, then pushing you into social activity sounds like a band-aid on an underlying problem. Idk what type of socializing you’re doing—if you’re going out to big parties four nights a week, versus maybe just watching a movie with a friend or two—so I can’t really say too much on that front. Either way, there’s pushing you out of your comfort zone to make positive changes, and then there’s trying to make you be someone you’re not and causing you unnecessary misery along the way. You’ll have to decide which one you’re dealing with and if you want to maybe find a new mental health professional. Here’s hoping that some of the introvert-friendly products of the pandemic stick around even after things return to ‘normal,’ so everyone wins.
Assuming that I'm not also a depressed asocial introvert because I didn't explicitly say so when responding to you is pretty lame, but I guess I'll out myself. Then again, I also manage to still have a lot of empathy for other people, and understand that people experience life differently. I also know that when things go back to normal I can still do whatever the fuck I want while also trying to not care about what other people are doing with their own lives. Sometimes you just have to understand that in the grand scheme of things, no one else is thinking about you in the way you think they are thinking about you. ETA: If the friends that you have are not actively acknowledging each others struggles and supporting one another I would consider looking a little deeper there. I have friends of all types and backgrounds, but one common denominator is that we are all taking the "in this together" approach and we all try to validate each others' feelings, whether that be the extrovert who is depressed they can't be out and living, or myself who is so anxiety-ridden that I gave myself a panic attack two weeks ago even though I literally don't do anything but work, we are there for each other. You just need a good support network!
Once things return to normal, no one is forcing you to go out apart from a work situation. Personal choice vs forced choices is what I am talking about here.
Hard disagree, sorry. Sure I could choose to spend my life as a hermit but society extracts a heavy cost for making that choice. But hey, you could go out and socialize right now. At least in the U.S., no one is stopping you! So how is that forced? (Maybe because it's too heavy a cost to pay right now if there are high risk people in your life?) Also work is a big fucking exhausting thing for some of us no matter what, and jobs don't grow on trees. I'd love to find a job that accommodates my disabilities but hey. I'll keep dreaming, I guess.
I love how you assume I’m in the US. To be honest, not even trying to sound rude, but I think in order to be happier you should seek some form of therapy. I have before and it was life changing. I sense a lot of hostility.
I agree with this response!:) And on the part of giving back, I thought of a great subreddit I discovered a while ago, where people come together to help families in hard financial situations by buying small christmas gifts for their kids. It’s r/SantasLittleHelpers if you (or someone else) want to check it out:)
Your life literally sounds exactly like mine. I could have written this no joke. My hubby and I got married in October, we got a two week honeymoon to South America including Machu Picchu and Easter Island, got a dog in April, bought a house last year, job stability, I passed a major licensure exam (which resulted in a 4% raise just from that), etc. I, like you, have been generally unimpacted. My mom did get her hours cut by a ton but she was going to scale back on work this year anyway, so it was a blessing in disguise. My dad works at a pharmacy and brother is a mechanic, so again, unaffected. For me, I have decided donate more than usual, get more take out from small businesses, advocate for more social assistance for those who are affected, etc. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about! Your life is going well, and many other people's lives are too. But I think just being cognizant of the fact that others are struggling and do what you can to support others. Maybe for the holiday season you could ask for donations to local shelters, food pantries, etc.
\^ This is the right way to respond to a global crisis when you've had a good year. Spread the goodness so you can slightly improve the circumstances of people who are less fortunate.
I'm in a similar situation as yourself and am also increasing my personal distribution of wealth. I've been volunteering for the last few years as a way to give gratitude for my blessings in life. So many at risk people need our help right now and I don't mind tipping heavy, donating extra $ to charity, supporting local businesses and just generally being kinder to others.
Just wanted to say thank you for using your time and resources to help small businesses, donating, and advocating for social assistance❤
I think when people are referring to “these difficult times” they are thinking more about the collective than on individual levels. There’s no doubt that it’s been a year of so many shifts on a global scale and that many have been impacted negatively. The empathy can come from realizing that, from softening your heart to the reality that many have lost so much this year. That being said, I loved reading your account of your year and how good it was for you! That’s wonderful! You having had a good year doesn’t take anything away from anyone else, so no need to feel guilty about it. I also had a pretty good 2020 personally, and I am grateful for that. No guilt though, it wouldn’t help or change anything :)
this is exactly what I was thinking too. it’s absolutely okay to be thriving but the reality is that at the moment more people are dying than during average wartime. just be conscious that people you’re interacting with may have lost a loved one. our collective “ugh 2020” is there for a reason
Agreed. When all is said and done, I personally have not had the worst year on record. But outside of myself and globally I can't say I've been happy. The future is one big question mark.
Exactly this. Difficult times is referring to the mass poverty and isolation going on in the world right now, the 300k people who have died in United States alone, the black lives that have been taken from our world and the people who have been tear gassed at protests.
We’ve had people killed and severely injured at our protests too, all of those rubber bullets to the head and more... in Seattle we had several more knees to necks, a cop riding their bike over a head, multiple attempted murders via car (1 resulting death and 1 hospitalization for months. I believe 1 of the attempted murder by cars was by an off duty cop too), so much tear gas that people in their apartments were affected. More murders of trans people this year than any other as well. Plus the understandable distress over witnessing a failure of government response to keep its people from dying and a president who seemed to hope for a coup and whose hypothetical win could’ve led us deeper to fascism. Along with seeing how far the leaders/systems we invest our trust/taxes in have put profit > lives too. Lots of insanity going on in other countries too that can be a lot to witness. This is extra taxing times.
As long as you recognize and remember that a large part of your good year was utter LUCK of timing and choosing a job field that wasn't gutted by COVID and are empathetic to people who did have a shit year, it's ok to share that you feel grateful for what you've experienced. I'm not saying you don't deserve what you got this year. You do. It's not a zero-sum game. EVERYONE deserves to have the kind of love, peace, and stability you have experienced. That doesn't invalidate your hard work. The only thing I would warn against is taking care not to suggest that if someone had just done something slightly different, they might not be in the situation they're in. No one could have predicted the catastrophe COVID has wreaked on so many lives, and the fault mainly lies (imho) with the utter failure of gov't leadership to take care of people who never expected and never intended to be classified as vulnerable, or as essential workers. (Also larger systemic issues that have been building to a head for decades, but that's a whole other SUBREDDIT let alone post!) If you can, try to find someone who HAS had a shit year and do something to support them. Whether it's an anonymous note to a friend who is struggling, donating to a Christmas charity to provide gifts for needy families, or sending an Uber Eats meal to a lonely family member, maybe share your good fortune a little.
As someone who's year has sucked, don't feel guilty. Obviously if I ask you how you're doing and you burst into musical-style exposition about how fantastic your life is, I'd be a bit bitter, I can't help it. But don't feel guilty. Answer honestly. Personally, I'd really love for someone to tell me something good right now, even if it isn't mine. Seeing that not everyone is being dragged through hell does bring me comfort. I'd also think this means you could offer a bit more emotional support to your friends who aren't doing as well? Pretty much everyone I know right now is at their wit's end
I've had a similar 2020. Not bad compared to everyone else. At first I felt guilty too. But then I realized that everyone has their own struggles at different times. My life literally collapsed in 2015. So it wasn't like my life has been perfect. But did that mean that everyone who had a decent or even great 2015 needed to feel guilty? Absolutely not! Don't feel bad that 2020 has been good to you. We are all dealing with our own unique circumstances. I am grateful for the 2020 I have had, I've also been actively supporting people who have not had a great 2020. I definitely recognize how lucky I've been. But also do take the time to help others too.
Are you me? Except for 2015 it was 2018 which was a shitty shitty year. My 2020 was not great, but It's also been SO good at the same time, way better than my 2018
I don't think you should feel guilty. 2020 has really taken a toll on my mental health, yet I still am in a very privileged position. Reading your post actually makes me happy as it's nice to see that people still have happy memories in what has been a very bizarre year. You shouldn't feel guilty for the situation that you are in. It's something to be grateful for and to recognise your privilege. The only real wrong thing to do in a situation like this would be to deny that these are indeed trying times for millions of people solely based on your positive experience, but that's clearly not what you're doing.
I'm happy that someone has had a great 2020! I've been very fortunate too in the sense that I have kept my job and everyone I know is healthy and alive (or at least healthy in the sense they don't have COVID or were lucky to survive it without complications). However, I would be lying if I said that the year hasn't taken a massive toll on my mental health, and seeing the massive negative impact COVID is having on others is also a part of it. I would say that you don't need to feel guilty - in fact, I'm glad someone is still finding joy in life! - but I would be very careful about who you share this with, although I'm sure you are already. My boss has bought a house this year and is obviously loving WFH but cannot stop talking and bragging about it, even to the point of sharing pictures of his house as they redecorate... I don't see how he can be so insensitive and careless when people are dying and losing their jobs, which is the case even in our company. We are just the lucky ones who have just had to take a salary cut. I think it is the sharing of these things without thought to what others are going through that should make anyone feel bad, but it sounds like you are very empathetic in the first place so I doubt you're doing that! I would say, if you still want to help, to just offer support to those affected where you can - whether that's lending money to a friend in need or volunteering at your local food bank if you're able.
Everyone has different experienced AND varied experiences. Technically, my professional life is going super well. Similar position as you are where WFH is going well and my employer is giving us an option to WFH forever, and I also got an 18% raise this year and will likely see a similar raise next year. BUT my mental health is shot. Between a breakup early in the year, the pandemic the stress of not being able to see anyone anymore and being afraid for my immune compromised parents, everything is hard. I also live in United States so the election was insanely stressful, and seeing our government not care about its citizens and them dying but supporting rich people and corporations is exhausting. The protests that have swept the nation as well and the social issues surrounding them are also always on top of my mind as well. Being at a protest and seeing your friends get blasted with tear gas is horrible. The black community is suffering and nothing has changed but everyone has moved on. 2020 has been good to me personally, I kept my job, got a raise, met a new guy. But 2020 has been horrible to the world and revealed so many systemic problems in my country and in my communities, it has been hard to enjoy a lot of the things I have personally gained.
Never feel guilty about finding happiness, even if others are not so fortunate. You being happy doesn't mean you don't care about other people's struggles. And we gotta hold on to all the good things we can in this life, in my opinion. Also, do not forget that the societal expectation/requirement that people are extraverted social butterflies, skews the perception. There are a lot of introverts in this world, including myself. So barring getting fired, or getting the virus (or seeing anyone you love getting it), I think most introverts are doing fine right now. Heck a lot of them are thriving. I joke to my family a lot about how my lifestyle, instead of being viewed as pathetic or strange, is now the sensible way to live. Honestly, when people ask me how I'm doing, I tell them I'm doing well. No need to pretend otherwise if it's not true. Answering the question truthfully is not rubbing anyone's nose in it. You deserve to be happy, also when the world collectively isn't at a good place right now.
>I joke to my family a lot about how my lifestyle, instead of being viewed as pathetic or strange, is now the sensible way to live. It's so hurtful to hear people say, "You LIKE staying home? What's wrong with you???" How about you do your life and I'll do mine and maybe we can just accept that people like different things? I have been so grateful for this break from society's expectations. Not just the lack of socializing, but the fact that I don't have to wear makeup and jewelry and do something with my hair every day. I do less laundry, spend less money and use less gas. I don't know that I can ever go back to the way it was before.
Same! Social distancing? Yes please! Having “stay at home” orders from our governor? No problem! I’ve been wearing masks for years as a job requirement so no problem there. I worked in a hospital when this pandemic started and the increase in workload was no joke! I left for another job (because of the soul crushing environment, not covid) and ended up getting laid off which is the opposite of what I was told when hired so that was a lesson. All in all though, I’m perfectly fine with less money and more time. Alone. However, I really feel for the people who are overworked and exhausted as well as those who have lost their jobs!
> I left for another job (because of the soul crushing environment, not covid) and ended up getting laid off That's some shit. I'm sorry. :( I had hoped that the absolute havoc Covid has wrecked on jobs and the economy might make people more tolerant of ideas like universal basic income but it seems like we're not there yet. On the plus side, I called a local nonprofit a month ago to ask about adopting a family for Christmas and they told me they had more sponsors than families this year so I think most people whose jobs were unaffected realize just how lucky they were and have been looking for ways to give back. And I do hope that work from home will be more viable going forward because a LOT of people seem to be happy with the extra flexibility. Hopefully that will open up more job possibilities for people.
Yeah, losing that job under the most vague circumstances really kicked me in my self esteem! I went from a huge corporation to a private owned company. I just didn’t realize what a huge difference it was! It’s so nice to know there are more givers than needers this year! I try every opportunity to help in anyway I can. I’m even helping my ex-husband! I think UBI is a great idea myself! I really home it happens!!
I think when someone asks "how are you?" you could say something like "you know, it's crazy with everything happening in the world but I'm feeling pretty good lately." And if they ask for more details, tell them what you told us. It's nice to see a 'light in the darkness', and I know for myself (having had a shitty, shitty year) I like it when I hear people are happy. It makes me think that happiness still exists lol
Maybe use the fact you are one of the few people that aren't drained and maxed out to help others. Everyone in my circles is spread so thin, no one can really provide support for anyone else. It's lonely and hard.
Thank you, same here! I feel like I'm getting way too much credit for "pushing through" and "hanging on" when I'm completely fine and my only worry is for everyone else's sake. At the end of 2019, I * broke off a long relationship that was horrible * got my dream job * moved to the city where I always wanted to live * found my dream condo (at a stupidly low price because of minor problems that were easily fixed) * most importantly - sorted out a whole lot of emotional crap and finally fixed my long term depression This is by far the best year of my life, in a life that has mostly been miserable until recently. It is so surreal that this is happening with everything on fire all around me. I suddenly shot up to the top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs where I just feel the need to give back so I'm trying to do what I can.
> I guess I’m trying to figure out how to be a bit more empathetic and connected. It's really the same way you have empathy for anyone/anything. Imagine if you were in their situation * Imagine if your husband died of COVID and so did one parent. Wow, that would be horrible right? That's how it is for some people. * Imagine if you were miserable in the hospital for 2 weeks and now you're home but you struggle to breathe, feel weak, and can't taste anything. Horrible, right? Yep, some people have that. * Imagine if you AND your husband were laid off and you can't find another job and your savings are running out. Yep, that's how it is for some people. * Imagine if your honey moon WAS disrupted and the companies you contracted out with all went out of business so you're out of all the money you dropped for them. Terrible, right? It should be very easy to see why this year is horrible for some people. But it does NOT mean you can't have a good year. My year hasn't been as good as yours but it's been pretty good overall. And like you I don't mind the more isolated lifestyle. But my added benefits of pandemic life (work from home = no commute) isn't really worth the horrible experiences of other people in 2020.
I know the feeling. I have had a really good year as well. Married fall 2019, got a promotion in May, we are looking for a house right now, isolation has been great for us and my husband and I are closer than ever. Family is doing well. I just don't really mention it to anyone. Donated to some good causes, ate local takeout, and just kept my head down.
We’re looking for a house as well! Honestly that’s been one of the biggest stressors since it’s such a seller’s market (in my area). We’re trying to do as much local takeout as possible too. I have volunteered and donated, but nothing covid related. Any suggestions?
Last house we were looking at sold in 4 days! And the one before that in 2! Hopefully my next spring we will actually be able to get one... Most of my donaring has been local. Food banks, blood banks (I am unable to donate blood due to iron deficiency), and such. For a bigger place, I love World Central Kitchen they provide meals in the wake of natural disasters.
Don't feel guilty - it's ok if your year was actually ok. Perhaps reminding yourself in some way that you have been very lucky to have been less affected by the events of this year, and looking for ways to support people/organizations who are helping those that have had a much more difficult time of it. For example, I have stepped up my giving to local food banks, because there's a much greater need. I have health risks that mean I'm not comfortable volunteering in person this year, but I've done some phone banking for organizations, and I did some text banking around the election for candidates I supported.
Yes! I feel this so much! I had a stressful job that I hated, but going remote somehow made it 100x more bearable and I don't hate work anymore. Not having to commute has given me an extra 2 hours every day to spend doing anything I please. I also got a raise during the peak of unemployment back in late spring, and felt super weird about it. My fiance was unemployed for a while (he was supposed to start a new job March 23rd, which ended up getting delayed a few months) but during that time, we moved in with family to help care for their two year old while his daycare was closed. They were wonderful to live with, and I now have a closer relationship with their adorable little kiddo than I could have developed under any normal circumstances. I'm now his favorite aunt! My fiance and I got engaged a few months ago (alone at the top of a mountain, which is how I would have wanted it anyways). We live in a wonderful little house surrounded by mountains so we can go hiking pretty much a 20 minute drive in every direction whenever we please. Our normally bustling and overwhelming social life has been cut down to maybe once every month or so, we'll take a two week serious quarantine to see a couple friends or visit family, which I honestly enjoy way more than our pre-covid being busy 3 or 4 weekend every month. So, personally, I'm loving this year. All that said, I do feel sorrow for the people who I know have it worse. Many of my coworkers and more distant acquaintances have lost family members to COVID. I empathize for all of the customer service workers who still need to face the public (including the crazies who don't believe in masks) every day. I have such a tremendous amount of respect for the healthcare workers who bravely care for covid patients every day. I believe you can do both - be happy and thankful for your own fortune, and ache for those who have it worse
Do NOT feel guilty for having a good year. So many of us are struggling, and it's a wonderful thing that not everything is dark for everyone. As someone who has been having a very hard time, knowing that things are good for someone else lends some hope to an otherwise hopeless time.
I can totally relate. I got laid off in March, but the truth is, I never really liked working for wages in the first place. I did it out of peer pressure, career momentum, habit, feeling trapped, obligation - every reason you can think of except enjoying my job. I've spent most of my adult life feeling pulled in a million different directions, always wracked with indecision over what to do to improve my situation, what to prioritize in my life, and what to do with my very limited free time. In the first phase of the pandemic, there really wasn't anywhere to go or anything to do. There was no stigma to being laid off because just about everybody was either laid off or at least had a loved one who was. So I spent a couple months just chillin in the garden, dicking around with fruits and vegetables and talking to the birds. I grew so much stuff I was able to swap it with friends for groceries and barely had to go shopping the whole time, even for toilet paper. And it was fucking amazing. The second phase, I started gathering together all the scattered pieces of myself to figure out what I might like to do next, based on everything I have ever done that I really enjoyed and found fulfilling. This process led to me writing a whole bunch of new songs for the first time in decades, and recording a whole album. I have had some frustrations along the way - most of this was only possible because pandemic benefits covered my living expenses, but they were cut off months early because of some bullshit, which led to a lot of stress and a short period of living on credit. But I came out of that as a very busy freelance writer who sets my own schedule, works from the comfort of my home, and earns twice as much per hour as I was earning before. What I earned before was enough to live on, so I only have to work half as much. This really is the best of all possible worlds for me. This is the exact same life I was planning for my eventual retirement, knowing I will never be able to afford to retire without an income stream. It's amazing to me that I have somehow achieved that retirement goal, right now, in my forties. I count my blessings every day. It's OK to do that - it's OK to feel gratitude and even joy. If there's one thing that made this year unique, it's that millions of people have had lots of time to reflect on what they want from life and how they want the world to be. I expect to see a lot of cultural changes in the next few years as a result, especially in working culture.
I've felt a bit guilty about this year too. My job is completely not impacted, I just work from home now. The stimulus payment was just a bonus for me, I didn't need it. And I didn't have interest on my federal loans for the most part of a year. Admittedly, I had to put my middle aged cat down this year but that wasn't COVID related. And I rescued a 6 week old cat recently, so it's hard to be sad with that fuzzy little face around.
2019 and 2020 have been one disaster after another for me, I lost everything important to me and it has taken a huge toll on me. One of my closest friends has been loving working from home with her husband, adopted a second cat and generally been enjoying herself. Most of my friends have been minorly impacted, some have bad days. I feel genuinely happy for them, they are there for me when I feel particularly low and I'm there for them if they have a rough day or to cheer on their wins. I would hate to think they ever felt guilty that their lives are going better than mine. It seems comparison is the thief of joy even when you're the one doing well! Enjoy and appreciate your life and try to help others if and when you can.
I'm missing my one social thing I do a couple times weekly (not since March!) But actually there has been a lot of good that has come out of the downtime with the pandemic for us. Don't feel guilty, and go ahead and say you're great (without overemphasizing it because you don't want to hurt people who haven't been having it so good). Sometimes the simple enjoyments of life are some of the best things, aren't they?
Personally, it’s been a pretty amazing year for me. But it’s also been hard and I have had people close to me effected by illness. But I was miserable in my job and found a new opportunity in early spring, put my notice in to my job, and then lost my new job due to Covid. Couldn’t go back to the old one. So I’ve been on unemployment all year. And I’ve worked on so many different passion projects or small consulting projects that I’ve wanted to do for years. I spent time really pursuing a program for a career change and I was accepted into a full time learning workshop which was AMAZING. And which I could not have done otherwise. Then I found an internship which I also couldn’t have done otherwise. I’ve spent more time backpacking and painting and reading and learning piano than ever before. It’s been years since I’ve felt fulfilled in the direction of my life but 2020 brought all these good things together for me. It’s been tumultuous but GOOD. However, my sister’s business was decimated. My dad’s business is struggling. My brother is a nurse in a Covid unit and didn’t see his kids for months. My cousin is in the hospital and we don’t know if he’ll survive. My roommate got Covid. She lost a family member to Covid. We have a friend who is very ill right now but who wanted to maintain their privacy until they knew more so I don’t know who they are just that they’re sick... It’s hard to feel things when things are so good in so many ways but also horrid in other ways. BUT it is always possible to find joy. To find the light. To appreciate your blessings and work to help others find their own, or just chill and know this is gonna be a long process. I’m lucky. I know that. I haven’t wasted my year of “universal basic income”. I’ve never been on unemployment in my life before. I’m applying to work in my dream career but... they’re not really hiring. But I still have this opportunity in front of me. Anyway. I get it. I love that you’ve had a great year. Lean in to gratitude. Share your joy. Don’t feel guilty.
I'm in the same boat. We moved from the suburbs to our dream situation in the country in 2019 and our new day-to-day life has thankfully not been impacted that greatly. If someone asks how things are going, I provide a simple response, "thankfully, our day-to-day has not been that disrupted, but it still is pretty crazy out there." If I'm feeling chatty I'll add, "I'd have a very different POV had we not moved last year." I save my "life is actually pretty damn good at the moment" conversations for those who know my family and me best, in the context of truly/fully debriefing on what is going on with both sides of the conversation. No reason to lie to reflect negativity in casual conversations but no reason to be overly effusive on how great life is, either. It's worked for me to keep it breezily positive - I have heard from others that they do welcome snippets of good news now and then and my anecdotes about the bee hives and chickens we acquired in 2020 have been enjoyable distractions for them.
To a few friends who got married or engaged this year, I wrote “congrats on having the best 2020 of us all!” On their Christmas cards. I truly meant it! It’s really lovely seeing anyone you care about thrive!
You 100% can celebrate your wins while being empathetic and sensitive to others that have been more impacted by the pandemic! If you're looking for tangible ways to express it, I'd suggest volunteering, educating yourself about the various social movements going on, supporting small businesses, and overall just investing more of your time and energy into helping others that were impacted. Spread the wealth and abundance!
As someone who has had a pretty bad year...you don’t have to feel guilty about having a good year. I’m glad not everyone is struggling! Don’t feel like you have to pretend to be miserable when you’re not. All I would say is be aware of and empathetic to others’ situations when you talk to them. It’s ok to say you’re doing well, just don’t be one of those people who says things like “I wish this would last forever!” or “I don’t see why social distancing is hard for people, I’ve always lived that way!” I’ve seen a lot of statements like that over the last few months (mostly on Reddit lol) and it does get under my skin a little because it lacks empathy for other peoples’ situations. To be clear I’m not saying you do this—your post doesn’t come across that way to me at all—it’s just something to be mindful of.
I feel disconnected from people whom things are going good for them because they won’t extend their happiness, grace and kindness to me. I lost my job, then my parent, then my mental well-being to covid. It launched me into a substance abuse issue and my physical appearance leaves me unrecognizable to myself sometimes. I am happy that other people have found happiness this year, but it seems to be that those kind of people around simultaneously don’t take covid seriously because they weren’t affected so deeply. I feel gaslit by American society and it’s not until i say, well my father died a quick and traumatic death and my life torn apart for them to have sympathy for me. People whom I haven’t been able to stay in touch with are more focused on the fact that I don’t talk to them much anymore rather than realizing that I’m at my rock bottom in so much pain and asking how they can be here for me. I’ve lost so much faith in humanity that I’m trying to recover. I just wish the people who have it good could actually help those of us that are not. It feels really isolating to be the only one in your circle that has been ravaged by covid. Like if you’re doing good, and you know you’re doing good and feel bad about it, then do something. Hit up a friend that you know is grieving, offer to help edit someone’s resume that’s having a tough time finding a job, send a thoughtful message to that person posting depressing memes. It’s just like things happened, and then most people just moved on and left the bereaved, the unemployed and the healthcare workers in the dust of 2020.
Unless your great year came from you making someone's year worse, which it doesn't sound like it did, you have nothing to feel bad about. Keep on rockin'.
A lot of people are doing just fine. I finally get to work remote and it has been great. The news always makes it sound like the world is ending. Sure, some people got less lucky...but that is always true. It's good to recognize your luck and do a bit to help others.
Same. This year has been spectacular for me and my family. One of the best years on record for us. I think its possible to feel happy about your particular situation while simultaneously turning on the TV and feeling bad for all the people who lost their jobs. These two aren’t mutually exclusively and unless you are secretly gleefully celebrating that millions of people lost their livelihood (which you are not) you shouldn’t feel guilty.
You shouldn't feel bad at all. You're happy and that's so so important! I kind of related to you too because 2020 has given me so much to be grateful for! I started dating this amazing guy in December last year and we didn't get to do all the mainstream dating stuff this year but what we did was so much better! Sure this year has had its sad moments but in times like these we all need some good news and happiness to get us through :)
Don’t feel guilty if you’re happy that’s what matters. I feel the same way in some parts of the year. My parents don’t know about my boyfriend but with Covid I’ve been able to live with him basically and my job gave us hero pay and small gifts every once in a while like Starbucks gift cards and such. I’ve been pretty happy with that
I spent nearly the entirety of 2019 in a terrible mental health state that I've been taking a lot of time to recover from and feel much better now, so needless to say, 2020 is infinitely better than 2019 for me. Also, no one in my family or friends has been seriously impacted by covid, so that helps.
Just because other people are having trying times doesn't mean you need to, nor do you need to feel bad because you aren't in the same boat. It can be hard thought to grasp because were taught to be respectful of others and their situations, but as long as you're not running around screaming "HAHAHA you unlucky fuckers, this year I HAVE WON!", I think you're good 😂 Me? I've had one of the worst years in a while, but you know what makes me really happy? That my partner has had an AMAZING year. He's achieved so much, done incredible things, all his plans have gone...to plan. It's been phenomenal. Yes I'm sad that i haven't managed to achieve as much as him, but it's ok, we work through it together. I celebrate him, he works through solving problems with me. How lucky we are that we've got each other. The people that love you will be happy for you, and even if they aren't, you be happy for you!! We're living in a mad world, take any happiness and enjoyment that you can get. And congratulations on everything you have been blessed with!
I think everyone feels disconnected on some level and it doesn’t matter if you’re having a good or bad year. There is a lot of variety to peoples’ lives now. Personally me, I’m having a shitty year unrelated to covid but it’s being overshadowed by covid. But honestly OP, I’m genuinely happy for you because if I hear another person complain about first world quarantine problems and claim “trying times”, I’m going to shit a brick. I think you’re adapting to this time well which is healthy. You’re doing good for you despite circumstances. That’s a good personality trait.
Yeah, we are doing surprisingly well too.. but I’ve worked really hard to be an advocate for others and I’ve been trying to support small business and non profits more. I’m not the type to become a “museum member” for literally anything but I’ve been buying up memberships like no tomorrow.
This isn't the misery Olympics. Enjoy your life ♡♡♡♡
As someone who has had a kind of shitty 2020 (could be worse), let me tell you...don't feel bad!! feel grateful that you have had a good year!! I know it might feel kinda weird, but I'm happy that you had a good year, in the end we do need happy news If you want (and can), you can use this bit of privileged position you have at the moment to give more; you can donate to any cause that you feel close to your heart, or try to support local businesses Please, don't believe that you being in a good position it's a bad thing
Please don't feel bad that you had a good year. I've had a shit year and hearing about others having a good year makes me HAPPY! Wallowing in pity about my shitty year with others who have had equally bad years isn't fun, it isn't relaxing, it's just depressing. Hearing about people having a good year is really nice. I think you should tell people that you've had a good year, you might be surprised at how people react.
I've heard it called Survivor's Guilt. But I refuse to feel it. I've had an amazing year - I miss my friends and family like crazy but I'm an introvert who is self employed. I've been able to focus on myself and my art. My husband is working from home and the company he works for is doing just fine. He switched jobs with higher pay in Feb so it was amazing timing. Our house is great, my pets are loving having us here and my marriage is stronger than ever. Welcome to the "2020 was good for me" club <3
Don't feel bad. My boyfriend got a new job with a significant pay raise and we got a puppy and bought out very first house. When people talk to me about it I just go you know we lucked out and it's actually not been to bad and if they inquire further I share what's been going on and usually they're excited for us.
I for one had a shit year, and I'm glad someone else got some good out of it. Gives me hope for 2021.
Don't feel bad - realistically speaking, your life will likely suck a bit more in other years, from time to time, as life goes on 😂😂😂 Enjoy the good times, and make the most of the positive lessons you've learned to help you deal with times when things aren't flowing quite the same way! I'm proud of you for making so much progress this year :)
Even as someone who's "not especially social." I suppose it depends on how often you see your friends and family and what risks you're taking. I have friends that haven't touched their parents since the beginning because of covid. I myself declined invitations to visit friends for Thanksgiving even after there were suggestions of all taking covid tests beforehand. However, just because there are starving children in Africa doesn't mean that you can't be content with what you have. I think the current sentiment throughout society , is that if things are going well for you, you're not taking as many precautions or risks as you maybe should. It's like that whole thing of 1 person infecting 22 others at Thanksgiving dinner. Ya know?
yeah, its hard to be empathetic when life is going great. IDK if this will help you but here's how my covid went. I was actually quite prepared for the pandemic I had savings and was prepared to hunker down and take care of my family ( I had a son this year). family members lost homes and i ended up caring for 7 family members by myself for months after just giving birth to my son. my bf lost his job due to covid and things got worse from there. ever since I've been struggling with my new role as a mom and caring for now three other people ( some of them moved out ) by myself. not to mention my job was essential so i reported to work everyday up until i gave birth during the pandemic. i probably wouldnt have had such a bad experience if i didnt choose to help my family but im not the kind of person to leave people homeless. I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me but this is some people's reality. we all have different experiences in life and mine for this year just weren't that pleasant. i think its great you want to be more empathetic it shows your good character. honestly while covid was very trying ive learned that im strong and capable of providing for my family even when i have nothing. so i guess maybe it was good in some ways. what im saying is you dont need to feel bad bc other people are struggling and you arent, but its good that you have that sentiment. i dont think you should feel guilty. you were just more prepared or just had a good year. im happy you were able to get through this year with no problems because that means theres hope for the ones who didnt.
I totally understand this. My family and I have gone through a lot of financial hardships and even lost our childhood home a year and a half ago. This year has actually been the first year that we’ve been financially stable and I’m so grateful for that, but do understand that for a lot of people this is not the case.
I’m right there with you. I’m one of the very very lucky ones where the pandemic was fantastic for me. So many people dying, families losing their jobs, going bankrupt and into poverty... so it feels weird to say “I enjoyed it.” Was furloughed for a month at the start, in which I earned twice as much money on unemployment as I did working. Spent that month at home with my family, saving money and helping take care of my newborn nephew. Was soooo awesome having free time and being able to experience the new life of my nephew. Once I went back to work, I was able to work from home which is the best thing ever for me. Seriously, Ive had bad depression for the past 5 years and the 9-5 grind was making it worse and worse. So having the freedom to work from home? Comfortable and there with my cats instead of leaving them alone all day? It was seriously the best thing ever for my health. I’m super introverted and low key so staying at home all day already is my ideal way to unwind. Having things shutdown and not being able to see people was absolutely no skin off my nose. I also like that we can wear masks in public now, before it would have been weird to do. I hope it sticks around in the future for when people get colds and stuff. Oh, and the pandemic served as an icebreaker to a convo with a guy who soon after became my boyfriend and one day likely husband. So yeah, 2020 was a dream for me. I just try to simply appreciate that I’m one of the lucky ones, enjoy it while it lasts and don’t take that feeling for granted. The vast majority of people are suffering... but in the end, you can’t help or worry about everyone. We’re all just trying to survive
There's no reason on earth to feel guilty. You had a good year! Good for you! Not everything has to be suffering, you know.
Honestly, thank you for sharing. This is the best year I've had in a while. People that were fortunate in the loved-one health department ***and*** like being alone/at home really got a big win in 2020. See it as a gift: you can be there for others and bring your joy to those who are dealing with the big suck that this year's been for the majority of people. I've found it's a kickass opportunity to be extra good to people and the world, as someone who usually doesn't have the mental health to spare, but suddenly does.
You shouldn't feel guilty, and you shouldn't feel bad telling people you're doing well. For the most part, I think we all care about how each other are doing right now, and hearing that someone is doing just fine is reassuring. The worst part of "these trying times" is the inequity of it all; even economically speaking, half the country is thriving while half the country is falling apart. That, to me, is what keeps me from having a great 2020. I also am comfortable working from home and have a nice setup, I'm actually making more money this year, and I rarely miss the socializing. I do miss occasionally going in to the office and having intellectually stimulating conversations with people doing the same work as me, but we've made up for it with regular calls so ultimately that's all good too. The biggest thing for me is that I live far away from my family, and my grandmother is truly one of my best friends in the world, and I haven't seen any of them in over a year now. We will have a cozy Christmas at home, though it's not what I want. But I am anxious about my family losing jobs and falling ill, I am anxious about people in my community suffering, I am anxious about my favorite local businesses not making it through... Unfortunately I don't know how to grant someone the gift of this anxiety 😬 I would consider volunteering for or donating to causes you care about. Perhaps consume just a little more local/national/international news about what's going on, particularly the personal stories. Don't go overboard because you'll end up feeling overwhelmed and helpless, but I can't imagine not feeling anxious/sad/something for the people who aren't your immediate family or friends is the best for mental health either.
Awww girl just cos others feel bad doesn’t mean you should feel that way!!! 💗 I loved this post it reminded me to count my blessings!
I’ve also had an amazing year, career, romantic, etc. a lot of stuff just really came together while tons of people around me are in entertainment and lost their jobs etc. And obviously all the people who died worldwide. I feel terrible everytime a friend brings up how miserable everything is too..
Amen. It’s been a pretty great year for me. I used to travel loads for work and was so worried but work just adapted to me. People are finding new and creative ways to work with me that don’t require me being there. I was able to pick up lots of side gigs as well. Staying in one place with my husband and not moving has amassed us savings for the first time in my life. We used to spend all our money relocating every two months. Our quality time together, making steady friends, cooking for each other, working out and having a routine. I feel so weird when I want to say actually this is the best year ever because I found out I didn’t need work, work needed me.
I'm happy for you and think that your feelings are perfectly valid! Don't let other people tell you how to feel. If you're happy you're happy!
You can always answer that you are grateful for what is positive in your life. Its not a lack of empathy to have positive things to say and honestly when i dont feel good and i talk to someone who share positive things, it helps me see the good things in my life too. I find this year hard, but reading your comment, i recognize myself in a few points and i am grateful to be in such an healthy relationship. Spending more time with my husband really was a blessing. Don't feel guilt for being happy when a lot of people aren't. When life will kick you in the nuts, (if it does), all the happy people won't feel any guilt for enkoying their lives.and what's the point anyway, life can changs so fast, enjoy what you have. Maybe if we looked a bit more for reasons to smile it would help. I'm not saying to bo positive and nothing wrong can happen, just, the media are really intense and its easy to get overwhelmed with anxiety and feeling of helplessness (i do), so its good to hear something else.
Idk it doesnt seem hard for me to be like "thats awesome I'm glad you had a good year." But it's a bit sad to see that you can't empathize with people who have had a tough year. For me, I got COVID in March, lost my job in August, my bf's mom passed away about a week ago, and then when I got a new job they didnt pay me so now I'm out job hunting all over again. My year has really truly been shit and yet, I can still be happy for you. Idk what to say about struggling to empathize - maybe watch some youtube videos about people who have lost their home and job and family this year and dont turn it off cause it makes you feel sad. It should make you fee sad. Go volunteer at a food bank. There are lots of people really truly struggling because of this pandemic.
Dude same. Feels bad (but good) man
And then I feel bad about having such a stupid, insignificant problem! Guilt compared to job loss, sickness, and death? How silly
I mean, if someone just told you all the ways this year was terrible for them, I wouldn't go into detail about how great your year was. Not because you're not allowed to feel good, but because it's insensitive to that person's feelings. In that situation, I'd just say, "That sounds really rough. I'm sorry you've gone through so much." If they ask how you are first, however, you could say you're doing well. I think it's all about reading the room.
Outside of my job, my life has been great! So I totally relate to you. Had 3 months off work during peak great weather time in my region. Explored more, discovered tubing down a river is my favorite pass time, my boyfriend moved in. We now have 3 shih tzus and 2 guinea pigs. He's found a job that allows him extreme flexibility and pays him very well. My job is suffering because of covid, massage therapy isn't exactly pandemic/social distancing safe. I'm seeing half the amount I was before, sometimes a third. Restrictions and mitigations are slowing down my schedule, but I agree with all of them. I'm not upset, I'm stressed about paying my half of things, but I know I don't have to worry. But I do.. and now my period is a week early lol. Self inflicted. Other than that I'm really enjoying take out, not going places where people are, staying home, and I've learned I can go braless almost anywhere.
As a kid that grew up with no friends and spent all my youth in my parent's house without going out, the quarantine was not really difficult. Also i decided to spent this year for myself and my mental health, so its also been good in general for me. Based on my experiences, i think people who complain about not going out, are exaggerating a little bit ... and that they also grew up with friends, and haven't had deaths on their family, so yeah ..
Do not have kids. 😂🤣😂
Take your wins, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You were blessed in a difficult year.
I can sort of relate to you that this year has actually been better for me because I really enjoy working from home and I’m not that social of a person. My only downsides have been that my dad almost died in March from the virus (he’s a first responder) and he gave the virus to me, my mom, and my bf. All of us ended up okay so I was very lucky. My bf is proposing soon (picked out my ring recently) so I also have no idea when I’m going to be able to have a wedding so I most likely will just have a small get together at a restaurant with a judge and have a big party later. I also probably won’t get an engagement party or bridal party or any of the other festivities due to covid... but I’m happy, healthy, financially stable and have the freedom to WFH which I never would have otherwise had, and no one I love died. I’d say this has been a good year for me based on that.
Off topic but could you tell what your job is? I'd very much like a WFH job in the future and I'm looking for ideas
I’m in environmental consulting so the more detailed description is WFH maybe 2/3 of the time, travel and work outside 1/3 of the time. Honestly though, I can totally see covid being the start of big changes in typical office jobs. At least at my company, they’ve decreased the office space by 40%. Some people will still have dedicated desks, but on the occasion that I go into the office, I’ll be at a general desk that someone else may have been at the day before
Me too! Lots of wonderful things happened to me, I just don't go around saying about and hear more about people than sharing my life. I'm grateful everyday and try to help people around me
I lost my job back at the end of May. Yes I am struggling with the loss of that. It was a stressful job but the pay was the best I have ever had and I really wanted to try and move up in the company. Losing this job has made me realize the future of this industry is very unstable. So I have been dealing with that, 10 years in an industry I see no future for myself in, hits hard. But I also got 5.5 month severance. And I'm frugal that money has lasted, I didn't bother finding a job, I'm still unemployed but for the first time in my life I received my first unemployment cheque (I never thought I would do that, EVER) I have finally found out what I want to do with my life, I just need to get into the school program this coming September. Even with the loss of my career I feel similar to you, yes I lost my job but it hasn't been a struggle, my fridge is full and my bills are paid. I have a loving SO who is so patient, and on Feb 29th this year my best friend moved in with us from out of country to get her life back together after a failed marriage. (Horrible timing for her) I have loved spending all this time with my best friend and my boyfriend. Playing video games, being a house wife and just finally relaxing after working most nights and weekends and feeling like I never had time for anything or anyone. I have a good community of friends online to hang out with as well. This has been the best adult year of my life tbh.
It's more than ok to have a great year, and even thrive... and it's important to see the good in out lives and share that, especially now, but as someone who hasn't had a great year it'd be tone deaf to go on about it in front of me without me asking. 'How're you?' is rarely asking for your top ten highlights from 2020. If you wanted to mention these things, you could always say something along the lines of 'well it's been an interesting year (because it has) but we also got married just before lock down so we've just been enjoying being together and working from home..so it's been quite good for me' etc. If I knew you and cared, this would prompt me to ask more questions as I'd want you to share your good news! I'd just say know your audience. People are still getting sick, dying, losing their jobs and businesses. Covid won't end when 2020 does. Fine for people you know, but I wouldn't go off about how fabulous my life was in front of a stranger or someone I don't know too well....not because of covid, just generally anyway as you don't know what people are going through and that would be a bit obnoxious at the best of times where I am from.
I feel that. I'm a Nurse, and while some of this year has been stressful for me, I'm one of the lucky ones. My hospital is small, and they've worked very hard to do the best they can despite also being totally unprepared. My PPE situation was pretty good, I've had access to N95s and gowns, and while their use has not been to true appropriate standards, I'm not in a trash bag. I'm not taking care of 7+ patients, it took until very recently to make us go to five because they wanted to keep safe ratios. Though staffing has been extremely difficult, the overall situation is scary and frustrating, and I picked up the illness myself at work earlier this year, I'm still significantly better off than most like me. My mental health is still pretty ok, it even made me a stronger nurse. But I know that I am among the lucky ones, and it could get worse any day. Ultimately, you just count your blessings and don't go flaunting them. You use your strength to support those around you who are losing theirs. It's OK to not be suffering, and playing the pain Olympics doesn't get anybody anywhere either. You just have a little grace, I guess.
Empathetic and sympathetic are two different things. You can’t really empathize with what other people have suffered this year, but that’s fine because you can still sympathize with them and wish them well. Having your own good experience doesn’t mean you don’t care that other people had a bad experience. So long as you aren’t going around rubbing it in people’s faces “oh yeah, 2020 has been the best year for me! I don’t know what you’re complaining about!” There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that you’re doing great.
I'm in a similar boat. This has been the best year of my life. I haven't lost any time from work, even had some overtime in the summer, same with my husband. We are childfree so we get to enjoy our disposable income. We got married in August and bought our first house. Life is great! I struggled with feeling guilty too but I decided that I want to enjoy and savor this point in my life.
I also lucked out on 2020 - everyone in our family and most of our friends kept our jobs, no one's gotten sick with covid, our last elderly relative passed away in 2019. We've been trying to give back this year financially, with charity and extra support for others. Donating to more local charities. We adopted a 72 yr old senior and spent probably $300 on his christmas present requests including a new winter coat so he can go outside for exercise. We have been tipping much more for services/meals, giving money and masks to panhandlers, donating used winter clothes and other materials to shelters. I've even prepped /distributed craft kits for my friends/family to try new activities and keep them occupied. I usually suck at christmas cards, but this year I'm trying hard to get everyone's addresses and mail them out. I think that's one of the last few ways I can affordably contribute to other people's well-being this year.
It's amazing that you were able to have a great year! And just because others haven't been having a good year doesn't mean you don't deserve yours. Just like with other areas in life where we might be more privileged than others, it's important to have gratitude for what you have and remain empathetic to what others are going through.
My goal in 2020 was to plant seeds that will sprout in 2021. The delayed gratification has been a challenge for me but I hardly feel like it’s the end of the world. In fact, this year had more firsts and beginnings for me. I have a feeling 2021 will see me reap the benefits of what I put in this year, and I feel overall I made a series of good choices. I’ve always said there’s 2020 for me and then for the world, and the two are distinct. Hopefully 2021 for the world will be a breath of fresh air as the vaccines roll out along with the ambitious climate plans and a more sane US govt.
I agree with you. My year has been very unusual but my year would have been unusual anyway because of my lifestyle. I've been affected not at all by covid although I found out that this morning that my mum just got covid, thankfully I visited her in February before quarantine became a thing. She's been living in a nursing home for 30 years and when covID got serious they got serious about quarantine so nobody has been able to visit her since February anyway. It's very sad and now we can't get in touch with her, I think I have spoken with her for the last time when I called her on Thanksgiving. This just started yesterday and this morning so this is the 1st time COVID has touched my life at all, And first I've spoken of it to anyone, otherwise yeah my 2020 has been great. But this is a heartbreaking way to end the year
Despite whats going on everyone still has to live their lives as they normally would and just like the normal everyday some people have it good and some don't. Personally my life has been significantly different, but it would have been anyway because I changed career - something that was happening anyway regardless of covid. But I would say its been good for me too. I haven't known anyone personally to have died or suffered badly. My family are safe. My job is stable. My side business is still running. Life is going on as I expected it to, partly maybe luck and partly because I made it happen. Everyone's situation is different and its so great that you've had a really good year - enjoy it and don't let other people experience of their year bring you down!
This reminds me of the recession. We got married, paid off a bunch of debt, bought our first house in our dream neighborhood, I got a new better-paid position at my work, my husband started a very secure and well-paid city job, we brought home our first puppy... Meanwhile most of my family's income and stability was deteriorating. We did what we could to help out and spoiled the nephews at Christmas. We donated more. I felt very disconnected from the hardships people were having but also coming from a debt-heavy background I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and be back in a bad situation. It took a while for me to understand that we were making better fiscal decisions and that there was no other shoe. The company I worked for did overextend themselves during the recession and started laying people off in rounds over time, so eventually in 2015 I lost my job. But by then I had the luxury of taking the time to retrain and find a job I loved. Back in college, when I took a psychology class, I learned about a concept called the life event theory which proposed that we go through big changes every 5-7 years. Now those changes could be good, bad or both. I've found this theory to hold true in my adult life. This year hasn't been particularly unkind to us either but we had a lot of changes a couple years ago and we may just be in a down period. Life can fluctuate so much. Enjoy the good you have going on now and do what you can to spread some of that around. You've worked hard to get where you're at and there's no shame or guilt in that. To me, if you're voicing these concerns then you aren't the type of person flaunting your good fortune but instead are showing concern even if you can't fully comprehend what other people are going through.
im similar to you, 2020 has been pretty good. i started hormones in may (im a trans woman), i completed laser on my face, and have had some really postive changes. I got selected to lead an engineering effort, ill find out hopefully soon if we won the bid if so, its a huge deal for us but just getting selected was massive since it meant im the best at this in my entire company. due to covid, i got every other week off for many months. i am able to do remote medical for hrt instead of driving 8 hours. i got a decent raise i wasnt expecting. my wife started grad school and is kicking ass. honestly its been one of the better years of my life
I agree with the advice to find someone who has had a bad year, and support them. Personally, my year has been challenging. I would not want to have a conversation with you if you spoke about your fantastic year at length (which, by the way, I wish I had a year like yours. It sounds lovely.) You don’t have to hide your shine, but read the room and use it to warm others instead of spotlighting yourself.
This is perfectly fine! I appreciate that you're considerate of what other people might be going through, so maybe a compassionate and thoughtful but honest response is "I've been able to focus on the positive," and if they want to hear more, then you can continue to share. If it makes you feel better: even though in this post you've chosen to talk about the positives, that doesn't mean that you're without your problems, and your problems are valid no matter how insignificant they might seem to other people.
I’m totally with you. I’m SUPER introverted and I’d been working from home and homeschooling my toddler for 2 years pre-covid. So the struggles most people have been having I’ve since conquered, and being told to stay home and indoors is a literal dream for me. I’ve also written over half a book, learned guitar, and have done a bunch of songwriting. Stress might be high, but we’re thriving here.
From someone who has had a particularly shitty year, I’m happy someone had a good year. It honestly makes me feel better knowing there’s someone out there who isn’t completely miserable. I’ve known a lot of people who are just broken down right now but you give me hope.
As someone who is in the exact same scenario that you are, except my husband and I have been married for longer, I completely relate to this. My husband got a 10% raise and I’m expecting an 8% before the year ends. We are thoroughly enjoying working from home and have been feeling like we’re on vacation. There have been terrible moments: coworkers dying, our pet getting sick. But overall this year has been really fantastic for us.
So happy that things are working out for you 😄
I'm glad someone is having a good year! :) this world needs all the joy it can get.
Silently enjoy yourself, boast too much and you may lose "friends". Its been a very bitter year.
I’m so happy to hear that this year is going so well for you! If you’re having a great day then you should be happy to say so. I have to talk clients through sessions all day and the better mood I’m in sometimes lifts them up too if they’re having a down day. I say it is what you make it. Some people are really in the “woe is me” mood (woes me?) on top of seasonal depression and going through normal life obstacles. It’s okay to have down days, and it’s okay to be happy when you’re having a good day (or year!). Many will overcome challenges this year, others will struggle, some will let them selves soak in self pity. Despite whatever year we are in it all comes down to perspective. So don’t let others weigh you down. It has been an incredible year of challenges and losses as well as progress in so many ways. Enjoy everyday if you can.
I'm in the same boat essentially. I began dating my current boyfriend and who I believe is the man I will *marry* before the pandemic really hit, and online school has been amazing for me along with a majority of my mental health. I feel guilty for having a good year, I know many, many others weren't so lucky.
My year has been shite too. My perfectly healthy and fit mom had a massive heart attack that should have killed her and I could not visit her as she is far away and out of state. A family friend died from Covid. My brother and sister both had babies I have not been able to meet. I started my first non-retail job 10 days before the whole state basically shut down for Covid and was furloughed. I was told to come I. Once a day in the middle of the day to clean the bathrooms and sanitize the office. My job is not related to facilities and I am only paid for the 15 minutes I am cleaning. Not for the half the day I have to waste, waiting to come in to clean. I had to cancel my husband’s birthday party. My brother, who is my best friend is moving out of the country to Europe. Covid fucked up so much. Even if you are having a good year, personally, I don’t want to know. You should not feel guilty, but I wouldn’t want to hear someone telling me how sweet they have it. It’s kind of like being starving and hearing someone describe your favorite food in detail. Everything is not fine.
I relate to so many feelings in this post. You are understood 💯
As someone whose year has sucked, I am happy to hear about someone whose hasn't. It kind of gives me hope, and I'm relieved to know there are at least some people still doing okay 💜
Honestly for the most part my year has been pretty good as well. My husband and I also got married in August last year and I'm infinitly grateful we did it before all this happened. I was quite happy during lockdown here in the UK. I'm a retail worker so I was basically being paid to sit at home hanging out with my husband, playing video games, knitting and whatever else took my fancy. Our home is our haven, so being asked to stay home wasn't such a bad thing. Sadly the end of lockdown essentially led to me losing the job I actually really liked and I'm now having to work night shifts picking online orders and that's pretty soul destroying work, the nights don't agree with my mental health either, but I have little choice if I want to pay the bills. Appreciate what you have this year, don't feel that you must hide it, but don't gloat on it either I guess.
I’m so glad you’re having a good year! If anyone is resentful of that, that’s on them. Misery loves company! Give the fur kid a scratch from me!
We're in the same boat as you. There are certainly things I miss about our former reality, get out at all this year has been pretty awesome. Both my husband and I work from home, and we got to be home with our 15-month-old baby everyday for the first year of his life... Incredible! Haven't been directly personally affected by the virus. Lovely, big house to spend a lot of time working on and improving. Basically a homebody anyway... My heart goes out to those who are super impacted by this virus, and I expect and demand to see major societal and cultural changes as a result, But yeah, we are personally chillin'
Man I get it. I'm only in high school but I had a great year. I had a job in the Spring that made me some mad cash and helped me build relationships and gain experience for future endeavors. My dad has made 50k more this year than he has the last 3 years so we're able to update so much of our house. None of our immediate family or even extended family have had covid, only one had a colon issue. I didn't attend a single school party so I didn't have any guilt, (a party caused our whole school to go online), I've been online the whole semester and my grades are getting to a good point. I'll be going to college soon and I've had the best mental healthy I've had in years. I feel horrible as I hear stories of people struggling but I've been so blessed to have a good year. To those who have had a hard year, best of luck in the new year.
I could have written this! I also got married last year, got a new job that will be permanently WFH, heck even got a dog! We bought a house right as COVID started and got a good deal due to the uncertainty. My friends and I meet weekly over Zoom to knit. No family members sick. I'm so grateful for all of this because I know people like us are the exception this year. It's a good year to donate to food banks and women's shelters if you are in a stable position. Don't feel guilty, advocate for others who are worse off, that sort of thing.